#yeonjunff

[cherrygyusworld]

[11:08 PM] (c.yj)

cherrygyusworld

please don’t copy or rewrite/post as your own. none of the following images are mine; copyright goes to owner! if you’d like to take this idea and use it, that’s fine, but I’d ask that you don’t make the scenario exactly the same and use a different layout. enjoy!

summary | you decide to surprise your boyfriend, yeonjun, by showing up to his concert unannounced

category | idolyeonjun! fluff

warnings | none

word count | 560

pairing | cyj x fem reader, mentions of taehyun and huening 

You smiled fondly from backstage as people cheered on your boyfriend, screaming his name as well as all the other members' before the concert finally came to an end.

"Miss y/n," one of the security officers called your name. You turned around and saw him beckoning you towards the backstage entrance, and you quickly grabbed your bag and ran after him.

You'd decided to surprise Yeonjun on his tour. Both of you had been upset when he left the airport, knowing that he wouldn't be able to see you in person for a whole month. Little did he know, you had booked a flight and a ticket to his third concert to surprise him. You'd spend hours in FaceTime and calls, and there were probably a million texts sent since the last time you'd actually seen him. Though you talked to him constantly, there was still a lingering feeling that caused you to want to see him even more.

You were in NYC now, and the concert had been amazing. You were so happy to see that people respected the boys' space and were polite during the show. You had a balcony seat to yourself, and it had taken you all the willpower to be able to even get a ticket. They sold out almost instantly, and you were one of the lucky few who were able to obtain one. Your heart fluttered giddily as you followed the security officer down the hallway, nearly running to be able to get to the waiting area before Yeonjun.

"You can wait here, miss." The security officer said. You thanked him and sat down on one of the cushioned chairs, fiddling with your thumbs nervously. It felt like an eternity before the door opened again, and a sweaty mass of boys tumbled into the room.

It took seconds before Huening Kai finally noticed you, voicing his shock. "Y/n? What are you doing here?"

"Y/n?" Yeonjun asked in a confused voice, oblivious to the fact that you were right in front of him. "Y/n's still in Korea. What are you talking...." His voice trailed off as he caught sight of you, and at that moment, the only thing that mattered was him. The light catching on his fluorescent blue hair, his eyes widening in disbelief. Then, you were running into his arms, and he caught you in his embrace, squeezing as though he would never let go.

"What... what are you doing here?" Yeonjun gaped, obviously still in shock. "You--- you were in Korea? I was at Korea, and you were performing. I mean, no you were in Korea and I was in Korea and.... fuck. You know what I mean."

You giggled into his shoulders and pulled away. "Surprise! Did you like it?"

His eyes were nearly teary with happiness, and you felt your huge smile mirrored in his face. "Of course I like it! I missed you so much. It's only been, like, what, a week? And I thought I'd die from the separation."

"I missed you too, Junnie. You did so amazing." You said, wrapping your arms around him again.

You peeked past his shoulder to see Taehyun rolling his eyes, trying to look annoyed but feeling mellow on the inside. He waved a hand and walked past them, shoving Yeonjun lightly.

"My god, you two. You're disgusting. Get a room."

[ppulversed]

THERAPIST CHAPTER 6

Hyunseo was a cool grandmother , but there were times she wasnt cool. she sits at the dining table upset after fighting with her granddaughter over lunch. Sangha had refused to eat her lunch , and upon investigating Hyunseo finds her seated on the floor of her room with five different eyeshadow palettes around her. she lifts a small pink coloured hand mirror close to her face. her mouth falls open like a goldfish as she swipes the eyeliner on her eyelid. Sangha lowers the mirror down frustrated at the tail of the stroke for the fifth time.

Sangha reaches for a damp tissue, well aware that Hyunseo was standing at the door , " I'm not , I'm not going to eat until i get this done ", she declares determined to finish her makeup.

despite being on a semester break for two weeks  , there was no change in Sangha's behaviour. she had no urge to spend it on a vacation , she slept late till the afternoon pruning about some invisible pressure on her shoulder about being an influencer online , she refused to walk out of her room. Sangha helped Hyunseo cook for the first three days of her vacation , all three meals breakfast , lunch and dinner. Hyunseo was furious that Sangha hadn't stepped into the kitchen for the past ten days ever since then.

" Park Sangha , I'm going to confiscate your makeup brushes if you don't come to the dining table right now! "

Sangha does not budge. she lifts the mirror close to her face holding her black liner steady on her now cleaned eyelid. 

Hyunseo walks back to the kitchen and pulls the dining chair out upset and takes a seat to resume peeling radishes. she picks a half peeled snow white radish and runs the sharp peeler on the skin while occasionally glancing at Sangha's room. a few minutes pass in silence. 

Sangha loses her focus and drops her liner. it drops on the floor and rolls down towards the door. she panics pushing the makeup palettes aside and crawls towards the liner. she extends her hand to reach for it. she sighs as her fingers curl around the liner.  she slowly collapses on the ground exhausted. she turns her body around to lay supine and tears resurface her eyes.  makeup was fading away from her life as she was healing on her own. she no longer found pleasure in it , she had lost her magical hands despite doing it for months to cope with her depression. It was extremely uncomfortable for her to come out of her sadness because there was a part of her associated with it , it felt uncomfortable to let go of that vulnerable part of her.  It made her skin prick , her stomach repulsed at the unfamiliar peace in her life. she wanted the hostile chaos back in her life. 

Hyunseo had imagined the worst if she chose to react with anger. she drops the radishes and peeler on the chopping board observing her granddaughter with concern. she could have scolded her if she wanted to , or forced Sangha to eat , but she knew deep down inside her heart that she didn't want to become someone Sangha was grieving about all her life. her parents. she had to be gentle with her granddaughter.

The next morning she finds Sangha sitting at the dining table slurping on cold noodles with her phone raised infront of her. Hyunseo walks towards the dining table with no particular expression on her face. she finds a yellow post it folded in half and mounted on the table next to a bowl of extravagantly plated noodles. she glances the note on the paper.

'sorry . i love you'

Hyunseo's lips lift for a faint smile as she pulls the dining chair to take a seat infront of her. the meal looked exceptional. Sangha was more than just an excellent cook , she was a visual pleaser , she excelled in plating. it was a simple meal topped with thinly julienned cucumbers and carrots in the middle , a generous piece of kimchi sprinkled with mixed sesame seeds. before indulging into her restaurant quality meal , she hears a meek voice.

"say it back" , Sangha begins.

"say it back, that you love me too" , she insists , indeed guilty about ignoring her yesterday.

"You'll have to do one thing for thing for that" , Hyunseo rests her elbows on the table , her smile remains lifted on her face.

the front door bell rings. she raises up from the chair to walk towards the door with a wider , more enthusiastic smile. Sangha found her behavior odd but still anticipates a free pass for that one thing that would make her say i love you back. how hard could it be? perhaps it was doing the laundry for the whole week or her helping with the chores for the rest of her summer break , she was fine with either as long as she could get back to doing makeup again at the end of the day. she sighs turning her head towards the visitor who accompanies Hyunseo inside. 

Sangha gasps raising up from her seat shocked.

he was such a regular at her house but he looked different every single time. his thin pink lips curve for a large smile , his sugary dimples appear on his plump cloud cheek. his bangs were long grown , dyed black and swooped to curtain his dreamy eyes. his smile was enough to light Sangha's pitch dark world.

"You?!" , she stares at him furiously.

" Hiiii , Sangha! " ,Taehyun stretches his arm out waving just his hand to greet her. his gaze is so gentle on her , it makes her look away immediately.

Hyunseo pats the boy's back as she stands next him, "Taehyun is here to take you out on a date"

"what??"

Taehyun nods as he approaches her with a smile , "will you join me , Sangha? "

Her heart combusts.

a/n : i spent an unhealthy amount of time with my crush today , i miss him , i love him so much , it hurts. i love him , i love him so much , it h u r t s.

