#written by Skabb

[christmas-shenanigans]

Session 3: Sat 16 Dec 2023

This week's entry is written by Skabb, as I was unable to attend due to family commitments. With deepest thanks for such a detailed write-up!

"We all cobble together a recap for a hero point each! We’ve all been healed to full HP and Valeros has no lasting eye issues, nor is his ego remotely dented by last week’s shenanigans.

Wise Rokmoxa tells us there is a delicacy in the forest, cornered in a mushroom cave. The Gert Squiggler is big enough to feed the whole village. Halbrecht asks about the mushrooms- they are ‘sacred’ -we suspect that the whole village brews tea and gets shitfaceded!

Skabb recalls knowledge about the squiggler and learns that salt will hurt it. She also knows to keep distance as it has spiked radula that do a lot of damage up close.

We decide to salt our weapons and we collect as much salt as we can off of the gobbo villagers, which isn’t v much at all.

Rokmoxa says she’s keeping our halfling to work off her debt. “Can’t be trusted. No help you”. Skabb runs and hugs Zorya and shouts “byeeeeeee” in her ear.

We go to fight the gert beastie…they weren’t lying…He’s big

Initiative. Squiggler rolls 33 and goes first. Disgorged mucous. Hits weejock - 13 damage and covers everyone in the party, except Skabb who is out of range, with mucous: This means 4 persistent splash damage, -5 to movement speed and it will take 1 action to wash the filth off.

Weejocks turn. He uses 1 action to move behind cover, another to wash off mucus and a third to recall knowledge on the gert squiggler. A 24 means he knows that the creature is resistant to acid damage, has no particular weak spot and can squeeze through 5 ft space, which doesn’t slow it down.

Valeros is up. -4 persistent damage. First he heads to cover. Then washes off all of the slime apart from some which makes his hair look great. Then he leans around the cover and looses his shortbow: 29 hits for 5 piercing damage.

Halfbrick is next. “I’m not even gonna wipe” “He’s going in viscous” He heads to cover. Casts Searing Light, which hits (26) for 17 fire damage The Squiggler lets out the equivalent of a roar. He did not like that.

Mialee, who is hiding in the shadows, is up next. She dutifully takes her persistant damage (splash). Then she salts her arrows for one action. Shoots at it and rolls a 26, which hits, she rolls 3 damage plus sneak damage of 7. It takes 15 meaning salt=1.5 x damage She cleans the slime off of herself.

Skabb goes last. She casts elemental betrayal giving an extra two water damage to any subsequent spell. Then she casts hydraulic push which takes her final two actions. 28 is a hit and does 24 bludgeoning damage, making a total of 26 damage.

Girt boy Tramples weejock and Halfbrick. Both do reflex saving throws. Halfbrick gets a crit and takes no damage Weejock isn’t as lucky, he rolls a 20 and takes 23 bludgeoning damage

Weejock’s turn. He goes into a rage…and then attacks with his salty warhammer. 24 would miss but it is flanked by HB so it takes 22 bludgeoning damage. He hits it again but 20 is a miss, so no more damage.

Valeros swaggers into the fray. He sweeps his hair back with the slime, strides over, uses combat climber to climb up the slug with one hand free and then “gets stabby”. The DM asks for an athletics check -31 - he’s on its head holding on to its eye stalks. He stabs it with his Striking Long Sword, 25 is a hit, for 9 Slashing damage. Majestic.

Halbrecht’s turn He takes his persistent damage -4hp. “I’m going to unleash the warhammer” - 22 misses despite it being flanked. Next he casts Spiritual Weapon, which “just hits”, 9 force damage. The DM explains that its a constant spell so it can be sustained for up to a minute with one action each turn. HB just has to roll damage again next time.

Mialee’s up… She makes a diplomacy check to see if all of her arrows are salted after arguing that they were sticky from slime and she salted the quiver… 20 means all her arrows are definitely salty.

