#wish her career would have turned out differently... her artistry and performance was so good even as a 13/14 year old...

[rinkasisopods]

happy birthday to eunsoo lim ♡ (feb 26 2003)

[askthedespairkids]

Who will be the new leader of Despair? Celestia, Ludenberg the renowned gambler? or Ibuki Mioda, the talented musician?

...................

Even though you picked first...you haven’t revealed your card. What’s the reason?

Huuuuuuh? Isn’t it obvious? Ibuki is giving you the chance to swap cards! It’ll be way more fun if that chance in available, don’t you think?

(If she wanted to win, she would’ve taken the safe card and simply revealed it. Is she trying to trick me? Did she pick the joker on purpose to humiliate me?) Tell me, Ibuki. Why try and win?

..........

...you know Ibuki wrote all the songs for her band?

Oh? Is that true? I’m actually rather surprised.

Yeah, nobody really looked into that...but doing the same genre over and over again, songs that all just feel like the same 4 chords...it got boring for me. That’s why I suggested a sound change which caused the argument that forced me out of the band.

.....I didn’t leave by choice because of “creative differences”, that was just the public story the girls of the band made so their reputation wasn’t damaged. They bullied me out of the band.

But Ibuki was the upbeat, cheery ditz, so she kept up that character for the public for when her solo career took off!

....except it didn’t. The first few songs sold well purely because people bought the songs blindly because of my reputation in the band...even got accepted to Hope’s Peak. But...nobody really liked Ibuki’s new sound other than a small amount of dedicated fans.

But but but! Ibuki enjoyed it! She could still show off her skill at Hope’s Peak and show that there was real artistry in what she was doing...!

.....only apparently every year people would turn off their TVs or switch channels whenever Ibuki came on to play...Ibuki got complaints and everything...calling for them to remove my talent. But then, behind closed doors, they’d have me perform some of my old material and pass me on that.

Is that tale supposed to make me pity you? What does it have to do you wishing to win?

It’s not so much wishing to win...as it is not wanting everybody to have lost to someone like me...

Ibuki isn’t totally clueless. She knows nobody actually likes her. They just put up with her. Ibuki...doesn’t really have any place in the world...

Except with Ultimate Despair! Junko’s the only one that really likes Ibuki! Ibuki really likes that about Junko! Junko gave Ibuki a place to belong, somewhere where Ibuki can do things right!

....but Ibuki’s a follower at heart, not a leader. If Ibuki was the leader, everything we did until now would come crashing down...

So...Ibuki wants to know, Celes. You can become leader if you want...or you can swap with Ibuki and leave it to her...even if she is a total screw up whenever she tries to do anything...

....I see. You’re claiming you have possession of the joker, but you wish for me to make the final decision?

Uh....basically! You could be, like, Ibuki’s second-in-command! That way, Ibuki’s got less of a chance of screwing up! Ibuki isn’t good at making decisions for herself, so...this is pretty much her only choice in life. To listen to someone else...

..................

Very well. Give me your card.

...........really? You’re...gonna take Ibuki’s card? Are you totally sure?

From the sounds of it, you are letting me in for a better deal. I call the shots but you have the target on your head as the new leader. Why wouldn’t I take that chance?

..............

Ibuki...what do you want?

Ibuki...

*She flips her card to reveal the joker*...isn’t strong enough to handle that...

Yumiko: Ibuki Mioda has lost! Our winner, and overall winner of the tournament is...Celestia Ludenberg!

*She places a hand on Ibuki’s shoulder as she walks past her chair* You made the right choice.

*Her grip tightens* A complete idiot like you would only succeed in getting everyone killed. *She lets go and walks away*

Y..yeah...Ibuki would...

[rkxsungwoon-blog]

☆ mga5 auditions ; june 14 ; hanlim multi art school ! — part three; interview

the interview portion of the auditions is something sungwoon is actually looking forward to. talking, especially in front of a camera or a big audience, has never been much of a challenge for him. for the most part, he feels comfortable speaking to a crowd and rarely ever trips over his words (practiced or otherwise) when he feels like he's in his element. getting the opportunity to elaborate on himself and his musical goals definitely qualifies as 'his element' this time around. sungwoon thinks he's in a better place to articulate what he wants out of this whole process than he was previously. if he'd been uncertain about what path to take in the future, he isn't anymore.

the interview is also his one chance to plug empty enigma's new album. it's part of the reason why the rest of the band decided to do the mgas, after all, so sungwoon definitely cannot afford to forget about it. but on a more personal note, this will also be his first time acknowledging his alternate identity and his band as part of him. sure, he listed it on his entry form the same as everyone else, but saying it out loud makes it real and concrete. and to do so in this room makes it a truth he can't run away from. there's no going back after this, and part of him questions if it's the right thing to do. will it do more harm than good? but it's too late for doubts—the information is already in mnet's hands.

when he arrives at the interview area, the staff members quickly touch up the make kenta applied earlier in the day (one of the stylists looks impressed, and sungwoon happily tells her his friend was responsible for his look) and offer him a bottle of water before leading him to a chair. sungwoon polishes off half the bottle and sets it down next to the chair before turning to the interviewer and giving her a thumbs up, indicating he's ready to begin. his posture is relaxed, open, his body language inviting as he looks at the interviewer in anticipation of the questions.

“please go ahead and introduce yourself to the viewers.”

sungwoon blinks, the corners of his mouth curving into a smile. this really feels like deja vu. "yeah, of course." he clears his throat before launching into a standard introduction. "my name is ha sungwoon. i'm a twenty two year old student in my final year at seoul national university." he pauses, momentarily startled by his own words. final year. he's really almost at the end of his academic career here. it's strange to think about, but the interviewer is waiting for him to continue, so he pulls himself out of his thoughts and grins.

"my major is in crop science and biotechnology—i grew up on a farm, so it makes sense for me, even if music is my first love." science is a third love, maybe, but a love nonetheless. "i work as a research assistant in my department, and also part time time at a cute little french bakery in itaewon called eclaire de lune." and finally, the big one. he sucks in a breath and adds, "aside from that, i'm the frontman and keyboardist of a band called empty enigma."

“you were a contestant on the last season of the mgas. what brings you back to the show this year?”

his mouth forms a small 'o' of surprise. sungwoon didn't think people would remember him from his ill-fated stunt in the mgas last year. his tenure on the show loomed large over most of 2018 for sungwoon, but he always thought he failed to make much of an impression on anyone else. "i got eliminated?" he tries, holding back a laugh, then falls silent as he ponders the question. it's not like sungwoon can admit the mgas made him question whether he should be a musician or not, and this is his opportunity to show that he's found his answer—he should be here. he deserves to.

