#yoonji ff

[hvnnibvni]

Now I know how some writers feel bruh cuz I’m still not done writing this fic. Every time I get on my computer or iPad it’s always some shit that makes me turn it off and not get back on it for weeks at a time (it’s the same with my phone) but yeah I swear y’all will get this fic. Just give me some time to reconnect bc the internet is getting to be too much.

[jjungkookislife]

Last Christmas

↬  pairing: Namjoon x f.  reader

↬  genre: exes to lovers, angst, college au, 18+

↬  summary: Namjoon is dreading Christmas this year because of last Christmas when he lost you.  As Christmas approaches once again, and history seems to repeat itself, he can’t escape when you’re both in the Kim’s cabin for the holidays.  Will the both of you be able to be amicable, or will adding Jungkook into the mix stir the fire?

↬  wc: 16.5k

↬  warnings: cursing, alcohol use/ mention, (tiny) mention of joon being blackout drunk, cheating(?), misunderstandings, angst, jealousy, Yoonji, vmin, smut in flashbacks (marking, unprotected sex, exhibitionism), fluff

↬  song rec and inspo: Last Christmas - Wham!

↬  date: December 12, 2020

An icy chill ran down Namjoon’s back as he clutched his coat tighter, wishing he had buttoned it all the way to the top before he left the humanities building. But it was too late now.

The winter wind was unforgiving, his breath visible as he exhaled, shoving his gloved hands into his pants pockets as he walked.

The campus wasn’t buzzing with life like usual; he knew it was because of finals week, but he hoped he’d be able to grab some coffee from the cafe in the library. He almost didn’t want to go, didn’t want to risk the chance of seeing his ex behind the counter alongside Jungkook, but Starbucks was off campus and he didn’t want to risk losing his parking spot, not when the temperature was low and still dropping. He’d just have to suck it up and hope you were off today.

*

Seokjin had arrived at the cafe before Namjoon, to scope it out. He knew Namjoon would be less hesitant to come and have a drink if you were working, much less if Jungkook had been around as well.

Not seeing either of you upon his arrival, he texted Joon to let him know he’d arrived and scored a table by the window.

Seokjin: I got us a table by the window.

Namjoon reads the text, quickly replying to let his friend know he was on his way. He could see the library up ahead and a few students lingered on the courtyard, feeding the squirrels that lingered in hopes of getting a French fry or chips from the sleepy students.

Namjoon shakes his head. He needed to stop thinking of the squirrels and focus on getting his coffee and warming up. He hates finals, loathed them with a passion. He couldn’t wait to go up to the cabin tomorrow night, it was the only thing he was looking forward to.

Finally, Namjoon reaches the library, pushing the heavy door open to head to the cafe on the opposite end of the building. He’s eager to get warmed up. Nothing could get between him and his coffee. Nothing except you and Jungkook kissing, that is.

Namjoon freezes, his heart cracking into smithereens all over again. It’s like he’s gone back in time to last Christmas. It’s too much. It’s all too fucking much! He can’t go through this again. No, not again.

“Namjoon!” Jin is at the door in an instant, calling his name, but Namjoon is too far gone in his thoughts to hear him. Seokjin glares at Jungkook, pushing past him and you, but shoulder checking Jungkook on his way out.

Namjoon has enough sense to turn around, his heart thudding in his chest frantically as adrenaline courses through his body as he runs. He ignores the shouts and curses directed at him as he pushes past what few students are in the library. He can’t be here. He can’t go through this again, not again. Wasn’t once enough? Shouldn’t it be easier to see you with him after all this time? Why did it still hurt? Why did he still care?

“Namjoon, stop!” Seokjin chases after him, his bookbag hitting his side with each step. When had Namjoon gotten this fast? Seokjin pushes past anyone on the sidewalk, irate at having been pushed by Namjoon and now him, but he didn’t give a fuck, Joon needed him.

Namjoon doesn’t stop until he gets to his car, feeling the warmth of his tears rolling down his cheeks. He sniffs, shaking his head, he’d had enough.

A whirlwind romance was what it had been. Namjoon met you at Seokjin’s birthday party, a mutual friend of Yoongi’s sister, who happened to be in town and eager to see her oldest friend two years ago.

Namjoon was enamored with you at first sight. He had been nervous to approach you, but after an introduction by Seokjin, who had caught the way he seemed smitten with you, it all fell into place. You had clicked in an instant, flirting and dancing the entire night before Namjoon finally had the courage to ask you for your phone number.

He didn’t hesitate to text you that night, asking you out on a date soon after.

One date led to another and another until he asked you to be his girlfriend, which you gladly accepted. Namjoon was on Cloud 9, nothing could bring him down. Nothing except a Christmas party that ended with your breakup.

Namjoon had been busy with his family celebration the previous day and all morning and afternoon, but when it came time for Seokjin’s party, he was excited to see you. You’d be meeting him there, riding with Jungkook and Jimin.

Seokjin and his brother, Taehyung, were hosting a friend's only Christmas party, a way to enjoy the day without the burden of family around asking uncomfortable, inquisitive questions. Seokjin wanted to unwind, tired of his nosy aunts asking about him getting married (uh no?), having kids (hell no?), and his degree (shut up?).

“Hey! You made it!” Yoongi greets him when he arrives, handing him a beer. “Everyone’s in the living room sharing horror stories about their festivities.”

Namjoon chuckles, shaking his head, “I think I placated my aunts with the fact that I had a girlfriend. I showed them pictures, and they gushed over her before moving on to my cousin. I think I got off pretty easy.”

Taehyung approaches his friends with Jimin, his boyfriend of two years, “oh? Talking about getting off so early in the evening?”

Namjoon rolls his eyes at Seokjin’s younger brother, ever the pervert.

“That’s not it,” Namjoon huffs, making Jimin giggle.

“Did you bring it?” Jimin asks enthusiastically, clasping his hands together, his eyes twinkling.

Namjoon nods, reaching into his pocket to take out your Christmas gift. A small box in his palm. He opens it, showing his friends the necklace nestled in the navy blue velvet.

“That’s pretty,” Yoongi states as he takes a drink of his beer before walking off to join the others. Namjoon, Taehyung and Jimin follow, not surprised to see the living room, and the kitchen filled with guests as music plays loudly.

Namjoon immediately looks for you, spotting Seokjin and Yoonji, Yoongi’s sister, sitting on the couch talking. He walks over to them, greeting them before showing them the necklace he’d picked out for you.

“She’ll love it,” Yoonji assured him as she caught sight of Jungkook and you in the kitchen getting a drink. She points you out to Namjoon, who thanks her and makes his way over to the both of you.

Namjoon knew Jungkook was one of your best friends, so it was no surprise you’d be with him at the party. What was a surprise, though, was when you leaned in to kiss Jungkook.

Namjoon watched in horror, frozen in his spot. You were kissing Jungkook. You were kissing your best friend on the lips in front of everyone. You were under the mistletoe with his hands on your hips. It did not look platonic.

Yoongi came up behind Namjoon, eyes wide as he watched you step back, giggling. Jungkook’s cheeks and ears were red, a shy smile on his lips.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” you smile at Jungkook, embarrassed.

“Y/n, what the fuck?!” Yoongi exclaims, his hand tightening on his beer as he looks at Namjoon.

Your eyes widen, looking at your boyfriend.

“Namjoon!”

Namjoon blinks, shaking his head as he drops your necklace and turns to leave. You look at Jungkook before taking off after your boyfriend, but he’s too quick and you lose him.

“Namjoon!” You try again as you push past the guests, making your way to the front door. You hear the door slam and you know he’s gone. Your heart sinks to your chest as tears pool in your eyes. This was a mistake.

*

Namjoon can barely think as he drives home, his heart racing in his chest as he grips the steering wheel tightly. He’s thankful he only lives a few blocks away from Seokjin and Taehyung’s place, he doesn’t think he could make it home if he lived farther.

Tears threaten to spill as they prick at the corners of his eyes, his throat beginning to ache.

When he pulls into his driveway, he’s shaking and hurrying into his home. He shuts the door after him, locking it before he slides down it. The tears finally roll down his cheeks and all he can see is you kissing Jungkook. It’s seared into his mind.

‘It was a mistake,’ he thinks as he wipes at his cheeks, a shuddering breath escaping him. He tries to swallow, but it burns as he sniffles and wipes his nose on his sleeve. His head lolls back, hitting the door as tears flow freely.

His phone vibrates in his pocket, but he ignores it. It ceases soon enough before starting again. He fishes it from his pocket, his vision blurry from his tears. He exhaled shakily, wiping his eyes as he saw your name on the screen. He ignores your call, silencing his phone instead.

Seokjin’s name appears next, but Namjoon doesn’t want to talk to anyone. He ignores his best friend’s call too.

Namjoon gets up from the floor, taking his coat off and hanging it on the coat rack by his door. He kicks his shoes off and walks to his bedroom, where he places his phone on his nightstand and throws himself on the bed, wrapping himself up in the comfort of his blankets.

It hurt.

Everything hurt, and Namjoon couldn’t think about anything except the kiss. It was under mistletoe, yes, but you could have not kissed Jungkook or maybe kissed his cheek. He doesn’t know, all he knows is that he just walked in on his girlfriend kissing someone else in front of everyone without a care.

Namjoon picks his phone up, noticing the 20 missed calls over half are from you and the remaining ones are from Jin and Yoongi. He even has one from Jungkook. His inbox isn’t much better filled with pleas from you to return your calls, or at least your friends.

Namjoon: Leave me alone Namjoon: I have nothing to say to you. We’re over

Namjoon blocks your number right after. He’s wiping his cheeks and sitting up, texting Jin to let him know he’s home safe but needs some time before he can talk about the night's events.

Seokjin: I’m here if you need anything. Call me if you want me to come over.

Namjoon: I just want to be alone right now… Namjoon: good night

Seokjin finally caught up to his friend, panting and red-cheeked as he saw Namjoon sitting in his car. He approaches him, knocking on his window, startling the poor man.

Namjoon rolls the window down, “sorry.”

“No, that was fucked up for you to walk in on. I didn’t know they were both working until I saw them by the door with that cursed mistletoe.”

“I thought they weren’t together?”

“I didn’t think so either. I haven’t been around them much lately. Taehyung usually goes to Kook’s place.” Seokjin responds.

“I’m going home,” Namjoon sighs as he bites his lip.

“Want me to come over?”

“No, I’m just going to study and finish packing for tomorrow night. We’re meeting at your place, right?” Namjoon asks.

“Yeah, at 4pm ’cause Jimin has a final at 2:30 and who knows when he’ll finish. We’re driving up with Tae and Jimin in their car. Hoseok is flying in tonight, so he’ll probably ride with us and Yoongi too. Yoonji should be here tomorrow morning,” Seokjin answers.

“Cool, I’ll see you then,” Namjoon turns his car on.

Jin steps back, “are you sure you’re okay, man?”

Namjoon musters up a weak smile, “I’m fine.”

Relief washes over Namjoon when he hands in his test and Scantron of his last final of the semester. He’s ecstatic to head over to Seokjin’s and relax while they wait for their friends to join them.

Hoseok should be there by now, but he was sure Yoonji would be at her parents’ before driving up later tonight. She was one to make an entrance.

“Good, you’re here!” Jin greets him as he leads his friend into his home and to his bedroom. Namjoon’s eyes widen as he sees the disaster That’s become his friend’s room.

“What the fuck?” Namjoon gapes at his friend.

Seokjin shrugs, “I’m all packed at least. This is a problem for future Jin.”

Before Namjoon can say anything about the mess, the doorbell rings and Jin is out in a dash to get it, saving himself from Joon’s lecture.

Namjoon sighs heavily, beginning to pick clothes off the bed to put back on the hangers in the closet. He’s careful where he steps, not wanting to fuck up anything else.

“You made it!” Jin exclaims before Namjoon hears Hoseok’s voice responding.

“Where’s everyone?” Hoseok asks as he sits on the couch with his luggage.

“Tae and Jimin are still at school until Jimin finishes his final,” Namjoon states as he walks into the living room to greet Hoseok. Seokjin sits on the opposite end of the couch, offering them both a drink.

“I can’t wait to get up there,” Hoseok sighs as he thanks Jin for the drink.

“Rough week?” Seokjin asks as he sits back in his spot.

“The worst, but that’s over and done with. I’ve got two weeks off and I plan to enjoy them with my friends,” Hoseok grins, raising his glass before downing his drink.