[lucascent]

MY HUSBAND IS A BYUNTAE (on Wattpad) https://www.wattpad.com/story/333923492-my-husband-is-a-byuntae?utm_source=web&utm_medium=tumblr&utm_content=share_myworks&wp_uname=chi_loves_BTS&wp_originator=RFnYH4NOBGHsF0HoelKoJVWHBQY0i7CUkrwKH7U%2BmKuS18YRDdrQXTEUnkRGz8%2BFVLHaTs7PgLUEnWcm8xKX5tJ9tn6wuAxOSAxZTmjJIBM%2Fp9aSKP7y3Pr3%2Bm1wWTwm 𝗶𝗳 𝗶 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝗳𝘂𝗰𝗸 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿,𝗶 𝘄𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝗵𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗶𝗹𝘆 𝗱𝗼 𝗶𝘁 this ff is 21+,so read at your own discretion and don't forget to vote and comment lovelies !

[ppulversed]

therapist chapter 5

Failing to top the class was a humbling experience for Sangha. she had been doing that since the past three semesters. her life did not just move on the muddied tracks of falling grades , but also on new furbished roads full of insecurities. often , sangha reverted back to being sad. It was the only constant in her life.

sangha didn't understand what was wrong with her. she had three meals in a day like normal people ( sometimes two , one or not at all ), she showered often during winters because she felt warm and loved being embraced under the warm water , she went to bed with no particular hopes of being ignored for dealing with depression. she was growing older and it was harder to make friends. it was hard to determine who would continue being her friend , so she stopped making friends , and eventually stopped talking to people. she stopped talking to her own grandmother and spent time watching makeup tutorials. sangha found comfort painting her skin with luxurious foundations, glamorous lip tints and perfumes. she gained a few friends then because she was a natural at it. despite the cobweb of problems she was tangled inside , she never missed wearing makeup to college. she was a signature of flawless natural base and excellent eye makeup.

she would often talk about being interested in it , or have her classmates ask her advice , and or admit dreaming about becoming a makeup artist in the future. despite the glamour , she took hours perfecting it. it was beginning to take a toll on her mentally because she was losing interest in one thing that she believed she was good at. the shards of her own disinterest was reaching her. sangha wanted one chance to do something with makeup , one chance. and it came crashing down on her in the form of social media. so she began making content, quite specifically because she loved doing it regardless of the engagement. soon , she grew a lot of followers and it was peaceful for a while.

sangha then grew afraid of showing herself without makeup. she rather admired her face often at times it looked stunning, during menstruating for instance. she would awe at her on her flawless skin. she had a dedicated routine for skincare but often failed to follow it sometimes. she was afraid that if she continued to appear without makeup, it would lead her to lose followers. there was no bigger truth than that.

she could not term being different with her foundation and lipstick on. she was the same failure , a goblin of fears bound tight on her shoulder, escaping people as a plague. It was her true self. she was afraid that she would lose what she gained if she chose to appear infront of the screen barefaced. she never attempted it and dreads even thinking about it. she would spend hours perfecting it just for most people to swipe through her posts. it discouraged her but at the same time , it felt like the tip of a cold sword down her spine when she realised it was the one thing , one last thing in the entire universe pushing her to live.

sangha was still afraid , not because she was insecure of bare face but because she would lose what she gained in the first place. she was afraid to break what she built.

It was so tiring to do something forever in the hopes of living , when the same thing was draining her out.

how long could sangha keep doing it? how long can doing makeup make her feel like it was worth living for? how long could she continue being strong?

she feels her tears fall down her cheek as she walked through the lanes of the park. it reminded her of the park she used to visit in shanghai. it was a small park with a swing , a slide and a seesaw all aligned in the center of a sand play area infront of her apartment. it was lonelier during the summer vacations when the children of the apartment would go for overseas vacations , but it ensured sangha to bag a seat on the swing alone. she was delighted , rhapsodic wadding her little legs to push it forward. the chains creaked when it moved. soon as time passed , her legs submerged in the sand. sangha had grown up and could no longer use the swing. she could no longer use the swing. her breath shakes as she hears the voices of the children linger in her ears.

she cries.

she considers calling Taehyun to talk about it. she considers it , she even imagines her conversation with him and plans on asking him if he's ever had someone call him on the verge of ending themselves. but she was afraid it was going to destroy what was between them. she was afraid of losing him. she was afraid that if she called him now , he would be in an impression that she could never be alright. he could then stop talking to her , he could stop trying to help her , he could stop waving her hello in college. her parents were too far to reach for her , her former therapist never appeared in her life again , and her grandmother was occupied with work.

with tears sprawled across her face she feels a pair of arms pull her shoulder to force her up from the swing and leave her in lanes in the park. she stumbles to walk forward and plops down on the tiled pavement on her knees corrosioned because of the fact that she had no one to talk to.

she cries with her face scrunchied in that sadness. she looks for her phone on the ground. reaches forward to pick it blurry eyed as tears fill up the rim. she raises up on her feet and walks forward to sit on the bench infront of her. still in residual tears , she finds a spot to sit watching the children's park at a distance. It was filled with little children in soothing laughter , running here and there , a promising sight to catch baby fever.

sangha had never expected it to calm her down. as minutes pass , she feels calm once all her tears were vaporised and gone while she complained of the blistering odds in her life. she was glad to have endured it alone on her own. It wasn't her worst record till date but she pauses for a moment in realisation that her heart felt empty , like there was nothing left to prune about , a like a bullet hole when the bullet is removed. her shoulders feel lighter as she leans behind to rest on the backrest of the bench.

she glances at a number of adults in the children park , each with their eyes on their own children. tender small hands wrapped in worn out rough adult hands as they walk where their little crocs lead them , some wobbling , some standing still while the parents bend down to inspect them. she wonders if it was truly worth it to raise children. it was hard to guess with one parent's expression. she observes a parent behind the slide holding a toddler in his hand up to his face. he proceeds to throw the little one up in the air with a smile and catches him with even bigger smile bringing his nose forward for a nuzzle. his cheek remined lifted and his eyes glistened at the toddler not budging as he repeats the game safely catching the baby in his arms. his smile looks amplified each time he throws the toddler higher up in the air , not missing to nuzzle his nose causing the little one to burst into a high pitched giggle.

her smile soon drops as it reminds her of her own parents. she was never close to them. she didn't have a single memory of being loved by both her father and mother. it was either her father , or it was her mother. sometimes , neither. she was on her own. in highschool , in college trudging for someone to catch her once thrown in the air. she feels a warm rough hand wrap around hers. she turns towards the familiar visitor.

ahe had ash gray hair swooped with a hairclip , subtle appearances of wrinkles on her forehead , sagging cheeks with a soft smile. she lifts her finger to brush through sangha's long lashes tracing the mascara stained tears on her cheek.

" the base is still strong , but the mascara needs to flick "

sangha smiles gazing ahead , " do you know what makes my base look so good , Hyunseo ? "

" a dash of steaming hot tears ", she answers as her smile remains , " how did you find me here? "

"i guessed you'd be here since you go the park often if you arent at Nahyun's , you rarely go out darling" , Hyunseo replies recalling her asumptions.

" i saw your grade card on the table..", she begins slowly , not trying to guess her granddaughter's reaction.

" you did well! , you did so well kiddo , i'm satisfied! "

a small smile lifts up on sangha's face as her grandmother wraps her arms around her. her smile drops once again when she hears her again.

" mrs. kang's son told me that he heard you say that you want to die ", she pauses.

sangha's heart stops for a moment.

" was it because of your gradecard..? "

sangha sighs in relief with her head down. Taehyun did snitch about her. she knew she couldn't trust him with her feelings. she regretted talking to him or even wanting to talk to him.

" no.." , sangha answers in a firm tone.

"can i trust you? " , Hyunseo holds her arm, concerned laced in her voice.

"...I'm fine , i was just feeling sad earlier. fuck grades "

Hyunseo pats her back , " Yeah fuck grades. Lets go home now. I'm making meat for dinner tonight"

The sky had turned into a deep shade of blue. Hyunseo walked her granddaughter by her side towards the exit.

sangha was proud that she managed to handle her emotions all on her own that evening.

