#you are really gonna go from nothing to the whole enchilada though

[whereisthedamndaddymanual]

How can you be abandoned by something you're tethered to?

You cannot.

Unless you're me. And I only feel that way but I have suffered many emotional traumas over the years.

Also these normies can't help me so what difference does it make.

[djarinbarnes]

me olvidarás - six

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Pairings: Javier Peña x female reader

Warnings for the chapter: 18+ smut, fingering, oral sex (f rec), unprotected vaginal sex (be safe pls), soft javi 🥺

Word count: 5.4k

Summary: an undeniable warm summer vacation in Bogotá. simply trying to get away from your nosey, boring parents and live for once, you meet a man who impresses you beyond where your imagination could ever take you.

a/n: we have a cute, flustered Javi trying to cook.... and.... more ;D finally. peep the *flashback*

previous chapter · series masterlist

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Who the fuck knew cooking was so difficult? Javi cursed audibly at the chicken simmering away in the pan, yellow from the ridiculous amount of curry he had accidentally dropped in there. “You still with me?” He heard Connie’s calming voice on the other end of the line, and he nodded. “Javier?”

“Fuck, yeah I’m still here.” People can’t see you nodding through the phone, you imbecile. He cursed again, hearing a soft laugh on the other end of the line. “Sorry Con. I’m just nervous and all. Why the fuck is cooking so damn hard?” He cast a look to the counter beside him, taking in all the different ingredients Connie had made him buy to make chicken enchiladas.

“Javi, calm down. Cooking is only hard because you have little to no knowledge about it.” he sighs into the phone, running a hand over his face before he reaches out for the cigarette pack on the table, placing one between his lips before he lights it, inhaling the smoke deeply. He lets out a cough, remembering the few cigarettes he smoked yesterday, which wasn’t like him at all.

In the few days he’s known you, he’s been so distracted he barely smoked any cigarettes. His cigarettes were his usual distraction, but now, with you in his life, he found a better, more healthy distraction. As if having a semi all damn day was any healthier. He lets out a groan at the memories from last night flowing through his mind, his toes tingling slightly at the thought of you, half-naked in front of him, chest heaving and-

“Javi, how’s the chicken looking?” Connie’s voice pierces through his thoughts and he turns so quickly he gets dizzy, taking in the yellowed chicken on the pan. He quickly finds a tong, turning the chicken around in the grease, sighing deeply at the dark brown backs of the breasts, laying right there in the grease, mocking him.

“Slightly… overcooked maybe. The backs are all brown-ish dark.” He breathes, feeling defeated. The only thing he wanted to do was give you a nice, homemade dinner, but that he couldn’t even muster. Maybe he just couldn’t do anything right for you.

“Oh, that’s alright. As long as it’s not completely charred, it should be okay.” Javi hears the relief in her voice as she lets out a laugh, probably reacting to something Steve said in the background. “So, a date, huh?” She tries and Javi rolls his eyes, bringing the cigarette back to his lips before he turns over the chicken again, seeing the other side way nicer cooked than the other.

“Yeah. A date.” he sighs before taking the pan off the heat, moving it to one of the other flares. “Chicken’s done. What now?” He breathes into the phone, listening and following along to every little thing Connie says to him through the phone, guiding him through the whole ordeal of cutting the chicken and the vegetables, making sure to switch cutting boards (even though the chicken wasn’t raw anymore) and finally getting the enchiladas assembled. When they were finally in the oven, he let out a deep sigh. Something is finally going right.

“Thanks Connie. I owe you, I really do.” He looks up at the clock, noticing the time before he’s scrambling around the kitchen putting the phone down quickly, putting all the used pans and cutting boards into the sink before setting the table with hurried motions. He lifts the phone again just as he pulls off his shirt, slightly out of breath.

“Listen Connie, it’s been a pleasure, thank you again but she’ll be here any minute and I haven’t changed-” He mentally curses himself as he hears the doorbell ringing, letting him know you were here. “Fuck, fuck, fuck…” he almost panics at the sudden interruption, but Connie manages to calm him down within seconds.

“Javi, it’s gonna be fine. I know she likes you. Change, let her in, have a good time. I’ll see you later.” Before he can say anything else, Connie has hung up the phone, and he’s running around his apartment, finding a clean shirt, and barely pulling it on before he hears the bell ring again, followed by a soft knock.

He straightens out the shirt, before quickly approaching the door, opening it to reveal you and your sun kissed cheeks, a wide smile plastered onto your face. You hold out a bottle of wine, and he finds himself unable to contain himself with all the serotonin surging through his body at the sight of you. He does nothing else than pull you into his arms, his lips connecting with yours hungrily.

Your arms come around his middle, holding him tight as he kisses you deeply, his hands finding the back of your neck and your waist. It feels so good to be in his arms, feels so good to be tasting him and then the delicious smell fills your nostrils. You hear your stomach rumble slightly before he detaches himself from you, holding you out to take a good look at you.

Your eyes are already hooded in bliss, your lips slightly swollen and kissable and your cheeks are red and blushed over. You’re so god damn beautiful as you stand there in his arms, inviting him into your embrace. You offer him a smile as he keeps looking at you, like you were the one who hung the moon and the stars.

“For you,” you whisper as you move your hand from his back, showing him the wine, you picked up on the way here. He smiles at your gesture - it makes his fingers and his heart tingle. If only you weren’t so fucking perfect. “For us.” you blush slightly before he steps aside, letting you into his apartment.

You love the way his living room is lowered from the entrance and the kitchen, and while you’re discarding your jacket, you wonder what he’s cooked for you. It smells amazing, and you feel the hunger creep up into you. You look around his apartment once more, taking in the sparse collection of pictures in frames hung on the walls, among other things.

One in particular catch your eyes, and you find yourself smiling. You can easily make out Javi, and his dad which he looks very much like. They both sported the same type of beard, they had the same warm, brown eyes, hell, even their grins looked so much alike. You feel him come up behind you, his hand swiping your hair off one side of your shoulder before he leans down, placing a kiss against your neck.

“I hope you’re hungry.” Javi whispers and you nod with a soft giggle, turning away from the picture and following him into the kitchen, watching as he uncorks the wine. He finds two glasses in one of the cabinets and pours you both a glass. “I know we aren’t eating yet, but…” he holds the glass out, and you carefully clink yours against his. “Cheers. Thank you for coming, hermosa.”

You watch him over the rim of your glass as you take a small sip, truly enjoying the deep, rich taste of the wine you had bought. You take a minute to admire him in front of you, his hair mussed and tousled up from the constant running through it his hands were doing. You giggle a bit at it – it was cute to see him so nervous and flustered. You wondered what thoughts went through his mind – his cheeks were occasionally flaring up in blushes, his eyes diverting from yours to anywhere else in the room.

It was cute, really, like he was a young boy again, trying to impress his prom date, and it made you smile even more. You don’t miss the way his hand clenches at his side, almost like it wanted to reach out and touch you, but you were poison ivy that would burn him if he dared to. You silently wish for him to touch you again.

Your prayers are answered when you watch him as he moves towards you, setting both of your glasses on the counter beside you before he’s lifting you onto it by your hips, pushing himself in between your thighs. He reattaches his lips to yours hungrily, and you can do nothing but give in.

His lips are like a drug to you, and you’re dangerously addicted to the taste of him. You don’t even know where the sudden urge to ravish him comes from - okay, yes you do but… That wasn’t the case right now. The whole thing feels so domestic, so good and natural, and you’re slowly losing yourself in the heat of the moment.

You almost let out a cry for more as he pulls away from you, but he quickly grabs an oven mitt, pulling the enchiladas out of the oven, placing it on the stove before he’s back in between your legs, his lips finding yours yet again. You moan at the feeling of his mustache caressing your lip, and he takes your parted lips as an invitation to push his tongue into your mouth.

You feel yourself grow wet between your legs as he holds you, his tongue exploring yours as you wrap your fingers in his locks, urging him closer. You feel his growing erection through his pants, and you smile against his lips. Before you can get too much into it though, you’re pulling him away by the hairs at the nape of his neck, causing him to let out a groan.

“Now, now Javi… It would be rude of us to completely forget the dinner you’ve made for us.” You grin like a Cheshire cat, before pushing yourself off the counter, grabbing the dish from the stove and putting it on the table. Then you take both your glasses, placing both in front of your respective plates. You bring the bottle over as well, just in case.

“You’re gonna drive me insane, hermosa.” He breathes as you both sit down, and you give him a wink over the table. Javi looks at the table he’s set - muttering out a fuck before he rises, picking his lighter from the counter and lighting the candles he’s put on the table for you. Well… He tried to be romantic.

Your wide smile doesn’t go unnoticed, though, and Javi feels his heart going a thousand miles an hour just looking at you. He knows just what you want. He knows what he wants as well, and he’s given you a promise after all. He knows he’s giving into you tonight. Knows that tonight is going to be the night where you lose your virginity to him.

It feels surreal to have you in his home, happily shoving small forkfuls of chicken and corn tortilla into your mouth, making small noises of happiness as you swallow. His heart almost bursts when you compliment his cooking, which wasn’t as bad as he’d told you it would be. He smiles at that, and thanks you.

He’s so god damn enamored with you, and he doesn’t even know what he would do without you at this point. It finally feels like he has a purpose, someone to come home to. Before, his apartment was just four walls and a roof. The liveliness and warmth you just brought into his apartment… It stirred something inside of him.

Something that had to do with marriage, children, growing old together. In all his 39 long years, he never wanted to have children. And yet with you in front of him, he sees the future he’s sure everyone else sees when they meet their soulmate. When they meet the person, they want to spend the rest of their days with.

In that moment, he wants to see you in nothing more than a baby bump. He longs to hear the soft pattering of tiny feet against the floor, hell, he doesn’t even dread the sound of cries from the mouth of children, which he’s always despised.  

It sounds rushed, and to be honest, maybe it is. But he sees himself spending the rest of his days with you. Coming home to each other after long, tiring days, laughing over dinner, and simply enjoying each other’s company to the fullest. He forgets to eat while he looks at you, his mind somewhere completely different.

“Javi?” your voice is soft as it breaks his trance, and he finds your eyes, a slight worrisome expression painted on your face. “Are you okay? You haven’t touched your food.” His eyes fall to the enchilada on his plate, and he quickly shoves the fork into it, cutting off a piece and pushing it into his mouth.

“Yeah, sorry…” he says after the first bite. “I was just… thinking.” he breathes as he takes another bite, followed by another. You watch him as he fills his mouth again and again, almost like he’s trying to get through dinner quickly. Or trying to keep himself occupied.

You discretely extend your foot, finding his leg under the table, drawing his gaze back to your face. “Is everything okay?” You ask him and he does nothing else but nod at your question. “You don’t seem okay.” you tell him before you down the rest of your wine, grabbing the bottle and pouring yourself another glass.

He snorts a bit, and you raise your eyebrow at him, not fully understanding the way he’s acting at the moment. You keep your foot moving up and down his leg, trying to do… anything, really, to get him to open his mind to you. He mutters something under his breath, and you tilt your head with a sorry?

Before you can say more, he’s running his fingers through his hair, sighing deeply. “God damn it, hermosa.” He breathes before he stands up, rubbing the back of his neck. You have no idea what’s happening. You have no idea why he’s acting like this. “I can’t do this.” he breathes before he’s picking a cigarette out of the packet, pushing it in between his lips before lighting it.

You feel taken aback by his revelation. Can’t do what? you hesitate, but then you slowly rise from your seat, walking up behind him and laying a hand on his shoulder. “Can’t do what?” You’re almost sure he’s going to push you away, tell you to leave or something like that. You watch as he runs a hand over his face before he turns to you.

“Hermosa…” he breathes, almost choking on the words coming out next. “I can’t help myself around you.” He murmurs, and you’re not sure you hear him correctly. “Jesus…” He takes a deep inhale of the cigarette smoke before he’s exhaling, his eyes finding yours at the same time he grasps your hands in his.

“All I can think about is… everything that could go wrong when I look at you.” You feel your heart pound faster in your chest, and it feels like it’s going to jump out of your mouth if you dare open it. “I see a future with you, and I just know myself well enough to know that I’m going to fuck this up one way or another.” you both swallow past a thick lump in your throats, from the unconventional situation you found yourself in. “I know it’s crazy, trust me, I know it’s fast…”

You feel a breath getting stuck in your lungs at what you think he’s about to say to you. You have no idea what to say if he does - well, you do. But you’re awfully scared he isn’t going to say what you want him to say. Your heart is beating erratically, and you fear you might be passing out.

I love you. It’s all he wants to say, but yet he doesn’t say the words.

