#yea you made a really great environment for your kids to share shit with you. really great fucking work.

[bunniepaws]

love my nonconfrontational dad so i can never actually sit down and share anything with him so i end up coming out to him by yelling it at him as i leave his car.

[bigsteeb]

this is gonna be a long post so bear with me, growing pains got a b i g emotional reaction out of me & I need to share my thoughts & feelings about it because jesus fucking christ.

ok first things first, someone hug this boy immediately. he’s sat in his room, still in his pajamas, in day time watching dog copter. this whole scene is just steven going “lol I’m sad, I’m gonna comfort eat & stay in my pajamas & watch a kids show I watched when I wasn’t as sad haha” & it’s not only upsetting, but relatable too fuck. his room is a mess along with him eating ice cream at what I assume is morning… making it his breakfast? geez steven. also idk if it’s just me here but in this shot he looks… bigger? like ignoring his body size shifting later on in the episode he looks a lot wider than he usually does when paul & drew board episodes to me, he’s rivalling etienne & maya’s steven’s wideness. did he… get chubbier from comfort eating? how much time has passed since together forever for him to put on weight if he has? this could literally just be steven slouching or his pajamas making him look bigger but as someone who is an advocate for the body positivity shown in su & suf it has me curious. I want to hug this soft, sad boy. It could also be due to how steven’s design fluctuates through the animation process, it’s never really on model all the time. 

the grunting noise he makes in this scene is very distressing, as are other moments from the episode too. a glimpse at the glow-bracelet he proposed to connie with is enough to physically pain him? fuck me man. is he leaving his room where there’s already ice cream… to get more ice cream? sobs. also the puns in this shot. I cant? slow burn?! you’re evil crewniverse. not to mention his body size changing throughout this scene, god this poor lad.

screams, this was when I started worrying. the boy is now in an environment he has never been in before & is feeling extremely uncomfortable & vulnerable. look at the lines under his eyes, his sad eyebrows & pout I hate it. also don’t even get me started on this part. the slight raise of a voice being enough to send him into panic?! fuck I hate how much I relate to that. 

here’s where I immediately broke, no god damn pun intended. seeing steven’s skeleton, steven’s fucking skull, like this pained me. that crack on his skull is from fucking jasper in jail break. I can’t express all of the visceral emotions that were going through my body at this. there was intense sadness for steven, extreme anger at jasper & the gems for allowing shit like this to happen to him. turns out he’s not as resilient as we thought he was. each hit he takes physically breaks him & then his gem instantly heals his wounds, my heart fucking broke at this. think back to everything that happened to him, everything that physically hurt him. it broke him I can’t deal with it! then there’s what priyanka says to steven next;

“you seem to of made a series of miraculous recoveries, but that doesn't change the fact that you experienced trauma. you’ve recovered physically but, have you recovered mentally?”

this part here along with her reassuring him that there’s nothing wrong with his brain, how childhood trauma can have an impact on how your body responds to stress & how you act in your social life, the usage of the word “cortisol” too. this stuff being in a children's tv show is incredible. the writing for priyanka describes trauma simply enough for kids to understand, but for adults to fully realise too. folks, steven has ptsd. there wasn't one bit of sugarcoating about it or nothing, this is canon fact & it hurts me. for so long have I wanted steven’s emotional issues to be alked about, to not only be brought to steven’s attention but to the audience’s too.

everything that has happened to him has built up to this moment. this moment where his behaviour & coping methods are finally making sense to a large majority of the fandom, & to steven himself. he’s hurting; physically, mentally & emotionally, & he isn’t coping well what so ever about it. his emotional support system is complete garbage, no one regularly checks in on him & folks just take steven at face value like “oh yea glowing pink? he’s fine it’s just steven” but he’s the bad person?! I hope a lot of you out there who genuinely believe steven is a bad person re-think yourselves after this. dealing with trauma is tough as shit. some days you even wonder if that one thing that fucked you up is really worth being labelled as trauma. I still can’t believe this is the route they’re taking, if he doesn’t get some form of therapy by the end of future I’ll be furious.

then things begin to spiral as he remembers what happened with connie. he clutches his chest in pain & begins changing size over intense amounts of stress & it was extremely distressing to watch. steven immediately reassures connie that this isn’t because of her, but because of everything else that happened to him. however. I believe that that’s a slight lie, he wouldn’t of spiralled if he hadn’t of remembered the proposal, steven you fucking himbo. he continues to reassure them both that he’s fine, just that he needs them to leave so he can calm himself enough to control himself.

then this happens.

