#yes i will and itll be my wardrobe too

[disruptivevoib]

god what are you going to make me do? My whole wardrobe will become chonny jash /pos

It's just Jash! It's just Jash all the way down!

[bismuthburnsblue]

YOU SELECTED: CIRCLE SKIRT

not gonna lie, this one surprised me a little!!! (or, the fact it was such a clear winner did anyway!) you wont hear me complaining though, i LOVE a circle skirt, theres just something about the way they move that no other skirt shape seems to match, no matter how much fabric is in it. i hope youre looking forward to pattern cutting shenanigans way down the line, the lay plan for this is gonna be Weird....

Moving on from skirts, its time to think about what the top of this dress might look like.....

(for the purposes of this poll, a shirt dress is going to refer to anything with a button front closure and a collar of some kind)

additional notes under the cut as usual

Heres just a handlful of examples of what a shirt dress Could look like- shirt dresses were a super popular style for casual 50's style dresses, and ive had making one on my list for a while (i actually have a green duvet cover earmarked to make one one day i think, though in my research for this ive seen a super cool dress i might take inspo from for it instead, esp if this becomes a shirt dress) i love all the different options for collars & sleeve styles you can pick from, all the places you can have a fun little accent! i could pick fun matching or contrast buttons, there could be some trim around the collar or the button stand.... theres so many ways to play around with this!

another pro of the shirt dress is specific to the fact were making a circle skirt. one thing on the negative side of the shirt dress is that center front seam, splitting the pattern completely in half at the best spot to see it in all its glory- however as i mentioned in the skirt post, with this fabric, the way i cut the circle skirt is probably gonna be a bit weird, and its going to leave me with a whole bunch of odd shaped pieces that will probably benefit from smaller individual pattern pieces that shirt dresses have (i cannot say for certain until im working on my layout, though, and i have none shirt dress ideas that will do this too, but! its definitely something to note) it'd also be a way to make the center front seam the circle skirt will probably have seem more intentional into the design (though again, i have ways to combat that in the case that we dont go this way)

howeverrrrr i am very on the fence about a shirt dress being the right way to take this project. again, shirt dresses are a super popular casual style! but in that way, i worry itll be harder to style in a way that seems more formal- especially with the print and fabric combination (ive definitely seen more formal reading shirt dresses, but they tend to be boosted by the fabric choices, satins or taffetas, things that seem fancier in general) i would like to get some "nice occasion" wear out of this dress if i can, and i think that may be harder this way.

Also, i already own so many blouses, it might be better to have something that brings a different silhuette into my wardrobe. although i do wear those blouses the most, so it also might be ideal to make something that emulates styles im already drawn to.

on the other hand, the options are truly endless if we dont go towards a shirt dress. these images are just a handful of the other style options ive seen out there- not to mention, the backs! i am deeply fond of the classic wide & high necklines that have a deep V into the back- in fact i already have a pattern that could work for this particular style. really, its pointless for me to start elaborating on what other options there are because literally anything you can imagine, we could do.

[artinandwritin]

I dont think i ever mentioned it but ever since i started applying to art colleges I've been keeping up an art wall and since i just added some new illustrations to it, i thought it would be fun to explain some things on my wall and revisit some of my old favourites!

Going from left to right, we start with some more recent illustrations (featuring, ofc, gussiri, Niv, and a recent illustration of Cato from @otwdfanfic 's fic that i liked sm i just had to print and put up somewhere). Next to Cato, I put a gift i got from my dear friend @lt-catbolt of our bois Niv and Melatron and i cant remember if this was for my birthday or for fun, all i know is that i nearly cried when she gave it to me (go follow her now btw she's awesome and shes gonna become one of the most expressive storytellers of our generation i just know it)

Underneath Cato and Niv/Mel, we've got a huge pencil drawing I did 2 years ago to get accepted into an art college. It took me so. So long. I even begged my teachers from high school to let me follow classes online so i could continue working (they said yes lmao) and my mom even had to help. Worse, it wasnt the only assignment that particular art school had given me, no, they had given me a total of 6 assignments I had to complete. They all took a lot of time and didnt all turn out great haha. I didnt get accepted into that school (it was a fine arts study so im pretty sure i wouldnt have been happy there anyways) but that just makes me all the more happy i did get accepted into the one im currently attending

Anyway ive been too lazy to take it down so now itll be there until i find the willpower to take it down

The butterfly above it is a painting i did towards autumn of 2021 for my portfolio. I'm not the best painter (decent enough but its just not for me) but im still really happy with how this turned out. It was pretty fun!

Underneath that is an inkt print made from a stencil once again featuring Cato (i have. No idea why hes on my wall twice lmao i guess hes just a great muse). People who have been with me for long enough probably still remember this cuz i was superproud of how it turned out and plastered it all over my account (and my house. My mom wanted a copy as well)

Underneath the inkt print is a poster i got while visiting the Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe stage play when I was in London in autumn of 2022 (take me back London take me back take me back). The play was absolutely stunning and the way everything was staged left me (as a life long narnia enthusiast) ecstatic and super excited. One of the best plays ive ever seen even if i had one of the worst seats in the theatre <3

Next to the poster is another little gussiri drawing i printed lmao. The little goobers show up so much

Above the poster is more of gussiri!! And above that is another painting i made, this time of some mushrooms. I made this during a party i threw for my 18th birthday, we all did some painting together and i remember my lovely lovely friend @allilcat painting with watercolours so well. That memory is just etched into my brain <333

Above that is a painting i made of the night sky! I used it for my portfolio and it was really cool to paint since i, not knowing basic painting techniques, could only really throw my own imagination into it which gave a really cool result. Still really love it!

Lastly, we've got a Siri illustration made by a classmate of mine for a secret santa we did last christmas! I was so happy with it and ofc it deserved a really good spot on my wall <333

Thats been a bit about my wall, if youve made it this far thanks for listening to me rambling <333

[salaciousslut]

You are such a kind person omg ☺️ I bet your friends love you a ton, and honestly if you tried to cook my favorite food for me i'd probably try to help you make it since i love to cook. I dont have a real favorite food so maybe we could just make some homemade fries together :)

Though probably too big to fit into your clothes so i'd probably try to play dress up with you as my doll, esp if it means i get to see how pretty you are in all your outfits <3

Waking up to kisses would be so nice omg, im like touch starved to reading that just made me all 🥺 its really too bad you havent posted a pic of you dressed up for your meeting, i think everyone would like it a lot. But maybe thats also selfish thinking 🤭

I hope your meeting went well btw <3

i love love love my friends. theyre my people, and once youre mine, ill protect you with my life

oh yes please!! i wanna cook together but its something i gotta get used to bc sometimes i get stressed in when there is other people in the kitchen. im trying to be better about it tho and ask for help!!

hehe thats what i meant!! i wanna be a doll that you dress up and choose my outfits and stuff! thats my fav thing ever!! (and maybe steal a few things from ur wardrobe too hehe)

im touchstarved too!!! like i wanna be physically affection with someone and cuddle with them and just be a pretty lap pet for a couple of hours!!

i would post a pic of my lil outfit but itll give away a lil too much of my personal life hehe but just picture me in a tight green top flowy black pants! and my hair is half up and down hehe.

meeting was great! i didnt look completely stupid so that is a big win!!! i hope ur having a good day 🥰

[gangrenados]

Imagine role-playing Moby Dick with Dick and he makes whale sounds when he cums ⚡

this is cursed omg. This is like part 2 of that moby dick ask?? here is the thing lol

big thanks to my pal @tooru-mutsuki-cult-leader for helping me with some quotes from the book ily!

This surely would look prettier on mobile but I like this gif way too much to not use it lol

"Maybe we should spicy up things a bit!" You caught him shamelessly with that one, knowing Dick soft spot is finding new nasty things to do. Maybe next it time itll be his turn and he'll have you fucking like freak du Soleil.

This is how far is willing to go yet, the things the ex boy wonder has to in order to get laid and has some alone time with the person he loves the most.

The cool breeze of the AC hit his bare skin, the rope in his wrists and ankles were tight enough from preventing him to escape from your touch, and he witnessed in awe how you were basically mocking him.

He didn't knew if loved you that much or if he liked to get his ego sucker punched, maybe he was deploying a thing for self embarrassment? Dick didn't know.

Such a pretty girl had him at his mercy while wearing a damn cheap pirate hat.

"Why the hat?" Dick asked, obviously entertained by your wardrobe of choice, that silly hat and some black lingerie that happened to cover your more intimate parts with a string of clothing. You looked sexy in a pirate-ish type of way though.

"If your gonna be the whale then I'm your captor, duh. I had to dress for the occasion. " Such a razonable answer that Dick couldn't argue against. "So anyway, a beast like you shouldn't talk."

Dick looked at you amused, he didn't knew what to expect from this but he was curious to see you talk weirdly as you used him as some kind of dildo since he couldn't move a single limb.

"We have bussiness to attend, sweetheart, I wanna know if the whale is as shocking as others claim it to be. Since moby dick may be big, but he ain't that big."

Your fingers graced his sides as you left kisses all over his torso. going down agonizingly slowly, and with your teeth and the help of your index and thumbs, you pulled his boxers down, freeing his cock from that cloth trap from the world to see Dick in his naked glory.

Diving in his beauty, you couldn't help but mutter." That ain't no whale, that a great white God..."