She fires an arrow, 20 misses, she tries again…number 2 attack for 19, which also misses. She rerolls with a hero point but again, 16 misses, she disappears back into the shadows.

Skabb’s turn, She uses one action to give grabby 2. Grabby picks up the salt Skabb is carrying, flies above the gert one and sprinkles… the slug takes 5 damage Then she casts Helpful Wood Spirits to distract the slug by crawling all over it - it fails its saving throw and is off guard (although this doesn’t stack with being flanked and achieves bugger all)

Gert uses its nasty radula on Halbrecht, 28 hits and it does 20 slashing damage, but luckily does not disrupt his continuous spell or his ability to sustain it. Next it turns it radula on Weejock, 39 is a crit and deals 20 bludgeoning damage. Now its attention turns to Skabb. It hurls Disgorged Mucous at her. 26 hits. 15 damage and 4 persistent damage from next turn.

Weejock’s up. He takes -4 from mucus as was squished with its nasty foot. The DM asks for a Diplomacy check -16 - the salt on his warhammer lasts for another hit. Warhammer misses at 16. He re rolls with hero point but also misses at 21. “I should just give up”, but he has another go with his warhammer and this time 26 hits for 15 bludgeoning damage.

Valeros’s turn from atop the beastie… He grabs the eye stalk with one hand, takes his Striking Long Sword to its eye, 25 hits and for 13 slashing chops it off. He slides to the ground, eye in hand. Next he combat climbs again (athletics check of 21) and is back up on its head. He attacks with his longsword again, but 21 misses. He uses a hero point to re roll and hits with a 23. It takes 8 slashing damage.

The slug looks poorly.

Halfbrick: “I’m going to begin by getting spiritual on it” - casts Spritual Weapon for 8 damage. (Valeros: “you are a spiritual weapon”) Then, “I will strike it roughly with a warhammer.” 25 hits. 11 bludgeoning damage. In shock “I hit it,I had the words hero point in my mouth” He tries to hit again but 14 misses. A hero point reroll still misses at 10. “My arms tired now!”

Mialee rolls a 28 and hits with her striking shortbow, delivering 4 damage. Howdedoodis!!! “Whumpf, it hits the deck”

Weejock drags the giant corpse back to the village. The Gobbos are delighted and break into song about squiggler jellies. We watch as the flesh is pulverised by teensie little gobbos with their stamps to create squiggler jelly. This delicacy has a very…unique…texture. Skabb, HB, Valeros and weejock all dig in. Skabb takes some squiggler jelly for Zorya (“sister”), she’s currently washing up filthy gobbo pots and pans, but will join us when we see the cailleach.

We are all healed by the tribe. Full HP. But we do not rest so don,t refill our spell slots.

Wise Rokmoxa tells us that Guardians were made by cailleach to keep her safe. They are magical and will reappear after we destroy them. She warns us that they are very beautiful and we may struggle to hurt them for this reason, so we should steel ourselves. She insists that we take hideous Lilly, klip klop and latlu.

Rokmoxa grabs skabb by the ear and informs her that she can seee through yaklee …”I will see if you do well. Go wild daughter….”

The DM confirms that for killing the squiggler each of us will be given a cold iron weapon…they should be ready when we return from the cailleach’s lair…⁃ Weejock and Halbrecht will each get a warhammer ⁃ There will be a sword for Valeros ⁃ Arrows for Mialee and Zorya ⁃ Skabb is going to get a cold iron grill for biting (bite attack). She is beyond excited about this.

We head off to find the cailleach’s cave and to fight the Guardians that stand between us and her…

All roll stealth. Joes kindly lets us do our own. Weejock gets a crit. Others all roll fairly well…we think!?

Skabb crit fails so runs up a tree and readies a level 3 fireball. She gets a hero point for ballsiness.

Mialee readies an attack with her bow.

There are gobbo offerings at the entrance to the cave. Weejock rolls a perception check to see what he makes of the offerings.. he crit fails…he can’t make head nor tails of them.

