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vro0m · 2 years

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vro0m’s rewatch - 141/310

2014 Belgian GP

Alright friends it's time for Spa! I think I like Spa. I guess we'll see if I do. Also we have a build up this time so that's good already.

(Here’s a warning : this is The Long One I just had so much to say and I went on so many rants I’m very sorry)

EDIT : so I calculated that it takes about 25 minutes to read 🥴🥴🥴 just so you know before you start. Again, my apologies.

Jordan thinks there'll be team orders this time for Mercedes, as to avoid any incidents at the start especially. DC disagrees.

Quali report. It was a really really wet one. Hulkenberg went out in Q1. He said he had no confidence in his car in these conditions. Valtteri is only 6th. The Ferraris have been looking good all weekend but Alonso went off and he starts from 4th. Ricciardo made a mistake and he starts 5th. Seb is 3rd. The Mercedes were 2 seconds ahead of everyone else!!! But Lewis is still not friendly with his car and he went off as well, while Nico had no issues. So that's Nico on pole, Lewis 0.2 behind, and then the others are truly 2 seconds away with Seb +2.126 behind, I can't believe this shit this is insane.

Wait wait wait what did I hear? So there's been a driver change at Caterham with Lotterer making his debut. I don't even know who he is replacing lmao but that's not what caught my attention. Lotterer out qualified teammate Ericsson and that makes the journalist react, saying it’s quite unexpected. DC says "It's contrasting stories, really, isn't it? We've got Max Verstappen, a young guy being a question mark over is he too young to come to Formula 1 at 16-17, of course next year, and we've got Lotterer at 32 making his debut with vast amounts of experience." Wow. It's the first mention of Max I hear in this rewatch. (Also I keep saying rewatch but I'm watching for the first time so it makes no sense.) It is insanely young to sit in an F1 car, isn't it? Damn.

Anyway. Rosberg is 11 points ahead of Lewis in the WDC standings.

DC is catching up with Jenson and they can't help but talk about Lewis. He says it's good they're battling for the title and that Lewis seems stronger in the head than he's ever been, even with the issues he's had with the car.

Oh dear, it’s apparently starting to rain lightly…

Also silly season has started and rumours say Alonso has had a meeting with Redbull. They're talking about Bianchi being a possible candidate for Ferrari if Alonso does go to Redbull. It's a bit heartbreaking so I'm gonna move on.

Oh so Max has been signed already wow. I hadn't understood. I thought they were just talking about it but Helmut Marko signed him. Eddie Jordan is listing all the young drivers that came too soon and are now gone from F1 and tells Redbull they should be very careful. I mean. Listen. Not a Max fan obviously but you can't really compare him to Alguersuari or Grosjean (who came back). That's just insane.

Alright it's time for the race, I'm switching to skysports commentary.

Formation lap

Oh there's a problem with Alonso's car. His team is still working on it after the time limit. The other cars leave. He's gonna get a penalty for that but if he can start the car now he can at least start from his spot on the grid. And he does that.

There's very very light rain.

Oh and Lewis is reversing on the grid because he missed his box which is great for my nerves.

And they're racing…

And he gets an amazing start! He's ahead! HE'S IN THE LEAD BEFORE THE FIRST CORNER! Seb is also ahead of Rosberg! Oh and there's been contact at the back I've seen something fly. Yellow flags. And Seb is catching Lewis! And he attacks in the straight! But Lewis has the inside line in the next corner and Seb goes straight on and loses a place to Nico. Phew. Yellow flags again. Cleared. Oh but that's Bianchi going around the track with one tyre completely wrecked. Wow this is such a long track compared to Hockenheim, we're only now completing the first lap. So Lewis is in the lead, but Nico is only half a second behind. Then Seb, Alonso, Ricciardo, Bottas, Raikkonen, Magnussen, Massa, and Jenson in the top 10.

Lewis makes a slight mistake and the fight is on. He goes defensive, holding the inside line, while Nico attacks. AND THEY TOUCHED! That's on Nico. He couldn't make it so he tucks back behind but he didn't do it fast enough and touched Lewis’ rear wheel with his front wing when he put himself back in position for the next corner. AND THAT'S A PUNCTURE FOR LEWIS FUCK he's dropping back… and he's completely opposite to the pits they just started a new lap I'm so pissed. Over the radio, he says Nico hit him. Fuuuuuuck. And the tyre has started to shred and that might be too much damage by the time he gets to the pits nooooo. Look like I said it's Nico's fault but imho that's a racing incident, it's very much unlucky that it had such an impact… yeah. Lewis is speeding to the pits and the tyre is flying all over the place in tiny pieces. Yellow flags. Lewis is finally in the pits. He goes again. He's P19. Nico is struggling as well. Ted says Lewis had damage to the floor and that it'll be an issue. There's a lot of debris on the racing line from his tyre. Spa I was saying I think I like you why are you doing this to me. Apparently Lotterer has stopped at the entrance of the pitlane. Daniel overtakes Alonso for P3. Yellow flags again. Lewis on the radio. "Floor's damaged, right?" He sounds worried. Bono says he'll need to have a look at the photos but thanks for the feedback. He's not gaining places at the moment, but a lap later, he sets the fastest lap. Come on! Bono comes back to him with a plan. He needs to stay on this tyre for 15 laps, so he should manage the rear left and he sets him a target lap time at 55.7. But Lewis is not convinced. "The rear left tyre is not going to go to lap 15." In the meantime, Ricciardo overtook Seb. And Valtteri overtakes Alonso for P4. Nico is about to pit and they're changing his whole front wing. It's gonna cost him. Yeah. That's a 10.0 stop. That puts him in P15. Lewis is still P19. I'm switching to x2 speed because I don't have time for that shit. It's lap 10.

Oh wtf? There's something dangling from, like, the antenna of Nico's car?

Oh. Brundle says he thinks that's part of Lewis' destroyed tyre. And Crofty makes the funniest "aha?" that goes up at the end that makes it very clear he sees the irony. It looks incredibly dangerous, in any case. It’s flopping around and looks like it’s gonna wrap around the steering wheel. Seb pits. Kvyat pits. Hulkenberg pits. We can see on a replay that Nico tried to tug the debris away as soon as it got stuck on his car but couldn't do it. Alonso gets a 5 seconds stop and go penalty for the issue before the start of the race, which is weirdly lenient. Ricciardo pits, he's ahead of Seb. Lewis P17. He's the second fastest man on the track at the moment. Rosberg is closing on Seb but he locks up MASSIVELY and is under pressure from Valtteri now. And here he goes! He overtook him with such ease! He's now catching Seb. Lewis pits. It's a quick one, but he went 14 laps instead of 15, and he's back in P19 so. Yeah. Not a good race for him… Nico pits as well.

It's lap 20. Daniel is in the lead followed by Raikkonen and Seb. Then there's Valtteri closing fast on Seb, Magnussen who's far behind, Alonso, Jenson, Perez, Kvyat, and Rosberg is out in P10. Lewis, moodily : "should save this engine guys." Bono : "Lewis, don't worry, it is being discussed, but your pace is good (x2), we never know what's gonna happen with safety cars or anything later, so let's just keep plugging away and we will keep discussing it here." And we don't hear that in the broadcast, but I read in the transcript Bono then adds : "Lewis, you may not feel it but your pace is good. You're only a tenth off being purple in the middle sector. So anything could happen. We'd be kicking ourselves." He's so warm and comforting and reassuring and consoling. Come on Lewis, don't give up!

(I always find this part of him very interesting, because he really is very prone to pessimism. I mean it might be obvious but of course it makes sense he preaches positivity as much as he does, specifically because he naturally gives in to negative thoughts very easily himself. We’ve already talked about that at some point iirc. Anyway, back to the race.)

We're halfway through and Nico is back up in P5. And then he slows down and is back in P6. He must have made a mistake. Lewis P16. A couple of laps later, Rosberg in P3. Lewis on the radio again. "Guys even if I catch the guys in front I have no downforce." He is absolutely done with this race and wanna go home but that's not in the job description. "OK Lewis, message is understood, but you do have good pace and if we had a safety car then there is all to fight for," answers Bono. "We are not concerned about the engine, just keep your head down and let's keep plugging away."

It's lap 30. Daniel is still in the lead but Raikkonen has pitted and is now P3, with Nico in P2. Seb is P4, Valtteri P5, Magnussen P6, Alonso P7, Hulkenberg P8, Perez P9, and Jenson P10. And Valtteri overtakes Seb for P4. Lewis is in P15, and he gets called in, out in P16. Grosjean retires. Rosberg pits for the third time, Seb pits as well, and Valtteri gets himself ahead of Nico, but Nico is on fresh tyres… and he overtakes him for P3, and then Raikkonen for P2. Daniel is 20 seconds ahead… Lewis again asks his team to stop him and save his engine. Babe there's 7 laps to go, shut up and do it. Bono answers again, basically, they hear him but no. The engine isn't an issue. He's still 16th. Ah come on. Come the fuck on. On lap 40, with 5 laps to go, they do retire him. That is sooo SOOOO SOOOO stupid. Why. Honestly. Fucking hell. Why did you let him do all this for that. Also why did you give in to him complaining instead of making him do his very well-paid job to the end tbh. Stupid ass team, this was a lesson moment. This race has been infuriating.