“What’s new with you?” Namjoon asks after a beat of silence. Hoseok grins, immediately updating both of his friends about life across the country and about the new person he’s been seeing.

“Hopefully you can meet them by the time Spring Break rolls around,” Hoseok grins, excusing himself when his phone rings.

The front door opens and Yoongi walks in followed by Jimin and Taehyung. They take a seat on the couch, spreading out.

“Fuck finals,” Jimin grunts, crossing his arms over his chest. Namjoon chuckles, “you don’t have to worry about them until next semester.”

Yoongi nods, adjusting the gray beanie on his head, “are we all here?”

“Yeah, Hoseok’s on the phone. I gotta get my bags in the trunk,” Seokjin gets up, heading to his bedroom to grab his suitcase and his backpack.

“I’ll help you,” Yoongi states as he takes Seokjin’s suitcase and takes it to the Escalade for him, ready to get on the road before the sunset fully.

“Is Yoonji coming?” Hoseok asks as he returns, grabbing his own suitcase as Taehyung goes to the kitchen to make sure the stove is off and the fridge has been emptied.

“She’s meeting us there,” Jimin assures him, Hoseok nods before heading outside, followed by Namjoon and Jimin.

The weather is unforgiving as Tae comes outside of the house, “do you have everything so I can lock up?”

“Yeah,” comes a chorus of responses. Taehyung nods, “wait, does anyone have to use the bathroom?”

Jimin raises his hand and Taehyung sighs, moving aside to allow his boyfriend back into his home. The rest of them pile into the Escalade, Namjoon claiming a window seat in the last row. Seokjin sits behind the driver’s seat, Hoseok at his side. Yoongi climbs in beside Namjoon in the last row, popping in one of his earbuds as they wait for Jimin.

“Sorry!” Jimin sings as he clambers into the vehicle minutes later, shutting the door after him. He shivers as he looks over his shoulder to do a headcount as Taehyung locks up once again before getting in. Taehyung looks in the rearview mirror at his friends, “anyone else have to go before we leave? I’m not stopping until we get there.”

“We’re good,” Hoseok calls back. Taehyung nods, tugging on his seatbelt, making sure it clicks as he starts the vehicle and pulls out smoothly from his driveway. Jimin immediately connects his phone to the bluetooth, filling the space with music, humming along to his favorites.

“Did Yoonji get the tree?” Seokjin turns around in his seat to look at Yoongi. Namjoon places his earbuds in his ears, drowning out the conversation.

“I’ll text her. She was with my mom before I left the house, something about my dad’s gift being late. I’m sure she’s got it or she would have called,” Yoongi assured Jin, who nods. He was hoping she had gotten the tree. That was the key event of the night. They would all be decorating the tree at the cabin while making dinner and singing Christmas carols.

Seokjin turns around, gnawing at his bottom lip. Worried Yoonji may have invited you and Jungkook, unless Taehyung had been the one to do so. He was too afraid to ask, not wanting to lie to Namjoon about knowing you’d be there beforehand. He figured a lie by omission was better. The less he knew, the better.

Taehyung looked at his brother in the rearview mirror, eyeing him suspiciously before looking back at the road. Jimin sat beside him, still singing, oblivious to the brothers’ silent conversation.

An hour later, Taehyung is parking in the driveway outside their cabin. Jimin kisses his cheek, thanking him for driving before he’s getting out. His feet hit the snow, a shiver running down his spine as he ran to the cabin, leaving Tae and the others to unload the trunk.

“At least we’ll be warm by the time we unload everything.” Seokjin shrugs as he gets out, stretching his limbs after sitting for so long. He rolls his neck from side to side, groaning when it pops. Hoseok does the same before they make their way to the trunk, ignoring the way the snow crunches under their boots.

“What are the sleeping arrangements?” Yoongi asks as he grabs two of the suitcases. Seokjin shrugs, “let’s get the stuff inside and we’ll figure it out after. We need to get dinner started as well.” Namjoon nods as he grabs more of the suitcases to carry inside. Jimin has changed into a sweater with snowflakes on it and a comfortable pair of jeans with socks that match his sweater. He spins around for Taehyung, who pulls him into a hug, pointing to the mistletoe above them before kissing him gently.

Namjoon and Yoongi head back outside to grab more of their belongings, as Seokjin heads to the kitchen to get dinner started. Hoseok follows him to help.

When Namjoon and Yoongi reappear, they’re shrugging off their coats and shaking the snow out of their hair.

“Hey!” Yoonji greets as she opens the door, her arms in the air as she waves them, earning the attention of everyone in the room. Namjoon chuckles, greeting her with a brief hug before Jimin runs over to her and hugs her tightly.

“Look who I brought with me!” Yoonji moves aside and Namjoon gets a sinking feeling in his stomach as Yoonji steps aside as you walk in, shivering with Jungkook behind you.

Silence.

Absolute silence.

Namjoon notices the way your eyes widen before you’re glaring at Yoonji, a wicked smile on her face as she walks past everyone to wrap her arms around Hoseok, hugging him tightly.

“I’ve missed you!” Hoseok returns her hug, kissing the top of her head before he’s leading her to the kitchen to get her a drink.

Jungkook rubs the nape of his neck, feeling awkward. He knew Namjoon would be present.  How could he not when he was Seokjin’s best friend? He just wasn’t expecting to be in such close proximity upon arrival, if anything, he figured he had until dinner to run into him.

Namjoon turns, going to the kitchen with the others as Taehyung and Jimin greet you and Jungkook.

“I didn’t think you’d make it!” Jimin hugs you and then Jungkook.

“Yoonji can be very persistent,” Jungkook shrugs as he excuses himself to get the bags out of the car. Taehyung follows him to retrieve the Christmas tree.

Hoseok walks into the living room with a bottle of wine and glasses for everyone while Seokjin sits on the couch with Yoonji at his side. Yoongi sits on the floor beside them, while Namjoon sits on the arm of the couch.

Hoseok pours wine for everyone, smiling at Yoonji when he gets to her before he sends a friendly smile your way.

“Sleeping arrangements,” Seokjin starts as Hoseok finishes pouring wine into everyone’s glass. “Taehyung and Jimin get the bedroom on the first floor for obvious reasons… I’ve had it soundproof. You’re welcome.”

Jimin giggles, thanking him. Seokjin laughs, “trust me, it was more for our benefit than yours.”

“Anyway,” Taehyung huffs, flipping off his brother. “We’re going to leave our stuff in our room. We’ll be back in time for dinner.”

Seokjin rolls his eyes, “Y/n and Yoonji you’re together. Namjoon and Hoseok, me and Yoongi and Jungkook on his own.”

Namjoon looks at Hoseok and grins. At least he wasn’t stuck with Jungkook as a roommate. The last thing he wanted was to be around him or you in close quarters. The fact that you were both here put a sour taste in his mouth.

Hoseok and Namjoon head upstairs with their suitcases, picking a bedroom as Yoongi and Jin settle into theirs. Yoongi’s just glad he wouldn’t have to be bunking with Jungkook, he’d rather sleep with Jin (like he had plenty of times before) than to be with a man he considered a friend, but really just betrayed his best friend. He couldn’t forgive disloyalty, so he cut Jungkook off like nothing. Loyalty was everything to him.

Seokjin and Yoongi settle into their room at the very end of the hall, past the hall bathroom but right beside Jungkook’s bedroom. The two men say nothing as they walk past him with his suitcases.

Yoonji and you are right by the stairs, the first bedroom on the right with one across from you, which will be for Namjoon and Hoseok, much to your disappointment. Yoonji had assured you Namjoon wouldn’t be coming this year, and now here you were stuck with your ex-boyfriend and the guy you kissed under the mistletoe last year. This was going to be a mess, but isn’t that what your best friend thrived on?

“Have a messy, messy Christmas! It’s the worst time of the year!” Yoonji belted at the top of her lungs as she unpacked her suitcase. You raised a brow at her, “those aren’t the lyrics.”

“They are this Christmas,” Yoonji replies, smirking as she continues to alter the lyrics to fit the situation before Yoongi is poking his head in.

“Yooni, can you shut the fuck up?” He asks, and she flips him off. “Ooh, I’m telling mom!”

“Don’t you dare! She’s still mad I didn’t make my bed before I left! Yoongi!” Yoonji runs out of the bedroom, shouting her brother’s name in annoyance as she chases after him down the stairs. The last thing you hear is Yoongi exclaiming, “mom!” into his phone.

You finish unpacking, thankful the cabin has a washer and dryer should you need it, but you figure you’d be in pajamas or jeans throughout the two weeks, unless you need something specific that you could just buy in town.

“Shit, sorry,” you say as you bump into someone in the hallway. They turn around and you internally groan. Of course you’d bump into Namjoon, Hoseok behind him.

Namjoon stares at you, his jaw clenching before he goes down the stairs without a word. You watch after him, sighing as Hoseok walks past you, giving you a pitying look. You ignore the way your heart clenches, sadness filling you as you do your best to neutralize your mood and head downstairs. If you stuck close enough to Yoonji, Tae, Jimin and Jungkook, you were sure you’d make it through the two weeks easily.

When you get downstairs, Yoonji has tackled her brother onto the couch, wrestling for his phone while Hoseok watches on, betting against Yoongi. Namjoon is in the kitchen with Seokjin, helping him cook and avoiding the commotion the Min siblings are causing.

You wish Tae and Jimin would join you soon as you sit on the couch on your phone. You’re not sure where to go or where to sit and you feel like a nuisance despite how much Tae and Jimin assured you they wanted you to come. It had been a bad idea. You knew Namjoon would be there, and you had said no time and time again but Yoonji was persistent as well as Jungkook.

Jungkook.

A sigh escapes you. He was your best friend and what had happened last year had been a mistake, an accident. You’d had too much to drink that night. When you leaned in to kiss him on the cheek, you missed and got his lips. It was all just a big misunderstanding, but the damage was done and your relationship with Namjoon and his friends ruined. You gnaw at your lip.  Maybe you could sneak on home in the early hours of the morning?

“None of that,” Yoonji says as she plops down on the couch beside you.

“What?”

“I know that look. That’s your ‘i-need-to-run-away’ look. You’re not leaving.”

“Yoonji…” you start but are cut off when Jimin and Taehyung appear.

“You’re not leaving, are you?” Taehyung asks, sitting on the couch with Yoongi. He pulls Jimin onto his lap, his arms wrapping around his waist.

“I should,” you clear your throat, looking down at your sock clad feet, wiggling your toes in nervousness. You can feel the heat of everyone’s stares and it just makes the situation more uncomfortable.

“You’re not leaving, Y/n. You’re welcomed here just like everyone else. I’ll be damned if anyone feels ill at ease. I can’t let that happen. It would be... unsouthern.” Seokjin states walking into the room upon hearing Jimin and Taehyung return.

“That’s a good belle,” Jimin chuckles. Seokjin winks at him, blowing him a kiss before turning to you.

“On a serious note, aside from quoting The Golden Girls, you’re just as welcome here as any of these goofballs. I know everyone feels a bit awkward with the situation, but what’s done is done and I plan on having a fabulous time before I have to drown in school work come January. If anyone makes you feel less than welcome, anyone at all, I’ll kick their ass out,” Seokjin looks around the room before meeting your gaze.

You nod, muttering a soft thank you before Seokjin is clasping his hands together and pulling Jimin off his brother’s lap.

“I’m stealing your soulmate for a bit, I need him to make that Christmas drink he showed me on Pinterest. And Yoongi, I’ve got your whiskey in the kitchen,” Yoongi grins, following Seokjin and Jimin.

Dinner is filled with a lingering awkwardness on your part, your friends sitting on one end of the table, while Namjoon and his friends sit on the other. You’re sitting across from Yoonji, who’s beside Hoseok. Jungkook is beside you on your left, and you’ve got Yoongi on your right. Namjoon is squeezed beside Hoseok on the left and Seokjin is at the end of the table.

Despite your best efforts, you find yourself meeting Namjoon’s gaze. He cuts it short, turning to continue his conversation with Seokjin. You find yourself staring at him in between hums of affirmation in your own conversation, not paying attention as Yoonji rambles on about her many conquests on her trips. You’ve heard it all last night, so you don’t feel guilty tuning her out as you admire the fullness of your ex-boyfriend’s lips.

Memories of those lips kissing your own, trailing kisses that lit a fire deep in you. You squirm in your seat, feeling flustered, your skin hot as you take a sip of your drink. You fan yourself with your hand, eyes still on your ex.