"(y/n) you can't be serious right now."

"I didn't memorise the lines of the book for nothing, so suck it up."

Without wasting time you took his dick in your hands and start pump it, slow at first making sure to pay attention to the tip until beads of pre cum came out and you decided to give it a few licks that went from the base to the top.

Dick shut his eyes as he exhaled, hands grabbing the sheets ligtly as you started to suck him more eagarly. He felt in heaven, your mouth sure did things to him, but before Dick could reach his climax you took him out of your mouth.

You climb up the bed the better you can a you keep jacking Dick off, making sure to line up his cock with your hole before pushing him in." Oh my-" you squeal and Dick can't help but left out a breathy moan as he adjusts to your pussy. Hands held you falt on Dick's stomach, rocking back and forth slowly before speeding up.

You ride Dick with eagerness, not caring about anything else but your own greedy pleasure. His moans and grunts were like sweet music to your ears, and the sound of skin clapping was noting but making this even more lustful.

Dick was battling with the ropes, it doesn't matter how many times he had been tied up when the time of watching you enjoy yourself, mouth slighlty open, head threw back as you gave him a full display of your tits- man, he was frustraded to not be able to touch you.

“From hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee. Ye damned whale" you cried out, walls clenching around Dick. It didn't took long for him to find his own realease, paiting your womb with ropes of thick cum.

What you didn't expected were the poor whale noises that ended up being outshined by his own moans, all of this in a weird mix that make you burst out laughing. You'll never be able to forget that.

"What a nice whale you are, Moby Dick." you cooed Dick, who was laughing as well, and without pulling him out, you reached up to kiss his chest.

[ewritesthangs]

Clothes, clothes, and more clothes. Jesus, I've got to go through my wardrobe. You thought as you unpacked your bedroom.

"I dont remember having this many clothes when I packed up." You say aloud to yourself. You hear biting at a cage. "Honcho. Mommy is unpacking." You say to your pet ferret. You know its Honcho, for he always bites. Deeks was sleeping away. Just as you were about to put away some more clothes, the lights go out. This freaks you out a bit because of the things you read about how crimes have started this way. They cut the electricity and boom! Surprise you.

"GOD FUCKING DAMMIT REALLY?!" Your new neighbor heard this, him too experiencing the power outage. He walks over to your apartment and knocks on the door. You screech a little before going over and opening the door, only slightly.

"May I help you?"

"Hey, hi. Um I live across from you and I heard you scream. Are you okay?"

"I uh, yeah just a bit freaked out. My power is out and there's a serial killer dude person out there that cuts the power."

"Ah yes. I know. Im part of the police department. Names Greg. Or Mouse."

You nod, opening the door some more. "Y/N."

"I have some candles and flashlights if you need any. Do you need any help?"

You shrug, still a bit uneasy. "I could use some help."

"I'm your guy then." You step to the side, to let him in.

"Thank you. Itll help having someone here."

"Let me just go get the candles and flashlights quick." Once back, he and you lit them.

"You have a pumpkin spice latte scent?"

"What? Don't judge me." You just giggle and shrug.

"Smells good." You guys begin to talk and unpack your kitchen and living room.

"You have a vanilla chai candle."

"Don't judge me." You smirk and chuckle.

"Smells like a cookie."

"They taste amazing." You smile and continue to learn about Mouse. You liked him already, for he seemed so chill and mellow.

A blossoming friendship.

"What is that noise?" He asks, when he hears Honcho biting his cage.

"What? Oh, thats Honcho. My ferret. He wants to come out and play."

"Whoa you have a ferret?"

"I have 2 actually. Honcho and Deeks."

"That is awesome! Can I see them?"

"Sure! They love new people." You take his hand and lead him to your room with a flashlight. You go over to the cage and open it, Honcho waiting for you to pick him up. "Hi Honcho baby. Come say hi to mommys new friend." You hold him out to Mouse and watch as honcho licks his hand. Mouse was smiling like crazy as he pet the little furry noddle in front of him.

"He is so cute!"

"Deeks is a sleeper. He is an old man." You chuckle.

"Sounds like me." Mouse chuckles.

"They will nap with me too. Its so cute."

"Holy shit i bet." You place Honcho in Mouse's hands and watch as he snuggles up to Mouse. "Oh, my God. He has stolen my heart."

"They tend to do that."

[minorpenalties]

50 questions tag

i was tagged by: @jamiesoleksiak and @softgrantaire (thank u bbs ily)

1. what is the color of your hair brush? blue and grey

2. name a food you never eat? bananas 

3. are you typically too warm or too cold? too cold esp my hands and feet

4. what were you doing 45 minutes ago? doing my makeup lmao

5. what’s your favorite candy bar? i rly like double-deckers atm or crunchies are a classic

6. have you ever been to a professional sports game? i’ve seen a pro rugby game

7. what was the last thing you said out loud? idk i think i was singing along to a song

8. what is your favorite ice cream? mint choc chip (controversial ik)

9. what was the last thing you had to drink? wine lmao

10. do you like your wallet? it functions so yeah i guess

11. what was the last thing you ate? curly fries

12. did you buy any new clothing last week? uhhhh no i dont think so

13. what’s the last sporting event you watched? does a round of among us count? or one of the last flyers games idk my memory isnt that good

14. what is your favorite flavor of popcorn? butter

15. who was the last person you sent a text to? my irl bff soph

16. ever go camping? too much as a kid 

17. do you take your vitamins? oh shit thanks for the reminder

18. do you regularly attend a place of worship? nah im not religious

19. do you have a tan? no i just freckle and/or burn

20. do you prefer chinese or pizza? chinese

21. do you drink soda through straws? depends if im wearing lipstick or not

22. what color socks do you usually wear? i wear all colours

23. do you ever drive above the speed limit? 😬 no that illegal yes

24. what terrifies you? small spaces, walking past large groups of people, rejection

25. look to your left, what do you see? my drawers, desk and my wardrobe

26. what chore do you hate the most? taking the bins out

27. what do you think when you hear an australian accent? N I C E

28. what’s your favorite soda? 7up or coke cherry

29. do you ever go in a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? i don’t really eat fast food but go in i guess

30. what’s your favorite number? 29

31. who’s the last person you talked to? i spoke to my parents on the phone and i texted soph

32. favorite cut of beef? none i dont like beef

33. last song you listened to? elvis isnt dead by scouting for girls

34. last book you read? wild magic by cat weatherill

35. favorite day of the week? any of them except sunday

36. can you say the alphabet backwards? no im dumb

37. how do you like your coffee? mocha with oat or coconut milk

38. favorite pair of shoes? either my white fila or my black air force

39. time you normally get up? over summer it was like 9:30-10am but now im back at uni itll be 7:30am

40. do you prefer sunrise or sunset? sunset

41. describe your kitchen plates? purple, big, round, ikeas finest

42. how many blankets are on your bed? 1 duvet, 1 blanket

43. describe your kitchen at the moment? its kinda empty bc i moved into my uni flat like yesterday

44. do you have a favorite alcoholic drink? pornstar martini or rose wine

45. do you play cards? i like to but i dont do it often

46. what color is your car? i dont own a car atm :( this bitch broke

47. can you change a tire? i know like the basic logistics of how to but ive never actually done it

48. favorite state? (let’s pretend that says country; only picking amongst the ones i’ve been to) andorra, luxembourg or belgium

49. favorite job you’ve had? none of them all of them sucked for one reason or another 

50. tagging: @numbah79 @farabeezer @travisgermy @hartsys +anyone else who wants to i guess !! (pls know if i tagged u, u dont have to if u dont want to!!!! pls i hope im not annoying u)

[punkscowardschampions]