Extremely close racing from P5 to P8 now, between Magnussen, Jenson who's performing actual miracles to stay ahead of Alonso without crashing into his team-mate, and Seb. Final lap.

And it's the end of the race.

It's another win for Ricciardo. Rosberg P2, Valtteri P3.

Ted asks Niki what he said to Lewis. "I said sorry because for him it's bad, no question about it." He says Lewis was clearly in the lead. "Why in the second lap? This somebody has to explain to me," he says. He says these things can happen when there's a fight all the way to the end but not in the second lap. They say they will all have a meeting, and see what they're gonna do, but he thinks it's a bad result for the team, altogether, and Lewis.

On the podium, Rosberg gets loudly booed by the crowd. He's kinda apologetic, saying they touched "unfortunately" and it hurt both their races and it's not good for the team. Jordan asks about responsibility and he says he shouldn't comment as he hasn't seen it.

Back to the BBC broadcast for the post race content. We hear from Toto. The journalist says Nico good booed. Toto looks extremely depressed, it's so weird. He just nods with a sheepish expression. Doesn't say a word. Oh he's pissed. When the journalist asks about the incident he says "absolutely unacceptable, absolutely unacceptable". He says on lap 2 of a long race, between teammates… They've discussed that situation before and it happened that day. He's asked about who's to blame as well. He says it's clear what happened out there. "You don't try to overtake with a knife between your teeth, is that how you say? On lap number 2 and then damage both cars." He says he believes this is a decisive moment both for their battle and for the team. The journalist asks what Lewis told him after the race. "Oh, he's very upset," he says. "But there is not a lot to say, I mean. We've kept him out there for a long time with a very damaged car uh… he will recover quickly, that's how he is but uh… obviously not very happy at that stage." Last question : "Toto how are you gonna handle this situation now?" Short pause. "It's gonna be handled." He smiles, but only with his mouth. If I was Nico I'd be shitting myself. The main presenter (Susie, not Wolff) and DC scoff and raise an eyebrow. The message is clear and Toto's fury is palpable.

There's stuff to say there. But I'll wait a bit more because I've seen that the BBC also had a word with Niki so let's hear that first.

He says it's unacceptable for him that in the second lap (emphasis on second) Nico hits Lewis. (He calls them out by name.) "Very simple, unacceptable," he repeats. He says there's gonna be a meeting but it's unacceptable. He says they can talk about it if it happens at the end of the race when they're fighting each other. But making such a mistake in the second lap and letting Redbull and Ricciardo win (he takes his cap off and puts it back on), "I have to say they did a very good job", but it's ridiculous. The journalist asks if they had this discussion prior to the race : please don't hit each other in the opening laps. "So far I thought that they're clever enough to know that," he says, "but now we have to discuss it. Very simple."

The BBC reminds us that's a talk they had in their broadcast before the race, about team orders etc. and that they were disagreeing about. Jordan thinks this is the team's fault for not forbidding them to overtake each other in the opening laps until the race settles down. DC thinks that it goes against what a racer is and you want racers in your cars. Jordan says the drivers are team employees, you can't just let people go and do what they want to do, and that the team is paying the price. DC says he accepts that, "but in defence of the drivers…" Jordan cuts him off again. "Forget the drivers for a moment," he says. Susie says "you can't!" and Jordan loses his calm a bit "of course we can! Why defend the drivers when they're completely out on a limb?! The team is not exercising what is normal control, here." Well obviously Jordan was a team owner and DC a driver, and it shows in their opinions. Susie, who's smarter than both of them combined, reminds them very calmly that everybody has been very excited that Mercedes has let them race all season and that's what has made the season what it's been. She says Jordan is saying the opposite of what he was saying at the beginning of the show. Jordan starts rambling about a conversation he's had with DC, "we even brought his wife into it" (and indeed they talked about who takes decisions at home and it was incredibly cringe) "but leave that aside for one moment" and DC nods gravely and Susie says "yes please". He says he thinks they should have given team orders because it's Spa and the weather is changing and letting them race from lap 1 instead of from lap 4-5 was "stupid". But DC says in a boxing match you don't tell the boxers to not knock each other out until the 5th round so we get some value. (Mh not so sure it’s true.) (And sure enough :) Jordan says they do. And DC says well they shouldn't. Anyway DC thinks Nico didn't do it deliberately and was clumsy. "He knows he's not as good a wheel to wheel racer as Lewis" and was frustrated he lost the lead. He thinks it was almost inevitable for them to make contact at some point of the year (that much is true, imo).

Susie asks what it means for Lewis who's now "far" behind in the WDC. They both agree "it means war". (I think back to the "Nico hit me! Nico's hit me!" radio message and I wonder if there was a hint of surprise in Lewis' voice). DC says what's interesting as well is the public reaction because they all know Nico personally and he's a genuinely nice person but he can't seem to get the public behind him, and he doesn't have the team support right now (and that's what I wanna talk about). Ohhh interesting. Susie says Nico has gone to one of the biggest newspapers in the UK and he bought a column in it to try to win over the British fans. She asks if he's lost the support he could have had from that. Jordan thinks it was fragile from the start. He says RTL is down 30% which would be unimaginable if it had been Schumacher. He points out it's confusing because he's German with a Finnish passport living in Monaco. Susie points out the German didn't embrace Seb either. (Maybe the Germans are the problem then. Jk. Sorry to the Germans.) She says it's like they loved Michael and they can't love anybody else. DC says a German colleague told him they could relate to him as coming from a working class background. (Yep).

Okay wait. We have Lewis' interview but before that I wanna comment on some things there, because as Toto said it is indeed a pivotal moment.

So yeah, very interesting how everybody is rallying around Lewis there. Remember in the last race how we were told the team apologised to him because the car gave up on him in quali? That also made me tick. It's a very, very interesting twist. We know from the past seasons that Lewis struggled to get the team's support in McLaren. We've seen him struggle to trust them and struggle to keep them motivated in their hard times and struggle with these relationships. It's almost surprising that in Mercedes, where he is the newcomer (I mean it's his second season there but Nico was there first), the team is rallying around him. What changed there? I don't have an answer, you'd have to have been there, in the backrooms, in the meetings to see it happen. (A lot of that was discussed in my asks since then.)

Now don't get me wrong. I've said it from the moment it happened : it was Nico's fault but truly it was a racing incident. It wasn't a huge rash mistake. It was a tiny error that had big consequences. I agree with DC that it was pretty much inevitable anyway, especially given that they let them race. It was stupid as all fuck and team seniors are right to make sure Nico knows that but they are taking such a strong public stance there, I find it very strange. You'd think it was the 2010 Turkey Seb-Webber crash when it really could have been nothing and they got very unlucky.

It's undeniable Niki loves Lewis. He's there for him. From the start you can hear in every of his post race interviews that he's his focal point and Nico is an afterthought. In his opinion, it seems, Nico is a good driver and he's good for the team mainly because he pushes Lewis further.

It must be such a change of pace for him. Knowing that people are in his corner, backing him up, defending him, publically, loudly, proudly, and he's not fighting alone. That has not been the case, ever. People have always recognized his talent and underlined it at McLaren but I often had the vague diffuse feeling that he was on his own rather than part of a team. That's different with Mercedes and it resonates to this day. I can feel the rise of this magnetic aura he has nowadays, that I find very obvious, that makes a number of people around him act like he isn't completely human. Even most of the other drivers. They treat him differently, like he's an idol, in the religious term. It's like the air bends around him. Even though the young drivers wanna beat him, you can tell they can't help but lose their cool a little everytime he interacts with them. That's how it feels right this moment, seeing this team (and the public) so unequivocally defend him, against better reason (like, idk, basic PR rules).

I wonder how much of that is due to him being the underdog and incredibly unlucky that season. I guess we'll see how it evolves and whether it changes at some point. (From what I’ve heard from some of you, it does.)

Also about Nico not having the public support. Well. Yeah. No surprise there. It's really interesting because that didn't really change to this day. He's really a golden boy, rich af, extremely privileged and so extremely naive about it? Like, shockingly naive. You're telling me the man bought a column in the UK's most read newspaper to try to get people to like him?! It's a dick move, love. You're just. Being rich. And you're doing that on Lewis' territory? Why not in Germany then? Why not in Finland? Absurd! He clearly means well, he's not mean, he's not an Alonso, he's not purposeful about it but he's just. So. Incredibly. Idk. Sheltered? Senseless? It makes me feel a bit sorry for him, in a slightly condescending way. He's trying so hard but so clumsily. Actually not unlike his racing now that I write it down? His overtake, his mistake, it's exactly that. Naive, senseless, and clumsy. Damn. Parallels.

