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were-cheetah-stiles · 7 years

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The Recruit (Chapter 11) - Mitch Rapp

Author: @were-cheetah-stiles

Title: “Day 62″

Characters: Mitch Rapp, Stan Hurley, Beth, Dan Brunski, Peter Collins, Jacob Clemens & Reader/OFC

Warnings: Separation anxiety, anxiety, somewhat detailed description of sexual assault/attempted rape.

IM SERIOUS DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU ARE EASILY TRIGGERED. you can always just message me and ask me what important plot you missed.

Author’s Note: “y/n/n” means your nickname, like if your name can be shortened to something, if it can’t then just go with your name. “y/f/i” means the first initial of your first name.

Summary: Mitch is forced to take a day trip with Stan to the Ghost Protocol Training facilities, and y/n takes off for New York City to see someone from her past.

Chapter Ten - Chapter Eleven - Chapter Twelve

"Y/n/n.. Y/n/n..." Mitch whispered and nudged you awake. "Hey, hey... it's me." You flinched backwards in your bed, your legs struggling to get you upright fast enough under your sheets. You were clearly having a nightmare about the attack. Mitch wanted to leave even less.

"What's going on? Why are you dressed?" You asked groggily.

"I heard Stan telling Aiden that he'd be gone for a couple of days so I went and slept in my room after you fell asleep. I was worried he’d come in my room and I wouldn’t be there."

"You're leaving?"

Mitch held up Joseph Heller's novel, Catch-22.

"You're going back to Ghost.."

"Yea and I've gotta go now. I told Stan that I'd be down in a minute, I was just stealing one of your books. I'll only be gone for a day."

"Be careful." You looked up at him with emotional eyes, and he nodded.

"I will." Mitch leaned down and left a lingering, sad kiss on your lips.

"Don’t go." was what you wanted to say but didn't. You watched him walk out the door, your book in his hand, and you sunk back into your pillow. It was still dark out. You glanced up at the bookcase on your wall and saw the space where Catch-22 had been. It was the first time that he had left in a month and you were anything but excited to go through the day without him. You decided you wouldn't.

The perks of being Stan's niece and de facto daughter, coupled with the fact that you had been at The Barn for forever was that you had more free reign around here than basically any one else. You also had your Uncle's cellphone number. You waited for it to be light out and grabbed the burner phone that Stan had given you from the loose floor board under your bed. It was dead. You rolled your eyes and waited for it to charge. The phone finally turned on and you sat on the floor next to the outlet, composing a text to your uncle.

Y/N: hey.. can you text Aiden or Campbell or someone and tell them to give me a personal day?

Stan: everything ok, kid?

Y/N: yea, i just realized that last week was Dad's bday and I didn't go to the grave. I was going to drive up to NYC and visit.

Stan: I'll be back tomorrow, want to wait and I'll come with u?

Y/N: I'd like to go today if that's okay.

Stan: I'll call Aiden and tell him not to expect u today

You walked over to your closet and grabbed a tight black skirt with buttons down the front, a striped blue and white long sleeved top, your thigh-high suede black boots, and your heavier black bomber jacket. You heard the phone vibrate on your dresser and you walked over, your boots slumping around your calves as you hadn't tied them against your thighs yet.

Stan: BMW is gassed up. Be back by tomorrow morning. Take ur phone with u.

You tied your boots up, grabbed your keys out of their hiding place in the floor, and replaced the board. You walked on your tip-toes as not to let your noisy heels hit the wooden floors and wake up anyone in the house. It was barely 5:15 in the morning and everyone was pretty much still asleep.

You walked down to the garage level of the house, which was restricted to everyone but you, Stan, and the other instructors, Aiden, Campbell, and Smith, and unlocked the door. You turned over the engine of your E52 Z8 BMW convertible coup, a classic car that your father had owned, you had inherited upon his death and that Stan gave to you when you got your driver's license in high school. You pulled open the glove box and took your iPhone, charger, sunglasses and wallet out and laid them on the seat next to you. You plugged your iPhone in and watched the screen light up for the first time in ages. You pushed the button for the garage door and peeled out onto the gravel road that led away from The Barn and into downtown Williamsburg, Virginia. You hadn't left the premises by yourself in a long time.

You took the top down, regardless of the fact that it was only the middle of March and it was still cold, and enjoyed the passing scenery and fresh air on Interstate 95 going North to New York City. You typed out a quick text on your iPhone as you drove through early morning D.C. traffic. You got a "see you at noon." text message in reply, and threw your phone back on the seat beside you.

You admired the view of Manhattan as you crossed the George Washington Bridge from New Jersey into New York and made your way onto a familiar block. You parallel parked, got out of your car, locked it and walked up to the beautiful brownstone apartment across the street. You rang the buzzer and waited for a familiar face to open the door.

"Hey Beth."

You sat on the comfy couch and tried to remember the last time you had been in that room. It hadn't been even six months but it felt like it had been forever.

"I'm not used to seeing you this time of year, Y/N, what are you doing up here?"

You rubbed your arm and glanced around the room. "Did you have to cancel any appointments to fit me in?"

"Y/N/N, you're avoiding my question and eye contact. What's going on? Is my Dad okay?"

You sighed and looked at the girl in front of you. She was two years older than you, beautiful and tall, with platinum blonde hair and long legs. "Stan's fine, Beth." You told your cousin.

