#write carl grimes this is a threat

[aliidarling]

using you

RICK GRIMES X fem!reader

nsfw content — scroll if uncomfortable!!

summary: rick takes his anger out on you after lori's death because he's a self projecting loser and wants u really bad

warnings: p in v, no foreplay, rough sex, pussy slapping, age gap, degradation, mean rick, fingering, anal threats LOL, self projecting rick, old lonely rick, sweetish rick at the end ig

btw thank u everyone for sending me ideas for male manipulator rick pt.2 :) I'm definitely gonna take these into thought and write sum

i wrote this in three sittings like a week apart so some parts might not match up...

nsfw content below!!

Rick hadn’t come up from the basement of the prison in almost two days. No one had seen him, leading everyone to question if he was even alive anymore.

The death of Lori had impacted him. The atmosphere was tense, and not many words had been spoken. No one wanted to go down to comfort Rick, not wanting to get snapped at. Angry Rick was something else.

Hershel was the one who recommended you to go down and talk to Rick. At first, you were against it, because why? Carl was his son, Glenn was the first one he met out of everyone, and Daryl was like his brother. There was no reason why you should. You were just one of the younger girls in the group.

“Because he has a soft spot for you, sweetheart.” Hershel says gently, sighing and rubbing his temple. Your brows furrow as you think about his words.

“What? No— Rick hates me,” You scoff.

Every time you had tried to talk to the man he’d order you around and be cold to you, never letting you breathe without getting a stupid scolding. It was walking on eggshells around him.

“No, no.” He chuckles, brushing his hands through his thin white hair. He sits up. “He cares about you in his own little way, okay? You’re the only one here he wouldn’t hurt. Not that he’d hurt anyone else— but…” He groans. “You know what I mean.” 

You frown at him, picking at your hair. You reluctantly stand up, tossing your jacket on top of your shirt. “If I don’t come back in an hour, you know what happened.” You grumble dramatically.

He rolls his eyes and waves you off, giving you a little grateful smile.

A few minutes later, you were walking down the staircase into the boiler room, a frown painted onto your expression. You could hear angry muttering and the sound of metal clattering.

Just on your way here you had heard him yelling, you didn’t know at who. It worried you, was he already going crazy? Or was someone else down here with him?

As you walk inside the small, dark room, a messy-looking Rick comes into view. His hair was messy, his curls damp with sweat as he grumbled angrily to himself, leaning against a table.

He quickly turns at the sounds of your footsteps, hands on his hips as he narrows his eyes at your figure. What the hell were you doing here? Did no one get the message that he wanted to be left alone?

“What.” He huffs firmly, his body language cold and distant. He was always mean to you, but this just felt different, like he was a ticking time bomb. It made you shudder as you nervously picked at your hair, stepping closer.

“You’ve been down here for a while, Rick. Everyone’s getting worried.” You said softly, looking up at the older man through your lashes. It felt weird to be so nice and caring to him, he had just lost his wife— you felt bad. Horrible, even.

And a part of you made your guilt ten times stronger knowing you were still attracted to him throughout this whole mess. Even though he had pushed you away so many times, called you names, and ordered you around like a child, you felt connected to him. Like you wanted more than a simple friendship.

But the fact he was mourning his wife's death and all you could think was how good he looked with his shirt half-buttoned and his curls messy? God, you were a horrible person.

A dry chuckle leaves him, the sound echoing in the room, making you shiver. His demeaning attitude towards you has you shrinking, wanting the walls around you to swallow you whole as long as that meant you didn’t have to be alone in a room with him.

“So worried they call you down here out of everyone else?” He scoffs.

Ouch.

“I’m just trying to be here for you, you don’t have to be such a jackass.” You sneered at him.

Once the words left your mouth, you felt kinda bad. He was struggling with his wife’s death, and here you were being rude to him.

A small sigh left you as you stepped forward, hesitantly placing your palm on his bicep, trying to give him a little bit of comfort. It was the least you could do, right? You had managed to screw up your entire friendship with this man, but maybe you could turn it around starting… now?

As he feels your touch on his bicep, he turns to you quickly in response— almost as a reflex— and presses you against the table aggressively. A yelp leaves you as you find yourself being cornered by the large man, looking up at him in shock.

Never mind, jeez.

“You wanna be here for me?” He growled, his hand going to hold your throat, not squeezing but keeping it there as a warning not to cross him.

You give him a shaky nod, not knowing what to say or do that wouldn’t cause his temper to blow. It already blew.. But you knew what he was capable of, and you were scared of getting on his bad side more than you already were.

“Use your words.”

“Yeah, I wanna help you.” You press your lips together nervously, giving him a hesitant nod.

His eyes darken, looking you up and down and weighing the options. He hums lowly, his hands slowly wrapping around your waist, his fingertips pressing into your skin through your shirt.

“Huh.” He can’t help but smile at you, but not a sweet one. A mocking grin. You shuddered.

“How about you start off by bending over that desk then? Since you wanna be good for me so badly.” He laughs darkly, flipping you around smoothly and kicking the back of your knee.

You stumble slightly and find yourself bending over the edge of the desk, a huff leaving you as you flinch in surprise. Instinctively, you try and straighten yourself but he keeps one of his hands pressed on your lower back.

“What are you doing? You know this isn’t what I meant—“ You say breathlessly, not having the power to fight back for some odd reason. The position had you tingling between your legs, your stomach in knots and your mouth dry.

You felt ashamed to be so into this. He was coping in an extremely unhealthy manner— but could you even stop him if you tried? Did you want to?

He ignores your words and grasps the back of your jacket, pulling it off and leaving you in your spaghetti-strapped tank top. It was hot in the prison, could you blame yourself for dressing in thinner clothing?

“Always dressed like a fuckin’ slut, begging for attention from me. Think I don’t notice? Hmm? How you’re always nagging me and trying your damnest to spend time with me?” His words leave him harshly as he leans over to push your hair over your shoulder, leaving your back empty for him without any distractions.

“Don’t say that.” You mutter softly, eyes fluttering as you feel his breath brush over your skin. Goosebumps appeared on your smooth skin, lips pressing together to conceal the heavy exhale you wanted to release.

“Why? Because you know I’m right?” He chuckles dryly. His hands rub over your back, grabbing the end of your top and pulling it up to bunch over your chest. Your heart skips a beat and you try to pull away, but he only pulls you closer, pressing his crotch firmly against your butt. He sighs in relief at the friction, grinding subtly.

The next few minutes are him just grinding against you from behind, muttering a mean ‘shut up’ whenever you’d let out a noise. This was for him. He didn’t care about you— didn’t care that he was leaving you needy and aching, all he wanted was to relieve himself.

“Take your pants off.” He grumbles, leaning back just a few inches to unbuckle his belt. He smoothly pulls it out of his jean loops, and then unzips his fly and pulls his jeans down. He’s fast and aggressive, and soon enough his hard cock is pressing against his lower tummy, his tip red and throbbing.

You blink in surprise, but you try and process his words quickly. Okay. He wants your pants off. This was for him to feel better, just take your damn pants off, dumbass. Don’t make his day worse.

Shakily, you pull your pants down to your ankles, your butt in front of him with your panties hugging your curvy hips. He stares down at you, eyes narrowing at the sight of the damp spot on your panties.

“Slut.” He kicks your legs open with his foot before landing a harsh slap against your pussy, making you cry out. Your brows furrow as you try to suppress your noises as he keeps going at it, his rough palm delivers harsh strikes to your sensitive area.

“O-Ow— Rick!” You whine, wiggling your butt as the slaps have you growing more and more wet. This was so embarrassing!

“Had I known you like gettin’ that pussy slapped I would have done it a lot sooner, sweetie.” He coos mockingly, a low snicker leaving his throat. He parts his hand from your panties. His large fingers grasp into your panties and pull them to the side, nudging your legs further apart and aligning himself with you.

“Take a deep breath, baby.” He huffs before thrusting himself inside you with one stroke, burying himself to the hilt. Your body tenses immediately, eyes watering at the large stretch your insides felt at the intrusion.

You immediately let out a shaky cry, clawing at the table for something to hold onto as you try and adjust to the feeling. His girth was thick, ripping you apart. The lack of foreplay and prep had you wincing.

“Awww, did I hurt ya’? Poor thing, little hole must burn sooo much.” His words sounded so mean, his dark eyes gazing down at your figure. He scanned each inch of your body. Your arch, your hips, waist, your hair— it all looked so good. He wanted to ruin you.

You struggle to speak as you feel him sit nice and snug inside you, your sight going blurry. You whimper like a pathetic puppy into the desk, the cold steel making you cringe and squirm. If he was gonna force himself in your pussy, couldn’t he of at least done it somewhere more comfy?

“S-Screw you,” You groan lowly, your eyes already rolling back. And he hasn’t even started to move yet.

“Mhmm, s’okay sweet girl, I’ll get there.” He hushed you gently. Your doughy flesh is so soft to his rough palms, making him smile as he grips your waist a little tighter. He uses your waist to hold you down as he starts to slowly pull out, leaving just the tip before slamming himself back inside. Not even a rag in your mouth could stop the moan that leaves you, your body wincing in a mix of pain and pleasure.

The next few minutes are messy and full of whimpering and shushing, your body quivering as he keeps thrusting into your hole like there’s no tomorrow. You were just a stress relief for him at the moment— a pretty face with a tight cunt he could fuck for hours.

Yeah, he was mean to you even before he decided to fuck you in this boiler room, but that was only because he didn’t know how to handle his emotions around you! You were a sweet young girl with a cute face and a good rack of tits, always trying to talk to him when he had a wife and a son, could he even interact with you without getting scolded by Lori?

He let out a shaky grunt as he slams his hips into you over and over again, watching your perfect ass jiggle at the force he put into you. Your noises were perfect, he had spent probably hours imagining how you’d sound with him inside you. He couldn’t count the amount of times he had imagined you while he was in bed with Lori. He was a horrible husband, but he blamed you for it. You were the reason of his lack of loyalty, so he may as well punish you for it. You were pretty much asking for it the second you came downstairs with that pretty face.

“Fuck, fuck,” He groans, bending over to press his chest flush against your back and pressing himself against you. He wanted you to feel every damn inch of him, feel how deep he was inside your dumb little pussy and how he made you feel.

“You feel that? Huh? Feel how fuckin’ deep I am inside that needy pussy? Can feel you squeezing me, sweetheart, must feel so good, right?” He shushes your cries as he manages to push his cock deeper, his fat head brushing against your sweet spot that has you clenching down.

“Mhm, feels so good.” You sniffle. He giggled lowly at how pathetic you sounded, almost feeling the urge to comfort you for a second.

He’s wanted this for so long. Half the reason why he was spiraling after Lori’s death was because of the agonizing guilt he felt for still fantasizing about you when he had a whole newborn waiting for him. But now he had you, and he was not gonna let you go, and even if you begged and cried— he had already sunk his claws(cock) deep inside you.

His hand reaches to the front of your neck to grasp it and pull you tighter against him, giving your neck a little squeeze. He hums in approval at how your body tightens around him, his hips picking up speed.

“Good, good, jus’ like that, good girl,” He mumbled, squeezing his hand around your neck just a tiny bit more, loving the expression that fell over your face. A few more long minutes of him inflicting a fast and rough pace that expresses his self-projecting hatred towards you pass, the both of you out of breath and sweating.

“Can I cum? Please?” You whisper shakily, a soft moan coming from you as his thrusts continue. Your lips quiver and struggle to choke out words as you feel him repeatedly slam into your g-spot, eyes watering from the pleasure and your legs going wobbly.

“Oh, oh please, Rick—!” A loud moan escapes your throat before you have time to hold it back. You had been stripped down to a cheap whore bent over a table, but you didn’t care, it felt so good.

He answers your question by squeezing your throat, reaching forward to rub your clit. You clenching down on him has him groaning and almost stuttering with his thrusts, brows furrowing as he starts to get a little sloppy with his rhythm.

Without wasting any time, you feel yourself cumming hard around his cock and spasming, crying out at the force. A few more tears slip as you whimper onto the table, shaky hands grasping at anything to hold onto it.

A crooked grin paints his face as he gazes down at your shaky figure, slowly pulling out and watching his cum drip out of your leaky hole.

He hums and gently picks you up and sits you down on top of the desk, parting your thighs open and pressing the cum back inside you. Your eyes widen slightly in shock as his large finger shoves itself back inside you, making you cry out at the sensitivity you felt.

“R-Rick,” You attempt to plead before he rudely shushes you, crumbling apart as he fingers you open brutally. More tears stream as he watches with an amused glint, taking in the sight of you crying as he shoves his fingers inside your pussy violently.

“You can take it, shush, be a good girl.” He mumbles, sliding them in and out smoothly without any stop, his other hand going to rub at your spent clit. He almost felt bad for you, but then he remembered you were the little brat making him think like an unloyal husband— and he resumed with his torture.

Once he has you coming apart on his fingers again, he slides them out of you and whistles meanly, smirking at his slick-covered fingers. He maintains eye contact with you as he brings them up to your mouth, tapping them against your lips.

“Please don’t.” You whine, trembling in embarrassment. Could this get any more humiliating?!

“Shut up and be a good fuck toy.” He grunts. You shrivel and slowly part your lips, taking his wet fingers and sucking gently, your eyes fluttering shut as you didn’t want to look him in the eye while doing this.

After cleaning his fingers, he parts from you and gives you a once over, scowling.

“You’re not too bad when you’re not being an annoying fuck, y’know. Maybe you should bend over for me more often.” He sniggers, pulling his jeans back up and buckling his belt back on. He tidies up his appearance and gives you a side-eye.

“I’m so telling Hershel.” You grumble, struggling to pull your pants back on with limping legs. He rolls his eyes and aggressively tugs them back on for you. You flinch at the force and almost stumble onto your ass but you eventually have your clothes back on you because of his help. You give him an awkward smile, and he just glares at you in return.

“…I guess you could say I did help you, right?” You grin sheepishly, before gasping softly as he pulls you in for a kiss. He mutters a small “Shut up,” against your lips before interlocking his with yours, his hands wrapping around your waist and pressing your body flush against his.

He parts slowly from you, a small saliva trail showing before dissolving mid-air. He stares down at you, before nudging you in the direction of the exit.

“Don’t tell anyone about this, kay? You tell a soul and I’ll shove it in your butt next time, brat.” He scoffs, turning away and gazing back at the wall like the depressed old man he is.

You can’t help but smile as you walk away.

Next time, huh?

You were a little delusional, but why the hell not?

[sleepyangelkami]

Recently got into the walking dead and let me just say i’m obsessed with your carl fics. It’s alarming how many times i’ve read them lmao.

CLINGY c.grimes

 ☆ WORD COUNT - 2.4K

CARL GRIMES X FEM!READER

 ☆ SUMMARY - being clingy was the most natural thing in you and carl's relationship after all the trauma you'd both endured. but when things get too much for carl, he shuts you out, leaving you to assume only the worst.

 ☆ WARNINGS - clingy relationship, crying, blood, gore, mentions of death, walkers, mean!carl, yelling, stress, mentions of violence, weapons, (2) use of y/n, petnames, intended lower case, nothing i write is ever proofread 🩷

clingy was a word you had much distaste for.

when the world literally ended, there wasn't much to do aside from survive and hold onto your loved ones. you'd been alone so long, people slowly falling, dying, leaving. before you knew it, it was just you and the group you'd found. well, they'd found you.

more specifically, he'd found you.

the boy with the sheriff's hat, eyeing you with his gun in the air. you made no sudden movements, eyes cast down on the ground as if you didn't care whether or not the bullet would fly from his gun.

it was just you in the house they'd raided. you didn't have a family, nor a group. just you, covered in blood, starved and in a kind of fetal position, knees pressed against your chest as you eyed the pool of blood surrounding you. some of your own, some from the ones before.

when you'd met the group, you had nothing. dead parents, dead siblings, nothing seemed to matter anymore. the world was gone, the people you loved either dead, taking the easy way out or leaving it to the walkers. or perhaps they'd left you, walking out when things got tough, leaving you and the remains of your family behind.

the screams from outside of the house would alert you of their soon fate afterwards.

you opened up, albeit it was slow.

you liked to believe there was an instant connection between you and the boy. he lowered his gun almost instantly, realising you weren't a threat behind the blood and glassy eyes. how he'd known, you weren't sure. he just did.

he rushed towards you, calling downstairs for his father in a panic.

you didn't speak much at first, staring when he'd offered his name. carl grimes. the boy you'd soon learn to love.

and with time, you made a new family. daryl dixon was a good idea for a father, you soon learned, carol sort of alike a mother when she snuck you an extra one of her homemade cookies.

you lost others, more fell. but you and carl never frayed.

rick and michonne would always catch you together, smiling and looking at one another knowingly. it was safe to say that it was no surprise when carl announced you were together. after all, you were practically joined by the hip.

this brings us back to the beginning. the word clingy.

you hated the word as much as you hated the death surrounding you. could anyone truly be clingy in a world like this? is anyone really too much? you liked to believe that there was no such thing as too much anymore. people died, left, separated. any day could be someone's last. you'd prefer to know that you'd spent all the time with them as you could.

if that was clingy, then so be it.

carl was used to this side of you, he catered to it, if anything, he matched it. he was used to the way you laid against him, talking lowly as he went about his tasks.

there was a grey cloud looming over alexandria at a time like this. the survivors were getting more powerful and it was plaguing carl's mind. you did your best to be as gentle as you possibly could, attempting to console the boy but it seemed no matter what you did, he would find himself bubbling over with anger.

"will you pass me the carving knife?" he cut you off mid-speech, ignoring the way your lips instantly shut closed, eyes searching your side of the table.

you weren't hanging from the boy as you usually were, picking at his hands and fingers, playing with them as though they were dough. you weren't snuggling into him while he placed his arm around you. your normal routine simply didn't exist with the past week or so.

but if space was what he needed, you were more than happy to offer that to him. "okay." you mumbled, picking up the knife you thought was the carving knife and passing it to him.

you didn't know much about knives and guns, usually sitting your head on your knees and listening to the boy speak about them. yet, every time he told you what was what and their intent, everything went in one ear and out the other. he'd often admire the way you asked a thousand questions over, one's he'd already answered. he'd only smile, answering them again.

now you realised perhaps you should have been listening.

apparently, you'd passed him the wrong one. you heard what you assumed was a swear pass his lips in a whisper as he placed the knife back to the table roughly. "what's wrong?" you questioned softly, watching him pick up a thinner knife, sanding it down with the block in his hand.

"got the wrong one." but his voice was anything but the gentle carl you knew and loved. this one was sort of mean, a tone of anger behind his words. "how many times have i explained all of them to you? i mean, you still don't know, seriously?"

it seemed as though the dark cloud over alexandria had moved into the room belonging to carl grimes. you found yourself sneaking your knees closer to your chest, just like the day he'd found you. "sorry." you mumbled, glancing away.

confrontation wasn't exactly your forté.

it didn't help that fighting with carl was a rare experience. "maybe if you just listened to me every now and again we wouldn't have this problem."

offence took over your face, brows knitting together. "I do listen to you." but when he talked about things like knives and guns it was sort of hard for you to keep up.

a scoff left his lips. "sure you do." angry carl never failed to show you a different side of the boy you loved.

you stared at him in shock, wondering where the sudden attitude towards you was coming from. you knew he was stressed, understood it even but you'd done nothing to deserve the hatred being thrown your way.

that was when the shaky, "why're you being so mean?" left your lips.

like i said, confrontation wasn't something you practiced often. you were sort of unsure of where to go in this situation.

carl breathed out a ragged breath, practically throwing the tools onto the table. you jumped slightly, staring at him with widened eyes. "maybe you're the one being too clingy." his eyes stared into yours but they didn't look like the ones you'd fallen for so deeply. "just..." breathing through his nose. "just leave me alone for a bit, yeah?"

clearly, he wasn't in the mood for any of this.

and neither were you.

you spoke no words as you quickly scooped up the bag on the ground, making a haste exit towards the door. the sound of a quick sniffle before you shut the door closed was enough for the weighing bricks to fall down on carl.

the sudden severity of the situation dawned on the boy.

he'd made you cry.

and he swore never to be the cause of your tears.

he didn't run after you, though, much too caught up in his own head. the stress of the entire situation of the saviours was weighing on him too. he crashed his elbows onto the table, shoving his head between his hands and groaning. he wondered if he'd ever get anything right.

before he could get too far with the self pity, his bedroom door swung open to reveal his father.

"what was that?" the older man questioned, not giving a clue to what he was talking about. but carl could guess. "y/n just ran out of here crying, you have somethin' to do with that?"

in a moment like this, disappointed dad gazing at him, carl would have done anything to wipe that look off his face. "dad, you don't get it―" about to explain himself, weave out of whatever this was.

"i don't care." was the answer he gave, having better things to be doing than sorting out this teenage relationship himself. "fix it." and finally slamming the door.

rick always taught carl how respect worked, he punished him when he was wrong, rewarded him when he was right. he didn't teach him to act like this.

it was night fall when carl finally found himself walking around the town of alexandria. he was sort of hoping you were out here instead of back at home for he really didn't feel like speaking to daryl at the door and asking were you home. however, he searched every nook and cranny, every place you usually went when you were upset and yet he walked back empty handed, realising you definitely hadn't been outside.

finally, he found himself standing on your doorstep, sucking in a breath before knocking on the white door, the light from above shining down on his face making him squint.

the door opened to reveal carol, thankfully not daryl. carl really couldn't imagine what daryl would have to say to him right about now. he just hoped he was out hunting somewhere or other, at least then he wouldn't get the urge to haul the boy off his front porch.

"y/n?" is all carol questioned, she was dressed in her own hunting attire and carl could only guess that she was on her way out too.

he pressed his lips into a thin line. "she home."

the woman nodded. "upstairs." before swapping places with the boy, making her way outside while inviting him in. "carl." he looked towards her. "don't make me regret leaving you inside."

he only nodded, allowing her to close the door from the outside.

finally, the silence of your house enveloped him.

you, carol and daryl all lived in the same two story house but sometimes it seemed only you lived here. all the decorations were your work, pictures and photo frames, some of before, some of now, everything screamed... you.

it was that cosiness about you that made him fall for you all that time ago.

his boots found the stairs, making his way up and finding your bedroom door, the last door on the right hallway.

your door was white, a brass handle leading him into the room he'd seen a thousand times before.

he'd imagine your room at the other side of the door, pretty pink bedsheets with matching curtains. he'd found the curtains for you on a separate occasion, you'd been over the moon. and the pretty lights that decorated your walls along with the picture frames and the stuffed animal he'd found tucked away in your bloodied back so long ago, now fresh against your bed.

a sort of comfort from the world before.

he knocked, receiving no answer.

"sweetheart? it's carl." again, he was met with the mere silence as his fingertips hung heavy against the door handle. "i'm coming in, okay?" it wasn't a question, more like a warning.

when he did walk in, he was met with a sight he'd seen before.

tears coating the edges of your eyes, sitting criss-cross legged on your bed in your favourite pijamas, pretty stuffed toy between your legs. carl had seen this before, held you through it, comforted you and swore that whoever hurt you would pay. what was he to do now when he was the cause of your sorrow?

"hey, baby." his tone was as gentle as could be, making his way to sit next to you on the bed. "missed you."

you two were so different.

carl had the stubbornness of a mule, when things got tough he found it awfully hard to apologise, not that he ever had to do it much. though, he'd much prefer for everything to disappear in a blink of an eye, forget everything ever happened and go back to the way you two were.

and when you were upset? you shut off.

"i was thinking..." still avoiding the two words that would seemingly make it all okay. "maybe next week we can go someplace? find somewhere to hang out for the weekend, like a night away." his words prodded no reaction from you. "how's that sound, angel?"

a shrug was the only thing he was met with.

your glassy eyes strayed far from his, not even attempting to look him in the eyes. he sighed, unsure of where to go. "look at me, sweet girl." long fingers entrapping your chin and turning it towards him.

there was a pang of guilt as he looked in your glassy red eyes, evidence that you'd been crying earlier that day. and he'd been the cause of it.

finally, the long awaited. "I'm sorry." and carl the stubborn mule grimes didn't just apologise to anyone. "shouldn't have talked to you liked that, c'mere." in a time like this, all you needed was comfort, that was what compelled you to move with his hands, climbing into his lap. the sound of your soft cries soon filled his ears. "i know, i know, 'm so sorry." hand rubbing circles against your back, holding you close.

you didn't mean to cry the way you did, but the weight of the day collapsing on you was enough for you to cling to the boy.

you buried your head in the crook of his neck, wisps of his own hair in front of your face, his hat steady on his head as he held you so gently, as though you were made of glass.

a wobble of your bottom lip as you pulled away from the boy, holding your hands up to your face as if to shield yourself. there was something so scary about him seeing you cry. "i didn't..." your own voice cracking. "i didn't mean to be clingy."

his heart quite literally shattered.

"no, no." his voice sort of high pitched as he pulled your hands from your face. "no, you're not, sweetheart, i promise you're not."

you sniffled at the boy. "but you said―"

carl couldn't dare to hear the rest of such a sentence. "i didn't mean it, baby, i promise." he pulled you back towards his chest, head finding his neck again only this time you didn't cry as hard, mere sniffles leaving your nose. "was bein' an asshole, baby, 'm so sorry."

it'd take a while for you to believe him.

but he'd do whatever it took.

main masterlist/carl's masterlist

[zombiigrll]

──────────────────────────────────────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆

NEGANS DAUGHTER. ⋆｡°✩ carl grimes x reader .ᐟ WORD COUNT .ᐟ ⭑ 2.7K ꩜ .ᐟ SUMMARY ⭑ you prove yourself to your boyfriends father. .ᐟ A/N .ᐟ ⭑ sorry this took a million years to come out </3 i've been WAY to busy T_T i feel like this ended kind of.. confusing/unrealistically... but its fanFICTION. so its whateva!! anyways i hope you guys enjoy :3 (also, if u guys REALLY want a part 3 i'll write one, but i mostly wanted this to be a fic where you can interpret the ending yourself! but i wouldn't be opposed to writing a part 3 it just might take a while as i work on my series :p ) .ᐟ read part 1 here .ᐟ ⭑

⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ────────────────────────────────────────

you stayed the night at carls. you didn't mean to, but after a while of talking, and getting to really know each other, the two of you had grown tired. so, you ended up falling asleep in his arms.

but no one knew you were there. not until rick opened the door that morning.

"hey, carl. wake up-" rick spoke before quickly stopping, taking out his gun as he spotted you next to his son.

you quickly put your hands up, stand up and step away from carl as your chest goes up and down as your breaths quickened. carl, of course, quickly woke up to the loud noises.

"what are you doing here? and who are.." rick yells, but stops himself as he examines your features. "wait.. you're negans daughter, aren't you?"

you nodded. "yes, i.." your voice trembled as you looked around.

"dad, stop!" carl quickly intervened as he processed what was going on, stepping in front of you. "she's not like them. she's nice, she's not going to hurt us."