[ppulversed]

Therapist chapter 4

Sangha didnt want Taehyun to stop caring about her. self labelled anti social , sangha walks down the corridor of Hanyang after an exam. it wasn't easiest test of her life nor was it the worst , somewhere in between koshered with relief she heads down the staircase hoping not to look at someone familiar or end up having to talk to them. although she wasn't expecting anyone to pay attention to her, she spots Taehyun standing at the last step of the staircase with his friends , and worse , makes an eye contact with him as she steps down towards the entrance ahead of him. pretending to not have seen him  , she walks forward ignoring while he stood engaged with his conversation. 

there was one single entrance out of the building down the staircase and Taehyun always stood  there to catch up with his friends after exams. it was not that she was allergic to saying hello but she has had enough disappointments when attempting to greet someone. most of the times , she would go around trying her best to say hello with her hand up waving to someone with a smile only to receive a bland cold response from people as though she was never important. ever since then she stopped initiating it first and only responded when she was greeted instead.

sangha needed to collect her grade card for the previous semester and makes her way towards the teacher's cabin to collect her card. she was the last person to collect her card the previous time and this time to prevent all odds , she walks inside the cabin as the first person to collect it. the grade cards sit on the table as a bunch but there was no teacher at the cabin to  approve of her collecting it.  she finds another teacher seated in the next cabin who approves of her , and after a quick search through the pile , she finds her name and picks the card with ease. she walks out the cabin satisfied that she collected it. she had no particular interest to look at her grades , it no longer surprise her even if she got the highest grade. it no longer excited her . 

but what did , was when she walked out of the staircase to find Taehyun waving his hand at her. " hellooo" , he smiles at her as he walks towards her. 

" hellooo" , sangha matches his energy with a soft smile. 

" did the exam go well?" , he asks her.

" It was good.." , she replies with a nod as she pressed her lips together , " how about you?" , it subconsciously slips out of her mouth as she admired his face awestruck because of his blond hair. 

" Good too " , he smiles as he leans on the wall next to his side.

" heading towards the cabin to collect your grade card?" , she asks him.

" Yeah i am , I'm waiting for a friend " , he replies as he feels his phone buzz in his pocket. he pulls out his phone as his eyebrows grow closer and his forehead wrinkles as the light from his phone flashes bright on his face. 

Sangha presses her lips together as she lowers her head for a moment , " cool , I'll see ya " ,she terminates the conversation and walks straight past ahead of him. 

" You too " 

Sangha was least expecting him to meet him. she admired how much he made an effort to come greet her despite the fact that she is never her best in college. she loved how much he made her feel like her presence mattered in the college. he was such a caring gentleman , she did not deserve him. she hated how one sided it felt from his perspective that he always made an attempt to come say hello to her even when she was the most complex person to exist in the campus. his gesture warmed her , and the whole ride back to home she wondered how she could never think of confessing her love to him. she found it rather easier to be delusional about being in love with him rather than confessing or dating him , it was more practical and sangha had a reason to continue going to college. Just for him. all for him.  she never wanted him to stop saying hello to her. but deep down she knew that he would , and doesnt dwell on it too much. 

on reaching home , the first thing Sangha does it unwind. she goes to the kitchen after tossing her bag on the couch after a long exhausting week of exams. the tangible aroma of sesame oil lingers in the cold kitchen. she finds seasoned chicken broth in a pot on the stove and some par boiled noodles from the fridge , she takes the two combines them to make a light cold noodle meal and brings it toward the dining table. she walks back to search for a pair of metal chopsticks , she makes the utensils tumble in the pile but finds  a pair successfully and heads towards the table finally ready to eat.  

sangha was not a particular fan of feeling demotivated in life , but the noodles taste nothing worth looking forward with each bite. it was rather bland and numb on her tongue. she gets down to lurk for a box of kimchi , she plucks the cap open and dives into a piece on the corner. It manages to wake her tastebuds up but the spice kicks in afterwards. she washes the spice down by dipping it in the broth and savours it with the noodles.

 she had a love hate relationship with kimchi because it was too much spice for her to handle , but nothing hit the bottom of her tongue like it did. at first she hated her grandmother brining home large batches of kimchi home to let it ferment , but she rather finds it fascinating and even volunteers helping her ferment it during her free time. 

she reaches out for her old samsung tablet on the table flips it open to watch a couple of videos to ease boredom while eating. she spends a considerable amount of time watching kimchi making videos to help her grandmother , occasionally watching Bangtan making it in one of their videos. 

Sangha was a huge fan of Bangtan. she liked them ever since she watched them perform on the TV for the first time. she searched up their names and quickly became their fan in just a couple of months. she brought home every album in their collection except for two , You never walk alone and WINGS. since one of them was a repackage album, she could not decide between the two because she only had enough allowance to buy one after splurging on merch. she promised to make a decision soon but that never happened as she shifted towards buying makeup. she still liked the idea of another album to complete her collection and made it as a reward only if she scored a solid grade in the semester. 

speaking of grades, she walks up to the couch for her bag and plucks out her grade card to go through it once. she wasn't toping her class this semester but the gap of comparison between the highest score wasn't too big for her to feel bad about it. afterall , it didnt matter to sangha if she topped or scored less because there was no point of majoring it if she didnt like it on the first place. she could convince her grandmother because she has seen Sangha pull allnighters and show up to exam without eating her breakfast , but she could never convince her parents that it was hard for her. 

she sighs as she places the gradecard on the table. she puts out the utensils , switches her tablets off and places her hand up on the fridge to reach for the spare house key. she puts on her usual pair of shoes , locks the door upon walking outside and jogs out for a walk to ease her mind.

[ppulversed]

catch up chapter 13

// tw 

Joohyun feels alive again when Yeonjun bangs her against the wall. the pain penetrates into the back of the head as a mild shock as she looks at him , out of breath gasping for air. "what has gotten into your GODDAMN MIND JOOHYUN?? ",  Yeonjun pins her arm up against the wall leaning forward , commanding her to answer. she feels a dull ache in the back of her arm that hits the wall , his tight grip around her wrist burns on her skin. as much as it was the last of his patience, she liked it. she liked it because it evoked emotions in her numb heart again. rage looked astonishing on his face , his eyebrows moved an inch closer , his lower jaw clenched when he stared at her. she does not respond to him as he expects her to , it angers him even more. he leans forward to rest his head on her head to make his statement clear.

" starve one more time and you'll see the worst side of me " , he breathes pointing his finger infront of her lips to warn her. his breath mixes with hers , while she hadnt even breathed in enough air to keep standing strong infront of him. she breathes out loud gasping for air in silence as he blocks her preventing her from turning her head aside on the wall.

" hurt me " , she replies in a feeble voice , " hurt me. make me feel something " , she confesses as he raises his head up to look at her. she repeats it demanding for it in a small voice. he saw her face flushed in fear for the first time , her lower lip trembled in weakness. 

" enough. come home , there's no need to practice for the rest of evening " , he declares releasing her hand. 

his grip around her wrist burns on her skin. she dared not to look at him again. the slow shock numbs him when he realises what he had done to her. he immediately slips his arm around her waist to pull her close for a hug and swoops his lips down on her cheek. he runs his hand through her hair to massage the back of her head roughly making her whimper moan.

 "I'm sorry. did it hurt too much? " , he mumbles in a deep voice taking a breath in , his exhale fans her neck.

it did. ofcourse it did. hence she wanted him to push more of her on the wall and break all of what was left in her. his lips feel soft and cold on her skin , leaning deeper shoving his face onto her cheek silently apologising to her and even if he meant it , even if he meant it , she could not accept what he did to her. her skin feels warm , two times warmer than his own and thats when he pauses for a moment and pulls apart to look at her.

" aren't you feeling tired? you're burning hot " , he observes her concerned pulling her into a deluxe hug as he tugs her around her waist. she jerks into his embrace in tremors of fear as she repels him apart pushing her hands against his shoulders. he continues to show his affection resting rests his chin on her forehead mumbling ,  "come home with me. i'll cook some hot soup. eat and rest for sometime, mhm? " , he pecks on her forehead as he lets her out of his embrace to stand still like she desired.

his heart aches when he observes her stand weak without support. he slips his hand under her arm pushing her against the wall with his other hand pressed on the wall so her head to could rest on her hand. he leans forward luring her for a soft kiss on the lips leaving her to dominate him further. she reaches out for his cheeks pulling him down moving her lips urgently. she hates how desperate she feels demanding for his lips to merge into hers , but it also makes her stomach twist and her legs weak, her heart condenses feeling the tip of his cold fingers run down her spine underneath her shirt. heat raises in her body but it cools on the contact of his tongue in between her extra loud and passionate kiss. he pulls apart sensing her struggle to keep up with her breath and he doesn't initiate it further. he looks away to let her recover for a moment. he then reaches out for her wrist for a hold to tug along but this time , she shoves his hand apart nodding her head in denial as she stares straight ahead.