“I. CAN’T. BE AROUND YOU RIGHT NOW!”

this was fucking intense. he means this literally in 2 ways btw. his body size shifting over the stress he’s feeling is a danger to both connie & priyanka in this moment, but it’s also because of how it started. being around connie hurts him. he’s not mad at her though let me make that very clear, just that thinking about what happened when he tired to propose to her is sending his head in a fritz. he did what he did full of confidence in together forever, for connie to then make him realise how silly he was being. these two are destined for each other, but that advice from ruby & sapphire has really fucked with him. he looks up to those 2, looks up to garnet, their relationship is so strong & stable. for them to give him that advice & to then scream “DO IT!” in his face is incredibly tasteless imo.

then greg gets here. I knew connie was calling for either greg or the gems when she was on her phone as she left the room, fuck yea connie I love you. the breathless, strained “thank you” from steven towards connie for calling his dad? g o d. connie telling him she’ll be there for him when he’s ready?! g o d. these next boards were done by rebecca, I knew immediately when I saw steven’s face. it makes sense that rebecca boarded these, because fuck. 

how do I move on from all of the stuff I’ve been through? how do I live life if it always feels like I’m about to die!?

I’m tearing up as I type this. when I first heard the leak of this audio I so badly wanted to believe it, but to also believe it was fake too. I was an emotional mess off & on for about 3 days over it because I couldn't stop thinking about how fucking distressing it was. like… shit steven. he seriously feels this. I can’t even begin to imagine the pain he felt just saying this in front of his fucking dad. he is hurting badly. this boy, this sweet sweet boy we’ve watched grow & develop into the person he is today is distraught about his future & life. it is… soul crushing to watch this. a group of friends of mine have found joking about the episode as a form of coping with the intensity of it & as much as that’s valid as fuck, any joke coming from this episode feels morally wrong to me. I can’t bring myself to join in it feels terrible even thinking about laughing at it to cope. I love them all, but I can’t bare myself to join them. this moment ending with greg comforting steven, telling him he’s here for him & all of his struggles, got me weeping. greg is possible the best father figure I’ve seen on tv, let alone a kids tv show. he’s amazing.

the final scene right here is lovely. greg making steven a hot chocolate & listening to him vent, reassuring him over his worry for his future. this right here is exactly what steven needs. someone to talk to, someone he could trust to talk about his feelings to. this the start of his support system, tag on peri from in dreams, bis in bismuth casual as well as connie from the past few episodes & it’s already looking great! even when greg eased him about being there for him steven still feels guilty about him leaving his tour, leaving his tour because he got a phone call from connie about his son being in need & steven feels guilty about it. fucking hell man. I did enjoy how the episode ended though, with that little moment between the both of them;

“just get some rest kiddo. you don’t have to solve all of your problems in one night.”

“yea. thanks dad.”

it’s a great message too, all of your struggles can’t be dealt with all at once. I’ve used a similar analogy before but it’s like removing a dead tree. you have to deal with all of the little things surround this issue first before you get to the deep, harder stuff. along side the message about trauma they’re both very important messages, I’m glad they exist in the show.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

one more thing before I end my thoughts & feelings over growing pains.

this ending shot;

as soon as I saw the frog mug my mind raced back to the promo for this scene, & this whole moment to come entirely. if you remember this moment has the first set of leaked audio within it, the audio of the gems basically cornering steven about him not opening up to them. christ pearl even gets mad at him for his gem building a wall behind him, protecting him from them. it’s common knowledge, I hope, that steven’s gem reacts to his emotional state. pearl herself has said this;

“I think your gem is reacting to your state of mind.”

his gem building this wall? it felt like steven was being threatened by them. this scene now has awful connotations with it. because since we now know what the pink mode is doing to steven, how actually painful it is, think back to these;

yea. fuck the gems. I’ll let it slide if steven, greg or priyanka haven’t told them about what happened at the hospital. but if they do know, if they know how much it hurts steven being in his pink mode & still press into him about it I’ll see red. with steven’s trauma & now ptsd being cemented into the show I fucking hope garnet, amethyst & pearl get held accountable for what they put on him as a kid. that shit will not slide with me if they don’t. do not condone what the gems put him through. do not condone the gems for making steven feel like he had to be his mum for them. just… don’t. please.

[im-a-meteorite]

i’ve been marathoning the harry potter movies since im in quarantine and i’ve been taking some notes. i’ll post them all bc why not 

sorcerer’s stone

harry knowing that there’s no post on sunday,, a genius

hedwig’s theme playing when harry looks out of the window and sees an owl flying by, very nice

hagrid doing magic at the house on the rock thing,, wouldnt the ministry be able to track that?? since there’s no wizard that lives there, they should be alerted?? or did they remove the trace from hagrid once he got expelled?? like does it work by the trace only or? bc if it doesn’t work by location then how would they know that a muggle witnessed the magic?? idk anymore

the kids staring at the nimbus 2000 and saying its the fastest model yet,, then the camera zooming on the handle w/ the background blurred -> the most straight forward foreshadowing

hagrid is actually the worst person to take harry on his tour situation,, like bro literally left him in the middle of a train station

the weasleys and harry going to the platform while theres a shit ton of ppl walking around,,, statute of secrecy where??

the great hall is on the first floor?? i thought it was on the ground floor

ew the hats

i wish the movies had dumbledore’s weird few words speeches

“theres not one witch or wizard that went bad that wasnt in slytherin” broooo

mcgonagall is so savage i love her

snape is an asshole

a crap ton of chessboards in the great hall study hall scene,, foreshadowing the challenges?