"how do you know?" rick glares at his son. "she's still a savior. we can't trust her."

carl continues to argue back and forth with rick, staying firmly in front of you. "we can't bring her back out there!" he yells back, using his hands to accentuate his words. he's visibly shaking in anger at his fathers words.

rick lets out a deep sigh before continuing. "if that's what you really believe, then fine. but i think we need to keep her locked up and get more information. i don't trust it."

carl scoffs. "are you kidding me?-"

"that's fine." you cut him off before he can continue speaking. "i'll go with you."

rick nods at you and carls eyes widen. "seriously y/n?"

"yes, carl. i don't care." you step forward, up to rick. "i didn't expect him to be fine with me being here. if that's what makes him comfortable, then i'll do it."

carl shakes his head in defeat, following you and rick out the door.

...

you were now officially locked up in alexandria. rick had pulled up two chairs on the opposite side of the dark cell. carl sat in one, arms crossed and obviously quite annoyed, while rick sat properly in the other.

carl had brought your bag with him, and it laid by his feet.

carl's leg moves up and down off the floor anxiously, his face covered in frustration. "this is so stupid, she's obviously not a threat-"

"well then she needs to prove that, doesn't she?" rick retorts, shutting carl up instantly.

you nodded understandingly, sitting against the bars of the cell. "how can i prove it?"

rick silently thinks for a moment, clasping his hands together. "you can start by telling us about your father."

"there's a lot to know about him." you chuckled lightly to yourself, leaning your head against the bars and looking up at the two on the other side. "what exactly do you want to know?"

"his motives. why is he doing this?"

you clenched your hands together, anxiety rushing through your body.

"he's.. trying to make civilization or something." your voice trembled. "he thinks for every crime there needs to be punishment. that's why he killed.. your people." your body language softened as you began taking in everything happening. "..what are you going to do to my dad?"

rick stayed silent, except for a quiet sigh, which basically answered your question.

"your friend daryl should be out of the sanctuary now." you blurted out.

"what?" rick quickly stood up and walked up to the cell, his hand laying on the bars.

"i saw one of my dads wives slip a note under his cell. when i went out to leave and come here, a motorcycle was gone." you explained yourself anxiously. ricks eyes looked deep into yours, a sense of aggression and concern coming from him.

"do you know where he could be headed to?" ricks voice shakes as he speaks to you.

you shake your head. "no, i don't." you feel like your story could be sounding like bullshit, but you were telling the truth. "i'd assume he would be coming here, but he would've been here before me. maybe hilltop? somewhere with your people, probably."

rick pushes off of the cell bars and walks out of the room, pulling his walkie-talkie out as he shuts the door.

you sit with carl in silence for a moment. he looks shaken up, and honestly a bit frustrated.

"..sorry." you lowered your head onto the bars. you didn't know why exactly you were sorry, you just knew you were.

he looked back up at you, his expression changing to confusion. "what? why?"

you hid your face away from him as tears started flooding your eyes. so much was happening, even if it wasn't necessarily your fault. you worried that you made the whole situation worth.

"for everything." your voice cracked as you moved the back of your head against the bars to make sure he didn't see you crying. "my dad, your friends.. it just sucks. i wish i could've done something sooner to stop him."

carl quickly walks up to the cell, sitting down to look at you. "hey.." he leans his back against the bars, looking at you the best he can. "you're not your father. i'm sure everyone can tell that, even my dad."

"i think your dad hates me." you laugh at his comment.

"i'm serious, y/n." he turns the upper-half of his body to face you more.

you stay looking away from him. "i need to go back to the sanctuary."

"why? you're safer here."

"me being here puts you all in danger. if i'm gone any longer, my dad might come here." you stand up and try opening the cell, which rick obviously locked previously.

"my dad has the keys, he's not gonna let you out." carl stands up with you, putting his hands on the other side of the bar.

you felt so angry. but you didn't know exactly where the anger was placed to. you felt so much at once. your heart was racing, and you could just hear static going through your brain. you laid your head against the cell, defeated.

..until you remembered you had a bobby pin in your hair.

of course, with your dad being negan, you knew how to pick locks. you began picking it as carl continued speaking to you, not even noticing what you were doing.

"it'll be fine. i'm sure your dad trusts you enough to let you go out on your own."

you shook your head, continuing to pick the lock. "you don't know my dad. i barely know my dad. by the time i came back after dropping you off, he already had a few people out ready to come get me."

"just stay. for a little while longer. please." carl begged, looking at you before finally realizing what was going on. "what're you doing-"

you cut him off by swinging the cell door open. "it's fine, carl. i'll be back." you grabbed your bag and tried walking out the door, but carl quickly blocked you

"are you kidding me?" he put his arm on the wall, preventing you from getting past.

"carl." you sternly spoke, looking him dead in the eyes. your eyes quickly softened, however, as you brought your hands up to the sides of his face. "i'll be back as soon as i can. i promise. i have to try and make sure me coming over here didn't get you guys into more shit."

carl moves his hand up to your wrist, looking down at you anxiously. but after a moment of hesitation, he nods. "please be safe."

"don't worry about me." your lips turn up into a grin before you lean to kiss him.

he moves his hands down to your waist to pull you closer, leaving one hand on your side and the other on the back of your neck. you could tell by his body language that he didn't want you to go, but you knew you had to. he knew that, too.

you pulled away, despite his protest. your smile turned somber as you looked up at him. "i'll see you soon. i promise."

"wait." he grabs his walkie talkie and hands it to you. "i have another one somewhere. i don't know if this will be in reach with the sanctuary, but please try and call me when you're safe."

you nodded, pulling him in for one last hug. he held you tightly, leaving a kiss on the crown of your forehead before letting go.

"i love you." he smiled warmly at you.

"i love you too, carl."

...

you snuck back out of alexandria and back to where you had left your motorcycle. you rode it as fast as possible, speeding back to the sanctuary.

luckily, you hadn't seen any saviors yet. the roads were clear, except for a few walkers that you simply just sped past. you had to get back to the sanctuary as soon as possible.

and after a while, you finally arrived.

it was similar to how you arrived after dropping carl off. negan was standing by a car with a few saviors that were geared up. they quickly noticed you, and your father didn't seem happy either.

you parked and took your helmet off. negan ran up to you and hugged you tightly.

"where were you?" his voice was stern, but also soft. he was worried.

"i just went out for a bit." you returned his hug, but quickly pushed away. "..can i talk to you, dad?"

negan looks at you confused before nodding. "okay."

he signals that the saviors can come back inside before continuing to follow you to one of the old conference rooms.

you sat down at the end of the tables, and negan sat down on the other so he could look at you.

"so, what's up?" he smiles warmly at you, which you anxiously return.

you messed with your nailbeds nervously. you knew how he would react, but you had to ask. "i can't live like this anymore."

that was the only thing that you could spit out. probably the worst way you could've worded it, but you could tell it got your point across the way negans face dropped.

"what?" was all negan could spit out from that sentence.

you stood up and began pacing around as you spoke. it was the only thing that could even slightly calm your nerves. "the way that you run things. i know i'm your child and i've grown up around this, but i know right from wrong. i'm sure you do, too."

his eyebrows furrowed as he clasped his hands together, placing them on the table. "go on."

"i know why you do it. you've told me a million times. but i can't stand it anymore, dad." you stopped pacing, looking him straight in the eye. "i can't watch you kill people like that. not again."

"then i wont take you again, easy as that-"

"no, dad." you quickly cut him off, your voice raising slightly as you become more infuriated. "i can't let you kill people like that either."

negan simply huffs in response, standing up and walking over to you. "this is how we live now. how do you suppose you'll stop it?"

you stay silent for a moment, just thinking. he puts a hand on his shoulder and goes to speak, but you stop him.

"i'll leave."

his face drops. he moves his hand off of your shoulder and presses his lips together. you've never seen him look so distraught before, at least with you.

"you'll never see me again."

"where would you go?" negan finally speaks, his expression glum and his voice firm.

"anywhere but here. i'd go far away just to get away from here." tears started forming in your eyes as you tried to keep your composure. "maybe you'll find me. maybe you'll kill me, i don't care. because i'll be away from this."

"this is how we live-"

"this is not living!" you yell, tears finally falling down your cheeks.

when he didn't respond, you grabbed your bag and walked towards the door. but, he grabbed your wrist. "hey-"

"don't leave." negans voice remained firm, but you could tell he was upset. "what can i do for you to accept that this is just the way things are?"

you give him a look that screams 'are you stupid?' before you continue speaking. "nothing. because i wont accept it." you move his hand away from your wrist. "i love you, dad. but i can't keep living with the fact that we're just.. murdering people."

negan looks at you blankly and you take it as your opportunity to exit. except before you could close the door behind you, something stopped it.

negans foot.

"what?" you turned around to look at him.

"fine." he breathily says, wiping his eyes quickly. "i'll.. i'll figure it out."

you smiled at him, letting your tears fall as you hugged him tightly. even if it seemed like it to him in the moment, you didn't want to leave him. he was your father, not many people had that luxury of still having a parent alive nowadays. but it's the only way you thought that he would listen to you, and he did.

he hugged you back. "i'm not losing you, too."

...

you didn't know what your dad was going to do now. hell, he didn't even know what he was going to do now. but, you knew that you needed to call carl. you walked back over to your room and locked the door, pulling the walkie-talkie out as fast as possible and calling.

"hello? this is y/n. is carl there?" you asked, but just got static as an answer.

'maybe i need to get a bit closer.'

you walked back outside of your room, and negan was standing right outside. you put your hands behind your back quickly, hiding the walkie-talkie.

"hey, dad."

he smiled, hugging you with one of his arms. "are you heading out again?"

"..yeah." you nodded nervously. "not too far. i just need some air."

"alright. try and be back by dinner, alright?" negan smiled at you. you nodded back and him, putting the walkie-talkie in your pocket as you walked back towards your motorcycle.

you rode out a bit, towards the area you'd usually roam to when you needed space. as you rode, you occasionally turned the radio on to check if you were in range.

as you approached your hangout area, you set your motorcycle down and turned your radio on.

"hellooo.. this is y/n, i'm calling for carl." you repeated for the thousandth time.

there was static, but just before you turned it off again, you heard his voice.

"y/n!"

"carl?" you exclaimed happily.

"holy shit, are you okay?" carl asked through the radio, his voice seemingly laced with concern, but he also seemed happy to hear your voice.

"yes, i'm okay." you nodded, your smile not leaving your face. "i told my dad that.. i'd leave if he didn't stop. he's gonna try and figure something out."

"that might not go over that easy with my dad, y'know?"

"i know. but i won't let him kill anyone else. all i ask if that you don't let your dad kill mine." you lightly chuckle, which he returns.

carl stays silent for a moment. "could you come back over here?"

"i can try. why? what's up?"

"i'd feel better knowing you're here with me while all of this goes on." his voice is a bit more quiet over the radio, but loud enough where you could still hear it.

"of course." you started getting back onto your motorcycle as you spoke to him. "i'll always be there when you need me."

you could hear him laugh on the other side. "thank you. i'll see you soon then?"

"yep. love you!" you happily replied.

"love you, too, y/n."

you rode off back towards alexandria. this time, instead of feeling so anxious and stressed, you felt happy.

you didn't know what was going to happen after you arrived at alexandria. how rick would react, the other alexandrians, the people effected by your fathers actions.. but you did know that you'd figure out how to make it right.

─────────────────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ────────────────────

[ficnation]

“Your dad’s an asshole” Part 2 - Carl x Reader

Request: “Carl x son of negan. Where they meet when Negan goes to get supplies for the first time from Alexandria and Negan’s son keeps flirting with Carl and Carl gets flustered and acts like he hates it, because y’know son of NEGAN, but eventually they go on a sort of date and kiss? Just fluff with a lil angst? Whatever works for you xoxo”

requested by @thatcucumberwhore

Word count: 2,2k+

Pairing: Carl Grimes x Male! Reader

Warnings: usual twd themes (e.g gore, cursing)

A/n: Your relationship with Carl develops but you still have a long way to go. Also I do plan on writing some kind of an epilogue to this lil series eventually but it’s gonna take a while. Hope you enjoy it!

𝐅𝐔𝐋𝐋 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓

𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐋 𝐆𝐑𝐈𝐌𝐄𝐒 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓

The only times you could see Carl was when you snuck out in the middle of the night or when your father wasn’t around. You always met halfway in the woods, not far from the main road that led from the Sanctuary to Alexandria. It wasn’t exactly safe for either of you, but if it was the only way you could see each other, it was a risk you were willing to take.

It was surprising how similar you were despite your different personalities. You’ve both lost your mothers at the start of the apocalypse, and your dads changed drastically because of that. You had to grow up far too quickly, drowning in loneliness with no one your age to talk to. Those things made you fit like two puzzle pieces—meant to be.

The forest hummed around you when you strode off the main road and into the surrounding trees, all but invisible from the outside world. You were careful not to step on any of the fallen twigs, afraid of making too much noise.

The sky above was dark and cloudless, yet you could only see a few streaks of light coming from the stars here and there. The crowns of the trees were far too thick to let anything more shine through them.

This part of the woods was usually peaceful—as peaceful as it could be in a world infested with the undead. But that didn’t mean you could feel safe or let your guard down. Even if there was no visible sign of threat, you had to keep your eyes and ears open.

You sat down under one of the many trees, mindlessly playing with a stray twig. You waited and waited, but time didn’t seem to pass fast enough while you waited for Carl to show up.

The darker the sky got, the more you started to worry.

But the moment you heard the familiar sound of careful footsteps, your eyes roamed around wildly. You couldn’t help the cheerful smile that spread across your face when you recognized the silhouette in front of you.

“Hey…” you greeted him, waving. Carl returned the gesture as he walked over to sit beside you, taking his spot under the tree.

His light brown hair seemed to glow under the dim moonlight, and his eye sparkled with happiness that only your presence could bring out of him. His cheeks were pink from the cold wind, and the thin material of his plaid shirt did nothing to warm him up.

Carl smiled at you and leaned back against the trunk of the tree, crossing his arms over his chest.

“It’s almost midnight,” he stated, gazing at the starry sky.

It was indeed getting darker and darker every second. Your breath hitched slightly as you watched the clouds move in front of the moon.

“You’re lucky I didn’t wake up Judith when I fell on my ass jumping out of the window.”

You grinned at his joke before looking down at your feet. “Yeah…” you trailed off.

It had been so long since you’d seen one another with the constant war between your communities, yet there you were, alone together at midnight, gazing up at the moon.

It felt so strange and different to be with him like this. It made you feel more alive and more relaxed than you ever had before. No stress or anger could ruin it because you both knew where you stood; no matter the hatred between your people, you agreed you wouldn’t let it influence your friendship.

Carl stared up at the sky, lost in thought, as he watched a shooting star pass by. You looked up, too, following the path of the bright star.

“That’s nothing in comparison to the way you shine,” you stated, a confident smirk already growing on your face.

You knew very well what would follow your words. The blush on Carl’s face was barely visible in the darkness, but the way he nudged your arm with his elbow assured you it was definitely there.

“Shut up,” he chuckled, and for some reason, it was the most beautiful sound you’ve ever heard.

“Yeah? Or what? You’re gonna kiss me?” The world around you froze the moment those words left your mouth. Damn, you hated yourself for speaking before thinking.

The silence that suddenly fell between the two of you was more than awkward. And you had no idea how to take those words back because you did want him to kiss you. You’ve been thinking for a while now how it would feel to brush your lips against his. Would they feel rough or soft against yours? Would Carl let you tangle your fingers in his soft hair?

You tried not to think about it, to repress those thoughts and keep them far away from your mind. But they always came back when you expected it the least. Even when you were just eating breakfast, the thought of kissing Carl and really being with him randomly popped up in your head.

“I’m sorry, it was just a joke. I shouldn’t have said that.” You chickened out.

Carl didn’t say anything, sitting beside you, deep in thought. You couldn’t read his face or his body language. He didn’t seem tense to you, but as far as you knew, it could just be your brain trying to let you keep some shred of hope.

“Are you okay?”

“Hm? Yeah, why?” Carl finally looked at you, waking up from his frozen state with a shake of his head.

You gave him a look, clearly not believing his words.

He sighed and shrugged. “I’ve missed you. More than I thought I would.” His voice dropped into a soft whisper. “When you leave I feel like there’s something missing.”

Carl’s eye met yours in the darkness. His words and the way he looked at you made your breath hitch. He must’ve noticed that because seconds after you exhaled, his lips were on yours, leaving a soft peck. When your eyes fluttered in confusion, it was his time to chicken out and pull away.

“Well, shit. Now, I should probably be sorry.”

You grinned at him, your hand landing in his hair, pulling him back into the kiss. Carl chuckled into your lips, responding with just as much confidence. As your lips touched, time stopped, and everything around you faded away; nothing else mattered at that moment except for each other. As your bodies pressed together, the tension you’ve been building up suddenly released in an electrifying rush.

The forest was still and quiet early in the morning before the light even touched the horizon. The riverbank nearby made soft noises, its rushing waters calming in their constant flow. The sun had not yet greeted the world, and the dew that had settled the night before was just beginning to vanish in the early morning’s heat. 

You chased Carl through the clearing, laughing quietly, playing a game of tag while you escorted him halfway home.

The dew from the grass had saturated your jeans, the moisture seeping into the fabric effortlessly. Your pants were almost soaked through from the ankles all the way up to your knees. A small puddle of water even seeped into one of your sneakers, your foot squelching with every step you took.

Despite that, you were fast on your feet, and just when you were about to catch the back of Carl’s shirt in your grasp, the groans of undead filled the air. Their sounds alone turned the peaceful early morning eerie. Their groans seemed to come from all directions, the sound somehow omnipresent, as if it came from within and without, surrounding you. You could feel your hair stand on end as the happiness evaporated from your veins.

Your companion stopped so abruptly in his tracks that you couldn’t stop in time and ran headfirst into him, the impact causing you to release an involuntary grunt. 

“Fuck,” you grumbled, your hand instantly grabbing Carl’s arm in a tight, protective grip.

You looked into the distance to the dirt road leading to Alexandria. A herd of walkers moved forward in the direction of Carl’s community, one of the biggest ones you’ve encountered in your life. Your breath hitched in your throat, your hand shaking. They marched in a line so long you didn’t see the end of it. 

“We gotta get out of here,” you whispered right into his ear, pulling his arm in the opposite direction. You had to get as far as possible from the herd. 

“No, I need to get home,” Carl sneered, stubbornly planting his feet on the ground beneath. He didn’t even give you so much as a glance. 

“Not fucking happening. Let’s go. You’re not coming anywhere near them.” Your voice was firm; it wasn’t a request. 

The young Grimes stood silently for a minute, observing the herd in the distance. He didn’t know what to do; if his dad noticed his disappearance, he’d panic and send people to look for him. He didn’t want them to walk into this death trap, but at the same time, there was no way he’d get through the walkers unnoticed. 

“Carl,” he could hear the slight shift in the tone of your voice. It became stern. You’ve never spoken to him this way before. He knew that he had no choice but to go with you.

Finally, he nodded his head and let you guide him the opposite way. You traveled in silence, on high alert at all times. Your eyes scanned the horizon, and your ears strained to listen for the slightest hint of danger. You couldn’t risk gaining the attention of any of the walkers. If just one noticed you, it’d all be over.

After hours of walking, you reached the gates of a community unknown to Carl. He looked quizzically between you and the tall gates, but you could see the annoyance and suspicion spreading through his face.

“You brought me to the Sanctuary? Right under your father’s nose?” he questioned, fuming. He quickly pulled his hand out of yours and stepped away from your reach. How could you do this to him?

For a moment, you were oblivious to his suspicions and looked at him, confused. “What are you talking about?” 

“Don’t play dumb!” Carl’s voice was booming as he stared you down, fists clenched.

Your eyes jumped from Carl to the community’s gates, then back to your companion again. You quickly understood what he feared. “Well, I’m flattered you think the Sanctuary looks like this.”

Carl seemed disoriented; he blinked fast as the hatred fell from his face. He felt terrible that it took just this to make him doubt you and withdraw his trust. The boy looked down at the dirt beneath his boots.

“I wouldn’t take you there Carl.”

He nodded, reassured by your words, but still didn’t raise his head. “I’m sorry, I just freaked out.”

You walked toward him, your hand gently grasping his chin to make him look at you. You pecked his cheek softly before pulling him towards the gates. “This is the Kingdom. We’ll be safe here and we can rest a little before going home.”

“Are you sure? How do you even know about this place?” he questioned but followed you without any resistance.

“Uhh…” You scratched your neck bashfully. “It’s a long story. I will tell you someday, I promise.”

Upon reaching the gates, the man on watch duty stood up abruptly, revealing the biggest, friendliest smile as he recognized your face. Waving you in, he called to someone else to let you inside. You slipped through the crack in the gates without waiting a second longer.

Carl observed as the unfamiliar man greeted you by name with his arms outstretched and his face full of joy. You rushed up to him, throwing your own arms around his solid frame, a playful fight unfolding between the two of you before you remembered about your companion.

“Jerry, this is Carl.” The man raised his eyebrow, anticipating that you’d add something more to the introduction. So you humored him, “My boyfriend.”

“Didn’t think anyone would like your overconfident ass,” he joked, letting out a deep chuckle as you clutched your chest in the feigned offense. 

“Me? Overconfident?” You snorted, crossing your arms. “Never.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Jerry waved you off before changing the topic. “What brings you here so early?” 

“I hoped we could crash here for a few hours. We almost bumped into a herd,” you explained, your happiness faltering at the memory. 

“You’re always welcome here, you know that.” The man patted your shoulder reassuringly. He didn’t need more explanation. 

You smiled, nodding gratefully at him before your hand found Carl’s, and you pulled him down the path deeper into the community. 

“Come on, I know a place.”

You took him to a small clearing on the other side of the community, a makeshift garden nearby. You pulled him onto a comfortable hammock hanging between two apple trees. As the sun rose in the sky, you both basked in its warm glow and dozed off in peaceful slumber.

Even though you both would likely be in trouble once you reached your homes, the temporary escape was more than worth it. Carl’s company was worth all the trouble in the world. There was no place you wouldn’t have gone with him, no distance you wouldn’t have traveled, and no experience that wasn’t worth sharing with him.

Maybe someday, we can just live here.

TAGLIST

@thatcucumberwhore @yttricuz @tuttifuckinfruttifriday @humanmistakes @twdeadlysins @donttelltheelff  @khaleesihavilliard @leafy-sprouts @spenceslovcr

[juuuulez]

📰 | part one: capulet.

info: Carl Grimes x Saviour!Reader, female reader I’m so sorry!!!!, mostly scene setting..next chapter will get juicy.

summary: You meet Carl whilst the Satellite station is being raided, where they take you as prisoner.

previous | next

This is gonna be an ongoing fic!!! I’ve already got like,, 8 parts mapped out, but will likely add more stuff here and there. It also currently has no name……but I’ll think of something. It will follow canon loosely, mostly at the start, and then I’ll just diverge into whatever I want to write about LOL. Let me know what you think, if you like it, want more soon etc etc.

It’s Saviour!Reader, with very heavy father-figure Negan because I am sorry but I LOVE HIM! Slow burn, enemies to lovers with Carl, teenage squabbling, you get the gist.

I’m also open for requests!!

It feels like you can’t breathe.

It’s dark, so dark. Almost pitch black, if not for the moonlight shining through the windows, spaced out near the rooftops to allow some visibility. You try to keep your footsteps light, one hand clutched around a metal baseball bat, the other feeling the wall to make sure you don’t trip. Everybody else is asleep.

Everybody else is dead.

You have no idea who’s done this. But it’s multiple people, from what you’ve gathered. A group uninvolved with the Saviours. Until now, you suppose.

It was no secret that your father was a tyrant, and had his fair share of enemies, but this? Talk about retaliation. If you’d been sleeping, too, you’d be dead. Maybe it was some sort of fate that you weren’t. Divine intervention. Whatever, it didn’t matter.

Then an alarm blares, disturbing the calculating silence, awakening anybody who remained unconscious. Panic spreads throughout the satellite station, followed by the relentless noise of machine guns. Your grip on the bat tightens as you sprint down the hallway, searching for salvage, somewhere to hide. They’d overpower you, no doubt. Though you were strong, a dedicated fighter, there was only so much a 17 year old girl could do. Facing them was too risky.

And to come home in a body bag? Not an option; Negan would kill every last person alive.

You round the corner, facing a door that you knew led to a supply room. The perfect hiding spot. So, you check your surroundings, weapon at the ready before entering the small space.

The door slams behind you.

“Hands up.”

You panic, momentarily, yet don’t obey. Spinning on your heels, you meet the source of this threat, a pistol pointed in your direction.

But behind it stands a boy, likely no older than yourself. Messy brown hair, stupid looking hat. Eyepatch. Definitely not a soldier.

He takes your silence as offence, “I said, hands up!” The boy barks at you, pulling back the safety with a distinct click.

It feels like there’s a lump in your throat, yet you speak anyway, arms still caged defensively at your sides. “You wanna kill me?”

The question clearly takes this boy off guard, judging by the way his jaw clenches, displeased by the ambiguous attitude you’re holding.

“Haven’t decided yet.” He answers, tone cold and steely.

But the gun isn’t pointed at your head. It’s a little to the right, just past your ear. If he shot it now, the bullet would hit the concrete wall. Lack of depth perception, you decide. One eye.

And so, you take that chance. With one motion, you’re swinging your bat towards him, using all the strength in your body. For some reason, he doesn’t shoot, but does duck down, the swift motion causing that stupid sheriff’s hat to fall to the ground.

The minuscule moment of shock, uncertainty, is your window of opportunity: it doesn’t take much to barrel towards him, your shoulders colliding with a thud as you disarm the boy, letting the pistol fall to the ground.

You don’t bother to pick it up, kicking the weapon away from the two of you, letting it skid across the concrete and hit the opposing wall. But in the time it takes him to retrieve the gun, you’re already out the door.

It doesn’t take long to navigate your way out of the station. Sprinting through hallways, narrowly avoiding tripping over limp bodies of people you once knew. Then the doors are right there, so close. You could even see cracks of sunrise seeping through the gaps.

Fresh air assaults your face, filling your parched lungs, and it takes everything in you not to fall to the ground in relief.

But it doesn’t matter.

There’s shouting, the figures of people coming into view. It floods your system with panic, suddenly alert at the newfound danger. Your sprinting comes to the stop, skidding on wet grass, blanketed with morning dew.

You fall flat on your ass.

The moment of clumsiness is all it takes for these people to approach you, shouting, demanding a name. A gun in your face. You grit your teeth, spotting the metal bat a few feet away, too far to reach.

And that boy, with the stupid hat. He picks it up. It makes you want to scream.

They demand you take them to Negan. To the next outpost. Locate their friends. There’s talking, bargaining on a radio. You stood in silence, childishly frustrated about being used like a pawn on a board. Exchange of you, for their two friends. That, or they’d kill you.

This immature silence lasts the whole trip.

The handcuffs around your wrists are irritating. There’s an itch on your cheek you can’t scratch. Your shoulders begin to hurt from being twisted into such a position.

But the worst of it? That boy, with his stupid hat, holding your baseball bat.

You swallow your anger.

You swallow your anger as they leave you in the RV to raid the Saviour outpost.

You swallow your anger when they come out with their two friends, but none of yours.

You swallow your anger when they tell you that Negan is dead, he’s been killed. That you’ll be put in a cell until they know what to do with you.

