#why you trolling like a bitch ain’t you tired?

[starsandnoodles]

Today I did a lot of doodles so I’m going to post them now because I haven’t been posting a lot!!

First, the crossover no one asked for

Second, Taranza picking a fight and being angry because part of my soul needs more bastard Taranza content DESPERATELY. Like guys… feed my soul.

Third, Susie Haltmann but a Gijinka based more or less on my own outfit today (I cannot write T’s very well I apologize if it looks like an R)

And last but not least a drawing of Susie Haltmann I started months ago and finally finished today

[childishgambinaax]

Delusional STALKER

Original EK fanfic 😅 - Erik trolls a delusional female that keeps harassing his girl on social media cause he doesn’t want her 😉…. Or at least that’s what he was gonna do originally.

This my first try Yall please take it easy on me.

Face claims

Bailey :

Delusional stalker (Mackenzie) :

Last but not least, yktv it’s mbj as Erik killmonger Stevens :

A/N: writing tips is definitely most appreciated cause I’m Ngl I do have trouble with like formatting dialogue properly if that makes sense

Bailey is literally about to reach her boiling point and beat a bitch ass, cause for months she’s been getting bothered by some chick that won’t let go of the fact that Erik does that want her ass. Originally Erik tried to keep Bailey from knowing but one day she came home and there was a picture of the young couple stapled to the door with her face scratched out.

It said “bitch I’m cuter, and he will realize it even if it takes a little force.”

“What the living fuck?” Bailey thought. With a swiftness she called Erik lowkey seething, she tried to keep her cool but it didn’t work and you’d think it was women’s intuition but Erik is a guy.

“Babygirl, what happened?” Erik asked confused.

“How do you even know something is wrong n’jadaka?”

“Baby, we have been dating for 6 months but we have been friends since we were kids, I know you so well that I could be your own worst enemy if I wanted to, also you don’t have a poker face.” He reminded.

“Alright good point.”

“And you were dry heaving into the receiver like you the hash-slinging slasher or some shit.”

Bailey was so tempted to hang up. “Okay bye sir.”

“Aye aye chill don’t do that, but forreal what’s wrong ma?”he asked.

“I just got home & our first date photo was staples to the door with my face scratched off, with some smart ass remark on it.”

“Did it happen to say something along the lines of ‘bitch I’m cuter’ or some shit?” He said trying to keep his voice from straining.

This caused Bailey to squint at her phone and hit FaceTime cause she was about to give Erik hell, she wanted answers now.

“Explain” she hissed when he answered.

“Well remember crazy Mackenzie from middle school? She got some life insurance money when her ma dukes died and decided it was time for a full body makeover.”

“Don’t tell me that’s her, she’s like 3 shades lighter then before?! What the hell?” Bailey exclaimed.

“It is ma, but about two weeks before we got together, remember when I went to rolling loud with steelo and Don? She pulled up too, told us it was her and started spilling all her business and shit (hence how he knew where she got the bread for all these enhancements) and after getting drunk as fuck they all messed around and had a threesome I decided to opt out of, besides all the plastic probably would’ve started a wild fire from dry friction and I’m good off that shit.”

“Okay…….. so what does that have to do with you?”

“THATS THE POINT! IT DON’T! She got all in her little ass feelings that I don’t wanna fuck her little weirdo ass, getting a botched bbl does not mean imma magically want you & I was not tryna mess up the progress I was making with you.” Erik deadpanned.

“Is that why we just went public with the relationship a month ago?”

“Yes baby, she was harassing my exes and my old hoes-

“Hoes?”

“Stop it you know I cut all of them off dammit, the point is the bitch can’t take rejection.” He snapped.

“I’m just kidding, but if this really is the same Mackenzie from middle school, then she ain’t shaking shit over here.”

“I don’t know, underestimating people is what most people downfall is.” Erik says.

Now Erik just wishes he handled it all those months ago when Bailey first brought it to his attention, cause aside from the constant social media harassment, things started getting really out of hand. Bailey’s tires have been slashed, the side profile camera at her job caught someone putting sugar in her tank. Erik ended up having to get her a whole new car after that, when they finally moved in together 8 months into the relationship not even a week after moving in “stank hoe” was burned into the lawn. What set Erik over the edge is someone (but we know who’s behind it) replaced Bailey’s lady Shelly shampoo with nair (yes Shellyann fraiser has her own haircare products) it’s unfortunate but he immediately pieced together what was going on when the product was rinsing out pink & his scalp started to burn.

Sis was so deep in her thoughts of trying not to result to violence till it was interrupted by her boyfriends yell in agitation. “Erik what the fuck is wrong with yo- …….oh……..oh shit.

“That’s it, I’m gonna kill this stupid bitch.” He said through gritted teeth.

“Breathe baby.” Bailey said approaching him with a towel. “Let’s make sure your hair is rinsed out properly & then go to steelo barbershop okay?”

He really didn’t say a word he just let out a strained breath and nodded.

After carefully washing Erik’s hair they both got dressed and she made steelo aware that they were coming but what he didn’t know is how bad a condition Eriks hair was in, to sum it up everything that wasn’t new growth was breaking off with little to no tension. The two walked in and steelo was pleased to see his best friends finally settle down.

“Ayeeee yoooo- uh wait fam what’s up with the look on your face ? And this the first time I’ve ever seen your locs looking like lil Wayne’s 7 dreads.” Steelo said confused.

“Mackenzie happened dude, she put it in my shampoo hoping I would use it, but Erik got to it first…”

“Yeah that boy looking mad as Fuck he definitely gonna kill that bitch.” He said, Mackenzie & steelo ended up busting out laughing cause for some reason the accuracy was hilarious but there was nothing funny about what he was gonna do when he got his hands on that women.

Steelo had two more customers waiting, that Erik ended up telling him to go head & handle first cause they assumed steelo was gonna stop and take care of Erik first. Well, that’s pretty much what was gonna happen but they started talking crazy and steelo was .5 seconds from kicking both they ass out with a spray on hairline. Bailey fell asleep for a bit till she felt a tap.

“Sleeping beauty, aye.” Erik says.

*Tap tap tap tap* *shakes lightly*

“Huh?”

“Hey beautiful, how you like the new look?” Erik asked ?

Erik was already a snack with the locs but with the waves he looked like a full course meal and Bailey was willing to take the cussing out that came with them fucking on steelo loveseat.

“Why you looking at me like that ma?” Erik said licking his lips.

Sis had a bold moment she didn’t respond, she just grabbed ‘lil Erik’ and it made his eyes widen in shock. Bailey is a silent freak, Erik literally had no idea what he was getting into until they were intimate with no one around, with all the women he’s been with no one seemed to be able to make him cum from head… until Bailey of course. His world has been turned upside down ever since, and quite frankly he doesn’t think he’d be able to settle for less then what she has to offer in & outside the bedroom. (Y’all didn’t think, that he doesn’t appreciate everything Bailey does for him right lol?)

“Wait wait wait hold that thought baby, I got to handle that bitch first.” And the smile he had made her stomach drop, it’s been about 2 years since killmonger popped out it’s like being able to flip it on and off mentally like metaphorical light switch connected to his mild yet rare form of ptsd.

“No…. No Erik we have enough evidence to build a solid cause with the police, you don’t even have to do this.”

“Man fuck 12, if she’s willing to do this who knows what she will try next? What if you were the one that used the shampoo? Baby your beautiful regardless but I want you cutting your hair to stay least be your choice. The fuck am I supposed to do wait till it’s rat poison?”

“Listen woe, don’t mean to hop in the convo but Bailey is right you don’t need all that right now you been doing so good & nobody likes 12 in this room but this is enough to put her ass away for some time you feel me?”

Erik stared at steelo, and shook his head. “Fam this bitch SHOULD’VE been eradicated the second she pulled that shit with stapling that picture to Bailey front door, I get it you guys just care bout my safety but I’m not arguing bout this, just watch Bailey for me till I get back.”

“I am not a child-

“It’s not about you being a child it’s about you not following me, I need you to trust me.” He said sternly.

“I do, it’s killmonger I don’t trust.”

Erik shut his eyes. “I can understand that, but me and him have one thing in common.”

“What’s that?”

“That we both love you to death.” He said before his eyes snapped back open noticeably darkened & she knew who she was looking at.

He took a step forward & pressed a kiss to her forehead before dappin steelo up and walking out the back door of the barbershop.

[cloveroctobers]

No cause I loved the drama queen reader and fez but how about drama queen reader with fez sort of like taming her lool like him stopping her from acting up and like handling her little tantrums💀

The Real Euphoric Suburbs

A/N: Sorry this sat in my drafts for forever but when you don’t have any energy to write you can’t force it either you know? This is not the usual from me, something light—nothing too serious. See you next time with most likely the last possible works I have left for euphoria.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Producer A: so tell us what’s going on y/n?

You’re seated with your arms crossed, brows slightly raised while biting down on the back of your bottom lip. You let out a sigh.

Y/N: fez. What else?

The scene switches to Fez slouched in a seat of his own, hands lightly clasped together as he looks at the producers underneath his eyelashes.

Fez: what we doin’ here? Y/N put y’all up to this or what? I gotta other shit to do than sit here and talk about whatever it is y’all want me to talk about.

Producer B: we just want to check on the both of your mental states after the events that occurred yesterday. It was a public dispute and we haven’t seen the both of you react that way towards each other. It’s not something we’re used to from you guys.

Fez lifts his shoulders.

Fez: couples fight. Whatchu mean?

Producer B: Yes we’re aware. It’s not the norm for you two is what we’re saying. Can you tell us what was going on that either led up to those events or what was going on in your head at that moment?

Fez: not y’all trying to make this out into something it isn’t.

Producer B: the way you grabbed y/n…

Fez sat up then, a furrow digging in between his brows now.

Fez: the fuck are you implying? We ain’t ever been on any type of abusive shit, ever. Period. Keep that shit on Maddy and Nate’s bitch ass tired segment and not us. I told y/n she needed to chill out at the mall with the spending, she didn’t take that shit lightly and it started an argument. She got in my face, told her to chill multiple times and she didn’t listen so…hell yeah I yanked her ass up.

Producer A: why do you think fez got so upset with you?

You flicked your hair back, resting your elbows on the chair.

Y/N: he keeps telling me to watch my finances— which I earn on my own, so all the twitter trolls that live up my ass about me only spending fez’s money here’s something for you

Two middle fingers are blurred out as you flash them at the camera.

Y/N: I know he’s telling me this to look out for me and everything since all that we do is under a microscope from not only you guys but the feds. No we’re not diving deeper on that, mind your business. I know that. What I do matters too since I’m affiliated with that man. My man. It just irked me in that moment that he wants to be on my ass about my money because of some shit he and ash are in.

Producer A: how is ash doing?

Y/N: he’s still a smart mouthed little shit. He’s tall now. But that’s our little shit. I write him letters since fez and him talk most of the time on the phone. I don’t want to interrupt that. We’re hoping that he’s out by seventeen or earlier if he’s on his best behavior…but it’s ash we’re talking about here.

Producer A: are you okay? Are you and fez doing okay after that? Was there a conversation?

You fanned your hands, crossing one leg over the other.

Y/N: that’s not our first ever scuffle. Just in public maybe. It’s just something fez does when he’s done listening to me throw my tantrums. So he’s throwing my ass next. Over his shoulder I go, silent treatment until we’re both ready to talk it out I usually fold first because if you’re my man why aren’t you communicating with me, or bomb make up sex. Right now? It’s still silent treatment but that’s my man and I’m not going anywhere. And he’s not either.

You beam at the camera.

Y/N: and you can run and tell him that too. And I’m also pregnant…boom…it’s a fur baby getting shipped over here from New Jersey.

Producer A: was that discussed?

Y/N: I have my own apartment. If he doesn’t want our child then I’ll go right back over there. I’ve been showing him for months what would be a perfect fit for us but my birthday came and went… and no fur baby. He and Nan will be just fine in that house without us if that’s the case.

Producer A: was this out of spite because of yesterday? Does fez even like dogs?

Y/N: no. This was always in the works whether he likes it or not. Fez isn’t really a pet person but he loves me so.

Producer A: so if he loves you then can you see why he would urge you to slow down on spending if there’s a lot of heat on him?

Y/N: I already came to terms with all of this this morning with my iced coffee date with rue and then she just had to bring the church mouse along who also seems too interested on my relationship with fez so…I had to leave.

Producer B: fez, are you aware y/n is pregnant…with your fur baby?

Fez cranes his neck outwards at the news and goes to pinch at his nose. It took him a few seconds to gather what this all means but he was sure his heart rate spiked at the mention of a real ass baby.

Fez: she did what, bro?

The producer hums, stepping forward to show the red headed man the picture of the cockapoo.

Producer B: yup, it’s a puppy coming your way in six days or so. How do you feel about them going behind your back to get what she wants?

Fez: i realized that’s what I signed up for when I wanted y/n to be my girl. That’s just the way it is. It’s frustrating as shit and I have to get on that ass sometimes but this is all petty stuff that don’t even matter much…I’m not cleaning it’s shit tho I’ll tell you that right now.

Y/N: you’re the daddy. Do your part!

You scream from behind the cameras as Fez shakes his head at you.

Fez: I didn’t ask for this. I’m already taking care of nan. I don’t need to deal with some animal too, ma.

You stepped into view gripping fez’s shoulders as you climbed up into his lap.

Y/n: just wait until you see it’s little face and hold them in your arms. I’m sure that’ll change.

Fez huffed.

Fez: that’s cap.

Nonetheless he wrapped his arms around your stomach.

Y/n kept her arms locked around his neck but continued sitting sideways and suddenly winked at the camera.

Y/N: see he already thinking about it y’all. Peep the hand placement!

The camera zooms in on fez’s hands resting softly against your torso while everyone can hear fez laugh.

Fez: you a whole trip. This doesn’t have anything to do with me agreeing with you up and deciding to buy a dog.

Y/n: correction, our fur child.

Fez: whatever. You still on punishment anyways and now I’m thinkin’ about extending it since you did this.

Y/N: wooow, really? I know jack Harlow would never treat me like this.

Fez gave you the side eye while you clasped your hands together, smirking.

Fez: i think I gave her whatchumacallit…whiplash yesterday because she’s really trying me right now—

Yawning you stretched your arms backwards cutting fez off before he starting tossing out more threats. It was entertaining for you to get underneath the Ginger’s skin and he knew it. The further you kept leaning the creak of the wooden chair got louder before the chair collapsed sending the both of you on the ground.

Fez held onto you tighter the seconds he realized what was happening but the moment the both of you fell to the floor, you let out a gasp before some laughter bubbled in your throat.

Fez: this is what we’re dealing with. I tried to warn you guys.

Shushing him you reached up to scratch fez’s beard for lifting your chin upward to connect your lips.

Y/N: kiss me jack.

He easily side swiped you in that moment before shoving you completely off his body and to the side. Laughing you rolled back over but Fez hopped up onto his feet while you attempted to latch onto his ankles.

Fez: we done here? I think she gave me a splinter on the back of my dome from that chair, can somebody check me?

He began removing the wires and the rest of the producers went to assist the both of you.

Y/N: yeah I hope this is the ending of filming for today since this wig? Needs to go. It’s too itchy.

Patting at your head you glance over at fez who’s already watching you while a medical examiner is checking his head. And people think you were dramatic? Tuh.

You had his attention and began swaying your hips before reaching out to him, getting into routine as you began to sing like you commonly did when fez did you wrong.

Y/N: Can't you see there's no other man above you? What a wicked way to treat the girl that loves you, Hold up, they don't love you like I love you

All fez could do was let out a long sigh in response before mumbling at the medical examiner behind him.

Fez: yo, think you can hook me up with something after man? I got another pain in my ass that I’m riding home with.

[larrikin-is-a-himbo]

My friend watches Merlin: Part II

How many fucking things are under this castle The water supply, catacombs, dragon cave, the dungeons, and now mystery death cave

Killing magic stuff seemingly runs in the family Great-something grandpa ordered to kill a wizard just because he was powerful

“This isn’t more than just a story” ARE. YOU. KIDDING. ME.

This motherfucker just straight up ready to replace Merlin after all the things he’s done for him Or at least seemingly so far

Arthur better get the fucking Zuko treatment in the end or I’m suing

AH FUCK I hate gargoyles Unless they’re designed specifically for monsterfuckers

Mmmmm I know it’s in the mythology but I’m not sure I like the Gwen X Arthur ship

Back to the fucking dragon I suppose

Oh the fucking king is going to be even more insufferable this season isn’t he God bless Merlin’s patience

Oh we playin’ switcheroo

Also I saw the name Odin on the wikipage about Nimue and I was expecting the actual god, not just some random king I’m low-key disappointed yet again

Merlin just absolutely spilled his feelings and he’s 100% correct No wonder he’s tired He’s been doing everything in this fucking kingdom

For a bounty hunter this guy is surprisingly charismatic

GO TELL HIM GIRL TEAR HIM TO SHREDS

Gwen single handedly carrying the friend group

Girl you think letting the guy who never touched a spatula cook the dinner is a good idea

See, told you Merlin has to do everything. Again.