school play y’all

Ali: [picture of the sign-up sheet] Ali: MAMMA MIA Ali: come on Ro: Oh! Of course you'd be perfect for the leading lady Ro: You already know every Abba song word perfectly Ali: and you know every 🎹 piece Ali: Ms Riley can barely 👀 the ♬♫♪ any more, never mind know how the songs are SUPPOSED to sound and feel Ali: You've gotta, I can't do it without you Ro: Do you sincerely believe they'll let me take over from her? Ro: Hmm, despite being less certain, I'll see what I can do Ro: For the good of your spotlight and allowing it to shine the brightest Ali: Absolutely, everyone in the department knows you're the best, they'll be buzzing you're even considering Carly: 🔮✨💫🎵💙🎤 Carly: dancing queen k thanks bye Ali: yes baby 😍 Ali: cannot believe this school is actually doing something cool for once Ali: if we all get involved it will be so 🔥 Carly: we r all so young & sweet Ali: esp. you Ali: do you wanna go head to head Carly: aw Carly: ur the sweetest 🍑 u got it Ali: you could do it, boo Ali: but there are loads of actually decent actually interesting female roles so we've got no shortage Ali: Meena, you are already my child Ali: tell me that isn't inspired casting, you can't Caleb: & all the boys don't have to be tryna fight it out for that 1# Caleb: I'm about it Meena: 😊 I have watched the film about a zillion times Meena: and the choreography is really natural and chill Caleb: even our bro can handle it 😂😂 Drew: Its true, she has Drew: not me though, thanks bro 🐍😂 Drew: who's who then, fill us in Carly: youve got the look tho boy Carly: mayb theyd dub the rest over Ali: so here's the lowdown Ali: there's Sam, an architect, Pierce Brosnan, baby daddy #1, breaks my heart 'cos he's got a fiancee and goes home to marry her instead Carly: 💔😢 Ali: Bill, hella Swedish, so you're right Carls, 💙💛, a wild playboy type who travels the world but funny and sweet, baby daddy #2 and Rosie's love interest in the future Ali: then there's Harry, which honestly, if they don't pick Robbie idk what's happened with the casting Ali: he's very English, very nice, also pretty gay but still potential father of Meena numero 3 Ro: He's got the accent and... well Ro: The flair, I suppose Ro: Very true Ali: 😂 don't worry, this, and the theatre are a safe space, you can say it Ali: I think he will camp it up a bit too much but 🤫 Meena: He's been in every play since we were 👶s Carly: aw 👶🌈 Meena: Right Meena: he can get a bit...more dramatic, as opening night draws nearer but he's a sweetie really Carly: theres 💊 for that Carly: wen hes my bff itll be k Ali: 😇 Ali: so, boys, you're suspiciously quiet...are you in? Caleb: deciding on my audition song got me like 🕺♫♪ Ali: 🙌 YES CAVANTE Drew: I don't know if I can do the singing bit but Drew: for you, why not Ali: ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🖤🥳🤩👽❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🖤 Caleb: I got you bruv Caleb: school you how chuck berry did for clapton & richards Drew: 👊👌 Caleb: 👊🏽✌🏽 Meena: You do surprise me, Drew Meena: from the boy who wouldn't ever watch it with me Meena: but yay ☺️☺️☺️ this will be so fun if we all get in! Carly: idk but we should all watch it Carly: outdoor screening party yea Meena: that would be so much fun Meena: before Summer is well and truly over 😥 Ali: baby you're so smart Ali: we gotta Carly: u gotta help cuz thats u 👼 Caleb: I can hook you a screen up Ali: 🤔🤔🤔 I wonder if we can make it work at the beach Ali: no greek island but the mood has to be right Ali: I'll get to pondering Caleb: it'll be chill if we put all our heads to it Caleb: & greek food will help the vibe Ali: 😋 Ali: 70s clothing not optional Ro: We're spoiled for choice in that regard Ali: truth Ali: but any excuse to go hunting Carly: yay Carly: i kno just the place Ali: 🕱 Ro: Should we perhaps wait until after auditions? That way it'll be possible to involve the full cast Ali: it'd be a bit counting 🐥 before 🐣 Ali: I get you Ali: but we don't have to get character-specific yet, like you said, our wardrobe already accommodates to the vibe Caleb: but the more the merrier whenever we decide to do this kickback Caleb: the people 💚 abba Ali: ugh, Tommy is going to be so jealous Ali: I don't think they've done this Ali: he'd be such a good Skye, right, Meena? Ro: We have to make sure he's in the front row on opening night Ro: Even if he'll be insistent upon taking the stage himself if any of us aren't playing to his vision Ali: he is that diva, awh 👑 Ali: ma will let him miss a day of school or so for that Meena: oh that'll be fun to see him again 🙂 Carly: & go out dancing after Carly: all the 👑🌈 Ali: 💃💃💃 Ali: that's settled Ali: we need all hands on deck or you know the scence-setting and wardrobe will be more tragedy than comedy Ali: can't let ABBA be done dirty like that Caleb: I've got mad numbers of friendly hands swearing they'll hold a 🖌 Caleb: bros and fam for days Caleb: it'll be sick, trust Ali: 🤙🤙🤙 Ali: put it in your diaries kids Ro: I can assure you that I have Ali: I can always count on you, Posy Meena: 📓✏ Caleb: it's in my 📱 Caleb: ready to rock, fofinho 💚 Ali: 🤘🤘🤘 Chuck Drew: I'm in Carly: idk yea Carly: what my baby wants she gets Ali: 😻

[crownedbyluke]

Long Road Ahead (Chapter One)

Estelle Finley has been friends with Ashton Irwin and Luke Hemmings for three years. When the boys bring her along on a jam-packed road trip to Cape Cod with the rest of the band, their adventures are just beginning. Through long hours driving, exploring cities, and hidden secrets, something more is bound to happen on this journey. How will this road trip change Estelle’s friendship with the friends she’s come to love so dearly?

Word Count: 3,480

Masterlist.

Luke’s blue eyes and Ashton’s hazel eyes were staring at me. I was used to their weird looks, but there was something in them I hadn’t seen before.

“Whatever it is, you might as well tell me before your eyes burst out of your heads,” I said while walking over to my desk.

“What are you talking about?” Ashton asked, a hitch in his voice giving him away.

“You both are staring at me, which usually means you have to tell me something. So come on,” I said, looking through some of the papers that were out.

“I told you she’d know,” Luke said making me laugh.

“Ugh fine. Estelle, stop being in teacher mode” Ashton teased making me laugh more.

I raised my hands up in surrender before turning to face them. I met Luke’s eyes and a shiver ran through me. I should have been used to it, but no matter how many times it happened in the three years we’ve been friends, it still took me by surprise.

“We’re going on a road trip and you’re coming with us,” Ashton said taking my eyes off of Luke.

“What? No I’m not,” I said shaking my head.

“Yes you are. You’re coming with us, Mikey, Cal, and Crystal. Oh, and you should really start packing because we leave tomorrow at six in the morning,” Luke said, an unexpected confidence in his tone..

“What? No, you two are kidding,” I argued, not believing them for a second.

They loved playing pranks on me and if this was their latest one, I had every intention of making them regret it.

“We aren’t. Completely serious. No pranks and no jokes,” Ashton said, his eyes lit up.

“For how long?” I asked, turning back to look at my calendar.

As much as I wanted to agree and let them sweep me away, I had lesson plans to prepare.

“Well, it’ll take us fourteen days to get there and then we’ll be at our final destination for three weeks,” Ashton said, moving his fingers as if he was counting midair.

“Es, we’ll get you back in time to prep for school. I promise,” Luke reassured, his hands coming to rest on my shoulders.

There was a calm that came over me with his touch. It made it impossible to not give into them.

“And what am I supposed to pack?” I asked, tilting my head back to look at Luke.

The smile that lit up his face met those ocean eyes and I was sold on whatever we were doing.

“Lots of summer clothes, some swimsuits, but also a couple things that are warmer for nights,” Luke said quietly, his fingers squeezing my shoulders.

“Well if I know where we’re going, I could pack properly,” I said, wiggling my eyebrows at him.

“Nope. That’s a secret. Now, remember what Luke said, but put some nicer clothes in there too,” Ashton said, giving me his thousand watt smile.

I rolled my eyes at him before looking back up at Luke. There was something in his eyes that made me melt into his touch even more.

“Get to packing little dove. We’ll see you bright and early tomorrow,” he said, giving my shoulders another squeeze.

The blush came across my body from the pet name. It didn’t matter how many times he called me that, it still caused the same reaction. Ashton came over and gave me a quick hug. It felt like I was still in a trance when I heard them close my apartment door.

“Shit,” I mumbled before going to my hall closet door.

I pulled out my biggest suitcase and dragged it to my bedroom. The sound of my closet doors echoed against the walls. My wardrobe was still being transitioned to summer, but I had most of what I would need or at least, I hoped. My eyes wandered over the clothes before I pulled out my phone.

E: Crys, what the hell am I supposed to pack?

My fingers ghosted over my favorite white top, fond memories coming to mind. My phone buzzed in my pocket.

C: Plenty of shorts, tees and tanks, at least three swimsuits, some sundresses, some skirts, coverups, sneakers, sandals, and like one hoodie/sweater.

E: Oh my god. I’m guessing you won’t tell me where we’re going either?

C: Nope. Under strict instructions not to.

E: Damn it. Okay. I guess I’ll get packing then.

I sighed before tossing my phone onto my bed. I took the top I had been touching off the hanger and gently placed it on my shoulder.

“Only like forty more to go,” I said, my hands falling to my hips before getting started.

                                                         ➢➢➢

The blaring sound of my alarm woke me from the peaceful slumber I was in. I hit the button and checked the time. The red numbers flashed five in the morning. I pushed myself from my bed and headed to the kitchen. My finger pushed the start button on my espresso machine after placing a mug underneath it. My feet carried me to the bathroom for the shower I desperately needed. After ten minutes, I stepped out and got dressed in my comfy clothes for the drive. I quickly put my hair into a fishtail braid and went back to the kitchen. I added milk and ice to finish my iced mocha. I glanced down to check my watch. 5:20 A.M. I went to the fridge and pulled out the vanilla greek yogurt. After chopping up a banana, I started eating as quickly as I could so I would be ready in time. I checked my watch again. 5:40 A.M. I cleaned my dishes and went to my front door. The suitcase and backpack that I packed last night already by the door. I pulled on my gold sandals and black wide brimmed hat. Just as I was clasping the last sandal, the buzzer sounded.

“Ready Es?” Ashton’s voice crackled over the speaker.

“Yep. Come on up,” I said, finger pressing to let him up.

The sun was starting to peek through the linen curtains. I cracked my door for Ash before walking over my balcony window. I snapped a quick picture, the calm of the view washing over me. There was a part of me that just wished I could stare at the sunrise for an infinite amount of time, before I was brought back to the world around me.

“Let’s go Es,” Ashton said from behind me.

I walked back over to him and grabbed my backpack.

