#yall thought it was Quebec

[sophsicle]

not to be Canadian. but we don't talk about Newfoundland enough. they hated Canada so much that it took getting decimated by two world wars before they would sink low enough to join this country. and personally I think that's very sexy of them.

[destructivedistractions]

My phone just autocorrected tall to y’all

[sad--tree]

sure is wild having trauma associations with an entire ass province lmao 🙃

[ladyimaginarium]

V❛  GET  TO  KNOW  ABC’S :  MUN  EDITION.

a .  age:  19 lmao b .  birthplace:  montreal, quebec, canada c .  current time:  10:36PM d .  drink  you had last:  red gatorade im gonna be up all night yall lmaoooo e .  easiest person(s) to talk to: jojo ( @rcdhccdie​​ bc irl bestie yayyyyyyy ), marzi ( @gciltyascharged​ ), jayda ( @angclstrumpct​ ), lilac ( @aurality​​ ), inky ( @inkblccd​ ), tracie ( @tranquilsongs​​ ), izzy ( @warpaved​ ), merc ( @familiarblood​ ), vee ( @hxgure​ ), serena ( @aesthetic-survivor-of-twd​ ) and ket ( @hashirinnegan )  ,,, i ,,, dont really talk to a whole lot of my followers / mutuals unfortunately !! f .  favorite current song(s):  pretty much anything lana del rey and billie eilish sing bc im fckin sapphic and a bi disaster and autistic lmao h .  horror yes or horror no:  tbh that depends on the genre !! serial movie genre ones give me panic attacks and fuckin super terrifying vivid lucid nightmares and i hate them but monster ones like van hellsing are neat tho !! :> i .  in love?:  i no longer feel capable of deeper human emotion nah bro ,,, sometimes i wish i was tho- j .  jealous of people: i mean. i’d be lying if i said i wasnt of at least some people but it’s just probably too complex a feeling for my body to register for long periods of time. at this point i’m just surprised and happy i’m still fucking alive ig. my standards aren’t high enough for jealousy and if i ever am jealous it doesnt last long at all. like. deadass all it does it just make you feel more shitty and that’s,,, not on my bucket list yknow? k .  killed someone:  purposeful edginess isnt funny anymore @ whoever created this meme  l .  love at first sight or should i walk by again?:  shut the fuck up man, you’re not funny :I m .  middle name:  mrwhatzittooya :)))))))))) n .  number of siblings:  two older sisters !! i was supposed to have an older brother but he was stillborn so rip :C o .  one wish:  to be happy and motivated again lmaooooo to be free q .  questions you’re always asked:  ‘are you okay?’, ‘can you do this?’, ‘why are you so lazy?’, ‘what’s up?’, ‘what’re you doing?’, ‘how’s life?’, ‘why’re you here?’ ‘what’re you doing with your life?’, ‘why can’t you do something useful for once?’ ,, all that shit r .  reason(s) to smile:  i can’t remember the last time i actually smiled and meant it !! :’DDDDDDDD well aside from my cats ,,, and yall,,,,, s .  song you sang last:  idr tbh, i don’t really sing anymore bc these stupid classmates i thought were my friends made fun of my singing voice a long time ago and i never really got over it so i stopped and never sang ever again,,,,, thanks school ,,,, you made me feel so good lmao  t .  top 3 fictional characters:  uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh erica ( gangsta. ), daenerys targaryen ( asoiaf ), clementine ( twdg ),,, idk i have a lot tbh u .  underwear & color:  none of ur fuckin business lmao v .  vacation:  i fucking hate leaving the house tbh but i love montreal a lot. its nice w .  when’s your birthday:  july 13th x .  x - rays:  i had a lot when i was a baby and as an infant bc i was born @ 24 weeks premature, and bc i was so fragile everyone in the family thought i was gonna die i mean technically i momentarily died multiple times apparently before they brought me back but i BEAT THE ODDS BITCH !!!! IM HERE ON THIS BITCH OF AN EARTH- sometimes a part of me thinks they shoulda just left me there but that didnt happen so ig im here until i find my purpose yaaaaaaaayyyyyy y .  your favorite food:  uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh pizza z .  zodiac sign:  Cancer sun / Sagittarius moon / Libra rising ( Western ) ; Dragon ( Chinese ) ; Woodpecker ( Native American )

Tagged by:  nobodyyyy Tagging:  all y’all who wanna do this !!