Morgana is doing magic unknowingly And she’s scared And Merlin is like “let’s ask the druids” You know, the people who the king tries to murder for no reason Surely that’s a wonderful idea

WHY ARE THERE SCORPIONS IN ENGLAND

See I told you They’re on a hunt for the druids

This is bad this is bad this is bad

DEADER LIKE DRUID GUY SEE I FUCKING TOLD YOU

Damn Mordred is really something isn’t he According to the myth he’s like evil or something from what I remember And I 100% see why he would turn that way after all this bullshit

LMAO Arthur was like “Stop hitting on her, she’s out of your range”

Really when Gaius dies (which I fucking hope he’s not going to but he probably will) my heart will shatter

Nooo they got best girl

“She’s more than just a friend for us” I’m sorry but I can’t unsee the queer in this

Noooo I hate these things I’m usually fine with naked mole rats But these are so bad

Woooh boy they kissed I low-key like this pairing more honestly Just on vibes

This motherfucker is going to die in the most glorious way By a naked rat

You know how this series should have ended Poly relationship Morgana, Gwen, Lancelot, Arthur and Merlin

A troll is about to catfish the king I’m only like, 50% seeing the problem here Cause for all I care the king could just marry one of those rats from the last episode

Nu uh, you ain’t talking to my boy Gaius like that

Eeeewwww

Seriously? THIS is the first double episode? The fucking troll? I’m about to throw up from this fucking Troll

NGL Arthur is finally growing on me He’s having his moments

The king is bad as he is originally, but now under the curse he’s even worse

This bitch needs to die as soon as possible Cause I can’t take the king being like this one more episode I’m done with his bullshit on regular mode

NA AH YOU FUCKER YOU WON’T LET THE GANG’S HARD EARNED WORK ON ARTHUR TO GO TO WASTE

LISTEN IM A MONSTERFUCKER BUT I DRAW THE LINES

FINALLY

We’re done I never want to think about these episodes again Ever In my life

Awkward almost hug is awkward But I guess it’s a start

These two episodes Were probably my least favorites from the series so far

MERLIN YOU ARE A FUCKING IDIOT YOU HAVE BEEN ALMOST KILLED WAY TOO MANY TIMES WHEN YOU *HAD* TO USE MAGIC, AND WHEN YOU DON’T HAVE TO, YOU JUST DO IT FOR FUNSIES LIKE “OH I’M SURE THIS WILL BE FINE”

Oh goodie, one anti magic freak wasn’t fucking enough

DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE HURT GAIUS YOU HALF BALD MOTHERFUCKER OR I SWEAR TO ALL THE GODS

Morgana honey, you’re not helping

OHH THIS FUCKER

Yet again, Gwen is the MVP

Hah, get fucked

LEAVE MORGANA ALONE

YEAH, GET FUCKED

“Yeah I sentenced you to death despise everything you’ve done to me over the years, but I’ll pay for everything my people trashed in your house. We good, right?”

TELL HIM GAIUS MY MAN

I feel like magic ladies in shadowy places is going to be a recurring theme in this show Also stalking the royal family

Dang girl I always love a women who has “I can kick your ass” energy

Why do I feel like the king is lying about not knowing this woman

What’s with all the people and their names starting with “Mor” Morgana, Mordred, Morgause

Mmmm She’s weird I don’t know if I like her vibes or not

I’m gonna give the misogyny a pass because this is like, around or older than the middle ages

Yeah the king definitely knows her

LMAO Why did he think letting MERLIN hold the rope was a good idea He’s a fucking twig

Bonding over dead parents, how nice

Ooooo family drama Half sisters

Arthur is growing on me

Dude I’m gonna cry

Mmmmm girl you’re a little sus

I would be ABSOLUTELY GLAD if he killed his father right then and there MERLIN W H Y I really fucking hope he knows he’s cutting the branch under himself everytime he says something bad about the magic, cause I can feel it all my 206 bones there will be a liar reveal episode or 2 where he tells Arthur about him being a wizard and it will be nasty

Yep, yep, fucking here we go again Merlin gets 2 black dots for this action, 1 for making the magic look bad and 1 for letting the king live

That’s exactly what I’m saying Gaius

Merlin you’re also a better person than me

Freya is so pretty

Aww, Merlin is trying to pick up a girl

Merlin trying to convince Arthur that he’s getting fat is true comedy Like how does he expect this won’t bite him in the ass later

Oof, there’s something wrong with this girl and it’s out of her control. It just reeks that energy

Oh shit I’m gonna cry by the end won’t I

✨kiss✨

Merlin you can’t just raid Morgana’s closet

LMAO Gwen

Arthur doesn’t even want to ask questions anymore At least he doesn’t judge 🤷‍♂️

KC I WENT THROUGH TOO MANY OF THESE SITUATIONS BEFORE NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO KC IT’S SO CUTE I WENT THROUGH SO MANY EMOTIONS IN SO LITTLE TIME

Poor Arthur They keep fucking with him by making him fall in love with random women

Oh she’s a bitch

Ah shit, Mr. Magic Man

Oh my god This is going to end very bad

Gee, Merlin, it’s not like we had this exact fucking scenario last season KC THIS IDIOT IS CLIMBING A WALL

Woah there, that’s not consent Nevermind

Poor Gwen, she’s the real victim here

Damn, Arthur is getting his ass kicked Of course the answer is love What else would it be

Gwen saves the day

Oh shit Mordred is with bandits Oh i dont like where this is going Mordred is so cute tho And I love Morgana

Merlin what the fuck He straight up set up Mordred to be killed I wouldn’t forgive him either honestly

Ah shit, future vision spoilers

Honestly I’m still pro magic people in almost every way I’m also on the same side with Morgana Morgana is on thin fucking ice honestly But I get it I would do the same

Uther is just cutting the branch under himself day by day He got almost killed by his biological kid and got disowned by his adopted kid now officially after 2 times she tried to coup against him Honestly at this point if he doesn’t realise he’s doing something wrong then there’s no hope for him at all

Magic lady bringing back the dead: check

Couple of girlbosses having a chat in the middle of the woods Oh she’s back at her room, convenient

Oh no Plagues?

Baby’s first battle scar

Oh shit, we Sleeping Beauty now?

Mmmmmm girl, that’s sketchy

Props to Gaius’ actor for keeping that face

Holy shit even the fucking dragon’s asleep Nevermind

Oh my god KC I’m so worried Whaaa Holy shit he’s about to Socrates Morgana NOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOOO

As much as I hate this dragon If I were in his place I would burn this place to the ground too

I hate how much I sympathize with the villains in this series Well “villains” There are no sides in this series

Oh my god Off to find daddy Well damn, daddy’s not half bad honestly

He is 101% correct

Such a nice moment I honestly teared up a little Yep, that’s what I expected It was too good to be true

They grow so much since the beginning Oh Merlin, you’re so humble You deserve the world Yeah close that window And never open it again Holy shit this was a good episode And a long one

[indefiniteimagines]

Not Even For A Minute || Poussey Washington Imagine *Requested*

Summary: Poussey has a crush on the reader and thinks she doesn’t like her back, but she does.

Pairing: Poussey Washington x Reader

Warnings: Fem!reader, lewd language/comments, language, reader doesn’t have a preferred sexual orientation, use of R slur, angst, fluff

A/N: Holy shit! This is my first piece of writing in actually only a couple of months, but I’m claiming years because I am officially back like I was in high school. I’m so sorry if this is not my best, I am EXTREMELY rusty, so take it easy on me for now :) 

It was dinner time at Lichfield and it was only my second meal in my new home. My new home filled with almost 200 other women. For the next 5 years, I will see the inside of this cafeteria 3 times a day, 21 times a week, 1,095 times a year and a whopping 5,473 times in total. You’re probably wondering why that matters, but it matters.

I take my tray and do a quick search for a place to sit. I find a spot at the very end of one of the middle tables. It was the only seat with no one in a two foot radius of me. I sit down and look at the food in front of me. My first dinner includes spaghetti, two mini oranges, a salad, and a brownie. It’s not horrible when you think about it. It’s a pretty standard meal. Well it would be without the questionable odor coming from the meatballs. I close my eyes and sigh. 

“Maybe she’s deaf.”

“She ain’t deaf.”

“HELLO!”

“She can’t hear you if she’s deaf, dummy.”

“Fine, then you try, Angie.”

I was so deep in my own world that I almost didn’t notice the cherry tomato that hit me in my head. 

“Hey, girl!”

I opened my eyes and looked to my left.

“Are you talking to me?” I asked with a hint of a nervous tone.

“Uh yeah, have been for the last 5 hours. You retarded or something?”

“5 hours ago? No that can’t be right. Remember, we was in the laundry room 5 hours ago, Tucky.”

“Jesus, Angie! I was being snide.”

“You mean sarcastic?”

“Snide means sarcastic.”

“Then why not just say sarcastic?”

I watched as “Tucky” closed her eyes and tilted her head in annoyance.

“I’m sorry, but did you guys need something?”

Tucky’s eyes snapped open, “Uh, yeah. Why’re you sitting here?” She took her bottom lip into her mouth as she waited for my response.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know anyone was sitting here.”

“She never said that,” Angie said while flashing her pearly browns.

“I’m confused.”

“Wow maybe she really is retarded,” Angie said.

“Tucky” nodded at Angie, “I think you’re right, Ang. Here, I’ll break it down real slow like for you: You don’t belong here.”

“Look, I don’t want any trouble. Just let me finish my dinner and I’ll never sit with you again.” I tried to reason with the little troll, but she just wasn’t having it. 

She nodded her head while picking up her milk carton. She then poured it all over my food. “Seems to me like you’re done.”

All I could do was stare with my mouth open. 

“Why did you do that?!”

“BECAUSE YOU DON’T BELONG HERE!” She screamed as she stood up and let one of her fist hit the metal table.

“Dogget! You’re done! Empty your tray.” A CO finally intervened from the next row over. Dogget and her Meth Mates got up from the table and walked out. 

All I could do was sit there with my head hanging low as I let a few tears escape. I’m not usually this weepy, but in my defense, all I wanted was that little brownie...which was now swimming in a pool of used milk. 

*A few tables over*

“Fuck was that about?” Poussey asked her family as she nodded her head over to the other table; finally arriving with her tray. 

“Mmmm, Meth Mouth and her cult were fuckin’ with one of the newbies,” Janae replied in the middle of finishing her bite.

Poussey hovered over her chair to get a good look at the bothered inmate and sat back down while shaking her head. 

After having a mini pity party for myself, I got up and dumped my spoiled tray before leaving the cafeteria. I go back to my temporary bunk and buried myself under my blanket. 

“Cheer up, Kid. You’ll be out of here sooner than you know.”

I gave a pitiful grin to the nice older woman.

“I like your eyeshadow.”

“Duh,” she said as she threw me a wink.  

I let out a sigh, got comfortable and laid in my bed until morning.

I finally fell asleep, but only for 2 hours. At the ass crack of dawn, I was woken up by the morning announcement, which had absolutely no enthusiasm. “Good morning, ladies. Try to seize the day. The world is your oyster.”

“You’d think she’d quit if she hates her job so much.” That was the first time I heard the redhead with the horrible bed head speak.

“Bell is about as enthusiastic as a wet bag of hair, but she’s one of the good ones.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” she said groggily.  

“You joining us for breakfast?”

I drifted back to sleep before I could hear her response. I woke up in what seemed like an hour, but was only 30 minutes. For the slightest second I forgot where I was. I opened my eyes and was met with DeMarco standing right in front of me.

“Well good morning sleepyhead! Nice of you to join the living.”

“What? What time is it?”

“You see a clock in here? What I do know is that you got 10 minutes left for breakfast. You better hurry.”

I hop down off my bunk and start to change.

“Thanks.” 

“You don’t talk much, do you?”

I gave her a shrug as I zipped up my jacket and headed for breakfast. I arrived in the cafeteria and was able to get my food right away since there was no line. Some tables are still filled, but some are also empty. I scan the room and pick the table farthest away from Doggett and her followers. I was in the middle of eating my eggs when Angie walked by and sneezed on my tray. 

“Oops, ‘scuse me,” she said with a shit eating grin.

“God damnit,” I whisper to myself while trying not to deck this bitch.

“You shouldn’t say the Lord’s name in vain like that.”

I look up at her through hooded eyes, “Walk the fuck away.” My voice was low and I kind of scared myself.

“Oooo, devil eyes. Hey! She’s got devil eyes,” she says louder than the first time, except now she’s giggling and pointing at me while backing away. Doggett sucks her bottom lip at me while flipping her hood and getting up to walk out. I can feel people starring so I do a very quick observation and then stand up to leave. 

“Empty your tray,” the guard at the door told me. “Get some coffee while you’re at it. It’ll help you stay full until lunch.”

 I look up at his name that’s stitched into his shirt. Ohhhh, so this is O’Neil. I heard some of the girls talking about his scandalous relationship with CO Bell. Good for them. I turned around and went to dump my tray before following the advice and going for the coffee. 

“Yo, why they always fucking with her?” Poussey asked the table as she watched in disapproval as Y/N dumped her tray.

“Why do you care?” Taystee asked while rolling her eyes.

“For real? You ain’t notice that ever since China got out, Prince Charming over here been lookin’ for a new helpless, basket case? I mean, shit.”

“Aye don’t talk about Brook like that. Not cool, Cindy.”

“ “Cindy”? Bitch, fuck you think you is? My mama? Ugh, check ya tone.”

“Whatever man. I’m just tired of seeing Meth Madness fuck with people like they run the place.”

“Again, why do you care?”

“Shit just ain’t right, is all.”

“Mmmhmm,” Taystee replied as they got up from the table.

I turn around after filling my mug and notice that it’s just me, the inmates that clean up and the CO’s supervising them. I carry my warm mug through the halls and I notice there’s not as many people crowding them as there were last night. 

“Inmate! Where you are supposed to be?”

“Uhm, I’m not really sure.”

“Wrong answer!”

“Wrong?”

“Don’t get smart with me. Jefferson! Tell inmate...Y/L/N where she’s supposed to be.”

“Well, since it’s after lunch, we’re supposed to be headed to our work detail. Not whatever you was doing, apparently.”

The tall guard with the creepy mustache looked down at me and raised his eyebrows.

“Thank you, Jefferson.”

“I don’t have a work detail yet.”

He closed his eyes and sighed. When he opens them he looked back at Jefferson, “you work in the library, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Take her with you.”

She sucked her teeth, “Man, what do I say when someone asks why she’s there? No offense, but I ain’t taking no shots just because she’s somewhere she’s not supposed to be.”

“What’s a shot?”

“Jesus fuck. Will you both get out of my goddamn sight?” 

He snatched my mug; Jefferson and I gave each other a look and started towards the library. When we got there it was almost empty.

“You know, the labels are there to help the books be put back in their respectful place, not to look cute. I mean, damn.” I notice Jefferson chuckle at the girl we hear before seeing. She’s talking to a pair of inmates who are whispering to each other before tossing another book down and scurrying off. 

“Are you fucking kidding me?!” she calls after them, but to no avail. She sighs to herself before returning back to work. 

“Hey, P! Whatchu up to?”

“Practically cleaning up behind bitches. I mean, why is it so hard to put a book back in its original spot? Jane Eyre belongs in literature, not SAT Prep,” she called back.

“Truly first world problems,” Jefferson said unamused.

“Yooo, you ever heard of “Oedipus”? It’s mad crazy. Like this one part where the main dude...” she kept talking as she rounded the corner to finally come face to face with us.

“...who’s this?”

“Our puppy dog for the day,” Jefferson said as she rolled her eyes.

“Oh alright then. Well I’m working over here in history. Y’all can start in fiction. It’s a fuckin mess over there.”

“Um, then why don’t we all work in fiction?”

“Did you not hear me say it’s a fuckin mess? Have fun.”

I walked away, smiling to myself. I didn’t think anyone here would care for books like I did.

After the work day was over, I separated from the two friends and went back to my temporary bunk until dinner. The next day I followed Jefferson back into the library.

“Oh, puppy dog is back.”

Jefferson turned her head to me, “Don’t you know when you gettin your work detail yet?“

“Sorry, still no.”

“As much as I’m sure you love the view you get, I’m gettin tired of you following me.”

“I can ask someone if I can work somewhere else.”

“T-ha! And make me look like a problem? I think not.”

“Nah, we could use the extra help in here since bitches can’t put shit back where it’s supposed to go. Hate to break it to y’all, but foreign language is even worse than fiction was.”

“My god. Can’t you help us over here instead of doing whatever it is the fuck you doin?”

“Uh no.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m President of the Library.”

“Says who!?”

“Suzanne,” she said as a matter of fact while leaning forward to show us her ID that read “President Washington: Library”.

“Aw damn. It’s official and everything. Man, that’s some bull shit,” Jefferson said as she walked away.

All I did was look at the Presidential badge and smile.

“Since you don’t complain like some people, just know you’re first in line for Vice President. Just don’t tell Taystee,” she told me on the sly.

“Taystee?”

“Jefferson.”

“Ohh, got it.”

“I’m Poussey, by the way,” she said extending her hand.

“Y/N. Nice to meet you.”

“Yeah you too.”

She has a beautiful smile.

Towards the end of the work day, I found myself near Poussey’s section. Since our work for the time being is pretty much done, I start to browse the shelves when I spot a book dear to my heart, “Alice in Wonderland”. I get a mini rush of serotonin and pop a squat up against one of the shelves. I lose track of time, until I realize I no longer see anyone. “Imagination is the only weapon in the war against reality”. You are right about that, Mr. Carroll.

“Hello?” I’m immediately startled. I start to shuffle to my feet and by the time I stand, I’m met with someone else.

“Whoa, shit. My bad. I didn’t think anyone else was in here.” Shit, I must’ve I said that out loud.

“Sorry, I guess I lost track of time.”

“It’s cool. So you haven’t been assigned a work duty yet, huh?”

I shook my head.

“I, uh, I must admit that this is the best job. Call me bias, but it’s the truth.”

“Thanks,” I say with a slight smile.

“You’re the one Pennsatucky and her crew keep messing with.”

“Yeah, that’s me.”

“Y’all got beef on the outside or something?”

“No, but I found it’s better to not provoke a methed out mental case.”

“Not wrong there. Well, I’ll see you around. Oh and be careful with Alice, she’s my favorite.”

The next few days were the same. I would follow Taystee into the library and listen to her and Poussey be absolute clowns. Poussey and I got to be closer since we were usually the last two to leave. We talked about how much time we have, our family, and she even told me about the Vee drama. During my stint of unpaid work in the library, I was finally able to change out of the highlighter jumpsuit and into a khaki set.

After an hour or so into a shift, I found myself distracted with my favorite book, “In Five Years”.