madam hooch really yeeted herself out of neville’s way

✨🥰 oliver wood 🥰✨✨

harry really wiped the troll buggers on his robe,, disgusting

snapes hair is lowkey on fleek tho,,

making most of the slytherins ugly bc they’re the “evil” house is just a disservice to all the inbreeding

hermione setting snape on fire is truly iconic and very extra tbh like sis why tf would u know a spell like that

seasonal transition wasnt that great tbh

overall the directing style is kinda basic

“not in the restricted section,,” rule breaking hermione is the best hermione

dumbledore’s handwriting is so extra and loopy like tf?? but it fits his character

the hedwig flying season transition was good

“immortal?” “it means you’ll never die.” “i know what it means!”

50 points each for being out of bed??? wtf is this point system

filtch saying there’s werewolves in the forbidden forest,,, thats illegal sir

hagrid calling the trio by their first names but draco by his last,, we love favoritism

harry’s thoughts r so ridiculous,, “snape doesnt want the stone for himself, he wants it for voldemort!” lmaoo wtf,, evidence pls sir,, u don’t even know he was a death eater. was it the bad vibes?? bc same

harry figuring out that the person who gave hagrid the dragon egg is voldy,, a genius

“kill us faster?? now i can relax!!” ron is so iconic i love him

“lucky we didnt panic!” “lucky hermione pays attention in herbology”

how is it that harry’s hand burned quirrel but not the skin on harry’s neck?? that shit makes no sense

yeah i really cant imagine this dumbledore fighting voldy in movie 5

hermione’s headband in the reunion scene is so cute i love it

chamber of secrets:

how is dobby even allowed to just jump on the bed?? like is it bc harry isnt his master that he can do smth like that

“dobby has heard about harry potter’s kindness” or whatever,, bro u work for the malfoys either the elves gossip or draco is waxing poetry about harry

aunt petunia saying “we have ice-cream” after that whole affair is just ridiculous

DIAGONALLY

this seems like the extended version bc i dont remember the borgin and bruks scene to be that long

the close ups with lucius and ginny’s books r insane lmao like chris columbus made it so obvious

also mr weasley’s acting is so funny like its so exaggerated

lucius malfoy is so dramatic and extra we love it

also lucius knowing hermione’s name and “draco’s told me all about you”??? bro whats with draco?? lmaoo

snape really got mad with the whole car business

mandrakes r fucking weird bro how did jkr come up with that

PERCY WALKING WITH PENELOPE CLEARWATER??? HOW DID I MISS THAT??

omg colin had so many lines?? wow

omg erol with the fucking howler,, iconic

ron’s facial expressions?? pure comedy, rupret is so good

LOCKHEART REALLY SAID “GOOD GIRL” THEN WINKED AT HERMIONE

“pesky piksy pescinomy” this bitch dumb

“why is it always me?” poor neville

omfg ✨🥰 oliver wood 🥰✨

ahh using the seeker position for fighting

ew draco used the m-word

the shit the basilisk is saying is so lame lmaoo

how does harry not recognize that he’s hearing a different language?? or does parsaltongue act weird

HOW IS THE WHOLE SCHOOL IN THE SAME CORRIDOR???

“i know the counter-curse that could’ve spared her” bitch the dirty looks he got?? omfg

the movies would’ve been 500% better if they had lee jordan’s iconic quidditch commentary

“scarhead” “TRAINING FOR THE BALLET, POTTER?”

“what did you expect?? pumpkin juice??” madam pomfery is a queen

dobby is dumb dumb

“who am i, hedwig? what am i?”

“reading? i didnt know you could read?”

“look at my face” “look at your tail!”

“you can’t cancel quidditch!”

“oh harry, if you die down there, you’re welcome to share my toilet”

lockheart: do you live here? ron: no *smacks him in the head with a rock*

“voldemort is my past, present and future” are all slytherins this dramatic??

the tension between hermione and ron in the last feast was insane

justin filtch fletchy is so ugly im so sorry i cant

prisoner of azkaban:

im sorry but harry doing underage illegal magic pisses me off every time

aunt marge 🤢

“do they use a cane boy?” “oh yeah, i’ve been beaten loads of times”

that whole scene is so chaotic

“you cant do magic outside of school!” “oh yeah? try me”

sirius really dumb for barking at harry like it makes no sense

the knight bus is probably one of the best things in this movie

“whatcha doing down there??” “i fell over” “whacha fell over for?” “i didnt do it on purpose!” “well come on then, lets not wait for the grass to grow”

harry leans over and looks for the grim, stan: “whatcha looking at?”

