#wish I wasn't so busy this month or I would have already written all the Brian analysis jdjdndjd | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

roosterforme · 9 months

Text

Pink Christmas Part 1 | Rooster x Reader

Summary: Flying in the annual holiday air show dressed as Santa Claus was just something Bradley considered to be part of his job. But when he meets an inquisitive little girl and her beautiful mom, suddenly he wants to make all of their Christmas wishes come true. The only problem is, your daughter actually believes he's Santa, and he's not sure how he's going to keep up the charade when he wants to pursue you as just Bradley.

Warnings: Fluff, language, single mom reader, mentions of loss of spouse

Length: 8000 words

Pairing: Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x Female single!mom Reader

Pink Christmas masterlist. Check out my masterlist for more! Banner by @mak-32. Written for @bellaireland1981 Winter RomCom Challenge

You sat on a beach towel in the grass with your face tilted up toward the warm sun and your five year old daughter on your lap. Never would you have imagined wearing short sleeves and enjoying this kind of warmth in December, but your life had turned unpredictable in the past twelve months. And that included leaving a city that was currently buried in snow for the perpetual summer of southern California.

"Mommy! Look!" your daughter shouted unnecessarily loudly, making you laugh. She turned around with wide eyes to make sure you were looking where she was pointing as she adjusted her pink noise canceling headphones. "It's Santa!"

You slid her headphones off since it wasn't loud at the moment, and you looked out across the runway at the Miramar Air Show to see a tall pilot dressed as Santa Claus walking toward his fighter jet with a group of other pilots dressed as elves right behind him. "I see him," you told her, kissing her cheek as she bounced with excitement. "It looks like he's going to fly one of the airplanes."

"Why does Santa have an airplane?" she asked. "And where are his reindeer? And why are the elves getting in airplanes, too?"

You were saved from having to answer her questions as the aircraft engines fired to life for the finale of the show, and you put her ear protection back in place before putting your own earplugs back in. Honestly, you didn't know how to explain to your child who still believed in the magic of Christmas why Santa was taking off in a jet that said ROOSTER on the side of it. Frankly there were a lot of things you didn't know how to explain to her.

She clapped her hands when the jets swooped overhead in an impossible looking formation before looping back around and doing it again. Your heart melted as you watched her wave to the lead jet and shout, "Hi, Santa!" The planes roared overhead and shot upwards before coming back one by one to the land on the runway with such incredible looking ease.

When she whipped her headphones off herself this time, your daughter jumped to her feet with a huge smile on her face. "Let's go talk to Santa," she said, reaching back for your hand.

But you already had your eyes glued on the pilot who quickly replaced his helmet with a white beard and Saint Nick hat. You couldn't help but watch him, enjoying that distant glimpse of him before he went into full Santa character again. He looked tall and strong as he climbed down the ladder in his bright red flight suit, and you had to look away as you felt the heat rise in your cheeks. He waved to everyone in the crowd, and it felt like he was waving right at the two of you.

"Mommy!"

You knew she wasn't going to be deterred from this mission, so you got to your feet and let her tug you along as you tried to fold the towel one handed. "Sweetheart, Santa and his elves might be too busy to talk to us right now," you warned her as the group of six elves in bright green flight suits started fist bumping Santa Claus. And your steps faltered, because Santa somehow just got more attractive the closer you got.

------------------------

"Who let you be Santa anyway?" Jake asked, tugging on his red and green striped hat with enormous elf ears attached to the sides. "This elf bullshit is a damn disgrace."

"I volunteered to be Santa before the rest of you got a chance. Do I look like I'd make a good elf?" Bradley asked, and Jake rolled his eyes. "No. I do not." He was the tallest one in the group, and luckily he was able to sweet talk Maverick into letting him be the one to don the beard and the red flight suit for today's Miramar for the Holidays event they all volunteered to fly for.

"Maverick should have mixed things up and made me Santa," Nat said with her chin in the air.

"But you're the cutest little elf I've ever seen," Bradley told her, earning a smack on the back of his arm from her helmet. "Ow!"

"Wait, are we complaining?" Mickey asked. "I like being an elf. And apparently we get free food and hot cocoa in the volunteers tent."

"Oh, shit. Really?" Reuben asked, craning his neck to look toward the tent in question.

Bradley was about to remind everyone that they were obligated to pose for photos with kids when he heard a voice calling out, "Santa! Hey, Santa!" He turned toward the four foot tall chain link fence as an adorable little girl dragged a grown woman in his direction.

"Hey guys, we got company," he told the others as he adjusted his white beard and red hat. When he waved toward the child, she squealed in delight, and Bradley couldn't help but laugh. As she and the woman he assumed was her mom approached the fence, Bradley leaned on the top of it.

"Ho, Ho, Ho! What's your name, Kiddo?" he asked her with a bright smile. But his gaze inadvertently shifted to how gorgeous you looked as you held her hand, and he gave you a wink. He wouldn't mind learning your name, too.

But the little girl was eyeing him skeptically. "Shouldn't you already know my name? My mom said I'm on the nice list!" she exclaimed, gesturing up toward you.

Oh. Shit. "Uh, well, you see..."

Luckily you bailed him out with an apologetic look. "Ellie, don't be rude to Santa. He probably didn't update our names to our new address yet."

"Oh. Yeah," Bradley said, nodding in agreement and smiling. "Of course now I recognize you, Ellie. And your mom, too. Rest assured, you're both on the nice list."

But the girl wasn't convinced. "Why aren't you fatter?"

You brought your hand up to cover your face and groaned as Bradley laughed. "I needed to be able to fit in my jet."

"Why do you have a jet? Where's your sleigh?"

Bradley jerked his thumb toward the others milling around behind him. "My elves and I are trying out our jets this year. Something new."

"What about your reindeer?" she asked, undeterred. You were looking at Bradley and half smiling, half grimacing as you mouthed I'm sorry. But he didn't mind at all. Ellie was keeping him on his toes.

"Uh... they have the year off, per their union contracts. You certainly have a lot of questions, Ellie."

She nodded up at him with her hands on her hips. "I just want to make sure you're the real Santa. I've seen a lot of impostors at the mall."

Bradley had to stifle his laughter as you said, "I had no idea she was going to be like this. I'm so sorry, Santa."

"It's fine," he reassured you, noting that you weren't wearing any rings before he returned his attention to your daughter. "Okay, Ellie. What's it going to take for you to believe I'm really Santa?"

Her brow scrunched as she contemplated his question, and Bradley used the time to check you out. It was useless, he knew that, since he looked like an idiot in his fake beard at the moment. But damn, you were pretty. And your daughter was like a tiny, inquisitive version of you.

"Well," Ellie said with a little smirk, "you should know how old I am if you're the real Santa."

You quickly held your hand up over her head to help him out, and he counted your fingers. "Of course I know that you're five years old."

Ellie's eyes softened a bit as she said, "That's right! And what's my favorite color?"

This time you juggled the items you were holding and lifted up a set of noise canceling headphones. "That's easy," Bradley replied. "I know you love pink."

Now Ellie was smiling up at Bradley as she said, "And if you still need to update our new address, then you must know where we moved here from."

Bradley glanced up to see you pretending to shiver and rub your hands along your arms. "You moved here from somewhere cold."

"That's right!" she exclaimed, clapping her hands. "It's you! You're Santa!"

"It's really me," Bradley said, sending her a wink and nodding at you as you bit your lip and grinned. "And don't you worry, I'll have my elves take care of getting your new address straightened out. But first, I need you to prove that you're the real Ellie."

She nodded in excitement. "Ask me anything!"

"What grade are you in?"

"Kindergarten," she said, eyes filled with joy.

"Yep, that's right. Only the real Ellie would know that." You were laughing now, and Bradley loved the way it sounded. "And what's your favorite animal?"

"Pandas!"

"Mmhmm," he hummed, pretending he was impressed that she was passing this quiz with flying colors. "I'm almost convinced it's really you."

"Seriously," she told him. "Ask me anything, because I'm sure I'm not an impostor."

Bradley glanced up at you and smirked before leaning on the fence again, and then asked Ellie, "Tell me, Kiddo. What's your mom's name?"

She blurted it out immediately, and Bradley committed it to memory. When he looked up at you again, your gaze was focused on the ground, but you looked pleased if not a little sad. He wanted to know why.

"Would the two of you like to come in here and look at the North Pole jets?" he asked, and Ellie started bouncing up and down immediately.

"We don't want to waste any more of your time, Santa," you told him with an apologetic look.

"You wouldn't be," he promised, and when he said your name, you smiled and looked off to the side like you were embarrassed. "Come around the fence. You can meet my elves." He pointed to the gate a ways down where a security guard was standing. Bradley waved to him and gave him a thumbs up which the guard returned. "Santa gets special privileges."

"Fine," you said softly. "We'll just come around and meet you then?"

"Looking forward to it," he replied, and then Ellie was taking off for the fence opening with you right behind her. Bradley turned toward the others and clapped his hands. "Listen up. This little girl, Ellie, thinks I'm really Santa," he informed them. "And she thinks you're all my elves."

"Fuck," Jake groaned.

"I'm really hungry," Bob whispered.

"I refuse to be nice to you, even in front of a child," Nat said blandly.

"Whatever," Reuben and Javy said in unison.

"I'm so excited!" Mickey giggled, adjusting his elf ears.

"Just be nice, okay? Here she comes... with her mom," Bradley said, really enjoying the sight of you headed his way. He cleared his throat and knelt down as Ellie streaked toward him.

"Can I sit in one of the North Pole jets?" Ellie asked while you shook your head apologetically.

"Really, feel free to tell her no."

But Bradley just smiled and adjusted his white beard before he scooped the child up and stood. You looked up at him with a mixture of surprise and intrigue as he said, "Sure, Kiddo, if you think you can climb that ladder? It's really tall."

"Yeah, I can do it!" Ellie said, looking past him at his F/A-18 and clapping.

"Sound okay, Mom?" he asked you, and you bit your lip and smiled.

"Great. While Ellie and I are up there talking about what's on her Christmas list, why don't you give your information to my sweetest and most loyal elf, Phoenix."

Nat rolled her eyes at him so hard before she turned to you with a smile, and Bradley had to walk away before he started laughing too hard to stay in character.

"Your elf is named Phoenix?" Ellie asked as he carried her toward the ladder. "What are the other ones named?"

Bradley chuckled. "They're all pretty silly sounding," he said as he set her down a few rungs from the bottom. "The big one is Payback. The one who can't stop smiling is Fanboy. The one that's yawning is Coyote. Bob is the one with glasses. And the cranky one is Hangman."

"He looks like he could use a candy cane," she said as she started to climb.

"I think you're probably right. I should feed all of them more sweets."

Once they reached the top, he hoisted her over the edge and climbed onto the seat behind her. "Do you want to talk about what's on your Christmas list?"

"Yeah," she said with a sigh as she plopped down on his knee and looked at him with concern. "We didn't bring most of our decorations and stuff when we moved, because there were already too many boxes."

"Oh," Bradley grunted, patting her on the shoulder. Now he was even more curious than before about where the two of you had moved from and why as his gaze met yours where you stood below with Phoenix. "Well you'll need a Christmas tree for your presents to go under."

She nodded and finally smiled when Bradley looked at her again. "The only thing I really want is a pink one!"

He blinked at her a few times. "A pink tree?"

"Yeah! A pink Christmas tree! And an art set with pink paint."

Bradley nodded, figuring he could probably make that happen. "Sounds monochromatic but fun. Anything else?"

Ellie looked down at you and waved. Your brilliant smile for your daughter was so lovely, Bradley found himself waving too, which made you laugh. "Nothing else for me," Ellie whispered. "But something for my mom."

"Oh yeah?" he grunted when you blew a kiss up to them. Damn. He knew it was for your daughter, but he kind of wanted one of his own. "What do you think Santa should bring for your mom?"

"A boyfriend."

His gaze jerked back to Ellie's, but she looked completely serious. "You want me to get your mom a boyfriend?"

She nodded and said, "One that's tall and will play dolls with me sometimes and eat dinner at our new house. And he has to be really nice. Just like my dad was."

Bradley leaned in a little closer and wrapped his arm around her narrow shoulders. "What happened to your dad?"

"He died last year," she said matter-of-factly. "But I'm sure you knew him, because he was definitely on the nice list."s

------------------------------

You watched as your daughter gave the naval aviator she was convinced was Santa Claus a big hug. He actually looked a bit ridiculous in the bright red flight suit and hat with the white beard, but Ellie seemed to have bonded with him in some way. They were laughing together about something she whispered to him, and then he was patting her head.

"I'll see what I can do for you, okay Ellie?" he told her, and you wondered if his voice really was that deep all the time.

"Thanks, Santa!" She came trotting over to you and took you by the hand. "I'm ready to go home now," she told you with a smile as the 'elves' waved goodbye. A startled laugh escaped you, because the entire afternoon felt very surreal. You just gave your phone number and your new address to someone named Phoenix who was dressed as an elf even though she was definitely also a naval pilot. And now you were waving to Santa Claus who you were left to assume was named Bradley Bradshaw based on what was painted on the side of his jet.

"Did you have a fun time with Santa?" you asked as you walked back toward the opening in the gate, chuckling at your own words.

"Yeah. He's really nice. I could have probably stayed and talked to him all night," she replied, and when you turned back he was still looking at you. The casual wave of his hand made your heart skip a beat. You really wanted this again. That familiarity with another person. The ease. The perpetually happy child next to you.

"Yeah... he seems pretty great."

But you were really annoyed with yourself when you spent nearly a full hour after you got Ellie in bed imagining what his face might look like without the fake beard. It had barely been three months since you stopped wearing your wedding rings. It was just over a year ago that your husband died unexpectedly. You were decidedly not in the market for dating anyone while Ellie was this young, because she deserved all of your attention. So why were you thinking about this Bradley guy and how sweet he was with your daughter?

You collapsed onto your bed and grabbed your phone from the nightstand. You didn't do the wordle yet for today, and you still needed to check the weather for tomorrow. But you got distracted by a text from a number you didn't recognize.

Hey, it's Bradley Bradshaw. I mean Santa. I hope you don't mind me texting you.

You sat up in your bed so quickly. Your stomach lurched as butterflies took up residence, and your fingers quivered a little bit as you gripped your phone. What were you supposed to do? "Text him back," you muttered to yourself. "Get a grip."

You looked across the room at your wedding photo on your dresser. It had been in one of the few moving boxes you managed to unpack already, and it made you smile every time you looked at it. Right now was no exception; that was one of the best days of your life. But when you looked back down at your phone, you didn't feel a pang of sadness or regret. You felt intrigued. So you saved Bradley's number and then texted him back.

I don't mind one bit. I'm happy to have the chance to thank you again for earlier. You made Ellie's day! Mine, too!

And then you waited with your phone in your hand, half embarrassed and half excited by the idea of getting another text from him.

Bradley 'Santa' Bradshaw: Your daughter is a bit of a spitfire. I was very entertained by her. And there's no need to thank me. It was the highlight of my day.

Dealing with your sassy five year old was the highlight of his day? You squealed and had to set your phone down while you walked around your room for a few minutes. The highlight of his day? He was a fighter pilot! He flew a jet around at the air show!

"Oh god," you groaned, crawling back across your bed to your phone. You were already a lost cause. Over a man who had been dressed as Santa Claus? Ridiculous.

But now you were scrambling over what to type back to him. Send him a Santa emoji? No. You were flustered as you sent him the first random thing that came to your mind.

You make a great Santa. You know, in case you ever contemplate a career change.

You looked at the words on your phone screen and cringed. You glanced back at your wedding photo and sighed. If that was your best attempt at flirting, then it was amazing you'd ever been married at all. And this man you met today didn't even seem bothered that you had a kid. That was a miracle in itself. You got ready to toss your phone aside for the night when he sent back a smiling emoji and another text.

Bradley 'Santa' Bradshaw: I'll keep that in mind as a potential retirement gig.

You wanted to tell him he looked pretty good in a fake beard. You wanted to tell him you were curious what he looked like without it. You wanted to keep him talking a little bit longer, because you could feel the adrenaline fueled blood pumping through your body, and it felt exciting. But before you could even say anything else, Bradley had you burying your face in your pillow so you could scream without waking Ellie up.

Bradley 'Santa' Bradshaw: But here's the thing. I'm an absolute sucker for cute girls. When can I see the two of you again?

------------------------

Bradley had to wait a little bit for a response from you, and he was sweating. He didn't want to push too hard, especially after Ellie told him her dad died, but he was intrigued. Plus, he was already googling pink Christmas trees.

Ellie's Mom: Ellie and I are kind of suckers for sweet Santas. What did you have in mind?

He lounged back in his bed with a smile on his face. Was he about to drop five hundred bucks on an eight foot tall pink tree? Hell yes. Especially since you just called him sweet.

Ellie asked Santa for a pink Christmas tree. I want to order it tonight if you can confirm it will fit in your house. And then I'd love to come by and set it up one day.

You wrote back almost immediately after he sent the link to the tree.

Ellie's Mom: You don't have to buy that for her! It's so expensive! Honestly, you don't need to buy her anything!

Bradley sighed. The kid thought he was really Santa Claus, so there was no way she wasn't getting a pink tree and a pink art kit. It was the boyfriend request that made him chuckle, but he'd be lying if he said he wasn't interested in the idea of seeing you again.

But I want to. Any chance you can measure the space for me?

He had to wait a little bit longer again for you to answer, but this time he was rewarded with photos that had him sitting up in bed and staring at his phone.

Ellie's Mom: I can't find a measuring tape in all these moving boxes, but here's the spot where a tree could go. And here I am for reference.

You were smiling in the selfies, looking a little shy but just as pretty as earlier today, and you had on a shirt that looked so soft, he wanted to touch it. "God damn it," he grunted, already tapping out a response.

I think Santa should stop by in person and check the measurements, just to be on the safe side. Also, you're gorgeous.

"Oh fuck," groaned after he hit send. He really didn't mean to come on so strong, especially since he just met you. He busied himself with ordering the pink tree that he was sure would fit in that spot along with some colorful ornaments and tried not to count the minutes until you wrote back.

Ellie's Mom: We'll be home on Monday evening. I'm sure Ellie would love another visit from Santa. And so would I.

Bradley wrote back letting you know roughly what time he could stop by, and then he started to formulate a plan.

On Monday, in the locker room after work, he changed out of his regular flight suit and showered before zipping himself into his bright red one. His measuring tape, beard and Santa hat were already waiting in the Bronco, and he swung by his favorite bakeshop on his way out of Coronado. The place was packed with customers placing orders for Christmas goodies, so he was happy he decided to call ahead. He grabbed the box he already paid for and got back on the road, following his GPS across the city to the outskirts of town.

Your place was a cute town home with a pink Christmas wreath on the door and the windows lit with a warm glow as the sun set. Bradley got his Santa beard and hat situated using his rearview mirror, and then he grabbed the box and the measuring tape and made his way up to the front porch. As soon as he knocked, his heart beat a little faster, and a few seconds later, you were opening the door for him with a smile.

"Hey, Santa," you said softly with a crooked little smile. Bradley took you in from head to toe, his eyes catching on your lips and your pink sweater as he heard Ellie come bounding down the stairs.

"Santa!"

He looked past you just in time to see your daughter come streaking toward him wearing a pink dress and launching herself into his arms. He bent and caught her a little awkwardly as he laughed. "What are you doing here?" she asked as she hugged him.

"Came to make sure you're still on the good list." Bradley grinned up at you where you stood biting your lip. "Well, Mom? Has she been listening and behaving?"

You nodded. "Yes, Santa. She's been very well behaved."

"Excellent," he replied, releasing Ellie and handing her the box which she opened right away.

She gasped and looked up at him. "Pink Christmas cookies?"

"Yeah, I just thought the two of you might like something sweet."

You were looking at him with softly parted lips, and then you said, "Aren't we supposed to be leaving cookies out for you later this month?"

"I wouldn't complain if you did," he replied as Ellie handed you a pink snowflake cookie. He watched you bite into it, and he realized he was staring.

"Want one?" Ellie asked, tugging on his hand.

"No, those are for the two of you, Kiddo. I'm really here to measure the room for your pink tree. I want to drop it off before Christmas so there's something for your presents to go under."

Ellie screeched and nearly dropped the cookies all over the floor as you took the box from her. She pulled Bradley into the living room and showed him where she wanted her tree to go, and then she helped him measure the space while she asked him what he wanted for Christmas.

"Does Mrs. Claus get you something every year?" she asked, eyes wide and focused on him.

