#yeah I laugh abt how i’m the only person ever whose therapist told them to play MORE YPP

[panic-on-panic-on-panic]

Okay I am a little bothered.

I play this multiplayer online game, Puzzle Pirates, which is like, basically a bunch of people combining their puzzling skills to do things like Make Ship Go Fast. I’ve been playing on and off since I was like, twelve, so it’s a familiar online Thing for me.

I want to be an artist and take commissions and blah blah blah but AvPD is a BITCH and I’m generally afraid to even leave a one-word comment on a single post on ANY social media site, so my therapist has suggested that I play more YPP in order to expose myself to people who AREN’T my dad (I live with him and talk to almost no one else) and gain confidence in my ability to communicate online.

This is all well and good but I told my mom and brother that my therapist said I should play more YPP and my brother was like “Wow, I wish I had your therapist! She’s telling you to play more video games!”

Like you don’t fucking get it. You literally do not fucking get it. A lot of this is not fun for me. I make one wrong social move and have to spend DAYS on my alternate character because I don’t want anyone to mention my fuckup to my face. I have an anxiety attack every time someone sends me a Tell. Today was Big because someone recognized me and it wasn’t because I suck and I didn’t have a panic attack about it. I posted a single thing in trade chat not that long ago and my therapist said she was proud of me for going outside my comfort zone, even more so because I responded and sold a thing for a reasonable price.

So this is not just “playing video games”. Sometimes it activates my stress induced nausea. Sometimes I have to take a gabapentin before I’m able to play. Sending a one-word message, not even a Tell, is agonizing. Underperforming even once sends me into a tizzy.

And you wish this on yourself??? You wanna have to take zofran and gabapentin before logging on? I bet you fucking don’t.