“You mean so much to me.” He breathes, and he almost cheers, like he can’t believe his own mind for not betraying him right at that moment. You blink a few times, truly delighted that he hadn’t slipped the three words that every person either dreaded or loved. “I know it’s soon, I’m so-” He’s stopped in his tracks by your lips attaching themselves to his, and he finds his hands gripping your hips, pulling you close to him.

“It’s alright.” you breathe against his lips, not sure why. “I like you, Javi. I really do.” You know you feel deep emotions for him, unexplainable emotions, but you had no idea if it was love yet. You had no idea what it felt to love someone. Maybe it was what you were feeling right at this moment - nervousness and euphoria from just being around him.

It was kind of funny - you’d just met the man, and you realized then, you were helplessly in love with him. You didn’t want to be apart from him for more than a few minutes, and even though you had to, you hated every minute alone. You feel his hands drag up the length of your spine, pulling you into his body before he’s kissing you again. You knew he must’ve been taken aback with your reciprocation of his feelings, but you didn’t care. You knew how you felt about him, and you were gonna let him know.

Your hands find their way through his hair, pulling him close as his hands travel down to the globes of your ass, lifting you by your hips to walk you through his apartment and into his bedroom. The rest of the dinner wasn’t going to run away. You giggle as you both fall onto his bed, with him on top of you, his lips kissing yours intensely.

“Mm, Javi, the candles.” You giggle against his lips and he curses a bit when he picks himself off you, quickly running out to the table to blow them out before he’s pouncing on you like a hungry animal. His mouth slants over yours, the weight of his body resting heavily on top of you. His hips are warm in between your legs, and you’re loving the feeling of him in between them. His hands come down to ease your dress over your hips, letting it pool on your stomach and around your hips.

Your breathing is languid, deep puffs of breath spilling from your lips at the breathlessness from the intense kiss you’d just shared, and what you hoped would happen in continuation of that. His fingers are gentle against the skin of your hips as he slowly plays with the band of your panties, silently begging for the material to disappear.

You push him off you, climbing off the bed before you turn to him, watching his face as it changes from disappointed to surprise, the hem of your dress falling back to rest over your knees. Your hands find their way to your back, slowly pulling the zipper down before you pull your arms out of the sleeves, collecting the material in your hands before you let it drop to the floor around your feet.

You watch as he visibly sucks in a breath at your attire, the beautiful navy lace adorning your breasts and hips speaking to him in the most sensual language. You slowly take a step back to the bed, leaning down to press another kiss against his lips when he pulls you back to your initial position, rapidly getting back on his knees in between your spread legs. 

“Dios mío…” he breathes, and you tug your lip in between your teeth before you giggle. “This all for me?” he says lowly, the arousal coursing through his veins, thickening the sound of his voice. You nod, desperate for him to put his hands, his mouth… anything on you.

His fingers slowly find both your calves, coarse fingertips running over the smoothness of your skin all the way up to the bend of your knee. He lifts one of your legs, bringing his lips to your skin before peppering sweet kisses onto your calf, the inside of your knee and down the inside of your thigh as he repositions himself, making you shudder.

You watch as he leans down, his lips finding the soft, delicate skin of your stomach, littering kisses along your hip bones on top of the lace. You whimper when he slowly hooks his fingers into both sides of your panties, slowly dragging them down your hips, baring your most private area to him yet again. You silently wish you meet whatever standards he has.

You whimper as you feel him slide further down on the bed, burying his head in between your legs for the second time within 24 hours. He swiftly connects his mouth to your pussy, his tongue darting out to swiftly press against your clit before he’s licking a broad stripe up the length of your pussy, drawing a deep moan from your lips.

You’re instantly thrown back to what happened yesterday in the office, and you’re secretly wishing for him to exactly what he did yesterday, and possibly even more. His tongue is like heaven as it works against you, the thick muscle swiftly pushing inside of you, before the space it leaves is filled with the thickness of two of his fingers.

You whimper out as you feel the slight expansion inside you, along with a hand tightening on your hip. You know he’s loving the taste of you; from the way he’s letting out groans at every exhale of breaths. Your fingers find their way into his hair, tugging on the chocolate strands to get him closer to you.

You have no idea how much of his fingers are buried inside of you, but at this moment you don’t care. You just want to have his dick inside of you. And soon. You know that you’re more than ready for it, after the moment the two of you had shared in the kitchen.

“Javi… Javi please…” you whimper as he curls his fingers, his tongue flicking over your clit expeditiously, drawing you closer and closer to the edge. His fingers and his tongue are intent on making you cum on them, and you feel yourself slowly losing yourself within the pleasure.

“Come on baby, cum for me.” the whisper leaving his lips is low, so low you barely hear it, but the pure vibrations against your clit before he reattaches his lips to the bundle of nerves, sucking the nub deftly into his mouth has you coming at an instant.

You whine as his fingers continue their expert assault on your inner walls, curling them skillfully inside of you, drawing your orgasm longer and longer. You tighten your fingers in his hair, pulling on the strands as you feel the over sensitiveness overcoming you, making every touch of his tickle.

He feels you jerk against him at his actions and swiftly comes to a stop, sitting back on his knees to take in your disheveled state. Your cheeks are flushed over, your eyes blown wide with lust and your mouth hanging open slightly. Your fingers have found their way to your breasts, your palms resting gently against the soft curve of them.

He has no words. He’s never seen something so ethereal in his life - and he’d seen a lot. He found himself swallowing past a lump in his throat as he slowly undoes his pants, getting off the bed to push them down his legs. His boxer briefs follow shortly after, and he watches as you suck in a breath, watching him undress in front of you.

“Are you sure about this?” He speaks as he climbs back on the bed, yet again kneeling in between your legs. He watches you as you nod, your cheeks growing impossibly redder. The hand that hadn’t been buried within you finds your cheek, softly caressing the apple of it. “Words, hermosa. I want to hear you say it.”

“Yes, Javi, I’m sure about it.” you whisper, lost in the feeling of his fingers against your cheek. You feel as they travel over your lips, down your chin and follow the column of your throat, all the way down to your sternum. Both his hands slide behind you as you arch your back, giving him just enough space to unclasp the bra behind your back, and pulling it off your arms swiftly. “Please.”

As you scoot further back on the bed, your eyes are trained on him as he crawls up the length of the bed, in between your legs before he’s kissing you again, his fingers finding their way back in between your legs, swiping up a good amount of your slick. You moan at the contact, your hands coming up to grasp his upper arms.

“I’m ready, Javi. Make love to me.” you breathe, your chest heaving slightly at the intensity of the situation unfolding. You watch his face as he repositions himself slightly before he’s sliding the warm tip of his cock through your folds. You let out another whimper, anxious about what’s about to happen.

Somehow his hand finds yours and brings it to his mouth, leaving a soft kiss on the back of it to calm you down. Your eyes are locked as he slowly pushed his cock into you, the initial stretch awful, but bearable. You whimper as he sheathes himself further into you, the hand on his cock moving to your hip to draw calming circles against your skin.

Javi is watching your face, contorted in pleasure as he slowly retracts his hips before pushing into you again. You whimper, your hand tightening around his as your eyes scrunch up in pain laced with so much pleasure you feel like you could combust from just this. With the weight of him on top of you and the stretch of him inside you, you feel like you were in heaven.

It felt amazing, and you never wanted to be without the feeling again. You open your eyes slightly, making eye contact with his eyes, his lids hooded over the orbs, shielding them slightly. You lean up, attaching your lips to his, urging him to just… do something other than wait for you to be ready. You were more than ready.

“Tell me if it hurts too much,” he breathes, the arousal evident in his voice, and you know he’s desperately trying to contain himself. You shake your head before you slide yourself down the bed just a little bit when you notice his hips aren’t touching yours yet, wanting him to go deeper. You want him closer. Your mouth falls open as he pushes in ever so slowly, the length of him surprising you as his hips come to rest snugly against yours.

“Oh my god, Javi!” you whimper, the pain completely subsided, turned into sweet, sweet pleasure, as you’re thrown headfirst into an amazing orgasm. You feel your pussy convulsing around him, clenching his length as you dig your nails, still resting on his arm, into his skin. He grunts at the pain you’re causing him, but he doesn’t blame you with what he’s doing to you.

“There’s more where that came from.” and just like that, the Javi that you’d come to know is back. You grin up at him, your body warm and trembling slightly as he pulls you down the length of the bed even further, smiling as you giggle. He feels his heart beating erratically at the sight of you, the sight of your breasts and just… The sight of you laying below him.

He slowly retracts his hips, leaning down to kiss you again, his tongue exploring your mouth as he thrusts into you softly, your pussy feeling every ridge and vein on his cock as he moves slowly. You’re a panting mess by now, whimpering every time his hips come against yours, as his cock touches the deepest parts of you.

You lift your leg to wrap around his hip, your feet resting on his back urging him on as he starts to pick up the pace ever so gently. His lips make their way down your throat, leaving deep kisses around the sensitive flesh there, his mustache tickling your skin lightly, his hips now pressing into you a little harder, with a little bit more force. Your eyes roll back into your skull as somehow your hands connect, his weight pressing the backs of your hands into the mattress, as he intertwines your fingers together.

You moan out at the sinful noise that comes from where you’re connected, the soft squelching sound of his cock embedding itself within your slick pussy making you impossibly wetter. He groans into your neck, unable to keep his restraints - that was just the effect you had on him. He’d finally gotten to give into his desires.

Javi has stopped thrusting, and instead his cock is buried all the way inside you, his hips grind into yours, his pelvis grinding against your clit vigorously, drawing another orgasm from you. Your pussy is tightening around him as your fingers tighten around his, and you come undone, thrown face first right back into a dream you had just before you left for Colombia.

Your vision turns white as you arch your back against him, coming ever so close to his chest, where you can feel his heart thumping against his ribcage. He grunts in your ear as he lets himself go, his cock throbbing inside you as he comes against your clenching walls, goosebumps rising on his skin as he lets your hands go, arms coming around you instead to hold you impossibly closer.

He almost cries out at the pleasure of being so deeply buried within your heat, finally getting a taste of what he’s been craving for the past week. Your pussy is fluttering around him as your rapid, heavy breathing is trying to calm you, from not two, but three orgasms he’s given you within the past 20 minutes.

Your hands come up and bury themselves in his hair, as his lips finally find yours again, both your mouths hanging open as you leave open-mouthed kisses against each other's lips. Javi grunts again as he pulls out of you slowly. He lets himself fall onto the bed beside you, his arms pulling you tightly against his body as he places kisses into your hair and onto the forehead.

You grin up at him, completely sated from what just happened. You let out a giggle at the feel of his lips tracing the length from your forehead, down your nose before he kisses your lips, his hands holding onto you like you were going to disappear if he let go. He never wanted to let go again.

The minutes that follow are spent in silence. It’s a good kind of silence though, and nothing like the awkward silence that sometimes had been in between them. You’re wrapped up in Javi’s arms and his sheets, deeply inhaling the distinct scent of him which you have come to adore. You bury your nose further into his neck, feeling the way he tenses against you slightly.

“…smells so good.” You whisper before he feels you relax against him, your arm laying around his middle and over his arm going slightly slack. He absolutely loves the way your breathing feels against his neck, and he closes his eyes, savoring the moment. He knows you’ve fallen asleep – he can tell from the way your breathing got increasingly deeper.

He turns his head the other way, casting a look out of his window at the stars. He absolutely loves the calmness you’ve brought into his life. Your skin is always so soft against his, yet your thoughts are wild and impulsive, but that’s exactly what he fell in love with. At this point, it feels as if he’s holding the entire universe in his arms.

The few moments of deliberation felt so long and drawn out as they did when he felt his eyes close slightly, his thoughts coming to an end. He hadn’t, in his whole life, been exposed to such weakness. He wasn’t going to complain, though – he was simply going to give himself away to the woman in his arms and the exhaustion creeping up on him.

For once in his life, he fell asleep with a smile on his face.

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next chapter

[my-brothers-corrupted]

Book Four - Part 8

Red's made the decision to sneak away and take Dok and Blue to the closest hospital, but Dapper and Trick are too closely-watched to come with, and end up facing new dangers back at home.

Tws for illness, hospitalization, mild gore (infected wound), kidnapping, violence, and aggressive reaction to being triggered.

Part 8 - The Invasion

bupine asked: you're going to the hospital? without you know who's knowledge? is that... safe?

“Nope,” says Red.

He scoops Blue into his arms. His twin barely stirs.

“Come on, Dok-Dok, stop staring and get moving.”

“Trick…”

“Isn’t coming with us. You know that. Go.”