He wasn't sure how to answer her as he knelt on the floor with the measuring tape in his hand. So he decided to just be honest. "I actually don't have a Mrs. Claus yet."

When Ellie's eyes drifted from him up to you where you stood a few feet away, Bradley couldn't help but follow suit. "Mommy," she whispered. "We need to get something for Santa."

"Okay," you whispered back, barely glancing at Bradley before looking back at your daughter. "We can do that."

Ellie turned back to him and asked, "If I leave a present under the tree on Christmas Eve, will you know it's for you when you get here?"

"Of course. Just write my name on it so I know it's mine." Then she kissed him on his cheek right above his white beard, and Bradley melted a little bit inside.

--------------------------

You and your daughter waved from your front door as Santa left with his tape measure and one of the pink cookies. Ellie insisted he take the one that was decorated like a reindeer with him, and you watched as he ate it while he started up his vintage blue Bronco. When he honked and waved goodbye, Ellie jumped up and down.

"Santa's bringing me a pink tree!" she gushed, and honestly, you were feeling a little silly over that man, too. Your skin tingled as you closed the door and looked at the rest of the cookies. You felt like he was spoiling the two of you even though you barely knew him.

"Let's go get ready for bed," you whispered, ushering her toward the stairs before you took the cookies to your kitchen to have a moment to yourself. Last Christmas had been a nightmare as it was just a few weeks after you lost your husband, and now you'd moved to San Diego to have a fresh start with a new job and a new school and a new city. You couldn't handle another holiday in the house that the three of you had shared.

California was warm and welcoming, but the last thing you had expected to find here right away was a man that made your heart skip a beat. You knew your husband wouldn't want you to give up the idea of dating someone else, but you'd convinced yourself that nobody would want the two of you even though Ellie was a sweet kid.

You set the pretty cookies down on the counter and sighed. Bradley didn't seem to mind that Ellie was around. If anything, he seemed to really like her. He was buying her a tree even though you told him he didn't have to do that. You were more than capable of getting one, but he wasn't going to be deterred.

And Ellie definitely liked him, helped in part by the fact that she seemed completely convinced he was actually Santa.

"You don't even really know what his face looks like," you groaned as you closed the box and headed upstairs. It didn't even matter though, because you could still tell he was handsome with the kind of brown eyes you just wanted to keep looking at. But how embarrassing were you? Crushing on him like this.

After you got Ellie in bed, you texted Bradley to say thank you, and he wrote back immediately.

Bradley 'Santa' Bradshaw: It was my pleasure.

You imagined him saying those words in his deep voice in person, and you were still thinking about him the next morning when you woke up. You picked up your framed wedding photo and sighed in exasperation. "He reminds me a bit of you, honestly," you told your deceased husband who smiled back from the frame. "He's funny and kind of sweet. Maybe I just miss you. I don't know."

But you found yourself unable to get much work done from your home office while Ellie was at school. You kept sneaking down to the kitchen to get pink cookies, and by late afternoon, you caved like a house of cards and texted Bradley.

I can't stop thinking about what you might look like without your Santa beard and hat.

You set your phone down on your desk and stared at it. What were you, fucking insane or something? You must be. After twenty minutes with no response, you grabbed a sweatshirt and went for a walk around the block without your phone. You had forgotten how to flirt. That had to be what was going on here. You no longer knew how to be normal or subtle in any way, because it had been so long since you needed to be. When you moved to San Diego to start over again, you must have forgotten to pack your ability to act chill in front of men you were attracted to.

You stood on your front porch and took a deep breath before heading back inside. You needed to stop this. After Bradley came back with the pink tree for Ellie, he wasn't going to want to keep hanging out anyway. It was better to just stop this thing in its tracks right now. You ran back upstairs to your desk and grabbed your phone. He probably hadn't responded yet, which was great, because you could text him again and tell him you were just joking.

"Haha," you muttered as you sat down. "Just kidding, Santa."

But he had already replied. Oh. And he sent a selfie. Oh my. "Oh my god." He was even hotter than you imagined. He had a mustache. A real one, not the white one. He wasn't wearing the red hat either, and as a result, you got to see how soft his light brown curls looked. And he was smiling, his lips and his eyes already familiar to you. Then you made a small, strangled sound as you read the accompanying text.

Bradley 'Santa' Bradshaw: Greetings from North Island... I mean, the North Pole. And by the way, I can't stop thinking about you either.

You literally melted out of your chair and onto the spare bedroom floor. You thought about reaching for your computer to put up your out of office message, but you couldn't stop looking at the photo long enough to focus on anything else. You were laying on your back looking at your phone, and you nearly dropped it on your face when he wrote back again.

Bradley 'Santa' Bradshaw: The tree should arrive on Thursday. I was thinking I could take a half day at work and come over to set it up on Friday afternoon while Ellie is at school? Then I could see you again, too...

You rolled onto your front and started typing. Of course you wanted him to come back on Friday. You hit send before you realized that you'd be here alone with him. You'd have no five year old to buffer yourself from almost certain embarrassment.

-------------------------

Everyone else was picking out poinsettias or red and green blooms, but when Bradley got to the florist, he asked for a big bouquet of pink flowers as well as a smaller one. Just pink flowers. Nothing else. He paid and left with both of them in one hand and ran back across the street to his Bronco.

He was running late. He told you he'd be there around one o'clock, but it was already half past. Of course he needed to shower before he left work at noon, since he smelled like jet fuel, and then he had to stop back at home and load the tree and everything else into the Bronco before he could head to your place.

The last thing he wanted was for you to think he didn't want to spend as much time with you and Ellie as possible right now. Frankly he was looking forward to spending a little time alone with you, even if it was just while he was putting the tree up. When he finally made it across town, he checked the time and winced before running up the sidewalk and knocking. And if he was already a little bit out of breath, it only got worse when you opened the door and smiled at him.

"Sorry I'm late," he said. "I realized on my way here that I must have been overzealous when I told you I would be here by one."

You grinned and shrugged. "It's okay. Come on in." You closed the door behind him and asked, "Are those for Ellie?" You were gesturing at the flowers he forgot he was holding.

"Oh," he said, pulling the bouquets apart. "One's for you." Your eyes went wide as he held the bigger bunch out, and your fingers brushed his when you took it. "The little one's for Ellie."

You were looking up at him in surprise and your voice was soft as you said, "Thank you."

"Yeah, well, I didn't know what your favorite color was, so I went all in on the pink."

You were grinning again as you buried your nose in one of the fuchsia colored roses. "It's pink. Good job, Santa."

Bradley laughed. "I should have known. The two of you have me seeing pink everywhere now."

"I'm not sorry about that," you said, reaching for the other bouquet. "I'll put these in the kitchen."

He handed it over and said, "And I'll bring the tree inside." He watched you turn away from him, and he kept his eyes on you until you were almost out of sight which resulted in you turning around and catching him staring. He didn't mind.

Bradley made two trips inside with the tree and all of the lights and ornaments, but you must have still been in the kitchen. Or maybe you went upstairs or something. He'd been hoping you wanted to hang out a little bit and chat, but he already had the enormous tree box open with pink branches spilling out of it when you returned with two mugs.

"I made you some hot chocolate."

Nobody had made him a mug of hot chocolate since he was a kid himself. "You did?"

"Yeah. But if you don't want it, that's fine." You looked a little shy now, so he stood and reached for the pink mug you were offering to him.

"I love hot chocolate. I just don't drink it much now that I live where it's usually warm."

"Where are you from?" you asked before you pursed your pretty lips and blew on your drink.

Bradley smirked. "Would I be remiss if I told you I'm actually from Virginia and not the North Pole?"

Your bright laughter had him taking a step closer to you. "Not at all. Just don't tell Ellie that. She's already working on a Christmas present for you. I mean for Santa."

"Is she really?" he asked, suddenly unable to stop smiling. When you nodded, he asked, "What is it?

"I can't tell you! That would ruin the surprise."

"Yeah... don't tell me. I wouldn't want to disappoint her." Bradley took a sip before setting his mug down on a coaster and kneeling in front of the tree box.

You cleared your throat as he started pulling branches out. "How long have you been living in San Diego?"

"About six years. I finally got a permanent station at North Island after moving around. A lot." He lined all of the pieces up on the floor as you took a few steps closer.

"How old are you?" you asked him. When he glanced up, you added, "If you don't mind me asking."

He smiled. "I don't mind you asking me anything you want to ask me. I'm thirty seven."

"How are you possibly single?" you blurted out before hiding your mug in front of your mouth. "I'm sorry." You paced back and forth across the living room a few times as you said, "I'm so bad at this. Like epically bad at it. Because I haven't had to do it in so long."

"Do what?" he asked, trying not to laugh as you came to a stop right in front of him.

You made a cute little sound before you whispered, "I have forgotten how to even attempt to flirt with a man."

He had to press his lips together to hold his laughter in. You were actually serious right now. "I thought you were doing alright."

"You did?" you asked, gaping up at him.

"Yeah. I mean, you sent me those cute selfies when you didn't have a measuring tape."

You licked your lips and took a step away from him. "No one has called me cute since my husband died."

Bradley could feel his lungs deflating. He hated that you had to live through that. He was also selfishly a little afraid you were going to tell him you weren't looking to date again. This was really the only reason he hadn't asked you out already. Well, that and the fact that your daughter was currently convinced he was Santa Claus.

But he thought he should try his luck. "Someone should be calling you cute every day. You and Ellie both. Like I said, I'm a complete sucker for cute girls."

You looked a little flustered now as you sipped your hot chocolate, so Bradley returned to his mission of putting the massive tree together in the corner of your living room. When he paused to drink from his own mug, you came over to help him. Wordlessly, the two of you assembled it until it was too tall for you to reach.

When you handed the top part of the tree to him, he whispered, "Thanks." Your hand seemed to linger on his. Or maybe he imagined it.

"It's nice having someone so tall around," you said. "You must have no problems putting your own tree up."

"Nah," he said, sliding the last piece into place. "I don't even put one up at home. Seems like a waste when it's just for me."

"You don't have a tree?" you asked, and your hand came to rest on his forearm. Bradley's eyes snapped to yours as you said, "If you can continue to handle all the pink... maybe you'd want to come back over and enjoy this one with us?"

"As Santa?" he asked. "I really got myself into a mess with Ellie, didn't I?"

You bit your lip as you looked up at him. "Yeah... she's kind of attached to Santa now."

Bradley was fighting the urge to just kiss you, because you were right there. And you probably tasted like hot chocolate. And the closer you got, the prettier you looked.

"Should we add the lights?" you asked softly, your hand still on his left arm. "Before Ellie gets home?"

Very slowly, he raised his right hand so there would be no doubt in your mind what was coming. He traced your cheek with his fingertips as your eyes fluttered closed. "Yeah. Let's do the lights and the decorations before she gets back. I didn't bring my beard and my hat today."

"Okay," you breathed, leaning into his touch for a beat before you released his arm and pulled away. "I'll... get the lights ready." You turned and started to open some of the boxes of white twinkle lights while Bradley got the ornaments opened up.

He took out the pink and silver star, and when he reached up toward the top branches, you wrapped the lights around him and the tree at the same time. "If you want to keep me here with you, just say so. You don't need to tie me up."

You laughed. "I couldn't keep you even if I wanted to. You're Santa Claus, remember? You have a million toys to deliver next week."

Bradley caught you gently by the arm as you looped the lights around his back again. "To be crystal clear, I'm only doing this for you and Ellie. Nobody else."

You wrapped the lights a little tighter and said, "To be crystal clear, I like the way that sounds."

Bradley smirked as you finally loosened the strand and freed him. "Listen," he said as he followed you slowly around the tree as you put the lights on correctly this time. "Santa doesn't have time to play games before Christmas. He's very busy."

"Really?" you asked, looking back at him as you strung the lights higher and higher on the pink tree. "This kind of feels like a game to me, Santa."

He took over with the strand once it got too high for you to reach, and when he was done, he watched you pick up one of the boxes of ornaments. There were a bunch of pink and blue hearts and stars, and you smiled up at him. So he decided to go for it. Because he knew this was a rare opportunity he'd been given. "Santa is actually pretty serious right now. About you."

When you immediately returned your gaze to the box in your hands, Bradley ran his hands through his hair. You looked a little flustered again, just like you had when you claimed you forgot how to flirt. Whatever you were doing to him, he liked it. He liked how it felt to be around you and Ellie, too. He ducked behind the tree to plug the lights in, illuminating everything in a soft, pink glow, and then he tried to find the energy to help you finish the tree without pushing this any further.

"Hey, Santa?"

"Yeah?" he replied, his voice barely above a whisper as he reached for an ornament from the box you were holding.

You seemed to weigh your words before you said them which had Bradley's heart beating a little faster before you even spoke. "I wasn't planning on anything serious. Not really ever again."

"Oh." Serious was the kind of thing he was looking for now. Serious was actually what he wanted. He hung the pretty blue heart shaped ornament and then let his hand fall to his side. His heart felt heavy like a stone sinking to the bottom of a lake as you reached up in front of his face to hang a pink and white heart next to his blue one.

"At least that's what I thought before we moved here," you added.

He looked at you with one raised eyebrow. "Something changed your mind?"

"More like someone," you whispered, handing him another pink heart ornament which he carefully hung just above the other two. He wanted to know for sure if he was the one that changed your mind, but you pulled your phone out of your pocket and gasped.

"Ellie's bus should be here in a couple minutes."

"Right," he said softly. You and he finished decorating the tree, not so subtly stealing glances at each other the whole time. If there was even a chance with you, he wanted to take it, but he didn't want to press any harder today.

When he reached for his empty mug, you shook your head and said, "You can leave it. I'll clean up later."

"Okay." With nothing else keeping him at your house he started to head for the front door, but you caught his hand in yours.

"Wait." Your eyes were wide and a little hesitant, but when you tugged gently, he went willingly, slowly closing the distance between you body and his. "Thank you. For the tree and the ornaments. And the cookies. And the flowers."

He shook his head. "It's my pleasure. You don't have to thank me again."

"But I want to," you whispered, running your thumb along the back of his hand. "I want to do a lot of things. But they feel a little scary." When you paused, he didn't rush you. Your eyes were taking in every detail of his face, and you were smiling softly. "Things I haven't done in a long time. Things I never anticipated I'd be doing again. At least not while Ellie is so young."

Bradley opened his mouth, intending to tell you he could wait a few weeks or months to ask you out if that would make things easier for you, but you tugged gently on his hand again, rendering him silent. When your other hand came to rest on his chest, he held his breath. Your gaze stayed locked on your hand as you slowly guided it up along his shoulder and collarbone until it came to rest gently on the scars on the side of his neck.

The soft stroke of your thumb and even the gentle flex of your fingers could have brought him to his knees. And then you finally met his eyes. "I really want to," you murmured as you stood on tiptoes, your chest brushing his. Bradley's brain took a beat longer to respond than his heart did, but when you tilted your face up to his and let your eyes flutter shut, he closed the distance to your lips with his.

And it was perfect. The softest kiss of his life, but he could feel his entire body responding to you. With a soft gasp, you released his lips, but you didn't go far. When you met his eyes, you must have liked what you saw there, because you kissed him again. And again. And when Bradley guided your other hand around his neck, you kissed him a little deeper.

"Oh," you gasped, running your nose along his cheek as your fingers teased the back of his neck. When your lips met his again, he held you close with his hands on your lower back, and Bradley decided he could do this forever. All of it. The pink flowers and decorating the tree and the perfect kisses.

Then the front door knob rattled, and you broke away from his lips. Your eyes looked hazy at first, and you had the prettiest smile on your face before you pulled yourself out of his grasp as Ellie came inside. Your daughter looked back and forth between the two of you as you pressed your fingertips to your lips, and Bradley winced as Ellie asked him, "Who are you?"

-----------------------------

Bradley! I mean, Santa! Where is your beard?! I hope you loved part one! Part two is coming soon. This one took a village so thank you to @mak-32 @beyondthesefourwalls @thedroneranger and @cherrycola27

PART 2

@hotch-meeeeeuppppp

@chassy21

@solacestyles

@daisyhollyxox

@wintercap89

@blog-name6996

@bcon24

@chaoticassidy

@avada-kedavra-bitch-187

@katiebby04

@marantha

@averyhotchner

@abaker74

@heli991113

@k-k0129

@noz4a2

@tallyovie

@shanimallina87

@little-wiseone

@ccbb2222

@lilyevanswhore

@xoxabs88xox

@thedroneranger

@bradshawsbitch

@cherrycola27

@fanboyswhore9

@xomrsalliej4787xo

@desert-fern

@sylviebell

@wkndwlff

@horseslovers2016

@gennyanydots

@mattyskies

@hookslove1592

@blahehblah

@sadpetalsstuff

@local-spidey

@schoollover

@lex-winchester

@magicalmorg

@nicole01-23

@jessicab1991

1K notes · View notes

blanketorghost · 4 months

Text

A taste of Something New (Pt. 3)

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5

The new taste is heartbreak, actually <3

This third one was supposed to have the resolution included but I realized this chapter was already 3000 words, also the last part is written in both Azul and Yuu's perspectives so perchance it is best that its separate from this one. Anyways stay tuned for the fourth maybe fifth parts. I may take less than a whole six months this time to write it!

Summary: Against his better judgement, Yuu wants to bring Azul a meaningful souvenir from the scalding sands.

Pairing: Yuu Fujisaki x Azul Ashengrotto (one-sided?), Azul Ashengrotto x Jamil Viper (implied, one-sided)

Timeline: During/Post Al'ab Narya and Ch. 4. Pre Ch. 5

Notes: Azul may be OOC? Have never been good at writing him convincingly imho

—

With a pep in his step and a nervous smile, Yuu exited the light music club. He'd mulled over it in class, planned his speech during lunch, and agonized over the details after school. He didn't even play anything during club time, even after an eternity of Kalim whining and goading him to join in with the rest of the members.

The light music club was just right across the board game club, and even if he would've spent time in there anyway, today all he could do was anxiously look at the slightly ajar door a few steps away. Would it be too weird if he just came in and gave him the book?

Yeah... definitely.

Honestly, the best option here was to just hand it to him after club session's over. He just needed to casually greet him and give him the book as the guise of a souvenir. He could explain the details later.

But what if he came out with a friend? He didn't really trust on his guts enough to think he could give him the gift then, he'd have to brainstorm new possibilities for encounter.

He clutches the piece tightly against his chest, wrapping paper crinkling to his touch.

"Wat'cha looking at, Yuu-chan?"

Cater's voice takes him out of his trance, rudely interrupting that vicious cycle of what-ifs and but-thens he'd already crafted in his brain about optimal gift-giving times.

"Oh, uhm..." He hides the package under his blazer and looks at the ground, hoping to find a good excuse inside the cracks on the floor. "I needed to ask for Azul's help for something about the gourmet club. I was hoping if I gave him something in return, he might say yes more easily."

"Really? Well, good luck with that." Cater raises an eyebrow and crosses his arms. "I've heard around the grapevine that Azul-kun's been super stingy about creating his famous contracts now. It's a shame. I was totes hoping we could do some sponsorship deal where I advertised the lounge on Magicam for free meals..."

"Huh. I guess he really turned a whole new leaf with that whole..." Yuu trails off as he smiles in spite of himself. He wasn't very sure that that was the reason Azul had stopped, but he could at least pretend maybe he had caused a positive change. A bit of wishful thinking never hurts anybody. "Never mind, I mean- Thanks for the warning. But I think he would be really interested in what I have to offer." He waves Cater off.

"Well, I mean, if you wanna you can use the points I've been saving up at the lounge to get a meeting, I honestly get them mostly for the discounts on seasonal meals, but I don't min-"

"Oh, I already have enough points for a meeting." Yuu takes his loyalty card from his pocket. Usually, he used the points to get some tutoring sessions for Grim or get him a study guide. It was convenient, and Azul's teaching method was the only one that actually worked. Yet, he had decidedly started to save up for a private meeting right before the City of Silk trip. He knew Azul was busy and stingy with his time, but if all other attempts to talk to him failed, he had to at least hear him out If he used his points, right?

"Aw, you're all prepared and everything! Gotta give it to Yuu to always be one step ahead." Cater gives him a smile, then checks his phone and sighs, cheerful demeanor diminishing slightly. "Welp. I gotta go to my dorm now. It's my turn to feed the flamingos. Good luck with your Gourmet Club business stuff!"

"Yeah, thanks." Yuu waves at all the members of the light music club, and, one by one, the classroom was left empty.

It feels like an eternity before the classroom adjacent to him opens its door, and he waits and waits for the students inside to tidy up and put back everything in their shelves until finally, the members of the Board Game Club also say their goodbyes for the day.

