#will get to these in 3 yrs after i'm finished with my replies

[jpmarvel90]

Don't let me down - Part 4

Masterlist Scarlett Masterlist

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

Relationship: MamaScarlett x 16 yr old Reader

Summary: Officially fostered by Scarlett and Colin, Y/n now faces meeting her siblings.

Word count: 5134

Y/n's POV:

I've been living with Scarlett and Colin for 6 days now. It's been ok. I think the weirdest thing is getting used to someone actually caring where I am and what I'm doing. They haven't been smothering me, but they like me to check in if I've gone out without them. When I get home, there's always a fuss made. I'm not sure if that's normal in most families, but my adoptive parents couldn't have cared less if I made it home or not.

I'm still trying to get used to this new life, but I think I'm settling ok. I like my room, although it's a little bare, it's my safe space. Both Scarlett and Colin are really respectful to that. They understand sometimes that I get overwhelmed and need space. Scarlett has promised me a shopping trip so I can decorate my room and buy some more clothes. I will actually be grateful for some new clothes. I don't have many and they're a little tatty.

Having settled in, I head back to school on Monday and I'm excited to get back into soccer practice and seeing Laura daily. But before then, I have one last thing to deal with. Meeting my siblings.

Rose and Cosmo have had an extended stay with Melanie, our grandmother. Scarlett had told me that she wanted me to be able to settle in properly first before the mayhem of having a 7 year old and an almost 1 year old, hit. I'm really nervous about meeting them. Cosmo not so much as he's just a baby and has no concept of what's going on. Rose on the other hand, terrifies me. Not that I'm scared of a 7 year old. But what if she doesn't want me to be living with them or is unhappy with this whole situation. Scarlett will pick her over me and then what will that mean? Will I be moved to another home?

I try and shake those feelings off as I hear Scarlett calling up to me to let me know that they are home. I take a deep breath and head downstairs to see Colin cooing over Cosmo, who I must admit is the cutest little baby. Scarlett is helping Rose take her shoes off and I can't believe how much of a mini me Rose is to Scarlett.

When I reach the bottom of the stairs Scarlett's eyes find my nervous ones. "Hi Sweetheart." She greets me whilst the wriggling 7 year old suddenly stops at the addition of a new person in the room. "Who's that?" Rose asks pointing at me. "How about we go in the living room, and we'll explain everything." Scarlett suggests.

I follow in behind them and suddenly become very aware of all the photos of them as a family around the place. I take a seat on the chair away from them as they make themselves comfortable on the sofa opposite. Colin holds Cosmo as he rests his head on his shoulder, clearly content in his father's arms. "Rose, I'd like you to meet Y/n." Scarlett introduces us.

I give Rose a little wave, never feeling more nervous under a child's gaze before. "Y/n is my daughter. When I gave birth to her, I made a bad decision and thought that it would be best that she lived with someone else that could care for her." She explains to the young girl, whose eyes don't leave me. Scarlett explains a bit more about the situation, obviously missing out the parts of the abuse.

"She's my sister?" Rose asks after Scarlett finishes explaining. "Yes, she is." Scarlett replies with a smile. "Is she living with us now?" Rose questions further. "Yes. Her room is opposite yours." Scarlett replies once again. "But that's the guest room." Rose points out. "Well, it's Y/n's room now. We have other guest rooms for when people visit." Scarlett clarifies, making Rose's face scrunch up a little.

I can see a hint of tension in Scarlett. I think she's as nervous as I am that Rose isn't going to like me. That would certainly put her in a difficult position if one daughter doesn't like the other!

"How old are you?" She asks me directly. "I'm 16." I respond and she nods. "That's old to be a sister. I'm only 6 years older than Cosmo. You're a lot older than me." She replies, clearly not too happy about this situation. "Honey, that's because I had Y/n when I was much younger." Scarlett replies for me. "Hmm. Ok." She responds, clearly accepting the situation, but not too happy about it. "You can't steal my toys." She tells me firmly. "Rose, we share in this house." Scarlett scolds her. "It's ok Rose. Your toys are safe." I jump in, getting a triumphant smile from the kid.

"Can I go play now?" Rose asks, clearly bored of this situation. "After you've done your homework yes." Scarlett tells her and she rushes off to grab her school bag. "Now the first introduction is over, this little one here is Cosmo." Colin introduces me to the baby in his arms. He indicates for me to hold out my arms and passes me Cosmo.

I hold him cautiously, scared that I'm going to hurt him. He instantly looks at me and giggles, which is infectious, making me smile widely. "Wow." Scarlett says in awe. I look up briefly to her to see them both sat shocked. "He's never taken to a stranger like that before." Scarlett points out. I try not to let the word stranger hurt, but there's a sting to it. But that is what I am to them all. I'm a stranger to this family.

"He must be able to sense that you are someone that means a lot to him." Colin smiles at us, grabbing his phone and taking a photo of the two of us. "Oh, this is so going to be my new lock screen." He coos over the picture, showing it to Scarlett.

My attention remains on the baby in my arms. He is pretty cute and clearly happier that I'm here than his sister. "Mommy!" Rose calls out to Scarlett before rushing into the living room. "Can you help me with my homework?" She asks, holding up the workbook in her hand. "Of course, sweetie. Take it to the table and I'll go through it with you." She responds happily.

I watch as the two of them head off and get to work. I look down at Cosmo and he's pulling a face. "I think he might be hungry." I point out and Colin takes a look and smiles at me. "You're right. I'll take him and get a bottle for him." He says, taking Cosmo from my arms.

From my seat, I can see Colin bouncing Cosmo in his arms pulling faces and singing silly songs to him, drawing out the cutest giggles. Scarlett's eyes often drift over to the father/son due, a content smile on her face. When I look to her and Rose, she is helping her through some maths homework. Giving her encouragement when she gets something right and showing her how to work things out when she's unsure.

I get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, like I don't fit in here. I'm seeing a life that I could have had, but Scarlett decided she didn't want with me. What is it about Rose that made her want to keep her. What does she have that I didn't. I can't believe that I'm sat here jealous of a 7 year old but I am, and I can't stop it.

I can't stop seeing the life that I could have had but didn't get. I didn't have anyone to help me work out my homework or to sing songs to me. God, forbid I sang too loudly in the house, or I'd be hit. I learnt to keep quiet after a while.

The tears start to build behind my eyes and I don't want them to see me vulnerable like this. I quickly stand up and grab my phone. "I'm going for a walk. I'll be back later." I rush out, hoping my voice doesn't crack as I talk. I feel like the walls are closing in on me here and I need to get out.

I barely hear Scarlett or Colin call after me as I quickly make my way out of the front door and towards the closest park that I can get to. When I reach the small lake, I stand next to it, my hands running through my hair. I take a few deep breaths to help calm me down and sit down in the grass. I pull my legs up to my chest and rest my chin on them as I look out over the water and let the tears fall.

I consider calling Laura, but I've been bothering her so much recently, she can go a day without having to deal with my shit. I'll end up driving her away if all I ever bring along with me is drama. This makes my feelings become overwhelming. Do I belong anywhere? How is it I'm in the safest place I've ever been, but I've never been more unsure of my life.

Scarlett's POV:

Having Y/n living with us and knowing that she has chosen to stay with us has been amazing. Each day I feel like our relationship is growing and that I'm getting closer to having a more positive relationship with her. She's still quite closed off, but I don't want to push her to talk with me until she's ready.

I plan to do everything that I can to show Y/n that she belongs in this family and is loved. Hopefully, she'll be able to see the truth in it and eventually allow me to adopt her so I can legally be her mother again. I mean, I definitely see her as my daughter and that I'm her mother regardless of the legality of it all. But I know it'll take a little longer for Y/n to be in that same space.

I was nervous to have all my kids meet each other. Excited, but nervous. Mainly for how Rose would react. I never told Rose about Y/n, worried that she wouldn't understand the situation. But when we sat down all together, I couldn't help the happiness that grew within me at knowing I had all three of my kids together with me again. All living together under one roof.

Rose definitely seems a little sceptical. She's only just gotten used to having Cosmo around and taking up a lot of our attention. Now Y/n is here, I'm sure she's worried that she might miss out on more attention through that.

I can't lie that I feel a little disappointed that Rose wasn't more excited to meet Y/n. But she didn't outright throw a tantrum that she was now living with us and a big part of our lives. So, it's a start. I'm sure once they spend time together, they'll love each other.

I couldn't help the way my heart melted when Y/n held Cosmo and he melted into her touch. Normally, he struggles with people that aren't Colin or me. It took a long time for mom to be able to calm him down. But with Y/n he was instantly content, like he knew this was his big sister and she would protect him.

Y/n had a genuine smile on her face the whole time she was looking at him. She was a natural in the way that she held him, and I would never tire of this scene. I'm even a little jealous when Colin snaps the cutest picture of them. I will definitely be making him send that to me later.

When Rose asked for help with her homework, I thought this would be a good opportunity to lead to a conversation with her about Y/n afterwards. It'll be good to discuss it further and help her understand why we need to be welcoming to Y/n and help her feel like this is her home too.

But I don't get the chance to get to that conversation when I hear Y/n call out that she's going to the park. By the time I'm out of my seat, she's rushing to get her shoes on at the door. "Honey, is everything ok?" I ask after her, the crack in her voice was evident as she talked, and it worried me. She didn't answer my question, instead promising to be back later.

Before I know it, she's out of the door and gone. What happened? Everything seemed ok just a few minutes ago. Did she get a text or something? I go to follow after her through the door, but Colin stops me, gently grabbing my arm to gain my attention. "Give her some time." He tells me, tugging me slightly into the kitchen.

"She's just rushed out to God knows where in a place she doesn't really know Colin. I'm not just going to leave her when she's clearly distressed." I defend a little loudly, disturbing the baby in his arms. He shushes Cosmo and walks him over to his playmat before returning to me.

"I understand that. But you need to trust her. She's just met her siblings. The two children that you decided to keep. That's going to take a bit to process." He tells me. I feel a little annoyed at the way her worded it, but I understand, and I know he's right. "We both kind of naturally fell into our routine with Rose and Cosmo as she was sat in the living room. She was probably watching on and thinking about the life she could have had." He guesses. God, how can I be so stupid to not see that.

I let out a sigh, frustrated in myself for once again making her feel like she doesn't belong. "I just feel like I'm doing this all wrong. I want her to know that she fits in here and that she's wanted." I express, fighting back tears. "There isn't exactly a manual on how to integrate your daughter into your family after 16 years." Colin chuckles, trying to lighten the situation, but it doesn't really help.

"Maybe what we're doing wrong is wanting her to 'fit in' here. She shouldn't need to change for us. Now we have Rose and Cosmo back with us, we need to make the effort that Y/n is included and also the priority at times. I know that's going to be difficult with a baby and a demanding 7 year old. But we can do this. It's not going to be easy or quick, but we just want what is best for Y/n. She'll see that." Colin speaks so wisely that it makes me smile. "I'm so lucky to have you." I tell him, pulling him into me and nuzzling my head into his neck.

"You're still not going to listen to me and leave her be, are you?" He asks me and I shake my head. "Not a chance. But I'll give her 15 minutes." I respond, earning a chuckle from him. Instead of rushing out the door after Y/n like I so desperately want to, I make my way back into the dining room where Rose is finishing her homework.

I take a seat next to her and she smiles when she sees I've returned. "How do you feel about Y/n living with us sweetie?" I ask her, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. She shrugs her shoulders and focuses on the task of putting her pens away. "Y/n could really do with a younger sister that wants to play with her and spend time with her." I say, hoping that she might open up. "But she's old." Rose replies. "She's not that old and I'm sure she will enjoy spending time with you if you give her a chance." I persist.

