#will who specifically has received multiple It's Okay To Be Different speeches and came out of them believing them is the character

[bylertruther]

"will shouldn't use a gun in season five because his father probably taught him how to use one and that could be a bad reminder for him" have you considered that will using what was very likely a Bad experience to save his life in what is undoubtedly an even worse experience could be a good thing? have you considered that him using a skill he was forced to learn to save not only himself but (as is likely more important and meaningful to him) the lives of others could give him a sense of usefulness and safety knowing that he isn't defenseless and can stand his and others' ground if need be? especially considering that's a skill that we've only seen hopper and nancy possess, making it that much more valuable and himself more helpful to the group? after everything in s1 and s2, he's probably felt guilty for having endangered them and dozens of other people multiple times, i don't think it'd be out there for him to feel "happy" that he can finally return the favor and protect them for once (especially after having complained about being babied and treated like a doll).

"will doesn't have and shouldn't have powers because that makes him different and he doesn't want to be different" not only are you wrong lol <3 but how have you not noticed that will's entire thing since the very beginning is that he is different and he knows it and while he does get his heart broken over the fact that this means he faces constant unfairness in life, he still refuses to be any other way? will doesn't conform nor does he ever try to even when others try to force or shame him to. he gets frustrated and upset at being treated differently, yes, but he stays true to himself. to battle that feeling he sometimes gets that tells him he's a mistake, a feeling he gets not from his own otherness but from living in a world that Makes it an otherness and thus isolates him for it, he seeks out that which he loves and enjoys and throws himself wholeheartedly at it. will lives his truth and is willing to suffer the consequences for it. he refuses to live in darkness and let it take a hold of him. he holds on to hope and all that makes him feel better for being different. he holds on to art, to dnd, to video games, to his family and his friends, and everything that brings him joy and reminds him that it's okay to be different. in s1 joyce defends will ("he's missing is what he is") and jonathan tells him he shouldn't like things that other people (namely their homophobic dad) try to force him to like, that he should like what he genuinely likes. in s2 jonathan gives will the freak speech and tells him that no one normal ever accomplished anything and mentions bowie. in s3, he doesn't get a speech, (though joyce does tell him that when he falls in love he won't find it gross [avoiding the word girlfriend and leaving it neutral]) but he does face backlash from someone that IS trying to conform and IS shaming will for not letting go of "childish" things aka his interests, what's important to him, and what he wants. does will back down or shy away in shame? no. instead, he lets mike sit in his shame for having said something that hurtful, and he says "yeah. i guess i did. i really did." clearly this is a conversation about what makes will different aka his sexuality bc he goes and destroys castle byers (the safe place he and his brother built once their homophobic dad left which is a place will can be himself unapologetically) with what is likely a bat that lonnie gave him when trying to get him into baseball. he calls himself stupid and donates his dnd books, but i don't see this as an act of conformity (he tells mike as much, suggesting he'll just use his books + if he was ashamed he wouldn't have painted the party as their dnd characters and given it to him of all people lol). he felt stupid because he thought they'd always be crazy together, that they were of the same mind and heart still, and that they had the same brand of "otherness" if you catch my drift. then in s4 we get jonathan's tender "you're my brother and there is nothing absolutely nothing that will ever change that" which is the most direct anyone has ever been about that which makes will different. and he doesn't shy away from it! he doesn't deny it, because we can see from his confession and how he breaks down that he's desperately been wanting and needing to hear that. he accepts that love and allows himself to be held and seen by someone else, as he has every other time. because will doesn't hate being different, he just hates that he has to live in a world where that's seen as wrong and thus makes him feel like he doesn't belong because of it. but he doesn't change himself. he doesn't feel ashamed of it. he doesn't see it as a flaw in himself or others and he never has. will is different and he knows it and he wouldn't have it any other way.

will's story since the beginning has been about being different and going through awful things, and managing to not only find the light in it but also make it out stronger because of it all. it's always been about using what makes him different as a good thing and as something he uses to save himself and others.

will being good with a gun bought him time with whatever kidnapped him. will knowing how to run and hide kept him alive in the upside down. will acted as a spy while possessed and managed not only to save hopper but also tell them how to finish this. will's experiences and senses helped them figure out what was happening in season three. will's love and loyalty inspires mike and manages to bring him to a better place even if just for a moment in the van, and again he's the one that knows vecna's current state, aaaand had he been in hawkins at the time it likely would've gone a lot better because as dustin said "we need will".

taking something awful and turning it into a good thing and a source of strength is a wonderful trope. it's inspiring and empowering not only for the character but for those that could use that hope and reminder that there's always a silver lining, that life isn't all darkness and shadows and hurt. not only that, but it's something that they've literally always done for will since the very beginning. he is the prime character for that. his entire message has always been that it's okay to be different and that you can find strength and peace in that; that the things that make you different aren't a detriment, they're precisely what make you strong. like... i'm sorry, but have you not been paying attention at all whatsoever this entire time or... :/

[whatdamiwatched]

Max & Helen - From the Beginning...

In preparation for the sharpwin ship sailing next week, I went and rewatched season 1 to really contextualise the way their relationship has developed, and I have to say it was quite eye opening.

The Introduction

We are introduced to Georgia in the first scene with Max via his phone screen, there’s a photo of her as his background photo. Their first conversation on screen happens when he calls her in the middle of this day just after he speaks to Helen for the first time

Max- Just calling to say hi

Georgia- Really?

Max- isn’t that what people do?

Georgia- people, yes. You…not so much.

Max- I’m trying, I’m going to change, I’m going to win you back

Georgia- well you have 12 weeks.

It isn’t until later that we find out fully that this marriage is failing and being held together by guilt and a difficult pregnancy, which makes it even worse that Max’s attempt at “trying” was calling her in the middle of the day to say nothing compelling.

Enter Helen- confident, smart, an asset to the hospital and the only doctor Max personally seeks out on his first day- to insist that she immediately cut down on travel or get fired. While the other doctors are stats and figures to him when he starts at New Amsterdam, Helen is Dr Helen. Already their relationship is being established as different from his relationship with the other doctors. In a throat biopsy, he’s distracted by her on tv- so distracted in fact, that he’s pushed to give her another ultimatum even though the first one hasn’t expired.

Max’s ultimatum was significant for Helen because for the first time since she had been running and hiding from the pain in her life, someone saw her and cared enough to make her stop. Even though it was a medical director she just met, and it was because of work, it was grounding for her for someone to see her and need her in that way.

Her choosing to come back was significant, not just because of Max, but because it was the catalyst for facing the emotional baggage she had been trying to escape.

So here we are- Max in the hospital where his sister died and donated her organs, trying to find closure and Helen- weighed down by emotional baggage that she’s ready to face.

Tell Me One True Thing

Georgia and Max meet in the hospital where he works- her energy is light and energetic; their connection is fun and their first date is in the hospital cafeteria. From that scene, their banter is fun and flirty, but Max is relaxed – they both are, it’s an easy connection. When Max proposes, he does it by the hospital when he’s on call! He’s in his scrubs and not only does he think that’s okay- she thinks that’s okay.

Their relationship never really existed outside of his career, he never put her first, and she points this out when she finds out about the medical director job. She knows that he will not choose her over the hospital, especially not the hospital where Luna died. The thing is, Max doesn’t even really try. He never chooses her, and she never actually expects him to.

When he almost dies at the lake and has the temporary epiphany that he has to take his cancer seriously, she doesn’t advocate for him to leave his job- even though…he almost died. She knows the job still comes first. Georgia and Max’s relationship thrived on emotional distance- when Georgia begs him in her hospital bed to tell her one true thing- he could only say- I love you. While he and Helen debated his cancer treatment, her only input was going with what Max wanted? When he woke up from his minor tooth surgery, his first thought wasn’t how the surgery chain went, it was what helen said specifically.

I love my doctor

Before Helen, Max had likely never felt true intimacy and vulnerability. He had likely never been able to be himself completely with a partner. We don’t know much about his relationship with his parents, but we can deduce that he’s not close to them.

Although the physical chemistry was palpable from their first scene, Max and Helen built a friendship based on trust and honesty since they let each other in very early. This relationship was built with the best intentions but every relationship comes to a point where emotion supersedes emotion and that’s where we ended up at 1x 16 where the clairvoyant tells Max that he’s going to lose someone close to hum. As soon as she assured him that it wasn’t his wife, he pulls Helen aside to reassure her and try to explain how he feels about her ending by saying “I love my doctor”.IN THE MIDDLE OF TREATING A PATIENT IN THE MIDDLE OF A STORM WHILE MARRIED. At this point, both Max and Helen are at a crossroads of the undeniability of their connection, even though they are both too principled and respectful to call it anything other than “this thing between us”.

At the lake, when he goes to spread ashes for Luna, he says to her- or to the wind that he’s addressing as her- everything I do is because of you. I just keep trying to save you , over and over that’s all I do and I never, never will.

Now where did we end up hearing those EXACT words before?

In that moment, it’s Max admitting that he’s been consumed with emotions that are clouding his judgment and he has to let go.

When Helen uses those words in 2x16, the subtext is the same. By that time, she had saved his life and even Georgia’s life- multiple times. She even saved his life twice in one episode! She saved his life by taking on his cancer in the first place, she saved his life by choosing to pass him off to another doctor when he was using their relationship as an opportunity to not take his cancer seriously and she saved his life by making the decision for him to stop that treatment when it wasn’t working. She took on the role of deputy medical director- which let’s face it was more or less the medical director, she found him, not one but two trials, she gave up half her department that she loved more than anything. She gave up her romantic relationship- she meant it when she said everything I’ve done I’ve done for you- just like Max meant it when he said it to Luna. Max and Helen had have both poured themselves into people that couldn’t pour back, one because she was dead, and the other because he had too many warring emotions to deal with.

Helen could have let Max save her more- he definitely was willing to be that person and showed it many times, but we have to accept that she was in a very difficult position. Just as soon as she felt settled, started a new relationship, made a decision about freezing her eggs, she’s hit with a consuming, intimate relationship with someone that’s married. She had to leave some walls up.  

Everything I Do Is For You

Their characters have gone through a lot- Helen has a dead parent and a dead fiancée, fertility issues and a fear of vulnerability and the feeling of running out of time- Max has a dead wife, who he had outgrown emotionally, raising a child alone, battling with grandparents that blame him for their daughter’s death and parents that by all indications don’t play a significant role in his life, plus a dead sister he has carried with him his whole life. Finding each other was in many ways, the catalyst each of them needed to move forward with life at so many points. For Max, he could have very well died without Helen- Georgia could have died in the bedroom without Helen- his grieving process would definitely have been longer and more complicated without Helen – it wasn’t insignificant that she was the one that pushed the ghost of Georgia out of the apartment, she was an anchor through it all.

For Helen, she was pushed to come back to the hospital and by having that anchor to a place and her patients, she was able to explore romantic relationships and face her fertility and wanting a child head on, she was able to explore how much of herself she could give to another person again after Mohammed died and try another relationship. In turn, she was able to be in a different position when Mina came to live with her.

By Max receiving the kind of selfless love he had never gotten before (from the parts of his story we’ve been told), he was finally able to heal, from so much of the stuff he’d been carrying to come to a place where he feels able to match Helen’s energy. To come to a point where he’s able to see himself as a WHOLE person, not just a flawed one- not just a guilty one- not just an overworked or crazy or erratic one. The speech at the end of 3x13 to Luna’s parents showed just how far he’s come; how much he’s changed and how much his relationship with Helen has changed him. The confidence that he was enough as- is a Max that we had never seen before.

And Helen- naming them- before now, it’s always been Max with his double meanings  and his “I want to build something better for you and Mina” and “It helps not to be alone” and “I can’t do this without you”, but this time it’s Helen- Helen who is saying “us”- Helen who is putting them together as a family and is relaxed and comfortable doing so. Helen who isn’t simply giving him advice as a friend or listening to him but giving him advice as an anchor- we are here and we are fine and you need to fight for our family because it’s worth it.

I see you

The decon shower. His hand trailing down her neck. Those voicemails. Here they are finally, trying to get into an ADULT relationship. Moving beyond the cute hand holding and lingering looks, to hopefully many kisses, many distractions and many mornings waking up next to each other.

Sharpwin is coming and I’m ready!

[vicleesi]

About GoT Episode 4:

First of all, I’m completely exhausted from turning a blind eye to the multiple flaws in the D & D scripts (and it was they who wrote this episode). The strength of Game of Thrones came right from the details thanks to the incredible world that George R. R. Martin created and D & D destroyed. So no, I will not spare you them.

- The beginning was good. I just do not understand why Jon made his speech without looking at the survivors of Winterfell.

- The party dinner was generally good. In these last seasons, Game of Thrones has managed to maintain a good quality in the interaction between characthers. Episode 2 was basically all that and it was good for me. The problem is when GoT starts off for the story  - which is already lost.

- Daenerys’s loneliness was well portrayed. Too bad the series prematurely killed Selmy Barristan, did not it?

- First failure of attention to detail that detracts from the series’ worldbuilding: Gendry Rivers, what? Is he from the Riverlands, by any chance? Bastard born and raised in King’s Landing is named after Waters. His name was Gendry Waters (actually it was just Gendry, since Robert never recognized him as his bastard son). Why change that, D & D? To be different?