Let's get back to the content.

Lewis says during the drivers' parade he saw so many British flags and the support was amazing and he's gutted he couldn't give the fans a good result. (His attitude is interesting, when he's pissed at a result he usually doesn't wanna talk, but he is talkative there, just very serious.) He doesn't know what to say. He sighs. He says we couldn't see it but he was driving so hard to try and do what he could with the car but it was so damaged…

He says he's gutted for the team. "My guys," he says (which accentuates the whole support thing, because I don’t remember hearing him use a possessive when referring to them), they've worked so hard on "my car", "we've had such a difficult time this year" and he had a good start and it was looking good. He says he took the corner as he normally does, "it was my line and… I don't know why he hit me but erm… (inhale) I'm sure he'll leave here happy." He tilts his head to the side with a smile.

She asks how big of a moment it is in the championship. He was upset after Monaco, is it worse now? He hums. It's not worse, because it can't really get worse than Monaco. But it's not good. He says it took him a long time to gain thirty points last time, and we've seen it can change very quickly in Silverstone but his (Nico’s) car very rarely stops, "so… it's looking good for him for this season now."

She says he stayed out 20 more laps after first asking to retire. She asks what were the benefits of staying out and whether the team explained that to him. He sighs again. He sighs a lot throughout the interview. He says he wasn't giving up as he was driving (mmmh…) but he knew he couldn't do it, he couldn't catch Grosjean whose car is much slower than theirs. And once he did catch him, he couldn't stay behind him because the car's balance was so bad. He says he thought about the fact that in the last race weekend he lost an engine because it caught on fire, so he's one engine down compared to Nico, so that's why he wanted to save this engine because he's gonna have less laps in practice than him. (Okay I see his point.) She says he's been fighting very hard against the odds this season and he seems still very emotional standing there, what is it gonna take to win the WDC now?

Another pause, another sigh. He says there's a lot of things going on in his mind and of course you start to think maybe it's just not his year but he "can't let that overtake everything there's still 7 races" and he's gonna push, they've got a great car and a great team and he believes in them.

Another pause. "Who knows whether some fortune will come my way but I'm just gonna give it everything I can for these next few races because that's all I can do".

Now listen, because that's very interesting. She asks if it matters that Niki and Toto have been very much on his side, does the speaking needs to be done on track, does he speak to Nico?

He sighs again, it reminds him of school. The teachers would have a talk but they did nothing, "or you get a detention", but he thinks it won't even be that here, "I guess it'll be– all they can do is really (sigh) say that was not good and… we move on. He got those points today, the stewards didn't act on it and he's now 30 points ahead so (sigh, shrug) you know I just have to regather my thoughts and just approach… just be attacking (he smiles) like crazy in the next couple of races."

Alright. Let's take a second again. I'm sorry if this is a very long review but there's so much to analyse here, as I said I truly think it's a turning point. I was just saying how it must be a change of pace for Lewis to be supported like he is at Mercedes but clearly he doesn't feel like he is yet. It's gonna be interesting because you can tell he doesn't trust them to have his best interest at heart and to take the right measures to assert that. You can tell there's a lot of, I don't wanna say trauma because I don't know, but baggage there. We know he's been bullied in school and it's very telling that he's bringing school up at that point. He feels bullied. He feels like a victim in this situation. It seems his whole life he's been left to deal with these feelings on his own. We know his father has many qualities but he wasn't a very comforting father. We know he didn't defend him. Lewis loves to bring it up, but the whole "do your talking on the track" is, also, an admission of powerlessness off the track. He had to do the talking on the track because he couldn't defend himself off of it, because of the stigma, and the racism, and the fact that they weren't treated like they had the same rights as the others, as their bullies. We know his principal singled him out for being a racing driver and didn't support him and even punished him for it so you know he's faced injustice and he's never seen justice being served when that happened. Nobody has ever defended him but himself. Think of the fact he took, was it judo or karate?, to face his bullies, also think of Abu Dhabi and all of the '21 season and what that has meant for him in that context. It's the same thing all over again, in his eyes : the bullies aren't being punished, the people in power are protecting them instead of him, the principal is out to get him any way he can. Fucking hell. That puts a lot of things into perspective all of a sudden.

Let's get back to 2014. So that's what's at stake here as well. Not just the friendship (it's probably too late already), not just the WDC (there would have been other years), but the feeling of belonging, the feeling that people have your back, the feeling that they won't let you fight alone. It all depends on how the team will react now, and for the rest of the season, and for the rest of Brocedes. And maybe, maybe, that was Nico's role in Lewis' story. Someone had to be sacrificed for him, to him. Someone had to be put second so he could be put first.

Jordan feels it too but without the hindsight I have. He kind of refuses to comment on it because he says he needs to listen to it again, because "he obviously has a message in there, and he wanted it delivered, the message, and I think that message is critical to the team and how his car is run."

The message, I think, is "do you have my back and if so prove it."

DC agrees with Susie that it's an incredibly well thought out interview, and he's impressed with how he's able to gather his thoughts in the car, even though he's incredibly emotional while he's racing. He says he enjoys, and that's a good point, how Mercedes allow their drivers to talk (and I'd say all the team members because Toto and Niki didn't hold back either). He thinks it'll bring the team popularity.

And here's the kicker. The cherry on the cake. The Wikipedia article states that Nico "received an undisclosed punishment from Mercedes for hitting Hamilton". Although the stewards investigated it and concluded, like me, that it was a racing incident. Lewis later said after a meeting that Nico had "basically" admitted that it had been intentional to "prove a point" and that he (Lewis) didn't have to only rely on Nico to avoid it as he could have avoided it as well.

(At some point in this rewatch there will be something to say about Lewis' tendency to get paranoid when he comes under pressure but this is not a very good argument for it as we don't know the truth and there's enough in this review anyway. Also I have a gut feeling that the may-or-may-not-be paranoia is gonna get way worse later on so we’ll talk about it then.)

Toto also somewhat backed Lewis on this, saying after the meeting the collision could have been avoided, it was Nico who attacked and "it was also to show he was not prepared to give in". Nico initially said he didn't do anything wrong, and didn't see any risk in his manoeuvre. Then he denied Lewis' version of the meeting but refused to say what he said in the meeting, to "keep it internal". In one article, a Mercedes spokesman said that Lewis' version was "broadly accurate" but Toto said the part about admitting the crash was deliberate was "nonsense".

(See, let me get back to the paranoia thing after all. (sorry) What I mean is that when he's under pressure he sometimes makes wild claims, like sometimes on the radio, saying people did things on purpose and then he regrets it when he's calmed down. Something does happen, I mean it's never completely unwarranted, but then the question of whether people did the thing with bad intentions or not is up to interpretation and I feel like he tends to believe by default that people are out to get him, especially in tense moments. Which is understandable given the context and the whole bullying thing I mentioned earlier but it's worth keeping in mind. This may or may not be the case here. Like it might be that Nico said something ambiguous that could be interpreted as "I did it on purpose" and that's how Lewis heard it but could also have been interpreted with more nuance which Lewis didn't.) (And I don't blame him for it given the context.) (But still important pattern to keep in mind imo.) (Because if not relevant now it will definitely be relevant at some point.) (OK sorry let's keep going.)

Five days after the race, the senior members of the team held a meeting with both of them. That's when Nico got the undisclosed punishment. They still maintained the no team order policy. Nico accepted responsibility and apologised to Lewis, Mercedes, and the fans. Lewis admitted in a statement he made mistakes in their rivalry over the year and that it would be unfair to put all the blame on one driver. "There is a deep foundation that still exists for me and Nico to work from, in spite of our difficult time and differences."

So now. The question is, I guess, was the punishment enough in Lewis' eyes to convince him he's not fighting alone? Is he fighting alone?

#f1 #lewis hamilton #vro0m's race reviews #2014 #2014 belgian gp

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maurypovichofficial2 · 1 year

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wow we once had a fight in like 2014 in 1d fandom because you were pro-israel and thought harry being besties with a bunch of zionists who donate to anti-palestine causes was cool, and you called me a hairy ugly dyke who hated harry just because he was a man sjshfjshf and then you blocked me and i truly never thought of you again.

anyway one of your posts ended up on my dash thanks to the "like by someone you follow" feature, and i was like hmmm i know that url and i discovered you had a new account and you were now a gay he/him instead of a homophobic straight girl. wild how time flies huh

honey you got the wrong one lmao! first of all I would never say that to anyone those words in that order isn't even in my vernacular EVEN when I'm angry EVEN back in 2014. I also have NEVER blocked anyone on tumblr dot com so yeah lol! There were other gays in that fandom during that time but this ain't my resume at all.