Rose thinks for a moment before looking at me. "She seems sad." She points out. Rose has always been very empathetic. She can read people's emotions as well as an adult sometimes. "That's because she's been through a lot of not very nice things. On top of that, she's having to get used to living with a whole new group of people. Could you imagine having to go and live with someone else?" I try and get her to think of herself in that position. "No. I would miss you all too much and wouldn't know if the other people love me." She replies.

"Exactly. But in this case, we love Y/n very much. Just because she hasn't been in our lives, doesn't mean that we don't love her and want her to be with us." I explain and she nods slowly. "She must be feeling lonely not really knowing us." Rose thinks aloud. "Then maybe we can make sure she gets to know us, and we get to know her. We can find out things she likes and do them with her. Like soccer. She loves soccer." I suggest causing Rose's face lights up.

"I love soccer too! Do you think she'll play with me?" She excitedly asks. "I'm sure she would. She could help teach you. She plays for her school team." I tell her and she gets even more excited by that. "Oh! Please can we go and watch her play? We can cheer her on. That will make her happy!" Rose asks and I love that idea. "Definitely, I'll ask her when her next game is, and we'll go." I respond and suddenly Rose is running off to her colouring box. "I'm going to draw her a picture of us playing soccer together!" She tells me excitedly, grabbing out the pens that she's going to need.

Happy that Rose is understanding the situation better, I make my way to the closet to grab my shoes. "I'm going to try and find her." I tell Colin, who's finishing feeding Cosmo. "Ok. Call if you need anything." He tells me, placing a kiss to my head. "Will do. Wish me luck!" I say, heading out through the front door.

I'm not exactly sure where to start. She's not overly familiar with the area here. But she has been to the park nearby. I'd imagine she's probably gone there and called Laura to talk. That'll be my first stop.

The park is a short walk away and I'm grateful it's a warm day as Y/n left without a jacket. I start to look around the park, my hope dwindling when I don't see her sat at any of the benches. But my eyes suddenly land on a small figure by the water. I see Y/n sat with her chin resting on her knees. Her eyes red from crying. It breaks my heart to see her like that and it hurts even more to know that it's all because of me.

I slowly walk over to her and take a seat next to her on the grass. She doesn't move or acknowledge my presence. "You know, when I found out I was pregnant with Rose, I had a complete breakdown. Not because I didn't want to be pregnant. Romain and I had been trying. But because it was a reminder of the fact that I didn't have you in my life. Throughout my pregnancy, I struggled to enjoy it. I felt like I didn't deserve to be happy after giving you up. It was similar with when I had Cosmo. They both became constant reminders of the biggest mistake I had ever made." I start talking, knowing that she certainly wouldn't.

"When I first held Rose, I thought about how much she looked like you. She has the same button nose as you. It became my favourite thing about her because if was a reminder of you. I had memorised every inch of your face in the short time I had you when you were born. I will never forget it. I would try and picture what you would look like at different ages." I continue to share my thoughts with her.

"With Cosmo, you have the same eyes. Piercing blue ones. I know that isn't what you got from me. But it made me happy. I thought that if I was ever lucky enough to have you in my life that you would have something to link you to Colin. He would always talk like you were his own daughter even though he had never met you." This seemed to catch her attention a little and she turned her head, so her cheek is resting on her knee and those blue eyes are looking up at me.

I give her a smile, grateful that she seems to be engaging. "I can't take back that I put you up for adoption. I tried many times. But I want to try to make it up to you now. I'm sure that when you look at Rose and Cosmo, you see the kids I decided to keep. I don't blame you for that. But know that I see them as the children that showed me what I was missing and so desperately wanted in my life." I try to convey how much she truly means to me. "You may have only known me for a little over a week. But I have loved you with every fibre of my being for 16 years." I choke out, the emotion taking over me.

Y/n's own eyes gloss over at my admission, and she wipes her cheek against her knee. "I'll never forgive myself for not keeping you. Giving you the life that you deserve. That's even harder to accept when I know the hell that you have been made to go through. I hope that now you're with us, that you have the best life possible. I will do everything in my power to make sure that you get what you want in life. It's going to take some adjustment from all of us, but I promise that you, my beautiful daughter, belong in our family." I tell her firmly as the tears slowly fall.

I wipe at my face and watch her intently as she takes in everything that I said. She slowly sits back so her body isn't so enclosed and looks back over the lake. "My parents weren't always horrible." She speaks and I'm shocked at the subject she's leading with. But I'm happy that she's talking. "I remember when I was small, we used to go to the park a lot and they would play games with me. I don't know what changed but when I was about 5 or 6, they started to treat me differently. Something must have happened, but I'll never know what. I just became used to being a burden." She admits and it breaks my heart.

"When did they start hurting you?" I take a risk in asking her the question. I won't push her to answer, but I hope that she feels comfortable in talking with me. "The first time I remember was when I was 8. I was playing with a ball, and it cracked a window. Mom ran outside screaming at me and the next thing I knew my cheek was stinging. She didn't seem apologetic at all that she had just slapped me." She replies and my breath hitches at the fact that she has spent 8 years being abused.

"Its just got worse over time. Any time I annoyed them, it was met with a slap, a punch, or a kick. When they started drinking it just became worse. I would try my best to just be quiet in my room to not annoy them. But sometimes my mere presence was enough to set them off." I can't hide the tears as she shares the abuse that she went through. How can anyone hurt a child like that.

"Is it bad that I felt relief when they died?" She turns to ask me, almost ashamed of the thought. "No, my sweet girl. It's not at all. It's a completely understandable feeling to have." I reassure her. I don't admit to her that I hoped it was painful as I think that would just be disrespectful, but they got away with hurting my daughter for years.

"Was Mr Woodstock abusive straightaway?" I ask cautiously. "No actually he wasn't. He hadn't long been a foster carer when he opened his home. I was his 4th kid. He kind of just left us to it. There was food in the fridge and chores we had to do but otherwise we could do as we pleased. It was then I joined soccer and started to make friends at school. It was nice." She smiles sadly, as she remembers the small amount of respite, she had from being hurt.

"My social worker would bring more kids to him and suddenly there were 14 of us and his four bed house wasn't big enough. He drank more and got angry with us more easily. I was grateful for soccer and Laura as it meant I could minimise the time I was at the home and at risk of being on the end of his anger." She continues to shine a light on the life she has experienced.

"How badly he hurt you last week, was that often?" I question, praying that it wasn't. Her bruises are starting to fade, and her black eye is now yellow. But it's a constant remind of what she went through. "No, that was because I made him look bad in front of lawyer. Normally he just kept to a punch here or there." She responds as if that's completely normal.

I tentatively reach out and take her hand. "None of what you went through was ok. I know that it's going to take time for you to come to terms with everything. But you have me and Colin with you through it all." I make sure she can see that I mean every word that I'm saying.

She sighs a little and looks to me once more. "I guess that I'm hypervigilant all of the time at the moment. Although it was horrible in the home, I knew the dangers. Now I feel like I'm suddenly in a spiral with no idea what could hurt me." She sniffles as she let's her emotions flow.

I scootch over to her and cautiously wrap my arm around her shoulder. She leans into me, and it makes my heart melt. "I will never hurt you. I will protect you as will Colin and the rest of the family." I speak with a firm tone. I mean it. I will do whatever it takes to make sure that she is safe.

There's a silence for a moment whilst she allows me to comfort her. "Speaking of the rest of the family. I guess I still have some more people to meet." She says with a small smile, wiping at her eyes. "Yeah, mom is desperate to see you, as are my siblings." I chuckle in response. "Maybe we could do a dinner next weekend with them all and we can do it all in one go." I suggest. She thinks for a moment and then nods. "That'll be nice." She returns. "Perfect. They're going to love you." I tell her, nudging her shoulder.

"Are you ok to head home, or would you like to stay out for a bit longer?" I ask her, not wanting her to feel like she has to do as I say in this moment. "We can go back." She responds, standing and holding her hand out to me, helping me to my feet. We start walking back towards the house and another question pops in my head. "How come you didn't call Laura?" I ask her and I see her tense slightly.

"Uh. Well, she's had to put up with a lot of my shit recently. I thought she deserved a day off." She chuckles awkwardly. I stop moving and turn to her. "Firstly, language." I tell her and she rolls her eyes. Wow, ok that was like looking in a mirror. "Secondly, it's not your shit. You've been through a lot. And thirdly, from the little I know about Laura, I think she would be upset that you didn't feel like you could talk to her." I finish summarising. She hums a little and grabs out her phone to see lots of missed calls and texts from Laura. I chuckle to myself when I read the latest text of Y/n's shoulder

Laura ♥ I'm hoping you're not replying because it's going really well, and I don't need to kick someone's ass. Call me when you can. I want to hear all about it.

"See, I told you." I smirk, nudging her shoulder as she goes to text back. When we get home, Colin is already making dinner with Cosmo in his highchair. "Hi you two." He greets us both. Coming straight over to engulf me in a hug, one that I fall into. "Sorry for running out earlier Colin." Y/n apologises, rubbing at the back of her neck as she speaks. "Nothing to apologise for kiddo. Are you ok? That's all that matters." He reassures her. "I think I will be." She smiles in return.

The calmness doesn't last long before Rose rushes in. "Sissy! Can we play soccer? Look I drew you a picture of us playing!" She asks, excitedly handing over the piece of paper that has two figures playing soccer. And with that, I'm pretty sure that my heart just burst with happiness at hearing her call Y/n that. Y/n looks just as shocked as her eyes gloss over. "Wow what a great picture Rose. I'd love to play with you." Y/n responds after gathering herself. "Come on then!" Rose shouts, taking Y/n's hand and dragging her out to the back yard.

I watch the two of them playing through the kitchen window. Colin wraps his arms around me and rests his chin to watch the two of them playing too. It's a moment I never thought I would get to see, and it brings more tears to my eyes. In this moment, I'm watching Y/n be so carefree and taking the time to show Rose what she needs to do. I want to remember this moment and feeling forever. "I think things are going to be ok." He tells me and I for the first time in over a week. I actually believe him.

Part 5

[wordsarelife]

—change

pairing: anthony lockwood x sister!reader

summary: you get hurt on a date and your brother notices that he has grown apart from you

warnings: mentions of injury, one yr age gap relationship (18 + 17)

notes: lucy, lockwood and george are 20 in this. reader has an age gap of 3 years

growing up you found yourself always wandering in the shadows of your older brother, he was your hero, the ideal person in your eyes and you wanted to be everything he was.

although he was only three years older than you, he grew up a faster after your parents death. he did everything possible to give you the childhood that you deserved to have.

but due to that, your relationship was strained. he thought he was protecting you by keeping you out, but instead you felt like an intruder in your own home, which felt more like Anthony's home now, who had no time to play, or to spend time, always hiding in the library, keeping you away from the things he was dealing with.

you had always hoped to one day repair the relationship you two had lost over the years, but no matter what you tried, it didn't work. so one day you just gave up.

two years later

"Lucy, have you seen my green sweater?" you called up the stairs at your best friend. she didn't answer though, you sighed and walked down to the attic, to hopefully find it in the laundry room.

your brother was training downstairs, jumping around the room and swirling his rapier through the air. you tried to move out of the way as best as you could

anthony sighed and stopped the training procedure. "how many times have I told you, not to come down here, while I'm training?"

another one of the reasons that your relationship was so strained, was that he always expected the most from you, which got tiring after awhile, especially because he was your brother and not your father.