“yeah take it away ernie,, its gonna be a bumpy ride”

this whole thing is written and directed so perfectly

i hate how they replaced tom bc it really made no sense

all the bits of magic in the leaky caldron is so genius

fudge reminds me of trump but like dumber

the blue lighting and coloring is just great, it fits the colder vibe of the story (not like HBP with the hazy/blurry effect)

ugh the glass and mirror transitions are one of my favorite things,, alfonso curon really did that 

i love the weasleys,, also everyone looks great in this movie

omg the scene with arthur talking to harry about sirius with the sirius poster always being in sight?? amazing

contrast of light and darkness just echos the whole dementor vs patronus situation

i dont even understand why remus took the train other than for the nostalgia

the lights slowly turning off in the different carriages?? amazing

the visual representation of the dementors’ effect is great

REMUS!!!

i wish there was more emotion from remus when he’s talking about sirius,, like that was one of his only friends

snape clapping literally twice for remus,, ajhshsh

ahh the placement of the slytherin and gryffindor tables right beside each other to increase the tension and further the plot

oh yea the new dumbledore, also cool hat he has

omg the new fat lady painting

omg the candy scene?? so cute i love lads being lads. that scene just echo’s dumbledore’s light in the dark quote bc its storming outside at night and they’re creating a happy environment within the dark especially with the dementors

ah yes the clock references + following the bird to show us important parts of hogwarts and putting the whomping willow in the forefront

ron’s reading of harry’s tea leaves,, still on point tho. ron really has a knack for divination

buckbeak! omg drapple

draco is so hot especially with that ring also the slytherin pins??

“oh yeah, terribly funny, really witty. god, this place has gone to the dogs”

the kids look so messy i love it + harry’s uneven tie

HERMIONE CLINGING TO RONS ARM!!

“its killed me! your gonna regret this, you and your bloody chicken”

omg the boggart lesson

“riddikulus!” “this class is ridiculous”

fuck snape!

draco really pushed someone with his bandaged arm

remus is such an amazing professor i love him and i just miss him so much

ugh harry in this hoodie?? amazing

remus and harry’s conversation with the music :(( lily :((

wtf is that eye painting??

percy screaming about being head boy,, bro stfu

sirius is such a dramatic little bitch i love it

seasonal changes marked by the wimping willow

“turn to page 394”

what a fucking rude ass bitch,, i hate snape

harry really be seeing the grim everywhere

i wish they had “wheres wood?” “trying to drown himself in the shower”

winter transition with hedwig! + clock tower

“come and join the big boys”

i just adore this scene of the twins giving harry the map (bro i really want a series about the marauders)

whos that skinny bitch with draco???

harry’s way too rash tbh

also mcgonagall being also too nonchalant about the whole marauder’s situation?? like those werent your students

remus is a soft boy dark academia icon

if only dumbledore wasnt a dumbass,, remus could have been uncle moony raising harry with sirius

ron’s nightmare scene?? iconic

“my dad didnt strut. nor do i” umm james potter was also a drama queen sooo probably strutting

“you, YOU FOUL LOATHSOME EVIL LITTLE COCKROACH” “hermione no, he’s not worth it”

sirius’ dog form really looks like a rabid dog omfg

the part where hermione grabs harry while she’s on the wimping willow omfg

“only one will die tonight” YOU DRAMATIC BITCH UR NOT MAKING THIS BETTER

“finally the flesh reflects the madness within” “well you’d know all about the madness within, wouldn’t you remus?”

why the fuck is the shreaking shack is swaying in the wind??

QUARRELING LIKE AN OLD MARRIED COUPLE

why the fuck didnt they knock peter out?? like tf?? they’re actually dumb dumb there were so many ways for this to go right

this man really sent 2 13-year-olds on this dumbass mission

buckbeak really beat up remus,, “professor lupin’s having a really tough night”

harry’s a fucking psycho with this patronus bullshit,, i cant

can they stop screaming while flying on buckbeak?? someone might hear them

im still mad sirius didnt get his name cleared,, so much would’ve changed

“we did it” “did what? goodnight” i fucking hate dumbledore and his mindlessness omfg sometimes i wanna punch him in the face

fuck snape for outing remus as a werewolf,,, but also he really didnt have to resign. like istg wheres the marauder energy when it comes to defying everyone??

i wish the movies had went into the marauders’ history :(( its one of my favorite aspects of the series

[subtextersunite]

CHAPTER THREE-A HELPING HAND

So sorry for the delay! My job is busiest in the summer, I’ve been wanting to write a chapter every night but I’ve been too exhausted. So I finally had a chance to sit and write so here ya go!

CHAPTER THREE – A Helping Hand

 *Lucy and Renee are finally all out of all the costume gear and both getting ready to go home…except Lucy who is temporarily sporting dyed black hair for her role. *

 Renee: I can’t believe they dyed your hair! You don’t even know if you got the role yet!

 Lucy: I know! Talk about a commitment. I mean I was up for anything, but I at least figured they would have given me a wig or something. I was rather partial to my light brown hair.

Renee: I know, but they said the more realistic it looked the easier it would be trying to decide who should be in the role. And besides, I think you look great! Renee said with a little too much enthusiasm, causing her to worry if Lucy would pick up on her higher then normal excitement at the physical appearance of someone, she has known less than 24 hours.

