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crosshairs-dumb-pimp-gf · 7 months ago

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Disgrace Chapter 7 : Crosshair x F!OC

Estkle City, hugging the base of the equator mountains, alive with the winds peeling away from Ga'hah's storm spot; This city is port du call for the grand rail that brings civilians through to the Sohn city state in the North. It's the last stop before Tah'nyem finds herself home. Armed with a satchel of casino winnings and a posh nightlife these two are determined to enjoy their evening. They talk about their families, their doubts, and she even bullies him into telling her how his toothpick habit started. For once the world feels slow.

Chapter Specific Warnings: Nudity, Angst and Fluff in a constant tug-o-war, drug use (smoking, drinking), Implied sex and sexual situations, I was hungry while writing this. This is also the chapter where I zoned out and forgot clone twins was fanon. Kark it we ball.

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Authors Note: My stars, are these two actually talking to each other? Self Indulgent chapter, jam packed with cute, watch Tahny die from cute overload. Am I stress posting my work at 5 am again? haha yeah.

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Word Count: 8687

Dynamic: Princess x Guard, Speed running Co-dependancy, A Mangy Cat and his Aggressive little Chihuahua. She's a damsel, she's in distress- she can handle it.

<-Previous Chapter - Read On Ao3 {START HERE}

Music Inspo- Sugar Water, Cibo Matto

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Chapter 7 : Sweet Water

The cargo hold bounced with a protesting rumble and I stirred from the light dozing that had taken me.

I was on the cot, laying flat against the rough fabric, nude besides a cloak draped over the narrow bed like a blanket. Crosshair was squeezed next to me, head laying on my shoulder, eyes only half lidded as he relaxed against me.

There was a slight burning sensation against my sternum and I looked down to see him tracing lines on my skin with the end of a toothpick. Same pattern, over and over, etching a red symbol into my chest. A circle, then a cross through it.

“You're an artist now?”

He didn't answer, nor stop his work.

Circle, long vertical line, short horizontal line, circle.

“Right over my heart?”

He finally slowed, tossing the pick aside, and blew softly over the hot scratches. I murmured sleepily against his forehead at the soothing, cool sensation.

“What's on your mind, Cross?”

Crosshair still hasn't said anything, just moving to be more over me, taking the rosey peak of my breast into his mouth to suck on softly before coming even to look me in the eyes.

He was making me a little self conscious, being so quiet… so intimate.

“Again.”

“Again?”

“Again.”

He was dropping his hips, wedging my thighs apart and I groaned in exhaustion.

“You can't have anything left by now…”

He wasn't listening, leaning in to kiss my neck and I giggled softly, nuzzling him in his persistence.

“I need a shower, li’nen…”

We had been on the road for hours now, sections of the trip having the truck slowed to a complete stop.The channels could only do so much against the inclimate weather between the Ga'haiian city states.

There hadn't been much to occupy us. I had tried to pull open a holofilm but we had gotten… distracted.The tiny sink made washing up pitiful and I was once again dying for hot water.

The intercom over the workbench crackled to life and Ger'nahei’s voice came over the static.

“We're pulling into Estkle, twenty minutes till we get to East Station, we'll be stopping just before to let you guys out… better be de~cent,”

That last part was delivered in a sing-song, answering my question about how much they could hear up there.

Crosshair slumped dramatically against my chest, sighing and letting himself become dead weight on top of me, making it hard to breathe. I struggled, chuffing in showy annoyance.

“Oh, get off… I need to figure out where our clothes even are,”

“Speak for yourself, mine are right there,”

He vaguely gestured to the pile of discarded armor next to our belongings on the floor.

“What about your blacks?”

His eyes fluttered open and he glanced around before shutting them again.

“Don't need em’”

I quit struggling with a short exhale of amusement. Instead, I wrapped my arms about him, stroking his back.

“Guess I'll be walking about Estkle stark naked… lucky day for the locals,”

He scowled up at me and I shot him a smirk.

“Not appealing, oh heavy one?”

“People already look at you too much”

He complained, sighing into my breasts but lifted himself to his elbows regardless, drawing the back of his relaxed fingers over my cheek as I raised a brow at him.

“You're the one that wanted me to be bait,”

“It's the way they look at you…”

It was true, I've never attracted a… normal range of attention. The looks that came my way could never be called innocent; no matter what I tried.

“Jealousy is still foolish, li’nen”

I stroked his brow, finding his gaze, trying to get through to him that I meant it.

“Men, Women, they look at me, always have… it's not likely to stop till I'm old and gray. I'm used to it,”

My fingers caressed the hollow of his cheek, the sharp jawline and he pressed against the cup of my palm, letting me hold him.

“They'll stop if I'm with you,”

“I'm not yours to protect, You can't be with me forever…”

His expression darkened.

…

“Cross… you said you didn't care about how it ends-”

Lips pressed to mine without warning, his arms sliding between my back and the cot to hold me to him.

“I don't…”

He mumbled against my lips, kissing me in quick little pecks.

“Just… don't talk like that, not as long as there's for now,”

Kisses down my chin, my neck, down to the still hot symbol etched on my chest.

“For now you are mine… you swore it,”

Is that what I promised?

My eyes were growing hot at the affectionate outpouring.

How am I supposed to keep this in check while he keeps… doing this…?

But I was pulling his lips back to mine, wrapping my legs about him to get closer.