"sorry, anti" you turned your back while you rolled your eyes and walked to the drier "I just need my sweater"

"and how many times have I told you not to call me that"

anti had been his childhood nickname, before you could pronounce his name. you preferred to call him that to this day, because first, he hated it and secondly he really approached everything that concerned you with some anti-attitude, so you thought it fit.

"sorry, dad" you replied sarcastically "won't happen again"

"don't call me that either" he sighed "have you found your sweater?"

you turned to look at him and noticed that he was waiting for you to leave, so he could turn the simulation back on.

"nope, its probably in lucy's room. see you later, anti"

"stop calling--" before he could finish his sentence, you had already made your way back up the stairs and closed the door behind you "sorry" you said to yourself "I sadly can't hear you"

"what?" you turned around to look at george, who was sitting at the kitchen table, papers flooding over the whole table

"nothing" you shook your head "have you seen my sweater?"

"which one?" george asked annoyed

"the green one? the one theo found me pretty in, remember?" you smiled, thinking about the brown haired boy that was part of quill kipps' crew and would go on a date with you later today

"theo rowland?" george repeated "why does it matter what he thinks of you?"

"i'm going out with him today" you rolled your eyes at the boy "and i wanted to wear the sweater"

"i think it's in the bathroom" george shrugged, no longer interested in continuing the conversation. you quickly thanked him, before walking out of the room and getting the sweater, that really had been in the bathroom.

after you had gotten ready, you left the house, making your way to the spot you would meet theo at.

it was later that evening, exactly ten minutes after nine, that anthony lockwood would hear loud and hectic knocking on his door. he had been sitting in the library, reading when he finally decided to open the door, the loud noise getting annoying.

"what is it?" he asked, swinging open the door. he couldn't have guessed who had been waiting in front of it.

"rowland?" lockwood asked surpised "what the hell do you want?"

"lockwood!" theo breathed a sigh of relief "something happened" theo's eyes caught lucy's who was walking down the stairs "something with y/n"

"y/n?" lockwood repeated "y/n's upstairs, what could've possibly happened?" "she isn't" lucy shook her head "she was gone the whole afternoon"

"was she now?" lockwood wondered "listen, rowland, i really don't know what you have to do with my sister, but if you don't mind, i really would love to know where she is"

"the hospital"

"the hospital?" both lockwood and lucy screeched "why didn't you say something sooner?" lockwood eagerly grabbed his coat, before he was out the door and calling for a taxi, lucy close behind him

"what the hell happened?" he turned around to look at Theo, pointing an accusing finger at the boys chest.

lucy was already climbing into the taxi. "come on, lockwood"

"if you did something to her--" he pushed theo back

"lockwood!" lucy called again

lockwood took a look in lucy's direction, deciding that he really didn't have any time to discuss anything with theo, before he looked him up and down again "i will find out if you did and now get lost!" he climbed into the taxi, that drove off after he had closed the door.

"y/n!" the relief in lucy's voice calmed lockwood down a bit.

you opened your eyes slowly, letting them adjust to the light, when you looked around yourself. "hey"

"hey" lockwood said. he took a look at your arm that was in a cast

"what happened?" lucy pointed at your arm

you looked down "i fell, really hard. but theo brought me here quickly, they gave me something to sleep while they fixed it"

"good" lucy nodded, but sensed the outgoing tension from lockwood

"where have you been? why did you leave the house in the first place?"

"i will get a nurse and tell her you've woken up" lucy excused herself from the room, leaving you and lockwood to talk.

"i was on a date" you answered his question hesitantly

"what?" anthony asked loudly "with theo rowland?" he connected the dots in his head

you nodded.

he laughed bitterly, shaking his head, walking around the room. "no you're way too young for dating and theo rowland as well! this is illegal!"

"what are you even talking about?" you asked "theo is not too old for me"

"did he touch you or anything?" lockwood sat down next to you "i can call barnes"

"what? no!" you got angrier at him "he's a good guy"

"yeah" lockwood rolled his eyes "a good guy dating a fifteen year old"

you looked at him stunned. "i'm seventeen"

"huh?"

"i'm seventeen" you repeated louder "and theo is eigtheen, so everything is fine. and if i want him to touch me, i will let him. he's very respectful"

"you're not seventeen" lockwood shook his head in denial

"yes i am" you said, but softer "what year is it, anthony?"

lockwood clasped a hand over his forehead "shit" he mumbled "you're right"

"it's alright" you shrugged your shoulders

"no it's not and i'm sorry" he admitted "i've been a pretty shitty brother these past few years, i should've kept you closer and not try to shut you out."

"don't say that" you exclaimed "of course i wanted to be closer to you, but i know that you did a lot of that so that i would have a happy childhood. you didn't mean to be cruel"

"i didn't" he nodded

"it's not too late"

"yeah" he smiled. "how about when you get discharged we go out for some donuts at arif's? you can bring theo. i scared him pretty badly, but he told me you were here in the first place, so he deserves an apology" "that sounds good" you smiled

"i love you"

"i love you too, anti"

"just today, i won't say anything to that stupid nickname, but only because you're in the hospital"

"okay" you laughed

[pensbridge]

an old, OLD list fr. me rewatching Bridgerton & writing notes that I didn't finish cuz I'm lazy

Big Polin Watch b4 Season 3 Comes Out

(Things I noticed, liked.. or a general list of key things ahead the new season)

1x01

1813

Oh my god! They literally told you Penelope was Whistledown if you hadn't read the books! "3 misses foisted upon the marriage mart..by their tasteless, tactless mama."-LW; "Is she to breathe, mama?"-Pen

Penelope Featherington (*LW hint confirmed by Nicola)

They introduce the Featheringtons on screen before they do the Bridgertons.

(This might be random, but there appears to be a dog in the Bridgerton painting with ABC).

We talk abt Pen's childish fashion chosen by her mom but in the first ever scene w/Eloise, she wears a dress very similar to Hyacinth next to her (also a giant flower in her hair).

Colin inserts himself to hurry Daphne along (showing up again in trying to help Pen??)

Mr. "everyone likes me" 'approval-seeking behavior' Colin Bridgerton (s3! s3!)

Based on the LW readings, we can already see that Pen views Eloise in admiration. She calls the Bridgerton sisters beautiful, but then also notes her as "perfect," (though bleeding with sarcasm) a reading that is placed directly after Eloise screams for Daphne to hurry, which is definitely placed to signal how Eloise is outspoken in numerous ways & later speaks her mind.

Does Colin glance at Pen when she & Eloise wave to each other across the way??

"But as we may know the brighter a lady shines, the faster she may burn."~LW (abt Daphne)

Penelope says Lady Bridgerton has allowed Eloise to delay for 1 yr, not that Pen was pushed up with her sisters 🤔?

?Possible RMB Easter Egg: At Danbury's ball, a young woman who appears to have redish (yes, I'm colorblind it's blonde) hair talks abt showing her watercolors to a gentleman. Is this a Felicity look alike to reference the proposal scene in the book? No. I'm reaching, ok.

Empty Penelope Dance Card Spotting!Brought up by Nicola/fans/WhatABarb pod(?) b4 -> Colin has never signed her dc 👀

Portia- (tmstmp: 39:48) [talking about a young lady going off unchaperoned [most likely to foreshadow Marina]; though will she suspect Polin "compromising" before marriage??

Colin glances at Penelope playing with the dog. (This has been pointed out numerous times.)

Lady D. & Lady B. conspiring to get Daphne & Simon together. Could conspiring come up again between them in season 3 w/Polin?

Bloomsbury mention @Bridgerton dinner (-20:32) [could be used as a reference to what will come later for Colin, despite the line coming out of Benedict's mouth]

^Also, Colin mentions of who knows if LW is a she; Eloise counters to his claim that LW must be a man, being so clever; and Colin replies w/a cheeky smirk/smile. Oh the surprise to occur when he finds out will be rich!

The Moment Colin Dances with Pen after Cressida spills her drink-This moment becomes even more meaningful when you remember Colin is in pursuit of courting Marina already t/o the ep. (& how it could be perceived; then again maybe he is clueless how it could be perceived)

NOTE: The juxtaposition of 1x01 how Colin denies a dance w/Cressida in front of a crowd in favor of Pen to 2x08 when Colin loudly proclaims never courting Penelope to a crowd (and it is also abt a dance) to hopefully a loud proclamation of pride in s3

[tantai-jin]

fic writer meme!

thank u rachel @fruitdaze for the tag!!! <3333333

1. How many works do you have on Ao3?

23 since 2016 lmao,, i don't remember exactly how many i posted on lj from 2012-2015 but it wasn't a ton, probably 10-15 that were like 50k altogether

2. What's your total Ao3 word count?

124,765

3. What fandoms do you write for?

it's been all over the place since 2020 lol but p much only chinese media like danmei novels, movies, cdramas. used to write kpop rpf but prob won't return to that even tho i still like and follow many groups

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

给你给你 (yunfei)

换一世身份姓名; heaven to myself (canglan)

not-that-small talk (tell me honestly) (bts yoonkook LOL)

새벽 rush hour (yellow light, slow) (bts taegi LOL)

捡一个梦; reach for a dream (canglan)

5. Do you respond to comments?

i usually do, although i'm often quite late LOL i have a couple fics where i didn't reply to all the comments after a certain point and then i just stopped 😭 or if they are a guest user or only leave emojis as a comment then i don't reply? but ofc i see every comment

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

uhh i feel like the only thing i wrote that is complete and has an angsty ending is 捡一个梦; reach for a dream bc it was a missing scene from an angsty arc of the show. or lol jk same scenario applies to 余光 (remnants of light) bc it takes place before the end of yuwu and not in one of the happier moments

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

either 给你给你 or 换一世身份姓名; heaven to myself bc they're both disgustingly sweet and affectionate at the end

8. Do you get hate on fics?

nope! either i am writing for tiny ass fandoms or like, my fics don't get enough traction to attract haters LMAO

9. Do you write smut?

not a lot... the incomplete bingqiu au i posted has the most explicit scenes so far but i am still too shy writing it. i have to practice so that i can write more than 3 sentences of sex in a single day and actually finish the wips i started 😭

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you have written?

i have before! nothing crazy tho bc it was just kpop rpf and it would be like, two idols from the same company that have interacted multiple times! lmao. sometimes i think abt crossovers for cdramas that are relatively tame such as: two actors that have been in the same drama multiple times are reincaranted and those 2+ dramas are their different lives... but it's so niche in eng speaking fandom and i haven't fully written one out yet. also does it count as a crossover if u put characters from story A into the setting/setup for story B bc i do that a lot but i think that is fairly common at least for ppl to imagine

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

i don't think so... again, my fics do not get a lot of traction so i don't think it's likely lmaooo

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

i think there was an exo one translated into russian a long time ago but i don't even remember which one lolllll it might have been on my livejournal

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

not a whole fic yet but ive brainrotted a plethora of aus with friends before such as but not limited to mingqian actors au with lianzi (very intricate with multiple variations) and a Bunch of cdrama and yuwu stuff with another friend :')

14. What's your all time favorite ship?

i cannotttttt pick only one but ummm in the last yr-ish it's been a rotation of tantai jin/li susu + mingye/sang jiu from cyjm, mingqian from liu yao, xilian from yuwu (🤪)..... bingqiu from sv (always).... i should stop for now that's Tew Many. but i think once i finish spl, changgu will also be up there

15. What is a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

i feel like i'm cursing myself by typing this out but perhaps the bingqiu i posted one chapter of..... even if i could write all the p With p parts that i wanted to include, i was also a little stuck on the ending and idk if i would be able to write it in a way that doesn't feel like a cop out or just weak in general 😢 but i do like that au and i think my writing for it so far was p decent... so who knows...!