"You're not fine though. Did something happen at The Barn?" Beth stared at you, waiting for you to stop being evasive. "You're the one who came up here, Y/f/i. I'll cancel all my patients for the day if I have to, you're going to talk to me. You never just come up out of no where."

You stared down at your hands. You dug your fingernails under each other when you were nervous, a habit that Beth was surprised to see since you had been trained to not do it anymore. "We still have doctor-patient confidentiality, right? Even though I haven't seen you in a while?"

"You ask me this every year, and every year the answer is always yes. These meetings stay off the record, there is no chart, and my Dad never finds out you saw me. What does he think you're doing up here anyway?" Beth asked her younger cousin, a girl that she grew up with as a sister when you moved into Beth’s house after your family died in the terror attacks on September 11th.

"My Dad's birthday was last week and he thinks I'm down in the dumps about it, and I told him that I was going to bring flowers to their graves." You finally gave Beth a straight answer.

"Are you down in the dumps about it?"

"Of course... but.." You sighed. You didn't know where to start.

"Start from the beginning, Y/f/i." Beth told you.

"I met someone."

Beth's face lit up. "At The Barn?"

You nodded. "His name is Mitch, and B, he's the best I've ever seen. Stan has completely taken him under his wing and he's training him personally, and he keeps trying to trip him up andget him to fail, but he hasn’t yet. Stan has been, like, whisking him away for special sessions.."

"Wow, he really must be good then." Beth commented, a surprised look on her face. "Did something happen between you two? Did you get caught or something and he got kicked out or..?"

"No, no, no.. he's great. I'm really happy with him and we've only been together, together for a like week or so. He's not why I'm here... well, I mean, your Dad took him on some special assignment before the sun even came up this morning, so his lack of being around is why I'm here, but he and our relationship are not the issue." You were babbling.

"What is?" Beth inquired, watching her cousin's bizarre mannerisms. You weren't acting like yourself at all.

You rubbed your hand against your nose and mouth and scratched at the corner of your eye. You weren't ready to talk about this. "About..." You cleared your throat and sighed. "About a month and a half ago, these three guys tried to rape me in the shower at the main house."

"WHAT?! y/n.. shit, what are you talking about? Does my Dad know?"

"What do you think?" You looked up at Beth with a deadpan look on your face.

"What happened?" Beth fought the urge to scrap her professionalism and embrace her beloved adopted-sister and best friend.

"There were these three guys, Dan Brunski was the main aggressor. Peter Collins and Jacob Clemens were his... lackey's essentially. Clemens being much more involved and much less remorseful than Collins... and anyway, Dan Brunski clearly is the kind of rich white kid who has never been told 'no' in his life and he either liked me or just wanted to fuck me or hates women and wanted to brag about conquering me or was just a regular old sociopath, I really have no idea. But he kept making all these really aggressive advances on me and I was not giving him the time of day. I had definitely humiliated him a few different times in front of multiple other trainees, and he just, I don't know, really internalized it all."

"So what happened?"

"Well, first he accused me of sleeping with Stan and said that was the only reasonable explanation as to how I got into the program. That pissed me off so I punched him in the face. I gave him a bloody nose and it wasn't a big deal."

"Your idea that assault is not a big deal is so far from the reality of what a big deal is, y/n/n." Beth interjected.

You shrugged. "He tried to make a few moves on me, cornering me in the woods or trying to slide his hand up my thigh during class, and I shut that shit down every time... Then Mitch got to The Barn and we had this weird instant connection."

"And Dan was watching you more closely than the other trainees?" Beth had seen the behavior before.

You nodded. "Yea, I guess he was. Honestly, he probably realized that there was something going on between Mitch and I before Mitch and I even did. But one morning, Dan snuck into my room while I was still asleep, he covered my mouth and tried to get under my blankets with me.. to rape me." The breath hitched in Beth's throat and her stomach did a flip. It was one thing when her patients told her these things, but it was another thing when the story was coming from someone she loved dearly. "I stopped him, but he was like 'I see the way you and Mitch are with each other. If you're willing to suck his dick, why won't you suck mine. I know you're a slut. I won't make you beg for it the way he does.' and whatever... I threw his ass out of my room, but Mitch sleeps literally across the hall from me, and he heard the tail end of the interaction, and that was when he knew something was wrong."

"Y/n, this Dan guy sounds like he's done this before, how is he at The Barn? How'd he get through the vetting?" Beth asked.

"I don't know." You shook your head. "But later that day, him and Collins, Clemens and a guy named Brian Keller, tried to attack me in the woods. Mitch stopped it before anything could happen. A consequence, not related to the attack, got Brian Keller kicked out of the program no more than ten minutes later, and Dan blamed Mitch and I."

"So he became more angry, and it accelerated his actions, huh?"