- I wish Gendry good luck trying to persuade the Storm lords to bend over to a bastard who does not understand a thing about ruling a castle. But of course the series will not talk about that. At least they did not give Storm’s to Brienne or to Davos (by the way, when the Davos family will show up?)

- Leaving a bit out of order, but taking advantage of feudal politics, what’s going on in Dorne?” D & D mentioned a new Prince of Dorne who swore loyalty to Daenerys. Hi? What? When? Who? WHY??? D & D had the brilliant idea of ​​making the Martells exterminate each other and still reap the rewards of their genius. Dorne remains the worst arc in the series and quite possibly one of the worst book-media visual adaptations ever.

- They also mentioned Riverrun again. What happened to the Riverlands after the Freys all died? Where is Edmure Tully? Who controls Riverrun?

- Writers creating a whole scene by saying that Brienne is a virgin. Not necessary.

- There was not a crippled nephew of Daeron Targaryen. D & D creating Targaryens whenever they want, although there is a well-defined story in the books. (FIRE AND BLOOD)

- There was finally a scene between Sandor and Sansa. It only took 4 episodes to happen. Once again they put Sansa as the product of her suffering, justifying the idiot choices D & D made for her character. Nothing new, otherwise it was a totally forgettable dialogue (I already forgot).

- The Bronn Paradox: If Bronn is not serving Daenerys while the war is rolling, who guarantees that he will receive his castle in the end? Especially considering he was utterly disillusioned with the promises of the Lannisters to the point of being ready to kill his two best friends? In fact, did D & D forget that Jaime himself had offered Highgarden to the Bronn last season?

- Again, as for Gendry, I wish Bronn good luck in trying to establish his feudal dominion over the proud lords of Highgarden who did not even tolerate the right Tyrells, and the Tyrells were an old family and had already been entrenched in there for centuries. Of course, D & D do not care.

- The Paradox of the Wildlings: Why were they known as wildlings? Because they tried to conquer the Wall from time to time and were always looting the North in search of resources and riches. Because their land was a shit, where nothing grew and it was always winter, basically. Now the they finally made it through the Wall and gain access to the best lands, even more with the support of the Winterfell and Starks. What do they do? That’s right: they go back to their shit place because D & D have that same shit on their heads.

- What else is north of Winterfell and south of the Wall are lands with no one, thanks to the King of the Night.“ But the wildlings choose to go back to Castle Black and, by all means, beyond the Wall. Seven Hells.

- I will not even comment on Jon’s scene sending Ghost away.” If it was for him to appear that way, it was better for the wolf to have been m.i.a as before.

- Sam Tarly is a Night’s Watch man. Men of Night’s Watch should not have children. When will anyone say that? Did not Jon even mention it? What happened to Night’s Watch? Why is Sam still dressed in black? If he’s out, why did not he become Lord Tarly?

- The arc of Night’s Watch is going to be without conclusion anyway? Are they gone?

- The army of the living has lost only half its men? It was not what it looked like in episode 3. But okay, D & D create and describe armies whenever they think it’s valid - just like Night’s Watch, apparently.

- As they are doing this season, D & D cut important dialogue scenes because they do not know what to write. In the first episode they cut off Daenerys before she finished threatening Sansa. In the second episode they cut their scene together before Dany could answer the question “What about the North?”. At the end of it cut the scene Jon x Dany in the crypts. Now they cut the scene of Sansa and Arya discovering that Jon is not their brother. Why, man? What is the reason? I’m shocked that D & D did not cut Jon’s reaction to finding out that he’s a bastard of Rhaegar and Lyanna (yes, he’s a bastard, D & D, no matter how many fanfics they write).

- Arya in the first moment: we are a family! Arya in 2nd moment: left King’s Landing, goodbye Winterfell, until never again! and yes she left for good, she said she ain’t coming back!

That was the good part of the episode. Let’s go to the bad part!!

- So you want to tell me that Euron can hit three harpoons in a dragon in mid-flight?“

- So you want to tell me that Daenerys from the sky was unable to see the Greyjoy fleet hidden behind an islet?”

- So you want to tell me that Daenerys never considered the possibility that it was a bad idea to sail to Dragonstone as they knew Euron controlled the seas there?“

- So you want to tell me that Rhaegal was not killed by the zombie dragon brother in the apocalyptic Battle of the long night fighting for the fate of the men’s kingdom only to die in the next episode in a few seconds for Euron Greyjoy’s magical harpoons?

-So you want to tell me how easy it is to kill dragons like that?” It amazes me that Aegon conquered Westeros three hundred years ago.

- Daenerys should have flown directly to King’s Landing and fired at everything after the Rhaegal’s death. Fire and Blood!!

- Jaime returning to Cersei: hi? What the fuck? If it is to join her and not kill her right away, Jaime will be the greatest example of character assassination that D & D has committed since Stannis Baratheon.

- How did Team Dany know that Missandei had been captured? Euron made propaganda, sent in the email?

- Is Varys loyal to Jon Snow? REALLY? What does Varys know about Jon Snow? When did he meet Jon Snow? When did they share at least one scene together? They never talked. Varys never saw him rule. Where do the writers get these crazy ideas?

- Nonsense to be creating intrigue over the marriage between Jon and Daenerys. She will need to get married to have children and continue the dynasty. Who is she getting married to, Hot Pie?

- By the way, there have been marriages between uncles and nieces among the Starks. Brothers Jonnel and Edric Stark married their nieces Serena and Sansa Stark some 150 years ago to try to end a crisis of succession, since their father, Rickon, heir to Winterfell, had been killed in the conquest of Dorne. It would not surprise me if GRRM specifically placed these marriages in history just for this situation that was raised in the conversation between Tyrion and Varys. In fact, marriages between uncles and nieces were not exactly uncommon in our own history. In Brasil, Dom Pedro I was grandson of D. Maria I of Portugal, who was married to his uncle, D. Pedro III, precisely to avoid a dynastic crisis.

- Again the bullshit that Robert’s Rebellion was built on a lie. I imagine the Crazy King burning the Lord of Winterfell and his heir and begging for Ned and Robert’s head did not influence that at all.

- Dany is an emotional woman who’s going crazy. So we need a rational man to help her.

- Dany is an emotional woman who’s going crazy. So we need a rational man to help her!!

- Oh, excuse me if I repeated myself, but this nonsense does not go down. They disrespected Daenerys, disrespected her journey, disrespected even the “girl power” they tried to do last season (Dany, Olenna Tyrell, Cersei and the Martells). The mysoginism of these so-called D & D appearing once more to claim another innocent victim.

- Why did Cersei not kill Tyrion?

- Why did Cersei not kill Daenerys?

- Euron does not suspect anything after Tyrion reveals he knew Cersei was pregnant?“ Since Euron himelf knew only minutes ago?

- D & D really put an end to the apocalypse so we can have Cersei grinning in the last three episodes? Is this serious?

- Euron is Cersei’s puppy. Euron in the series is another completely character , they should have changed his name in the adaptation as they did with the Asha (Yara).

- No turning back with the Night King. D & D make us muggles.

- Finally: where’s the winter ??? It seems King’s Landing is in the tropics.

- Cancel this and the next two episodes. Let GoT finish in episode 3, at least so we would have something minimally satisfying. D & D continue to insult the viewer’s intelligence.

"At least the show’s songs never fails to please.”

*this analysis is not mine I translated from a brazilian friend

[hot-mysticc-mess-blog]

Zen keeps bothering mc in Jumin’s route. I get he is being a protective jealous guy looking our for mc interest sort off (honestly I think it’s half cuz he wants to date mc). But he needs to chill. What about a scenario where Zen keeps saying Jumin is no good for mc. Mc is kind of gettimg bored of it. Either do mc comedally dealing with this or mc: You’re wrong about Jumin, Zen. I respect that he is busy. I am so happy with him though.

Here we go, MC telling Zen off for being over-critical of Jumin

Rating: G

Pairing: Jumin x MC

Words: 1,217

They tried to give Zen the benefit of the doubt. Hewas just being overprotective, right? Zen had always been incredibly nice,and a little flirty, to them ever since they first joined. As nice as he was toMC though, he was mean to Jumin, sometimes downright cruel. At first, theythought it might just be a little friendly ribbing. The two men had known eachother for several years and MC arrived all of 5 days ago. Who were they tojudge? Jumin never seemed bothered by anything anyone said,so it was possible Zen’s jokes had just escalated to be on par with theirtarget.

 It did not seem to bother Jumin or the rest ofthe RFA, so it wasn’t worth fussing over. That was, until Jumin poured hisheart out in a late-night chatroom, and MC promptly got a call from Zen to mockJumin for his feelings. Not in the chatroom, accompanied by friendly emojis andambiguity of tone. Privately, behind his back, where they could hear how absolutely hilarious Zen found Jumin’s hardship.

The closer MC got to Jumin, the more Zen pushed backagainst him. Was he jealous? Even ifit wasn’t about MC specifically, Jumin was successful, “born with a silverspoon in his mouth” as Zen liked to say, and she had heard a little bit of howhard Zen had it during his teen years. They tried to be polite, gentlyadvising him of what Jumin’s motives and feelings might be whenever he didsomething Zen could not understand. 

At the time, everything was turbulent and Jumin wasparticularly out-of-sorts. There were times when Jumin was out-of-line and deserved the criticism he received. MC thought that once Jumin settled down Zen wouldtoo. He did...just not as much as they had hoped. If Jumin had to cancel aplanned date for a meeting, Zen went on a tirade. When MC went out on their own(per their own insistence), Zen scolded Jumin about it. On Jumin and MC’s firstValentine’s Day together as married couple, Zen called around lunch time tocheck up on MC. He was sweet about it...until he found out Jumin was on abusiness trip and would most likely not be seeing them at all. 

Zen meant well, but the rest of the RFA’s advice notto get involved in someone else’s love life went completely ignored. The finalstraw came two years into MC and Jumin’s marriage. MC had been rushed to theemergency room with severe stomach pain. Appendicitis, as it turned out. MC updatedthe RFA on the situation via chatroom shortly before emergency surgery and bothJaehee and Saeyoung had taken up the job of calling Jumin multiple times to tryand get in touch with him to no avail.

“Has Jumin called?” MC asked the rest of the RFA,all of whom flocked to her hospital room the moment they were allowed in. Theylooked around the room, trying to gauge the reactions on everyone’s faces. Oneby one, everyone confirmed they had not. He was on a business trip with arather outdoorsy potential client. Jumin always made sure he had access tocell-service and the internet for at least a few hours a day, but no texts orcalls were going to get through if he was out on a day-hike.

“That jerk! His partner is in the hospital, and hecan’t even answer his phone,” Zen started, anger notching up as he spoke,getting ready for a full-on rant. 

“Zen,” Jaehee spoke up, voice carefully measured asshe towed the line between settling him down and not being disrespectful to herfavorite musical actor.

Herewe go again. MC rubbed their hands over their face, tryingto clear away the haze from the pain medication.

“Zen,” it came out as whine instead of the stubbornrefusal they wanted, “shut up.”

The room went painfully silent. Zen waited a moment,watching MC with concern before he continued, voice a little softer but clearlyhaving missed the point. 

“He should be here. You’re his wife and you had togo into surgery without him. How is that okay? If I were--”

“Ifyou were what, Zen? If you were my husband you would never leave my side?” Atthis point the rest of the RFA gave each other frantic glances, trying to finda discreet way out of the room. Luckily for them, the only one who even paidany mind to their excuses was Zen and he couldn’t spare more than a fleetingglance while listening to MC. “You’re busy sometimes too. You don’t touchyour phone during rehearsal or performances. If I had gotten hurt at adifferent time you might not have known for hours. Beingmarried doesn’t magically make your schedule clear all the time.” 

“Icould still do a better job than he could,” Zen protested, readying himself fora monologue. Then he stopped, letting out a long sigh. MC was injured and outof it from the medication. He pulled the thin hospital blanket up over theirshoulders to encourage her to sleep. “Look, we can talk about this when you’verested a little more, alright? An argument about Jumin’s not worth endangeringyour health over.”

“You’renot listening to me!” A burst of anger flared up through their drowsiness.Their arms flailed on the bed like the beginnings of a tantrum, dislodging theblanket Zen had just straightened. Perhaps it would have been better to waituntil their words did not sound quite as slurred and forming them felt lesslike a concentrated effort, but they had started this and they would be damnedif they weren’t going to finish it. Behind them, the hospital door opened backup again. Someone must have forgotten something in the room. They ignored itfueled by frustration.

“I know you don’t like Jumin. I know he’s not perfect, but he does hisabsolute best for me all the time. If he knew something had happened to me, hewould be here already. He’s always busy with work, but he makes time for mebecause he loves me just like I love him. He makes me happy, Zen. We make eachother better, happier people andyou’re just being cruel by nitpicking everything he does!”

“Thatwas a very nice speech, my love.” Jumin’s voice grew louder as he moved fromthe doorway over to their bedside, giving no acknowledgment to Zen’s presence. How long had he been standing there?Jumin smoothed their hair, and readjusted the hospital blanket over theirchest. “But you should rest. I’m sorry I’m late. When I received your call Iwas out on a mountain hike. I’ll ensure I have a satellite phone available nexttime.”