[tvvoshoes]

it me ... emmy ... again ... finally w my second muse, the half-angelic half-cursed oc, goody ! she’s all beauty n no barely brains, a full [ jughead vc ] weirdo, and somehow both ur mom friend and token annoying squad member all at once somehow bc who even knows if she actually has any friends... not me ! tw for nondescript mentions of murder, suicide, cult antics n just goody in general !

*　laura harrier, cisfemale, she/her, oc　━━　riverdale’s very own PARIS NEFRET FAUXCHEUX is now twenty-four years old. they have lived in town for six years, and pop never forgot their regular ━ literally just a glass full of whipped cream with a spoon. you’ll likely find the cult member hanging around sweetwater plaza, probably preaching the word of her leaders to heavily uncomfortable townspeople. their friends on the farm will tell you all about how they’re tender, mellifluous and faithful, but others might describe them as capricious or delicate. oh well, no matter how you feel about goody, you can’t deny that they look like they’ve seen some shit.　━━　written by emmy, she-her, twenty-one, aest ! STATISTICS TBA.

so ! her name is paris but most people now know her as goody ( like goody two shoes ) and she’s not particularly fond of the nickname but she’s never said anything against it so most people just don’t know any better

her parents grew up in quebec city and moved to riverdale a few months before goody was born and no one felt good about them bein there bc they just radiated weird vibes and it seemed like they were running from something

when she was five months old, her father killed her mother n then himself. the following day, their bodies were found in fox forest n goody was found ( alive obviously ) in their home. in the months leading up to this, neighbours had been worried that goody’s mother had repeatedly tried to murder or ‘sacrifice’ her since her birth, based on things they saw or overheard or even straight up casual complaints her father made to other townspeople about his wife in everyday conversation, but 95% of the time she appeared sane n very obviously loved her daughter so authorities were like yall are just being dramatic bc this womans a bit weird ! but anyways their neighbours think and spread the idea that goody’s father murdered her mother to protect his daughter, but the suicide was bc he wasn’t willing to live without his wife so rip !

goody grew up in the sisters of quiet mercy institute where she was quite happy bc she had nothing to compare it to n she was treated well enough due to the fact she’s super obedient ... like yikes ...

she left when she was sixteen, n did who the fuck knows what for two yrs ( rotated between playing house with a bunch of mediocre men she thought she was in love with / were in love with her even tho one rarely lasted more than two months and then just sleeping at bus stations whenever she didn’t have a seven day ‘husband’ ) before finally wandering back into town like her whole life has been normal n so is this

instantly got talked into the idea of the farm. it’s not even the fact that she had nothing else and didn’t have options, she’s just a fool who will follow anything she’s told to do if she has no previous instructions waiting for her to complete like she’s living in some sims game n everyone is playing her n she’s thankful for their guidance

#farmloyalist loves the leaders n whatever shit they spew, she mostly absorbs the whole “forgiveness n positivity” idea n yes it’s not always as nice as it sounds

now takes it upon herself to make the trip into town every other day to try and talk people into life on the farm even tho at this point she’s annoyed everyone and no one is interested she’s still like “ hi mrs klump, do u have a minute ? yesterday we had this life changing service on the far- ” 

she doesn’t mean to make people uncomfortable she’s really a pretty harmless person but she just either doesn’t know or thinks she’s doing her version of ‘god’s work’ n it’s necessary

naive............dumb............very cute.............

loves babies but in that spooky way where u think she might either steal urs, take a bite out of em, or just dropkick ‘em 50m

loving , affectionate , emotional , intense i guess

has a tendency to like ... snap ... when u least expect it ... like u never know what is going to set her off or when bc it changes with every passing moment but u gotta be pretty unlucky to cop her random tears and screeching

god she’s really a freak but again she THINKS she means well n is mostly nice !! n cute !! it’s just a shame that these weirdo cult leaders got to her before someone semi-decent could tell her how to behave !!

[furryowo]

tag game :)

tagged by @s-lay-ing!!!! asdjbakjbdsa tbh im kinda wanting to do all three games hehe lets do it 

(under cut btw its long)

Game number 1:

APPEARANCE: uh im RLLY short (4 ft 11 in rip) w shoulder length black hair, glasses n braces!!! N idk i have kind of a roundish face

PERSONALITY: daskdjhakjsn ughgugh uh im rlly shy w strangers? n i have no ability to make any decisions by myself n while im scared of talking to new ppl i get rlly fucking loud anyways idk its weird i talk a lot

ABILITY: uh i play viola n piano idk if im good but i play

HOBBIES: listening to music n watching cooking vids,,,, yes

RELATIONSHIPS: i don’t have one rn

RANDOM STUFF: i rlly wanna learn how to play guitar!!!!! n jbakjdbsa i signed up for english online n i still haven’t got an email im stress

Game number 2:

Nicknames: qiao gave me the nickname cookie but that’s it!