Dok gets shakily to his feet and moves towards the stairs, scooping a camera to his chest for comfort and glancing back at Red. But Dok is trained to obey Red even in the old days - and now, it’s like some new surety has come over his oldest brother.

“Red, are you… are you sure, are you…?”

“Go, Dok. Quickly now.”

nikkilbook asked: Oh, good man, Jackie.

“Watch for me. He’s distracted by Dapper for now, but if he notices he’ll come get us.”

bupine asked: who are you taking, then?

This, at least, makes Red hesitate, sending a flash of pain through his face. He turns away from you and begins moving up the stairs.

“Just these three. This isn’t about escape, right now, not yet. But I think Dok and Blue could die if I don’t get them out of here. Today. If we have to come back, then we have to come back, but I can’t just stay here and wait for the morning that Blue doesn’t wake up.”

Red is nervous. You can see it in the thrumming of his heart, fierce enough to make the inside of his palm pulse in time. He rocks endlessly.

bupine asked: won't he kill you for this, red? is there anything we can do to help?

“I thought he might, maybe, but… I don’t know, he’s my…”

Red grits his teeth. He has to stop thinking of Anti as family as if that means anything. Anti was the one who told him it doesn’t - now it’s time for Jackie to start believing him.

“Would it be better to wait? Did he say he’d kill Dok soon? I don’t want to leave the others behind if you think they’re in trouble too. I don’t know. I’m just scared. Seems I always am. Maybe I just feel like I need to act on it.”

bupine asked: trick was given two days to take the necklaces off dok, red. otherwise anti will kill dok. he threatened your little brother. we saw the whole thing. dok's in a lot of danger.

Ro closes his eyes. He wants to be angry like when he squeezed Jack, but the anger’s gone to sleep, and now he’s just afraid - and determined, too.

“Okay,” he mumbles. “Thank you for telling me. I - let’s go before I change my mind. If we get caught, I hope it’s me he comes after instead of them.”

“And the monster in the woods?” whispers Blue.

Red blinks, smiling down at him. “I didn’t realize you were awake.”

“I’m dizzy even when I’m lying down…”

Red clutches him to his chest. “Don’t worry about the monster. I’ll… I’ll handle it. Okay? Just rest.”

After all, Red was there when Anti made the game. And the monster, he knows, only needs one of them.

bupine asked: red. what are you going to do?

“Well, let’s see whether or not they catch us first, and then we’ll worry about that. What, you think I know what I’m going to do? You think I got a brain somewhere in this skull? Please.”

He grins, but only for a moment.

“Come on, let’s go.”

nikkilbook asked: We’ll be your eyes and your audience, I promise you that.

“Some things don’t change,” answers Ro, checking that a camera is clipped to his sweatshirt. “Nothing much is steady in my life, but some things don’t change.”

He moves up the stairs like Blue’s weight doesn’t mean anything to him. He’ll be exhausted soon enough, but he won’t put him down.

“Hey,” comes a nervous little voice. “Is he doing better? You want enchiladas, Hoodie? Where’d Dok go?”

Red is paralyzed at the top of the stairs. Trick steps closer, checking over Blue, trying to keep his smile up, though Red can see that his little brother is just as close to breaking from the stress as he is.

“Uh,” says Red.

He is not a good liar.

bupine asked: i don't know if it's a good idea to give yourself up to dark, red. especially not if they'll give you back to anti after. it could be even worse if they won't. you can't really be ready to sacrifice yourself with those risks?

“I guess… better the devil you know,” admits Red reluctantly, glancing at the stairs.

“What?” asks Trick.

“Oh. Nothing. Um.”

“Trick,” says a small voice.

Trick turns to his twin. Dok stands behind him, his hands held in front of him, his eyes wide.

“Hey! You snapped out of it a little! There’s my guy.”

Trick wraps his brother in a hug, pressing their heads fondly together. “Wanna come get some dinner?”

“Can you go dish me some up?” asks Dok frailly. “And I’ll… I’ll be right there.”

“Okay.” Trick kisses his hair. “Sure thing. I’ll get you some more coffee too and we can just hang out all night.”

Dok touches his cheek as he pulls away. Ro recognizes the look in his eyes - like Dapper when he needs something. Puppy dog.

“Thanks for looking after me.”

“I always will,” swears Trick, turning back to smile at him as he goes. “You know I got your back. No matter what.”

He returns to the kitchen. Red looks at Dok.

Dok stares at the floor.

bupine asked: dok, are you alright?

“Let’s go if we’re going,” mutters Dok, stalking towards the front door.

Anonymous asked: Red, what's your plan, if you don't mind saying? What's happening next?

“Don’t know. Let’s get out to the main road and flag down a car. Somebody has to take us if they see how ill Blue is - or I’ll fuck them up if they try to hurt us and carry him as far as I need to. I’ve killed men for less. We’ll go quiet through the forest if we can. I know the path since we drove in here. That blue and red thing doesn’t have cameras like Anti does, so I don’t know how it would see us unless it got lucky. We’ll hide at the hospital until Anti comes to get us or we can come back to look after the others. Dap and Trick will be okay for a few days… I hope. I don’t think Anti will hurt them soon. But Blue needs a hospital. They will be able to do something to help, right, Dok?”

“Sh, keep your voice down,” pleads Dok, scared of being found by both Anti and Trick. “Yes, I hope. At least they might tell us what’s going on. I worry that Blue’s body and Anti’s body are both having the same problem - while Anti’s causes him strange symptoms and the blood he coughs up, I think it’s because, metaphysically, he’s housing a magic that isn’t his. Blue’s reacting in a human way - his body is used to having the magic present. Now that it isn’t, it’s causing him problems. Like his cells don’t know if this is him or not.”

Red shifts on his feet. “You make it sound like cancer or something.”

“More like an autoimmune disease, theoretically. Let’s just get him to a hospital.”

Anonymous asked: We'll watch over Dap and Trick, yeah. Are you gonna go now?

There’s a slight click as a door opens upstairs. All three of them go dead still, eyes wide.

Pause.

“Yeah, we’re going now,” says Red, and he yanks open the door, and he’s gone.

Anonymous asked: dok, you okay?

“No,” says Dok.

He follows after his brothers. That torn white coat swishes behind him.

“But we’re working on it. I’m not standing still today.”

Anonymous asked: blue, how are you doing? are you present right now?

“I’m feeling much better than earlier. Still super dizzy. But Red doesn’t have to carry me.”

“Tell that to Red,” Red answers shortly, not letting him go. They sneak along the path down the road, the trees whispering on wind and flickering with dappled evening light.

Anonymous asked: red, you alright? and do you know how much farther it is?

“Oh, it is a ways,” says Red, drawing the word out. “A waysssss. Couple miles.”

“Ugh,” grumbles Dok, trailing after him. Red turns to smirk at him. Dok is in a t-shirt with holes and somebody’s football shorts. His shoes are old sneakers, worn down thin enough that the rocks and sticks cut at his feet.

“You’ve had worse, Deutsch.”

“You know that thing is going to catch us, right, Red?”

Red doesn’t answer. Dok shoves his hands in his pockets, kicking anxiously at stones. “At least the cameras said they have doctor.”

Anonymous asked: Well. Guess we're in a game of Truth or Dare now.

“A game of Truth or Dare?”

A low voice slides over the image of Red, Blue, and Dok making their way down the path.

“I’d love to play. I love games. And you and I - aren’t we always playing games? With mirrors, with smoke?”

“With bodies, with hearts?” offers Dark’s echo, a soft hiss behind their words. Their viscous colors drip down your screen and saturate the image in blue and red.

“Look,” they muse. “They stepped outside of the monster’s protection. Easy to get into cameras then, isn’t it, Gigi?”

The gleam of square glasses and a flash of bright blue.

“Seems a little trio of your pets have slipped away… leaving another two behind. How… enticing.”

“How delicious.”

“I gave you a chance to send one of them out to me. You didn’t listen. It’s just how you work, I suppose. You never listen to me until it’s too late, do you? But never mind… I’ll give you one more chance. Out of respect for the games we play over and over and over again…”

Dark appears on your screen, in a wash of black and white. Long black hair curls like ribbon down their spine. Their white and beautiful face is rotting.

“When we act tonight, where will we go, old friend? I’ll let you choose. Either way, I act… I am not standing still. Decide.”

.

Dark should attack the house and try to take Dapper or Trick.

Oct. 15 2020

9 notes

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Dark should take the forest path and try to take Dok, Blue, or Red.

Oct. 15 2020

5 notes

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nikkilbook asked: Have you ever actually said what it is you’re planning on doing with them if you take them? Because after Poker Night, I’m not inclined to plau games I don’t understand.

“The illusion of choice is the only thing that keeps you playing,” answers Dark in a sneer that shows a flash of white bone. “And even if we were playing a game you did understand… well, old friend. You were never very good at bluffing.”

Anonymous asked: Well if your mind is made up, I guess circumstances are the best they can be for something my like this. Good luck, keep your eyes open. And if you come across Dark again, I think your best chance might be Dok and whatever "immunity" (for lack of a better word) he has that prevented him from being manipulated. Stick together please!

“We are together, aren’t we, bud?” Ro turns back to look at his little brother.

“Hey,” says Dok. “What’s that you were calling me earlier?”

Ro blinks and flushes ruddy. “Oh. Schneep?”

“Schneep,” repeats Dok.

They trail down the forest path together. Butterflies and the cool of the creek. Dok plays with the ravens on his breast - his immunity from Dark’s manipulation.

“Yes,” he says. “We’re together. I’m with you.”

Anonymous asked: Dok, Ro, if Dark comes for you, do you think you could make some kind of deal with them to get Anti's blood to possibly give Blue his magic back like it said in that book? Just a thought.

Dok looks up, blinking.

“Mmh. Maybe? Do they love Anti? Are they mean? What do I have that they would want? It has to be enough for them to kill Anti. Or that’s what it sounded like in the story about the girl and the samurai.”

Red glances back at his brother, frowning. “Dark can’t kill Anti,” he says.

“Oh?”

“No.”

“How do you know?”

Ro purses his mouth. “Just trust me. I been talking to some people.”

Dok does trust him. Soon they will reach the road. Last chance to turn back.

.

Henrik is asleep on his shoulder.

Or Schneep. Schneep. He repeats the name in his head. Uses it as anchor to something he doesn’t remember. Anything to hold him down in the middle of this chaos.

He supposes it’s quiet enough in here for Schneep to sleep, so that’s something, but the buzzing of the lights is killing him, and all he can think about - all he can think about - is his twin alone as they take blood tests and ask him question after question about his symptoms and shove him into machines for tests. He can see his fragile little body now. A long sigh escapes him. He tries to sit still so Schneep can rest.

The radio is playing above him. At least that can help distract him, maybe, a little. He thinks this is Ariana Grande. He can’t tell. It’s one of those stations that just plays anything anyone has ever liked.

“Mh, mh, nein,” croaks Schneep, tugging at his sleeve in his sleep. “Mhhhh, hurts.”

Ro tries to ignore the glances from the old woman sitting four chairs away, biting down on his lip. Anything to distract him. Anything to distract him. Lately all his thoughts are miserable and upsetting, and he misses Max and the feeling of safety. He just wants them all to be okay.

The radio switches songs. Ro runs his hands over the soft belly of his sweatshirt. His blue sweatshirt. Max bought it for him. He loves this sweatshirt. Max should be here. He would be holding his hand right now and calling him Jackie. And Blue would be okay, and everything would be -

“Are you okay?” mumbles Schneep, rubbing at his eyes. Ro realizes his leg is bouncing so hard it shakes his whole body.

“Yeah,” he says quickly. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” says Schneep. “I’m just glad to wake up away from that house. Where Anti can’t kill me in my sleep.”

Ro looks over at him as Kelly Clarkson plays on the radio. His little brother’s body is stiff beneath his arm.

“Do you need to see a doctor too, Dok? Are you hurting?”

“I was going to ask you that. Anti beat you last night.”

“One bad cut is all. You’ve always taken care of my cuts. I’m okay.”

“Tough,” says Henrik softly, closing his eyes again.

Ro grins at him. “If I’m tough, you’re unbreakable. I don’t think I’m ready to know what Anti’s been doing to you in that room, Dok. I’m sorry I didn’t - ”

“Don’t,” Schneep interrupts him quietly. “Don’t… don’t apologize. We have to stop feeling like anything he does to us is under our control. We just have to keep trying to get away.”

It’s hard for Ro to concentrate on what he’s saying when the radio host is reading out local birthdays at the exact same time, but he tries.

“Tell you what,” says Henrik. “Why don’t you get your laptop out? You can code a little, right? Don’t need internet for that, so Anti can’t see, I think. You can just get lost in it like you do.”