#Harry was also never my fave so that also doesn’t track

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theseerasures · 5 years

Text

counterpunches replied to your post “spoiliors for you know what[[MOR] y’know when i was like “what if...”

helen no

rowanwould replied to your post “spoiliors for you know what[[MOR] y’know when i was like “what if...”

helen maybe?

wow!! guess i have no choice you guys really twisted my arm

i’m drawing, i’m just drawing

i’m remembering something, that’s all

It’s fairly easy to slip away. Anna has a list that drops to the floor of all the things she wants to do with Elsa while they’re together for the weekend, but she’s the queen now, so when the inevitable not-life-threatening-yet-incredibly-urgent crisis materializes (something about cheese?) Elsa just has to reassure her into the room for visiting dignitaries, and then she has at least a few hours to herself.

(Not that she wants to keep what she plans to do a secret, exactly, it’s just...something she wants to try out herself first.)

Her old bedroom looks untouched. Were it not for the conspicuous lack of dust, Elsa would have guessed that no one had set foot in there at all since she’d left it the day of her coronation. There’s her old bureau, the fireplace Father always took pains to light whenever he came to visit, the large glass window she’d spent more than half her life gazing out, ravenous and terrified of the outside world--

But that’s not the way to start this whole thing. The spirits had warned her that reviving memories is a tricky thing--stray feelings could get caught in the crosshairs, she could end up summoning something unexpected, or just irrelevant. There isn’t any reason to get all emotional right now, before she even started, there isn’t any reason to...

Feel.

Right now, Elsa hastily amends to herself as a vivid specter of Anna’s concerned, outraged frown appears in her thoughts. There’s no reason to get all caught up in feeling right now.

Elsa rubs her neck, feeling the telltale sign of a tension headache already blooming there. Right. The goal is just to see what kind of memory the water in this place might be keeping, since she knows it so well, and so much of her magic already marks its walls. She needs to leave herself open to the possibilities here: it could be just her. It could be Gerda dusting. It could be nothing at all--she’s never tried to draw up a memory that might have her in it before.

Deep breath. She’s home and she’s safe, and it’s been more than three years since this room had been the stone on her back.

Elsa finds a place to crouch down, then closes her eyes and begins.

The strain immediately makes itself known. This isn’t a waterlogged shipwreck; the castle is strong bedrock that extends down deep into the earth, and water has to travel obliquely. Still, the traces are there: melted ice leaving stains quickly painted over, cold scars on the ceiling, the corners. She gathers them up, lets them become. Concentrate. Listen.

--know that you have a choice--

“What?” Her eyes fly open. There's a figure coalescing around her old bed--slender, hair in a delicate bun, clad in a dress with a design that Elsa knowsknowsknows

But there isn’t enough water. The figure still looks blurred out, and the room seems spent. When Elsa tries to reach farther, deeper, the water from elsewhere--the garden outside, her own ice spires--tries to answer back, but she brushes them away; she doesn’t want this scene contaminated, doesn’t want it to change, she wants--

Tears drip down her face, and then she gasps as they, too, float up to solidify the form, her own contribution to the memory.

And then her mother is there.

“...know you feel trapped,” Iduna is saying, and as Elsa unconsciously moves closer to the bed she sees that there’s a miniature version of herself on the bed, twelve years old, curled up and facing away.

“I imagine that you feel horribly alone, like maybe...you don’t even belong here, in your own home, with your own family,” Elsa mouths the words in time to her mother’s voice; she remembers this, remembers it now. “But this is your home, Elsa, and--I know you think you have to do this, that you have to shut yourself off all the time, but I want you to know that you have a choice. You do. Your powers don’t have to be a prison, you can use them to help people. And if you don’t want your home--our family--to remain like this, you have the power to change that too. You get a say in how your life should proceed. I want you to know that I believe in you, Elsa, even if you--”

A stop. A sigh. “I want you to try,” her mother continues, “try just letting yourself be, Elsa, instead of hiding. Try thinking that maybe you can do good, maybe more good than anyone else could, because of what fate afforded you, and because you are good, Elsa, and I--”

“Love you,” Elsa whispers, after her mother’s voice in the memory cuts off and fades, “More than anything else in the world.”

In the memory her mother’s hand is reaching down, a hair’s breadth away from touching the braid of her past self. Elsa doesn’t bother sparing a glance down at what her own face looked like back then, stiff and terrified on the bed; she already knows.

Her face in the present is still wet; nil-three for keeping it together with memories of her parents now.

“I thought Papa sent you up here that night because he was tired of dealing with me,” she says. Her voice is steadier than she imagined, steadier and duller. “He usually...handled me, and when you came in I thought...maybe he needed a break. You usually didn’t come in here alone, and I...”

She sucks in a deep, slow breath. “I guess I just always thought that you were afraid of me.”

“Or that you were still mad about what I did to Anna. I didn’t blame you,” she quickly adds, “I couldn’t, not when I--anyway. Papa was always the one who came in to check on how I was doing, on my progress, and I thought that he was...so fearless, for still wanting to stay so close to me. But you...”

There isn’t much of her mother that she can remember in The Intervening Years beyond shadows and parts. A figure in a doorway, a hand on her shoulder, quickly shrugged off before she could do any damage. But that was all life to her in those days; even her father eventually became nothing more than the mantra and pinpricks of expectation. Everything had to be abstracted down to what she let herself see within the four walls of her room, to what she let herself feel within the vice of her heart.

She lets out a tired chuckle. “I guess I had both of you wrong, didn’t I?”

The sound of soft laughter filters through the door. Elsa tenses, but it just fades as whoever it had been walks past. Probably one of the new staff; the castle is so alive now, and it changes all the time.

Elsa reaches out and clasps her ungloved hands to her mother’s. “I am trying, Mother,” she says, and lets the memory crumble away.

#counterpunches #rowanwould #later elsa's like 'hm i wonder what other kinds of fluids work to preserve mem--'#but then anna's elsa bullshit alarm starts going off and she charges in yelling 'WHAT ARE YOU DOINNNGGGG'#before dragging elsa off by her foot to eat chocolate and play charades #frozen 2 #disney #helen writes #wow it truly is 2014 again isn't it

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imaginationintowords · 4 years

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Folklore [song series]

mirrorball

Modern Day AU! Steve Rogers x OC!Reader

Plot: Inspired by Taylor Swift’s new album folklore. The story follows the timeline of Bucky and Elizabeth’s life throughout the years.

Word count: 2110

[a/n: thanks for being patient with me! hope you guys enjoy this new chapter! if i forgot to tag you please inbox me]

previous part

Series Masterlist

Age: 20

Location: Brooklyn, NY

Year: Summer 2014

Steve flopped down onto his bed, tired after today's events. Elizabeth softly laid down next to him, Steve wrapped his arm around her bringing her closer to his chest.

"Today was a day," he tiredly says.

"You okay?" She asked him.

After Bucky had left there was a sadness aura that followed Steve for the rest of the party. He had no clue what he had expected Bucky's reaction to be, but definitely not the one he got. He had even prepared himself fo a fight, he was grateful that didn't happen. He just wasn't expecting for Bucky to shut down and leave. Not even accepting his offer of having a conversation later.

He knew that Bucky just needed his space, time to think it all over. But the look on Bucky's face had Steve questioning whether or not he would ever come around.

It threw Steve off when Bucky requested that he breakup with Elizabeth. He couldn't believe his best friend would want his own happiness to suffer.

His whole life he had done everything possible to keep Bucky happy. After what Bucky and his family had to go through with his father, Steve made it his mission to never let his friend feel that way again. Granted he was only 7 when he made that promise to himself, he still kept it.

Steve had never put himself first, at least not until he had made the decision to go to school in California. He had even thought about changing his plans after his breakup with Elizabeth but he knew his parents would've been disappointed with that decision.

He had put Bucky first his entire life, what he's doing isn't selfish. Yet he can't help but feel like the most selfish person ever.

What if he was keeping Elizabeth from truly being happy? What if she just didn't want to break his heart? What if she just didn't want to break his heart during a family event? What if come tomorrow she would tell him the truth, that she was really still in love with Bucky.

He's not sure he could handle that heartbreak.

"Want to tell me what's going on in that head of yours?" Elizabeth asked, breaking Steve from his self destructive thoughts.

"I won't be mad if you still love him," Steve says, "I'd understand."

Elizabeth quickly sat up to get a look of Steve's face to make sure he was being serious. It nearly broke her to see how defeated he looked. She's never seen him so down, not even after his breakup with Peggy.

"You don't have to pretend to save my feelings," he continues, "If it meant you were happy, that's all I care about. If being with Bucky makes you happy, then please don't let me stand in the way."

"Oh Steve," she gently caresses his face, staring down at him, "I wasn't lying earlier when I told Bucky that I didn't love him anymore. And i most definitely wasn't lying when I said that I love you, because I do love you, with my whole heart. You make me happy. The happiest I've ever been. Bucky was my past. You are my now, and hopefully my future.