He could hear someone ranting inside the classroom to seeminly no one in particular, some students groaning or shaking their heads as they left the room. Some time later, Azul's voice rises through the chatter to retort to that one ranting, most likely. He scans the crowd until he finally sees a white tuft of hair exit from the room, black gloved hand raising to say his goodbyes to the people that were still inside.

He was always so outwardly nice and polite, he really just had a way of charming people, really. If only he used that power of his for better purposes... still, he couldn't deny the fact that that scheming was also attractive. Very much so, in fact. There was a reason why Yuu ended up falling for him so fast, after all.

“Yuu-san?” Yuu doesn't even notice when Azul turns to see him, his eyebrows arching in surprise.

“Ah- Uh– Azul-” He can barely string out a coherent sentence as he scrambles to hide the package behind his back— wait, what was he doing?! “I just… wanted to say hi.”

“Well then, hi.” Azul flashes him a smile. “It's nice to see you. Perhaps we could talk more at length later, though. I have to get the lounge ready for openin-—”

“Wait!”

Oh dear, that came out louder than what he intended.

Yuu clears his throat, taking a second to look down at the floor to compose himself. “Can't you spare a couple of minutes? It won't take long.”

“I'm sorry, Yuu-san. But I need to help Floyd prep the ingredients for today's menu and make sure Jade doesn't tamper with any of them, I'm sure you understand.”

“I see…”

“If you want, though, I could maybe clear up some time later?”

“I was actually hoping we could meet today… If you have time.” It's like Yuu's body was working on its own, completely overriding the script he'd had so carefully prepared. He was supposed to just give him the gift. “I wanted to talk to you about something important.”

Oh dear sevens, now he was making things sound way more serious than needed. Just give him the gift already!

“Ah.” … Did Azul just blush right now? Maybe he was seeing things. “I think I am free, but I'll ask Jade to schedule you.” He purses his lips. “I'll… Send you a text with the details later this evening.”

“Alright.” Yuu holds his breath as he hands Azul the card, who then rips it in half to signify it's been redeemed. “I’ll… Be waiting, then.”

With that, Azul flashes him another small smile and nods.”I’ll see you later, then.”

“Yeah… see you later.”

Azul gives Yuu a small wave as he walks away, looking back just once to examine him before turning his heel towards the hallway at the left. And when Azul is out of view, he feels his nerves give out just a little bit…

just a little.

...

What... was he thinking?!

In his panic, he had used up what was supposed to be his hail mary. Sure, Azul was a busy guy and maybe he wouldn't be able to talk to him in a couple of days, but the recipe book could wait!

Giving the book to him after club activities was just a first option, he could've come up with others later. Save his points too!

Ugh, he really needed to learn not to blank when being alone with Azul.

It’s only 5:00 PM when Yuu receives that fabled message from Azul. 6:00 to 7:00 PM.

Huh, he thought meetings were only supposed to last 15 minutes. Perhaps Azul was feeling generous today. He wouldn’t be needing all that time, though.

Still, Yuu felt one hour to prepare was nearly not enough. Now that his initial courage waned after his first failed attempt, all he could feel was a growing pit in his stomach as he got ready. He didn’t want to keep Azul waiting, though. And before he knew it, he was already at the door of Mostro Lounge. Five minutes early, too.

“Good evening, Yuu. Here for your meeting?” Jade bows as he approaches, and Yuu reflexively bows to him as well. “I hope your conversation is productive.”

“Ah… yeah. Is Azul still in a meeting? I can wait if need be.”

“Oh, not really. Azul only accepted your request for today. You’re the only client he’ll be seeing.” Jade gives him a wide, closed-eyed smile. If his aim was to soothe him, it had the exact opposite effect on Yuu, getting a small jolt of adrenaline course through his body when he bares witness to that creepy grin of his. “In fact, you can go in now, if you’d like.”

“... Right.” Yuu slowly nods and starts walking towards the door, allowing Jade to open it for him. It’s not like the VIP lounge was an unfamiliar sight. In fact, he often found himself hanging out with Azul there, doing homework or chatting the afternoon away while Azul filled out some paperwork. It was a pleasant, quiet environment. Something Yuu severely lacked in his daily life.

As soon as the door opens, Azul looks up from his desk and smiles, lowering his right hand and placing his pen down. “Yuu-san. You’re early.” He states, then uses his left hand to gesture at the chair in front of him. “Take a seat. Do you mind if I continue working while we talk?”

“Hi…” Yuu gives his crush a sheepish smile as he walks over, Jade closing the door behind him. As he sits down, he can now feel a paradoxical heat irradiate from his chest. Wasn’t he just feeling chills before? “And no, of course not. Please continue.”

“Thank you. How was your weekend? Jade mentioned that you and some other students went to a festival.”

“Oh, yeah. Kalim-kun invited us to the firelit festival at his hometown. The Silk City at the Scalding Sands.” Yuu explains, trying to get more comfortable in the leather-bound chair. It usually felt so plush, but now he couldn’t seem to find a good, comfortable position. “Viper showed us around town.”

"So I trust you had a pleasant trip, then?" Azul lifts his head up from his papers and flashes another friendly smile.

It took Yuu weeks of careful observation and millions of failed attempts to discern a genuine smile from Azul Ashengrotto. But once he got that first laugh, that first smirk or chortle, he committed it to memory. It wasn't too different from his all-business one— he still crinkled his eyes and kept his mouth shut. But there was a way in which his lips curled outwards too much, and his brows furrowed ever so slightly when he would pretend.

He was glad Azul would naturally smile more around him.

"It was very fruitful," Yuu leaves the package on his lap, and leans forward. He rests his chin on the back of his palm as he glances at Azul's writing. "Can I ask what you're working on today?"

"You can, and I'm just taking some notes after receiving the most recent customer reviews." Azul keeps smiling as he resumes scribbling at the margins of what Yuu can now see are printed out screenshots of some website. "What brings you here today? If you're looking for a position, permanent or temporary, I unfortunately have no spots open right now."

"Pity." Yuu hums as he eyes some of the comments. The amount of hate had certainly decreased in the months after his overblots. "I could help with accounting if you'd like. I used to do that sometimes."

"I've got that covered. I actually quite enjoy doing the math myself." Azul's smile turns into a small smirk. Cute know-it-all pout included. "I really do mean it when I say I have no spots today. It's a shame, though. I do enjoy you being around the lounge."

Right there, Yuu's heart does a flip.

"Thank you. But actually, that's not the only reason I'm coming here today." He would've liked to. If anything, most of Yuu's time was spent thinking up excuses to come to the lounge more often and not become broke in the process, but today was more of a do-shit-and-dip kind of deal. "And I'll preface, I've used my loyalty points for this meeting. So you have to hear me out."

Azul's eyes widen slightly in surprise, and he looks up once again, placing his fishbone pen on its holder. "Ah, right. You did tell me you had something important to tell me.” He purses his lips, and a hint of pink appears on his cheeks once more. “I'm listening."

Yuu has to consciously stop himself from taking a deep breath and betraying his nervousness. Instead, he straightens up and moves his hands to hold the book. "Well, I've been told that you've been looking for ways to freshen up the menu for this coming month, and..."

"If Grim has somehow convinced you to try and pitch me a tuna-themed menu, tell him I'm still not interested." Azul’s expression tenses as he speaks in a serious tone, but Yuu can't help but snort at the answer.

"No, no. It's not that." Yuu covers his mouth with a hand as he regains his composure. "Has he actually tried to do that? Or— wait, I'm getting off-topic. But it's not Grim nor tuna related, promise."

“He may have once or twice.” He says nonchalantly as he places the papers aside, and, upon hearing Yuu's response, Azul's placid smile returns, and his posture relaxes a bit, crossing his arms. "I'm all ears, then.”

"Well, during my trip to Silk City, I had the opportunity to sample some of the popular dishes," Yuu starts. He'd created this pitch before he even got to writing the recipes down themselves. He knew that, with Azul, he needed to make his offer to actually look alluring— appetizing, even, if he were to even entertain the possibility of a novice cook gifting recipes to him. "And I've found some interesting recipes you might like." Azul opens his mouth to speak, but Yuu quickly starts again. "And before you tell me that I am in no position to pitch you any possible dishes, or that you've already stocked up on Scalding Sands recipe books, I'd like you to take a look at what I've brought first."

He slowly takes the wrapped book from his lap and hands it to Azul with both his hands. It takes Yuu all his self-control to keep his hands from shaking as Azul, now perplexed, and perhaps curious, takes the package and examines it.

Their hands touch.

Please, for everything that's sacred, please don't let him blush.

Azul stares at it blankly for a few seconds before he takes off the tape that holds the bottom fold of the package together and slides the notebook from its wraps. And as soon as he does, the aroma of various spices strike both their nostrils. Cumin, Saffron, Paprika— all generously donated by the Asim's cooks.

It also strikes Yuu for the first time just how humble the notebook looks compared to the luxurious office. It looked out of place, foreign, and Yuu couldn't help but purse his lips in slight embarrassment. "I... Um..." God, this wasn't the time to start stammering!

"I... Interviewed the staff from Kalim's kitchens... and gathered as many recipes I could find." As Yuu steadies his voice, Azul starts turning the pages. Expression completely unreadable. "Most of these, they told me, were passed down through generations of trial and error, and I- well, I also documented each dish as best as I could."

"The Asims were kind enough to also allow me to sample their spices. Each is paired with a dish, but I made sure to gather enough for you to experiment if you wish to." Yuu's eyes leave Azul's face and look down at the pages, goodness knows he needed to take a break from trying to figure him out if he didn't want to just faint right then and there, and he was already feeling that annoying lump in his throat that threatened another mistake in his speech. "I know it'd be futile to just buy you a recipe book, since you'd probably have many, so I tried my best to gather as many recipes as possible from a variety of sources.... I, um..."

“I can't accept this. I'm sorry."

Yuu's eyes widen as he gains that same blank expression. His words hit him like a truck, and nothing could've softened that punch to his got nor the sense daze he was struck by. "... Huh?"

“I appreciate the effort you put into this, but… if you were strapped for money, you didn't need to get me anything.” A sharp, stinging pang pierces right through his chest, and Yuu feels mouth go dry. His body is somehow tense yet limp, and he just now notices how cold the VIP room is. "Jade probably mustn't have told you. But it's a personal policy of mine not to accept any gifts." Azul's brows furrow, whether it were with pity or sternness Yuu couldn't care to figure out. "Leaves too many loose ends for me to follow, you see."

"... I..." Yuu's left speechless as Azul puts the wrapping paper over the book and nudges it towards him, sliding it over the dark wood desk. "... I don't want anything for it, really." Yuu's voice is drained of any confidence as he meekly whispers, still in shock. "You can even make me sign a contract if you want."

"And as kind as your offer is, I can't make any exceptions." Azul shrugs, and Yuu's heart sinks. His tone isn't even laced with a sense of remorse or pity. It's... completely and utterly calm as he rejects Yuu's work. “Besides, as you've mentioned, I most likely already have the recipes somewhere in my library. Though having them all compiled in one is certainly convenient, I'd rather do so myself.”

"I still want you to have it." He glances down and leaves the book on the desk, untouched, then takes a step back.

“Yuu… It really isn’t─”

"If you don't want it as a gift, then take it... t-then take it as trash or-..." he breathes in, "Anyway. What matters is that it's yours. Throw it away, sell it, I don't care. But it's yours." He tries to act nonchalant, but he can already feel the lump in his throat becoming larger, cutting any air from getting to his lungs.

Why did he even say that?!

Anyways, before Azul can say or do anything else, Yuu simply walks out the VIP Lounge and out of Octavinelle. He pushes out a smiling Jade and ignores a greeting from Floyd. The atmosphere was just so heavy, suffocating. And all in all, Yuu was sure this was the most pathetic he'd acted in front of Azul ever.

And all he could hear was the sound of Floyd's annoyed whine to his brother just as he crossed the mirror portal door.

"Heeeeyyyy~~ what is up with Shrimpy today~??”

#writing stuff #fanfic stuff #twisted wonderland #art stuff #azul ashengrotto #doodles #twst oc #yuu fujisaki #twst azul #twst yuu #azul x yuu #yuu x azul #azuyuu #yuuazu #i said it was one-sided... but is it

61 notes · View notes

lanas-delight · 10 months

Text

from across the room.

♫ rec: about you by the 1975

✰ an enhypen scenario || gen!reader x jake

✰ description — a disastrous break up, raging arguments, fading love, and what could’ve been.

✰ warnings — language, arguments, mention and accusations of cheating, and a LOT of angst.

✰ note — u guys dont know me yet but i have been told im a mastermind when it comes to writing angst 😍 (ive js made my friends cry with what ive written before lolz) anyways enjoy! 🤭😅

Relationships never lasted with you. It was never your fault exactly, it was either them not being ready for it or just plainly doing you dirty, but you always moved on. It never phased you much, any of it, though that was because all of those people before weren’t him.

His name was Jake. You met him exactly two years and 23 days ago. Your two year anniversary was 18 days ago. You loved him, and he loved you. Everything was good. You were already living together, which happened about seven months ago, but there hasn’t been any issues. Everything was good—until it wasn’t.

“You’re kidding.”

“I wish I was,” Jake huffs, falling back onto the shared bed of yours. “Trust me, I hate it just as much as you do, maybe more,” he was referring to the business trip he was being forced to go on for a few days. He leaves tomorrow, and he hated that he would have to leave you again. This wasn’t the first business trip he’s ever been on, especially lately. He had gone on seven the last two months alone. You kept count.

"When will you be back?"

"Saturday?" He sounded unsure. "I'll call you once we get there, though," and he sat on the bed, putting on his shoes and tying the laces before continuing to pack his suitcase. You didn't say a word, only sat beside his suitcase and in hopes to reassure you, he leaned over and pressed a kiss to your cheek. You, however, just sighed and looked over at his direction, your eyes avoiding his, earning a puppy-like look from him. "What?"

"You sure have gone on a lot of trips lately," you remark, though quietly. He stares at you as you continue, "I'm worried, Jake."

"About?"

A sudden twist in your stomach, you felt sick. "Nevermind, I'll sound stupid," but he sits with you, worried and concerned terribly.

"No, what is it?"

You sighed again.

"Talk to me, Y/N."

"Are you having an affair?"

Jake laughed. He laughed. "What?" He scoffed, "Why would I ever cheat on you? Are you insane?" Such a kind thing to say to your partner, but he took it back instantly. "I'm sorry. That wasn't nice. It's really just a business trip, Y/N," he tells you, "I only love you."

"But how can I trust you?" You stood up, apart from him as he watched you with furrowed brows. "You've gone on so many, so often, you—You barely call when you're gone. How am I supposed to be sure you're not in bed with someone else?"

"Y/N," he shook his head, "If you don't have trust, we—"

"We have nothing, right?" And you turned, "Nothing new," You then walked off but he followed you into the kitchen, his packing coming to a sudden halt as he tried to make things right with you before he would leave. You grabbed some of the dishes and started to hand-wash them, while he stood near you and tried to reason with you.

"You're being ridiculous," he tells you, a bit rudely, "Why won't you listen to me?" But you ignore him. "Y/N, please. I don't want to leave with us like this. I love you—"

"Then prove it," You turned to him suddenly, "Prove that you love me, because you don't. You sleep in our bed for a couple nights then you're off on another trip. You kiss me but there's no love. There's nothing. There's . . ." You sighed, "There's nothing between us anymore. Because of you."

Jake took a step back. "Y/N, what are you saying?"

You pulled your phone out of your pocket and looked through your photos, showing him a screenshot you had taken off of Jake's phone. Messages with a girl who you didn't recognize, but when you messaged the girl, she swore they were just friends, that she had a boyfriend. But even that won't stop a girl sometimes. You didn't know how to feel, you weren't even sure if the messages had the intent of an affair. It was innocent chatting, you thought, but the fact he couldn't bring himself to look you in the eyes then made you realize the truth. It wasn't innocent. It wasn't a surprise either.

"I don't know why you talk to her, tell her everything while you tell me nothing, but if she's what you want, then she can have you." You threw a pot down in the sink, creating a loud noise to echo through the kitchen and the rest of the apartment as you stormed out, grabbed your coat and slid on your uggs. "I'm going to F/N's," you say, seeing him appear in the hallway behind you. "Goodnight, Jake." The door slammed behind you and you left, leaving the love you had once for him behind.

He called twice, left a voicemail, and sent over 30 messages, explaining everything. He didn't have feelings for that other girl, though he didn't give you any reason to think otherwise so you left that night. You didn't want anything to do with him. Genuinely, you didn't. You didn't know if he had actually cheated, though he claimed he didn't and that he would never do that to you, but he opened up to that girl about things you never even knew an ounce about.

She did have a boyfriend, but it wasn't until a week later that she texted you, telling you that she did like your boyfriend, which caused her own boyfriend to dump her. It wasn't surprising to you at all.

You had been staying at your friend's house for the last week, so when you finally called him back, you only asked him if he had any feelings for that girl. He didn't say anything. He hesitated, but he said no. However, that wasn't enough for you. You hung up on him and texted him that you were through. You asked him to have his stuff out of your apartment by next Friday, which he agreed to.

But on that Friday, when he was taking the last of his stuff, he stopped and looked at you coldly, unsure what to say but spoke anyways. His voice deep and hurt, just like his heart, just like yours.

"You didn't fight for us," he told you, "You didn't even care to listen to what I had to say. You leave every time it gets hard, you blame me for everything I do, but what am I supposed to do when you won't even hear me out, Y/N?"

"I don't know," You stared back at him with crossed arms, "Maybe don't cheat on me?" You scoffed, but he couldn't believe you.

"Why do you have to brush me aside like that?" Jake questioned, "You never listened to me. Have you even considered the possibility that I didn't open up to you because you didn't give me the chance to?"

You unfolded your arms, but you took his words the wrong way. "Are you implying I made you cheat on me?"

But that enraged him. "I didn't cheat on you, Y/N!" He raises his voice, throwing his hands in the air defensively, "I talked to who I thought was my friend, about personal stuff because I couldn't bring myself to talk to you about it, so instead of just trusting me to tell you on my own, you go through my phone and accuse me of cheating on you."

"You hesitated," you threw it back in his face, "When I asked you if you liked her, you hesitated before saying no. You had to think about whether or not you liked another girl while you were with me. Do you not realize how pathetic that made me feel?"

"Do you not realize how pathetic you've made me feel?" Jake remarks, tears in his eyes, mirroring yours, "I'm the bad guy in every part of this story, Y/N, because you won't even give me the chance to explain myself. You keep dismissing me and ignoring me, but why won't you listen to me? I love you with all I have, Y/N."

But you wiped your tears, sniffling. "I never want to see you again."

His eyes grew wide, but he didn't fight against it. He grabbed the last of his stuff and left without another word spoken between you both.

There was a party. You didn't know anyone but your best friend, but as she had gone off with her boyfriend, you were now alone, sitting on the couch, drinking liquor out of some plastic cup. You wore a red dress, made of satin, with heels that weren't too high that your ankles wanted to break but not too flat that made you appear too different from everyone else. You didn't want to be different, easy to single out. You wanted to fit in, just like everyone else. But you weren't like everyone else. That was clear the moment he saw you.

The room was crowded. You could barely see over dozens of people piled into one room. Music blaring, dim lights as one of your favorite songs started to play. People were dancing, people were drinking, having a good time like there was no tomorrow. And there he was, standing by the wall. You could see him through the small spaces between people. His eyes were glued to his phone screen for a fleeting moment, one that felt a little too long until he suddenly met eyes with you and in response, you smiled at him from across the room, while your heart jumped out of your chest and you had never felt more noticed in your life.

He approached you soon enough, breaking the awkwardness with a little joke before he sat beside you and started an easy-going conversation with you about what you did for work, what he did for work, etc. The night ended with a lightly-sober kiss between you both, where he said something so beautiful to you that you swore it was engraved into you. He said, "You are so pretty when you smile, but when it was just at me, like I was the only person in that crowded room, I knew it was you that I'm going to fall for." Five days later, after a couple of sober dates, he was your boyfriend. And for two years, you promised yourself that he was the one. Until he wasn't.

You had a dream once, that you married Jake and had a family with him. You had a couple of dogs, ones he and the kids all named like Scout, Georgie, and Layla the 2nd. You had your dream job, as did he, and you were just so happy with him and the kids. He had built you your dream house, with a concrete pool and a beautiful backyard that the kids would run all over in with the dogs. He had always promised you that he would anything for you—build you a house, give you the family you wanted, be the husband you needed. You loved him with your entire being, and he felt the same way about you.