“Too lost in it,” chuckles Ro. “It’ll be all I can think about. I love programming. But I need to be here for Blue if he needs - ”

The song on the radio changes.

Ro feels every muscle in his body go tight.

He feels his blood stiffen and his heart scream. He feels his fingernails dig into his palms. He feels his pulse pounding in his throat so hard it’s choking him.

“Red?” says Dok, touching his shoulder. “Hoodie?”

And then Red hears himself screaming.

“Turn this song off! Turn this song off! Turn this fucking song off! Stop it stop it stop it! Leave us alone leave us alone! Turn this fucking song off!”

The old woman gives a cry as he tears a chair across the room and screams aloud, stalking towards the receptionist, who grabs, wide-eyed, at the telephone next to her hand. “Red, Red!” cries Dok. “Stop it!”

“Stop stop stop!” screeches Ro, grabbing the edge of the desk. “Don’t play that! Don’t sing that! You can’t wear my brother’s body like that! You can’t hurt my little brothers! I don’t want to hurt him, I don’t want to go, I don’t want to be good, don’t play that song, turn it off turn it off turn it off!”

The receptionist manages to slam the right button on her computer at last and the loudspeakers go silent.

Red is holding a broken pen in his hand, the red ink leaking into his palms. He stands shuddering, staring straight ahead, tasting vomit in the back of his throat.

“Red, Red,” calls Dok, and it’s his little brother who’s shaking now, Dok’s whole chest trembling and heaving with the fear that when Red lashes out, he will lash out at him, just like he used to when he still let Anti direct his violence and his breakdowns. But he doesn’t want to be scared of him anymore. Ro knows because he feels Dok’s hand land on his shoulder and begin dragging him towards the door.

Red sobs with terror and confusion. He doesn’t know how that one song can inspire a reaction like that in him. It isn’t like his meltdowns. He knows the difference. There was no sensation build-up, no gradual overwhelming or sudden influx of stimuli. There was just a song change, and the song made him afraid.

“What’s wrong with me?” he screams, as Dok yanks him out towards the backalley of the hospital before security can come and start asking questions. “Why do I always feel like this? Why can’t I stop having nightmares? I’m scared of everything now. This isn’t who I am. This isn’t Jackie. Jackie wasn’t scared of anything. Everybody says he was a hero. I can’t be that person anymore. Just a coward.”

He sinks onto his knees, rocking himself like he always rocks himself to go to sleep, gripping uselessly at the knee of Dok’s pants. Dok sinks onto the ground beside him. Ro can feel him trembling.

Neither of them have any answers anymore.

In his head, Ro can still hear Anti singing that song in the stolen car on a road in Peru, laughing in Blue’s body while the rest of them broke into pieces around him.

“Take me home, country roads, to the place I belong! West Virginia, mountain mama! Hahaha, can you believe they’re playing this?”

He cries into his right hand and strikes cold concrete with the left, leaving red ink stains across the earth. He hurt Dapper that day. He abandoned Blue. He was torn away from his family while the jungle burned around him.

And he still wanted to go back to Anti.

“We have to go,” he sobs. “We have to go. Why have I defended him for so long? When did we let this become normal? When did I let him make me that cruel and that obedient? I was like a kicked dog for him. I hit the rest of you for him. How did I ever justify any of this?”

He hears Dok panting besides him. He doesn’t know if he’s crying or just scared. He’s sorry for lashing out. He’s so sick of being someone who causes them pain.

“Fuck, I love you,” he cries, digging his fingers into the filthy concrete, feeling the dirt build beneath the white crescents of his nails. “He threatened to kill you. He stole Blue’s magic. He beat Dapper til he passed out yesterday. I have to make this stop.”

“Oh, please,” begs Dok. “Yes. Red, protect me.”

Ro looks up at the sound of his voice breaking and sees Dok staring back at him, his eyes hot with tears and his face contorted. Dok lunges forward to press himself against his chest, shaking there between his arms.

For weeks now, it’s just been him and Blue, and he’s had to be the strong one. Anti’s hatred has come down on his head in steel and blood, and he has taken it, because the others needed him to and Dapper asked him not to stop fighting. He has taken it because he saw the fear in his eyes and knew that he was the one who had to do something about it, and Blue has been too ill to help him.

“I need you,” whispers Henrik. “Ro, I need you. Don’t make me fight on my own any longer. Protect me. Protect me.”

And this - this. Those words? That plea?

Ro can say what he wants about Jackie being dead, but I tell you now, reader -

Jackie breathes at the sound of those words.

Jackie breathes.

“Okay,” he whispers back. “Okay. I promise.”

“You promise, you promise, you promise,” chants Henrik, trembling against his ribs. “Don’t let him change your mind again like he always does. Don’t let him make you forgive him. Never again. Never, never, never.”

“Never,” repeats Jackie. “Never. Okay. When we go home… when we go back to that house to get the others and go, no more forgiving.”

“No more forgiving,” prays Henrik. “No more. Protect me.”

The air outside the hospital is warm and clear. The alley opens towards the light of the city around them. Wind stirs his hair, and yes, yes, yes - Jackie breathes.

.

“Don’t cry,” says Anti.

Trick stands shaking in the doorway of the house, clinging to the gun in his hand.

“Anti,” he chokes. “He was here one moment, and then he was just - they all were, they just - ”

“You didn’t see Dark?”

“No, not for a second. I don’t know how they got in the house.”

Anti stares out at the forest. His eyes are black to take in the dying light.

“Something’s wrong,” you hear him mumble.

“What, yeah, that my siblings just disappeared?” sobs Trick, sinking down on the porch, tears welling in his eyes at the thought of Dok taken away from him again, again, again.

“Not like Dark to take anything quietly,” Anti whispers to himself, stepping farther away from the home. “They would have made an entrance. They would have mocked me. That was always half the fun - the show we put on for each other. They would have thrown it in my face that they stole one of mine. And Red’s firewall is still standing - so how did Gigi shut down my cameras?”

The crickets in the forest are all that answers him. He steps back, uneasy.

“Don’t cry,” he repeats. “Dark wouldn’t hurt something that belongs to me.”

“Anti, can’t you go make them give them back?”

“Just calm down while I try to figure this out,” mutters Anti, pulling him back into the house. “Go hide upstairs with your brother.”

Trick shudders out a sigh, casting his eyes towards the forest one more time, like Dok will come racing back to him. Anti pushes his spine gently and he heads up the stairs, shaky and frightened.

“Where’d you go?” whispers Anti towards the forest, a hand faltering to rest over his heart. “Don’t do this to me again.”

When they’re here, when they’re close, or at least when he knows that they’re close - that’s when he knows nothing will hurt him.

He thought that Dark knew that too.

“Something’s not right,” he repeats to himself, backing into his house, and his pitch eyes flicker up to you.

“Keep watch,” he spits. “Since you let them slip away earlier. Something is wrong.”

Anonymous asked: trick, we're going to do our best to take care of you and your brothers, okay? we'll do our best to keep you all as safe as possible.

He glances over before racing to the big window upstairs and staring out at the woods. He bites his lip and turns back to you, shrugging, but he’s trying to keep it together and he’s scared that if he opens his mouth he’ll cry. He hates being a crybaby, but it seems like the longer his life goes on the more things upset him. Lately, he can’t even remember why half the time.

But at least you’ve got his back.

He flops down on the bed with a sigh and only then notices that the lump in the bed is actually his little brother tucked in on himself and covered entirely in blankets. This, at least, startles Trick out of his fear for a second. He plucks the covers away from Dapper’s face and grins quietly at him, but Dapper doesn’t respond even when the blankets come away.

“Hey,” whispers Trick, shaking his shoulder. “Hey, maybe you could go back and stop Dark from getting them?”

Dapper’s fingers rise to pluck at Trick’s hand for a second, but he doesn’t open his eyes, his face scrunching up as though in pain.

“Dapper?”

“Leave me alone,” signs his little brother, torn between irritation and exhaustion. “Lemme sleep, C.”

He burrows down deeper into his blankets. His eyes are shadowed in purple, his cheek stained in brown and yellow bruises.

“Hey, hold on, Dap, you don’t look so - whoa.”

“Lemme alone.”

“Dapper, you’re burning up.”

Anonymous asked: You really think we'd tell you anything is something happened? Sure, we'll keep watch on the last two you have but certainly not because you asked for it. Trick probably need someone to tell him it'll be okay... and I doubt you'd be of any help for him.

“Please,” growls Anti, eyes narrowing like a cat’s. “Jack made him a sycophant even worse than the rest because he needed someone to be his little substitute. His tortured protagonist. I can make him think anything I want to. I could light him on fire and tell him it was all going to be alright, and you know what? He would let himself fucking burn.”

Anonymous asked: hey, dap, jamie, you doing alright? you okay? we're worried about you.

“I just want to go to bed,” he says, and now his hands are whining, slow, languidly exhausted signs falling off his fingers. “Bed, bed, bed.”

“I need to check your fever.”

“No, no, no.”

“Look, I get you’re tired, but - ”

“I’m not tired, I’m just - just - just let me sleep! I’m sick of being awake and my side is killing me…”

Trick sits on the bed beside him and pulls his shirt up, finding his ribs colored a stunning variety of watercolor hues and deep black. “Shit, man. How’d this happen?”

“You don’t even remember what I say the day after,” complains Dapper, eyes flickering. Trick touches his face again and feels sweat at his hairline. “Your brain is all scattered and he washes away anything that hurts. You’re not my C.”

Trick rolls his eyes. Dok was always better at understanding him when he was in one of his weird moods. “It’s Trick, Dap. I’ll get you some water and a cold washcloth. You’ll be okay.”

He gets up and then flinches and pauses at the window.

“Thought I saw something moving,” he mumbles. “Hey, what’s the gameplan if someone does try to get in the house? Red’s… not here like he usually is.”

Bad things happen when Red is gone, that’s what Trick has discovered. Even before Blue was apart of their family, he remembers that Red was gone the day Dok got shot and the day that Dapper snapped.

Anti protects them when the chips are down, tearing their enemies apart with dog’s teeth and knife in hand, but Red is their family’s security. Trick’s fingers play with his handgun as he gets a cup of water for his little brother.

Anonymous asked: You're not helping your situation at all by bragging about how deep you've burrowed yourself in Trick's head. Why don't you go search for Dark instead? Maybe they'll be of actual help, or perhaps you'll end up bloodied and beaten in the forest

“Both options are far more fun than talking to the lot of you,” snips Anti, deciding to be petty tonight. “But I don’t want to give them an opportunity to send their little soldiers into the house. I guess I can transport back pretty fast as soon as I see something on the cameras, though…”

He tilts his head back and forth, thinking, and moves back into the lawn, looking out at the forest.

“Really, I hope they haven’t just scooped them up and run. I was really hoping Dark would make me stop feeling so - hmph.”

He seems to remember that he’s irritated with you and cuts himself off, flipping his knife as he steps towards the forest.

“Hey! That was lame if you just grabbed them, Pangur Dubh, I hope you know. No panache at all, you ancient bastard.”

Anonymous asked: Uhh, Trick, how confident are you in your ability to keep dapper safe? I feel like there's some high possibility something will happen tonight

Trick sits against the head of the bed, Dapper resting beside his thigh, a washcloth draped over his forehead and eyes. He clutches his gun on the other side of his hip, his free hand resting on his brother’s head, his clear blue eyes fixed on the doorway.

“I don’t know,” he mumbles. “But if anyone tries to come through that door who shouldn’t…”

He fingers the safety, letting out a slow breath through his teeth.

“They already took the others,” he whispers. “We can’t let them get us too. I hope they’re all okay. Blue’s not well and - ”

Was that creaking on the floor downstairs? His fingers tighten against Dapper’s hair, his heart picking up in his chest.

“Scared?” asks Dapper distantly, but for once Trick interprets the motion of his hands as earnest rather than teasing.

“No, bud, no, it’s okay.”

“Take you somewhere nice,” signs Dapper, pushing his washcloth aside to look up at him.

“Your eyes are all glazed. How are you feeling?”

“Take you back somewhere nice…”

“What?”

“To a time when you were happy?”

“Don’t talk about time travel right now, dude. Look how sick you are. How’d you get a fever? You never leave the house.”

“My stitches are hot…”

Trick frowns, reaching for his wrist, last bandaged two days ago, but Dapper pulls it away to grab at his clock.

“Take you somewhere nice,” he repeats dreamily.

“Dapper, you don’t have to - Dap!”

There’s a flash of silver in his little brother’s eyes.

“Hey, don’t try anything right now, you - Dapper? Hey!”