Gender: female

Star sign: taurus

Height: kjakdjabsn 4 ft 11 in (~149 cm)

Time: 08:10 pm

Birthday: may 11th!

Favorite Groups: seventeen is my main fave!!!

Favorite Solo Artists: me? still in love w utaites? more likely then u thin

Song stuck in my head: falling asleep again by gfriend

Last movie I watched: moana

Last show I watched: mixnine !

When did I create this blog: uhuhuhuh february 2016 i think

What do I post: reblogs of kpop, text posts, aes, n animals!

Last thing I googled: boxer beagle mix

Do I have any other blogs: lmao no

Do I get asks: yea! sometimes, my mutual r angels

Why I chose my url: my friend did bc my old one was ugly haha

Following: uhhh 431 haha

Average hours of sleep: 5 to 8 hours???? usually

Lucky Number: 19!!!!!!

Instruments: viola n piano!!!!!! :D

What am I wearing: pyjamas hehe

Dream job: florist wld b ideal but haha not getting that job

Dream trip: europe!!!!! pls n japan n korea n china n quebec n yes

Favorite food: cannolis!!! nom

Nationality: filipino born in america

Favorite song right now: heart shaker by twice is honestly the cutest song i cry

Game number 3:

Name: colleen :)

Gender: female

Star sign: taurus

Height: close to hell (4 ft 11 in)

What’s your middle name?: my moms maiden name!

Put your music library on shuffle. What are the first 6 songs that popped up?

chuck - seventeen

who - seventeen (performance unit)

my i - seventeen (jun + minghao)

library - radwimps

council of war - radwimps

katawaredoki – radwimps

(i swear there’s more than seventeen n kimi no na wa,,,, it just didn’t show up)

Grab a book nearest you and turn to page 23. What is line 17?: “- to come from a-“ (the original illustrated sherlock holmes - arthur conan doyle

Ever had a poem or song written about you?: idk my guy not that i kno of???

When was the last time you played air guitar?: hmmm idk

Who is your celebrity crush?: gfriend’s umji!!!!!!!!!!

What is a sound you hate? Love?: if u bring velcro anywhere near me i will cut ur hands off o m g i hate velcro like once it took forever to sleep bc there was velcro on my blanket n the thought of it being that close was hella uncomfortable i cry just thinking abt velcro i hate

hmmmmmmm i love love love cooking asmr it helps me sleep its actually the best thing !!!!!

Do you believe in ghosts and/or aliens?: yes i crave death im too paranoid

Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?: idk how to drive haha

Do you like the smell of gasoline?: its not bad yea ig i do

What was the last movie you saw?: moana i think

What’s the worst injury you’ve had: hnnnnggg idk my guy

Do you have any obsessions right now?: bts outcast (it ended im so confused kdjbkjkjsz) n twice’s heart shaker

Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?: kashdkja maybe a bit

Are you in a relationship?: hahaha no

woo!!! i finished!!!! it was rlly fun hehe!!! not tagging anyone tho but if u wanna go ahead!!!! lmao id b surprised if u actually read down to here hehe have a good day yall ily!!!!!

[emby-m]

I was tagged by @theoutslder rules: answer these 30 questions about yourself, then tag some blogs you’d like to get to know.

1) Nicknames - Em, Emme, Emlo, Pookums, John, Dearheart

2.) Gender - Girl-adjacent

3.) Star sign - Aries

4.) Height - 5′4"

5.) Time – 10:04pm

6.) Birthday - April 7th

7.) Favourite band – Gorillaz (since i was ten!)

8.) Favourite solo artist – Sufjan Stevens

9.) Song stuck in my head – “You Could Have It So Much Better" by Franz Ferdinand

10.) Last movie you watched – The Goofy Movie?

11.) Last show you watched – Boku no Hero Academia

12.) When did I create my blog – 2011. EUGH

13.) What do I post – a big ol mess of stuff. Dishonored, other assorted fandoms, social nonsense, memes

14) Last thing I googled – piémontaise

15.) Do you have other blogs – @emby-m-art and @patternforthat

17.) Why did you choose your url – my initials are EBM so i thought it would b good Branding

18.) Following – 180

19.) Followers – 288

20.) Favourite colours – Purple, Navy, Cornflower, Gamboge

21.) Average hours of sleep – 9, but its not enough

22.) Lucky number – i dont really have any?