Jungkook looks over at you, following your line of sight before leaning into you, his fingers brushing your hair out of the way as he whispers, “you’re drooling.”

Your eyes widen, chuckling before elbowing him. Your laugh catches Namjoon’s attention, his eyes bore into the side of your head, jealousy coursing through his body as he sees you lean into Jungkook. He scoffs, looking away before Seokjin and Yoongi send him a pitying look.

“It doesn’t even matter,” he mutters as he pushes his food around on his plate, losing his appetite. He hates the way you hang on Jungkook’s every word, your laugh filling the room, ringing in his ears. He used to make you laugh like that. It was him you’d drape yourself around, leaning in close enough for him to smell the sweet scent of your perfume.

“Jungkook!” You gasp, poking him in the ribs. “You promised you wouldn’t tell that story!”

“It slipped,” he smirks, pulling you close to kiss the top of your head. You roll your eyes as Jimin and Taehyung laugh, gripping their sides as Jungkook beams with pride. You excuse yourself from the table, taking your plate into the kitchen.

Jungkook follows you, apologizing when he reaches you. He pulls you into a hug, his hand rubbing your back as you wrap your arms around his waist.

Namjoon walks in with Yoongi behind him, “Don’t stop on our account.”

“We weren’t,” Jungkook replies before taking your hand and pushing past Namjoon. Your eyes linger on your ex’s, wishing you could just talk to him; explain.

It’s been almost a year since you broke up. You never got the chance to explain what had happened and after he blocked you, you tried to give him time to cool off. You tried to catch him at school but it was impossible until you started working at the cafe but once he figured out you worked there; he showed up on your days off. You figured it was truly over. You wanted to move on; you did, but you found it hard after dating a few people who fell short.

Jungkook had given you space, feeling awful for what had happened. It was an awkward situation to be in. He was your best friend, the person you kissed, but he also considered Namjoon a friend, a role model, and he’d lost the man he looked up to. He was sure Namjoon hated his guts.  He could feel it in the searing glare that was always sent his way whenever he’d bump into him at campus, more so when he started working with you at the cafe.

Jungkook hadn’t known what to do after trying (and failing) to reach out to him to explain his side of the situation, but alas, he too was blocked in the end. He was lucky Namjoon didn’t just trample him when their paths met on campus. You were serious about Namjoon, Jungkook knew that. He knew this whole situation was just one clusterfuck of a mess. A mess he couldn’t fix on his own, not when Namjoon hated his guts.

Over time, Jungkook’s need to right the wrong ended up with him growing enraged. It was a mistake, a simple mistake over a kiss that meant nothing to him. When he saw how affected you were by the breakup, he grew angry. Angry at himself, at Namjoon, at the world. He went from best friend to protector. Glued to your side to be your rock, be the light that you needed to get through this. You refused to talk about Namjoon, but Jungkook knew your feelings were as strong as ever for the man. You still wore the necklace he’d thrown on the floor. You hid it under your clothing, your fingers brushing it absentmindedly whenever your thoughts wandered over to him.

Hoseok, Yoonji, and Taehyung clear the table as Yoongi, Namjoon, Jimin, Seokjin, you, and Jungkook, go to the living room. The Christmas tree is sitting in a large box in the living room, waiting to be opened and set up.

Namjoon and Seokjin open the box, Jimin helping to organize the pieces before they put it together. Yoongi watches from the couch, a drink in his hand as he watches on with amusement.

“No, that doesn’t go there. It doesn’t fit!” Seokjin huffs as he tries to put one of the pieces of the stand into the holder.

“Yes, it does! Why else would they put it in the box if it wouldn’t fit?” Namjoon asks as he takes the pieces from his elder. You bit back a laugh as you see the two men arguing while Jimin sneaks up and easily takes the pieces out of Namjoon’s hands without him noticing, too caught up in his argument.

“Sometimes, you just need to give it a little wiggle and a little spit,” Jimin murmurs. Yoongi chuckles, “please don’t put that in your mouth.”

Jimin grins, winking before pushing the pieces into place.

“Who is Jimin putting in his mouth?” Hoseok asks as he enters the room, sitting beside Yoongi.

“Hopefully me,” Taehyung smirks as he kisses Jimin on the cheek.

“Anyway,” Jin continues as he puts together the other pieces, thankful they opted for a prelit tree this year. If he had to unravel any more lights in this lifetime, his head would surely explode. “We can get the ornaments out. I hope you fuckers brought your stockings.”

“I have extra if you didn’t,” Yoonji smiles as she sits beside Hoseok, nudging him over to make room for her.

“Yooni, can you give him some room? You’re practically on his lap,” Yoongi sighs as he gives Hoseok an apologetic look.

You look over at Yoonji, noting that her brother is correct. She was nearly in Hoseok’s lap, but he seemed unbothered as he watched Namjoon try to untangle the tinsel.

“Five bucks he gets it wrapped around his feet and trips,” Hoseok murmurs.

“You’re on,” Jungkook pipes up along with Taehyung. Sure enough, not even thirty seconds later, Namjoon is tangled in tinsel and trips as he tries to unravel himself. Hoseok laughs, getting up to help him instead as Seokjin takes the ornaments out of the bin and tells everyone to go crazy.

You try your best to stick to one side of the tree to avoid making Namjoon uncomfortable. Jungkook sticks by your side, helping you with the tinsel you held in your hand before Yoongi calls him over to grab another box of ornaments. Jungkook sends you an apologetic smile before he’s off with Yoongi, disappearing for a bit.

Yoonji and Hoseok are giggling over drinks, their faces flushed as Yoonji shoves him. She sticks her tongue out at him and you don’t miss the way he licks his lips. Jimin, Taehyung and Seokjin have gone off to make more drinks in the kitchen, leaving you and Namjoon to decorate the tree.

As you’re wrapping the tinsel, you fail to notice Namjoon standing in your way, going in the opposite direction with his green tinsel. He looks at you, blinking as you dip under his arm to get around him. The familiar scent of your perfume has his eyes fluttering shut, a soft sigh leaving his lips.

Namjoon has been a flurry of nerves throughout your date. Stumbling over his feet and his words as the night wore on. When you both sat in your driveway at the end of the night, you were so close, he could smell your perfume. It wasn’t too strong but not subtle enough for him not to notice, especially when you were leaning over the console, your eyes on his lips. He could feel heat spread across his cheeks as you met his gaze. He leaned forward, his eyes studying yours before his palm cupped your face and he kissed you.

You kissed him back eagerly, savoring the taste of his lips as he pulled away. You were intoxicating; everything from your perfume, to your touch, to your kiss. Namjoon knew he was in deep. So deep.

“Walk me to the door?” You’d asked him with a hopeful smile. Namjoon nodded, rushing to open his door, trying to get out of his seat only to be pulled back by his seatbelt. You giggled, a beautiful sound that had his heart skipping beats as he unbuckled himself and opened your car door. He took your hand, walking you up the driveway to your front door.

“I had a good time. You’ll text me?” You asked, biting your bottom lip before looking at him.

“Of course.” Namjoon didn’t hesitate to answer before you kissed his cheek and wished him goodnight. Namjoon blushed, walking to his car and getting in. Your perfume lingered on his seats; he was in deep.

Namjoon was lost in his thoughts.  He didn’t notice you coming back, dipping under him once again. He blinked and continued his task, meeting you on the other side. He raised his arm over you to get past. Your eyes lingered on his broad back.

Your giggles filled Namjoon’s bedroom as the two of you fell onto his bed after another date, this one different from the others. He’d asked you to be his girlfriend after dating for a hot minute. You were covering his face in kisses, his hands finding purchase on your hips as you straddled him.

You’d been yearning for this man since the first time you laid your eyes on him. What had begun as lust quickly began budding into a romance, possibly love? It made you apprehensive, but all those negative thoughts were wiped from your mind as his eyes met yours, his warm palm cupping your cheek. You turn, kissing his wrist before leaning down to capture his lips with yours.

Your name escapes him in a sigh that has heat pooling deep in your abdomen. Electricity courses through your veins as your hips grind down.

“Joon, please.”

“I’ve got you, baby. I’ve got you,” he murmurs as his plush pink lips find the sensitive skin of your neck, kissing and nipping at the flesh as your eyes flutter shut and you lose yourself to the sensation, to him.

Namjoon steps back as he finishes wrapping the tinsel, happy with himself for not tearing it to pieces with you in such close proximity. He realizes this is one of the few times he’s been this close to you. He’s not sure he likes it.

Seokjin comes back carrying a tray of drinks for everyone. You rush to get one, downing half of it. Seokjin chuckles when your face contorts, “Jimin made these.”

“It tastes like juice!” Jimin grins mischievously.

“To you,” Namjoon rolls his eyes but smiles at his friend.

“You love my drinks! Remember the last time I made you a drink?” Jimin asks as he takes a drink before going over to the tree to inspect it with Seokjin.

“No, I don’t remember. That’s the problem, Chim.” Namjoon runs a hand through his hair before shaking his head. He sits back, allowing the others to place ornaments on the tree.

Jimin waves him off as he brings Taehyung over to put an ornament on one of the higher branches. You look over at Yoonji, but she’s deep in conversation with Hoseok and Jungkook is nowhere to be seen. You take your phone out, texting him but get no reply after a few minutes.

When you put your phone down on the coffee table, Namjoon catches your gaze. It’s smoldering, makes you shrink back in your seat, squirming. He doesn’t break eye contact, his eyes roaming down to your neck, his tongue peeking from between his lips to lick them.

He smirks, looking away when you exhale loudly, wiping your clammy hands on your bottoms. He was glad he still had that effect on you, if nothing else.

Between the drinks, and all of you joking around in your friend groups, it takes about an hour to finish the tree.

You’re all exhausted from traveling, especially Hoseok who had to fly in. You call it an early night, knowing you've got plenty of time to spend with all your friends for the next two weeks. Jungkook follows you up to bed, walking you to your bedroom before kissing your forehead.

“I’m proud of you. It won’t be so hard, Y/n. You’ve got me,” Jungkook hugs you before walking down the hall to his bedroom. You watch him go, not noticing how Namjoon has witnessed the exchange.

Namjoon spends the first two days inside. He’s denied invitations to hit the slopes, shopping, and partying in favor of making a dent in his reading list. Being a student didn’t leave much free time for him to read books he wanted to, just the ones required for class. He was eager to read a few during his time off, and he’d made great progress during his time in the cabin.

By the third day, Seokjin and Hoseok have had enough of their best friend being cooped up inside and missing all the group activities.

Seokjin manages to drag him out with promises of his favorite meal for lunch. Namjoon isn’t one to turn down food, so he joins the others as they hit the slopes. Seokjin has a snowboard, while Hoseok is on skis. Namjoon’s not sure which he’d like to use this time, but settles for a snowboard after some pushing from Seokjin and Yoongi.

Namjoon’s just glad you’re not around, but that thought is quickly diminished when you show up in Taehyung’s group. You’re wearing a purple coat, your hands crossed over your chest as you curse the cold weather. Your eyes meet Namjoon’s and it’s like the world stops.

Namjoon can’t seem to look away, not until Jungkook is blocking his view as he leads you in the opposite direction from Namjoon.

“Glad you all made it!” Jimin states as Yoonji takes Hoseok with her. Taehyung and Jimin follows the two as Seokjin drags Namjoon the opposite way.

“There’s an ice skating rink in town. We’re thinking of heading over there tonight before we have drinks at home,” Yoongi informs Namjoon after he had complained about being cold outside and tired of snowboarding. He’d had a hard time keeping up with Yoongi and Seokjin, so he was ready to go for lunch.

“Let’s meet the rest of the group and see if they want to join,” Seokjin suggests, causing Namjoon to groan in protest.

“Don’t you think it’s time you two made amends? You don’t have to get back together, but for the sake of this trip, can you be amenable?” Yoongi asks. Namjoon bites his lip.

“I don’t know,” he answers honestly.

“Let’s go.”

“Watch out!” Yoonji shouts, but it’s too late. Namjoon gets pelted with a snowball on the chest. He looks down at the snow that lingers on his jacket before looking at Yoonji. She waves, smiling sheepishly, “Sorry! I meant to hit my brother!”

“Fuck you!” Yoongi shouts, balling up the snow on the ground and tossing it over to his sister, but he misses and hits Taehyung.

“What the fuck?!” Taehyung screeches before he makes a snowball and throws it at Yoongi, who ducks, and the snowball hits Seokjin in the face.