“Let me see the body.” You demand, brows furrowed, attempting to shield your inner confliction. Concern.

The man with the curly hair and beard answers, already distracted, moving onto the next task. Like the life of your father was meaningless. “Ain’t no time, we gotta move. Get back to Alexandria before nightfall.”

You swallow your anger.

Until you can’t anymore.

It hasn’t even been that long. The end to a long, gruelling day. At least, it appears to be, judging by the dimming light seeping through tiny windows. You’ve never been in a prison cell before. Though, granted, it was probably time you got some semblance of consequence for your morally-grey actions.

There’s footsteps. Once person approaching, then another walking away. Keeping guard on your cell, you presume. The same process had happened twice already.

Except this time, the footsteps continue a little further. The jingle of keys, a metal door creaking open.

Then he’s standing in front of you, on the other side of the bars. You want to burn that stupid hat.

“Your hat looks stupid.”

His face twists, brows furrowed, but otherwise ignores the harsh statement. The hat remains on his head.

“What’s your name?” He asks, standing a few meters away, warily. As if he’s afraid you’ll squirm through the bars and attack him. Maybe that’s a good thing.

You don’t answer.

But the boy continues talking anyway, “Mine’s Carl.”

It’s like an olive branch, a truce. An ounce of humility amongst this whole, terrible experience.

You roll your eyes, but tell him your name anyway. Carl seems to take this as permission to continue, as he now sits down on the cold concrete floor, though still maintains the distance between the two of you.

“Were your parents back there?” He asks you, though doesn’t sound particularly curious, nor judgemental. It’s that same, weird, stony tone. Like he only wants to know simply for the benefit of information.

So, you humour him.

With a shrug, you mumble, “No.”

“Is Negan your dad?” Carl asks almost immediately, already having a path of conversation in mind. This boy knows what he wants, and intends on figuring it out. That, or he’s just really blunt.

Once again, you shrug, giving a pointed look that conveys how you don’t intent to cooperate.

In response, Carl narrows his eyes, taking your lack of cooperation as hostility.

A few moments pass, and he’s getting up again, storming towards the door. The keys jingle. Metal creaks.

And he’s gone.

Another few days pass.

Nobody had interacted with you; it felt like you were going insane. Four walls and a dinky bed.

At least Carl tried to talk to you, nobody else seemed interested.

Until the curly-haired man is back, who you presume is named Rick, and is getting you out of the cell, once again adorning handcuffs.

“You’re going to Hilltop,” He tells you, snapping your wrists together once more, but this time offers the reprieve of cuffing your hands in front of you, “Somebody will watch you, give you a new home. You misbehave? It’s back in the cell.”

Though displeased, you have no choice but to follow. Suspicion stews in your gut, as these people appear to be in a rush, ever so slightly frantic. An energy in the air.

You remain impartial, annoyance radiating from your being as they drive, all these people packed into an RV. Everybody is having their seperate conversations, though you remain alone, handcuffed at the back of the vehicle.

A few hours in… and the road is blocked.

Blocked by people. A few cars parked nearby.

Disruption stirs in the RV, weapons suddenly gripped, prepared for a threat. Just before Rick can go to investigate: you hear it.

Whistling.

Your face must clearly light up, a hint of hope, and you’re rushing to stand. Though you can only make it two steps forward, deeper into the RV, when suddenly hands are gripping your shoulders, a firm hold keeping you in place.

Keeping you from escaping.

You twist and turn, aggressive curses leaving your mouth, but are unable to fully face your captor.

But from the corner of your eye, you see the rim of that that stupid, stupid hat.

[theapocalypseisonlythebeginning]

TWD/Telltale - The Walking Dead AU - "Bad People or Good People?" Masterlist

Father Daughter relationship between Daryl and Clementine. Watch as she grows to become even more badass than the two men who taught her how to survive a zombie apocalypse <3

☝️art by @estethell ❤️🖤

Summary:

"Find a group…" are one of the last words Lee says to Clementine. And so, Clementine does. Over and over and over again… until Clementine finds Daryl Dixon and his group at the prison. Whilst it's easy to gain the affection of Daryl, a man who soon becomes like a father to her, other members of the group might have some issues with her… not to mention the looming threat of other people still out there.

Changes Clementine’s fate after telltale's season 1 to fit in with the Walking Dead show, intertwining the stories from mid season 3 and onwards. Clementine is therefore 9 at the start!

(I will try to write with enough details that if you haven't seen or played either of the medias, you can follow along. But I also keep in mind that some have played and seen things multiple times so if something that was canon doesn't make sense immediately, it will in a later chapter <3 )

Chapters:

Glenn || A year after Lee's death, Clementine is on the run from Walkers after a horrible year. Right as she's on the brink of dying, an arrow saves her life.

Daryl Dixon's arrow.

Find a Group || Clementine's introduction to the group does not go as smoothly as Rick had hoped... Already existing tensions surface, and Clementine starts to notice that there might be something going on here at the prison... something involving bad people?

Fever || As Clementine falls unconscious from a fever, the group goes through various debates on Clementine's presence... whilst Glenn and Daryl bond over their care for the girl.

Forgiveness || When Clementine wakes from her fever, she's faced with the Greenes' grieving anger of the death of Shawn Greene... But Hershel's Farm is not the only thing from Clementine's past that is still haunting her.

An Honest Man || When Daryl and Merle return to the prison, tensions are high as both children of the group get offended by their father figures.

How is Daryl Dixon, the least talkative of all people, going to apologise to Clementine?

A Stronger Girl  || Whilst fixing cars with Daryl (and Merle), Clementine ponders on whether she should tell the group where to find Ylva's group now that she's finally free of it. In the end, it's the last two people one would think to change Clementine's mind that convince her...

We're the Good Guys, Clem (Part 1) || With Clementine revealing the location of the group after her, Rick makes a risky decision to take some of the group’s fighters to go after them despite the Governor looming on their doorstep. Meanwhile, Merle finds more reasons to provoke Daryl.

We're the Good Guys, Clem (Part 2) || Worried about Daryl as he goes after Ylva's group, Clementine finds herself stuck in her emotions until she cannot keep it together anymore...

We're the Good Guys, Clem (Part 3) || New alliances are made. Tyreese doesn't like what Woodbury seems to be, but Kenny is blind to it all. Rick doesn't like what he is turning into, meanwhile Clementine might have finally found a friend in Carl.

Bracelets and Unexpected Visitors || A calm before the storm settles over the Prison group now that Rick, Daryl and Glenn swear that there are no people after Clementine anymore. But there are still enemies out there, and although Daryl and Clementine are as close as ever, will it last...?

Based on story:

All on His Lonesome (only on AO3 atm, sorry) || At Daryl Dixon's grave, Clementine copes with her father figure's death with the help of Judith Grimes.

AO3 link to AU work (limited access - only those with AO3 account)

my carrd

← back to blog masterlist

[ahtlasarc]

one time colin ford and chandler riggs were in the same room (possibly at the same time, maybe not) and i was 🤏 this close to having cousins content

[lokissuper]

Need To Be Safe| Carl Grimes x Reader

Summary: Carl doesn't want reader to get hurt during the bombing of Alexandria.

Request: from @hannahlovesfinnick​ I was wondering if you could do a Carl x my oc (Hannah) request, you don’t have to use the name, you can use y/n if you want. So maybe you can do something that takes place in season 8 where Hannah and Carl go out together and Hannah is there where Carl finds siddiq and gets bit in canon. But instead since Hannah is there because her and Carl are dating, Carl doesn’t get bit and Hannah helps Carl and siddiq fight the walkers off and no one gets majorly hurt. So, like in canon, Carl takes siddiq to the sewers along with Hannah. And while Alexanderia is evacuating, Carl and Hannah have an emotional goodbye after he convinces her to go with them after a small argument with her wanting to make sure he’s ok and him wanting to protect her. So Hannah goes with the others and the rest goes as canon. after the saviours bomb Alexandria, it can maybe end with Carl meeting them in the sewers and it can be fluffy with him holding her and trying to reassure her that everything will work out for them and that their ok

DISCLAIMER! I never really followed the timeline at the beginning of season 8, was just kinda confusing. So if there is anything wrong then I apologize, but thank you for the request. I also listened to Easy Street on repeat to write this for some reason. I didn't proof read this because I was too excited to get it out.

Living in a world full of zombies was kind of a pain sometimes. I mean you could probably guess that it would. But growing up in during an apocalypse isn’t what I though my imagined my future. 

Early on, my parents and I found a group and stuck with them. I found a boy my age and he became my best friend, Carl. His dad led us through the world of the unknown and protected us, especially me when my parents got bit. 

It was when we were finally settling at Hershel's farm and a herd made it’s way through the fields. I didn’t know what happened until everyone reunited after the damage and saw that they weren’t there, along with Andrea. The adults tried to put on a brave face for me but I had matured to much that I knew they were dead. But when we found Andrea again I had a little hope in me that they were still out there, until I overheard her tell Rick that she saw them get taken down by walkers.

From then on I had the whole group looking out for me, including Carl. 

Carl and I had been through a lot together, being there for him when he had to put his mother down, when it was confirmed mine were dead, and when Glenn and Abraham were brutally murdered by Negan.

I wasn’t there for the line-up, but just hearing about it made me realize that I couldn’t keep holding in my feelings for Carl. Especially in a world like our where something could happen to one of us any second.

So I told him and reciprocated. We’ve been dating ever since and continued to watch out for one another. 

We were always looking for people to bring back to Alexandria, people who could help us in a great deal. So when Carl came back from a run with his dad and told me he found someone I was onboard. I was a little hesitant at first because of our war with the Saviors, but if Carl was confident then I was too. We went out to find the mystery person hopefully in the same place as last time. 

We did find him. But surrounded by walkers.

So we helped him, Siddiq, with these walkers because he didn’t seem to know what he was doing. I killed the first one but then saw one cornering Carl and grabbed it off of him, pushing it to the ground. I then shot it in the head. 

Siddiq showed gratitude to us for coming back for him, we asked him our procedure questions and were on our way to Alexandria. We knew Negan and the Saviors were going to be coming tonight, and it wasn’t going to end well.

-

Carl and I snuck Saddiq into the boarded town, and to the opening in the sewers Carl found to keep people safe. Saddiq thanked us again before climbing down the ladder to the sewers in which Carl and I followed so we could get him settled. We grabbed a cot, pillows and blankets so he was comfortable and gave him food. Carl and I left him down in the Sewers for a few hours before the sun started to set, and we knew what was coming. 

Carl and I were standing watching the sun set from one of the watch towers when he started to speak.

“I want you down in the sewers tonight. I need to make sure your safe.” 

I turned my head to him and furrowed my eyebrows. I was confused since we always fought through these types of things together, looking out to make sure the other was covered. 

“No.” I said.

“It wasn’t a question. This is going to get out of hand and I can’t have you out here.” He said frustrated.

“Where is this coming from?” I asked.

Carl shook his head before responding,”You weren’t there that night. With Glenn and Abraham, seeing what Negan is capable of. We really made him mad this time.”

“Don’t you think I know that, I know he is a threat and dangerous. I know. I also wish I was there that night too. I wish I was there so bad it hurts, I know I shouldn’t but just the idea that something could’ve happened to you-” I cut myself off. “I’m not leaving you this time.”

He looked at me sternly, I could see in his eyes he understood where I was coming from but he still was standing with his choice.

“I don’t want to lose you either. But that is why I need you to be safe, where I know you will stay alive.” He said to me.

I fully turned to him now, growing angry with him.

“Not unless you come with me.” I said crossing my arms.

“I can’t, this is my show and I need to run it. Dad’s not here so I have to be.” He said.

I scoffed,”He’s going to kill you. If not you then everyone else, I understand where your coming from but if you die, then I die. End of story.”

Carl and I started to make our way down to the ground. Shaking his head on the way down, before he could say anything I spoke up again when I set my feet on the floor.

“I can’t lose you, your the only one I have.” 

He looked at me and saw tears welling up in my eyes. He knew I still mourned my parents death and that I felt incredibly lonely even though I had him. He walked closer to me and brushed a piece of hair behind my ear. 

“You have so many people looking out for you, so much family here. I can’t lose you either.” He spoke softly to me.

I looked him in the eyes and started to cry. I whispered, “Okay. I will go in the sewers. But as soon as things get hectic you bring you butt down there.”

Carl reached for my waist and pulled me toward him, smiling at me,”I understand.”

We walked hand in hand to the entrance to the sewers, everyone else had already been moved down there and I was the last one left. It was pretty dark out now and we had to hurry

I turned to Carl and brought him into a kiss, a passionate and loving kiss. One we hadn’t had yet in our relationship. I couldn’t go down there without kissing him, not knowing what was going to happen later. Our lips moved together and my arms were wrapped around his neck playing with the ends of his hair. Carl was slightly shocked with the power of the kiss but quickly wrapped him arms around my waist. I realized how much I loved him, even though we hadn’t said the three words to each other yet. 

I pulled away from him but Carl joined our lips together again in a long peck. He pulled away but only enough so he could whisper into my lips, “I love you so much.” I smiled.

“I love you.” I pulled away from him fully. I looked at him one last time before turning to the sewer and climbing down the ladder.

-

The ground was trembling and my ears were in pain because of the noise. I thought for sure there was no world anymore above us. 

The bombs were going off for a little bit now, I held Judith to my chest and hushed her to make sure she didn’t make any noises that could give us away. Not like they could hear her up on the ground especially with the sound of gunshots and grumbling of grenades.

Carl still hadn’t made his way down to the sewers yet, and it was far past safe from what I was hearing. Which meant Carl was either taken, dead, or just plain stubborn. I tried not to think about it to much, because Judith needed me right now. I was cooing to her when I heard the steel trapdoor to the sewers opened. We were told to be quiet when we heard to door open because we never knew if it was one of us or an enemy. But, when I saw my boyfriends sheriff hat I quickly get up to run to him but he out his finger over his mouth then pointed up. I quickly understood that there were saviors above us. He grabbed my hand that wasn’t holding Judith and lead my away from the entrance. When he deemed it far enough away he pulled me into a gentle hug, watching for his little sister in my arms.

I gently spoke in his ear,” We’re okay. Are you?”

He nodded. 

I pulled away and pecked him on the lips before giving him Judith. I was so happy he was safe.

[fanficimagery]

Take on the World; pt. 2

@browneyes528​ said: Hi I loved your Walking Dead fic "take on the world". May I please request a part 2 for "take on the world". I think it will be great to see them get together. I'm a huge Walking Dead fan.

Words: 8K Warnings:  Typical TWD violence, just not as detailed. Also in this AU, I will not be mentioning Negan and his bunch, but the Wolves are a threat.  On a personal note, I was writing this during my "break". Bits and pieces of it were flowing easily, but then I had to force myself to finish it when something terrible happened in my personal life so I'm sorry for the abrupt ending and the blah-ness of it. Tags: @kingtwhiddleston​

Settling in at Alexandria was more work than you anticipated.

You had kept your word to Maggie, going on to have a conversation with Deanna and her husband about your strengths and what you could bring to the table. She wasn't too keen on the idea of you teaching anyone how to fight, but her husband was quick to have her sleep on it before totally turning the idea down. After all, if an unsavory bunch found Alexandria and decided to take it by force, it would be a great deal of help to have any able-bodied person help defend their home besides just Rick and Michonne who had been appointed Constables of the town.

You were eventually given the go ahead to teach whoever wanted to learn to defend themselves from the living and the dead, so long as Deanna or her husband could oversee for the first few weeks. You didn't mind, especially when it was her husband because all he did was write in a notebook of his while occasionally shouting out words of encouragement.

Everyone seemed to settle in fine, with the exception of Daryl who didn't like being confined. You understood his point of view perfectly well, but even he couldn't be a grump for too long. Not when he saw how happy it made Rick to have his children safe for once and when one of the locals had a motorcycle just sitting in their garage that they let Daryl work on so he had something to ride.

The Alexandrians slowly came to terms that the authority inside the town was being spread to more than just Deanna and her husband, and only a few had problems with that- namely Deanna's sons who got away with mostly everything. But then her eldest son died when out on a mission with Glenn and some others, and another local thought Rick was trying to make a move on his wife Jesse. However, the turning event was the unfortunate death of Deanna's husband at the hand of Jesse's own husband when in a scuffle with Rick, and Deanna had no problem letting Rick take charge. Deanna went on to take Maggie in as her second and gave Rick free reign of how he wanted to run things so long as he told her before any big changes.

Everything seemed to be going good for a while, conflicts being worked out when the tension was on the verge of exploding into a brawl and the locals finally putting their trust in the way the Constables and Deanna were running Alexandria. There were still a few conflicts that lingered, mostly between the teenagers, but everyone seemed to brush it off as teen angst that would eventually resolve itself.

It was easy to fall into a routine once you were comfortable, it being easier that you weren't totally trapped inside the walls and were allowed to keep the woods clear around the town. But it was inevitable that something would come up, making those in charge wonder if their little haven was actually safe, and that something came in the form of the walking dead with 'W's carved into their foreheads.

          - - - - - - - - - -

A sound startles you awake and it takes you a moment to realize what it actually is when it happens again. Someone's knocking on your bedroom door. So rapidly kicking your legs to disentangle the sheet from them, you slide out of bed and stumble towards the door. Opening it, you're surprised to find a sleepy Carl standing there with a fussy Judith.

"Hey, Y/N," he yawns. "Sorry to wake you up, but Judith isn't going back down like she normally does. Do you mind taking her for a bit?"

"Not at all." Taking Judith from his arms, you yawn around a smile that's directed at Carl who tiredly rubs at his eyes before turning to go back to the room he shared with his baby sister. Then feeling the baby shift in your arms, you turn your attention to her before shutting your door once more and gently bouncing her in your arms as you walk to bed. "What's wrong, huh? You feel like playing instead of sleeping like a normal human being?" Judith coos and you can't help but melt no matter what time it is. And speaking of time, you glance at the clock on your bedside table and quietly groan when you notice it's only after three in the morning.

Sitting on your bed, you pull one of your pillows forward and set it down in the middle of your mattress before laying Judith down. She coos some more, giggling when you tug on her little toes. "Yeah, yeah, kid. Get it all out while you can."

You play with Judith for a while, tickling her around her thighs and waist. As she laughs, you make faces at her and grin when she finds amusement in it. But when you grab the edge of your sheet and run it gently over her face, you're surprised to see her eyes close and then take longer and longer to reopen. Sensing victory, you scoop her back up and place the pillow she'd been laying on a little closer to your own pillow. The pillow supports her back while you curl around her, continuing to run the edge of the sheet against her face until she finally drifts off. You even hum Somewhere Over the Rainbow, drifting off to sleep yourself when Judith doesn't reawaken.

Since the whole world went topsy-turvy, you've become a light sleeper since you had to keep a lookout for the dead. So even though you're in a dead sleep, you can still feel when there's a presence hovering over you. Reaching out with speed you didn't even know you possessed, you latch onto someone's wrist as they're reaching for Judith.

"Hey. Shh. It's fine." The familiar timbre of Rick's voice makes you exhale quietly, your grip on him relaxing until you let him go.

"What's going on?"

"Nothing. Got up to check on Judith and she was gone. She cry and wake you up?"

"Hmm. No. She was keeping Carl up so he brought her in."

He huffs. "M'sorry about that. Here, let me take her."

Again you reach out, this time shoving his arm away. "Don't you dare, Grimes." From the corner of your eye, you catch sight of your glowing clock and bite back a whine. It was now only after five in the morning. "She hasn't been asleep long. She's fine here." With the faint light coming in from your window, you tiredly grin. "If you want the comfort of your daughter being nearby, climb in on the other side. But do not wake her or I will never forgive you."

Rick quietly chuckles. "You sure?"

"Mhm. Get in bed, Rick. I don't care what anyone thinks. At least I'm not in your lap this time."

He sighs longingly. "And what a damn shame that is."

You snort, Judith jerks in her sleep, and you immediately curl around her once more. There was just something babies loved about being cuddled and you had no problem sparing a few for the little girl if it meant she fell back to sleep. As Rick settles in on the other side, carefully removing the pillow under Judith's back so he could get as close as possible, you glare at him while mumbling, "I hate you."

"Sure, sweetheart. Now get some sleep. We're patrolling tomorrow. Daryl's got something to show us."

Falling asleep, curled around Judith and legs nearly tangled with Rick's, comes far too easy for you. But rather than thinking about it and wondering what Rick could possibly be thinking as well, you exhale softly and let Rick's breathing lull you to sleep.

The next time you're woken up is because you're punched in the chest. It doesn't hurt, it's a faint little hit, but it does startle you into consciousness. When your eyes fly open it's to see Judith wiggling around and happily punching out randomly.

"She got you too, huh?" Rick sleepily mumbles. "I got hit on the mouth."

You giggle softly and reach out to tickle Judith beneath her chin before turning onto your back with a sigh. Groaning softly, you stretch and ask, "What time is it?"

"Time to get up. You go ahead and take the first shower."

"Yes, sir."

In the early morning daylight hours, as you sit up and turn so your feet touch the floor you're more aware of what you're wearing. Or rather what you're not wearing. Shorts. You're not wearing any shorts and you can't believe you actually slept in the same bed as Rick with only a t-shirt and underwear on.

You try not to let on how flustered you suddenly are when you stand and then immediately tug your shirt down as if that'll help you feel less flustered. Thankfully Rick doesn't mention anything and you try not to make it seem like you're rushing as you go to the closet and put together an outfit from everything you've stuffed in there.

With your outfit in hand, you head towards your bedroom door and open it. You nearly yelp, gasping instead as you curse beneath your breath. Daryl stands there, hand poised to knock. He stares at you before his gaze drifts over your shoulder and his eyebrows raise in surprise as he grins. "Well I was gonna ask if you'd seen Rick, but nevermind. Found him."

"Don't be a smug prick. All we did was sleep."

He shrugs. "Not my business, but if this continues does that mean I can move into Rick's room since he'll be sleeping in here?"

"Ugh." You push passed him, fighting off a smile as the hunter chuckles.

Heading towards the bathroom, you're relieved to see it's unoccupied and lock yourself away inside. You know it's pointless to shower since you're going outside the walls today, but the luxury of hot water still amazes you and you haven't passed up a hot shower since you've settled in Alexandria. But still you keep the shower short, skipping the shampoo and conditioner, and just sudsing up your body and face before rinsing off.

Then once you're dressed appropriately for the day's trip, you exit the bathroom and head back towards your room. Rick's the only one there, his own clothes in hand as he sits on the edge of your bed. When he notices you, he smiles.

"Daryl took Judith downstairs. Eat and we'll be heading out soon. It's going to be an all day trip."

"Yippee," you deadpan. Rick chuckles as he stands and, as you toss your dirty clothes into a hamper, he heads out of your room in order to get to the bathroom himself.

Taking a moment, you can't help smile at his retreat. Then turning towards your bed, you're pleasantly surprised to see that Rick fixed your bed for you so you didn't have to. With nothing more to do other than pulling on a pair of boots, you do so and then head downstairs.

There's a small group gathered in the kitchen as Carol and Maggie whip something up for breakfast, and you avoid Daryl's gaze from where he sits at the table feeding Judith some applesauce. Though the second you lean over the kitchen island and steal a slice of tomato from the two working women, you can't help but freeze when Maggie says, "Sleep well? Because we heard something really interesting right before you came down."

You gape as the group around you snickers, and then you whirl around to glare at Daryl. "You're a goddamn gossip, Dixon!" The occupants in the room finally lose their composure, everyone laughing at your expense. Tossing the piece of tomato in your mouth for a moment, you then go on to defend yourself after it's gone. "Nothing happened. We slept on opposite sides of Judith and that's it!"

Rosita snorts. "Wasted opportunity if you ask me."

Several others hum in agreement and you groan. "Yeah? Well no one did. Now can we please drop it?" You reach in for another piece of tomato, but Carol whacks the back of your hand with her spoon. As you pout at her for the reprimand, you take the plate of breakfast from Carl who hands it to you with an adoring smile. "You are my favorite Grimes, kid. Never change."

You're able to eat your breakfast in peace, letting the conversation wash over you as if this were a normal day and the dead weren't roaming outside the town walls. Rick soon comes down to join everyone and Maggie passes him a plate before he can take his seat. He sits next to you, squeezing your knee under the table, and you grin in response while also praying to the Gods above you don't blush.

When all is said and done, and people start to head on out, you linger back while waving on Daryl and Rick with promises you'll only be a minute. As a majority of the room clears out, with the exception of Carol and Maggie who are cleaning up, you grab Rosita's arm to hold her back as well. She raises her eyebrows at you in surprise and you grin reassuringly.

"You're taking over my classes today, right?"

"Uh, yeah. Is that a problem?"

"Not at all," you're quick to say. "I just- can you keep an eye on Carl and Ron, please? Something is going on between them and I have a bad feeling it's going to come to blows pretty soon."

Rosita frowns. "What's going on?"

"I'm not sure. It's either teen angst like everyone believes because I've seen the way things get tense when that girl Enid is around, or Ron still blames Rick for everything gone wrong with his family and is taking it out on Carl. Either way, I don't trust Ron."

"Yeah, of course. I'll keep an eye on things."

"Thanks."

Quickly thanking the women for breakfast, you then make your way outside where the two men are waiting for you. You give them a nod before walking ahead of them, each of you having to check out weapons from the armory before you can go on your trip.

"So what exactly is on the agenda for today?" You wonder as you strap a couple of knives to your thighs, a glock in a holster at your waist, and take the offered rifle from Daryl as he makes sure you're well enough prepared.

Daryl and Rick share a brief look, a look you know all too well. They're calculating exactly what to say in front of Denise- the woman currently on shift and in charge of marking down who takes what weapons.

"Supply run," Daryl's gruff voice answers.

"After we clear out a bit of the woods around the place, Abraham wants to expand outward, so we need to give him the all clear."

You nod. "Sounds good." A handful of minutes later and you're dropping into the backseat of a car. Scooting towards the middle so you can lean forward in between Rick and Daryl, you ask, "So what else are we doing? Don't think I didn't notice that little look between you guys when Denise perked up after I asked what we were doing."

"More an' more of the dead with W's carved into their foreheads are showin' up," Daryl says.

"Of course they are." You sigh. "Just when I get comfortable things gotta go to shit." Both men snort in amusement and you groan as you fall back into your seat.

Daryl drives around to the back of Alexandria and parks, and then he takes the lead into the woods surrounding the town. There's not many dead lingering, so you and Rick resort to using knives while Daryl watches your back.

Dispatching of the dead is gross, but quick, and then Daryl's double checking all the bodies. He drags a few aside, turning their heads with his booted foot. "See? Someone's doin' this on purpose and I don't like that they're so close to home."

"So what are we gonna do? Recon?" You ask. "We can't raise the alarm in Alexandria unless we know for sure. We don't want everyone panicking."

"We tell Aaron," Rick says. "He's good at remaining unseen and no one will question him being gone for a few days."

"Sounds good to me." You glance around, sighing when you notice more dead wandering closer. "I wish I were still in bed."

"Yeah I bet you do," Daryl mumbles.

You immediately turn around to glare at him, but seeing Rick with his head down as he tries to fight off a smile softens you. Instead, your shoulders droop and you roll your eyes before turning around to dispatch the newcomers.