"Later that night, I was taking a shower and I hadn't been in there for more than a few minutes but it was late because Mitch and I had been working out together late and no one else was in there, Dan, Clemens, and Collins.. well, Dan and Clemens... Collins was the lookout. They came in the bathroom, ambushed me in the shower.." Your eyebrow furrowed as you thought back to the incident in detail. "Clemens held... he held my arms back against the wall and Dan stood in front of me, touching my naked body with his hands. He was getting undressed and telling me that him and Clemens were going to take turns and I was going to love it and if I didn't that they would kill Mitch and then they'd kill me." Beth had tears in her eyes as she listened to the story. "Dan... he.." You wiped a tear from your own eye. "He stuck a finger inside of me, while Clemens covered my mouth and hit me across the face every time I tried to scream. I knew, I knew I couldn't take the two of them on at once, so I had to wait. Finally, I became more compliant, just waiting to get the upper hand, and Clemens left so that Dan could rape me. I got on my knees in front of him, and he.. he put his dick in my hand and made me stroke him while he was hard..." You shut your eyes and shook your head, tears streamed down your face. "That was when I heard the bathroom door open and I knew it had to have been Mitch, everyone else was asleep, and we had worked out so hard earlier that we both had to shower or else it would've been disgusting the next day."

Beth nodded, and you continued. "Dan grabbed me off the floor, pulled me against him, and covered my mouth. I tried to climb the walls but they were too slippery, I tried to hurt him and kick at the curtain, but he restrained me. I think Mitch may have already been suspicious by Collins and Clemens just... loitering in the bathroom, and he knew it was my towel.... I kicked the tile hard enough that it made a noise and Mitch pounced into action. He held off Clemens and Collins, which gave me the opportunity to finally take on Dan."

"What'd Mitch do?" Beth asked, her face portraying how devastated she was.

"He broke Clemens' wrist and knocked him out, and he broke seven of Collins' teeth against a sink. He broke the sink with Collins' face."

"Did he help you with Dan?"

You shook your head. "I didn't need it. By the time Mitch got through the other two, I was bashing Dan's head against the shower stall. I broke his cheekbone and temporal bone."

"Good." Beth gritted her teeth.

"Mitch took care of me that night. He literally dressed me in his clothes, put me in his bed, sat in a chair in the corner of the room, and watched me sleep the rest of the night." You remembered, fondly and painfully, how wonderful he had been that night.

"What happened when my Dad found out?"

"I never told him. The only people who actually know what happened are me, Mitch, Brunski, Clemens and Collins."

"You never told Stan?" Beth asked again.

You huffed, a part of you thought that Beth would understand why you had kept the secret. "Your Dad raised me.. he's in charge of my fate as a CIA agent, do you know how hard it would've been to tell him that story and have him never look at me the same again or think that I couldn't handle the job. This shit happens to women in the field, Beth. It just does. They've dealt with it and so have I." You raised your voice at Beth.

"Are you dealing with it though, y/n/n?" Beth raised her voice right back. "What happened to Dan and the other two?"

"Dan had to get facial reconstructive surgery.. multiple surgeries from what I hear. Collins and Clemens were gone for a while, but now that they can both fight again, they're back at The Barn."

"So you're just living with your attackers?! y/n, holy shit. This is insane." Beth was getting more and more upset.

"Beth..."

"What about Mitch? I'm surprised he hasn't told Stan.... He has to know how ridiculous this is."

You lowered your eyes from Beth. "...He's wanted to tell Stan from the start, but he hasn't because I asked him not to."

"That's bullshit, y/n/n, and you know it."

"Beth, you're losing your therapist hat right now.." You warned your cousin.

Beth shook her head and tried to regain her composure. She leaned forward and looked at you. "What happens when you try to have a relationship with another man, Y/N? Like Mitch, for example."

"Mitch and I finally had sex about a week ago."

"How'd it go?" Beth knew that you were about to prove her point.

"It was hard... at first, but Mitch.. he kept me in the moment and he was tender and he was there holding me and making sure I knew it was just us and he would stop if I needed." You divulged your secrets to Beth.

"What happens when Mitch wants to be a little rougher in the bedroom? Maybe do it doggy style or something less 'tender'? What happens then, y/n? Are you having any side effects from what happened? Panic attacks? Flashbacks? Nightmares?"

"Yes."

"Which?"

"......All of those."

Beth sighed. "Oh, y/f/i... fuck." She got up and hugged you, then sat on the couch next to you. "If this happened a month and a half ago, why are you only telling me now?"

You leaned back against the arm of the couch, and looked at Beth. "I thought that there would be some improvement by now, and there just hasn't been and I want to be with Mitch. I am falling for him, but I am never going to be able to give him everything of me, and he is always going to walk on eggshells around me, if I can't figure this shit out." You wiped a tear from falling down your cheek. “On top of that, the nightmares and the panic attacks. I don’t know how much longer I can hide them.”

"You've gotta get rid of those guys.. if Dan comes back.."

"I know." You confirmed that you understood that no good could or would come from Dan Brunski returning to The Barn.

"Getting rid of your attackers is the first step. Coming back up here and talking to me in a more regular fashion would be a good second step.. the rest of it, y/f/i, unfortunately, the rest of it is just time and talking. Talking about it, confronting what happened, whether it be with Stan, or Mitch, or me, or someone else, not letting it be a secret.. it'll lose it's power over you. Communication will also help in regards to being intimate with Mitch. Be explicit with what you expect and what you want and what you're struggling with."

"And then time."

"You're just going to have to wait. 'Time heals all wounds', you know?" Beth reiterated an old saying, and took her cousin's hands in her own. "Y/f/i, I am so sorry that this happened to you. I know they prepare you for the possibility of it happening in the field, but at training?" Beth shook her head. "It's not fair. I could kill those guys."

"You sound like Mitch." You said with a small and short chuckle.

