#with her oldest friend even

[alexiethymia]

realization

summary: [Post-TYBW] Momo falls in love. It's messy business. 

[read on ao3]

part 1

It happens on an ordinary day.

They’re in his office sharing amanatto from Isane-fuku –no, Isane-taichou now (she still feels echoes of sadness. It seems so unfair for someone so kind to just be gone, for Momo to still remain when the reason she – and many others – remains alive in the first place is no longer here, and yet -), the weather is pleasant, a mild breeze entering through the open window that she cannot help but feel at peace.

When before, Isane-san might have joined her, unfortunately, her new responsibilities keep her busy. Rangiku-san, for some reason, had escaped with a hearty wave and a cheeky wink that she still had trouble deciphering. It was fortunate that her captain hadn’t been there when she made her speedy exit (however knowing Rangiku-san, it had probably been intentional), so when Hitsugaya-kun returns to a room bereft of his vice-captain, and containing only a package of amanatto and a sheepish smile, he can only sigh in resignation.

He apologizes for doing work while she’s visiting, but this – him at his desk, eyes glued to his papers but keeping an ear out, and her, animated and gushing about the newest manga she’s been reading – is more than enough for Momo.

He hadn’t really understood, but Momo was nothing if not a voracious reader, so when Hirako-taichou had brought back picture books from the Living World called ‘manga’ from his friends, it was inevitable that she’d get hooked. She even managed to get Nanao-san to join in her latest reading obsession, not without a lot of nudging from Yadomaru-taichou. Still, not even Yadomaru-taichou could get either of them to try out the racier ones she preferred.

It is in the midst of her latest spiel on the ending of a manga she had been reading (‘-so moving, even when it seemed like she loved another, he was steadfast-’ eyebrows bunched together in confusion, ‘I thought this was a story about hanafuda’ ‘It’s karuta, Shiro-chan.’ His unimpressed look shows he still didn’t understand the difference.) that he suddenly interjects.

“So it’s the same as that manga,” it’s awkward in his mouth, but he says it anyway, and only with a slight grimace, “with the princess and her guardian?”

Here, Momo stops, stares. “Which one?”

He waves the hand holding his brush around in a lazy gesture, “The one where the princess was betrayed by her first love who kills her father, and she runs away with her guardian. You said she eventually falls in love with her guardian who’s loved her since childhood.”

Momo continues to stare. Hitsugaya-kun, misunderstanding her gaze, shifts his eyes away, “Did I get it wrong?”

Momo flails, waving her arms wildly, “No, no! You’re right, it’s just like that one. It’s just…” She bites her lip, hesitating on whether or not to continue. Hitsugaya-kun merely raises a brow, waiting.

Momo shakes her head. It’s silly. It’s just that, she talked about that one with him, months and months ago. This is the first time they’ve actually been alone since the invasion. Whenever she’d go off-tangent, he’d be nodding along absentmindedly as he scrutinized another report Rangiku-san left unfinished. She’d always assumed he wasn’t really interested and Momo didn’t begrudge him that since she knew with certainty that he’d give her his full attention if it was something truly important. It was just nice to spend time with him.

She’d actually forgotten about that particular story till he mentioned it. It had resonated with her, a story about admiration turning into poison. Reading that story made her feel like water was filling her lungs, and yet she still pushed through, just so she could see that girl of fire reignited.

“It’s actually not yet finished. We still don’t know what happens to the both of them from here on out…” she says quietly, in contrast to her earlier energy. Hitsugaya-kun only nods. Funny, she remembers that story made her feel like drowning, so why is it that now, as she looks into Hitsugaya-kun’s eyes, she feels like burning like that girl of fire? (It was a story that resonated with her.)

That particular interaction done, Momo expects Hitsugaya-kun to go back to his reports, expects it, wishes it even (if only so she no longer has to look into his eyes). Instead, not only does he continue looking at her, he surprises her by saying,

“Your hair has gotten longer.”

She brushes the ends of her hair self-consciously, “What are you talking about, Shiro-chan? No, it hasn’t. It’s still the same.”

