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gamerwoo · 5 years

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Chani: Be Gay, Do Crimes

Characters: Chani x gender neutral reader (featuring sf9 and Wooseok)

Genre/warnings: badboy au, crack, fluff, bein gay and doin crimes because I assume that counts as a warning for some of y’all who hate fun

Word count: 6,777

Summary: In which you’re trying so hard to get your best friend a significant other in between doing some really dumb shit. But maybe the dumb shit you’re focused on doing is distracting you from the dumb person he really wants to be with.

a/n: this was heavily inspired by Gregory and Mae from Night In The Woods (yknow if Gregg secretly had a crush on Mae) and also that one episode of Spongebob (the “are you feeling it now Mr Krabs” episode) so uh yeah

“Jeez, it’s about time you showed up,” Chani sighed, folding his arms on the counter of the corner store he worked at. “I have plans.”

“First of all, you’re still on the clock, doofus,” you pointed out, walking up to the counter and leaning against it. “Second, what kind of plans?”

“Crimes,” he smirked.

Your eyebrows raised, interest piqued, “What kind of crimes are we talking here, Kang?”

“Remember how you wanted to steal the principal’s underwear and put it on the head of the school’s mascot statue?”

“Yeah, but Youngbin not only said it could not be done, but we shouldn’t get ourselves into even more trouble after we broke into the sewing club room and stitched a mustache and beard onto the mascot costume.”

“Well, Youngbin isn’t here, is he?”

“...You are absolutely correct.”

You and Chani shared a look that you often shared before doing something stupid. It was a look with a mischievous smile and narrowed eyes that basically said ‘we’re gonna do this and have so much fun’ even though you knew there was a higher chance of getting caught this time. Neither of you ever cared about getting caught, though. That was kinda half the fun.

“When do you get off work?” you asked.

“Right now,” he scoffed, taking off his name tag that he always wore upside-down to piss off his manager and the customers. He leaped over the counter and landed beside you on the other side with a bright grin. “Let’s do crimes!”

“Wait,” you held up a hand to him, “I wanna go to Starbucks first.”

“But you hate their drinks,” he pointed out, a quizzical look on his face.

“Yeah, but they have a new barista that’s really cute,” you shrugged. “I figure I should get her number before our principal kills us for sneaking into his house to get his underwear.”

Chani nodded in understanding, “That seems fair.”

You found yourselves standing at the back of the Starbucks that was not too far from where Chani worked. You were surprised and happy to find out that not only was there one cute barista, but two. Chani also confirmed with a slow nod as he looked the two up and down that they were, in fact, very attractive.

“I didn’t know that dude worked here,” you said, taking a bite out of the overpriced cake pop you’d bought just to hit on the baristas.

“I didn’t know you were desperate enough that you’d pay that much for a fucking cake pop,” Chani said with a slight smirk, looking at you with raised eyebrows.

“I would buy anything from either of them if they asked me,” you sighed, not taking your eyes off of the two as they worked to get drinks made.

Taking advantage of your distracted state, Chani leaned over and took the rest of the cake pop in his mouth, dragging it off the stick before chewing it.

“Then go buy another cake pop,” he said around a mouth full of your food.

Chani was thankful for the loudness of his motorcycle so he couldn’t hear your teasing. Ever since the cute male barista asked you what your ‘mysterious’ friend’s name was, you couldn’t stop shaking his arm and giggling and telling him he should do something about it. You’d been trying to get Chani in a relationship ever since his last one ended.

He stopped at a light, waiting for the moment it turned green when you leaned around to look at the side of his face that was partially out of view from his helmet.

“Are you gonna text him?” you shouted over the engine.

He just glanced at you, rolled his eyes, and looked away. Even with how long you’d been friends with Chani, you still had no idea what that was supposed to mean.

As soon as the light changed, Chani sped off to your destination. The lights from the windows of the houses and buildings you passed by, and the street lights were the only things lighting up the streets as your arms stayed wound around Chani’s waist. You spent the time on the back of his motorcycle to think about what the plan was once you got to the principal’s house. You’d have to get in somehow, find his room and get a pair of his underwear, and then dip out without being noticed. It would definitely be hard but you were always up for a challenge.