Valeros swaggers up, whistling a shanty. Before he reaches the mouth of the cave, the snow starts to shake and move. Two, 10-15 ft tall Icey guardians (Golems) appear.

They’re flat footed as emerging… Mialee looses readied attack - Shortbow hits one on left, for 14 damage of which it takes only 9. Skabb casts her readied fireball at the guardian on the right. It deals 20 damage. The guardian rolls its saving throw and takes half damage. The DM asks skabb to roll a further 4d6, for 18 fire damage = 28 fire damage total taken

We all roll initiative

Mialee rolls a 25 with her shortbow. It hits and does 9+3 sneak damage Attack 2, 27 hits, 6+2 damage. Finally she hides. The guardian takes half damage (10 less damage due to resistances).

It’s the ice guardian’s turn. It uses Breath Weapon on Valeros who fails a reflex save and takes 24 cold damage

Valeros is up next. “Let’s see this one physically resist this piece of man-meat”…19 misses…”He resisted” “When in doubt I’d like to climb on its back. Can I mount him?!” (“Valeros has problems with rejection. No means no”) Athletics check of 28 means he’s up.He takes 7 persistent cold damage for as long as he is atop the guardian.

Skabb’s go… She aims for the one Valeros isn’t riding and casts Elemental betrayal, which gives +2 to fire damage. Then she casts fireball again, which does 24 damage, it rolls 29 on its reflex save so takes half damage plus 4d6 (16) takes 30 damage total.

Halbrecht’s next… He uses 1 action to cast guidance on Weejock. Next he makes an arcana check and has a good think about what these things are. Is distracted by a snow pigeon and has no bloody idea what these things are!!

The 2nd guardian tries to bash the Valeros off of its friends back… Valeros “ you have to ask my permission before you bash me off” Valeros takes 17 bludgeoning and 3 cold damage and is knocked off.

The guardian has another go at Valeros, but misses. Phew

Weejock… Wanted to demoralise the guardian, but it Is a little too far. So he runs up to furthest one. Glances at his mate to demoralise. Then hits him with his hammer. The DM asks for an Intimidation check against the guardians will dc. 17 beats 11. Weejock calls him “icicle prick”…It is frightened 1! Weejock hits its mate with a hammer; 32 hits for 16 bludgeoning damage. It takes all 16. (Weejock notes that he has wounded rage- as soon as one of them hits him he will rage)

Mialee’s up… She points out that we should all attack the same one. We decide the frighted one is the weakest right now. She lights arrows off of her torch. 27 to hit with short bow, 12 piercing damage, 4d6 =10, 11 sneak damage. It takes 23 total

Guardian hits Valeros: 29 hits for 18 damage …And again but misses at 20 …aaand once more misses at 19

Valeros… …Is gonna try magic! He lights his torch.p for 1 action. Then he busts out his lynx Africa and flame throwers the guardian. Obviously this gets a hero point and Valeros rolls 4d6 to deal 12 fire damage. For his third action he disengages and runs away behind a rock.

Skabb is up next. She uses 1 action to light her torch. For her 2nd action, she gives Grabby Cat two actions 1. picks up the torch 2 travels towards golem Skabb gives grabby two more actions. 1. Moves up to golem. 2. Drops torch in it eye (all whilst Mialee hums flights of the Valkyrie). 4d6 does 13 fire damage.

Halfbrick Moves for 1 action. Heals Valeros for 13 hps (he was at 9/78 hp) For his last action, HB raises his shield.

The guardian/Golem fella’s up next and uses Breath Weapon. Grabby fails her save but rerolls with a Skabb hero point, gets 26 and takes half damage (13) Weejock critically fails and takes 52 damage (!!) and is in a rage (understandably!

The guardian hits (26) Weejock with its fists and he takes 18 bludgeoning and 4 cold damage. It’s lucky he is weejock the ever living!