"no, but i really do mean that," sungwoon continues finally. "i got eliminated in episode seven last season. it was a really humbling experience for me.” he doesn’t fight to keep vulnerability out of his voice. doesn’t know if he can, to be honest, when the memory is still a little raw. “i think what i regret the most is that i didn’t get the opportunity to show the full extent of my talents, and i’m hoping to fix that this year.”

"what do you aim to accomplish during season five of the mgas, then?"

“i want to show much i’ve grown as an artist,” sungwoon says honestly. not only vocally, but in other areas of his artistry as well. working on the empty enigma album, writing songs and working with producers pushed his creative skills to their limit. unbeknownst to most of his friends, sungwoon has also been taking dance lessons for the past year, and the thought of performing choreography no longer fills him with dread. the push to develop those skills came from the mgas last year, when he’d been mortified to be the weak link performance wise in every single team he was on. sungwoon didn’t want to care, but he hated not being able to keep up with his teammates. so he learned and he pushed himself to a point where he feels comfortable with choreography now. he doesn’t think he’ll ever be an amazing dancer, but he’s no longer awful. and part of him is excited to show that he can dance.

“and i suppose i want to see how far i can go in this show. i mean, i don’t have any aspirations of winning, but in many ways, this is my last chance to pursue a legitimate career in this industry.” he runs his tongue over his teeth, unsure of whether he should admit to this or not. no one else knows his future goals, not even the people closest to him. “if i don’t get anywhere, i intend to enlist next year after graduation.” the words fall easily from his lips, and he sends a silent sorry to the band for not telling them in advance. “when i say this is my final and only shot—it really is.” and he’s alright with that. sungwoon wishes he could be one of those people who can say they’ll keep pursuing music till the end, but he’s too much of a realist to cling onto a pipe dream past its prime.

"you said you're part of a band called empty enigma. where does the group fit into your goals? what makes you want to pursue the path of an idol instead of continuing onwards with your band?”

sungwoon sits up a little straighter, his hands folded on his lap. “i’ve been part of empty enigma since 2016 and it means the world to me,” he says carefully. “being up on stage as a part of the band… taught me to really love performing, and introduced me to some of the best friends i’ve made in my life.” he counts them out on his fingers. “daniel—he was on the mgas last year with me—woojin, kenta, and minhyun. they’re all auditioning for the show this year since this is something we want to do together.” well, he thinks privately, he’s not totally sure if that’s true. daniel spearheaded the campaign to get them all here, but sungwoon assumes the others agreed because they wanted to give it a try too. “we’ve been through a lot—we just released an album called between fear and faith—and this seems like a natural challenge for us to attempt, especially since daniel and i already participated last year.” he’s proud of himself for the not-so-subtle album plug there.

he hums a little under his breath before continuing. “i don’t think any of us want to be an idol instead of being in a band, you know? but all of my bandmates are talented in their own ways and deserve their own moment to shine. you can’t always share the spotlight equally in a band.” it’s his fault, in large part. sungwoon’s role and alter ego tend to want to dominate their stages. “in an ideal world, we could do both the idol thing and the band thing—or the ‘band as idols’ thing, like n.flying or day6.” sungwoon selfishly hopes they’ll get signed together, if that’s what they want. debut together, because he can’t imagine being separated from empty enigma. “i just know i personally don’t want to be boxed into one catagory, because i and the rest of my bandmates have a lot more to show.”

“have your musical influences changed in any way, or are they still primarily bands? what kind of music would like to make in the future?”

finally, a less weighted question. sungwoon shifts in his seat and rubs his chin in thought. “yeah, of course. i definitely still lean towards nell, royal pirates, jaurim, the koxx, so on as musical inspirations and influences. overseas bands too, like muse and aerosmith.” a chunk of his heart will always belong to the kinds of artists he would listen to late at night during his middle and high school years, tucked under the covers with his discman. “but i’ve diversified in the past year too; i like listening to artists like crush, dean, sik-k, paul kim, bolbbalgan4. some foreign pop artists like lauv, troye sivan, and bazzi as well.” the truth is, his taste has become a lot more eclectic, which makes it more difficult to answer a question like this one. “there are also a few idol groups i like. convex, for one, and also luxe. i dunno.” he lets his hand fall to his sides. “i’d like to make rock music, really, but i’m not opposed to branching out and trying new things.”

“last year you listed nova and sphere as dream companies, but this year you have nova and royal. what changed for you and what didn’t?”  

“nova’s the dream company for the rest of my bandmates too,” he admits. “we just feel like our best chances of getting signed would be to a company that isn’t afraid to invest in non-typical artists—and they have nell.” the fanboy in him is still alive and well. “our second choices are all different, though. i put down royal because i do enjoy their releases, and i’m a fan of luxe. i’d love to meet them someday.” sungwoon throws the interviewer a cheeky grin before breaking off and shaking his head. “i couldn’t really tell you what appealed to me about royal this time around. i think i just respect so jisub and wouldn’t mind being a part of his company.”

“thank you for your time.”

“thank you.” sungwoon grabs the half-empty water bottle as he stands and bows to the interviewer and the rest of the staff. “you’ve worked hard!” so has he—though his inability to shut up should probably not be called hard work. massaging his throat with his free hand, sungwoon finishes off the rest of the water and tosses the empty bottle into the recycling bin before moving on to the next part of the audition. he’s almost to the end. well, to the break, but it could for something.

[dodgeahex]

Seulgi's love of dance is prematurely halted by the unpredictable. What kind of twisted reality made her true love the thing that could kill her?

Wattpad | AO3 | Tumblr (under cut)

Poise.

Grace.

Sweat.

Artistry.

Strength.

At the age of three, most children have their own take of the world. Pure minds and extraordinary imaginations lead these wonderful bundles of joy with no limitations or expectations. Dreaming of becoming a professional singer, astronaut, or even president every day and night is not seen as absurd; it’s encouraged.

After these rambunctious dreamers begin attending grade school, the heartbreaking truth embeds itself in their little minds. It is very unrealistic, and flat-out impossible, for all their dreams to become reality. Not everyone can be the president or make it big in the music business. Hope becomes discouragement and dreams stay dreams, locked away, and forgotten.

It seems as though parents encourage the corruption of innocent minds by directing the youth in paths that make great amounts of money instead of what they’re really passionate about. Others do not direct at all, leaving them clueless and helpless. Time progresses even more, and eventually, the motivation these innocent children once had is replaced with shiny electronic devices, solitude, or multiple red cups at parties. All have the same mindset: get out of school and venture through the rest of life in a career that is expected.

Dreams are long gone. Reality has taken its toll.