But it had been five years since the break up. You haven't heard from him in at least four years, and the last thing you were told, he was engaged to some new girl and was moving back to Australia after the wedding.

You had met someone else, too. You had only been dating for a few months now, nothing too serious just yet, but you were just getting used to being in a relationship again. You were taking it slow, not wanting to rush anything.

You didn't have feelings for Jake anymore. You haven't loved him in years. But there's a part of that wishes that fate would lead you back into each other's lives, single and open for a second chance. But that was never going to happen. You were never going to be the one he stares at from across the room, where you smile at him and start the love that should have lasted forever, but it never stood a chance. You had moved on, and so has he. The memories of what love gave you both lingers in your eyes, your mind, and for the rest of your life, you'll know that it just wasn't meant to be. From across the room, you'll stay, and regret ever smiling at him for he became the love of your life, just as quickly as you left him. It was over. But you were okay.

You had to be.

———————————————————————————————

A/N - sorry guys i felt like hurting feelings today mb

#jake sim #jake x reader #enhypen #enhypen x reader #sunghoon #niki #jay #jungwon #sunoo #heeseung #enhypen angst #angst #jake #jay park #park jongseong #park sunghoon #kim sunoo #lee heeseung #niki nishimura

60 notes · View notes

daintyshu · 5 months

Text

𝐊𝐈𝐋𝐋 𝐌𝐘 𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄

xiv. bitchless hoon (1.5k written)

"hey, i didn't manage to ask you why you left early on wednesday," sunghoon questions you as he wipes down the counter.

you, him and jennie had just finished the lunch crowd at the cafe that friday and you were finally able to breathe. this is why you hate working opening shifts on friday; the crowds just come in all at once, not even letting you warm up just as you clock in.

"wait, how'd you know?" you question back, smiling at a customer leaving the shop, wishing them a good day and to come back. "i have my ways," he wiggles his eyebrows repeatedly at you as a devious smile grew on his lips.

you cross your arms, giving him a pointed look as you tapped your foot impatiently. that seemed to do the trick and he laughs, ruffling your hair despite it being tied up. "i'm kidding, y/nie. i dropped by for a while that night but jay said you left early,"

you give him a dismissive wave of a hand when he raises an eyebrow at you, as if asking for an explanation. "ahh, it was nothing. was feeling a little down so chaeyoung unnie let me go off early and she took me out,"

"like, on a fun day out?" he jokingly asks and you smack him on the shoulder. "i'm kidding, obviously. saw you went on a date with jay too," he proceeds to nudge your shoulders, wiggling his eyebrows at you teasingly while you only roll your eyes. never a dull shift with sunghoon.

"it was NOT a date," you clarified as you topped up the plastic cups while he looked for something to do to keep his hands busy. "jongseong just wanted to cheer me up, so he brought me out too,"

he frowns at this. "what's with them all trying to cheer you up? what happened? i mean, only if you're okay with telling me,"

you pause, contemplating whether this was something significant enough about you to tell him. then again, donghyuck already knew about it too so there wasn't any reason to not tell sunghoon. after all, you were closer with sunghoon than you were with the older boy. so you told him everything.

"you know what? i'm taking you out after work to cheer you up," sunghoon announces after several empty threats of how it's "on sight" if he ever sees heeseung.

"you really don't have to, hoon. all of you didn't have to, i'm really fine, i just didn't expect to see him again after so long," you told him honestly.

well, half-honestly.

it still bothered you that you and heeseung's relationship ended abruptly without your input. but you're happy with how your life is right now so it doesn't really matter anymore.

"so you don't want to go out with me after work?" sunghoon pouts, pretending to sulk. "it's jay, isn't it? that's why you don't love me anymore?" he jokes, clutching his chest as he pretends to dramatically cry.

jennie chose the wrong moment to come out of the pantry as sunghoon's gaze landed on her. "noona! save me from this heartbreak! y/n doesn't love me anymore!"

"she never did in the first place, hoon-ah. now stop fooling around and help me wipe the lightbulbs above the pantry, you're the only one who can reach it," jennie passes him a cleaning cloth and sanitising spray, opting to stay in the bar with you while she makes sunghoon do some cleaning in the back.

you giggle at his antics. never a dull shift with sunghoon.

you remember the first time you met the boy four months ago.

he had been a regular before he applied to work at odd atelier. the pretty iced vanilla latte boy. it's funny how you remember customers by their regular orders rather than the names they'd give you. you couldn't remember names to save your life.

sunghoon would get his daily iced vanilla latte in the morning to-go but gradually he started dining in more often. after a month, he decided to apply to work there and got accepted.

you were tasked to teach him all he had to know as a part-timer when he first joined the team. he seemed cold and standoffish at first but really, he was just a shy guy.

when you got closer to him, he started showing you his chaotic side which you grew to love. you didn't think such a cold-looking guy would be as goofy as he was. it's funny how every guy you befriend turns out to be some kind of chaotic but you love it. you needed that kind of energy in your mundane life.

you didn't know when it began, but as sunghoon grew more comfortable around you, he started getting more flirty.

you can't tell if it's really a joke or not because the way donghyuck does it really does feel like it is but with sunghoon, it doesn't feel so.

if he were being real, you honestly wouldn't mind it at all. he was a good mix of goofy and serious. he knew when to be playful and when to be understanding of a situation. he's pretty good company, too.

"yah! earth to y/n! why are you zoning out?" you feel a smack on the back of your shoulder, causing you to snap out of your daydreaming. "ah, unnie!" you whined, rubbing the spot jennie hit.

"you were zoned out," she states, shrugging her shoulders. "okay but did you have to hit me?" you counter, still rubbing the stinging spot on your shoulder as you pout at the older woman.

she simply laughs and ruffles your hair playfully. everyone who works here have developed this habit towards you it seems. you didn't mind it though, it's only at work anyway.

"i was telling you to bring out some pastries from the back for the pastry case but you weren't listening. what are you thinking about?" she asks curiously, wiping the glass display case while you make your way to the back to grab some cakes and pastries to top up.

you come back out with your hands full of boxes, jennie offering to grab some to lessen the load. "do you ever wonder why hoonie is single?" you ask her, glancing through the small window on the pantry door to see the mentioned boy working hard cleaning.

glancing over at the older woman because she wasn't replying, you were met with her teasing grin and wiggling eyebrows. "why do you ask, dear y/nie?" you gave her an unamused stare back, crossing your arms. you sigh, knowing you won't be able to close the conversation if she doesn't get the answer she wants.

"just," you look over to the pantry door again, this time making eye contact with the boy who winks at you, laughing when you roll your eyes at him.

"he's very good looking, right? and he's fun to be around, he's very caring and always knows how to cheer people up. plus, have you seen the amount of girls that have come up to him here and asked for his socials? he could've accepted anyone, literally anyone but he, own his own accord, chose to be bitchless. all of the girls i've seen him reject are gorgeous gorgeous girls too,"

jennie simply laughs at your little rant, closing the pastry case after she was done. "aren't you the same? like, you're literally the reason our cafe went viral after someone posted a video of you on one of the acoustic nights," the older mentions matter-of-factly. "how many people have visited just to see you since then? how many guys have asked for your number?"

"but that's different! i don't want any of them," you huff, crossing your arms as you pout at the older. jennie snickers at your response, pinching your cheeks as she coos at you sulking. "there's your answer then,"

"what?"

"you wondered why hoon is single despite being very desirable? same reason you are, y/nie. you don't want any of those guys lined up for you and neither does he with those girls," she explains. "he's probably waiting for the girl he wants. no offence, he doesn't look like the type of guy who would make the first move,"

"that's mean," you tell her, despite giggling at the remark. "but i wonder who it is he's waiting for..." you trail off, imagining what your friend would be like if he had a girlfriend.

would he stop those flirty jokes with you? would he still be willing to cheer you up on days when your energy felt off to him? would you have to cut off your friendship out of respect for his relationship? you wonder.

jennie watches in amusement at your serious thinking face. she finds it so precious how oblivious you could be. she wonders why you're thinking of all this right now.

as sunghoon comes out of the pantry to join you two back in front, she watches endearingly at the way you two interact. she doesn't know how everything will play out but one thing she knows is; she's rooting for sunghoon.

prev | m.list | next

synopsis. in which you work at odd atelier cafe and can only make hearts in your lattes, causing a certain boy to misunderstand your intentions..... then he brings his friends and chaos ensues.

a/n: i can't believe it's been 2 weeks since the last update...i'm slacking fr sorry yall i'm only human 😔 neways this might be a flop update but i'm trynna intro each character and their relation to y/n before any drama!! so bear with me 🫶

taglist (open): @semisemirin1i82 @txtmetonight @ilyjxdz @miniature-tragedy @n1k1mura @t00miee @manooffline @aerivrs @saranghaohoshi @woninluv @moony-mari @nctsshoes2 @sunghoonnsupremacy @mnxnii @lisaswifey @enhy4me2 @en-chantedtomeetyou @enhypenlovre (strikethrough means unable to tag!)

#enhypen smau #enhypen x reader #enha smau #enha x reader #enha x reader smau #enhypen social media au #enhypen texts #enhypen x reader smau #enhypen #enha

27 notes · View notes

anonymooseforever007 · 2 years

Text

Whiskey Kisses

(John Shelby x Reader)

Summary: John and You have been dating a few months now, and one day he finally asks what he's wanted to for a bit. See, the whole while you've dated he can't remember a single time seeing you drink, even when at the Garrison. And when he asks, he learns about your own personal concerns and concocts a way to help you overcome your fears... Maybe he'll also get the kiss he's been waiting for....

A/N: Hi y'all! Aside from usual Peaky language and drinking I can't think of any TW's. I will say the plot follows a reader who doesn't really drink and has anxieties about it but nothing super strong I guess. I think I wrote based off my own anxieties about it lol😅 But yeah, this was written purely for the end scene and I've been trying to figure out how I wanted if for months b/c I've never written a scene like it! Enjoy❤️

WC- 5.2k

Main Masterlist

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You'd only been dating John Shelby for few months, but those months were some of the most brilliant you'd ever had.

For as rough around the edges as John was, he could be surprisingly thoughtful and romantic when he wanted to be. Of course he was still brash and had a tendency to run head first in to trouble as loud as train whistle, but his family had noticed how you seemed to bring a calm to him they hadn't seen since Martha passed. That didn't mean that you were exactly like the late Mrs.Shelby or that they consistently compared you to her in their heads. No, in fact the two of you were very different, but the somehow both of you have been the perfect for John in your own way. And Polly wouldn't say it aloud, but she often thought if Martha was still around you and her would have gotten on like a house fire even if John wasn't in the mix.

But enough of that for now back to to present! Almost.

You and John's relationship seems to run pretty smoothly, like two peas in a pod. Of course you occasionally disagreed, but so did all couples. Mostly it was over John doing something a little too brash and possible getting hurt. Even those agreements however didn't last long and usually within a few hours one would be at the others door to apologize or try and come to a different agreement.

And you two would regularly have dates together sometimes taking John's kid's along as well. In the beginning, they had joined the pair of you more regularly as a way to buffer the still slightly unsure nervousness you both held. It was easier to connect when you could claim to do things as group rather than one on one. At least that's the way it was for you in the beginning. John knew from the first day he met you he wouldn't have minded taking you anywhere alone for any type of date. But you seemed more at easy when you say the outings were also a way to play with his kids too, so he didn't say anything. He didn't mind either because being with you also seemed to bring a peace to his kids too and it seemed things in his house went more smoothly when you were around. Heck there were even a few times when you'd offered to take the kids out without him so he could spent time with his siblings. No he didn't mind letting you take the lead with how things went at all. Not when they seemed to work so well. Though there was one thing that hadn't happened yet he wished he could speed up...

Despite being together for a bit now you two hadn't actually kissed yet.

Yes, there were pecks on the cheeks and John always felt himself feeling particularly warmon nights you sat on his lap in the Garrison or on his couch with your lips pressed almost mindlessly against the side of his head while you listened to those around you talk. Those were the kisses where it was like all you wanted to do was feel him but your hands were already too busy trapped between his arms or rearranging his cards to your own liking. Then nothing compared to when the two of you did go on dates without the kids finally and he could make all the cheeky (sexual) comments he tried to avoid around the kids still. Those where the times he could pull you close and flirt quietly while lightly kissing your throat, smiling at the soft noises and giggles you made. And yes there had also been plenty of times when he'd walk up behind you wrapping his arms around you waist and press kisses into the back of your neck. These often happened when he was being told off by his brothers or aunt. It was as if he used the affection as away to hide behind you.

After all Polly loved you and even Tommy would admit he enjoyed your company too, so John knew he was less likely to get scolded in your presence. There were times when the Shelby family would come together, and hours later when the rest of them were still dancing and drinking, you and Tommy could be found sitting side by side watching them, rarely speaking except to make a comment on who was doing a dumb dance move for who would likely be fucking who that night. You'd go shopping on weekends with Ada and spent hours helping Finn learn to read since his teacher didn't seem to be any help. Even Arthur adored you. When the children wanted a story it was often the two of you switching back and forth between voices telling the tales. It was safe to say that the family quickly grew to love you as much as you loved them.

But John still wished you'd get to the good kissing part a bit sooner. Occasionally, there times you'd gotten very close later at night, as he dropped you off at your door or when he decided you'd had a "good spot to share" when playing hide and seek with the kids. But every time the pair of you'd been interrupted by one thing or another. One time you had been so close he could practically feel your breath on his lips, but then fucking Uncle Charlie literally grabbed John by the ear as he ran down the street towards an emergency at the stables, needing his help. John did actually try to yell at him that time, but a quick wack on the back of John's head was enough to remind him who he was talking to.

And don't get him wrong John didn't mind that you wanted to take things slower.... that much... usually.

...

Alright. John actually did mind a great deal. If he'd had his choice of pace you likely would have been married and up the duff a month ago, but again he's always been one to take life a little faster. But he also really liked you and decided for once to listen to his siblings advice to let you set the pace. And it wasn't that you didn't want to go faster with John either, but numerous past relationships had damped your spirits before and you were nervous to try again. And for as stubborn for his own desires as John was, for you, he guessed he could try. After all basically everything else was going great. And if was great he supposed he could wait.

That didn't mean he wouldn't push his luck at times though. And though he didn't just it yet this was one of those times.

See another thing you didn't do with John was drink. Sure he'd ask if you wanted anything and many days ended with you sitting on his lap in the Garrison, but you'd never seemed to have a drink of your own. Or at least one that wasn't water or soda. Arthur may not have admitted it but you were likely the reason there was always a case of two of orange fizzy soda in the back room. He claimed he liked to mix it with his gin for more flavour, but everyone knew that was bullshit.

Finally one day John decided to confront you about it. It was just the two of you walking down the street after meeting at a small sandwich shop for lunch. On your walk back to work he'd asked if you wanted to jump into the Garrison for a quick drink. After all John himself had no aversion to alcohol what so ever, and there was always an added bonus of showing you off. But you'd simply smiled and shook your head telling him you were alright, but if he wanted one you'd go in with him. And John usually wouldn't mind this agreement either, but today he came up with an idea that he needed to ask. May that would explain why you hadn't kissed him yet.

"Oi, Are you allergic to alcohol?"

"What?"

"Why don't you ever wanna get a drink with me ehh? You'll always come with me, but you never actually drink anything? Is it because ya allergic to it? Like if ya drink it your face is gonna swell or rash up?," He wanted to ask if that why you hadn't kissed him yet, but held back. Would the feeling of his lips on your literally kill you? Because that wouldn't do at all. John was sure by now he loved you, but giving up drink for you would definitely be a challenge.

Caught off guard by the sudden interrogation, you couldn't help but laugh. Then smiling nervously down at your shoes you scratched the back of your head thinking of what to say. It was quite for a few moments, John looking at you and you still looking down before you answered. And even though you had looked back up at him with a smile he could see the nervousness in you eyes as you spoke honestly.

"I ain't allergic to anything except pollen. I don't drink because I dispise the taste of most alcohols. I have yet to find one I've enjoyed throughly. I've come closest to wines at mine or my friends houses, but even those leave a taste in my mouth I'm not fond of," and Y/N took a pause to catch her breath before continuing, "Besides, no matter if you approve of alcohol or not, you have to admit it does fuck with the senses after a while. And I just haven't met any one I'm close enough with to go out to a bar to try new stuff with and not be too nervous to drink. You know how pubs are. You don't know half the people there. Someone will stab you in the back when you're sober. Think of all the things they can do when I can't run straight. And John. People LIKE me usually. I can't imagine how dangerous it would be if I was an ass. I probably wouldn't even be able to drink in my own house. Someone ma..."

"That's ahright love. I get your point. Can I ask another question though?" Many in Small Heath would find it surprising but, John Shelby did use his brain and logic sometimes. And now he thought he was able to pick out the real reason why Y/N didn't drink. "Is it because of the taste ya don't drink or because you're scared what may happen to ya if you do?"

".....I really haven't found one drink that I enjoy, but I guess you could say I'm too scared of what could happen to actively look for more. I don't know John. I mean, I promise I trust you and your family and all. And I really do think the Garrison is a nice pub, I just can't ever get it out of my head what could happen if I drink too much accidentally. Or if I get to much to get home right. I think I've read too many true crime stories in the paper," she finished with a joke trying to play off her fear again.

After all, most of the Shelby's drank whiskey like others drink water or tea. Hell, you'd even have talk with Tommy about his interest in opening a distillery one day. For someone who didn't drink alcohol you were fascinated with the process of how different types could be made. You'd once tried to make your own moonshine distillery when you were a teenager with your Grandad just to see how it would work. It almost did but then your nosey aunt found out and shut it down. But when it came to actually trying the concoctions you couldn't bring yourself to do more than a sip. It just never tasted like something you'd want in your mouth again. And considering your fears, you were fine with that. And most of your friends were fine with that too because it meant they have someone to drive whenever y'all went out.

John was quiet for a moment and you could practically see the gears turning in his head. You waited for his response slightly nervous because even when you knew deep down he'd be alright with it, if he wasn't it, wouldn't be the first time a man got pissy because you wouldn't drink with him. But those were the men you tried to avoid anyway, but they still sacred you, and John didn't seem like that at all. Then he looked up at you with a smile. Grabbing you hand and continuing down the street with you.

"Alrighty then love, I guess that's that. Thanks for telling me. And I promise to beat any man who tries to hurt ya or make fun of ya for it yeah?" John proudly boasted, pulling you closer to him with his arm around your waist.

So yes, maybe there was a small part of him that was slightly hurt that you weren't sure if you were comfortable enough drinking around him, but hearing your fears he could get over that. And as you said it wasn't him you were scared to drink with, rather it was in a place you couldn't control with strangers you didn't know. And since you didn't like what you couldn't control, you choose to stick with what you knew was safe. Even if safe mean water, orange sodas, and tea. Despite how he usually lived his life John wasn't gonna blame you for wanting a little safety in yours.

After dropping you back off at your work with a flirty comment and a kiss on the cheek, John headed back to the betting shop. But the whole time he went he couldn't get your words out of his head. So you were scared because you didn't trust the other people and were scared because you wanted to try new things in a place you knew was safe if something happened. Alrighty then love. John's smile grew as he made it to the door of the shop. He might just be on the way to fixing that.

"Oi ARTHUR! Give me your fuckin' keys to the pub fore ya head to London next weekend or I'm gonna tell Polly where you really lost your virginity! That's gonna be a really painful fuckin' ride for you if ya don't, ain't it!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was almost two weeks after your conversation with John when you were going on a date again. A 'just the two of you' date as well, since Arthur had driven Polly down to London to see Ada. Tommy had been semi-blackmailed into watching the five youngest Shelbys that night. An event which would likely end with Finn leading a small rebellion of his nieces and nephews until whatever animal they stole from Charlie's yard would be allowed to sleep in the living room with them tonight. One that would also likely end in at least two small children crying because Tommy wouldn't let them cook the animal in the fire place for dinner, like they did when camping...again.

No, tonight would be just Y/N and John, and as you stood on his steps waiting for him to open the door you wondered what the night would hold. Usually John would take it upon himself to pick you up and drop you off. But tonight he'd asked if you could meet him at his home. And it was already so late, you knew you'd both had an early dinner so you were curious. Soon enough though John opened the door with a smile, holding out his hand to pull you inside.

"Right well don't you look fucking pretty eh love? All dressed up and here I'm am about to tell you we're staying in tonight."

"Oh? I thought you said you wanted to show me something?"