“Still not telling me?” I asked while locking up.

“Nope,” he said, giving me a wink over the shoulder before heading down to the elevator.

We left my apartment building, a gray Range Rover idling by the curb when we walked out. Ashton hauled my suitcase into the back while I opened the door.

“Good morning little dove,” Luke said after I opened the door.

“Good morning giraffe,” I said, crawling in.

I found myself between the window and Luke with Calum on his other side. Ashton climbed into the single seat in the back.

“And we’re off!” Michael cheered from the driver’s seat.

Crystal cheered from the passenger seat to encourage him even though it was early. Her phone was hooked up to the aux, making her the DJ for the first portion of our trip.

“Mike and Crystal are driving until noon, then Cal and Ash will take over for three hours,” Luke said once we pulled away.

He was reading from a notebook that had different times written in it.

“Do I get to do any driving?” I asked, testing him.

His laugh rang in my ears before I saw his smile.

“Maybe later, but you don’t know where we’re going so you’re gonna have to wait,” he said, nudging my shoulder.

I groaned before looking out the window. California was passing by and it was hard to believe that I was really doing this with them. My ears caught the bassline of Move On by Mike Posner. My head bobbed along to the song before Calum and I looked at each other. We moved in sync with the bassline, both of us appreciating it for exactly what it was. I couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled up when Calum tried dancing along. Luke looked at us like we were crazy before joining us in the groove. I caught Ashton filming us and gave him a wink. We laughed once the song was over.

                                                          ➢➢➢

Time was flying by. Luke was driving and I had a sleeping Ashton on my shoulder, Crystal nodding off next to him. I still had no idea where we were headed, but now that it was dark, it was harder to tell anyways. No matter how hard I tried to get it out of everyone, they wouldn’t tell me. I knew we had been driving for awhile, but there was no indication for how much longer we were going to be. I caught Luke’s eye in the rearview mirror. It was simple, but it made everything I was feeling more complicated. I tried ignoring and figuring out how I felt about Luke so many times. Each time, I came up with no concrete answers. What it always came down to was that he was one of my best friends and to jeopardize that because of some feelings wasn’t something I would do. My thoughts faded away when I heard the guitar from I Was Made For Loving You by Tori Kelly and Ed Sheeran. My eyes met brown this time, a strange feeling of understanding between me and Calum flooded my senses.

“It’s Crystal’s turn,” Calum said, breaking the moment between us.

Luke nodded.

“Let me find a gas station,” he said, eyes searching the signs to find one.

I adjusted a little so Ashton’s head wasn’t digging into my shoulder.

“Well, Estelle is my co-pilot because you lot keep hogging the passenger seat,” Crystal said, making me laugh.

“Ash,” I whispered, gently squeezing his shoulder.

“Essie?” he asked, eyes still closed.

“I have to get up,” I said, threading my fingers through his hair.

“But you make such a good pillow,” he almost whined.

“I know. You can use my pillow if you want,” I offered, smiling down at him.

There was a fondness I felt for Ash in that moment. He looked so young and stress free when he was asleep. I ran my fingers through his hair one more time. Luke pulled into the gas station parking lot.

“Coffee Es?” Crystal asked while opening the door.

“You know it,” I said, getting out of my seat.

I put my pillow in Ashton’s lap and pressed a quick kiss to his temple. Crystal and I were the only ones that went inside.

“I’m gonna go to the bathroom quick,” I said, heading to the back of the store.

I passed a rack of postcards making me stop instantly. Colorado landscapes and greetings from Colorado were everywhere. I went to the bathroom quick and picked one out. I grabbed a few snacks before heading back to the car. I put the postcard on the dash.

“We’re in Colorado,” I said getting Luke and Crystal’s attention.

“Shit. Okay, yeah,” Luke said, sighing a little now that his surprise was ruined.

“Luke, just tell her,” Crystal said, adjusting the seat a bit.

“Okay okay. Currently, we’re heading to St. Louis,” he said, a hint of relief in his tone.

“And I’m guessing that isn’t our final destination,” I said, taking a sip of the coffee Crystal got me.

“Nope. We’re in St. Louis for two days and then we’re off to Myrtle Beach for three days,” he said trailing off.

It was one of the many things Luke did when he wanted to keep things a surprise that drove me insane.

“Keep going,” I encouraged.

“Then in New York for four days,” he continued, the same trailing off happening.

“And then?” I asked, fully aware that there was more.

“We’re gonna be in Cape Cod for three weeks,” he said.

The excitement rushed through me causing me to turn around to look at Luke.

“You mean my number one place to visit?” I asked, thinking that I was dreaming.

“Yeah,” he said, a smirk on his face.

“Oh my god, Luke, this better not be a prank,” I said, my words coming out fast while I stared at him.

“Not a prank. I promise,” he said, holding out his pinkie.

I linked mine with his, the touch heating my skin. I turned back around, a giant grin on my face.

“DJ, please hit me with some jams,” Crystal joked, aux cord in hand.

“Well of course,” I responded, taking it from her and plugging my phone in.

It took me a moment before I found a song that fit the mood I was in. King Of the Clouds by Panic! At the Disco played through the speakers. I let the song wash over me, the words and vocals taking me away.

“I wanted to tell you when you texted yesterday, but Luke and Ash really wanted it to be a surprise,” Crystal said, bringing me back to reality.

“I’m glad it was a surprise though. It makes it that much better,” I said, unable to stop smiling.

“Look at them,” she whispered, turning the music down.

I looked in the rearview to see all of the boys asleep. Ashton had my pillow pressed against the window in the single seat while Luke, Calum, and Michael were lying on each other, their heads crooked into each other in different ways.

“They’ve gotta be used to sleeping in cars by now,” I said, looking over at her.

“You would think, but I know Mikey still struggles with falling asleep in cars. He always needs adjustment when he comes back,” she said, pushing her hair back.

“So does Luke. He usually stays at mine or makes me stay at his when he gets back because he hates being alone after tours,” I said, a small smile coming across my face.

“You sure that’s not because Luke has a thing for you?” she asked, taking me by surprise.

“What? Luke doesn’t have a thing for me,” I dismissed, waving my hand at her.

My heart had picked up when she said it, but I had to push it away.

“Estelle, you’re joking right? I’ve known that boy for awhile now. I’ve seen him go through love and heartbreak. I know when he’s into someone,” she said, her eyes glancing over at me.

“Crystal, I’m telling you, he isn’t into me. We’re best friends and that’s it. That’s all we are now and all we’re ever going to be,” I said, a hint of frustration in my voice.

I had already convinced myself of this. As much as I wanted to believe Crystal, I couldn’t. That road lead to far more hope and rejection than I was able to handle.

“But the way he looks at you-”

“He looks at me like he’s always looked at me. Besides, if he did, the feelings wouldn’t be mutual,” I lied.

The words felt like they were burning my tongue as I said them. I turned to look out the window, my head full of daydreams that the smallest part of me wished would come true.

                                                        ➢➢➢

“Okay Ash, overnight shift,” Calum said after pulling into a gas station.

Calum’s voice woke me up, causing me to move my head off of Luke’s shoulder.

“Who’s my co-pilot?” he asked while getting out of the car.

“I’ll do it Ash,” I said, tying my hair into a loose bun.

“Essie, you were asleep,” he argued, staring at me.

“I’m awake now. Give me a coffee and I’ll be good,” I said getting out of the car.

“Fine. Let’s go get some snack too. It’s you and me for six hours so we should stock up,” he said, leading me into the gas station.

“I’ll get snacks. You get refreshments,” I said before we high fived and split up.

I grabbed chips, granola bars, some candy, and a couple sandwiches. Ash and I met at the counter, his arms full of drinks. He grabbed plenty of flavored water for me and soda for himself.

“I’m grabbing two coffees quick,” he said to the cashier.

He ran back and gave the short brunette the thousand watt smile. She blushed under his gaze. We took the bags from her and went back to the car.

“You are ridiculous,” I said while we settled in the car.

“I don’t know what you mean,” he laughed.

“Oh please. You flirt with everything that has a pulse,” I said, rolling my eyes.

“Excuse you, but that’s Luke. I didn’t mean to flirt with her, but she was cute,” Ashton said, laughing again before pulling away from the gas station.

“You’re right, Luke does do that a lot,” I said, picking up my phone.

“Is that some jealousy I’m hearing?” he teased.

“No,” I said, hitting play on Nintendo Game by Alessia Cara.

“I’m kidding Essie,” he said.

“Yeah I know. Why did you guys pick Cape Cod?” I asked, taking the subject off me and Luke.

I opened a bag of cheddar sour cream chips and took a sip of the coffee Ashton got me. The bittersweetness ran over my tongue, just the way I liked it. Ashton always made sure the coffee he got me tasted just right.

“Well, I was personally tired of the same California beaches every summer and Cal wanted some place that was warm, but still pretty chill. Luke pitched Cape Cod and we all agreed,” he said with a shrug.

He made it sound so simple and easy, like it was just a walk in the park for them. Then again, the boys were always like this and it was always an adjustment at first, but I had found myself getting used to it.

“Who’s idea was it to bring me?” I asked, quickly eating a chip so he wouldn’t sense the nerves I had about the situation.

“Luke’s. He remembered how badly you wanted to go,” Ashton said like it was obvious.

“Yeah. It’s been my number one since high school,” I said quietly.