Hiseyes swam with concern, thumb stroking carefully over their cheek. They staredup at him, lost in all the emotion in his expression and unable to form wordsgood enough to answer back.

“Uh,yeah. Go to sleep, MC. I’ll bring everyone by again tomorrow,” Zen backed awayfrom the bed, rubbing at the back of his neck. He could see he had longoverstayed his welcome. Oh, he was leaving. They should say something. Theyshould say goodbye.

Instead,what came out was “don’t be mean to Jumin.”

[aviationfiction]

XXII

Dante St. James

Exhilarating.

Intoxicating.

Addictive.

I’ve never felt anything as silky, velvety, and luscious against my skin until she meshed her supple lips into mine to create an unparalleled harmony between our mouths. The feel of her nails digging into the flesh of my neck enticed me; nearly beyond control, and I was left at her mercy as her flawless frame pinned itself to my own. Not to be outdone, I locked her into my arms and changed our positions so she was the one pinned against the elevator’s stainless steel walls instead of me. I’d poured every aspect of myself into that kiss; my tongue being the enforcer of my emotions and affections for the woman I was sharing it with. My hands relentlessly caressed, brushed over, and lightly grasped every accessible part of her, including the plumpness behind her that I so often find my staring at no matter what she’s wearing.

Time halted.

The world suddenly felt like a playground for only two souls and we’d lost ourselves into one another without care or concern of our location and it’s surroundings. In my blatant staring at Autumn as she enjoyed herself mostly with Mike and all of his antics, I realized that I undoubtedly have never set my eyes on anything or anyone more beautiful than she is. I thought I’d been a fool to believe that when I saw her for the second time as she formally greeted me at BlueStar. I’ve been to multiple countries, set my sights on mountains whether they were desert rocky or snow covered, seen the blues of the oceans, and most of all, walked amongst people from all of the world while taking in their similarities, differences, unique capabilities, and intriguing cultural backgrounds and yet this one woman superseded all of it. The essence of her soul is the embodiment of what it means to be genuine and her nurturing nature has not only entranced me, but has also been caring for my mind, body, and spirit since we’ve gravitated towards one another. She’s within my thoughts when I open my eyes every morning, implemented into my plans and schedule no matter how light or strenuous it is, and who I prefer to be around whenever time permits it…and even when it doesn’t.

I’ve seen a ton of films, read some of the greatest novels, and studied the works of the worlds greatest poets and writers. I’m not a discriminatory reader nor do I use my gender to limit my interests. I’ve taken in many different aspects of what romance is. Most importantly, I’ve had my attempts with it. Though unsuccessful, I’ve quietly sought for the undeniable heart to heart, mind to mind, and soul to soul tie to another human being who is perfectly suited for myself. In yearning for the emotional, I’ve tested out the physical aspects of it and though the climaxes came, the emptiness that followed took a blow to my gut time after time. In all of the kisses I’ve had over my nearly thirty years of living, none of them stimulated every aspect of myself in the manner that the one I had in the wee hours of this morning did. I nearly felt embarrassed as the chills followed by goosebumps, warmth followed by arousal, and the sparks followed by an endless need engulfed me and engraved the moment and her into my mind forever. A man my age was already supposed to have experienced all of that and tons more and yet here I am, nearly feeling like my purity is still in tact, and yet so pleased to know good things actually do come to those who wait.

“Yo!” I glance to the right of myself to give Mike the attention that he’d most likely been egging for for a couple of seconds and the look of confusion and agitation on his face matched the expression he’d given me just fifteen minutes ago.

“What’s up with you? You keep zoning out. This was a no for me as soon as we stepped inside. Fred’s not feeling it. Are you on board with that? Is it a no for you as well?”

He extended his arms outward to signify the space we were standing in and I turned in a complete circle to scan it’s perimeters once more and shook my head. Nothing about it drew any interest from me. Though I’m sure we could hire a contracting company for major renovations, consult with upscale interior design teams, and use our own expertise to turn this property into exactly what we’re looking for, I still don’t think it’d be enough. The square footage is odd. We pride our properties on intimacy and what we’re standing in is a social killer. Vegas is all about the glitz and glam; the grand nightclubs specifically constructed to make everyone feel like they’re someone of importance once they step past those velvet ropes. We’ve never cared for that style of ambiance and I’d rather we not start.

“Yeah, I’m on board with that decision. This is a no.”

“Cool. Let’s get out of here. I’m starving.”

“What’s new?” Mike raised an eyebrow as I took a jab at his endless hunger and he smirked.

“We’re going to find out over lunch. Nothing new is going on over here on my end, but I’m positive that you can’t say the same brother.” He glanced over at Fred for a co-sign and received exactly what he was looking when he chuckled and nodded his head as confirmation for the both of them plotting to intrude on what they’ve been curious about since this morning.

“Whatever. Lets keep it light. I’m taking Autumn out to lunch.”

“You can keep it light. I’m eating a full damn meal. You can starve until you eat with your woman if you want.”

The light chuckles between the both of them filled my ears until we were at the very front of the vacant establishment thanking it’s owner for allowing us to do a walk through on such a short notice. Though we’d make appointments with the others, we were given information about this property while viewing a spot over on West Flamingo Road. Once we gave him a call, he immediately agreed to drop what he was in the middle of handling and meet us here. Though it’s not what we we’re looking for, I respect his ethic.

“Grand Lux Cafe?”

“Fine with me.” I’d always preferred the international brand off of the Cheesecake Factory over it’s originator in the first place. The dishes were a decent spin on the best European cafes and French bistros. Whenever I’m over in Jersey at Mike’s house, we’d shoot over to the one right by Garden State Plaza and grab a meal that suited whatever the time of the day it was. He goes there so much that nearly all of the waitresses knows who he is. I’m sure his endless filtration plays a part in it as well.

“I do have a taste for those crispy Thai shrimp and chicken spring rolls. I’m with it.”

Though we could have left the car parked and walked down to the restaurant, the Vegas heat had already drained a ton of energy out of our bodies since our two hours of being out in it, so we drove. If it were up to me, I’d be in a pair of basketball shorts and a t-shirt while maneuvering around in this dreadful weather, but I dressed up in simplistic khaki pants, a Polo golf style of shirt, and Stan Smith’s collaboration with Adidas for my footwear. It’s not the business attire I’m used to for meetings but I could have shown up in a Hawaiian style button up shirt, shorts, and a pair of sandals for all these sharks could care. Money talks much louder than anything I could ever put on my back.

“Are we going to need drinks? Between you zoning out and that flustered expression on your face, I think alcohol might be needed.”

“Man, shut up.”

“So what happened after y'all left last night?” Fredrick cut straight to it just like I knew he would. He hadn’t even picked up his menu yet.

“Damn. Can we get the drinks first? Can we order the food?”

“I already know what I want. I want a Heineken and the Pastrami Burger. If I’m not too full, I’ll get the beignets for dessert. As a matter of fact, we can get them and share those shits.”

“Okay Mr. Prepared. I’m going with the Baked Rigatoni. Mai Tai for me. Jon B, what you getting?” A smirked danced along my lips and I couldn’t help but to laugh at yet another one of his cheap jabs at my complexion. He’s about the only person that I let get away with that.

“Crab cakes. Side of fries I guess. Mai Tai for me as well.”

“Good. That shit has four rums in it and you need all four of them to take you off of the edge of whatever you and Autumn were doing in that bed.”

“Sleeping? That’s what we did in that bed, Mike.”

“Aye man. You don’t have to be modest or lie to me. It’s just me, your best friend, shit, your brother. Y'all are two grown and single people. There’s nothing wrong with the pokey pokey.” Drips of water trickled down the sides of Fredrick’s mouth area as he failed to contain his budding laughter at Mike’s ridiculousness. “From the way you were staring at her last night, I figured you were bound to go for it. You looked like your damn head was about to explode.”

“There’s nothing wrong with the what?” His question to further Mike’s antics was followed with loud laughter.

“The pokey pokey.” Before I could knock down his assumption yet again, the waitress returned to the table for our order and my talkative best friend’s flirtation. What makes it amusing is he’s never serious about it. About ninety percent of the time he’s just playing around for either a reaction or a giggle out of whichever woman is wearing her uniform skirt too short or the pants too tight. It’s been his thing to do since we were teenagers and it’s not changing any time soon. I look forward to the day when he’s married and he has to resist doing it so that his wife won’t chew his head off. I’d pay to see that sight.

“Alright, the food and drinks are ordered. Now we small talk until it’s time to eat. Dante, the floor is yours. Well, the table. What happened?”

“The driver took us back to the hotel and were just talking the whole time. Autumn had a bit more to drink than I did so she was tipsy. Not drunk. She was walking and talking just fine, no slurred speech, and literally everything she said made sense. I’ve or rather we’ve been working in the nightclub business long enough to know when a person is wasted.”

“Yeah, she was sipping those zombies moderately until Fredrick started talking to her. I saw her gulp down the last drink she had. What did you or she say?” Mike turned his head to look at him and he shook his own nonchalantly.

“We were just having a casual conversation. Trivial. It’s really not important. Dante, continue.”

“So, we walked through the lobby talking, I called for the elevator, and as soon as it came, I stepped on first. She was apprehensive; I’m assuming now that I think about it. She was standing in-between the doors for a couple of seconds, just staring at me, and I took it upon myself to grab her waist and pull her inside so the doors would close. By now, she’s standing directly in front of me and I asked her if she had a good time. She never answered that and instead mentioned that I have a high tolerance for alcohol and I admitted that I hadn’t had that much to drink. From there, I randomly started talking about the club itself and she wasn’t listening to me. I could tell because her eyes were lowered and staring at exactly what she was going to go for next; my lips. I don’t know, Fred, I felt like this jolt of astonishment, relief, lust, and need all at once. It was the wildest feeling I’ve ever experienced and I don’t know if I should feel embarrassed or crazy for saying that.” I expected a few giggles and even those witless glances between the two of them but instead they sat there in silence accessing what happened between Autumn and I just as much as I was. Fredrick slightly slouched himself down and dropped his head back in as subtle shock while Mike took a sip of his water and awaited the rest of the details.

“A peck?”

“No. It was intense and potent. My hands were exploring every aspect of her curves as I pinned her to the wall of that elevator.”

“Tongue?” Mike’s eyes widened.

“Yes, man. Feeling. Grabbing.” I gulped down the knot in my throat. “Gripping.”

“Oh shit.” Fred mustered up a small smirk and he nodded his head in pride at the last verb I’d mentioned. I still can’t believe I did that myself. My hands went from resting on the small of her back to sliding down over the thick flesh below it. My subtle aggression was the cause of her moaning against my mouth and that only further enticed me to want and need more from her. My mind had gone beyond the moment. My eyes were tightly shut closed as she savored my mouth and yet I was fantasizing about my own nibbling at the most sacred part of her flesh. That embellished black dress that was such a sight to see suddenly become nothing more than a layer of inconvenience keeping me from what I yearned and damn near ached for.

“We were so caught up in the kiss that we hadn’t realized the elevator was called back downstairs to the lobby. We left this older couple mortified. Though we pulled apart and attempted to regain our composure in record time, they were so disgusted that they wouldn’t even get on. They just waited for the next one.” They’d finally had something to laugh at and wasted no time in doing so at the expense of Autumn and my embarrassment.

“Sounds like some teenager shit man. That’s hilarious.”

“It felt like it. Shit, it felt like my mom walked in on me or something along those lines.” I couldn’t help but to chuckle about it. Maybe it was the liquor but Autumn thought it was hilarious and had I not grabbed her waist and locked her at my side, she would have continued that kiss with no regard for their presence.

“And how did she end up in your bed?”

“I invited her to come up and watch a movie since she said she wasn’t tired. We just did it in the bedroom instead of sitting out in that common area. About ten minutes into the movie, she started falling asleep so I took her boots off and pulled the covers up over her. After turning off the TV, I got back in the bed, she kissed me goodnight, and we went to sleep. Nothing sexual happened.”

“A goodnight kiss as well? Well that’s a nice touch on things. She’s pretty bold. That must have been something that she’s been wanting to do for a while and finally just decided to give in. That wasn’t liquor or some random and impulsive act. If it was, she would have been embarrassed as hell after doing it and there wouldn’t have been a movie night in your bed or a goodnight kiss. She would have left you on that elevator and went about her business.” Fredrick’s statement was what I already believed. I’d been thinking about it while readying myself earlier and making sure not to awaken her as she peacefully laid there entangled in the sheets. I could feel the tension between us as we stood there on the peak for a while talking and eventually just basking in one another’s presence on the hue of the stars. I figured it’d be unspoken for and ignored much like it’s been for a little while now because I’ve been hesitant to address that elephant in the room and I’ve doubted that she’s ready to due to all of the circumstances in her life. The concept of the right time held so much conflict and complexity until that kiss. Now I’m left to wonder what’s next.

“And that opens up the floor for the what’s next question. What’s next?”

We took a pause when our waitress approached the table with the drinks and I gulped down just about half of the Mai Tai as I used as much mental capacity as I could to figure out an answer to that question. What’s next can’t be what I want because what I want contains plenty of greed.