At the age of three, Seulgi was lucky enough that her dream was along the path her parents wanted her to travel. It took one bad visit to the babysitter’s, in which this cheerful toddler and her younger sister Sooyoung voraciously downed numerous boxes of sweets, to drive the tired old woman to the point of quitting. The two had always been particularly hyper without the help of jellybeans and pixie sticks. Seulgi always wondered if the poor lady used the incident as an excuse to finally get her well-deserved time off.

The girls’ mother took this opportunity to introduce the two to her former dream; ballet. Prior to marrying and starting a family, she was known as Bravura Bonhwa for her intricately graceful performances and solos, though a torn tendon quickly ended her career before it could really kick-off. Seulgi eagerly slipped her pastel flats onto her always cold feet and fluffy tutu over her pale frame just to see the glow in her mother’s eyes. The thick air of summer was setting up to bid its farewell for the season, its radiant heat fleeting. Seulgi and Sooyoung each held one of their mother’s hands, skipping across the crosswalk and kicking pebbles, on the way to the nearest ballet studio in downtown Seoul.

At three, one twenty-minute class was all it took for Seulgi to find her passion. Every week, she would insist on rolling her reluctant black hair into a bun by herself before class (which her mom would soon come behind and fix). Mastering the barre and basic routines took no time at all. Once Seulgi turned six, one class a week quickly became three with her begrudging sister trudging along behind her. She didn’t care if the short hour left her with headaches and leg cramps. Twirling, leaping, and being on her toes was all Seulgi was interested in anymore.

She dreamed of becoming a professional ballerina.

Her advancement never seemed to cease. The instructor saw so much potential in the determined, charismatic child that she placed her in a class with the older students. Constellations of red cascaded onto her cheeks, burning hot to the touch, once she first entered. Everyone was taller and more advanced than she had thought them out to be. The brave now ten-year-old bit her lip, sucked her stomach into her back, pushed her chest forward, held her head straight, and persevered.

Catching up was hardly a challenge at all. Fall was in full swing; the cool weather signaled the annual tryouts for The Nutcracker at the studio. Younger students were automatically cast as secondary characters, such as snowflakes, mice, and soldiers. The upper classes, Seulgi included, had the opportunity to dance in lead roles or dance in the very front. Seulgi wasn’t entirely too sure what The Nutcracker was about, but she knew she wanted to be the lead, Clara. She knew this was highly unlikely, seeing as there were still many classes ahead of her, so she set her mind on being a dancer in the front of the line.

Rotating, galloping, and entrechat-ing her way, she found herself becoming a lead soldier for the production.

Now, Seulgi was practicing every chance she got. She wanted to become the best she could be. The passion heating her entire body was evident; against his best wishes, her father uprooted the family from their small home into one slightly bigger so his beloved daughters could have a room to practice in when the studio downtown was closed. Naturally, Seulgi spent all of her free time stretching on the barre or doing pas de chats and delicate pirouettes. Her parents had a hard time coercing her out of the practice room for meals and family time. Even when they were finally able to get the youngsters ready for bed, Seulgi would still use the footboard of her bed as a barre, much to her sister’s annoyance.

“I want to sleep,” Sooyoung would whine, silky hair toppling out of her ponytail and framing her pouty face. “Could you turn off the lights and go to bed?”

“I’ll never get better by sleeping,” Seulgi would smile and continue standing on pointe with her chilled toes.

The price for Seulgi’s love was rapidly adding up. Blisters blotched the entirety of her feet. Her muscles were extremely worn and needed to be deeply rolled. Pointe shoes definitely did not come cheap; with Seulgi’s constant practice, she was wearing through a pair and a half every two weeks. She even started having nosebleeds - something that never used to happen but became pretty regular. Seulgi found it odd that her constant dancing was irritating her nose like that. Nevertheless, the eloquent little soldier would stuff tissue inside her nose, wrap her tender toes in gauze, lace-up her worn-down flats, and continue practicing.

Two weeks before the production, Seulgi’s dream fell like snow over Seoul.

Winter had kissed the skies and allowed its soft snowflakes to blanket the city that never stops. A week before Seulgi and Sooyoung’s tech week, Seulgi was becoming increasingly anxious. The ten-year-old was wearing herself to the bone in an attempt to perfect her solo before the big performance. No matter how high she jumped or how perfectly she stuck her landings, nothing was good enough in her eyes. Exhaustion was slowly consuming her. The only time the lifeless girl slept was when the sleep deprivation took over and she found it too difficult to stand.

On one sluggish walk to the studio with Sooyoung, Seulgi realized she’d forgotten her water bottle. After reassuring her sister that she’d catch up, Seulgi branched off of their normal route to stop in a convenience store. Yawning and furiously rubbing her eyes with the heels of her hands in a poor attempt at staying awake, the not-so poised soldier shuffled into the drink aisle. Her dark, glossy eyes scanned the shelves for the water when they caught sight of something else instead.

A week before the production, Seulgi collapsed during dress rehearsal.

Winter hissed and let its frigid winds rustle the city, chilling it to the core. To counteract her fatigue, Seulgi decided to spend her week’s allowance on energy drinks. She had tucked multiple cans into her duffel to sneak into her room after rehearsal. Deciding she was too tired to go to class without one, she popped open a can and started chugging before her sister could get suspicious. The sickening, syrupy-sweet liquid coating her throat was absolutely revolting, but she knew it would give her the energy to continue practicing throughout the week.

Seulgi found herself drowning in her own solace, leading up to her fall. She shut her family out to continue practicing. On the first day of tech week, Seulgi and Sooyoung had set out to go to rehearsal where their parents would pick them up to take them out for a special lunch. Once it came time for class, Seulgi worked herself too hard. The dangerous drinks had her heart beating so rapidly, she could feel it vibrating her chest. Choosing to ignore it, she continued leaping with the rest of the dancers. The rapid beating intensified, adding a dull pain to the mixture. Seulgi tried her hardest to ignore it until it became absolutely unbearable.

Seulgi thought her heart was exploding.

***

At nineteen, Seulgi still didn’t understand her condition, nor did she want to. Waking up to blinding fluorescent lights beating down on your face and different wires attached to your bare chest was not something a normal ten year-old would like to endure. She never expected the thick smell of heavy chemicals clinging to the air to become part of her routine. The feeling of a rough blanket scratching at the back of her arms after the first time she passed out gave her goosebumps while a machine’s excessive beeping droned in her ear.

As Seulgi laced up her, now useless, flats, she thought about when she first learned of her disease. “Stay still sweetheart,” the doctor had rested her hand on top of Seulgi’s. “We’re just finishing up some tests. Once we get you settled into your room, you’ll be able to see your family. How does that sound?”

Seulgi remembered blinking and trying to swallow away the dryness from her mouth. “Tests?”

“Yes, darling,” the older woman had plastered on a smile as hopeful as any hospital could allow. “For your heart condition.”