“Oh uh, that goes on the second to last shelf right behind you.”

“Huh? Oh yeah. It was actually already in the right spot, but it’s one of my favorites,” I tell her as I put the book back.

“What’s it about?”

“This woman named Dannie-“

“Y/L/N!”

We both looked towards the door and saw and the same pasty CO that sent me here.

“With me.”

I gave Poussey a grin and walked towards the CO,

“Where are we going?”

He didn’t answer me and just kept walking. I followed him to a warehouse that smelled of Clorox and musty water.

“Janitorial. Your job assignment. Morello will fill you in on what to do.”

“Oh yeah I can do that. No problem.”

The first couple of hours involved cleaning the halls, but I moved on to the Spanish bathrooms. Poussey was right, the library was the best job to have.

*A few weeks later at dinner

“I don’t know why you’d let Edward Scissorhands cut your hair and not me.”

“Because Danita only charges me a bag of Doritos. Not two cokes. Plus, she don’t even ask for the Cool Ranch flavor!”

“Beggars can’t be choosers. I do two cokes worth of work, Child.”

I laughed at Taystee and Sophia having their little banter in the food line. I walked with them to the table and sat down.

“...but then the dragon realized the little ghost girl was friendly, even though she was cold as ice. Fire and ice, that would never work!”

“Why not? What happened to opposites attract?” I ask sort of challengingly. 

“Mommy said ice is used to put out fires. Well, technically water is used to put out fires but ice is just water in solid form. So the fire would go out!”

“But do you know what happens when fire and ice mix?”

“The world goes dark?”

“No. They make steam,” I gave Poussey a “subtle” smirk.

“Mommy says steam is for showers, crab legs and “fun times”.

“I miss making steam with a fine gentleman with a curve on that dick.”

We all laughed along at what Cindy said and I agreed with her.

“There are just some things your fingers can’t accomplish,” I said jokingly while being serious. She pointed her fork at me, “I like her.”

Poussey was noticeably quiet throughout the rest of dinner. Only chiming in to seem interested. She didn’t even finish her tray before she was dipping out.

“Wait I’ll come with you.”

“Nah, stay and eat. I’ll catch you later.”

“Uh oh. Trouble is Lezzy Paradise?”

I almost didn’t hear Cindy as I kept watching Poussey leave the cafeteria.

“Stop it.”

Taystee rolled her eyes and shook her head.

For the next few days, it was hard to get ahold of Poussey. Since we knew each other’s schedules, it was easy for her to avoid me.

Meals were no better. She made sure to get there early so by the time I was sitting down, she was done.

“Aye, you need to fix that,” Janae told me with her eyebrow raised.

“I don’t know what the problem is.”

“I know you are not that dumb,” Boo said as she sat across from me.

“She’s kicking her own ass because she broke the #1 rule of being interested in pussy...” she continued.

I looked at her as I was waiting for her to continue.

“Never fall in love with a straight girl!”

“Love? What-When did I say I was straight-”

“The other night when that one was talkin bout curved dick and you chimed in basically foamin at the mouth at the thought,” Taystee said.

“Noooo, I was joking.”

“Yeah well, apparently she don’t know that.” I looked at Janae and sighed.

I had to wait until the weekend to see her. It was pouring rain and there was a leak in the library and the cleaning warehouse had a slight flood, so neither of us had work.

I snuck my way to her bunk only to discover her to not be there.

“There’s only one place she’d go...” Janae told me.

I made my way down and opened the door.

She was right.

“...there was another before you, but she got out. There’s a time machine in the laundry room. That was their place. That’s where she goes to think.”

“How’d you find me?”

“Your bunkie.”

“What do you want?”

“What’s going on? Why are you being so weird?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said standing up.

“Are we not friends anymore?”

“Friends,” she said with a sarcastic chuckle.

“Can we please sit?” I gestured to the inside of her hiding spot. She backed up slightly to let me further in to the time machine and we both sat down. Neither of us said anything for a while until I did,

“I’m not gay...”

She nodded her head with a sad smile on her face.

“...but I’m not straight either. I’m just me. I’ve dated guys, I’ve had experiences with girls-”

“Experiences? But you’ve never dated a girl?”

“No, but for the past few weeks, I’ve really wanted to,” I said with a slight smile.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because of this. I didn’t want to say something stupid and mess this up. And because I’ve never dated a girl before, but I have dated guys, I didn’t want you to think I was using you. I thought that because I don’t identify as anything, you wouldn’t like me back.”

“I thought you didn’t like me.”

“I didn’t want you to get hurt.”

“Look, I got my heart broken not too long ago by a girl that promised me forever. She didn’t identify as anything either and she ended up falling in love with a dude when she got out. We were both in a dark place when we met and getting to know each other and eventually falling in love helped. I could’ve given up on love and fate, but I haven’t yet. Look, maybe this-..this connection that we have, challenges what you thought you were. And maybe I'm gonna get my heart broken in a thousand different pieces again. But those are maybes. You can't live your life according to maybes.”

The next few months were bliss. Poussey and I have connected on a level I didn’t know was attainable. 

Today is Valentine’s Day and right now we’re back in the time machine. We’re both laying down, holding each other and looking up at the ceiling. 

“It’s about a woman named Dannie who’s this a high-powered corporate lawyer. She’s one of those types who has everything planned out. The story has a lot of twists and turns because her five year plan goes differently than she thought.”

“So why is it your favorite if it’s so inconsistent? For a woman who knows what she wants “Dannie” sure seems okay with settling.”

“It’s my favorite because it mirrors me. It mirrors us. In five years I saw myself at some job a teenager would have with my only responsibility being my phone bill.”

“What do you see now?”

“I see me with our dog, Keith, holding signs with your dad on your release day. Then I see us heading to our apartment where you can see it for the first time in person. Then we’ll go to our jobs, pay rent, and hound our parents for travel money.”

“I’m in your future?”

“You are my future.”

She gave me a kiss when there was a bang on the cardboard door, “Hey kids! They’re doing interviews in the bunks,” Boo informed us.

When we got to her dorm, there were a few guards asking ladies questions about love.

“Does anyone else want to be asked questions?”

“Yeah, I do,” Poussey said while raising her hand.

I feel Taystee put her elbow on my shoulder, “What the hell?” The rest of the family comes around.

“Okay Washington, what is love?”

“Love. It’s just chilling, you know? Kicking it with somebody, talking, making mad stupid jokes. And, like, not even wanting to go to sleep, ‘cause then you might be without ‘em for a minute,” she looked at me, “And you don’t want that.”

•taglist: @mina672

[calypsoff]

Sixty Eight. Part 2

Watching Chris walk off in a huff and go to bed sad is actually making me smile, I should not feel like this but it’s just funny that he assumes I would do nothing for him, but he is basing it off what happened with Drake but I do forgive him for it but it makes me smile that he’s upset, it sounds so evil “he’s really upset” Mel said in a whisper “he is very hurt, close the door” I pointed, Mel is walking over to sit next to me “you nasty, like you being so cold with him” Mel closed the door “he’s not there anyways, he has gone upstairs” Mel made her way over to sit with me “the thing is I have said to him, I do forgive you but in his mind he doesn’t think it. I haven’t mentioned anything to him about his birthday, I’ve been very formal and just kept it neutral, but it will be bigger the surprise. Shall we start doing the house up? I am excited to see his face though, I have spoilt him a lot. Like when I found out what happened in Canada I wanted to say fuck it no, but he’s a good guy, he didn’t mean it but I also got him something big too” I have spoilt him too much I think “what else did you get him?” Rorrey asked “a Rolex, I got him a Rolex because I feel like he’s with people that have money and I want him to keep with appearances and I want him to have all these chains and stuff, I got him a Rolex on top of the party and cars so he’s getting very spoilt. This is why I said for nobody to give him anything, he has a lot already and he doesn’t need it. Just being there is nice enough so yeah” I breathed out smiling “that’s sweet you know, he’s going to appreciate that so much, Chris is a very thankful man. Humble too, he seems to me like he never cares for the riches and things. He goes out pretty simple and I have seen the man wear that Gucci jacket every time we out. Humble, I like him so I got him a gift because I wanted too. Just a little something for the man” I cooed out “hope you wrote that love letter in his birthday card” Rorrey laughed “you’re annoying, I see why he went to sleep” rolling my eyes at my brother.

We have done the house up; well I say that. Half of the balloons popped because they are being stupid but it’s twelve and I feel bad he went to sleep so I am just here going through pictures of him, I wanted to do a throwback but no, I am going to post one from our honeymoon I took of him at the bar, just the way he looked at me in that moment and he knew I was taking a picture of him. Just that smile, wow I love him “you smiling hard but not help us?” Looking up from my phone “I am making a heartfelt post about my husband, now hush” they can wait for whatever they are doing because I need to finish this, looking back down at my phone, I sighed out heavily because where do I start with this post, I don’t want to do too much either. Let me keep it cute ‘I just want to wish my husband the best birthday. My best friend, a father. I could write so much but I will save you all the sick show lol. I love you’ I didn’t want to overdo it so this will be the shortest but I wrote what I wanted in his birthday card, looking up from my phone “you emotional” Noella said, nodding my head “just weird, I’m not alone like I always thought I would be. Just makes me emotional. A man can love me” I chuckled “I’m fine, let’s get this done” pressing send on the post, I just think to myself how lonely I really could have been because men saw me as nothing. I can’t see myself without Chris and that is really scary for me, I have always been scared of men in general because of my father being the man he is so I get scared when I actually think how deep in love I am.

This is cute, we have decorated the stairs, the hallway. The living room, we have a cardboard cutout of Chris in his high school jersey, it’s so cute. Just how I remember him, poking my lips out to the side of the cardboard cutout as Mel took the picture “done” I laughed moving back “I mean he was skinny but boy he was very skinny then, imagine a young me crooning over him” Mel snorted laughing “if I was there I would be like sister no, let’s go for the bigger men” taking my phone from Mel, walking off laughing at the picture. He was a little short here too, look at me leaning down to him with my bump in the way. Adding a caption ‘How I met your father ;)’ pressing send “aye! Come on now” these bitches out here twerking on it “we playing” waving them off “y’all have fun, I’m going to bed. Night y’all and see y’all in the morning” waving them off, I need to sleep, or I will be miserable thoughtout the day and night because of the party. Walking up the steps, I am very proud of the handy work. We all put in the effort to do it up, all we need now is Chris wakes up or he just randomly comes down, but I hope not. I have some more teasing to do with him, reaching the top of the steps. I am so tired actually, I was tired of watching girls lusting over Chris, like they keep on saying do all country niggas look like you, oh you fine. Like leave my husband alone, it was annoying, but Chris didn’t care for it. Pushing open the bedroom door, as expected he is asleep. My poor husband fell asleep in annoyance of me, well I did need to get him back for the pain I went through, but he really needs to catch up on when I am trolling him and when I’m not, if like I would do that to him unless he did cheat then I would divorce him. Peaking over at Chris asleep, pouty baby is so cute asleep. I want to ride him.

I am more excited about his birthday, I think it’s more to do with the fact I know but I woke him up before him, this is how much Chris is depressed about his birthday, he is such a drama queen for nothing “done sulking?” He slumped onto the bed “you’re so miserable, honestly. Open my card, get up and read it” he groaned out getting up from the bed “breastfeed me or something, this is wack” side eyeing him as he got up “don’t be so negative, it’s not nice so appreciate what you get” he sat up on the bed “mhmmm ok” he took the card from my lap “thank you Robyn” he sighed out, he is so miserable. My smile grew, he is going to be so shocked tonight because I have invited so many people, I have gone above and beyond for him and I wish I could tell him, but he will find out eventually “aye! It’s me” he turned the card to me, a picture of Chris and I together “I look so slim there” I complimented myself “yeah, you have added some pounds” rolling my eyes, watching him open the card as I reached over my side table and grabbed the Rolex box “no money in this either, Rihanna broke already” he laughed “To Poppa, oh wow. This is a story” he cleared his throat “to Poppa, I want to wish you a happy birthday. The day you were born I know our stars aligned and our path would have crossed no matter when or how, it would have happened. You have been the light of my life, and I mean that because the fame isn’t anything to me because I was lonely. You love me when I was unloved and never once questioned me on why I felt that way and waited until I opened up to you, you never said to me the word love when we were just silly teenagers, but you sure did show it, now you’re never shy to show me that or say it to me. Thank you for loving me Chris, this your first birthday as my husband and I couldn’t be happier, love twin” Chris looked up from the card “don’t say that you’re always loved Robyn” biting on my top lip, I am so emotional “but a man, a male to love me just for me” Chris moved from his position and over to me “don’t think that, men are fickle like that. Thank you, you got me choked up though” he kissed my cheek “thank you, love you twin. Stop the emotions, damn” he moved back “that was sweet, thank you” he said it again “I come with a gift too, this is from me and your daughter” holding out the box and card “really? Oh wow” he took the box and card “this holds weight, damn” Chris grinned, he knows I don’t play when it comes to him.

Watching him with my phone in hand open the card “awww what!” He turned the card to me and I quickly took a picture of his reaction “you like?” I smiled wide “Happy Birthday from the bump, man. Look at the scan picture, she is so beautiful. Thank you” cropping the picture because ain’t no way any bitch is seeing my man in his boxers, they can see chest but his excited smiley face when he saw the card, just shock. Adding a caption ‘Happy Birthday from the bump!’ Pressing send “Happy Birthday dad, I can’t wait to meet you and for you to share your love with me, I know I will be safe in your arms. Love Baby Fenty-Brown” Chris sniffled “that’s amazing, emotional here. Wow, my daughter already got me choked up. Thank you to my beautiful ladies’ wow” I am proud of myself, I got him good “you happy baby? It’s ok, you can cry” he is trying to hold it back” he wiped his eyes “I am good “thank you, I really appreciate it” I cooed out “I know you do Chris, it’s ok” he picked up the Rolex box, I got him an eighteen carat gold Rolex, Diamond bezel and shoulders, ruby dot hours. Diamond dials. It was never cheap that, but it’s from his daughter and me so he better appreciate it “it’s big” he started ripping the wrapping paper from it, I love watching people open gifts. He stopped opening the paper and gasped looking up at me, he is excited. His eyes have lit up “no way” it reminds me of when I got him that Gucci jacket “for me!?” he placed it on the bed and he rolled off the bed “what you doing?” watching him run around the room, giggling at him as he went into the walk in closet and back out. I yelped out as I thought he was going to tackle me, but he jumped over me and back onto the bed “no way! Are you serious!?” I laughed nodding my head “open it poppa” he plopped down onto the bed “I can’t even, Robyn oh my god” he ripped it all open “Rolex!? This is a legit Rolex; I don’t deserve you Robyn. Oh my god, this is too much. What” he is so overjoyed, I am happy “this is from me and baby” he opened the box “oh my god, no way” he shook his head staring at it “Robyn this is crazy, wow. I can’t even, thank you. Oh my god. This is amazing” he crawled over to me “thank you so much, oh my god” hugging him back.

Chris is very excited, like to see him like this is so cute “Rorrey really got me this!? Like this is crazy, now I look like the man of the house, look at me” he came out in the Versace robe “I will let you think that, are you done playing in your robe?” he is here twirling and shit “I am so amazed, oh my god. Wait till I show my mom and dad, they are going to be extra amazed” he is like an excited child and it’s cute “thank you” Chris wrapped his arms around me once again and pressed a kiss to my cheek “it’s ok, come. Let’s go downstairs now, damn. You can show Rorrey the robe, I am sure he will be proud” Chris not moving out of the room, he finally moved. Walking behind him out of the bedroom “I feel so much better, like I really do. I went to bed all sad and shit, like I felt nobody cared” I cooed out, wait till he has his party, and he can see how much people do care “wait?” Chris pointed at the stairs “go down” I laughed “you lied to me all this time, you just tortured me for what” I shrugged “go down then, you know I am slow” Chris went rushing down while I of course made my way down slowly, Rorrey is awake he did text me asking. Also my mother is awake because she mentioned she will make breakfast for him; she is so sweet. I can hear both Rorrey and Chris, they are both kids “you flexing! See when we go on holiday, cigar and robes, we going to be living! I got you, you’re coming with me!” I would say yes to that, it’s with Rorrey too so I don’t mind that “what you think?” I grinned making my way to Chris “dope, thank you. Everyone, like this is amazing, and Monica’ food too!” I can smell that food strong.

“Morning Melissa, you came extra late. We ate whore” Mel side eyed me “who’s fault is that, last minute thing my ass but happy birthday Chris has Noella not gave you our gift yet?” Chris shook his head “I don’t want anything now, I am good. Honestly Robyn got me a Rolex, that is enough for me” Mel cooed out “that is cute, you sure it’s real” I snorted laughing “I am joking, honestly” she is such a bitch “Chris, don’t listen to her. It’s real, very real” Mel sat down at the table with us “we are going for a meal tonight actually so you need to look cute, not so much birthday meal but I can’t be bothered to cook” my mother doesn’t approve of my ways of saying things, she says I am being mean but I’m not “that’s cool, I can find an outfit. I can wear my Rolex too, that is amazing. It’s my birthday so I will pay for the meal” I grinned “how sweet of you, but I have an outfit for you to wear so just wear that” Chris is so happy, here I am trying to make out we ain’t doing anything else “I think Robyn should stay home, mommy you hear what she did, she made him go bed early on the eve of his birthday because she just acted like it meant nothing” Rorrey is a snitch “that is your husband Robyn, stop it. Jokes can hurt feelings” I sighed out “Rorrey shut up, honestly. I didn’t do anything, look how happy he is, I know how to make him happy” I don’t know why Rorrey has to set my mom off for nothing.

[concentratedbitterness]

The Partnership

Hell: Late Neolithic Period

They’re laughing at her.  This is the thought that echoes in the demon’s mind as she makes her way down the halls of Hell’s infamous Manufacturing Department.  She is somebody now–freshly promoted just over every other shitstain in the Pit, perhaps, but rank is rank all the same–and by all rights these dungeon trolls should be groveling at her feet as they do for the other procurement personnel.  Except that they do not fall to their knees, no, they slap them with laughter.  She cannot blame them.  They all know why she is here.