Chani stopped his bike at the side of the road somewhere, taking of his helmet and glancing at you over his shoulder, “It’s probably better if we don’t show up to his place with a loud bike.”

“Good call,” you nodded, getting off the bike before taking off your own helmet. “Do you have ideas on how to do this?”

“We’re not here to do it just yet,” he scoffed, running a hand through his hair. “We’re not prepared to sneak into somebody’s house. We have to work our way up to that.”

You pouted, crossing your arms over your chest, “Why didn’t you tell me that before?”

“Because the surprise is part of the fun when it comes to crimes. Now stop being grumpy and let’s go.”

Chani started walking along the sidewalk, so you followed behind him before jogging up to walk beside him, closest to the road. There were hardly any people driving right now, but you thought it made everything you were doing seem that much more mysterious. Therefore, you didn’t mind it.

You weren’t sure what Chani’s plan was, and you also didn’t bother asking since the ‘surprise’ was apparently half the fun. So you just silently followed beside Chani because he was never really one for a lot of conversation anyway.

You walked a few blocks before he turned a corner and kept walking. It wasn’t until you got to a semi-familiar building that you sort of got a hint about Chani’s plan.

“Zuho...?” you asked, looking up at his apartment building.

“Mhmm,” was all he replied with as he walked up the steps and pressed the button to ring his apartment. The boy in question’s deep voice came through, and Chani simply replied with, “It’s me.”

“Come up,” the older boy replied before buzzing the two of you in.

Zuho was...an accomplice. Kind of. He was somebody Chani could go to if he needed assistance that you couldn’t provide, but he typically hated asking Zuho for help because he felt like it was cheating. Zuho somehow had connections with everyone and could get just about anything. As you walked up the steps to Zuho’s apartment, you began to wonder if he could even get his hands on the principal’s underwear...

...That sentence could’ve been worded better.

Zuho opened the door by the time the two of you got to his door. He smirked, gesturing for you both to come in before he closed the door.

“You got it, right?” Chani asked.

“Somehow, yeah,” Zuho replied as he walked into the small kitchen.

Chani followed him, and you trailed behind Chani. It wasn’t that you didn’t like Zuho or were afraid of him -- okay, maybe you were a little afraid of him -- but you didn’t know him as well as Chani did. He was more like an acquaintance than anything else, so you weren’t really apt to talk to him.

Zuho grabbed a dull golden key that was on a small keyring off of his counter, dropping it into Chani’s open palm. Chani grinned as he looked at it, like Zuho had given him the key to the whole world.

“What is that...?” you asked quietly, peering over his shoulder at the key.

“Remember Super Mart?” Chani asked as he turned to look at you.

“The high budget Walmart that closed down?”

“This is the key to Super Mart.”

You looked between Chani and Zuho’s proud smirks, your expression blank. Was there something you weren’t getting here?

“Two questions,” you said, “first off, how did Zuho get the key to Super Mart? And second, why do we need the key to Super Mart?”

“My dad was the store manager for the one in town,” Zuho explained, his smirk still plastered on his face.

“And we need it because we’re going into Super Mart tonight,” Chani replied, shoving the key into his pocket.

“What do we need that’s in Super Mart?” you questioned.

“Do you remember those chips that I hoarded for an entire summer?” he asked.

“The...spicy....cheesy things or whatever...?” you trailed off, not remembering the name but remembering that Chani was stupidly obsessed with them.

“They were sweet ‘n’ spicy cheesy chips, _____,” he stated matter-of-factly, “and Super Mart was the only place that ever sold them. And I require said chips.”

“Chani, you literally work at a corner store. You get chips for free.”

“But they’re not sweet ‘n’ spicy cheesy chips.”

“They’re also not stale! Whatever food is left in that place is going to be well passed its due date!”

“But they’re not special discontinued chips, _____,” Zuho spoke up to defend his friend.

You just rolled your eyes and let out a sigh, “Whatever, can we go now then?”

“Yeah,” Chani replied simply, turning to thank his friend again before he left right on your heels. “Are you ready to have a feast, _____?”