The doctors said it wasn’t necessarily the fault of the energy drinks, but they did play a part in making her chest hurt and alerting the rest of her body. Seulgi had aortic coarctation—a narrowing of her aorta. Because of this, her heart had to work harder to deliver blood to her body. To Seulgi’s dismay, her mom had always blamed herself for not piecing together the symptoms sooner, but they were easily masked. The headaches, weak muscles, and leg cramps could have easily been attributed to Seulgi always practicing, while the nosebleeds never seemed like a big deal. Unfortunately, the disease wasn’t exactly the problem. The issue was that it had gone undetected for so many years, while Seulgi overexerted herself. The exhaustion, shortness of breath, cough, and lack of appetite were indicators of something much bigger.

It wasn’t just heart disease. It was heart failure.

Had she undergone treatment sooner, and not overworked herself, there was a chance she wouldn’t be sitting on the bench of her old practice room, large woolen sweater concealing her heart monitor and small frame, pining to be able to give her all on the wooden floors once more. Maybe she’d be able to dance, but not as well. Or maybe she’d still be in the same boat with a tattletale piece of equipment taped to her chest letting everyone know what her heart was doing. Due to her most recent chest pains returning, she had to wear the damned thing for two weeks to determine what needed to happen next.

To her right were her daily slew of medications—diuretics, pain relievers, and aids—with a large jug of water and a bowl of fresh fruit, courtesy of her mom. She poked the pills around the bench with her index finger, forming a smiley face. Were they actually helping her anymore? Her chest pains were hardly numbing, and her appetite was replaced by a constant state of nausea. The weakening girl choked down her pills nonetheless and followed up with a few large gulps of water. Reaching under the bench, she grabbed the familiar worn-down flats and began lacing them up her tender feet, because acceptance is the hardest pill to swallow.

Sooyoung had gone onto Seoul’s most elite ballet school while Seulgi was homeschooled. She even got initiated into a ballet company. How was this fair? Sooyoung didn’t even like to dance. What higher power had her sister living her dreams while she was forced to watch from the sidelines anticipating a transplant? Cheeks heating, Seulgi crept to the studio’s door and carefully turned the lock. This was going to be her space until the end.

Seulgi knew she wouldn’t have the strength to do a full routine. Truthfully, she was advised against ballet altogether. All the leaps and twists she craved to experience once more were now too extreme for her failing organ. She was advised to go on short walks instead. How was walking around the block anywhere close to the beautiful feeling of being the lightest person in the room? The stubborn girl pulled out her phone and began queueing up songs. After pressing play on a slow-tempo ballad, Seulgi slowly stood and made her way to the barr.

Seulgi started with small pliés, starting with small squats until her legs were completely bent at her sides. As the song picked up slightly, she moved to stretch her achy legs on the barr. Bending her body to simply touch her toes felt foreign now. Worse, it felt unnatural. How could something she deemed so important become a stranger?

Waiting for the next song to start, Seulgi begged her heart to give her this one moment. Please, she closed her eyes and placed her hand on her monitor. Please just let me feel like me again. When the song finally ended, Seulgi could hear her uneasy breaths counting down to the next. When the song began, she immediately leaped back into her world.

Panting as she twirled, Seulgi bounded through the practice room bringing the old space back to life. She let the melody guide her through the first verse before her chest began to protest. Refusing to give up so soon, she closed her eyes and danced harder. Seulgi danced like it was life or death because it was. She could sit through the rest of her short life yearning for a single chance to dance again, or she could dance and risk her heart giving out. She couldn’t live without dance, yet she couldn’t dance without living… what kind of twisted reality made the only thing worth living for the thing that could take her out?

Closing her eyes, Seulgi began to pirouette. If she could just get through this song unscathed, she’d go back to pouting for weeks before trying again. But this moment was what her body needed all along. This was the kind of medicine fake-friendly doctors couldn’t prescribe. Arabesque. Had her monitor alerted her parents? If they were trying to force the door open, she couldn’t hear over the music. Développé. As Seulgi lifts her leg behind her, she lets out a sharp cry. Her heart was overworked, and she knew she should stop. Clenching her jaw, she ignores her pleading organ to make it through the other half of the song.

Assemblé. Seulgi felt her nose beginning to drip. She knew the familiar crimson would wreak havoc on her clothes, but she couldn’t bring herself to care. She was finally free. She was no longer strapped down to earth. She was flying. When Seulgi heard her monitor beeping, her reality slowly came crashing down once more. The beeping was quickly followed by banging on the door, followed by screams begging the fairy to give up her wings. Blood was no longer dripping from her nose; it was pouring. The dam was broken, drenching the front of her sweater.

Before she could get to the second chorus, Seulgi let out a shriek. Once she started crying out in pain, she couldn’t stop. Her body had finally had enough. Every part of her felt like it was on fire, and her vision was practically nonexistent. “Mommy,” the devastated teen screamed, blood dripping from the sides of her mouth. “Daddy!” Slipping on a few drops of blood, Seulgi’s thin frame met the floor with a thud.

Seulgi went up in flames.

[itsstillthegayblog]

BenDeLaCreme Has Something to Stay (originally linked via reddit)

Dear Drag Race “fans” (not the real fans),

I’m not Jasmine Masters, but I’ve still got some stuff to say.

Tonight is an exciting night for a whole new crop of queens, and I want to celebrate them. But you may have noticed I have not yet congratulated the winner of All Stars 3. Or weighed in on the final episode at all. In fact, I’ve steered clear of social media for the last week. Not because I have nothing to say, but because I have discovered that anything I say will lead to an attack from a small but vocal minority of “fans” who have been using social media to harass and bully the queens.

If you have tweeted, commented, posted or DMed anything negative to any of the queens, this message is for you. Try and stick with it — it’s more than 140 characters.

I think a lot of you will find yourselves happier if you assume we are all humans trying our best to varying degrees of success at various times. The black and white thinking that people can be minimized to “good” or “bad” is both reductive and destructive.

Now that the season is over, let me clarify some things.

Firstly, let’s dismantle this “you knew what you were getting into” narrative. I can’t speak for the other girls, but I know I am not alone in this: Drag is my one true love. It is not just my job or my big plan to get rich and famous. I started drag when you had to love it so much that you were willing to withstand hate from the straight AND gay communities and devote your life to a demanding art form that almost guaranteed you would be permanently impoverished and disdained. Drag is who I am. It is deep in my blood and necessary to my happiness. I come from a long proud tradition of people with that same deep need for this art form, and we all now live in a moment where Drag Race is inextricably tied to any drag queen’s career, whether they engage with it or not. It provides amazing opportunities for both cast members and viewers. The culture surrounding it also takes some things away.