Beth leaned back on the couch, copying you. "What's he like?"

"Intense... and smart and kind and so. fucking. sexy. Beth, oh my god." You couldn't help but laugh.

"How old is he?"

"My age. A few months younger, but he doesn't act it. He's been through some shit too. I don't know. He's amazing. He's kind and witty and he has a smile that just knocks me to the ground, every time." You were grinning. "You know, Easter is coming up..."

"Dad's doing the cover story exercise?"

"I think so. I told Mitch about it and we thought we'd come up here for the break. Maybe you could meet him." You offered.

"I'd love that." Beth glanced at the clock. "Oh shit.. I have someone waiting in the waiting room."

You shook your head. "It's okay. I have to get to the cemetery before it closes anyway. I'll see you in a couple weeks?"

Beth nodded and hugged you.

You drove around Manhattan for an hour, revisiting old haunts and hangouts, but avoiding the Lower East Side, where you grew up. You brought flowers to the 9/11 Memorial fountains and placed them on your parents and brother's names. You got back in your car and drove to the cemetery. You placed flowers at their graves and sat to talk to them for a while, then got back on the road.

It was late and you didn't want to have to get a hotel and drive early in the morning to get back before shooting range at 0700. Your iPhone rang and "S" popped up on your caller I.D. You picked it up.

"Hey."

"Hey. How was it?" Stan asked through the speaker.

"Fine. Thanks for letting me go. I needed it. Talked to them, got some pizza, I feel re-energized." You only told half the story.

"Anytime. You on your way back?" Stan usually used nicknames for you, just like Beth did, but he wasn't so you knew that Stan wasn't alone.

"Yea, I just passed into Maryland on 95. You?"

"Just got in the car. I'll see you tomorrow then."

"Yep."

Stan hung up the call. You shifted the car into fifth gear and sped back to The Barn.

You pulled onto the gravel road back to The Barn behind Stan's black SUV. You smiled because you knew that Mitch was inside. You pulled into your spot in the garage and threw your iPhone, wallet, and charger back in the glove compartment. Stan shook his head at you as he got out of his own car. It was so much easier to hide the truth when none of the recruits knew that you had access to a car and they did not.

Mitch stepped out and tried to act surprised, although, he was surprised since you never mentioned that the classic BMW in the garage was yours, or at least, yours to drive. You pocketed your keys, nodded at Mitch and Stan, and walked inside.

"How does y/n have a car here?" Mitch asked Stan as they followed you up the stairs.

"She's been here for three years, Rapp. She gets some amenities that the rest of you will eventually earn as well." Stan lied. You had a car because you were his niece and, unlike the other recruits who got to go home on breaks, The Barn essentially had been your home for the past few years. Letting you keep a car there was the least Stan could do. "Don't worry about it, Rapp. Just go to bed. You did well today."

"Thank you, sir."

Mitch headed off after you. He looked at his watch. It was just past midnight.

What’d you guys think? Let me know! and as always, if you’d like to be tagged. Get your requests in soon for the Recruit, because I will probably stop taking tag requests in the near future for this series.

@chivesoup @confidentrose @alexhmak @dontstopxx @iloveteenwolf24 @surpeme-bean @snek-shit @kalista-rankins @parislight @cleverassbutt @damndaphneoh @mgpizza2001 @chionophilic-nefelibata @sarcasticallystilinski @teenage-dirtbagbaby @mrs-mitch-rapp93 @alizaobrien @twsmuts @rrrennerrr @sorrynotsorrylovesome @iknowisoundcrazy @5secsxofamnesia @vogue-sweetie @therealmrshale @twentyone-souls @sunshineystilinski @snicketyssnake @xsnak-3x

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lazyandstressedstudies · 7 years

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30 Questions

rules: answer 30 questions and tag 20 blogs who have to answer them! (if they want to)

thank u for the tag @notechu <3 ( im on my computer so theres no heart emoji fAIL)

nicknames: Rasyte (which i hate bc my teachers always uses them and everyone just teases me)

gender: female

star sign: aries

height: 166cm

time: 18.45

birthday: 11 April

favorite solo artists: dua lipa | ed sheeran | harry styles | moonmoon |

song stuck in my head: black suit- super junior

last movie I watched: the fault in our stars

last show I watched: Bonjour♪Koiaji Pâtisserie

when did I create my blog: 7 September 2017

what do I post: studyblr posts, bts and sometimes art

last thing I googled: whats that one anime in cooking school (i forgot the name of it hehe)

do I have any other blogs: YEA main blog where i reblog and stuff + this one + and somewritingblogsidontwanttotalkabout

do I get asks: nope! but i would love too i actually never had an ask ever hehe

why I chose my url: i get super lazy and stressed easily so this blog keeps me motivated

following: 330

followers: 91

average hours of sleep: 7 to 8

lucky number: 11? i was born on the 11th so idk

instruments: i used to play the piano but my teacher quit and i didn’t want to go to another teacher+ i have a guitar in my home but i never learned it and accordion little bit

what am I wearing: workout pants and a green(forest green to be exact) shirt

dream job: well i have no idea what i would love to do but animation has cought my eye for quite a while but idk how to draw on the computer soooo im screwed

dream trip: around the world seems really fun?? but idk maybe Italy or Korea or Japan

favorite food: VEGGIE PIZZAAAA or chicked with rice and vegetables

nationality: lithuanian

fave song: moon moon- contrail

last book i read: Harry Potter the first book ( IM STILL TRYINGG TO FINISH IT)

top three fictional universes i’d want to join: steven universe, harry potter, Kamisama Hajimemashita (YESSSSS)

tagging: @btsaestheticstudies @studarei @woozi--studies ( thats it i dont rlly have that many friends here but if you want to talk to someone who is extra im here )