23.) Instruments I played – ukulele, used to play piano and flute

24.) What am I wearing – Tshirt and no pants (oops)

25.) How many blankets I sleep with – In the winter, four to five; in summer, one.

26.) Dream job – Costume Designer

27.) Dream trip – I’d love to take Llewyn around Vieux Quebec and stay in the Chateau Frontenac

28.) Favourite food – Pad thai or miso soup. Chez Ashton poutine is up there tho.

29.) Nationality – Quebecois, Irish, Italian

30.) Favourite song – Bloom by the Paper Kites

I tag @ylefiathan @freckledmer @space-boy-3000 @morganna-v-c @peachfuzzcomics and @devious-muffin (if yall want to)

[xxxsolaaa]

Yall probably thought that I was done for today but.... @ruggedshabbo Dropped I believe His first single since he signed with @makeitrainrecords !! Mike Shabb - No Diggity // available on YouTube RN! So don't forget to follow the artists and show some love. @ruggedshabbo @ruggedshabbo @ruggedshabbo @ruggedshabbo WE ARE GLORIOUS AF 👾🔊🎶✨ #soundcloud #youtube #montreal #gloriouspromo #GloriousArtPromo #prod #music #WEAREGLORIOUS (à Montreal, Quebec)

[bngtnblues]

letters to an angel

genre: college AU/angst

author’s note: I’ve written three jimin fluff drafts but at the end, unsurprisingly, it’s got to be an angst. Warning: this scenario does have mentions of depression, mental disorders, and death. Credit to @saliechelon255 for making the beautiful gif above ♥‿♥   hope yall will like my first scenario for our chimchim (｡◕‿‿◕｡) and thanks to the lovely anon who requested and had to wait quite long for it. oh, and remember to request!!!

pairing: jimin x reader | scenario

blurb: A bunch of scattered letters from a girl to a boy who stole her heart and took it beyond the stars and above.

////01

Dear Jiminie,

My hands are shaking now as I’m writing this. It’s been a year and they still tremble whenever the pen begins to nearly bead onto the page. It’s a sight I’ve gotten used to every day. I guess, whenever I try to start this letter, it’s as if an upsurge of fear and all the anxiety that’s taken so long to stumble through appears in a cataclysm of waves. I close my eyes, hold my breath, and pray it doesn’t bury me.

I’ve written only seven lines and I can already feel it in my chest.

Shit. I’m crying.

Shit. Shit. Shit. I promised myself I could do this. I promised myself that I could write this letter. I promised so many promises it seems I only break them.

I miss you so much it scares me to the point of-

I can’t do this. I can’t stop crying and the paper’s all drenched from my tears and the ink’s blotched and everything is a mess.

I’m sorry.

I’ll try again tomorrow. I promise.

I’m so sorry.

////03

Dear Jiminie,

It’s my third letter. I’ve learnt to domesticate the upsurges and the waves now. Sometimes, my vision starts to blur and my hands turn numb but the thought of you somehow reading these letters has become a constant comfort.

It was my therapist who suggested the idea. Therapist Joon as I like to call him. He’s my second one so far and he’s not so bad too. At any rate, writing to you is growing into an addiction, Jiminie. It’s the only thing I look forward to doing in the extent of this twenty-four-hour span. Nowadays, I live in a perennial state where I’ve come to accept pessimism, with all of its negative intentions, because there seems to be no good in this world and it’s exhausting trying to find some.

I thought you’d want to know that Taehyung’s moved out of your dorm, he couldn’t bear sleeping in there and you’ll find him most of the time dozing off in the theatre’s backstage. I barely see Hoeseok anymore. He reminds me with monthly texts of the upcoming dance productions but he and I both know, what’s the point of going when you won’t be there. I haven’t seen Yoongi ever since you left. I once got a random postcard from Quebec wishing me well and as for Jungkook… he’s not doing too well, Jiminie. I’ll see him in one of my lectures with dark circles and he’s so thin now. He’s apparently been diagnosed with insomnia ever since he found you that day.

You know where I am right now? I’m sitting on our bench, the one on the beach near your house. I used to wait here while you were at rehearsals, the faint breeze brushing my nose and a clear sight of the stars sparkling in a world of darkness. It seemed like hours since I could finally see you running with a bag of snacks in your hand as an apology. You’d be panting when you reach me, kissing away the small pout on my lips considering even a small kiss from you, Jiminie, is like setting off a kaleidoscope full of stardust in me. It would leave me always airheaded. You had the kind of effect that could make a shrivelling weed convince itself it was a rose in full blossom.