Weejocks turn now… He wants to trip a guardian with titan wrestler. The DM asks for an Athletics check against targets dc of 23. Weejock rolls 26. It is prone. Flat footed. Can only crawl or stand. Weejock does the same to its mate, 31 knocks it on its arse. -2 to dc as prone. He then smashes the second one with warhammer (25 hits) for 8 damage and he’s raging so it does 6 additional bludgeoning damage….HOWDEEDODIS…it shatters into tiny pieces.

As it dies it triggers icy demise and explodes shooting ice all over the place. Weejock gets a saving throw, 15 means he takes 11 more damage.

Mialee’s up… She looses her shortbow; 22 hits. It is flat footed so she gets sneak attack plus fire 4d6 damage, so it takes total 21 damage.

Second attack hits (25) and does a total of 33 damage which was exactly his number of remaining hit points…and its dead…this one explodes too - icy demise, but this time Weejock critically succeeds at his saving throw (29) so takes no damage. All the others hear an audible crack of his neck.

Valeros tries to give Weejock a neck rub. He is met with a bite. He is still raging. Valeros finds this charming and hilarious.

Wiseling latlu hands Weejock part of broken finger from remnants. “This is lucky. It will never melt”. Can use to chill things. It’s like a perpetually frozen ice cube.

Halbrecht heals everyone for 18 hit points. Yum.

Latlu takes a rabbit out of her provisions. She opens it up and put as an offering at the mouth of the cave and says “you can all go in…”

As we are about to go in we realise that Zorya has been watching us fight and not helping. She saunters over and joins us to pile into the cave to go and meet the calliaech…

Next session is on Fri 22nd and the uk dwelling folk will be IRL because Christmas!"

[abominationvault]

Session 47: Sat 10 Aug 2024

Notes minimal this week, hand written due to migraines!

(Discussing Jorg’ath’s walking speed) Hartvig (giggling): “Just to clarify, his height is five feet, right?”

Jorg’ath, miffed: “You can pack that in right now.”

The DM has been working on dragging us all in line with the new updates this week: we all have new backpacks, which negate the first two Bulk of items in them! (Sprocket’s has reins, and a Disney character on it.)

Magic talk; updates, and checking we were all doing it right. (Yes, and no.)

We all get 100gp and some of us get magic items as the DM has been short-changing us. Nadia and Skabb present a dilemma; we don’t have a lot of magic items, but we do have a lot of runes in our equipment. The DM decides to leave us as we are for now. We all also receive 3 Lesser Healing Potions!

Luna has a new feat: Quiet Allies. If we Follow the Leader when she sneaks, she can roll stealth for us (minus her Dexterity mod).

(Discussing our various strengths and weaknesses, Hartvig: “I think Sprocket is a series of dump stats joined together with buttons.)

Lots of IRL workout talk; Hartvig has been in the gym with a lot of lumpy people. Jorg’ath’s routine is simple: “Pick ‘em up, put ‘em down. That’s it.”

Hartvig has done his character sheet from scratch, renaming the old one ‘Legacy Loser’ and the new one ‘Hartvig 2.0’, making the DM spit his coffee.

We start without Sprocket and Luna, as BWJ is really going for it tonight. Kids, eh!

Recap: Nadia waddled into a big old enemy and nearly got us all killed! She is still feeling sheepish. The DM says we can’t go back to town as it would take too long (we’re quite far down in the Vaults now). We will rest here instead. Jorg’ath wants to patrol; he and Nadia barricade the doors. After one terrible roll and one fairly good one, we are confident that the barriers will hold - or at least, make noise if something tries to get in.

Nadia takes first watch, and the others use some spell slots for healing before we rest. Though nothing happens on first watch, Nadia hears sounds of crashing and breaking coming from far away. Nothing to wake the others over as the sounds don’t seem to be moving closer.