Instead of time traveling, Trick sees Dapper’s face contort with pain and confusion a second time, and for a second not only are his eyes silver, but his hair is a vivid teal and his clothes change. Trick yelps in alarm - but a second later Dapper is back to how he was, only with fresh distress in his eyes.

“You’re okay, you’re okay, you’re okay,” chants Trick, touching his shoulder. “Don’t try anything again, Carver, dammit. You scared me.”

“Can’t… can’t think straight…”

“Well, that’s why you can’t time skip or anything like that. Lie still, okay? Just lie still and we’ll be okay. Shit.”

Red and Blue gone. No Dok to watch his back. Dapper out of commission. Another long, calming breath fills his lungs, but his fingers tremble.

Anonymous asked: Trick, don't tell me you've already forgotten what Anti did to them... Dapper is bruised and beaten because of Anti. Because he was angry and violent and he wanted to hurt them. No other reason. Don't let him play with your head like he always brags about doing.

“Oh,” says Trick, stopping short. “Oh, yeah. He did go off, didn’t he? Can’t believe Dapper would crack a rib just from getting tossed around. I need to talk to Dok about that. Not normal.”

“You do think for yourself a little bit still,” signs Dapper wearily, though he looks pleased.

scunneredzombie asked: Anti left Dapper sitting in a filthy bathtub an entire night with open wounds. It's entirely possible he has a blood infection, Trick. That would explain his fever and the wound being “hot”

“Fuck, haven’t you been cleaning it?”

“I don’t know… chained up. Dok cleans me up when I’m hurt.”

“Fuck, fuck. Dapper, don’t you have, like, teeth marks in your wrist?”

Trick pulls Dapper’s wrist out of its bandaging. Dark’s bites ooze something sticky, the stitches torn into bits of thread. The heat of the wound is matched a moment later by a stinging, putrid smell.

Dapper fades dizzily against his pillows, panting a little.

Trick curses to himself yet again, pushing at his hair. “I’ll get antiseptic and floss.”

“Don’t! I don’t want you to go. I don’t want Dark to come take me away.”

“Anti said Dark can’t come into the house.”

“Dark has soldiers. Don’t go. There’s - ”

A noise on the stairs cuts them both off. That, Trick knows immediately, was no creaking of the house.

Downstairs, a hand wraps around one of the cameras and raises you up - and then crushes the camera in one motion, leaving one of your viewpoints black.

“If I can’t hack it,” comes a cool voice. “I’ll just deal with it the old-fashioned way.”

Dark’s soldiers are here.

And in the forest, in the trees -

“Good evening, little monster.”

“Dark,” whispers Anti, and a white smile cuts across his face. “Hi.”

Anonymous asked: Hey, Trick, we're here, okay? I know we've had our differences, but we don't want any of you hurt. We can keep an eye out from the cams. We've got your back.

Trick gets Dapper up first.

Slinging his little brother’s arm over his shoulder, he pulls him from the bed despite Dapper’s tongue clicking in miserable protest and leads him over to the walk-in closet, pulling open the door and setting him down in the corner, piling clothes up around him. Dapper looks up at him with exhausted, fevering eyes, rubbing at a reddened nose.

“Stay quiet,” whispers Trick. “I’ll guard.”

Dapper reaches for him, but Trick just presses a camera into his hands.

“It’s going to be okay. They said they’ll watch out for us. They’re watching the cameras. Nothing will sneak up on us. Just stay quiet.”

Dapper takes the camera. Trick closes the door behind him and creeps to the door of the room, standing against the wall, hidden from view, Dok’s handgun clutched between his fingers.

Anonymous asked: trick, dap, stay together, okay? we're gonna try to protect you, but i don't know how successful we'll be. try to stay calm though, okay? and hold on to each other if anything happens, it'll be grounding.

“Oh, shit, sorry,” laughs Trick in a frantic, whispered giggle. “I didn’t see you say to stay with him. But I’ll stay up here in this room. Not going anywhere.”

He lets out a low breath, closing his eyes for a second.

“Not letting anything happen to him.”

It’s an odd situation for Trick. It’s rare for him to be made the protector. He supposes he’s always been Dapper’s older brother, but it’s never really felt that way - or, at least, not for a long time.

“But I am,” he mumbles. “I am his big brother.”

He steadies himself beside the doorway.

Anonymous asked: dark? what are you doing?

Red eye, blue eye.

Their gaze flickers over to you.

“Don’t look at them,” laughs Anti. “Look at me.”

Anti moves in front of the camera view from the back of the house, and even from several feet away, you can see the way he bounces on his heels, hear the deep purr beneath his voice, feel the heat of his excitement.

“And what would I be looking at then?” asks Dark coolly, broad shoulders shifting as they move slightly forward.

“Guess,” says Anti.

“You smell like a human,” answers Dark.

“You cut me deep, Dubh.”

And Anti rushes forward like a wave on a river, and stands so close to Dark he can feel their breath on his beard - trimmed, now, neater than he usually has it. His hair falls into his eyes, making them look dark and beautiful, fiercely blue no matter how Dark’s shadows encompass him, his skin pale and unblemished. He looks at Dark’s mouth and he smiles, fangs growing from his mouth. Blood trickling from his throat.

Dark stares down at him, unflinching, face blank.

“You know what I am,” says Anti, glancing up into their eyes. “Tell me how you did it, then, Dark.”

“Who told you to call me that?”

“What?” Anti laughs, reaching out to touch Dark’s cheek. “Do you prefer ‘baby?’ Sugar? How’d you snatch up all three of the others without me even noticing?”

Dark looks down at him through black eyelashes, tugging once on their cuffs.

“It was easy,” they offer after a moment.

“Show-off,” teases Anti.

Anonymous asked: For lord's sake Trick... It wasn't "from getting tossed around". Anti kicked and beat him until he was just one giant bruise then left him sitting there with crushed, cracked ribs for an entire night, left him to get infected and even more hurt. You... aren't the man you used to be. You aren't the Trick who cared about his family more than anything. You just think whatever Anti tells you to now.

Trick’s face contorts, biting down on his mouth. “Well, what do you know about it?” he spits breathlessly, turning away. “What do you know about ‘the man I used to be,’ and the things he had to become to survive?”

nikkilbook asked: Heeeey Google, how’s it going. Quick point of order, just out of curiosity, what exactly is your objective here?

“Oh, they know it’s you,” pipes up a mocking, cheerful voice. “That’s cute.”

A low growl sounds from a dark shape moving through the living room, though their footsteps are soundless and measured.

“His primary objective - ”

“Shut the fuck up.”

“Is to answer questions. Hey, Gigi, what’s a baby hedgehog called?”

A long silence.

Then, begrudgingly:

“A porcupette.”

“His second objective is to destroy humanity, as I understand it.”

“You included.”

“And his third objective - ”

“Is to prevent discord in the household.”

“Meaning that when Dark tells him to do something…”

Google turns to you.

Brown eyes flash red.

He picks up a plate from the dinner table and hurls it into the camera, shattering a mounted view in the corner. Shards of gleaming white porcelain rain down on raven black hair. He does not pause.

“… he does it.”

Google moves towards the stairs.

“But hey, don’t stress,” his companion tells you, drawing a white hood away from thick black hair drawn back in a ponytail. He flexes his broad hands and you make out the gleam of silver knuckles. “He’s not the one you should worry about.”

nikkilbook asked: And which one are you, friend? I’m flipping through my Rolodex of Markifaces, and if you’re who I think you are, shouldn’t you be gone? Two years gone, to be specific?

“Oh, shit!” he laughs. “Hey, we don’t talk about them! They never existed! That was their dying wish. Shhh. Nah, Annus is gone. Too bad, too.”

Anonymous asked: Silver shepherd????

Brown eyes turn to you, a fond smile on his dark mouth.

“Just call me Shep,” he says. “Good to know anybody still remembers.”

Anonymous asked: Aren’t you suppose to be a super hero? You know... a GOOD guy?

“I’m not supposed to be anything,” he replies, and the smile on his mouth is dark and bitter now, a cold shine in his deep eyes. “Except a fucking joke, maybe.”

Anonymous asked: What are you doing here, Shep? Aren't you supposed to be a hero or something? Or well... a joke of one at least

“Yeah,” he says, showing his teeth. “Real funny, aren’t I?”

A faint laugh falters out of him. His eyes glitter. He both hates and craves you.

“Now shut up. I got work to do. Dark asked for something, so I’ll get it. They can have whatever they want from me. They’re the only reason we all got any home at all. And if we sometimes slick our floors in blood and bury corpses in the woods, well - at least I’m telling my own story these days.”

Anonymous asked: Trick, be safe, you should probably hide with Dap. Dark's soldiers are in the house, they're also destroying the cameras.

“I… no, I won’t. I think if they find me, maybe they’ll think I’m the only one home. Or, um. I mean, I’ll stop them! They won’t take either of us. No, I’m going to guard him, I’m sorry…”

For months, it has been the purpose of his life: to wait at the door with a gun in his hand. He will not be moved.

Anonymous asked: Trick, Dok being tortured every night, Blue dying because Anti stole his magic, and Dapper and Rojo have been hurt horribly. Anti caused all of this. Anti caused this pain, all this suffering, everything you've had to survive, everything that warped and broke you. It was him. And now, even now when half of them are dying, you let him use you to play out fantasies of being in control of Jack. He brags about doing anything he wants to you. Make it stop. You're the only one who can.

He doesn’t remember who Jack is, but the thought of being used to fuel Anti’s fantasies about him gives him the creeps enough that you see him shudder, disturbed. He shakes his head like he can shake the truth off. “Just let me focus, dammit.”

Anonymous asked: the cairn that had to be built because of anti, trickshot. without him, there would have been no need for one. he did this to you. wiped your family from your mind. i'm... so sorry he took so much from you.

“Don’t say that,” spits Trick, a real vitriol consuming his features. “Don’t you dare - Anti has never - Anti doesn’t even know that I have those dreams, about having kids in my arms, Anti doesn’t have anything to do with them, they’re the one part of my life that doesn’t have anything to do with him, don’t - don’t even start that, no.”

Anonymous asked: anti's known you all your life, trick. he's the reason your brothers are hurting. it's legitimately all been him. there was a time when you were all happy and no one was dying or miserable or possessed or being tortured or hurt or panything, you were just brothers who were happy and loved each other. anti took your family. took your memories. manipulated and hurt you all. you're the last one of the brothers to see what he's done to you.

“Stop, stop,” begs Trick, putting his hands over his ears, that gun too close to his head. “That’s not true. You’re just liars! You’ve never liked him! You don’t understand… he’s the one who makes things stop hurting…”

Anonymous asked: Don't you remember in Singapore? Anti slapped you, screamed at Blue that he was happy he killed your partner, and you were "lucky he doesn't kill children" and bragged about them being so deep in hiding that you would never see them again. Anti did this. Anti took them from you.

Trick heaves with a dry sob, shaking his head. “No, no, that was a nightmare. It didn’t really happen.”

His cry draws Dapper’s attention and you see the closet door slip open, blue eyes peering out at him.

“G-go back in there,” gasps Trick. “I’m fine.”

Dapper steps over to him, a blanket around his shoulders, and slides down the wall to sit beside him, putting one hand over his gun and holding it gently against the floor.

Anonymous asked: I'll resign, you need to focus for now. But remember my words Trickshot, Chase. You are being used. He brags about you being malleable, and calls you just his pet. Remember my words, Anti does not love you.Your brothers, Dok, Ro, Blue, Dap. They are what matters. Your true family loves you for who you are, for the real you, the real person Anti has buried deep in there. Anti only loves you because you look like the creator he misses.

“They have more messages for you,” says Dapper.

“Later, okay?” gasps Trick, pulling at his hair, trying to steady himself. “Later, I… later. He loves… he… just let me concentrate.”

Dapper doesn’t say anything more, blinking slowly. He slumps wearily down against the wall. “Okay, Trick. Hey…”

“What?”

“Well, whatever you decide about Anti, the rest of us are pretty damn fond of you.”

Trick gives an exasperated little wheeze of a laugh and touches Dapper’s cheek for a second. “Okay. Thanks. Just rest, little man, you’re starting to go grey.”

Anonymous asked: hey, trick? you have a really strong android and a red-level superhero coming up the stairs. the android, uh, will probably be angry and not very sympathetic? you might be able to reason with the superhero if you find a connection to him. if you have to fight, go for the android first, if you're gonna be diplomatic, focus on the hero. don't give either of them any information, okay?

He covers his mouth with his free hand and tries to steady his gun, but his hands are still shaking, his eyes wet with tears.

“Where?” he signs weakly, trying to peek out towards the stairwell without being seen. Dapper is lying back against the wall, eyes closed.