“I don’t know. That’s a question that I don’t know how to answer.”

“Well, what do you want? Start there. You obviously want her. That’s been obvious since damn near the beginning. So right now, at this moment, in what manner do you want her?” Leave it to Mike to continue to push for depth with difficult questions to answer.

“I don’t know. There’s a part of me that feels like what I want is understandable and justified while there’s another part of me that feels like I need to take a step back and allow her to make that decision and to take whatever time that she needs to do so. I don’t want her to feel like I’m forcing her hand or disregarding what she just went through with her ex-husband. I don’t know what she’s ready for and I’d rather not make her burdens any heavier than they already are. The last thing she needs is pressure. Maybe she’s not ready to date or be in a relationship. If that’s the case, I can’t fault her for that no matter what disappointment that may inflict upon me. I don’t know. This shit’s confusing. Maybe we can just go with the flow and see how things go. Don’t people do that when they’re trying to figure things out?”

“So you want to coast in a sense? You’d like to have something with her with no strings attached right now. There’s no commitment or title just yet, but there’s an understanding that there’s an attraction and you’re just seeing where things go.”

“That also means that we can be involved with other people. I don’t like the way that sounds.” Fredrick snickered once I shot down his analysis while Mike raised an eyebrow and shook his head.

“Possessive already? Damn. Okay, so you want an understanding and agreement that you two are exclusively seeing one another, but there’s no title on it. It’s just an understanding. That sounds better?” I took a couple of seconds to assess Mike’s version of Autumn and I’s next step and eventually shook my head.

“I don’t like the way that sounds, honestly.”

“Man, you want the commitment then. You want a relationship. You want titles; boyfriend and girlfriend. You want to be able to claim her and introduce her to people with the appropriate title and you want to be able to feel like she actually belongs to you instead of the situation you two have being up in the air because there’s nothing official about it.”

“Is that a bad thing?” Is it? I’d like to think it’s what’s right but how can I say that when I’ve yet to actually court her? I may be skipping over the actual process. Am I not supposed to allow her to feel me out over the course of a couple of dates and then make her decision? Maybe. I already feel like she’s felt me out and the time frame of dates is trivial. I can take her on a date every single day with her as my woman and court her just as much as I would if she wasn’t. None of that stops once the relationship is real. I want she and I to have a life outside of spending time together when we’re out of town due to my work obligations. I want to be able to be in New Jersey spending time with her just as much as I want her to be spending time in New York City with me. Every trip we take doesn’t have to be about business. She and Stacey are right when they say that I need a vacation, but I have no interest in traveling to some part of the world and doing so alone. That’s not a vacation; it’s isolation and I’ve had more than enough of that before Autumn made her mark. I’d also rather not feel like I can’t speak to her, see her, touch her, and show her affection unless we’re hundreds to thousands of miles away from those familiar with us by the way of relation or friendship. I may be a private person but I’m not secretive.

“No.” Their response was in unison.

“There’s nothing wrong with that. Shit, just hearing that come out of your mouth is super wild to me. I’ve been knowing you forever and I’ve never heard you sound this serious or invested about anyone. If that’s what you want, tell her that. If honesty has been an importance between the two of you thus far, then keep it that way and tell her what you feel and what you’d like. People get into relationships and still have to build. Neither one of y'all are running to a chapel any time soon nor are kids on your minds, so I don’t see what the big deal is.” Fredrick made it sound so simple, like he does with just about anything. He’s so smooth that he’d make you think jumping into a lion pit is as simple as taking a walk through a park. He rarely ever sweats over anything. The last time I seen the man stress out was over some fling of his mentioning a pregnancy and that eventually turned out to be negative result. Other than that, he’s as cool as a breeze and of course he’d believe that I’m supposed to have the same outlook on life.

“But I feel like I’m asking her for too much.”

“I don’t get it. You’re asking her for a commitment. Once you’re committed to someone, there’s a title on that. The way I see it, the only way that’s a big deal to her is if she wants to explore her options. Are you saying it’s too much because you believe that’s a possibility?” I could feel my stomach beginning to churn and suddenly every sip of the alcohol felt like a shot of fire tickling down my throat. I don’t have the answer to that question either. If I’m going by these couple of months we’ve spent together, I’d only be assuming that she’s not dating anyone or even considering it because she’s never spoken with me about that. If I look at it that way, I’m going to have to include myself into the equation of her lack of consideration. Maybe she does have options or is leaving the opportunity open for someone to step in but doesn’t want to let me know that. Women tend to be discreet with their dating lives and whatever is going on within their bedrooms because of male expectations and sexist fictitious laws crafted by men to keep them on leashes while we indulge in anything of our choosing. Autumn and I share a lot but I’m not Heather or Rachel. Women will always feel like those type of conversations are better suited for a female friend of theirs.

“I don’t know. Maybe. She’s newly single. Well, technically, her ex-husband’s been out of the picture for two years, but she’s newly single in terms of not being legally tied to anyone else and aside from all that she’s gone through in the midst of those two years, I know she was waiting until she and that guy were completely done and no longer tied to one another to move on with her life.” To soothe my throat, I took a sip of water and placed the glass along side the cocktail. “That’s honorable and I respect her for that. Now that she’s gotten that out of the way, whose to say that she wants to be tied to someone else so soon, you know? Maybe she is interested in seeing what’s out there.”

“Or maybe she’s not and she wants you. It’s been two years. That’s a long ass time man. I don’t care if she was still married and I mean that in non fucked up way. The man got involved with someone else, got engaged, and that woman is pregnant with his child. That happened within two years. No offense to her and the decision that she made but she didn’t owe him that. Yeah, there was a marriage license in tact but Autumn has been single for two years. I didn’t know there’s supposed to be some trial period or some type of wait period to date after divorcing someone. What kind of shit is that? Shit, if anything, he’s lucky. She could have went up in front of a judge during the divorce proceedings and hung his ass out to dry by claiming marital abandonment.” Mike’s lawyer talk earned a snicker out of Fred and he nodded his head in agreement with all that he’d said. “Talk to her and tell her what you feel. You’re never going to know until you do. Don’t be a bitch about this.”

“Shut up. I plan to. Today. I told the both of you that I’m taking her out to lunch. I also snagged tickets to the Boyz II Men residency so I’m going to take her to see that tonight. She’s extremely into R&B and soul music dating back all the way to the fifties so I know she’ll like that.”

“Boyz II Men concert with your girl? Cute shit man.”

“She’s not my girlfriend, Mike.”

“My momma tells me to always speak things into existence. Say it, claim it, believe it, then go and get it. Follow the rules pink boy. I’m speaking it into existence for you.”

“You might have to go ahead and get it for him too because I have a feeling he’s going to shrink up today.” Fredrick’s joke sparked up Mike’s annoyingly snide snicker and the both of them eyed me just to see if I would crack under the pressure. Though they’re sitting here encouraging me, that wouldn’t stop them from having a grand ol’ laugh at my expense if I do shrink up in front of Autumn this afternoon. I can admit, as Stacey as said, I’m absolutely a shark in the boardroom. I can handle business without breaking a sweat but romance? I’m an amateur. I’ve remained stagnant in that area because I’ve yet to encounter someone who mentally and emotionally impacted me to the point of wanting more, until now. Autumn is that and I’m ready to explore what it means to have a meaningful relationship. I’m never going to know if I don’t experience it first hand.

“I have it under control.”

“And don’t get drunk and end up in some Vegas chapel either. I know you’re turning thirty and she’s fine as hell but slow your roll. Y'all got time.”

“You’re going to have to chill with all of that she’s fine as hell shit.”

“She’s not your lady yet. Until she is, I’m letting these compliments blast off brother. I’ll stop when you make me stop. Good luck.”

Fredrick raised his glass in ode to me and we all shared a laugh as we eventually tapped out glasses to commemorate the positive outcome that we all seem to be hoping for. I wasn’t expecting our conversation to result in the depth that it did but to say that I appreciate the both of them would be an understatement. That was one of those big brothers and little brother moments that we occasionally share but this time it was about a topic that the both of them love just as much as any man would. I’d finally given them something outside of work and my dreadful family to be informative about and all that they said was useful. I’d been stuck in my head trying to figure it all out on my own since waking up this morning but they aided in putting it all into perspective. The only person missing is Stacey, who is an expert at getting into everyone’s head whether you want her to or not. She would have been able to assess the entire situation effortlessly, but we’ll save that for another day. When I return to New York, she’ll either show up at my apartment or the office to nag the hell out of me for the details that I know for a fact that Mike has already given her. If all goes well between Autumn and I, she’ll erupt into a ridiculously over exaggerated celebration and damn near marry me off and if it doesn’t, she’ll be there to pick me up no matter if I’m hurting or not. They’re my family and there isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t understand and cherish that.

“Oh and can you stay downstairs in her suite if y'all plan to celebrate with the pokey pokey? We’d rather be spared of those details.”

“Shut the fuck up Mike.”

My sweaty palms worsened during our walk through the hotel’s lobby and my ears drowned out just about everything happening around me, including yet another one of Mike’s rants about the high temperature outdoors. I considered going upstairs to our suite to truly figure out all that I would say to the woman who shook up my world in the wee hours of this morning but if I did go up there, I wouldn’t have come back down for a while and it would have resulted in me standing her up. No matter how many times I rubbed my hands down the sides of my pants and Fredrick squeezed my shoulders, I don’t think I’ll ever be as completely ready for this moment as I usually am for everything else. That’s the unpredictability of someone having partial control of your emotions. No matter what the outcome may be, I’ve already felt and learned so much. The difficult part is I’m already drawn her and the feelings that she evokes within me. Early on I feared it. Now I want nothing more than to immerse myself into her world.

“Get it together man.” I mumbled the words to myself as my knuckles tapped against the door to her suite. The taps were so minimal, I knew for a fact that she didn’t hear them. I did that for the sake of gathering my myself and finally knocked like any normal person would.

“I kind of thought you’d be back a little later. I know you all had a decent number of properties to look at.” She opened up the door with that statement already coming out of her mouth and my eyes immediately panned down to the mauve strapless romper and how it’s silhouette hugged every aspect of her curves that it could possibly cover. The floral design made it playful and yet the open back and the matching choker she wore on her neck gave it the spice that represents a part of her that tempts me like no other. Her hair being pulled back into a tight low ponytail left her breathtaking face to effortlessly outshine every other part of her and the natural make up pulled it all in for what she displays everyday: perfection.

“We saw all of them. We hated all except one which is why it went so quickly. There were some that were literal turn offs upon entry and there were others that we took our times walking through, but ultimately one of them garnered equal interest from all three of us.” I closed the door behind myself and slowly followed behind her as she headed in the direction of the master bedroom. My eyes couldn’t pull away from the sight if someone paid me their life savings to do so.

“What did you like about it?”

“It’s just about the same size as Baraya. Slightly smaller but it’s the atmosphere that we care about most. If we were interested in opening up one of those grand nightclubs like Drais, Hakkasan or Omnia, we would have done it a long time ago. We just want a place where people can actually come together and have a good meal and a good time at as well. Some choose to do either or. It doesn’t matter. It just needs to have the right vibe and that one property was near it but it needs some work.”

“Is the property worth the investment?”

“We’re still looking at the logistics but no final decisions are being made just yet. We’re going to wait it out and see if we come across anything else we favor.”

“That sounds fair enough. There’s no point in immediately investing into any property after seeing it for the first time. Take some time, look at others, check out the paper work, and come back to see it a second time as well. Is it on the strip?”

“Yeah, what you’re saying is right and it is on the strip.”

I stood in the doorway of the bedroom as she walked to and from the bathroom accessorizing herself. Her last trip inside of it resulted in her coating her lips with a nude lipstick.

“Which ones? Sandals or the Converses?” She held them up for me to see and I quickly pointed at the heeled sandals as their long laces dangled in front of her. The Converses would have been just as nice, but the heels were quietly for my viewing pleasure. They add another hundred levels to her already off the meters sex appeal.

“Did you eat anything?”

“I had a fruit parfait but in a bowl though with almonds in it. It was really good. I had it like an hour ago.” My follow up response flat lined as I watched her concentrate on carefully lasting up the sandals to her liking. There seemed to be a method to the madness that I didn’t quite understand because she was far more precise and exact than I expected her to be. When she finished and compared her second attempt, they were aligned as she needed them to be.

“We’re going to Due Forni Pizza & Wine for lunch.”

“Sounds good. It’s by here?”

“No. It’s actually like twenty five minutes away. We still have the Jeep, so I figured it’d be a nice little ride. What do you think? I can pick a place closer if you want.”

“No. I’d love to go on the ride. There’s more to Vegas than just the strip, so I’m glad you chose a place away from here.” She stood to her feet, grabbed her purse off of the bed, placed it’s strap on her shoulder, and she glanced in my direction. “Okay, I’m ready. Luckily you came here just in time for me to be ready. I didn’t have you waiting like yesterday.”

“I don’t mind waiting.”

“Yeah, right. You say that now.” Her giggle was light.

“Sexy. Very sexy.” I used my finger to point from the top of her head to the very tips of her toes and she sighed and full on laughed while shaking her head.