“Yes, it has,” he drawls.

“No, it hasn’t.”

“Yes, it has.”

Momo pouts. This is silly. What they’re doing is silly, arguing about her hair of all things.

Momo is happy about where they’ve ended up after the invasion. Shiro-chan’s shoulders are lighter as if his captain’s cloak isn’t so heavy anymore. The lines on his face have lessened, and Momo couldn’t be more thankful. But just because she was happier that he smiled more didn’t mean she wasn’t entitled to feel disgruntled at the self-satisfied smirk on his face, no matter how slight it may be.

She was about to launch into another denial when he surprises her yet again.

Shiro-chan – Hitsugaya-kun reaches his arm across his desk toward her. He lets his fingertips kiss the ends of her short hair, and brushes a wayward strand away from her forehead, before retreating.

It is only then that Momo breathes out (she didn’t realize she’d been holding her breath in the first place).

“Be careful,” he says, voice sly, “You don’t want to burn your hair off accidentally – again – like that disastrous kido training session.”

It takes a while for her to place the event, but when she does, she really can’t help the full-blown pout. Oh, she’s worked herself up and crossed the threshold to righteous indignation (otherwise, she’ll have to examine everything else going on right now). “Honestly, Hitsugaya-kun! That only happened because you weren’t paying attention!” Actually no, she’d just been recruited into the Gotei, and Hitsugaya-kun right after her. She’d been so excited to train with him (to impress him if she was being honest) that things got out of hand and her hair got caught in a shakkaho spell.

(She can’t believe she forgot, but now that she remembers, what sparks vividly in her memories is the rapid transition of Hitsugaya-kun’s expression from feigned disinterest to heart-stopping panic.)  

Graciously, Hitsugaya-kun doesn’t contradict her version of events, but he does catch her attention, “Hinamori,” just one word, her name, so firmly that she pauses (and holds her breath again) when he smiles (not a smirk or a grin, but a true-blown smile that she’s only ever glimpsed once-), “How many times do I have to tell you? It’s not ‘Hitsugaya-kun’, it’s ‘Hitsugaya-taichou’.”

Oh.

This isn’t Shiro-chan’s smile, because she’s hardly ever seen him smile when they were kids.

Oh.

It’s not that his cloak isn’t heavy anymore, it’s just that he’s grown into it, even if in truth he’s only grown a mere centimeter.

Oh.

This is what she’d felt back then when she’d first seen that smile, this disquiet and unease, and curious perfect blankness that she’d felt when she realized that her Shiro-chan had transformed into a captain. That same feeling that she was being left behind, but still, the awe that she could not help, as she gazed at him soaring in the heavens, her Shiro-chan (because no matter what he would always be her Shiro-chan) protecting them all. This same feeling she’d pushed aside, unconsciously, time and again, in order to avoid thinking about it, because otherwise everything would – change.

(Oh, she finally understands, Rangiku-san.)

It happens on an ordinary day. The light doesn’t hit him just right. He hasn’t grown any taller than her. They still haven’t finished the amanatto Isane-taichou carefully packed for them as a souvenir. That brilliant smile slowly fades away into a look of confusion, the more she sits there, gaping at him, “Hinamori?”

It is on a perfectly ordinary day that Momo realizes she’s in love with him.

Him.

Hitsugaya-taichou.

Hitsugaya-kun.

Shiro-chan.

“Hinamori…?” He asks again, this time worry coloring his voice. He reaches out a tentative hand, but Momo bolts upright. She consciously stills her arms against her sides, else she’ll instinctually try and cover her (burning, burning) face.

“Hi-Hitsugaya-taichou!” She stuttered! She has never stuttered in front of him. She feels conscious of everything - her too-loud voice, the ends of her hair brushing her shoulders, her fisted hands, her scarlet face. “I beg your leave. I forgot that I have to meet with Hirako-taichou right about…now. Yes, now! I have to go right at this moment. Bye!”

And before Hitsugaya can so much as grasp at her – to ask what on earth was wrong, he didn’t expect his oft-repeated reminder to garner such a reaction, it was habit by now, was she mad at him, did he do anything – she has already shunpoed away leaving behind only the scent of peach blossoms, and a confused captain in her wake.