16. What are your writing strengths?

i think i am pretty good at dialogue that sounds 1. natural and 2. true to the characters! i try really hard to make imagery sound original(ish) and evocative, and to make a character's Yearning palpable

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

intricate plot, action, sex (takes me forever to write and haven't done it in as much detail as i would like to tbh)

18. Thoughts of writing dialogue in another language in fics?

i love it! i did it a little in my yunfei fic and instead of directly translating the line of chinese right there i just included the meaning in the next line of dialogue, like "what do you mean [thing they just said]" + i did it like that bc the tone of it just felt so much more natural to me in mandarin for that specific convo. not that it was something untranslatable (it wasn't) but it just felt comfier to me. i also like the thing ppl do where you can hover over the text and it will show the translation but idk how that html works HAHA someday i would like to give it a go

19. First fandom you wrote for?

exo.......... lmao

20. Favorite fic you have written?

overall i think it would be typhoon season (my incomplete but not abandoned cisswap girls ximang in hk) ! i had it fermenting in my brain for like 8 months before i wrote it, which meant i had figured a lot of the stuff for the beginning out and it was much easier to write than normal since i was not deliberating so much in the moment. i think the pacing for it was good and the reveals of backstory were placed well, and i think i adapted the characters well too even if it's only a first chapter and they haven't done a lot yet. i wanna write them again but it's been rly hard for me to think abt that specific au for many months lol. i also think my recent yzy gegedidi fic had a lot of yummy scenes even if i see some flaws in some parts of the fic's progression... but i spent enough time on it already so i will not go and fix it anymore 😌 peace

i think all my writer friends were tagged already...... this tagline (like a bloodline) will end with me

[rontra]

this ask/reply is long so im just putting it together as a textpost help me shark if you're out there

Anonymous asked: hi ok im super super sorry if this is bothering you but ive been meaning to ask it for like 6 months or something . i was introduced to your work via skin game and my brain latched to it ever since i read it. me and some other friends really enjoyed the fic even if it was a short read and i was wondering if youre comfortable sharing chapter 2 either publicly or privately? again im ultra mega sorry if this comes off as creepy or weird or something ive been stressing over it for liek 3 days since i didnt want to bother you :(

either way, love your work so much. your fanart introduced me to both arknights and rwby (though a friend kind of pushed me to actually start watching it lol) and theyre both really great series :) your work is a huge inspiration for me and my friend group and your writing is just insane /pos

(3rd paragraph omitted bc i cant priv reply and im excluding your offsite info even if its under a readme HFDBHJF)

hi shark!! ofc i remember you we are like soldiers side by side in the trenches of takano posting 🫡

so first of all thank you so much for following and enjoying my work 🥰 i'm always happy to help drag people into the arknights/rwby zone HEHEHE i'm glad you enjoy what i make!!! it means a lot to me 😊 thank you!!!

now. THE THING ABOUT skin game ch2. is that it's pretty rough. i had a look at it the last time something prompted me to think about the fic and it's not really presentable (i don't know if i even finished editing it back in ….. 6 years ago… oh god). it also doesn't have all of its art (which might be a blessing in disguise given the art it does have is …. 6 years old… oh god)

getting it to a state i consider readable would take a good chunk of work, which is why i put it off again after looking at it. it's almost 12 thousand words of … uhhh… shall we say… unnnnpolished material. i think i couldn't even share it privately because i would be embarrassed to show someone something so unfinished and janky. not to mention not having all of its art finished. so i got kind of stuck last time and just put it off again bc the amount of work it very obviously needed was like. "Christ OK Not Now" yknow…

it does bolster the spirit when i remember you and your friends. it means a lot to me that you care about it even after so long!!! i just have NO idea when i'm going to get around to editing something of that magnitude @_@ i was really a dummy about chapter lengths back then… HFDBHJGJMK

it's really kind of a shame too becahse chapter 1 and 2 together are sort of the introductory portion for our 2 primary characters. so it feels like only half of the intro is done right now. since ch1 detailed how kyrie ended up at that plaza meeting takano, ch2 would detail how takano ended up there, meeting kyrie. and then we would proceed into the future from there. as a renowned Takano Guy, obviously i was very interested in this, but for various reasons i never finished polishing it and drawing the art…

ch2 also features ikuko so you KNOW its dear to me

overall being like 5-6 yrs old theres a disconnect where i don't feel like ch2 right now is achieving what it should, and i see a lot of concrete problems with concrete solutions, but it's an editing of such Magnitude that it keeps being pushed back in favor of other stuff. oh, ephemeral soul…

some of the art i did get done for it is pretty cute though, like these baby miyos;

so that's pretty good, but i didnt FINISH drawing the art, ARGHH

it is really hard to say. bc when i KNOW there's people out there who remember it and care about it, that does motivate me to return to it. but it has a lot of stuff that needs doing, and is a very old project, so it's unclear to me right now when it would receive the attention it desperately needs before it can be shown to other people... i super can't in clear conscience accept anything like payment/etc for that kind of vague half-promise either, although i appreciate the thought xD

i'm sorry it's such an inconclusive answer, but i am sort of an inconclusive guy when it comes to projects... i jump around a lot as i'm sure you've observed in your time following me 😭 it's important to me to have that freedom, but i do care about SG too, so we just sort of have to see if i can surmount the magnitude of the work i accidentally set up for myself half a decade ago (*turning into stone*)

but it makes me smile when i remember you're out there thinking about this weird little AU. so, thanks. 😌 a soul still burns...

.

and then after all that CH3 was going to have more of best girl 🥺.....

WARGH <- BEARER OF THE CURSE

[ncwhereman]

hello, hi, good day, greetings. it’s me again, your favourite anonymous spammer 🎅 again i'm really sorry this is a late one.

ok so my favourite albums by any artists would have to be the ones which the songs i recommended are from! this commentary is unnecessary, but still:

are you experienced (the jimi hendrix experience). the quintessential late 60s psychedelic rock album! a lot of classics on here as well as less overplayed gems

led zeppelin 1. a great example of a concept album. every time i listen it’s like i’m hearing it all over again for the first time. i have this one on vinyl and it’s one of my most precious records :)

now this one wasn’t in my initial recommendations but i’m also gonna recommend the album deep purple in rock by deep purple :^) to me, it sounds like a musical marriage between zep and hendrix. how about you? apart from the beatles' albums, what are your top 3 albums atm?

records: sadly i don’t buy records as much as i'd like to but i’m working on growing my collection slowly atm 😭 your help record sounds rly cool, i like the more unusual ones more bc they have small histories behind them. how did a dutch vinyl end up in a german jacket, and then made its way to you - i always wonder who owned the record before me? where are they now? do they still love the same music? ok i’m rambling, but to answer ur question: my ideal collection would have all beatles studio albums, as well as the rolling stones albums (up until the end of the 70s, bc my music taste kinda ends there) bc they’re classics + i love every album. but beatles records are hard to find and expensive here :( i’d also like some coloured vinyl, which i don’t have, like red or blue or something funky. how about you - any goals for your collection?

thanks so much for the film recommendations! i have time off after my finals so i’ll be sure to watch them :D i’m more into comedies so i think i’ll start with the apartment and paper moon. and the hours and times too, i’ve heard a lot about it so if you recommend it i’ll give it a watch. every year i try and watch a few holiday films, but i always end up watching the same ones, mainly home alone 1/2, and it’s a wonderful life (this is one that my parents always make us watch). i’m definitely gonna watch white christmas this year too!

sorry i always write too much here :D and sorry to put you through the stress of choosing a fav beatle. but i’ve always vibed more w george and john too! 

good luck on yr finals, and if they're finished, then congrats :D -srs

hi! sorry for late reply too, i have flu and the first days weren't nice 🤧 i'm getting better though!

thank you for recs, i'll def give them a listen!! i've been meaning to listen to more of these artists for such a long time and finally have a place to start now!

i can't mention my top 3 atm without beatles, sorry 😭 bc not so long ago i finally gave the new revolver mixes a listen and i'm starting to appreciate it much more as a whole body of work. i'm still very into john's walls&bridges and POB, and since i rewatched my fair lady yesterday i'm really digging the soundtrack.

yep, my collection is growing very slowly too! my main concern is how the record sounds bc i listen to them pretty often but usually i aim for the earliest pressings i can find. too bad it's practically impossible to find original beatles editions. i still remember seeing a uk mono copy of meet the beatles in a local shop, meaning it was the original press probably, and it wasn't even crazily expensive but i still didn't have enough money and eventually someone bought it before me. i'm still so salty about it lmao

and yes i love colored vinyl too! if only i could get my hands on those modern fancy pressings ugh. so far i only have two colored records, a red 1962-1966 and a blue abbey road. i kinda regretted getting AR since it's obviously a modern bootleg but it doesn't sound too bad (for a bootleg at least) and the shade is almost exactly like the blue 1967-1970 i wanted to get. it was another case of someone buying it before me 😭 tbh that shade was the deciding factor for me lmao

by the way, if you want something kinda similar to colored vinyl: some original uk copies of elton john albums from 1969 to 1975 are black but appear translucent red when held up to light! and there were a lot of them pressed so they shouldn't be too expensive or hard to find. it was a very cool discovery i accidentally made

i hope you'll enjoy the films, i love both of them! and as for th&t.... well like i said it's in no way perfect but definitely not bad! esp given the circumstances in which it was made. there are so many themes, dynamics and emotions they could explore deeper and further but i suppose they just did the best they could. so if you're interested in the relationship between john and brian i think you should give it a try for at least one point of view on the spanish holiday that in my opinion could very well be pretty close to reality.

oh i completely forgot about it's a wonderful life lmao. thanks for reminding me bc i'll def watch it for christmas, i love it too! and i enjoyed white christmas so much, i adore 50-60s musicals!

the stress of choosing a fav beatle hsksksks it's okay 😭😭 i'm afraid it might be the last anon ask before the big reveal but i'll ask anyway, what are your favorite john and george solo albums??

[partyinthemysterymachine]

So THAT is why someone was in tha a&s tags on my blog. Sneaky 👁

ANYWAYS. GIVE ME SOME RANDOM AU LORE. DRAG IT FROM THE DEPTHS BC I WANT IT. now 🔫

(Also dw. Yr in no rush, I'm having the time of my life editing my replies in the docs bit by bit (which i haven't done, actually, im a liar <3))

REACHES AND DRAGS HANDS DOWN UR FACE

theo i love u and always will. a&s is A Place

ngl tho side-eyeing that last a&s post. i'm narrowing my eyes...........

(oh my god goomt pLEASE just write your own library arc im DYING)

chinhands

hey so remember this fun little ditty i wrote a while back--

If Happy Little Bluebirds Fly

--that was actually the pitch of @adreamingofguns but i latched my nasty little teeth into it and ran off into the landfill sunset slobbering and flailing my head around???