…

Bzzzkrt

“Ten minutes,”

~~~

Ger’nahei had opened the door to a rather disheveled duo; A certain someone making a nuisance of himself as I attempted to get some semblance of clothing on.

At least we found his blacks in time…

They were replacing our weight with sacks of gravel from the side of a depot and closing up again. Crosshair and I stood off to the side on the pavement between the tall, cubic pillars of the Estkle slums.

The tall woman turned back to us, pulling up a holomap and approaching Crosshair.

“The station is a few blocks this way towards the city center,”

From here we just grab our tickets and ride the train to Sohn. Easy peasy.

The rail system being called a train was a vast understatement, the magnetized track powerfully propelling cars that were the size of buildings. The many floors containing sleeper cars, massive cargo storage, an entertainment holoplex and more restaurants than you’d ever actually see attempting to navigate the massive, moving city.

East rail was more popular for civilian travel, whereas the West rail on the other side of Nohct used to be solely industrial, connecting the mining colonies to the ports but now it was reserved for military and political transport. Not exactly easy travel.

The holomap was snapped off, and Ger'nahei made to leave. I moved in to give her a hug and she put her hands up, side stepping me.

“I ain't touching you after that concert we heard,”

She was laughing, Sevill was staring daggers at me. Not unusual. I smirked and gave them a little wave as I stepped away from the humming vehicle.

“Good luck, kids,”

Ger'nahei climbed into the rig with a salute and they chugged off, headed to the cargo loading bays of East Station.

Crosshair casually draped an arm over my shoulders, opening up his own copy of the map to check our heading before steering me out of the alley to the main street lined with ramshackle stands and door stoops full of laughing chattering groups enjoying the weather together.

It was pleasant… strange to me, but pleasant. I watched younglings play along the curb while their families argued jovially about something nearby and was overcome with something wistful and aching.

Hugging tighter to the side of my escort I tore my eyes away from the smiling faces.

“It's so peaceful, this busy little world of yours…”

His voice seemed to reflect the ache that gripped my heart as we traveled farther from the residential buildings.

“Yeah… not that war has never touched us, these ghettos are a result of conflicts after all,”

“Still…”

He looked back towards the laughter carried up the street on the breeze to flow through us, then picked up the pace, distancing us from the source of the discomfort coiling around us.

The shopfronts lining the road began to have less bars over the doors and more spotlights casting warm lighting over the stone street with their displays.

As we rounded the next corner the station pavilion came into view.

A towering, steaming railcar clung to a tall wide track that stretched off to the horizon. The structures to the sides of the station kept most of the train out of view, but it blended against the gaps to look like parts of the building, almost even with the skyline.

“That's impressive,”

“Mm, it's the only way to get from Nohct to Sohn anymore, the Western line is a lot smaller and not open to civilians… especially since the occupation,”

“No one just… goes through the mountains?”

He looked in the direction of The Equator Range and I shook my head.

“It's too dangerous… Weather's mild but the ground is unstable, there's Cockerexes everywhere, and above all else it's vast,”

It would take nearly two rotations with a ground vehicle just to cross the desert between the mountains and Sohn’s farmlands, and that's after navigating the mountains and valleys of the dividing range.

“Besides, the train route is scenic,”

The tracks skirted the Eastern storm Mehaklei, cutting through the rain eroded valley that was now a misty wetland, shimmering and prismatic with the stray rays of light that managed to reach it from the sun facing hemisphere.

“I’ll get us a view then…”

“My Vah'hadarr should have left us tickets…”

“It'll be safer this way,”

I could see thoughts whirring in him again but was afraid if I asked he would try to distract me with… well, himself… again. His increasingly reckless behavior had me worried what he'd deem appropriate in the small city square. I was trying to gauge when the shift in demeanor started. The private box, the moon… maybe since we left the watchful eye of the military?

He was steering us across the open block, approaching the lit kiosk selling tickets for the massive railcar.

“Stay here,”

He instructed, angling me to a lamp post,

“I don't want anyone working for the rail to see your face till we're out of the city,”

He pulled my hood up, drawing the cloak about me a little tighter,

“Crosshair, your name was on that list too… and what about chain codes?”

He paused a moment but took my hand reassuringly, gently brushing his lips against my knuckles.

“They shouldn't be able to recognize me, as for the codes…”

He jiggled our heavy satchel of credits.

“Nothing money can't buy, Stay.”

He squeezed my hand and backed away, turning into a confident step as he wove his way to the sales counter.

I leaned against the light and watched him go, his own cape blowing in the soft breeze, giving a peek here and there at the armored physique beneath. The glimpses were teasing as he drifted off and I smiled at the memory of what those hips felt like.

Minutes passed with him at the counter, chatting to the clerk. A flirty tilt to his shoulders and a smolder in his stern brow was making her giggle while she made our reservation.

Look at him flaunting it.

I chuckled and entertained myself by taking in the surroundings.

The open street wasn't as busy as the center of Nohct City, though people still drifted about the sidewalks navigating around the speeders that would occasionally pass through. The buildings were close together, shops and restaurants interlaced with hotels and apartments.

Everything looked a little dingy, the buildings some of the oldest I've seen on Ga'hah. However, the updated storefronts still shone brightly, luring in the foot traffic of the evening diner crowd and a higher class of tourists waiting to depart on the train in the morning.

I sighed, releasing a tension that I had been holding in my shoulders. Cross was right, this was peaceful. It felt safe…

I knew the sense of security was foolhardy… Behind the facade of the train square there was the crime, the turf wars and the instability caused by Sohn's absolute disregard for the problems it created in the Southern hemisphere… But for now it felt, safe. Peaceful.

A hand on my shoulder made me jump and the soldier smirked down at me, handing over a set of train passes.

“You let your guard down,”

“Can you blame me? Its nice out here,”

I looked down at the passes in my hand and my eyes widened.

“Cross, a whole suite?”

“We have a lot of credits, and the clerk was easier than I thought she'd be… this much is no good to me, and nothing to you…”

I caught the hint as he gave the satchel another jiggle, sharing a conspiratorial smirk.

“A last night hurrah huh?”

He shrugged.

“How much we got left?”

I was passed the still heavy casino satchel and whistled, checking the time on our tickets. We left early, first thing on the new rotation.

“Let’s find a hotel first, somewhere nice or somewhere less conspicuous?”

We could backtrack, go to something less formal off the beaten path.

“It's safer where there's more people,”

“Then we'll stay somewhere close, your winnings, your pick,”

He leaned into the lamp post, an arm over my head, talking lower.

“Then what?”

“A warm shower, then we'll get dinner,”

“Dinner?”

“Dinner”

“Mm, after dinner?”

“We’ll have a few hours, I'm sure we'll think of something…”

We pushed off quickly, an eager sway in his step I couldn't help but mimic as he pulled us to the first hotel within our line of sight. As we made towards the lighted porte cochere his pace faltered in front of a patio packed with patrons clinking cutlery against fine plates. The smell drifting from the restaurant was heavenly, a mix of grilled meats and wood smoke.

“Let's go here,”

“Mm, sure, but there's a dress code, we'll need to stop and get you a dinner jacket…”

He grimaced, causing me to laugh lightly, patting his chest.

“Don’t worry, it'll suit you,”

I looked about at the glowing storefronts and hurried us to one that was still open.