You scoffed, “I’m not eating anything from Super Mart. That place closed a year ago, and everything in there is bound to be disgusting.”

“Then I guess you’re not eating tonight,” he shrugged as he passed you on the stairs. “Good thing you had two cake pops, huh?”

You frowned, almost growling as he taunted you, “You ate the first one, fuckhead!”

The mention of cake pops had you back on the cute barista that had asked about Chani. As the two of you walked up to the main door to Super Mart, you were babbling excitedly, wondering if Chani planned on doing anything with this guy that seemed interested in him. But Chani just ignored you in favor of walking in silence.

“Chani, you can’t be alone forever!” you whined.

“I’m not, I’ve dated,” he reminded you as he walked up to the door and inserted the key. “Plus, I have you.”

“Aw,” you cooed, running up behind Chani and placing your hands on his shoulders, “that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me!”

As Chani opened the doors, he inhaled deeply like he was exploring a mountain range before coughing up a storm. You began to laugh at him, only to do the same thing when you inevitably inhaled.

“Fuck, it’s dusty in here,” he choked out.

“It’s abandoned, Chani!” you reminded him.

Ignoring your comment, Chani pulled his mini flashlight from his pocket and turned it on, shining it around the store. You didn’t think Super Mart would look so creepy, but it did. It was dusty with a few cobwebs around, and it no doubt probably had small animals and large bugs hanging around somewhere. The place was also massive, which made it that much more concerning about what else could be inside the building with you.

“Let’s find the chips,” Chani declared before walking toward where he recalled the chip aisle to be.

You rushed to follow him, catching up to him and sticking close. Your only source of light was his flashlight because you sure as hell weren’t going to drain your phone battery in case something did happen. You didn’t hold onto him like you wanted to, but only because you knew how he was about being touched. He normally didn’t mind when you did, but he’d sometimes make a face or whine extra loudly when you did, so you kept your hands to yourself.

“Scared?” Chani’s voice suddenly breaking the silence made you jump. He chuckled. “Soooo...yes?”

“We’re in an abandoned building and you want me to not be scared?” you asked.

“I mean...you can like, hold onto me...if you wanna...” he shrugged, his eyes still sweeping left, right, and center.

“I’m not a baby,” you insisted.

But then you heard something scuttle across the floor nearby, and you let out a yip and all but threw yourself into Chani, wrapping both arms around him. He just chuckled and stopped to shine the light where the noise was. Nothing was there anymore, but that only scared you more because you didn’t know what it was or where it went.

“You’re safe,” he assured you, continuing to walk again. He left a few beats of silence before adding on, “and you are a baby.”

“Can we just get your dumb chips and leave?” you grumbled, glad it was dark so Chani couldn’t see how red your cheeks were.

“This way,” he nodded his head to the right and turned that way, going down the chip aisle.

He hummed a random song to himself as his eyes scanned the shelves, looking for the snack in question. If he remembered correctly, they would be right about...

“Here,” Chani smiled to himself, holding the flashlight with his immobile hand -- you were still clutching onto his arm -- so he could grab the chips. “Grab as many as you can.”

“How do you expect us to hold onto bags of chips while we’re on a motorcycle?” you asked.

Chani paused, still gripping a bag of chips as he thought silently. “...Alright, let’s go find the backpacks first.”

You groaned, knowing this meant going deeper into the store, “Chaniiiii!”

“You shouldn’t be afraid,” he sighed, dragging you along down the aisle.

“Why, because you think there’s nothing in here that can hurt me?”

“No, because what’s in here that can hurt you can also sense fear.”

“Chani!”

With a backpack now on your shoulders that was filled with bags of the sweet ‘n’ spicy cheesy chips, you and Chani finally made your way out of the store to get on his motorcycle and go back to his place. But there was something waiting outside for you beside his motorcycle.

“When I heard that there were two people hanging out around the Super Mart,” the familiar officer mused as she walked toward you from her car, “I already knew it would be you two.”

“Hi, Officer Song,” you and Chani said in unison, in the same quiet but bored-sounding tone you always used.