When I was first asked to be on All Stars 3 I said no. Then they asked some more. While I was flattered they wanted me back, I wished they would stop. I knew that no matter what I chose, there would be some unhappiness. There would be some regrets. It was the first of what I knew would be many decisions with no right answer. But thus is life - those of you who think you will ever have an objectively “right” or “wrong” viewpoint have a rocky road ahead. At the end of the day I decided that despite my issues with the format, I’d be able to change more from the inside than I could from the sidelines.

Also, the kid I once was needed to see the adult I am today.

Also, my career is everything to me.

Also, financial security is rare for an artist.

There is no one reason for anything. Nothing is entirely selfless, but that doesn’t mean none of it is.

I had no plan to do what I did, but it was not some incomprehensible decision that was “right for me” and I reject that narrative.

I did not leave the competition as any sort of favor to the other girls. I did not leave the competition because I couldn’t hack it. I did not leave the competition for “my mental health” or because a producer put me up to it. And I have never claimed any of those things. I left the competition because, in a situation where I had felt trapped choosing between “success” and what felt right, I had an epiphany. I saw an opportunity to make a statement to the producers, and in turn to you, the viewer. And also to myself. Stop accepting what “authority figures” have told you you have to do. You do not have to consent to compromising your values or personal boundaries, whatever they may be. You do not have to push people down to lift yourself up. This society has indoctrinated us with certain beliefs at a great cost to our own humanity. Some of you are angry I questioned those beliefs. If those beliefs can’t withstand questioning, then they are not structurally sound.

I’m disappointed with those who can’t see through the smoke and mirrors to the heart of drag, which is a message of love and inclusivity. Our culture has embraced bloodlust, and for some, reality TV has become our coliseum. The creators set up impossible situations for us to navigate without any of the support systems of the real world. Situations that cause some of us pain and anger and sadness. They don’t do it because they are monsters, they do it because they are under the impression that’s what you, the viewer, demands. Is that what you demand? Do you feel ok with demanding that?

I’d like to think that there are more people, like me, who love the part of this show that allows us to see amazing people do amazing things.

I’d also like to address this concept of being “fake” or “calculating.” If being “fake” means not thinking or feeling the same way in one moment than you thought or felt in a different moment, then lord help us all. If being “calculating” is thinking through your words and actions and modeling the behavior you would like to see in the world, even when it is difficult, then I hope more of you will become calculating.

No one is born kind. It takes work. That work requires thought, intention, and sometimes it means not indulging in everything you feel. Anyone who does that work will sometimes fail because failure always goes hand in hand with trying. My anger stems from the throngs of people unwilling to do the work.

Being kind when you feel inclined to be kind is not a measure of your kindness. Being kind when you are actually sad or angry or frustrated or resentful—or just DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO—that is being kind. Some of you embrace your id as if spouting every thought that goes through your mind is equivilent to being genuine. It is not dishonest to strive to be better than you are.

I love and respect Trixie. I love and respect Shangela. And all of the queens. I don’t think those who have not been through the reality TV machine will ever understand what the experience is like and how that might affect choices and actions in any given moment. I think some of you going to jump to wild assumptions about what I mean by that last sentence. You don’t know. You. Don’t. Know. Sometimes in life you will not know. Sometimes in life you will not understand. Or agree. And if you pick a fight every time that happens you’re going to tucker yourself out real quick.

Recognize that this show is a platform for all of these queens to share their work post-show. It is a stepping stone not an endgame. The crown itself has no bearing on the queens happiness, success or finances. This is evidenced by the fact that you regularly tear the winner to shreds. It is also evidenced by the reality that any queen who gets close to winning $100,000 will make at least $100,000. Anyone who thinks a queen’s bookings will suffer just because she didn’t win is deluded.

How about you all just focus on being wildly appreciative that these people have chosen to share themselves and their artistry with you, to bare themselves and be vulnerable despite the knowledge that many of you will be extremely cruel in return?

So: Congratulations to Trixie on winning the crown. Congratulations to Shangela for her incredible performance on the show. Congratulations to Kennedy and Bebe on being fierce queens who have earned fans and respect all over the world. Congratulations to the rest of the queens for being brave and fierce enough to share themselves despite the “fans” who attempt to chip away at their self worth. Congratulations to the cast of Season Ten; you are all brave and amazing. I truly hope the “fans” get their act together and see that. Finally, congratulations to the real fans - the ones who actually show love and support. You will always be a part of this family. You will always be loved and appreciated. And by giving, receiving and sharing that love, you will always know what it means to “win.”

DeLaCreme out.

((source))

((the comments about this on reddit are pretty positive and great too))

[jeffybruce]

April 27, 2020

meet Thomas "Tom" Bloch..ballerino

One more time I cannot sing the praises of the internet enough that allows me to meet some of the most talented and gifted créateurs of this age. Today’s subject is all about the rigor and training that allows this young man to be a dancer of the dance…. so to speak … and that is his artistry and his creation. This is not a quasi-danseur but a certified dyed in the wool ballerino, if you would, who has danced worldwide as an invited guest performer for several classical ballet companies/troupes as well as taught.

“A ballet dancer's goal is to make physically demanding choreography appear effortless” Wikipedia

As it turns out, not only he is a “talent on his toes” but he is genuinely gracious, multilingual, and sincere in his dedication to the art of dance. With his self-effacing demeanor, he is inordinately endearing as well. We are not speaking of some wannabe prancing around people’s living rooms pretending to be accomplished but about a dancer who has performed in legitimate venues as part of established troupes from NYC to Russia to Japan or in other words, an international gentleman of the ballet pursuing a trajectory toward worldwide recognition.

So now I share with you the pleasure of meeting Tom Bloch, in his own words:

Jeffrey Felner: Can you give us a sort of brief resume as to how you arrived at your present professional situation?

Tom Bloch: I had a very different route seeking my professional career. I wasn’t involved in ballet or dance in any way until I was almost 21when I discovered my love and passion for ballet and quickly tried to get the best training possible; within a year I had scholarships from prestigious summer schools where I met incredible teachers and was suddenly enlightened. The turning point between treating ballet as a hobby and deciding to make it a profession was thanks to the one and only, Violette Verdy. She told me I would be a dancer to watch and that was my trigger to make ballet my profession.

I had the good fortune to cross paths with a very famous dancer and teacher …. Eitan Sivak who simply told me that I have a gift from God, but I might be too old to use it. So it is now or never… find a ballet academy with a company that will train you well enough but if that’s not possible then forget about it as age is a huge factor. I took his advice and went to audition for several ballet schools and academies but given my age came into issue and I was turned down by most. *Fortunately, the National Ballet Conservatory, in Portugal, gave me my chance. The teacher Marc de Graef insisted the school accept me after my audition. He was not only my ballet teacher but my guide and mentor. Thanks to him I was given the chance to learn and develop and grow as a dancer and artist. He is the reason I have a career.