“Oh, this is war!” Seokjin shouts as he races forward. Yoongi follows and Namjoon shrugs before he joins in, pelting whoever he can.

You end up getting pelted by someone before everyone scrambles off into the wooded area, each man for himself.

“This is such bullshit,” you mutter as you’re hit on the back of the neck, the snow going down your back.

“You gotta duck, bitch!” Yoonji shouts from her spot behind a boulder within view of you. Someone runs over, hiding behind the fallen tree you’re at. Yoonji runs away, screaming as she pelts her brother with several snowballs. Jimin and Taehyung come to his defense, followed by Jungkook and Seokjin.

Harsh breathing captures your attention, you turn to see Namjoon hiding. He doesn’t pay you any mind as he ducks. He sits on his butt, shaking snow out of his hair.

“I fucking hate this,” he mutters to himself.

“The snow?” You ask. Namjoon blinks, turning to you.

“No, I got snow in my shirt and it’s fucking melting. I’m cold as fuck,” He curses, shivering. You’re in the same boat as him, that’s probably why you open your mouth to speak.

“If we go through there, we’ll be back at the cabin in less than a minute,” you inform him. Namjoon looks to where you’re pointing, barely making out Taehyung’s Escalade. He looks at you and nods.

“I’ll cover you,” you tell him, moving to show him the pile of snowballs you keep hidden behind you.

“What are you? Some kind of snowball fight general?” Namjoon guffaws.

“No, I just like to win. The fun ones are the yellow ones,” You grin evilly.

“You didn’t…?” Namjoon gags.

You cackle, shaking your head, “no, but I’d totally dominate the field if I did. Come on, I wanna get out of this as much as you.”

Namjoon takes a peek over the fallen tree, getting pelted in the face immediately. Hoseok’s laughter fills the air, he hoots in triumph.

“Finish him!” Namjoon growls, wiping snow from his face.

“Want me to put a rock in it?” You smirk.

“You’re evil!” Namjoon grins, shaking his head before a snowball flies over both your heads.

“Fuck, I missed!” Taehyung huffs before another snowball comes flying your way. You dodge it, peeking over the tree with Namjoon at your side. It’s calm for a moment before snowballs come flying at you, only you.

Namjoon tells you to duck. Without thinking, he throws himself over you to shield you from getting hit. You fall into the snow with an ‘oomph’, eyes wide as you look up at Namjoon, whose face is nestled in your neck.

You remain stoic as more snowballs fly over you.

“Stay down,” he murmurs as he raises his head in the slightest, ducking again when more snowballs fly over your head. Namjoon supports his weight with his elbows, looking down at you. Your eyes lock on his.

You’re panting from exertion or his closeness, you're not sure. It’s been way too long since you’ve had him close, had him on top of you. You can’t help but stare at him, your eyes flickering from his lips to his eyes and back again.

“Namjoon! Joon,” your voice rose in octaves as you writhed beneath your boyfriend, his steady thrusts and grinding hips, making you see stars as you arched into his touch. His lips seared kisses into every inch of your neck, your chest. Your hands ran down his back, your nails leaving steaks as you pulled him closer, held him closer. Your name tumbled from his lips in breathy gasps that had your thighs clamping around his hips tighter, drawing him in deeper.

He swallowed your heady cries, his tongue twined with yours. His thrusts going in so deep, you feel him in your stomach. His name escaped your lips, your hands gripping his hair tightly, lips meeting in a messy kiss that has your toes curling.

“Baby,” his guttural groan has you clenching around his cock, coaxing more moans from him as his hips stutter. Curses escape him, his lips meeting yours as he grips your hands, pressing them onto the mattress, fingers intertwined.

“Fuck, baby. Fuck,” Namjoon buries his face in your neck, teeth sinking into the flesh.

You resist the urge to blink, refusing to let this moment end. Your hand reaches to cup his cheek, stroking it. Namjoon doesn’t move away, instead his eyes flutter shut, leaning into your touch for just a moment.

When his eyes open again, his gaze is intense, fiery.

“I’m sorry, Joon.”

Namjoon swallows, thickly. He shakes his head to get out of the trance you’ve put him in, opting to take your hand to pull you up. He shields you with his body, grunting as he gets hit with snowballs.

“Let’s go!” He growls as he takes your hand in his, running in the direction of the cabin.

Namjoon doesn’t let go of your hand until you’re both safe inside. You immediately kick your boots off, taking clothing off until you’re just in a shirt and jeans. Namjoon does the same, feeling awkward as he looks at you, biting his lip.

“We should shower,” Namjoon says.

You blink.

“Separately.”

“Yeah, of course. I’ll go upstairs,” you walk up the stairs, feeling the heat of his stare on your back as you disappear.

Namjoon avoids you the rest of the day. You weren’t expecting anything less but your heart sank knowing he hadn’t said anything about your apology. You wish you’d had more time to talk to him, to at least apologize in a better setting.

Today, Namjoon had gone out early in the morning to go on a walk. You had been hoping to catch him before anyone woke up, but that was a bust. You knew you weren’t going to be able to get him alone without help. You wondered who you should recruit for this. Yoonji? Yoongi? Jungkook? No, not Jungkook. Hoseok? Taehyung? Jimin?? Seokjin???

“Fuck this,” you huff as you leave your shared room with Yoonji. You shut the door after you, only to run into Namjoon in the hall.

“Oh!”

“Good morning,” he says before going to his room, shutting his door after. You turn to go down the stairs, hoping the rest of your friends had something planned for the day. Your thoughts were mind numbing, and you were hoping for a distraction.

“We’re going back to the skating rink,” Taehyung informs you as he downs a cup of coffee. Yoongi sits beside him, a glass of whiskey in his hand and a newspaper in the other.

Yoonji rubs her eyes as she comes down in her pajamas, “can I stay home?”

“Are you okay?” Yoongi asks, worried.

“Yeah, just a little sniffly and tired,” Yoonji pouts as she sits beside her brother, taking his whiskey.

“Morning,” Hoseok greets as he yawns, sitting across from Taehyung. He stacks his plate with pancakes. “What’s up?”

“I think Yoonji’s sick,” Yoongi says as he looks at his sister, her head resting on his shoulder. He checks her forehead, but she doesn’t feel warmer than usual.

“I can stay home with her. I’ve got a video call later but other than that I can watch her,” Hoseok offers, looking at Yoonji then at Yoongi.

“I don’t need a babysitter,” Yoonji quips. Yoongi sighs, “he’s not a babysitter. I just want to make sure you’re fine while we go out. If you get sick, we can grab something for you.”

“Fine. I’m going to bed,” Yoonji waves as she leaves to go back to bed.

“Maybe I should stay…” you ponder out loud, but Hoseok shakes his head quickly, “no sense in you missing out on skating. You sat out most of yesterday.”

You sigh, nodding. Seokjin has everyone come down for breakfast, making them eat before they gather their belongings and pile into the cars to head to the skating rink once again.

When you arrive, you note it’s not as crowded as it was last night. Everyone scrambles off in groups, leaving you with Jungkook as you fumble trying to get your ice skates on.

“It’s easy, you just gotta find your balance,” Jungkook tells you for the nth time. If he says it one more time, you’re sure you’ll push him into a wall.

“Go, leave me be,” you try to push him but he’s built like a concrete wall and all it earns you is a push for you in the opposite direction. You stumble, gripping the rail at the edge as Jungkook takes off, showing off.

“Bastard,” you grumble angrily as you hold on to the rail, wobbling on your skates. Jimin and Taehyung fly past you, Jimin spinning in the air before Taehyung catches him.

“Show offs,” you roll your eyes as Seokjin skates past, Yoongi holding his hand tightly.

“Don’t let me fall! Don’t let me fall!” Yoongi giggles as Seokjin pulls him close, “I’d never dream of it.”

You smile. Yoongi sticks his tongue out, his cheeks tinted pink as Seokjin leads him around the rink.

“You know, you won’t learn if you keep clutching the handrail like that,” you huff, ready to tell whoever it is off, when you realize it’s Namjoon.

“Better than losing my fingers if I fall on the floor.”

Namjoon quirks his head, studying your expression, “don’t you think that’s an exaggeration?”

“Not in the slightest. We’ve got Olympic team competitors over there and a show off there,” You point at Taehyung and Jimin before Jungkook.

“Dramatic as always,” Namjoon comments. You sigh, “are you gonna help or just fly past me like everyone else?”

“I haven’t decided yet,” he chuckles.

“Fair,” you inch forward with the rail, Namjoon skating in circles a few feet away throwing in a spin. “Go join the Olympic stars.”

“Just take my hand,” Namjoon reaches out for you. You hesitate, looking at his hand and then his face. There’s no maliciousness present in his eyes, so you accept his hand, wobbling as you stand in front of him.

Namjoon immediately goes into teaching mode, his brain free of any awkwardness and anything unrelated to teaching you how to stay right side up.

You can feel people staring at you, mostly your friends, you’re sure. Namjoon doesn’t let go of your hand as he leads you around the rink, keeping you out of the way of those who know what they’re doing.

“Thanks,” You say when he helps you onto a bench. He nods, waving briefly before he goes to skate, going faster than he could have with you.

“What was that?” Jungkook asks as he sits beside you..

“Nothing,” you answer, eyes still on Namjoon on the rink..

“Looked like progress,” he comments, ignoring the look you give him.

“I’m sure it wasn’t. He didn’t want me to fall.”

After you arrive at the cabin from the skating rink, Seokjin and Yoongi are making more drinks while Taehyung and Jimin are taking out board games and spreading them out on the living room floor. Yoonji is excited to play Monopoly, but is quickly turned down when she’s reminded of the tantrum Taehyung had thrown last Christmas, in which the board and its pieces had been knocked over and throughout the living room. The thimble was still missing.

“Twister?” Hoseok suggests instead, as drinks are passed around to everyone. While Hoseok and Jungkook set up the game, Namjoon sits back, his eyes landing on you. You’re whispering intently with Yoonji, giggling as you take a sip of your drink before looking at Jungkook. A grin appears on your face and Namjoon looks away, a scowl on his face. He thought it would be easier to be around you, to see you with him, but even after the afternoon the both of you had, his heart was still shielded in a thick layer of ice. He hated that he felt this way, that your relationship had ended the way that it had. He loved you, he still did, but his heart ached when he thought of you.

Millions of times he’d thought about reaching out to you, to talk it out, but he figured it would be pointless. Now that he was so close, he wondered if he had made the right decision that night.

“Let’s start!” Seokjin exclaims as he ensues a game of rock, paper, scissors to decide who goes first. It’s rough, a tight squeeze and everyone ends up dropping one by one until it’s just Namjoon, you and Jungkook. Yoonji, Seokjin and Jimin are watching you intently, curious to see who the winner will be.

You’re at an awkward angle, caught above Namjoon with Jungkook at your side. Namjoon refuses to meet your eyes until a glint of your necklace makes him turn to you. It’s a necklace tucked into your top, hard for him to make it out until Jungkook’s foot gets tangled with yours and you both tumble onto Namjoon.

When you rise, your necklace has fallen out of your shirt, but Namjoon doesn’t get a clear look at it as you scramble to shove it back in your shirt. He can’t help but wonder if he’d seen correctly. You were wearing the necklace he’d gotten you last year.

“Finally! Now, can we play something else? I’m in the mood to annihilate you at UNO,” Yoongi grins as he takes the cards out of the box and everyone sits on the floor, drinking from their cups as they realize they’re in for a long night and a test of their friendship.

Everyone has gone to bed after the night’s celebrations had gone well into the night. Now that it was nearing 3 am, Namjoon found himself unable to sleep. He had snuck out of his shared room, making sure not to disturb a sleeping, drunk Hoseok as he tiptoed out into the hall, shutting the door after him.

He exhaled a breath in relief, but his heart hammered in his chest and a bead of sweat ran down his temple as a floorboard squeaked under the carpeted hallway. Namjoon held his breath, standing pin straight as he waited for any of his friends to rouse from their alcohol induced sleep to find him in the hall.

After a few silent, but oh, so very anxious moments, Namjoon continues on his way down the stairs. His sweaty grip on the banister makes a squeak as he reaches the landing before taking the last few steps into the living room.

Namjoon wasn’t surprised to see the fire is still going in the fireplace, albeit it’s not as strong as it was when they were all celebrating just hours before. He curls up on the couch, draping the throw blanket over his legs.

The home is silent, save for the ticking of the clock and the snores of someone upstairs, Seokjin, he figures.