-

“Momo! Where’s the fire? What’s got ya in so much of a hurry?” One thing that Shinji noticed about his lieutenant was how graceful she was. Even when she was only walking, she always seemed so light on her feet, as if dancing on flower petals. There is none of that grace, here, now, as she barrels head first into him.

“Taichou!” Her head shoots up, voice so panic-stricken that Shinji’s heart jolts. He places the back of his hand against her forehead. “Ya running a fever or somethin’? If you’re sick, you should head to the fourth. Don’t go runnin’ yourself ragged, I promise I’ll finish all the paperwork.”

She shakes her head lightly. “Never mind that,” Wait, what? Momo not reminding him about his paperwork? This must be serious. “Do you notice anything different about me, Hirako-taichou?”

“Besides you bein’ outta breath, ya mean?” Even if he had no idea whatsoever about what was going on with his lieutenant, Shinji still decided to indulge her. If anyone deserved a scheduled psychotic break, it was her. He grasped his chin in hand and scrutinized her. Ah, he knew what this was about. His face was introduced enough times to a straw sandal for him to not say the right thing this time around.

“Don't worry, you haven’t gotten fatter. Heck, I think you should eat more. You’re light as a bird.” There, Hiyori would have no excuse to kick his face in now.

“Thank you, sir,” she says, voice clipped, “But no, I mean do you think my hair has gotten longer?”

Shinji narrows his eyes and looks closer, huffs out, “Nah, it hasn’t changed a bit.”

Evidently, that had been the wrong thing to say. Flabbergasted, Shinji could only watch as his lieutenant buried her face into her hands to muffle a frustrated scream.

[pjo-hoo-toa-freakazoid]

A lil rant about my experience with this god forsaken fandom

I made this blog around 2020 when I was 13 years old. This was my first shot at a dedicated fandom blog and I was pretty excited for it, to make friends, draw fanart, post fun stuff and what not.

All fun right? Right, so tell me why was it that literal 20 years olds felt the need to harass me, a then 13 year old girl with a relatively small blog, for the dumbest reasons possible?

What did I do that subjected me to 2 and a half years worth constant daily threats and harassment? Hmm???

You wanna know my crime? Apparently I showed interest in an antagonist character, which is so awful that grown adults felt the need to bully me. And following those adults came young impressionable people my age, that joined the bandwagon of hate against me.

As if other fandoms don’t have people literally dedicating themselves to a villain, no one bats an eye to that. Why did this fandom have such an issue? I also apparently dared to criticise the main character for a few of his flaws. Such a horrible thing to do right? I need to be burnt at the stake for it right?

I didn’t follow the “fixed” standards of the fandom so I was to be sent de*th/r*pe threats daily?? For not following the “rules” I was to be ostracised?

No please someone explain…I’m but a dumb bitch, I don’t understand what I did so terribly wrong to deserve this? Did I start a war? Did I rip open someone’s plush? Did I bully someone for not having the same ideology as me?

No it was but the fandom itself that for some reason found it so fun to bully a 13 year old, send her de*th and r*pe threats all because of not being of pjo fandom standards…let’s go and bombard her with hate!!

Do you realise how fucking stupid…this all sounds? Do you realise how low this is? Was bullying a child so fun? So trendy at the time?

Then came the victim blaming- I laugh everytime I remember people saying I must have done something really bad to get such harassment, that it’s all for attention. What kid wants to get hate everyday of their life for 2 whole fucking years? Tell me?

You know wanna know what I did wrong? Fight back, call the hate anons out for their bigotry. I was vocal about it, that’s what I did wrong right? Stand my ground? People said to ignore it and I did. But I still got bullied daily even if I didn’t respond. What was all this for?

I can imagine people asking why I didn’t simply leave the fandom? Why the fuck should I? I enjoy the stories, I enjoy the characters, they were my escape from real life struggles. It was the bullying I didn’t enjoy. Everyday I’d log on to enjoy posts and a few minutes later when the bigots found out I was active I was sent an anonymous threat.