We would sit side by side, you gazing at the sky, and me gazing over at you. Your eyes would be shining from the reflection of the stars, your hair matted from sweat but I would still sweep them over, your cheekbones glistening under the light as you patiently sipped on the bottle of milk.

You once pointed out a star in the sky, almost invisible to an eye and said, “ I promise one day, I’ll go as far as giving you that star Y/N.”

I remember scoffing, “As if. Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Park Jimin.”

You turned to me, your eyes no longer shining and whispered, “Believe me, Y/N, I intend on going.”

And you did go and I’m still waiting here, Jimine. Still waiting for you give me that star.

////04

Dear Jiminie,

It’s early morning here and I can’t sleep, love. My mind has become cursed from thinking too much. It’s gotten used to wandering off into different dimensions where you’re still lying beside me.

Your brother came by my dorm yesterday. He’s taller now, probably taller than you. He talked about the how your father’s changed and how your mother keeps calling your voicemail.  Then there was an awkward silence between us. He left after awhile. He looks so much like you, Jiminie.

I’ve realised it’s been one year and twenty-one days. One year and twenty-one days without those sweet coaxes of whispers into my ear. One year and twenty-one days without the feeling of your soft tufts of hair between my fingers. One year and twenty-one days without the stroke of your lips against mine. One year and twenty-one days since I’ve felt your fingers grasp mine as you hummed a melody while we walked to the library. One year and twenty-one days without hearing you laugh at the most pointless things. One year and twenty-one days since I’ve seen that smile that inexorably causes my breath to hitch.

It’s been one year and twenty-one days since you decided your life wasn’t worth living, Jiminie, and once again, I sit on the edge of this bed, inebriated with silent tears.

////06

Dear Jiminie,

Everything sucks. Professors piss me off with their overly-worrying questions, lectures tend to be the only time I can fall sleep, and my roommate is a bitch who thinks I need to ‘get back in the market.’

I told her to fuck off. She wasn’t too pleased and when I think about it, you would have made me apologise to her.

Anyway, I ate lunch with a group of friends today. Well, technically I sat with a tray of untouched stew while watching everyone smile and laugh while I didn’t. Nowadays, it takes actual effort to fake one or the latter and I don’t even have the energy to do that. On the other hand, the way people glance at me as I walk past or the way they talk to me now makes me wonder sitting on the edge of my bed isn’t a bad idea after all.

In the loneliest of nights, I find myself looking for your things, Jiminie. Like yesterday, I found a CD filled with your favourite music and there’s this particular song you always used to play to which you’d literally sweep me off my feet, making me abandon whatever I was doing, and waltz us around the room.

Remember that, Jiminie?

And a week ago, I found your scarf which you forced me to wrap around my neck on our second date, even when it wasn’t that cold. You were such a cheeseball. You told me to hold onto it with crimson cheeks and then shyly uttered that it suits me way better than it did for you.

I should have given it back.

It still smells like you.

////07

Dear Jiminie,

Therapist Joon asked me when was the last time I felt happy. I said I’m always happy. I talk when I’m happy. I breathe when I am happy.  I smile when I’m happy. I’m even happy when I’m supposed to be sad.

He said that was one shit of a lie he’s ever heard.

////09

Dear Jiminie,

Sometimes I wish I never met you because then, I wouldn’t have any sleepless nights and I wouldn’t have to live with the knowledge that this world can be so fucking cruel.

Does that make me a fool?

////12

Dear Jiminie,

Talking. Eating. Breathing. Sleeping. Everything hurts really. I don’t understand why I’m still here. I stay up at night thinking where you are and where you’ve been and where you’re going and every night I wonder when you’re coming back.

Therapist Joon read me a chapter from this book today. It was about a boy, who kept all of his emotions and troubles locked up inside a clear blue bottle. He tossed the bottle far into the sea, except he didn’t see the thin, slithering piece of string camouflaged around his ankle. Slowly, it anchored him down and then one day the bottle cracked. It cracked so bad the boy found his reflection the next morning with jagged lines running all over his face.

I told Joon I hated the story. It was too metaphorical for my liking.

He then finished off the session with a conclusion that a part of me blames myself for what happened and just like the boy, I’m bottling it all up.

He told me I need to start accepting your death.

death / deth / (noun) : the end of life of a person. the destruction or permanent end of something. period of greatest darkness, coldness, etc.