Unfortunately for Officer Song, she was usually the one trying to keep up with the two of you. Pretty much every single officer in town and the neighboring city knew of the two of you, and none of them wanted to put up with your shenanigans. Between the dumb shit the two of you would say to annoy the officers in the cop cars, to the idiotic shenanigans that landed you in said cop cars to begin with, you were too much to handle for all of them. Except Officer Song, who was far too level-headed to freak out or get mad -- or if she was mad, she didn’t show it like the officers who would openly yell at you which only caused you and Chani to start giggling.

“Is there a particular reason the two of you were in Super Mart?” she asked.

“Sweet ‘n’ spicy cheesy chips,” Chani told her brightly while you rolled your eyes.

“Wouldn’t those be out of date, Mr Kang?” she questioned.

“That’s what I said!” you exclaimed. “Who wants expired chips?!”

“I do,” he shrugged. “That’s why we were here, remember?”

You just rolled your eyes.

“Right...” Officer Song nodded, “and how did the two of you get into the store?”

“Picked the lock,” Chani lied with another shrug.

You went along with it, refusing to show any signs that he was lying. But you also knew that if Officer Song decided to search you, she’d find the key, know it belonged to the store manager, and that would also get Zuho in a lot of trouble.

Thankfully, Officer Song knew you were harmless enough to not have anything illegal on your person. She knew well enough you just did minor illegal things, so she never felt the need to search you since the first few times she had to come after you.

“Chani, you know very well that’s illegal,” she scolded.

“I feel like we have the type of relationship where I can be honest with you,” he told her, almost making you break into a smile and start laughing quietly.

Officer Song sighed. She knew the two of you were relatively harmless kids. You were just trying to have some fun. She knew you wouldn’t do anything to cause harm to others, so she couldn’t necessarily be mad.

“I’ll let the two of you off with a warning,” she decided, shifting her weight to one foot. “But no more breaking into Super Mart, and if you eat those chips, Chani, you deserve whatever happens to you.”

“That’s fair,” you nodded, and Chani just shrugged and nodded in agreement.

“Thank you, Officer Song,” the two of you said in unison once again, in the same weird tone.

“You drive safe,” Chani nodded to her, saluting her with two fingers.

She let out a small laugh through her nose, nodding back to the boy, “You too, kids.”

Officer Song waited in her car until the two of you drove off, just to make sure you weren’t going to loiter on the property. But as soon as you were on the back of his bike with both of your helmets on, Chani drove off toward his place.

Chani lived in a decently sized house with four other housemates. There was Hwiyoung, who you didn’t see often as he was always either in his room or just not around -- Chani said he often practiced for kickboxing tournaments at the gym. Taeyang, who was often threatening to kick out the other people in the house, but he might’ve been your favorite because of his sarcastic remarks -- especially toward Chani. Rowoon, who was almost always in the kitchen cooking for somebody because he always had to be taking care of somebody -- he was extra nice to you when you came over, and you didn’t know if you liked it or hated it. And finally, there was Dawon, who was the oldest but most immature in the house -- you really weren’t sure if he had lied about his age and that Rowoon was actually the eldest.

When you walked into the house, you could see the light in the kitchen was on, letting you know that Rowoon was definitely in there, as expected. The living room was occupied by Taeyang and Dawon, who were watching some kind of movie and bickering back and forth about it. And, as you predicted, Hwiyoung was nowhere to be seen.

“Chani!” Dawon cheered when he saw him walk passed the doorway to the living room with you following behind him. “Oh, surprise surprise, he brought _____ home again.”

Chani groaned, “Shut up.”

“Don’t be too loud!” Dawon called after the two of you as Chani stalked off to his room with you silently following along.

Once Chani shut the door tightly behind you, he let out a deep sigh. Why couldn’t Dawon just not tease him for two seconds? Even when you weren’t around, he didn’t let it go.

Thankfully for Chani, you always just chalked it up to people assuming the two of you had a thing for each other because you were always hanging out together.

“If you think I’m gonna share those chips with you...” you trailed off, giving Chani a funny look.

“We have regular snacks in the kitchen if you’d rather deal with Rowoon,” he informed you, not turning to look at you as he sat down at his desk with the backpack full of chips.