Nybbas has thrust her atop a burning hill of shit and bade her build a kingdom from the ashes while the flames still rage.  It is a fools’ errand, and one he means for her to fail.  Her superior has set her up only to take the fall for him.  Given the insurmountable task, that is precisely what the entire Monarchia expects will happen–Quotas missed, contracts lost, and someone’s head must inevitably go on the chopping block–but Mara refuses to accept her likely fate without a fight.  She always has felt some masochistic drive to find a silver lining, after all, and what sparkles through the coals is the large swath of Nybbas’ territory that she now, technically, controls.  Mismanaged and neglected for countless millennia, it is a veritable desert of overgrown crossroads and yet…perhaps, with enough hard work and a healthy dose of ingenuity, there is a sliver of a chance.  

But she cannot do it alone, she knows this.  To hold fast to even the faintest hope she requires a lieutenant; a partner to watch her back, guard her meager territory, and facilitate her contracts.  Given her circumstances, however, it is not a promising proposition–she has already been turned down by every capable soldier this side of the Pit.  Hence, she has ventured here, to the racks, vying for some freshly carved scrap of a damned soul that is ignorant enough of the ways of Hell to sign their own death warrant.  Most demons churned from the bowels of the Pit are quickly claimed for the legions of far more powerful commanders than she, but maybe she will stumble at last upon a stroke of luck.  She’s about due for some.

“You there,” She says to the first torturer in the row as she draws to a halt, gaze settling upon his blade as he draws it down the belly of some poor fuck on his rack.  “–Where do they keep the unclaimed?  I…”  Her words trail off, and suddenly Mara feels as small and lost as she must surely look.    

Not often someone gets lost around the racks. Technically, no one much comes down here unless they’re strung up. It truly is a terrible place to be. That’s the point of it, after all. To one who has survived the Pit, of course, it feels half like home, but demons are made to be most comfortable in discomfort.

The old demon is up to his sleeves in metaphysical blood when he hears the voice behind him. Not that he appears bothered; he finishes his slice, blade tinged in red. “Y’don’t want them,” he says, attention on his work. “They’re all paranoid.  Sadistic.  More like hellhounds than competent soldiers.” The thing on the rack splutters and pleas. The noise is interrupting his conversation, so he sinks his blade into its lungs. Now, all it does is hiss, and he turns to look at Mara.  “I’d know,” he adds. “I made them that way.”  

The younger demon nods, swallowing thickly.  She took her turn here years ago, just like the rest, forced to toil in the Pit after what remained of the human blight on her soul had been cut away.  A distant past, perhaps, but it is not something easily forgotten.  Leaving the racks behind had seemed a step up at the time, though servitude under Nybbas is not altogether incomparable.  She was not made to be a soldier or a torturer–not in the sense that this demon was.  Some were simply meant for sales.  Hell is nothing if not a grand machine, and every cog has their part to play.  

Her eyes settle not upon the poor, decrepit soul writhing in agony on the rack, but rather on the creature attached to the hand doling it out with such practiced ease that he almost seems bored.  He’s old.  Ancient, if the power wafting off of his true form is any indication–easily a relic from a time when Hell was not so crowded as it is now.  Most of the demons who are old enough to remember such times sit comfortably atop the hierarchy–leaders; respected and feared–and yet this one seems content to do the same dirty work as the fresh grunts.  “Beggars can’t be choosers.” Mara admits, and then his words play again in her mind.  

“–You made them that way?” The crossroads demon echoes absently, gaze shifting back to the thing wheezing and hissing on the rack.  There is not exactly a standard protocol where torture in Hell is concerned–suffering is suffering and each soul requires a unique touch to divest it of human weakness–but in the end the goal of the Manufacturing Department is to produce as many viable demons from the souls procured as possible.  “It seems a waste of raw material…”

And suddenly, something occurs to her.  A spark, but it is enough.

“…A waste of your talent.”  She looks up at the other demon–really looks at him–and she can see it as clearly as the discontentment written on a human soul come to call at the crossroads.  He may be overqualified tenfold, but he is directionless; passing time waiting for something that will never find him here in the wretched squalor of the Pit.  

It is as futile a notion as reaching for the stars, but she reminds herself that even if they remain firmly swirling through the Heavens one will get a nice view, a good stretch, and perhaps even a low-hanging apple for the effort.  “I…I have a proposition for you,” She ventures, a tiny smile pulling at the corner of her lips, “How do you feel about a challenge?”

He smirks, and Mara wonders if it’s not the first time someone so low in the hierarchy has dared so much as to speak to him, let alone offer him a proposition.  “A challenge?” he says, throwing her words back at her with a mocking note. “Ain’t that a little above your paygrade?”  

“Isn’t carving duty a little below yours?” Mara retorts without missing a beat.  In truth, he is not wrong.  It is practically unheard of for someone like her to have ever been promoted to command in the first place–she’s certain the other demon knows as well as she does that it is only a technical mantle, so that when the Monarchia rains down punishment for Nybbas’ failure he will have her to offer up as a scapegoat.  Still, rank is rank, and as long as she’s got a slippery grip on this rung there is still half a chance to hold fast…perhaps one day to climb.  Let go, and she will be lucky not to find herself strapped to one of these racks again.  It is nothing if not tremendous motivation to succeed.  

The old one rips the innards out of the thing on the racks, tosses them to the ground with a wet slap. The soul’s eyes go cold and blind and that’s his cue; he steps away.  After all, breaking things is easy. Taking things to the very brink of collapse and then pulling away right before they shattered…that required a little more finesse.  Task complete, he turns all of his attention to the demon in front of him now. “You’re Nybbas’s bitch, right?” No need to mince words down here. “I like your grit, but you don’t got anything to offer me.”

She takes a small step back as a tangle of entrails drops unceremoniously to the floor, blood and ichor splattering her toes.  The gore does not perturb her, but she will need to shed this host before venturing back to the sales floor lest Nybbas’ hounds catch the scent of fresh meat upon her.  It is of little consequence–the younger demon has never possessed one long enough to grow attached; that is a custom reserved for those who have achieved success.

“Best you not let Nybbas hear you call me that,” She warns, “–He will take the comparison as an insult to his dogs.”  This is not news to any demon who knows of her superior or his two ferocious hellhounds.  There is a flicker of defeat in her eyes when the older demon seems to turn her down, but there is too much riding on this chance and she wills it away quickly.  “That was not a ‘no’,” She points out hopefully, clearly not ready to give up.  “It is true, I haven’t much to offer.  Yet.  But I will.  If you help me, I will.  In the meantime, it costs you nothing to step away from this…” She waves a hand absently at the mutilated soul, “…The Damned will still be here.  How many eons have you stood tethered to these same racks; trying to find some new way to hack on these same tired souls?  If you pledge service to me I will have leave to take you Topside; to the mortal realm…to a territory that has not known what it is to fear a demon in over a thousand years.  Yours could be the face in their nightmares.  I won’t lie to you, the work will be long and grueling, but you are not afraid to get your hands dirty, are you?” Her gaze flicks to the bloodsoaked hands in question, “Take a chance on me, that is all I ask.  Let me show you what I can do.  You have nothing to lose if I fail, but if I succeed you have everything to gain.  We are not so different, you and I.  We have nowhere to go but up.”

“Topside, huh?”

Clearly, she has his attention. “Topside,” She confirms with a nod.  Short of a formal summons, the only way a Pit demon goes Topside is in the service of a salesman.

Mara can feel him sizing her up, deciding perhaps whether or not to devour her on the spot.  She has no doubt that he could.  He glances away, considers it for only a second, and then he finally says, casually, “Alright.  I’ll pledge five years Topside to you.  Then we’ll reconsider.”

Her eyes go wide when the old demon nonchalantly pledges five years to her.  He’s teasing me, she thinks at first, but then it becomes obvious that he’s serious and it is all she can do to stand there dumbly before him.  And then, before she even realizes it, she’s laughing.  Five years is not much, but for her conundrum it is ironically more than necessary.  “We only have three,” she tells him, any trace of amusement quickly fading.  

Three years to turn around a territory that has not been quota compliant for centuries.  The demon steps over the pile of entrails at her feet, poking a finger at the other demon’s chest as she peers up at him, “I make you this promise–It will not be easy; you are going to work harder than you have ever worked, we will struggle, we will not rest, and I don’t care if I have to suck every cock in the territory to do it, I am going to get the contracts I need…and in three years time you will stand by my side as I throw a sales report in Nybbas’ face that will make his head spin.  I will not fail, I swear it.  I won’t forget who helped me do it.  And you–” She doesn’t even know his name, “–You will not regret taking a chance on me.”  She rolls up onto her toes to press a chaste kiss to the old demon’s lips, sealing their business contract.  “Get your things.  We have so much work to do.”    

[sometimesrosy]

I’m honestly asking this because I’m genuinely curious but—seriously why are you such a bitch to people who are just asking questions and who want to know more? You treat them like them not subscribing to your exact brand of analysis makes them bad people. I don’t get it.

People can have any sort of analysis they want. watsonian, doylist, psychological, cultural, historical, feminist, new criticism, reader response. I support fanfiction and fanworks. I support engaging with the content to understand your own life, experiences, identity and traumas. I ASK that they stick to the text, back up their theories with evidence FROM THE TEXT, consider the parts of canon that conflict with or debunk their theories and point out where they are engaging in logical fallacies like ad hominem attacks or confirmation bias.

This is called critical thinking. It’s pretty close to the scientific method. I’m a teacher, even though I left the schools, and it’s just who I am. In fact, I don’t subscribe to only one form of analysis. One day I’ll talk about trauma, one day I’ll talk about representations of misogyny and toxic mascuilinity, one day I’ll talk about the doylist needs of how to tell a story, the next I’ll fucking squee about bellarke and the epicness of it all.

I will ALSO analyze fandom itself, using critical thinking, social psychology, history, looking for patterns, cause and effect etcetera, and I will be honest when I see fandom doing unhealthy, toxic, irrational, unbalanced, cruel or abusive things I will speak out. No one likes their flaws being pointed out. But that doesn’t mean there are no flaws. I ALSO examine my own flaws and biases and consider the alternate points of view on a regular basis. I examine my own presence in fandom, how I can adjust or change to make the experience better for myself and my followers. But you can’t make other people be self reflective if they don’t want to look in the mirror.

You’re also acting like it’s my job to answer your question nicely and give everything i’ve got just because you ask me a question even if you don’t put the same thought into your ask. A lot of people have thought that I was like some sort of fandom mom or their teacher hired to give them gold stars. It’s one of the reasons I changed my name from rosymamacita, because I was tired of being treated like people’s moms who had to love them no matter how awful they were being. Shoot. My own daughter (a bellarke shipper) gets sarcasm and sass and scolded and punished. When I was a teacher I marked up people’s essays and scolded and told them no and got sarcastic and failed their asses for not using critical thinking. I had rubrics explaining the expectations. And if they didn’t meet them they failed. I mean. Who in the world is expected to only be nice, forever, and never disagree, say no, get impatient, get snippy, be sarcastic, or what ever. Only me is it? Why? 

As an ex english and humanities teacher, some things specifically annoy me. Like erasing canon. Your high school english teachers should be ashamed sometimes. It’s like y’all think shipping or stanning suspends the rules of logic.

When people erase canon it means they can’t understand the show. this isn’t actually analysis, it’s personal response. and personal response is valid, but it’s not understanding, it’s not analysis, it’s not interpretation. No matter how much they love their faves or their OTP, if they ignore the canon to stan their faves, they’ve lost the story. They are no longer analyzing anything that I’m analyzing aka canon. We’re literally not talking about the same thing.

That’s like using unicorns as a scientific basis to study narwhals. 

Unicorns are awesome, but it’s SO not any sort of understanding of narwhals. It’s made up. And not narwhals. Just because they share a singular horn and being a mammal, you can’t say the narwhal is the unicorn. You can analyze the wonder of the unicorn, but it still ain’t the narwhal, and saying the narwhal is the unicorn and failing in it’s job as a unicorn is... well does that make sense?

You ask why I’m a bitch sometimes? Did you happen to read my blog header?

I’m sometimes rosy

These are my rules. I ship bellarke, if you put bellarke hate or bellarke doubt or ‘i’m so worried bellarke is never going to happen’s into my inbox. You’re breaking my rules. If you are negative and disempowering you’re breaking my rules. Shipwars, fanwars character hate and writer hate are all against my rules.

When i was nice and sweet and entertained all that stuff, you know what happened? Constant harassment. Constant anxiety. Constant begging me to feed fandom neurosis in the guise of asking for assurance. All that has gotten a lot better since I developed stronger boundaries. And you know who HATES it when I have boundaries and calls me a bitch for setting them firmly and not backing down, no matter what tone I use?  People who want to cross my boundaries and suck me dry. So kiss off with your tone policing.

Maybe I’m a bitch because someone pissed me off, or they’re ignoring the fifty thousand times I told them to stick to the text, or I’m exhausted and anxious about something in my actual life, since, you know, i’m a real person who is not perfect.

Maybe I’m not a bitch, I’m just sarcastic, and you’re so stuffed up with your own ego that anything but stroking your dick reads as me being a bitch. Oh. Was it when I said the flame was a party favor not canon? That’s the bitchiest I was this morning, and that was fucking funny. Did I hurt your feelings because you think a party favor means lxa is coming back? lol. Maybe that’s what this ask is about. If you had sent me another anon saying I hurt your feelings, I would apologize and explain without the sarcasm. I’ve done that before. But you didn’t. You called me a bitch.

Maybe I’m a bitch because I’m a bitch. It’s my blog. Deal with it. I am allowed to be a bitch. I did not ask you to follow me. I am absolutely a bitch now. Thanks. It’s your fault.

Maybe I’m a bitch to anons sometimes because of you, you coward on anon. Because I get shit like this constantly, and I never know who any of you on anon are, whether you’re one of my stalkers or someone who used to call me The Devil, or part of that kru that SOMEONE is still sending to attack me. I don’t know yet I keep my anons open.

Me? I own up to everything I say, even when I’m wrong, even when I’m called a bitch. I don’t hide behind anon like you so no one can ever judge your behavior or words. 

“genuinely curious” my ass. Because if you were genuinely curious you would  read my blog and see my DETAILED fucking explanations for why I do what I do and think what I think and stand behind what I stand behind.  Do you notice that I wrote a fucking ESSAY explaining why I do what I do, using evidence and examples and types of literary analysis and this is NOT the first time I’ve done this.

Or if you were honestly asking, you would have honestly sent me a private message (which are open and always have been and I respond) asking me what my reasons are without calling me names.

You just wanted to send a nasty anon. 

And I think that makes YOU the bitch. Don’t pull that guilt trip, tone policing, condescending shit with me. Pretending to be honestly asking because you want to understand. 

Sealioning

A subtle form of trolling involving "bad-faith" questions. You disingenuously frame your conversation as a sincere request to be enlightened, placing the burden of educating you entirely on the other party. If your bait is successful, the other party may engage, painstakingly laying out their logic and evidence in the false hope of helping someone learn. In fact you are attempting to harass or waste the time of the other party, and have no intention of truly entertaining their point of view. Instead, you react to each piece of information by misinterpreting it or requesting further clarification, ad nauseum. The name "sea-lioning" comes from a Wondermark comic strip. [x]

[xolotoofficial]

Recorded in Advance

> “Alright, babe,” Marvus’ manager starts, making sure the bandages around his chest are well visible under his jacket, but not as visible as the layers of gold chains sitting on top. He smirks and pats him on the shoulders, eying the golden diamond-shaped studs in his ears. “You’re looking pitiful enough. Go out there and make me and your clown buddies proud.”

Marvus feels way better now that he’s had a couple of days to heal. If he was, oh, Jade, let’s say, it would probably take much longer for him to heal, but he slowly swaggers into the interview, feeling like a million but walking like he’s still injured, but healing. The stab wounds on his body were closed up at this point, and the scarring was already looking pretty minimal, but he looked like he was being held together by cotton and stitches under all the wrappings.

The day he woke up, he let them photograph his chest, and it was emblazoned across every magazine - a clown, martyred at his own show, bloody and pitiful, tore the fuck up and still devastatingly hot. Gore was barely a kink on Alternia.

The cerulean woman in her pencil skirt and killer heels splattered with warm blood sits with a notepad in her lap and a winning smile. She was a familiar site. They had done interviews before, and she was very efficient. “Are you ready? Do you remember all the questions and answers we’re going through today, Mr. Xoloto?”

He smiles and nods, feeling the cameras on him again. It’s familiar, and he can honestly say he missed it. “Yes, I remember. It’s a steel trap up here, even if it’s been knocked around a lil’ bit.”

She feigns concern and they both cackle with each other. She was easy to win over, as easy as anyone else, but at least she had fun with it.

“You’re such a messy bitch.” She croons, recrossing her legs, one set of eyes looking at her notes and the other staring into him with glee. “Alright, everyone shut up and start rolling!...” She herself smiles into the camera. “Hello and welcome to all of you at hive watching, this is Krayvt Terrox, of course. Today I’m joined by one of the most masterful jesters this side of Alternia in an exclusive interview. Known for the size of his crowds, the size of the bloodshed, and the size of him… well. Marvus Xoloto, it’s so good to have you here, and so soon after this grizzly attempt on your life.”

He smiles and nods lazily, moving very little. “Only by motherfuckin’ grace, sister. It’s great to be here, Kravyt.”

“Let’s start with the obvious - your attacker isn’t a stranger to the disciplinary system, and according to multiple sources, he’s been on the cull list for some time for abandoning his duties and past violence on trolls of higher blood. It’s rather stupid of him to brazenly walk on stage when common knowledge among us who actually use our pans that you like to keep a certain amount of attention and cameras on you. I have to ask, did you know Lanque Bombyx personally?”