Anonymous asked: Trick, there's someone in the house. Stay with Dapper, the two of you are stronger together, okay? Don't let them separate you.

There’s someone in the house. There’s someone in the house.

Trick tries to breathe, his free hand resting on Dapper’s shoulder. Don’t let them separate you. His brother is unmoving beneath his palm.

A creak of the floorboards at the bottom of the stairs. Trick aims in the darkness, breathing through his teeth.

Google’s eyes heat the air with a glow of red, just for a moment. Trick can’t see his body at all, just that faint red light, and then it’s gone. His hairs stand up on his arms. There really is someone there. Right there, on the stairs. Silent, silent, but they’re there. Why don’t they breathe? Why don’t they make noise? Are they closer now or farther away? He wants to take a shot, but he wants to stay hidden too.

“Where is Anti?” he chokes.

Anonymous asked: Anti is outside dealing with Dark. Do you want us to try to get him to come back?

“I don’t know what’s going on,” whispers Trick, shadowed as the sun goes down, his eyes wide and his pupils swallowing his irises up. “I don’t know why he thinks this is a game or why he thinks that thing will help us somehow. I’m scared. It’s not a game. I want this to stop.”

And you see, in the darkness of the coming night, another shadow come to stand behind him.

And that shadow rears back -

And slurps very loudly on his martini.

Trick screams aloud. A second later, a gunshot rings out.

“How now!” Wilford protests, staggering back. Blood runs hot and dark from his stomach and Trick screams again. “That, young man, was VERY RUDE. This is my favorite shirt.”

“Anti!” screams Trick.

“Goddammit, Wil,” spits Shep. “What’s the point of sneaking around?”

“Oh, because you were being so quiet, trying to get the camera’s attention. Harumph.”

“Get away from us!” Trick shrieks, writhing. “Dapper, go.”

Dapper curls in on himself, shaking. He isn’t well enough to fight and his head is too fuzzy to be aware of anything but someone who looks like Dark and his brother crying out in fear.

nikkilbook asked: Anti’s busy flirting with Dark in the woods.

“Trick wants me.” Anti turns his attention back to the house, blinking. Dark grabs his wrist and draws him back to their chest.

“I thought you wanted me to look at you,” says Dark.

“Now you’re just playing,” says Anti, pleased. “I know your little boyfriend’s in the house.”

“Well, do you want to go stop him or do you want to talk to me, little monster? I already have three of your other boys.”

“Tell me how you did that! Red would have kicked just about anybody’s ass if they tried to come after him. Who took him? Wil?”

“You’re missing what’s obvious,” answers Dark, tilting their head at him. Anti purrs, eyes flashing as they meet the deep onyx of his gaze. “You should know why they’re not at home right now. I saw. These forests belong to me. But you weren’t watching.”

“You think you’re smarter than me, but you’re soft and you always have been,” grins Anti. “That’s why I’m the one who would have won if we ever got to finish that fight.”

Dark’s eyes flicker. They draw slightly back from Anti, looking at his face.

“What should I call you?” asks Dark.

It’s Anti’s turn to blink, but he recovers himself a second later and laughs, putting a hand on Dark’s shoulder. “You are playing. Good. You can call me a lot of things. I like little monster. When I was just an idea, my creator called me his monster. But I don’t belong to him anymore.”

He runs his hand down Dark’s arm, tilting his head coyly. There is a faint frown on Dark’s mouth.

nikkilbook asked: Shep, what are Dark’s orders? Why do you want the boys?

“Got him, Wil?”

“There’s two here. Hello! How are you today!”

“Get your fucking hands off me!”

“That’s not very nice,” grumbles Wil.

“Dark only needs one, they said.” Silver paces towards the room, grabbing the gun out of Trick’s hand and tossing it aside as Google stands over Dapper, who won’t even look up at him. “And I don’t care why they want him. I think they’re teaching a lesson to someone who tried to challenge them or something. But Dark’s fascinated with anything that’s even close to being a spirit like them, so I’m not surprised they’re interested in whatever the hell is going on here.”

“You and your creepy shadow monster can go eat dirt!”

Wilford is beginning to look truly affronted, his eyebrows shot up comically high. “What a squirmy, angry little squirrel of a man,” he mumbles.

Dapper lashes out without looking and manages to kick Google in the leg. Google doesn’t move. “Which one should we take?”

“We could just take both. Look, they’re little companions,” offers Wilford.

“I don’t care,” says Shep.

“This one is sick,” says Google. “I can feel its raised temperature from here.”

“Well spotted, Gigi. Then take the healthy one.” Wilford lifts Trick up by his shirt.

“Or we take the sick one so Ippy can see him and get him some medicine. His wrist is fucked up and he’s slathered in bruises,” says Shep.

“But the healthy one will be easier for Dark to talk with.”

“Let’s just take both,” says Google.

“That seems cruel.”

“What, we’re just going to lock them up for a while. Who cares? They’re just humans.”

“I’m getting a little bored of this conversation, gentleman,” rumbles Wilford.

“And that, with you, is a dangerous thing,” sighs Shep.

Anonymous asked: Anti... you know there's something off with Dark, right? You can't be that oblivious, without it being on purpose

“Well,” says Anti, with a laugh that comes off as just a little nervous. “We always mess around and stuff. This wouldn’t be the first time they’ve tried to lead me on.”

He shoves playfully at Dark’s shoulder, but Dark doesn’t reciprocate, just looks at him. Anti laughs again, a confused edge to it.

“You’re joking, of course. You know who I am.”

Dark stares evenly across at him, their eyes slightly narrowed. “Of course,” they say finally.

“Yeah,” says Anti, and there’s a real affection in the way his fingers rise to rest against Dark’s cheek. “Hey, uh. I missed you, Pangur Dubh.”

Dark’s expression breaks with shock. Anti draws his fingers away, startled.

“Dark?” he asks.

“What did you just call me?” hisses Dark, grabbing Anti’s wrists. He tries to back away, confused, but Dark just follows after him. “How did you know that name?”

“I - I called you that from the first time we started getting along,” gasps Anti, eyes wide. “Hey, that’s not funny. That’s… that name is just for you.”

But Dark just looks at him, shaking their head now, eyes astonished and wary. “You really are a powerful little mind manipulator,” they growl. “To be looking into things I only hear in dreams.”

“Not funny,” snaps Anti, more aggressive now. “That’s stupid, Dark, cut it the fuck out. You’re being an ass. Get off.”

Dark lets go of his wrists, backing away.

Anonymous asked: Cruel to them or cruel to Anti?

“I do not know who Anti is,” announces Wilford proudly.

“They mean the monster,” says Google. “And listen, this one’s howling for his master to save him.”

Wilford drops Trick and Google takes him by the hair, looking at his face. Trick tries to reach up and get his wrist in a hold, but Google’s hands are immovable no matter how much he tries to twist or scratch, all of Red’s and Anti’s fighting tips failing him against something that feels no pain. “We should take this one so its brain can have a break. The other one will just sleep through the next few days, I expect. Human sicknesses are annoying.”

nikkilbook asked: Hey there, Wilfstache. Welcome to the party. I asked Google this question, but he’s busy being a grumpus. Mind telling me what Dark asked y’all to do tonight? Bonus points for telling me “why.”

“Dark doesn’t have to explain themselves,” guffaws Wilford, turning his attention to Dapper now that Google’s taken an interest in Trick. “Well, hello there, sir, and how are you on this fine evening? That is quite a mess you’ve made of your arm. I ought to have the doctor cut it off. Or do it myself!”

“You leave him alone,” cries Trick. Dapper manages to get to his feet and tries to slip past Wilford to get to his knife, but the intruder hooks powerful arms around his waist and holds him carefully in place.

“Now, now, my dear, we’re not here to hurt you. Anyway, you were asking why. Dark said that they found a monster in the woods and the monster says it owns a time traveler and will lend him to them if we play a little capture the flag with real people. And look!”

He heaves Dapper off the ground by the waist, forcing him to grab at Wilford’s shoulders for balance, trembling against his chest.

“I got the flag!”

Anonymous asked: Oh, great! The reality bender joined the party! Fun times. Hey Wilfy. Trick, may I advise either a tactical retreat or a more diplomatic approach than gun-shooty, seeing as you are both outnumbered and outmatched? Dark's keeping Anti distracted a little longer DESPITE OUR BEST EFFORTS, THE DUMB GLITCH.

Diplomatic approach? “You don’t have to do this,” pants Trick, trying to get a word in edgewise. “Please, just leave us alone. We’re not here to hurt anyone. Anti likes Dark. He’s not trying to actually cause problems. They’re just playing.”

Google stops, glancing over at Trick. “Dark knows that thing? Wil, is that true?”

“Don’t expect Wilford to know anything,” mutters Shep.

“I’m not sure,” says Wil. “They speak about him oddly.”

“What does that mean?”

“I don’t know. Saying they find him interesting, that they haven’t seen anything quite like him, that he looks like Mark’s little European friend. Things like that.”

“That’s who you look like,” gasps Shep. “Holy cow, little Jacksepticeye impersonators. Wow, that’s nuts. He doesn’t do his hair like this anymore, though, that’s why I didn’t notice.”

Google cocks his head at the others. “You’re both slow, even for humans. Their faces are all but identical. These creations are to Jack the same way we are to Mark.”

Shep’s eyebrows raise. He and Wil exchange glances.

“Who’s Mark?” asks Wil.

“Please just leave us alone,” says Trick. “We’re not trying to cause any harm. We’ve had a rough year, okay?”

Anonymous asked: Shepherd, please, sorry, I know you feel like you have to do whatever Dark says right now - please be decent as you can in how you're going about this? You can offer some good here. What does Dark have planned for the one you abduct? Is he going to hurt them? The sick one, Dapper, has a traumatic history with Dark, but it's cruel to leave one of them alone with the spirit Dark came to confront, Anti. Can you do anything? Can you talk to them? Please?

Shep lets out a long sigh, rolling his eyes deeply. The others wait for him to speak.

“Pack a bag,” he says. “Quick. You got two minutes.”

“No, no,” croaks Trick. “Please leave us with our brother.”

“Your brother appears to be a literal demon, for what it’s worth, but anyway I have orders. I’m taking one of you. Either pick or both of you start packing.”

Dapper is back on the floor, shuddering without responding to anything around him. He can’t leave him. He needs to get him his things first. Trick glances between him and Shep and then gets to his feet, hurrying to the closet to get a backpack for Dapper and start shoving his things in - his bear, some clothes, his knife - “No, not that, dumb-ass,” scowls Shep - okay, fine, but his Haldol, the antiseptic and stitches from earlier, his toothbrush, his drawing pad, some snacks he finds in a drawer stuffed full of food in the corner of the room, a stash he didn’t know Dapper kept. Some of it has rotted instead of being eaten, but he gets crackers and bananas and fills the bag.

Gigi laughs softly. Shep shoots him a glare, crossing his arms over his chest.

Anonymous asked: Didn't we warn you? Dapper told you that the timeline you knew doesn't exist anymore but you just brushed it off as meaningless ramblings of a man confused about his reality. Everything that you did was for nothing and now you're met face to face with one of the consequences of it

“That’s not true,” breathes Anti, staring at Dark, eyes wide. “This is crazy. We know each other. You’re messing with me. Don’t be an ass, Dark. It’s me.”

“Little monster,” says Dark, voice wavering a little.

“Pangur Dubh?” replies Anti. “Why are you doing this to me? We’ve been apart for months. I thought we were just playing. Where are my boys? Are they okay? Stop acting weird. Hey, look at me. Come on. Give me a kiss, you know me. I missed you. This is weird.”

Anonymous asked: Anti, Dark isn't playing. Do you remember what Dapper told you? It wasn't a delusion. When he snapped, he broke the timeline. None of them remember you. Jack doesn't, Dark doesn't, none of Mark's character remember you. This is more dangerous than I think you comprehend.

“Come on, don’t make me laugh!” barks out Anti. “Jack doesn’t? Now you’re talking crazy. Dark, stop being a - ”

Dark grabs him.

Gone is the image of a suave being in a dark suit. Dark towers over Anti, powerful and glaring, matching Anti’s fangs with their own. They shove Anti up against the nearest redwood and slam his wrists to the side, gripping him tight enough that red crescent moons appear in Anti’s arms.

Anti stares up at him, panting. His eyes move from confusion to distress to anger and back again.

And then the darkness is so thick you cannot see him.

“Tell me,” says a deep voice, rich as bitter chocolate and echoing across the trees. “What your name is?”

Anti feels fear fill him up.

“Fucker! Stop doing that!” he screeches, writhing. “You swore to me you’d never use your power on me! I don’t touch your head and you don’t touch my soul!”