~~~

Our room key guided us to the fifth floor, three doors from the main lift. I held my hand out for the key and Crosshair slipped it to me quietly.

The store experience had left him flustered, having let me take the lead in picking him an ensemble. At least flustered beat the heated irritation the experience started with. The switch in the shop keeper's demeanor between taking in our shaggy appearance and catching sight of our heavy wallet rubbed us. Cross about punched the man on principle and I probably would have let him.

The door clicked and slid open leading to a simple king suite. A small kitchenette was just inside the door, opposite an alcove leading into the fresher. The large bed took up most of the room, but the feature was a nice set of chairs in a sunken sitting room overlooking a wide window.

I sighed out a bit more tension, the safety of walls, silence and a locked door.

“This'll do…”

Cross immediately went to the window and drew the curtain, locking us away from searching eyes.

“You say that a lot,”

“What?”

“This’ll do,”

He was mocking me slightly.

“Ever happy with your accomodations?”

“Maybe I'm just greedy…”

My things were starting to pile on the floor. Desperate to wash up and change into something clean, I was already walking to the refresher midstrip, bouncing on a foot stuck in a pant leg.

“Greedy, huh?”

Cross seemed amused as he followed my half naked, self imposed obstacle course to the tiled room. He growled something under his breath I didn't quite catch, that familiar fire behind his eyes. No time for that though.

I almost cried at the sight of the oversized tub and double headed shower stall, we had been slumming it so long. It did raise a question though…

“Bath or shower?”

It was whispered in my ear, but his hands were busy undoing his armor.

“Mm, let's let fate decide…”

He raised a brow at me as I made my way back into the room undoing what remained of the buttons on my shirt, letting it fall to the ground.

I picked up the directory next to the complimentary com. After making sure the display scanner was off, I opened a channel to the restaurant we passed.

“Yes, hello… What time is your next reservation available?... Great, I'll take it… Tah- uh… Tahny. Of course thank you,”

Closing the com, I looked at the device, sparing a moment of regret that I couldn't contact Kahtzi. Changing coms so frequently, you would think I'd have her register memorized but… I was overdo by at least a day, she must be worried… maybe Jar'ath commed her. I shook myself mentally and turned back to the man watching me.

“Plenty time for a bath,”

As I finished talking I realized the water was already running.

“Can you still read my mind, Crosshair?... You have to tell me if you can,”

He strutted over and pushed me down onto the bed I was sitting on. Any lingering thoughts of home were wiped clear when my lips were his again; hard, hungry kisses while his strong arms wrapped about me.

“No… unfortunately, but I can tell the future,”

“Oh yeah? And what does the future hold?”

I was breathing heavily already and he chuckled as he shifted, scooping me off the bed to drape over his shoulder like a rag doll. We headed back to the sound of echoing water.

“Clean, warm, bath,”

He shifted me down slowly, pulling my body against him as I slid off his shoulder.

“Futures looking bright then…”

The porcelain was filling quickly with nice clear water and I glanced about for the house soaps on the counter, smelling a few of them before dumping something delicately floral into the forming pool.

Bubbles sprang forth spreading over the surface and I looked back at Cross. He was fiddling with the light panel, setting the tone to something warm and low before he finished undressing, slipping his blacks to the floor.

Testing the water briefly, I stepped in with a refreshing slosh that swirled the bubbles.

“It'll be easier if you settle in first,”

He breezed to the side of the sunken tub.

“Should we let it fill more?”

“Don't worry, you'll displace most of it,”

There was no further hesitation, he stepped in with me and lowered himself into the water causing it to lap at the sides of the smooth tub. I followed, nestling my back against his chest and sighing into the warmth seeping into my senses.