#tag #asks #bts studyblr #30 questions #mine #answered

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drugstore-soulboy · 7 years

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tagged by @qorillas ☺️ thnx so much aaaa💕💕💕

answer 30 questions + tag 10 people you’d like to know better

-nicknames: i dont really have any tbh! im v open to them tho

-star sign: virgo✌️

-gender: nonbinary ! tends to masc side

-MBTI type: intp! though like im a bit uncomfortable w calling myself an introvert, cos im just like. have a lot of social anxiety but i like being like around people like extroverts? idk.

-height: just barely 5′6″ and v proud of it i wish i was three inches taller

-time: 11:15pm

-birthday: september 11th. comes w the pro that most people dont forget it lol.

-favorite bands: i kinda jump around a lot but the pretty solid ones would be pink spiders, fall out boy, bear hands, fidlar, modern baseball, front bottoms, mother mother, wavves, and idk yall might not of heard of em but gorillaz? there a pretty sick group ig,,

-favorite solo artists: uuuhm i dont think i specifically listen to too many solo artists? uhm, jake bugg might be one of the only ones ive actually like tried to follow?

-song stuck in my head: ‘its a good day’ i really dont know why?? i tihnk i heard it in a commercial earlier

-last movie I watched: uuuuh baby driver i think!! its really good i seen it twice now big recommendation!

-last show I watched: im watching great food truck race rn its like specifically the south this season though and im, kinda not feeling it

-other blogs: i just got my main that i want to keep like irl ppl that know that one from finding this one yknow,,, but anyone feel free to ask/message for it off anon

-when I created my blog: uuuuh shit, may 23… i decided i was both clogging my main too much and too nervous to talk abt some of the gorillaz stuff candidly w the irl ppl on my main so! also i finally though of a gorillaz url i like well enough that wasnt already taken so lol

-what I post about: i dont have a lot of original content but lmao i made a song sorter im adding to here and their and ive made some aroace icons

-last thing I googled: ……….ooh jeez, “johnny garlic the plant closed” bc we were joking abt guy fieri and how johnny garlics near us is always closed and wanted to know if it was closed-closed and like for how long and dude fieri doesnt even own johnny garlics any more

-following: 1065

-followers: just on this one 42 combined 341 :P

-favorite color: blue and orange!

-average hours of sleep: uuuh probably like 7 ? but i like getting 9 bc im that ho

-lucky number: 32

-instruments: nothing,, i im thinkin abt trying guitar rn though bc i got my sisters old one and might as well put it to use right?

-what I’m wearing: orange/blue converse high tops, green shorts, grey tank, primary color/grey flannel and wow this #look is a mess

-how many blankets i sleep with: so many uh 3 is the minimum 5 is like great and then add more in the winter

-dream jobs: whatmakesyouhahaha.mp3 idk. im technically a theatre arts major and intended on doing some technical aspect of that, but im really thinking thats not. how im goin to go,, i tihnk i just like manger-ing things bc its a lot of order? i want to like actually do things for people? and im looking at some environmental shit but thats so far from anything ive like actively done even though i always had an interest in it so i dont even know where that would go so… yea lol it sucks

-dream trip: i dont really have anything really ive never been to into travel, rn though id love to go to disney paris, and maybe just a whole small europe trip bc i want to see were my brother lives in germany

-favourite food: saaandwiches, reubens, phillycheese steaks, burgers, various melts, like just fuck me up

-nationality: white american,,, like im literally just those assorted white memes

tagging: @empireantsss @fabulouslittlefox @king-faust @re-hashh @gorillazwave @drugstoresoulgirl @stuart-dents-pot @etremely annnd if you wann do this consider yourself tagged by me!!

#answers #oo thanks so much !!#its cool to have rillaz mutuals in cali too tbh haha #if i tagged you and u dont like being tagged in these things lmk and i wont do it again!#dfghjkl this took so long to type up tho lol i dont know how to takl abt myself lol #im such a boring bitch lmao

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i-smile-so-i-must-be-fine · 5 years