It takes a few hours to clear the woods and pile the bodies for burning, but it eventually gets done. There's an hour break where you rest and eat what little rations Daryl had stashed in the car, and then it's on to drive an hour or so out to hopefully find some supplies that the town could use.

"I can't wait to get home," you say while loading up a box of dusty canned goods. Daryl grunts, adding in a find of his own that he had recovered from a nearby house. "Do you think I can get an invite to spaghetti night now that you finally found Eric his traditional pasta maker?"

The hunter snorts. "We'll see."

Once the trunk is loaded up with what little supplies and goods the three of you have managed to find, you crawl back into the backseat and prepare to take a nap on the drive back to Alexandria. The drive is quiet, with the exception of the beginning where Rick and Daryl bicker about what CD to listen to.

The music and the bumpy drive lulls you into a light sleep, so you don't know how much time has passed when the car slows.

"What the hell?" Daryl's gruff voice makes your eyes flutter open before you sit up, scooting towards the middle so you can see out the windshield.

Rick leans forward. "That wasn't there before."

The that in question is a downed tree and it's blocking the only road back home. Daryl parks and cuts the engine, and all three of you exit. You grab your rifle, but hook the strap over your head so the rifle hangs diagonally across your back. And not wanting your hands empty, you grab two daggers by their hilts- one in each hand- and keep an eye on your surroundings as you follow after the men.

Rick walks up to the portion of the tree that's in the road, testing its weight with his foot as he tries to rock it back and forth. Daryl, however, walks over to where the base is.

"Shit." You and Rick immediately glance at him. "This tree didn't fall on its own."

"No?"

"No."

You follow behind Rick as Daryl waits to explain his findings, but just seeing what Daryl's found makes your stomach churn. "It's a clean cut." Both men look at you and you gesture to where the tree's obviously been cut. "If it'd have fallen on it's own, it'd be a jagged cut all around. It's clean around the front where someone took an ax or chainsaw to it, but then it's jagged at the end from where they pushed it over."

Daryl nods. "That's right."

All three of you glance at each other, dread filling you, before your gazes all dart to your surroundings to see if there's anything else out of the ordinary. Everything is eerily quiet around you that it's easy to hear a distant rumble and possible crash before a horn is left to constantly blare.

"What the hell is that?" Jogging back towards the road, you look towards the sky off in the distance of where the noise is most likely coming from. Not even a minute has passed before you see the faint smoke reaching a height that's visible to you so far out. "That's Alexandria." You realize with horror.

"We're about half a mile out," Rick says.

"We're not pushin' this tree out of the way with just us three." Daryl tells him.

"Then we run." Without waiting for their opinion, you jump over the downed tree and take off towards your home.

Rick and Daryl mustn't have had any doubt because they're right there with you, and had this been a lighter situation you would have poked fun at the hunter for being just a tad slower than you. Fear and adrenaline for what you could possibly find has your legs pumping continuously and you don't pay attention to the sweat beading down your back as you run.

Alexandria finally comes into view and immediately you grip your knives tighter. The dead are everywhere, attracted to what appears to be an 18-wheeler that's been driven into the watch tower, the tower having fallen and creating a hole for the dead to enter the once secured town.

Daryl looses arrow after arrow as Rick shoots round after round at the dead. The noise attracts some of the dead towards you and you readily use your daggers to plunge into their brains, grunting through the exhaustion that's threatening to slow you down. You and Rick clear a path for Daryl, and he climbs up into the truck to disable the horn.

Once disabled, it's easy to hear the screams and shouts of Alexandrians. Daryl hops down in between you and Rick, and three of you stare at one another before nodding.

"Be careful," he grunts.

Daryl disappears inside and, just as you attempt to follow, a hand grabs you by the bicep. You turn to ask Rick what the problem is, but before you can utter a word his lips are crashing down on yours. You inhale sharply in surprise, but quickly return the sentiment before he can pull back to lean his forehead against yours. You try to meet his gaze, but his eyes are cast downward as he pants heavily.

"Not that I was against that, but-" a walker groans and snaps his teeth as it comes between you and Rick, causing you to separate, and you quickly stab it in the head. You grunt as you retake your weapon, and sigh when you look at Rick. "What was that about?"

"We don't know what we're about to walk into," Rick says. "I don't want anymore what if's between us."

"O-Okay."

"And if we make it out of this, I'm moving into your room so Daryl can have mine."

You grin, shaking your head in brief amusement. "If that's what you want, then okay." Yours and his attention is stolen by a small group of approaching dead, and you quickly dispatch them with tired grunts.

Everything happens so fast that you barely have time to nod before Rick's running off. You give yourself a moment to gather your wits and then you're running off as well, striking down the dead that is in your way.

Inside the walls of Alexandria is complete and utter chaos. There are small fires here and there, but the main concern is that the dead greatly outnumber the living- especially the living that chose to fight back rather than hide in their houses.

As you jog towards the house you share with Rick, Daryl, and the kids, your arms get tired very quickly with all the various dead you have to stab. Your focus is on getting to the house that you don't notice one of the supposed dead is moving a little quickly until the being is swinging a machete at you. You yelp and try to dodge, but the blade manages to slice your bicep.

"What the hell?!" Thinking the person is an Alexandrian who's so caught up in the fight that they attacked you by accident, you don't outright attack back. Not until you notice the raggedy clothing and the wild look in the other person's eyes as they lunge at you again.

Your daggers don't have the same reach as the machete, so you're ducking and dodging as you try to slip the blades back in their holsters before reaching for your rifle. Fortunately, someone else sees you struggling and takes the shot you can't.

Another being rushes you, but as you finally get a hold of your rifle the other being pulls down the bandanna from covering the bottom half of their face. "Carol?" You utter in shock. "What the hell happened here?"

Dressed in worn clothing and with a bit of mud smeared around her eyes, Carol shrugs. "I don't know. One second I'm watching your neighbor having a smoke and the next someone is running up on her and slits her throat. They're everywhere, Y/N! They even ransacked the armory."

"Where are the kids?"

"I told Carl to watch Judith. They're still at the house."

"Then that's where I'm going. Be careful."

"I will."

Carol recovers her face and sprints off, and you grip your rifle in hand as you rush towards your house now.

You're grateful there aren't too many dead stumbling around the street your house is at, so it's a straight shot home. But the closer you get, you realize there's an individual on your porch that's trying to kick down the front door.

Blood boiling, you slow your run so you don't alert the person to your presence. Then standing at the bottom of the porch steps, you raise your rifle and take aim. "Hey!" The man whirls around. "Get the hell away from my kids." One shot drops the man where he stands and you quickly run up the steps, pulling a dagger from your thigh holster and stabbing him in the brain.

The door opens, startling you, and you sigh in relief when you see Carl there with a rifle of his own. "Y/N?"

"Yeah, it's me. Where's your sister?"

"Enid's hiding with her in an upstairs closet."

"Good." You tiredly stand tall once more, smiling softly at him. "You watch the back door, I'll keep watch up here."

He says nothing, instead his gaze then lands on your arm. More specifically the blood that's dripping from the tips of your fingers. "You're bleeding."

"Huh? Oh yeah." You pull apart the tear in your jacket, hissing when the cut on your arm pulses with pain. "It's not too bad. The bleed is slowing down. See? I'll be fine."

"Are you sure?"

You meet Carl's concerned gaze, nodding. "Yeah. If I start feeling dizzy or anything, I'll let you know." Offering him a smile, you don't turn your back on him until he nods and makes his way towards the back door.

Taking a moment to gather yourself, you turn back around and leave the door open a crack while focusing on the threats ambling around the street. One by one you pick them off, grateful that you don't spot another living being trying to slaughter those you spent a couple months getting to know.

It seems like hours have passed when you see familiar faces start to appear, you waving them over into the safety of your house. The sun is setting when the one face you'd been anxious to see finally pops up and it's like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders.

"Hey." Rick comes to a slow, carefully walking up the porch steps and shouldering the strap to his rifle. "You good?"

"Small hiccup," you say while lifting your injured arm a little, "but nothing life threatening."

When he reaches you, he gently grabs your arm to check the wound himself. Satisfied that you told him the truth, Rick lets go of your arm in favor of gently cradling your face in his hands so he can kiss you. You grin against his mouth, one hand grabbing onto his wrist to steady yourself as you return the brief moment of affection.

Rick ends the kiss, laying his forehead against yours. "Who else is here?"

"Carl and Judith are fine," you say. "Enid was here, but she ran not too long ago and then Jesse, Ron, and Sam ran in behind Michonne, Deanna, and Father Gabriel."

Rick steps back and glances up and down the street one last time before gesturing you inside. "We got the gate locked up and Daryl set the pond on fire to lure in the rest of the dead around here. Unfortunately there's still a hole in the wall so we'll have to stay indoors until morning. With the sun gone, we can't risk working in the dark."

"Agreed."

You and Rick enter the house, he quietly shutting the door and locking it behind him. Jesse is on the sofa, splattered with blood as she hugs her children on either side of her. Father Gabriel is in the arm chair, already looking to Rick for answers on what they're to do next. Carl is sitting on the top of the stairs, bouncing Judith on his knee and looking quite grim.

Rick notices and starts up the stairs towards his children. "What happened?"

Carl doesn't answer, but he does say, "Michonne and Deanna are waiting for you. They're in your room."

Rick glances at you over his shoulder and you readily follow after him. Passing Carl and Judith on the stairs, you can't help but ruffle their hair and grin when Carl huffs and tries to duck out of the way. But the second you enter Rick's room, the mood quickly sobers. Michonne is standing by the window, arms crossed over her chest, and Deanna lays in bed- sweating profusely and looking paler than normal.

Rick's hands plant themselves on his hips, his shoulders dropping as he sighs. "I was foolish." Deanna smiles tiredly, coughing not even a moment later. "I let my guard down for a moment and one of the dead surprised me around the corner."

"She fought as long as she could," Michonne says, "and I happened upon her too late. She had a chunk taken out of her side."

Even though you and Deanna didn't necessarily get along, your heart breaks for the woman. You step forward and offer her a feeble smile, one which she returns. "Don't cry for me, Y/N. I tried my best, just like you taught me. It just wasn't enough. I wasn't enough."

You nod, not having any words to say that would offer her any form of comfort. Rick reaches out, sliding his arm around your shoulders and tugging you into his side when he sees your crestfallen expression.

Michonne asks what the next plan of action is and Rick informs her of what's going on. Since it's nearly dark out, the only thing they can do is to wait it out until morning. Her gaze then falls on Deanna who admits she wants to go out on her own terms right before she succumbs to the infection and Rick sadly hands her a gun he had on his hip that had a few bullets left in the clip.

Rick gestures for Michonne to leave the room with you and him, and the three of you gather just outside in the hallway. "Do either of you know where Spencer is at?" She quietly asks.

"He's holed up with a few others down the street," Rick says.

"Is there any way we can let him know about his mother?"

"We can try the walkies," you admit, "but there's no telling if anyone with him has one."

She sighs. "I don't like that he doesn't know his mother is dying."

"I don't either, but if no one in his house has a walkie then it's no use."

Rick clears his throat, unclipping the walkie on his own belt while he gestures towards your room. "I'm gonna do check-ins. See how everyone is holding up and let them know to keep quiet until morning."

You and Michonne look at one another, and the moment Rick is out of earshot she looks back towards you and smiles. "You know, I'm pretty sure everyone saw that moment between you and Rick out on the porch."

"Can we not," you groan. Michonne only smiles in response. She continues to stare, quite smugly, and you can't help but huff a small laugh. "Tell you what, when all this is said and done and we're still alive, I'll give you all the juicy details."

"Deal."

The two of you then head downstairs and your brief amusement vanishes when the sounds of the dead just outside the house reaches your ears. The sounds of their rasping, hunger fueled moans make you uneasy, but it's the sound of breaking glass and what sounds like one of the metal shelving units in the garage falling over that makes your heart pump furiously with fear.

"Ron!" Jesse immediately jumps up from the couch, rushing towards the garage door.

Shouting resonates from within the closed off room and your gaze darts around the room in a panic. "Where's Carl?!"

Father Gabriel stands from his seat, Judith in his arms, and your stomach sinks when his gaze darts to the garage door. He shrugs, ready to apologize, but you turn on your heel and rush after Jesse.

The two teens spill into the house the second Jesse yanks the garage door open, looking a little roughed up, but everyone's attention is on the fact that the boys throw themselves against the door just as arms reach through and attempt to grasp onto any living being. You and Jesse waste no time in helping them keep the door closed as Michonne uses her katana to kill the dead closest to the door so you all can shut it.

Rick rushes down the stairs just as the windows along the porch are shattered. "Everyone upstairs. Now!"

You and Michonne hold the door so Jesse and the boys can run. When they're clear, as well as Father Gabriel and Judith, you and Michonne push off the door and take the stairs two at a time while Rick tries to barricade the bottom of the stairs.

The first floor of the house quickly floods with the dead and you rush back downstairs to grab Rick by the back of his shirt. "Come on! We gotta barricade the top."

Rick reluctantly gives up and, as soon as you make it to the second story, Carl and Michonne are tossing bedside tables and a mattress onto the stairs. Rick rushes into the nearest room, sliding a long dresser out to barricade the top of the stairs in order to prevent any dead from making it any further.

Locked in the room with a sickly Deanna, everyone does their best to remain calm. Thankfully Judith has managed to fall asleep through all the ruckus and the only sound is Rick pacing back and forth as he tries to come up with a plan for a way out.

After what seems like an hour or so, Rick looks up in surprise. "I know how to get out of here."

"Yeah? How?" You ask.

"We've done it before. To walk with the dead, you have-"

"To smell like the dead," you mutter, nose wrinkling. "We have to cover ourselves in blood and guts again."

"Exactly." Rick looks around, nodding and looking a little lighter to show just how much hope he has in his plan. "Gather sheets and cut a hole in each one to drape over our heads. I'll start dragging bodies into Y/N's room so we can gut them in there."

It's absolutely disgusting work to watch Rick cut open the dead and yank out their intestines. Jesse quietly sobs the entire time she's being coated in guts and blood, but her sons remain stoic throughout the entire process. You had managed to get through to a few of the others on the walkie, giving them the plan in case they were in the same tight spot your house had ended up in.

When it's finally time to move out, you're doing your best to breathe through your mouth. Father Gabriel volunteered to take Judith beneath his sheet and promised to get her safely to the church where a few others had checked in from with hardly any dead walking around the place. And when everyone looked to Deanna, she assured everyone she could pull the trigger when she felt like it was time.

As you're walking down the stairs, Rick takes the lead to test whether or not his plan actually worked. It does. The dead stumble up to him, sniffing, before realizing he doesn't smell like food and continue on. Some head upstairs now that the path has been cleared, but most remain stumbling around the first floor. Then linking hands, or grabbing onto the back of someone's sheet, everyone keeps in a line as to not get separated. And as everyone starts to feel overwhelmed by all the pressing bodies, Deanna shouts in a rage before multiple gunshots ring out.

It's almost like a weight's been lifted off your shoulders when everyone makes it out, but that relief is shortly lived when you hear Jesse's youngest son Sam shout. Sam is shouting as the dead converge on him, Jesse is screaming for her son who she won't let go of and she too is quickly overwhelmed by the dead. But in the process of being eaten alive, she's yet to let go of Father Gabriel's sheet and with all the noise it's only a matter of time before Judith wakes. So not seeing any other option, Michonne uses her katana to cut Jesse's arm off so Father Gabriel can hurry to safety.

Everyone seems rather frazzled when they finally make it clear of the feeding frenzy. But just when it seems like you can breathe, Ron stumbles to the side. The teen is clearly in shock over witnessing the rest of his family dying so cruelly, so it's no wonder he whips out a gun from beneath his sheet. What is a shock, however, is that he points it directly at Rick.

You and Carl freeze, and you grab onto Carl's arm when he tries to run around you to be at Rick's other side. Ron's hand shakes from fear and anger, and no matter what Rick tells him he won't put the gun down. He obviously blames Rick for his father's death, even though it was Deanna who gave the kill order, and now blames Rick for his mother and brother's death as well.

You can't seem to make your mouth work in order to talk Ron down, and no matter what Rick or Carl say he doesn't seem to be hearing them. It's only when you see Michonne sneaking up on Ron do you feel a little bit of hope, but that hope quickly dies when she runs her katana straight through the teen's back. His aim wavers and his finger squeezes the trigger.

A gunshot rings out.

Everyone involved flinches, but it's you who stumbles back. You blink in surprise and then glance down, your hand trembling as you raise it to hold your stomach.

"Y/N?" Carl says.

You don't say a word, instead you start to gather the bloodied sheet in your hands to lift it out the way. Beneath it, the gunshot wound on your stomach bleeds out.

"No." You glance up at Rick's whimper and watch as his expression crumbles. "No, no, no."

Your knees give out suddenly, but Carl is quick to catch you by the elbow. He hooks your arm around his neck and Rick rushes to your free side to do the same with your other arm. Michonne readily takes the lead, using her katana to cut down any dead in the path towards the infirmary where Denise and a few others had hid.

Rick and Carl carry you between them, and you're still in shock that the pain hasn't really registered with you yet. You see a few friends standing guard outside the infirmary and they quickly help Michonne clear the way for Rick and Carl to get you inside.

Rick immediately starts making demands of Denise- the poor woman stammering that she doesn't know how to perform any form of surgery. Rick and Carl finally put you on a gurney, and only then does the pain hit. You groan out and the two Grimes' slow their movements, carefully adjusting you. And finally seeing just how serious the situation is, Denise steps forward and starts to recall some information she'd been reading from the books the last doctor left behind.

With Denise frazzled under Rick's looming stance, Tara steps in and eases the man back. You pant heavily, doing your best to keep your sobs quiet as Denise and Tara turn you this way and that way to determine whether or not there was an exit wound. There isn't which means the bullet will have to be dug out.

"She's losing a lot of blood," Tara quietly mumbles. "Are you sure you can do this?" She asks Denise.

Denise glances at Rick, then down at you. You offer her a feeble smile. "J-Just dig it out. I w-won't blame you i-if-"

"Hey. Shh," Tara says. "It's okay. I didn't mean-"

"It's okay," you say. Teary eyes dart between the two girls as you gulp. "Just do your best."

As the two women start prepping and wiping around the wound, you make too much noise that Michonne ends up suggesting they dose you with morphine. Tara does and just as you feel yourself sinking into the comfort of the gurney beneath you, the edges of your vision darken and the last thing you see is Rick helplessly staring at you

The second Y/N is out, Tara and Denise start furiously working. The longer Y/N is out and the more blood Rick sees gushing out, the more anxious he feels. But the moment Denise mentions finding a universal donor within Alexandria for a blood transfusion, Rick can't take it anymore and marches outside. Michonne follows him, as well as several others who'd been waiting on the porch, and they let Rick take the lead as he angrily strikes down dead after dead.

It takes hours, but eventually the hole in the wall is patched just enough so no more dead can stumble in. Those left alive split into groups- one to clear out the houses that had been broken into and the other to start piling bodies for burning later on. Then when there is nothing left to do, Carl urges his father back to the infirmary to check on Y/N.

On the way back to the infirmary, Rick stops by a water spigot and cleans himself off as best as he can. He takes a moment to gather himself and when he feels like he has himself under control, he makes the short walk to the infirmary and walks right on in. Tara and Denise look extremely tired, but they're doing their best to strip bloody sheets from a gurney.

Rick's breath stutters, the girls look up, and Tara is quick to make the connection between Rick's heartbroken expression and his stare on the empty bed. "No, no, no! She's alive. Y/N is still hanging on," she says. "We got the bullet out and she's resting now, but until she wakes up we can't determine just how okay she is. You can go back and see her."

He quickly nods, exhaling harshly before running a hand down the length of his face to rid his eyes of the tears that had quickly gathered. Once he's positive he's not about to have a breakdown, he heads towards the room Tara points out to him.

Y/N looks like a completely different person, but that's to be expected from someone who lost so much blood. Rick pulls up a chair to the side of the bed and he cautiously reaches for her hand as he takes a seat. "The family is safe; we all made it, but there were several Alexandrians that didn't," he says, voice low and gravelly. Rick then sighs, looking Y/N over and hoping that her eyes would open. He hunches over the side of the bed, holding onto Y/N's hand while brushing his lips against her knuckles. "We got the walls temporarily patched up and have already started cleanup. You really are lucky to be stuck in this bed." He chuckles drily. When there's still no movement, his expression falters. "I can't do this without you, Y/N. Please don't make me do this without you."

Rick lays his head on the bed, eyes closing as he prays to whoever is listening that they don't take Y/N away from him. Not now when things are finally moving forward between them. And since his eyes are closed, he completely misses when Y/N's brow furrows.

You feel utterly exhausted and a little nauseated when your eyes flutter open. You attempt to swallow, but your throat is absolutely dry and you whimper. A grip on your hand tightens and your gaze immediately darts to an exhausted looking Rick. "W-water," you rasp.

"Y/N?" His shocked expression quickly turns to one of relief, he then letting your hand go to pour you a cup of water from the pitcher on the bedside table. You manage to pull yourself up just enough so you can drink without choking, you then falling back against your pillow with a sigh. "How are you feeling?"

"Tired." You blink sleepily at him. "How are the kids?"

"They're fine. Carl's worried about you."

Weakly smiling, you say, "Of course he is."

Rick leans on the side of your bed, elbows pressed into the mattress as he holds himself up. "You know, Carl heard what you said." You frown in confusion. "He heard you through the door when you told one of the attackers to get away from your kids."

"Oh god." Your eyes widen. "Rick, I'm so so-"

"Don't. Those kids are yours as much as they are mine." His words give you pause, but then you can feel your face heating up as your bashfulness kicks in as it always does when it comes to Rick and any talk of a relationship between the two of you. "You've been there for Judith her entire life and you helped Carl into becoming the young man he is today by not letting the harsh world completely remake him into someone terrible. Those are our kids, Y/N. If you want that, of course."

You hadn't realized your eyes filled with tears until you feel the hot trail they leave behind after slipping from the corners of your eyes. You sniffle and reach up to wipe the tears away. "I do. I want that."

Rick beams at you, his own eyes a little misty. You can't help but chuckle as he leans up, pressing a kiss to your forehead. "Good, because Daryl is already talking about renovating my room to his liking. It appears I'm moving in with you."

"Well if that's the case, you better go air out our house after all those dead were in there."

"Yes, ma'am. I'll get right on that." He leans up and kisses your cheek this time, he finally feeling like it's okay to leave your side.

As he stands up, you smile as he stretches and then groans when his back pops. Then as he's walking away, you can't help but say, "Just so you know, if you hog the covers I'm kicking you out and you can share with Daryl."

Rick snorts, only looking over his shoulder at you to smile.

Not even ten seconds later and Tara's entering the room, eyes sparkling with mirth. You narrow your eyes suspiciously at her, but she merely rolls her eyes in return. "What? Let me have this. We've been waiting for this thing between you and Rick to blossom for forever."

"So I've been told. Now tell me, Doc Jr, when can I get out of here? I've got a household to maintain."

[carl-grimxz]

Confused Feelings- Part 3

Carl Grimes x Reader

Part 3

Summary: The group move on from the barn in search for somewhere permanent. Y/N wants to resolve things with Carl desperately but knowing what she knows about Carls feelings and her own... Can it be that easy?

Word Count: 4,052 (sorry they are getting longer and longer haha)

Warnings: None again yay :D

A/N: Part 3, woohoo! I have no idea whether anyone is actually enjoying reading this series but I’m really liking writing it so it’s cool haha! Things are starting to move along at a quicker pace for Carl and Y/N now but I still want to make it realistic. I mean you would have your doubts in that world and nothing ever happens over night :) Anyway I hope you like it!

“Alright then!”, Rick began as we were all finishing up with breakfast. Well… if tiny amounts of leftover canned peaches counts as breakfast. 

“We’ve all had a chance to rest and recharge. Let’s pack up and head on out. I wanna get goin’ and find somewhere that can be permanent for us…”, he paused looking down at the ground, then back up, “I know we can find somewhere. We have to”. 

“And we will.” Michonne added, standing up and placing a hand on his shoulder.

It wasn’t long before we were all packed up and ready to leave. We didn’t exactly have much to pack up. Most of us were near the entrance waiting for Rick to give us an idea of which way we were headed. Some of the others were talking about what they hope to find up north but I wasn’t really getting involved in the conversation. These days I find it hard to believe that we’ll find anywhere suitable enough to call home. 

I hadn’t spoken to Sasha since last night yet but we smiled at each other over breakfast and that told me that we were ok. While I stood here staring at my feet, and then occasionally around at the others, I also thought about the fact that I still hadn’t spoken to Carl either. I feel a conversation is inevitable. I don’t particularly know what to say anymore, after what Michonne told me. Also after my revelation that I am in fact starting to like him back. It’s gonna be hard to act normal around him. Plus he doesn’t know that I know. That makes it even harder.

Just as my anxiety around the matter was starting to snowball, footsteps coming towards me brought me back to reality. As I look up a slight feeling of confusion and dread washes over me. From the boots, up to the scruffy beard and greying mass of wavey hair I took in Ricks form. Why had he approached me? We barely ever talk one on one.

“Hey Y/N. How’s it goin’?” He seemed in a fairly cheery mood. 

“Uh good thanks, Rick. You?”

“Yeah yeah, just fine”, Rick smiled down at me, “I jus’ wanted to check in on ya. I noticed you’ve been quiet these past few days… I haven’t seen you talk to Carl much. You two ok?”

I didn’t even realise he payed attention to things like that. You know, he’s always so focused on the group as a whole, planning our next move and keeping us safe. I’m surprised he notices me. But what do I even say to this?

“Oh… yeah. I wanted to talk to him today. I’ve just been feeling pretty exhausted by everything recently, you know?”, no way was I involving Rick in this.

“Yeah… I get that. As long as you’re ok”, he awkwardly rested his hand on my shoulder. He’s a good man, Rick. I always thought that.

I nodded and we exchanged smiles. He then went towards the door, grabbing the map from Abraham on the way. 

“Ok. Let’s head off”. With that we all followed Rick out the door and left the cabin and the sweet flowers that encased it behind us.

The plan, as far as I could understand was to follow one of the main roads north for around 20 miles and then find somewhere safe to turn in for the night again. It’ll be a tough day but most of the group really believes it will be worth it if we find somewhere permanent. 

We were walking through the same patch of woods that we had passed through yesterday, on our way back to the main road. Everyone was on higher alert when going through the woods. Both walkers and people that could harm us are hidden way easier in amongst all the trees. 

I scanned through the trees as I walked, hand on my gun, like most of the group. We were pretty much silent, except for the sound of our shoes scuffing leaves and crushing twigs. Of course there was Judith as well. I can often hear her babbling and making typical baby noises. She was being held by Carl a few paces in front. Judith never really cried when Carl had her. She really loved him. 

We only encountered one lone walker while in the woods. It was no big deal though. Daryl sent an arrow through it’s eye so quick that I only noticed it was there at all when I heard it hit the ground. That’s probably for the best. Ever since my close encounter I’ve been sort of scared of them. I was never too bothered before. I’ve always accepted that they were a threat and had to be taken care of, it was as simple as that. Now however, I feel like I’d freeze up completely if left to defend myself against one alone again. It’s times like this that I’m grateful to be in a group with such strong fighters. I can physically defend myself fine but… I don’t think I’d be up to it yet.