“You already are in my head!” shouts Dark. “I can’t stop dreaming about you! Who are you, tell me! How did you know you would find me here? How did you know my name?”

“You don’t get to grab me without my permission - ”

“You think you can come into my forest and issue challenges - ”

“Do you know who I am or not?” shouts Anti.

The darkness lowers again, leaving them in cold twilight blue.

Dark stares at Anti. At his eyes. At his mouth. Their lips are twisted with disgust and desperation.

“Pangur Dubh,” says Anti, one more time. “My… my… Dark…”

Dark vanishes.

Anonymous asked: leave dapper be, please. he's the hurt one. leave him here.

“Do you want him to come or do you want him to stay?” asks Shep, gesturing at Dapper.

Trick crouches over his brother, taking his pulse. Dok taught him what to look for. He’s been his twin’s nurse for as long as he can remember.

And he knows Dapper could use help.

The question is whether Anti or these strangers will be better able to give it to him.

Anti loves him. Anti loves them both. Especially Dapper. Doesn’t he?

Anonymous asked: trick, love. he's been manipulating you all. it genuinely has been him. i'm sorry, trick. but we wouldn't tell you if it's not true.

“Fuck,” whispers Trick, with feeling. “I… I want to stay with him. Even if that means you take us both.”

“Fine,” says Shep. “Get on your feet. Let’s go.”

Anonymous asked: We're trying to bring Anti back, trick, we're working on it. All three of these people are dangerous but you and dapper can get out of this safely, I promise. Stay close to dapper, learn what you can, be ready to run when the opportunity rises. Okay?

He clutches Dapper against his chest as they move down the stairs.

“Ready to run, ready to run, ready to run,” he chants under his breath. “Okay, okay, okay.”

He doesn’t like how dark the house is now, how quiet. His siblings should be here. Anti should be here. He doesn’t want to go away. They finally found a place where they have warm beds and plenty of food and everything they need.

And yet the house feels empty and unprotective. He grips Dapper tighter, feeling his dangerous heat warm him.

Anonymous asked: Dark, I know you must be very confused. Anti has a time traveler, and he accidentally broke this timeline a bit. As far as Anti remembers, you're his lover, a very good old friend. He is used to playing games with you and being admired by you. He didn't know the timeline was broken. He was just playing games.

The message plays out to the quiet forest around him.

Anti is sitting where Dark dropped him, eyes wide, staring ahead.

A slight shake in his fingers.

As far as Anti remembers. His lover. Being admired by you. He didn’t know.

He didn’t know.

“This is still just a trick,” croaks Anti. “They are playing games with me. Dark knows me. Jack… Jack knows…”

But you see, in the lines of his face, something you have rarely seen there before: abject humiliation.

And a growing fear.

And then, yes, there - his anger, like the teeth of a tiger.

His anger.

Anonymous asked: Hey, Red, Blue, Dok, I don't know exactly when this'll get to you because the cameras are being slightly wonky, but don't come back to the house please, okay? To the best of my knowledge, your brothers are okay, but it'll be easier for us to coordinate everything if we don't have to worry about you three at the moment.

They’re distracted. The camera is sitting in the bag by the bed. Above you, you can hear Blue talking to someone about low-income housing and men’s shelters. It will be some time before they get any messages.

Anonymous asked: hey trick, love, just breathe. we'll tell you if we notice dark approaching, okay? we'll help you the best we can.

“They’re not approaching,” says Wilford cheerfully, running down the stairs as Trick’s eyes begin to get desperate, flashing over to you for help. “They’re here. Hey there, little ghost.”

True to their word and their nature, Dark has not entered the house without permission. They stand on the porch, head tilted, waiting for his soldiers to come out to them.

“Hi,” they answer quietly. Wilford grabs their hand and pulls them towards the forest, chattering about getting pizza when they get home.

“Hold on. Have you got them?”

“Yes, Darkness,” answers Gigi, his harsh tone disappearing. “Of course. Whatever you need.”

Shep rolls his eyes behind him, marching Trick forward.

“Which one’s the traveler?” asks Wil.

“This one,” says Dark. “I can tell.”

Dapper stops short before he reaches the doorway, chewing on his nails and squeezing his eyes shut. He curls in on himself like he’s going to throw up and turns away, refusing to go any farther. Trick wraps himself around his little brother and stares out at the figure of the Darkness.

Dark looks at Trick.

They tilt their head.

A moment later their form changes, going small and effeminate, long, straight black hair falling around their shoulders, red acrylic nails clicking on the ends of their fingers. “Come here, then,” they say in a clear, high-pitched voice, and Trick feels a wash of emotions swallow him whole - bizarre fondness, warmth, relief, calm. He relaxes, blinking. Shep gives him a small push and he straightens up and moves towards Dark, a little confused.

“No, no, no,” Dapper signs, his fear fighting with Dark’s power rising up in him. “No, no, no, no, Tricky, no. Afraid, afraid, afraid. Get Anti, now, now, now.”

“It’s okay,” says Trick, not sure why he says it. Logically, he knows he should be scared, should be panicked, should be nervous, at least, but it feels true. It isn’t like how Anti does things. That should scare him, but he feels pretty good. “Hey, it’s okay. Everything’s okay.”

Anonymous asked: Oh thank fuck, thank you Shepherd, you're our hero. Trick, you're doing great, okay? Good deescalation and good handling of a terrifying situation. You're doing your family proud. You're gonna be fine. We're keeping an eye on Anti and the rest of the family.

“Mmh,” hums Trick, holding a camcorder in his hands. “Okay, thank you. Yeah, I did good. We’re okay.”

Dapper leans over and pukes.

“I don’t feel good,” he admits, slumping against Trick’s chest.

Dark turns to Google. “Okay, Gigi, call Ippy and tell him to come back from the city and stay for the weekend. I want him here.”

“Yes, Dark.”

Anonymous asked: ANTI, Trick and Dap are being freaked out by Wilford, Google, and Silver Shepherd in your house, just in case you'd like to maybe Do Something About That

Anti stalks across the yard, his shadow cutting across the trees.

“Forget me,” he whispers, fire crackling in his hands. “Forget? Forget me? And take my boys from me? My pets?”

Why don’t they remember?

The pain of it nearly crushes him and he staggers, feeling his form shift and mutate with his discomfort distracting him. He’s so powerful these days, so consumed with fire and psionics, with glitching and flowers. But without Marvin’s body, his own form barely contains it. Blood seeps out of his mouth and his throat.

He didn’t mind that he and Dark only ever saw each other a couple times a year. That was how he liked it. He didn’t mind when they were away, or not much. But in the back of his head, even when he was bitter and angry, he felt that there was someone in the world who would be happy to see him if he ever wanted to not be alone.

For Dark to act this way - it can’t be true. They must just be mad at him. That seems to sting even worse. He doesn’t know why they decided they don’t like him all of a sudden, but he wants them to stop and go back to how things were. This isn’t right. How could they treat him like this? His hands burn, Marvin’s flames biting at his glitching fingers.

He wants Dapper and Trick. He wants them now. He wants to go to bed and feel them close to him and know that they know him. That they know him and they’re here, and they’re not going anywhere. They’re not. They’re not. They’re his.

nikkilbook asked: If you’re going to take one, take both. Please don’t leave one of them behind. This is a bad place.

“Come on, then, quickly now,” says Dark, turning away. “Wilford, if you would?”

Wilford turns back towards Dapper and Trick. “Who wants to go first?”

“Wait… this… this is a bad idea,” says Trick, his emotions confusing him. “I don’t want to go with you.”

Anonymous asked: Taking both might be good, the sick one, Dapper, has a blood infection, he really needs a doctor. Trick could be useful to do the talking. Please be gentle with them, if they get hurt I don't think Anti will be very happy about that, boys.

“Oh, gentle,” nods Wilford. “Okay, yes, you got it. I’m very good at being gentle.”

Shep shakes his head at you.

“Come on, then! It’ll be nice, I promise.”

He reaches for Trick.

Google’s hand snaps out and grabs his wrist.

“Excuse me,” pouts Wilford. “You stop that, you hunk of metal.”

Google’s face smiles. His eyes glow red.

“Here’s another idea,” suggests Anti from within the body of the android, baring his teeth and stalking forward, pushing Trick and Dapper behind him. “You get the fuck away from what’s mine before I start causing you pain that you will remember, you deranged bastard.”

Dark stares at Anti. For a moment, you think that what you are seeing in their eyes is a begrudging satisfaction.

“Well, then,” says Dark. “What was that you were saying about winning in a fight?”

Anonymous asked: Hey Trick and Dap? If these two start throwing hands it could get very nasty very fast, and anyone in the immediate vicinity is almost undoubtedly going to get caught in the cross fire, so please try and get a safe distance away as soon as possible?

Trick grabs Dapper and scrambles away from Anti and the others, but the sight of his handgun a few feet away stops him. He begins inching towards it, panting as quietly as he can. Wilford glances over at him and Trick’s stomach churns. What good will guns even do?

“Gigi has other bodies,” says Dark calmly, tilting their head at Shep. “Wreck him.”

They let courage fill Shep’s chest up like magma. You see the light in his black eyes go wild and reckless. Anti laughs once.

Wilford pulls out his gun. Shep pounces.

Anonymous asked: hey. dap. go with trick, okay? i promise we'll take care of you the best we can. go with trick. we'll watch over you.

“Faint,” warns Dapper dazedly, clinging to his brother.

“I got you, I got you,” whispers Trick doggedly, squeezing his hands as he creeps closer to his gun. “We’re sticking together, I’m here.”

Shep’s silver knuckles crash into Google’s face, battering the alloy of his cheek. Anti cackles, a bizarre sound from Google’s normally deep, stern voice, and grabs Shep’s wrist in an iron embrace, driving his knee up into his stomach and folding Dark’s soldier in half. Shep howls and Wilford glances between everyone, a little lost as to what’s going on.

“Wil,” calls Dark, even as their body vanishes back into shadow. “Don’t let Shep die.”

“Shep, Shep,” mumbles Wil, trying to place him, his gun traveling uncertainly between Shep, Google, and the brothers in the grass. “Oh, dear.”

Smoke consumes Shep and Anti as Dark descends on them, his power tearing at Anti’s chest. The monster screams in panic as fear clogs his chest, but Anti has known fear before, and he won’t let it stop him now. He throws himself forward and wraps an arm around Shep’s head, threatening to snap his neck in half, trembling hard enough that he might do it on accident. Dark’s power retreats, their body appearing again close to Anti and grabbing him by Google’s dark hair.

“Stop!” shrieks Trick, grabbing his handgun. “Let him go!”

Anonymous asked: hey, anti. anti, please let silver shepherd go. too the best of my knowledge, the others will come back, and they'll come back probably even more obedient since you're something they know, and dark isn't. can you at least not kill silver shepherd, please?

“What, you want your little weapon back?” snarls Anti, turning to Dark with Shep pressed against his body, the little joke pressed against his chest.

“He means nothing to me,” answers Dark.

“Apparently nobody does,” spits back Anti. “For that, I’m going to make you the one who suffers.”

He drops Shep and lunges at Dark, grabbing them before they can disappear and driving his fist into their stomach. Dark lets out a cry of real pain as weak, cracked bone shatters. Spine breaks through skin and cloth and sticks out of their back. It’s Wilford’s turn to scream in alarm. He buries a bullet in Google’s stomach and Anti hollers, oil dripping down his belly. He leaves Google’s body and transports behind Wilford, shoving a knife into his back. Wilford scowls and turns to him irritably, cocking his gun a second time, but Anti is already gone.

“G - Gigi?” stammers Shep, backing away from the body of his companion, sparking as it collapses onto the ground.

“They’ll kill everyone to hurt each other,” signs Dapper, grabbing Trick’s shirt. “It’s just chess to them, Trick. Make them stop. I… I don’t feel good.”

His face turns grey so fast Trick actually flinches in surprise. Dapper has to be sick once more, throwing up into the grass. Trick grabs his head and feels the moment where his brother loses consciousness there in the front of the house, bile dripping from his mouth.

“Stop, please,” chokes Trick. “This is terrible, s-stop!”

He gets to his feet, clutching his gun.

“Don’t worry, pet,” snarls Anti, stalking around Dark, his nails growing out like knives. “It’s just fun and games, isn’t that fucking right, Dark?”

“Just tell me your goddamn name!” shouts Dark. “Why are you haunting me?”

Anonymous asked: trick, dark manipulates emotions. keep yourself and dapper away from them, okay?

“You want to see me manipulate?” hisses Dark.