"If you can't see how truly great you are, then I must not be doing my job as not only your girlfriend, but you're friend," she says, "Because you make me feel special every single day. And I just want you to feel the way you've made me feel."

"It's not your fault," Steve softly says, grasping her hand to place a kiss on her knuckles.

"Growing up I've always been second to Bucky," he explains, "Everyone seemed to prefer him over me. Whether it was girls or just our friends. It was always Bucky then Steve."

Elizabeth takes a moment to think back on their time growing up. She couldn't help but feel guilty when she realized that everything Steve is saying is true.

After she and Bucky got together, Steve sort of became an after thought, not because they purposefully excluded him, it never crossed their mind simply because Steve also had Peggy at the time. But after Peggy left, Elizabeth never really got to talk to Steve about how he felt, because she got caught up in her own drama.

"Steve, I'm so sorry," she apologizes, "I should've known then about how you felt. I was so caught up in my own shit, I never realized that you could've been going through your own stuff."

"Liz, it was never your fault," he says, "You were going through your own stuff. And I had learned to suppress it. Plus Bucky was your boyfriend at the time, of course i wasn't really on your mind. Plus it's kind of my fault for allowing it to happen. I never spoke up about it. I just always went along, figuring it was better than nothing."

"Once I got to Berkeley that's when everything changed," his mood shifts a bit to a much lighter feel, "I no longer felt like the shadow of a person. I felt like my own person for the first time ever. I was able to become someone I never thought possible. I am no longer 'scrawny Steve, Bucky's best friend'. I just became 'Steve' or 'Rogers'."

Elizabeth smiled at the way Steve's eyes lit up when talking.

"I had never imagined myself leaving New York, let alone making the permanent move to California," he confesses, "As much as I love it here, California is where I feel I belong. I know you feel it too."

Elizabeth nods her head agreeing with him. She felt the same way, as much as New York was her childhood home, California was where she felt her heart aching for. Where she felt like she belonged, where she could thrive. The more she spent time there, the more it felt like home, that's why moving there wasn't a tough decision for her.

"Coming back here," Steve says, causing Elizabeth to shift back her focus on him, "It just makes me feel like that scrawny kid all over again. I feel like no matter how hard I try to shed that image, Brooklyn will never see me for who I am now, but for who I was then. Like no matter what I do I will always be 'little' Steve Rogers."

"I know you feel it too," he says looking up at her.

She did. She did feel stuck in the past whenever she came back home. It seemed like life stood still here, while outside of Brooklyn everything is moving ahead. She knows it's only because she grew up there, and had nothing to do with Brooklyn itself. Once she was in California, she got a taste of life outside of Brooklyn, and she's not sure if she would want to go back. So moving there was an easier choice for her to make.

"I do," she agrees, "It's why moving to California was an easy decision for me to make."

"I wasn't even sure I was even going to make it to California," he says.

"Why is that?"

"Felt like I was disappointing my parents," he confesses, "We had always discussed me going to Columbia as a pre-med major. That had been the original plan. It wasn't like they were forcing it on me. More like I was forcing it onto myself.

"It was the 'safer' choice, granted the longer one, but in the end it all would've been worth it. For some reason as a child I believed that was the only way my parents would've been proud of me. Regardless of the fact that they were already proud and would tell me constantly. I just put that pressure on myself."

"It wasn't until junior year that Mr. Lawson, my high school art teacher said I should apply to some art schools," he continues, "Then after I had a long discussion with the guidance counselor she agreed as well, saying I would get in no problem with whatever art field I applied in.

"I never really gave my drawing much thought. It was just something I would do. Also a career in art is not exactly financially stable, or at all stable. But I figured it wouldn't hurt to apply to a couple of schools as an architecture major. Never really gave it a second thought."

Steve pauses, "I did get into Columbia."

"Steve, no fucking way," Elizabeth gasp sitting up straighter, "I never even heard."

"That's because I only told my parents," he says, "I got the acceptance email the same day I got NYU's and Berkeley's, where I hadn't applied as pre-med, which my parents didn't know of at the time."

"Wow," Elizabeth responds feeling herself become speechless. She had only known about NYU and Berkeley. She knew about NYU because that was the plan, they, including Bucky had discussed Freshman year. Back when she was still with Bucky, and Steve with Peggy and they all had planned to stay in New York. Before life got complicated.

"When I did get the Berkeley acceptance I had to come clean to my parents about what major I applied under. I was nervous, because a part of me never told them because I was worried I wouldn't get in. So seeing that acceptance it was the assurance I needed. One that really let me know that I could actually do it. And of course my parents were proud."

"Of course," Elizabeth smiles, "They would've been proud if you had decided to not even go to school and just worked in a restaurant."

"That's true," Steve lets out a small laugh, "And I think I more so didn't want to regret the decision. Leaving home to move across the country for a career that could be unstable. It's scary."

"Do you?" Elizabeth asks.

"Do I what?"

"Do you regret it?"

"Not one bit," he smiles, pulling her back down onto his chest.

They laid there in a comfortable silence. Steve ranking his fingers on Elizabeth's arm, feeling himself grow tired.

"I hope you know you're amazing," Elizabeth quietly says looking up at him with pure admiration in her eyes, "That I think you're amazing. I think you're one of the greatest people I have ever known. And if I have to spend my entire life showing you just how amazing I think you are, I will."

Age: 29

Year: 2023

Location: Santa Barbara, CA

Elizabeth giggled as Steve carried her over the threshold into their hotel room for the weekend. He kicked the door closed as he silenced her giggles with a kiss, before placing her on her feet.

"Why thank-you Mr. Rogers."

"You're very welcome Mrs. Rogers," he smiled brightly at his new wife.

Her makeup was slowly fading, hair no longer perfectly done after a night of dancing with their close loved ones. Steve just stares at her lovingly. He ahs never seen her more beautiful and the fact that he gets to be her husband for the rest of his life, he's never felt luckier.

Elizabeth feels his eyes just on her, "What? Do I have something on my face?"

"No, just admiring my beautiful wife," he compliments, causing Elizabeth to blush.

"How about one more dance?" she asks.

"There's no music."

"When I'm with you there's always music," she says holding her hand out for him.

Steve pulled her to him, one hand grasped in her's, while the other lay on her lower back. Elizabeth's head rested on his chest, with Steve's chin softly resting on the top of it.

"You know I think you're amazing," Elizabeth says as they sway softly in each other's arms.

"You might've told me once or twice," he responds.

"Get used to it because I'm going to be telling you that for the rest of our lives."

"Nothing I want more than that," he kisses the top of her head.

"If you'd asked me to runaway with you to join a circus, I would in a heartbeat," she says.

"Oh really? If I lose my job, and having nothing to show for, you'd still be there?"

"Right next to you baby, every step of the way," she says looking up at him, "Plus you won't have nothing to show. You'll have me. You'll have us. With me by your side I'll make sure you never not know how much you mean to me."

"You've made me believe in love again when I thought it wasn't possible. You've made me love myself in a way that I didn't think were possible. You make me a better human being by just being you. I love you Steve, more than anything.

"So if everything were to go to shit, as long as I have you that's all I need. I'll be there reminding you every single day just how special you are to me."

"I love you," Steve smiles as tears fall from his eyes.

#folklore #folklore song series #folklore mirrorball #mirrorball #mirrorball taylor swift #mirrorball song seires #steve rogers fanfiction #steve rogers x original female character #steve rogers x original character #Steve rogers x OC!female #steve rogers angst #steve rogers fluff #angst #fluff #original character series #Steve rogers modern au #steve rogers modern day

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trivialoveclub · 4 years

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2020 Year in Review!

hey! i was tagged by the absolute angel that is ⚘ @unefleurofferte ⚘(tysm my love! 💞) for this 2020 tag! first off (even tho it's the middle of january already 🤡) i wanted to wish everyone a happy new year! not to get sappy 💀 but even tho i don't rlly talk/interact that much, it brings me a lot of happiness seeing u guys on my dash 🥺💗 i genuinely am supporting and rooting for you all and i wish u guys all the love and kindness in this new year bc you deserve it babes 💖

Rules: answer the questions about 2020 and tag some people to pass it on!

5 Fav Films You Watched in 2020

🎬 Soul (2020) "Your spark isn't your purpose. That last box fills in when you're ready to come live."

🎬 Onward (2020) "I never had a dad, but I always had you."

🎬 Klaus (2019) "A true selfless act always sparks another."

🎬 Diecisiete (2019) "You think I'd be doing all of this if I had no heart?

Maybe you're trying to get it back."

🎬 East Side Sushi (2014) "You know behind every great restaurant here, there are great latinos, in the back, in the kitchen, hidden. Prepping the food and making you all look good. Well, I don't want to be in the back anymore."