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1. Any scars? loads

2. Self harmed? yea

3. Crush? my girl

4. Kissed anyone? yea

5. Coke or Pepsi? coke

6. Someone you hate? my ex.. and my girls ex

7. Best Friends? my girl

8. Have you ever done alcohol or drugs? yea both

9. What’s your dream job? mental health social worker

10. Ever been in love? yea

11. Last time you cried? last week

12. Favorite color? i have 3 red, blue, black

13. Height? 5″3

14. Birthday? 1st september

15. Eye color? brown/green they change colour

16. Hair color? brown

17. What do you love? my little family

18. Obsession? my family

19. If you had one wish, what would it be? for me and my girl to have more kids and get married

20. Do you love someone? yea

21. Kiss or hug? both

22. Nicknames people call you? jess... lilo.. mummy

23. Favorite song? curently - jess glynne - thursday

24. Favorite band? don’t currently have one

25. Worst thing that has ever happened to you? no thanks

26. Best thing that has ever happened to you? my girl and our little family

27. Something you would change about yourself? height and weight

28. Ever dated someone? yea

29. Worst mistake? my ex

30. Watch the movie or read the book? movie

31. Ever had a heartbreak? kinda

32. Favorite show? scoripion - currently

33. Best day of your life? i have 3 important dates 16th september, 23rd march and 11th june

34. Any talents? none that can be said

35. Do you wish you could ever start over? no

36. Any bad habits? probably getting jealous everytime a certain name gets mentioned

37. Ever had a near death experience? yea

38. Someone I can tell anything to? my girl even if it does take me a couple of days to tell her

39. Ever lost a loved one? not a close one

40. Do you believe in love? yea

41. Someone you hate/Dislike? a few people

42. Are you okay? fine

43. Relationship status? engaged

44. Selfie? no

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andrewnimos-blog · 6 years

Text

Lots of things have happened since the last time I posted anything here.

On August 30 I accidentally met Samuel, Errol and Dylan at the nearby McDonalds while I was out with my family having dinner there. It was very awkward and I did something somewhat rude and embarrasing because I just wanted to get away from them.

The next day my parents and I left for a holiday to Hokkaido, and we came back on the 9th of September.

On the 11th, I finally got the guts to apologise to Samuel for what I did. His response was lukewarm. I thought he might want to talk more with me but after a while it became extremely apparent that he didn’t want to do anything of that sort.

As below:

Me: ...”Any other spicy things happen?”

(long long pause where he greyticks me while reading and talking in other groups)

I got pretty pissed. Pretty fucking pissed. I don’t know how to describe it now but I really would have exploded if he’d been in front of me in real life.

Me: If you don’t want to talk to me that’s fine.

Me: Just fucking tell me

Me: Night

His reply was pretty quick (ha. fuck you samuel. FUCK YOU SAMUEL. YOU WOULDN’T FUCKING BELIEVE HOW FUCKING PISSED I WAS):

Sam: Yea I didn’t really feel like it

SO FUCKING TELL ME? DO YOU NOT THINK I’LL GO AWAY IF YOU TELL ME TO? THAT’S WHAT I’VE BEEN DOING ALL THIS FUCKING WHILE.

Sam: Ok I apologise for leaving you hanging like that

Nice. Very nice. Of course, you wouldn’t need to be sorry if you just gave me a straight fucking answer.

Sam: But I feel like we really got nothing to talk about now

Man. Fuck you.

Sam: Don’t take this as hostile btw

Too fucking late.

Sam: I just feel like we haven’t talked to each other in a while and we just became distant

Yeah, that’s exactly right. And I might have played a part in this too. I know I’m overly sensitive and all.

But you didn’t make it any fucking easier, did you? Half a year ago, when I wanted to talk to you over the phone, you always gave stupid fucking excuses for why you didn’t want to talk with me now: you were tired, you were busy, you just ‘didn’t feel like it’. How the fuck am I supposed to know when to talk to you, when you’re free and willing to talk back to me?

Ok. What about meeting up and talking in real life? I thought that might be an okay alternative. Then came that time in Feb where you fucking bailed out on me without telling me. Errol and you kept finding stupid excuses to reschedule and cancel appointments.

When we met up in June, I did not get a good change to talk to you or Errol. The both of you kept talking about your own experiences over the past half year. I barely had a chance to talk about what I wanted to talk about, before the two of you packed up and left.

Maybe that was the fucking plan all the while, wasn’t it?

I can’t talk to you online. I can’t talk to you in real life. I think it’s obvious that you just don’t fucking want to talk to me.

You know what? I think you didn’t ever want to talk to me. I know I’m a burden and I’m no fun to talk with anymore. SO WHY DIDN’T YOU FUCKING TELL ME, HUH?

We’ve grown more distant? Who was it who used to try to talk to you and ask how your day was going? Did you ever want to know how my day was fucking going you retarded piece of trash?

As I’m typing this out I can see that he’s online on Whatsapp. Ha. Talking to people, chatting with them, having topics to talk about and gossip to share.

Guess I’m still fucking pissed at him after all. Hah.

When I apologised to him earlier in the conversation, he gave this response:

Sam: It’s ok

That was actually quite reassuring. But then came the next part.

Sam: I know things have been hard for you so I didn’t really want to disturb you.

Okay now you’re fucking stretching it.

Sam: Hope you’re also doing better

Stop with the fucking platitudes and admit you don’t fucking care.

You don’t care, like how you conveniently forgot my birthday when I’d wished you yours a month earlier.

“Didn’t want to disturb you”? You didn’t want to fucking disturb me?

Fuck you man. Stop rationalising it. You don’t like me and don’t want to talk to me, that’s why you didn’t. Stop trying to explain that you’re doing it for my good, that you’re fucking concerned about my welfare. If you were, you’d have tried to reach out to me instead of me always being the one who initiates conversations.

Oh my god. I’m still fucking pissed about this. You actually believe that by not talking to me you’re doing me a fucking favour? When did I ever say that I wanted to be left alone? You’re the one who’s been saying that all the while.

The fucking audacity to say this kind of thing. God. I’m pissed.

I know I’m rambling with this and it’s becoming incoherent, and probably a heavily biased account of what happened. If anyone other than me reads this I want you to just get the gist of what I’m saying, and not take it at face value. I’m in no mood to argue for real now. I’m just venting

And this was the first big thing that happened in the past month.