??

i do that a lot actually huh. give me an inch and i'll take the Titanic

anyway so i don't remember exactly how much of the pitch was Nick's doing but the point is that i grabbed it and ran lmfao and thus, If Happy Little Bluebirds Fly

i actually re-read my own fics a lot, especially when i'm stuck. i've always been REALLY PLEASED and PROUD of how i wrote If Happy Little Bluebirds Fly so i'll go back to that and try to siphon The Juice from it. well, i was reading it recently (and i tweaked a name in the third chapter for fun Suggestion - can u find it?) and i was ho-humming at the end of the fic.

i'm not really sure if readers understood entirely what happened at the end there, and i never did anything with it - and honestly, i'd never planned to. .. not really, at least. the idea was there. i thought maybe it'd be a fun thing to pursue sometime after GOOMT but hEHh,

so

i'm like. well. what IF, indeed. and ofc this is another AU that'll probably never see the light of day outside my vivid hallucinating while trying to go to sleep or staring into the wild pale yonder (very disco of me tbh), BUT LET'S WORKSHOP IT TOGETHER EH

anyway uh if you haven't read the fic that's chill idk if anyone cares about the ~spoiler~ but SHRUG

RUNDOWN of the fic (in 3 easy chapters i pwommy) is that Harry and James initially meet waaay back in the day when James takes Mary to go see Mary's favorite pianist in concert. (that pianist? Jodi Mason. really makes u think) James and Harry literally run into each other during intermission, small chat, hi Mary! then they go back in. after the show, while James and Mary are waiting for the elevator, the Masons show up to ruin lives and the snowball keeps rolling down the hill.

James and Harry meet in SH and together, bring Heather home. they raise her together, though their relationship is extremely tumultuous, rly kinda toxic lmao, really just. riddled. with Bruh and love and it's disgusting. they love each other and their daughter but there is A Lot that's suggested. ends with them celebrating their anniversary (which is, coincidentally, Heather's birthday!!!)

>:)

but i gave a peek into Mary and James's relationship (and touched Jodi and Harry's relationship on the nose) and that was a lot of fun :3

SO! that's that one pls read and enjoy it it's def a favorite of mine lmao

spoiler: heather gets kidnapped at the end of the fic when everyone's just trying to have a nice fucking day god can't anyone mind their business around here

naturally the au takes place when James and Harry figure this out. 'Silent Hill Is On Its Bullshit' Senses Tingling.

now, quick note is that neither of them were IN Silent Hill the first time for very long at all. their time there overlapped and it was and wasn't meant to be intentional by the town. i don't think it knew what to do with the timing. it was great but also hhhhhhhh in its "eyes" but anyway, point is, James's got a Leave ending with Harry and baby Heather, he didn't get any conduit nonsense going on, he was probably in the town upwards of a week and a shake before he met up with Harry.

Harry, on the other hand, was probably in SH for a little over a week before he met up with James. James hadn't even really.. "finished" his arc..? which is important when they realize what the fuck just happened and oh god DAMMIT they gotta go to SH to get their fucking daughter back

i'll admit, this AU is certainly Dark. like, a&s is dark, but if you take into account what this one entails, oh buddy MAN is this one gonna be a rough fucking ride LOL like look

these two love each other to their depths but their relationship was havoc at times. i alluded to it, but there was a suicide attempt that Heather unfortunately got to see, and was probably dug up in therapy at some point. they argued and Heather remembers James not coming home some nights, or weeks, or months, and yeah, there was cheating from both James and Harry, they did NOT learn how to cope lmfao and did NOT process their wives' deaths very well, ESPECIALLY YOU, JAMES--

-- since he didn't get to have that closure like at the end of SH2. his and Harry's plots got mashed together, and Harry's took all importance with the Alessa/Order problem. as you can imagine, James has a LOT of unfinished business in SH.

they DID, though, see a lot of each others' SH and baggage, which is super important ofc to how they lived out their lives, and their lives together as a family and as fathers. stuff to keep in mind too, there are A LOT of unresolved problems between the two of them and a LOT of things repressed; and it's really just sad how much Heather actually remembers from her childhood that she'd've preferred remained stomped doooown down in the ground

Harry's Jeep is still crashed and fuckin pwnt in SH, and James's Pontiac is still at the observatory. they actually try to go in through South Vale i think to the observatory but ARE BLOCKED (!!!!!) on the road

by

:)

a trucker

:)

unfortunate business really :( this guy, this poor trucker's got his trailer in the middle of the road, taking up both lanes, looks like there was a minor accident here :( he apologizes to them and says that he's trying to get a hold of someone to help him with this, awful sorry. he redirects them instead: they can head in via Central Silent Hill, or they can go in via Shepherd's Glen. ur choice.

the trucker's a really sweet dude this Travis Grady, what a darling, obviously from Alabama, he's good humored and all but man. man there's something about him that's just. hrm.

well they decide to try to get in through Central Silent Hill though it means they'd have to go AAAALLL he way around the lake again (fuckin Toluca Lake) and ignore that Shepherd's Glen is closer, but agree that Travis had Weird Vibes and that the blockage seemed intentional which Great. Love That. Super Duper.

I ALSO DON'T THINK CYBIL WAS THERE THE FIRST TIME AROUND

ACTUALLY,

i think she's going to show up THIS time instead. which DOES mean older lady cop Cybil B) ur so welcome for that

SHE'S probably in SH herself looking for someone, or following a lead. not sure. something tells me it has to do with Alex? they might pass each other on the drive, so they see/pass Cybil's car heading in and take the exit towards Shepherd's Glen and she saw them on passing ofc.

things are TENSE the entire time bc i think that the discovery of Heather's kidnapping really was just a Bad Feeling and so they got up from the piano and went to her room and 404 DAUGHTER NOT FOUND

her phone was still on the bed tho, and the call was still active. Harry goes to pick it up and listen to the line and ask who the fuck's there and just hears someone sigh on the other end and hang up

(later, Harry's like, that situation was very Liam Neeson in Taken wasn't it lmfao wish i had the monologue memorized and James is like yeah now that you mention it. holy fuck lmaooo)

after that, Heather's phone bricks/locks itself up good and tight and useless to them. while they're really starting to panic, a radio turns on!

.. in the garage!

...... it's coming from the car!!!

they only hear it bc it's otherwise dead silent (ha) while they're up in Heather's room and just BARELY hear it so they'd have to go downstairs and into the garage and naturally it's really not THAT loud but w/e, spookiness

:)

guess what's playing :)

guess what's playing guess

ok you'll never guess so i'll tell you it's Somewhere Over The Rainbow but naturally it's the very recording that Jodi played and recorded and the one that Mary listened to all the time <3 (maybe whispering lyrics on it? mary? who knows! is it even the right time for that bit of joy fun times or would a better place for it be when they arrive in SH? probably that tbh.. so when they arrive it could ~fittingly end~ when they come up to park and just have dead air after, hmmmMM isn't workshopping whatever i find in my ass FUN

bc ALSO there's the possibility of having it play continuously for the drive and even Travis comments on it like lol you guys sure like that song huh and they look TIRED lmfao; harry's like yeah sure but this yellow brick road sucks, i prefer elton john's and travis is like LOL yeah not much of a musicals person myself or elton john for that matter but i vibe, better than copperhead road i suppose.....

James........... squints at that wonders why it sounds familiar, it pings a bell for Harry too but he has no idea, but anyway)

(they'll figure that one out later :3c)

anyway they're about to have a horrible horrible near future lmfao bc wELL

they BOTH knew that there was a high high chance that they weren't done with the Order and all that bullshit but still like :\ come ON

Douglas does show up here - but was he involved with Heather's kidnapping? mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

mmmmMMMMMMMMMm

......... sure :) you know? sure. especially since he and the Sunderland-Masons (reversed -adjacent name asldfhaog -adjacent are the Mason-Sunderlands, gotta tell the AU's apart at least a LITTLE bit i mean like. The Connotations. that are only understood by me i guess skldf) have known each other for uhhhh

glances at watch-less wrist

maybe four years at this point bc Douglas is James's AA sponsor (spoiler for what i changed in ch3! LOL) so they're familiar to say the least! a family friend :)

:) Ruh Roh :)

ANYWAY I'LL STOP HERE thank u for coming to my impromptu ted talk and causing problems, ILU THEO AND I LOVE A&S LIKE BURNIIINNNGGG

[creek-cryptid-deluxe]

Remember 2 or 3 weeks ago when Indie the Demon of Chaos put her head through a window, causing Bailey the 100lb Marshmallow to have a massive cut on top of her paw?

Well, because Bailey is absurd, despite doctor instruction & many attempts at preventing it, through that time she has consistently ripped off her bandages & excessively licked the wound. I kept telling her that if she didn't stop she wouldn't have a paw left to lick because the vet would have to remove it.

Tuesday I emailed them with photos, explaining my concerns & they scheduled her to come in on Thursday (yesterday). They said it actually looked good, but what we thought was significant swelling was excess tissue from it trying to heal. They sedated her, removed that, glued it shut, & gave her an extra long cone because the main problem we had was her legs were too long for a normal cone to work.

Within 5 minutes of being home, this dumbass tries to lick her fucking paw & manages to reopen the wound using the edge of the cone, bleeding all over my fucking couch. So we took her back up there. They stitched it, and sent her off with a more hardcore antibiotic & doggie Tylenol.

Last night she was still a bit out of it but wanted walks, so we went to the park, as usual. After walking with dad for a minute, wanted to come back. So I sat with her, walked around a little near the car. She got spooked & wanted to go home, so we got back in the car & I figured that since HIS dog was feeling poorly that Dad would take Indie on the short loop, checking in between rounds. That's common sense, right?

Well apparently fucking not because he took her on the long 30 minute loop. When he got back, Bailey had gotten back out to pee, so I got her back into the car. He got in after putting Indie in & said "She's still out of it, huh?" I snapped. "Yeah, she is. So much so that she was freaked out & wanted to go home. We spent over half the time in the backseat because I figured since YOUR DOG was unwell, you'd take the short loop so you could check on her but I guess that's not as common sense as I thought." & put on my headphones while he huffed & slammed shit around in the car.

He gave her bedtime meds & went to bed... leaving me to cover her foot with a sock to protect it through the night. Which he didn't bother to take off this morning.

Can anyone tell me why I seem to be the person caring for this dog that ISN'T MINE BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE IT IN ME TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR ANYTHING BESIDES MYSELF & THE SPAWN?!?!

Oh and The Spawn... man I'm about 1 "conversation" away from smacking the shit out of her. I put conversation in quotes because we don't really have those over the last 2 days or so. What appears to be a conversation involves us talking but her constantly interrupting to finish my sentences for me, usually incorrectly. Or it involves her going on a tirade about something, which I agree about but when I clarify or correct misinformation gently, she just rants over me. A lot of her rants have truth to them, but due to a lack of life experience she genuinely says some ignorant shit, but god forbid I correct her or educate her on things I have more experience or knowledge about. Oh or we talk about something & when I go to reply, she interrupts to talk about something unrelated that pertains to her.

My operating hours are between 11 am and 11 pm. So why was she on my couch at 9:30 am ranting about commercial farming & getting snotty with me when I interjected at all?

I hate to say this, but I'm so SO ready for adulthood to just slap her down. Especially since one of her rants was about employment. I saw fucking red but we were in the car, waiting for Bailey to be finished at the vet, so I bit my tongue & squished my own fingers in rage after my attempts to educate her about how the real world works were cut off.

Because apparently my nearly 36 yr old ass has less experience & knowledge about the subject than a 17 yr old who has only ever had to pay 1/4 of her car payment & 1/2 her insurance & has had one job. 👌

I'm so absolutely fucking done with every fucking person in this house. I'm tired of cleaning up after them, I'm tired of the disrespect, I'm tired of my boundaries being ignored, I'm tired of the absolute selfishness.

Tonight, if he's up for it, I'm using J as an excuse to escape. I'm pretending he needs me again, if he is down, when really I just need to get the fuck away from the boomer & the arrogant zoomer.

Don't steal my shit. Go through your own fucking suffering. Cunt.