"I'm not coming home with you " , she expresses it out in a soft tone , her voice is weak as it evoked from suppressing her cries. she regretted kissing him so much that shame devoured her. 

 "I-I have to rehearse for tomorrow " , she squeezes it out in low inaudible voice as she looks aside.

" It's okay, come with me " , he takes her hand and walks her down the staircase that follows down the corridor. 

" no " , she refuses firmly as she stops him , tugging his arm towards her.

Yeonjun walks towards she shuts her eyes close anticipating another hit, but he warns her in a single monotone " don't make me do it again, Hyuna " 

 scared, she does as he commands her to walk with him.  she follows him towards the gate cursing him under her tongue. he hears her but doesn't give her much of attention and guides her to his car parked infront of the sidewalk. 

she stands apart from him controlling her tears her lips struggling to not burst out into crying , her cheeks and under eyes flushed red in frustration. clenching her fists together she stands stiff and reluctant to move. 

he pulls his jacket down his arms as he drapes it around her shoulders as her mumbles become loud and clear to him. she holds the two ends of the collar of the jacket with her hands.

" i hate you , i hate you so fucking much" 

" mmh " , he gives a soft nod standing next to her with his arm resting on her back.

" fuck you. i hate you so fucking much , it's unbearable " 

"i know"

the front seat window rolls down to reveal his peppy manager , Jisoo who signals him that the doors were unlocked. he observes Joohyun and waves his hand at her to greet her , " Yo " 

" Not now, Jisoo. she's not well" , Yeonjun informs as he slides the door open, his voice is airy as he reaches out to hold her wrist again. he manages to make her climb inside the car but she stops after she takes a step inside.

" NO. I HATE YOU. I CANT FUCKING STAND YOU! " , she screams throwing his jacket down , and if that wasnt enough , she walks on it. her scream is so lunatic , it freaks the manager who sits in the front.  she doesn't stop with that , she kicks it towards the door angrily before turning to sit down in the seat twisting her arms into a knot. she pulls the curtains open and hits the buttons on the car door impatiently watching the window pane cascade down next to her. once fully down , she puts her arm outside the window.  Yeonjun had seen enough of her tactics and he was even used to it over the months he spent with her. he could confirm that  it was his girlfriend without doubt. he climbs the car with no particular surprise on his face. he bends forward to lift his jacket up and leaves it next to her on the seat. 

" go ahead, Jisoo . we're in " , he informs his manager.

" Hyuna , behave until we reach home " , he warns her as he looks at her signalling her to pull her hand inside. she doesn't respond to him again. well aware that she was not going to listen to him , he shifts next to her on the seat to pull her hand inside as he wraps his other arm around her to keep her hand his control. he reaches out for the seatbelt and secures it around her with her hand under it. 

she was still under the shock of not being able to practice. she did not feel confident about performing the next afternoon. she had lost all confidence to even think of practicing infront of the mirror , she never felt prepared enough to step on the stage. she was extra hard on herself expecting each new performance to erase the trace of her mediocre execution , but each time it ends up hopeless and miserable and she'd beg god to help her get through one performance. 

still next to her without a seatbelt around him , he notices her as she lowers her head and her tears fall on the back of her hand. he also notices the cut mark on her finger joint that causes him to sigh out. he covers her hand with his wincing like it pained him to see a wound cut in her skin. a warm tear drips down the back of his hand.

" I don't want to perform tomorrow " , she confesses first raising her head up. 

" i don't like performing " , she continues with the same hopeless tone. he listens to her as she expresses her suppressed emotions.

" i hate it so much , i can't do it anymore " 

" i just cant do it anymore" 

" i hate it so much . i don't want to perform "

" okay don't do it " , he replies as he stares ahead without glancing at her. he listens to her patiently as the car rode into the city. the winds rushes through the window and flings her hair across her face as she turns her face towards him. the cold air soothes him as he closes his eyes for a moment.

" I hate it so much , i am not going to perform " 

"okay, don't perform"

" NO. i HAVE to perform " , she turns towards him staring at him , " i have to fucking perform " 

" BUT i hate it so much, i don't want to do it" , she emphasises on each word as she stares at him. 

" i fucking hate it. i'm not going to do it " , she repeats it again. 

" okay , don't it Hyuna " , he replies in a calm voice as he sighs under his breath with his eyes close. 

" but i HAVE to do it . i have to do it . i cant step back".

" i fucking hate it " , she mumbles. 

" i hate it " 

" i hate it " 

" i hate it so much " 

" i hate it so much " 

" i hate it so much " 

Yeonjun raises his hand at her irritated , " HOW MANY TIMES WILL YOU SAY IT ? " 

" CAN'T YOU SEE THAT I'M FUCKING LOSING MY MIND for god's sake, Yeonjun? " , she screams bursting out in a loud cry as she runs her hand through her hair falling back on the seat pulling her legs up on the seat , " go to hell"

he sighs as he looks ahead again to curb his anger , " It's okay even if you don't want to perform , just come home with me and take rest  " 

" I'm not going to perform ever again " , she raises her head again pointing her finger at him. firm with her decision, she stares at him without flinching.

" i am never fucking performing ever again" 

" okay , don't perform again " , he replies again and the tone of his voice varies in acceptance.

" i can't do this anymore . i hate you " , she looks ahead even after he approves of her decision. the residual anger in her makes her unconciously repeat her words again as she brushes her hair behind her ears on the verge of losing another tear. 

" i hate it " 

" i hate it" 

" I hate it" 

" i hate— 

" JISOO stop the car. " 

the manager does what he is asked for. he takes a moment to turn the steering toward the sidewalk trusting Yeonjun. from overhearing their conversation from the back, he didn't want to interfere between their heated argument. 

Yeonjun bends forward to pull the door open from inside and tugs onto on to her arm commanding her out of the car to stand face to face on the sidewalk. 

" do you think its joke ? That I'll believe you when you said you want me to break up with you ?" , he turns towards her , raising his voice at her exhausted from enduring her half hearted confessions. she stood weak on her feet , unable to even stand up straight because she curled her body in fear anticipating him to hurt her again. her under eyes flushed red as the sun that set behind her in the atmosphere .

" you're miserable with me standing infront of you right now.." , he stares at her without flinching at her weakness, " do you think you'll be any fucking better without me?? " 

" answer me , Joohyun " , he shakes her arm that he held covering her fingers with his hand preventing her from using her nails again.

 " if you had told me earlier , i wouldn't have struggled to become what you hated in me " , her voice is strained watered down with tears as she looks at him , " I'm tired " 

" I might be miserable without you , but i'll not feel like a burden " , she confesses , teary eyed forcing a soft smile on her face.

Yeonjun drops her hand holding back his tears as much as he could to appear fierce in her eyes , " is that what you want? to pretend like nothing existed between us? "

her silence gives him his answer. he lowers his head as he plucks the car door open and steps inside extending his arm to pull the car door close with a loud thud. he informs his manager to start the engine. he tries not to look at her as he sits by the window seat appearing as though he was unaffected by her words. although she confessed her true feelings , it was the first time she feels so incomplete longing to bid him goodbye like she usually did. a moment passes in silence as she abstains from reacting. the situation sinks inside her as she observes him next from the window. she watches the car speed ahead and it becomes smaller and smaller on the lane ahead until it was no longer seen. 

[ppulversed]

therapist | cyj

chapter 3

// tw : suicidal thoughts

Majoring in engineering worsened Sangha's mental health.

She was born in shanghai, mainland china. Her father immigrated from China and married her mother and settled in his hometown after. six years later , they had their second child and sangha was forced to go back to korea to live with her grandmother. At first ,she refused and threw tantrums on the plane. soon after it all changed when she boarded the plane alone when she was 13 and it was the last time she met her parents in person. despite being in contact through phone calls , she felt orphan without them.

her interests misaligned with her parents when she grew up alone with her grandmother. she believed her parents didn't like her and hence did whatever she could to look good in their eyes. her parents wanted her to major engineering and it put a lot of mental pressure on her to do well in college.