Many of my oldest friends had to reduce the amount they interacted with me in fear of receiving harassment themselves. The extent of this is bigotry is beyond my understanding.

I did not deserve this much suffering AND ALL FOR WHAT? A STUPID LITTLE REASON THAT HAS BARELY ANY WEIGHT TO IT. Do people even realise the extent of what happened is beyond me. And Idc if I sound selfish, I want a fucking apology from all those bigots. I want compensation for the 2 and a half years of abuse I endured alone. I just want this bigotry to end, which surprise surprise! Still continues to happen.

Why do I bring this up now that it’s all over you ask? I’ve actually brought it up once before, but it was swept under the rug, (My deepest appreciation to the very few people who supported me when I first talked about it) I’m just finally being more vocal, because this has stuck with me. For all those 4 years this has stuck with me. It doesn’t mean if it’s over for now that all the trauma doesn’t linger. It still affects me to this day.

In fact I’m still being stalked by one of the people who sent me hate anons. One of the hate anons was revealed to be one of my bestest friends, they had admitted this to me and had the nerve to beg me to still remain friends. They were also the person who groomed me. They have left the fandom scene and I’ve rid of them from my life but they still continue to stalk me.

What do I get from ranting about all this? A bit of solace, a bit of weight off my shoulders. But nearly not enough for me to actually fucking heal. I also want people to realise how bigoted some are and how horrible the mentality of “fixed fandom standards/ideologies” is and that we as a fandom need to fucking change. Heck I know this issues in every fandom. But can we at least start with ours for a change for once?

Along side all of this there’s also a lot of racism and trans/homophobia that still actively prevails. Just look at what Leah went through when her casting was announced. Did she deserve all of that?? “Not my annabeth” do you realise how horrible that is to say to a CHILD? She is Annabeth whether you like it or not. And you are very welcome to leave if you wish to stick to your stupid racist nonsense.

I bet there are many others who have probably suffered the same may it not be for the same reasons, but everyone of them deserve their apologies and compensation as well.

Idc if I’ll get hate for this. I said what I said. I’m just so done.

[triglycercule]

in a just kidding kinda mood. canon nightmare is so serious and then i made her. she's a total dweeb she thinks that she's allat just because she ate a black (rotten) apple once and it was so bad she thinks she she's a goopy monster. that's not actually how she got to this (she got bullied in elementary school and wants to express her true self now in high school) but the black apple was involved (she ate a rotten apple and it was so bad she remembered her embarrassing elementary school fantasy and realized she liked it).

she's totally goth but she doesn't realize it (and i CANNOT be bothered to draw a goth esque outfit combined with the jk uniform). the book club is her headquarters and whoever joins the club becomes part of her gang (friends! because she's terrible at socializing and this is a way of being more outgoing) and then they have to do usual stuff goons do like helping nightmare study for tests (so she can further her insatiable quest for knowledge) and going to the mall with her (carrying her bags obviously. a queen cant be seen with shopping bags.) her goons MUST call her lady night or else she'll get upset. god jk!nightmare you're such a goddamn loser how many more dumb ideas can i come with for you

comments from..... oeople??? here's dream. they're on good terms because i hate dreamtale angst and i want them to be happy and healthy siblings. nightmare also uses her gang to moniter dream and make sure she's not getting in trouble. but then she also gets to play villian with dream where dream is the damsel in distress. or the hero. depends!

"well, one day nighty just came downstairs for breakfast dressed like... that. she spoke in a different way and acted different and especially looked different. needless to say, the family and i were confused."

"but, after she explained it, it actually made a surprising amount of sense despite the... change. nighty used to get bullied back in our old elementary school, and she claims that now that we're in high school, she wants to "embrace the true self that's been whispering pleas of freedom". er... whatever that means."

"of course i support it, she's my sister and all! i'd even say this persona of nightmare's is much funnier to interact with, and she's even made some friends thanks to her new self of the sort. honestly, as her sister? i couldn't be more happy to see nightmare thriving compared to before."