“You seem to think that everything I wear is sexy.”

“That’s accurate.”

“No it’s not but I can’t speak for you. All I can do is thank you. You look good yourself. I love it when you’re all suited up and yet I really love it when you’re casual. I can’t choose. That just means you look great at all times.”

“I appreciate that.”

She double checked her purse for the room key and I led the both of us our of her suite and down the hall to the elevator. Once the doors shut and confined us within the small space, I peered over at the overwhelming sight who was standing to the left of me tapping away at the screen of her phone. She has the height and figure of a runway model and yet she has this subtle thickness to her shape that truly takes form in her hips and thighs. Her legs are beyond comparison; making her stride graceful. Her facial beauty is so unique and striking; unlike anything or anyone I’ve ever seen before. She often makes fun of her forehead but it suits her so much. She has the eyes of a feline and their green color weakens me whenever I dare to stare into them. Her lips, the sight and feel of them; a dream.

God showed off with her.

“Are you going to use the valet?” My lip slowly eased from in between my teeth as she looked up at me and I quickly nodded my head.

“Yes. We have to wait in the front just like yesterday.”

Our wait wasn’t as long as I expected it to be. We stood along side one another no longer than ten minutes until the valet pulled up directly in front of the entrance. I helped Autumn into the passenger side of the car and put her seat belt on myself before getting in on the drivers side. She chose to use the Bluetooth to stream a nineties and early two thousands Hip-Hop playlist from Spotify and we were off just seconds after. Initially, we were in silence. She tapped her fingers against her lap in a nervous manner and I couldn’t fault her because I too felt the same as my hands gripped the steering wheel and my mind switch from thought to thought over and over again. Nas was our ice breaker. I took his verses of “If I Ruled The World” while she took Lauryn’s silky and infectious hook. Our heads bopped in unison while her rocking body made competition for the road. Song after song, I found myself stealing glances at her. I was paying less attention to the records and more so to her as she rapped along to literally every song. Lil Kim’s records excited her more than any of the others. I thought she’d morphed into Kim herself during her verse on Player’s Anthem. Her ponytail blew with the warm wind coming from the lowered windows and she used her hands to put emphasis on every word that came out of her mouth.

“Might have to change your name from Peaches to Lil’ Peaches.”

“Shut up! I love Kim. I was actually able to hang out with her a couple of times because she was good friends with Shane. Don’t ask me how my brother became such a good friend of hers because I truly don’t know. That man knew every damn body. He was loved.”

“Your brother had an interesting mind. It’s not surprising that so many people gravitated towards him. His book is a great read for young adults. It’s truly a guide to take you through the twenties. I appreciate that about it.” Her smile wasn’t solemn. Instead, it was one of pride and she nodded her head to confirm all that I’d said as accuracy.

“Absolutely. I remember when he was writing it. He started writing that book before he even hit his twenties. He’d hang all over New York City and have conversations with anyone he encountered to gain their perspectives on life. He was a life enthusiast and it showed in his free spirited nature. A liberal to the core too. That’s why he and Issac clashed so much. I loved everything about him.”

“I can tell he was special to you just as I know you were as special to him. He dedicated his book to you.”

“He wrote the book for me. That’s what he told me, so I’m going to have to believe it. He said to me my beautiful baby doll, this book is a guide for you to live your young adulthood to the fullest and I wrote it so you’ll know that no matter what you choose to do, I love you and it’ll be alright. I think I’m at the chapters about failure. Well, maybe I’m a little past it and getting to the part of picking back up and trekking on.”

“That’s one of the best parts.” Her eyes locked on me and she slightly dropped her head to the right.

“Of the book or life?”

“Both. Life because you’ve learned so much and you’re applying that to better yourself. There are people who don’t do that and end up creating a toxic cycle of screwing up but not you. You don’t carry yourself that way.”

“That’s true. I think for me, I don’t want anything more than to have an onslaught of joy in everything that I conquer. That’s it. Nothing will ever be perfect and I don’t want it to be because it’s not realistic and that’s boring. I like challenges. Overall, I want the joy though. Not happiness, joy. Happiness is based upon temporary pleasures and even some permanent ones, but joy is all about the sense of self. It’s true acceptance. You know, I’d say I need both.”

“Having both is a healthy balance.”

“What makes you happy?

“Currently?”

“Yes.” As I made a left into the parking lot of the restaurant I quickly glanced over at her and turned my attention back to the road. She was staring out of the window. As I awaited an answer, she turned to look at me but never opened her mouth to say anything. Instead, she unbuckled her seatbelt and awaited my next move.

“You’re not going to answer me?”

“Do I need to?” Her eyes widened a bit and she chuckled as she opened the door and hopped out of the truck. A huffed slipped past my lips as I accepted her avoidance to allow me into her head and I took the keys out of the ignition, opened the door, and stepped out. As I walked around the front of it, I used the keypad to lock the doors and Autumn playfully brushed her shoulder against my arm to garner my attention.

“It’s right here.”

“Excuse me?” I pushed the keys down into my pocket and watched as she gained a bit of a lead.

“What currently makes me happy. It’s right here.”

My smirked was nearly identical to her own and she playfully shook her head as I reached for the handle of the door and we stepped inside one after the other. The hostess seated us at a back corner booth at Autumn’s request and we settled on lemonade instead of indulging in the assortments of alcohol the bar was stocked with. She’d had enough last night and as our designated driver, I couldn’t do it.

“You know what you want?”

“Yeah. I’m getting the Spinaci pizza. It sounds so good; garlic spinach, ricotta cheese, mushrooms, peppers, and caramelized onions. You should get the Brasato pizza. Then we’ll share.” She pointed at what she was referencing to on my menu and I chuckled at her suggestion while reading over it’s ingredients.

“That actually does sound good. I’ll get it, even though it’s you who really wants it.”

“I do not. I just want to taste it.” Her eyes impishly rolled to the back of her head as I side eyed her and she nudged me in the midst of our laughter. “I’m sharing mine with you, so we’re even.”

“Yeah, okay Peaches. It’s okay to be greedy. I won’t tell anyone.”

“Whatever.” She nudged me again and her cinnamon and berry scent intoxicated me far more than any glass of wine could. When the waitress returned to the table with the drinks and took our order, silence invaded our space as she took a sip of her lemonade and scanned her eyes over our surroundings. I didn’t know whether to just come out with it or wait until her stomach was full to do so. Yet again I was left to figure out timing and this time there was no one to give me advice or a push to just go for it. It’s either now or I continue to sit around contemplating, hoping, and wishing, but never seeing results.

“Autumn.”

“Hm?” She didn’t look at me. She continued to stare at the painting to the left of herself.

“Why’d you kiss me last night?” We were close enough for me to feel her body tense up and shrink down in embarrassment. That wasn’t my intention and the sigh that came out of her mouth nearly made me cringe.

“I asked the question because I want to know if it meant to you what it meant to me.”

“I kissed you because I’d been wanting to do so for quite some time and I suppose my liquid courage knocked all of the fear out of me for just that moment and I went for it. I know it could have been in better taste but I wasn’t necessarily thinking about all of that.” She finally twisted her body so that her eyes and complete attention would be focused on me and I leaned on the table while nodding at what she explained.

“The taste was fine.” My tongue ran across my bottom lip as my nerves continued to rattle me. “You know, since the first time we’ve met I really couldn’t get you off of my mind. I thought of you after I braced you from falling, but it was non-stop after I’d seen you for a second time and truly took in all of you without you saying much of anything to me. I was baffled by your beauty but most of all, I was intrigued by your aura. Fredrick recognized you. He’d given me a bit of information that I could have found out if I Google’d you and your ties to your ex-husband but that wasn’t enough for me. It didn’t even touch the surface of what I wanted to know and still need to know. I want to say it was a mere coincidence that Isaac asked you to be my temporary flight attendant but that’d be cliche. I have faith so there had to be something more to that. That doesn’t just happen. From day one, you’ve been nothing but honest with me and you opened up and allowed me into your mind.”

“And you did the same.”

“Because you made me comfortable enough to do so. I don’t talk to many people nor do I care to share much about myself beyond who I am as a professional. Your honesty unknowingly to you was a push for me to be honest with myself and you’ve opened up the floodgates for a lot of demons that I’ve been avoiding to acknowledge. You’re making me look into myself and look for means to repair so much of the damage so that I can have that joy and happiness that you’re currently seeking.” Her infectious smile brightened up the room as it does anywhere we are and she rubbed my back in appreciation and encouragement for what I’d just revealed.

“You deserve joy and happiness. You’re too good of a man to allow those demons to get the best of you and control your destiny. It’s not worth it. You have too much life to live and too much good to come to let the past withhold you from enjoying it.”

“As do you. The thing is, right here and right now, I feel that. When I told you that I don’t think I give you enough credit last night, its because I hadn’t said any of this to you. It’s been hard to withhold this because I didn’t know when would be the right time to let you know. I didn’t want to overstep any boundaries initially and eventually it came to me not wanting to overwhelm you since I already had knowledge about what you’ve gone through. I’ve bit my tongue and even silenced myself before I went too far with my words a couple of times but that kiss gave me further ammunition to put my feelings out there. It’s beyond me liking you. I’ve liked you since we met. I want you.”

“Dante…”

“Let me finish. I don’t want you to feel pressured about any of this nor am I asking you to make a decision about me right now; not if you don’t want to. I just know that I want you and I’ve thought about what that entails and I can’t help but to want you with the appropriate title and position in your life. Maybe you just want to date me to feel me out a bit or maybe you don’t want to commit to anyone right now, which is understandable and I’d respect that but I’d like a chance. We can take it slowly in the midst of that. It’s not about me proving that I’m better than anyone or that I’m the perfect guy for you. I’d just like a chance to be along side you as your man while we live our best lives. That’s if…if you’ll have me.”

My heart thrashed against my chest after having sped up in pace word after word. Everything flew out of my mouth as quickly as it came to mind and none of it was what I rehearsed mentally throughout the course of the day. My emotions did the talking and allowed me to get it all out there to not only prove myself but to also alleviate the pressure I’d been experiencing for months. I’ve never done or said anything like that before and to live on this edge is exhilarating and frightening beyond what I could have ever imagined. No matter what she chooses, there’s no going back now and I’d never choose to do so. I’m all in. The question is, is she?

Her mouth fell agape as her nails lightly pressed into my back. The emotion in her eyes triggered the all too familiar fluttering in the pit of my stomach as I awaited what could make or break this moment.

“I’ll have you.”

I searched her eyes for any sign of hesitation but only found admiration for me. She’d chosen to soothe me by rubbing her hand against the nape of my neck just as she’d done last night but I needed more. As my arms locked around her petite frame, she leaned her head back to allow mind to align with the front of it and my lips meshed into hers in a burning hunger. It’d been such a challenge to refrain from relieving that agonizing desire for quite some time now and early this morning only served as a tortuous teaser. I had the urge to kiss her as soon as I opened my eyes and turned over to look at her. I fought it while readying myself to leave and also forced myself to refrain from awakening her for one as we were preparing to walk out of the door. In between my thoughts of this moment and how I’d go about it, her lips were embedded into my every thought and I could only fantasize about the moment when I’d be able to feel them against mine once again. The difference between the kiss we shared hours ago and now is the seal of our commitment to one another and the security in knowing that this is my reality now and I can share this kind of intimacy with her whenever I want.

“This is okay? You don’t mind public displays of affection?” Our lips met again after she’d gotten her question out and I quickly shook my head in the midst of the peck.

“No.” Her hand locked around the nape of my neck with subtle aggression and the moment only intensified when the both of her lips wrapped around my bottom one. I couldn’t help but to grab her thigh and draw her closer to my frame as she marked her territory by running her tongue across it and sucking it into her mouth. Yet again, the world seem to center around us and nothing else mattered; barely even the waitress who placed the two pizzas down on the table for us to consume.

“I’m so speechless right now. I can’t believe you said any of that.” The flustered smile on her face turned into a bit of a blush and my fingers lightly ran across her cheek in yet another gesture of my admiration for her beauty and essence.

“Why?”

“Because I didn’t think I was your type. I nearly wanted to kick myself in Paris when I finally began to admit to myself that I had feelings for you. Even this morning, I woke up and I was literally panicking because I thought that I’d truly crossed the line; so much to the point that I called my brother and quit.” My eyes widened as she revealed the last bit of information and she chuckled while nodding her head to confirm it as the truth.

“I called him back and fixed that long before you came to my room, but the first thing I could think of was to call him and create a barrier between myself and the potential embarrassment that would have happened if I wasn’t what you wanted.”

“You forgot that I was just as much into that kiss as you were?”

“This morning? Absolutely. All I kept thinking was that my drunken self pounced on you.”

“Well, you did…but I like it.” Our laughter rang out in the small corner that we were sitting in and she nudged me with her shoulder while shaking her head.

“Our first kiss could have been better though, don’t you think?”

“Nah, I liked that one.” Her shoulders dropped as she huffed and a smirk formed on her face as she reached to grab a piece of my pizza. The warmth of her body meshed with my own as she leaned into me and I leaned in to give it a try just as she had.