*Lucy and Renee both walk back to their cars together. After saying goodbye, they each get into their own cars and as Renee is about to take off Lucy jumps out of her car and yells at Renee.

 Lucy: Wait wait! Renee hits the brakes and opens her window.

Renee: What?!?!

Lucy: I was suppose to fix your AC!

Renee: OMG Lucy there’s no rush! Besides it’s dark now and a little cooler then this morning so I can wait.

Lucy: Yea, but then you’ll be sweating like mad in the morning and that’s the last thing we need. Alex is suppose to tell everyone who got the roles and you don’t need your hair plastered to your face from sweat looking like a real mess. Now back up and let me take a look. It’s probably an easy fix!

*Renee definitely couldn’t deny that with how forward and confident Lucy was made her even that much more attractive. The way she takes charge of every situation. The coffee, fixing the AC. It’s something she’s never got to experience before in any relationship with a man. Having everything taken care of for her at the mere mention of it. She was so used to, and comfortable with, wearing the pants in all her relationships. If she didn’t know how to fix something, she would always just figure it out somehow. Just the thought alone of dating this tall, self-assured, accent toting Australian was enough to send her reeling. Her own thought process caused her to turn red with embarrassment at the ideas she was toting around in her head. Luckily for her the cover of night saved her this time.*

 Lucy: Alright let’s see what we got here!

Renee: Here! I have one of those spotlights in my trunk it’s super bright let me go grab it. She wanted to smack herself as she went to retrieve it. The way she said “super bright” made her sound like some uneducated kid and she always wanted to be seen as more then that around this woman. But she just made Renee so nervous. The way Lucy does everything so effortlessly is intriguing. Renee hands it to Lucy.

Lucy: Thanks! She says as she learns into the car a little more to get a good look.

*Renee stood back and watched Lucy work. As she leaned over her SUV which naturally sits higher than most cars, it was lined up perfectly with her hips as she bent over. She couldn’t help but to admire her shape. From the waist down anyway the rest was hidden under the hood. *

Lucy: Well you have 2 problems my dear! That was just Lucy’s way of talking, but it was music to Renee’s ears. What a tease it was to hear her call her a nickname that wasn’t intentionally done. It sent shivers down her spine.

Renee: I do?

Lucy: Oh yeaaaaaaa. First of all, the AC coolant reservoir is leaking which explains why when you added coolant it did nothing. And Second of all, you have a blown fuse. Luckily both are easy fixes that I can do right now.

Renee: Thank you so much Lucy. I don’t know how I can repay you for this.

Lucy: No worries! She says in an exaggerated accent. I actually miss working on cars. I used to fix up cars with my brothers for friends and family in our garage but…as time goes on people grow up and move away soooo yea. She says with a sad tone. I got to help you out, and work on a car at the same time. Good memories for me is repayment enough!

*What I would really like to do is build new memories with you, Lucy thought to herself. Since she first laid eyes on this woman, she has been trying her hardest to act as normal and professional as possible and not let all her affection show. Which is why the coffee and car incidents helped her distract herself from the shyness she most definitely felt around Renee. As long as she can keep busy and keep moving, she isn’t giving herself time to feel anything or dare she say…. ACT on anything. It’s a great way for her to keep her wall up after having been hurt so many times. But once she is in a calm relaxing environment and there’s nothing to keep her mind going, is when she has to live in the moment and that is what she fears the most.*

Lucy: Well I’d say you’re just about all set here! I patched the leak, and I have an extra fuse in my car that will ironically also fit in yours so if you want to go pop the lid off the fuse box while I go get it, I’ll put it right in for ya.

Renee: Ok!........where’s the fuse box?

Lucy: Oh my God, you’re too funny! Drivers side. To the left of the steering wheel and just below. Let me know if you can’t find it.

*As Lucy heads back to get the fuse she notices Renee fishing around the lower part of the drivers side seeming somewhat confused and hastily looking for this fuse box. Confident Renee can’t see or hear her, she lets out a little chuckle and comments to herself. Renee, you are the cutest thing I swear. What I wouldn’t give to ask you out. I don’t even know if you like girls or better yet…me. She says frowning watching the car light hit the top of Renee’s hair making it stand out in the darkness of the deserted parking lot. Deserted parking lot except for Alex’s car who is still inside. Lucy sighs and gets out of the car walking up to Renee still searching with no avail.*

 Lucy: Want some help?

Renee: I’m sorry! I’m hopeless! I told you I don’t know shit about cars! Lucy doesn’t hold the chuckle in this time.

Lucy: It’s ok! She giggles. Look it’s right here. She reaches over popping the door off the fuse box accidently brushing against Renee’s knee in the process. Oh. I uh, I’m sorry.

Renee; It’s ok. She says with a small smile going across her face, no blushing this time. It’s dark, no harm done.

Lucy: Definitely not. With her face a short distance away from Renee, they share about a 3 second look into each others eyes when a distance voice calling their names breaks their gaze. It’s Alex.

Alex: Renee! Lucy! Oh good! You guys are still here!

