❛ you look better in your wanted posters. ❜ with whatever you believe One Piece is about? Or like, you can do it seriously too I won't judge
HOW LUFFY MET HIS CREW
When Luffy got on his rowboat to try and hijack a bigger pirate ship for his pirate crew, he didn’t expect the people on the bigger pirate ship to start flinging cannonballs at him. In fact he thought that was really rude of them. This line of thinking disregarded the fact that Luffy was the one attempting to hijack their ship in the first place, but you can't really blame him because, as his nonexistent mother once said, there wasn't a single thought that went into his brain that didn't fall right out again.
In any case one of the cannonballs had inevitably ended up hitting his rowboat, so if he didn’t want to spend a holiday in the sea he’d have to make sure he was successful with the hijacking. He stood up in the rapidly sinking rowboat and flung one stretchy arm towards the mast of the ship to swing himself onboard.
“Argh!” cried one pirate. Luffy kicked him overboard.
“Argh!” cried another pirate, as she tried to stab Luffy. The stabbing didn’t work because Luffy had a great skincare routine. He snatched her knife and kicked her offboard too. This repeated for a few more pirates before he stood alone on the big ship, having apparently kicked all of the crew into the sea.
For such a large ship, the crew was weirdly small and weirdly easy to get rid of. Luffy didn’t bother pondering this because thinking was a hobby that he did perfectly well without. Instead, he decided to have a look at what stuff the previous crew had kept on board.
At that point he noticed that his vest (which had had one single coin in its pocket) was suspiciously empty of one single coin. Somehow in the middle of his little routine on the ship, he had been robbed horribly, and now he was coinless.
It was probably one of the pirates he threw overboard, so Luffy leaned over the side to ask if anyone took his coin? but everyone spat in the water around them and said “no”. That was a bust.
He tried thinking about it for a little bit but, as previously mentioned, he was a special boy that didn’t do that. So it was time to start sailing instead! He’d get another coin somewhere else. Maybe he could find treasure wherever he ended up. Treasure and also a few people for his crew. He would have asked his brothers Ace and Sabo for starters but they died a while ago in very faraway countries.
As he sailed the wind blew pleasantly in his face. He kept a hand on his head to make sure his hat didn’t fly away, and his vest flapped around in the breeze. But the wheel didn’t need much turning, so Luffy decided he would see what else was on the ship.
It turned out there was a HUGE bathtub (which he didn’t care about) in one of the rooms, and also a HUGE kitchen (with lots of food!!) and also a HUGE room full of empty bottles. That room had lots of shelves in it, but none of the empty bottles were on the shelf. Instead they were littered on the floor and around the corpse.
It took Luffy a few seconds to realise that there really was a corpse on the floor and he probably shouldn’t ignore it. At the very least he should throw it away. So he clinked his way through the empty bottles and towards the corpse, which was when it let out a humungous snore and Luffy realises it was someone sleeping.
Should he wake the corpse up? Luffy asked himself.
The answer was yes. He slapped the back of the corpse’s head a few times (because it was face down on the floor) and also stole the sword lying next to it.
“Hey! Wake up!”
The corpse kept snoring. Luffy gave up and took the sword with him when he left. He’d check up on the corpse the next time he remembered it and hopefully it would be awake by then.
In his exploration of the ship, he also came across someone hiding behind a pair of curtains. It was a girl in a bikini. She tried to attack him, but a gold coin rolled onto the floor from somewhere (her bra) and Liffy managed to evade her swipe at him when he bent to see what coin it was.
“Hey! That’s my coin!” and he shoved it in bikini girl’s face to show her.
“No it’s not,” said bikini girl. She snatched the coin out of his hands and tried to run away, but Luffy yanked at an ankle and she fell down instead. “Hey! I said it’s not! It’s mine!”
“It’s obviously my coin, bikini girl,” Luffy said. “Do you want to join my crew?”
“Seriously? Bikini girl??”
“We can go and get coins if you want more?”
“I’m going to get off this ship the next stop and stealing coins from other people,” bikini girl scowled, “you’re not keeping me here.”
“Okay,” Luffy shrugged, and started to wander back out of the room.
“Eh? Just like that?” bikini girl muttered. “Weirdo.”
There wasn’t a lot of other interesting things on the ship, but on the plus side it only took an extra hour or so before Luffy ran into the corpse which was now stumbling around and groaning in the corridors.
“You!” Luffy said. “You’re awake! Who are you?”