I felt slightly relieved when we came out onto the main road again. I like being able to see around me, and know that there is no imminent threat of being devoured by one of those things. Although they’re never far away. I know that.

I’ve been walking besides Glenn and Maggie in silence for the most part. There was occasional small talk, nothing interesting.

Carl was still just ahead of us, and during this walk I had done a lot of thinking. I think he knows that I know about how he supposedly feels for me… and I think that’s why he hasn’t approached me yet today. I mean, last night he wanted to talk and so I planned to just wait till he comes to me, but I don’t think that’s gonna happen anytime soon. I just want this to all be over with. I miss having him as my best friend.

I watch him from behind and notice that he seems to be struggling with holding Judith now. She is getting heavier after all, and he has been holding her for a while. He kept switching her from one hip to the other. If I’m completely honest he looked kind of sweet holding her. She meant so much to him. I’ll never forget the look on his face when we found her again after Terminus. Thank god for Carol. 

This could be my chance to break the ice. The longer we leave it, the more awkward it’s likely to get.

I quickened my pace into a half jog to catch up with him. When I did, I gently brought my hand to gently rest on his left arm briefly to get his attention. He quickly looked round at me, startled.

“Hey, Carl”

“Oh. Hey”, I don’t think he expected it to be me stood at his side all of a sudden.

“You uh, want me to take her for a bit?”, I could see he was having difficulty.

“Nah it’s fine, thanks though” This boy… I forget how he hates to accept help. So stubborn. I think he gets that from his dad.

“C’mon Carl, I can see you’re struggling. Just let me have her for a bit.”

He looked me in the eye, clearly deciding whether or not to take me up on my offer.

I smiled and exhaled through my nose. “I promise I’ll give her back when she gets too heavy”.

Then his own mouth curved up at the corners. At this I noticed how long it had been since he’d given me a genuinely heartfelt smile and I was relieved to see one now. I’d missed that a lot. 

“Ok, thanks, Y/N. She is getting pretty heavy now”, he said, handing her over.

Judith cooed at me as I placed her on my left hip. Her fingers went straight to my hair, gently playing with it. She always did that. I have the longest hair out of all of us. That must be why. I laughed at her and she grinned back at me. She really is so cute.

After laughing with her, I turned round to look up at Carl and he was watching us both, looking reasonably at ease. We exchanged what I can only describe as a sad smile. For a moment I had forgotten about our tricky situation, distracted by Judith. After what seemed like a painfully long awkward silence he spoke up.

“I think we really need to talk, Y/N” He sighed

“Yeah… I think you’re right.”

I had already decided to play ignorance with Carl. You know, pretend I didn’t know anything about him liking me as more than a friend. It will be easier that way, but also... I’m not even sure if I completely believe that he does. It just doesn’t make sense to me. Well if it is true, he’s good at keeping it a secret. Better than I probably will be anyway. I mean, besides avoiding me he doesn’t seem much different. I could just be oblivious I guess. I’m not used to this shit.

“It seems like ages ago we last talked... How was it only yesterday?” He had a fair point.

“Probably cause we normally talk like all day everyday...” 

That came out as a bit of a dig. Like I was blaming him. I mean that kind of is true, but that’s not how I meant it to sound.

I’m too abrupt sometimes. I wouldn’t go as far as saying I have no filter but I just don’t always realise how things come out until it’s too late. It has a funny affect on Carl though. He never quite knows what to say back but he’s aware I don’t sound so confrontational on purpose. He’s told me before that he likes the honesty. Not enough people are so upfront with him.

I chuckled to brake the awkward tension. “It’s just, you know... it’s been weir-“

“I’m sorry Y/N”, he broke in. He uttered it so softly that I had to turn to look at him. For a second it sounded like he was crying. 

He’s only cried twice in front of me. After the prison, when he thought he lost Judith, and just before Terminus when these guys that Daryl was tagging along with tried to hurt him. Hurt him in the most unthinkable way. It simultaneously makes my blood boil and breaks my heart just thinking about it. Before then I had never really felt that kind of  pain. Pain that wasn’t even mine to feel. 

Anyway Carl wasn’t crying. He just seemed sad. Sort of sheepish as well, from the look on his face.

Judith fidgeted on my hip and I brought her round to my front instead, in case she was getting uncomfortable. She unintentionally brought me back out of my thoughts and that urged me to say something. I didn’t want him to feel bad or like I was pissed at him and blamed him for all of this. That wasn’t the case at all. Maybe at first, but not now.

“It’s ok Carl, honestly” I voiced truthfully.

“No it isn’t. I haven’t been a very good friend to you, and I’m sorry. Seriously, I mean that.”

Carl sounded so sincere. He really is sorry for how it’s been between us. He still hasn’t given me much of a detailed explanation as to why, but I guess I already secretly know why... so he doesn’t have to. I won’t confront him with it. He’s entitled to have his secrets. I don’t really want to talk about it anyway. 

It would only confuse my own feelings. I already know how it has to be. What we can’t be.

“Listen can we just... move on? Go back to normal? I kind of miss you Carl.” 

I looked down as we continued to walk. Somehow I was nervous about what he’d say next.

He sighed, and then I looked up at his blue eyes, which were kind of unreadable. 

He then focused his gaze into my own eyes for a brief moment... and all of a sudden the corners of his lips curved upward deeply, smiling so much that his eyes even began to crinkle.

That made me feel odd. Like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. He’s smiled at me plenty of times before. This one though, made me feel different. It felt like a rush of energy the second his eyes met mine. 

Like butterflies.

It is now that I realise... this may be harder than I thought.

“Yeah I’d like that” he said, nodding his head slightly. “I’ve missed you too.”

-

It had been a long day of walking, but to be honest, Carl and I were back to normal and talking again which for me made this a really good day. 

We were exhausted though. I don’t think I have it in me to keep going much further and I wasn’t the only one. 

“How much further before we call it quits for today Rick?”, Carol called up front.

“Hmm”, I saw him scratch at his beard. “Well I guess we should stop soon. It’ll be gettin’ dark before we know it…”

Rick peered right over into the distance, as if looking for a sign of somewhere to stop.

He sighed. “As soon as we find somewhere that looks safe enough for the night, we’ll stop.”

“God knows how long that could take”, Tyreese pointed out. 

“Yeaah” Rick agreed, dragging out the word in his signature southern twang. “We could definitely do with some luck being thrown our way.”

Nobody else said anything. We were starting to get a little too used to having days like this.

-

We were a couple more miles down, when Maggie caught everyones attention.

“Oh ma god!” She exclaimed, amazed. 

My eyes shot up, shocked by her tone.

“Look!” She pointed ahead into the distance.

“Look, right over there. I think it’s some sorta truck. An RV maybe!” She looked round at us all, waiting for us to see what she saw.

Sure enough. Way into the distance I spotted it. Too far away to tell exactly what it was but a large vehicle, for sure. 

“Let’s go.” Rick took off in a jog, and we all followed suit. I was glad that I didn’t have Judith right now. She is heavy enough while walking, let alone running. I’m sure Tyreese can handle that though.

We were all out of breath when we caught up to it, weapons at the ready, but there it was. Just laying there along the side of the road was an abandoned RV. It looked like it had seen better days, but this is the most hopeful thing to happen to us since we found the cabin yesterday.

Rick told us to wait back a bit, while he and Daryl made sure it was clear inside. Moments later, they came out looking fairly optimistic.

“It’s clear. We just need to see if we can get it workin’”

Most of us just sat to the side and waited while Rick, Abraham, Sasha and Glenn took a closer look at it. They seemed to be the most competent with this kinda stuff than the rest of us.

I sat on the ground, at the edge of the road next to Carl in a comfortable silence, much more relaxed than I have been around him of late. He was drawing random shapes in the dust with his finger while I watched them at the RV. 

I could tell every one of us wanted this to work out so badly. Spending all day walking and sleeping in unsafe conditions at night is starting to get really tiring. If we can get this thing to work then we’ll be on our way to finding a home a hell of a lot faster. 

What felt like only a few minutes later, our attention was on Rick again.

“So good news! We don’t know how or why it’s happened, but it’s fine. Absolutely fine. Someone must have just left it here, in a hurry. Engine is ok and there’s enough gas to get us a little while away at least. A lot better than walkin’ anyway! We must have luck on our side, afterall!” Rick grinned as he spoke. Something you don’t see often.

There were sounds of elation coming from all of us, and I sighed in relief. I looked to Carl and he was already smiling at me, looking just as pleased as I felt. 

“I feel like this is too good to be true” Carol admitted, laughing.

“Yeah let’s get going before our luck falls flat and this plan a’ ours goes to shit somehow!” Abraham announced matter-of-factly.

It wasn’t often that we caught a break like this, to say the least.

Within a matter of seconds we were in the RV and hurtling down the road in hopes of finding a place to rest at least. Or if we’re fortunate, somewhere more permanent.

-

I was sat next to Carl at the back, facing the rear window and watching behind us as we sped away.

“It’s been a good day” He spoke up, snapping me out of my trance.

“Yeah”, without thinking I turned towards him, giving Carl my full attention rather than daydreaming. I felt the corner of my lips move up into a smile. “It actually has.”

He watched the space in front of him, seemingly looking at nothing in particular.

A couple minutes went by and I had the urge to do something. I didn’t want to, in fear that it would complicate my head even more than it was, but I decided that I’d do it anyway. 

I shuffled my body closer to Carl, and very slowly allowed my head to fall down and rest on his shoulder. He tensed up for a split second, and then relaxed. I sighed. I don’t know why I’m doing this. But for once I didn’t want to overthink my actions. I wanted to do it. So I did. We’ve never done this before, but it feels… right. Comfortable. 

Carl didn’t say anything. I took that as a sign that he was ok with it.

I kept my head still but slowly flicked my eyes up, feeling like someone was watching. Straight away I see Michonne watching us, smirking. I rolled my eyes at her and she winked looking away, presumably not wanting to embarrass me, or Carl for that matter. Although, I was sure he was looking down towards our feet unaware anyway. 

Then I was shocked by what he did next. He rested his own head on top of mine and a wave of contentment rushed over me. Even though I wanted to be his friend and nothing more, I found myself wanting Carls comfort and attention. 

I really wish I didn’t… but I like being close to him, and the longer I am, the harder I find it to pull myself away.

-

Later I wake up to the RV coming to a stop. I hadn’t even realised I fell asleep, until this very moment. 

I lifted my head up off of Carl’s shoulder and looked at him, about to apologise for trapping him beneath me while I slept. However, it seems he was in the process of waking up too.

Carl sat up straight and fixed his messy hair awkwardly. He must feel just as flustered about this as I did. His eyes met mine and he gave me an embarrassed sort of half-smile.

“Sorry”, I apologised “I didn’t realise I was so exhausted”.

“It’s ok”, he placed his hat back upon his head “Me too.”

I gave an awkward laugh and tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear after realising that mine was a little messy as well.

“How come we stopped?” Carl asked a little louder, directing it to Michonne who was still sat opposite us. He gazed curiously outside the windows, which caused me to do the same. Although not much can be seen as it’s starting to get darker now.

“We think there may be a place we can stay a little way up ahead. Looks like a farm. Your dad is gonna go check it out.” Michonne gave a sort of smug look as she looked between the two of us.

“Feel better after that nap?” She asked, raising her eyebrows slightly.

“Uh yeah… I guess” Carl stuttered

I just nodded. I know what she’s doing.

A couple minutes later and Rick came down towards us, stopping in front of Carl.

“Ah good, you’re awake!” He pointed out

Carl and I looked at each other quickly and then my eyes just went to my hands as I brought them up to inspect my nails. I hope they weren’t making a big deal about this while we were sleeping. It wasn’t anything to fuss about.

“Are you going to check this place out? Michonne said something about a farm.” Carl swiftly changed the subject.

“Yeah. Daryl, Rosita and Abraham too. We’re just gonna take a look. See if its empty before we all go. I don’t wanna take any chances.”

Rick looked to me and smiled reassuringly.

Carl nodded. 

“We won’t be gone long. Stay safe, both of you.” He put his hand on my shoulder and I smiled back up at him in response. 

Rick always looked out for me. He doesn’t have to but he does. 

“And by the way… I’m glad you two are talking again. I feel better knowin you’re lookin out for one another.”

With that he was off, making his way down the RV again and out the door with the others. Now we just wait.

Michonne had followed Rick to the other end to say goodbye, where most of the group were. That left Carl and I sat at the back here pretty much alone.

I sat with my hands at my side, rested on the seat not knowing what to say. Carl then moved his right hand just inches away from mine. Neither of us spoke up, but after a couple of minutes, I noticed him ever so slowly slide his hand across, even closer to mine. So close that it nudged my pinky slightly, and then his retreated back a little so that they only touched for a second. He looked at his lap. I looked at our hands.

For the second time, I found myself acting on impulse and I moved my own hand so that it was half on top of his. Carl didn’t react straight away, but just as I was beginning to regret my actions, he flipped his hand over and clasped my hand in his softly. Instantly I squeezed back, and so we were sitting here, not talking. Not even looking at each other. But holding hands. 

I’m enjoying it, and I’m almost certain he is too, considering neither of us have let go yet, but I can’t help but think… What does this mean?

-

We sat like this for a while. Until some of the others came back down to take a seat that is. It was me that pulled away, and I actually felt bad about it… as if I abandoned him in some weird way. But I knew people would start talking, and I really didn’t want that. For it to be made into a bigger deal than it is.

Rick and the others were gone around twenty minutes before they finally came in through the RV door, somewhat out of breath.

“You ok?!” Michonne asked, slightly worried.

“Yeah” Rick replied as he checked that they all made it inside alright.

“There were a dozen or so walkers in and around the place. One of the panels of the fence had come down so that’s how they were getting in. Other than that it was empty though.” Rick seemed relieved. 

“Even managed to get the fence fixed up” Daryl added

“That’s amazin” Maggie exclaimed

“So we’re good to go?” Glenn checked with Rick

“Yeah. Abraham if you could just get us closer, then we’re all set.”

[gimmetheheadcanons]

Sinners & Scapegoats 5/?

A/N: This is a little long. I’m kinda sorry for the slow pace of this story and wrote this as a way to thank you for your patience. I’m really into slow burns (but feel free to let me know if I’m taking it that to the extreme.) Just a quick note: I re-watched some scenes from 5x12 so some of the dialogue here is inspired by that. You all may have noticed I enjoy using lines from the canon quite differently. 

read chapter one   chapter two    chapter three    chapter 4

----

5. Observations

 They walked the empty school halls in silence. Rick watched the back of Michonne’s head in front of him. As the last of the light from the gym refused to follow and the hallways darkened, Rick focussed not on what he was leaving behind but what lay ahead.

Carl.

He had thought himself so careful and smart but as the conflict with Lori escalated, sad, sad secrets kept inside for so long, threatened to spill out into the clear light of day. It was arrogance on both their accounts, to think that a kid at that age wouldn’t notice his mother sneaking in and out of the guest room before the crack of dawn. Or that his father pulled every excuse he could out of his hat to avoid family dinners.

And what of himself, Rick wondered, what was it that he was determined not to hear? To see. To finally take heed. This woman before him; leading him to her classroom, with the promise of grave news regarding the emotional welfare of his boy. This mysterious woman somehow inserting herself into broken families without waiting for an invitation but because it was the right thing to do. Or the man, the friend he left behind with his son, doing the same thing in his own way – playing the surrogate father no one asked him to.

And possibly more.

Rick felt his head throb, his tired eyes welcoming the darkness but his heart wondering when things would become less so.

Once they arrived in the room, Michonne switched on a small desk lamp before pulling out a sketchbook from her drawer.

“This is Carl’s, from last year.” She said flicking through the pages for a second. “I asked the kids to bring them in when I first started so we could do a lesson on our art journey and inspirations.”

She handed him the book and Rick took a quick look at the pages.

He’d seen this before, several colorful drawings of comic book characters, some Rick recognized as already established icons from popular books and others, original creations from his son’s impressive imagination. Carl’s favorites were recreated on the larger poster pages decorating his bedroom wall.

“Carl is a big fan of superheroes.”

“Aren’t we all.” Michonne replied smiling but her tone implying there was more in store.  

“Here is his book from earlier this year.” She continued, handing him a second sketchbook. “Mrs. Randall, their previous teacher, wrote a couple of notes for you and Lori to see.”

Sure enough, there it was – in the scratchy writing of the elderly woman – everything Rick had been trying to ignore. Underneath a chilling picture of a wailing woman with bony hands grabbing at her hollowed out cheeks, her eyes empty pits and her stringy hair filling the entire page like a web she couldn’t escape.

Utter despair.

This is a still life class Carl you can draw movie monsters in your own time!

There was more, Rick flipped through the book to find many black and white pictures in the same vein. An empty baby stroller. A turned over patrol car. A house with no windows. A silhouette of a woman, hunched over as if crying, sitting in a rocker with her back to the viewer.

Inappropriate imagery. See me at break.

Rick swallowed hard before finally speaking.

“It’s grim.”

“It is.” Michonne agreed in a soft voice.

“Now I’m all for emotional expression, but the way Carl engages with his class mates and then what is reflected in his art –  it just doesn’t seem very emotionally healthy.”

“And you’re blaming me for this.”

He closed the book slowly, pushing it back into Michonne’s hands as if it burned in his.

“No Rick. I’m not.” She said gently placing the book on her desk before stepping closer and taking hold of his hands. Rick closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. Her comforting tones couldn’t reach him.

“I just wanted you to know. You should be made aware when things aren’t right.” She sounded like she had a story of her own to tell, a warning playing on her lips of something worse.

He felt sick. Imagining his happy little boy in a state of perpetual sadness.

Dark thoughts swirling underneath that beautiful head of dark hair.

Dark enough to do what?

Suddenly shuddering at the unthinkable places his mind had managed to go, Rick withdrew from Michonne.

“I’m sorry but I’m concerned.” She said in her teacher voice, reverting to her cool professional and somewhat distant self.

Feeling the immense weight of guilt, Rick reverted to what he knew best – denial.  

“We’re fine.”  He said then stubbornly repeating himself a little louder.

“Lori and I are fine. And now I know Carl will be fine.”

Michonne looked taken aback, her eyes wide and a hint of disgust forming on her face crushing Rick. Instead of speaking, she grabbed the sketchbook off the table, turned it to a page in the back and shoved it angrily into his chest.

Breathing heavily, Rick took a look.

It was a picture of a hat in a spotlight, his own sheriff’s one, on the floor of what was unmistakably a representation of their living room – wrecked.

“I need to go.”

It was all Rick managed to whisper before turning to escape a place that felt suffocating. Once in the hall, he stopped for a moment to catch his breath and take in what he’d just seen. A depiction of his failure in his son’s eyes.

There was no ounce of doubt, the banshee like woman who kept reappearing on page after page, emanating waves of sorrow and anguish was his Lori, abandoned by a man whose vows amounted to nothing.

Despite his best efforts, his son had a front seat ticket to the breakdown of his marriage and worse, he blamed him for it.

Michonne’s approaching footsteps pulled Rick out of his thoughts.

He couldn’t bear to look at her. To hear her voice.

Not now. Not after this.

“I’m sorry Ms. Anthony,” he said quickly turning to meet her. “I made you uncomfortable with my earlier remarks. It really was just a thoughtless comment. Thank you for showing me Carl’s book but if you don’t mind, I think I should return to my family.”

A face full of regret and pity was staring at him.

Even in the shadowy hall they saw each other. Completely.

“What will it take for you to believe this is real?” She begged him.

Rick rubbed his face. “Stop it. Please, Michonne. Not you too.”

He was sick of this, sick of the blame being laid at his feet, sick of being looked to for answers and consistently coming up with a big fat pile of nothingness. Sick of doing, sick of not.

“I’m doing my best.” He yelled hoping she would listen. “For Carl’s sake.”

“Do you know what that’s like, feeling like you’re the only one trying to hold together the pieces? Grasping at something you’re no longer sure exists”

Her eyes hardened. “No one asked you to just get by. To just survive.”

“What’s that supposed to mean.” He demanded, stepping in closer. Undeterred by the visible anger on his face, Michonne met him with a defiant expression of her own.

“Your only commitment should be to Carl and what’s best for him.” She said flatly and with unblinking eyes. “Everything else is an excuse.”

Outraged Rick lashed out to make himself feel better.

“Why are you so interested in the state of my marriage? Why really?”

Michonne shot him the iciest look possible.

Rick stopped for a moment, recognizing how far he had gone. The woman in front of him had done nothing untoward. She attempted to alert him to a deeper issue he’d been ignoring and as thanks he decided to tear into her. Exposing his own weakness and shameless desires as a man. Projecting onto her feelings he had no way of knowing were in anyway reciprocated.

Visibly offended and deeply disappointed, Michonne shook her head before leaving him behind.

“I’m s-.”

Rick began, attempting to make amends but she wouldn’t hear it.

“No Rick.” She said simply, turning around just once to strike him down with her words. “This is yours to deal with. Not mine.”

Rick opened his mouth to speak but then decidedly shut it, settling on a remorseful nod instead.

“Now if you’ll excuse me, I have other parents I need to greet.” Michonne’s detached teacher voice was back. “I’ll make sure to come say hello to Mrs. Grimes when she arrives.”

If Rick ever heard a threat, that was it.

---------------------

They returned to the gym separately, Rick joining his son and best friend and Michonne disappearing into a crowd of parents and kids.

When he met up with Carl, the boy had Shane Walsh practically eating out his hand, the grown man seemed to be gushing over Carl’s work and showering him with praise and attention. The kids around them looked on with envy and Carl delighted with his cool grownup cop friend.

Rick acknowledged his partner with a small nod. The childish innocent smile beaming at him as he approached was the handiwork of Shane and Rick was grateful.

He then embraced his son, kissing him on the head and squeezing a little harder than a teen would’ve liked to be hugged in front of an audience of peers.  

“Dad.” Carl whispered blushing at the gesture.

Rick smiled a little, relieved to see he hadn’t emerged from that room to an entirely different world.

He was determined, at least for the time being, to leave behind the sketchbook and all the nightmares it contained.

Except reality had other plans.

It took Rick a moment to fully take in what he was seeing in front of him.

It was a charcoal drawing of two dark shadowy figures, hand in hand, with their backs to him, walking down a road. Faceless but not genderless, the figure on the right had feminine curves, the one on the left the frame of a tall, lean man. The road they were on was a clearing in a heavy forest of towering curved trees, boxing them in.

“It’s called The Way Back.”

“It’s about how we can get lost sometimes, like Hansel and Gretel and how when things are scary, all we can do is try and find a way back.”

“Ms. Anthony helped me name it.” Carl admitted, Rick noticed he had a slightly sad smile on his face. “I didn’t really have a name for it. I just started drawing not knowing what it was gonna be until it was finished.”

Rick had no words. At least none, that wouldn’t end with him shaking the shoulders of the small boy in front of him to stop.  

Thankfully Shane stepped in with his own commentary.

“That’s sure one hell of a picture buddy.” He said clapping Carl on the back. “Deep as a bottomless well. Making the rest of the competition look like a bunch of squiggly line drawing pre-schoolers.”

Carl’s face turned red.

“Shane.” He muttered, signalling with his eyes to the blond boy next to him.

Shane smiled awkwardly before apologizing. “Sorry. You did a great job too Kyle. Really like the use of…red in your one.”

“Kevin.” Rick said quietly, correcting his friend. But it was too late, the damage had been done and young Kevin was evidently unimpressed by Shane Walsh’s lack of respect.

“Yeah. Kevin. That’s what I said. Isn’t that what I said? Anyway, great job kid.”

With a sour look on his face, Kevin left to find his own parents.

“Thanks for that one Shane,” Carl groaned. “I’m sure Kev’s gonna mad about that for at least a week.”

Shane simply shrugged. “Hey not my fault you artistic types are so damn sensitive!” He said playfully chiding Carl until he too was laughing at the incident.

Rick couldn’t help but watch his son more carefully throughout the rest of the evening. The boy was doing everything Michonne had warned. Laughing louder than everyone else, talking more than anyone else. Constantly on the move as if standing still weren’t an option.

It made Rick uncomfortably and by the time Lori arrived, he was surprisingly glad to see his partner. Finally! Someone he could count on being on his side. At least when it came to all matters related to Carl anyway.  

“You didn’t tell me it was formal wear Carl.” Lori lamented as she walked up to Rick, Carl and Shane.  “I would’ve gotten here earlier had a certain somebody warned me about the type event this was.” She said pinching her son’s cheek after kissing it.

Rick smiled warmly at his wife. “Yeah we didn’t get the memo on that one either.” He said offering his wife a warm smile and solidarity in his disapproval of Carl’s absentmindedness.

Unflustered by the glares he was receiving from both his parents, the boy simply shrugged. The grin on Carl’s face however was short-lived as Lori gently smacked his arm.  

“Not funny Carl! I almost showed up in overalls!”

Rick noticed she had gone to great lengths to ensure she hadn’t. Lori Grimes was wearing a completely new outfit – a long, flowy, white maxi dress with small red, green, and yellow flowers running up and down it.  Her normally wavy hair was perfectly blow-dried straight and swept behind her confidently, revealing pale freckled shoulders as she moved in to hug Shane.  

When their brief yet completely chaste embrace ended, Rick couldn’t help but notice the way Lori ran her fingers through her hair, tucking the loose strands behind her ear before smiling for the man with dark eyes firmly fixed upon her.  

“Still would’ve been the prettiest girl in the room Lor.” Shane said smoothly and to Rick’s horror, Lori blushed.

“Yeah mom you look amazing.” Carl kindly concurred, giving his mother a confidence boost Rick was ashamed of he couldn’t quite muster.

He quickly moved in to hug Lori and her lips, painted a deep red Rick hadn’t seen in years, granted him an obligatory kiss on the cheek; but making sure to pull away before his own could touch hers.

With Lori finally standing close to him, Rick noticed how his already tall wife was almost towering over them all. On her feet were brown sandals with the huge chunky, block heels –  sandals she once upon a time told Rick she loathed enough to bury.

She must’ve dug them up just for tonight.

“Prettiest girl in town.”

“Maybe at one point.” She said answering Shane, acting all unnecessarily coy.

Shane shook his head firmly.

“No. Always.”

There was nothing particularly special about Shane’s behavior, yet the way his wife was responding to it irked Rick. Thankfully, his son was there to defuse the situation. With the niceties out of the way, Carl was ready to drag Lori away and showcase his work to her.

“Mom, that’s my piece!”

The boy didn’t need to wait long for Lori’s praise.

“It’s wonderful baby. Amazing.”

“It’s called The Way Back.” Carl said addressing all three of the adults admiring his work. “It’s about finding your way back, because nothing ever changes so much that we can’t. You know?”

Sadly, Lori and Shane seemed to not know but politely nodded nonetheless. Rick on the other hand, wished he didn’t know as much as he did. He had all the context now, facts regarding how deep his son’s unhappiness ran. Well informed, however, did not mean well-equipped to handle any of it.