Upon graduation, I returned to the USA to dance, where I met the wonderful Kyra Nichols who led me to fall in love with the Balanchine style and technique. Upon moving to NYC, I joined the Manhattan Youth Ballet, where I was trained by some of the finest teachers in the USA. I had learned the Balanchine way as I wished and improved tremendously in a very short time. After only eighteen months, I signed 2 contracts in Europe and have been working ever since!

JF: If you hadn’t chosen this particular aspect of the arts, what would have been your ideal situation/dream and why and where would it have been?

TB: I always wanted to be a model. If it weren't for ballet, my dream life would be to have been involved in the world of fashion. I have always had a strong attraction to fashion and style; its creativity and breaking into that industry always intrigued me.

JF: If you could invite any 5 people to dinner who would they be and why?

TB: Madonna, as my favourite artist and a fashion icon I would love to talk to her about what was behind her "reinventions" in her styles and looks. Next, Raf Simons as I would love to hear about his inspirations and imagination. I would have love to hear his opinion on whether he would design ballet costumes. George Balanchine, his style and ballets thrilled me from the early stages of my career. I would love to talk to the man who changed the perception of ballet …A true genius! Max Richter, the incredible composer. His way of composing such wonderfully crafted modern compositions that aren't dissonant as many modern composers write their music; He is unique and very true to classicism. I’d love to discuss a new piece with him and how the melodies are created in his head. Lastly, my late teacher - Marc de Graef who I would have love to see once more, and tell him everything I had achieved in my career and life. he would be very witty, sassy, amusing and very fatherly, just as he always was with me.

JF: Can you speak to what you do as an artist and what sets your work apart from so much of what we see on social media? Do you see a downside from “putting yourself out there” with regard to how people react to your images?

TB: "He who tooted not his own horn, the same shall not be tooted" or words to that effect

I can't really tell what really sets me apart from what you see on social media.

However, many people react that I have a unique look and physique and that I can look sexy but never sleazy. I always try to have different styles in my photos and most of the reactions are more than very good.

JF: Do you have any mentors, whether in dance or fashion, that you admire or try to emulate and why have you chosen them

TB: I really admire Roberto Bolle and Friedemann Vogel as they have always been the dancers I looked up to as they represented the type of body that I have. I always admired how they dance with elegance and exquisite precision and have demonstrated that ballet is not a circus, but a fine art.

Special thanks to Klaus Wegele (@dancemovements), Mario Malhöfer & Tom Ge, Dean Barucija & Nick Trautman for their images

Follow Tom... www.instagram.com/t.b.ballet

[mayahavvke]

So like. I have a billion conflicting views of Taylor on my dash right now and as a conservative homeschooler (not by choice) I have barely listened to or know much of Taylor herself minus "I hate this song cause it's overplayed" and "this song is actually pretty good!" So I'm pretty lost wandering around my dashboard and trying to make sense of it all. Would you mind giving me the lowdown of your specific opinion?

okay so keep in mind i have a very very biased opinion that has only begun to change and mature in the last couple of years because for most of my life i was like “taylor can do no wrong!!!!!”

overall i am a fan of taylor and if i were to ever make it in the music industry i would want to model myself after her and specifically after her relationship with her fans. she donates to their gofundmes and sends notes and packages (there was the whole swiftmas thing a few years ago) and shows up in the most unexpected ways when she finds out what’s going on in their lives. i love the free meet and greets she does after concerts (people from her team go through the crowds and move people closer to the stage and pick out people who have never met her that are dressed up and invite them backstage after the show for food and a hangout with taylor) and a girl i know was actually chosen by her mom at the 1989 world tour to join taylor’s family in like the very front pit area and i think that’s so cool to have that kind of relationship with her fans. did i cry when taylor followed me on tumblr three years ago???? absolutely. and i didn’t shut up about it for months. 

she’s the artist who inspired me to sing and to write songs and now that’s what i’m going to school for and making my career. she’s the artist whose music has pulled me out of some really bad places and taken me to better ones. there’s this song called clean???? when she gave her clean speech and sang it at the 1989 world tour i sobbed so hard that the two girls in front of me turned around and asked if i was okay. i will always be grateful for the impact her music has had on me and how it has influenced me. she’s my music role model.

now that being said, i don’t agree with everything that she has done. i wish she was more vocal in politics and human rights issues and spoke out more with her beliefs i think she said once that she doesn’t want to influence anyone bc it’s her saying it and they think they have to agree???? but idk i think in this political climate and the turmoil that is in the world rn you have to use your platform to fight for change being neutral isn’t an option and if you’re not outraged then you’re not paying attention. i do see her side to it bc people (”swifties” - there’s a difference between a taylor fan and a swiftie in my opinion) tend to follow what she says blindly and put her on a pedestal to the point of ignoring that she has ever done wrong. i wish she didn’t use feminism only when it was important to her. i wish she went to the women’s march. i wish her feminism wasn’t so white. i don’t even know what to make of the whole kanye thing (i don’t really agree with her but i don’t really agree with kim either idk man) and i wish she didn’t try to play the obvious victim card you know what i mean??? she made that statement about how she never consented to being called “that bitch” or whatever or that music video and i totally get it but why didn’t you say that from the beginning???? when people bring up these points against her i can’t really say anything bc they’re right she’s not an angel and she’s not perfect and she can do better in my opinion.

that narrative of “oh she has a lot of boyfriends” and “if you date her she’ll dump you and write a song” is so boring and so tired i just roll my eyes when people bring that up bc like???? she’s lived almost half her life in the spotlight and she dated like a normal twenty-something would and she was basically crucified for it. there are actual criticisms you can have of her and point out but if you choose to bring up boyfriends it’s like. what are you even doing. same with the “she’ll sue you” joke bc i admire her for going through that sexual assault trial and counter suing for $1 just to show women everywhere that they can stand up for themselves and don’t have to be the assaulter’s victim forever.

i used to call myself a swiftie and i don’t anymore bc on the whole a lot of them just blindly idolize her and think she can do no wrong. taylor swift is a human being and some people like her and some people don’t and that’s fine but i think you have to be aware of issues on all sides. i stepped back last year a bit like i didn’t post about her on my main blog that much anymore bc i felt kinda guilty like???? i didn’t support her 100% in everything she said and did and according to the swifties that made me a fake fan and i didn’t deserve to call myself a fan and whatever. but what i’ve come to realize over the past year or so is that you can still be a fan of someone or something that’s problematic as long as you stay critical and recognize when and where they’ve done wrong. i still believe taylor is one of the best songwriters of this generation and we’ve seen her lyrics prove themselves over and over again in songs like all too well, mine, clean, this love, long live, enchanted, dear john (just the entirety of the speak now album tbh homegirl wrote it entirely by herself at 19/20) and so many others. and i think she’s an amazing performer like her shows go hard!!!!! i will probably always love her music and admire her artistry. but going forward i still have to stay aware of her faults (bc she does have the guys!!!) and form my own opinions outside of the ones that fans have invented of her and outside of the ones that media has invented out of her.

this is so long and i’m so so sorry i really didn’t mean for it to be???? i just have a lot of opinions lmao

[djrelentless]

“The 57th Grammy Awards...Hit Or Miss?”