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unextordinary-blog · 7 years

Conversation

My year in one post: 2017

okay so its starting to get closer to the end of the year lets have a recap of 2017.

january: I don't have a job anymore, I am not going to school at the moment, I am moving for the hundredth time, and I have to give up my dog and cat, then someone loses my cat. ( so its safe to say january was definitely not my month) but bright side this is the month where i start to talk to my "future" husband. well sort of (this will be explained in a later month).

february: so it's a new month. I am jobless with no prospect of going back to school until the next semester. on top of that our landlords are total pieces of literal dog shit (like im not kidding they have about 5000 dogs in their house and it smells like dog shit) anyways life is starting to look up JUST THE TINIEST BIT because ya girl got a date. i am dating. newly dating. and on top of that i still don't know that my future husband is single yet. (he doesn't like the idea of me dating)

march: we have officially moved into my moms boyfriends house and i already hate it. Its awful i have no closet, no space, no job, no pets, and no will to live (except for my future husband). Its safe to say my life lowkey sucks because not only do i have a curfew now? I have to pretend to not hate my life and i actually have to get out of the bedroom im staying in (yea thats right im not allowed to call his guest bedroom "my room") my moms boyfriend is a total dickwad. he gets what he deserves in later months tho. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ( WAIT A MINUTE I just got some info that karma was doing her job all along and i completely forgot part of living with my momster and her dickwad was that I had to do all the chores around the house and dickwad left $200 in his pocket when i was doing laundry and i found it. in my defense i tried to tell them about the money but then they got on my ass for talking to them while they were talking or something so i shut up and spent some of the money on a tattoo. it was the best revenge ever. I had been planning on getting one for months and dickwad and momster HATE tattoos and he technically paid for mine and it was great)

April: HOMAGAWD my life is looking up. I got a job, my "future" husband is visiting and the guy I'm kinda sorta "dating" is a good kisser but i swear to y'all if i hadn't already been on like 4 dates with this guy i would have thought he was catfishing me (he ends up ghosting me anyways so whatevesss). My momster and her dickwad of a boyfriend don't like my new job because it doesn't pay a whole lot? ( oh i forgot to mention they want me to pay rent for the "bedrooom" I'm sleeping in; y'all this room is literally a bed, a dresser drawer, and MY TV) ALSO did i mention this guy is total pack rat (THE BEDROOM IM IN HAS ALLLL OF HIS JUNK IN IT) and there's no central heating and I'm sick. I have bronchitis and we barely found out. meanwhile my supposed "mother" thought I was just being annoying with my coughing and her stupid boyfriend literally had the AUDACITY to tell me if I don't get rid of my cough by the end of the week then he was going to "do something about it". (LIKE IM SORRY I HAVE BRONCHITIS IF I COULD WAVE MY MAGIC WAND THAT I JUST RANDOMLY PULLED OUT OF MY ARSE AND MAKE MYSELF BETTER I WOULD SORRY MY ILLNESS IS INCONVENIENCING YOU). this man is weird he has like every book written by trump and is a civil war reenactor and has can goods from before I was even born because he doesn't believe in expiration dates. so I didn't want to find out what he meant by that so I booked the quickest doctors appointment I could get. I had been sick for 3 months by this point. also I paid over half the rent at my old place but I was always making like $1000 a month sooooo I could afford it. anyways my "future" husband and I have an amazing 3 days when he visits it was like no time had passed and it wasn't until he was gone that I realized that I couldn't live without him anymore.

May: ITS OFFICIAL BITCHES my "future" husband is now my boyfriend, it literally took him an hour for me to say he was my boyfriend. twas a struggle. but pretty much since the day he left we hadn't gone a single day without talking via text or calling each other. we thought about waiting until he came back to texas to date, but that would be two years and we weren't having that because we would have ended up waiting for each other instead of dating long distance which is kinda a waste of time. anyways I am no longer sick. at least I don't think and karma is just DOING ITS WORK on my mom and her dickwad boyfriend. My mom was being treated like she deserved by her new job and dickwad had lost his chief position because hes an alcoholic asshole with little man syndrome now he is paying over $10,000 for a DWI lawyer. meanwhile i was thriving I was getting more work I was looking into ways to pay off my school my life still sucked and the only reason im alive is because of my "future" husband.

June: did i ever mention that june is my favorite month of this year. love is in the air bitches. june is the month for marriages and engagements. SPEAKING OF ENGAGEMENTS yea that's right he proposed AND ON TOP OF THAT he surprised me with a visit and i nearly had a heart attack and it was a great few days. then my momster ruined it by being her and by hating me as per usual we weren't asking for permission at this point to get married we were just going to get married whether she agreed or not. and i was moving out and my "future" husband and i had a 101 plans (also i dont like the word fiance its dirty and gross) our 101 plans obviously fell through you can plan all day long and life is just like "LOL gurl you thought" but it all turned out fine in and in our favor in the end. we are very thankful for the people who stuck by our side when things were getting tough and sooo grateful for all their help we wouldn't have been able to do it without them.