You walked up behind him, watching over his shoulder as he started taking a few bags out of the backpack, “What’re you planning on doing?”

“You’ll see,” he smirked, turning his head to look up at you.

“You just have a plan for everything, don’t you?” you smiled as you retreated toward his bed, laying back on it.

“‘Course I do,” he chuckled.

“Even a plan to talk to that cute barista?”

Chani let out a groan, “When will you let that go?”

“When you give me a solid answer,” you replied.

“No, I’m not going to contact the barista,” he stated.

You shot up, staring wide-eyed at the back of Chani’s head, “What? Why? But you even said he was cute!”

“Yeah, but I don’t wanna date him just because he’s cute.”

“Then get to know him!”

“I don’t wanna.”

“Why?”

Chani sighed, putting down whatever he was working on and turning his chair to face you, “Why do I have to date anybody? What if I wanna just be alone for a little while? Maybe I wanna just hang out with my friends and not worry about keeping up with a relationship.”

Despite all the weird shit you and Chani did, and the irrelevant things you’d say to each other, you and Chani did still have a close friendship where the two of you could tell each other anything. And it seemed whenever you slept over at his place, or vice versa, the two of you always ended up having at least one heart-to-heart.

“I mean, you didn’t really seem happy in your last relationship, anyway...” you recalled. Things with Chani and his boyfriend at the time seemed fine at first, but they started to quickly dwindle down in odd stages. “You never said what happened with you and him, either.”

‘I realized I loved somebody else.’

“I realized I didn’t love him,” Chani decided to say, which wasn’t necessarily a lie. “Plus, he didn’t like how you’d always say ‘be gay, do crimes’ because he thought it was ‘excessive and extra’, and I couldn’t be around that negativity.”

That pulled a laugh from you, which made Chani smile, too.

“Y’know...” you began, pausing because you weren’t sure if this was too cheesy to say, but you were already have a semi-serious talk anyway, so fuck it, “if my significant other didn’t like you or get along with you...I’d drop ‘em.”

Chani’s eyes seemed to light up the tiniest bit, “Really?”

You nodded, “You’re my best friend, Chani. I wouldn’t pick anybody over you.”

He really hoped that statement would be true under any circumstance.

You woke up because of loud snoring in your ear. Chani’s snoring was something you’d gotten used to because of all the sleepovers, but between that and the sun streaming in through the windows, it was difficult to stay in your deep slumber.

Chani had fallen into bed beside you, but he was still awake when you’d inevitably passed out. His face was facing you, his cheek squished against the pillow. You felt his body shift slightly under your leg, only then realizing you’d sprawled out one of your legs to lay across his butt while you were sleeping on your stomach like he was. Still, he seemed to not mind it, sleeping soundly.

You reached over lazily, letting your hand drop onto Chani’s back before you started shaking him and groaning, “Chani. Chani, wake up.”

He just hummed in reply, keeping his eyes shut.

“Do you have work today?” you asked.

“Mm... Yeah...” he replied, his voice sounding even deeper from sleep.

You sighed, hoping he wasn’t going to have to go into the corner store.

“So then what’s the plan?” you inquired.

He peeked one eye open, a tired smirk crossing his features, “Crimes.”

You let out a sleepy laugh, letting your own eyes close again, “You just said you have work.”

“Yeah, but you didn’t ask if I was going to work.”

“Touche,” you yawned.

“Don’t yawn, you make me yawn,” Chani whined before letting out a wide yawn to match yours.

You laughed, pushing yourself to sit up and rolling to sit on your butt, “Should we see if Rowoon’s awake to make breakfast?”

Even half asleep, Chani knew it was a bad idea bringing you to the kitchen to have breakfast with his roommates. Unless he wanted to be embarrassed and possibly have Dawon or Taeyang say something to you that he really didn’t want them to say, it would be smart to not go ask Rowoon for breakfast.

“Let’s just grab something on the way,” he decided.

“Why are we at the principal’s house?” you asked, not moving to get off of his bike as you just stared at the house in question.