Jorg’ath takes second watch - he hears scratching and whining coming from the barricade in front of the main, doorless entrance to the room. He investigates: Nature check, 15. He’s not sure what it might be, other than it seems to have claws, and for some reason it smells like Skabb…? He glances over to make sure she’s still with us - she is. Perception check 21, and he hears her muttering in Goblin. It sounds as if she’s saying “He comes…”. He opens the barricade and -

It licks him and goes to lay down next to Skabb. Jorg’ath wakes her and gets punched for his trouble. Skabb rolls over to see the giant rat; Jorg’ath asks if she knows what it is.

“Goblin dog! Don’t pet it, it’ll give you a disease.”

She was told about Rabies in a dream, we discover. She jumps on Rabies’ back. Where did her bollock-sprouts go, she demands? Gone, they were only tamed temporarily. She pats Rabies’ pus-y bits (being careful of the spelling) and takes 3rd watch as she’s now too excited to sleep.

Rabies can’t fight or take turns in combat, the DM explains. He’s just a mount. “He’s a mighty mighty Goblin Dog!” Skabb shouts. (He isn’t, the DM says. He’s very much a rodent.)

Daily preparations happen: Nadia makes some bombs and Skabb, who has a new cauldron, makes a potion. It smells… bad. There is a base note of mildew and burnt hair. (Long discussion about Swedish fermented fish, and Japanese fermented beans.) We pack up and move on…

More doors! We tiptoe past ‘Grandma’s’ door. We don’t want none of her sugar cookies. (It’s locked from outside. Deffo nothing super crazy dangerous in there.)

Luna peeks through some doors and finds a corridor. Check for traps with her new feat, which gives her a +1 circumstance bonus for trap checking. (Luna TrapFinder 3000.) She detects no traps within 15 feet and moves forward. Nadia follows, covering her.

This place seems converted for use as a prison. Luna finds three cell-like rooms, nothing in two, but a thick layer of black sludge in the third.

Skabb wants a look at the sludge. Could she eat it? She’s brought a straw! She and Sprocket move forward for a closer look. Something rears up -

Initiative!

Nadia petitions for a free attack, as she was covering Luna and Skabb for exactly this reason and was waiting on something like this, and the DM allows not just an attack but a whole round. All three of her shots hit, even the red 17; the crit doesn’t take because the Pudding is immune to those. Still some good damage out the gate though.

The pudding goes first after Nadia’s surprise round, and Sprocket (who was paddling around in the ooze) finds himself forced to make a Fortitude save to avoid being grabbed. Somehow he manages to twist out of the way! It does hit him with a pseudopod, though, and Skabb as well for good measure. It crits against Skabb, and she is out. It tries to grab and drag her but it can’t, I think because of Goblin Dog.

Luna steps to where she can see the Pudding, and using her new Striking Shortbow, attacks for 11 damage. She attacks again but I think it misses, her attacks aren’t showing up in the chat.

Hartvig goes for a Needle Darts but misses. Hero Point, hits! 12 piercing damage, and Guidance for Nadia.

Nadia grabs Skabb, unconscious, and runs back to the main room with her, earning a Hero Point for… well… heroics.

Skabb fails a death save, she is Wounded 1.

Sprocket is stuck on the pudding, but not restrained. Green 20 Strength check to escape! Some incredible feats of physical prowess from the poppet today. He dashes away and into a different prison cell, scrambles up onto a footlocker and casts Phase Bolt. Sadly it misses, even though the spell can go through walls. He moves Augustus up for the next round, and that’s his turn.

Jorg’ath sees unconscious Skabb, Rages, and does some smashing. 32 hits for 16 slashing bashing! The pudding splits in two… 12 misses, Hero Point for 24. It splits again… At least they’re smaller now. Skabb: “Breakfast!”

Jorg’ath makes a Reflex save and fails, so his weapon begins to take acid damage from the Pudding’s corrosive flesh.

One of the puddings smacks Jorgy, then the one near Luna attacks her three times. The DM generously halves the damage, as the puddings are smaller now. Still 40 damage after a lot of calculations, ooof. (Hartvig: “If you make me do maths like that, DM, I’m quitting the game.”)