Marvus shakes his head. “No. We had some mutual acquaintances once upon a time, but I didn’t know him, or about him, or get any warnin’s on his violent ass nature. We’ve attended some same parties, but other than that? Nada.”

“Oh, interesting. Let’s start with those acquaintances. Did you have any altercations or issues with those mutual acquaintances?”

He shakes his head again. “Oh, no. It’s funny, the only people we both knew seemed to either not want much to do with him, or just didn’t have nice things to say. I take care of my friends, ya know? And that includes listenin’ to em, so I did my best.”

“Of course, Marvus the Great wouldn’t be associating with such base criminals. I’m sure the people who lost him to the cull list were very disappointed.”

Marvus laughs. Thinking of Daraya being disappointed in Lanque’s crimes tickled him. “Can’t say fer sure since he came up so rarely, but I’m sure they were pretty g-d bummed.”

Kravyt’s eyes narrow and she leans in. “Now, about the parties? What’s the secret there?”

“Oh, god, ain’t no secret. They was jus’ meetin’ ups I was havin’ with some of my siblin’s. He was there at the same time, in my ass and all that. The only secret I might think was there was that he was followin’ me. Ain’t uncommon, but ain’t impressive on me.”

His interrorgator simply laughed, flipped a page in her paper. “Gosh, this is a funnier story than I expected. Here we all were, thinking he was some sort of hired hand or a wronged quad, but he’s really a jealous nobody. So, what happened that night? Why does Marvus Xoloto lose to an overly desperate fan like that? It’s not every day that someone attempts on a clown’s life, let alone escapes from the scene, and a Jade blood on top of that. A well-trained subjugglator would be expected to win that match up, easy.”

“Well, I ain’t subjug trained, I’m laughsassin trained. We more like a clown utility knife, less of a club to the face, ya dig?” One hand plays with a chain around his neck, the other hand waving away the last statement. “Not disparagin’ of course, I love the heavy hitters in my family, but I ain’t made to maintain that kinda rage all long term and shit. After a bumpin’ ass night of performin’, ya could guess that I was tired a-f. Ain’t help that on top of tired I was all cocky and shit - I’ve always been the type for spectacle, and I ain’t thought that through much at the time. I was jus’ tryin’ ta stop him, wound him all for-life-like, put on a show, and I got blood in my eyes for just a second and, well, I got the beatin’ I well up and deserved for bein’ a show-off, durin’ the fight and durin’ that long-ass slam session.”

Marvus takes a pause. He stops his fidgeting and his eyes cut to the ground. Clowns don’t show shame, but he does it regularly on global television. Even Kravyt, who knew what the questions and answers were ahead of time leans in while the camera does the same on his face.

“But I wanted to make my fans all happy, you know? Shit, they show was gettin’ ruined, and I wanted to give em another to make up for it... That was my b. If I knew he was such a criminal I woulda been more on toppa dat shit, but I ain’t sure it mattered much. Like I said, I’d been performin’ for a long time at that point - like, i-d-k, almost 3 hours?” He pauses though, stage whispering to the woman across from him. “And don’t tell nobody, but I mighta been a lil’ slack on my training. Gotta get that fixed now, don’t I?”

Kravyt nods in understanding, swinging her foot. “Thank you for that, Marvus. I’m sure that was difficult to talk about. Let’s move onto something a little less clinical - how are you feeling?”

Marvus beams for the camera. “Aww, thanks sis. I’m doin’ pretty okay. I should be all healed up sooner than later. Then I can get back to all that good” - and sometimes illegal, you know how it is - “work I’m motherfuckin’ known for.”

He winks through Kravyt and she blushes, but it wasn’t really for her. That one was for the cameras - the rebels he had been helping for the past two sweeps. The clubs he bought out. The performers he had been recruiting. He wasn’t out of the game, and he wanted them to know that.

“And what about the church? How are they feeling about all of this? What about your friends?”

Marvus nods sagely at her question. “Well, my family ain’t to happy. Last I heard they were makin’ their own moves about this. Somethin’ about uppin’ security every-motherfuckin-where, and they hired some kickass to the case? Wild a-f. I ain’t all involved or nothin’ cuz, ya know, I’m a motherfuckin’ loud mouth and alla dat, but they’ve been supportive of me. And as for friends...”

He smiles a little, face as neutral as usual. “Well, they’re goin’ a lil’ SHITHIVE. I get it though. Somethin’ terrible happened to one of their friends, all because of Lanque. He’s gettin’ all sorts of people hurt with these weird motherfuckin’ antics. Who knows who’s gonna be all in the path next? Can’t imagine how hurted his cloister must be - they be their own sorta family, and I kinda feel some kinship about that. I know most trolls ain’t gettin’ what clowns got, but I know, if I up and imagine, it would suck if I fucked up and got a sister of mine hurt, you know?”

And that one was for Lanque.

“How kind of you to empathize with the associates and friends of a criminal. But that almost sounds just as juicy as this -”

“None of that, sis. This is just me havin’ my own fun. I mean, the church got him covered - I get somethin’ of my own, I think. I just wish his family the best.”

“You really have a gilded heart, don’t you?”

“Aww, I don’t know about that…”

“And so humble.” She giggles. “One last question, then.” Kravyt nods and finishes her scrawling. “It’s really good to see that you’re alive and well. Is there anything else you’d like to tell the good people at home?” Marvus turns to the camera to his left and gives another best winning smile. “I’ll be going on a whole new tour in three nights from now to celebrate my good health! Tickets are available now, and locations are listed up on my website. While you’re there, if you’re feelin’ up to it and know anything at all about the location of my attacker, there’s a text form you can submit, only available to people who’re signed up to my Fanclub.”

“It was lovely to have you on tonight,” the smiley four-eyed woman chirps pleasantly, offering her hand. He leans forward with an exaggerated wince, reciprocating the action. She looks at him with her own over-acted pity. “Thank you again, Marvus.

“...aaaand cut it! Start shutting this down. Good job, Marvus. We’ll get these all edited up and it should be going up as soon as it’s done. A day or so. You were wonderful as usual - only took three takes to get all the footage we need.”

Marvus stands and stretches, clapping his hands together once. “Glad we could do this, f-r. Hey, don’t be a stranger, sis - maybe we’ll get to talk without me actin’ like I ain’t ever been stabbed before, lmaooo.”

She shrugs. “I suppose it might be good for ratings - people really are obsessed with you. Who knew that a person could capitalize on their powers like this? Like, shit, I don’t get it, but clearly huffing your voodoo-vibes or whatever is better than coke.”

[essaysbyciara]

Thy Neighbor (Chapters 5 + 6)

[Chapter 1] [Chapter 2] [Chapter 3] [Chapter 4] 

Chapters 5 and 6 are relatively short so I decided to drop them both together. As always, if you would like to be added to the taglist, let me know! 

Friday night happy hour at Ngosi played as a second therapist. As the drinks were poured and the alternative R&B playlist played softly in the background, people poured their hearts out about terrible workweeks and terrible dates. The bar was crowded as usual as Ciara walked in. Her jumbo braids were in a bun and her hoop earrings were as large as her face.

She grows upset until she notices two empty seats on the left side of the bar.

“Thank you, Ashley!” Ciara says as she plops down her purse.

“You know I got you, girl. The usual?”

“Yes, ma’am!”

Ciara nods as Ashley pours her double Woodford Reserve neat. As she starts to sip, Mahalia comes storming in from the patio area. She picks up Ciara’s purse and plops it on the bar.

“Well, hello to you too.”

“I’m sorry, Ciara. I just had to dodge somebody. Ash! The usual!”

Ciara met Mahalia at this very bar years ago after they both got stood up on dates. Mahalia’s humor about it all made Ciara feel better and Ciara’s positivity made Mahalia feel as if her world wasn’t over. So what if he was an NBA player?

“Girl. Let me tell you what happened with neighbor dude…”

“You fucked him.”

“Wait? What?”

“I mean, this story means nothing if that ain’t the ending.”

Mahalia grew tired of always hearing about Ciara’s “fine ass chocolate-ass neighbor”.

“Okay. No. I come home yesterday and there’s flowers at my door. From him.”

Mahalia chokes on her drink. “What now?”

“Yes. Flowers. So I go knock on his door to say thank you and he opens up the door straight up shirtless. That body ain’t fair, Sis. It ain’t. So I’m like “Ciara, shoot your shot” so I ask him over for dinner and he turned me down for some girl.”

“Gym girl?”

“Nah. I haven’t seen her lately. It was some girl I’ve never seen! She knocked on my door by mistake. She looks he’d break her in half.”

“Okay, okay… so…”

“So yeah. He’s over there doing whatever. You know how he has no home training about these things and I’m like “you know, let me bring him a plate…” so I do and homegirl opens the door and she’s looking like she wants to cut me.”

“Welp. Heh.”

“Right! He comes running from the trash room as if he’s about to break up a fight. I can’t.”

Mahalia and Ciara both laugh as their drinks start to kick in. Ashley quickly pours them another round.

“So what are about to do, Ciara? You ain’t gonna do nothing…”

“I know, Ma. I know. I just… I though the flowers were sweet. The last dude to get me flowers was Y’lan, so…”

“Speaking of your boy…”

Trevante and two of his friends walk into the bar. It felt as if the room stopped. Trevante had that affect everywhere he went. Women would almost stop mid-sentence to catch a glimpse of the adonis that was Trevante. His purple sweater cascading his frame, fitting every crevice with perfection. It was the perfect color to play off of his beautiful skin.

As he grabbed a tabletop with his friends, he notices Ciara at the bar.

Ashley steps from around the bar and walks up to Trevante and his friends.

“What up, fellas.”

“What up, Ashley” Trevante’s friend, Yahya, says. “Can we get a bottle of Crown, please?”

“You got it, love. What up, Tre?” Ashley taps Trevante on his right arm, winks at him and walks away. His boys notice instantly.

“Who haven’t you smashed, fam?” Michael says as his pulls out his cellphone.

“Haha. Very funny.”

“But seriously?” says Yahya, “Who haven’t you? Because there’s this girl that I met and I just wanna--”

“Fuck y’all, aight. “ Trevante says between small fits of laughter. “I haven’t smashed Ashley. Yet.”

As Ashley rings up their bottle, Ciara takes a quick look over at Trevante’s table.

“All of his friends are fine, what the hell?”

“I bet they all hoes like him too.”

“Mahalia! That ain’t nice. Probably true by not nice.”

Ashley places three glasses and the bottle of Crown on the table. As Yahya pours their drinks, Trevante grabs Ashley by the hand. She instantly smiles.

“Can you do me a favor?”

“Anything for you, Tre. What’s up?”

“You see the girl with the braids? Her next drink is on me.”

“You got it.”

As Ciara looks at her phone, Ashley places Ciara’s new drink on the counter.

“Girl. You trying to get me drunk.”

“That dude over there in the purple copped it for you. Girl, I’m scared of you.”

Ashley points over to Trevante. As Ciara turns around to look at him, a slight smile comes onto her face. She lift her glass up to him as a thank you and he does the same in return. Mahalia starts to clap.

“Bitch. I need to be like you.”

“Shut. Up.”

Trevante slowly sips on his drink and he tunes out his boys. He awakens from his daydream when his phone vibrates. It’s “track body.” Trevante forgot that he set up a date with her for tonight. Realizing the error of his ways, he leans on his boys, Yahya and Michael, for advice.

“Fam. Shit. I forgot I had a date with that girl.”

“Who?” Michael says as he sips on his drink.

“That track athlete I met at Crossfit. Alissa.”

“Who don’t you get with?”

“Yahya, chill. Shit. What should I tell her.”

“I don’t know… be honest.” Yahya quips as he taps his glass on the table. “Just tell her that you got hung up at work and forgot and reschedule.”

“But that ain’t being honest though.” Michael chimes in.

“You know what, you right though.” Trevante proceeds to open up his text messages.

Hey. I’m so sorry. Caught up at work. Can we reschedule.

Look in front of you.

Alissa stands at the front of Ngosi with visible steam coming out of her ears. As Trevante sits there stunned and stupefied, he watches at Alissa casually gives him the middle finger and walks out of the bar. Yahya and Michael laugh uncontrollably.

Yahya signals to Ashley. They are going to need another bottle.

CHAPTER SIX

Monday couldn’t come fast enough for Trevante. After a weekend of apologizing to Alissa and sexing the guilt away in the bed with the gym manager, he was ready to get back to work. To move on from a week that felt so heartless.

As Trevante walked into his office, he sees a bouquet of flowers and a card from the staff of the marketing agency. Trevante slightly smiles as opens the card and sees a gift card to Chipotle, his every day lunch spot of choice. It felt good to be back.

“Hey, Tre! My man!” Trevante’s boss, Scott, says as he walks into the office. He always had an extra ounce of annoying energy for Trevante.

“How are you, man? My deepest condolences for your loss.”

“Thanks, Scott. I appreciate it. Kinda ready to get back to work.”

“Come to my office. I have a project I’ve been holding since last week for you.”

Trevante  saunters into Scott’s office. As his sits on the couch, he smiles at the pictures of Scott’s family.

“We’ve been linked to a non-profit based in South Jersey called ‘Proverbs’”

“Faith-based?”

“Yes but they are doing some amazing work with children from military families. Providing safe spaces for kids dealing with parents with PTSD, loss of a family member to war, all of that…”

As Trevante listens, his heart slowly starts to break. He thinks about his Dad.

“They want to expand into the Philadelphia area and they are looking to market to places where this service could be needed. I mean, I love the work they are doing. And the public officials in South Jersey love them.”

“Sounds really promising. Why this for me? Elaine is great with faith-based organizations. What she did with the Jewish center was great.”

“I know but I think this would be a nice switch up from gyms and art organizations that you always do. Plus their executive director and staff said that they serve mostly Black communities so I want to make sure that we put someone on the ground with the right perspective.”

Trevante wants to mull it over but he quickly realizes that Scott isn’t giving him any time to do so.

“I’m in, Scott.”

“Fantastic! I will call up their team and let them know that you’ll be swinging over to South Jersey to see them soon!”

As Trevante walks back into his office, he realizes that he doesn’t have any experience dealing with faith-based organizations. As his heart starts to pound with anxiety, he realizes that he might have someone that could help him out.

Logging into Facebook, he looks up Proverbs and is impressed by their work. He wonders what an organization might have meant to him as a kid dealing with his father and if things would have been different. Maybe his father would have received help earlier. Maybe he and his sister would not have to bury both of their parents by age 30.

Ciara sits in her contemporary theology class bored out of her mind. While this type of history excites her, she rather be on the treadmill waiting for Trevante to pull up right beside her. She couldn’t get Friday night out of her mind. When she woke up on Saturday slightly hungover, she put on her Ella Fitzgerald mix and zoned out at the thought of Trevante making her breakfast in the morning as the jazz music cascaded the living room. She’d stand behind him as he cooked her eggs perfectly, holding him tight as if to make time stop. He’d turn around to pick her up and put her on the counter and then they’d forget about the eggs.

She also felt delusional. Trevante bought her flowers and a drink as a thank you for helping him in the time of a crisis. She was the one that was making that moment out to be  more than what it was. Her playful delusions and dreams of being with Trevante clouded her common sense. He was just being nice to her as her neighbor. He didn’t want her like that.

As she trolled around her Facebook, she receives a message.

From Trevante.

She catches her shriek as she screenshots the message alert and sends it to Mahalia without even reading the message. It was if God was trying to tell her that her delusions weren’t wrong.

Hey, Ciara! Sorry I’m messaging you on Facebook. I don’t have your number. I was wondering if you could help me out or point me in the right direction. I’m working on a project for a faith based organization out of South Jersey called “Proverbs.” They are trying to market into the Philly area. Truth be told, I don’t know much about faith based orgs (or faith anything lol). I was hoping that you could help me get an idea of what to do with them. I meet with them on Thursday but I want to come with some ideas.

Even though Ciara’s heart sinks at it not being a request for a date, she relishes at the idea of spending more time with Trevante. And lowkey flattered that he asked her. Maybe he was paying attention to her.

Hey, Trevante! I’m glad to help. Text me 267-555-3467

Trevante smiles at Ciara’s response. He quickly grabs his phone to text Ciara.

Hey, Ciara. It’s Tre.

Hey! Do you want to meet over my place tomorrow for dinner?

That works. How about 7?

Perfect! I’ll text you if anything changes!

Trevante liked that Ciara punctuated her texts with exclamation points. He felt that she was genuinely excited to help him out. And he found it to be really cute too.

As Ciara’s emotions start to calm down from all of the excitement. Mahalia sends confetti emojis with a rapid pace. Then she punctuates her excitement:

YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

Taglist: @blackpinup22

[finderskeepersff]

29. Part 3

Pulling Cassius along with me, I refuse to have him down here like this. Cassius has had something but fair do’s if he didn’t want to come to bed with me but he does “that is where you are” placing Cassius arm on my shoulder still holding his hand “well I am going to bed, I am tired. It’s been a long day for me, he is gong to bed too” Mia just laughed looking at Cassius, looking over at him “this nigga is gone, he all giddy in the corner and shit” shaking my head looking back at my friends “so yeah I am going to lock the house now, nobody wants to go out right?” I am not about that life if the alarm goes off “and they got top security too, fancy asses” Mitch chuckled saying “also if y’all have sex we can see that” Cassius being a troll “stop it, we don’t but nobody wants to go out right?” I asked again, everyone remained silent so there it is “ok then, well goodnight. And do not expect breakfast, make it ya damn self” I just want them to know that because I am not “forget that, Cassius we going to magic city?” Mia had to ask him “bruh, I get to see some ass and titties let’s go now” he spat as he walked off, letting his hand go staring at him in shock “I play, I am joking Sofia” he best be joking “you go, it’s fine” waving him off rolling my eyes, the girls are laughing but I am not “I know they got big titties too” rolling my eyes “you know what you stay here cause no” he is just annoying me for no reason now “I am playing Sofia, like come on. You the only one I want to bend over and fuck” Cassius gripped my hips and pressed himself agaist me and started humping me “get out” trying to move his hands away from me “y’all get a room, he just wants to fuck you. He getting you all angry for no reason” Cassius let me go “bye” walking off slowly.