[kenmas-consoles]

Jdjcjcjcjjcjc Aye aye can I request for Tanaka with a 2nd yr s/o but since I'm uncreative it's like this: he hated/disliked her at first bc idk she seemed suspicious? But gradually with the help of the 3rd and 2nd yrs (not the 1st yrs, they'll ruin everything) he learned to be closer to her and accept her, but then ykyk plot happened and bo0m, they be dating u can choose if oneshot or hcs, whichever u prefer, also fem reader ᕕ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)ᕗ ᕕ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)ᕗ ᕕ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)ᕗ

Tanaka x Reader Request

Tanaka Ryuunosuke was a simple man. He loves women, he appreciates them, worships the ground they walk on but (y/n) was an exception to this. It wasn’t that she was ugly or unladylike, far from it actually. Except there was something about the girl that constantly made Tanaka feel somewhat weary and uneasy.

Sure she was pretty, well respected and popular, heck he even liked her at one point but after what he had saw in the middle of their first year made him realize she was what people would stereotype as the “kind fake”, at least he believed so. Everytime he saw her smile and offer someone help made his stomach churn, and not in a good way. Her smile and laugh haunted him and reminded him of that dreaded day.

It was 4 pm and classes had just ended, the boy had hurriedly packed up his belongings and rushed of to the gym in fear of being late and getting scolded by some upperclassman or worse Old man Ukai. This had caused a shiver to run up the boy’s spine imagining what kind of punishment he would have to endure if he were to be late.

“(Y/n)-chan. . .” A voice choked out, causing the boy to snap out of his daydream.

“It’s not funny,” the same small voice said.

This was coming from the back of the gym, taking a peak inside the gym door he noticed that no one was in there yet so he decided to check out the scene that was happening behind the gym.

With his back on the wall he had took a sideways glance at the scene before him. The scene had shocked the boy as there was a girl bawling her eyes out, before he could intervene and ask what was going on he heard laughter, one that he had grown to love for the past few months. He poked his head out a little more to see you with a couple of other friends smiling and laughing at the poor innocent crying girl.

'Sick' he thought, 'to think I like her, she made someone cry. . . and now she's laughing at them' Tanaka grumbled and left the scene as he had seen enough and didn’t want to be late for practice.

Although from behind the gym, and unknown to Tanaka, this was a little surprise (Y/n) planned for one of her friends.

The girl had brushed of a few stray tears that had escaped her eyes when she was laughing, "I'm sorry for laughing but ahahaha you should've seen your face. Who knew surprising you for your birthday would get you," the girl motioned to her friend, "like this." the continued in fits of laughter. From the corner of her eye she had saw Tanaka’s running figure that made a small smile grace her face.

One of (Y/n)’s friends looked over to where (Y/n) was staring at with a smile on her face and saw the same buzzed cut haired male, “Ooooh〜 does are little (Y/n)-chan have a crush?”

The said girl exploded into a vermillion red as she tried to deny all her friend’s teasing accusations

-

-

For the next following days Tanaka could barely look at (Y/n) without remembering the scene and how cruelly (Y/n) had been to the crying girl. Everytime she neared he would be sure to stay clear of her, he even had told his best friend Noya all about it just so he wouldn't fall hands into her trap. The girl albeit confused didn't mind much but she was still very much hurt that her crush was ignoring her.

Now that they were 2nd years, nothing much has changed since then. They were still classmates, Tanaka still thought she was fake, and (Y/n) still likes her chivalrous classmate. The only thing that has changed however is that (Y/n) is now more open to showing her interest in the buzz cut boy.

Which now leads us to our current situation.

“Tanaka-kun, do you want to be groupmates with me in this pair activity? I’m actually really good at (f/subject), so I really won’t be much of a burden.”

Tanaka’s eyes widened, if he was any other guy in his class or who he was last year then he’d be stoked that THE (L/n) (Y/n) was asking him directly to pair up with her. ‘Don’t fall for it, don’t fall for it, don’t fall for it’ he chanted in his head like a mantra.

“Ahah, sorry (L/n)-san but I’m already paired with (R/n).”

“Oh. . . I see, well maybe next time then?” The girl replied and looked up at him with expectant doe eyes.

Tanaka quickly averted his gaze and mumbled an inaudible ‘yeah sure’. He watched how (Y/n) skipped of to her friend circle and punched her friend in the arm. ‘There she goes again, pulling a 180 personality turn, how does no one see that??’ he thought to himself.

“A-ah, (R/n) let’s be partners for the pair work.” He had said clapping the boy on the back.

Meanwhile with (Y/n)

She skipped over to her circle of friends with a smile, “Oooh〜 does that mean prince charming accepted your proposal?” (F/n) asked with a smirk while the rest of the group sniggered. (Y/n) rolled her eyes and playfully glared at her friends. (F/n) gasped, “Is it a yes? My god he said yes. WE DID IT MR. STARK.”

(Y/n) playfully punched (f/n) in the arm and whined before dejectedly looking at the floor, “Well, actually. . . He said no. . ."

"Awweee, our poor baby"

"It's okay (Y/n)-chan"

"You want me to beat him up for you?"

(Y/n) shook her head as she turned around to see Tanaka with his arm around (R/n)'s shoulder.

★彡★彡★彡

Volleyball practice was yet to start as they were all gathered around in a circle waiting for Takeda-sensei to give some announcements.

“As you all are aware you have final exams starting next month, right?” Takeda started to which the quick freak duo and the rowdy second years paled at, “So, I think you know what I’m getting at, but if you fail any subjects supplementary classes will be held that weekend.”

Tanaka and Nishinoya shared a knowing look and were quick to try and bolt out the gym doors.

“Hey, There’s nowhere to run!” Daichi shouted after them, “Ennoshita, catch them!”

-

-

-

“Gaahhh, I can’t believe it,” Tanaka started as he laid face flat on the clubroom floors. “I’ve got no one to teach me, Saeko-nii would just laugh if I even mention trying to up my grades at this point.”

Sugawara laughed as he changed into a spare shirt, “I’m sure you’ll find someone.”

“What about you Suga-san?”

The said boy dismissively waved his hands, “What subject do you need help with anyway?”

“(F/subject).”

A lightbulb went up Suga’s head as he heard Tanaka’s reply.

“(Y/n)-chan is still your classmate right? You should go ask her, she’s really good at that subject,” Suga added, “Plus we went to cram school together and she’s pretty advanced, I could ask her for you.”

Daichi, overhearing the conversation mentioned that you spend a considerable amount of time in the library that he often sees you there one more than one occasion, “That and she’s really nice.” Daichi finished.

Tanaka had enough of this talk about you being all that as he stormed away from the clubroom, leaving Daichi and Suga to think Tanaka was so flustered he couldn’t take it anymore. The two looked at each other and hatched up a plan.

The following day Tanaka couldn’t help but notice Ennoshita, Daichi and Suga acting all suspicious during practice.

“Okay, what’s up with you three?” Tanaka questioned.

“Ah, it’s nothing, it’s nothing” Suga said with an overly nice smile that Tanaka swore he was almost getting cavities.

As the four continued their banter a certain (h/c)-ette had entered the gym in search for her Senpais.

“Suga-san, it’s really hard to believe you when you put on a face like that”

“Like what?”

“All I’m saying is you all are acting weird it’s like you all are up to something and I don’t buy it one b-

“Suga-senpai, Sawamura-senpai,” (Y/n) said with a small bow as she walks over to the quartet.

“Ahh (Y/n)-chan, nice to see you here.” Suga said patting the young girl’s head.

Daichi moved over to the pair so (Y/n) was inbetween Daichi and Suga. “(Y/n) here will tutor you so you wouldn’t have to worry about flunking your exams” Daichi boomed with a smile and a hand in the girl’s shoulder causing the girl to smile as well.

The trio smiled brightly at Tanaka, from across the gym Tsukishima squinted his eyes at the sight, “It looks like two parents handing over their child to an unwilling suitor” he said.

“Nice one Tsukki”

“Shut up Yamaguchi”

★彡★彡★彡

“Tanaka-kun, you have volleyball practice every Monday,Wednesday and Thursday right?” (Y/n) asked as they walked home together, something in which The third years had made the male do because ‘a girl shouldn’t be walking home alone at night’ Now here they stood walking three feet apart each other.

The boy hummed in reply, “So I was hoping you’d spend atleast an hour with me in the library after school on Tuesdays and Fridays and maybe thirty minutes on days when you have practice?”

“Yeah.”

“Alright, I can’t wait,” the girl said enthusiastically, “Can I have your phone number? For you know tutoring purposes”

This had made Tanaka stop dead in his tracks, ‘A girl wants my number?’ This was the first time the boy was asked for his number, regardless if he didn’t exactly like (Y/n) his heart fluttered all the same that caused a pink hue to spread on his cheeks. The girl had saw this and the same pink started dusting her own cheeks thinking she must have been too forward.

Tanaka coughed and fished out his cellphone and held it out towards the girl who gently took it with shaky fingers. Typing in her number she handed it back to the boy as they continued walking in silence, not noticing how close they seem to be walking now compared to the 3 foot distance they had minutes ago.

-

-

-

It has been a week and the two had only met up thrice to review over (fave/subject) in the library. The week had made Tanaka realize that the girl wasn’t all that bad company and he racked and questioned his mind and eyes if it were truly you who he saw at the back of the gym during your first years.

It was a Tuesday and the pair were working at the library, “You could use a break, you’re actually doing quite good so you deserve it.” The girl laughed. They were going over English today practicing grammar and vocab.

Tanaka had stretched his arms out on the table which caused the girl to laugh a little more, which soured Tanaka’s mood. ‘There’s that laugh, it’s no denying, that same laugh burned in the back of his mind as he replayed the scene all over again’

“I’m going to grab some thing to drink I’ll be back in a few.” The boy said and hurriedly left. Tanaka was hunched next to a vending machine aggressively chugging down a Calpico drink mumbling what a fool he’s been fraternizing with the enemy.

Was she really the enemy though?

Tanaka managed to carry himself all the way back up to the library seeing as he was abusing his “break time”, might as well go back to work then right? As the boy walked towards the table he had so “kindly” left you at he saw your figure a few tables past your original one playing with a 5 year old boy.

The boy was finger gunning the girl who was taking a step towards him in a zombie motion and the girl silently acted as though she was getting shot. The little boy giggled before ducking behind the table and continuing this pattern.

“Ah, Hibiki I think the young girl’s boyfriend is here for her now.” The librarian said to the child who looked mildly upset that he couldn’t play with the older female anymore. The boy waved goodbye towards the girl and (Y/n) happily waved back. The girl then turned her head towards Tanaka who was frozen where he stood when the old woman called him your boyfriend.

“Tanaka-kun looks funny, did you enjoy your break?”

“I had a Calpico”

“Sounds refreshing” the girl replied with a laugh.

The two continued on with their prepping for English and had come across a word that Tanaka had a hard time comprehending.

“Surprise?”

“Yeah, it’s an english expression, it means to be shocked about something you weren’t expecting. Hmm, when was the last time Tanaka-kun was surprised?” The girl had asked to keep the ball rolling.

“Well the team surprised me on my birthday sometime ago, I was really taken aback and couldn’t help but cry a little.”

“Oh, back during my first year we threw a huge surprise party for my friend at the back of the gym. We got her a cake and everything, she cried too, it was really funny-“

‘Wait. . . What?!’ Tanaka had thought. The pressure building inside him was intense, ‘God, was that what happened? I TOTALLY MISINTERPRETED’

“Surprised.” Tanaka said in english. He totally wouldn’t be forgetting that anytime soon. The boy felt bad for judging her all these years and guilt was literally creeping up on him that he actually found it hard to breath. He felt like such an idiot, for not reading into the scene correctly and for mistreating (Y/n). He needed someway to make it up to her, but what?

“Do you want me to walk you home today?” The question came out before he could think.

The girl tried to hide a smile, “That would be great.”