Namjoon had found it hard to sleep tonight. Tossing and turning over and over until he finally gave up on sleep and took his racing thoughts and himself to the living room, hoping to get some peace and quiet, but alas, his thoughts only crescendo in the silence.

Tonight had gone well, he thought. He’d been amenable to you and Jungkook, a fact that had shocked everyone in the house. He’d been decently nice to you, but Jungkook still got a bit of his cold shoulder. It was progress, a step in the right direction. Namjoon hadn’t had time to talk to you since the snowball fight, not when everyone barreled through the door ten minutes after and started calling dibs on the shower as fights ensued between the Min siblings and Jungkook to see who would get to shower first.

In the end, Seokjin had beaten the trio as he raced past their arguing selves and straight into the bathroom. With a smirk, Yoongi grinned and followed him, cockily stating, “that’s my man.”

Namjoon had kept to himself for most of the evening, lost in his thoughts as he held his wineglass in his hand, eyes fixated on the roaring fire. Everyone around him laughed, chattered and had a good time while he was bombarded with thoughts of you.

Memories of your relationship, ’I’m sorry.’ What had you meant? Sorry for touching him? Sorry for hurting him? Sorry for kissing Jungkook? Sorry for what?

“Fuck this,” he utters under his breath, his hand carding through his hair. He was thankful he had dyed it right before this trip. He wanted to make sure he looked good in case you showed up. It was purple and silver and he loved it. He wondered if you did too. Would you run your fingers through it like you used to? Would you tug it, moaning his name while you writhed beneath him, crying his name?

The hall light turned on, startling Namjoon. He looks over his shoulder to see you coming down the last two steps. Pausing when you catch sight of him.

“Shoot, sorry. I didn’t know someone was down here,” you apologize, tugging on the oversized shirt you’re wearing, your thigh-high socks leaving a few inches of exposed skin between them and the hem of your shirt. “I just came to get some water. The room is stifling.”

“Oh, yeah,” Namjoon clears his throat. You walk past him to get to the kitchen, returning shortly with a bottle of water.

“Are you okay?” you find yourself asking. You walk around the couch, sitting on the opposite end of Namjoon, as far away as possible to avoid making him uncomfortable.

“I couldn’t sleep,” he answers with a shrug.

“Is something keeping you up?”

“Just my thoughts,” Namjoon answers honestly, eyes boring into the flames of the fire. You nod, opening your water bottle, taking a drink.

“Anything you wanna talk about?” You ask, hoping you’re not overstepping. Namjoon pauses, could he confide in you? Could he ask the one question that’s been sitting dormant on his tongue for months?

“It’s a lot,” he finally admits, barely audible.

“I know we’re not on the best terms, but I’m here if you wanna talk. I know I’m probably the last person on your list, but the offer is there, Joon. Uh… Namjoon. Sorry.” You bite your lip nervously, feeling your cheeks flush with heat.

“Sorry,” he repeats. “Sorry…”

“Namjoon?” You quirk your head, noting the faraway look in his eyes as the flames reflect in his eyes, just barely. “Namjoon?”

“Hmm?” he hums as he looks at you, bemused. “You’re still here?”

“Do you want me to go?” you move to get off the couch, but his hand wraps around your wrist. His face is pleading, “stay.”

You inch closer to him, pulling your legs up to your chest, wrapping your arms around your knees. It’s quiet for a moment, the both of you lost in a sea of your own thoughts.

“Does it ever get easy?” Namjoon whispers, avoiding meeting your gaze despite feeling the heat of your stare.

“What does?”

“Being near you,” Namjoon turns, taking in the way your lips part to release a gasp. “Seeing you with him.”

“Namjoon,” you start, but he shakes his head.

“I’m sorry, that wasn’t… I’m sorry.” He apologizes before looking away. You feel your heart clench, your hand reaching for his, squeezing it before letting it go.

“I saw you made it onto the school paper. I was so proud of you, Joon. You’re doing great things, everything you wanted to accomplish,” you say as you grab a pillow, hugging it to your chest as you sit criss-cross on the couch.

“I’ve had a lot of time to work on my projects. I’m starting another research project in late January at the hospital. Yoongi’s helping me with this one, so I’ll be seeing a lot of him.”

“I’ve missed seeing him,” you mumble. Namjoon blinks, nodding. You sink further into the couch.

Was Yoongi the only one you had missed? Did he ever cross your mind? Did he occupy any of your thoughts?

“Yoongi used to live at the school cafe before he began his internship. I’m sure he’ll eventually pop in. He doesn’t hate you, if that’s what you’re worried about,” Namjoon tries to reassure you, but that doesn’t stop the dark thoughts that cross your mind. You had lost Yoongi over your breakup, and Seokjin had just started being friendly toward you as of late. Hoseok… well, Hoseok was obligated to talk to you, eventually becoming your friend once again.

“I… I just wish things were like they used to be,” you mutter, sighing as you hold Namjoon’s gaze. He scowls, frowning.

“You know why it’s not.”

“It was a mistake!” you exclaim in a harsh whisper, looking at the stairs when you hear a noise. Namjoon bites his tongue, he doesn’t want to listen to more bullshit, he doesn’t have to.

“Joon!” You grab his hand, he feels the familiar heat of your palm. He’s lost in your touch, just like before.

“I was going to kiss his cheek, and he turned to tell me something. It was a mistake. He’s just a friend. It meant nothing,” You stress, hoping with all your heart he believes you.

“I-I don’t know if I can believe that, Y/n. It didn’t look like it meant nothing. Not to me,” he says honestly. You nod.

“I’m sorry, Namjoon.” You rise from your seat, leaving the decorative pillow on the couch. You grab your bottle of water, pausing to look at Namjoon. “It meant nothing. It was an accident. Goodnight.”

Namjoon watches you leave, his eyes following you as you go back up the stairs, turning the light off when you’re at the top. His eyes meet yours when you look at him one last time, shaking your head before going to your room.

After you’ve gone, Namjoon is sure he won’t be getting any sleep. How could he trust you to be telling the truth? Was it the truth or was it a fabricated story? Namjoon had seen the scene with his own two eyes. You had been kissing Jungkook on the lips, his hands holding your hips.

He’d seen it. Yoongi had seen it. Everyone had seen it. What was he supposed to believe? Were his eyes deceiving him? Had he imagined it? No, he hadn't. It had happened and now he was here a year later, still hopelessly in love with you. In love with the way you smiled, the way you laughed, the way you could take command of a room if you so pleased. To others, you may have come off as a pushover, a doormat, but oh, when you were set alight, you rivaled Yoonji. You were an enigma, but Namjoon had been set on figuring you out. He thought he had, or at least had come close until you threw him for a loop when you cheated on him.

Namjoon turns to the fireplace, stoic as he allows his thoughts to consume every inch of him until the sun is rising over the horizon. He blinks, rising from the couch and stretching his limbs before heading for the stairs.

“A mistake.”

Namjoon is starting to believe your words with each step he takes. Alcohol had been involved, you were clumsy…

“An accident.”

When he reaches the top of the stairs, Namjoon is wrapping his head around your conversation. A small smile tugs at his lips, his heart beginning to mend the cracks that were seared into it for the past year. He was ready to talk things out and see where you both stood. Hope bloomed in his chest.

“It meant nothing.”

Namjoon is surprised to hear a door opening. Who would be up this early after a night of drinking? He knew it was Christmas morning, but it wasn’t even six in the morning yet.

When you tiptoe out of Jungkook’s room, his heart sinks to his stomach. You shut the door and freeze when you see him.

“Namjoon, it’s not what you think,” you say immediately. Namjoon shakes his head, going into his own room, leaving you alone in the hallway. Any hopes of getting back together leave his head.

Breakfast is awkward. Not for your friends, but for you and Jungkook. Namjoon has been glaring daggers at the both of you in between bites of his pancakes. If anyone has noticed, none have been brave enough to mention wanting to avoid his wrath.

When it’s time to open presents, Jimin turns on his Christmas playlist to try to liven up the mood. Namjoon hangs back to the side, watching everyone exchange gifts. His eyes wander from you to Jungkook again and again.

Yoonji challenges you into doing a back roll in exchange for one of the gifts you received that she wanted. You weren’t one to back down from a challenge, much less one against your best friend.

You’re on!” you shout, before allowing Yoonji to go first. She does well but ends up curving to the right before splaying on the floor.

“Your turn,” she sings as she goes to sit on the couch beside Hoseok. You grin, doing a perfect back roll and cheering when you are back on your feet. You jump up and down, catching Namjoon’s attention as he sees something shine on your chest. When you settle down, he realizes it’s the necklace he had gotten you for last Christmas.

You were wearing the necklace. How long had you worn it? Was it always hidden under your clothing?

Namjoon turns, catching Jungkook’s gaze. He raises a brow at him, Jungkook cocks his head to the side. Namjoon nods and the two silently leave the living room without garnering attention as Yoongi and Yoonji start another argument, both doing back rolls before Jin and Hoseok are dragged into their battle.

Jungkook goes up the stairs, hearing the muffled footsteps of Namjoon on the carpeted stairs right behind him.

Namjoon follows him into his bedroom, shutting the door as Jungkook points to a chair for him to sit in. He’s nervous, that much he can tell by the way his tongue pokes his cheek.

“You saw it,” Jungkook states matter-of-fact. He wrings his hands in his lap now that he’s sat on his bed.

“How long?”

“Since you left that night,” Jungkook licks his lips, wondering if he’s doing the right thing? You were his best friend, and he knew how you get about Namjoon, but to spill his friend’s secrets? That doesn’t sit well with him.

“Why?” Namjoon asks, flabbergasted. “Why would she keep wearing it?”

Jungkook laughs, throwing his head back. The both of you were hopeless.

“Why do you think, Namjoon? Why would your ex keep the last sentimental item you gave her? Why is she wearing it daily under her clothing despite you being broken up for a year?”

Namjoon licks his lips, his hands growing clammy, “because it’s pretty?”

Jungkook cackles, “b-because it’s pretty?! Oh good grief, Namjoon! You can’t tell me you believe she’d wear that necklace without ever taking it off because it was pretty?”

Namjoon is silent, staring holes into the floor as he feels the heat of Jungkook’s gaze on him, his cheeks now pink from the staring.

“Then why?”

“She loves you. And I know you still love her, don’t try to deny it,” Jungkook states when he sees Namjoon open his mouth to protest. He shuts it, making the younger man smirk. “I’ve seen the way you two have been during this past week. You two think nobody’s noticed, but we have. All of us.”

Namjoon is at a loss for words, his hand carding through his hair.

“We expected this trip to be a disaster. I didn’t want to come, but she insisted and so did Yoonji. I never got the chance to talk to you after that night, I tried, but well…” Jungkook trails off, shrugging.

“Could you blame me?” Namjoon asks.

“No, but I wanted to tell you it was an accident. She stumbled into me and I turned to catch her, I didn’t want her spilling her drink on my new leather jacket. Anyway, that’s when you walked in. I can assure you, Namjoon, it meant nothing to her or to me. We’re best friends, we have been since we were children…” Jungkook looks lost in thought, his tongue poking at his cheek once again as his brows furrowed.

A pained look crosses his face, a deep frown on his lips but before Namjoon can ask the reason for it, Jungkook speaks, “but if that’s what it takes. If that’s what needs to happen for her to find her happiness with you, I’ll stop being her friend. She loves you so much. She’s been through hell and back, beating herself up over it. We didn’t talk for a few weeks after, both of us felt too guilty to talk to one another. “

Namjoon’s eyes widen, immediately he shakes his head, “don’t. Don’t do that, Kook. That would break her heart.”

Jungkook wipes at his eyes, a shuddering breath escaping him, “if that’s what it takes.”

“If I’d just listened to either of you,” Namjoon sighs heavily before walking to the bed and throwing himself on it. Jungkook joins him as they both stare up at the ceiling.

“I heard the two of you talking last night. I swear to you, the kiss meant nothing. And I know you saw her leaving my room, but that’s ‘cause I asked her if she wanted to talk. There’s nothing going on between us and there will never be anything between us other than friendship.”

“This whole thing is fucked,” Namjoon grumbles as he rubs his palms over his face. “Fuck.”

“Nothing that can’t be fixed with a talk and some honesty. She hasn’t taken that necklace off since that night. She absentmindedly touches it whenever you cross her mind, which is often. She doesn’t think I’ve noticed, but I have. She misses you. I’ve missed you…” Namjoon looks at Jungkook and smiles at him, squeezing his arm gently.

