#worse of all i have 3 appointments tomorrow i'm gonna have to be out socializing all day

[zhongrin]

ugh i hate it so much when i speak and one sentence in my voice starts trembling and i can hear myself getting out of breath…… girl stop why are you so nervous…. i don't want to feel this way, but it's such an unconscious reaction, especially when i have to speak with multiple people whom i've never talked to face-to-face before….. and yes, this still happens even when i rehearse and write down a script to follow beforehand……

tldr; why can't i just be normal about speaking......... i hate this…............. (╥ᆺ╥；)

[halcyogenic]

Help A Trans & Disabled Couple Survive

Hi, I'm Hal, and I'm gonna do my best to keep this as succinct as possible, but I'm pretty sure it's gonna be super long so bear with me

The long and short of it is that my fiancée and I don't have enough income. We haven't been able to reach paycheck-to-paycheck levels of security since 2020, when our roommate moved out and we found out she had been pocketing the money for one of our bills for over a year. From then on we had issues with different roommates moving in and out, along with them and "friends" taking advantage of our kindness when we helped them out of dire situations. My fiancée's low paying job with crap benefits just doesn't come close to cutting it, but getting a "better" one is just about impossible these days. Details under the cut:

I've just been approved for Disability/SSDI benefits, but SSI benefits are looking unlikely. Getting Disability benefits means you have surveillance and restrictions on your WAGES, meaning I can't work. SSI qualifications involve your total income, which I qualify for on my own. Unfortunately, the SSA determined that my fiancee and I count as a married couple due to 1. living arrangement 2. length of relationship and 3. the expectation of engagement leading to marriage, so BOTH of our incomes are scrutinized.

We have no savings, a dingy old truck, and have been prioritizing medication and essential groceries over paying bills in full. My mom is in worse shape than us, so I can't receive help from her, my dad is my abuser and "helps" when it benefits him, my Nana passed last June, and my fiancée's family... aren't keen on helping us become financially stable, but help from time to time.

The worst part of all this has been the unending grief of losing family. My Nana, my bestie, passed away in summer 2021, my closest Uncle passed in the fall, my Great Aunt (my late PawPaw's sister) passed away last week, my dad (although he's my abuser, I empathize with his pain) is... winding down and will probably go to an assisted living facility soon, my geriatric kitty Tom was diagnosed with a rare, aggressive, and incurable case of cancer last July, and my mom's long-term boyfriend is... in bad shape, to say the least. Along with the loss from hardly being able to leave home due to the pandemic, the loss of family and friends feels unending.

With my and my fiancée's 10 year anniversary coming up on March 9th, I just want a little relief. I don't want to cry from stress for ONE DAY. I know social media won't set us straight, but we are so desperate that ANY amount helps. Here are the most pressing expenses and their details:

1. Electric bill debt as of January 31st - $860 - at the end of February/beginning of March we are going to sign up for a 6 month installment plan, where we pay that month's bill in addition to a portion of our debt. We have to pay the first amount in full by March 9th according to the company; I will edit with that exact amount asap.

2. Water bill debt as of January 31st - $501 - we're going to do a very similar plan with the water bill as the electric bill.

3. Medication costs - $175 a month - I use Sam's Club's Plus Membership due to not having prescription coverage. This membership is $100 a year, which was due for us in mid-January. Sam's Club DOES NOT take GoodRx coupons. I don't know what the cost of my prescriptions will be without the membership coverage, so I will edit this when I have a better estimate. This cost does not include unexpected prescriptions

Additionally, I'm going to be out of everything within the next week. I'll run out of one on Wednesday, another Thursday, and a third on Monday 2/14. The other 2 I'm getting from my mom as leftover prescriptions she's not taking anymore.

4. Tom's medical expenses - Now this is a whole new can of worms. The most pressing costs RIGHT NOW are 1. $55 for a scratchpay loan payment by the end of February 2. $50-100 estimated for his primary vet appointment tomorrow. This includes the cost of the physical and the two prescriptions he'll need - one for the skin on his tumor and another for pain management. 3. $90 for his unscheduled oncology vet physical to see if he is a good candidate for low-dose/palliative radiation therapy. More info (and pics of the cutie!) at our gofundme here: https://gofund.me/f73245bc

The donations to this campaign will ONLY be used for Tom's care - if it is determined he can't receive radiation therapy for whatever reason, the donations will be used for vet appointments, pain management, mobility assistance like stairs and ramps, his prescription diet food, and his eventual euthanasia. Based on several vets' opinions, he only has a about year left in him. I just want him to live a good life as long as possible.

If you'd like information on our location to see if you can dig up resources, please DM me off anon. Here's how to donate; and if you can't donate (I 100% understand, shit is tight for everyone right now) PLEASE share:

PayPal: paypal.me/becbecbec or DM me for my email address

Cash App: $HalHoney

Venmo: @/Hal-Honeycutt (remove the / )