Sangha had a journal where she wrote about what she felt in order to vent out her frustration. It was introduced to her by her former therapist to ensure to keep her mind clear. she couldn't even pick up her journal to write ever since she decided to deal with it without him. she often wrote about how insecure she felt or about the constant desire to disappear. There were a couple of pages with the word just die repeated in the whole page over and over again till the end , there were some pages she wrote a single line about how nauseating it was to go through her class notes, she wrote about quitting college , she wrote about how difficult it was for her win Taehyun's heart. on that day,  sangha writes in a page that she wants to die in legible Korean letters almost daunting enough to become true. but exhausted from thinking too much about college , she falls asleep on the table with her head down.

" did you eat ? "

she hears a familiar voice next to her.

upon raising her head , she notices Taehyun staring down at her as she rests her head again on her journal spread open on the table.

" when did you come in ? " , she asks as she turns her head on the table uninterested to look at his face.

" You didn't come to college , so i dropped in to check. The door was open " , Taehyun replies as he pulls the chair to sit next to her at the dining table.

he looks around her small home as he does each time he visits her home. the first thing he realises is the dull aroma of ripe kimchi seasonings as he sat in the open kitchen. Hyunseo worked at a kimchi factory and would often bring small batches home and leave it to ferment. apart from having a constant produce of kimchi , Hyunseo managed all of her granddaugther's expenses without compromising with her needs. Sangha spent most of her allowance on new launched makeup and fastfood because she often repulsed eating in the morning (and in the afternoon and in the night)

" You didn't answer my question " , Taehyun asks her again , in a louder more commanding voice.

" I did , go look at the rice cooker and don't snitch on me if Hyunseo asks "

" I will most definitely snitch on you " , he smiles.

" Infact I'm going to call her right now to complain that you havent eaten since the morning. bet you havent even showered " , he pulls up his phone in the air in front of his face pretending to swipe his finger on the screen.

" stop, she hates calls during work " , Sangha reaches out to stop him as she raises up her head to look at him. her strong gaze makes him reconsider. she observes him for the first time since he arrived , he had rebellious blond hair done and forehead exposed . his skin glowed as the evening sun from the window flashed on his cheeks when he lifted it up for a soft smile. the subtle dimple on his cheek basks under the golden glow. his thin pink lips curve for a smile.

as per his guess , sangha had actually not showered that day. she was still in her pajama hoodie , bareface and lips overlined with a lip balm. her loose strands of her long fringes sticks to her cheek as she swipes them behind her ear as she faces him. she lowers her gaze on her journal that was left open. her irises bloom wide in horror when she finds it open in front of him , and her heart balloons up in her throat when she catches him staring at her journal on the table.

" fuck! " , she flips the book open just as fast as Taehyun who sneaks his hand on the book.

" fuck let go of my book!" , she requests him pressing her lips together.

" not until you tell me what you wrote in it " , Taehyun makes a deal.

" let go, what the hell? , it's personal " , she declares pulling the book towards her side.

" what's personal between us ? " , he demands pulling the book towards his side. he doesn't hesitate to stand up to gather more force to pull it towards him , " do you not trust me? "

while Taehyun pulls it harder with all his might, he observes her dull expressions turn sharp determined and desperate to protect her book. he releases his tight grip as Sangha pulls the book towards her side causing her to stumble back on the kitchen counter. he gets pulled along with her to crash against her. Sangha avoids touching his shoulder as she turns her head aside with her eyes shut tight.

Taehyun rests his hands on the counter under her arms , " did.. you write that you want to die? " . he asks her concerned as he looks down at her minding the gap between their heights.

Sangha lowers head without uttering a single word after. It confirms that she did write it. It was thanks to his excellent eye sight that he figured out within a single glimpse of the book.

" does your grandmother know about this? " , he asks her. he takes a step back to reprimand her through his eyes.

" i guess. she figured it out when she read my journal when i told her not to " , she answers with her head hung low. she walks towards the table to place her book on it.

" I know she's gonna get mad if she reads this , but it's not like i can stop feeling like this just because you tell me not " .

Taehyun hadn't expected it at all. he reaches out to hold her arms confused as he stares down at her , " No like , seriously , are you..okay?? "

" i just couldn't find a reason to exist " , she confesses as she sits down on the chair. she sighs as she lifts up her legs up on the chair as she wraps her arms around her knees.

" and yeah , I didn't shower since the morning. i just could not bring myself to "

" This is how I live my life. It's mundane , hopeless and directionless " , she narrates as she stares ahead.

Taehyun walks towards her in shock . he wraps his arms around her head and pulls her head towards his chest , " don't say that , you can trust me. I'll help you out of it "

-

a/n: i didnt really write much but here is an update.

-

a/n : sigh.                                                                                      

[ppulversed]

catchup

{ so, it ends? HEIZE} 

Joohyun couldn't find music louder than the last bar of the volume. she wanted to listen to something even louder to help her forget about her fight with Yeonjun. while it was easier for Yeonjun to forget about it and get back to his schedules , it was rather hard for her when they had an argument. It left her disturbed. she tried hard not to let it affect her career but it have a lasting impact on her performance.  he was arrogant about being the right one all the time. she was no less stubborn when it was about her career. she did admit starving but it was for all the reasons he did not listen to. when it was hard not to think about her relationship during practice , she would go on her phone hesitating to give him a call and ask him to break with her. It was not that he did not live up to her expectations of being a good boyfriend , he was turning hostile and controlling because she chose to endure it. 

She presses her the tip of her thumb on her forefinger joint to vent out her frustration. with each bar of volume she wishes could bombard her ears further, her fingernail pierces through her skin leaving a red scar. anger pools in her chest. her anger stemmed in her not because he was mad about what he did to her , but because she was so weak and hopeless in front of him. she pressed her nail deeper and deeper unable to hold it inside her. she couldn't stand him. she hated him. she hated how she was bound not to talk about it. she hated how he never understood her even when she chose to express it. 

" Is this how you make tattoos? "

she hears a faint voice as she releases her thumb. upon turning towards her right, she finds Heeseung reach out for her phone on the bench and lower the volume down. she stares at him intending not to greet him with a smile or a hello , she was just not in the mood to. she believed he would go away on his own if he felt like it but he stared down her at her finger. 

" Is that how you get your own tattoo? " , he asks her again as he reaches for her hand. his cold finger feathers the crescent red wound etched in her skin. he caresses her finger tenderly , observing the wound with dull expressions. his irises glow in distinct crimson red tint causing her to stare at him a little longer. she looks away when he makes eye contact with her. she pulls her hand aside continuing to press on it.

" You had a deal with low blood pressure that day ?  " , he asks her as he walks her to the ordering counter. he holds her hand careful not to touch her wound. his hands are cold , like an ice pack. Joohyun has felt cold hands before , on her wrists , on her waist. she winces when she feels something piercingly cold on her skin , but for some reason she likes his cold hand. It was equivalent to the extra volume of music Joohyun wanted to feel in her cranium. 

" It wasn't surprising " , she replies as she reaches out for the cup of hot chocolate on the counter. Heeseung notices her wounded hand wrap around the cup. she lifts the burning cup of coffee without a hint of pain. he observes her as she takes a sip of the hot chocolate. 

Joohyun ordered hot chocolate because coffee reminded her of Yeonjun. she did not ask the counter to serve her own without sugar. sugar was not a big deal for once but it was going to cost her if she continued to mismanage her diabetes without insulin. she worried about it scared that it was going to weaken her again but the chocolate tasted sweet and warm on her numb tongue. she hadnt slept or eaten since their fight on weekend. she chose to sleep the whole day on the sunday and woke up to work on the monday. hot chocolate was her first meal. It was not that she refused to eat , but she could not get up to eat when there was nothing worth living for. It would be ridiculous if she died because of hot chocolate, and not Yeonjun , unless he were any sweeter.  She places the cup on the bench leaving her hand free on her knee. 

Heeseung lifts his hand up her hand on her knee. he runs the tip of his fingers up on her knuckles and rests his palm down on the back of her hand.

" Hold my hand. It's cold" , he declares before she panics, his thumb brushing on the back of her hand. 

Joohyun neither denies nor agrees. she sighs lifting the cup with her other hand without lifting up the one he holds down. he encourages her through his gaze on her hand , he waits for her patiently to respond.

Her fingers slip between his to complete his promising hold , the corner of his lips lift up without letting her know. he feathers his thumb on her finger joint causing her to wince under her breath. 

