Pmd9: Wolf Moon '24: Update;
greetings all i've been taking ttime /offline/ to reflect upon my inner self its been rly helpful i will continue a little longer.. I got into this state ovr the past few months where i felt like i had to fill every empty moment w someone elses thoughts, or beautiful stimulating imagery, any time i was bored or uncomfortable i just wanted to scrooooollllll . . . i started to feel like i was losing mysedf @_@ & losing myself ON purpose, at that
lately i began to long for this feeling i felt as a teen, b4 smartphone was everywhere, when i used to jst have to like. stare at the wall for long periods or look out the window and retreat into contemplation or fantasies to occupy myself. like in the ambient moments of waiting. or if i didntwant to think that day, i wld invent a task for myself , draw, go for a walk, ask my friend to hang out, find stuff to take photos of.. the internet was at it's most fun cus it was reserved for when u had time to be at the computer so it felt like more of a treat instead of being~everything~
it kinda hit me like oh i can pretty easily feel that way again ! just got to sternly banish the phone. And let me tell u it feels reallll niiice....i been playinggg all day long tbh i been having a blast. granted my reality has improved a lot recently so its easier to disconnect, but yea i duno its like dangg things r looking up & i want to b present for this part of my life. :*
its freaky how even holding the phone is so addicting?? does anyone else have that? i have rly restless hands so i noticed them searching for that thingy to hold. like i dont even think usning the internet is That harmful its just better left to computer-moments. i dont plan on ever stopping posting cus i looove posting i just cant b so *online* rn i cant b as engaged w "feeds" im burnt outtt
even after just a few days break i feel my thougts flowing better, a lot more true to me, i remember why i luv working on my stuff :+)
Soo lets see, some stuff i been up tooo ummm: i DEEP CLEANED my room / rearranged for better feng shui, added new pages to my website, work on music every day, yoga every day, started figure drawing class(!!), going strong w herbal tea regiment, joirnalling.. playing acnl evry night ^^ talking to my mom and grandma a lot which has been rly sweet and new for me. oh & pochita's eyes healing up perfect after her surgery a few weeks ago~~
thats pree much all the update i have for now.. tldr need to get serious about making sure my thoughts r my own & keeping grounded in reality. hope everyone having a pleasant full moon's experience tonight ^^ Since its Wolf's Moon maybe try howling at it..
Yours Truly,
-Pink_Moon_Doll_9_Shih_Tzu_9
P.S. today in the wolf moon yoga video i did she talked about how the most successful wolf packs r the packs that r most diverse..a pack where everyone has their own unique skills so they can come together to help each other in any situation. U dont got to b like everyone else, just lean into being the best version on YoU ^^ thought it was a sweet sentiment to contemplate over this moon. <3
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Nagabe you sneaky furry fuck, that one scene finally makes sense
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Just read The Wize Wize beasts of the wizarding wizdoms. I like Alan and Eddie..
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Baby you wizard or you don't wizard. There's no sorta-wizard
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Remembering that period of time in late highschool where I had recently come out as genderfluid and was also really desperately into fitness because of weight insecurity and my friends just completely reduced my personality to, "Silly dumbass himbo, he don't know nothin but exercise and horny" and called me stupid and a dumbass all the time in a serious way as if it was just equal of a fact as my eye color. It was mutually agreed among them that I was the "group idiot." Or "Child of the friend group"
I just kind of smiled and took it because I was the kind of person who never defended myself, never told anyone no, and always put everyone else before me in every way. I can't even be upset with them because I let it happen and keep happening and I never told them how it made me feel.
Also they were asking me flex for them a lot, which I hated doing because I was really insecure about my lack of muscle growth but I always just sucked it up and played myself up to make them leave me alone. I just had to live with it and laugh cuz I was a "squishy friendly softie" doormat who "never gets angry"
Also, the appointed "mom of the group" was where the most of this came from and it was always joked about how I would need to be babysat by them in any random circumstance because I "wouldn't be able to be left alone for too long"
"Of course you don't get it, you're a dumbass, remember?" "Aww. Big dumb himbo boy~" "Yes, honey, I know you're stupid, don't worry about it" "like...BRO, WHAT DO I EVEN SAY TO THAT ALL I COULD DO WAS LAUGH. They aren't my friends anymore tho lol.
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