February 10, 2015 at 7:33pm

The music industry is all a buzz because of last Sunday's Grammys ceremony. From performances that reminded us why we love Annie Lennox to history repeating itself withKanye West storming the stage to disagree with an outcome at the awards…..people are definitely talking. There were a few surprises. Katy Perry really impressed me with her song "By The Grace Of God" and Rihanna was in great voice for her performance of her new single "FourFiveSeconds" with Kanye and Paul McCarthy. And of course everyone was waiting with baited breath to see Madonna's performance of "Living For Love".

I was not surprised by all the trophies handed to Sam Smith. "Stay With Me" was probably the most unescapable song of 2014. It was disappointing to hear that the song has elements of Tom Petty's "I Won't Back Down". But as I have said many times….there are only so many notes and keys. Without even thinking about it there are plenty of songs that are simple rewrites of other songs. A perfect example was when another Blue-Eyed Soul singer, Michael Bolton claimed he had never heard the 1966 version of "Love Is A Wonderful Thing". The court immediately awarded the Isley Brothers 5.4 million dollars (the largest plagiarism case settlement in music history). Sam Smith a been crowned the new face of Soul Music. I'm not sure about that in my opinion. I actually believe Boy George did it better in the 80s, but didn't get the same proclamation because of the dress. With all this talk of appropriation that might upset some folks, I still applaud Sam for being so young and his last acceptance speech where he thanked the guy who broke his heart. He got four Grammys for that break up.

There has been a controversy over Beyonce at the Grammys (and no I am not talking about Kanye's wish that she had gotten "Album Of The Year"). R&B singer. Ledisi had requested to sing Mahalia Jackson's "Take My Hand, Precious Lord" but was denied and Beyonce was asked to do it. Many are saying that Ledisi was robbed of her Grammy moment and are upset that Beyonce accepted the invitation.  Ledisi later was quoted as saying she understood why they chose Beyonce, but was very disappointed. The classy thing for Beyonce to do would be to invite Ledisi to perform with her on stage at a big event. I watched her performance and was not impressed. It was a Beyonce performance instead of a down home girl praising the Lord (and I know Ledisi would have brought it). Between Beyonce's see-through choir robe and stiff movements to capture her back lighting, I didn't feel the song like I should have. But Beyonce has bored me in the past with other performances like when she did "Ave Maria".

And speaking of Kanye West's words after the Grammys about Beck winning over Beyonce for "Album Of The Year"……I am afraid that he like Azealia Banks keep sabotaging their image and careers by opening their mouths. Has he not learned from the Taylor Swiftincident at the MTV Awards? Does he not realize that with all the racial tensions in the US right now, that his outbursts are not helping the situation. And Miss Banks needs to be banned from twitter with all her bullshit over being angry that her career has not gone as planned. Stop blaming Iggy Azalea for your shortcomings. Think before you react and you might appear more sane and level headed. As a Club DJ who watched the charts and singles, Beyonce had that award hands down out of the other nominees. But the Grammys are their own community and judge on musical merit. Beck is one of those artists who plays multiple instruments and writes his own songs. Beyonce is an entertainer who travels the world and excites audiences with her stage show but apparently needs four people to write one song. Yes….she is an amazing performer and I would prefer watching her anyway over Beck in concert. He lost me shortly after "Loser" back in the 90s. But a good example was back in 1981 when Christopher Cross' "Sailing" won "Song Of The Year" and "Record Of The Year" for a song that came out in 1979 I couldn't understand. And being a teenager I really couldn't comprehend why this song won anything. I was loving all the Pop dance songs on the radio back then. "Sailing" seemed boring. But after becoming a recording artist myself and working as a DJ in radio, bars and clubs I have learned to listen and appreciate music differently. I actually appreciate the simplicity of "Sailing" now. In a time period when New Wave Pop was coming in and Disco was dying, Christopher Cross sounded like a breath of fresh air.

And as I watch the twittersphere rumble over with the young ones calling acts likeMadonna, ELO, AC/DC and Annie Lennox old and tired, it amazes me to think that there was a time when Madonna and AC/DC would not have even been invited to the Grammys. These are the artists who have paid their dues and paved the way for all the ones who you adore and worship for a month and then move on to the next new thing. Many of her "Little Monsters" probably fell over when Lady GaGa announced that she was recording an an album with Tony Bennett. I understood it perfectly. In the old days, the new artists had to work with the legends in order to be taken seriously. It showed that you learned from the best. That the torch was being past. And even though GaGa has been accused of stealing from the greats like Bette Midler and Grace Jones, I believe she is a really talented artist and without all the gimmicks she can sing. Her voice is unique and distinctive. That's what you need to be a legend. Interesting enough…..Madonna doesn't have that range, but her talent is being an entertainer. I don't think anyone has macked the game like she has. I don't even think that anyone could ever do what she did again. Mainly because that time period has passed. Great voices like Annie Lennox will always rattle our souls. I was looking at her on the red carpet and I thought to myself…."she's cool because she's is her age". And when she hit the stage and went into "I Put A Spell On You" the fire and passion was still there because that's who she is. She has never been any of the gimmicks or costumes she wore in the 80s. I loved it! All of these acts were amazing on the Grammys because they have earned their place there.

I think all the young ones out there would be surprised to learn that the woman who is behind "Chandelier" and the hook for Flo-Rida's "Wild One" is not in her 20s. Besides Beyonce's non-church performance Sia's performance at the Grammys really made me upset. In my opinion….probably the worst performance of the evening. When you are on the Grammys it is the opportunity to show you can sing. Sia, darling….turning your back to the audience and facing a wall of a set while two dancers pranced around like in your music video did not prove you were a great vocalist. Her range is amazing but this hiding your face behind big wigs and production just does not do it for me.  At least Katy Perry's performance had a cool effect with the shadow dancers.