We let the water finish leveling around us before I tapped the spigot with a toe, not wanting to shift from where I was. It had been a long day and I think both of us were more weary than we let on.

The water slowed to a trickle and the soft tinkling echoed in the large room with its smooth stone surfaces.

We had let exhaustion win this time. Curled in the tub in an odd kind of stasis as the world that had been spinning since the night we jumped ship slowly crawled to a stop… letting us be still.

His fingers were trailing up my arm and back down again. The line he followed was faded, barely visable against my skin now tanned a few shades darker then when the ink was applied. He finished his tour by lacing his fingers in mine, cupping the back of my hand in his, and turning my palm upwards. It was the dark scars on my fingers he was after, stroking his thumb over the small marks.

My eyes were wandering over his arms, taking in his own sets of markings patterning the skin. Shiney burns, raised rips…

“What's this one?”

I used my free hand to trace a set of parallel marks on his forearm and he groaned, a low laugh, sounding embarrassed.

“Wrecker’s lothcat… he snuck it onboard, guess who found it?”

I smiled softly.

“Don't like cats?”

“I like cats, that one just didn't like me,”

“And Wrecker… who's that?”

The name had conjured an odd image in me, not really a picture but an impression; loud… apprehension. Odd.

He took a moment to answer, I was starting to think he'd let another question of mine go flat, but eventually he spoke… softly, fondly. A nameless warmth that I hadn't realized was missing.

“He's my brother, one of, He's a big sweetheart… you'd like him,”

He nuzzled my hair encouraging me to pry further.

“There's four of them?”

“Three… no, Echo counts, four, I have a sister too now…”

“They make female clones?”

“Yeah, special…like us, but she's just a child,”

“Aren't we all,”

Crosshair had gone quiet again and my heart and mind ached with him. He missed his family. He felt betrayed by them, replaced even, but he missed them. I could feel a tension starting to coil between us, in his muscles pressed against me. A now distant memory of a darkened service tunnel.

“... I had hoped they'd come back.”

I sat up, and turned to straddle his legs, wrapping my arms about his shoulders to pull him into a wet, tight hug against my chest.

“How do we quell that storm in you, li’nen?”

…

“This helps…for now,”

For now.

“What do you call the rest of them?”

There was still that lingering guilt of not learning the names of the clones that had traveled with me and his references stirred an odd feeling of familiarity in me, tinged with hurt and longing… a deep sense of broken trust… will I always be colored with his memories, or will this fade?

He leaned back against the side of the tub to look at me more comfortably.

“Hmm? Besides Wrecker… I mentioned Echo, he was a Reg before the Clankers got a hold of him,”

“Clankers?”

“Uh… droids, tore him to bits, now he's part Clanker himself, Then there's Tech, we came from the same tube,”

“That's a thing? You have twins?”

“A few… Echo was a twin too,”

Was a twin?

A pang went through my heart again.

“Are you close? With your twin?”

“You could say that, he's the one of us that does all the talking… then there's Hunter, he's our leader… mainly cause no one else wanted to do it,”

He snickered softly at his own dig, the rumble of it in his chest caused me to smile a little too. I was glad he was talking for a change.

“Is he any good,”

…

His eyes went dark and distant at that, the little crook of amusement leaving his lips, I pivoted,

“... And the girl?”

…

“Her names Omega, honestly… I didn’t get to know her, didn't seem… prudent… seems like a good kid,”

You know the word ‘prudent?’

I was scanning him in the nice warm lights, finally getting a chance to really look at him. The red sun had filtered out our imperfections, making us like new in each other's eyes. The cargo hold was lit, but barely… This was the first time we were able to truly see everything.

Like his arms, his chest was patterned with the stripes of war. Long gashes here and there, over a peck, across an ab. Countless healed burns from blaster bolts. I ran my hands up his stomach to trace the tattoo over his right rib.

“Ninety-nine…”

“That's our squad… we all have one of these,”

He stretched to give me a better look at the skull over the number.

I sighed in exaggerated disappointment.

“Guess you're married then…”

His brow furrowed, not expecting that… I winced, rushing to explain the joke.

“Sorry, old… Ga'haiian stuff, before we adopted the Republic’s ideas of marriages we had our own ways, rather than splitting into couples we would form tight knit clans and they would share a mark… military squads and their tattoos are kind of… similar,”

I leaned, moving my drape of hair to show him the tiny diamond star hidden behind my ear.

“Kahtzi and Jar’ath have matching ones, it's a promise to take care of each other, today people try to equate the two, clans and marriage, to make the fact that clans aren’t legally recognized any longer more palatable,”

“You and… Jar'ath? Not to judge a book by its cover but…”

I shot him a look, but I guess it was a fair question.

“It's not like that, doesn't have to be for the clan to work, he's like a brother… but that's why equating the two is kind of absurd,”

He was quiet again running his fingers over the ink on his ribs.

“They left me behind… so much for taking care of each other.”

His voice was suddenly thick with bitterness.

I didn't really know what to say, every word feeling hollow as it passed over my tongue just to be swallowed again. The phrase was simple, but I knew the tempest that lived in him. What could match the devistation of such a storm?

“How could they?”

Was all I could really manage, cupping his jaw to turn his eyes so full of hurt to me.

“I don't know… but they left me again, and again, They just don't want me anymore,”

“That can't be true…”

He choked back a dry, humorless laugh.