Some hits, some misses against Augustus, Nadia and Hartvig. Luna busts out her new dagger. “Stabstabstab!” Howdydoodis! It dries into… Hmm. Something even Skabb probably shouldn’t eat.

Hartvig does Needle Darts on the one in front of him for 13 damage. He then extends a pale, cadaverous hand and uses Nudge the Scales, healing Skabb a little bit. “Fanks cadaver-hands!” Skabb is conscious, Wounded 1.

Nadia Howdydoodis’s a small pudding, and Hero Points her miss on the big bastard for 7 damage.

Skabb does Blazing Dive, launching herself at the big pudding. Nadia nominates her for a Hero Point, seconded by Hartvig and Luna, and it is granted by a very amused DM.

It takes 9 damage from her attack but makes the save. She bites it, Hero Points her 13 for a 20! 7 damage. Skabb waits with her mouth open for the pudding to disintegrate and fall into her chops.

(It turns out Jorgy’s sword is magical, so it isn’t being dissolved in acid after all!)

Sprocket is up. Phase Bolt through the wall - 19 hits for 12 (force?) damage. No - it’s magical piercing. Rinse and repeat, miss, Hero Point, hit! 14 more damage, another Bolt but it misses.

Jorg’ath wants to make more mini-puddings. Bosh - Howdydoodis! He spins around so that bits of pudding fly off his blade in a shower of filth, delighting Skabb. Blood-smoothie!

(Skabb wants to know if puddings are aberrations; they are not, and are in fact their own separate category of creature.)

Jorg’ath climbs on a table and strikes a heroic pose, waiting for the rest of us to heal up and snuffle for treasure.

Side note: Hartvig is a Duskwalker now, not a Fetchling; he got an update. Explains the cadaver hands, and the lack of dust. Similarly, Nadia is no longer a Tiefling but a Nephilim.

Skabb scratches Rabies’ tummy and hops on his back. Another side note: we, by virtue of travelling with Skabb, are functionally immune to Goblin Pox - unless she wants to infect us.

Onwards!

Jorg’ath opens ‘Granny’s’ door just to see what she really is. He knocks, but hears nothing. He knocks louder; still nothing, not even the echo of his knocking. Luna has a listen. She thinks there’s magic cast on this door. Has it been Silenced, perhaps? Jorg’ath moves some debris out of the way and Sprocket casts Detect Magic, but it reveals no new information. Jorg’ath sniffs, hoping for sugar cookies, but there is no smell at all. He uses Oversized Throw to fling some debris at the door to try and break it, but the debris just smashes to pieces against it.

Skabb thinks we should try Dispel Magic, or maybe a crowbar.

Jorg’ath wants to use his Lightning Tongue ability to lick the pins out of the hinges; as his Strength is so high, and also it’s hilarious, the DM allows it. (Skabb: “You’re gonna get tongue-cramp!” And then, more to herself: “And they think I’m gross…” Sprocket, to himself: “… So this is normal as well.”)

Jorgy boots the door open, and standing there, hands over his head, is something called Chafkhem:

There are runes on the floor; Sprocket takes a look. They seem to be blocking any type of teleportation magic… Jorg’ath pokes his head in. “Hello there!”

We finish there, and Hartvig refocuses by singing The Black Parade and reduces his curse back down a level.

[theskabbs]

The Skabbs are pleased and proud to announce a performance of one of Steve Salazar’s “good” pieces of music, by real musicians (not us)! Salazar wrote “Ecology Suite” in 1975, a couple years before we corrupted him. It’s a massive, sweeping, majestic, complex, emotionally complex work, a full album side in length. Salazar’s hand written sheet music, lyrics and notes were used (along with his piano and voice demo) to score and arrange the piece for stage performance. The Salazar Family are producing the upcoming performance by a band comprised of rock-solid, competent, reputable rock & roll musicians along with an orchestral ensemble and singers. Real singers. It’s a big deal. One night only. Thursday, April 6th at the San Gabriel Mission Playhouse. You really should go.