////13

Dear Jiminie,

There’s a red traffic light incessantly blinking inside me. It’s been like that ever since I wrote you the previous letter.

I knew a boy who was considered a disappointment in his parent’s eyes. Who was constantly reminded of the disreputable son - the auspicious heir who let down his family to become a dancer. All the more, the boy soon found judgement in everything, the dark thoughts of mediocrity and imperfection hissed in his mind while he twirled and leapt on stage. When he thought he could leave everything behind, it slowly ravaged inside him because he learnt to wear his happiness like some sort damnation, something he was forced to believe he could never truly deserve.

Along came his artful way to pretend which had everyone completely fooled. He plastered on smiles, always laughed a little more than needed, the persona never faltering.

You had us completely fooled, love.

But I started to notice everything, Jiminie; the sharp shards of glass in you, the tearstains you drowned in oceans the night before, the thorns you dug into your skin and scars you hid so shrewdly, how food had become your enemy and lying your best friend.

And I tried Jiminie. You know I tried. I tried to glue back the pieces that were hopelessly thrown away, I tried to take your pain away, even if it was only for a few minutes, praying when I was finished, you’d see yourself the way I saw you.

It was too late, though. I was so blinded by the light of saving you, I didn’t realise how there were still empty spaces embed in between the pieces, a bottomless vacuity where hopeful thoughts perished, and even if I took away your pain for a moment, it returned greater, more malignant, more poisonous each day. You told me with a sad smile there wasn’t any hope to begin with. As if it was the undeniable truth I had to accept.

But I couldn’t force myself to believe that. And I still can’t.

Did you honestly think it would’ve been easier for everyone if you just killed yourself, Jimin?!

Jungkook said you didn’t leave a note behind that day and I’m glad you didn’t because that type of notes hold a bunch of sorrys and goodbyes which embody complete lies. You’re not sorry for leaving me here. You’re not sorry for anything and I hate you so much for that.

////14

Dear Jiminie,

I can’t. I can’t. I can’t. I look up into the night sky and it’s no longer the dark blue I once saw. It’s black and it’s dead and a star from the corner of my eye sits in space, unexceptionally desolate and dim, trying its utmost to shine in the night sky.

How come the night sky reminds me of you and the star of myself?

My breath and tears are all coiled into one substantial blob and my whole body feels like collapsing into destruction all because of you. You, who used to make daisies bloom onto my cheeks and orchids onto my heart. You, who took in complexity and emitted simplicity. You, who danced like a tragedy and now all of this makes my chest hurt.

I think you’ve turned me into a masochist, love. I think I like how my chest hurts when I remember the way you smelled like strawberries and the way your giggles still chime in my ears. Your cold fingers leaving chills on my skin and the spearmint your breath blew across my face.  I remember the irregular galaxies inside your eyes and your nose tickling my neck and your arms which surrounded me at night.

I’ve succumbed myself to it.

I hate you but I’m in love with you. I hate you and I don’t want to love you anymore. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.

////15

Dear Jiminie,

Truth: I don’t hate you. I could never hate you. I want to hate you but I still want to love you.

I’m such a mess.

////17

Dear Jiminie,

Please come back.

I swear to god, I would do anything for you to come back.

Please, Jiminie, just come back so I can hear your heart beating and hold you tight and play with your hair and we can talk about anything or dance to anything.

I love you so much. Please come back.

Please.

////20

Dear Jiminie,

I’m standing on top of a building, and no, I’m not going to jump. Although, I would really like to sleep for a very long time.

I’m standing on top of a building, looking down onto the gleaming maze of a city, thinking about the time my nonexistent voice whispered, shouted, begged for you to not go.

I once asked you why you desperately wanted to leave. You tilted your head back and a low chuckle flew out of your mouth with irony. That sight will always be scratched in my mind, love. The airy eyes, deprived of any care in the world, lit up by one single notion, and then you said, “That’s where my paradise will be and this is my hell.”

You were always selfish.

I wanted you to realise paradise was actually here.                                        I guess I was always selfish too.

////21

Dear Jiminie,

Hoseok spotted me on the beach, lying on the sand and the shells like a corpse. He asked me how I was. I couldn’t find the right words to say I’ve gone mental when it comes to my dead boyfriend so I chose to reside with the simple “I don’t know anymore.”

Which is the reality after all because I have no words to express how I feel. One minute, I’m okay then the next, I feel as if I could implode. I never chose to feel like this. I search for a place where the emotionless are but I think that’s inevitably impossible.