The two had grown significantly closer since then much to (Y/n)’s friends and the Karasuno’s third years pleasure as they’ve been rooting for them for the longest time. Tanaka would ask to stay and review longer with the said girl even if h could barely understand but he made an extra effort to impress her so he took a considerable amount of prep work at home much to his sister’s surprise. This had earned him a bit of teasing, he endured it all just for the sake of his pride, and the volleyball summer camp.

The day of the exams rolled in and Tanaka was actually extra nervous about this. There was 4 exams to take and everything (Y/n) taught him was slowly scuttling out the window. Regardless he answered what he could making a few guesses here and there. Now all that was left was to wait for the results.

“Ito-san”

“Hai!”

Tanaka had his head in his hands staring up at the teacher who was calling onto students to give back their test papers.

“Watanabe-san”

“Hai!”

‘It’s okay. . .’

“Sato-san”

“Hai. . .”

‘It’s okay. . .’

“Tanaka-san”

‘Shit’

“Hai!” He said standing up abruptly making his chair screech from behind him. Every step he took closer to Nakamura-sensei felt heavy, upon receiving his papers he quickly bunched it up and decided to look at it later. (Y/n) wasn’t present in class as she was pulled out for club activities and he thought he should save looking at his grade for when they would meet up later.

(Y/n) was standing outside the gym doors leaning against the balls of her feet waiting for a certain buzzed cut male. Tanaka saw her standing there and was bouncing his leg up and down exhaling as he made his move to advance towards her, “(L/n)-san!” He called out.

“Yknow we’ve known each other for a while now, so you can call me (Y/n) if you’d like”

“A-ah, okay then, anyways the test results came out. . .”

“How’d they go?”

“Well, I haven’t exactly saw it yet, I was hoping to show you and find out together. . .”

A smile graced it’s way on the girl’s face, finding courage she grabbed on to his hand and gave a firm reassuring nod as he dug for the results in his bag.

(Fave/subject)- 83/100

Math- 42/100

English- 66/100

Science- 46/100

Tanaka stared at his papers in disbelief. This was the highest he’d scored since primary school. The girl flung her arms around his neck as the boy gripped her waist and swung her around in happiness, laughing in sheer mirth of the moment. Tanaka slowed as their laughter died down, eyes locking onto each other.

Suga and Daichi was hiding behind the bush watching them. They fistbumped at the success of getting the two together. Tsukki and Yamaguchi were heading towards the gym at the exact moment Tanaka and (Y/n) were leaning into a kiss.

"Now, kiss" he said aloud.

"Uwoooohh Tsukishima what are you talking about? huh, is that Tanaka-san?"

"Oi Boke don't watch them."

"WAAAHH GO GET SOME RYUUUUUU"

"Ne ne Tsukki do you think they're dating?"

Daichi and Suga face palmed at the ruined moment.

[theaspers]

Zara! I just got back from a short trip. In a perpetual state of i want to do fuck all 😑 but I really should focus n do things. How are u? Anything random u want to share? My face n upper body r quite sunburnt lol so I've been a hermit trying to recover 😂 thanks for the well wishes on the job hunting. My mood on that journey is like ⬆️↗️➡️↘️⬇️↙️⬅️↖️🤣

I revisited hades after u replied! N spoilers: I got past elysium n then died to the Chambers (items got so expensive n it's multiple pathways to find cerb's treat lol n the poison...) butttttt I came back like next run n got hades to like 1/3 of his health and then died!!!! I'm pretty chuffed tho. I know now heueueue. And I MET THAN! GORGEOUS SOFT DEATH BOI. His voice man 🥰 BTW r zag n than half brothers that share hades as their father? But he cute that ain't no lie. I um am assuming u finished at least one complete run so I hope I ain't spoiling anything? I'm really sorry if I did. Third fury sister met too heueu.

Lololol I'm not really shitting on luci's yukata haha. Tbh I've been into kpop n Korean shows for yearsssss so I feel like nothing really fazes me too much? It's funny seeing ppl shit on Satan so much but I'm like honestly it doesn't hurt my eyes that badly. N his Pepsi yukata looks pre good. Not the worst by a looooooongggg shot. I hope the devs fix up the wonkiness of obey me cuz otherwise they will keep losing players n awesome content creators. V understandable tho. That's also why I probably won't play om and genshin cuz gacha, too stressful n it's kinda nice just evolving the charas by headcanons n imagination alone. The lore is v noice tho. Have u read the genshin manga?

Hahaha it's a good thing I thought of u. The fic does have some grammatical errors (I went back to read it again hehe) but it's just so soft n realistic to me that I thought u might like it. Probably ooc for Thea tho sorry. It's alright if u never get to it or don't like it!

Aww my ask got ate up huh. I sent it in the morning after u recommended achilles to me. It just said that the song is so fucking good. So cathartic n would've been such a help several yrs ago when I was going thru some shit. I love the lyrics, the sound...it's very soothing n I love it a lot. I hope to find more English songs that have such beautiful n haunting lyrics. I'm trying not to make the ask too long so I've dumbed the original ask down a lot. It's going to be long anyways 🙃

I asked about any personal hcs u wanted to share? Mine were that I would call Lucifer: Luce Luce or Luci haha. N I would greet him by saying Luci....fer after making eye contact with his brothers above his shoulder but he would be glaring at me anyways. Ever perceptive Luci. I would like to mess around Belphie by calling him Moo Moo 🤭 I hc that once close, I would go around the dining table every morning n give each bro some individual loving. Some nuzzles, cheek kiss ya know n get to Belphie like wut up moo moo? Lplolol thanks for letting me ramble haha this is sort of embarrassing. Can u tell my love language is physical touch 💖

Haha no worries about ur messy blog tho. I love the stuff u reblog. Some legit quality content n it's so amusing seeing the juxtaposition between the sfw n the NSFW. Ur duality zara never fails to make me laugh. If u want u can guess my height. What vibes do I give off? I have a feeling my answer will make u v happy ☺️ ALSO DUDE UR FIRST LANG AIN'T ENGLISH? WAT IS THIS BLASPHEMY? THAT'S SO FUCKIN IMPRESSIVE. KUDOS TO U SON. Wow. damn. U. R. So. Cool. 🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️ Ahem finally much love to Luci anon. Better reinstate their rightful emojis hehe. Thanks for letting me visit again 💙 - (not a) worker lurker

long answer so under a cut hehe.

hey there!! sorry i took so long to reply shsjs but anw hope you’ve been doing well. i have been doing alright too? i guess? lol i have no idea. i’m simply just vibing. i hope the sunburn’s not bothering u as much anymore though! and still wishing you lots of luck on the job hunting front!

oooh, glad to hear that you’ve made some progress on hades! you’re not spoiling anything at all so don’t worry hehe. i wish you luck on your future runs, you can do it!! (side note: those stupid rats. i swear. i hate them so much 😭) AHH THAN!! isn’t he just so precious? 🥺 like i realise he is death but he’s so. soft 🥺 and no!! afaik they’re not related lol i think nyx might have just. made him and hypnos? they grew up together tho, i think. oooh, love the fury sisters. they’re very interesting hehe. definitely missed playing the game but i’m still not in the mood to play it unfortunately. i miss zag tho. and hypnos. ugh one day i’ll pick it back up again 🥺😭

shdjd same tho. and ur right. after seeing all the kpop idol outfits, nothing fazes me anymore. plus i don’t think their outfits are the worst thing ever tbh :’) ugh, i agree. the main route itself is getting harder to play and the non-stop events are tiring. i want to hope that they slow down a lil bit but idk. kinda doubt they will. and the obm gacha rate is terrible but at the end of the day, it is gacha, right? :’) genshin is horrible gacha wise but there’s always a lot to do, and places to explore. plus they’re still updating the game so i’m sure it’ll remain relevant for a little while longer. i haven’t read the manga fully but i have seen bits and pieces, and some screenshots. diluc and kaeya look amazing in them 😭

oof yeah, i still love listening to achilles come down. it’s so good!! definitely very cathartic. i’m glad you enjoy it too. 🥰

ahaha, ngl i just always call him luci tbh. i know he probably doesn’t like it. but like lucifer is just a mouthful to say sometimes hehe i just know he’ll get his revenge on u for calling him that tho. belphie moo moo shdjd that’s kinda cute?? hmm. i don’t think i have nicknames for them tbh? :0 just kinda. shorten their names lol. and there’s nothing wrong with having physical touch as ur love language!! hehe i think that’s cute. i’m sure they enjoy the show of affection anw. i think i would just be way too shy to do anything like that tho :’)

ik people tell me they enjoy the messiness but sometimes i scroll through and get so embarrassed 😭 like i would like to not be perceived, please and thank u. but i’m glad that u enjoy my blog, regardless 😭 your height? :0 oof that’s a bit tough. you don’t radiate short ppl energy. wanna say ur probably average height shdkd and no, that’s definitely not me projecting my own height onto other people :’)

yeah, english isn’t my first language shdjd 😭 but i have been speaking/learning it for a while now. doesn’t matter tho, i still makes mistakes occasionally ahdjd but i’ve stopped caring lolol luci anon has yet to pop up again but it’s okay hehe they’ll get back their rights eventually hehe oh, and thank you for dropping by!! much love 💖💖💖

[ferdiesnini]

Happy 62nd Birthday Dad!

Dearest Daddy,

It's November 9 again. And just like last year and the years before that, we miss you. A lot. And still waiting. And hoping.

I heard Cha is making pancit for you today. Can you imagine! Your baby now knows how to cook! Well, I guess it's not that surprising, she's in her 20s now. But I still always see her as a child.

I got you a cake. It's mango, your favorite. I had a fight with Meimei after though. Hehe. You see, she forgot what today is and was wondering why I was ordering cake for delivery. So when I reminded her, she said she lost track of the date... Which is possible, being that we' re in a pandemic and we seldom go out. And then I started quizzing her about everyone's birthday and birthyears and she was wrong a lot of times.

She even said I was 7 years older than her! When you know it was only 3, or to be more precise: 2 yrs and 10 months.

I then shared what was happening to our family group chat, specifically the one about Kuya, cos I found the whole thing funny. And then Kuya replied:

😤😤😤😤😤😤😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😵😵😵

And then she said sorry and then Kuya didn't check the chat anymore, probably because he was doing something else... And she was like "Look now, he won't even check the messages anymore!" and she was mad at me.

Knowing Kuya, he was just kidding. I'm sure he also doesn't remember everyone's birthdays, because I have a vague memory of me asking him about everyone's birthdays before and he also didn't remember all of it.

I think, out of all your kids, I'm the only one who remembers everyone's birthdays and birth years. But nothing wrong with them not remembering anyway, since I'm sure I only remember because I'm built that way.

So Meimei went to her room and I'm alone again in the living room. Which is normal.

Ah, I haven't told you we recently moved houses. We had to move because the previous house we're renting was sold. If it wasn't too expensive, we would have bought it. But it was around 100M or more, and was sold to the owner's nephew. Not sure if the price he paid is the same since they are family. But in our case, that was the asking price. 10 yrs ago or so it was only around 20 I think. But a lot of developments in the area so property prices did soar too.

The new house we are renting is just about 150sqm... Which is very small compared to the 3500 sqm we lived at before. We had to let go of the house staff as well since there isn't any room for them to stay at. But all is well. The house is large enough for me and your son-in-law. And Meimei is also staying with us.

In honor of us spending our first Christmas here, and to fit the space, I purchased a new tree. The old tree is still in storage, but will bring it and put it up at the other side of the house.

It is quite nice, isn't it? The photo doesn't give it justice though, it's way nicer in person. The theme is white, bronze, gray and silver.