Lucy: Yea I was just doing a quick fix on her car, what’s up?

Alex: Listen. I was talking with the crew, and if you guys had already left we were going to call you at home. We didn’t want you guys going to sleep tonight and have you not know. Lucy and Renee look on intently. I was talking with the directors the producers and we all feel the same way. Out of the handful of people that tried out for these two roles, we don’t want to give it to anyone but you guys. Lucy and Renee’s faces are grinning from ear to ear.

Lucy: Are you serious?!

 Alex 100%. Look. I’ve been a casting director for almost 30 years and I’ve seen people come to me shaking with fear and full of nerves over and over again. And the chemistry you two had today was undeniable and beyond words. I’ve never seen 2 people vibe like that right out of the gate. And we would be honored if you would both play the roles of Xena and Gabrielle.

Lucy: Oh my God. Without a doubt. This is beyond anything I could have ever imagined.

Alex:……Renee???

Renee: I…..I uh……

Lucy: She’s speechless.

Renee: I am! I really am!!! Thank you so much! The ONLY thing on Renee’s mind was being around this woman on a regular basis she didn’t even care about the role anymore.

Alex: Listen, it’s getting late. You guys go home, get some rest and be back here in the morning. We’ll all be here. Congratulations!!!

Lucy and Renee: Thank you!

Lucy: So! How’s that for an ending to a day that started out horrible?

Renee: This is literally the best day of my life!!

Lucy: Same here!

*And neither of them meant because they got the role.*

[lukearmitage]

Alec Rodriguez

You can learn a lot about someone by where they are from and where they have chosen to be. Some people never leave their hometown, some people leave as soon as they can, but every once in a while someone will stay and develop their existing community into something beautifully distinguished.

Born and raised in Orange County, Alec Rodriguez grew up with a big family surrounded by nice weather, cars, and tattoos. Due to his love for art, his desire to leave a mark, and the culture he grew up in, it was only a matter of time before he fell into the career he is now fully immersed in. Alec specializes in a popular style of tattooing called ‘Black and Gray realism’ which has it’s roots in East LA’s Chicano culture.

In the 1960’s many people had to get their tattoos done behind closed doors because it was mainly seen as taboo and illegal in some parts of the world. This form of self expression was mainly reserved for outlaw bikers, sailors, and lifers in prison.

Around this time, various groups of Mexican Americans created their own street culture which developed into what was known as the ‘Pachuco lifestyle’. This eventually evolved into the ‘Cholo’ culture where they began drawing and tattooing various images that pulled from a rich Latino catalogue of symbols, designs, and script lettering.

Tattoo art flourished in prison because there was so much time to share ideas and innovate. Prison officials found that they could reduce conflict by allowing inmates to have cassette players. With the motor from a cassette player, pen shaft, and the E string of a guitar, rotary tattoo guns were more prevalent than ever. The inks were made from the ash of burned magazines mixed with water to create different shades of ink. This evolved black and gray realism due to the enhanced quality and dimension of the art.

In those days, a majority of individuals would get their stuff done at the Pike in Long Beach where ‘traditional’ tattoos were popularized by sailors and rebels. However, in 1975 Charlie Cartwright and Jack Rudy opened a shop in East LA called Good Time Charlies where they popularized the distinguishable black and gray style with the help of Freddy Negrete that had started in prison. The shop was eventually sold to Ed Hardy who helped them grow the business and evolve tattooing as whole.

What was once a sign of rebellion has morphed into something that is beyond just another way of self expression.

Alec is the product of that evolution in the flesh. Behind his glistening rolex, wide frame, and intimidating tattoos is a hardworking artist who is both humble and grateful for the opportunities he has. I spent some time with Alec at his studio, along with a couple homies (Joe and Gordo), his two dogs (Chubbs and Ruca a.ka. Sad Girl), and his 64’ Chevy Impala convertible (8-Ball).

His friend Joe casually mentions “we would always just be hanging at his house.” Alec chimes in “This was before cellphones too so you would have to cruise by and see who’s bike was out front. My spot had no rules too.” Joe jokes about Alec having 20 dogs and 20 cats. Alec interrupts him with “naw, 3 dogs and 2 cats” with laughs. “I had a big family. Four siblings. There was always someone else living with us. Always had to take care of somebody else’s kids too. I’ve always been around people, so now when I’m alone, it’s nice, but at the same time its somewhat strange to me.” Which is somewhat ironic because he grew up down the street. All his friends live down the street as well. And when they get off work, they stop by. It has a similar vibe to a club house at times. Even though everyone seems to have a rough exterior, everyone is kind and respectful, which makes for a nice environment to spend time.

So you were born and raised here correct?

Yea, born and raised here. I grew up like right down the street. My mom still lives there.

Has it changed a lot since then?

It’s changed a lot. Definitely not the same as when I was growing up.

Do you miss those times?

Well yea, everybody misses the good old days you know?

In one of your interviews, you mentioned how your pops brought you into a shop and at the time you weren’t really interested, but eventually you came around. Can you talk a little about that?