“I guess not directly, Wrecker offered me a half assed invitation… but I've known him my whole life, the very thought of me on the Marauder again made him nervous. And when I didn't immediately jump on their very enthusiastic offer, they left. The second my back was turned, without even another glance… they left me for dead,”

“That can-”

“Thirty two rotations, Tahny…”

“What?”

“They left me, alone, on a platform in the middle of a raging sea, nothing but the smoldering remains of our home for company, it took. Thirty. Two. Rotations. for scouters to find me,”

I froze.

“How are you alive?”

The words came out as a whisper, my lungs unable to fill against the tightness forming in my chest.

“I shouldn't be, I should've died out there… I don't belong anywhere anymore,”

I carefully shifted, coaxing him to lean into my arms, to let me cradle him against my breastbone.

“What about the Empire?”

He sighed,

“Might as well stay… rigid and unyielding, just like me,”

…

The phrase sent a wave of hurt through the back of my mind, alienation, loneliness,

“I don't find you rigid…”

“You don't know me… not everything,”

“Have you not been yourself with me?”

There was a heavy pause, reflecting his contemplation.

“I don't know…”

“Do you like who you are with me?”

…

“...yes,”

His answer came soft and unsure. I took a deep breath, noting how heavy he felt against me as he surrendered to my touch, his muscles finally relaxing. The waves in him may never cease, I suppose…but I might be a shore for him to crash upon… for now.

“Then… that's who you are, not what you've done, or what someone says you are… so I do know you, as for the details… tell me, don't tell me, I'll have your back either way,”

He lifted his head from my breast, a shimmer in his eyes as he searched for truth from my words, clinging to it once it was found.

“I might not be a good person, Tahny,”

“You don't have to be li’nen… might be better if you're not,”

I'm not exactly a good person either…

I found his lips, pressing against them to sooth him, reassure him. Arms wrapped about me, crushing me against his damp skin. My muscles ached in an unfulfilled bid to protect my lover, all I could do was cradle him, kiss him.

…

The water began to cool around us, and I made to turn the tap back on to add more heat but Crosshair caught me, tapping the stopper lock instead.

“I’d love to stay like this, cy-uh… but I'm ravenous, and if I remember correctly… we have a dinner date,”

I snorted at that.

A dinner date after everything?…

“This feels a little backwards, doesn't it?”

“Welcome to Strange.”

“Ha. Ha.”

It seems we had recovered from the shadowy place our thoughts had turned.

I shifted to stand, but first turned into the soft kiss that was waiting for me. I had started to expect this temporary goodbye between our brief moments of private, quiet intimacy.

He watched me as I dried and left the refresher before I heard the water slosh again as he made to do the same.

Picking up the duffle from the floor I tugged out the paper bag from the casino. The shift I had purchased was black and slinky, the satin quality of the fabric making it shine like wet ink. I stepped into it, pulling the tight cut over my hips and sliding my arms into the straps. I hooked on the beaded filigree pieces to drape over my bare shoulders and adjusted the cleave cut that made a sharp line between my breasts down to my navel. It wouldn't drag, and the long skirt had enough flow to hide the egregious slit to either hip. Until I walked that was.

On second thought, maybe this was too much for Estkle.

I reached into the bag and grabbed the simple blazer and catsuit that I snagged as an alternative, laying it out on the bed.

As I slid my thumbs under the straps to undress again, Cross rounded the corner, new slacks pulled up and hanging from his hips while the rest of him was still exposed.

I looked at him and he looked at me.

“Is that what you're wearing?”

“No… I was about to put this on instead,”

I gestured vaguely at the outfit on the bed and once again made to lower the straps.

“Don't. I like this one,”

He had made his way over, catching my hand from its task and turning me to get a better look at the plunged neck line.

“It's gonna draw attention,”

“I'm with you, their eyes won't linger…”

I doubted that, but admired his confidence. He was intimidating… maybe he'd be right.

“We're still laying low, right?

His fingers traced the gapped fabric between my breasts down to the dip of my navel.

“As low as can be,”

~~~

We integrated into the posher crowd gathered on the busy patio alight with fiery torches, a few heads turning at his tattoo and my faded markings but otherwise no one paid us much mind. I did catch a few brief glances, the start of a head turn as my thighs split the hem of my dress as I walked, but they quickly turned back down to their food.

It was amusing, the slight man commanding such presence. He wasn't even that tall by Ga'hah standards. And yet…

By Be'llahl, they are scared of him aren't they?

I leaned into Crosshair's arm as he guided us to the host podium. The dark gray lapel jacket was soft despite its chunky knit, the leather patch on the elbow making a cool spot against my skin where my arm wrapped about his.

He cleaned up well, the coat accentuating his slim waist and broad shoulders. I had picked out a thin, ribbed sweater to wear underneath, simulating his comfortable black bodysuit. The loose cut slacks had a crisp crease drawing the eye to the length of his stride as we strutted forward.

A slim Ga'haiian girl looked us over briefly before taking us up a staircase past massive vases stuffed with fresh flower arrangements in vibrant, saturated tones. She showed us to a table for two on the second floor, snugged into the open bay doors overlooking the busy street below.

A brief explanation, a bottle of nectar requested, and we were left to our devices.

Cross subtly angled the window shades, his foot reaching between mine to hook the chair leg, drawing it slightly more into the room to obscured me from outside observers and keep a better eye on my back.

“Want to see the cold bar?”

“Not yet,”

He clicked the flag device at the table which switched the glowing pattern from red to green. Almost instantly a muscular man brandishing an oversized skewer laden with a sizzling roast appeared at his side. He explained the cut and marinade then asked if we'd like a portion, which Crosshair eagerly accepted.

A quick slice of a traditional blade and the seared meat fell to the waiting stone plate.

“Should I wait for you?”

I shook my head, standing.

“Dig in, I'll be back,”

I sashayed across the wide stone floor, past a stories tall glass wall. Droids puttered about behind it, pulling nectar bottles down from the vast floor to ceiling storage racks just feet behind the glass. Buff men and women in leather aprons and chefs coats carried various roasted meats on skewers to the packed tables filling the space. Voices echoed off the dark stone walls, droning out the soft, live music drifting up the stairs that led back to the lobby.

Finally I reached the massive bar laden with more fresh flowers framing overladen trays of cheeses, smoked fish and various salads. It didn't take long to fill a chilled dish.

Cross had several cuts of meat laden high on his plate by the time I had found my way back to the table. He looked up at me, a subtle red tinging his cheeks.

“I forgot to turn the flag off,”

I covered my mouth as I snorted back a giggle.