" You've got knack for getting everyone worried ", Heeseung remarks as he takes another sip of his drink. He doesnt look at her , even when the tone of her voice varies. 

"I don't ask them to get fucking worried", she turns towards him firm. she doesn't take a sip from her cup. his soft features warms her. she wanted to impulse swoop her hand on his cheek , his skin was like the surface of the sun , burning hot glowing fine like Sirius. 

she shuts her eyes close to let out a sigh, "I'm sorry , I was just stressed "

"I just.." , she begins in visible discomfort. 

"I just.." , she tries again and mouth hangs open unable to complete her words. Tears fill up to the brim of her eyes. she chokes on her breathe unable to continue further. 

she lowers her head in confusion unable to speak because he did not trust him. it felt like she was disintegrating with her own discomfort , like it was slow poison spreading through her veins , causing her to gasp for the air of comfort. she could not complain about what she felt inside because it was not professional. she stared ahead estimating how much longer it would take her to feel sane again , to find another reason to exist when all she wanted to do was disappear. he raises up concerned as he slips his hand out to shake her shoulders to wake her up , but to his vain , she doesn't hear him call out to her name or respond to him at all. 

[ppulversed]

CATCH UP| cyj

Chapter 11

Joohyun holds bad grudges and Yeonjun on the other hand , doesn't. 

It was a pain to wake up for Joohyun. she makes it out of the bed the moment she opened her eyes fearing that she must have slept through her alarm. she reaches out to the table for her phone and she realises that it wasn't her own room to begin with. she looks around the dim lit room to conclude that she was in Yeonjun's room , but it haunts her as she doesn't remember walking into the dorm. she takes moment to panic over her insulin patch. she recalls not wearing it on the way back home from practice , but upon running her arm around her waist she feels a dense patch on her skin. she slips down the bed on the ground as she covers her mouth and cries out scared.

she raises up and walks towards the living room frustrated. she needed to find her phone. she need to find her earpods to sink into the comfort of music. upon walking to the living room , she finds Yeonjun seated at the dining table with a single bright light hung above his head. he lowered his head in the comfort of his hands on the table , he raises up his head when he hears her walk towards the dining table. he walks towards her concerned.

Joohyun raises up her hands clasped together to signal peace. she shuts her eyes close warning him to pause. 

he lowers his head as she walks around him the next minute. she walks towards the dining table upon spotting her phone , beside it lay her earpods inside the case. It was closed shut . she inspects it upon opening the case for both of her earpods , then lifts it up to her pocket. she glances at Yeonjun who walks towards the kitchen counter . he pulls out a cup from the counter , the utensils cankle , then lifts the rice cooker up for a scoop of rice into the bowl. he turns towards the table to place the bowl down , he reaches out for another cup and blocks her from escaping the kitchen. " Eat . There's soup " .

she ignores him as she pushes his arm up front . he resists her and grabs her wrist forcefully to seat her by the dining table , " Eat . It won't hurt your career if you eat "

" We're out of ramen , but I'll go get some from the store right now. Eat till then" , he informs as he takes his stance towards the door.

" I am not going to eat " , Joohyun declares firm , unwavering.

" Then starve and die. " , he replies coldly without turning back.

she lowers her head in shock at his words , but she was glad that he considered it. It relives her. It relives her as she focuses on breathing out , her mouth hung open as a single tear flows down her cheek. 

It was midnight. she was the only one awake in the silent dorm. a victim of maddening hunger , she cools down to reach the pair of chopsticks in desperation. her cheeks were damp in tears , she could not dare to speak against him. he kept her bound. he kept her bound because he cared for her when she wasn't expecting him to. each morsal of rice tastes like burning hot oil on her tongue , she could not spit it out nor swallow it down her imprisoned throat. tears flow down her cheeks and she couldn't help but to scoop more rice in her mouth until there was no more space in her mouth. 

she cries. she cries with tears blistering her face red as she chews her food down scared. she raises up from the chair to walk towards the sink. she wanted to spit it all out. but she couldn't. she tries not to give up on chewing , chokes on it a few times and reaches out for a glass of water to help the food down her throat. she wipes her tears upon hearing the front door open.  Yeonjun walks towards the kitchen with a couple of ramen from the store. he doesn't inspect her , he doesn't question her nor does he ignore her , he walks beside her towards the counter. 

he places his arm around her waist to check for her insulin patch was intact on her , then retracts his hand back to look for a suitable pan. silence and the tension between them falls on her like a meteorite , like it was a both a burden and boon to talk and resolve it between them.

" I don't want to eat ramen " , she turns towards the table reaching out for her phone.

Yeonjun drops it , turns towards her frustrated. 

" Open your mouth and tell me what you want to eat. I'll arrange it for you " 

" It's three in the fucking morning. I don't know what I want to eat " , she turns to face him , her voice is firm. 

" Tell me what do you want me to do next. " , she glares at him raising up her voice. she reaches out for his arms to place them around her waist , " Look at me . do something to me. " 

he raises up his hands to beg infront of her , " I'm requesting you , please don't go on stage without eating three full meals. " 

 " Is that enough to please you? " , she raises up her head on the verge of tears. 

" It is. It is , Joohyun " , he nods softly as he gazes at her.

she lowers her head as she walks to the door with her phone and earpods. 

" Joohyun wait " , he follows her to the door , still meaning to talk to her. 

she clenches her fist as she pauses infront of the door. she lifts up her shirt to pluck out her insulin patch as she turns towards him.

" End it with me. "

"Joohyun "

" I can take favours but don't bound me to your favours for the rest of my life. " 

" Han Joohyun " 

Yeonjun observes her as she walks back inside in anger. she returns from his room to stand infront of him. she throws the insulin patches on the ground.

" You and your insulin patches. Take it back " 

Yeonjun loses it. he turns his head aside and walks back to his room without a single word. he locks the door close.

Joohyun turns towards the door at a debt of her time. chalant , she pulls out her earpods to position them in her ears. she plucks the door open and walks out the dorm without a single hint of remorse. 

-

[ppulversed]

CATCH UP| cyj

summary : in which an idol dies from an accident only to wake up as a vampire again.

Han Joohyun dies in a car accident and wakes up as vampire. she loses hope as an idol longing to perform on the stage again. her relationship with idol Choi Yeonjun faulters. Her close friend in the music industry, Heeseung, a vampire, turns her into an immortal , falls in love with his own creation. she appeals to Yeonjun aiming to fix her relationship, fails.

Yeonjun/Heeseung biased semi-supernatural idol vampire au!

Chapter 1

Last monthly evaluation. 2016

She intertwines her hand with her partner as she walks towards the center of the dance room, nervous from head to her waist where he positions his hand on hers. At the judge's podium seat ten judges in count , each from allied entertainment companies tied to the main she was a trainee under. Joohyun drops her shoulders loose when she hears the instructor break for a moment as she turns towards her partner. His cheeks lift up curved for a smile , those ocean deep eyes of his shimmer rays of comfort as he observes her. She was the complete opposite , rarely nervous in sight but her arms raise up to reach for his hands, she lowers her head in fatigue , a soft sigh escapes her lips , the long strands of her hair stick to her sideburns , her skin sheds damp sweat. 

" You'll do well " , Yeonjun assures , he speaks skin deep sincere as her senior.

The quiet toned girl replies with a smile. She clears her bangs off her side before walking back to her position where she now stood relaxed. Yeonjun protects her black silk scrunchie , which she believes as a charm of luck by wearing it on his wrist. He was more than delighted to assist the new trainee for her last monthly evaluation. Yeonjun began with his practice days ago. Despite his packed schedule as an idol , Joohyun obliged to train not under not more than the hours proposed to her for practice in a week. Yeonjun believed that was too rad for someone who was still a trainee.

" This is for you , Sangbyeol " , she kisses her knuckles turning towards her partner .

" Ready ? " , he whispers.

 " fuck , i might flip the stage over" , she laughs nervously tearing up as she covers her mouth.