Yea, when my pops took me into the shop to try and get me into it, I remember watching the whole process. There was puddles of ink, couldn’t see anything, perfectly straight lines, and it just looked like too hard. At that time I was pretty convinced that I couldn’t tattoo. But then a short time after that, I had some friends that I had grown up doing graffiti with, They had bought some tattoo guns and started tattooing out of their garage. And I thought to myself, well, if they can do it, I can do it.

Did your pops always have a lot of tattoos?

Yeah, he has been getting tattoo’d since he was like 14.

Did most people around you and in your family have tattoos growing up?

On my dad’s side, yeah for sure. On my mom’s side, not so much.

When did you start getting into the car culture stuff?

Ever since I was a little kid. My dad had a Cadillac growing up and I just always liked cruising in it. I would always bug him because I wanted to hop in a take a ride somewhere. This is when I was like 10 or 11. I never really thought I’d own one, but I always liked classic cars.

Do you enjoy being involved with it? Can you talk a little about it?

Yea definitely, It’s huge you know? But like anything it’s so political you know? It can be kinda controversial. So I dunno, I just kinda wanna drive my car. I don’t give a fuck about this and that. Don’t really want to get too involved. Like politics and stuff.

Like street politics?

Yeah, street politics and all that. Everyone wants you to get their approval.

Growing up, was it hard to stay out of trouble at all?

I mean, it’s never hard to stay out of trouble, just like it’s never hard to not party, you know what I mean? And then shit gets real and you end up in a place where you’re saying to yourself “aww, I shouldn’t have done that”.

Did tattooing help you stay away from all the bullshit?

Yea definitely, when I was about 18, I was fresh out of high school, my mom was like, “you have to get a job”, and I was “but I have a job” and she was like “I don’t really care, you have to go to school”. But I was frustrated because I had just graduated, I didn’t want to go to school. So I ended up taking a bunch of art classes because I liked it and just needed to meet the minimum requirement for my financial aid. So I was doing that, taking a bunch of bullshit classes, didn’t really know what the fuck I wanted to do. And then came the story with my pops and he took me to the shop. That was all during that whole process.

And at this time you were 19?

18. I got my apprenticeship with Goodfellas when I was 19. I was just a little-ass kid right there at Goodfellas Tattoo Shop with the big dogs. 19 Year old kid spending time with grown-ass men.

How did that make you feel?

It was intimidating as fuck. I was super intimidated. Especially because I knew who Steve Soto was and I looked up to him. And then to like be working for him it was just some starstruck type shit.

You seem like someone who really cares about the art, based on your stuff and your skill level. How were you able to learn so fast?

I get asked that a lot and some people say to me “oh you’re just naturally talented”. I feel like it isn’t so much talent as much as it is trial and error, practice. I always just enjoyed it and wanted to get better at it on my own. I was never really in competition with anyone or anything, it was more for myself. I just wanted to be a great artist.

What do you think was the driving force behind that?

As a kid, I just always loved art. It was just for myself. I wasn’t getting paid for it. I just genuinely enjoyed it. Then I got into graffiti from like 14-17 and I thought I was gonna do that as a career. Got arrested a few times and kinda realized that it probably wasn’t gonna work out.

How did you develop your style and technique? I feel like graffiti is way different than your aesthetic?

Total opposite right? Total opposite. I tell a lot of people, to this day, that I love abstract art and people don’t believe me because of the style that I do. I’m a big fan of it because my roots are from graffiti. But when I was taking all my art classes I was taking life drawing, the teacher was teaching us how to draw the models face, and I started becoming obsessed with making shit look real as fuck. And it just kinda snowballed from there.

You mentioned Steve Soto, are there some other tattoo artists or just artists in general that inspire you?

There were some local big graffiti crews that I was into MSK …CBS. Those guys were the shit.

What inspires you to wake up, do your thing and keep coming to work everyday?

I mean besides all my bills telling me “you gotta get the fuck up and go to work homie,” um, I dunno, I just enjoy what I do. If I sleep in and I’m running late, I just text myself that I’m gonna be late.  

You feel like you’re doing what you’re supposed to do. Like being an artist is your purpose in life?

I think so yea. I sometimes have feelings of wanting to do something else inside the art realm. I just love what I do and I have been drawing since I was a little kid. I love leaving my mark on things. I used to do that. I used to carve “Alec was here” on stuff and my mom would beat my ass. She would be like “Alec, did you do this?” and I would be like “no” and she would just sit there like… “it’s your name dumbass…. what do you mean you didn’t write it?” But I just love leaving my mark on stuff. Which is funny because now I do it with tattooing everyday.

When did you open your private studio up?

Just hit a year.

What was the reasoning for wanting to do that?

I get asked that a lot actually, but I dunno, it was just like an inner feeling that I was just ready to do my own thing. I always have to be close to work. I hate commuting. I was there seven years, so I was just kinda ready to have my own space. Spread my wings.

What was the inspiration for the interior design?