Nothing about Chani’s plan for crimes today had made much sense. First of all, he wanted to do crimes during the day. That meant it was more likely you’d get caught. Second, he grabbed all the sweet ‘n’ spicy cheesy chips and shoved them back into the backpack. They were all piled onto his desk this morning, and you still weren’t sure what he’d done to them, but it didn’t look like he’d eaten them. And now, he had brought them to the principal’s house.

“I have a plan for everything, right?” he asked, nudging you slightly to signal you to get off.

“I mean, I guess...” you shrugged as you finally swung your leg off.

“Then trust me,” he stated as he got off the bike and took his helmet off. He left it on the seat before facing you. “Gimme the backpack.”

You slid the straps off your shoulders and handed him the bag. He began walking up the driveway as you removed your helmet and jogged to catch up with him as he went up to the door. That was still a car in the driveway, but it wasn’t the sleek red one the principal owned. You figured he was working since it was daytime.

Oh, that was why Chani wanted to come here during the day. You still didn’t know why he wanted to come here to begin with, but you at least had one answer.

Chani rang the doorbell before taking a step back and waiting. The door opened, the principal’s son answering it. You recognized him as Jung Wooseok. He was a relatively laid back person, but he definitely wasn’t the brightest. You also knew he did everything he could to keep him and his dad separate while in school because he didn’t want people knowing they were related.

Wooseok scoffed as soon as he looked Chani up and down, “No way you actually got it.”

Chani smirked, holding the backpack out to him, “Way.”

You could see that glimmer in Wooseok’s eyes that he was hopeful -- for what, you still didn’t understand -- but still skeptical as he took the backpack and unzipped it. His eyes widened as he let out an excited gasp, ripping out one of the bags of chips and examining it. He squinted as he read something on the bag before he gave an impressed look to Chani.

“I thought these were impossible to get again, but you really came through, kid,” he stated. “Here.”

Wooseok reached behind the door and grabbed a plastic bag that was tied up. He handed it to Chani before nodding and shutting the door, keeping all the bags of sweet ‘n’ spicy cheesy chips that Chani had been looking for.

“Wait, what?” you asked as Chani simply turned and walked back down the driveway toward his bike. You finally ran after him, falling in step beside him. “You wanted those chips so badly just to give them to Jung Wooseok?”

“To get the underwear, yeah,” he nodded.

Now you were just absolutely lost.

You shook your head, “Wait, what?”

Chani hooked the handles of the bag on one of the handlebars of his motorcycle before he turned to you to explain, “We needed the principal’s underwear for our ultimate crime, right? Well, Wooseok’s the principal’s son. I asked Wooseok ahead of time if he could help me out with this thing I wanted to do, and he said he could get me his dad’s underwear if--”

“That’s a weird sentence...”

“--I could get him the sweet ‘n’ spicy cheesy chips that they used to sell at Super Mart -- but, they had to be in date. So I got the chips, painted the bags last night to change the dates, and gave them to Wooseok. Now we have the underwear, and our ultimate crime is set to go tonight.”

Chani finished his mic-drop-worthy explanation with a smirk and his arms folded over his chest. He looked at you, seeing your mind being blown just by watching your face. He was proud at how much he’d impressed you.

“You really do have a plan for everything,” was all you could think to say.

Chani grinned widely, “Pretty much, yeah.”

While you and Chani were waiting for night to fall, one of the things you did was go back to Starbucks. The cute girl wasn’t working, but the cute boy was, and your face immediately lit up, ready to start teasing Chani until you remembered what he had said to you the night before. You cleared your throat and carried on like you would normally.

“Oh, hello again,” the barista smiled, recognizing the two of you when you got to the register. “What can I get you two?”

You both ordered what you wanted, and Chani offered to pay this time since he ate your cake pop the day before. While you went straight over to the pick-up counter, the barista stopped Chani before he could follow behind you.

While you were grabbing straws for your drinks, you didn’t notice that the barista was talking to Chani. You didn’t hear how he asked Chani if he wanted to go out sometime, and you didn’t eavesdrop on how Chani turned the boy down, using you as his excuse.

“Uh, we’re...actually...dating...” Chani lied slowly, not liking the awkward conversation.