~~~

Stacked plates, a case worth of empty bottles and a settled tab found us a little over an hour later.

“... And that's how Ga’hah stayed out of the war… for the most part, not sure what the point was with the Empire moving in the second it was over,”

“I was there you know, in the field… at the end,”

“Yeah?”

“Our last order… was to kill the Jedi generals that turned on the Republic… I was the only one of us that complied,”

I was eyeing the flush tinging Cross's cheekbones trying to determine if he was actually a lightweight. I knew I was, and glanced back at the empty bottles scattered about the absolute carnage of the evening's feast. He just shrugged trying to hide the odd look creeping up on him.

“You're serious…”

“Lot of good it did,”

“What do you mean?”

He swirled the last of the nectar in his glass.

“It just doesn't feel any different, It's not called war anymore but the blaster fire sounds the same…”

“And now it's brother against brother,”

He downed his spirit, emptying the glass and drowning the ghosts in his inner storm.

“They were cowards for running, nothing can be changed from out there… and now there's no choice for them,”

“You could have still gone with them… I'm not sure how much change we're really doing here,”

…

“Maybe I just stayed cause it was comfortable,”

He was starting to look really down. I took his hand around his cup, sighing,

“It doesn't sound like you've been comfortable at all honestly,”

He didn't answer, instead, checked the bottles for any remaining nectar. So I rambled…

“Hurts the pride though, just… enforcing some status quo, just look at me,”

He obediently met my eyes, though I really meant that figuratively.

“Uh… look, I stay in my Vah'hadarr's shadow of progressive legacy, I uphold the appearances… but there's reasons we kill Bly’ju’s guards but not Bly'ju, there's consequences for one and not the other, some changes… people like you and I can't make them. Not without martyrdom and there’s better deaths out there than rotting in a jail cell for shooting some asshole,”

“Do you feel bad about the guards?”

“Nah… kark ‘em. Even a life contract can't compel you to act… they knew what they were doing,”

His brow furrowed in confusion, not really making the connection I was getting at.

“Maybe we just…chose the path of least resistance because we're too tired to really get what we want, holding your guard up your whole life will do that to you,”

“What is it you want?”

I felt like that should have sounded accusatory, but when I searched his gaze I found the same desperate questioning in his eyes. Like I might have an answer he was looking for. Chugging the considerable amount left in my glass I blurted,

“Peace… some quiet too, for myself and the few people I give a shyte about,”

“Sounds nice…”

“...Quiet?”

“Having someone to give a shyte about…”

His gaze matched mine, eyes shiney from the liquor. In amazement I tracked the occasional flick of him scanning around us, even drunk he was ever the professional.

“Oh Cross, you'll find your people!...some kindred spirits, plus I'll always be about in my tower for you to visit… or just find a familiar face and cling on, I'm sure there's one or two or three thousand at the GAR,”

I giggled, the absurdity of his reality dawning on my addled mind.

“That's not funny,”

But his cheeks were tight from trying not to smirk. I found his eyes with mine again, laying my head on my arms, folded on the table. He mimicked my posture,

“You should know the regs don't like me much…”

“They're just jealous… just wait till they find out you have connections to Kahtzi Zho,”

He blinked,

“Wait, Zho? Why does that sound familiar…”

I smirked, raising a brow at him.

“The holocal? In the GRSO relief packages,”

“No… your Kahtzi is the Kahtzi Zho?

“Mm, which month was your favorite?”

“Nelona.”

“Of course you like Nelona.”

“What's wrong with that one?”

“Nothing… I took that one myself,”

He chuckled, closing his eyes a moment,

“So you want some peace, princess? Good luck if you plan on having your girlfriend in tow,”

“Mm… you know, I'd probably hate it,”

“Is that right?”

“Yeah… I need chaos, Crosshair. I need speeders racing through the night and bar fights, and toying with people who could easily kill me in sick, brutal ways, Without it I itch… without it I'm just my Vah'hadarr's… pet,”

The last word was spat with contempt and he started stroking my hair, leaning into the table to reach me. We were quite drunk…

“Peace still includes your father?”