////24

Dear Jimine,

I’m watching the sunrise and it’s moments like this where you feel as if everything in the world stills to a halt and it’s like there’s a second where the universe tries to become like cosmos. There’s no noise, and yet, the birds keep singing, and there are so much light and darkness in one unified assortment.

Today’s your birthday, Jiminie, and I’ve realised saying goodbye to someone does hurt but you know what’s more painful? When you ask someone to stay when you know they want to leave so badly. You can’t change their mind no matter how many times your voice becomes raw from shouting and begging and the worst part is when they actually leave and you finally realise the proof that you didn’t change their mind one bit.

It makes me think that you never really needed me the way I need you.

Happy birthday, Jiminie.

////26

Dear Jiminie,

My roommate-who-I-never- talk-to-and-who-says-the-wrong-things-at-the-wrong-time made me sit down and watch stupid kitten videos.

I laughed and smiled once during all of it. She’s not as bad as I thought she was.

////27

Dear Jiminie,

This is what happened today.

therapist Joon: so, how are you today, Y/N?

“good”

therapist Joon: ahh, good. A word that seems so complete but isn’t.

I shrugged. The man is crazy philosophical.

therapist Joon: what I meant to say is how are you really today? Because when I ask you how you are, I really want to know.

“That’s great.”

therapist Joon: you know, Y/N? grief comes with a whirlwind of emotions which a human mind can’t fully comprehend and that’s nothing to be ashamed of. I know I’ve told you this before but keeping all that emotions deep beneath you is not going to make you understand anything nor will it help you.

“…”

therapist Joon: I’m not going to force you to say anything about Jimin. I know you talking about him is difficult and the letters seem to be doing some progress but just-just tell me if he liked the cafeteria food or if he hated the library because it has poor ventilation or something. Opening up about the tiniest details about him will help, Y/N. I promise.

“…..They gave out egg salad for lunch. He always hated it. It has that horrible smell.”

////30

Dear Jiminie,

I visited you today. I brought cherry blossoms and white carnations because they were your favourite. Funny how I used to put flowers in your hair and not on your grave.

////31

Dear Jiminie,

You loved rain and I hated it but today, it doesn’t bother me for the first time. I’m actually liking the sound of the drops hitting the window, exuding nostalgia of many things that has happened and never will happen. Stormy junctures like these make me hope that there are people who are just as lost as I am.

////36

Dear Jiminie,

The strangest thing happened today. I opened my eyes and it’s not so dark anymore. There were yellows and greens. There were pink and oranges. The night sky was still dead black and I can see that one star unconditionally shining to it’s uttermost, and the fact it keeps on shining in an abyss of total darkness made me think maybe it’s not so bad here.

These letters are becoming shorter. Sorry.

////37

Dear Jiminie,

Today, I ran into Jungkook and I guess it was something in his voice that made me sit down with him on a nearby bench. It was complete silence until he asked me why is it that the dead never really leave? Why does it feel like you’re still here?

I didn’t know how to answer since I didn’t know the answer itself.

He started crying after that and I’ve never seen Jungkook cry before. He was mumbling hastily that it was his fault that you’re gone and if he didn’t leave you alone in your dorm, none of this would happen. He was always so close with you, love.

Then, I hugged him. I hugged him so tight and god, he’s so thin. I was so scared that he would break from the pressure.  

I gave him Joon’s number and an apple. Hopefully, he’ll use both.

////40

Dear Jiminie,

I went to see your parents. Your brother wasn’t home so it was just your father, who stares out into the distance now, and your mother, who’s locked herself up in your bedroom. She’s been like that ever since they cut your phone line. The butler still remembers me and the gardener gave me a tulip when I left. Your father no longer looks at me with dissatisfaction and I no longer look at him with despise. I guess we’re both mutual now.

////100

Dear Jiminie,

You existed for an innumerable number of reasons and I wish I could have told you each one, every day so you could have realised how much you matter and how much you will always matter to everyone you’ve left with a little imprint of yourself in their lives. You’ve only thought of yourself as a flaw who wasn’t worth being adored, worth being loved, worth being happy, worth having everything or being someone. You were flawed but yet you were immaculate and somehow you forgot you were worth anything at all.

Sometimes I forget that you’re not here with me, Jiminie. Sometimes I see a cute dog or hear something funny while I walk down the street and think that I’ll tell you later and then I’ll remember that I can’t because you’re dead and no amount of pleading or anger or sadness will bring you back. It was the undeniable truth that I’ve come to accept along with the reality that I’m still a collateral mess and I’ll always have bad days because they hold equal importance as the good ones.  