Joohyun lowers her head when the lights flashes warm on her skin , the cameras focus on her face and the countdown starts again. This time Yeonjun with heightened passion slides across her move in sync with the music , he slithers his hands across her as she turns towards him as he twirls her around roughly , lands her safe on feet on his right to magnet towards her. As a dance prodigy himself , he was following the repetitive tune of the classic Shape of You.Yeonjun gazes at her face dolled up with a soft smile , he cheekily responds with a smile as he intertwined his hands with hers, as he twirls her again and his hands land on her waist again 

Joohyun leaves his embrace to flap her hands from her head to waist down , arms folded stiff close to her chest as she follows the beat of the song , sneakily walking towards him to pull her partner by his shirt. He breaks into a smirk leaning against her back , to wave their bodies together. He wraps his hands on her waist to lift before landing her on her feet before following a basic shuffle to commence in style. By the end of the dance , Yeonjun was in smiles as he accompanied her to free dance towards the center of the stage with her eyes affixed at the judges. He melts when he sees her flash a smile wide free of stress, a peak of her sunken dimples and sweat glisten down her sideburns.

she reaches out for his hand and the two bow to the judges. 

" What do you think? , will I be able to debut ? " , Joohyun asks him, overwhelmed after the performance. The two sit by the corner of a small local restaurant close to her apartment. 

"I'm sorry , you must be busy yet you agreed to visit me " , Joohyun turns towards him with a faint smile , her bangs flutter when she turns her head towards the owner of the restaurant who brings them a triumphant dish , a humble bowl of spicy rice cakes filled with sauce up to the rim of the curved plate and a side of fried chicken.

" Thank you for serving us well, we'll enjoy the meal! " , she bows light towards her.

Yeonjun observes her as she reaches for a pair of chopsticks on her side , eyes gleaming in delight at the food. She pauses before she turns towards him. Yeonjun was rather expecting her to say that he insist on eating first , but the girl's tone rises up and her gaze affixed at him in disbelief.

" What are you staring at? , Dig in before it cools off" .

she sure was bold. he approves of her as he picks up his chopsticks with a smile on his face. 

"To die for Chicken or tteokbokki? ", he begins after he takes a couple of bites.

" Tteokbokki always . I'd die for tteokbokki , always " , she replies .

" Bulk up on some chicken , you might need it for carrying the industry on your back.." .

Joohyun pauses turning towards him , " Are you being serious right now ? "

" When have I not sounded serious with you? " , he leans close towards her face with a confident smile on his face , he reverts back to bite a piece tteok from the bowl.

" What are you staring at? cmon, eat " , he signals as he places a piece of chicken on her plate with his chopstick. Although his subtle way of assuring her that she would debut moved her , she also wondered if it was perhaps the constant lathers of his arms around her waist made him worried that she was rather too skinny. A wide smile appears as she turns towards him, already staring at her. Joohyun gasps at the claim of love the man beholds as he sat next to her , the figure of his lush black hair curve on his head , his soft dumpling cheeks raise for a smile , his lips plump and nurtured with a gloss of innocence that spreads on her lips as he leans forward for a quick peck on her lips.

Joohyun lowers her head with her cheeks red , embarrassed.

He lingers close to observe her before he calls her name for the first time , " Joohyun-ah , Let's date.."

"I'll make time for us like this so we can meet " , he smiles gazing at her big doe eyes.

Joohyun gulped nervously as she stood next to Yeonjun in front of the judges in the meeting room. He assures her subtly moving his pinky to nudge her hand, too delicate for her to notice before he wraps his hand around hers tight breathing out in relief , Joohyun turns towards him confused and she hears the judges announce.

" Congrats on your debut , Miss Joohyun. We look forward to seeing you perform on stage "

-

[ppulversed]

Two

Sangha was afraid of making mistakes , although countless ones slip beneath her fingers during college hours.

Failing electronics lab was Sangha’s favorite job, though none of the circuits foster her occupied mind and the constant fear of blowing up an entire lab with one switch remains. Sangha wondered how she hasnt died till now or how the sparkling electricity could make her dead veins pump enough blood to her cheeks so her muscles could build a smile. she sat on one of the tall stools, with her feet on the stool leg, in her usual black hoodie graced in a luscious cocoa perfume, she coupled her hand with a book in between. the look on her face was unbearable. her face drooped, a single monotonous sigh escaped her lips as she glanced upon the table where lie a fused bulb from attempting to build an exact replica of the complex combination of an electrical network.

Sangha was exhausted from making mistakes. one of them leading to a monetary loss made her wince , her gut aches with fear that she could never touch another bulb in her life again. It was a matter of a few bucks to help return a new unused bulb to the department to compensate with the fused one.

She was no better at home. Her grandmother , Hyun-Seo  , a proud veteran could tell from her behaviour. so she drops her granddaugther at one of her same aged friend’s house in the occasion of her grandson’s birthday.  That boy once was someone who made Sangha nervous when he was around her.  He was smart and tall , he was handsome as the lotuses in a pond floating above on his own. He notoriously chewed gum in class , he would barely listen to the lectures and would put on music on shuffle through earpods and sleep in the back of the class where he'd goes unnoticed. Kang Taehyun was an awfully attractive name for someone with a diamond heart.

If Taehyun agreed to date , he could have solved half of the world’s problems.

Sangha was crushed instead . and not long after , she no could not find his presence amusing. instead , he was rather some sort of a burden for her to look at .

He turned 22 that day. He sat next to her on the dining table inflating a few balloons for the celebration. he picks up a balloon from the galore of colours, places it against his lips and blow into it with a loud and obnoxious attempt to gather all the air from his lungs. Satisfied , he would collect the balloon in his hand after it bakes into the size of a large pomelo , leans forward to gather a rubber band and tie the balloon together. His knee brushed against Sangha’s who sat as though the world ended on her shoulder.

“ Sangha? ”, he calls as he turns towards her .

“ what are doing? I finished blowing up five balloons , you blew up only one ” , he informs as he leans forward on the table to grab another balloon.

“ Yeah..”, a monotonous response in a low tone forewords his attention.

“ It was only one..”.

Sangha leans forward to rest her head on the table. although , it was only one bulb and Hyun-seo agreed to replace the bulb unlike the horrendous lab instructor who raged at her.

Sangha never wanted to look at another bulb again though it cost a few cents more than her lunch on an usual tuesday afternoon ( perhaps if she did not consider the kimchi topped lunch from Hyun-seo that afternoon ) she could get over the guilt of blowing up a huge bulb right next to the same boy who once made her feel nervous.

Sangha pondered upon it over and over again. she just could not accept being labeled dumb. she did not eat the next morning , the afternoon and dinner that Hyun-seo ensured she did. She lies on the bed with her eyes open. her numb back on the soft mattress as she caressed the pillow for comfort , the blinding moonlight peeked through the window on her miserable face. she did not sleep one night , she lie awake crying but no tears flowed down her cheek.

Sangha was scared.

She could not take an action that could potentially force her to make a mistake once again.

She was exhausted from repenting action , and wished rather that the state of weightlessness should fall upon her shoulder like mercy. but she has sinned so much to ask for even mercy , as it would come to her in the form of life threatening mistakes such as burning her finger in a hot pot.

“ SANGHA! ” , Taehyun tugs on her hand in horror as he pulled her towards him. Sangha , however unresponsive observes from the corner of her eyes the hands of her beloved ex- crush blow on her hand with such delicate care , and love .

or love.

Sangha stood in one corner of the house as the elder , Taehyun’s mother and his sister , Soyeon helped tiding the table after dinner. She stood there because she was commanded by Taehyun to not move. so she did , and stood tall as an abandoned power pole with a bandage on her forefinger .

Taehyun awaits for his birthday cake after dinner , perhaps was an unsual take in the native korean house consisting of 6 including one fur ball cat named Hobak. He waited each year for this occasion because he was fond of cakes. It was one of his favorite desserts and would cherish finding it for three days in his fridge ( until his sister ate the last piece and leaves him with just buttercream to relish )

Taehyun was serious about his cakes. He would order the same cake since he turned thirteen. red velvet . but for the first time in four years , after enough pestering from Mrs. Kang , he decided to go with the humble butterscotch cake with starcrossed caramel flavoured icing and sugar glaze. There was no one more delighted than the birthday boy himself. 

Except for the girl who stood in the middle of junction between the dining area and the kitchen. she was the opposite of him , deranged by the constant taunts of the light bulb that glowed bright above her head on the wall.

“ Sangha sweetie , don’t be there just standing. come here for a second ” , mrs Kang calls her in a sweet tone.

Sangha walks up to her , and the mother about an inch taller than her , leans forward as she holds her arm , “ was he too harsh on you ? ”, her breath hushes.