I took another picture:

I had it up after Halloween. You know how in our country, Christmas actually starts when it's "-ber" months, so I was actually late hehe.

The theme for the other tree will still be red, white, and natural. But not entirely sure when I'll go pick it up from storage.

I miss our Christmases together.

I went too far into the future hehe... But I guess it is to explain why there's a lit Christmas tree in the background of the video of your birthday cake.

Here's this year's birthday song Daddy:

Didn't place the candle on the cake because it was taped on top of the box originally. So it was exposed during delivery.

Life is still similar to what it was like last year. The papers needed to claim your pension is still at offices... So hope that gets finished soon.

Happy 62nd birthday Daddy!

Love and longing from all of us and in behalf of Mom and my siblings,

Your Nini

[perdizzion]

I just happen to stumbled upon ur account and saw that you'll be quitting med school. I have a dilemma that I want to share with someone. Im a newly enrolled first yr med student and classes just started a week before. But I'm starting to form some doubts whether I really want to be a doctor or not. Its not that I cant handle the academics its just that do i really see myself being a doctor in the future and actually feel happy about it.

I dont even know if being a doctor is my dream anymore or just my parent’s.

Hiya! Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me, anon! I don’t know if my answer will help you or not, but I will try to do my ABSOLUTE BEST to reply!!

Ok so. Med school. Tricky stuff. I’ll tell you a little bit about my background and what I’m up to right now to give you a Good Feel about how things are going after the decision I’ve taken and whatnot.

I got into med school about 4 and a half years ago, and like any student who worked their asses off for their desired universities’ entrance exams, I was beyond ecstatic when I found out that I had gotten in. I started attending lectures, group discussions, student projects, and for the first few years, I felt like hey, I think I can actually do this! The exams were pretty tough, I can’t say I liked pharmacology and neurology, but I passed just fine and so I thought that things were going to be fine.

[Narrator voice] things were, in fact, not fine.

I started having doubts around..3rd year, I think? Everything just started to become so dull no matter how much free time I was using to do my hobbies (drawing and doing art in general) and I think that was when my depression started to really rear its ugly head. I started to miss classes, isolate myself from my friends, stay in bed all day, and the only people that had kept me sane were my family and a few close friends of mine telling me to take care of myself when I was too depressed to do so. I tried thinking about whether I’ll be happy being a doctor in the future, and then I noticed that I couldn’t even imagine myself in a white coat, working in a clinic and talking to a patient.

This is when I finally realized that all this time, my wanting to go to med school wasn’t even because it was my dream. It was my parents’.

I struggled a lot to get through some of the days, but I managed to keep up the facade in front of my uni friends until I finished 4th year and received a “degree”. (In Indonesia, finishing 4th year of med school grants you a “bachelor of medicine” though you can’t really use it for anything yet until you’ve finished 2 more years of clerkship and get a “dr” in front of your name).

Clerkship happened after 4th year. If I had to use one word to describe clerkship, it would be hellish. I don’t know if this is how it works in every country, but in Indonesia, clerkship demands med students to attend hospital shifts with inhuman amount of working hours. We had to do 36 hour shifts every twice a week, and 9 hour shifts every other day. This might sound pretty light to some people, but it was super tough for me what with the amount of additional assignments and exams that we still had to do during our rotations. 

After 2 months of clerkship, my depression grew so much worse to the point where my best friend (bless her heart) had to call me almost everyday to help me sleep at night because the thoughts in my head wouldn’t leave me alone. Finally, I called my sister who lives in a different city to fly to where I was living in to take me to see a psychiatrist. It didn’t help because my doctor was super shitty about my condition (“all med students experience depression at one point because med school is just that hard, don’t worry, I’ve been there”) but I did take the meds. And I was planning to carry on with clerkship, until one day the meds gave me orthostatic hypotension (it was one of the side effects of the drug that I was taking) and I fainted in the middle of a surgery. When my mom (who lives in another city) found out about this, she was livid. She flew to my place right on that exact same day to take care of me, though she hadn’t known about my depression yet at the time.

The next day, I told her everything. Like, everything. About how med school had truly been stressing me out, about how I didn’t feel like med school was the right place for me anymore, about how clerkship had been making me feel like I was a worthless piece of shit because the doctors kept yelling at me, about how clerkship had also been making me realize that I wasn’t good with patients and that their lives are literally in my hands and that a single mistake could lead to their death and how I could never live with that much guilt in my life, about how I was so tired of being too sleep-deprived to properly function everyday, let alone to stitch a patient’s cut-up hand back together.

I told her that I wanted to quit. And so I did.

And you know what? It feels amazing.

I’ve been sleeping regularly for the past few months. I get to draw everyday now, and still make money out of doing commissions. I interact with my family a lot more and I don’t check up on them only when I need them to transfer me some money to buy food. I eat three meals a day like a normal human being and it feels so, so good. I applied for a scholarship so I could earn a Master’s degree in biomedicine abroad (it’s not art school, which is where I actually want to go to, but it’s not med school either so I’ll take it), I passed the first stage and now I’m just trying to do my best to pass the next two stages so I could get a full-ride. 

Things are okay. Things are good.

Things haven’t always been good, of course. People tell me that I was “so close to reaching my dreams!”, that my parents “must be so shattered to hear that you wanted to quit!”, that I am just “wasting away my potential.” My grandparents called me a disappointment a few weeks ago while telling me that I should just give up on my scholarship application and go back to med school. My dad told me that he wished I could “go back to the way I was and be happy again.” My mom cried multiple times. It hasn’t been easy on my mental health, but honestly? Fuck it. Fuck every single guilt-trip that my parents have had to put me through. Fuck everyone at uni who’s been spreading false rumors about how I quit med school because “I got cancer” or “I got knocked up.”

I absolutely hated how the doctors did anything back in the hospital. The rich patients got immediate treatment, and the poor got dismissed. The mentally ill were mocked behind closed doors, and med students were treated like trash. Rooted seniority where the senior doctors hazed junior doctors were still a thing (in Indonesia, at least). Literally everyone in the hospital had a superiority complex and I fucking hated it. Neither my parents nor my grandparents will have to be the ones to experience this on a daily basis for years though, so fuck outta here with your negative comments about my decision.

I quit med school because I did it for me, and only me.

This is by no means supposed to scare you away from med school just so you could jump into my bandwagon, heck no. I’m telling you this because nobody told me that this could be a possibility. Everybody I knew kept telling me that the only thing you’ll need to succeed med school is firm determination and hard work, and while that may be true for some people, I required a lot more than that, like a stable mental health, a good support system, etc. I failed to meet these requirements, and so everything turned into a shipwreck for me. My other friends, however, who were well-prepared with all of these, are managing to continue med school just fine.

That being said, this answer is definitely supposed to make you think about your decision more thoroughly. One of the most often things that people tell me post-med school is that “you should’ve quit earlier if you hadn’t liked it; it would’ve saved you a lot of time.” I hate the fact that I agree with this. If I had quit years ago, I would’ve still had time to search for a school that was more relevant to my interests and start over from a blank slate. If I had quit years ago, I would’ve been able to graduate from a new school and earn an actual proper job by now so I could help my parents out with our finance. Of course, my parents would’ve been way more harsh on me if I had told them that I wanted to quit so early on, but if you own the privilege of having parents that would genuinely and willingly listen to you, please talk about it with them. I had a friend who quit med school around a few months before 1st year ended; he’s in business school now and from what I’ve heard, he’s pretty happy with where he is right now.

Whew, that was long. I swear I didn’t mean for it to be this long!! Let me know if any of that helped or if you just want to talk off anon with me in general! I know firsthand how this kind of dilemma can eat you up whole, and it’s not a fun experience, so just hmu if you want to chat

Have a nice day!!

[taesthetes]

helloooo:-) so I have an upcoming exam that's rly important and constitutes like 70% of my grade for the whole yr, and this yr is rly important bc it determines my class next yr and subsequently my career.. I did really badly for the first exam, which is 30% and I'm Super stressed right now bc I can feel the pressure to do really well in this upcoming exam, as to get into the class that I want to I technically have to be in the top 3 of my class.. I was top 6 last time (continued in another ask)

and I recently dropped a subject in order to pull up my grade…. but i’m still super stressed and I’ve been rly moody and emotional nowadays… the exam’s in 3 days and I think I am pushing myself too hard now but I really really need to do well in this exam.. idk there’s loads of emotional stuff going on in me and i just wanted to let it all out😓 i hope u don’t mind but do u hav any advice on how to stay sane and calm and not so emotional? i think im overreacting a bit too😶😶

hi, sweetpea!! i’m sorry for the late reply; i check tumblr less and less frequently now that uni started up again and i’ve been busy. but omg 70% of your grade?? what kind of academic hell is this??? i’m sorry you didn’t do as well as you wanted to on your exam ): trying to be in the top 3 sounds so competitive and stressful wow… but you’re in the top 6!! you only need to move up three places, so that isn’t too bad! and you have three more days to study and prepare!

it’s good that you know your limit and that you dropped a subject so that you won’t overwork/overstress yourself out. i completely understand you since i felt the same way basically my entire academic career and even right now because i overload on classes a lot and there were/are so many important exams going on at the same time. and you’re always welcome to come talk to me and rant and let out all your frustrations!! :)

hmm, as for advice, i’d have to say:

make a schedule. break up your studying in moderate intervals. designate certain times for each lesson, chapter, subject, etc. for instance, if you break it up by chapter, maybe spend an hour on it, then take a ten minute break before going back to studying it another hour, depending on how long it takes for you to understand the material. you won’t get too overwhelmed with studying this way.

don’t spend too much time stressing over one concept or chapter. i personally spend two hours on one chapter max because there’s so many other chapters to get through, and if you spend all your time on understanding one chapter, you won’t have time for the rest, and it’s better to know all the other chapters and not understand one chapter than completely understand one chapter, but forget about all the rest.

don’t cram. i do this all the time, but i get a lot more stressed out when i do this because there’s this panicky feeling that i can’t finish studying everything in time.

take breaks. i cannot emphasize the importance of this enough. your brain needs to rest; you cannot overuse it and overload it with so much information. you’re not going to remember it all that way. go get a snack or go outside for fifteen minutes.

exercise. i take out a lot of my anger and frustration by going to the gym and working out really hard. i feel much more calm and relaxed, albeit a bit tired, after a good work out. it also keeps your blood flowing and pumping throughout your body, and you feel more energized and ready to sit down and study.

do some breathing exercises. when i get too emotional and moody, i like to do some breathing exercises, which helps to calm me down. inhale, count to five, exhale, count to five, and repeat the entire process for a minute or until you feel a bit more relaxed and calm.

scream into a pillow. honestly, sometimes all you need is to let out your emotions, and screaming is a good way to do it. but muffle your screaming with the pillow so you don’t scare other people or anything lmao

talk to someone. voice your concerns and worries with someone, and you’ll usually feel at least a little bit better afterwards. i’m always here to talk if you’d like! but i feel like face to face conversations is better with this method.

do something fun. go out and get lunch with your friends, draw a picture, read a book, watch an episode of your favorite tv show. just do something that takes your mind off of studying for a bit, so you don’t get overwhelmed and stressed from constantly studying.

get a good night’s rest. do not forgo sleep in favor of studying. that’s a terrible idea. your body and your brain needs that time to rest, so you can be awake and ready to go the next day. you’re not going to get much studying done when you feel sleepy and sluggish either.

that’s all i can think of for now, but i hope my advice is helpful to you!! you’re always welcome to send me another ask if you’d like! and best of luck with your exam, sweetpea!!! i know you’ll do great 💕