“Family is important, Kleinthu Vah'hadarr nam’patri… there is no me without mine Vah'hadarr, so… all my rights flow through him till I'm married off…unless I abandon my station,”

I dramatically gestured to the red smudges under my eyes,

“It is my duty as a low-born Lady of Sohn,”

“Well there's a Ga'haiian custom I'm not in love with…”

His brow was pinched in frustration on my behalf, charming me yet again so that a sad smile colored over me,

“It's not… Ga'haiian, not really. It's Sohnese. These marks under my eyes may as well be a for sale sign, but unlike your common slave I’m to be traded for political favors, I have my freedom on Coruscant… for now, but one day I’ll be sold just the same, It’s not so bad, symbolic mostly… and my Vah’hadarr has been good to me, teaching me and letting me have a life…”

Crosshair's eyes had darkened as I spoke, fingers sliding through my hair to cup my chin. I was too inebriated to really read his expressions, Maybe he could relate,

“Besides, I like the work for the most part… It suits me, Perhaps that's why you stayed too, not cause it's the right thing exactly… but because the blaster fire sounds the same… if you left, if you never had to fight on a battlefield again, Too quiet. You'd have to think about it all like… like I would,”

“It all?”

“Mhmm… all of it,”

“Sounds like a lot.”

“Isn't it though?”

“Mm, I think we're drunk, and overstaying our welcome,”

The man was keeping his cool though, trying to mask his slight wobble as he stood up to take my hand. I couldn't help but giggle drunkenly.

He takes himself so seriously…

“You're… kind of funny sometimes, you know that, Crosshair?”

“...funny? I don't think I've ever been called funny before,”

“Deal with it, it… it rounds you out, Mr. Rigid and unyielding,”

“If you say so… up you get ner’burc’ya,”

I leaned on him as we turned, with dread, to the long staircase. Giggling again, I checked that I still had my clutch.

“They must have a lift…”

“I can still handle stairs,”

He was maintaining balance fairly well, even with me hanging on him, and we haphazardly navigated the descent.

“Where to?”

I jiggled the casino purse, there was still a good chunk of credits to spend. Once we were on the train I could charge my father's account to my heart's content, so splurging on souvenirs seemed in order.

He leaned in, the smell of nectar rolling sweetly from him as he wrapped his arms around me. His weight guided me to lean against a pillar, and he pinned my arms over my head, brushing his lips to mine. He still tasted like the fruity spirit and I drank the flavor of him as he deepened the kiss, sliding his tongue over mine before withdrawing.

“I just want to get you back in that bed…”

Maybe saving some cash would be wise…

He angled us out of the restaurant and we swifted back in the direction of the hotel, passing storefronts and groups of chattering people in a hurried stride.

The fresh air was sobering, though it was getting cold, the smaller of the moons positioned to the West. The wayward winds from the Mehaklei pressure front made Estkle a breezy city, and they ran through the loose cloth of my skirt, making it dance about my legs as we briskly made our way up the street to where the buildings thinned to a view of the plains…

Until Crosshair slowed and stopped, staring into a glimmering display of fancy bottles.

“What was it… that scent you wore, the night we met? Is it here?”

It was my usual bottle, long gone now somewhere in our travels. The perfume was something my mother had gotten me as a graduation present. Nothing too fancy, I wouldn't have used it, but the flowery scent was complimented by a fiery resin musk underlay. It smelled like a late summer evening.

“That one,”

I pointed to a square of the display housing a red and gold bottle in various sizes.

“Stay here,”

He left me on the sidewalk, disappearing into the store with a staggered gate.

I mean… I think I know what you're up to…

I shook my head but smiled to myself, turning to lean on the stone storefront.

My eye was caught by a tiny store at the corner a few paces away. It was barely the size of a closet, with only a service window facing the street, a thin man zoned out behind the glass in front of his rolled wares.

Cross had the big bag, so I rifled my own stash of credits in my clutch as I approached the dingy little stand.

“You have Darh?”

“Sure do, plain, flavored or spiced?”

“What flavors do you have?”

“Berry or citrus,”

“Berry then,”

“Good choice,”

The clerk slipped the rolled herbs into a small tube to hand to me, took my credits, and I was at the perfume shop again before Crosshair had finished his purchase.

He stepped back onto the sidewalk moments later and handed me a small bag. It was heavier than expected and I looked in curiously.

“You got one of every size?”

I pulled out the tiny travel version to glint in the light from the shop window, lips quirked in amusement.

“That one's mine,”

Cross lifted it from my fingertips, tilting the small vial to puff against my pulse point before he tucked it into his breast pocket.

I looked at the small lump under the jacket lapel and felt my face flush with more than alcohol.

“How you surprise me…”

Shaking myself, I pulled the tube from my clutch.

“Now for me to surprise you,”