A knock comes on the door before it opens, and Seokjin is poking his head in.

“Is everything okay?” He asks as he shuts the door after him before joining them on the bed. He looks up at the ceiling, “what are we looking at?”

“Nothing,” Namjoon chuckles before he sits up.

“We were just talking,” Jungkook says as he sits up and shakes his hair out of his face.

“Wanna join us downstairs? We’re getting ready to watch movies and Taehyung and Jimin are making more drinks,” Seokjin states as he gets up and heads for the door. Namjoon and Jungkook follow after him, sitting beside each other for the movie marathon. You can’t seem to wonder what happened while they were gone and when you ask Jungkook, all he has to say is, “later.”

“So then he bends me over the car, mind you it’s a rental, and fucks me right out in the street under a street lamp,” Yoonji pauses to take a sip of her cocktail. Namjoon blinks, Jungkook takes a shot, Yoongi grimaced, gagging and pleading his sister to shut the fuck up.

Hoseok is red in the face, looking anywhere but at Yoonji as she continues her story, “we’re just going at it so hard. Fuck, he held my body so tight, hand wrapped around my throat as he fucked into me.”

Yoonji gets a faraway look in her eyes as she recalls the night, “he was so hot. You all need to go fuck on vacation.”

Taehyung looks at Jimin, “we fuck each other on vacation.”

“Sometimes we add a third...or a forth…” Jimin smirks, licking his lips as he meets Jungkook’s flustered gaze. He turns, cheeks tinted pink as he takes another shot.

“So you fucked him and never saw him again?” Seokjin asks, ignoring the way Yoongi groans beside him, covering his ears and singing, “la-la-la-la-la-la.”

“I didn’t say that,” Yoonji giggles, winking at Seokjin.

“So you’re still fucking him?” Namjoon asks. Yoonji smiles, “I don’t kiss and tell.”

“Oh, now you don’t kiss and tell? You just gave us a graphic description of the dude who rearranged your guts on fall break!” Yoongi huffs. “Thanks for the nightmares.”

“You’re welcome,” she sings as she waves her hand to move the conversation in a different direction.

“What are the plans for tonight?” Hoseok asks, running a hand through his hair as he avoids meeting Yoonji’s gaze.

“We can drive around to see the Christmas lights. We haven’t done that yet! I’ll make drinks!” Taehyung exclaims.

“No more alcohol!” Seokjin follows his brother into the kitchen, the both of them squabbling as they go.

“I guess we should get ready?” Jimin asks as he gets up from his seat to change into a warmer outfit.

You and Namjoon get up after giving each other a wide berth.

Once Jungkook noticed they were out of earshot, he turned to his friends, “Yoonji, give your car keys to Namjoon. Everyone else is going in Tae’s Escalade, so they’ll finally talk!”

“Why are you meddling?” Yoongi sighs. “It’s been a year.”

“They love each other,” Jungkook defends. “Come on, let’s go.”

Yoongi reluctantly agrees, going to tell the Kim brothers about the new development. Yoonji grabs Hoseok and drags him into the back row of the seats before anyone else even manages to get outside.

“Did you have to tell them that story?” Hoseok asks Yoonji as she holds his hand in her own.

“I gotta brag about you, even if they don’t know,” Yoonji pouts. Hoseok sighs, looking at the front door of the house before quickly kissing his girlfriend.

“We should just tell them,” Hoseok states, but Yoonji shakes her head.

“Yoongi might not take it well….”

“Baby, I… I wanna tell him. It’s been months, we’re not just fooling around. I-I love you,” Hoseok’s face turns red as he admits how he feels. Yoonji’s eyes pool with tears before she’s wrapping her arms around him to hug him.

“Hey…” Jungkook says as he opens the door and climbs in. “Seokjin and Yoongi are coming out next. Are you gonna tell them?”

“Not tonight,” Yoonji responds quickly. Hoseok is about to protest, but Yoonji continues. “Tomorrow morning, but not tonight.”

“Okay,” Hoseok solemnly agrees as he scoots far away from Yoonji and Jungkook squeezes between the couple.

True to his word, Jin and Yoongi come outside and join the others, followed by Jimin and Taehyung.

You come out followed by Namjoon. Jimin lowers the front window, “sorry, we’re full. You gotta take Yoonji’s car and follow us.”

“Where’s Yoonji?” You ask with a scowl.

“She wanted to ride with us. Have fun!” Jimin raises the window as he starts the engine.

You look at Namjoon before going to Yoonji’s car. He has her car keys in his hand and gets in the driver’s side.

You feel awkward as you put your seatbelt on and Namjoon follows Taehyung. Music plays softly from the radio, snow gently falling.

“They planned this,” Namjoon grumbles as he taps his fingers on the steering wheel at a red light.

“I’m sure it was Yoonji’s doing,” you sigh as you look at the vehicle filled with your traitorous friends in front of you.

“Actually… it may have been Jungkook.” You look over at Namjoon with a disbelieving look. “Kook? Why would he do this?”

“Because we talked,” Namjoon shrugs as the light turns green and he moves on forward. You take your phone out to text your so called best friend but a response doesn’t arrive.

“When did you and Kook talk? Wh-what did he say?” You swallow thickly, biting your bottom lip nervously as your heart raced frantically in your chest.

Namjoon turns to look at you for a brief second, “we’ll talk tonight. I promise.”

You nod ruefully, knowing he’d keep his promise.

You sigh in relief when the car finally stops, Namjoon turning the engine off before unbuckling his seatbelt at the same time as you reach for yours. Your eyes lock, fingers accidentally brushing.

Namjoon stares at you, unblinking. You look down at his lips then back up to his eyes, licking your lips. You want to kiss him, want to have him hold you in his arms once again, but the moment is fleeting as Jungkook and Yoonji barrel toward the both of you, shouting at you to hurry up.

It was pointless for them to tell you to hurry, when they take off with the group, far ahead of you. You debate running after them, but it’s too chilly and the snow is too thick for you to run comfortably without the harsh air filling your lungs.

“Bastards,” you grumble as you shove your hands under your arms and walk beside Namjoon. He places his gloved hands in his coat pockets as he walks. The houses on the block have their lights on, some with elaborate decorations and other with minimal decorations that still draw your eye.

Some have large inflatables of Disney characters, one has a Santa Claus on a motorcycle with his sack of toys spilling after him and another has Santa shirtless in a hot tub with a snowman and a penguin, you think that one is your favorite. You point it out to Namjoon, your eyes bright as you reach for his arm, tugging him toward it to get a better view.

Namjoon is startled by your sudden touch, but follows you regardless. Your hand moves from his arm to his hand, lacing your fingers with his, “look! Isn’t it cute?!” Namjoon nods, swallowing thickly as he looks down at your interlaced hands.

’Just do it!’ Namjoon tried to hype himself up as you took in the Christmas lights. You had mentioned how you had wanted to go see some, seeing as you hadn’t had the chance to with school and finals, but now that they were over, you wanted to go. Namjoon had spent the day with his family, but had cleared his evening to take you out.

It was a bit of a drive, but Seokjin had recommended a Christmas light show about thirty minutes away. It was two miles of nothing but Christmas lights and elaborate decorations, plus carnival games and a few rides. It was perfect and open on Christmas.

You had no idea where you were going when Namjoon had picked you up, just stressing you dress warm. You looked radiant when he picked you up, wishing you a merry Christmas as you leaned over the console and kissed him. His heart skipped a beat.

You didn’t ask too many questions as you went on your way. He listened to the holiday drama with your family, your aunt prodding you about your relationship. Namjoon loved the way you giggled when he filled you in on his night, his nosey aunts trying to pry information out of him.

“I’m glad that’s over… until New Year’s at least,” you mutter, pouting.

“We can sneak out and head over to Seokjin’s and Tae’s? You know he always throws a two-day bash for his birthday and New Year’s Eve,” Namjoon reminds you.

“That sounds like so much fun! I won’t have to go through another interrogation and a safe sex talk,” you grimace, shuddering.

Namjoon laughs. Hard. Tears blur his vision for a moment, trying to catch his breath… “you’re kidding!”

“I fucking wish I was… now all my family knows I’m on the pill. We haven’t even held hands yet.”

Namjoon grins, “your family sounds fun.”

“You only say that ‘cause you haven’t met them yet,” you grumble. Namjoon chuckles, shaking his head as he drives on.

When he parks, he gets out of the car before opening your door to let you out. You thank him as you head toward the entrance, immediately in awe when you see a pumpkin carriage decorated in thousands of lights while Cinderella and Prince Charming stand beside it, wishing everyone a Merry Christmas.

“It’s so beautiful,” you marvel as you walk to the next display, your eye landing on the long line of children excited to see Santa, some with lists as long as them, jumping up and down while their parents try to keep them from running to Santa.

Namjoon leads you to a booth, buying the both of you a hot chocolate as you walk side by side to look at the displays, stopping to watch a light show at a house that has rock music blasting as loudly as possible. It warms Namjoon’s heart to see you grinning, in awe of all the lights. You both finish your drinks before heading to the Ferris Wheel and waiting in line for your turn.

When you shiver, Namjoon takes his scarf off and wraps it around you. You thank him, gripping it and loving the way it smells like him.

“Come,” he leads you into the Ferris Wheel when it’s your turn, allowing you to get in first before he climbs in after you and the door shuts before you begin moving.

“Look!” you point toward the ground, loving the view of all the lights. Namjoon can’t help but look at you, smiling, so happy to be there. He’s nervous once again, suddenly feeling hot despite the chilly weather.

You turn to look at him, making his brain short-circuit. You make it hard for him to focus, you heart-stoppingly beautiful and sweet. His heart skips a beat, his nerves getting the best of him when he’s around you. His body warms at your touch, infrequent as it may be. You’re a radiating beauty of a woman, you’re everything he could want and so, so much more.

Your smile is his doom, his heart going into overdrive as you quirk your head to the side, bemused.

“Joonie?”

Namjoon leans forward, his lips meeting yours, taking you by surprise. You kiss him back after a second, feeling his hands cup your face as you grip the lapels of his coat.

“Hi.”

“Hi,” Namjoon chuckles, his cheeks tinted pink. The last of his nerves leave his body as he inhales deeply, his fingers lacing with yours as he holds your hand, squeezing it. You squeeze his back, placing your head on his shoulder as you enjoy the rest of the ride with your hand in his. It fits perfectly.

“Namjoon?! Joon?! Hello!” you wave your hand in front of him, he blinks. “You there?”

“Yeah, sorry,” he apologizes as you hand him your phone, asking him to take your picture by the hot tub santa. He does so, laughing when you lean in to kiss Santa’s cheek before running back toward him. He hands you the phone before you put it in your pocket, your hand slipping back into his as you lead him to the next house, just as excited as you were to see the previous one.

Your friends all watch from afar, hope for the two of you reconciling filling their hearts. It was plain to see that the both of you belonged together, and the year apart was torture for all parties involved. It had been a messy situation for everyone but this trip was going to change everything, hopefully for the better.

Jungkook split off with Hoseok and Yoonji, to make them seem less inconspicuous while Seokjin, Yoongi, Tae and Jimin went off on their own, holding hands with their respective partners.

“They left us,” you state as you move onto the next house and your friends are fully out of sight.

“They plotted this,” Namjoon sighs before apologizing to you. “I know you don’t wanna be near me. This whole trip has been some elaborate scheme to get us to talk.”

“I’m glad I came. I wouldn’t be holding your hand if I didn’t want to,” you say as you look down at your hands. Namjoon squeezes it gently.

“We’ll talk when we go home,” Namjoon assures you as he kisses your forehead, allowing you to lead the way to the next display.

“Merry Christmas!” Hoseok raises his glass. Everyone raises their own, nobody noticing how he looks intensely at Yoonji. He aches to be by her side, celebrating without having to be a secret, but he knows by tomorrow, everyone will know.

Yoonji blushes, looking away as she sips her drink before Jimin pulls her into a conversation. She can’t help but keep looking at Hoseok, both yearning to be at each other’s sides. Unbeknownst to them, someone else has caught wind of their interactions.

“I love you all, but it’s been a long day and we’re going to bed,” Seokjin yawns as he takes Yoongi’s hand and leads him up the stairs to their bedroom.

“They’re gonna fuck,” Taehyung chuckles, getting smacked on the arm by his boyfriend. “What?! You act like we’ve never used that excuse.”