Pulling you further into the house John nodded as he lead you down the hallway stepping over toys to the living room.

"That's true yeah but what I wanna show you is here," John stopped just outside the room, but the door was closed so you couldn't see inside. Carefully grabbing both of you hands and facing you towards himself John continued, "Before I go on I want you to know that we absolutely don't gotta do none of this tonight or ever if you don't wanna. But I thought to myself what you said the other day about drinking and all that and thought maybe I could help yeah? So I just gotta ask: is that alright? Will you let me get you a drink, eh love?"

Even though you remembered the conversation from before, you were still slightly confused where he was going with it. After all, you said you didn't think you'd have a problem maybe trying a drink with him, you just were scared to around strangers in a pub, and there wasn't anything you'd liked so it nerves seemed to worth it to spend the money. But still you trusted him so you decide to try something new. With him.

"I think that may be alright John but I'm still a little confused. If you wanted me to have a drink with you shouldn't we have met at the Garrison and be in the Snug? I don't even think it's open tonight. I passed by it on the way here and it didn't even look open? I don't think it's even been closed on a Sunday before? Did something happen? Is Harry okay?"

John felt his chest warm at that. Before because you'd admitted you trusted him, and again because he adores how you noticed and wanted to make sure things were alright. Though he knew you truthfully didn't care much for his work, you still tried to keep track of everyone's well being, and if the other blinders didn't know you were absolutely off limits (thanks Polly) you'd of had at least three proposals already. He was also practically bouncing now because you'd said yes. In truth if you hadn't it would have been a lot of work to waste, so it was a good thing you'd trusted him.

"Don't worry your head Doll, everything's absolutely fucking golden. Harry's gotten the night off and the Garrison's locked because as far I'm concerned, the only place we're drinking tonight is," pulling his hands back from yours, John turned to open the double doors. He spun around arms with open with a grin on his face, revealing his plan, "Le Pub La Johnny!"

You couldn't help but laugh the absolutely awful French accent (and French) he'd attempted before your eyes widened as you took in the living room before you. Living room was barely what it could be called now, as about half of the tables and shelves in the room were covered in bottles of alcohol. There were groups of them sitting in books and even a few by the fire place in a box. Towards the far wall there was also a blank chalk board that looked suspiciously like the ones in the betting shop. Looking back towards the hallway once it made sense which all the kids toys were scattered along there. There wasn't room for them in the living space. You also noticed what looked to be a pitcher of water sat next to four empty glasses on the table, but given the rest of the drinks it could very well be pure vodka.

"John.... Did you rob a liquor store?"

"Nope! All this stuff is from the Garrison. See I figured if you didn't like drinking around people ya didn't know it may be better to do it round someone ya do. That being me. And since you said you were nervous about doing it at a pub, I set up shop here seeing as you've mention you like it here and it's like safe and whatnot. And because you don't know what ya like yet I just grabbed everything. You can try as little or as much as ya want of any of it. There's water on the table there if you wanna wash out you mouth. We've got beer, whiskey, and even a bottle of moonshine somewhere. There's no wine because no one buys it at the pub, but I grabbed the kids' old grape juice and we can pour some rum into it, it may taste the same. Just don't tell Solomons we used his shit...hell actually the juice may improve that crap. I also grabbed a board from the betting shop so you could like write out what you tried and do one of those little rating charts you like so much to organize it all. And I promise I'll only drink as much as ya tonight so you don't have to worry about me getting to much or doing anything. I mean I'd never do anything anyways, but ya know, tonight's a team job, eh Love. We're not gonna stop until we find your tipsy fix.... or until you're done with it all. What'd ya think?"

You stared at him for a moment before practically crashing into him as you tightly wrapped you arms around him, pressing a firm kiss to his cheek. If you'd had a worse day you may have cried from the thoughtful act.

"John Shelby I think that this is the sweetest thing anyone's ever done for me. No one else has ever tried to do anything like this, most of them are fine with me not drinking because it means they can do whatever they want when we go out. But this is just...I... John Shelby you are fucking brilliant!"

"I suppose I am pretty fucking smart aren't I Love? There isn't just air in this thick skull of mine I promise."

Once again, John grabbed your hands pulling you over to the couch, the sound of your shoes and his bare feet (because he refused to wear shoes in his house) could be heard against the hard wood.

"So any idea where I should begin?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An hour and a half later you'd tried about twenty different bottles, but none of them warranted more than a sip or tip of the finger from you. John, bless his heart, had given up on his "team job" ideal after the seventh time you dipped the tip your finger in a glass only to scrunch you nose up and pour the drink into his own.

Quickly his glass had begun to fill up with the small capfuls you'd disregarded, and his glass was a mix of who knows what. There was German beer, Italian Negroni, American Bourbon, and even Scottish Whiskey. However, none of it seems to fit your desires. The board had quickly been filed up with ratings bases on the first taste of the drink to the after taste, how good it smelled, how much it cost (if you did happen like it), and even how pretty the color or bottle was.

There was no order to your choices, you just decided to choose what caught you eye. And each time John would start talking about you choice and giving his opinions on it. According to him the beer you thought tasted like "milky goat piss" was only for when you were celebrating with someone you didn't like, while the gin that wasn't sweet enough for you was better when mixed with lime juice. And let's not forget the rum.

Much to John's horror the only thing you'd come close to enjoying was the grape juice and rum concoction he'd mixed half as a joke, and half because he like destroying something Alfie made. But apparently the sweetness of the grape juice had been almost enough to cut out the after taste of the drink. You'd even gone as far to ask him to pour some more of it.

"What wrong Darling? Are we out of rum? Maybe we should call Alfie and see if he has more."

"Christ woman. If I didn't know better I'd say you were actually trying to kill me now. Are you sure ya ain't working for the enemy?"

"Unless you consider the enemy to be a 68 year old man who's pocket square always matches his wife's dress, I'd have to say no Johnny dear."

"Can never be too sure Love, maybe the matching clothing is a symbol for the organization of their devious plans or some stuff."

The big thing though, was even if you hadn't found a favorite drink you two were having fun. Over the course of time you'd move closer together on the couch and your legs were now draped over his, as your head leaned against his shoulder while he told a story about the time teenage Tommy got his ass beat by Pol for letting Ada try a sip of his beer. It wasn't physically the closest you'd ever been. No, that was probably the times when he'd corralled you into his small bed to rest against him "sleeping" in an effort to convince his youngest daughter that EVERYONE was ready for nap time and maybe they should all take a break from the four hour game of chase. But this time definitely felt more intimate than the others.

"Hey John what about that one? Can I try it," you'd questioned pointing to a clear bottle filled with a pretty red liquid. Reaching forward John grabbed the bottle.

"Oh I don't know if you'd like that one love. It's absinthe."

"Absinthe? But isn't that suppose to be green?"

"Yeah it's usually green or clear, but I think one or two fellas make it red. Suppose to be more flowery or some shit like that, but don't see the point of ruining a good drink by sticking a few flower petals in it."

Looking at the bottle you thought for a moment.

"John, I think I wanna try that one next. After all, I like flowers. Maybe it'll taste as pretty as they smell."

John down looked at you slightly hesitating for the time tonight, "Are you sure love? I really don't think you'd like this one. Maybe we could try mixing apple juice into the rum this time."

Sitting up you, kissed his shoulder once and pulled away from him, and gently taking the bottle from his warm hands. Then putting your glass on the table, you poured a small ounce out of the bottle and nodded firmly, reassuring yourself of your decision.

"Yep I think I'm sure. I've gone this whole night without taking a full sip of anything. And John you're right, nothing bad has happen yet so why not go for it. Besides it's just one sip right? Maybe I have been overthinking it this whole time and it really won't be that bad. I'll just throw it back and that will be that."

John was a bit stuck, because on one hand he was absolutely positive you'd hate the drink, but on the other he could see you seemed to finally be comfortable trying a drink. And since that was the whole point of tonight's date, he decided to put as much trust in you as you had him.

"Fucking go for it then pretty girl, you'll do great."

....Wrong

You did in-fact not do great. Not in the slightest.

As soon as you poured the red drink in your mouth you'd turn to him proudly and placed your empty cup upside down on the table like you'd seen him and his older brothers do before.

But only a split second after that your face changed and John could tell you regretted everything. Your nose scrunched up in way John found adorable and he could tell you hadn't swallowed it yet.

"If you don't like it Love you can spit it out."

"Uh umm!"

Stubbornly you shook your head wanting to be able to say you took one shot tonight, but you just couldn't. You should have listened to John probably, but it was too late now. John had bitten back his laughter now. Your arms were crossed and if you could open your mouth you probably would have stuck your tongue out at him.

"Love, it's really alright, I won't judge you, come on, you didn't make that face when you tried the the rum and Christ knows that stuff is bad."

"Uh umm!"

"Y/N if you spit it out right now I'll get the chocolate bourbon out."

Chocolate? And Alcohol? Why didn't he start with that? Deal.

Quickly you reached over to the table but then the awful happened and you accidentally knocked your glass across the table to the carpet on the other side. Wide eyed you turned to John. His glass was too full for anything else in it and there weren't any sinks close by. On top of that the Absinthe was really starting to burn your mouth and you were sure within a few minutes all your taste buds would be dead. John actually did laugh this time at your situation. After all he did warn you.

"Just spit it out love."

Narrowing you eyes and motioning to the lack of cups or sinks near by, you waved you arms in protest. You couldn't just spit it out in his floor after all! It didn't matter what else had been on there! Suddenly John had an idea.

"Love do you trust me?"

"Muuuu?"

"Do trust me?"

Nodding you head yes you weren't really paying attention, just looking for a place to spit out the drink. Luckily for the both you John had found one.

Reaching forward, John grabbed you and did the one thing he'd been waiting months to do.

He put his lips on yours.

Biting your bottom lip gently so you'd open your mouth more, he pulled you farther on him and leaned back on the couch. He was effectively drinking the absinthe from your mouth and as the shock wore off you found yourself enjoying the kiss and pushing it deeper, letting soft noises out of your mouth. When you did John only groaned and pulled you closer.

Moments passed as neither of you wanted to end the kiss and your hands moved upwards, one running along the back of his hair and the other tightly gripping his collar. One of his hands was holding one of your thighs while the other was running up and down the small of your back. You didn't know where he learned to kiss like this but it felt like something out of the romance novels you read as a teen that your aunt would have condemned you for buying. Everything felt warm and it wasn't just because of the minuscule amount of alcohol you'd had.

Eventually you both needed air and pulled your heads back from each other. Neither of you said anything for a while, only looking at the other's breathless face with smiles that began to grow.

"John?"

"Yeah Love?"

"Grab the rum and grape juice, we're doing that again."

#john shelby x reader #john shelby imagine #peaky blinders x reader #Peaky blinders imagine #john shelby #peaky blinders

186 notes · View notes

into-crazy · 2 years

Text

Derry’s Secret Pt. 1

Pennywise x Female Reader series

Important !! For all my Joker followers !! If you do not wish to come across any of my or reblogged Pennywise content, then please feel free to block the 'penny posted' tag. Thank you♡

This first part of this series will involve a child since we're dealing with a child eating clown, and they are only interactions. The setting takes place in Derry in the year of 2016 and so forth. I've written this from a young woman’s perspective as I’m in my early twenties, so I wrote it accordingly. Though you’re more than welcome to perceive it as your own age and such.

Warnings- mature language, violence, Pennywise attacks a child, dark themes, ages 18+

Future parts can be found RIGHT HERE and through the "Derry's Secret" tag🎈

You have lived in Derry for a little over 6 months. Which was enough time for you to get settled into your current home and job. You also didn't have to worry about being completely alone- as your good friend, Gabby, had already resided here a few months prior to your move. She was the one that persuaded you to move here, since she knew you needed a change in your life. And with a small town like Derry, it was perfect. It's got a timeless feel to it, the weather is usually nice, and it's secluded from the rest of the buzzing world. Though despite the town's bad reputation, you've never seemed to have any issues or problems.

Seated in a local café, you're having a drink with your friend and her boyfriend Brian. Mind drifting deep into various thoughts as you stare down at your beverage. Starting to wonder how your life has changed since you've been here.

"Y/n!" Gabby's voice breaks through your subconscious mind. "Hey, you good?" She waves her hand in front of your face from across the table.

"Huh.. " You blink back into reality. "Oh yeah, I'm fine. Just thinking about how stressful it's been at the call center lately." You lightly groan as you rub the right side of your temple.

She laughs. "I could see that. You were really staring down hard there."

"Yeah, I've had a lot of calls this week. And the majority of them involved unhappy customers that weren't very pleasant. It's a little overwhelming, but nothing I couldn't handle."

She shrugs, "it was a tough week. But hey, you got through it. Try not to stress about it too much."

Truth be told you were pretty much used to the busy work time. Working as a customer service representative for a credit card company, it was always teeming with phone calls. Often times with many of these calls you have to deal with rude customers. Luckily the work itself wasn't hard enough to have much of an impact. The work's pretty simple and the pay is good, so there isn't much more for you to complain about.

"I know. Luckily I've got you, and my nice little replenishment right here." You joke taking a sip of your drink.

"Amen to that, uh!" Brian chimes in, kissing his girlfriend on the cheek.

She playfully shoves him away. "Yeah, yeah," she continues, "so hey, about that place you're renting.."

You steadily raise a brow, already knowing where this conversation is heading.

"Oh come on!" She pleads. "You're still welcome to move in with me if you'd like. My place is very spacious and you would pay less rent. Think about all the stuff you could buy with all that extra money."

Shaking your head, you laugh, "not this again. No thanks, Gabby. I'm content with having my own living space."

She pouts at your response, seeing that you've rejected her offer more than a dozen times. "Alright then, fine. I respect your decision and I give up on asking. Just know that you are welcome to at anytime."

Could she really be done trying to persuade you? Well about damn time. If there's one thing Gabby can be, it's stubborn to the max. But you love her for that. Plus, it's not that you would hate to be her roommate. You just need to have your own space because you value your privacy.

Brian sees the opportunity and speaks up, "well, since it's a firm no from her, then maybe we could get a place together hun." He winks at her before laughing with you.

"Oh sure, you'd love that huh?" She tells him with a puckish smile. "I can barely stand you enough as is."

You nearly choke on your drink from laughing at her comment. Their playful banter is always amusing to you.

He puts his arm around her. "Ah, you love me."

"Bet your lucky ass I do." She mocks at him, then refocuses her attention towards you. "Speaking of living spaces, we still having movie night over at your place?"

You nod, "yeah, of course. Bring a horror movie. I'm in the mood for something scary tonight."

She sips her drink and tries to think of a movie. "Something scary.. hm, alright I got a few."

Brian scoffs, "Gabs trying to get you to move out, yet she still wants to stay the night at your place."

"Hey-" she objects, "my place is a mess right now! Plus, my neighbors upstairs are always too loud."

And yet, here she was trying to convince you to move in with her. The last time you stayed the night at her apartment, the couple that live directly above her had gotten into a huge argument. Voices were raised and doors were slammed. Fighting so loud that the whole complex could hear all of the details as they practically advertised their business. Now, it probably wouldn't have been such a big deal had it not been 2 o'clock in the morning..

You check the time on your phone, it's nearly 3 pm. Which means it's time to get a move on your Saturday errands. A little late, that is.

"Alright guys, I'm gonna head out." You stand up gathering your belongings.

"Okay miss scary," Gabby replies as you give her a quick hug. "I'll see you at your place later."

"See you later. Bye Brian." You wave them both before leaving the coffeehouse.

Roughly a couple hours later, you're making your way home. Grocery tote in hand, casually walking on the sidewalk. Most of the houses here are quite worn and spaced farther apart. In fact, most of Derry is still pretty old. Of course, the stores and businesses here are kept up to date when it comes to their products and technology. But as far as the architecture of the buildings, apparently not much has changed. Along with new additions added recently, so the town is a good mix of modern and old-fashioned. It's a taste you could quite appreciate.

Concentrated on your phone, a bold colored object comes into your side view. Looking up, you spy a red balloon floating down the street past you. It's just.. hovering by. Not even ascending up or coming down. Like it's strictly following a horizontal path.

Well that's quite odd.

Suddenly, the balloon bursts with a loud pop at the sound of a sharp scream.

"Shit!" You blurt out clutching your chest.

Quickly, you search in the direction from which the sound came. A few yards off to the left, you spot what looks to be a little girl by a storm drain. Thrown back with her feet to the opening, frantically kicking while calling for help.

Without any hesitation, you dart over in that direction as fast as you could.

"HELP! SOMEONE PLEASE H-HELP!" She pleads trying to get away from the drain, it seems like she's being tugged in. "HELP!"

Nearing her, you drop your tote and bag on the ground. "Hey! Are you oka-" your words of aid are immediately cut off by the view before you. There is a large, clawed arm reaching out of the opening. It's latched onto the child's foot and trying to drag her into the drain. "Oh my god!" You plead, taking ahold of the girl's hand which she reaches out to you.

You manage to keep her from being pulled any further, but the sharp claw won't let her go. Gripped tightly around her ankle, it wasn't like anything you'd ever seen before. Long and beastly. Like something straight from a horror film.

"NO, NO, NOO!" Broken cries pour from her lips as she thrashes her legs.

"Let her go!" You demand the faceless attacker while struggling to break her free. A deep growl came from inside, responding to your presence. "What the hell-" you gasp. That noise, it was so inhuman. Growing desperate, you grab onto the appendage, trying to release it's iron grip. "I SAID LET HER GO!"

Finally it gave, deciding to release her foot. The sudden force sends you flying back with the child. Landing hard on your backside as she buries her face into your shoulder and clings to you. You secure her tightly into your arms and stand, looking back into the opening.

It's completely dark, aside from the piercing red eyes staring right back at you! An angry gaze burning through your own. Your hold on the young girl tightens, eyes widening in horror. Even though you are in a shocked state, you stand your ground and stare right back. Then, a high pitched chuckle vibrates within the drain. Echoing through before fading out along with the fiery orbs. Once it's gone, you try to process what you'd just seen.

"I've got you, there there." You comfort the frightened child, and probably even yourself. "It's okay. I got you."

What the fuck was that thing?

You pace a couple feet away from the sight before attempting to put her down. But she doesn't want to let you go, only hugging you tighter while shaking her head and muttering a bunch a trembling no's. Eventually, with a few comforting pats, her hold eases and you carefully set her down. She's still shaking, the poor girl. "Hey, it's alright. You're safe. It's gone now." You reassure her as you wipe away her tear streams.

"No, no-" she weeps, "he's gonna get me!"

He?

You attempt to calm her. "No one is going to hurt you. They're gone." Gently taking ahold of her trembling hands, you wait for her breathing to slow down. "No one. Understand?"

She sniffles, glancing back towards the drain. "O-okay."

Not convinced with her answer, you turn her back, "you sure?" She nods her head, a little more certain this time. "Good. Now let me take a look at that foot." Leaning down, you examine her ankle. There are scratch marks and some light bruising from where it gripped on. Her sparkly princess sneaker is shredded up, just barley walkable. "Does it hurt?"

"A little bit."

"Would you like me to walk you home?" You offer gathering your items from the ground. Why even ask? After what had just happened, there's no way you'd let her go by herself.

"Yes please," she replies softly.

"Alright, lead the way." She takes ahold of your hand and escorts you along. "So.. what's your name?" You ask walking alongside her.

"Kimberly."

"Nice to meet you Kimberly, my name is y/n. How old are you?"

"Seven. I'm in second grade." She says proudly, holding up two fingers.

"Wow, second grade? Super cool! You know you're very brave." She stays silent, gazing down on the concrete. Whatever that thing was back there scared her really bad. "Do you want to talk about it?"

She shakes her head no. She winces, and there’s a slight limp with every step she takes on her injured leg.

"That's okay. You don't have to." You assure, avoid wanting to further upset her. At the same time, you're curious as to what she saw down there. Whatever it was, it could not have been human. Especially with those glowing eyes and monstrous claws. Unless it was a person in a very realistic and convincing costume. But then what about the bizarre sounds they made?

"He was a clown." Kimberly breaks the silence.

"A clown?"

She nods.

"What did he look like?"

"Scary," she thinks, "he was big. Tall and fluffy. I thought he was my f-friend."

"Why did you think he was your friend?"

"Because he wasn't scary at first. He was funny and nice to me. I think his name was.. Very Wise? He said he would give me popcorn and take me to the circus. My mommy tells me not to follow strangers, I told him no."

There wasn't a circus in Derry that you knew of. However telling by the utter confusion in her recollection, and with how she seemed so certain, you realize she must be telling the truth. To her own knowledge, anyway.