…

“What's this?”

~~~

My pumps hit the floor with a muted thump as I kicked them off and slumped into one of the chairs. The room was dark, the only light coming from the refresher.

I flipped the hollow tube in my fingers, watching Cross carefully rip into the wiring panel, finding a way to disable the smoke detector without setting off the alarms.

Neat skill.

He had scoffed at the idea of lighting up in the stairwell, which was traditional, but I wasn't gonna complain about the privacy.

I popped the tube and took out the paper roll and strike, waiting for the go ahead. There was a quick skrtt and Cross nodded that he had figured it out, before he came to sit with me by the window.

“Have you ever smoked?”

His toothpick habit was suspect, but I wasn't even sure clones were allowed to pick up such things…

“No…”

“So the toothpicks?”

He turned away, hiding a new flush blooming over his cheekbones.

Okay then,

I got up from my chair and moved to his,knees about his hips to face him.

“I'll help, first time rookie mistake is resisting the inhale,”

I put the end of the Darh stick in my mouth, hitting the strike to create a little flame. There was a crackle as the plasma caught the end of the paper and I drew air like a straw to pull the heat into the herbs, lighting them. A sweet smelling smoke coiled lazily from the fresh ember and I drew another breath, pulling smoke from the herbs, coughing a little.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, it's normal… now here, just breath in through your mouth, slow and shallow,”

I pulled deep on the smoking herbs, filled my lungs and leaned into him, grabbing his chin to coax his lips open, exhaling slowly into his mouth. Smoke leaked between our lips, as we shared the hit, his arms wrapping about my waist as I pulled back again.

He coughed as he exhaled what I gave him, but tried to suppress it, putting on a brave face.

Cute.

I took another puff, but let him sit with what he had.

“What's supposed to happen?”

“Give it a minute, it'll absorb into your blood stream and travel to your brain, everything will feel a little slower…”

Clipping the burning end of the roll, I set aside the rest. The first wave was already starting to hit me, the air taking on the thicker quality of water, the illusion of more resistance. More importantly my thoughts slowed.

The ever whirring flow of information halved it's speed and I could peer through my thoughts a little more carefully, examine them longer before they slipped out of sight again.

Right now I was staring at Crosshair. My position was slouched, even to his face. A small crack in the drawn curtains was letting in a beam of moonlight to cut across his features, highlighting his tattoo.

I love this tattoo…

My fingertips were reaching out to it and he leaned into my touch, closing his eyes. He was probably floating by now.

I scooted closer, resting my elbows on his shoulders my one hand still cradled his temple, thumb tracing the thin lines of ink over his brow. I set the other to stroke his head, starting from brow to neck.

Bristles of new growth had began to come in across his scalp, coarse against my skin. I delighted in the tactile feel of it, bringing both hands up to massage with my nails and fingertips.

“So you do have hair,”

“I actually have amazing hair… it's just been easier to keep it off,”

“Is that so?”

I scratched a tad more vigorously and he leaned into it.

“Maker, it's been driving me crazy,”

He giggled,

“Whatever you do, don't stop till it's fully grown back,”

I laughed lightly at his sudden, boyish demeanor, but my fingers were starting to cramp and I eventually had to stop to a sad whine from the intoxicated man.

I quieted him with kisses, soft, small kisses… to the corner of his mouth, his nose, the cheekbone and brow. Feeling the shapes against the sensitive flesh of my lips, mapping his face, imprinting a memory. As I pressed my lips lightly to his forehead I felt his breath heavy against my neck, breathing in the scent that had been spritzed there,

“You'll come back to Coruscant… won't you, Tahny?”

“No one could keep me away, once whatever this is has blown over I'll be back,”

“...and I can come see you?”

“Of course, Cross, whenever you want…”

He relaxed into me, arms tightening slightly as he sat still, breathing me in.

“So…”

I slowly rocked back, sitting even with him again.

“...the toothpicks?”

“If I tell you will you scratch my head again?”

We both giggled a little at that,

“Sure,”

…

I waited while he gathered his thoughts through the haze of the Darh root.

“Back when we were cadets, there was a holofilm, Tech somehow managed to get a hold of it… an old Outer Expansion story about a gunslinger,”

I raised my brow, those old films were hokey, but I couldn't deny I liked them occasionally.

“This gunslinger kind of became my hero…”

“What was the name of it?”

He flushed, looking down.

“We didn't know… it was a silent film, the text files had gotten corrupted so the cards between scenes were just blank, I was meaning to ask Tech if he could look for it again…”

He trailed off.

“So, your hero…?”

“He was the stoic good guy, never missed a shot or took insults, good guys could smoke in those days… but, obviously I couldn't,”

I was starting to put the pieces together and my heart started to warm.

“I started taking toothpicks from the mess hall, and chewing on them to… look tough like the gunslinger,”

He said the last part fast and looked away, his cheeks turning bright red.

My heart melted completely. Though I had little reference, I couldn't help but try to imagine a young Crosshair on Kamino.

Tiny Crosshair with toothpicks. Tiny Crosshair making finger guns at the other clones. Tiny Crosshair acting like an Outer Expansion action star. By Be'llahl, can I survive without a heart?

I couldn't handle this story high, that was for sure, and resisted the urge to start bawling from the adorable imagery that flooded me. To disguise my distress I pulled him to me in a hug that could probably crush bones.

He leaned against me, yawning.

“Don't ever tell anyone that…”

“Who would I tell?”

…

“Jar'ath.”

“I absolutely would not tell Jar'ath.”

“Kahtzi.”

…

“Okay, I might tell Kahtzi,”

He groaned into my shoulder but seemed to accept that reality.

“Scratches?”

“Mhmm, let's move though, you're getting tired and my legs are falling asleep,”

I slid to the floor and he obediently followed as I took his hand, guiding him from the sunken alcove back to the bed at the center of the room.

I stacked the pillows into a nest and crawled in, fancy dress and all, reaching for my lover staring down at me dreamily through an addled haze. He crawled, more clumsily than usual, over me, resting his head against my chest with a relieved sigh.

Starting slow I worked my nails in little circles, up and down, careful around the edge of his scar. His breathing eventually became heavy, the drinks and food and smoke catching up to him after an absurdly long day.

I wasn't fairing much better, my hands folded around him and still, eyes heavy but… watching him sleep, not thinking much of tomorrow.

It felt important to remember him like this. Unguarded, content. There wasn't much time left, it was important to drink him in… like sweet water.