5 Fav TV Shows You Watched In 2020

📺 Like in The Movies (2020) "Do you ever feel like you're not the protagonist of your own story?"

📺 Given (2019) "Do you have anyone you like, Haruki-san? If that person suddenly disappeared from this world, what would you say?"

📺 Banana Fish (2018) "My soul is always with you."

📺 Masterchef Junior (2013-) Not a quote but Gordon Ramsay always says the dishes has "finesse" and now i can't stop saying it in everything 😭

📺 Next in Fashion (2020)

5 Fav Songs You Listened To In 2020

🎶 UGH! : BTS 🎶 "You're allowed to be angry, but bothering someone else's life, I don't like"

🎶 Fuyu No Hanashi : Given 🎶 "Just like the snow that hasn't completely melted in the shade I continue on with these feelings inside of me."

🎶 So Beautiful : DPR Ian 🎶 "My love is turning kinda gray / My heart is looking the other way."

🎶 PSYCHE : Joohoney 🎶 "All of the world pay attention"

🎶 Stay Tonight : Chungha 🎶 "Tell me what you wanna do, run away or stay tonight"

Top 5 Albums of 2020

💿 Map of The Soul 7 : BTS

UGH! ⏯ Black Swan ⏯ Inner Child

💿 Fatal Love : Monsta X

Sorry I'm Not Sorry ⏯ Nobody Else ⏯ Guess Who

💿 Ungodly Hour : Chloe x Halle

ROYL ⏯ Forgive Me ⏯ Lonely

💿 Mixtape [ PSYCHE ] : Joohoney

PSYCHE ⏯ Intro (Ambition) ⏯ DIA

💿 Chromatica : Lady Gaga

Replay ⏯ Sour Candy ⏯ Alice

Top 5 Books You Read in 2020

🤡 🤡 🤡

...i haven't read for fun in years 😔 i used to read a book every single day :(( but! i already have a list of ones i want to read so this year for sure im gonna be that girl again 🤧💅🏼

💌 How did you spend your birthday this year? 💌

uh hahaha 🤡 suddenly i can't read 🤡

well...i had to take my drivers test but i had no idea how to park so i mean obvs i was gonna fail 💀 so i got super anxious and then had a breakdown in the back seat when it was getting closer to my turn 😭 my parents had to reschedule it and take me home. i felt like such a disappointment. so it started off absolutely horrible, fortunately the rest of the day was a lot better but oof 🤪

💌 What was your most memorable day? 💌

i honestly cannot remember anything 😭 it's like one big blur but ummm...probably finishing high school! i felt like i could finally breathe 🥲

💌 What was your most memorable meal you had this year? 💌

hmm...ooo probably when my abuelita made us a bunch of paches de papa 🥺 i ate them for a whole week and i loved it entirely...my heart is pache shaped 🤧💘

💌 Did you find any new hobbies or interests in quarantine? 💌

hmm i don't think i got any new ones but i did get to be reminded again on how much i genuinely enjoy making food and like decorating/personalizing things! ☺💖

💌 What was the last big event/thing you remember doing before covid? 💌

uhhh i honestly can't think of anything? i literally don't go out 🤡 like im in chilling in this quarantine lifestyle bc nothing has changed for me 🤪

💌 5 good/positive things that happened to you in 2020? 💌

🌱 i finally escaped high school! 🎓🎉

🌱 i decided to take a gap year and the burnt out student inside me feels like she can finally exhale

🌱 i can't remember if it was in early 2020 or late 2019 but anyways I GOT MY DRIVERS LICENSE 😝😝 i honestly...do not know how i got it...i took 15+ minutes to park (as u can see your girl didn't learn her lesson) but bless that man for passing me i hope u have a beautiful life sir 😭💖 however i have not stepped in the driver's seat since then 💋 i refuse 💋

🌱 i honestly would say watching Soul 🥲💗 i've always been obsessed w my meaning and purpose in life and that movie rlly just hit home for me...i think about it everyday and im literally starting to tear up right now so let me just stop 🤪

🌱 hmm honestly just being home 💗 i now have an excuse to stay in all time and that brings me so much peace in my heart 🤧

💌 Biggest messages or lessons learnt from this year? 💌

that there's a lot to live for. and i rlly want to enjoy it? and like w the gap year i still feel guilty and still feel like im wasting time and not being productive (love being a capricorn 🤪) but im trying to not think like that...and the fact that Soul came out and it's whole message is literally like life is beautiful and it's meant to be lived 🥺 it rlly like...set that for me u know...there's so many little things that truly make me excited about life and i want to enjoy it and after those 4 years in high school of constant work and stress and losing my entire mind maybe i actually deserve it 🥲 so um yeah..sjdkajd

💌 And what are you most looking forward to in 2021? 💌

a lot ☺ everything honestly...wow omg that's so weird asjakjd ahhh 😭😭💘 [insert that paul rudd who would have thought not me meme] but i wanna do sm much!! bake and cook and learn to knit! and personalize my clothes and READ! and watch movies and shows! and i'll also be going back to school so i rlllllllllyyyyyyyy want to learn how to manage my time bc my procrastination truly fucked me in the ass in hs 🤡 but yeah im excited ahh! ☺

And We're Done!

oof my memory is so awful i feel like i can't remember anything that happened in 2020 🤡 this ended up being a bit long 💀 so if u made it to the end...thank u for reading...ily 😚💌 besitos for you! 💞

tagging these cuties 💘: @moonlattae @fluorescente @glossierjoon @ardores @star99 @jooniephoria @ahearthrob @catboyjm @yoongidisease @violetmoonlits @koyan @stardustyoongi @7blueside @m1amor @sobsyub @m8nstruck @souheii @1okyos @virgomoon @alevchaan @jihyoist

#i wanted to tag a lot of people ☺ but of course if u don't want to do it u don't have to! 💌#thank u again dear for tagging me! i honestly rlly enjoyed it! 💖#and if anyone checks out the music/shows/movies i hope u like it! 💌#oh and i added the spotify link to the album if u click on the title! 💃🏻💃🏻#tagged 🥰

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gamergirluprising · 4 years

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(WARNING SENSITIVE INFO WILL BE DISCUSSED OR GIVEN. IF YOU CANNOT HANDLE INFO REGARDING SELF-HARM OR BULLYING I’D ADVISE YOU NOT TO READ ON. VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED)

Hello, everyone, I’d like to share somethings that have urked me and outright surprise me when getting deeper and deeper into this whole shebang cause honestly, this is too much to NOT notice. If you're wondering what I am talking about I am referring to all the stuff I found out about Viv and the fact that she never truly seemed sorry for what she's done to said people based on what I have found out and what she's said in recent years.

Now you all may say "G, she said she's sorry and that's that. Don't bring up things that happened years ago or have been resolved." and look, man, I'd leave it alone if it was CLEAR that she was truly a person of her word, wasn't a hypocrite, and didn't cause 3 people to be suicidal and cause/know of witchhunts that she KNOWS happened and/or wanted to happen. You guys can like her all you want and defend her, but be sure they are good defenses, understand WHERE I am coming from, and be mindful of what I am saying. Don't just ignore everything she did just cause you THINK she's super nice or because she's your idol.

I will also emphasize that I wish for NO ONE to send any unnecessary hate or anything of the like to Viv. You don't stoop to someone else's level just cause they did some bad crap. I just wanted to say any of this, loud and clear, cause its straight facts that shouldn't be buried just cause she wants to hold onto her image the best she can. That isn't at all fair to those victims who have been wronged and had their names tainted over her destructive and mean-spirited hypocritical behavior. AGAIN DO NOT ATTACK VIV AND DON'T THINK ME CALLING HER OUT IS A REASON TO HATE HER. We can be better than her in terms of handling things. Do not also think me calling her out shouldn't have been done JUST CAUSE you don't wanna hear it or not. If you don't wanna see it, you don't have to read it.

with that being said, LET'S DISSECT.

S T A R V A D E R

First I have to start off relaying to you guys what Starvader had stated at the beginning of the document so you'll get a jist of why she even spoke up in the first place.

"I type this document with no malicious intent only my personal thoughts on how I feel recently about the situation since its been on my mind well every day now since 2013. At least five years I’ve had thoughts below as to my personal experience of meeting an ex idol and why sometimes meeting your idol isn’t the best approach. For me, that ex idol is Vivienne Medrano creator of Zoophobia and Hazbin Hotel. I’m not aiming to defame this creator nor do I think people should stop liking their work or stop supporting them. If you like their work there is nothing wrong with that but I will refuse to silence myself any longer due to how much this rarely leaves my mind and tends to come up. This has been a situation swept under the rug and most would probably state ‘ well why are you bringing all this up now it was so and so years ago you guys squashed this etc etc “ that being the case, sorry doesn’t fix emotional trauma that comes up frequently during depressive episodes and comments do tend to stick to people in a certain way. Apology or not, words have a heavy weight to them."