Having stopped there, it wasn't hard for you to guess what had happened next. "And then he grabbed you?"

She pouts, "mhm, I-I think he wanted to eat me."

The whole thing made you sick to your stomach. Not even wanting to imagine what would have happened to this poor, sweet girl if you hadn't been walking by. It also was crazy how no one else had heard her cries for help. The commotion was loud enough to draw attention from the nearby houses, and yet it didn't. No one came out to help, heck nobody even came out afterwards to check or see if everything was alright. It made you a little angry, but alas you bit down on your tongue before continuing the conversation with Kimberly.

"Let me tell you, I love clowns. But he doesn't sound like the kind of clown that I would like."

"You wouldn't," she agrees. "You're really nice."

"Well Kimberly, I don't think that Very Wise will be bothering you any time soon." You recite coming up to her house. Moments after knocking, a woman you assumed to be her mother answers the door.

The woman gasps, "Kimberly! What happened!?" She embraces her daughter, looking to you both for an immediate answer.

"She was attacked by something in the drain," you explain. "I'm sorry, I didn't get a good look at what it was before it fled."

"It's true mommy! She helped me get away from the clown I told you about." Kimberly claims, throwing you off guard.

Wait, she's seen it more than once!?

Her mother quickly quiets her down, "Oh, you and your imagination. It looks like you were attacked by an animal. Must have been a dog from the looks of it. But thank goodness you're okay. I told you not to go out and play too far, didn't I?" Kimberly frowns at her mother's words of disbelief. "And thank you for bringing her home safe, dear." The woman praises you before turning back to the her daughter. "Sweetheart, thank the nice young lady and come inside."

"Thank you y/n," the girl smiles giving you a hug.

"No need, I'm just glad you're safe. Good night." You call before they head inside.

You're still puzzled with the idea that Kimberly has previously encountered the clown being before. It's even more strange how she's warned her mother, yet the woman seemed to have brushed it off as nothing! Especially after an apparent attack like such. It doesn't feel right. What kind of a mother would ignore something like that?

Sighing deeply, you're just glad that it is over with. Letting it go as you head home. Have you got an insane story to tell Gabby later.

End of Part 1.

#Derry's Secret #pennywise #pennywise fanfiction #pennywise imagine #pennywise x reader #pennywise x you #pennywise x female reader #penny posted

188 notes · View notes

datrb · 9 months

Text

2023 art review!

Even if this year wasn't the biggest on art, due to my physical condition (especially in last couple of months), it would still be nice to look back on what i did as an artist throughout it!

This is gonna be a fun ride...

So, let's dive straight into it, shall we?

Continuation under the cut

January

2023 started on a high note, with me just having finished the King piece, and moving on to the next big thing, being an AvA3/5 double piece.

Sadly, during the process i messed up big time which led to me being unable to finish the piece the way i wanted to, rendering this project an eternal WIP. However, i still cherish the idea and do wish to either redraw, or complete it.

February

Doing 2 big projects one after another did end up affecting my overall drive, so i spent majority of that month just making sketches.

First one is a little redraw/redesign of my old character - Derek, whom i used for a roleplay with my friends like 3 or 4 years ago, and second one is Deach, a character from my fantasy setting.

Also, back then i joined a new fandom, people in which have reminded me of my admiration for SCP, after which me and my friends proceeded to make OCs for it. Was a fun time! (Also this access card was sold by me as a YCH, sadly i couldn't really find buyers, so yikes)

March

By march is slowly started recovering from january's disappointement and was a bit more productive already. One of my friends really helped with it too.

A musician friend of mine reached out to me, asking to develop a design for a villain character in the plot he was working on. After listening to the theme song i couldn't resist. This ended up being one of my favorite designs so far, and i adore its look in neon.

In the meantime, i kept working on my fantasy setting, refining more minor details of designs and stories, yet having to reserve only to making sketches as i was too busy with college and other projects. Characters you see on screen are Ian and Lanfor respectfully. One is a strong yet troubled mage and other is a great Emperor, and even better person.

April

I'd say april was one of the most productive months of this year, mostly because i managed to snatch some time for myself and my setting, which allowed me to complete two full pieces and achieve some extreme progress with my story.

This piece is an illustration to a scene i wrote for two of the characters, Lanfor and Emile, called "Night Visitor". This was a scene of a reunion of two old friends. A bittersweet, yet a lovely work. Love both the written one as well as the illustration.

This one was more of a... Proof of concept. Needed to test out the expresiveness of the design for one or a relatively new characters - Covlar. Was originally a simple sketch on paper, but i couldn't resist the urge of making it into a complete illustration. I then proceeded to make a few notes for this scene. Both want to write it properly and avoid it at all cost... Best to avoid it, for my own sanity.

May

May was a bit of trainwreck, because i got a brand new laptop, which took me quite some time to get used to and even more time to reassure myself that it is in fact alright for me to draw on this suspicioiusly thin piece of tech.

Ironically enough, the only vomplete piece i drew that month was drawn on my old laptop. This screenshot redraw was to made to honour the premiere of AvA6 ep.1. Sadly, i did it a bit late because fo technical issues, but i still had a ton of fun doing it.

June

June was... Chaotic, to say the least. Mostly because i finally got comfortable with the new laptop and could now draw a lot more freely due to it being a lot more compact than the original one, which worked almost like a PC. Besides, i got a ton more free time because semester finals ended up being a breeze.

Ended up making a ton sketches and doodles, that i didn't actually plan to finish, but still enjoyed a ton. Here are some of them

Then, ofc, the memes and the gand redesign, because AvA6 just had to break all of my portrayals. But, i mean, after AvM s3 my original designs did become a bit dated.

The biggest pride and saddest of failures was this picnic piece, however. I still plan on finishing it, but it is hard doing so, when i have changed quite a bit of my artstyle by now.

July

July was quite lazy. Semester ended and i spent that entire month out of the city. It was a great time, very peaceul indeed.

And again, that musician friend from before came into clutch, asking me to develop another design for his other project. And again a villain. He said he really liked how i draw bastard type of characters.

August

Well this is where fun began. End of summer break means i have just this much time to actually draw something i would never have time to draw normally.

For me to draw something to commemorate a new episode is almost like a tradition at this point. And, given how long it's been since i made anything that would require effort, no wonder i have chosen arguably the most complex piece to pull off energy-wise. Yet i did and now i simply adore this piece, even if it did render me disabled. (I crunched through all of this piece, pulling off 40+ hours of work in just 4 days, so naturaly it ended up worsening my condition by a lot)

Then i also proceeded to do all of these tiny side projects, like Victim ask, which i couldn't last long at due to my condition, and working on a design for my favourite streamer. (Which i cannot show as the work is not complete an it's best if i avoid spoilers)

September and October

These two months i spent being unable to draw at all via a doctor's advice. Arguably, these two were the hardest months for me to handle.

I assume you can imagine how hard it is to suddenly stop being able to do what you love, regardless of how much you wish to do it.

Novemer

*Nervous laughter* I... actually still wasn't allowed to use my hand, but that didn't stop me and i ended up making an entire series of sketches to celebrate AvA6 ep2.

"Small in big quantity will sure be less exhausting than a single big thing" - (C) Me, proably

I will admit, i still adore all of these sketches and each of them deserves to become a fully fledged piece in it's own right, but i really better keep them as they are. For my own safety.

December

As you way have expected, this month will stay without a single thing from me. It's not because i don't want to, but because i can't. And, given the circumstance, it better stay that way.

Afterword

I finally got my diagnosis and soon enough i will start active treatment for my condition. It would be a shame to make this worse than it already is with impulses like those that happened in november, so i am making this post as a way to draw a line for myself.

It is still kinda crazy to realize that there are quite a few people interested in what i make, so i will make sure to take my recovery as responcible as possible, and then come back to you with even more art in the upcoming year! Let's be positive about it.

#alan becker #animation vs animator #ava #illustration #ava fanart #animation vs minecraft #avm #artists on tumblr #2023 art #yearly art summary #oc art #original character #digital art #No character tags because there are too many of them #dat's art

27 notes · View notes

hwanghyunjinenthusiast · 2 years

Text

Heavily inspired by Deep End. Uh probably the most toxic/unhealthy piece I've written so far so, fair warning. Also, Reader isn't a cheater (I would never). She's just casually seeing Seungmin.

Heads up: Lee Felix x Fem! Reader, mentions of Kim Seungmin x Fem! Reader, exes to sort of friends with benefits, Felix is unable to move on from Reader post-breakup, incredibly angsty, Felix is very self-deprecating in this, Sub! Felix, Dom! Reader, Mommy kink, dirty talk, nipple play (m. receiving), lots of begging on Felix's part, degradation (m. receiving), praise (m. receiving), biting (m. receiving), mild overstimulation (m. receiving), Possessive! Reader if you squint and handjob (m. receiving).

I will block you if you are a minor and/or have no easily visible indication of your age on your blog if you interact with me in any way.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Felix felt like such a loser. No, scratch that. He was a loser.

The two of you had broken up 6 months ago now and yet here he is still plagued with thoughts and memories of nothing but, you. The way you used to hold him, that special smile only reserved for him, the first time he told you he loved you, everytime you kissed the very air from his lungs, the first time you two had sex. He can feel it all like it was yesterday.

You were the one who initiated the break up. It torn his heart apart. You just didn't love him the same way he loved you. You simply couldn't. You told him you still cared about him deeply but, that space would likely do the both of you immense good.

Felix is certain that if it wasn't for Jisung, Minho and Chris that he'd completely have fallen to pieces. They kept him sane.

It was still so fucking hard though. Especially since he's been hearing whispers of you and some new guy recently. Seungmin. Felix isn't proud of himself but, he looked up the man online on one of his lowest nights. He wishes he never had. He seemed put together and mature. The fact that he was handsome likely didn't hurt either. He thinks he gets what you see in him. What Felix could never give you. What he could never be for you.

Still, he can't help himself.

He gets out of his bed and begins to throw on some casual clothing. A familiar routine on nights such as ones like this. It's late. He knows it's late but, he has to see you. You've yet to turn him away any time he's shown up at your door unannounced so he hopes against hope that tonight isn't any different. He's already so delicate. He's not sure how he'd be able to handle rejection from you once again.

His heart is in his throat when he tentatively knocks on your door. This is stupid. It's so late. You could be busy. That Seungmin guy could be over and Felix might have just put you in an incredibly awkward situation.

He's so pathetic.

The racing of his heart is made so much worse when you answer. Your hair seems mused from sleep and you look a little confused, likely as to who had the audacity to be knocking at your door at this hour. Warmth floods his face when he takes notice of what you're wearing. The silk robe you have on is thin and barely passes your distracting thighs. He doesn't get why he's getting all shy and embarrassed. You both have seen each other naked numerous times.

"Felix? What're you doing here?"

Just hearing you say his name is enough to make his tongue feel like it lead in his mouth. It's been awhile since he's come to you like this so, he doesn't blame you for being confused.

"I- I couldn't sleep," is all his brain is able to offer. You understand though because of course you do. You can read him like the back of your hand. You move aside, an invitation to enter your apartment which he takes far more eagerly than he'd like to admit. Shutting the door behind you, you lead the way to your bedroom in silence and he follows behind you obediently. Determined to keep his gaze above your shoulder line as he does.

Even though it's been some time, both of you move seamlessly. He kicks off his shoes and socks and, shrugs off his jacket as you crawl back into your bed to wait for him to join you. Once again he forgets how to speak.

You've removed your robe.

Logically, it makes sense that you did. Who sleeps with a robe on? However, Felix is wildly unprepared for the sight of you in a tight-fitting sleeping gown. You've covered your bottom half with the blanket but, he can see the way it clings to your tits and your nipples as clear as day. He swallows before remembering how to walk and, making his way over to your bed and sliding in.

Felix doesn't even need to ask you. You move towards him and spoon him. Wrapping your arm around his waist and your leg around his hip. The silence that envelopes your bedroom is comfortable albeit a little tense with awkwardness. God, he misses when you two would fill the space with mundane, random conversation. You telling him about the bizarre dreams you had and him detailing a new recipe he wanted to try. Something harsh and painful grips his heart at the memories but, he's not going to cry infront of you. He's embarrassed himself enough.

"So, I heard you're seeing someone?" Felix resists the urge to cringe at the question that tumbles out of his mouth. So much for not embarrassing himself further in your presence.

You still behind him for a moment before relaxing and Felix is terrified that he ruined things once again. "Yeah, I've been talking to someone for a few weeks now. It's been mostly casual but, we've gone out a few times."

Bile rises to his throat.

Why is he surprised? He knew about the Seungmin guy. Hearing you confirm it just makes it sting just a little more, it seems.

"What about you? Been seeing anyone lately?"

How does he tell you that he that the last time he went on a date was with you all those months ago? That he still only wants you?

"No, still single as ever," he responds, trying to sound humorous and hoping you don't hear the crippling loneliness in his tone.

"I'm sure you'll find someone, Lixie. You make a great boyfriend," you say to him, giving him a squeeze.

The sincerity in your words makes his throat tighten. You genuinely mean all of that. You even called him by his pet name. He still wasn't great enough for you, though.

A barely whispered, "Thank you," is all he can manage at the risk of fully falling apart in your arms.

The silence feels the slightest bit less awkward and, Felix can appreciate that, if nothing else.

"Felix, could we cuddle another way? I'm kinda getting uncomfortable like this. Why don't you turn around to face me," you suggest nonchalantly.

Felix wonders if these nights that feel like a soothing balm for his shattered heart even mean anything to you. You seem so unaffected by him while he can barely manage to string coherent sentences together. Choosing to keep these thoughts to himself and not test what affection and time you readily give him, he turns around to face you.

God, you're still so beautiful that he forgets how to breathe for a second. You give him a delicate smile as you both settle into your new position, arms wrapping around each other and legs tangled in such a way that he struggles to tell where he stops and you start.

The only issue with this new position is that Felix can see and feel much more of you than before and, his body is starting to react without his consent. He hopes that you can't tell how red his face is right now. He's so fucking pathetic. How old is he? 13? Getting hard from cuddling with a stunning woman.

You're not just any woman though and, Felix knows that. His body likely knows that, too. Your mere proximity is enough to render him defenceless. Still, he doesn't want to make you uncomfortable or have you think that he just came over to have sex. He's not going to lie to himself and say he wouldn't readily jump at the opportunity, but that's not the reason he sought you out tonight.

Felix knows the exact moment you feel him because you immediately tense in his arms. An apology is on the tip of his tongue but, you beat him to the punch, "Are you...hard?"

He's never felt more mortified in his entire life. He's certain of that.

"Yea-Yeah, sorry," he mutters, studiously focusing his eyes over your shoulder.

"Why? We're not even doing anything?" The genuine confusion in your voice makes Felix shut his eyes in a grimace. He knew he was reacting no better than a teenager but, he didn't need you to vocalise it.

"Shit, I'm sorry, Lix. I didn't mean to embarrass you. I know sometimes bodies just react. I wasn't thinking when I asked," you say, sounding immensely remorseful. You never made him feel embarrassed or ashamed about anything. Felix knew that his thoughts were mostly self-inflicted. During your relationship and even now as you two lay here, you've always been nothing but, unconditionally kind to him.

That's part of the reason why he's so irrevocably inlove with you.

"It's okay. Yeah, it just kinda happened. It's been awhile for me so, I think my body just reacted to you being so close to me," he word vomits out to you. Wishing he could swallow the words as soon as they leave his mouth. You didn't need to know that hasn't been with anyone since the last time you two were here like this. He hasn't been with anyone else since he met you.

"Oh. Well, then it makes sense why you'd react the way you did. Why's it been awhile for you? Noone caught the eye of the elusive Lee Felix?" You joke, sending him a good natured smile to assure him you're only kidding.

How does he even begin to tell you that hasn't even entertained the idea of seeing, let alone sleeping with, anyone else? Anytime the desire to jerk off arose, his mind happily supplied him with memories of having his head squeezed by your thighs or you riding him until he'd been reduced to tears from the overstimulation. He didn't want anyone or anything else. He just couldn't.

"It's not like that. I just haven't been interested in seeking anyone out for stuff like that," he responds with a tone he hopes is neutral and believable. Your face shifts to a more pensive expression. He remembers you'd usually have that look when you were hyping yourself up to say something.

"You don't have to answer this is if you don't want to and I don't mean to intrude but, why?"

"I'm just not interested in anyone else that way. I don't want to do that with anyone else."

Your startled expression makes him think perhaps he's said too much but, he's so hard and he still fucking loves you and is maybe not thinking the straightest.

"May I kiss you?" He asks breathlessly.

If he wasn't so high strung right now, Felix would find it comical how you managed to look even more surprised by his request. He is, however, too distracted with the way your lips part and the feeling of your nipples pressed against him, even through your respective clothing.

"Felix, I don't know. I don't want to hurt you or take advantage of you. You know I can't love you in the ways you want me to," you say softly. He can feel your hands shaking where they hold him.

Felix has never been one for self-preservation anyways.

"I asked you. You're not taking advantage of me. I know what this is if we decide to go ahead with it," he responds and prays to whoever is listening that you think the shakiness in his voice is due to how much he wants you. Which is technically not a lie.

You bite your lip is contemplation then and he's thoroughly distracted all over again. Desperately trying to not press his hips against you in search of some relief.

"Okay," you say so quietly that Felix barely catches it before your mouth is on his.

Not that he's complaining but, Felix is caught completely off guard by how ferociously you kiss him. It's like you're trying to eat him alive. One of your hands moves to grab a fistful of his hair, the sharp sting he feels makes him moan into your mouth and grind his cock against you.

He tries not to flush too hard when he feels you smirk against him. You're always so kind and sweet outside of the bedroom that it still sometimes gives him whiplash how different your were during sex. However, Felix was more than happy to do whatever you ordered him to. He just wanted to be good for you.

"Still as needy as always, Lixie," you mutter against his lips when you two separate for air.

"I-I did say it's b-been awhile," he responds a little defensively, avoiding your gaze all the while.

"I'm not insulting you. It's cute. You're cute. I think it's adorable how much of a slut you are. Getting hard from just cuddling? Very cute," you say with clear amusement colouring your tone as you begin to kiss along his jaw and neck.

Embarrassment and arousal twist almost painfully in his gut at your words. All of them shooting straight to his cock, pre-cum smearing his boxers.

"I-I'm your s-slut. Only a s-slut for you," he whines out, shuddering as you kiss and lick and nibble along his neck.

You still at his words and Felix is worried once again that he fucked everything up. However, when he looks down to meet your gaze you look almost..feral. Before he can even process what's happening, you hastily shove your blanket off of the two of you and grip his jaw harshly, your nails digging into his skin, kissing him heatedly once more.

This. This is part of what he missed about being with you. You just got him. You never made him feel less than for his desires. If anything, you encouraged him to be the best possible boy for you.

Your mouth is back on his throat in an instant. Lavishing it with kisses and licks and soft bites once more and, Felix thinks he might lose his mind from your mouth on his neck alone. He tries his best not to shudder too obviously when your hand teases the hem of his shirt. "Still such a sensitive boy huh, Lixie," you muse against his skin as your hand reaches beneath his shirt to draw light patterns with your nails across his abdomen.

At that, he can't help the whine that forces itself out of his throat, his hips jolting up slightly in search of anyway to ease to throbbing of his cock. It's made worse when your hand reaches one of his nipples, barely applying any pressure to it as you brush it.

"Fu-Fuck, please. Please touch me, Mommy. I'll be go-good. It just hurts," he finally begs, his pride and ego aren't nearly big enough for him to be above grovelling for his release and for you to touch him properly.

Felix thinks something snaps in you then.

Your hands impatiently tug at his shirt and he eagerly helps you take it off of him. You look like you want to eat him alive. Like you want to ruin him. He would willingly let you.

You pounce on him then. Taking one of his sensitive nipples into your mouth while your hand reaches up to tug and pinch at the other. Felix couldn't keep his moans and whines down if he tried. Vaguely, he wonders if it's possible for him to cum like this but, you haven't given him permission yet so, he'd rather not entertain the idea. He didn't want to upset you.

His boxers are sticky and cling to him almost uncomfortably now but, he can't bring himself to care as your teeth graze his nipple and send him further into a frenzy. "Mommy," is all his hazy mind is able to conjure up.

You kiss your way up to his throat once more, your hand now dragging downwards towards the waistband of his sweats. Felix is torn between begging once more to finally feel your touch bare on his skin and, letting you do whatever you pleased. Luckily for him, you seem to want exactly what he does as you hastily tug his boxers and sweats down his thighs. He doesn't miss the way your thighs rub together out of the corner of his eye and, his cock jumps at the thought of you being just as into this as he is, how wet you probably were, how much you wanted to sit on his dick right now.