Question: When did Country Music start using Hip Hop lingo? Miranda Lambert's performance of "Little Red Wagon" was more of a Rock song and the lyrics included the word "swagger" several times. I actually thought I had slipped back in time and was watching some late 70s special with Tanya Tucker. Back when Tammy Wynette recorded with The KLF I said that one day we would here some Country Rap Music. But I guess we had already heard that when The Charlie Daniels Band did "The Devil Went Down To Georgia".

Pharrell's Goth-like version of "Happy" was interesting. I saw some article discussing the deeper meaning of this performance. It was cool to hear the lyrics spoken in other languages but other than that it was just okay for me. Considering the song is almost two years old and was overplayed and even parodied by Weird "Al" Yankovich, I was kinda over it and the bell-hop outfit was cute but went no where.

Stevie Wonder's quick harmonica solo at the end of Usher's performance shows the genius and artistry of his musical legend. Can't wait to see his upcoming TV special for his album "Songs In The Key Of Life". And I was happy that John Legend and Common closed the ceremony. I looked at it as a nod to the "Black Lives Matters" movement. It seems funny to me that the industry will take stands on some issues and show support for some and then quietly back out on others. I noticed that Iggy Azalea didn't win any awards. I figured she would have been the new female Elvis at the end of the show. But the Grammys backed away from the new "Great White Hope".  Why? I think to send a message that the drama surrounding appropriation is something that the Grammys doesn't want any part of. And after the nastiness of the Macklemore win last year in the rap category  I think the Grammys decided to not get involved. And even though Eminem won "Best Rap Album", I am sure he got it because he is considered industry. He has earned his place with more than a decade of work. Iggy…..you are a clever girl and have a distinctive voice. That's what legends are made of, but I hope you can stay out of the online crap and just concentrate on your craft. Be The Teena Marie of rap and earn your place. And as Macklemore advised….."remember your place."

[jeffybruce]

Monday, April 27, 2020

meet Thomas "Tom" Bloch..ballerino

One more time I cannot sing the praises of the internet enough that allows me to meet some of the most talented and gifted créateurs of this age. Today’s subject is all about the rigor and training that allows this young man to be a dancer of the dance…. so to speak … and that is his artistry and his creation. This is not a quasi-danseur but a certified dyed in the wool ballerino, if you would, who has danced worldwide as an invited guest performer for several classical ballet companies/troupes as well as taught.

click image to enlarge

“A ballet dancer's goal is to make physically demanding choreography appear effortless” Wikipedia

As it turns out, not only he is a “talent on his toes” but he is genuinely gracious, multilingual, and sincere in his dedication to the art of dance. With his self-effacing demeanor, he is inordinately endearing as well. We are not speaking of some wannabe prancing around people’s living rooms pretending to be accomplished but about a dancer who has performed in legitimate venues as part of established troupes from NYC to Russia to Japan or in other words, an international gentleman of the ballet pursuing a trajectory toward worldwide recognition.

click image to enlarge/ photographer Dean Barucija (@pickledthoughts)

So now I share with you the pleasure of meeting Tom Bloch, in his own words:

click image to enlarge

Jeffrey Felner: Can you give us a sort of brief resume as to how you arrived at your present professional situation?

Tom Bloch: I had a very different route seeking my professional career. I wasn’t involved in ballet or dance in any way until I was almost 21when I discovered my love and passion for ballet and quickly tried to get the best training possible; within a year I had scholarships from prestigious summer schools where I met incredible teachers and was suddenly enlightened. The turning point between treating ballet as a hobby and deciding to make it a profession was thanks to the one and only, Violette Verdy. She told me I would be a dancer to watch and that was my trigger to make ballet my profession.

*I had the good fortune to cross paths with a very famous dancer and teacher …. Eitan Sivak who simply told me that I have a gift from God, but I might be too old to use it. So it is now or never… find a ballet academy with a company that will train you well enough but if that’s not possible then forget about it as age is a huge factor. I took his advice and went to audition for several ballet schools and academies but given my age came into issue and I was turned down by most. *Fortunately, the National Ballet Conservatory, in Portugal, gave me my chance. The teacher Marc de Graef insisted the school accept me after my audition. He was not only my ballet teacher but my guide and mentor. Thanks to him I was given the chance to learn and develop and grow as a dancer and artist. He is the reason I have a career.

*Upon graduation, I returned to the USA to dance, where I met the wonderful Kyra Nichols who led me to fall in love with the Balanchine style and technique. Upon moving to NYC, I joined the Manhattan Youth Ballet, where I was trained by some of the finest teachers in the USA. I had learned the Balanchine way as I wished and improved tremendously in a very short time. After only eighteen months, I signed 2 contracts in Europe and have been working ever since!

click image to enlarge

JF: If you hadn’t chosen this particular aspect of the arts, what would have been your ideal situation/dream and why and where would it have been?

TB: I always wanted to be a model. If it weren't for ballet, my dream life would be to have been involved in the world of fashion. I have always had a strong attraction to fashion and style; its creativity and breaking into that industry always intrigued me.

click image to enlarge

JF: If you could invite any 5 people to dinner who would they be and why?

TB: Madonna, as my favourite artist and a fashion icon I would love to talk to her about what was behind her "reinventions" in her styles and looks. Next, Raf Simons as I would love to hear about his inspirations and imagination. I would have love to hear his opinion on whether he would design ballet costumes. George Balanchine, his style and ballets thrilled me from the early stages of my career. I would love to talk to the man who changed the perception of ballet …A true genius! Max Richter, the incredible composer. His way of composing such wonderfully crafted modern compositions that aren't dissonant as many modern composers write their music; He is unique and very true to classicism. I’d love to discuss a new piece with him and how the melodies are created in his head. Lastly, my late teacher - Marc de Graef who I would have love to see once more, and tell him everything I had achieved in my career and life. he would be very witty, sassy, amusing and very fatherly, just as he always was with me.

click image to enlarge

JF: Can you speak to what you do as an artist and what sets your work apart from so much of what we see on social media? Do you see a downside from “putting yourself out there” with regard to how people react to your images?

TB: "He who tooted not his own horn, the same shall not be tooted" or words to that effect

I can't really tell what really sets me apart from what you see on social media.

However, many people react that I have a unique look and physique and that I can look sexy but never sleazy. I always try to have different styles in my photos and most of the reactions are more than very good.

click image to enlarge

JF: Do you have any mentors, whether in dance or fashion, that you admire or try to emulate and why have you chosen them

TB: I really admire Roberto Bolle and Friedemann Vogel as they have always been the dancers I looked up to as they represented the type of body that I have. I always admired how they dance with elegance and exquisite precision and have demonstrated that ballet is not a circus, but a fine art.

click image to enlarge

Special thanks to Klaus Wegele (@dancemovements), Mario Malhöfer & Tom Ge, Dean Barucija & Nick Trautman for their images

Follow Tom... www.instagram.com/t.b.ballet