“I’ve been trying to show you that you’re my type ever since we met. Though I wasn’t verbal with it, in all the time that we’ve been spending together, there has been nothing more that I’ve been looking forward to other than that. I had my fears too baby. I thought I was out of your league initially. I didn’t think I’d be interesting enough for you.”

“I don’t know how. I was intrigued by you from the beginning.”

“I guess we were both so caught up in our fears, insecurities, and hesitance that we didn’t take the time out to actually pay attention to the signs that we were giving one another nor did we act on them…until now. The kiss aside, I’d been thinking of ways to ask you out on a date and I planned to do so after you returned to the east coast from Heather’s wedding festivities. I couldn’t wait much longer than that. Also, I didn’t want some guy out here to swoop in and ruin my chances because then I would have had to fight.”

“Oh, please!” She could barely chew on the bite she’d taken as she snickered. Immediately after she swallowed it down, her lips pecked mine.

“Can I be honest with you about something?”

“Anything.”

“When my ex and I got involved with one another we kept it to ourselves for the most part. Heather sort of knew about us but I was very limited with the information I gave her because it was a risky situation and I think me being young and so caught up into it, I enjoyed the thrill and adrenaline rush of being with him though it had the potential to be problematic. My family didn’t find out about Andreas and I until everything leaked out into the media and it was an ugly situation. There was a lot of fighting involved between my family and I and his mother had such a distaste for me. I chose a side and it was Andreas’. Once he took the Miami Heat coaching contract, I decided to leave UCLA and go to Miami with him because we agreed that we were going to get married. The only person who met him was Shane and it stayed that way. Even when I decided to take a breather two years ago, he never showed up to be with me during the mourning of my brother’s death or when I had the stroke. He was wrapped up in the NBA season and didn’t want to take a leave of absence. By the time he decided that he was going to come, I told him not to and the next thing you know, divorce papers were being served to me on a gloomy Friday morning.” She took a sip of her lemonade while allowing me to take in all that she’d said and I did my best to quickly understand what she was getting at.

“So no one other than Shane met him?”

“Right and that left a bad taste in all of their mouths. I skipped Isaac’s wedding because they didn’t want him there. They warned me not to bring him and I opted out of being apart of it and attending for the sake of my husband. That started a lot of tension between my brother and I and that tension is still very much between us currently. I fear what his reaction to us will be because you’re his client and he respects you for all that you are as a man but most of all as a professional. I’m nothing but the little sister who he believes is irresponsible, erratic, and childish. He’s disappointed in me because I left school and married young but overall, I think he truly resents me for choosing Andreas over him and he’s yet to let up on it. Now I’m with you. It’s tough.”

“Did you apologize to him for it? I’m not saying that you have to regret the decision you made but sometimes an apology works.”

“I do regret not going, honestly. I believe that could have been a moment for my family and I to make amends for all of the drama but instead, I reacted in a spiteful manner because I believed they were doing the same thing to me. I should have been there to support him but I refused. Hell, that was the first time I told Shane no. Now, I’ve yet to apologize to Isaac because we fight and his insults only make me want to insult him without a filter. He’s verbally vicious when he wants to be and he’s a pompous asshole the majority of the time. We clash a lot so I avoid him for the most part. So when it comes to you and I, that’s why I avoid displaying our personal connection in front of him. I can only imagine his reaction to it and if that man makes some type of assumption that I’m screwing you for what you have or that I’m involving myself with you in order to be spiteful towards him, my reaction’s not going to be one of my better moments.” Though the background situations differ, I can absolutely understand her strained relationship with her brother because I have one with my own and we’ve had the riff between the two of us ever since we were kids. In him being my older brother, I did crave for him to take me under his wing and be an influential figure in my life when I was past the toddler years but the more Matthew figured out where I came from, what happened between our father and his mother, and why his family dynamic changed, the more he pushed me away and lashed out in manners that I’d yet to understand. Richard eventually pitted he and I against one another and of course he favored Matthew because he owed it to him to do so; as did my mother. Despite all of that, I don’t think I truly took a disliking to my brother until they shipped me off to London for boarding school. It was at that point that I felt like an orphan. I still feel like one.

“You want me to talk to him?”

“No, of course not.”

“Autumn, I don’t want to hide. I want this to be as real and as normal as possible. I don’t want to creep around with you because we have no reason to do so. There’s nothing dishonorable happening here. We’re two people who took an interest in one another and developed a bond that has now turned into a relationship. What I do for a living and what you currently do for a living has nothing to do with that. You don’t ask me for anything but that doesn’t mean that I’m not going look out for you and look after you.”

“You don’t have to do all of that.”

“But I will because it’s what I want to do. I don’t want to have to hide that either. I want to meet your family because that’s where you currently reside and if I should want to come to pick you up, I’d hate for them to be surprised or confused. I don’t think you want that either. Why take them through that all over again? If you discuss it with your family, I believe that all will go well because it’ll be a much better approach than the one you took before and they’ll take it seriously. If you want me there for it, I’m in. You’ll meet my family too.” As she pulled her lip in between her teeth, she nervously nodded. “I don’t want to hide baby.”

“You want me to meet your family?”

“If I could avoid and hide you from the dysfunction that is my shitty family forever, I would. I can’t though. Richard has eyes and ears all over the place. So yes, in some type of manner, I’d like you to meet my family.”

“They can’t be that bad.” If she only knew what she was talking about. I’d like to believe that too but they’re fucking horrible as far as I’m concerned. No one deserves a set of parents like mine. They may have made sure I had luxuries and an expensive education but I would have easily traded that in for their love and moral support throughout my childhood. I wanted a soccer mom and one of those overbearing fathers who coached from the sidelines during their kid’s games. Though I had damn near perfect grades, I still wanted someone scolding the hell out of me and threatening to take away my favorite toys and game systems if my report card didn’t come in looking good. I wanted my mother to teach me how to treat a woman while my father schooled me on safe sex. I want to be assured that I was loved and cherished enough to turn to them for anything but I wasn’t. Aside from my uncle being there for me when he could, I raised myself.  

Autumn picked up and bit into another piece of the pizza that I was barely eating and lightly moaned in satisfaction. She hadn’t even touched hers.

“So my pizza is better than yours greedy?” She nearly choked on the piece she was chewing as she cackled against my shoulder. Though I hadn’t touched much, I could admit the braised short rib, calabrian peppers, red onions, and chinchurri were quite a taste.

“It’s so good and you’re not even eating it.”

“What are going to do with yours? You’ve yet to touch it.”

“Midnight snack, of course. I’ll save you some of yours.” I could actually picture her sneaking a piece of pizza and laying around on the couch watching some show of hers. She receives more pleasure from dough, marinara sauce, and cheese than I’ve ever seen anyone else have.

“Nah, don’t worry about it. Enjoy it. You taste my pizza, I taste your lips. Deal?” Before she could take another bite, she gleamed in happiness and quickly leaned in.

“Deal.”

As her lips covered mine, she slowly ran her tongue across the slit of my own and I swiftly opened my mouth and permitted her warm tongue it’s entry. She granted me the best of both worlds within that moment.

I want this feeling forever.

A roar of laughter filled the twenty third floor of the Venetian without regard for the resting residents or the hour of the early morning. I inhaled the sweet scent of my woman’s body as my arm remained locked around her shoulders. Her right hand tightly intertwined with mine while her left held a frozen margarita she’d gotten as we randomly walked along the strip. It turned into a spontaneous outing after having an incredible time sitting front row and watching Boyz II Men literally serenade her song after song. Though she wasn’t the only woman within reach, she quickly became the target of Nathan Morris’ vocal affection and it didn’t stop at the direct singing. Even though they were supposed to be giving out roses to random women in the audience during their famous hit “I’ll Make Love To You”, both Nathan and Shawn seemed to return to Autumn multiple times which resulted in her having a damn bouquet worth of red roses to swoon over while singing along to the song as I fought the urge to stick a leg out and trip the both of them while they made their way back to the stage.

It was the dress. Actually, no, it was the entire package with the dress simply being the subtle enhancer. She looked like some mythical goddess of the sea as she confidently stood along side me all night long in an apricot colored mid-thigh length dress that was interestingly and intricately crafted like a coral reef all over. It’s deep v-neck opening and backless additions furthered the appeal and what damn near blew my mind were the matching platform sandals that covered her feet. I’d never seen anything like it on anyone before and she informed me that the Alexander McQueen pieces were just more old garb that had been collecting dust in her Miami closet for a couple of years. She was supposed to wear it to Adrienne Bosh’s birthday party but ultimately opted out of attending. Thankfully she didn’t, because it would have been a sight that I would have never gotten to see and my God, it’s one that no one should ever have to miss. It’s was what had the members of the nineties R&B group damn near drooling and also what caused her to be showered with dozens of compliments as we walked along the strip joking about the most trivial topics. Lastly, aside from my emotions being on an never ending and elated high, her choice in attire for our night out together played it’s part in my unabashed antics in being all over her. What I’d grimace and turn the other way over whenever I’d see couples out in public doing it, felt so natural and fulfilling to me tonight. Stacey would always tell me that when it’s real, you’ll know and I would quickly dismiss she and all of her soap opera dramatics, but I owe her now. I might not tell her how right she’s been because the gloating would be unbearable, but I’ll figure out a way to give her some form of credit.

“I put down my Boyz II Men roses when we got the drinks and I forgot them. I’m shitty.” After inserting her key card into the door, she waited for the green light to appear and opened it up for our entry.

“You had those old men trembling in their Depends.” As she walked towards her bedroom, once again we were joining one another in laughter. While she tossed her bag on the bed, I finished off what was left of my drink and disposed of the plastic cup. Autumn bought the drinks with earnings from her random luck at a penny slot machine she decided to play with while I took a phone call from Richard. She spent less than five dollars and walked out of that casino with five hundred dollars in her purse. Her win was far more hilarious than exciting to the both of us. She wasn’t even eager to win and it was clear that she didn’t know what she was doing since she’s never gambled before. Her curiosity got the best of her for the few minutes my attention wasn’t completely hers and the cards or should I say slots aligned for her.

“The show was so good though. Thank you for taking me. I love me some Boyz II Men.”

“You’re welcome Peaches. I figured you’d like it since you’re an old soul and all.” Her platform sandals were next on her agenda. While sitting on the edge of the bed, she unbuckled them one by one and carefully removed them from her feet.

“You say that like Boyz II Men aren’t during your time. You’re hitting thirty in a month old man. Speaking of, what do you want for your birthday?”

“Nothing.” As she stood up, her eyes playfully rolled to the back of her head.

“I figured you’d be difficult. I’ve been trying to think of a good gift for a few weeks now and I have ideas but I’m not sure which route I’m going to take. Give me a hint of something you’d like.”

“I like you.”When she huffed, her eyes repeated the gesture once more and a smirked danced along her perfect lips. As I stood in the door way, she inched closer until we were face to face and used her pointer finger to poke my chest.

“You have me and I’m not all that. Be serious.”

“You are all that and I’m being serious.” My chuckle forced her to cut her eyes. “But uh…maybe you, food made by you, in some place chosen by you? That sounds nice.”

“Me?” My eyes widened as an expression of curiosity arose on her face and I quickly threw my hands up in an honest defense.

“Not like that. Not like that. I mean you as in your presence, not you as in something else. You as in you.” The nervousness that arose within the pit of my stomach and eventually made it’s way to my face was an amusing sight for her to witness and she didn’t hold back from giggling while slightly holding her head to the side.

“I’ll take that into consideration. You staying down here tonight?”

“I can?” I hadn’t expected that invitation. Did I want it? Sure.

“Yes. I have an extra bedroom. Make yourself comfortable. We have a flight to take in a couple of hours.” I took a step back and my mouth fell agape as, I too, joined her in amusement.

“I can’t sleep in here with you?”

“Nope. You said that we’re taking things slowly. Remember?”

“I did say that but I didn’t mean this slow. We slept in the same bed upstairs.”

“I didn’t know there were guidelines. You said slow.” The teasing within her tone and the sultriness of her stance were on the verge of driving me up a wall and yet I could do nothing but stand there and allow her to have that power because I liked it.

“Platonic sleeping is slow.”

“Platonic sleeping? Ha! That’s a new one. Sweet dreams.” The kiss she planted on my lips worsened the fire already burning within me while the sight and sound of her bedroom door closing served as the extinguisher to put me out.

“Goodnight! You got that teasing shit from that show at Crazy Horse. I’m never taking you there again.” Like she’d been doing since we left out for our night out on the town, she cackled loudly enough for me to hear and I could still hear it as I made my way across her suite to the second bedroom.

I’m alright with slow.

I’m alright with whatever she needs from me.

But damn Autumn.

According to the pitch blackness surrounding the bedroom and the eerie silence that was cause for my eyes panning back and forth, I hadn’t been sleeping long. I removed my clothes a half an hour after lounging on the bed and answering e-mails that I’d received from A&M. Richard already informed me about the mandatory meeting happening within a day and the company luncheon that is to follow directly after but it didn’t stop the five reminder e-mails from coming my way. We’re hosting intern seminars and I’m scheduled to speak at three out of five of them. Matthew’s doing two. The only reason he summoned he and I to speak and then to observe is because our latest batch of interns is compiled of far more women than men. His knack for enticing interns is unmatched. After a week in the New York office, I’m off to the London office for a couple of days and then it’s back to New York for the MoMA Party in the Garden. This year’s event is being underwritten by Cartier. In the midst of trying to mentally access and properly pan out what had been added to my schedule, I nodded off to sleep.