“If we walked a path once, we can always walk it again. Just need something to jog our memories. You know?”

“That’s really insightful of you Carl.”

Rick was spared having to answer his son by the sudden arrival of Michonne who caught Carl’s last words and responded with the sincere encouragement of a mentor.

She ignored Rick, walking straight past him and Shane to introduce herself to late addition to their party.

“Michonne Anthony.” She said warmly extending her hand to his wife.

“Lori Grimes.”

The two women meeting should’ve cracked open the ground under Rick’s feet, causing him then to fall deep into that chasm and straight towards the hell that he knew awaited him. A hell he deserved.

But it was a quiet respectful affair. Michonne showing no desire to hurt him for his earlier transgression.

“You have a special boy Mrs. Grimes. You and Rick both.”

“Call me Lori. Please.” It was supposed to be friendly, but Rick knew Lori’s every inflection. She was demanding the similar familiar treatment Rick had gotten from the sophisticated ‘city gal’ in front of her.

Rick winced a little. If left unchecked, Lori’s insecurities would undo the happy family home narrative he’d been hoping to construct for Michonne. Besides, he had let the family unit down enough for the both of them tonight.

Lori deserved to come out of the evening untarnished.  

“Whatever Carl does right in school, he got it from my wife. She’s the genius in the family.” Rick piped in, trying to play the role of the loving husband.

Lori smiled at him appreciatively, happy to play her part in the pretence. Just like a partner.  

But just as soon as he commended her, Lori switched on him.

“Always the mothers, picking up that slack!”

Michonne frowned a little, as if she had suddenly become aware of what Rick was up against. Without the others noticing she shot him a sympathetic look. The look should’ve been comforting but it had the opposite effect.

“You’re both extremely lucky to have such an amazing kid.” She said diplomatically. “Regardless of who put in the work.” Her clear laugh taking the mean-spirited edge right out of Lori’s comment.

“Guess I shouldn’t be offended.” Rick added sarcastically, feeling every bit as petty as Lori in that moment and unable to mask it.

“You shouldn’t be.” Michonne said, looking him dead in the eye. Her eyes telegraphed an apology for their tense earlier interaction and the sincerity eased Rick’s mind. He was feeling fragile, his life an act and now he found out that his son was in on the charade.

Tonight, had been devastating.

Or it should’ve been.

Michonne’s soft eyes connecting with his told him another tale.

The conversation about the joys of parenting continued without him. With Shane now unapologetically acting as a placeholder for him, an overwhelmed Rick checked out.

Then the party moved on, setting up camp by the refreshment table.

Leaving him with his thoughts.

All but Michonne.

Left together Rick took the opportunity to speak his mind and make amends, but she stopped him.

“Don’t apologize.” She said surprising him.

Rick frowned, and after a moment of contemplation she boldly placed a soothing hand on his shoulder, adding in a low pressing whisper. “Just do something. Whatever it takes to get there. Just as long as you get there.”

She was pointing at his son.

“When you first came to town and got to know Carl. What did you hear him say about me?”

“Nothing.”

“And Shane?”

There was a pause on her end and Rick filled in the blanks for himself.

“Sometime tomorrow or the day after, I’ll be outside my home. And without seeing inside or calling ahead, I’m gonna have to decide to open that door.” Rick admitted, his voice hoarse and fraught. He was leaning against a wall for support he hadn’t anticipated on needing.

Michonne nodded, her eyes no longer hesitant about meeting his own unblinking ones.

“You asked me before what it would take for me to believe what’s happening is real. The truth is, I’m not sure that anything can convince me to go in there. To find out.”

Rick took a step forward, bridging the gap between them before speaking once more.

“But I’m gonna see.” He promised her and only her. “I’m gonna see.”

Michonne simply nodded, relief washing over her face for a moment before being replaced by a more sombre look.

“The struggle. You gotta let it go.”

“I know it’s hard. After it’s kept you warm, your family together. Kept your vows alive. But the struggle –  turns on you. Eats away at what was there. What you thought you were fighting for in the first place. You gotta let it go. It’s the only way to find your way back to where you need to be. With Carl.”

“That’s what you were trying to tell me, back in the classroom. What to risk. What’s actually important.” Pausing to inhale deeply, Rick looked away before continuing. “I thought I knew what it meant. What being a father – a husband meant. But the rules keep changing.”

For better or worse…

Or hushed phone calls…

Or hard to explain receipts from never explained solo trips to Atlanta…

Or the tall unmistakable figure of his best friend, not sick in his own bed, but slinking out of Rick’s house, in the middle of the day.

Michonne smiled sadly as if suddenly overcome by poignant pain. “They did for me.”

He wanted to ask her exactly how, but he never got the chance. They were interrupted by loud yells from Carl, calling them to come join him at the refreshment table.

Carl. Lori.

And Shane.

A pretty enough picture to challenge the ones on any billboard or in any shopping catalogue.

To challenge the one sitting framed on his desk.  

Feeling an unexpected wetness in his eyes, Rick turned to Michonne.

“Before we get going. I gotta take a moment.”

Understanding, the woman before him nodded. Instead of waiting with him, she made her way to the join the rest of the company first, buying him that moment.

Rick waved his fingers weakly, with the last of his strength forcing one final grin for the sake of his son.

His tired eyes then turned to his beautiful bride, the woman he built a life with these last twenty-two years. The only girl he ever loved; now laughing brightly at a joke told by a man he trusted above anyone else. A good joke, Rick was sure of it, one that would’ve reduced him to tears too.

Shane loved to tell dumb cop jokes.

Rick sat and waited for a moment longer than he needed to. The strength returned to his body with each breath, his eyes hardened and the salt water turning to steel. The punchline came and went without him needing to hear it.

He knew enough.

When the laughing stopped, he walked over slowly to meet the people who had made a fool out of him for long enough.

“You’re here.” Lori said her face smug and uglier than he ever remembered it being. “We weren’t sure if you’d come back.”

Shane placed a careful hand on Lori’s shoulder, a small brief action powerful enough to command her attention and relax, suddenly forsaking her planned attack on her no good husband.

There was a pause, a friendly grin on Shane’s face clearly waiting to be thanked.

Had Shane known the extent of the hatred in his best friend’s heart, he’d know that he was the one who needed to express gratitude; simply for still having the use of the limb with which he made the fateful mistake of latching onto Lori Grimes.

“I was just telling everyone about that time whe –”

“You need to go.”

Shane didn’t blink for a second at Rick’s icy interruption.

Carl however, was openly disturbed by the foreign fury on his father’s face.

“Dad?”

“Go.”

Shane’s smiles were getting difficult to maintain. “Hey buddy, I don’t know what’s up with you bu –”

“Now and quietly.” Rick growled.

He could feel his wife’s body tense beside him and when Shane turned to Lori for even the slightest indication of support, Rick had to fight the devil himself not to put his best friend in the ground. Right here. Right now.

In a several torn parts and in front of all these damn kids.

He was pleased to see his wife had at least some sense left not to respond.

Rubbing his head, frustrated and confused Shane rocked uncomfortably. Taking glances at Carl, then Lori and then back to Carl he waited for someone to say something more.

Finally, he straightened his back, staring down Rick directly in hope something more would be said between them.

Turned to stone, Rick remained silent, numb to even Carl who continued to desperately tug at his father’s shirt.

Shane let out a sigh signalling defeat.

“Your dad is right kid.” He said with a perfectly manufactured smile to comfort the young boy. “I – I got something I need to go do. Work.”

Unconvinced but unable to argue with either men, Carl instantly twisted towards his mother, hoping to try the softer of the three.

Rick remained unmoved despite seeing the color drain from Lori Grimes’s carefully bronzed cheeks as their son looked for answers.

“What’s happening?”

The already small voice was microscopic, unable to reach any ears after being crushed to nothingness under the weight of the tension Rick had created.

Shane didn’t stay long. After a rushed, uncharacteristically solemn goodbye the man was gone, leaving behind the Grimeses to pick up the pieces.

Next Michonne, who had been forgotten by everyone but a bewildered Carl who just lost one grownup to turn to, made her own excuses and left.

It was the act of her looking straight past his son that snapped Rick out of his rage induced fugue state. She looked spooked, Rick thought, noticing her face just before she deserted them. At first, he attributed it the ethical dilemma and the uncomfortable burden of realizing some of the details surrounding Carl’s family problems but being unable to tell the boy.

However, Rick was wrong.

It was some entirely different family drama that had unnerved her.

The sudden and apparently unexpected arrival of Carol Peletier sans Sophia Peletier. To Michonne, the sunken in eyes staring from across the gym had the weighty pull of a terrible star.

Unable to press time out on his own crisis but unwilling to fully commit to it now – Rick’s attention became divided. Sensing his hesitation and choosing to view it as being granted a so-called stay of execution, Lori took her son by the hand and departed, immediately cooking up the latest lies for Carl to swallow.

Rick stayed. The Cop inside him beating out The Husband and Father.

Watching the two women standing deep under shadows of the gym bleachers, he noticed Michonne clutch at that disturbing signature brown bag a little more tightly. Their interaction, lasting a mere minute, was one wholly made up of frantic whispers. It ended in Michonne unclasping the bag and her right hand disappearing inside.

Carol’s eyes flashed with fear, her trembling hands shooting up ready to meet Michonne’s, only relaxing slightly upon seeing the hand return empty.

In the end, arms linked, as a show of strength against an unknown enemy, they hurriedly exited together –  leaving Rick Grimes suddenly with a second decision made for him tonight.

It was finally time to seriously start worrying about what exactly it was that Carol Peletier and Michonne Anthony were intending to get involved in.  

 ----------

[pyro-yoshi]

Demonic Possession Style - a Walking Dead sick fic

You know how I’m all about OC sick fics? I still am, don’t you worry. Its been years since I’ve written a puke without plot for a fandom. Well, I broke that streak and wrote some fan fiction. I felt the internet needed some Walking Dead emeto, so I wrote this. Negan gets super sick and profusely pukes his guts out all over the place, several times, and his fellow Saviors take care of him. The amount of puke is fairly exaggerated, as Negan throws up A LOT. Likely more than is humanly possible. Why? Because I am into that.

This is pretty long. At a little over 5000 words, I do believe this is the longest sick fic I’ve written. I enjoyed writing it, hopefully you’ll enjoy reading it.

He’d felt a bit off all day, but it wasn’t until he disemboweled Spencer that Negan felt a sharp stabbing pain in his own gut. If that wasn’t ironic he didn’t know what was. Perhaps it was some sort of phantom sympathy pain, but then again the very idea of that was stupid.

Just like Spencer.

Negan would be the first to admit he was a cocky bastard, but he absolutely couldn’t stand people like Spencer, overly privileged shits who skated through life using their good looks and daddy’s credit card to get whatever they wanted. Having to talk one on one with Spencer was bad enough, but once he’d expressed his wish to kill Rick and takeover as the new leader of Alexandria, Negan had officially had enough of him and offed him right there in the street.

While tormenting Rick was one of Negan’s favorite hobbies, he also harbored a fair amount of respect for the ex deputy. Rick Grimes was a natural leader, he organized people, and most importantly, he was a go getter. He got shit done, and Negan liked that. Plus, he liked Rick’s kids a lot. Carl was a badass, and baby Judith was the cutest damn thing he’d EVER seen. Earlier in the day, he’d spent a good half hour cradling Judith, bouncing her on his knee and being silly with her while Carl kept his one remaining eye intently trained on him.

But Spencer, that asshole, wanted to murder Rick and leave Carl and Judith without a father, and Negan simply wasn’t going to tolerate that bullshit.

He felt a twinge of nausea as he watched Spencer drop to his knees, holding his own intestines in his hands. It wasn’t the blood and guts that was bothering him. Living in a post apocalyptic world, nobody batted an eye at bloodshed anymore. Killing people was just a part of life now.

No, this was something else. Before Spencer had approached him, Negan had made himself at home in Rick’s residence and cooked a massive amount of spaghetti for himself and his guests. Olivia hadn’t eaten a single bite, Carl had just picked at his and Rick didn’t even show up. Rude. Negan wasn’t the type to let food go to waste, especially not now, so he’d eaten almost the entire pot himself. He ate all of the rolls too, and washed it down with a couple glasses of lemonade. He’d probably just eaten too much.

More abrupt, intense pains almost made him wince, but he brushed them off. Instead, he stood over Spencer, who was rapidly bleeding out, and addressed the crowd of Alexandrians who had gathered around him.

“Look at that! He did have guts after all, they’re right there! I’ve never been so wrong in my life!”

The crowd stared, but nobody moved. They wouldn’t dare try anything, not with Arat ready to unload her pistol into anyone dumb enough to do something drastic.

“I just did your community a favor!” Negan ignored the horrified looks some people were casting him and continued. He motioned to Carl, who was glaring at him from his porch. “Kid, that douchebag just told me he wanted to kill your dad. Now I don’t know about you, but I think that’s really shitty.”

Turning back to the crowd, he carried on, ignoring the stomach pains and slight nausea he felt. “That’s right people. Spencer the dickless there wanted to take out your fearless leader! You should all be thanking me.”

A stronger wave of nausea took him by surprise, but he played it off and continued swaggering around Alexandria, Lucille in his hand as always. He supervised as his men wandered in and out of various homes and took whatever they felt like taking in addition to picking up this week’s offering.

Under normal circumstances, Negan would be bummed that he wasn’t going to see Rick on this visit, but as time wore on, he found himself caring less and less as he gradually began to feel worse. He could somehow still taste the spaghetti, and he felt overly full and excessively bloated, which left him in a great amount of discomfort. It got to the point where he almost sighed in relief when his men decided to load up and go back to the compound.

The drive from Alexandria to the Savior's compound was usually an hour there an hour back, a little more if they had to clear walkers from the road on the way.

Negan wasn’t sure if he’d make it through the whole drive home. He was in the passenger seat of the front most truck, and he’d long since given up trying to get comfortable. No amount of position shifting seemed to ease his rapidly growing queasiness, and rolling down the passenger window to get some fresh air hadn’t helped worth a damn. He sank down into his seat and sighed as he placed his right hand on his upset, overly bloated stomach. The truck driver gave him a questioning glance but didn’t pry.

To say he felt like dogshit was a massive understatement. Every bump in the road made him feel even worse, and by the time he arrived back at the compound, he felt well and truly sick. He felt bad enough that he let his guard down and dropped the sarcastic, confident personality he usually displayed in favor of being quiet. He thought back to various times he’d been sick with a stomach bug or food borne illness in the past, and those instances had all started with bloating and sharp abdominal pains.

He felt hot and feverish in addition to feeling sick, and as he stepped out of the truck, a dizzying wave of vertigo washed over him. He groaned softly and Lucille almost slid from his grip.

He was definitely sick, no doubt about it. All he wanted was to retreat to his room and curl into a ball of misery on the bathroom floor. He knew that’s what he’d end up doing, as he was really starting to feel like he was going to puke. He wasn’t the type to fight it, he’d much rather get it all out and feel better, at least temporarily.

Of course, Negan’s escape plan was thwarted. He had only made it several yards away from the trucks when Simon came out of nowhere and flung his arm around his shoulder.

“We’ve got a problem, and I know you’d want to hear this from me. We’ve got a snake in the nest.”

Negan looked at him, but it took him a moment to find his words. “What happened?”

“I caught said snake, Toby, trying to leave us with weeks worth of stolen food. He stole from all of us and thought he could get away with it! Unfortunately for him, I’m exceptionally good at discovering pests. We decided to heat up the furnace to teach him a lesson. Dwight’s getting the iron ready, but being the big man himself, you get to do the honors.” Simon explained.

Before Negan could protest, his right hand man lead him into the factory. Arat followed, and everyone else trailed behind them on her command. Truthfully, ironing Toby’s face was the last thing he wanted to do right now. With every step he took, he was hit with an intense nausea peak and came closer to losing it. At this point it wasn’t a matter of if he was going to throw up, it was when. He knew he had a 100 percent chance of seeing his lunch again, and probably soon at that because he felt like he could hurl at any second.

Simon lead him to the railing of the balcony overlooking the common room, and he felt acid creep up his throat as he looked down at the crowd of his lieutenants and workers below. They were all kneeling and bowing like usual, save for Dwight who was heating up the iron, and Toby who had been stripped to his underwear and bound to a chair. Normally Negan relished the sight of his loyal cohorts bowing to him and loved leading them in a charismatic manner, but today he just wasn’t up to it. He straight up felt too sick to give a traitor the iron.

Alas, he couldn’t not do it either. Toby had to be punished, but Negan wasn’t going to bother with taunting. He’d wordlessly give this guy the iron, then lock himself in his ensuite bathroom and spend the rest of the day puking his guts out.

He sluggishly descended the stairs, and he could feel everything in his stomach unpleasantly sloshing around with each step. He stopped in front of Toby, but another wave of vertigo hit him and he had to shut his eyes and brace himself with Lucille to avoid falling over.

Toby was panicking, as victims of the iron always did. He looked up at Negan, pleading.  “I-I’m so sorry sir! I’m stupid, I’m an idiot, I’m a fuck up, just please don’t do this! I’ll never break a rule again! I swear! Please!”

Simon grinned manically and leaned over the bound man. “Toby, Toby, Toby. It sure is a shame it had to come to this, because before your fuck up today, you did a good job here. I liked you. But, you must be a lot dumber than you look if you thought you could get away with that. The thing is, we don’t take too kindly to thieves around here.” he spoke in an upbeat manner, but the aura of threat was there clear as day.

Dwight removed the glowing, red hot iron from the furnace with a long metal pole and extended it to Negan. Toby, who was near tears from the anticipation of that nearly molten metal being pressed to his face, was practically howling with fear.

Negan didn’t take the iron. He was overwhelmed with nausea, and he could taste the acid that was threatening to shoot up his throat. Lucille was limp in his grip, his mouth flooded with saliva and he moaned as he a felt a hot, burning sensation rapidly start spreading through his gut. That could only mean one thing. He was going to puke, right here, right now, and there wasn’t a single thing he could do about it.

His followers had suspected something was off upon noticing how quiet he had become, but by now nearly everyone had realized that something was amiss. Arat cocked her head and gave him a questioning look, and many others followed suit.

Simon turned away from Toby and rose a brow at Negan. “What’s going on with you? Is there something I should know about?”

“I..I...oh fu-” Negan was cut off mid sentence by a retch. He felt his stomach contract and before he could even move, a torrent of vomit gushed from his mouth, missing Simon by an inch and hitting Toby square in the chest.

“Holy fuck! What the hell Negan?!” Simon leapt back to avoid getting nailed. Several other people flinched back as well, and even Arat looked shocked.

Toby audibly cried out in revulsion as the chunky brown substance slid down his torso. “Oh god! He just puked on me!”

Negan clamped a hand over his mouth and turned away from the man, but it was no use. Puke spurted from between his fingers and dripped down onto his nice leather jacket before he gagged again and completely lost control. Lucille clattered to the ground as he puked all over the floor, splashing the feet of one of his guards as he did so.

Dizziness swept over him and caused him to lose his balance. He dropped to his knees and moaned as he clutched his stomach with both hands. A second later he erupted with more chunks, making the pool in front of him bigger. Another copious wave comprised of spaghetti, rolls, lemonade and everything else he’d eaten came up, and before he could even recover from that he vomited again.

Everyone was staring at him in shocked silence, and no one wanted to go near him for fear of getting puked on.

Negan’s eyes were starting to water from the force of his retching, which he found humiliating. He wasn’t embarrassed about throwing up in front of everyone, because he couldn’t help it. However, the idea of involuntarily crying in front of them was very off putting. He was given a second to catch his breath before his stomach lurched and he continued to puke profusely on the concrete floor. Just when he thought he had nothing left inside him to bring up, he’d be proven wrong seconds later.

A flash of light suddenly brightened the room, and he realized that someone had just taken a picture of him. He didn’t have time to be angry about it though, as an agonizing jab of pain tore through his abdomen. He retched noisily as a small amount of putrid tasting liquid flowed from his mouth, and it was immediately followed by a mouthful of something that tasted even worse.

This was pure agony, Negan wouldn’t wish it upon his worst enemy. Sure, he’d eaten a lot, but this was ridiculous. Was he actually going to puke himself to death as everyone looked on in horror? Were his actual guts going to come up next? He briefly wondered which of his organs he’d see first.

Fortunately he never got the answer to that question. When nothing else came up after thirty seconds, he figured he was finally done. There was a lingering string dripping from his mouth, so he spat it into the lake of puke in front of him.

“Fuck,” he exclaimed. It was all he could think to say.

When he looked up, the first thing he saw was Eugene looking at him. The portly scientist was holding a camera and gazing at him with his usual stony faced expression.

“I apologize for the photography,” he began. “However, I must admit that I am thoroughly, utterly, downright impressed by what you just did. Never in my entire life have I witnessed someone throw up like that. Hell, I didn’t even know it was humanly possible for so much vomit to come out of one person. Thus, I felt it was necessary to document it in the name of science.”

Negan truthfully didn’t know what to say to that. For once, he was at a loss for words. Then again, he did see Eugene’s logic. If he didn’t feel absolutely godawful, he’d be impressed with himself too. He scanned over the damage he did and realized Eugene was right. He had produced an insane amount of puke. Not only did he basically destroy the floor and Toby, it was all over himself too. It was on his jacket, his right hand, his pants and his boots.

As he knelt there, the situation was quickly becoming awkward because everyone was still silently staring at him. He felt someone grip his arm and help him up, and he wasn’t surprised that it was Simon. Of course it was. Negan could always count on him.

Arat stepped up next. “What the fuck are you all staring at? Back to work!” she commanded firmly. At her order, people began to disperse.

She stalked over to Toby, untied him, then pushed him down and threw a mop at him. “Clean this shit up.” she motioned to the huge mess Negan made. “If I’m not satisfied, you’re losing all your points.”

Despite feeling outright terrible, Negan smiled at that. He could always count on Arat and Simon to take charge and get stuff done. Not only that, but people listened to them.

Negan was rather unsteady on his feet, but he insisted that he didn’t need any assistance. He wasn’t an elderly woman who needed help crossing the street, he was a grown ass man. He could take care of himself. Still, Simon followed him anyway to make sure he didn’t pass out, which Negan was secretly grateful for. He’d never admit it though.

Once they arrived at the door to Negan’s bedroom, Simon addressed him.

“So, I’ve got to ask,” he began. “Should I head down to Alexandria and pick up that priest? The one with the creepy smile? Father Gabriel, right? I think an exorcism might be in order, because that was seriously some demonic possession style level shit back there!”

“Simon, I feel like shit that took a shit, ate said shit, and puked that shit right back up. That’s what I feel like right now.” Negan ranted. “But if I suddenly start speaking ancient Latin or bringing Rick supplies instead of taking them, then by all means, summon the preacher.”

His mind flashed to Rick, and he wondered what the man would think of him now, pitifully sick and covered in his own vomit. Rick would probably get off on it, or at least laugh hysterically. Maybe he’d even swipe Lucille and use her to put Negan out of his misery.

He sent Simon to find him some anti nausea medicine, or at least some Pepto Bismol, then slunk into his room. A hot shower was in order. When he wasn’t feeling well a long hot shower usually made him feel better, even if the relief was only temporary. He rinsed his mouth out to get rid of the acrid puke taste, then strode over to the shower and cranked on the hot water.

A scalding hot shower followed by a nap sounded like heaven. Hopefully he’d feel a little better afterwards, or at least well enough to drink some water. He didn’t want to get dehydrated. He looked at his reflection in the bathroom mirror and was taken aback at how pale he was. He almost looked dead. Maybe he should have Simon fetch Father Gabriel after all.

He chuckled weakly at the thought of himself tied to a bed as Gabriel stood over him, thrusting a crucifix in his face and shouting “DEMON! Exit this man’s body! The power of Christ compels you! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!” It would be pretty badass.

The water coming from the shower was so hot that steam was rising from the shower head, but that’s exactly what Negan wanted at the moment. He stripped off his soiled clothes and stepped in. Once the water hit him, he relaxed and felt a tiny bit better. He’d be fine in no time.

The shower had helped for all of twenty minutes. The relief he’d felt gradually faded away once he’d shut the water off, stepped out and changed into clean clothes. The nausea slowly came crawling back, wrecking havoc on his insides once more. It wasn’t long before he felt genuinely nauseous again.

At the moment, Negan was sitting on one of the small couches in his room with his head in his hands and a plastic bucket between his feet. As sick as he felt, he was stuck in that awful limbo where he wasn’t sure if he was going to throw up or not. He considered using the old finger down the throat trick but wasn’t sure if it would help much. Chances are he was going to feel absolutely terrible until whatever was causing this was filtered out of his system.

There was a knock at the door, and before Negan gave permission, it swung open to reveal Simon and Eugene.

“Hey buddy! How are you feeling?” Simon beamed at him.

Negan only groaned in response. A pink object was thrust in front of him. It was a bottle of Pepto Bismol.

“Here you go. Pepto Bismol, just as requested. I even got you a wine glass so you can drink it in style.” Simon added.

Eugene, who was holding a container in his hands, stepped towards Negan.

“It is my understanding that you likely cannot retain food and will not be able to for roughly twelve to twenty four hours. However it is imperative that you stay nourished, so I have taken it upon myself you offer you some leftovers. Sardine macaroni, made by yours truly.”

The scientist removed the lid and held the steaming bowl out to Negan.

The yellowish grey macaroni was loaded up with shriveled, oily sardines and the occasional fish eye or fin sliver here and there. Negan stared at it with repugnance for a second before the overwhelming fish smell coming from it flipped the switch on his nausea and triggered another vomiting episode.

Negan gagged and bent forward as he threw up all over the floor between his feet, somehow missing the bucket completely. Acting quickly, he picked it up and held it in his lap, getting it in place right in time to send another wave of puke splashing into it. He just barely got it all inside.

“Damn. How do you have anything left inside you?” Simon commented as he looked on with amusement. The expression on his face implied he was enjoying the show, perhaps in a very inappropriate way.

Eugene gave him a strange look as he realized that the lieutenant seemed overly interested in watching the lead savior puke his guts out. He couldn’t decipher why someone would get exited about that, but then again he had many odd quirks of his own.

Negan was too busy throwing up to notice that, so he responded by raising his middle finger at Simon. It was all he could do at the moment. His whole body lurched as an agonizing retch tore through him and more brown liquid poured from his mouth. By this point it was all liquid, except for a few solids that had been lurking in the very bottom of his stomach. It tasted truly awful and burned his throat as it came up. He heaved twice more before he was done. He had filled the bucket about a third of the way, and set it on the floor when he was sure no more was coming.

He flopped back and let himself sink into the couch. There was no word in existence intense enough to accurately describe how bad he felt. He didn’t know how it was possible, but he somehow felt even worse than he had before. The nausea wasn’t subsiding, his throat felt like it was on fire, his head was pounding, his eyes were watering and he still felt dizzy as well. He shut his eyes and remained silent for a minute before finally speaking.

“Eugene,” he began, gesturing at the offending bowl of sardine macaroni, “Get that shit away from me, or else I will projectile vomit all over you and you’ll be washing my lunch out of that fine mullet of yours.”