It wasn’t until you turned away from the straws and saw Chani walking over with his hands in the pockets of his jeans that you teased him for taking so long.

“Were you checking him out or something?” you snorted.

He just rolled his eyes and ignored you.

After what happened at Starbucks, you were convinced Chani was lying to you last night about not liking the barista. You were absolutely sure he must’ve just been embarrassed and didn’t want to say anything to you, so you were back on your bullshit of teasing Chani and trying to get him to ask the barista out.

“You know, I think talking about dating while I’m carrying the underwear of our principal is a little weird,” was all Chani commented as the two of you walked up to the front of the school.

Chani was carrying the plastic bag containing the underwear, and you were just skipping beside him and giggling about the cute barista that liked Chani, and who he obviously must’ve liked because he took longer walking away from the register.

“C’mon, what’s the real reason you don’t wanna ask out the barista?” you asked.

Chani sighed, “Didn’t we go over this already?”

“Yeah, but you lied,” you stated.

Chani’s eyes went wide, his cheeks starting to heat up as he looked at you, “W-wh-- ...H-how’d you figure that?”

“Because you were still at the register even though we’d already paid and stuff,” you shrugged. “So you obviously like him.”

Chani breathed a silent sigh of relief, realizing you didn’t actually know what he thought you did.

“Can we drop this for now?” he asked. “I’m gonna boost you up onto the statue base, and I want you to climb up and put the underwear on its head.”

The golden statue of the school’s mascot was still shining even though it was dark. There were four lights, one at each corner of the tall base, that shone on the statue. You weren’t sure why your school decided to treat this mascot like it was some sort of God, but you were about to disrespect it with the principal’s underwear, so what did it matter now anyway?

You put the handles of the bag around your wrist before placing your hands on the side of the large square base that the statue stood on. You put one foot in Chani’s hands as he squatted down.

“Ready?” he asked, and you nodded. “Jump.”

You pushed off the ground, as he pushed you up with your momentum. Your arms landed on the top of the base, and Chani continued to assist you in getting the rest of your body up. Once you were standing on the base, you looked up at the statue. You could probably climb it pretty easily with the way the mascot was positioned to stand, so you got right to it.

“Be careful!” Chani called up to you, watching as you started to climb the statue. “You might want to take the underwear out of the bag before you start climbing so you don’t have to try to do it when you’re at the top.”

You turned around to look down at Chani, “Where do you expect me to keep it while I’m climbing?”

Chani shrugged, “In your mouth.”

“Ew!” you whined. “I don’t even know if these are clean. Wait, did Wooseok give us clean underwear?”

Again, he shrugged, “I dunno, smell them.”

“No, you do it.”

“You’re the one who has them.”

Thankfully, you managed to come up with an idea. You took the underwear out of the bag, letting the empty plastic bag float down to Chani as you looped the underwear through the hair tie that was on your wrist. And then you began to climb.

Chani watched closely. He wasn’t really sure what he would do if you fell, but he also knew this wasn’t your first time scaling something. There were plenty of instances where you were the one to climb up trees, decrepit fire escapes, and even one time you had to climb up a stripper pole, but that was another story for another time. He believed in you to not get hurt.

“Mission,” you began as you held onto the statue with your legs and the hand that hand the underwear attached to it. You pulled it free with your free hand before placing the underwear on top of the mascot’s head like an ugly hat, “accomplished!”

“Heck yeah, _____!” Chani cheered with a laugh.

You climbed down carefully, feeling slight relief when your feet hit the base. You sat down with your legs off the side, looking down at Chani in front of you.

“Don’t let me break my legs,” you told him.

“I’ll do my best,” he promised, holding his arms up to you.

As you slid off, Chani caught under your arms and did his best to slow your momentum so you wouldn’t hurt yourself when you landed. He grinned at you proudly now that you were back on the ground in front of him.

“This is our best crime yet!” he laughed excitedly.

You turned around to admire your work. The legs of the underwear that moved softly in the breeze served as a makeshift flag, and you decided to salute it for shits and giggles.

“I pledge allegiance to the underwear,” you stated, keeping a serious face.