“I don’t get why you never went,” he said, taking a swig of his cream soda.

“My parents never wanted to and then during college, I just never got the chance or there wasn’t time. Now, yeah my career allows for vacation, but I didn’t think anyone would want to go,” I said shrugging it off.

“Well now you got us,” Ashton said giving me a smile.

“Yeah I do,” I said returning the smile.

                                                          ➢➢➢

“Ash, your shift is over. You two need some sleep,” Luke called from the back.

Ashton got off at the next exit. Despite my best efforts, I was exhausted. I climbed into the middle seat while Luke and Crystal took over. Ashton climbed in next to me.

“Get some sleep Essie,” he whispered before pressing a kiss to my temple.

I adjusted slightly until my head was on Ashton’s shoulder. A nudging woke me up a few hours later. I slowly sat up, my eyes adjusting to the new light.

“Welcome to St. Louis little dove,” Luke said, our eyes meeting in the rearview yet again.

I looked out the window immediately. A gasp escaped my mouth as I took in the view. There was water shining in the sun and the big arch took over the sky. Brick buildings and greenery were everywhere. It was absolutely breathtaking and one of the most beautiful sights I had ever seen. Luke parked in front of a brick building with two arches framing the doors.

“We’re here,” he said, eyes gleaming as he looked at the building.

“This is where we’re staying?” I asked while following everyone else’s lead at getting out.

“Yeah,” Ashton said handing me my suitcase.

We walked into the condo, the white walls taking me by surprise.

“Luke and I will take the double beds,” Ashton said.

I stopped in front of a single room with a gorgeous view of the city. I could see the water from the window and there was something about the way the arch was reflecting on it that made me smile.

“Estelle’s got this one!” Luke called after following Ashton.

I slowly walked into it, my breath gone again.

“Well, I guess this is real now,” I whispered, my fingers ghosting over the soft bed sheets.

It had felt like a dream until this moment, but everything about it still felt like I needed to be pinched. If it was all a dream, I never wanted to wake up.

Let me know if you want more and want to be added to the taglist. 

taglist loves: @thruheavenandhighwater @notoriouslyhood @24kcalum @bbycal @cashton-queen @thebookamongmen @tommossoccer @slimthicccal @a-little-international @irwinsx

[dysphoric-dumbass13]

All of them. Every single fall themed ask at once. Lets see how you like it. (love you)

Whatever. Something to do in bio. Love you too boo.

Lantern: (how did you meet your best friend?) I have three. For Evan, they said something about the flannel I was wearing. I didnt like them that much to start out, they were too bubbly for my taste. For TJ, I was friends with his best friend in 6th grade. She left and I didnt have any friends so J tried to become friends with him and Angel. I loved him, he was so sassy and cool. For Kass, the asshole who's making me do this, it was 6th grade science. I didn't know what to call them and spent the entire year trying to figure it out but being too afraid to ask. They were actually pretty cool. Idk what all of their initial opinions of me were.

Frost: (if you could give some advice to your younger self, what would you say?) Quit pretending you're an adult, itll just hurt you. Let yourself dress masculine, it's ok to do that. And it's ok to like girls like you do, dont be afraid to express yourself.

Maple: (is there a hobby/skill you've always wanted to try but never did?) Yeah, I always wanted to be on a little league football team when I was little.

Harvest: (what fictional character do you most identify with? Why?) Dean winchester. Because I am just..... basically him if he wasnt raised in an environment with toxic masculinity *cough cough* John *cough cough*

Fireside: (if you had your dream wardrobe, what would it look like?) Flannel, band tees, everything would be from the Mens section. Some binders for masculine and nb days and lots of mens skinny jeans. Also David Bowie Vans, pride converse, and combat boots.

Cider: (a food that you disliked as a child but now enjoy?) Idk. For a period of time I hated coffee, I dont mind it now.

Amber: (share an unpopular opinion that you may have.) Oof. Um, christians aren't necessarily bad, the ones we all know of are because they hide behind the bible to hate people.

Fog: (how well do you think you'd do in a zombie apocalypse scenario?) Either really well or terribly. I'd either let then get me, or wear a medieval suit of armor and just walk through everywhere boss mode. And Costco.

Jack-O-Lantern: (if you could look like any celebrity, who would you choose?) Ruby rose.

Spice: (have you ever encountered a house that you believed to be haunted?) Yes. Mine. Creepy baby handprints in the basement. In keeping the spirits occupied with my old Barbies.

Orchard: (share one thing you'd like to happen this autumn) Oh, that's hard. I think I'd want a partner so I dont go into winter depressed like I always do.

Crow: (which school subject do you have an aptitude for?) Math or English? Does choir count? Idk

Bonfire: (describe your dream house) Idc that much. As long as it has a library and multiple bedrooms, and the people I care about loving with me/nearby

Cinnamon: (if you had to live in a time period different than the present, which would you choose and where?) Either Ireland in the medieval times as a knight, or the 70s in Europe or the US.

Cranberry: (what is one physical feature you get complimented on?) Annoyingly, my boobs. Apparently they're big and nice, whatever. Recently, my hair though. I just cut it short.

Maize: (share the weirdest encounter you've had with a stranger on the street.) Last year, I was at the mall in a bathroom and an older woman (idk maybe 60?) came up to me and said "I'm either having a drink or I have to pee. You're living the golden years kid, not me." In hindsight I think she was just quoting John Mulaney at me, but it was weird to me when it happened.

Quilt: (how do you take your tea or coffee?) Tea, chai and Irish breakfast are my favorites, I really like green tea though. It has to be sweet though, I can't stand unsweetened tea (theres my mom's Texan coming out)

Pumpkin: (do you think that humans are inherently good or bad?) Neither, I think people are born blank slates and our experiences shape everything about us.

Moonlit: (are you a neat or messy person? Is your room/house orderly?) Hahahaha, what's a floor?

Flannel #1: (have you ever gone on a bad date?) No. I've only ever been on one date, and I thought it was pretty good. I dated one person who was an asshole but that's it.

Cocoa: (if you could have any type of hair, what color and cut would you have?) Probably my natural color (light brown, easiest to dye), cut short, but curly in texture instead of this wavyish shit.

Ghost: (is there someone that you miss having in your life?) Yeah. I mean she isn't dead, but my 6th grade best friend. I miss her.

Pumpkin spice: (what is your drink of choice?) Mt Dew, Dr. Pepper, or tea. But it has to be sweet.

Wool socks: (what is something you look forward to in fall?) If I lived anywhere but where I live this would work, my wardrobe is actually fitting for the type of weather. Coolish, with some breezes, and crisp. Warm sometimes. My flannel is great for that, but stupid Colorado snows nearly year round.

Falling leaves: (you're stranded on a desert island and here's the twist: what three things do you NOT bring with you?) A boat so I can live in solidarity, thank you very much, anyone that's homophobic, transphobic, antisemitic, racist, etc, and peanuts.

Smelly candles: (what's your absolute favorite scent?) Fredh baked apple pie 🤤

Big sweaters: (do you prefer the cold, warmth, or a perfect in-between?) I'm practically a living heater. So cold weather.

Halloween: (if you could dress up as anyone/anything and pull it off absolutely flawlessly, who/what would it be?) Idk if this counts, but whatever gender I currently identify with (nb, feminine, masculine, in between). If that doesn't, then Jensen Ackles.

Cozy blankets: (where do you feel the most safe and at home?) With TJ. He's my family.

Hot tea: (when was the last time you kissed someone?) July 21st at around.... 5 or 6am?

Flannel #2: (what's your favorite day of the year? Is there a reason it's your favorite?) I don't really have one.

Chilly air: (what's your least favorite and favorite type of weather?) Is it weird that snowing is both my favorite and least favorite type of weather depending on the time of year?

Scarves: (if you could only wear one outfit for the rest of your life, what would it be?) My pair of black ripped guys skinny jeand with my dark blue distressed flannel and my wolf shirt.

Apple cider: (if you could throw a party and invite absolutely anyone, who would they be?) All of my close friends, plus the one I haven't seen in forever that I miss too much, and Misha Collins.

Haunted houses: (what's your scariest memory?) It was a dream I had when I was 5 that I remember in perfect detail. When I find the time I texted it to Kass I'll make a post with a screenshot of it.

Fuzzy boots: (if you could live in any year/era, which would it be and why?) See cinnamon above

Thanksgiving: (what is someone/something that you're most grateful for? Any particular reason?) That's hard. Can I say my best friends? That's only 3 people. And because they're always there and care about me and I love them.

Black friday: (what is one thing, if anything, that you would sell your soul to own?) The rights to be the writer of a Supernatural sequel.

Apple picking: (if you could go anywhere, where would it be and why?) Ireland. Castles. About 60% of my heritage. Green.

Corn mazes: (do you have any secret talents/abilities?) Not secret ones

Hay rides: (if you could pick absolutely anything to be your form of transportation, what would it be?) A 1967 4-door black Chevrolet Impala. Obviously.

The color orange: (do you have a specific song that reminds you of autumn? What is it?) Yeah, a few. Sweater Weather by The Neighborhood, Trees by twenty one pilots, Smithereens by twenty one pilots, Californication by Red Hot Chili Peppers, Snow (Hey Oh) by Red Hot Chili Peppers, Blackbird by The Beatles, Perfect by Ed Sheeran, Castle On The Hill by Ed Sheeran, Heartbeat by Carrie Underwood, and What I Got by Sublime. To name a few.