"My easily excitable babyboy," you coo against his throat, your index finger slowly dragging across his tip. Felix doesn't fight the shudder then, hips jolting up towards your hand. His face warm as he watches you touch him, "Mommy please touch me. I'm so hard for you it hurts."

"In due time, baby. It's been awhile, no? I miss playing with my favourite toy," you respond with an amused edge to your voice. He grits his teeth when your finger moves to drag from the base of his cock to the tip this time, glistening with his pre-cum.

Felix can't help the way his cock throbs and heart rate tick up at you calling him your favourite toy. You've always been good at reading him, and he's sure you notice how your words affect him.

He tries his best not to fuck up into your hand when you do finally wrap it around his cock firmly. However, moans and whines spill from his mouth freely. He can't help himself.

"You're so fucking cute. My cute, little slut," you moan against his neck, peppering the skin there with bites and kisses as your hand strokes him incredibly slowly. Both of you know that's not enough to get him to cum but, it's better than nothing as far as Felix is concerned.

"Yea-Yeah Mommy, I-I'm your cute sl-slut," he keens in response, feeling as though the air has been sucked from his lungs when bite down particularly hard on his neck and increase the speed of your hand.

"Are you going to cum for me? Gonna cum just from fucking my hand? Such a desperate boy," you coo breathlessly, making sure to grip him tightly and maintaining the pace you know will leave him in shambles.

His orgasm hits him like a punch to the gut.

He's bucking up into your hand and, his moans are whiney and high-pitched as you continue to stroke him through it. In the fog of his mind, Felix can distantly hear you calling him a good boy and saying how well he's doing for you. As much as he'd love to revel in your praise and affection, your continued stroking is sending him fast into overstimulation territory.

"Ah, Mommy t-too much," he heaves out, attempting to shift his softening cock away from you.

You give him one final stroke before deciding to let him catch his breath. He feels more warm and content than he's felt in longer than he cares to admit. Fatigue causing him to shut his eyes briefly while you shift around from what he's able to hear.

His eyes startle open when he feels you gently rubbing his cum off of his stomach and thighs, your face set in concentration as you do so.

Felix bites back the 'I love you' that rests on the tip of his tongue.

"There, all clean. Do you want anything? Are you okay?" You ask him once you've disposed of the wipes you were using. Your face showing nothing other than concern and affection for him.

"No, I'm okay. Um, thank you," he responds, feeling shy for some reason. As if this is something new for the two of you. Fortunately, you don't press him and move to cuddle him once more. Felix welcomes it. He'll always welcome your affection.

It's in the somewhat comfortable silence that you two find yourselves in that a thought crosses his mind, "Wait, what about you? You didn't cum yet."

"Oh, you don't have to do anything you don't want to. I'm okay,"

"I want to though. I love being the one who makes you cum. I love watching you cum," Felix says in a tone that's perhaps the slightest bit too honest and vulnerable.

You seem to be taken aback by his candidness if the tensing of your body is anything to go by.

He really is the master of putting his foot in his mouth, hey.

"Okay but, only if you're sure,"

Well, maybe putting his foot in his mouth isn't always such a negative thing.

#lee felix smut #felix smut #stray kids smut #lee felix angst #felix angst #stray kids angst

80 notes · View notes

dirtbag-linecook-kyloren · 10 months

Note

The Great War is kylux coded already in my mind but I want your thoughts

(for the send me a taylor swift song and I'll make a kylux au thing I created on a whim)

OKAY SO I WAS THINKING ABOUT THIS ALL DURING MY SHIFT TODAY

(also the other ones, I'm typing them all out now in reverse order bc that's how they are in my ask box)

I'm adopting this as an eternal game and maybe with all songs but i have an eclectic but picky musical taste so who knows??

the great war could be the soundtrack for every fucking amazingly well-written canon exploration fic so I had to get a little creative, which brings us to my brain.

I started with war, then went to battle ground, then to battle ground STATES, and that's how you get presidential election au

Leia Organa, long time senator, finally pulls the trigger on running for president. She's got strong polling, she knows she's an incredible candidate for the democrats. She's a little old, but she's moderate enough that some republicans will vote from her, given her practical stance on military matters.

The republican party has a plan, though, and it's Armitage Hux, 36, four-time representative of a normally democratic congressional district, and they love him, and the democratic party CANNOT FIGURE OUT WHY. (It's because his district is mainly rich white people, a language he is fluent in. He's in favor of mild gun control because he read the ENTIRE second amendment and knows that free guns doesn't meet the definition of a well-organized militia and still goes to church every Sunday, although republicans wish he wasn't catholic.)

This is a problem for the Organa campaign, because they're terrified of Hux's youth. He's a gifted public speaker, he's hired good staff, some of whom were poached directly from the D triple C bc they would like politicians to be less OLD, and he's a moderate enough republican they can stomach working for him.

The biggest issue? Armitage Hux is gay, has been secretly seeing Organa's son for several months after literally running into him in the halls of congress, and knows that the time for him to tell the public about this and not torpedo his campaign was several months ago.

Kylo can play interference all he wants, tell Leia the guy he's seeing isn't serious, lie and say he's busy, explain away why he's spending so much time in DC when he never has before, but he's caught going into Hux's apartment a few days before the first debate, pressing a kiss Hux's cheek as seen by telephoto lens, and nothing he says will make Hux feel like it wasn't all a set up, that Organa's son didn't seduce him with the full intent to ruin his political career so Leia could take the white house.

GOD DAMMIT ANOTHER AU okay fine i'll add it to the list I think I'm at FIFTY now

#i really love this ask game #kylux au #i feel bad filling up the ship tag so I'm just gonna chill in the AU tag hope that's cool!!!

9 notes · View notes

yarameijer · 2 years

Note

Hi again yara! Thank you so much for answering my question.If you don't mind.I have a headcanon that at one point,tenma would give up the Captain post,if not quit.I know we've seen an episode about his insecurities.I think after galaxy most of raimon would think that he got over it.but maybe something happens like underhanded comments from some people(a reporter,a teacher,some classmates,maybe the coach of a rival team).his doubt would continue to fester and increase till the trigger would finally seal the deal,maybe a teammate says something or someone he knows says something.either way his insecurities would be at maximum level already not only about being Captain but also about his soccer skills and he would decide to quit and think they would be better off without him.I know you've touched upon this in"over the edge"but i would like to hear more about it if you don't mind.

Sorry 😔if I'm asking too many questions,it just plagues my head,If you don't want to write a drabble, it's totally fine I promise,I know you're still recovering

Again,best wishes,and love from Hana

Hello again! Sorry for the delay in answer, I was busy studying for exams. First of all, don't apologize for sending asks, it's literally my favorite part of being on tumblr! It's so much fun to hear what people come up with and then create and share my own ideas about it... that being said, let's move on to your question!

The funny thing is, I actually had a very similar idea for the one-shot collection. I have the first part written out but I haven't really kept up with it, but I hope that I can finish it at some point.

The basic idea is that yes, Tenma didn't get over his insecurities yet - they'll always be a large part of his personality, even three years later in AR (except here they're not about his being captain but about other issues, because he's had time to come to terms with being captain).

The events of Chrono Stone went a long way in reassuring Tenma of his abilities as captain, and in the months between Chrono Stone and Galaxy, he worked on figuring out what kind of captain he wanted to be. He wasn't like Shindou - the one who always had a plan, who gained respect for his accomplishments and his ability to be calm and composed in the face of strife; or Taiyou - who, despite being a first-year, had been known as a prodigy for years by that point and could make or break his team's play. Tenma didn't see himself as a leader, as an outstanding player.

But when he was chosen as captain for Inazuma Japan, he felt confident in his empathy, his passion; he was the kind of captain to encourage others to bring out the best in themselves.

However, when the stakes went up in Galaxy - when the truth behind the tournament was revealed, when they became the Earth Eleven instead - Tenma, a young and inexperienced captain, was forced to lead a team to victory at all costs... or lose everything trying.

What inspired the idea for this one-shot was, actually, Shindou and Tsurugi in Galaxy. They were not as outspoken as they were in other seasons, and especially Shindou ended up disagreeing with Tenma on several occasions, while also pointing out what was at risk. Then Tsurugi reappeared playing for Faram Obius - and although he and Tenma worked it out, and now joke about it in AR, it did hurt Tenma at the time. Basically, they put a lot of pressure on Tenma’s shoulders and didn’t support him the same way they did earlier seasons.

When they return from space, when the summer holidays are over and school picks up... these issues go unaddressed. The tension that hung between Tenma and Shindou for so long, the consequences of Tsurugi's choices, and for months they pretend it's not there.

In the end, that changes.

Tenma getting comments from other people is an interesting take, one I might end up using in the actual one-shot. Perhaps people, instead of making underhanded comments, would instead praise him, put so much pressure on him that he bends and bends and breaks.

He's tired of ignoring the unspoken issues in the team, of pretending that they didn't make the choices they did. Of pretending those choices didn't hurt one another. And as the weeks pass, he starts closing himself off, and the team notices; and eventually, just before the Christmas holidays start, he snaps.

Whether he quits the team... we shall see. What I can tell you is that it's the worst fight Raimon has seen so far, and it ends with the entire team at odds in the last few days before the holidays start. Unfortunately, they are all too stubborn for their own good and none of them know how to start the conversation - because no one really knows what's wrong. Tenma lashed out and neither Shindou nor Tsurugi fully understand why. The rest of Raimon isn't exactly aware of all the details of what happened in space. Everyone hates that they're fighting... but they don't really know what to do about it. What they do know, however, is that it's up to Tenma, Tsurugi and Shindou to work it out.

Which is a bit hard when Tenma suddenly decides to pack his bags and go to Okinawa for two weeks without telling anyone.

That's all I will tell you about the details! I hope this answered some of your questions - this one-shot will be less action and more of an introspection into the relationship of the GO Raimon trio, together with some (a lot) of my headcanons on their personal issues. Unfortunately I can't say when it'll be done, but I hope that you'll enjoy it when the time comes!

#inazuma eleven #inazuma eleven go #ina11 #ie11 #ie go #matsukaze tenma #shindou takuto #tsurugi kyousuke #raimon #raimon trio #fanfic #accidental reverse ask #i love them your honor #i have so many headcanons #one shot #angst but when do i write anything different #accidental reverse

37 notes · View notes

moonlightpirate · 9 months

Text

Return to the Madding Crowd

Chapter 5: The Letters: No one has heard from you in so long they begin to wonder if you have forgotten about them. Have you?

Part one of your guys Christmas gift 😘 sorry it's a few days late wasn't expecting to get my butt kicked at work so hard haha also sorry it has taken so long for this one to be written!

Taglist: (this was for the last chapter let me know if you want to be added or removed) @nothingbutcloud @thegoldfishbowl @its-just-me-chey

Materlist

Ao3

It was nearly Christmas and neither Bathsheba nor William had heard a word from you. Bathsheba watched the men as they began setting up the Christmas trees around William's house and hoped that maybe getting ready for the ball would be enough of a distraction for him. She knew he was becoming more worried about you and didn’t want to see him do something foolish or see him end up back in jail.

“What do you think so far?” William inquired, approaching her with a proud smile on his face.

“It looks so lovely. I can’t wait to see how it will look once everything is finished. Have you decided on food yet?” Bathsheba replied.

“Oh my food! Do we know how many people are actually going to come?” William gasped as he realized he had forgotten about feeding his guests.

“We were just in town a few days ago and everyone we spoke to said they would love to come.” Gabriel chimed in.

“Goodness so a feast is needed. I’ll send my staff out right away!”.

“I’ll head back to the farm and have some of our staff help yours then if we are going to be needing that much food.” Bathsheba offered.

“You are too kind. Thank you.”.

Bathsheba gave William a hug and made her way back to the farm and gathered a few reliable staff members to help Williams with the feast. Once she was done with that she did a lap around the farm to make sure everything was still in good order and ready for the winter months. After she was satisfied she made her way back to the farmhouse where she saw a letter sitting on the table. Anxiously she grabbed it and ripped it open once she saw that it was from you.

Bathsheba,

Sorry for the delay. Everything is well. My brother is due to get married 12/18 just before Christmas. His bride has kept me beyond busy helping her plan everything for the wedding. I can’t wait for it to be over with. Though my mother keeps fussing over me and one of my brother’s friends who is conveniently single. Pretty sure she is already trying to plan my wedding to him which I do not want. What I want is to return to the farm so badly. I miss all of you so much. Perhaps I will make an escape after this dreaded wedding. Wish me luck.

Love, Y/N

Bathsheba gasped as she realized that today was the 22nd and the wedding had already happened. She wondered if you would be attempting an escape or not especially since you had been so sure that William was going to propose to you on Christmas. Later that night after supper she showed Gabriel the letter. He read it over and looked up at Bathsheba with a smile.

“The wedding was four days ago……do you think?” Gabriel wondered.

“I wouldn’t put it past her to even just run away and come back here to William. That is if her parents didn’t try to force an engagement on her to that man.”.

“Do not say a word to William about this letter. It will not do to get his hopes up. He is happy getting ready for this ball. It seems to be enough of a distraction.”.

Bathsheba nodded in agreement as they both went about their night.

Meanwhile at Williams estate:

“Sir, I found a letter for you. It came at such an odd time of day.”.

“Oh. Let me see it.” William held his hand out to take the letter from the help, he gasped and nearly dropped the letter into his soup when he saw it was from you. Quickly he opened it and began to read it trying to hold back his tears.

William,

I am so sorry it has taken so long for me to write. Also I am sorry for just leaving on such short notice. I will do what I can to return. But, I am fairly certain my parents are trying to marry me off. The man seems understanding so I will tell him that I can’t be with him and my heart belongs to another. But dear I beg of you do not come here please. Once this wedding is over and I am no longer needed here I will do whatever I can to return to you. I will let you know if I need your help darling. Keep your eyes open for me around Christmas time.

Lots of love,

Y/N

William burst into tears as he set the letter down. Could he really hope to see you again in just a few days' time? Or would you be taken from him again? All he knew for certain is that he could not let Bathsheba and Gabriel know that you had written to him. Gently he folded up the letter and stuck it in his coat pocket and continued to eat his dinner.

The following day everyone continued to prepare for the Christmas party at Williams. William made sure all the decorations were in place and that there was enough food and drink for everyone. Bathsheba and Gabriel did all they could to help William and spent time anxiously wondering and waiting to see if you would appear. When Bathsheba went shopping for herself for a dress for the ball she decided to splurge and get a dress for you just in case you did show up.

It was Christmas eve and time for the ball. Bathsheba and Gabriel dressed and made their way over to Williams. Before they left, Batsheba laid out the dress she had bought for you on the table with a small note telling you where they were just in case you did show up. William was on edge and beyond anxious pacing around waiting for his guests to arrive. He hoped beyond hope that tonight would be the night that he would finally see you again. As guests began to arrive he put on a happy face and began welcoming people in. His face fell some as he saw Bathsheba and Gabriel by themselves without you but he quickly regained his fake smile.

“Welcome!”.

“Oh William, it looks magnificent here! There's so many people as well!” Bathsheba exclaimed, hugging him.

“Thank you! Now go eat, drink, have a good time you guys have deserved it.” William smiled.

“So have you, dear, make sure you go enjoy yourself some!”.

“I’m the host! I must welcome my guests. Then I can enjoy myself.”.

Gabriel gently pushed Bathsheba in past William before she could protest any further. It was getting a bit late but the party was in full swing and even William himself seemed to be relaxed and enjoying himself. Everyone was dancing or socializing but very clearly having a great time. Bathsheba had just decided that perhaps you weren’t truly coming tonight or maybe at all when the doorman came towards William and whispered something in his ear. The color drained from William's face as he nodded and jumped up looking between Bathsheba and Gabriel in shock. They both looked at him with a questioning look. Nodding he hurried towards the front door. Bathsheba looked towards Gabriel before also springing up and rushing after William. Just as she got to the front door and saw William he stepped aside.

Bathsheba gasped, “Y/n! You made it! Finally!”.

#william boldwood #michael sheen #william boldwood x reader #reader insert #far from the madding crowd #christmas time #christmas party #christmas gift #enjoy 😘😘😘

4 notes · View notes

yanderes-galore · 2 years

Note

Got inspired, made this, whatever. If I get anything wrong with the lore then I'm sorry, I'm not as on par with it as I used to be, this is purely platonic btw.

Luna trotted through her domain, the hals as prestena as ever, she would have personally complimented the workers for their dedication if she wasn't so busy. No, for right now she had gotten word from one of her henchmen that her sister wishes to discuss the new addition to the castle with her in the meeting room. The addition in question being an alicorn, and a young one at that.

Just like Princess Cadence your hair did not flow in a ray of arcane power, but that's where the similarities end, neither did you have any otherworldly colours in your main, it was rather plain and so was your qutimark. From what they could decipher it didn't connect to your powers nor your personality, sure ones qutimarks isn't inherently one's identity, there's lots of other factors that forms a pony. However, what Luna couldn't wrap her head around was that this felt like a joke, a ploy made by Discord to mock their status or haphazardly flaunt a fraction of his power. For what purpose she's unsure of, and any attempts at questioning you has been a failure. After all, you're just as confused as they are.

With no recollection of where you were or who you were before the main six stumbled into your little domain of your makeshift chaos. As chaotic as one without the knowledge of basic architecture can get, you knew nothing that could lead them to a conclusion. This had Discord written all over it, but why would he stoop this low, he's reformed is he not? Randomly turning a pony into an alicorn and then wiping their memory clean is absurd. Luna did not doubt the Draconequus ability to conjure up something like this, but this feels out of place, even for Discord. but then again this is Discord we are talking about. Celestia, the ever loving and wise mare she was, replied with “sometimes things happen that are out of our controle, or knowledge” and that “we should not abscond the situation but adapt to it”. And that's what she's been doing for the past month. It was… odd but it was fun, having another alicorn so young and naive around skipping through the halls was something she could get used to, I guess this is what Celestia felt when Twilight became her pupil.

Luna remembers the day Flurry Heart was introduced into their lives and how shocked she and her sister were to find out that the little foal was an alicorn. This was no different, except for the fact that you seem unable to tap into your full potential outside of your domain. Though that didn't stop you from giving it your all, watching you try to enact a powerful spell was endearing, laughable even but Luna kept all her giggles to herself. Even Twilight offered to help but your rambunctious energy seems too much for the princess of friendship. Like you were at your most powerful when you weren't even trying. Despite being equivalently at the age of a young adult pony you were rather childish. Something Luna adored, you had not been burdened by life and strived for adventure inside and outside the castle walls.

Joke or coincidence, Luna will cherish the little alicorn like they were her younger sibling, something her older sister has already started doing, and for ones she didn't feel left out, they get to share you, together <3

Looks good 👍

You should probably post it to your profile-

5 notes · View notes

ninjnerd-anaklusmos · 2 years

Note

Woo, first time not an anonymous ask, let's go

Looked through the fanfic question list

Sorry if it is too many, feel free to pick and choose if it is

6, 7, 8, 9, 25, 31, 33, 34

Have a great rest of your day!! ^-^ 💜

Congrats on that! Coming off of anon can be scary.

6. What element of writing do you find comes easily?

That's a good one. Probably just mannerisms and building a space. I think I'm pretty good at it.

7. What element of writing do you struggle with the most?

Oof. Maybe ensuring that I don't leave out crucial details pertaining to the plot. My memory is a fishbowl lol.

8. Which character(s) do you find easiest to write?

Okay, fandom span for this one. We've got Leviathan and Belphegor from Obey Me. Then we've got Jay, Cole, and Kai from Lego Ninjago. And, of course, Donatello, Leonardo, and Raphael from Rise of the TMNT!

9. Which character(s) do you find most difficult to write?

RIP to me. Lucifer, Mammon, and Beelzebub from Obey Me. Wu, Pixal, and Nya from Lego Ninjago. And finally, Michelangelo, April, and Cassandra from Rise of the TMNT.

25. Have you ever daydreamed about side adventures/spin-offs from your fic? Tell us about them!

That's an easy answer. Yes! Giant yes! I think the main one would be the AUs I've though of but never written down solidly. But to answer the question, in one of my fics in OFIFotO, Luke is wandering through the haunted memory/trauma cave.

I had a thought about having him end up in Reaper territory and having an entire little side quest, but it didn't fit into the plot I constructed.

31. Do you have any OCs? Tell us about them!

Oh my gosh I have so many. Like, a ridiculous number of them. I'll tell you about two of them though, just to save some space lmao.