I am like so annoyed with him, look at him talking about big titties. I don’t think so, if he goes then I will not speak to his ass. Resting my back against the headboard, pulling the covers over my legs. I sighed out feeling at peace, I am happy but Cassius is being annoying for no reason “make it rain trick, make it, make it rain trick!” Cassius sang as he walked into the room and then slammed the door shut “Cassius, can you go away. I am actually wanting to sleep here” Cassius threw his top on the floor “I am getting naked for you Sofia, come on. I will strip for you” shuffling down in the bed, I want to sleep “bub, look at me. Just look” rolling my eyes as I turned to Cassius, I tried to supress my smile at Cassius just holding his dick in his hand “you’re terrible, just go away. Get ready and go, I want to sleep” I am so drained “but I want to sleep with you, Sofia. I want to be with you, like seriously” he is hyper “then come in bed” Cassius got in bed and shuffled over to me “this is great” Cassius rested his head on my shoulder “your head is heavy you know, and I am angry with you. You’re not going to magic city” Cassius chuckled “but I only get hard for you, the other women is nothing babe, come on” shaking my head “sure, you men get turned on for anything” Cassius groaned out “touch my dick and find out how fast my dick gets happy” turning my head to him, he is here laughing to himself “touch me Sofia, please” let me just stay quiet, he will soon end up sleeping himself.

Feeling Cassius hand going near my pussy, gripping his hand “no” placing his hand on my stomach “no, sir! Remember that” he pressed a sloppy kiss to my cheek “you’re being annoying for no reason, you do know that right?” Cassius nodded his head without a care, opening my arm to him “come” I may be tired but maybe if I show him some attention he will just sleep, he rested his head on my shoulder again as I lazily closed my arm just around his head and lightly touched his face “you remember when we first kind of met, at the Clover Club, like how did you feel that day? It wasn’t our first meet but the first time that I said for you to meet me, you was very shy with me” Cassius scoffed “I was not shy, yeah right” raising an eyebrow “you was the same guy that was too busy inspecting the damn wet floor sign, let us not Cassius. You a little bitch, ain’t no thug. Thug my ass. Talking about there is a wet floor sign, I was like nigga my pussy is wet, fuck that. You have constantly been shy with me, don’t play me” Cassius is not saying a word “why you doing this to me?” look at him now “because you scoffed” which he did “ok so I was lying, I don’t know. I didn’t know what I was doing or what to do with myself, trust me. I was shook but I didn’t know you was going to tell me that, it was a blow but I was nervous” he is so cute “so nervous you bought a whole bottle of Moet? I think” Cassius laughed out “god, why you have to do this, I am a mess. You’re beautiful Sofia, you got this affect on me so quit being mean” I am not even being mean, I just find him adorable “Cassius you don’t understand how much I have waited for a man like you, you’re just the best and I love you” pressing a kiss to his head.

I am going to stop mentioning things, he don’t like it but I remember it all. He was so cute with me, so careful with me too. Looking down at Cassius, he is so cute. His lips just open a little, his hand has been under the tee over my stomach for about a good ten minutes now, he hasn’t moved or spoken, he looks so peaceful but he is awake. His eyes are half closed “what are you thinking?” I had to ask “huh” Cassius eyes looked up at me “what are you thinking?” I asked again “oh I am just memorising your heartbeat” he said so cool, like those words were nothing but it made my heart miss a beat “that was different” he shifted his head, he is going to make me cry “you have two hearts” Cassius mumbled “I do?” he nodded his head “you have your heart and then you have gummy bears heart, you’re his lifeline. What you do and feel Gummy Bears does too, that is love between you and the baby. It’s a beautiful thing” Cassius laughed to himself “it’s mine” he lifted his head up “it’s mine” he pressed a kiss to my cheek “why do you cry?” Cassius asked, flicking my tears away “it’s you, ugh!” it’s always him “I am sorry, let’s sleep. I am heavy, my head is anways” he moved away from me, he is so special to me.

He is a snorer, not a heavy snorer but a light snorer. I love it, I am so in awe with him but it’s weird, I am awake early morning. I actually woke up about six in the morning but I thought I would try and sleep a little more but I woke up again and it’s like eight so I thought let me just wake up and just tidy up a little but I am now watching Cassius sleep, his soft grunts and the sheets around his waist with his face buried in the pillow. His back rising and falling steadily while he slept, a light knock on the bedroom door. That has to be one of them, walking over to the double door, pulling open the door a little “you’re awake” Mia said in a whisper “yeah, I was just tidying some things up. I can never sleep till late anymore. Everything ok?” looking behind me, Cassius is asleep still. Dragging open the door more “come in, he’s asleep anyways” walking off “close the door behind you” this is the reason I walked near the bed, to pick up his clothes he threw last night “I was going to ask, if you can like enter the codes so we can like open a door?” picking up his boxers “erm yeah, I can do that for you. Why though? Who smokes here?” turning to Mia “moi, I started up again” letting out an oh “you could have just opened a window and smoke in the house, Cassius does it” she didn’t need to ask “y’all have sex?” Mia asked, walking over to the bathroom “actually we didn’t, Cassius continued to be annoying” he never stopped “oh I did” my head snapped in Mia’ direction “shoot me hoe, nice beds you got here too” this bitch, I had to laugh because I knew she would have done it.

Mia ended up staying in the bedroom for longer, we just sat on the couch talking “I was shocked when you invited Lloyd though, like I assumed they both univited but I guess not” I shrugged “Cassius said why not, that is why but Lee says he’s gay. Apparently he is, Ivy and him argued at work and Lee found something out about him being gay but I can’t say if that is true, all I know is that Ivy can choke. I don’t care what anyone says, I am not going to forgive or forget so there is that” Mia shrugged “well I don’t care either because I came here, I love you more than anything and you better get him before he leaves that bed naked” Mia said looking over at the bed, just to see Cassius patting the bed for me “he is acting like the bed swallowed you up” Cassius huffed out and laid his head back on the pillow “I think he may go back to sleep” I said lowly, we been speaking low anyways “you know how happy I am for you, it’s like you really have settled. I am your older sister and wanted the best for you, oh my god” Mia covered her face, looking over at the bed “Cassius! Hey” placing my hands over Mia face as a double cover “what you doing?” he is stupid, Cassius soon realised and ran off. Moving my hands back laughing “oh my god, I just saw some butt cheeks” Mia screamed out laughing.

My phone pressed against my ear hearing Ethan just talk and talk, I am not even listening to this shit “so you telling me you just started it again without my say? Cause that is what I am hearing right now?” placing my belt on the counter top “I did explain, you just didn’t listen to me. All I did, we had very good customers. Look, you speak to Kyle he told me. I just assumed you knew, so the boys just, you know, did some more work. You need to sort the shit out so we can move the money, I don’t like having your money here. I ain’t going to get killed for money lost” rubbing my face “you know what, give me two days. I will speak to Kyle myself but you don’t do anything, Ethan. You don’t, you do me a favour, you go to Lamar’ grave. Lay some new flowers ok? Also you set up that meeting, I don’t want to stay there longer than I should” disconnecting the call, I knew I should have said about New York when Sofia and I was just talking, I didn’t. I think I am nervous about meeting this guy, I think he will assume I am there to get him for dealing in my area. I feel it will go fine because it’s us but he’s foreign, he has connections overseas too so that could be actually dope to have but no, I need to stop this “where is your glasses, I want a drink?” looking to the side of me, I didn’t know Lloyd was there “the top left” grabbing my belt and walking off.

“Y’all just annoying, you could actually just go to the kitchen and make breakfast. There is like three of you” they all sat here thinking on what to have for breakfast and where to go when they can make it “good idea Cassius, you women could have done this. You all sat up there gossiping” Mitch is on my side “hey, hey, hey” Mia pointed at him “you don’t start this new found attitude” Mitch laughed “but like I am tired Cassius” Sofia is tired but she ain’t that tired because she been gossiping “the baby wants waffles” Olivia said touching Sofia’ stomach “y’all ain’t good together at all, so fine. Go iHop. The boys with me” walking off “w-w-what? Cassius!?” Sofia spat, I made a decision because I am hungry “but I want to sit in your car, I want your car” I am really not playing this game “then who is going to drive your car Sofia? Come on?” turning to her “I don’t know but I want to go in your car, nobody can sit in that besides me! I want to go with you” she is such a brat “you have to drive your own car, ok?” she is something else.

My car is so beautiful, like this shit is making me want more. Just sitting in the seats that heat up, the luxury is amazing. Kyle knocked on my car window, putting the window down and turned the music volume down “my nigga” dapping him “so you driving Sofia?” rolling my eyes shaking my head “she wouldn’t leave it so I was like I am sure Kyle would come, Myles is useless with shit but thank you for coming out and Amira. She refused to drive her car, she wanted it too. Like she argued with me about her stupid car and look at her now, but yeah. The girls are coming with me, you know they come in a pack like wolves, the link up it’s bad” Kyle laughed “women for you but you wanted to talk?” seeing Olivia walk around my car “after Kyle, y’all heels ruin my car, make marks or anything you paying. Y’all better be clean, any hairs from your weave you take them with you, thank you” Sofia finally made her way out “like I said they move together” Kyle just laughed watching them “you fancy, we fancy. I love this” Olivia gushed.

Looking at the car screen seeing an unknown number calling, that will be Jordan I think but let me ignore that “who is that?” Sofia questioned “magic city” I said laughing as I turned off “don’t-” it was too late Sofia answered the call “you being mad annoying, you don’t touch shit” I said in a whisper “Cassius” I just said my name, she is dumb for that “it’s me Jordan” this is what she deserves now “I figured, what’s up?” he only calls when he needs something “pay my lawyer fees” see I knew it, I am not stupid with this guy “right, you decided to do dumb shit and you want me to pay?” he is funny, grabbing my phone from the middle panel to disconnect the phone from being heard in the car “well yeah but come on Cassius. You have toilet paper money” pressing the phone to my ear closely “what does that mean exactly?” is he high “you can wipe your ass with money, you don’t need it. Look, please just pay it for me. I can’t be here anymore, Cassius please. You my big brother, they going to lock the niggas up that shot at me here! Fuck! Just do it!” moving the phone away from my ear, I was going to disconnect the call. Pressing the phone to my ear again “for mom” disconnecting the call, dropping the phone in my lap. They will kill him so he better watch it, I know my mom would not like me ignoring him so I got to do this.

I sat next to Kyle, I rather just speak to him. We sat on a seperate booth because there was no space, I was happy too “they talking now, so Ethan said” I said in a whisper “rich folk, money makers. They called me and was paying well, I ain’t want to bore you with the details Cassius but I told him. That was it” looking up from the menu “you know the point of laying low is actually laying low, look you need to contact Ethan. Tell him to give my mom some money, like maybe thirty thousand. Pay for Jordan’ lawyer. He is crying now, they got the niggas that shot at us but they are putting them in the same holding cells as Jordan, you and I both know they will kill him in his sleep. I don’t know if this is a sick game because the law knows this, the law knows they hate us but get that message out” Looking back down at the menu “shit doesn’t stop, it’s constant” I just wanted a fun time before shit goes off, but no “unless you get them killed there, I know some people in that jail. You have the contacts with the police, if the police place them niggas at a place at a certain time, take them out. Don’t even let them lay their heads down, that way it shows you are still there for Jordan, nobody will touch him” that is a good idea from Kyle.

[migleefulmoments]

The Yoda of CCers?

“His interview on E told the story of a man who is just tired.  And the GA wouldn’t see that.  But I do”. (This is just one representative quote of many  posted each day by the fandom) 

1. Darren’s fatigue level ain’t none of your business.  

2. Darren Criss is a grown ass man at the pinnacle of his huge breakout and he is seizing the day.  

3. Coming home from a trip to AU and going right to Vegas probably did make Darren a tired boy. But he is a health young man and he can handle a few days of exhaustion.  See #1

4. You’ve been obsessing over Darren’s exhaustion and YOUR ability to see what nobody else does for years. He has literally been at the end of his rope for two + years.  

The reason YOU can see it and the GA can’t, doesn’t or won’t is because IT IS ALL MADE UP IN YOUR HEAD. There is a reason the people in your RL think don’t think this is healthy or normal. Because this is not normal behavior-it crosses boundaries. And you know this. This is why you always shut down the anons who think that bringing any of this up to Darren at a M&G is a good idea. You know it isn’t a good idea; that Darren would NOT be impressed with your deep concern about his health or his relationship. You know he would be terrified of the boundaries you have crossed and calling security immediately.

I saw Bob the Drag Queen in an interview yesterday talking about a fan who asked for a photo when he was on the way to the gym. He took the pic and walked away. She posted it and criticized him for not being excited about the photo. His response? Don’t walk up to a celeb and think they are as excited to meet you as you are to meet them.  This applies here as well.  To Darren, you aren’t BFFs, his Best Fans Eva’, friends, or even acquaintances.  You are literally strangers who don’t understand boundaries. In your heads you are something special to him; you know more about him than anyone...he SPEAKS to you through his clothing.  You fully believe he trolls Tumblr to read your supportive posts.  There are a CRAP TON of delusions going on...and I can’t stop your mental health issues but you can stop posting it all like it is fact.  Posting that Darren and Chris live together and have for years based on literally no evidence whatsoever is delusional. It crosses all sorts of boundaries. It lies to anons, it leads to people posting crap on Darren’s and Chris’s social media-stuff that annoys Darren but PISSES OFF Chris a lot. But while you are making up shit about Darren’s health and his “rebelling” of wearing nail polish on stage at BBMA’s, you are ignoring Chris who has said point blank “STOP” the CC BS.  The irony of your deep belief that you “see the truth” while you outright ignore the most concrete plea, I will admit is stunning.   

The irony of your entire “he’s exhausted/needs rest” trope is that it is in direct conflict with your “he needs to campaign for his Emmy” trope AND the “His management sucks and can’t get him a job” trope. Darren works hard and takes advantage of every opportunity he is offered and you see him as overworked and tired; his health at risk. Although I have already gone over this: every time you mention his exhaustion or health issues, you show just how little you understand about human health and wellness. Since several of you are 17, I can maybe excuse a little of it- they are after all just trusting and mimicking their elders- but the elders need to educate themselves on illness and wellness because basing your trope on Old Wive’s Tales and pretending they are scientific fact is like Donald Trump beliefs about immigration “Mexicans are all rapists and criminals” and “Immigrants are animals”.  Of course that isn’t true -it is all in Don’s head. The only facts Donald can retain are the ones he makes up in his head. Just like you guys.  Now you are doing something similar with your health comments about Darren.  The truth is you can make up whatever facts you want, just like DJT does, but that doesn’t mean the rest of us aren’t rolling our eyes at your ridiculous (and by “ridiculous” I mean “asinine”) comments. No matter how many times you repeat that “being busy puts one’s health at risk”, it will never be true . In fact, being sedentary in front of your phone bitching about everything Darren does, every choice he makes is MUCH more likely to cause health problems. Not only because of the sitting on your ass part, but also because your behavior is ugly and malicious and as you say, Karma is a bitch. Constantly being “in a rage” over something Darren has done and spending your days literally bullying his fiancée is not good for your mental health. Besides the negative outlook it gives you, all that adrenaline flowing through your body every time you bitch about Mia or whatever Darren has done last to put you in a rage will lead to all sorts of medical problems. 

Ya’ll are so easy to peg. I can predict what you will go off on as soon as I see the pic. I admit you work HARD on what you do. I mean Darren posted a pic with Mia on his way to BBMA and you worked so hard to take laughing happy Darren and turn it into “he hates MIa”.  I am LOLing about the BBMA Snaps Mia posted and how hard- and fast-you all worked to get online and prove he was miserable.  I mean, that type of self-delusion has got to be EXHAUSTING so I give you credit for persevering even when your health is at risk from all that work.  

At the end of the day, Darren will be at TSG happily playing the piano and drinking scotch, there will be a wedding, and Mia will be on Darren’s arm at the Emmy’s and the Globes. You will continue to write fantasy as fact, deluding yourselves and a few dozen -mostly quite young anons- who live on your every word. But mostly you will spend every day “shaking” and  “in a rage”. You of course have stated outright “there will be no wedding” and “he will never marry her”. Only one of us can be right so we shall see. So far my predictions have been batting 1000% and yours have all been explained away with contracts, excuses, more contracts, attacks on anyone who points out you how wrong you were, more contracts, and moving the finish line father and father back.  Mia was supposed to be gone when Glee ended 3 years ago; when Hedwig ended 3 years ago, when it ended a year go, before ACS started, before it ended, and now it has been moved to before the Emmy’s. I predict they will be married before the Emmy’s. Let’s see who is right.  

[theoddcatlady]

Youth Potion

> Subject: ‘Husband Is A Cheating B******!!!’

Bella_Gardner I cannot BELIEVE my husband. We have been married for twenty years. That’s right. Twenty years. Twenty years of me keeping our home clean, taking care of our kids, and planning every anniversary date. I never complained. I was happy with our life, with what we had.

Apparently Robert wasn’t. I come home early because the gym was closed and I find him plowing into this twenty year old blonde hussy on our couch! Our couch! We picked that couch out after we got married! And he was fucking someone else on it!

Well I threw her ass outside, barely gave her enough time to get her clothes on before I turned my rage on my husband. He’s sleeping on the couch tonight. He’s lucky he’s not on the curb with her.

When did I stop being enough, ladies? I stepped on the scale last week and I’m up seven pounds. I blame the holiday overeating. We all do it. I’m saggy, I barely have the energy for sex anymore. Not like he’s been interested in it lately, and I think I can guess why. I feel lost.