If you were in here the day I opened the doors, it is not the same. I change shit up consistently over here. But I dunno, I just always liked a lot of artwork on the walls. Just a lot of stuff to keep the people entertained while they are here. I always liked the super clean look, just very minimal. Not too cluttered.

A lot of people get tattoos after significant events in their life? Do you feel like a therapist sometimes having to talk to people during the tattoo process?

You know what, I call that ink therapy. I go through those phases myself. It really is therapeutic getting tattooed. I tell these guys here all the time, I joke around like “yea I’m a tattoo artist and a part-time therapist”. Just cause you know, I’m sitting next to the client for like 10 hours. That’s just one session. You get to know someone pretty well, especially after a few sessions. You’re literally sitting there touching their skin. I am helping them tell their story through their skin. I interpret it through my artwork.

The view on tattoo culture is more mainstream now?

Yeah most definitely. And it’s good for me, but everything has its pros and cons. Since it’s more acceptable, I have people with 9-5 jobs coming in here and getting tattoos which is great. But you also have kids going and getting tattoo’s on their face looking like a kindergartners sketch book. I’m glad it’s more acceptable, but some people take things too far.

Do you feel like you’ve changed a lot since you started?

When I was 19... I mean, shit, every 18/19 year old thinks they know everything, but I started working at a shop with grown-ass men with kids and families… and they kinda let me know how things are. They shaped me in a good way you know what I mean? I grew up real quick, just being around them.

Did they humble you?

Yea, most definitely. That’s why I was so grateful you know? Like a lot of people at that age don’t have influences like that. A lot of people have parents who say things like, “don’t do that shit, you’re gonna get arrested”. But you kinda just disregard their opinion. But when it’s somebody you look up to or respect in a different way, you tend to listen a different way. We all have love and respect for our parents obviously. I was just more keen on what the fuck the guys at the shop had to say. Even though it was the same shit my mom used to say. With your parents, sometimes you think they are just trying to control you, but with a friend and a coworker, they are really just looking out for you.

In one of your prior interviews you mentioned the word respect quite a bit. Can you talk a little bit about that and how it applies to you?

Respect is a huge fuckin’ thing you know? If you can’t go into somebodies house and respect it, that just says a lot about your character you know what I mean? If I was to go up in your house and I was to put my feet up on your couch and shit, you’re gonna be like “what are you doing?” Like respect my house, you wouldn’t do that at your mom’s house you know? Your mom would slap the shit out of you. Respect, you know what I mean?

You know what it comes down to? I got it tatt’d right here. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Treat other motherfuckers how you would want to be treated.

Last time I got one of my tattoos from you, your brother was starting to apprentice with you? But now it looks like he’s tattooing full-time and doing his own thing?

Yea yea, he works here with me. He’s still here.

Have you been able to take him under your wing and kinda show him what’s up?

Yea yea, I let him do his own thing. I’m here for him, I try to help him develop his craft as well. But at the end of the day it is up to someone personally to take the initiative and develop their skill, technique, and overall craft. I can only say so much. You know what I mean? I tell him like, “you literally have to get up and do the work. But if you have any questions along the way, I gotchu”.

Were there some struggles and difficulties you had to overcome to get to where you were? Or did everything flow pretty smooth for you because you feel like you took the right path?

I mean everything flowed pretty nicely for me and I am grateful for that, but of course there was trial & error periods and hardships. Just like everything, it has its politics. You are looked down upon at first because you have to start somewhere, you’re not good, or you’re not qualified. So you have to pay your dues for a little while.

Would you change anything?

Naw, I wouldn’t change shit. I’ve been so blessed to be where I’m at and to have gone through what I’ve gone through and still be here.

If you weren’t tattooing what do you think you would be doing?

*Deep exhale…. Stares off in the distance…  Honestly, I don’t really know. I don’t even really want to know. I’d hate to see an alternate reality where I could see myself without tattooing. Before tattooing I was just working at Stater Brothers and shit… you know? Just going nowhere fast.

What’s your future looking like? What are your plans? What do you have lined up? Traveling?

You know what, I used to travel so much. Honestly it’s really nice to not have any travel plans coming up. Knowing that I am just going to be home. I love traveling, I love all the places I’ve been to, I’m blessed to have been able to go there, but traveling is just so stressful. It’s a bitch and a half. So I’m content right now with just being here and doing my thing.

As far as like the long run, the future, I don’t really know. Where do I see myself in five years type thing, I don’t really know, I’d like to eventually have a more walk in type of shop environment instead of a private studio, hopefully, but only time will tell.

I imagine a lot people come from out of town to get work done from you?

Yea, the guy I tattoo’d yesterday was from Australia. People come from everywhere you know, Canada, Germany, Wherever you know? I had a guy come from Japan.

If they want to book an appointment, what’s the best way?

Just email me or go through the website.

alecrodrigueztattoo.com alecrodrigueztat2@gmail.com @alecrodrigueztattoo

Sources: Schwartz, E. (Director). (2013). Tattoo Nation [Video file]. United States: Visions Verite. Retrieved April 24, 2019, from https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2207870/