Jimin blinks, cheeks pink as he gets off Taehyung’s lap, stomping off to their shared bedroom. Taehyung smirks, “a fake argument is our second escape plan. Good night! Jimin! Baby, I’m sorry!”

Jungkook laughs as Taehyung pauses, turning to raise his hands, one in the shape of a circle as he slides his index finger in and out of it before running off into his room, the door slamming shut.

“Well, since everyone is going to fuck, I’m going to bed. Y/n, are you coming?” Yoonji asks with a yawn.

“I’m gonna stay and clean up a bit,” you answer. Yoonji shrugs before Hoseok is asking Namjoon what he plans to do.

“I’ll stay to help,” Namjoon answers. Hoseok shrugs as Jungkook tags along, stating how he’s gonna take a shower and play the new update of Final Fantasy 14.

Once you’re left alone with Namjoon, you work on cleaning the living room first. You figure the kitchen isn’t too bad, wiping the counters and throwing a load of dishes into the dishwasher.

“I’m going to go change into my pajamas and come back down,” you say as you head for the stairs. Namjoon nods as he finishes washing his hands and checking on the fire burning in the fireplace before he’s heading to his room to change.

Hoseok is lying in bed, on his phone. He doesn’t see or hear Namjoon coming in to change before leaving to go back downstairs.

By the time he’s downstairs, you’re sitting on the couch, with only the glow of the fire and the Christmas tree.

“I made hot chocolate,” you state, pointing at the Santa mug on a coaster sitting on the coffee table. Yours is in a snowman mug, Namjoon smiles warmly, it was good to know you still loved snowmen.

“Of all the things I thought this trip would turn out to be, I never imagined we’d be sitting here together,” you muse as you bring your mug to your lips.

“Neither did I,” Namjoon admits. “I was still so hurt, but I should have just let you explain. We could have been together sooner.”

“I really am sorry, Joon. It was an accident,” you whisper.

“No more apologies, love. Please…”

Your heart pounds faster in your chest, cheeks flushed with heat as you take a sip of your hot chocolate to keep from squealing giddily. Butterflies flutter in your stomach and you hope the chocolate drowns them.

Namjoon looks at you, studying your face in search for a reaction. You place your hand on top of his, “where do we go from here?”

Biting his lip, Namjoon asks, “where do you want us to go?”

“I still love you, Namjoon. I know that’s heavy considering we’ve been broken up for a year, but I never stopped loving you. I want to be with you again. I want you back,” you look up at him, locking your eyes with his, refusing to look away.

“We’d have to go slow,” Namjoon starts. “I don’t want to lose you again, but I don’t want to rush into this. I want to go slow, build up to where we were… if that’s okay?” Namjoon looks down at his hands and then meets your gaze.

“That sounds perfect, Joon. I don’t want to rush this either. I don’t want to mess this up again, you mean too much to me. Being away from you was torture. I missed you desperately. I fucked up, I know I did but I love you and that hasn’t changed. You’re the only one I want, I swear,” you sniffle, wiping away the tears that have escaped.

“Baby,” Namjoon breathes as he sets his mug down and then yours before he pulls you into his arms. Your sobs wrack your body, tears running down your cheeks as you wrap your arms around his waist. His hand rubs your back as he softly whispers, “it’s okay, baby. I’m here. I’m here.”

You’re not sure how much time passes before you’re able to calm down with his soothing voice and his loving touch, but when you do move away from his chest, he wipes the last of your tears with his thumbs. His dimpled smile makes an appearance, your heart racing in your chest as you look up at him. His fingers caress your cheek softly, his eyes flicking to your lips then to your eyes once again as he leans forward, stopping before his lips meet yours.

You close the distance between you, kissing him as your hands grip his shoulders to pull him closer as his hands cup your face. His lips fit perfectly on yours, moving slowly in a hesitant, nervous kiss that makes you excited and warm inside.

Namjoon deepens the kiss as his hands move down to your hips, your arms wrapping around his neck as he pulls you into his lap. You moan softly when he nips your bottom lip before pulling away to catch his breath.

“Wow!” You giggle, looking away as his stare makes you feel hot and needy. Namjoon chuckles, kissing the top of your head as his arms encircle your waist.

“So… we’re dating again?” you ask, your fingers playing with his before he laces them together.

“Yes, we can progress to boyfriend/girlfriend later on,” Namjoon looks nervous as he says this but you kiss his cheek and hug him tighter.

The both of you sit on the couch until you’re yawning and Namjoon’s leading you up the stairs, his hands on your hips as he presses you against the wall by his bedroom. His lips on yours in a fervent kiss that has you moaning as your fingers weave in his hair, tugging it roughly.

“Fuck,” Namjoon grunts, his hips pressing against yours. You melt under his touch, warmth spreading through you as another moan escapes you. Your hands move to his shoulders, loving the way his lips feel on your neck, his hands gripping your hips tightly.

“Whoa!” Jungkook exclaims as he comes out of his bedroom.

Namjoon blushes as he steps away from you, a smile on your lips.

“I knew it! Holy shit!” Jungkook shouts, jumping up and down.

“Shh!” you hiss at your best friend, but it’s too late.

“What’s all the shouting about?!” Yoongi grumbles as he opens his bedroom door with Seokjin behind him before they step out into the hall.

“Y/n! What are you shouting about? You’re supposed to be in Kook’s room!” Yoonji grumbles as she opens the door with a shirtless Hoseok behind her.

Everyone stares at Hoseok, his face burning red as he tries to hide behind Yoonji. You slap your hand over your forehead. Fuck.

“What is Hoseok doing shirtless in your room, Yoonji?” Yoongi asks his younger sister with a glare at his friend.

“What do you mean Y/n should be in Kook’s room?” Namjoon asks with a harsh glare at Jungkook.

“Oh god.” you look up at the ceiling before turning to Yoongi. “Might as well come clean. Hoseok is covered in your lip marks.”

Yoonji flicks you off as Hoseok slips back into the room to slip his shirt back on and taking Yoonji’s hand in his, “we’re dating. We have been for months now.”

Yoongi sighs, a palm running over his face, “why didn’t you say anything?”

“We thought you’d get mad and make us breakup,” Yoonji pouts as she gives her brother her best puppy-dog eyes. It works, Yoongi’s glare softens.

“We were going to tell you tomorrow morning,” Hoseok says as he looks at all of you, twiddling his thumbs after. “We didn’t mean to keep it a secret for so long, but we hadn’t been able to see each other since Fall Break and we just wanted to spend the holidays together.”

“I fucking knew it! I suspected it from the moment Yoonji rolled in and hugged Hoseok tight as hell. You never hug any of us that tight,” Seokjin smiles smugly. “And those fuck-me eyes you’d exchange at the table and earlier when we were drinking. Ugh, the sexual tension between the both of you, fuck!”

Yoongi scowls, elbowing his boyfriend, “shush, that’s my sister.”

“Wait… so that story you told… that was Hoseok, wasn’t it?” Yoongi gags, turning to go into his room with Jin behind him. They shut the door, leaving the five of you in the hallway.

“Could have been worse,” Jungkook shrugs. Yoonji flips him off.

“What did you mean about Y/n being in Kook’s room?” Namjoon asks with a raised brow.

“Oh, I can explain,” Hoseok says, blushing. “She’s been sleeping with Kook, so I could sneak into Yoonji’s room when you go to sleep.”

Namjoon looks at you, Jungkook and then the couple, blinking, “you could have told me and I’d have gone to the couch. You should have told me in general, I’d have kept your secret.”

Hoseok can see the hurt look in his friend’s eyes, crossing the hall to hug him, “I’m sorry. We just wanted to keep it between us and we had to let Kook and Y/n in on it so we could be in the same room. It wasn’t to be malicious, I promise.”

Namjoon nods, “any other secrets while we’re out here?”

Everyone looks at each other before shaking their heads.

“Good, I’m going to bed then. It’s been a long day,” Joon sighs as he muffles a yawn, Jungkook agrees saying, “Tae and Jimin are gonna be pissed they missed this. They’ve been placing bets on how long it’d take the two of you to reveal your relationship.”

“They knew?” Yoonji gasps, looking at Hoseok. “Don’t look at me, I didn’t say anything.”

“Goodnight,” Namjoon says as he reaches out to grab the doorknob to his room. He turns to look at you, “you coming, baby?”

You nod, waving at your dumbfounded friends as you follow Namjoon into his room, shutting the door and climbing into his bed with him. He pulls the covers over you, holding you close as you face him. You smile warmly, your hand cupping his cheek, his eyes roam to the necklace around your neck. His fingers pull it out of your shirt as you feel heat rush to your cheeks, trying to avoid his gaze.

“You kept it?” He whispers as his fingers trace the intricate design of the snowflake. His fingers brush the engraving on the back, three simple words that make his heart skip a beat. I love you.

You finally meet his heated gaze, his eyes able to read all the unspoken words and confessions of the depth of your feelings. He believes that in due time you’ll get back to where you were, to that ease and happiness that you once had before last Christmas… and maybe this Christmas wasn’t so bad after all.

It’s with that thought, that Namjoon looks at the digital clock sitting on the nightstand in between his and Hoseok’s bed, smiling when he sees the time.

11:59 PM.

Namjoon strokes your cheek, leaning in to press a soft kiss on your lips, “Merry Christmas, baby.”

thank you for reading! ♡ if you liked it, please let me know! 💌

© jjungkookislife - I do not allow reposts or translations of my work on any platforms, this includes Youtube.

[emotionlessbts]

Chapter 01 Welcome..... Kim Y/N!!!

Y/N POV

I walk by the side of the empty road inhaling the very faint rosy smell of cherry blossoms, my lips automatically curving into a huge smile as happy memories with my parents made here flash through my mind. Along with the familiar smell, came back very familiar memories; some which make me want to re-live those moments and some which make me wish they never happened..

Tears fill up my eyes as memories of that day flash in my mind. I try to distract my mind away from the memories to stop myself from breaking down in the middle of the streets and drawing unwanted attention.

I walk slowly, feeling the breeze gently swing by me, cooling me down. I take out my phone and glance at the time.. Shoot! School starts in 10 mins and I am still 20 minutes away! Not wanting to make a bad impression on my first day of school, I run with all the strength in me. Oh what is up with me always daydreaming at the wrong times! I really need to get this habit of mine fixed asap.

I panted as I ran with all my might like Usain Bolt in the Olympics, except that this Usain Bolt was quite a few inches shorter and obviously much much slower.

Even though I did not expect to reach the school five minutes early, I did, maybe I was just as fast as Usain Bolt, or maybe it was just my luck. I take out my mirror and fix my hair a bit, straightening my clothes with my hands, as I practiced my introduction in my head.

Oh goodness, I'm nervous.

??? POV

Taking my seat beside the window I look outside, ignoring everyone's existance in the class room.

"Taehyungiee~ What do you keep thinking all day? Don't you have anything better to do?" I look at Jennie as she pouts making me roll my eyes, I continue to look back outside the window.

"Ugh you can't be changed, I give up" she exclaims raising both of her hands in defeat. From the corner of my eyes I see the disappointment in Jimin and Jungkook's looks as if they expected me to respond in some other way.. The way I used to be before.. They don't get it. There's nothing that can change me back to who I was. Incidents change people and so have I.

"Okay students can I have your attention please" the teacher says, entering the class. We all greet her quickly as she starts talking, "So everyone, we have a new friend who will be joining us today-" and then she carried on with the usual 'how to behave to a new student' lecture. Finally when she was done talking, she said, "Students, welcome Kim Y/N"

The whole class looked at the door as a girl entered. She was pretty, but the way she was talking and introducing herself to the class was enough to tell me all about her personality.

She was the opposite of me the optimistic type which had started to annoy me already. I didn't like that type at all, which means I will have to ignore her or I'll end up having heck of a bad time at school, as if it wasn't bad enough.

I look out the window, I couldn't care any less.

[ficswithluv]

I would like to rec my fic Transit in Transition. I wrote this as part of a travel trope series and for a friend who felt underrepresented in FF. Yoonji learns to accept love from others while still becoming a version of herself she can love. I've always resonated with that message from BTS and hope I intwined it well within the story

Thank you for your recommendation! We’ll add it to the masterlist.