Deanna_Osborne Reminder that harsh language isn’t acceptable on the forum, but I’ll absolutely let it slide this time. Pour yourself a glass of red wine and get a tub of ice cream, I’d come over if I wasn’t across the country. It’s going to be okay. You never stopped being enough for him, he stopped being enough for you honey. <3

Addie_Miles Time to have a niiiice chat with the lawyers. Listen, Bella, men are superficial pigs. Once you hit forty, they start looking at the ‘new models’. This isn’t something you forgive and forget. It was rough but I had to do it too. He cheated on me so. Many. Times.  Sometimes you just gotta realize once they start, they don’t change. Forget about winning him back. He isn’t worth it.

Bella_Gardner I would, honestly Addie. But I have the kids to think about. The oldest is sixteen, my littlest is eight… I can’t put them through that. You know how badly it screwed me up when my parents divorced? All the fighting, all the moving from house to house, all the pettiness. It was just a giant war and I couldn’t do that to my own kids.

If anyone has a good idea to make me look twenty again, I’ll take it. Anything but plastic surgery. I can’t afford that.

Autumn_Hubbard Lol. When you find that method, tell me. He hasn’t done it yet, but my husband’s getting a little too ‘friendly’ with the neighbor’s nineteen year old daughter. For christ’s sake. She’s young enough to be his kid.

_ _ _

>Subject: ‘Been wanting to shed ten years off? I can make it twenty.’

Gus_Katsoros Hello, ladies. :) My name is Gus. And I’m here to make you the deal of a lifetime.

I might seem like your average high school graduate, but I’m also a young entrepreneur. I’ve come up with several blends of herbs and plants from the home country of my parents’ parents to create several different products with mind blowing possibilities. My products can make you more attractive to the opposite sex, boost your confidence, but today I’m here to tell you about my newest invention- The Fountain of Youth collection.

Plastic surgery ain’t worth it. Sooner or later you’re gonna have to go back to the knife, and then back again, and you’re honestly screwed if it’s botched. Thousands of dollars all down the tube and you’ll look like melted plastic. However, nature has already created the answer. In the form of a cream and drink, I guarantee you in a WEEK you’ll be seeing phenomenal results. You’ll not only look younger either. You’ll feel younger. Your husbands won’t be looking at the other ladies anymore- they’ll be wondering how they’re worthy to kiss the feet of the goddess they live with!

I’m here to offer a free three day trial. That’s all. In those three days you will look, at minimum, five. Years. Younger. A seven day course of the drink and the cream is 35.99, but in those seven days, you will look ten years younger! A fourteen day course will have you looking like a college student again. Send me proof of the Fountain of Youth NOT working and you will get double your money back. That’s right. That’s how confident I am.

Contact me at guskatsoros.ii@gmail.com for more information.

Deanna_Osborne I can’t even BEGIN to tell you how many rules you’re breaking just by being on this forum.

1.       This is a forum for women, particularly middle aged women who are usually married or have children. Transgender women are allowed. Young women seeking out advice from their elders are allowed. Men and boys are not allowed. This is our space. Find your own, it won’t be that hard.

2.       Advertising is forbidden. We do allow you to promote books, an etsy, and other forums in this section, but explicitly selling products is banned.

3.       False advertising, do I even need to go into this here? Offering false promises to make fast cash is low.

You’re lucky I’m on mobile right now, otherwise I’d be freezing this thread and banning you. If I get back to my computer tonight and you haven’t gone though, I’m absolutely going to do that. This is unacceptable.

Autumn_Hubbard What the HECK. Oh man I laughed so hard I think I ripped the sides of my shirt. Who would seriously BUY this garbage?

Constance_Alexander … So the first three days are free?

Gus_Katsoros Absolutely!

Bella_Gardner Constance, no. Don’t even entertain this troll… I think that’s what the internet calls them. He’s just trying to mess with us.

Constance_Alexander My husband left me for a women who’s twenty three. You’re going through the same thing or will soon, don’t tell me you’re not tempted!

Bella_Gardner I’m not crazy and I’m not stupid. No cream or smoothie is going to smooth my wrinkles and take away the body of a woman who’s given birth to four kids.  Nice try Gus.

Gus_Katsoros What do you have to lose by trying though?

Deanna_Osborne Back to my computer and wow, seriously? You’re not gone? Freezing this post, banning your account. Goodbye, and good riddance.

_ _ _

>Subject: ‘So I Bought the Fountain of Youth…’

Constance_Alexander I know, I know I’m crazy. I’m so tired though. I’ve never been sexy my whole life, and I’m not exactly aging like a fine wine. So I contacted that kid through his email and got more details. We exchanged like a dozen messages and well, he seemed sincere in his project. So I’m doing the week long treatment.

I wouldn’t have brought it up if it never arrived, but it did? In really good timing too. I’m a little impressed. The box is nice, the containers for the cream and the drink look really nifty too. I’ll attach images to the end of this post to show them off.

The cream is put on before bed, and you take the drink at morning and night. I’ll be posting about it here. Maybe it’s crazy, but like he said. What do I have to lose?

[IMG ATTACHED]

[IMG ATTACHED]

[IMG ATTACHED]

Bella_Gardner Constance… I got the free trial. I’m sorry for being a bit of a bitch. I really don’t have anything to lose, I’m so tired of wondering what my husband’s up to whenever he goes out, and if he’ll just take off with some whore who likes his stupid cars.

We’ll do it together, ok? Just to see if it affects different skin types.

Deanna_Osborne If only I could record my incredibly loud sigh at this moment. You know what, I won’t tell you to stop, but I will judge you. Especially you Constance. You paid money for some kid’s science experiment or hoax. But hey, do what you want. Its your cash.

Gus_Katsoros1 *It’s ;D

Deanna_Osborne Oh for god’s sake! I banned you already! Just wait until I get back to my computer.

Gus_Katsoros1 I just wanna see the results. :(

Constance_Alexander My first impression isn’t that good Gus, I’m sorry. The cream smells really metallic and its pink tinge makes me look drunk.  It’s making my face tingle quite a bit but at least it doesn’t burn. I don’t know if I can leave it on all night though, it smells awful.

Bella_Gardner The drink’s worse. Oh god, I might hurl. It tastes like a nosebleed. Literally like a nosebleed. I don’t care how old you are, I’m SUING if I get sick.

Gus_Katsoros2 You’ll get a refund if it doesn’t work, Constance, but not much I can do for you Bella. It’s a free sample. :/

Deanna_Osborne How many times do I have to BAN you?

_ _ _

>Subject: ‘Holy Crap.’

Bella_Gardner I take it back. I’m not going to sue you Gus Katsoros.

I’m going to nominate you for the Nobel Prize.

I’m stunned. It really did take five years off! The wrinkles are already smoothing out. I feel more energetic in the morning. I think I’ve even dropped a pound? I’m buying two more weeks of the product, hands. Down. Constance, get another week for yourself, and then go out on the town in a little black dress. If this kid’s promise is half true, you’ll have your husband regretting every moment of his life without you.

Thank you. Thank you so much.

Gus_Katsoros5 I made another account to thank YOU, Bella! :D It’s nice to know I’m making someone else’s life better.

Deanna_Osborne … Wait. It worked?

Bella_Gardner See for yourself. ;)

[IMG ATTACHED]

[IMG ATTACHED]

Deanna_Osborne Holy… okay Gus, I’m gonna have to ban you again, I’m sorry, I can’t make exceptions to the male rule, but sign me up for a two week treatment.

Gus_Katsoros6 It’s cool. I’m basically making a new account every time I post anyway.

_ _ _

>Subject: ‘The Fountain of Youth WORKS!!!!’

Constance_Alexander I’m crying. One week done and I really have taken off ten years. Weight, wrinkles, I feel like even my bone structure has changed! Pardon my language Deanna, but my ass looks like one of those Kardashian’s. Shut up and take my money, Gus, that’s what the kids say nowadays right?

I’m going out tonight with a twenty nine year old. He has NO idea I’m so much older than him. He runs his own company and when he sent me a message through that dating profile I made, he said I looked like the Queen of Heaven.

Thank you, Gus! Thank you! Ladies, you HAVE to invest in the Fountain of Youth!

Bella_Gardner I couldn’t agree more. My husband can’t leave me ALONE. He even, get this, brought me to a dinner with his friends and their wives. He’s showing me off like he used to when we were young.

My self-esteem has never been higher!

Unfortunately though Gus, I don’t only have praise for you though. I seem to have developed some skin sensitivity since starting the Fountain of Youth. I thought it was just some leftover pigment from the cream at first, but I’ve gotten a sunburn. Not a serious one, mind you, but I only spent maybe fifteen, thirty minutes outside? Definitely not more than an hour. I think I’ll go off the cream and give the rest to some of my girlfriends at work.

Addie_Miles No, it’s not just you, Bella. I had to do some gardening yesterday and I have a WICKED sunburn.

Deanna_Osborne I think it is definitely the cream. I’ve never had a sunburn in my life, but my skin hurts so badly right now. Only when I go outside though. Other than that, it’s fine. Better go back to the drawing board kid. Come up with something that doesn’t give you sunburns. I’m gonna stop the treatment for now, I already look younger and I don’t feel like making my husband look like a sugar daddy, if you know what I mean.

Gus_Katsoros9 Skin irritation? Damn. I thought it wasn’t going to happen this time.

I’m so, so sorry ladies. If any of you want a refund, I’ll absolutely deliver. I advise definitely stopping the cream if you’re really bothered. Again, I’m really sorry. I guess it’s just back to the drawing board again.

Gus_Katsoros10 Also sorry for the late notice but I’m going out of town. Dunno when I’ll have internet again. I’ll start filling out orders once I’m back, I promise. Hope that all you who ordered got what you wanted, and thanks for your support.

Deanna_Osborne I haven’t even had time to ban accounts eight and nine and you’ve already made ten. It’s fine, I got what I paid for. I haven’t felt this good in ages. Minus the skin pain of course. It’ll go away soon now that I won’t be using the cream anymore.

_ _ _

>Subject: ‘Ummmm?’

Autumn_Hubbard K I’m a little… concerned. After I started getting sunburns like the rest of you I threw the rest of my stuff in the drawer. I already looked thirty when I’m forty one so what’s the point?

The point is I wake up this morning and I look almost exactly like I did when I was twenty five.

I swear to GOD I haven’t even taken the drink. Heck I look better than I did when I was twenty five! I was trying to shed pregnancy weight then. Now my stretch marks are gone and I’m shaped like Marilyn Monroe. The sunburns have only gotten worse too. I’m taking a few sick days from because of how much light HURTS. Five minutes outside and I’m in bed for hours puking into the trashcan and in agonizing pain.

Is this just the stuff working its way out of my system? Because I’m not onboard with this shit at all.

Bella_Gardner No, it’s not just you. Jesus Christ, I ended up pitching it when I honestly thought I’d burst into flames after taking the trash out. It’s probably just the stuff working its way out of your system. I’m absolutely taking a few days off. I love how I look, but Christ. It’s just not WORTH it.

Deanna_Osborne I caught my husband using my leftovers. Apparently I’m not the only one who feels uncomfortable with their appearance, who would’ve thought?

I told him about the side effects but he told me how damn GOOD I look. Like I’m his Venus and he wants to be my Mars. It’s kinda attractive, I’m not gonna lie, but I’m a little concerned for him.

Although he did used to be a football player in his college days…

Addie_Miles You better tell us if it works on your husband.

Also is anyone else becoming an insomniac?

Bella_Gardner YES. Holy shit. All day I’m a couch potato. I can barely get out of bed. When the sun goes down though, it’s like someone gave me a straight shot of caffeine. I’ve been going for jogs in an attempt to burn it off, but it’s not working. I can get all the chores done without all the kids underfoot at least but dear God.

I’m tempted to have my husband use it. I mean he wasn’t ever a real LOOKER but that beer belly isn’t exactly my favorite feature of him…

_ _ _

>Subject: ‘He’s Leaving Me.’

Bella_Gardner Not even looking like a twenty five year old model is good enough for this jerk.

He’s packing his bags, he tells me he loves ‘Kayla’ more than he EVER loved me, and he had the nerve, the NERVE, to tell me that ‘at least her looks aren’t fake’.

Fake.

He thinks I’ve ‘faked’ what I look like now.. I’ve lost thirty pounds, my skin is smooth, I’m stronger and have more energy (at least at night) and the only mark on me is the scar on my belly where my youngest son was cut out of me.

And yet the only money I’ve spent is about seventy dollars on the Fountain of Youth. Yeah. Sure. Fuck you too. He’s already told me that he won’t be sending me money, if I have enough for surgery I have enough to care for our kids.

I would be guzzling wine and shoveling down ice cream but to be honest my stomach’s been super touchy lately. I don’t think I’ve kept anything down lately.

I just don’t know what to tell the kids.

Autumn_Hubbard Tell him their father abandoned them because he’s a shallow fucker.

Constance_Alexander Slit his throat and drink his blood.

Bella_Gardner WHOA, overreaction, Constance! Although it has absolutely crossed my mind to kill the bastard. I’m alone. With four kids. I can’t leave the house during the day without being in agonizing pain.

I swear if I get my hands on him I’m wringing his neck. And that is absolutely the wine talking, apparently my stomach doesn’t mind alcohol.

_ _ _

>Subject: ‘I Think We Got Played’

Deanna_Osborne                                                 My husband ended up taking a higher dose because he thought it wouldn’t affect him as easily, given he’s a bigger man. It just made it kick in faster. A lot faster. He looks exactly like he did in college.

But it’s more than that. Like I said, he used to play football, but quit when a tackle messed up his left knee. It’s fixed. Years of physical therapy, constant exercise, and heavy painkiller use. And it’s fixed within a matter of a week thanks to this ‘Fountain of Youth’.

It’s not stopping. The change isn’t stopping. And it’s not going to stop. I’ve nonstop emailed that stupid goddamn kid. You guys can try, I actually encourage that you to try, but I don’t think he’ll be responding any time soon. I think he realized what was going to happen and BAILED.

Those groups of teens that went missing from two different highschools last year? I dug deeper. At the first school there was a senior named Gus Katsoros. He went missing at the same time as the others. God be with the kids who were this psycho’s first test subjects. God be with me and my family, our canines have fallen out and are being replaced by fangs, the twins must’ve been stealing the rest of the drink. We’re not human anymore.

And God be with Gus as we are all going on the road to find this little creep.

Constance_Alexander I’ll be joining you. I’ll meet up with you in Wyoming.

I don’t know what I did last night, but I woke up soaked in blood and for the first time in days no longer hungry. Last night’s date is nowhere to be found and he’s not picking up his phone.

This little jerk took advantage of the fact I was insecure and he will pay.

Bella_Gardner I’ll catch up with you guys.

After I have a little date with my husband…

[othercat2]

Fic: Build a Life From Scratch 5/?

Subbjuggulator Piled by Five Rusties In a Semi-Public Place! Sweet Pale Action!! Watch This High Church Clown Get Papped In Front of An Alien Voyeur!!!

You do not make much of an effort to conceal your tracks. She’s Sheena and you were never a boy scout. You figure with how mad she was, once she gets it together, she’s going to track you, find out where you live. The idea of having an angry Jungle Princess out there watching the house is not a comfortable one. You do not typically like to be the one being watched.

(You are pretty curious about what Demoness is up to. She emphatically hadn’t wanted either Highblood or Catskin, “Disciple” to get killed. Catskin was someone who had reason for revenge against Highblood and also Demoness. So, a victim of Highblood’s creepy religion, and whatever shit Demoness had had to do because her boss told her to. You decide that maybe Demoness feels she owes “Disciple” for whatever happened. Highblood of course, was being an asshole, whether or not he was defending himself.)

It takes you a while to get home. Demoness had done some fancy flying and dodging between the trees, and you hadn’t gotten a good read on directions while she was doing so. Fortunately, you’ve done enough walking around and exploring that you’re able to eventually find familiar landmarks and get home without getting too turned around. (The thought “home” hits you weird. It is not a term you expected to come up with for Demoness’ Neolithic Hobbit hole.)

It’s quiet when you approach the house, so you figure that Highblood and Demoness have argued things out and retreated to the bedroom. (You’ll be sleeping in the living area then.) You open the door and well--they haven’t gone to bed.

There’s a pile off to the left of the fire pit, in the middle of the floor. It’s made of bones and furs and rocks and Highblood is surrounded by five or so iterations of Demoness. Two are leaning on either side of him, and one’s in his lap, snuggled up against his chest as much as her horns will allow. One’s setting up tallow candles, apparently for some romantic ambience, and another is pouring something that is definitely not water from a waterskin into a leather cup.

Highblood himself is seated upright, but seems to be mostly half asleep. He’s doing some kind of scalp massage for the Demoness in his lap. They are both doing this sleepy little hum-purr duet thing.

“You going to just stand there, or come in?” the Demoness pouring the drink says. She hands the drink off to one of the other Demonesses.

“Should I? Looks like you’re all occupied.” Despite your words, you step inside the house, closing the door behind you.

“Disciple?” one of the Demonesses leaning against Highblood asks.

“Dirtblood heretic of a false--” Highblood mutters, glaring at you, for lack of anyone else to glare at. The Demoness in his lap reaches up and smacks his cheek. Her hand lingers, stroking where she smacked him.

“Shhhhhhhhhhhhoooooooooooooosh,” she says, a humming vibration that manages to somehow send shivers down your spine.

“Stop that,” Highblood mutters.

“No,” the Demoness in his lap says. “Rub my neck.” She shifts around so her back is to Highblood’s chest.

“I’mma break your neck,” Highblood says, but does what he’s told.

“Disciple?” The Demoness prompts, pouring another drink. This one she hands off to you.

“Catskin’s in one piece, and decided to leave me in peace instead of pieces,” you say, and take the cup. The contents are definitely alcoholic with notes of honey. You take a sip. It’s sweet and definitely alcoholic honey.

“Mead,” Demoness says.  