Windy nights: (if you could go to any concert whose would it be?) Live Aid lmao. If they dont have to be alive then Queen, if they do then either Ed Sheeran, twenty one pilots, or Panic!

Holding hands: (do you believe in soulmates?) Kinda? I think I want to. I think you feel it at one point, if you meet someone you love that dearly. But idk, maybe I'm just being stupid.

Kass, thank you. And I hate you.

[homeofthelonelywriter]

Romeo to my Juliet Pt. 1

(A/N) So, here’s a new story. Itll be a multi-chapter-fic. As you can probably tell, there is a huge age gap between Tom and the OC. So, if you’re not comfortable with that, please refrain from reading this! If you’re reading this, I hope you enjoy it! And special thanks to @beenthroughalot for helping me with the title and for reading my mind!

Summary:

Imagine, after working for an idol company in Korea, you move to London, where you apply for a college that teaches music, dancing and acting. You get accepted, but the headmistress asks you to teach dancing at the college. In return you can live and go to school there for free and get to live in the teacher’s dorm. You agree of course and start your live there, where you meet the famous Tom Hiddleston that teaches acting for one year. Let’s just say you have a lot of fun together…maybe a little bit too much.

Pairings: Tom Hiddleston x OC (Juliet)

Warnings: age gap

Tags:

@beenthroughalot @elliecapper @psychotichummingbird

If you want on or off the tag list, let me know!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After I decided to leave the famous company, I looked around for something to do. Since I never got to go to a college, I decided to apply for one in London and start a new life there. After waiting for months, I gave up hope that I will ever receive my acceptance letter. But it came and with it, one ticket to London. Filled with excitement, I packed my bags and said goodbye to ma friends. Suho, Kai and Sehun even brought me to the airport which made the farewell even harder. In the plane, I listened to music, watched some movies and slept. The food was tolerable and the seat hard as steel, but the joy of finally being out of the company’s reach, made it all better. From the airport, a car picked me up and brought me to the college. On the way there, I couldn’t help but fall asleep. The flight and all the stuff had to deal with on the airport, just tired me out. But, thankfully, the driver woke me up before we reached the college, to safe me from the embarrassment. The school itself…well…from the front, it looked like an old castle. Behind that, was a modern school, with big lecture halls, rooms for dancing and singing, a big stage and some record studios. I was absolutely awestruck while one of the professors gave me a tour through the college. She explained which class was held where and how stuff worked around the school. Thankfully, it was the start of the year, so I didn’t stand out too much. And apparently, every new student got their own private tour. There was no other way I could explain why I had one. The tour ended in front of the headmistress office. The professor told me that there were a few details she wanted to discuss with me and knocked on the door before she waved goodbye and walked back to the entry hall. “Enter.” A feminine voice called from behind the doors and I hesitantly opened them. And at this exact moment, I realised that I left all my suitcases in the car. Hopefully it wouldn’t drive away to pick up another student. “Ah! Miss Jones. Please, have a seat.” Out of habit I slightly bowed my head, before I sat down in one of the soft leather seats, in front of the headmistress’s desk. She smiled at me and motioned for me to wait for one moment, while she read a paper and signed it. “I’m sorry. There is always so much paper work to do, at the start of the year. Back to the matter at hand, I hope you had a pleasant journey? It’s a long way from Korea to London, isn’t it?” I nodded and answered her question as politely as possible, still nervous what kind of details she wanted to talk about. Maybe there were no rooms left and I had to sleep in the broom closet for one year. Call me Harry Potter from now on. “You don’t have to be nervous, Miss Jones. You’re not in trouble. I just have a small request, but please, don’t feel obligatory to say yes, just because you’re going to school here, okay?” I nodded again, feeling my tense shoulders relax a little bit. “Okay. So, I read your CV and I was highly impressed. You’ve worked for years for a Korean entertainment company, for much longer than it is officially allowed. You’ve coached a lot of different, very successful groups and were responsible for the choreographic department in that company. And all that with only twenty-one years. To say me and the other professors were impressed, is an understatement. And after a lot of discussing, we decided that we would like to ask you something. We would like to know if you would like to be a teacher here at this school. For the year you’re going to college here, I mean.” That was a lot at once. Point for me, they liked my CV. Another point for me, they want me to teach here. And wait, one year? “Only one year? I thought I would have to school for at least three years.” “Normally, yes. But you have so much experience, it would be a shame to keep you in school longer than you actually need to and keep you from the art world. One year should be enough.” The headmistress nodded at the end of her sentence, as if to show that she was definitely right. At the perspective of teaching again, I couldn’t help but smile. “From your facial expression, I take that your answer will end up positive?” The headmistress smiled knowingly. “I’d love to teach the students. So, yes. I accept your request.” The woman clapped her hands together, a grin on her face. “Perfect! You can’t believe how happy I am! Oh, and you since you are a teacher here, you don’t have to pay for your tuition. About your payme-“ “No! I mean, I can’t accept that. Going to school here and getting paid for that, I really can’t accept that.” “But you’re also teaching here.” She looked confused. No ones ever denied money, I guess. “What about…I don’t get paid and I don’t pay? This way, both of us will be happy.” I shot here my winning smile and after thinking about it for a few seconds, she nodded. “Okay, but if you ever need something, new clothes, books or whatever, you come to me and let the school pay for it, okay?” I nodded, smiling at her, before I shook her outstretched hand to seal the deal. Of course, I had to sign various contracts and we still had to discuss a few small details, but after about one hour, we were finished, and she walked me to the doors. “You’ll live in the teacher’s dorm. Your suitcases and your schedule are in your room. We’ll see each other at dinner.” She smiled at me again, before she waved me goodbye. Outside her doors, I looked around and came to terms with the reality. I had no idea where the teacher’s dorms were. Not wanting to disturb my new boss again, I started to wander around the school, trying to look as if I knew where I was going. After I probably walked through the whole school, I finally found a hallway with arrows. One pointed to the teacher’s dorm. Relieved, I took off running, avoiding all the other people, before I arrived in front of two big doors, labelled with the words ‘Teachers Dorm’. Realising that I didn’t have a key, I hesitantly knocked on the door and prayed that someone was there to hear it. And there was someone. It took a few minutes, but the door was opened, and a young woman stood in front of me, smiling. “Hey, how can I help you?” Her voice was soft. She was definitely popular with the students. “Hey, uhm, I am a new teacher…and student. Ahm…the headmistress, she-“ “Oh! You must be Juliet! Just say so, we know you’d be coming. Come in, come in! How was the journey?” Her bubbly personality was almost too much for me, but I did manage to answer her question without making a total fool of myself. “Right now, we are the only ones here. The others are showing groups of students around the school, or are helping Jen.” “Jen?” She gave me a tour through the dorm, while she explained why it was so empty. “The headmistress. We all call her Jen. You can too, of course. Oh, and my name is Felicia, but the others just call me Fel.” She brought me to my room and told me to take my time unpacking and that she would pick me up for dinner. In my room, I stared at the wall for a few minutes, comprehending everything. I came to this college, thinking I would go here for three years and now I’ll be teaching here for one year, besides going to school at the same time. Wow…that was a development. My thoughts were interrupted by the vibration of my phone. Knowing, it would be my old friends, I scrambled to get my phone out, smiling at the message. There, on my screen was a picture of my old group, together with some others. “We wish you all the best! Take London by storm and knock them on their ass! Come and visit us sometime and don’t forget us. Love, your friends.” My eyes filled with tears. As much as I loved being here and as grateful I was for getting this opportunity, I missed them. And my heart ached, knowing I left them behind, even though it was their idea to apply for this college. Still, I missed them and there was no way I’d ever forget them. One glance at the clock, brought me back to reality. I had to unpack. Fast. Dinner will start in half an hour and I should be close to done by then. So, I started. Turning in some music, I put the first suitcase on my bed and got my clothes out and into the wardrobe. After that, I set up my computer and put away my books. Well, tried to at least. There was not enough space for them, so I started to put small stacks around the room. I was just putting away my suitcase, when there was a knock on my door. I turned the music off and opened the door. “Hey there. Dinner is in five minutes, but I quickly wanted to introduce you to the rest of the bunch.” Fel stood in front of the door. Some others stood behind me, smiling at me. “This is George. He teaches different instruments.” George stretched out his hand and I shook it. He was tall, had dark brown, short hair and kind, grey eyes. Next to him stood an older woman, who reminded me of the picture book grandmother. “This is our good soul, Maria. She teaches acting.” Then there were Lila and Renée, who both taught singing, Marion and Phillip, who were responsible for classic music (piano, violin, opera, …) and Sherry and Robert, who taught basic stuff, like management and so on. “And this here, is our newest and most priced addition to the family, Tom Hiddleston. He teaches acting too.” Tom walked up to me, smiling. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Juliet.” He took my hand and brought it to his lips, pressing a soft kiss to it. I guess, the blush on my cheeks was evident, because Fel and the others started to laugh. “Stop it, you. You’re making her blush!” Tom laughed along with the others, and winked at me, as soon as he caught my eye again. “Okay, I’m hungry. Let’s go eat.” The others agreed and together we made our way to the dinning hall, where all the students were already sitting and chatting. At the teacher’s table, the headmistress and four others were already sitting. “Right. This is Connor, he teaches the most important languages and of course, English. Beside hi-“ “Oh my god, you’re Juliet, right? I love your choreographics! They are just amazing!” Connor interrupted Fel and jumped up to shake my hand. I couldn’t respond, nobody ever recognized me for my work. Well, except for the groups, they loved my work. The others stared at me, some smiling, others laughing. “Oh…ahm…thank you?” Now, everybody laughed. Even Tom quietly chuckled, behind his hand. “Back to before I was so rudely interrupted. Beside Connor, sits Laurel. She teaches…well…we call it ‘Public Appearance’. It’s about how to answer questions, talk with others and how to act in public, you know? And those two help our lovely headmistress. Lee and John.” They waved at me, before they returned to their conversation. Fel smiled at me, before she sat down. The others did the same and at the end, I was the only one left standing. Tom waved me to him and told me to sit next to him. I did as I was told, sitting there quiet and awkwardly staring at my hands. The others talked, discussing and joking around. Nobody really noticed me not joining in, but I didn’t mind. I was happy just sitting there and listening to them, I always did that. I hated meeting new people and always felt like a burden when I talked to people who barely knew me. So, I kept quiet, laughed if I found something funny and concentrated on not raising any attention. “Are you okay?” Smooth British accent reached my ears in a whisper and I turned to the source. “Y-Yeah, why?” He leaned towards me, smiling. “You’re so quiet. I just thought you’re not feeling well.” “No, I-I’m fine. I’m just not good with meeting new people. It will go away after a few days.” I smiled back, shaking my head slightly. He nodded understandingly and squeezed my hand under the table. He turned back to the others and joined the conversation again, and I thought that he would let go of my hand, but he didn’t. He kept holding it, stroking his thumb over my hand from time to time. It comforted me, having something to hold on to. The others continued to chat, until the headmistress stood up and walked to the front of the room. “First off, welcome! Welcome back to everyone that already spend one or two years here. And welcome to our college to everyone that is new here. Welcome to our family, we all hope you enjoy this year and have fun. Of course, you should learn one or two things, but don’t forget that you’re young and you’re supposed to have fun. This year we also want to welcome two new teachers. Tom Hiddleston will support us this year and teach acting. He will also be the one responsible for the annual play. The other one is Juliet Jones. She comes from Korea and will be as much a student as a teacher. She will teach dancing and study along with you. Please show her respect.” The students applauded after Tom and I stood up. Especially when Tom stood up, they started to whistle and yell. He had to be well known if the students reacted that way. The headmistress continued her speech, but I barely listened. Instead I thought about Tom, if I know him or if he is someone famous. After all he teaches acting, so maybe he was a famous actor? I didn’t know. Since I lived in Korea, all I ever watched were Korean Dramas and stuff like that. No wonder I wouldn’t know him, even if he was famous. Before I knew it, the speech was over, and the students shuffled to their feet, to get to the buffet. The other teachers staid seated, and since Tom still held my hand, I ignored my hunger and staid at the table too. “Right. Juliet, just so you know, the teachers go and get their food after the students. Just to make sure all the students have enough. After all we have our own kitchen and we can make our own food if we want to.” Fel turned to me and explained why they all staid in their seats. I thanked her. Before I could do anything else, my phone started to vibrate. I quickly excused myself and got my phone out of my pocket. The name on the screen read Suho. Why was he calling me now? It was in the middle of the night in Korea! “What’s up, Suho?” I stood put and walked away from the desk, feeling curious eyes following me. “Have you seen it?” “Seen what? Suho, what’s wrong?” I frowned at his frantic voice. He sounded more than just concerned. “The article. SM is spreading shit about you.” Fear hit me, but not as much as I thought. After all, it was clear that SM would take revenge. But…I kind of hoped they wouldn’t do it public. “Can you send it to me?” “Sehun is on it. I’m so sorry, Juliet.” “It’s okay, Suho. I’ll manage it. I’ll call you back later, yeah?” Suho confirmed and after we said our goodbyes, I hung up. Sehun’s message with the link to the article already arrived and I opened it with shaking hands.