“Who are you?” the corpse asked suspiciously. “And also where am I?”
“You are on board my ship, the Straw Hat Ship,” Luffy puffed out his chest. “I’m Captain Luffy!”
“Don’t look much like a captain,” the corpse frowned at him. “And since when was this your ship? And have you seen my sword?
“I am so! And it’s been mine for a week now actually,” Luffy informed the corpse. “It’s not like you’d now, YOU’RE not a captain of a ship. Also I have your sword.”
“Give it back, then,” said the corpse, cracking its neck.
“Are you gunna stab me?” Luffy asked suspiciously.
The corpse paused. “Oh. You don’t know who I am.”
“Who?”
“I am Zoro,” the corpse said importantly.
“Like the criminal?” bikini girl asked, suddenly appearing from behind Luffy. She squinted at Zoro. “I gotta say, you look better in your wanted posters.”
Luffy turned to bikini girl, since she seemed to know who Zoro was, and asked her to explain.
“He stabbed a few people and now he’s wanted,” bikini girl says.
“Oh,” Luffy said. He turned back to Zoro, who scowled and muttered something about snitches. “D’you want to join my crew? I’ll give you your sword back.”
“Wut?”
“He asked me too,” bikini girl confided. “I think he’s really desperate.”
Zoro rubbed his eyes. “Whatever. Sure, why not. Give me my sword.”
Luffy cheered and gave Zoro his sword back, and they spat and shook hands on it.
“Welcome to the Straw Hat Pirates, First Mate Zoro!”
-
They sailed around for a while — a little while meaning a few weeks — and it was just the three of them throughout. Bikini girl ended up staying on board the ship despite her earlier declarations, and in the end Luffy remembered to ask her what her name was (Nami) and they all got off at random islands during those few weeks to rob people.
The most recent was the island called Whiskey Island. Even though it was called Whiskey Island, all people drank on it was beer. This made Zoro terribly angry because he’d been excited to try whiskey from the legendary Island.
“Unbelievable,” he said, stomping out of a local bar with Nami and Luffy trailing behind. He swung his sword at a random boy with glasses and a trench coat, who yelped. “Can’t believe this. Beer. Damn.”
“We can go find some whiskey if you want,” Luffy said. Nami nodded.
“You know what? Yeah! Let’s find some whiskey. And then lets rob the island for false advertising.”
“Let’s rob the whiskey,” Nami suggested, and pointed at a giant billboard that said WHISKEY THIS WAY with an arrow pointing underneath.
Zoro nodded and started marching in the direction of the arrow.
“Excuse me,” said the boy in the trench coat and glasses that Zoro had threatened earlier. “You’re going the wrong way. Also you owe me an apology.”
“Who are you?” Zoro squinted. “And what do you mean, we’re going the wrong way.”
“You swang your sword at me before,” said the boy in the trench coat and glasses. At a closer glance, the trench coat seemed strangely lumpy. “And the arrow is pointing in the other direction..”
“So it is…” Nami said, looking towards the billboard with a thoughtful hand on her chin.
“Oh,” Zoro remembered. “Don’t worry. I swing my sword at lots of people, that’s why they want to arrest me. Can you show us to the whiskey room?”
“It’s a bar actually,” said the boy. “Follow me.”
When they went to the bar Luffy took one look in and shouted in shock, because it turned out that both of his dead brothers were alive! But Sabo catapaulted himself into Ace and so Ace died, again. Luffy didn’t mind too much because if Ace died once and was fine he’d probably come back later and he could say hi then. In the meantime he jumped onto Sabo who also shouted in shock and they both broke the wall of the bar that they were in from their immediate brotherly battle.
“Woah!” Zoro said, ignoring any battling. “A secret whiskey storeroom!”
“Woah!” Nami said, looking somewhere else. “That boy is actually a reindeer.”
The boy in the trenchcoat and glasses turned out to be a little boy with glasses on top of a reindeer in a lab coat, the reindeer having burst out of the trench coat in order to check if Ace was alive.
In the meantime, Zoro was busy glugging whiskey from the secret whiskey storeroom and the reindeer was performing CPR on Ace.
All activities stopped when Blackbeard arrived to menace everyone about breaking into his secret whiskey storeroom.
“It’s not secret,” said Luffy, “someone put up a sign.”
This made Blackbeard very angry, but that was ok because Sabo blasted him with his fire bazooka hands and he died.
In the end, everyone ended up going back to the ship (apart from Ace, who it is said is still receiving CPR to this day).
THE END
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