Three hours. I only slept for two hours and it seems like I’m not the only one to have done so. I could hear Autumn’s footsteps pacing the floors as I laid in silence for the past couple of minutes. I mentally followed along with her every move until she surprisingly opened up the door to where I was resting. I could see her poking her head inside but it was clear that she didn’t know I was awake and it made me smile. Her next move was to step inside and quietly close the door behind herself. Her tip toeing nearly made me burst into laughter and flutters filled my core as she climbed into the bed on the left side.

“Slow huh?” She flinched at the sound of my choice and my laughter followed as she dipped down until her head hit the pillows.

“Why are you awake?”

“I just woke up. Why are you awake?”

“I never went to sleep. Couldn’t sleep.” As she slightly turned, I reached for her arm and pulled her to the middle of the bed and slid over until I was there with her. I left it up to her to pick a position and she chose to throw a leg over mine and mesh into my side until her head was resting between my neck and shoulder. We shared a peck once I turned my head and my arm rested over her back.

“Sweet dreams.” While my hand caressed her back, I listened to the sound of her breathing until it slowed to signify her slumber.

I didn’t have the urge to sleep.

No dream could be better than my current reality.

There’s no way possible.

[freshunknownpuppy-blog1]

Introducing The Self Cleaning Litter Box Of 2018

I was employed as a pet sitter for over a decade now and knew the problems faced by owners while cleaning pet litter.

The majority of the times, I used to suggest that my customers what they have to do in order to make their cat comfortable having an automatic or self-cleaning litter box.

Selecting the wrong product might become the main reason for your cat averting it. Almost, 10 percent of the cats create elimination issues and a number of them completely quit using a litter box. Do not allow your cat face such situation by selecting top-rated automatic litterbox that will be ideal for your pets.

During my working experience, I got to know lots of details and products which might benefit you guys if you're on the search for the 1 Cat Litter Box. Let's begin with the testimonials now.

Now, this unit is pricey than the prior system. But the exceptional feature of the system is that it doesn't make use of genuine jumble, and the granules used here are washable.

After checking out the very best models in the previous section, we'll understand the need of purchasing one for the kitty. Currently, there's no most effective automatic apparatus available for purchasing, but buying one will make amazing things for you.

Purchasing an excellent best self cleaning litter box is what you have to consider. But some people are confused about purchasing one automatic one or vice-versa. Here we'll explain to you a few of the significant advantages, with purchasing such a product.

The first point is that the Automated work style within the system. What would you like, cleaning your cat's litter by yourself or using an automated machine that performs the same job for you, and conserves your energy? What about doing the scooping out the waste, and cleaning the mess by yourself? There are many men and women who do not like to watch this litter. This might end up littering the space if appropriate attention isn't given to it. The foul smell of the litter isn't enjoyed by us and the kitty. Therefore it's vital that you work on this mess with the help. Thinking about the first point, you'll find the sufficient quantity of time, which may be spent in another undertaking. Who will favor to clean the cat's smelly litter and urine waste, once you are receiving an automatic mechanism to get the work done.

The following point is that nobody likes to take care of their waste due to the odor of it. And here you're getting the opportunity to keep the place tidy, without much efforts from the side.

And in the end, the litter isn't enjoyed by the cat equally as the humans can not handle easily.

Factors to be Considered while Purchasing Litter Box Discussing the cats, all the cats act differently, and they've got their interests. Here we'll provide you with a few of the considerations you want to make before purchasing a litter box for the cat.

We'll have three sections in this topic. Let us see each of them at precisely the exact same order in which they're listed here.

CAT- This stage covers all the needs regarding the cat. First, you're going to purchase the litter box for a single cat or multiple cats. Next is the size of the cat, as you must think about the box that rightly matches your cat dimension. Additionally, it's suggested to go for a huge litter for your cat.

The questions that you will need to ask yourself before purchasing include when you've the sufficient fund for making this investment. The following question is if the machine is cheap to you, and the kind that's the best for your cat.

LOCATION- This gives the information concerning the place where you would like to place this automated litter box. And lastly, if the website is visited by the cat quite frequently. So select the ideal location, for efficiently using this at home.

These are some of the factors you will need to make before finalizing at your dwelling. It's important to consider these factors for using the item rightly and benefiting from this machine in the best way.

We'll supply you with a few of the benefits of working with this Automatic Litter Box. They're as follows:

Here you're getting to utilize an automated system so the job is completed for you. This provides some spare time for you, and you may invest it to get some personal work for yours. Personal and personal comfort for the cats- supplying a private space for your cat, will really make them feel special. The cat just requires love and some food, but with this, you may offer them a healthy and the fresh atmosphere for the cat. Hygienic in character - Yes, here you are able to observe that the user is needed to come in contact with the kitty litter. Now using non-clumping litters to your cat isn't just detrimental to them but also tough to manage by the consumer regarding cleaning and upkeep. To avoid such circumstances, you can purchase this automated litter product. Works as a candy pamper for the cat- As mentioned previously, your cat just requires three things love, food, and personal space. With this exceptional litter system, they'll be happy and rested. So buy one for them and keep the clean environment in your home.

Make certain that you've sufficient quantity of litter boxes at a specific moment. You will need to scoop the litter, and it ought to be twice daily at minimum. The littering portion ought to be deep enough. These litter boxes should be set in a quiet place. Also, use terrific litter mechanism, that is it ought to be considerably large. Do take good care of the environment by utilizing environment-friendly products for your furry friend. Here the points which may be carried out for the improvement of the cat finishes. Now we'll list the Don'ts when utilizing the Automatic Litter box for cats.

The Don'ts are recorded in the following manner:

Do not choose the scented litter systems. For several of the younger Americans except the age of 6-7 weeks, shouldn't opt for non-clumping litter. Avoid using white or crystal pearl litters for this item. If you think that the hooded device will prevent the odor from getting out, then don't opt for this type of devices. Don't show aggression into your pet , if they're not utilizing the newly bought. Do not buy a grass mat made from plastic to the cat. And lastly, don't place your kid into the litter box maintenance. So here are the Do's and Don'ts, that need to be noted while you're using a litter box for the cat.

You're all set with the item, and the next question will be- that is the ideal place for setting the machine? Now in case you have a cat for the first time, then you might be entirely clueless about the areas best suited for cats.

The litter box should be placed in such a way that the cat can easily find it. And for this, we'll provide you some advice for picking the right place. And these tips are recorded as follows:

A Safe Environment- Okay now, the operator should offer a secure surrounding for the cats generally. And there are high chances for your cat avoiding such encompassing. So make sure that the place is secure for the cats.

For people who do not have any backyard - This is for all those people who are keeping cats in an apartment type of place, where there isn't any garden available. In this case; opt for a safe place, make certain that the place has two exit paths, and do your best to set the litter system in the living room itself.

Limited Space issue- when you've limited space at your house, then picking a location for this may get tough. To address this, you can decide on a box that comes in a furniture type. Such models are also known as modern cat litter boxes.

Consider kitty's interests- Today, cats do not prefer enclosed space. So ensure that the place you're choosing, has a minimum for two unique exits. If you put this in the bath, you'll get just 1 exit. So avoid such alternatives.

Do not think about any noisy location - The cats get fearful of odd and loud noises. So pick the place in such a manner it is set away from any noise. By way of instance, putting litter system beside the washing machine won't be a fantastic option.

For numerous cats in home- employing a standard item, for two cats might cause an issue. Some cats do not mind using an ordinary litter box, but there are a number of cats that don't prefer this. In that case, it's much better to get a second one like the previous one.

For those, who've garden- So in case you've a garden, then the ideal location will be close to the porch. When the cat needs to do the company, it is going to be allowed outside, and consequently littering within the house can also be avoided with this.

These are the several tips for selecting the Best Location for the litter box for the cats. Follow them, and you'll certainly find the ideal place.

How I Solved my Cat Litter Box Problem There were many problems that I faced while coping with my cat litter box. I will list out a number of them I came across and will inform you how I coped with it.

You will need to be certain the box is kept further away from the eating area. Because this may impact the littering task of the cat badly, so you will need to check on this rigorously.

To address this, you want to comprehend the major cause of the peculiar cat behavior. Here the reasons may vary in the new litter box, it's not cleaned properly, cat confronting some injury whilst using it specifically, or perhaps the cat doesn't know how to use it rightly.

The reasons may vary, so you will need to figure it out and do it appropriately.

This is one of the severe issues you could confront with your cat. And it has to be solved as soon as possible, and also the purpose behind this is the fact that it's shown to be detrimental to the cat health.

Enrolling in the litter box can cause some serious health problem to the cat in addition to the baby. These are some of the problems I solved and discussed the experiences with you guys.

Greatest Speeches Litter Box for Cat Sifting trays are a fantastic solution for many users, who don't want to touch the litter when scooping them out. This is one sort of sieve that's used for removing the clutter efficiently, and we'll suggest you the Luuup series as the Best Sifting Litter Box for Cat.

The major function included in this Luuup merchandise is lifted and Sift. So you will need to lift the tray up and sift the litter box. Then you must remove the waste material and easy place it back.

This technique was recently developed, and because of this reason, you might not find many units employing this method. The Luuup products are among the first in this Sifting class, and you can also take a look at the Martha Stewart Pets Sifting Litter Box.

Speaking about the Luuup system, we're entering into the world where smart systems are more favored. This litter box is smart, but in addition to this, you'll be able to see a smartly designed unit here. Additionally, the unit is simple to keep.

It's important to provide the ideal sort of solitude to the cat when it's using the litter box. And for this, you can decide on the Hooded/Covered clutter system. Among all of the unit, we'll suggest the Hagen CatIt system within this category.

This is the Best Recommended unit from our side, and the primary cause of this is the massive Hood present with this mailbox. This box has great space inside it, with the huge hood present inside. And there is 1 anchor present inside, which assists with maintaining the hood available for you for any of your needs.

You'll find carbon-impregnated filter in this Litter Box, and this also helps with removing the terrible odor rightly. Additionally, this unit can also be used for multiple cat homes here, thus if you're planning to buy 1 unit to your cats, then do not forget to have a look at this litter box.

As stated before, it's best appropriate for the multiple cat homes. The main reason for this is the broad nature of the machine. And the simplicity of managing the waste material, even if it's used by numerous cats.

It's advised for all the users out there, to check on the device from the cat's view also. And then confirm the purchase. Another important facet of the litter box is your privacy attribute.

So, choose the unit which offers the ideal type of privacy to the user. For solitude, big hooded litter boxes have to be preferred.

We have included this unit in the Reviews section, so for the comprehensive review, it is possible to consult with the inspection section provided above. The most important property of this unit is it is capable of flushing the self cleaning litter box by itself. This means that you don't need to think about the clutter disposal work or the upkeep much. For using the device, you want to do some connections linked to the cold inlet water and one electrical outlet. Let's check out another category.

While you're concerned for big cats, you won't find a better alternative than this one. Another unit, which may be considered is the IRIS Open Top Cat merchandise. This comes together with a shield, and there's 1 scoop product made available here. You'll see a high polish finish done on the device here, and it's got one fitting scoop present also. The matching scoop gives the very best maintenance feature also. The next category is the multiple cats .

Best Litter Box for Multiple Cats: For this, our proposal is going to be a system that's spacious enough because multiple cats are the major concern here. The unit has been performing pretty well while coping with a number of cats lately. Another unit in the recommendation list is your LitterMaid 980, and this unit is best appropriate for two-cat families. This unit is capable of holding 50 percent more litter components inside. There are one removable rake that's self-cleaning. Thus, it's easy with the maintenance in addition to handling.

[arcanakrp-blog]

SONG MOONSOO – THE DEVIL. AGENT 15.