[tamiddyinyourcity]

I should just handwrite a letter and let the feelings flow. Might not even give it to him.

I just should face whatever lingering feelings I have, since I'm frankly tired of my cute ass laying in bed all day, when there's not a single cloud in the sky, I have the world's best wardrobe right now, and there are at least seven people who want to fuck and/or date me right now.

My hair is shiny, skin looks nice, and the thing that is definitely not a full 10/10 is my mental health.

Why? Ohidunnoknow?

Maybe since having a violent encounter with someone I genuinely had feelings for made me feel not so wonderful? Maybe since I am still pissed at them for lying? And giving up? Lots of factors?

I don't plan to do some "make him fall for me again" headass shit. That's pointless. Even if he did like me, he'd never tell me, hence my present day irritation towards him.

Kinda fucked that all I wanted to know that night was:

Did he have lingering feelings for me?

If no, then what's the things that prevent you from seeing potential for us?

Also if no, then why say you wanted to kiss me that night?

And if yes, what's your main worries?

Plus, why not tell me sooner how you felt?

Mainly just to know how he felt.

At first, it was going okay. He was lying about not having lingering feelings, and giving fake answers. (Which is ten times more annoying than just saying, "I do like you and felt like the way you did in your letter, but I feel like it's too risky to try again due to (insert reasons here)".)

And let me tell you, when your ex is clearly just barely coming down from an MSG-induced panic attack, and she's on your porch, calmly saying she just wants the truth and to hear your reasonings for things.....

Two of the worst things you can do is:

Lie, especially in a way that twists the truth in a way that makes you look like a terrible person. (i.e., instead of saying "i like you to an extent but i think things have gone too far", versus "no???? i dont like you???? i only texted you that to be a fuckboy. i don't like you whatsoever, and see no worth to us", to.... your heartbroken ex.....)

Proceed to agree to tell her to come over to talk, just to then refuse to speak, or answer any question she has, even if she explicitly said "I just want to know, since if i dont hear the answers now, itll just lead to me feeling anxious, or having 'what ifs' and continuing to contact you, when I just want to give you space, and let things end, knowing the truth". (Him nodding his head in agreement, just to still promptly go, "Yeah, I still don't wanna answer why", just literally rung off alarms of "this man cares nothing about how anything he does makes you feel......")

Let me tell you, a guy opening up to me emotionally and being upfront and honest about his hesitation is 10000000x times more sympathetic, than the type of guy that will openly invite me over, just to purposely frame himself as an uncaring, unlikeable and unsympathetic fuckboy.

Like, not to validate me hitting him, since thats still out of line.... but, that was.... really stupid of him.

That's like if I walked up to my mom, when she was already vulnerable from something, and saying some dumb shit like "Ha, wow that sucks. Almost sucks like that time your mom drew a gun on you when you were a toddler right?", and claiming that i did it "to help her cope".

Then being surprised that she may yell/beat my ass for purposely being an asshole in a situation where actual empathy and comfort was needed.

I still understand WHY I franky didn't care how he felt in that split second. But, still, doesnt make it right. It makes it understandable, but not morally great.

Not a wonderful feeling, when you show up to his porch for the sake of having a decent final conversation that clears up all the lingering questions, fears, and burning questions on my mind....

And not only hearing that he just sent me the text about wanting to kiss me, to MESS WITH ME, but then refusing to answer any questions about why he saw no hope, knowing that hearing either good or bad answers, would prevent me from being up all night....

Yeah, showed he didn't care a single bit about whatever he does could make me feel.

And THAT is why I dislike him, so much. He's ALWAYS done this. That day we first broke up, he decided that scoffing and laughing at me while just brushing off any potential resolution, and not telling me the truth about how Azalea feels about me, hiding why she didnt wanna meet me, and blatantly saying he wouldn't even give me the benefit of the doubt for something I doubted would happen anyway, (what boyfriend cant even go 'yeah sure i wont hang out with the girl that stalks you online and talks shit about you, one on one, at a ridiculously late hour of the night???' Its such a low bar, and he couldn't even do that, or explain why it was so offensive, you know?)

So many incidents where all I wanted was the truth, and he never trusted me enough to let me have it. I don't know how he ever got to not trusting me after months of nonstop back to back being together, but he would never tell me. And even if he did, he would never resolve it.

What a fucking defeatist. He literally just.

Christ, man.

I don't hate him, but I do think he's stupid. Yknow, like how if I ever had a kid who did dumb shit, like purposely tried to go up a slide as a kid was coming down, putting fireworks on their skateboard and riding it, putting salt in their milk, or walking in front of someone swinging on the swings.....

I'd love my kid, and still think, "(insert baby name here,) you stupid airhead, how did you THINK that was gonna play out?!"

So, I see Patrick like.... idk, a kid who's really not smart, and doesnt have practical skills, but is still adorable and good at heart.

Ah, reminds me of a metaphor I wrote.

Patrick, when faced with conflict, acts like a kid who is refusing to take their medicine:

is a little asshole about it

despite trying to offer something helpful, will still see it as a scam/facade/"icky" and refuse it off the bat, simply out of fear or just not wanting to

will dramatically escalate a situation instead of just communicating and trying to be reasonable (he may not fling himself on the ground and start crying and screaming, but he's still got the "my way, or the highway", kinda pompous attitude)

tantrums thrown

offers no resolution

will deadass hide or run away instead of facing problems

will prefer causing discomfort to multiple people and thenselves, instead of the temporary discomfort of trying the unknown if it lead to something productive as well

would rather complain than do their part (like a sick kid complaining of being sick and yet refusing to take medicine, he will complain about being broken hearted but will not do the bare minimum)

when they actually try the resolution offered, and feel better, they are 1000000% shocked that "OH LOOK, the person on my side actually was looking out for me! And it worked! Wow!"