JULY: ITS OUR WEDDDDINNNGGG MONNNTTTTHHHHHHH!!!!!! I had never thought "hey you're going to be my husband one day" when I saw my husband for the first time in the 2nd grade. he apparently did, he thought i was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen and was happy i had moved to his town. that innocent love obviously turned into something more as we got older and he always knew that something special would happen with us there had to be a reason God had kept us close all those years. we were married july 10th in a court house with our high school friends my momster and her dickwad boyfriend and my new family that consisted of my husbands parents and siblings while my maid of honor watch via facetime (she had work and the ceremony lasted like 20 mins) leading up to our wedding he "proposed" properly on the couch while we were watching a movie and his best friend was so upset that he was not included in the proposal. we promised to include him on our 5 year anniversary at our vow renewal. we were married on the 10th we had our honeymoon that night in galveston. on the 11th we went to our best mans house, watched hoarders all morning, played ping pong, went to go see a movie with our old clique from high school, slept on a too small air mattress with a too small blanket in freezing cold room and woke up early. he dropped me off at my momsters and we said our teary eyed goodbyes and said we'd see each other again in december and I watched him drive away to the air port. I turned 20 the next week and I had 1 good day then on the 18th my mom decided to yell at me and fight me about money (remember how i said i was trying to pay off my college stuff well my mom knew that. it was no secret. well i found a way and i had gotten the money the week i got married and i paid it off and put the rest in savings and refused to touch it) well my mom yelled at me until she was blue in the face because since dickwad fucked up his finances with his DWI they were now strapped for cash and wanted me to pay for everything and I refused. just because we said I'd move in december doesn't mean plans are set in stone and if I would have paid them in advance I would have never seen that money again. the risks were to high for me to pay that much in one sitting. so we argued on the 18th she didn't talk to me for two days then on the 21st she gave me an ultimatum and told me to pay or get out. meanwhile my husband and I were thinking ahead and I was already packing and by the 22nd all i had in the bedroom i slept in was a duffel bag of clothes and hamper full of my bedding I told her i was moving out on the 23rd on a sunday and by the time they got home from church me and everything i had would be gone from that house. remember my husbands best man and best friend and the small air mattress and cold bedroom?

August: they both had a house together and that was the house i stayed in until the second week or two of august i spent almost a week with my dad and his family so i could say my goodbyes. i came back to the guys house for 2 days finished packing said my goodbyes to all my friends and then my dad was there with a jeep for all my stuff and we would start our long trip to VA. the first day we drove from TX to atlanta then the next day atlanta to VA.

I was finally home. there he was my knight in blue digital camo. we'd only been married a month and already our plans were askew. my dad stayed for 2 extra days and helped us get settled into our new apartment then left.

september: we are 2 months into our marriage and our first month living together. these next two months will be the hardest months in our marriage. we're getting used to each other getting to know our homelife quirks it is a difficult transition for both of us I am used to an abusive passive aggressive household where i lock myself in my room and he is used to empty barracks and going out everyday just so he doesn't have to be in the barracks all day. it was hard but we wouldn't want to bicker over mundane things with anyone else.

October: its spoopy time and my husbands birthday is this month we have a tv and new bed for our master bedroom we have a cat but Im pretty sure we got him in september. we're not really fighting as much at least not about stupid things we know what pushes our buttons and we're communicating better. I have to turn down my first job because its too far of a drive. ( we immediately regret it) the hubs 21st birthday rolls around we have the worst mexican food ever and he has the strongest margarita in the world it was really a great night. Halloween we sit on the couch watching movies and just stay in all day.

November: my husbands family have informed us that his little brother will be graduating from boot camp this month and will be going to school on a base in VA and that they were coming for thanksgiving. so we get the house in order for our new guests. we buy everything from a thanksgiving ham to new towels when they arrive his parents are sick with the flu and my husband still has work the next day on thanksgiving. his mom and i spend the entire next day cooking and getting everything ready. when my husband gets home we have dinner and watch a movie or two. the next day is my husbands day off and we all had planned on eating out so we had lunch then went to the beach for his mom and then my husbands base to give a tour for his mom (insert eyeroll here the woman takes pictures of quite literally everything its almost annoying)and then finally we go back home so we can get his little brothers stuff and we can drop him off at his new base. (which is a whole lot more difficult then it should have been.) they end up giving him a weekend pass but by then we're all dead tired and want to go home but no, we go bowling on base until its time to take his little brother back to the barracks. then the next day is even more annoying my husband picks up his little brother and some breakfast and we trudge to a museum of an old ship for about 2 or 3 hours. keep in mind my husbands parents are still sick with the flu and everyone is tired except his little brother and my husband has work at 3am the next day. on top of that his parents need to get on a plane this same day and my husband and i need to drop off his little brother back on base. needless to say it was another long day and we finally had our house back my poor husband had work at 3am and around 9am i hear him come home apparently since he didn't leave early on thanksgiving he got to leave work early that day which meant we got the entire sunday to ourselves. it was a long weekend.

December: its only the 13th and we have been married for 5 months now and it will almost be a year since we started dating. (how time flies) his best man is supposed to visit in january and we are both so excited.

so much little stuff has happened this year that would make this post even longer. we got a motorcycle, my husband is trying to pick out a car for me i thought about doing online college, we both haven't really thought about what we want for christmas and our cat has fleas so its been a very eventful year.

#2017 #my year #ask me anything #janurary #february #march #april #may #june #july #august #september #october #november #december #newlyweds #first year #newly married couple

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