                                                   [   FILE TYPE: CLASSIFIED   ]

//: LOADING PROFILE: SONG MOONSOO ...

international age: 24 birthplace: okpodong, geoje, south korea arcana: the devil team number: three

//: LOADING MUTATION: PERSUASION ...

application one: enhanced charisma — seemingly intrinsically wound within the power of persuasion is enhanced charisma. with the way moonsoo’s words are intertwined with power, it pushes him into an assumed leadership position from the standpoint of those around him (despite the fact that he doesn’t necessarily possess the qualities of a good leader, despite the fact that he wouldn’t be a very good leader), that is, people will generally side with moonsoo’s opinion in an argument or choice due to this power, as it enables him to create an artificial sense of trust or loyalty in the moment. however, there is an innate draw to him, a mysterious way that he can command attention and push people into doing what he wants, following his orders without them realizing outright they may not be doing it of their own free will (at least not at first). there’s a charm, a charismatic way he’s able to hold himself. it seems to come with the territory, an assurance that he’ll get what he wants, paired with the ability to make it happen. he’s as appealing as a state of the art conman, a predisposition for reshaping himself, for acting, for persuading people into believing whatever ruse he wants them to. because of this there is a magnetic quality to his personality. he’s able to draw people in without necessarily trying to do so, and can be incredibly convincing (even without the use of commands to persuade people).

application two: command inducement — much as the name suggests, moonsoo is able to push people into following commands. this is done through speech, and must be phrased as an order. once hearing an order, an individual will have an unstoppable compulsion to follow through with it, to the point where they cannot physically stop themselves, even if they do not wish to. when following through with a command, they will be entirely focused on it, to the point where they wouldn’t be able to protest or plead with him. it’s usually not realized that what they have done is not by their own free will until the command has been completed. they do not fall into a trance so much as they’re wholly consumed with the idea o fulfilling what was asked of them, to the point where they may become frantic or violent if someone else tries to stop them before the order is carried out

application three: truth inducement — moonsoo has the ability to coax truth out of people, though again, this must be done through speech. if people are not expecting his powers, or do know know much about them or how to handle the effects of them, often they will immediately provide the truth without him needing to be explicit about it. granted, if an individual knows about his powers there’s a technicality wherein they can talk around what he’s requesting, such as, if moonsoo were to ask what someone did that afternoon and they only told him part of their itinerary, that would technically be the truth (just not all of it). this is remedies by him being more specific in his question/command combinations, so the above example could be amended as “tell me everything you did this afternoon in chronological order, without leaving anything out” since the command is so specific, the truth would be pulled from them without being allowed to ‘talk around’ whatever information moonsoo is searching for

overall strengths and weaknesses: — moonsoo’s powers, when he’s in a position to use them freely, are rather daunting. he can persuade and command people into doing his bidding. these commands can range, from something inconsequential to something life changing (or ending). when moonsoo had first adopted his powers, the step from a small request to a large one had been difficult. the more intense the request, the more energy it took from him. headaches, bloody noses, dizziness. these are all things he can still feel, but due to training thus far under ARC, this doesn’t happen with a large command anymore. however, he does adopt these symptoms when he’s commanding more than one person. large groups are far more difficult for him to command all at once – though getting them to trust him due to his charisma is far more easy, and something he often opts for if given the opportunity. though if, for whatever reason, he finds it necessary to give a command to a group, especially if the command is something larger, something they would not necessarily do themselves (such as getting a group of people to fight each other unprovoked), this can cause the above symptoms, with a possibility for moonsoo to pass out if the group is big enough (at the moment, it’s been observed through testing that he may be liable to pass out if the group is larger than twenty to twenty-five people). this means that sometimes he needs to find ways to isolate clusters of people on jobs.

another weakness that is easily observed is the fact that moonsoo needs to be able to speak, as the commands are carried out vocally. if for some reason he cannot speak (for example, being gagged, being submerged in water, etc.) then there is no way for him to give a command. relating to this, the receiver of the command needs to be able to hear moonsoo. if they are able to block his speech, then the commands cannot take effect, there is an added layer to this, where if the individual cannot understand moonsoo, the command also does not hold. thus, he needs to speak in a language that they know (this has prompted additional language training under ARC, though mostly in regards to phrases and commands they deem necessary for him to know considering that the time needed to learn a language fluently is not something they can allow for when they want to take multiple language possibilities into account. he’s more so memorized phrases than language acquisition).

there is also a time limitation in regards to his powers. thus far, it seems as if the length that people will follow his orders is around a full day (so fluctuating between 22 to 26 hours). this means that if moonsoo were to command someone to “sit down and don’t move” they would do so for that frame of time, though the effects of his power would start to wear off near the end (such as perhaps being able to move their fingers around the ten hour mark, or arms and feet around the twenty hour mark, and finally being able to get up and move after twenty-four hours). granted, a few of the researchers at ARC seem confident he can lengthen this time span with more training.

as stated, it can be possible to 'work around’ moonsoo’s orders or commands as long as they’re technically fulfilling what he asks (such as giving a partial answer), but if moonsoo is very explicit in his commands, then this is easily remedied for him. additionally, moonsoo’s powers are not 'always active,’ instead, he has control over when he decides to insert his power into his speech. granted, this is in some way connected to his emotions, and so if he gets incredibly angry or upset, he’s far more likely to use his powers unbidden, or without realizing it, due to his mental state (though when he first discovered his powers, it was hard for him to figure out how to bend them to his complete control, and he had a number of accidents concerning using his powers when he didn’t mean to)

//: LOADING HISTORY ..

PRE-MUTATION

there are memories that linger in the back of moonsoo’s head. inescapable memories, haunting memories that slip down around his neck like a noose, pulled taught until he’s left breathless with panic. his childhood is fractured, something he’s been trying to outrun since he was fourteen, stuffing his backpack full of clothes and packs of ramen and attempting to runaway to a new town, a new life, to find himself someone new to be. it never came to fruition, and even still, no matter how far or long moonsoo runs he can’t seem to escape himself. can’t seem to escape his past. moonsoo hadn’t grown up in geoje, but he’d moved there young enough that it felt like he had. his parents had gone through a messy divorce after his father found prospective business deals along with a new secretary that was fresh out of university. a grim situation, but she had never been a guiltless party either. self-centered and forgetful, spent money faster than she could stumble upon it. it was a mess of a marriage, and it was no surprise they created a mess of a son between them.

in most cases, parents fight over who keeps the child. in most cases, the child is desirable, deemed an asset. at seven moonsoo learned he was neither of those things as he listened to his parents argue loud through the walls about who he’d be saddled with. in the end it was deemed that he would remain with his mother, and without the heft of her husband’s income supporting her, moonsoo’s mother decided to move back home, and they ended up cramped inside of moonsoo’s grandmother’s house. it wasn’t a terrible move, just a new setting. the noise of the city had been whisked from his life and replaced with something different, a house on the outskirts of a city far smaller than he had grown up in, with the scent of salt from the ocean hanging in the air. moonsoo found a band of friends and spent hazy summer nights out wandering and letting adventures climb to new heights through imagined terrors and stories of make believe. moonsoo never learned to outgrow that phase of his life though, the pretending. it transformed over the years though, from sticks into swords into forcefully believing that everything in his life was okay, that he was okay. that everything was under control.

the divide in his life was clear enough, it came when he was twelve and his mother found a new man to marry. he held down a steady job at daewoo shipbuilding, had enough to provide and owned a decently-sized apartment near to edges of the city in okpodong. but he was too regimented, or that’s what moonsoo believed; not the regimented that came from army training, but from a desire to grab at power, to assert it over the people around him. everything was imposed onto moonsoo, frustrations from work funneling down and twisted into orders that landed on his shoulders. not many people want to gain a child when they get married, and he wasn’t really an exception. growing up, it seemed that everything was decided for him, a plan laid out with a specific way to do things. chores, school, how he dressed, how he spent his spare time. it seemed like he couldn’t keep an original thought in his head that the man didn’t want to hammer out, explain why everything pertaining to it was wrong. why everything that had to do with him was wrong. the funny thing was, moonsoo found it hard to disagree with him.

he tried to when he got a little older for the hell of it, to try and twist his way out of his grip just to have some semblance of self to cling to. it usually ended in a black eye and a chair propped up on the other side of his bedroom door to keep him locked in the house. it was the very reason moonsoo became adept at shimmying his way out the window and climbing his way down outside the metaphorical cage of his own home to spend days, nights, wandering along the winding line of the ocean, scrambling over slippery rocks or climbing past overgrown grass up the hill of wind in an effort to find escape. it pushed him down the path of rebelling in other ways, ways that really only hurt moonsoo in the end.

at sixteen he started smoking and drinking until he was collapsed in half and spitting bile into a gutter, a little older and he’d managed to garner a reputation around the school that he was something of a playboy, though it held less than ideal weight to it. he was strange, and he was trouble. he slept around and he skipped class. despite his outlets, it still wound moonsoo up nearly manic. he wanted his freedom, he wanted to believe that he could do anything without his stepfather breathing over his shoulder and yanking him around, wanted to outrun the world and pretend that he wasn’t such a colossal fuckup. it’s near impossible to outrun the truth though, and moonsoo knows this, despite the fact that he pretends he hasn’t. despite the fact that he keeps running.

it wasn’t really a surprise when moonsoo opted out of continuing his education when he graduated. there was pressure to learn the trade, to eventually work in the shipyard as well, but honestly, it wasn’t something that he wanted to do. he’d long since been dragged under the waters of depression, he’d long since began pretending that it was normal, that he was normal and wasn’t close to snapping under the strain, the emotional abuse that was heaped onto him. so he got a job at a nearby restaurant, another helping around a stall selling seafood in the market and spent his time trying to fracture away from his stepfather’s will. hung around with his friends and tried to pretend like his life was everything he wanted it to be. it wasn’t, but it did eventually change.

POST-MUTATION

when the meteor shower came, moonsoo had been out wandering alone, wrapped up in an old sweatshirt that wreaked of smoke, busy inhaling cigarettes as he watched slashes of light scatter through the sky. the dream followed, but he’d never put too much stock in dreams. chalked it up to a little too much soju and went on with his life. but then, oddities started to occur shortly after. energy sapping and statements being followed through when they usually wouldn’t. power slipping out from underneath his tongue and winding through whoever was nearby. strange things, like his friends momentarily freezing in place when he jokingly told them to 'stop.’ or his mother spending the night with his grandmother when he told her to leave him alone. while moonsoo didn’t know exactly what was going on, he eventually stitched together his patchwork of circumstances and realized that there was something going on. a something where he could get people to do what he told them.

it had been difficult for him to try and control it, difficult for him to keep his persuasion from leaking out when he didn’t want it to, difficult to concentrate and use it consciously. he somewhat managed, but he had trouble keeping it under tabs when he flared up emotional or moody. something that became glaringly obvious when he fell into a terrible argument with his stepfather. how he was an embarrassment, how he needed a better job, how he needed to stop fucking up his life, how he needed to stop being a fuck up. how it was unsurprising he was met with a dead-end, how it was unsurprising he’d turned himself into such a terrible person, how it was unsurprising that nobody wanted him still, that his father had given him up so very easily. how his mother still spoke ill of him. perhaps unsurprising then, that when moonsoo snapped back a heated “just fucking die” he went and did just that.

moonsoo blacked out for a few days, his mother found his stepfather hanging by a noose. presumed suicide, or well, it was a suicide. but moonsoo had been the deciding factor on the matter. despite the fact that he’d hated him, that he was glad he was swept free from his life, it was hard to keep the guilt from hanging heavy against him. for all they show in movies, books, that murder is an easy thing, that human life is a disposable thing, in reality it’s hard the shake. hard to shake the vision of the man in his coffin at the funeral, hard the shake the nightmares that still plague his psyche when he falls into a fitful sleep. he’s not absolved of his sins, but he likes to pretend that they’re not there. likes to pretend that he revels in his newfound powers, his newfound control.

he does, in a sense. he uses it like a crutch to make up for the lack of control he’s experienced throughout his life. but it’s always there, at the back of his mind. he’s not a good person, he never was. he’s twisted, and retrospectively he’s realized that people have always been able to see that. a monster hiding in his chest that’s struggling to break free and consume him entirely. all he can do is keep running. so run he did. when the strange guilt and warped sense of justice became too much, he packed his bag and ran to the next town over. it had been his intention to get a job, to settle down, to try and figure things out and black out the last handful of months. but then, it was so easy to get what he wanted now. it was so easy to just open up his mouth and ask for people’s wallets. ask for pin codes to bank accounts, ask for a free room in a hotel for the night.

people listened, and he was given an insurmountable amount of control that he’d been deprived of for the majority of his life. it went to his head, but given he circumstances, it probably would have been more surprising if it didn’t. it was how the ARC caught up to him. almost-murder veiled at suicide was easy enough to go under the radar, but reports of strange, unexplained robberies were not. moonsoo had an uncanny ability to vanish despite the trouble he was in, though. all he needed were a few words to whoever caught wind of what he was doing, a simple “i didn’t do anything wrong, i’m not the person you’re looking for” and they would believe him. at least for a day. enough time for him to find a new city, a new town to run to. the only reason he stopped was that an official at ARC finally found him, managed to keep him in place long enough to promise him answers, training, money. considering moonsoo didn’t have much to lose, he went with them back to the compound.

training started, and moonsoo managed to find a false sense of confidence, to the point where he almost completely believes it himself. he revels in his powers, revels in his control, but there’s a disconnect. a hatred, a guilt. something that grows and something he ignores simultaneously. he loves the control, loves the absolute surety that he gets to have the final say, that he can coax people into doing things that they couldn’t imagine, into spilling their closest secrets. that he can coax them into death (something that the ARC has capitalized on). blood isn’t technically on his hands, he’s very much hands off in fact, but he can still see it. it’s entirely mental. he can keep pretending that none of it is his fault, that the actions aren’t acted out by him. it’s not true, he knows this. knows he’s a weapon, knows he’s a quiet cause to destruction. he’s a little unhinged, has fallen into his own power trip and is hell bent on capitalizing on it, using it to his advantage. there’s destruction living inside of him, trying to crawl out. but it’s breaking moonsoo down in the process, hidden anxiety and self hatred, but he tries to bury it all down. moonsoo plays like he’s always in control, and he’s desperate to pretend that it’s true.