I’m in a place in my life now where things are getting better. I’ve started up a little group at our college that raises awareness about suicide. I don’t want anyone else to experience the crippling pain of losing someone to it. I don’t want anyone else to experience what you felt here.

I’ve stopped going to Therapist Joon and on my last session, he told me how some people believed that the dead pervades in the creation of this world which was comforting because it’s nice to know you are in the trees and the ocean I walk past every day or in the stars.I bought Joon a bunch of mixtapes as a thank-you gift and he’s invited me to his boyfriend’s restaurant which I fully intend on going.

Taehyung no longer sleeps in the backstage of the theatre ever since the staff found out. Hoseok’s got a girlfriend and I’ve watched one dance production so far. Never as good as the ones you were in, Jiminie. Taehyung says Yoongi’s now somewhere in Australia. I don’t think he has a plan to ever come back here. Jungkook’s doing well. He goes to Joon now and most days we meet at a cafe so he has someone to talk to.

Your brother’s gotten a huge football scholarship and your parents are actually content with that. They’re all coping in their own ways and I try to visit them from time to time but it still hurts.

This is probably my last letter I’ll write to you. I want you to know I’ll always love you because I think even twenty years from now, I’ll still love you with all my heart could offer. There will presumably never be a day that I won’t miss you. This sounds all cliche and sappy. I guess I got that from you.

But you know what, Jiminie?

Love surpasses the borders of death and me living on this earth without you doesn’t matter anymore because one day, I’ll see you on the other side when it’s my time to get there.

Yours forever,

Y/N

ب_ب

REQUEST

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Miss world Liberia is the true beauty with purpose, throughout the challenges you’re Still maintaining your abilities. Miss World – Liberia was on point! Protecting mother earth is what must first be done before anything is done. Because the earth is we all dwell. If the earth is not livable, you can’t fight poverty. is so stunning, confident nd creative. The Tree Isn’t The Only Thing Getting Lit This Year Shirt.  You are already making us proud… Keep the good job up and have fun while you are at it . We love you

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For me, this is between -Nigeria did quite well with brevity. New Zealand. Malta. I also want to say: Great Question right there! There’s no right or wrong answer. It’s a man who has eaten (to say the least) that will more likely understand and cooperate to fix climate change related problems in his environment. Climate Change indirectly affects lives and in many cases, it’s a solid foundation on which poverty alleviation can be built. Wow! Miss Liberia I am impressed. Very succinct and direct. I am just so proud of how far you have come from and with that level of confidence you will win the crown.

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We as Salvadorians have been voting a lot for Fatima Cuéllar Miss World El Salvador but after voting for her we get a message that we have voted for candidates from other countries (candidates with the biggest voting percentage). That is really unfair because instead of been helping our lovely Miss World El Salvador to be part of the top 40, we are helping other girls that we don’t support. Voting on the Miss World main page is not right. Percentage of Miss Liberia was higher last week than what is it today. Something is wrong and that is cheating.

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WOW This is a proof that miss Indonesia is very intelligent and innovative. Her name was mentioned by the New York times due to her project about used-cooking-oil-fueled bio buses in her school which is Bali’s Green Schools this is the right time that Indonesia win the miss world crown after getting spot as 2nd runner up in a row. She is a complete package that will make miss world organizations even better. I wish the best of luck for all the girls from different beautiful countries with good causes and insights! Tina, Miss NI -Quebec World 2018.

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It is insulting to countries like islands in the Caribbean that have populations of 50 to 100,000.. this voting system is just an excuse to get the big countries to sustain Miss World Pageant.. not fair at all.  This is sick. You want to tell us that miss Botswana and SA were not good enough opposed to Bangladesh. Yalls crazy Bangladesh did not deserve to win the winner should have been Botswana or SA. This is a nuisance. I bet you also going to crown a non deserving winner on the grand finale.

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What a joke.. Just as I thought, it has little to do with substance, presentation.but more to do with the population of countries big enough to outvote smaller countries. Pure BS. Di natin kailangan ng mga challenge para makapasok sa semi… Philippines is Philippines no matter what… Fastrack is not a substitute to the true essence of the pageant. The Tree Isn’t The Only Thing Getting Lit This Year Shirt. We will enter no matter what, just believe…Go miss Philippines! Even if you had a stupid answer once you get the most votes you win…..oh well.. sounds more like a popularity contest to me.