I put this here even though I will be putting a link to her doc because people will most likely not read or press the link and just act as if Starvader wanted blood. No, she stated her mind and was clear when saying she wanted no harm done to Viv.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/e/2PACX-1vRX8VEoTS7Xot7D9u5i7MMEgtT44mNEtgpl4FY7QDZCA7ZY2j-CTJF7Uw_JwSJ6WUQNVvaTQv60Igte/pub

In this link It tells anyone who comes across it what she and some others mentioned here had to go through when being compared by Viv, wanting to do what's right and still being "called out" and bullied while getting hate sent to them, and having been told how her dreams would never ever be achieved and that she should practically give up, how she put friends against one another, etc. It showcases screenshots of these examples.

It all began with the accusation of art theft. The very thing she played the victim in with someone else. I'm sure some of you old-time fans of Viv know who this person was and are aware of the beef they had with one another. After reading Starvader's Doc, I want you to look at the post Vivziepop made to defame someone known as

D O L L C R E E P

This may be a throwback to you and you all may have thought this person was abusive. I won't say that they did absolutely nothing wrong since they themselves have said they did some wrong in the situation, but I will say that one was more of a problem starter than the other.

http://web.archive.org/web/20151008172207/http://enoughisenough-dollcreep.tumblr.com/post/125101370456/my-experience-with-dollcreep

Notice in this post that the very things she did to Starvader she said DollCreep did to her and how she tries and paint DollCreep as this SEVERELY abusive person. Hell even in Starvader's document you'll see that DollCreep told SV that he talked with Viv about the whole thing regarding SV and Viv and she apparently listened at the time. Not to mention that the screenshots Viv put in that post were either take(very possibly) taken out of context or not even bad to begin with (though his reply about the face thing was odd and shouldn't have been addressed b but due to circumstances, I think that's why he was so cautious). I don't know DC like that, but this kinda makes me feel as though he wasn't a bad person Viv makes him out to be and more her trying to destroy his image ENTIRELY for her benefit, cause till this very day she still calls him an abuser and someone she doesn't want to meet again.

if you continue on into the post she made, you'll see that she has made characters, EERILY SIMILAR to DC's, some WAY MORE than others. SV was willing to change some of the designs and even wanted to stop, Viv, however, seemed to take great offense over such an accusation and took to social media to make her frustrations known. SV kept this hidden from 2013 to 2018.

Oh btw, if you read the doc you'll see that SV wanted to commit suicide. DC actually attempted it. The cyberbullying ran that deep and it ANGERS me.

here’s what someone who saw the sitch had to say.

https://web.archive.org/web/20170619163024/http://dcs-personal-blog.tumblr.com/

can find everything here regarding what DC said about the sitch. You guys DO NOT ATTEMPT TO HURT THIS PERSON. It actually pisses me off that people even attacked DC and blindly believed Viv. It’s Johnny Depp’s situation all freaking over again

Here’s the picture of Viv saying that he was abusive, completely ignoring her behavior, and knowing hate would be sent to DC. Again won’t say that DC was completely innocent but damn man, was this necessary? DC even said that they talked it out and everything

https://vivziepop.tumblr.com/post/179705403534/im-only-going-to-say-this-once

Don’t even get me started on the whole character credit fiasco that Viv refused to properly fix.

https://krieg-was-taken.tumblr.com/post/101438542866/dollcreep-kibadoglover45-dollcreep-even

Look at this as well.

https://web.archive.org/web/20200104224648/https://tyacutie123.tumblr.com/post/125800399071/beware-of-abusive-artist

it mentions SV again, but it also brings into light a parody character meant to mock DC during all of this drama.

https://killapunk.tumblr.com/post/125896144245/dcs-personal-blog-enoughisenough-dollcreep/amp

DollCreep does the same thing back and is treated like the enemy. Hypocrisy at its finest.

now, most of you guys will be saying that this all happened in the past. It’s over, some will say, She’s changed (some of you may even say that these people deserve it. Yes people actually have said stuff like this to me or others) but here’s the problem, She still pulls crap like this to ruin people or to make others feel stupid. Just last year she was laughing with JaneGumball (who APPARENTLY made up with the victim) saying that she deserves it for being rude when the girl just said her opinion and was still a fan of Viv at the time, meaning she didn’t even mean to hurt Viv’s feelings and, hear me out, even if she did WHY FIND HER CYBERBULLYING FUNNY AND JUSTIFIED OVER AN OPINION? What sort of logic is that? That’s GREATLY immature and unnecessary, especially for someone her age (She’s 27 or 28 guys while the victim was 15, come on man!)

and I’m sure some of you know what happened with the person who made a meme regarding HH and other animated cartoons.

She’s VERY MUCH AWARE THAT THEY WERE ATTACKED....and this is how she responds....wow O K A Y.

So no, she didn’t actually change because she most likely didn’t think she had to. People kept supporting her thus making her believe that what she did was correct. Oh and Faust is practically Viv as well. (As seen by the SV doc and this tweet thread)

https://twitter.com/melonbea/status/1206994000563068930?s=19

Hell Viv seemed to ignore this too, as well as a lot of shipping drama if it involves a specific ship, but I won’t delve too deep into that subject since I am not very aware of the things that go down in that side of the fandom.

and there’s this

https://afraidofmonsters-headcanons.tumblr.com/post/188662798256/so-lets-talk-about-this-blog-the-fandom-and-viv

and this

https://historia-kq.tumblr.com/post/190882421127

I’d advise you guys to hear these things out.

Oh and Viv is the type to be a Hypocrite regularly,

https://twitter.com/VivziePop/status/613097846603026433?s=19

I could send you all the screenshots of her tweets but that should be another post on its own cause THERE IS A LOT. Like her Cancel Culture tweet, that tweet where she said, and I quote, “The hypocrisy is strong” back in 2014, November 29th. That time she had a thread of tweets saying, and I quote “never let someone dictate your value as an artist! Never seek the approval of someone else and conform to what they say you should do!” Despite doing this to StarVader.

If you guys want screenshots I can either personally DM or make a post showing her hypocrisy. Cause honestly this is rather, dare I say it, TOXIC. She’s manipulated people and has used them when they don’t abide by her rules or make a mistake that could have been resolved privately, she attacks and it’s saddening. I am TIRED of people getting hurt by her and I am tired of her abusing her power. If she wants to change I am COMPLETELY DOWN for that, but change starts when you want it. You can’t say sorry and expect people not to see past the lies or see that you obviously didn’t change. Sorry should mean what it means, feeling regret or penitence, but if you don’t at all exhibit these things then how are we supposed to believe that you are at all sorry for anything you’ve done currently AND in the past? I mean damn dude did you guys even know what happened to the cosplayer that Viv was mad about?

https://boricua-moonbakery.tumblr.com/post/616407364553310208

Now look, if you like Viv’s content, that’s your choice. I for one very much do like some fan content that i’ve stumbled onto and find some very creative and my cup of tea and while I’m not a huge fan of HH I still very much find the premise very creative. What I do if a creator of something is majorly sketch or strange I simply seperateb the content from the creator. I simply wanted to point out things many peeps don’t know about and any person who is a fan of Viv, I hope you’d at least understand WHY I am at all saying anything I am saying. I want there to be justice but I want things to be fair. I don’t want Viv to get hurt, but I want her to actually learn from her mistakes. I am not here to discourage you from anything, it’s your choice if you choose to stay and I will not judge you for it. I am a girl who SIMPLY wants people to be more aware of who exactly Vivienne Medrano is. She’s mistreated both fans of HH and ZP and it boggles me.

If you guys want more info, like her tweets that I mentioned, just message me.

END OF DISSECTION

#hazbin hotel #vivziepop #vivziemind #vivziepop drama #vivziemind drama #vivienne medrano #vivienne medrano drama #cyberbullying #hypocrisy #Trigger warning #tw #content warning #vivziepop critique

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cherrymoonvol6 · 5 years

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some avengers endgame Thoughts cause i saw the movie yesterday and can't stop thinking about it

of course..... spoilers ahead

nebula and tony playing!!!! i just love how nebula's personality comes through without it being ooc

also... nebula carefully sitting tony up. she Cares so much :(

steve immediately going to tony :( like im a stucky kind of gal but holy shit i love them

which was completely erased in the next scene where tony drags steve up and down and after that passes out, which is a confrontation Mood

i wonder how they made tony look so skinny and sick. if it was cgi then i applaud them cause it looked so good

the way they killed thanos so fucking quickly here... i don't know how to feel lmao. like cutting the gauntlet arm and then slicing his neck... that's what we were all screaming at them during infinity war. it's good to see them learn from their mistakes, i guess ?