"but my only concern... is her makeup safe for long-term use?"

all of the mtt (most of the school actually) did NOT fall for the little act nightmare's putting up. even killer. no matter how brainrotted she is from the internet even she wouldn't fall for that. nightmare invited them to the gang (club) and both killer and dust were on board to join. because killer found her funny and dust likes books. and then horror was dragged along because of course she was. live laugh love jk!mtt

"nightmare?? oh, you mean lady night! yeah, i know her. pretty well, in fact~ she's appointed me as her right hand woman, which means i get to do all sorts of cool things, like coming up with literature recommendations and organizing when the gang meets up! she's pretty cool, y'know? i just gotta make sure to stop laughing whenever she calls me a "goon", hehe..."

"nightmare's nice. she likes reading, i like reading, so obviously i had to join the gang. she likes more fantasy style stuff, but i prefer sci-fi. not that big of a deal though, considering we read a variety of books in the clu- i mean, her "gang". sorry. don't tell her i said that, or else i'll be sent on a "mission" to "battle her homework" or whatever."

"oh, "lady night", "queen of negativity"... she's hilarious. it's so funny seeing her act like she has magical powers and all the yada yada about "the black apple" and "multiversal conquering". i mean, not many people in the school really believe her little schtick she's got going on, but most humor her. 'sides, she's a genuinely good person under all that makeup and acting anyways, so i like her. all i wanna know is, why does she keep her shoelaces untied?"

this idea is SO DUMB IM DYING. feared multiversal terror turned into a high school girl with the worlds most EMBARRASSING delusion. what universe are we in (the jk!universe dummy!). anyways dream design in the works (i already have the design done just need to color it!) and then quite possibly more aus will be jk-fied. ink may possibly be the first sans to NOT wear a skirt. who know,,,,s,,,,,,

[drawnfamiliarfaces]

Your HoM au is giving me serotonin!! Can I ask how old they are in this au? Is it by show or are they all the same age or do you have separate headcanons for it?! Thank u

;DD im glad to hear ppl enjoy seeing this xover au! especially considering that so far its just senseless random doodles of ideas xD

sure! i actually agonized over ages quite a lot (still am lol) because while i enjoy fics and art where they are same teen age/timeless age of the show, i think its more interesting to have them be different ages in adherance to their debuts, sorta?? it gives a wide range of new possible interactions imo. (and also because i grew up with them and its harder to stay in the teenage phase mentally lol)

so the main 9 have age difference spanning at least 10 years, from oldest being Kim Possible and youngest being Randy Cunningham.

i have a more detailed age chart (two actually, along with a height one) but there are always possibilities of changes, so i might share them later when i have more solid ideas haha

[bitegore]

ok this isnt meant to be a dig or anything but it's always really funny to me when people like just cracking 30 are like "omg you're in your early twenties, you're a babyyyyyy"

babe you're like barely 30, you're a baby too. You're a blink and a half older than me. I spend too much time around people over 50, the difference between 23 and 33 is a few years at a job and a little more distance from living in your parents' house but it's like, nothing. the gap closes every time you breathe and every time i move. the difference between you and me is like one-fifteenth the difference between you and my dad's friend Joe or whatever. don't worry you'll get to live more life too, but don't kid yourself.

and this is doubled when it's coming from a 25-year-old currently experiencing a crisis of age because they're soooo old, they're 25, the horror! You are twenty-five. We have an age difference of three years. Your concern over this is embarrassing for you and highly entertaining for me. But like don't kid yourself here. You are 25. You are a like a fucking baby to me.

[artemx746]

really hope it becomes much more clear in the future of fool's gold that the foreclaimers aren't bad because they don't have empathy, but rather because they based their society on people having a set "value" and killing people who aren't "Valuable enough". Plus they also tortured a god for 300+ years

[iregreteverythingpleasehelpme]

i think sixth grade me low key cooking with this one

[gxlden-angels]

Love when fundamentalist christians call other fundamentalist christians a cult like I can accept telling children they'll go to hell if they don't hug the parent that spanked them and smile, but I draw the line at suggesting barcodes contain the mark of the beast

[simmingonthelow]

Back to reality again. Engulfed in the warmth of my loved ones...the once anxious me gone, hopefully forever.