And as much as I still like Patrick, to an extent.... hes a mess.

I do deserve better. You think I wanted to leave him? Nah. Hot blue eyed Marxist movie nerd that was hitting my g spot with precision, slurping me like ramen noodles, and also genuinely a fun and interesting person?

You'd be out of your MIND to think my lonely ass would leave, unless I literally could tell it was headed to a downward spiral.

Since once that cute boy with the nice smile and the great waistline starts openly ignoring things that he knows makes you uncomfortable, sacrificing your peace for his contentment.....

Then, yes, it's time to leave.

He had so many other options to choose. The truth. Honesty. Telling me why she was scared of me. Blatantly reminding me that I was who he wanted. Anything.

I just hate that this was the route he chose.

I liked him. Period.

I left, since I knew he would never try.

And he left, since he knew he would never either.

So no amount of me liking him can let a man do the right thing.

If I just gotta leave, let him miss me, and be stupidly labeled "the crazy ex" or "the one that got away", then fine. It'll be like the other ones. And I'll just have to live with it, knowing my truth as well.

1:17pm. Wednesday, March 4th of 2020.

I wanna kiss him.

Not out of love, just to do it.

Thats all i wanna write for now. I should get some breakfast, buy some new zirconia earrings, and cash in my check.

Checks for days.

Peace.

[themoneybuff-blog]

The death of Anthony Bourdain: Thoughts on productivity, pleasure, and depression

Shares 141 Warning: This is a rare GRS post that contains salty language. If you dont like salty language, dont read this article. Anthony Bourdain killed himself Friday morning. So what? you might be thinking. Hes just another fucking celebrity who didnt know how good he had it. Maybe youre right. But his death has weighed heavy on me all weekend. On Friday morning, as I wrote the weekly Get Rich Slowly email, I thought about Anthony Bourdain. On Friday afternoon, as Kim and I worked in the yard, I thought about Anthony Bourdain. On Friday evening, as we soaked in our new hot tub with a friend, I thought about Anthony Bourdain. Yesterday, I thought about Anthony Bourdain. Today, I thought about Anthony Bourdain. Now Im writing this article as an act of catharsis. Maybe itll help me to stop thinking about Anthony Bourdain. The Depression Trap I believe Anthony Bourdains death touched me deeply for a couple of reasons. I was a huge fan. Since listening him read the audio version of Kitchen Confidential a decade ago, Ive loved his work. Parts Unknown was probably my favorite travel show: raw and real and filled with food. Bourdain connected with everyone he met. His joy for life was contagious and his mind was sharp.Like Bourdain did, I struggle with depression. All my life, Ive experienced periodic descents into darkness. The first time this happened, I missed five weeks of sixth grade. In the nearly forty years since then, Ive developed a variety of coping mechanisms but they dont always work. In recent months since the middle of March the darkness has deepened and I dont know why. (And just as I missed five weeks of school back then, Ive been unable to get my work done in the present.) Let me make it clear that I am not suicidal. Right now, the biggest symptom of my depression is my inability to get shit done. But whereas suicide seems strange and senseless to most everyone else, depressives understand the appeal even if wed never consider it personally. One of the many stupid things about depression is that the condition doesnt care how awesome your life is. It doesnt care how successful you are. It doesnt care how much money you have. Depression is not rational. If it were, itd be easy to think your way out of it. Paula Froelich, one of Bourdains ex-girlfriends, put it like this:

Bourdains death didnt just make me introspective. It also led to a couple of interesting conversations about pleasure and productivity and about what really matters in life. The Productivity Trap Friday afternoon, I received email from a GRS reader well call Michael: Im sure you saw Anthony Bourdain killed himself. This to me was a telling quote: When asked during a recent interview with The Wall Street Journal whether he ever thought about stepping back from the breakneck pace of a job that kept him on the road 250 days a year, he replied, Too late for that. I think about it. I aspired to it. I feel guilty about it. I yearn for it. Balance? I fucking wish.' Obviously I didnt know Bourdain personally, or even know much about him as a public figure, but I think that mentality is common: Once youve become successful, the thought of ever ratcheting back seems unthinkable. Obviously, suicide is rare, but I think this mentality is common among successful people they stay in an unhappy status quo simply because they have so much invested in their self-image and public perception of themselves as successful people. I think Michael is onto something. Ive seen this in my own life, in the lives of friends and family, and the lives of colleagues. They fall into what you might call the productivity trap. (Heres an article I almost linked to the other day about the productivity trap: If youre so successful, why are you still working 70 hours a week?) I have one friend, for instance, with an enormously successful career. He has a popular blog, a popular podcast, best-selling books, and even an annual conference that attracts attendees from across the planet. Yet hes never satisfied not with himself nor with anybody else. Hes always looking for ways to make things bigger and better. He seems unhappy with who he is and what he has. Hes written publicly about his struggles with mental illness, but he hasnt revealed its full effects. Its not just my friend. Its me too. I see this pattern in my own life, and its something Ive deliberately decided to approach more mindfully. Why do I want to have a hot tub or travel to Ecuador? Why did I repurchase Get Rich Slowly and how often should I publish here? Why do I keep agreeing to public speaking gigs? Do I really want these things? Are they aligned with my personal mission statement? Will they really make me happy? (Sometimes the answer is yes. Sometimes the answer is no.) In his email, Michael continued: I think this is really the key to personal finance and early retirement actually stepping back and figure out what is important to you, and doing it, even if it seems like youre turning your back on a great career, or a nice house or whatever. That is the hardest part, which keeps most people in a life they dont want. They think I went to school X or work at company Y, so therefore I must live in this city or have that job or have that wardrobe and never ask themselves what, as individuals, makes them happy. The Pleasure Trap As our email conversation continued, Michael brought up another interesting point. He noted that our culture and this is especially true in the world of financial independence blogs is obsessed with experiences, such as travel. Yet in many ways, collecting experiences is no better (nor any different) than collecting things. Heres Michael again: [Bourdain] had the ne plus ultra of modern life: rich, famous, a job that 99% of the population would kill for, saw everything he wanted to see, ate everything he wanted to eat, Im sure slept with tons of women if that is what he wanted, took all the drugs he wanted. You name it, he had it. And, he hung himself in a hotel room in France, a twice-divorced man a continent away from his daughter and girlfriend. Im not bagging on him. I just think he illustrates something: A meaningful life doesnt consist of a series of cool experiences, or traveling or eating cool stuff. Bourdain did that stuff to an incredible degree, and it still didnt make him happy. I think that is what our society has forgotten. I feel like were always being told we should move a lot, travel a lot, be vaguely or overtly dismissive of the town or state we were born in, move for college and never move back homein short, basically be a free agent with fewer and fewer personal connections, or weaker connections. And, we get this [higher suicide rates]. [] I think this relates to personal finance. There is always this thought that thrift requires these huge sacrifices less travel, fewer new experiences, fewer new restaurants. But what if [these arent sacrifices]? What if irrespective of cost, that stuff isnt really a source of happiness? I mean, people accept that with respect to possessions nobody says a Cadillac or a 5000-square-foot home is the key to happiness but many, many people in our culture think new experiences are crucial to a happy life. It may be the opposite the continuity and free-time to invest in loving relationships may actually be the key to happiness. I told Kim about my conversation with Michael. Its the pleasure trap, she said. People fall for the lie that momentary pleasure equals happiness. But pleasure isnt the same as happiness. Shes right, of course. Happiness is like planting a garden, watching it grow, then enjoying the harvest. Pleasure is simply eating the fruit. Happiness is deeper and richer and longer lasting. Pleasure is fleeting; happiness is not. But happiness involves time and work and patience. Now, Ill admit: Im guilty as anyone else of falling into the pleasure trap, and in oh-so-many ways! I have to make a deliberate effort to look past immediate pleasure in order to consider long-term happiness. This often requires enduring unpleasant activities. Do I really want to go out in the cold and the rain to dig in the mud and plant my garden? No, not in this moment. Id rather sit in the hot tub. But if I dont plant the garden, Im sacrificing greater happiness in the future. Final Thoughts While I think that Kim and Michael are onto something the productivity trap and the pleasure trap are both real and both problematic I keep coming back to Anthony Bourdains battle with depression. During my recent road trip through the southeastern U.S., I talked with two friends who are fighting depression in their own lives. One friend has a spouse who cannot shake the condition despite counseling, despite exercise, despite a loving family. The other friend fights the condition himself and its led to weight gain and addictive tendencies. Therapy has helped some but its not a cure-all. As for myself, I havent yet returned to therapy although Im considering it. (Not so long ago, I spent a year working with a therapist to find ways to cope with anxiety and depression. It helped.) I want to stress again that I am not suicidal. But the depression has most definitely affected my daily existence, including my relationships, my health, and my work here at Get Rich Slowly. It sucks. It sucks. It sucks. But I know that itll get better someday. Shares 141 https://www.getrichslowly.org/death-of-anthony-bourdain/