Chani laughed, imitating you, “We make a pretty good team, right?”

You turned back to Chani, seeing something about his expression seemed a little different. He definitely still looked happy, but now he looked almost...nervous. Only a little, but it was still noticeable.

You decided not to say anything about it, instead answering his question, “Well, duh. But what’re you gonna do when your new boyfriend starts--”

Chani groaned loudly. He couldn’t take it anymore. The only reason he’d done this impossible crime was because you had wanted to. He knew you’d be so impressed with him for putting it together, but you weren’t even enjoying it! You were just bringing up some barista that he had no interest in. You weren’t doing what he thought you would do, which was realize that Chani had done this all for you. You weren’t realizing how much you meant to him.

“Will you stop with that?” he asked. “I don’t like the barista, and I don’t want to date him!”

You were shocked Chani suddenly turned so serious and got upset, “But you like him!”

“No, _____, I don’t.”

“Why not?”

Chani grabbed your arms and pulled you to him as he brought his lips to crash into yours. You were taken by surprise by his actions, but your eyes closed on reflex, just like you were kissing him back on instinct.

...It was just instinct, right? Then why did it feel...kinda right? You’d never thought of Chani as anything more than your best friend, but maybe that was because the two of you were so close with each other that you didn’t feel the need to imagine it.

He pulled away after a few seconds, his face flushed as he looked at you.

“That’s why,” he said quietly. “You are why.”

Part of you wondered how you never realized that Chani felt this way about you. Another part of you knew Chani wasn’t one to show his emotions often.

“Am I an idiot...?” you wondered softly, looking into Chani’s eyes.

He nodded with a laugh, “Absolutely. Now tell me how awesome I am for organizing the ultimate crime for you.”

Chani opened his arms, closing his eyes and grinning as he waited for the oncoming praise. But instead, he felt your arms wrap around him, your body pressed against his in a hug.

But he wouldn’t complain about it. It was way better than verbal praise.

The principal was having a meltdown all morning that next day at school. Not only was his underwear on top of the mascot -- and he wouldn’t be able to get it until the janitors managed to find the right equipment to reach it -- but Chani had the idea of writing ‘BE GAY, DO CRIMES’ on the front of the base around the plaque that had the school’s name, date it was founded, and their slogan on it. Not only that, but he wrote the words in pansexual and bisexual colors, which had made you smile when he did it.

“_____!” a familiar voice roared while you were admiring your handiwork, surrounded by students that were giggling and laughing about it. You looked away from the statue to see Youngbin stomping toward you, his hand gripping Chani’s collar and dragging the poor boy behind him. “I know you two did this! I don’t know how you did it, but I know I told you not to do it.”

“Youngbin, do you really think Chani and I could manage to break into the principal’s house, steal his underwear, and then climb the statue to put it up there?” you scoffed.

“Who else says ‘be gay, do crimes’?” he questioned, gesturing with his hand to the vandalism on the base of the statue.

“The internet,” you and Chani shrugged in unison before smirking at each other.

“Alright, then answer me this: why is Jung Wooseok out to get Chani because he apparently made him sick with some discontinued chips from Super Mart?”

“How would I have gotten into Super Mart?” Chani quizzed, giving the older boy an innocent look.

Youngbin growled in frustration, looking like he was about to explode at any second, “I know the two of you had something to do with this, and when I figure out what it is, I’m gonna kill you two.”

As Youngbin stomped off, Chani moved to stand beside you and turned to wave at the retreating elder, “Good luck with that!”

You giggled, nudging Chani’s side, “We’re gonna give him angina at this rate.”

“He probably already has it,” he snorted as he turned to face you. “Anyway, I have a plan for today.”

You gave him an amused look, “What kind of plan?”

“Crimes.”

“Crimes that’ll top this?”

“Crimes that involve you, me, the bleachers by the baseball field, and skipping class,” he smirked, stepping closer to you and taking both of your hands in his.

“Eh, not as iconic as this, but still sounds like fun,” you teased with a giggle as his nose brushed against yours. “Count me in, Kang.”

And then Chani kissed you, right in front of the statue that now read ‘BE GAY, DO CRIMES’.

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