Eugene, not wanting to risk damage to his hair, promptly closed the lid on the bowl. “Fair enough. Sardines are a very particular brand of acquired taste. But if you ever change your mind, the offer is still on the table.”

“I think my face says it all when I say I’m a bit confused. Tell me, what would possess a sane man to think that sardines belong in mac and cheese? Why would you do that?” Simon asked him in a bewildered fashion.

“Because I like sardines.” Eugene explained. “Wether you find them palatable morsels of mercury infused goodness or downright appalling is irrelevant. Because at the end of the day, I did not make this for you.”

“Hey! One of you two assholes want to get me some water? Or are you just going to let me die?” Negan piped up from his position on the couch.

As if by magic, the door opened up again, this time signaling Arat’s arrival. She was holding a couple bottles of spring water. She looked from Negan to the partway full bucket to the puke on the floor and cringed a bit.

“You look like shit,” she said bluntly. “You’re not going to die on us, are you?”

“I might, Arat. I might. I am completely fucking out of commission. You’re in charge until I get better. These two,” he gestured to Eugene and Simon, “are going to take care of me.” Negan explained. He was laying on his back now, with half closed eyes.

Arat blinked in surprise. “Really?”

Negan nodded. “Go ahead. Pick up Lucille. Just remember to treat her like she’s your best friend in the whole world, and everything will be great. She’s a fickle mistress. She won’t tell you if she gets thirsty, so that’s up to you to figure out.”

The woman walked over to where Lucille was propped up against the wall. She picked the bat up, gave it a few test swings and smiled.

“Nice. I can see why you love her so much. Don’t worry, I’ll treat her like the magnificent lady she is.” Arat complimented. Though what she didn’t say was that she planned on referring to ‘her’ as ‘him’ or ‘Adrian’ as long as the bat was in her hands. She swung Adrian over her shoulder and gave Negan a bottle of water. “Here. Get better, and don’t die. This place needs you.”

With that, she turned and sauntered from the room.

The cool water felt amazing running down Negan’s irritated throat. He could feel the cold travel down his throat and spread through his stomach. Unfortunately, the euphoria was quickly replaced by nausea as his body swiftly began to reject the liquid.

“Oh god fucking damnit.” He bolted upright, swiped the bucket from the floor, and promptly threw up all the water he just drank.

Eugene awkwardly stared at Simon, who was starting to fidget as he watched Negan puke up all the water. It dawned on him that the other man was not repulsed, but aroused, which puzzled him greatly. He chose not to comment on it for the time being, but decided to amuse himself with a little experiment. He took the bucket away from Negan, who collapsed back onto the couch.

“Caring for others is not exactly my forte. I’ve always stayed in my own lane, and looked out only for me, myself and I. You could say that I’m selfish and be correct in that assumption. However, you have provided me with safety, shelter and all the ingredients I need to make my infamous sardine macaroni. Thus, after I dispose of the rather revolting contents of this pail I am going to scrounge around for some books. Medical books, to be precise. After reading up on the subject, I will do my best to lead you to a speedy recovery.”

Negan felt far too bad to even consider protesting as the scientist left the room, leaving him alone with Simon, who was doing his best to hide the very obvious hard on he had. He’d never hear the end of it if anyone found out that he got off on watching Negan vomit. He deliberately thought about unpleasant things, such as Fat Joey doing jumping jacks naked, to ward off the arousal. It worked.

Like Eugene, Simon wasn’t exactly the world’s best care taker. But, Negan was both his boss and his best friend, so he was going to try even though caring for people, or even just being nice, wasn’t in his nature. He practically had to drag Negan off the couch and onto the bed, as the other man wasn’t putting in any effort what so ever.

“You are way heavier than you look.” he panted as he dropped Negan onto the bed.

Even though he felt worse than he’d ever felt in his life, Negan managed a small snicker. “I wanted to see if you’d actually pick me up and carry me.”

For the next half hour or so, he remained sprawled out over the bed as Simon stayed with him and made sure he was alright. He laid motionless, completely unmoving until the urge to puke wormed its way back yet again. He didn’t even curse this time.

Actually getting up and walking into the bathroom was going to be the difficult part. He had no energy at all, as even moving his head was a strenuous task. By the time he managed to partially sit up, it was already too late. He clasped his hand over his mouth, but it did nothing to stop the acid that was starting to rise. He retched and yellowish bile cascaded over his fingers and onto the white T shirt he was wearing. Having accepted defeat, he rolled onto his side and puked all over his bedsheets. He didn’t even try to get off the bed. Well past the point of caring, he simply laid there as waves of bile gushed from his mouth. In the midst of heaving he heard a sharp gasp come from beside the bed, then what sounded like no followed by a string of obscenities.

Negan dry heaved a couple times, then moaned and curled up into a ball. He didn’t even care that he was covered in his own vomit for the second time today. Nor did he care who saw him or who knew. He, the big bad wolf, had essentially been reduced to a defenseless pup and he felt too shitty to give even a fraction of a crap about it. Hell, Rick could be standing over him, Lucille in hand, about to give him a taste of his own medicine and he wouldn’t care. That’s how awful he felt. The nausea was finally beginning to recede a little, but he was in a lot of pain due to the sheer amount he had thrown up over the past couple hours. He thought he may have broken some sort of world record. He felt like he had at least a dozen acid tipped knives stuck in various places around his guts and throat. Even breathing hurt.

“Am I dead yet?” he groaned hoarsely. His voice was somewhat muffled as his face was buried in one of the pillows.

“No.” Simon looked flustered but also concerned for Negan’s well being. He awkwardly shifted position.

“How about now?”

“No.”

“Simon?”

“Yeah?”

“Did you just cum in your pants?”

“.......n....yes.....”

“I knew it.”

Simon wasn’t a prudish or easily frazzled person, but he suddenly found himself unable to look at Negan and wished that a walker would sneak up on him and rip his throat out.

“I don’t blame you,” Negan said deliriously. He was so exhausted and worn out that he was falling asleep despite the intense pain. “Because....”

He trailed off for a second, on the verge of sleep.

“....every fucking thing I do is hot.”

[wonderswritings]

Taglist Update: AGAIN :)

I‘m planning on remapping my taglist AGAIN because some of those on my taglist are responding to my posts whether that be liking it, reblogging it or commenting on it. So until I can fix up the new taglist, here is a list of my tags. 

Marvel- Steve Rogers, Tony Stark, Clint Barton, Natasha Romanoff, Thor, Bucky Barnes, Peter Parker, T’Challa, Wanda Maximoff

Supernatural- Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Crowley

DC Comics- Oliver Queen, Barry Allen, Cisco Ramon, Clara Danvers, Mon-El, Bruce Wayne, Clark Kent, Diana Pierce

The Walking Dead- Rick Grimes, Daryl Dixon, Carl Grimes, Jesus

Actors: Chris Evans, Sebastian Stan, Jensen Ackles, Jared Padalecki, Stephen Amell, Grant Gustin, Tom Holland, Chandler Riggs, Norman Reedus, Andrew Lincoln

*People can be added or taken off for who I write for on these lists

Now here are my series, each series that I plan on continuing to write, have their own tag. I will not tag those on the above lists for the series.

Assassin At Work- The fight for revenge is hard. Even when you are the best, it’s never easy. The need for answers took a sharp turn, and your left becoming a person you never thought you would be again. Leaving was your best option, but maybe, maybe it wasn’t. So what happens when your life takes another unexpected turn?

I Gave You My Heart- Sebastian Stan and long time girlfriend Y/N YL/N were meant to be. But one day, a sex tape is leaked and Y/N leaves Sebastian. As an up-and-coming actress, she decides to never get with a man like him ever again. But fate always has a different plan.

One Autumn Day- Y/N Stan never would’ve thought she’d fall in love. Yet alone with her brother’s best friend. Working with her brother is never easy but it’s always fun. Becoming an actress has always been Y/N’s dream. So, when she finally lands a big-time movie with her brother and his friends she’s ecstatic! She’s only focused on one thing, getting the job done. But along the way; she starts to fall for her brother’s best friend and she falls hard.

In An Instant-  You win the day out with a celebrity contest that your best friend entered you in without your knowledge. While out with the famous actors, your true identity comes out and everything from there changes for either the better, or the worse.

Internet Love- Chris Evans has discovered the world of tumblr. Under a fake profile, Chris stumbles upon Y/N’s account when she makes a post about his on-again-off-again girlfriend. The two talk and Chris tells Y/N who he really is. The two become friends and Chris flies her out to see him and she becomes everyone’s best friend and unknowingly strains Chris relationship. Drama ensues and Y/N regrets everything. Love can be amazing and beautiful, but it can also be deadly.

Heroes Age- 100 years into the future, times have changed. There’s no more heroes to protect the world, it’s not needed. Until now. There’s a new threat, and there’s only one way to stop it.:

Before The War- The powers of the world are at war. Idealisms have changed, some for the good and some for the bad. Heroes are no longer working together, and the innocents are being forced as prisoners on a paper. The moment you fight back, you either die, or you never see the light of day again. But there’s something, someone who has the governments of the world on edge.

After Civil War- You’re an avenger who fought on Steve’s side in civil war. Your Wanda’s Twin sister, the only difference? You were born with your powers. Something happens to you at the raft and when you get out two years later on Tony’s side, your not the same. Will Bucky, the man who stirred something inside of you at the airport, Be able to bring you back to your normal self?

The Civil War That Never Happened- When Ross brought the Accords to the team, they mulled it over, signing it in the end. After Bucky’s found, he’s allowed to sign it as well. When one of the most powerful mutants and a well known Avenger doesn’t sign, she leaves and the people she once considered her family is forced to bring her in. But why let Bucky sign the Accords if Ross and Tony believe he is a killer?

Here are the Rules:

Let me know which set you’d like to be on. IF you’re already on my list you have first serve to the available slots. There will only be 30 slots available, having 60 slots is to much for me to handle. Send me an ask, please don’t DM me, it’s hectic keeping up with those. It’ll take me a few days to answer the asks because I‘ll be checking to see who’s on the list and who’s not. I’ll post updates on whether or not the lists has any slots left.

Marvel: @emoryhemsworth  @kindnesswins  @supernaturaldean67  @wildefire  @kirakombat  @katykyll  @white-chocolate-mocha-fan  @be-amaziing  @e-nigamatic  @imaginesofdreams

@helloangelicaaaaa  @regrets-decison  @sonic-lipstick-is-mine  @hp-hogwarts  @indaybella99  @rashinyx2002  @lilypalmer1987  @flipsorenson-99  @dninah  @marvel-af  @shieldgirl95  @taya-bui  @deanscas-jensensmish  @greeneyedthief  @lovemesomepietro

@capsofwinchesters  @midnightdevotion  @lilya-petrichor  @what-if-i-am-weird @kenzi-cold-greenkale  @bucky-made-me-do-it  @topjean  @smoothdogsgirl  @starlight-xxxx  @introvertedsin

Supernatural:

@emoryhemsworth  @supernaturaldean67  @brandyleewhatever  @kirakombat  @be-amaziing  @e-nigamatic  @white-chocolate-mocha-fan  @imaginesofdreams @helloangelicaaaaa  @sonic-lipstick-is-mine  @hp-hogwarts  @flipsorenson-99  @marvel-af

@shieldgirl95  @deanscas-jensensmish  @kenzie-cold-greenkale @bucky-made-me-do-it  @starlight-xxxx @introvertedsin

DC: @supernaturaldean67  @katykyll  @helloangelicaaaaa  @flipsorenson-99  @e-nigamatic  @white-chocolate-mocha-fan  @deanscas-jensensmish  @greeneyedthief @lovemesomepietro

The Walking Dead

@emoryhemsworth  @brandyleewhatever  @kirakombat  @sonic-lipstick-is-mine  @e-nigamatic @white-chocolate-mocha-fan  @hp-hogwarts  @flipsorenson-99  @shieldgirl95

Actors @emoryhemsworth  @supernaturaldean67  @kirakombat  @be-amaziing  @imaginesofdreams

@white-chocolate-mocha-fan  @helloangelicaaaaa  @regrets-decison  @indaybella99 @rashinyx2002  @flipsorenson-99  @shieldgirl95  @e-nigamatic  @taya-bui  @deanscas-jensensmish  @greeneyedthief  @lovemesomepietro  @capsofwinchesters @midnightdevotion @lilya-petrichor  @bucky-made-me-do-it @smoothdogsgirl @starlight-xxxx  @introvertedsin

One Autumn Day: @debzybrazy  @emoryhemsworth  @supernaturaldean67  @imaginesofdreams  @indaybella99  @flipsorenson-99  @shieldgirl95  @taya-bui  @deanscas-jensensmish

@lovemesomepietro  @midnightdevotion  @lilya-petrichor  @superwholockian5ever

In An instant

@emoryhemsworth  @supernaturaldean67  @kirakombat  @be-amaziing  @sonic-lipstick-is-mine  @indaybella99  @rashinyx2002  @flipsorenson-99  @taya-bui

@deanscas-jensensmish  @lovemesomepietro  @midnightdevotion  @lilya-petrichor  @introvertedsin

Internet Love

@hista-girl  @alonna-oxoxox  @steelbluebucky  @unhealthy-obsession  @dninah

@shieldgirl95  @lilpageofeverything  @thebookisbtr  @wordlesswriters  @onthapathatass

@nikkyshows  @patzammit  @partypoison00  @rashinyx2002  @shieldgirl95  @taya-bui

@deanscas-jensensmish  @greeneyedthief  @lovemesomepietro  @sfreeborn  @gigisview

@wordlesscaptain  @125bluemachine125  @katiew1973  @capsofwinchesters  @marvelmakeuplover  @ilovethings-somuch  @maripurecell92-blog  @elivanah @midnightdevotion  @elliewithcellie  @lilya-petrichor  @nerdgirljenintrovertedsin @katieswinforddiaries

Heroes Age

@hollymartinlove-blog

After Civil War

@wonderfullyinsane96  @colie87  @sydthekid1518

The Civil War That Never Happened

@markusstraya

[whateverisbeautiful]

Reveling in Richonne

#103: The Heart (8x08)

Well we’re here. 😭 😣 So lets talk about it.

I feel like my brother said it best when he said; Killing Carl doesn’t advance the storyline, it advances the finish line.

It’s so true to me cuz, I’ve always been someone who felt like this show still had potential it just was losing it’s sense of direction. But a reckless decision like killing Carl is a hard one to recover from. So for me, I feel like once you kill Carl...

But before, I get too ahead of myself tho, let me start from the beginning of this heartbreaking episode. (Side note: this post is suuuuper long. Not cuz it’s about multiple episodes, but because it’s about Carl 😭)

So first; the marketing of “Experience the moment everyone will be talking about when the episode ends” gave me anxiety before even going into this episode. 🙈

I avoid any type of spoilers for this show but the week before this episode I had been hearing talk that people seriously think Carl was going to be the msf death and I just refused to believe it. Like I’d hear people say it’s gonna be Carl and my reaction was just like…

I didn’t think it could possibly be true cuz Carl is a huge character and a crucial character and also cuz they sidelined Carl so much in season 7 and 8A so I was like there’s no way they would kill Carl, the biggest character they could kill apart from Rick, with such little build up and screen time.

But I was wrong. Heartbreakingly wrong. 😥 And I started to realize that as the msf progressed.

I had been nervous about whoever got the focus in the cold open cuz often that’s who’s not going to make it. So when the focus was almost immediately on Carl with Rick that did not help my nerves.

They flash back to Rick and Carl’s conversation after Carl first met Siddiq. Carl tells Rick that if they really cared about people then they can’t just hope cuz it takes more than that.

He reminds Rick that there’s going to be something after this war but Rick says, “Not for everyone” and Carl says “Okay, yeah. But what about for you?” And I’m already getting emotional. 😭

Cuz all Rick would have wanted for “after the fight’s over” is what we saw in that happy place; Michonne, Judith, and Carl.

All he wanted is for this boy to live and now that’s not going to happen. 😫

Then it cuts back to Rick rolling up to the seemingly empty Sanctuary with Jadis and her people. They start getting shot at so Rick runs for cover and calls out to Jadis about how they should proceed, but to the utter shock of all of us…Jadis and her people ditch him and start fleeing immediately. 🤭

I was like “I’m disappointed but not even a little surprised.” That’s exactly what should be expected from the trash folk so...

(Side note: Carol and Jerry pull up to get Rick and I felt it was strange to not ever have a scene with Rick and Carol in 8A before this moment.

If I’m not mistaken, as far as Rick knew, Morgan told him Carol had gone off, never to be seen again. And it wasn’t until Carol returns to ASZ to help them fight in 7x16 that Rick would have even known Carol was still around. And so to never have a scene where Rick and Carol address each other before the msf felt like a gap in story or at least a missed opportunity imo.)

They cut back to the Rick and Carl flashback and Carl tells Rick, “You’re gonna live, Dad” which is kind of like his own version of “You’re gonna beat this world” 😥

Then he asks, “Why are we doing this? Why are we fighting them?” and I feel like this line is a clear example of Carl’s character being altered in a contrived way.

Cuz Carl would know good and well why they are doing this. Last season, he wanted to roll up to the Sanctuary himself and fight to take out Negan but now he doesn’t know why they’re doing this?

They’re acting like Carl wasn’t there for the line-up or for when Negan casually killed Spencer and had Olivia killed right in front of him. Or like Negan wasn’t seconds a way from killing Carl himself in 7x16.

And not only that, they’re acting like Carl wasn’t ticked off by Negan’s reign. He was eager to fight back and now we’re supposed to believe he doesn’t get why they’re fighting. 

He says, “We’re fighting so that it’s all of us working together for something more than just killing other people” and I was like “exactly, so that means wiping out any imminent threats.” He was almost brutally killed by this psychopath so they’re fighting so that stuff like that doesn’t happen anymore.

Rick asks, “Well, you think we’re gonna be out there picking strawberries with Negan?” Valid question.

Carl says, “If that’s what it takes.” And Rick smiles and shakes his head cuz he knows that that’s not realistic. I really was asking myself “Who is this kid and what did he do with Carl?” Cuz this just did not feel like Carl “I think you should jump out the window before I kill you” Grimes.

Carl says, “It’s more than just hope. What are we just gonna kill all of them?” and I was like “Lil homie, Rick gave them a chance to surrender and they declined, so now we have to do what we have to do.”

In fact, the words “I had to do what I had to do” was exactly what Carl told Rick when he took out that boy in the woods seasons ago, cuz that’s always been more of Carl’s mindset.

Carl says, “Finding some way forward, that’s harder. That’s something more. Dad, that’s how it’s gotta be.”

And as they walk you can see Rick’s not sold cuz what Carl’s proposing is nice in theory but just not the most realistic, at this time at least.

When I heard Carl say the episode’s title, “How it’s gotta be”, I was like...

Cuz him being the one to say that line felt like a bad sign for Carl’s fate and my confidence that Carl wasn’t going anywhere slowly started to dimmer down.

It’s hard cuz I love seeing Rick and Carl together and being father and son, and literally them having more scenes together was at the top of my wish list because they are (or were supposed to be) what this whole show was built on.

So it’s sad cuz we finally got to see them together but it would be one of the last times. And it’s also sad that one of their last few conversations was one of disagreement.

But y’all, amidst the heartbreak there was one super golden scene that I have to happy dance for; And that’s Michonne and Judith!

Y’all, precious is an understatement, this is perfection. 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾

So there’s this shot from afar and we see Judith playing with a sitter nearby and then Michonne walks into the frame and walks over to her, which I already love.

And then Michonne stoops down and sweetly tells Judith, “I’ll be back soon. I’ll bring your Daddy too, okay?” and it’s just the sweetest thing. 😊

I love that she’s confident that she and Rick will make it back and that it’s so clear they’re her parents. Also, you know Michonne is probably really happy that she’ll be reunited with Rick as well.

Michonne asks, “Can you say bye-bye?” And then they have the most precious moment to grace the show lol. Not exaggerating. 🙌🏾😭😊

Judith looks up at her and smiles and says “Bye Bye” which I believe is her first official line on the show and I love that her first line is with mom Michonne.

I could watch this moment one million times and my reaction every time will be this…

It’s perfect and can we talk about Michonne and Judith for a second? Like they have come such a long way from this…

And for Judith, this really would be the woman she sees as a mom. Like Michonne has been looking after her since she was a baby…

And now they’re here and it’s everything. 😭

It’s funny cuz as annoyed as I can sometimes get with this show, they’ll put in a scene like this and then I’m just overjoyed and it makes it feel worth it lol.

Like tell me if y’all can relate, cuz doesn’t it sometimes feel like you can be going along, not feeling a lot of the decisions being made in the show, and then they put in a wonderful scene like this and all of a sudden you’re back to being addicted like…

Cuz it’s like now you gotta stick around for these amazing moments lol.  😂 Sure, you can wait to see the gifs but there’s something special about getting to see it as it happens.

And I love that, before Michonne goes, she says thank you to the sitter cuz that lets you know that she’s the mom and when someone else is watching Judith it’s cuz mom and dad are away. I’m glad that Michonne has embraced this mom role and that her and Judith have the relationship they have. I really hope we get to see more of that in 8B.👌🏽

And this moment totally feels similar to when Rick says goodbye to Judith in the premire. They’re her parents.😭

(Side note: The next scene is Michonne and Daryl talking and he tells her his plan worked which I was like bruh you didn’t even stick around the Sanctuary long enough to know that for sure. 😑

Also  I was just so curious about where Daryl and Michonne thought Rick was during their scene, cuz Daryl had said if Rick was gone long he’d come get him, and it seems like Rick’s been gone for awhile)

So then we see Carl in his room writing letters and that’s when my nerves were off the roof.

Like seeing him write those letters, this was me trying to fight the overwhelming sense that this was all being done cuz Carl wasn’t going to make it…

And we see that he wrote it for his dad. And I’m a mess. 😭

If he wrote individual letters to Rick, Michonne, and Judith, y’all I don’t know that I’ll ever recover. And it’s so sad that he’s looking all forlorn and hurt in his room with just a sleeping bag cuz those awful Saviors took their beds. The whole thing is just depressing. 😪

So then it’s nighttime and Carl is opening the sewer and Michonne approaches him and I was super excited that we were going to get a long awaited interaction between Carl and Michonne, since they hadn’t talked since the premiere.  

(Side note: It’s sweet seeing them together here cuz Carl was once this little kid next to her and now he’s taller than her. He grew up so much on this show. ☺️)

Michonne tells him she’s been looking for him and then she casually says “We’re about ready to head out. What are you doing?” Carl says, “I’m helping someone. A traveler.”

And then it’s hilarious cuz Michonne looks down and is understandably confused so she asks, “In the sewer?” 😋

And then it looks like Carl’s about to fess up about harboring Siddiq but then we hear those dreaded bangs on the gate.

And they focus on Michonne as she realizes Daryl’s plan actually did not work, cuz Negan is now outside the gate with both a microphone and a smugness that’s at an all time high. 🙄

Negan tells the people inside that they have three minutes to come up with creative apologies and the one with the weakest gets killed and then Rick gets killed. And I was like if anyone’s wondering why it’s necessary to fight them, this is why. Like this is exactly why they can’t just pick strawberries with Negan.

So Michonne is super troubled by this and she stays standing still, whereas Carl seems to be ready to set a plan in motion. He sees Michonne is still in a state of shock so he adamantly says, “Michonne. Come on” and we’re definitely seeing Carl start to step up as the man with the plan. So he runs and Michonne follows after him.

So Carl has a whole plan ready and I was like yes Carl. 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 He tells them they need to make it look like they escaped out back and he’s giving people directions and I felt like this is the moment we’ve all been waiting for, where Carl gets to make his debut as a true leader and show he’s not a little boy anymore. 👌🏽

Tara says they can fight them, Rosita says Carl’s right, and then Michonne says, “Carl, we can’t just let them have this place.” Cuz as we know home is very important to her and she knows how vulnerable they’d become to enemies if they no longer had a home base.

Carl says, “We can. All we need to do is survive tonight.” 

Excuse me while I cry, cuz Carl knows he may only survive tonight but he’s determined to use his last few moments to make sure the people he cares about survive. 😭

Carl says, “This is my show, you said it.” And I wanted Michonne to be like...

Cuz she can’t leave him, no matter what was said before. Carl goes on to say, “This is my plan. And you’re gonna do it. You’re all gonna do it. So lets go.”

And I get that Michonne did say this was his show, but I think in a high stakes moment like this she would have felt like there is nothing in the entire world that’s going to make me leave you here so if you think that…

But I do appreciate that Carl is adamant that they do this cuz he knows it’ll protect people. And it is a really smart plan.

And Michonne respects him so she agrees to go. But also I was like did they need their four heavy hitters to go? Michonne could have stayed with Carl and Daryl, Tara and Rosita could have gone.

Or at least have it where Michonne doesn’t leave until she sees Carl safely in the sewer. I just felt like there needed to be more of a sense of Michonne trying to ensure Carl’s safety before she headed out, cuz that’s more in line with her character.

I do like the subtle nod Carl and Daryl have cuz, even tho I wish we would have saw more interactions from them, Daryl and Carl have known each other a long time. Daryl knew Carl before he knew Rick. So it’s just cool to see Daryl agree to follow Carl’s plan and acknowledge him as the grown man he’s become.

So when a character is about to exit a show they often get a scene that lets them really show off their chops and have their moment. And to me, this scene with Carl talking to Negan is Carl’s big moment where Chandler gets to knock it out of the park before he goes. 👌🏽💯

Let me tell you tho, when Carl walked up on that wall to let Negan know Rick’s not home, I felt two things; Super proud of Carl for being unfazed by Negan, but I also felt suer anxious and was like “Carl A. Grimes, if you don’t get down from there and go take cover somewhere.” (And I don’t even know what his middle name is but that’s just what felt right lol)

Negan is amused to see Carl there and says, “Look at you, answering the door like a big boy” and I was like Negan try me not cuz Carl is an OG so you don’t want to patronize this kid. And Carl’s shown you he’s not afraid of you so...

Carl tells Negan, “There’s families in here. Kids. My little sister.” And I’m emotional yet again. 😢

It’s so admirable that Carl is doing this with Judith and other kids in mind. Like while yes he’s grown into a man, he’s still technically a kid himself. But because he’s the most capable kid in the apocalypse, he’s able to be a voice for the other kids.

Negan says life isn’t fair and there’s kids on both sides. He brings up how Carl had to kill his own mom and how that’s screwed up and I was ready to fight Negan myself at this point. 😒

Carl tries to reason with Negan saying how bad stuff happens but they can talk this out but Negan’s like nah there needs to be punishment so Carl says, “Kill me.” And I was like...

This strikes a nerve with Negan and makes him finally stop talking and then he asks, “What did you say?” Carl says, “If you have to kill someone, if there has to be punishment then kill me. I’m serious”

Negan asks, “You wanna die?” and Carl says, “No, I don’t. But I will. It’s gonna happen.” and y’all I cannot, for real.