(can't remember the order in which things happen from now so forgive me if i make a mistake)

i told my sister "that's one of the russos!!!!!" so it took me ten seconds to realize that the russo was the gay character everyone was talking about (i thought it would be fury for no other reason than it being shocking and fury having very little to do with the plot, but)

and steve being supportive of that :( man out of time said gay rights!

carol's new hair!! holy shit!!!!!

rocket insinuating carol has been experimenting with more hairstyles... i would like to see it

don't think i missed that carol x rhodey nod. i support it.

don't wanna say it now... for now ill just state: i love what they're doing with natasha in the movie. she truly feels like a friend to steve. like that small gesture of her sliding the plate towards steve is just so domestic and beautiful! it really makes her feel so human and complex at the end. i was so worried about her being wasted but i loved her throughout the film

it was a fucking rat who got scott out. i have to laugh.

also is that the guy from that old "gayyyyy" meme????

cassie is all grown up!!!!!! i can't even imagine how hard it had been for her

also what happened to her mom? and the stepdad??? are they fine????? i hope so

i was hoping we would get more tony as a dad in this movie and it delivered!! tony is so fucking good with kids. the bond between him and morgan was so well portrayed

also the place they live in is so cozy and that's what he deserves

when steve stepped down the car in that black outfit with the leather jacket on i gasped... he's fucking gorgeous

i kept wanting him and tony to kiss lmao tf is wrong with me

OKAY my hawkeye rights. i missed him so much

the stylish subtitles on the middle of the screen felt like too much. this isn't a tumblr gifset honey, just write them down!

thinking about the whole clintasha conversation really foreshadows the whole thing. natasha cares so deeply about clint and really puts his needs before hers. it's so beautiful to see

honestly... my clintasha rights!

i think the hulk/bruce scene was kinda endearing but then the ant man banter dragged on for toooo long

the dab i YELLED. these poor kids have to stand this man on 2023 pulling out 2016 trends to appear Hip and Cool

fat thor...... i hate how it was handled. hate it so fucking much.

new asgard! that's so cute. i hope that's on norway

miek and korg are alive!!!!

the thought of thor insulting a possibly 14 year old on fortnight is too much for me. it sounds like bad fanon talk. i still laughed (bc noobmaster69??? that's fucking hilarious)

tonys reaction to i love you 3000 is so beautiful. like the way he looks taken aback and so happy. i love irondad

steve in a white shirt and jeans!!!! i gasped again. he's delivering, the fucking model

i know they were like, barely being decent to each other again, but i still wanted my stony hug:(

when they're discussing their infinity stones memories and natasha and tony are laying down together on a table???? adorable. amazing.

also why tf didn't nebula said the soul stone required a sacrifice??? i thought that's what she got from gamora dying in volmir

as soon as natasha and clint arrived to volmir i began chanting "nonononononononono"

fuckkdjdksndk fucking nebula. cue to more nononono chanting

rhodey knocking out quill with a single hit is the funniest scene in the movie

clintasha calling on bullshit on the sacrifice thing was also quite funny

the forehead touch :((( im so weak! so sad!

clintasha literally fighting each other to be each other's sacrifice!!!! kill me now!!!!

jeez now i can finally say it: scarjo shined so fucking much on this movie!!!! her delivery was amazing, i really felt a connection between her and the avengers, it really showed her growth during the five year time jump. she fucking killed it. she did her best and she's the best black widow we could've ever gotten.

clint mourning her :((((( probably the third time i cried during the movie

thor's panic attack being used for cheap laughs was the most uncomfortable moment for me... or any scene where people only saw thor as Fat and Lazy (basically, two thirds of the movie)

the freya + thor reunion was so sweet though!

okay. okay. hear me out. tony was on a very serious mission to regain an infinity stone. and the first thing he does is check out steve's ass. and aknowledge how glorious it is. i couldn't believe what i was watching!!!!!! like that actually fucking happened. consider me a fully formed stony bitch.

and scott joining in to say it was "america's ass" ???? poetic cinema

so it's canon that everyone checks out steve's ass and appreciates it as a national treasure. that's all i never thought id needed.

steve saying "hail hydra" i YELLED. it was a nice nod to the whole "cap is a nazi" mess

and steve fighting himself... hot

using his bucky trauma to shock himself is :/// but also :((((

i loved that for one moment i knew everyone on the theatre was staring at steve's ass

and steve being appreciative of his own butt!!!! ok that's all i have to say about steve's ass

i loved the reminder that thor was still kinda goofy back in avengers 1, for everyone who says taika completely changed his character. and the little tony + thor moment was adorable

"howard..... potts" i can understand tony being a mess but how did howard not suspect of anything??? elevator lady took one look of steve's face and all of her alarms started ringing

peggy carter... ive missed my wife so much

did peggy marry souza. i hope she did. steve tf are you doing staring at a married woman (jk)

clint kicking the stones away as soon as bruce is done with the snap is the biggest mood

also... the hell was scott looking at that made him think it had worked? just... more birds outside? i was really curious

the irony of the only avenger without superpowers being left with the stones

"i know you" *hands out stones* how can you not love clint, he's so pure

nebula killing his 2014 self is a power move. that would be me if i met my 2014 self

thor with a braided beard!!!!! beautiful

thanos is like, a real threat and i love that

okay. i kinda saw it coming. i saw thor leave mjolnir behind and i thought "oh????". and then the shock of thanos being able to wield stormbreaker. and then fucking mjolnir moving!!!!! i was the only person in the theatre who yelled

but seriously!!!! steve wielding AND fighting with mjolnir!!!!! couldn't stop thinking about it all day!!!!!!!!! STEVE IS WORTHY!!!!!!!

parallels to thor going for the chest. it never works babies!

and just.... this was steve's moment. steve i-can-do-this-all-day rogers really fighting with every ounce of his body and soul against the most powerful being on earth. justice for him getting knocked after touching thanos for one second in iw!

and steve getting up again! all dirty and wounded!! trembling with exhaustuation and resolution!!! with his broken shield on his arm!!!! just him facing the biggest army of the universe!!!!! so powerful

sorry to destroy this epic moment, but like, okay. people had been reintegrated to life like, twenty minutes before. and i understand that they were all confused and out of place. but sam really needed ALL that time to just... try to communicate with steve????? ok

the "avengers..." *brings mjolnir with one hand while bracing his shield with the other* "assemble" moment was... oh my God. chills all over my body.

that One Moment where steve has stormbreaker on his hand... so fucking hot

the tony and peter reunion holy shit. the hug was everything i needed! like please just hug tony stark for ages

and tony and pepper fighting together!!! that's a power couple right there

i felt it when quill looked at gamora and just... stopped. im so sad his moment was played for laughs when it was obviously such an important moment for his character

thanos was so fucking scared of wanda that he put his own troops at risk to stop her for a little while. strongest avenger right there!

and carol coming back!!!! i was like

i felt so relieved at that point. i was like "yeah thanos is fucking over what's next"

no need to talk about all the women coming together to defend peter :')

thanos getting the gauntlet again... the nonono chanting came back

fucking CAROL trying to stop him. looking at him with such a determined face, like "you can't stop me from stopping you". it was so powerful he had to snatch one stone to stop her

and strange giving him the one finger to tony.... i knew what was coming holy shit. i knew it. they knew it.

tony really proved himself there. it was his best scene on the entire mcu, don't argue with me!!!!!! the way he stood there and took all the power of the stones, unmasked, unaffected, powerful and almighty

"i am... iron man" cue to ugly sobbing

tony knew there was no other way. pepper did, too... she knew exactly what she had to tell him. she was right. tony spent all of these years moved by selfishness first, then fear, then guilt. an endless battle since thanos was on his head. but the war was over. what mattered was that he saved everyone, and he sacrificed himself for everyone. a complete 180° from last movie's ending.... wow

gotta said... peter there felt a little bit out of place for me. i think it would've been more powerful if he didn't say anything, though peter is a teenager, i can get it

his arc with steve felt unfinished, too. i would've liked to see steve's reaction as well, since tony had told him he wanted everyone back and also for his family so survive. but whatever

im not against tony killing thanos instead of gamora and nebula but i would've liked if we saw them react to his death, at least:/ like a little parallel between nebula's reaction at the beginning and the end of endgame

the One stucky interaction here was pulled from cap1 and iw. i feel betrayed

bucky Knew what steve was going to do. i wonder if steve told him before or bucky just sensed it

you can't convince me steve would go back and carelessly dance with peggy knowing his friend is being used like a weapon by hydra and bound to kill tonys parents. nah nah. it all felt wrong

my steggy rights!!!

love that the russos foreshadowed cap!bucky on tws just to give the shield to sam at the end

anyways what the fuck bucky was all steve had but he lived the happiest life without it and left him alone on the 21st century? okay fuck y'all

#long post #avengers endgame #endgame spoilers #avengers spoilers #avengers endgame spoilers #a4 spoilers #mine #marvel #this is.... so long and idk how to add a read more on mobile #but enjoy my thoughts i guess

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