Looking towards the present with the people that pulled me through my past.

And the ones created from the peace I found with the one I love.

and the one's they too have given me. It brings this feeling of fullness that I never thought I'd be able to feel. Giving me the will to keep feeling the joys that pile up.

If I could shed endless tears I would. The sad past is outweighed by my happy present and maybe even a happier future.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The past isn't forgotten but I feel lighter knowing that I've come this far.....Farther than I though we would.............

Part 1

[guinevereslancelot]

kinda surreal to watch my friends who are younger than me getting married and having kids meanwhile i haven't ever been in love

[littledreamling]

Free fic idea for anyone who's seen both The Old Guard and The Sandman: When Andy and co all have a dream about a man with brown hair and tanned skin, a tweed jacket, a sign for a University in London, and a pint of beer, their immediate thought is that it's way to soon to have another immortal on their hands. They have just settled in with Nile and the banishment of Booker is still fresh in their minds. But they have a job to do, so they eventually find their newest member walking across campus, surrounded by a gaggle of students, laughing at their enthusiasm and answering all of their questions. He doesn't seem to be injured, either physically nor mentally, which is... surprising? Worrying? Usually they only dream about their newest members after their first death, but this man doesn't look like someone who's experienced a death at all. Oh well, there's a first for everything.

When they confront him later, in his office, it's immediately evident that the man, one Dr. Gadling, has never seen them before in his life, not even in dreams, which is even more surprising. Even more worrying. And then it comes out that he's been alive for 600 years and suddenly the Old Guard Immortals have no fucking idea what they're dealing with. Why haven't they dreamed of him before? While they're discussing this amongst themselves, in full view and earshot of Hob, he starts to put the pieces together and asks which night, specifically, they all had a dream of him. Upon hearing their answer, he can't help but to double over in laughter because on that particular night, he and his husband Dream had engaged in a rather... enthusiastic bout of lovemaking and his beloved has a bad habit of invading the dreams of others with images of his beloved.

Anyway, I think Joe would absolutely love Hob and they'd spend hours gushing about their lifelong companions and their shared love for life and everything it has to offer. Maye Hob would be able to offer insight on the Booker situation and maybe they'd all be able to help each other stay safe in a world of technology and constant surveillance. Maybe the Old Guard Immortals could loan their friend Copley and his services to Hob. I think Hob would immediately adopt Nile as his daughter, especially with her own father out of the picture and his own children long gone. I also think Hob would just be ecstatic to find other immortal humans to spend time with, to talk to, who actually understand who he is and what he's going through. He might not be exactly like them (though he's going to drill both Death and Dream for answers, especially since it seems like they both worked together to create the system of immortality that the Old Guard Immortals are a part of) but they have enough shared experiences that he still immediately feels a kinship with them

[violetnaps]

people will see a character who is not immediately on the mc's side and say she would be a bystander to human trafficking???

[savage-rhi]

Cue the pink!

[fadeintoyou1993]

having to explain to people things like. if i have to go out to do something and run errands i need to have it all mapped out and planned w like. at least a week in advance. and if i go out that day i cannot do anything else because That will be it. if i have multiple commitments that cannot be put on the same day i need one full day in between those commitments so i can rest and be recharged for that next thing otherwise i might have a breakdown in the middle of the street (again) and then That will render me unable to function for like a whole three days. and then people look at me like i choose to live like this?

[bumblingbabooshka]

Voyager insisting that Tuvok and Janeway never go into each others quarters - meanwhile I (the arbiter of truth) know for a fact that they are always in each others rooms, occasionally wrapped up in the same blanket, sometimes falling asleep in the same bed etc.

[baladric]

is it NORMAL to lowkey dissociate upon getting out of very informative therapy sessions, like we talked about autistic burnout/sensory overwhelm again and she asked me if it could be informing my chronic pain flares and/or vice versa, and yet again im like,, Äch Nae, The Symptoms