He doesn’t want to die. 😥 But he knows his time is almost up and he wants to sacrifice himself while he can. 😭

Carl says, “And if me dying could stop this, if it can make things different for us, for you, for all those other kids it’d be worth it.” 😭😭

This line is special cuz it really reminds you that what made Carl’s character so unique is that he provided the perspective of the youth and what it’s like to be a kid in the apocalypse. And he was the baddest kid to ever do it. 👏🏽👏🏽

And so for him, as he knows his life is coming to an end, it’s really deep that he’s thinking about other kids and what their future could be and how he wants to leave making this a better place for the most important group; the kids just like him. 😭

He then smartly gets in Negan’s head and asks, “I mean was this the plan? Was it supposed to be this way? Is this who you wanted to be?” And I was like “Tell him, Carl! Tell him!” cuz he was asking the real questions. 👏🏽

Once the cars burst through the wall, Carl knows that’s his cue to get away and Negan realizes he’s been bamboozled. And I was like this kid is a pro. Cuz while Carl was trying to get through to Negan, he also was stalling and I was just proud y’all. 😌

Negan and his men start bombing the place and yet another TF location ends up in flames.

So now Carl has to try and make it to the sewer. As he walks the streets of a falling ASZ, I thought back to when he told his dad, when they first got to this place, how he didn’t want ASZ to make them weak. But as we can see, Carl stayed strong until the very end. 😭👏🏽

He also told Rick, in a past season, that Alexandria needs them and would die without them and, seeing Carl’s plan literally save so many people, that also ended up being a very true statement.

You can see the pain he’s in as he makes his way through the community and, at the time, I wasn’t sure if he had been hit or something, he just seemed super drained.

It was almost like he had been fighting the pain so long to keep it together for everyone else, and he got to a point where, once he finally was alone, he was able to just really acknowledge the damaging effects of the bite. 😢

When they cut to Rosita, Tara, Daryl and Michonne as they wait for the Saviors to drive over, Tara is saying how they didn’t escape cuz of what they did and if you have to say that it’s probably cuz you’re not convinced. 🙃

And Rosita’s all talking about how maybe they needed that for their own realizations or whatever and I was like...

Cuz they did not need to do that for “their own personal growth”, if it now means people are going to die and their community is going to blow up. 😒

It’s funny cuz they’re all having this conversation and Michonne is just focused on when these Saviors are going to drive up, cuz you know the only thing on her mind is getting back home to her family.

(Side note: It’s hilarious seeing Dwight play dumb as he knowingly walks the Saviors right into the trap. Like that one savior is like “You’re gonna get us killed” and he has a look like “yep that’s the point”. 😂)

So Negan rolls through ASZ’s gates and goes to Rick’s house “to make a little spaghetti.” And I was low key like…

Carl is still walking around the place and I was just like “Carl please my heart can’t take it, please get to where you’re trying to go and stay safe.”

He’s spotted by some Saviors but fortunately he’s able to cover himself in smoke and make it in the sewer.

Again, Michonne has zero time for the games when Daryl and Tara and Rosita want to make Dwight convince them he’s with them, like he didn’t just drive all those Saviors into the line of fire.

And what is Sis doing during all this? She was busy collecting all the guns and taking care of business. #boss👏🏽👸🏾

And then she diligently walks and tells them, “We need to get back now” cuz you can imagine the type of siren that must be going off in her head while she’s away not knowing if her kids and their community is okay. Like I just felt the mama bear vibes that were coming from her.

So they all make it back to ASZ and are about to get in the sewer and as Michonne looks around you can see that seeing her community in ruins yet again, is a really traumatic experience for her. 😥

It’s so devastating that just like she left her community and then came back to find it in ruins and her son gone before meeting TF, she’s literally about to have that happen all over again. 😣

Dwight even notices how hard this is on her and he says, “I’m sorry. I am” But I was low key salty and was like “if only you would have been sorry that day you tied her and Glenn up before the line-up.” 😒

Rosita looks up at Michonne from the sewer and continuously calls her name to come join them but, instead, Michonne closes the sewer and doesn’t climb down with them cuz Sis is not gonna go down without a fight.

And as much as I was excited to see what she would do next, her closing that sewer lid had my nerves all the way shot. 😬 She had me feeling...

So then we see Rick has finally made it back to ASZ and the first thing he does is run to his house. He opens the door and calls out to his family saying, “Carl. Judith. Michonne” And I love that finding those three is his first priority. Family man, y’all. 😊🙌🏾

(Side note: Him calling for Judith made me wish he would have found Judith in the house beating up Negan like…

I’m curious if they’ll play on the fact that Negan heard Rick call for Michonne. Negan knows about Carl and Judith already so you’d think it would stand out to him that there was one other person Rick called for in his house.

As Rick walks further in the house, Negan strikes and they have a little showdown. And y’all, Rick deserves a standing ovation for asking Negan if he every stops talking. 👏🏽👏🏽

Negan updates Rick that his boy volunteered to die, and he asks what kind of boy Rick is raising and I was in my feelings wanting to respond like, “He’s raising a great boy, you psycho. One who stands up and is willing to die for what he believes in.”

Negan says he’s going to fix him cuz he likes him and it definitely seems like Negan is jealous that Rick has a son.

Negan’s taunting Rick and I think they used the shot where Lincoln actually broke Jeffrey’s nose cuz Negan drops like a rag doll when he gets hit.

And then there’s a huge “How Sway!?” moment when Rick grabs Lucille and then hits Negan with the non-barbed wire side of the bat.

How sway!? 🤦🏽‍♀️

I feel like it would be better just to not choreograph it where Rick gets access to Lucille at all if you’re not gonna let him actually use it.

(Side note: it’ll never not be the most hilarious thing in the world to me that Rick flies out the window and then just casually jogs away. 😂)

And then, y’all, when I tell you I was turning up for this next part I am not kidding.

Cuz next, we see this walker walking through ASZ and then we see it’s head get sliced by a katana and you already know it’s time to let the baddest chick in the game shine, honey. 👸🏾🙌🏾

They also cut to Rick running and I was like aw this is def when R&M are about to reunite. 😌

It’s also super significant to see Rick and Michonne both walking around this place cuz at one point these two were the constables and Deanna assigned them those jobs cuz she knew they would protect and serve and defend this place and sure enough, even as ASZ gets blown up, they’re still essentially doing that. ☺️

Deanna got it right. And, even better now, they’re not just partners who break up fist fights, they’re partners who know they’re in love with each other and can bring each other back out of their dark states like we see in this scene.

So Michonne walks through ASZ with such a fierceness and determination and this was literally me during this whole thing…

A Savior grabs Michonne and tells her all her people are dead and she missed it and he tells her “This is your fault” which I was like dang this Savior is not just attacking her, he’s also really trying to make her feel horrible and guilty on top of the emotions she already had weighing on her. 😟

But I love that, when he says this, you see Michonne muster everything she has to get this guy off her. Like that Savior got the wrong one. 👌🏽

She gives this Savior the Governor treatment and sends her katana straight through his eye. But she’s not done there.

She then proceeds to repeatedly just slash this guy all the way up and you can literally feel the rage and overflow of emotions pour out of her as she yells and tears this guy up. Like it was such an intense moment with such raw emotions.

You do not come for Michonne’s family otherwise you will unleash a whole other side of her. 💯

Like seeing this scene, this was a glimpse into Michonne’s darker side, the side that she told Carl she had before she was brought back.

But you know who also has this darker intense side? Her man.

Cuz seeing Michonne tear this guy up it reminded me of the season 4 finale when Rick repeatedly stabbed that guy who tried to assault Carl.

Rick and Michonne are both capable of going to this really intense place. That’s why she wasn’t afraid when Rick went there in season 4 cuz she knew she has that in her too.

And what’s cool about these two tho is they’re also the ones most capable of bringing each other out of that place. ☺️

Rick runs and sees her and so he goes over and says her name and then he takes her arm. And Michonne responds like this…

Because she’s so in the heat of the moment, for all she knows the person grabbing her could be another Savior so she’s still very much in fight mode and it even takes a while for her to fully come back and register that it’s her man in front of her and not someone trying to hurt her.

I know there was a lot of parallels made to this moment and the moment in season 5 when Rick reached for Michonne, which is a great parallel.

But this moment also reminded me of something else. And it’s this moment all the way back in season 2…

The circumstances are extremely different but it’s more so the visual that feels similar. This parallel is interesting to me because when Rick reached for Lori, she pushed him away and they never quite recovered from that day. But with Michonne, she realizes it’s Rick and is able to take his hand.

And that’s part of what makes Rick and Michonne’s relationship so special, they always step closer rather than further apart. 😊

It is precious that after Rick reaches for her and she instinctually pushes him away, he still keeps his hand out and you can tell he really wants to comfort her and he also sees she’s in a really fragile state and headspace as she takes a second to come out of that blinding rage and see that it’s him and she’s safe.

And they stay looking right at each other and it’s just a really deep and well acted moment to me, cuz you can literally see them finding their center again through being back with each other. 😌

Rick asks, “Where are they?” and while I’m sure he cares where everyone is, I know what he most wants to know is where are their kids cuz that’s what’s most important.

Michonne says, “Oh…god” cuz I think she’s officially coming back to, from that dark space she just went to.

And then, you can’t completely see it, but it’s clear that she takes his hand and y’all it’s the cutest thing.

Cuz Rick is just happily letting her lead the way and then he even looks down at the Savior like “Dang my girl tore him up. I’m def married to the baddest chick in the game.” #DirectQuote. No doubt about it.” 😊👌🏽

And I think this was Michonne’s first time really getting to take on a Savior and of course she messes that man up. Cuz 👸🏾.

Just the fact that R&M leave this scene hand in hand is great cuz it reminds you that they operate so naturally as a couple. She didn’t have to take his hand, but she does cuz that’s her man and cuz she told no lies when she told Judith she would bring her dad back. 💯

And then they arrive in the sewer. And I was re-watching this for this post and, y’all, I haven’t gone back to this episode since it aired cuz it was too painful so when this sewer just even came on screen, I immediately got emotional. I don’t know how I’m going to make it through the msp. I really don’t. 😥

So Rick and Michonne walk through this sewer and I love that they’re together cuz it just feels like the king and queen returning to their people. 👑

So I see Judth and Daryl and I’m like okay good their safe. And as they walk further in this sewer Michonne low key looks like she can sense something is off.

I had noticed that TF weren’t making eye contact with Rick and Michonne as they walked through the sewer and it’s devastating knowing that they couldn’t look at them cuz they knew about Carl. 😢

(Side note: initially I thought they weren’t looking at Rick cuz they felt bad that they all had gone against him and forgot about him while he was gone lol)

When this first aired, I hadn’t seen that Carl made it to the sewer so I thought his whereabouts were still supposed to be a mystery. So as they cut to all these faces, I was just like “okay and where’s Carl?”

Like I was freaking out cuz, with all this talk that he was going to be the one to die, and the whole advertising of “watch to the end of the episode” I was like where is my kid cuz we have like three minutes left of the episode and I need to know that Carl made it. 😬

It’s cute seeing Daryl hold Judith and then Rick acknowledge her.

And Rick and Michonne finally get to meet Carl’s new friend when they see Siddiq.

And then we hear Carl say, “I brought him here.” And y’all. When I heard Carl’s voice I was so relived. Like I was rejoicing and this was my relieved reaction when I saw that he made it…

But I thought. 😔

Cuz Rick looks at Carl and Carl looks real sick, like he looks like he is on his last legs.

So Rick bends down and then Carl tells him “That’s when it happned.” And I was literally just holding my breath like “that’s when what happened?” 😳

And then it happened. Carl lifts his shirt to reveal that he’s been bit.

Carl Grimes has been fatally bit by a walker. 😭😭😭😭😭😭

Y’all. I mentioned it in the intro but this moment knocked the wind out of me. I was shocked and devastated and that’s just from the reveal of the bite. I really didn’t think they would take Carl, so when they did I was really like...

But then, Rick and Michonne’s reaction just shattered my heart even more. 😭😭😭😭😭

It was Michonne’s reaction that got me and just brought the tears. The way she falls to the floor cuz the wind was knocked out of her too. It’s too painful. 😥

And then the look of utter shock on Rick’s face as it’s clear this is hard for him to even comprehend. Same here, Rick, same here.

So they’re broken, I’m broken, and then I’m even more emotional when I see that even in this state of shock, Rick still looks over to Michonne. 😢

Y’all. Think about the type of seriously deep relationship they have to have, for him to look to her at his literal lowest point in life. That’s legitimately his wife. And just like he would have looked at Lori as Carl’s mom in this situation, I felt like he looks at Michonne as Carl’s mom. 😭👌🏽

And this heartbreaking episode ends with a hauntingly beautiful and somber shot of Michonne and Rick huddled on both sides of Carl as he looks at both of them and they become further and further away.

It’s a haunting and heartbreaking end but also deep to see the three of them together. Cuz these three have been through so much together for 6 seasons.

And now that’s all about to be taken away. So in regards to this msp, I have never related more to a gif than to this one right here...

That’s really how I feel. And I told you I had a lot of thoughts on this decision and so, as promised, I’ve written it all out below.

So a “few” words on this whole thing.

Realizing we were losing Carl, really did bring about the five stages of grief (except acceptance, I won’t get there for a long while).

And then it also was just numbing. Like i’m going to be watching this funeral episode like...

I know a lot of people have been frustrated with this show for awhile now, and while I definitely had my disappointments with the show, I kept feeling like it could find it’s way again. Cuz it’s not like it doesn’t have anymore interesting stories to tell, it’s just for some reason they choose to tell lesser stories than the ones they have potential for.

But when I saw Carl get bit the best way I can describe it, is it’s like how in the Pixar movie “Inside Out”, while Joy and Sadness are gone everything starts going grey, and I literally felt the part of me that believes in this show go grey.

I just became numb to this show and was like alright, it’s time to wrap it up.

Carl is the heart of the show. Period.

They sidelined him way too much to the point where maybe it could seem like he’s not crucial to the story anymore, but regardless of how often he was on screen, Carl was the heart of the show because he’s Rick’s heart and what Rick has been fighting for this whole time.

Carl deserved better than this. Seeing the way he went too just didn’t feel right either. Like you mean to tell me while out helping a random person honor his mother’s wishes Carl was bit by a walker when only a few were approaching? That just made me want to be like...

And I get that this can happen to anyone and it takes one split second to make a fatal mistake when going against walkers, but Carl OG Grimes wasn’t supposed to die from a random walker bite. 😒

The last person who died from a walker bite was Deanna I believe, and that’s largely cuz Deaana wasn’t about that slay-walkers life, but Carl is 100% about that life so Carl 1000% deserved better.

And if he’s gonna go out by walkers at least make it like when Tyreese was surrounded by walkers and hacked his way out. Like have it be in a gangster way for the gangster Carl is.

For me, denial and bargaining were my first response lol. I just wanted AMC to please go back and pretend this horrible decision never happened. I was like “If y’all want to just have Carl be cured, then I won’t even be mad at how contrived that would be, I’ll just be like…

And then I was just angry. Even at characters I shouldn’t be angry at lol. Like Siddiq didn’t you say you killed 237 walkers? And you couldn’t have helped my boy out?

And I was mad too cuz I felt like the writers were just like “Welp, lets just chalk it up to Carl died doing what he loved; not staying in the dang house.” 😑 Like that’s not cute. Carl deserved better.

And then we find out that leaving the show wasn’t Chandler’s choice and that whole situation seemed to be really badly mishandled and really not right, so that made me even more mad. Not only did Carl deserve better, Chandler deserved better for giving so much of his life and his effort to this show.

A lot of us have been watching this show for years, and so for years Carl has always been around and so it really does feel like there’s an investment in this kid.

And out of everyone you could lose, Carl was the person I thought/hoped was untouchable. He was the future so what they’ve done now is kill the future. 😥

So while I want the show to do well while it’s on, largely due to the extremely talented cast and crew, it’s time for the conclusion.

These next few episodes will be very telling for me to see if that numbness I feel for the show will just continue. I hope not, but we’ll see. That’s why I wanted to write about 8A before 8B just in case this show tries us to the point where I feel like there’s nothing left to talk about.

But trust, if we get Rick and Michonne saying “I love you” in 8B, I will most definitely be back to revel in it with y’all. 🙌🏾  

I will be singing in the streets when that happens like...

And 8B is usually more where Richonne gets to shine and I know it was said they’ll be together a lot which I’m here for. 👌🏽

At the same time, I’m like these two are about to experience their actual worst nightmare and lose the kid they love so much. So for these next eight episodes I feel like all they should realistically be doing is just crying, cuz this moment is an extremely paralyzing thing. 😭

But I really do believe they’ll continue to draw closer not further apart. No doubt in my mind about it, cuz after analyzing everything in their journey, sticking together is what they do.

The single glimmer of good that I’m thankful for is that Rick and Michonne have each other and will go through this together.

Cuz yes, Carl is Rick’s biological son and his heart and soul so it could be easy for him to feel so alone in the deep sadness he feels. But Rick’s not going to be alone, cuz there’s a woman who opened her heart to Carl so immensely that he basically became blood to her too.

Carl is Michonne’s son. Just like when someone adopts a kid and that becomes their kid period, Carl is Michonne’s kid period.

So while I seriously hate the type of dark place Carl’s absence is going to put Rick in, the only little saving grace is that Michonne will be right in there with him. And that hurts me so much but at least they won’t be alone.

And it’s also not to say that she’ll be there immediately lifting him up and not going through it herself, if anything I think Rick might be the one who has to help her recover more. Cuz as much as this will kill him, Rick’s been a bit more surrendered to the possibility of losing people than she has.

But Michonne will be the only one who understands this loss at the level Rick does because not only has she lost a son before but Carl is her son too.

They are in the same boat cuz they were family. Carl and Michonne weren’t playing family, they weren’t step family, they were family. They’ve shed so much blood sweat and tears together that they became blood. 😭

I know the entire msp will be painful and it’s interesting cuz it’s thinking about Michonne that’s been most haunting me. Like I'm concerned for the damage this is bound to do to Michonne just as much as Rick cuz Carl and Michonne’s bond was so special. Even Rick has acknowledged their special bond since season 4.  

What Chandler and Danai created through Carl and Michonne, they were the best friendship this show has had imo.

I know Rick will be broken and that’s going to break me deeply but for some reason thinking about Michonne dealing with the loss of her second son just shakes and disturbs me at my core. I keep thinking about her devastating reaction to the bite. How she was literally so overcome that her body could no longer stand. The way she fell to the floor, that wasn’t a choice, that was the air leaving her entire body. 😣

She’s losing what brought her back to life. She’s losing her very first friend in this group. She’s losing her son. 😭 It weighs on me and pains me more than a show should.

And Danai always does such a stunning job conveying emotions, real raw emotions. So I’m filled with anxiety about the real pain she’s going to make us feel.

And my eyes well up to even think about it, but I really feel it should be Michonne to keep Carl from turning. 😭 Their bond is so special and I feel like Carl would want that since the two have talked about it before and if the roles were reversed he’d do it for her.

It’s shatter her for awhile but if she’s the one to do it, it could also give her the tiniest bit of closure. Cuz with her first son she didn’t get to say goodbye but this will let her say a complete goodbye to her second son.

And then Rick. Ya’ll that really does pain me too, and the goodbye between this father and son is just too much. I know that Andrew and Chandler are about to give phenomenal perfomances and capture that love that made us fall in love with this show one last time.

I think why this loss has messed me up so seriously is because they say the worst pain is a parent losing a child. No parent should have to bury their child. And even tho this is just a show, it’s still evoking the real emotions of a mom and dad losing a child. So I think that’s what we’re feeling when this grey cloud looms over our head long after the episode ends.

I wish Carl had received more screen time before this. Like let him and Michonne go on one last run. Show us him and Judith bonding. Show us him and Rick navigating this father son relationship now that Carl’s not a little boy anymore. Show us him stepping up as a leader before the msf. Show us Carl at all considering they’re about to prematurely rip him from us.

I wanted Carl to have some added meaningful interactions with characters he’s been with for a long time so that, in 8A, he could be remembered as he lived not just as he died.

I was confused as to why they wanted to have Carl’s last few episodes spent mainly with some random stranger. Why not give him something with people he’s spent all these years with.

Cuz now everything we’re going to see of his interactions with people he loves is going to be under the veil of losing him or saying goodbye to him. 😭

I just don’t understand this whole thing. It’s outside of just not understanding cuz it hurts and I don’t want to lose the character. I don’t understand how they think this was okay for the well-being of the show either?

And, I know zero spoilers for 8B, but if this really is all just to justify sparing Negan then I’m really just going to be watching TWD like...

Also whatever arc they need Rick and Michonne to go on, as that seems to be another explanation for this decision, I have a strong feeling they could have got them there without taking Carl.

Cuz taking Carl doesn’t just devastate and utterly shatter them it completely changes them. I don’t know who this Rick and this Michonne will be when the show returns cuz Carl is a huge chunk of who they are and why they fight.

But regardless, I am a firm believer that R&M will unite and be there for one another to lean on and go through this. And while this is a whole different level of tough and painful, Richonne has proven they move closer rather than apart when it counts.

Their love isn’t just beautiful, it’s powerful and so I know they will be instrumental to keeping each other going. 👌🏽

And while they’ll go through immense suffering their love won’t suffer cuz their relationship, to me, is strong enough to endure this. But I also know this will shatter them like no other.

And y’all it’ll shatter me too. And I’m nervous for how they’ll handle the aftermath and if they’ll make it seem not nearly as huge as it needs to be. Fingers crossed that Carl gets an amazing and heartfelt sendoff and that his presence is still felt throughout 8B.

Carl was the representative of the impact this world has on a kid and that’s a fascinating thing that could’ve and should’ve been further explored as Carl got older and provided a whole new perspective as a man who spent his childhood in an apocalypse.

This is a kid who should’ve never had to go through this world but life called him to step up to the plate and he more than did that, he knocked it out of the park

So again, this is different than just being upset cuz you love a character, this just feels wrong. It feels wrong in terms of story and it especially feels wrong in terms of how it seems like the whole decision was executed and handled.

In 8x06 Carl says, “It’s hard to know what’s right and sometimes it isn’t” and it shouldn’t have been hard to know that keeping Carl alive is the right thing to do. But now...

One of the things I really loved about Grimes 2.0 is how this world was a world where people lost so much, but the Grimes family unit was the one thing that got more and more whole.

Like Rick lost his first wife which was really tough, but after that his family grew and that was the hope in this world. And that hope being prematurely taken away is a really bleak thing to have to grapple with in a show that’s already so bleak. But I won’t end this on a bleak note.

Instead, I’ll make note of how a relationship is only as strong as it’s foundation, and Rick and Michonne have a strong foundation because it was built on such a strong kid.

Like consistently through Rick and Michonne’s relationship, Carl was there and he had their hearts and then eventually they had each other’s hearts.

It’s been these three by each other’s side on this journey for a long time.

From season three

To seasons four

To season five

To season six

To season 7

(Side note: WHY did they cut that scene with Rick, Michonne, and Carl in 7x16!? Especially now that Carl’s journey is coming to an end.)

To season 8

All the way to this moment.

These three have stuck together and grown together and became a whole little family, with Judith included. And while Carl won’t still physically be there, he will always have a major role and presence in these character’s lives.

And Carl gave the two of them the greatest gift because he gave them the exact thing they’d need to get through a tragedy like this; He gave them each other.

He plays a huge part in why we all got invested in this show, cuz we were introduced to Rick as a man who just wanted to find his son and be there for him and keep him alive. And then Carl welcomed in Michonne which led to Richonne which is another reason I got more invested in TWD.

The reason we have Richonne and will continue to have Richonne is because of him. R&M staying together is proof that Carl’s impact lives on.

And Carl grew up before our eyes. He went from being a character on a show to being someone we could look at and say, “I think he might be one of us.”

He gave us a lot in his eight seasons on this show, including some anxiety when he would be wildin out every now and then lol.

So, fictional and all, thank you, Carl.

And thank you all for reading my extra self’s gigantic post! In fact, thank you for reading all these posts during this hiatus!!

Y’all are seriously the best. And, while I wasn’t counting down for this hiatus to be over, cuz I’m not ready for the heartbreak and I’ve low key gone numb to this show, I’m glad I was able to spend it reveling in Richonne’s journey with you.

I hope it’s put a smile on your face and you should know that your kindness has truly put a smile on mine. Thank you!! 😊💕

[awareslaura]

Fic: Audi Alteram Partem Ch.1/?

Author: awareslaura

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: UST, Enemies-to-Lovers, Slow Burn, Alternate Season 8, Explicit Sexual Content, First Time, Fighting, Angst

Pairings: Carl Grimes/Negan, 

Length: 3,405 words

Summary: After the season 7 finale, the group find themselves struggling to recover from Negan's latest attack. With the threat of war hanging over them the Alexandrians find themselves betrayed by one of their own, leaving Carl at the mercy of the Saviors.

A/N: So I wasn’t going to post this until I’d written more but I feel like posting it will help my inspiration as I write it so here it goes! Not the sequel to ‘A Slip of the Lip’ but that is coming I promise! I’ve been working on this for AGES with @the-sanctuaryy so it’s about time we shared it! 

Read it here

[fikfreak]

Hi Marie ! Ok it's time for your review of Sundays episode your is always the best and cracks me up each time. I didn't see the episode and I dunno if I will because from what I read Negan is there disrespecting the leader of this show and I hate him so much.

Hey girl, ya know i really don’t have a lot to say about Sunday’s ep, not really. It wasn’t bad, it wasn’t good, it was decent. I’m so disenchanted with the show now though, that I don’t know what could bring me back to actually enjoying it. I was glad to see Rick and Michonne together, though i hate that they are suffering because Carl is dead when he shouldn’t be. It’s stupid. I was waiting to see if Michonne got a letter, but i guess they don’t want to reveal that yet?

What i did enjoy was watching the trashkins get what they deserve. I was over them the moment they showed up last season. They were awful right up until the end when they became trash goo. I have read a few things from folks who say that Jadis is gonna be Alpha and that’s why they didn’t kill her. i guess. I don’t even care. 

I did greatly enjoy that rick told michonne he shot over jadis’ head and was like i didn’t want her dead, i just wanted her gone. to me, that said so much about where rick is right now. he’s tired. he’s tired of fighting, but until the threats are gone he can’t. Which was probably the most meaningful thing I got out of this episode. poor rick is done with everyone’s bullshit. 

and then they end it with the foolishness that is that asshole in the leather jacket. all i can say is that i wish they would have put his dumb ass in the grinder. i need that idiot to lean back just a little too far this time and fall.TF.in! it would be the happiest moment of my TWD life, which is decidedly unhappy at the moment. 

Anyway, what i also hated was that not only did they end it with pretty ricky on the walkie with the idiot, but that they had my blue eyed baby telling him he was gonna kill him again...which say it with me class...”WE KNOW HE ISN’T GONNA DO!” I hate that they keep setting rick’s character up to be made an even bigger fool of. they have the idiot point out that he can’t protect anyone, he couldn’t protect his home and family, his son...and i’m sure the rick haters are like yep he’s right...i think this is part of my general discontent with this show. They gave us this hero, rick grimes, made him a total badass, and now they are tearing him apart to build the idiot up. it makes me so angry, and it’s one of the main reasons that i simply can’t with this show. my enjoyment level is  solidly waning, but i will say overall this ep might have been a good 7...it would have been a 10 if that idiot had fallen in the meat grinder though, so note to self, i should write a short fic about how that happens so i can show these writers on the show how it’s done.