In the word harsh , resonated her name, Sangha raises up to face her.

“ He might be straightforward at times , but he has good heart ”, she explains as she smiles hearing her son chuckle on the other side.

“ Here ”, Mrs. Kang holds the beige cake infront of her.

“ Go place this on the table , he’d love it.. ”, she guides Sangha as she places the cake on the table.

Sangha hesitates for a moment because she does not believe herself. she could not after the incident. she does not want to accept it. It was the elder’s request after all. she could not explain Mrs . Kang her situation nor Taehyun whose laughter sounds like honey in her ears. she avoids turning her head at him the best as she raises up the cake in her hand and walks towards the table with careful steps.

Sangha breathes out as she places one foot at a moment , slow as her head guides her towards the table. focused , she does not glance at the two siblings laugh loud at each other. raising heat approches her and he crashes into her.

Sangha tumbles down on the floor upon feeling a cold weight gush on her , the cake slips from her hand and turns into a mush on the ground where her elbow rested. Taehyun falls upon her with both of his hands on both sides of torso on the floor , his face inches apart from feeling her lips on his own. his head touches hers. 

Sangha glances at the cake in unfathomable shape and a chunk on his wrist that angers him , he raises up in rage. he looks at the horror of his own birthday cake for the second time , “SANGHA , YOU RUINED MY CAKE! ”

Perhaps , she was glad that the cake was in as much destruction as she was inside , but she couldn't hide the fact that she was depressed on his birthday.

Sangha was always depressed on everyone’s birthday after.

—

a/n : hi this is one of the books I've been currently working on , I'll update when i can , please give it a lot of love and look forward to the updates!

[ppulversed]

One

Park Sangha was on the lookout for a new therapist.

The hardest things for the nineteen year old girl would be walking on the tightrope between destruction and simplifying her life , both of which hold meagre value on the curse of her existence. Sangha studies in Hanyang university , Seoul, South Korea. As glorious as the name sounds ,there walks a girl down the pavement in an awful ocean blue jacket , untamed hair that floats across her cheeks , she holds a couple of books to her chest , her arms weak and impotent to hold nothing but her own tears . After a few minutes her soundless tears slip down her cheeks on her shirt , on the ground where there lie nothing.

Sangha has been trying to meet with her therapist , Kim Soo Bok. As imaginary as his name sounds in her ears , she has meddled with him for two weeks for a session. Sangha doesn't try to do something that takes her over two days , of all the days she spent waiting infront of his incense clad cabin , she only saw herself desperate confused of her own worth and time. Kim Soo bok manages not just Sangha , and he could not guarantee a session exclusively for her in the past one month. Sangha knows that she sounds desperate , lonely and her tears stamped over her miserable cheeks wet , she bit her lower lip , running out of the college gate to meet Kim Soo bok.

As easy as it sounds to look for a new therapist , only Sangha knew how hard it was to find one and even after , to find suitable time to book her sessions. She felt awful that her time passed in countless anxious negatives while she tried her best to make the best out of her free time and be productive. productivity drives her active and watchful of her life , but at vulnerable moments where she feels dethroned by the consequences of her own actions , she feels that she can't be productive hoarding on the countless voices in her head.

Of course , Sangha was upset about her semester results. They were awful and pragmatic , and it was not just an understatement to explain the forced acceptance on her face when she was presented with her results. while writing an exam was to deal with a demon , so was her anxious calling to avoid seeing her test results , but how could she not ? She stood among her classmates enticed by their except for one who seemed to look ahead of her time.

Sangha walks on the road careful not to bump into a car , she waits a moment longer to cross the road such that there were no cars that could suddenly ram into her or startle her with a honk. although shortcuts through and between the forbidden alleys make her nervous , beads of sweat damp her forehead and back , she continues to follow her trail towards the alley with a sign clearly taboo. Sangha takes a step back sensing that Kim Soo bok might be engaged with a client.

She takes a step back from entering the small center , clad glass doors to prevent intruders or such from entering the clinic. but she checks her clock , three minutes past 12 in the afternoon bothers her that she hasn't done a thing that is productive since the past one hour. It bothers her , it bothers her to take a look inside , it feels like a burden to walk inside and take a peak inside. what if she were to see him with a client again? she did not want to feel desperate again , the longing for Mr. Kim soo bok to listen to her nonsense.

but what if Soo bok hated his job , would he still prefer to look forward to meeting Sangha while he better clients with insanely stable mind and soul , while she was a disaster he could not fix. The time ticks forward without mercy , leaving her at 7 minutes past 12 and nothing productive at hand.

It would take her a moment to step inside , just to satisfy her longing and like a sane person would she accept the fact and walk back to her study room in college. but she waits a moment expecting footsteps so that she could bait and ask if he were inside and to her disdain she hears a meek sounds from the cabin that makes her freeze in her tracks. not again. Sangha trusts her sharp ears , as when she was little she could locate her mother's phone buzz from a distance cloud for the naked eye , she had an exceptional hearing ability even trained to distinguish between the weakest of notes from her piano. Sangha was disappointed.

she plops down the waiting couch leaving her bag aside for a moment before she contemplates whether she walked back to her college or stayed for a minute more to confirm a slot for therapy. Sangha is an extremely busy engineering student with barely an ounce time to eat or watch her favourite show , so she was bound by the constant need to be occupied by work and academics. It made her nervous to think about spending time with her classmates , whom she barely made any eye contact with and often finds it hard to combat with the constant loneliness although surrounded by people. she breathes out loud , taking in another breath she raises her head to look at the isolated cabin.

10 minutes past 12. Sangha had to move now.

Sangha was indecisive , a ton more than she thought it would affect her. She wipes her cheeks gaining strength from her phone buzz in her hand , was this is a sign? She pushes translucent door to reveal glimpse of a middle aged man not past his thirties. handsome from his first glance , his hair groomed to expose his forehead , cheeks chiseled that he almost resembles actor Jung sung. He turns towards her without any prejudice , hands raised up on the table to support his chin.

Sangha falls short of words as she gazes on the young boy who sits infront of the therapist.

" I have a client.. " , he informs without breaking his gaze at her.

" Yeah. I can see that.." , replies Sangha with a smile too weak to hide her disappointment.

" I just came here in case , I'll go now.." , she glances at her phone buzz twice as she bows and walks out of the cabin as planned.

" inform me once you want to have a session , you wont get a slot post lunch hour " , Soo bok informs as Sangha stops in her tracks . she takes a turn to push the door open once again.

" I'm extremely busy this week and two weeks after , i dont think i can make it here anytime this year , sorry Soo bok " , she marks her final words and walks out of the clinic determined to never visit him again.

she picks up her phone to attend a familiar voice , but her words null and strained come out after a moment of silence.

" Hyun seo-yah , I'm on way , keep the kimchi aside till i reach home..",

Sangha wipes her cheek clean, breathes in the air fresh as she walks down the pavement with her stiff shoulders. she decided that she would never talk about her emotions again, for those she could deal with on her own, and that she would never look for another therapist in her life.

[cherrygyusworld]

TXT (OT5)

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ KEY:

angst ☽ | fluff  ♡ | mature ☆ | sad  ☁ | song insp. ♪ | personal favs ☀

ot5

- reaction to breaking up     ☽ ☁

- places they would live in  ♡

choi soobin

- 5 stages of love   ☽ ♡ ☁

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ (in letter format) you and soobin have been dating for a while, so you go through and read some of the old letters that you’d written during your relationship. It describes the five stages of love: confession, first kiss, first fight, withdrawal, and goodbye.

choi yeonjun

- [11:08 PM]   ♡

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷  you decide to surprise your boyfriend, yeonjun, by showing up to his concert unannounced 

choi beomgyu

- calling you clingy   ☽ ♡ ☁

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ you go to bring a handmade lunch to Beomgyu during his break, but you don’t expect to overhear him talking badly about you behind your back.

- glimpse of us  ☽ ☁ ♪

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷  both you and beomgyu are suffering from ending your relationship, even though it’s been a full year. you spend nights in someone else’s arms, but the only thing you want is to be back with him.

kang taehyun

- silent treatment  ☽ ☁

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ you’ve had enough of your boyfriend, Taehyun, completely forgetting about your existence and standing you up on your date. You decide to give him a taste of him own medicine, but it proves to be harder than you thought.

huening kai

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