-Admin Sora

[bangtanficrecs]

Lost & Found Batch #18

The newest batch was long overdue ^^;; As always, if you happen to know the fic the ask is looking for, reply to this post or send us an ask with the request number and title/author. If you happen to know any fics from Past Batches, those are more than welcome as well. Thank you!! ~ Admin P

1) Hi! I think my ask got lost TT I was wondering if you guys know of a vmin fic on ao3 where they’re roommates and jimin likes tae and decided to seduce him by asking him to take nude pics of him, and tae ended up not reacting and then they admitted that they both liked each other? Or something along those lines. PLEASE HELP IT WAS SO AWESOME AND I LOVED IT :( thank you!!!

you're only brave in the moonlight by ameliabedelias

2) Hi!! so a while back i was reading a yoonseok fic on ao3, it was smut, and i wanted to read it again but i cant find it, i was wondering if you could help??? it was yoonseok and yoongi was a "beta" but soon found out he was an omega he called himself a "late bloomer"?? and hoseok walks in, they have sex, and i specifically remember yoongi feeling hoseoks dick in his stomach and "rubbing" it. i know its wierd but can you please help me find it???

A Test in What, Exactly, Is "Too Much" by Yooniefucks

3) Hello, I'm trying to find a fic that has taekook in it. I don't actually remember what the fic is about, but I remember that jungkook is a guard/knight and somewhere along the story, the Prince (?) finds out that jungkook is a werewolf since he was bitten as a child and he imprinted on taehyung, who's human if I'm not mistaken. The king took him in, and he used to be chained to a cage/cave (?) during full moon. It will be great if you can help me :) thank you! 💜

4) Hi, I'm trying to find this yoonjin fic were yoongi is walking home from an underground gig and it's late at night. He smells fresh baked goods and it leads him to a building he passes by all the time but never noticed before. He goes inside and jin fixes him a drink and gives him a muffin/cupcake. At the end jin reveals that he's magic and he cast a spell to find love. Thank you for your help!!

5) I'm looking for a yoongi/jimin fic where jimin is abused by his boyfriend (I think the author used a random idol) and yoongi catches on and tries to help but jimin is really damaged. The rest of the group lowkey knows jimin abused but don't know how to help. Sorry I can't remember lots of details but it was really angsty and good

6) hello, im looking for some kind of royalty fan fic where jimin was visiting yoongi’s palace/home? I can’t remember why but they weren’t close in the beginning. All I can remember was a scene where a bunch of boys were in a room smoking and playing poker (half naked?) and a young servant/slave who was able to play any piano piece after just listening to it once and in the end he left with a Russian man who made music.... thank youu

7) Ugh I seriously need help! I’ve been looking for this fic I lost for 3 days now, I really want to read it again! I’m going to be upset if it was deleted :( anyway, it was a fic where the boys were on their way to something and they got in a car crash but it was only Jin, Hoseok, Yoongi, Tae and Kook. Then Jin and Hoseok were kidnapped by a guy named Sung I think, and the fic focused on Yoongi and Tae and Kook traveling through the woods they crashed in looking for Jin and Hobi and then (pt.1) Jimin and Joon were at a hotel with their manager and they were convinced something was wrong and they wanted to go look for them. In the end they got rescued and they killed the Sung guy and Yoongi was shot and I just really want to find it again cause there was an unfinished sequel. I’m so upset. I hope this was enough to help you help me lookfor it!

8) YOOO what's poppin sis'. Can yall help me. I've been looking for this fic where the rap line is an underground rap line and like they perform cypher pt 3? Idfr the name but the main pairings were namjin and yoonmin. Thanks 🤪🤪🧡

9) Hi there! I was hoping you guys could help me find this fic - it's on AO3. It was multi-chaptered, completed, and was a collection of namjoon centric oneshots/drabbles. one of the chapters was inspired by the "princess princess" anime and featured joon wearing panties, bent over jin's lap, before yoongi came to rescue him from a bunch of onlookers. please help!!

10) Hi! I’m looking for a Yoongi/Jungkook fic. I’ve been searching nonstop for a few weeks and I think the author may have deleted it. The plot line is basically this: Jungkook is a medical student who falls in love with Yoongi and eventually loses his drive in the field. I know it has sexual content so it’s either M rated or E. One of the tags was ‘slow burn’ and ‘Jungkook cries a lot’. Thanks in advance!

11) Hello! In the lost chuchu batch 16, #13 is "I Can't Even" by handintheshot in Ao3. But I can't find a link of it. Also, I'd like to ask whether you know about the fic where jimin suddenly has a vagenay and then proceeds to have a hot threesome with jk and tae? If possible, can you please recommend me more like those? Thank you so much 💜

12) Hello! Do u guys know of a vmin pwp oneshot where taehyung has ADHD? They sit in a chair for most of it, and the premise has a slight focus on how Jimin makes it easier for Tae to sit still. It was really sweet, and I can't find it :c

13) I am looking for a 6+1 fic where Namjoon is homeless and in each iteration a different member takes him into their home and life. A recurring element is a cake decorating book that Namjoon borrows from the library - a page falls out detailing how to make a flower with icing, and he keeps it in his pocket. I have used my search-fu but I cannot find it. It was on AO3. I hope you can help, even if it's just with a possible name I can run via the Wayback machine! Thanks!

14) Hello! I would like to ask your help into searching for a story that I can't, for the life of me, find. It's a Yoonmin story but what I remember the most is that Jungkook works as a janitor in an office and he quits because his boss is horrible. However, Taehyung, whom his boss is interested in working with, will only sign the proposal if they rehire Jungkook, so the boss sends Jimin to do it, since Jimin is friends with the both of them. In the end, they all end up working at the same place. TY

15) Hello. I'm looking for a fic where the group had six members but Suga time travels/dimension travels and becomes part of the group as a secret member. I remember that Jin is doing a vlive and is squirted with a water gun but everyone thinks it's Jimin. And when it's reveled to be Suga he's in his dorm room and pulls a big super soaker from under his blankets. I hope that's enough. It's super specific but I can't seem to find it. I hope you can help me :)

16) hey i was looking for this soul reaper or angel?? au where jungkook dies and is taken to the shinigami/reaper realm by the reaper (i think it was yoongi) and i cant find it anywhere :(( i think he dies bc of his new friends and the fic opens with a scene where the reaper sends one of his murderers souls to hell? The reader finds out later i guess. Id really appreciate it if u could find that :(( thank you!

An anon believes it’s Naught Readings For Naughty Readers by supermans_crib, however that has been on AO3

17) Hi! I had recently lost one of the greatest ffs ever, it was a jikook au where they were in the military (?) and jimin had went into a stage sort of like heat and jungkook had to fuck him, he got hekka scared afterwords but they ended up liking eachother

as if it's your last by fatal (cumrich)

18) Hi! I'm trying to find a NamJin fic. I searched the fics here and my bookmarks on AO3 (since I swear I bookmarked it) but I can't seem to find it. It starts out where Yoongi is accusing Namjoon of not moving on. We find out that Namjoon and Seokjin are friends and Namjoon confessed to Seokjin and was rejected. Things get complicated when Seokjin keeps coming around and even interfering with someone Namjoon starts dating. Memorable scene, Seokjin chasing Namjoon in the dark screeching his name.

everything moves on by fruitily

19) Hello. I am looking for a namgi fic where yoongi works in an old bookshop and likes wearing feminine clothing , and namjoon works at a cafe but visits the bookshop often. Namjoon likes art and philosophy but is scared of his parent's reactions so yoongi tells him to fuck society and to "wake up from your sad life and figure out who you are", they eventually kiss as well. I read it on AO3. Your help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

20) Hi! I was wondering if y’all could help out with a fic I remember reading? jimin pining for yoongi and for some weird reason I remember a specific scene where jimin (whose brought food for yoongi) waits for yoongi outside of (a studio?) falls asleep waiting and wakes up when yoongi and someone else walk out. Jimin had wanted to eat with him I think but yoongi either says that he’s already ate or is headed to eat with the person. It’s unrequited feelings for a bit of the story.

21) There was a fix where yoongi was a prince and he went out and on the way met all the members who were disney princesses, it was a parody kind of, min yoonji was sleeping beauty and she went back to sleep again and from her castle members got a cat and kittens, can you please find it

22) Hello! I read this fiction a loonnggggg time ago where vminkook were in high school detention I think and kook could read minds and read tae's mind once and hes thinking about potatoes so he calls him potato boy but then the next time tae's thinking about fucking jimin and like yeah LOL I think they all end up in a threesome at the end but yeah I dont remember the title or author ))):

23) what’s that fanfic when it’s an au one of them is overweight and they join their school gym or something? and fall in love with the person who trains them. and there’s this beach scene and a car wash scene near the end. been looking for it for a while, hope you can help!

24) hi! i’m looking for a fic i read a while back, i think it was vmin and one of them had been hurt so the other got them off and they ended up in a relationship i think? pretty sure it was cannon compliant too! thanks!

25) so tae is a student and jk is a professor. jk is engaged to this woman (mina?). basically they are both straight but end up falling for each other so before jk gets married he plans to break up with the girl but she blackmails him with pics of him and his student and turns crazy. i don’t rlly remember what happens after that but later they eventually end up together. i think it’s ab 10 chapters. i’m pretty sure i read it on ao3!

26) Hello! I was reading this taekook fic on ao3 but I forgot what it was called ☹�� basically jungkook travels back in time and kidnaps his last self to tell him how in the future Tae kills himself, so jungkook tries to get his past self to be nicer to Tae and stop him. Past jungkook thinks that Tae cheated on him but he was actually forced to have sex with his “boss” but jungkook doesn’t give him a chance to explain and starts cheating on Tae and is being really nasty to him. Ah help plz if you can

27) I’m searching for a fic and i really can’t find it ... i remember it’s jikook (but not really) and it’s about jungkook (who thinks he’s straight) who downloads a porn (by mistake i think) of minjoon and like he ends up liking it, it’s so vague i’m sorry kfhskcj

care to stay for the ride? by voseok

Want to ask us something? We’d love to help, but please be sure to read the FAQ and check our Tags List before or your question may go unanswered.  

[yoonminficrec]

do you know any yoonji x jimin ff but jimin is a bottom?

real love is never a waste of time

wanna put my hands on you

She’s My Collar 

Min Yoonji (You mean, Park Jimin’s Mommy?)

i’m in love with the shape of you 

Addicted to Your Prison 

Yoonji Noona 

-admin n

[93minyoongi]

min yoonji twin brother min yoongi ff

https://witapp.co/story/45121201

[rosyjimiin-archive]

actually, to answer the anon's questiom abt genderbent ff - jeonify on ao3 has a hoseok x yoonji ff called "g-girl crush" , its amazing n i love it !!!

Thank you for the rec !! I’m sure the anon will appreciate it~ I’m also gonna read it now asdfghjk

[yoonminfiction]

do you know some new fem!yoonmin ff?

Here’s a little list anon.  I hope they help.

Baby grind on Me (Relax your Mind) by 2kitsune  )This one is a fave, Rated:M)

sin snapshots by mianderings  (Rated: M)

Does That Make Our Parents Best Friends? by Jajungmyeon  (This is cute and the perspective is from the point of view of kid TaeKook.  It’s not all fem YoonMin, but I hope you can still enjoy it.  Jimin is a Mom and Yoongi is a Dad.) 

you be the match (imma be your fuse) by unfunny (Rated:M)

You’re just so cute (wanna tuck you in my pocket) by taekookgi  (This one is Fem TaeKook with side Fem YoonMin, I hope you don’t mind.)

just to sleep with you by unfunny

난 니삐 모른다 (I Only Know You) by sugajams

Cold Heart (Warm Hands) by lol_hobi�� *Rated:M)

Park Jimin's Life is SO Hard by LoveIsAMyth (sweetponzu) (Fem!Yoongi)

take care by nambooty

Calm End to a Wild Day by Polandsruleislaw

Panty Raid by Yoongied586  (Fem!Jimin)

Addicted to Your Prison by dokidokiharahara (anewkindofthrill) (A Rated M Min Yoonji fic)

[chimcess]

Banished Taglist

Hi! I got a request from someone to add them onto a taglist, however, I never thought to make one, but since they asked, I will deliver! Put your @ in the Google Doc below to make sure your name is on the taglist for Banished. If you have any issues, just send me a message, submission, or ask, and I’ll put you on myself. However, I thought this would be a bit more efficient. Remember to separate names with a space. Big thanks to @holyhumorliteraturelight for asking. Stay safe!

Banished Taglist

[cybercnu]

so it turns out that the reason that the shinee seasons greetings for Jenny hadnt gotten here yet was bc the payment hadnt processed bc my card was gonna expire soon great what a waste of two months :)))