“Don’t drink it, shit’ll make you crazy,” Highblood says.

“It’s not mind honey,” Demoness says back. “Just honey.”

“Mind honey?” You ask.

Demoness explains about beehive computers, and how mindhoney was dangerously psychoactive. “Mindhoney mead could be a thing,” Demoness says thoughtfully. “But it would make your head explode.”

“That would definitely suck,” you say, and take another, longer sip of the mead. You’re about to make your excuses and call dibs on the bedroom (since they weren’t in it) when Highblood sees the toothed club you’ve been carrying.

“Where’d you get that [macuahuitl]?” Highblood asks. The word doesn’t quite translate, and you don’t know the word that you heard in its place.

“This?” You gesture with the club. “Demoness gave it to me.”

Highblood makes an impatient “come here” gesture with one hand. “Let’s see it.”

You glance a question at the nearest Demoness, who just smiles at you. The Demoness in Highblood’s lap shifts out of it and you shrug, handing him the makwah-whatever. The thing looks tiny in his huge hands as he turns it this way and that. “It meeting with your approval, big guy?” you ask.

“Some good workmanship here,” he says, apparently taking you literally. “Has a nice weight to it. Someone had time to match up the flints by color before fixing them to the club. Needs some carving on the flat.” He looks up at you, indigo-purple eyes amused. “Wiggler small of course, and it ain’t hardly been used. You just wave it in the bitch’s face and hope?”

“Told him not to kill,” one of the Demonesses says before you can get a chance to tell him what you think of that.

“Why the fuck not?” Highblood demands.

“Like I would’ve anyway,” you say. “Sounded like she had a pretty valid reason to kick your ass.”

“You talked to that heretic bitch?” Highblood starts to say more, hand tightening on the club, but one of the Demonesses pats him sharply on the cheek, and he growls at her instead.

“Give me a reason why I shouldn’t, that’s got nothing to do with your creepy bullshit,” you say back.

Highblood snarls at that. “You think you got any right to disrespect my faith?” he says.

“I don’t give a fuck about your faith,” you tell him. “Catskin calmed down once Demoness dragged you home by your ear, and I think we got a truce.”

“A motherfucking truce?” Highblood demands. “A truce you say, all motherfucking ashen in my face when it was my moirail that was all that kept me from destroying that bitch.”

“Is that how it plays out in your skull, asshole?” you ask. “From my end Demoness threw me at Catskin to distract her long enough to rescue your purple ass.”

“Like I’d need rescue from the likes of that,” Highblood mutters. His grip loosens on the makwa-whatever, and it settles on his lap. One of the Demonesses takes it back and hands it to you. He looks more tired than angry now.

Outside the Carnival, with no ticket in my pocket I am surrounded by nonbelievers. It’s the Highblood’s voice. You aren’t sure whether you actually heard it, or if that’s just what his face looks like, and you’re subconscious is supplying a caption from some of the things Highblood has said.

“You should teach him to use the [macuahuitl],” a Demoness says to Highblood.

“And why would I be doing that?” Highblood grumbles.

“You want him to just flail around with it like a wiggler with a stick playing at being a warrior?” Demoness asks.

“Hey,” you say, offended. The Demonesses ignore you, much the way they seem to be ignoring their boyfriend’s protest.

“Give you both something to do,” another Demoness says.

“Anyway, have to close the loop,” yet another Demoness says. “Have to make one, and send it back.”

“So I have to learn to use one, and how to make one?” you ask.

“Still don’t know how you think I’m the one to be doing it,” Highblood says.

The Demoness who mentioned the “loop” drapes herself over Highblood’s back, arms around his neck. She bonks her horns against the back of Highblood’s head. “We have to close the loop.”

Highblood growls at her, but it’s really more of a purr. “What happens if we don’t?”

“I’m pissed off because we have a broken loop,” she says, and bonks her horns against the back of Highblood’s head again. “Things that are made have to be made to exist.”  

Highblood sighs, extremely put upon, and asks you, “what do you usually strife with?”

“Sword,” you say.

“Size and shape, specialty?” He asks.

So you explain the katana, shitty or otherwise to him. In return, he explains the [macuiahuitl] to you, with a side trip to various other kinds of maces and clubs, with a further digression into flails. He also talks at length about what materials are needed for the creation of a good [macuiahuitl,] and training in how to use it. You make a few attempts to argue your way out of it, but Demoness asks you where you’re going to find the iron to make into steel and then the swordsmith to fold it all those fussy times and turn it into a katana.

After more talking, you abscond for the back room. You are not entire sure about what you’ve been talked into. You’re even less sure about how you got yourself included in their little pale bacchanalia. They were definitely more comfortable around you, and you couldn’t help but remember Highblood a few nights previous coming out to talk to you about your dreams. You think about Demoness taking you flying. Were they putting the moves of some variety on you? Did you actually give a fuck? You didn’t do relationships. You preferred anonymous hookups. (They were safer.)

You had to be reading them wrong.  

You dream disjointed dreams featuring you and younger-you. You’re both in the middle of a black-sand desert and huge broken gear wheels made of stone. The sky is full of red tentacles whiplashing across the sky, branching off. You’re talking about something but you don’t remember what it was when you wake back up in the evening.

Training becomes a thing, three, four times a week. Highblood chops a couple of pieces of wood down into crude clubs and you beat on each other in between chores. The big troll hits hard, but you’re pretty sure he’s going at maybe a half to a quarter of his usual strength and speed. Sometimes Demoness joins in with her skinny little wands and tendency to throw every goddamn rock within a mile at the both of you.

Somewhere out in the woods is Catskin. You can feel her watching the house, watching you. It’s eerie as fuck, and you want to believe that you’re just being paranoid, but you know it’s her. You think Highblood has a similar feeling; every so often you get this sweeping chill coming off of him, and you remember him saying, that ain’t you, that ain’t a fucking troll. So you figure it’s some kind of radar thing he’s doing with his terror field.

Demoness doesn’t want either you or Highblood going too far out in the woods. This pisses Highblood off to no end, and he spends a lot of time bitching about it. Demoness is also not happy about it, though for reasons you don’t understand. There’s this thing called “ashen” that Demoness does not want to be, and feels she’s having to be. Highblood meanwhile doesn’t think you are worthy of his ash corner and he sure as hell ain’t pitch for a heretic and so on.

Finally, you give up and just ask Demoness about it while helping her weed the garden. “So, I know we got side-tracked into talking about clubs, and talking about training with clubs, but there was also some commentary about ‘ashen’ which since has been a frequent recurring argument between you and Highblood,” you start off. “What are we talking about here?”

She grins at you. “We are talking about clubs,” she says, and laughs at the expression you can’t help making.

“Clubs,” you say flatly.

“A three lobed club!” Demoness says. “It’s conciliatory, like moirails, but instead of cuddling one idiot, you keep two idiots from killing each other.”

“And that would be the ‘pitch’?” you ask.

Demoness tilts her head at you. “Yes, but also no,” she says. “Pitch is concupiscent hatred. It’s rivalry, not killing. Disciple and Highblood can’t be rivals, no respect, no admiration.” She makes a face. “I’m pale for Kurloz,” she says. “I don’t want to think about him ashen!”

“First names, this must be serious then,” you say. “And I guess I’m the only one available to cockblock your boyfriend and Catskin?”

“I know you don’t feel it,” she says. “You don’t have to club them. But if I have to go ashen, it won’t be good.”  

You get a weird feel then. Like there’s a calculator in your head, adding things up. Highblood, Kurloz, really, really didn’t like making Demoness angry. You get the feel that Demoness could be scary as fuck if she were really and truly angry. She was pretty scary even when she wasn’t angry, but for Highblood she was also some kind of demigoddess. If Highblood were too scared of Demoness to feel “pale” for her anymore, they’d both be fucking miserable.

For a variety of reasons, you were feeling involved enough with your roommates that you didn’t think you could stand Demoness or even Highblood being miserable. Also, you were pretty sure it wouldn’t be safe to be around Demoness or Highblood if they were being miserable. “Well shit,” you say.

She gives you a questioning look.

“I should point out right here that I know fuck all about any kind of relationship, human or troll,” you say. “So I can’t guarantee I can do fuck all for them ‘ashen’ but I guess I could try?”

“Just don’t let them kill each other,” she says.

“Okay, I guess I could try doing that,” you say. “Maybe you could explain what the deal is between them? I mean, I have a pretty good idea what happened, but details would be good.”

Demoness tells you about the Signless, a mutant who preached about peace and the abolition of the hemospectrum. This was not a popular belief and went against most of the core teachings of Highblood’s religion. It was also not a popular belief with the Empress, who had Highblood put the rebellion down in his usual fashion. (The Signless and the rebellion were also absolutely necessary to ensuring the lives of the Players, which is the only reason the rebellion happened in the first place.)

The Disciple was one of the Signless’ closest followers, his friend and his lover. Seeing another troll after a couple of “sweeps” and having it be the Grand Highblood had sent her into a rage. “It’s not good for either of them,” Demoness says.

“Why is it important?” you ask. “I get the feeling you want her to stick around?”

Demoness hums an agreement, and drops more weeds into the basket. “I’ve been looking for them, for the others,” she says. “Not as much as I might, because I do what I want now, not what I’m told, but it’s important. That we come together.”

“Who is telling you what to do?” you ask.

“No one,” she says. A little while later, she says, “Ghosts.”

“Ghosts. Ghosts of who, if there’s no one around?” you ask. “And what are they telling you to do?”

“The Gods need to come into the new universe and complete the act of creation,” Demoness says. “There is a specific point they must enter. One of us is standing on that point because she’s a huge goddamn bitch so they can’t come through.” She glares at the basket of weeds as if they’d personally offended her. “I do what I want now, and what I want is no one fighting.”

“And maybe getting allies for some kind of showdown between good and evil?” You ask.

“What is good? What is evil?” Demoness asks. “This universe is half-made until the Gods come through and finish the work They began. That is what actually matters, not good or evil.” She gets up, and carries off the weeds to dry out and burn.

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Comments are always welcome!

[quietpagan]

Trollhunters Season 2

y’all i gotta talk to somebody about this

-Dictatious.

-Dictatious, Dictatious, Dictatious....

- Gunmar fast AF

    - also really old?? Like tired-old-man old. Dicktits seems to be quietly running the place.

   - Gunmar’s actually really pretty in design. All the chips and cracks he has glow neon blue and it’s sparkly

- The only thing sadder than Barbara worrying about her missing son is Barbara not knowing that Jim is gone

- Dictatious motherfucking Galadrigal

Look at that smug bastard. This is the face I make like 60% of the time. Look at him, he’s having so much fun being evil.

- Kanjigar possessed  AAARRRGGHH. Just like, possessed him. It’s creepy seeing AAARRRGGHH standing fully upright with ramrod-straight posture. Also highlights how huge he actually is.

   - finally he actually hugged his goddamn son

    - Kanjigar is SHADY AS FUCK. Like, was all that vague warning really necessary? I didn’t like the guy before and I like him even less now. He’s a fantastic character, but he’s a horrible father, a terrible mentor, and in real life I’d probably try to Rule # 3 him at least once.

- Jimbo and Nomura making fun of Strickler is the best thing ever

   - Nomura’s character arc deepening and she’s actually pretty cool

- Blinky’s heartbreak at Dickbutt’s betrayal is wrenching to watch. This is when I realized exactly how beautiful the animation is this season. The facial expressions, the minute movements, the body language, was glorious.

- BLINKY IS HARDCORE AS FUCK and anybody who says otherwise can fight me

- Dictatious looks like a middle-aged man having his first Goth Experience but DAMN is he a smart mofo

- “How do we get down?!” *AAARRRGGHH straight up jumps off the cliff* *Blinky considers it and...* “Nope.”

- Gunmar’s like “Would you rather die??” and A! and A!’s just like been there, done that, bought the t-shirt

- y’all are mean to the giant carnivorous troll snakes, they’re just trying to do their best

- Toby you had one job

- DRAAL YOU HAVE ONE JOB!

- So Dromura is official

- Jim hugging Barbara for the first time and I realize that this kid is only 16, he is literally a child

- YALL KILLED THE CAT. WHAT THE FUCK DOES DEL TORO HAVE AGAINST THE POOR GODDAMN CATS

-  Jim why are you using a bucket there’s literally a fire extinguisher in the library

   - On that note I’m glad Blinky is able to drop Dictatious like a hot potato. He’s beaten bloody by his brother, whom he idolized, who he mourned for, and he knows that Dictatious is going to kill him. He burns his library, the most precious thing he has, in order to burn Dictatious’s memory, and he does so with no regret or indecision.

- Jim finally getting flak for being an angsty teenager and running off to the Darklands alone and abandoning everybody, good.

- your ppl ain’t been helpless, Jimjam, they’re kicking ass without you

- AAARRRGGHH literally pulling a Hulk vs Loki with a goblin

- Why is everybody afraid of fukin goblins? They literally do nothing harmful. I’ve seen more destruction from feral goddamn cats.

- I literally yelled ‘oh shit’, “Oh Shit’, ‘OH SHIT!’ when we saw Ducktales, Gunmar, and the Gumm-Gumms outside of the portal

- all y’all are useless, this is 2017 bitches, technology is baffling

- Not-Enrique. I’m glad he wasn’t pushed to the side now that they have real-Enrique back.

- Chompsky’s relationship with the action figure just became official and everyone is uncomfortable.

- anime-eyes!Jim is the scariest thing ever

- Gunmar got some serious biceps. Like even my asexy ass is like woah bro

y’all think he got followers because he makes evil, badass plans? No. It’s dat bod.

- Sir Isaac Gluten and his brother, Dwight D Eisenflour. All of you are horrible parents.

- “Who could be so careless to lose an arm!” Draal being like IT WASN’T ME!

- the closest thing Jim had to a dad was Walter Motherfucking Strickler? I’m sorry, have you seen this troll who Strickler himself said was Jim’s father-figure:

- nothing taking any shit from you, Trollhunters. You’re not exchanging Snape-ler for Blinky just because he’s the fandom’s wet-dream. 

- trolls play d&d

- Coach is Steve’s stepdad like WUT

- Elijah Leslie Pepperjack. I know Leslie is unisex but traditionally it’s feminine in the US. It’s actually suggested that Eli is a trans boy. Eli’s such a dork that having an embarrassing middle name wouldn’t hurt him much unless he wants it a secret for a far more personal reason. “Grow a pair”, Steve said. Literally.

- I ship it.

- Gunmar tore Draal’s fucking arm off! - DRAAL NOOO!

- Draal goes commando and does not got da booty

- Jim crying in every episode, like, truly, real men wield swords and have a healthy cry at least thrice at week.

- In the ‘Jim aint the trollhunter’ episode Blinky is like ‘Begone, human, or I will have my former Gumm-Gumm friend who still has trauma from his flesh-eating days eat you!’ and seriously Blinky that was really insensitive

- Vendel is Blinky’s only brother?? Not AAARRRGGHH, the troll he spends every minute of every day with? The season didn’t actually have a lot of Troll Dads ship material but I’m counting that.

- Umbrella scene was really sweet

- Claire being a Boss Ass Bitch like a proper fucking lady

   - and she’s not alone

   - my favorite song of the show was in that scene!

   - DARK CLAIRe

   - oh boy, the fandom’s boy-toy is back. Everyone give a warm welcome-back to Angry Rock.

- DarkChangeling!Jim was terrifying and I Fully Support Him

   - deeply disappointed that we didn’t see what the heck that was or how Jim beat it

- This season was so much more brutal than the first, and better-written as well, though I loved the first.

[newziireports]

The Frootloops Gang

So if you looked at my tags you might see some takes on the party situation ;o. I deleted the original naming of this group because I was giving them so much clout LMAO.  To work around it we’ll call them The Frootloops Gang because it sounds just as stupid as the actual name :P

If ur living under that ROCK you probably wouldn’t know much about them so i’ll try to summarize. With the new ruling fuschia around, lots of freakshows and fuckups think they revolutionize the playing field to work in their favor. So I think it’s only fair I warn my viewers about the deets along with another threat. 

First off can I just say how dumb it is for a blood color like that to wander into a violet-owned casino like that? I’m honestly surprised the bitch isn’t dead at this point. Prolly got some sort of bodyguards or some shit. Could just be pure ass luck!

I learned from some flutter beasts at the party that the name of this troll was Taicao, they claimed they heard it from a teal blood. Apparently she wandered into the casino saying she won some sorta cash (in my opinion, prolly just stole it and is trying to come off as a big bad bitch. You’ll see why in a bit)  I guess it was ego or something because that troll actually took up challenging what’s probably the luckiest troll on alternia. Obviously Tychae was going all or nothing, she visits the casino frequently so you’d kinda get tired of cash after a while. 

Started off with a body part, then the location of mutants, and some shit about ‘prophesized end of the world’ (There is literally nothing online that talks about whatever the fuck that was. Everyone on social media I saw mostly just mocked it and assumed the troll was either a nut or had some sorta ego or BOTH). Which, by the way, if you have SUCH a great revolution scheme it’s kinda a shit move to just flake on your lil party- you’re never gonna get a good chunk of members so you should just stick to the gang of idiots you already GOT. (Plus it makes execution SO much easier, get everyone done and out of the way!). But okay, go off I guess :///.

Taicao realized she had no means of winning and just ATE the cards, like THAT would do anything. Talking a big load only does so much when you’re literally with the leader here. As Tychae put in live recordings I found off instagrub, “YOU'RE SO PITIFUL! PITIFUL, TRASHY LITTLE FILTH!” Taicao then called Tychae an idiot and that she COULDN’T kill her. Wow! Looks like we got a badass over here! From my knowledge Taicao was dragged off to a prison cell but escaped alongside with a rogue Fuschia Mellif. Reports estimate different locations but you can find easy images of their faces on goregle, they ain’t exactly a secretive duo.

Who knows? Maybe if you find them, especially that lime, you’ll be rewarded greatly? ;).