Ji'kan: a 1,500 hundred year old demon, specifically a demon of curses. His hair is purple with lavender highlights and his eyes are the deepest blue.

His demon form is as follows: Jet-black scales curling up to his biceps & thighs. Short, jagged claws on both his hands and feet. Thin, dainty horns. Hair turns slightly translucent, very snake-like and streamlined, eyes glow. His skin glows with teal lightning that he controls in bright flashes at different rates.

He's from an original story idea about demons and angels that, ironically, I came up with a couple months before falling down the Obey Me rabbit hole.

In the story, he's on the demonic council, but just barely. He dreams of running a seamstress type business, and he has issues with closeness and sudden touch.

Then we've got another guy from the same universe and story.

Wren: a roughly 3,000 year old angel, specifically a Virtue. His hair is a mixture of white, silver, and gray, and his eyes are pale gray in color.

His angelic form is as follows: wingless, usually dressed in white silks. He only has his two eyes, but they glow with an ethereal power.

In the story, he's sent as a delegate to the world of demons during a council meeting, and he ends up getting lost. Ji'kan ends up saving his life.

33. Is there anything you wish your audience knew about your writing process?

I fluctuate wildly between writing a 10k fic in two hours or it taking two months. You might have already guessed that from my sporadic ao3 posts, but still. I love writing, but I have a very busy life that derails my attention from whatever I want to write.

I also can't write without tunes.

34. Copy and paste an excerpt your especially fond of.

Ooh!

This one's from my fic, I Will Only Let You Down. It's a Ninjago fic, but this scene just makes me so happy. I love it.

The crackle that grew louder the longer he sat there wasn't falling on deaf ears, and he assumed it to be his little wisps of flame, gossiping about their master's odd behavior. Fire didn't blame them, not one bit. If he thought he was being odd, surely they must have thought he had lost his mind.

After another breath, he opened his eyes, unsurprised to find a clump of little fire wisps, all piled atop one another, rolling and chattering in crackles and sparks. He offered them a small smile, opening his arms. "Come here, I know you want to."

The pile of wisps jumped into action, at least a dozen little flames flying around him and snuggling against him, continuously chattering and nuzzling him. Fire laughed, stroking each and every one, giving them physical reassurance that he was okay.

They were adorable, honestly, and a great mood booster. He needed that pick me up after his dream. Getting to his feet, Fire rolled his sleeves up to his elbows, letting his wisps dance and cheer around him.

Curious, he nudged one of them with his pointer finger. "Is there something you need me for?"

The wisps swirled in delight, and all at once the dozen flames dashed away, burning down the halls and leaving Fire to chase after them. He rolled his eyes, but followed anyway, eager to see what they needed. The wisps had been nothing but helpful so far, and he could only assume they would continue to be.

The wisps burst into sparks in front of his temple's entry way, exploding in colorful swaths of reds and oranges, shooting off into different directions. All but the little wisp that had comforted him earlier, before his nap.

It hovered in front of the closed doors, looking almost sheepish. Fire snorted, poking it gently, making it crackle rhythmically, like it was laughing. "Go catch up, flare."

The wisp brightened, twirling around his fingers before it dashed away, leaving a streak of yellow after it. Hm. Maybe it liked being called flare.

#obey me #shall we date obey me #answered asks #asks #thanks for the ask!#ninjago #my works #my fics #rottmnt #original characters #my ocs #god so many tags

4 notes · View notes

libbystcwart · 2 years

Text

MERRY CHRISTMAS...

the holidays linger like bad perfume / you can run, but only so far / i escaped it too, remember how you watched me leave / but if it's okay with you, it's okay with me

I wasn't sure if I should get you a present but since you came all the way to Merrock, I thought I should at least give you something. Coming up with a gift was even harder, but I decided to give you the letters I wrote to you that you never got, either because I was too afraid to send them or because they came back in the mail. And I wasn't sure how to get this to you since I don't know where you live, but a friend of mine in town said they could get in touch with you, so I hope that it made its way to you.

@lincolnandrewscott

WRITTEN A FEW MONTHS AFTER SHE LEFT.

Dear Lincoln,

My Ma came out to Boston to attempt at helping me deal with everything. She is having me see the school counselor at MassArt. Mrs. Browne suggested that if I didn’t want to ‘formally journal’ that writing letters to people I have strong feelings to share with would also help me. You were always the easiest to talk to about anything, so here we are.

Being a child of Southern Georgia is really not working out for me here in Boston and I’ve only been here like five months. It’s so BUSY here, so LOUD, you know? The food’s weird, too, but if I said that out loud around people here I really would never make friends. Thomasville was so chill, and I could go to our secret hiding place whenever I wanted. I miss it. I miss a lot about home. But there was a reason I left. I'll save my reasoning for another time, though.

I miss you. I want you to know that. Not a single day goes by where I don't think of you. The other day I was going through a box - because I haven’t fully unpacked yet, I’m moving as slow as humanly possible so that maybe this mistake will erase itself or something - and I found that jewelry box you made me in wood shop. It was just a stupid jewelry box, but I cried for almost two hours.

I don’t know how to DO this, Linc. I’m so far away from what’s familiar to me. I don’t have you to talk to anymore. I know I'm the one that left, but if there's one thing I tell you in this letter that's close to a reason, it's that I felt like I had to get the hell out of Thomasville otherwise I would be suffocating myself in a town I couldn't handle anymore. I have to live with this weight of losing the babies we had and dealing with the grief. I can’t talk to my parents. I don’t WANT to talk to my parents. I feel hollowed out. I feel like I can’t even fucking feel ANYTHING. I don’t even know who I am anymore. I feel like a whole part of me is missing. I’m twenty three years old and I feel like an alien in my own skin. My body doesn’t even feel like a body anymore. It’s just this SHELL of something that used to have a heart and soul in it and now there’s just... There’s NOTHING, Linc. There’s nothing.

What am I supposed to do with nothing?

From, Libby.

WRITTEN A YEAR AFTER SHE LEFT.

Oh God, if you could see me now. What I’ve become. I wish I could say that it’d make you proud, but I know it wouldn’t. Disappointment would be an understatement, I think. I can almost hear your voice in my head, saying my name in that stern, serious tone. Libby, stop that, you know better.

I live in Boston now, did I tell you that already? I can't remember. I don't really talk to a lot of people, the girls I'm rooming with probably think I'm a lone-wolf. I don't really allow for myself to get close to many people these days. After everything that happened leading me to New England, I kind of just decided sullen was the way to go when I first enrolled at MassArt. I have three, maybe four friends that I've made any kind of regularity in talking to. I kind of kept people at arm’s distance - friends, family, professors who wanted to check on me, whatever. I’m still working on that, and it’s been a couple months that I’ve been in the city now. Moving into this place, going to school, it was kind of a real new leaf for me? I know I shouldn't have left like that. But being here has really helped my process of dealing with everything that happened to me. To us. Maybe it’s because I’m finally away from the town we called home for so long. Maybe it’s because of the people I’ve met here and how different they are. I don't know.

Tonight, I sobbed for the first time about everything to someone. It was a stranger at a bar. A box of emotions I usually keep tightly duct taped sealed got ripped open and dumped on someone's shoulder at 1:30 in the morning, which was not the best first impression. It was because a song that I used to sing with you came on and I couldn't hold it in any longer. Cliche as it really fucking is, I don’t usually let people in these days. Not since I moved here. Not since everything that happened. But it felt really good in the moment? It felt like a breath I didn’t realize I’d been holding this whole time finally got to be let out. And I know that’s a normal feeling, I know people are supposed to talk about the things that are effecting them emotionally, that it helps. I’m just so used to having to rely on myself, and keep things to myself - whether it's because of shame or guilt or because it’s buried behind a focus on something else. So it’s easier not to talk about it. It’s easier to just be this one way and have that be it.

Our kids, I want to know what they would've turned out like. What their personalities would've been, how their sibling relationship would've been, what their voices would sound like. God, can you believe we never got that chance? Honestly, more than anything, I want to stop thinking about it all.

At this point I’m not sure what I’m saying. It’s nearing four in the morning, and I’ve done a lot of crying and a lot of reflecting tonight, and everything about me is so passed exhausted, it’s not even funny. I guess ultimately what my point is is that I want to update you on my life. I'm not the same person you fell in love with, I'm becoming someone else and I'm not sure if I like it or not.

What are you supposed to do when your life feels like this? When you feel both emotionally and physically sick all the time? When you don’t have anyone on your side to understand you or to help you?

Mrs. Browne told me there’s books for grieving mothers. Like a damn book is going to take away this damn hole in my chest, this chokehold around my throat, this churning in my stomach. I wish I had listened to you, Linc. I think that’s what I realize now. I’m not sure, but I think whatever we could’ve done together would’ve been better than this, would’ve felt better than this. And you’d be with me. And I know “could’ve beens” are useless. There’s only what is and what isn’t. No amount of wishing or imagining the one thing that could change everything will actually give me what could’ve been. Because it’s not real, never was, and never will be. It’s just a romanticized idea of a perfect world where everything was where it should've been.

I don’t ever really expect you to read this. If I were you, I don’t think I would. I know you most likely hate me and I know that nothing I say over a snail-mail letter is going to do much to change that. Not after everything that I did. Even if you don’t, that’s okay. Just writing this stuff down is helping. I just want you to know that you deserve so fucking much, and I hope that you know that.

Love, Libby.

ANOTHER LETTER WRITTEN A FEW YEARS AFTER SHE LEFT.

I wrote you this letter before, but I threw it away. I mean, like, I really threw it away. I wrote it, ripped it into pieces, and threw it away in a McDonald’s trashcan. As if throwing away ripped up pieces of a letter in a trashcan in the fast food place still had some weird chance of getting back to you. Because I really panicked, okay? Because that letter said some shit that once it’s out there, it’s out there. There’s no taking back words and feelings like that. If I’m honest there’s no real point to this, I’ve just had a lot going on up in my head lately.

I'm not sure why I'm not calling you or flying back to Thomasville to tell you this in person, but something in me can't seem to do it. We had a good run, didn’t we? To tell you the truth, I’m not sure anymore. When it comes to you, I’m not sure of anything anymore. Before I left, I could feel you slipping away, and maybe that was all in my head. But I started letting go first. Which is wild to me since I know I don’t move on or let go easily. Trust me, I know. It’s excessive how long I hold onto a friendship that isn’t working or an object that I don't have any use for anymore. But you were anything but small.

Even when we were little kids, I loved you. Yes, even then. It was stupid and crazy and fast, but the conversations flowed easily and I never wanted to stop hearing your voice. Each thing you said, each part of you that opened up, I treasured. I didn’t know what I meant to you back then, but I knew you were meant to be in my life.

Do you remember when I was first pregnant? God, I was a few months along then and so, so damn emotional. We skipped school and slept in, you woke me up with blueberry pancakes and I cried. I cried over blueberry pancakes. And then threw up about forty seconds later. Pregnancy, right? You got rid of the pancakes and cleaned me up and let me cry on you for twenty minutes before I finally got it out of my system. And I remember specifically, that you said, “I hate this shirt, anyways.” I went from crying to laughing so fast, I didn’t even know what hit me. But that was the kind of thing you were good at. You could always make me smile. Even when someone had ruined my mood after lunch. Even when I’d done poorly on a test and was belittling myself for it. Even when I was freaking out and having a fit over what I looked like and how I wasn’t pretty enough to date you (which let's for a second acknowledge the stupidity of THAT). You were always the sun for me, you brightened up everything, Linc.

I want to thank you. For being the best partner, for being the best father, for being the best friend you could've been.

You’ll always be my first real love, the one that pulled me kicking and screaming through my angsty high school years and the first person that I planned a life with. I made a hell of a lot of mistakes from beginning to end and that’s stuff I’ll have to carry with me forever. Mistakes help teach you lessons, though, and I’ve learned plenty of them. Because of the lessons learned, I’m ten times happier than I’ve ever been in my life. I moved to a little town called Merrock, got a job working as an antique picker at the coolest little thrift store I’ve ever seen, I have the best friends I’ve probably ever had, and I’ve got some amazing pets to keep my company.

After all these years, I think I’ve finally come to terms with things. No, not everything. But THINGS. I’ve come to terms with the fact that my life as it stands - struggling with trying to find a career in interior design but unable to give it up because of my passion, living so far away from Georgia, talking to the people of Merrock on a regular basis, wishing that things would get better but knowing that they just won’t - is just the way that things are going to go from here on out. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I have to remain a certain level of numb, a certain level of guarded, because of that. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I loved you and I broke your heart, but I also broke my own heart, too. I’ve come to terms with the fact that there’s probably no way of fixing that, I’ve just got to live with it.

But most of all, I’ve come to terms with the fact that the choices I made at the age of twenty three after all of our losses, those were the right choices. I don’t have to be happy with them. I don’t have to enjoy them. I don’t have to feel relieved or proud of them. I’m allowed to hurt, I’m allowed to feel what I feel, think what I think, wonder what I wonder. Staying in Thomasville - in that little house with you with all the memories - wouldn't have been right. No matter how much that may have hurt the both of us. In fact, I think that’s part of why it hurts.

It sounds like I'm doing okay without you, but I think the truth is that I kind of am. I truly hope that you’re happy. I hope to God or whoever’s out there that you didn’t spend two years at the bottom of any bottle you could find like I did. I hope that every door you used to dream about opens up to you. And I hope that you find someone who has the same dreams that you do, and that they treat you a million times better than I ever did.

I’m not gonna write you anymore. Because I think I’ve also come to terms with the fact that whether these letters to you are really to you or not, they’re not helping. They’re hurting more than they’re helping. And I’ve done enough things to hurt myself without intention, I should probably stop doing it intentionally, too.

I hope you're living an amazing life, Linc. I mean it.

I didn’t expect the last words I had for you to be so freeing.

Always yours, Libby.

LETTERS THAT WERE WRITTEN BUT WERE NEVER SENT. (in no particular order)

I've tried calling and texting a couple times, but I don't know if I had the right number. I know I didn’t leave things on the greatest of terms, but it was an emotional time and people do stupid things they don’t mean when they get like that, right? I know, in reality, it was my fault that we don't talk and you've become a ghost that's in my past, and I feel guilty about that. I should've tried to make things work, to be the wife you needed. You were grieving, too, and needed me just as much as I needed you.

I've been thinking about the reasons why I left you. And I think it's a lot because I just couldn't be in Thomasville any longer but I truly think it's because I realized that I've never felt more comfortable around anyone than when I’m with you, or I guess when I was with you. Is that weird? That’s probably weird. Ignore that. I don’t know. I just didn’t feel the need to hide anything when we were together and it’s weird because I was so used to faking a smile, but around you I could've been crying or something and you wouldn’t have judged me or forced me to talk about what’s wrong. I didn’t need to hide anything. I could've told you things that I couldn't tell anyone else and that genuinely scared me. I think it scared me just because I’ve never felt so vulnerable. But I think it was a good vulnerability, though? I was so used to keeping all of my secrets under lock and key, and I was sure if I didn’t have you in my life I would've probably just combust from all the secrecy and thoughts running throughout my brain. But all of those emotions you managed to make me feel, I think those were the reasons why I left you. I think if I told you everything I was feeling, it would've been too much for you to handle. This all makes it sound like I was trying to put the weight of my world on your shoulders now, and I do think that was what I was trying to do. And I didn't want to do that to you. I know we said for better or for worse, but my worse was something you didn't need. I just… I just thought that this would be a good opportunity to tell you how much I'm sorry for how everything went down. I'm so, so sorry that I wasn't who you needed me to be, and I hope I can tell you this someday. I’m sorry I haven’t reached out to you myself. Words will never be enough to explain how much I miss you. It doesn’t come often these days, but when it does, it overwhelms me. It’s like visiting the sea and the times I do visit, the waves are rather strong. And it amplifies the space you left in my heart. I miss you and I miss hearing your voice.

Ah, there it is, the familiar ache in my heart.

I miss you. Maybe I believe in a world that will let us meet again through an instance that we both never expected. Maybe, all throughout these years, the world has been planning for a funny reunion. I’d like that, something mundane yet funny. I can picture many scenarios of how it would unfold, but there’s one thing that is present in all of them, it would be our laughter followed by a tight hug. Maybe. One day. Someday. For the meantime, I send my well wishes through the stars. I hope the world has been giving you the happiness that you deserve.

Love, Libby.

•

How are you?

It's been months since I last wrote to you. Maybe because I have been pondering about the path I want to take. The kind of person I want to be. Or maybe I have been trying my best to run away from vulnerability lately. And I know how the thought of writing to you makes me soft, and open, and emotional of some sort. But here I am, being a little more brave by each passing day.

The sky is clear tonight, unlike the clouded heart that has been accompanying me the past days. My days have been weary and dreary with the constant knocks of loneliness on my door. But it’s okay, I’m okay. I am slowly relearning how to take baby steps again, and reacquainting myself with the feeling of losing my sight, forcing me to feel myself out of the darkness. I’m alright. I’ll do better.

How about you? Is the world treating you well? Did you see your favorite sunrise or maybe had your favorite cup of coffee? You know, I always wonder about you and how this world works, or would work, for us to look at the same sunrise as we both untangle ourselves from a good night’s sleep. I don’t have the exact answer for that nor a vague idea on how everything would unfold, but know that I’m here. Waiting. Making repairs in my humble home. I think I’ve let myself realize what I want. And it’s you. It’s been you for as long as I can remember. And I consider that I would like it quite a bit if you came back into my life, the idea I have of you being back in my life being real rather than a fever dream fueled by my mind. I just wish to the stars that by the time our paths cross again, I have enough warmth to welcome you into my arms. I know you’re still worth it, that we’re still worth it, I will hold on. I hope you still have love for me. Maybe. For the meantime, I’ll continue to look at the night sky and wonder how your night is unfolding.

Sincerely, Libby.

•

Linc, I really think I’ve let you go. I know it took me long enough. But all the love in my stupid little heart isn’t for you anymore. Some of it still is, of course. A part of me will always love a part of you, or what I wanted you to be, or all of you. I like it that way. I loved you so strongly, and I don’t want to lose that love I am capable of. We’ll always be something, you and me. I’m not clamoring for a definition anymore. I do miss you, and I do love you.

A few nights ago, I had one of the best nights of my life. It was silly. Time spent with new friends, reuniting with old ones. A night full of laughter and happy tears and smiling at old pictures, rolling on the floor of my living room shaking with laughter because I was so full of joy I couldn’t hold it in.

And I didn’t want to share it with you. Don’t get me wrong, I want you to feel that much joy always. I want you happy, or at least working towards it. I’m just thinking of all the times I felt something so strongly, and yet all I could think of was how much I wanted to share it with you.

I texted you in tears immediately after one of my biggest disappointments because you could make me smile through that just by being you.

I was crushed under the weight of too much anxiety and your kindness lifted me out.

I was flush with the joy of a new role and your pride made me stronger.

I graduated from high school and one of the congratulatory hugs was from you, one of the best hugs you've ever given me.

I was full of loss and regret and your strength inspired me to keep going.

I don’t think I was ever able to put into words what you meant to me while I was with you. Maybe one day you’ll go through your pictures and smile at the memories, like I am now. Maybe you’ve forgotten and they’re just mine to carry. That’s okay. I’ll keep them safe for both of us.

I didn’t realize until today, I still haven’t told you about that joy I felt that night. I didn’t think I could be happy without you. These days, I can think of you without it hurting. A part of me still wants you. But I don’t need you. And that’s for the best.

And I really do hope you’re happy now. All your demons at bay, your bright future in sight. Everything I wanted for you and everything you deserved with you or in arms reach. You are so unique, more than you maybe even realize. You are so funny and you make so many people smile on a daily basis. You are so, so loved by those around you. You are a well of incredible, endless creativity and enthusiasm. I adored your enthusiasm, and I think you really do deserve the entire world. You are a true star that shines, even in a sea of darkness. Your friendship, your love did mean everything to me, it’s so hard to find someone who just knew you so purely and so beautifully. You have so much value, not only in your talents and your brilliant mind, but also in your heart. Every day should really be filled with recognition of just how amazing you are.

I am healing. I hope you are too.

Yours truly, Libby.

#lincoln.#gifts given • 'cause we're good friends.#half of these might not make sense since i wrote bits and pieces during nights i couldn't sleep but!#i thought something like this would be a good gift from libby to linc #death tw #death mention tw #child death tw #depression tw #miscarriage tw #grief tw #mental health tw #pregnancy tw #anxiety tw

2 notes · View notes