Anger fills Trick up. Terror fills Trick up. His hands tremble on the gun, but he feels himself point it in a gut reaction - directly at Anti.

“Trick,” snaps Anti. “You belong to me. You know what you need to do. Shoot them.”

Shoot them. Shoot them. You know what you need to do. Anti’s words seem to come from within his own head and he staggers, nearly falling onto his side in shock as his body goes to war with itself. His head and his heart shout commands at him, making him feel dizzy and afraid.

And in the middle of all of it, there is one feeling or thought or understanding that he recognizes completely as his own:

I really am just a puppet, aren’t I?

Anonymous asked: his name is anti, dark. antisepticeye. he's a little in love with you, or a version of you that he once knew, but you don't remember him and he's furious.

Redwood saplings as thick as a man’s arm burst from the ground and wrap around Dark, Wilford, and Shep. Wilford vanishes and reappears beside Trick, making him jump, as Shep trips onto the ground and begins tearing at the branches on his legs without much luck. Dark feels bones shattering and twisting all across their body. They pant as the branches eat them up, reaching for their throat, and struggle to transport away.

“I’m more powerful than last we met, Darkness,” bites Anti, stalking forward with blue fire in his eyes. “I think I could kill you, do you know that? I think I could do it.”

“Anti,” Dark mumbles, squeezing their eyes shut. “Why… no. This isn’t right. That isn’t even yours. That isn’t the way your soul looks.”

Anti stops. “What?”

“That magic… that isn’t even yours. You don’t look the way the monster in my dreams does.”

Anti’s mouth parts in alarm, his stolen magic dying down again, leaving him cold and beautiful as he was when he was still trying to impress Dark, his skin white and his eyes glowing.

“What?”

“Anti,” repeats Dark under their breath, not sure what it means, not sure what or who or why they remember. “Anti.”

The vines on their neck have loosened. They transport back into the darkness, disappearing into shadow.

Anonymous asked: his name is anti. in another timeline, the one they're originally from, you two knew each other, and i'm pretty sure he loved you, as much as it's possible for him to love anyone. in that timeline, you were his old friend. i'm sorry that you don't know what's happening, dark, and i'm sure this must be confusing. also, only one other person has remembered them, someone who cared about them a lot, so that you're remembering anti's name for you means something, even if it's just a dream.

“You’re just fucking with me,” pants Anti. “And I hate it. You’re being such an ass, Dark, you - this is so fucking mean, cut it out.”

“You’re just some parasite,” spits Dark’s voice from the shadows. “You’re just - you’re the one who started all this. You should have just stayed away.”

“Guess that’s true,” Anti snarls back, shaking his head like he can get the thoughts out of it that are hurting him. “Come back here and let’s fight like proper monsters. You can’t treat me like this. I know you remember me. You can’t have forgotten.”

“Shep, get back to the house,” orders Dark.

“This is nuts,” pants Shep, even as he begins to back away.

Trick, freed of their influence, comes to stand beside Anti, his gun pointed at the shadows where Dark is hiding. He feels Anti’s hand wrap around his free wrist to steady him and immediately feels safer. They’re here. Together. They’ll face this thing together.

Wilford looks around.

Why are they here, again? Were they fetching someone? He watches Shep turn and race away into the woods. Looks like a tactical retreat. And his blackbird, well - his blackbird can hold their own, no doubt about that. Perhaps he’ll watch as they terrorize their enemies. It’s one of his favorite pastimes, after all!

There’s a faint wheeze beside him. He looks over and sees a small figure curled into the grass, clutching at their stomach, their arm bloodied and their face terribly pale.

“Oh, no, my darling,” he says to no one in particular. “Oh, dear, you don’t look well at all. If you’d like, I can take you to the doctor?”

Anonymous asked: trick, my dear. go with dark. trust me, trust us, when i say that it will be better to have dark take you and dapper than to stay here with anti. dapper's hurt, yeah? and he's scared. they have a doctor, and you can go with them to protect dapper. he can't protect himself at the moment.

“Traitorous little eyes,” Anti snarls, whirling on you. “No one is taking him - no! Wil, wait!”

As he turns to look at you, there is Wilford, transported behind him and picking Dapper up in his arms, blinking in surprise at Anti, who wraps an arm around Trick’s waist and stares at Wilford in alarm, his arm stretched out.

“Wait, no, not him,” pants Anti. “No, no. Wil, it’s me. Okay? Hey, you won, okay, Dark? You got Red and Blue and Dok. So you won. No need to take him too. We were just playing. Leave my boy with me. I didn’t know you were going to react that way. It was just a game. He’s not a part of it, not now. Leave Dapper with me. You already got the others.”

“You really don’t get it, do you?” snaps Dark. “I didn’t ‘get the others.’ They ran away from you, little monster.”

Anti turns back to his old enemy, his old friend, his mouth slightly parted. He feels Trick tense against his chest.

“That’s not true,” croaks Trick. “My brother wouldn’t have run away. Especially not… without me.”

“The cameras saw them too,” shrugs Dark, stepping out of the darkness. “Guess you don’t have as tight of a hold on your pets as you think you do.”

Anti can feel himself beginning to shake.

“Little traitors,” he spits, his eyes flickering between you and Dark and the forest path the others ran down some hours ago. “Little… all of you, disloyal, hateful little things… I’ll make you regret this, I’ll make you all… traitors, you…”

His arm is too tight around Trick’s waist. His fingers are biting into his stomach. Trick just clings to him in return, barely able to process it.

Did Dok really just… go?

Did Dok ask him to go get him dinner just to turn him away and leave without him?

And his big brothers, who were supposed to protect him - did they really leave him like this?

“Wil, go,” says Dark.

“No!” cries Anti.

But Wil is already gone, and with him, Dapper.

Anti turns to Dark, fire in his fingers and a scream on his throat -

Dark is gone too.

Anonymous asked: they didn't want to leave you, trick. but they knew you would never leave anti and blue is about to fucking die. they needed to get him away.

“Anti?” whispers Trick.

Anti stares at the ground. His hands are clutched into loose fists at his side. He looks like Dapper. He doesn’t move.

Trick puts a hand on his shoulder. The crickets are singing. The first stars are in the sky.

“Are you… are you going to go after him?”

Anti nods. But he doesn’t move.

“Anti,” Trick repeats.

When he still doesn’t answer, Trick closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He wraps an arm around his brother’s shoulder and leads him back into the house.

The high ceiling stares down at them, quieter than ever. The house seems to loom, dark and abandoned. Trick and Anti sit down on the stairs.

Trick pulls a camera into his lap and sighs, burying his face in his hands.

That’s… that’s fair, he supposes. Blue was really sick. And Anti threatened to kill Dok. And he himself, well… he was going to get those necklaces off his twin. He was. Even though he knew that wasn’t what Dok wanted. So he supposes… he betrayed him first.

So it’s… it’s fair. Yeah. It’s fair. Maybe if he had been a better twin, Dok would have stuck around. But he couldn’t even keep him safe.

So he went. Okay. That’s fair.

Tears drip down Trick’s cheeks.

He wasn’t trying to pick sides, he just… he just wants… he just wants…

Anti’s hand rests on his thigh. They sit together.

Anonymous asked: trick, they did not abandon you. they were escaping anti, but they didn't abandon you, okay? they would never do that. i promise. they love you too much to ever abandon you.

“Are they… are they coming back?” asks Trick in a whisper.

Anonymous asked: Trick they didn't just leave, they plan to come back to save you, to get you safe. Red saved Blue and Dok, he saved Dok from being killed by Anti, and he took them all to a hospital. Rojo did what he was supposed to, what he always does, and protected your brothers when they were in danger. They'll come back to you.

Trick looks up at you at last, a little reassured. They’ll come back for him. They just needed to go to the hospital. And… he knows he wasn’t trustworthy enough to go along. He knows that. They did what they had to. Probably Red was bossing Dok around as usual anyway, ha. Probably Dok wanted to stay with him. But he couldn’t keep him safe and they both know that.

But they’ll be back. Or… those three will, at least.

“What will happen to Dapper?” asks Trick. “Is he going to be okay?”

“I don’t know,” admits Anti. “I don’t - I don’t know who Dark is right now. And I don’t know who’s in that house. I haven’t kept up with Mark cause he’s an idiot. But he creates recklessly and sometimes those creations - well, Dark usually kills off the ones they don’t like, so I don’t know… was he sick?”

“Yeah, I don’t think he was feeling well.”

“Dark might get in his heart,” mutters Anti. “They manipulate power and emotions. I’m afraid of what they might do if he coaxes all that power out of him. My little brother.”

And Trick -

Well. He isn’t sure. But he thinks maybe Anti is crying too.

His brother’s head rests on his shoulder. They sit together. Trick takes his hand.

“They didn’t even look at me like they knew me,” whispers Anti. “I was a ghost to them.”

Anonymous asked: anti, i hate to say this, but i am sorry. i can see you really do love them, and it must hurt for them to seemingly hate you now.

“Oh, you fuck off, that’s disgusting,” spits Anti. “Love them, please, as if. Fuck them. I don’t love them and I never did. Tricked you, huh? As if, no way. No, it - it’s manipulation. That was it. I wanted their help, sure. And they’re pretty hot. But that’s it. I never cared about them. Or anyone, for that matter.”

It actually makes Trick smile a little. He snorts and shakes his head. He wants to tell him he’s full of it.

But he looks up and Anti’s face is shaking with anger and stress, his fists clenched together. Trick squeezes his palms, his heart sinking for him.

“You really liked them, huh?”

“This is stupid,” snarls Anti. “I fucking hate this plot point. And I’m going to make them pay!”

“I don’t know if that’s - ”

Anti smashes his hand into the wall, shattering plaster. Trick sinks down against him, biting his lip.

“Taking Dap from me,” hisses Anti, his eyes beginning to go wild again. “Pretending like they don’t even know me. They’re the one who always used to come on to me! Now they act like this? I’ll kill them! Fuck them!”

Trick squirms as Anti’s body becomes hot to the touch, but he won’t let go of his brother’s hand. Anti crumples against him, trembling.

Anonymous asked: Well Anti, now you know how your brothers feel. Now you know how it feels to love someone who can't love you back :)

“Please,” snaps Anti. “They’re the one who’s always been desperate to have me. If they want to act like a bitch, that’s their fucking problem. And I’m powerful, now… more than a match for them. They’ll regret this, I fucking swear it. I’m sure they already do. Didn’t know what they were tangling with. I was already a match for them before I had Marvin’s power. I’ll tear down everything they do love and they can watch it all burn.”

“Anti,” protests Trick weakly. “Just… let’s just breathe.”

Anonymous asked: yeahhh, that's bullshit. you're in love with them and you're too scared to admit it, but that's a conversation for another day. the question now is; what are you going to do?

Anti gets to his feet, his teeth gritted in his mouth, tearing at his hair. “You’re all fucking dense if you think I care about them!”

“Anti,” says Trick. “We have to focus on Dapper.”

Anti stalks around the room for long minutes, muttering to himself, glitching into different appearances, snarling.

“You have to calm down,” whispers Trick.

“I can’t!” screams Anti. “I can’t, I can’t, I can’t! I’ve never been able to and it’s his fault because he didn’t make me that way! I can’t calm down!”

“That’s not true!” cries Trick. “I don’t believe that for a second! You can’t keep telling yourself that you’re not capable of goddamn controlling yourself, Anti, it’s why our family keeps falling apart over and over again!”

Anti stops short, turning to stare at him, mouth open.

“Anti,” pleads Trick. “I’ve seen you calm down before. Come here. Just hold onto me and we’ll take deep breaths.”

Anonymous asked: Breathe Anti. Just breathe for a bit, ignore the fire and the rush in your brain. Just sit with Trick for a bit. You always get control eventually, right? So surely things will go back to normal soon. Like you said, they're no match for you, right?

“It hurts,” spits Anti, pulling on his hair. “It - it’s like it burns me.”

Trick gets to his feet, grabbing onto Anti’s shoulder.

“Look, man,” he says. “I feel it too. But right now, just… come sit with me.”

“Turn cameras off,” orders Anti irritably, hiding his face in his hands.

Trick chuckles weakly and sets you down a few feet away, out of view, though in truth there are enough mounted cameras around the house that you can still see them, little figures at the bottom of that grand staircase in the darkness.

Anonymous asked: anti, i will tell you this. jack and dark no longer remember you. the timelines were switched up, and they don't know you exist anymore. dark doesn't hate you. they just don't know you. and that's why jack hasn't come for the boys as well. none of them know you anymore.

And Dark - Dark is one thing.

But Jack?

No, no. Anti can’t even begin to think about that right now. Later, maybe. But right now -

Jack, Jack.

He’s only shaking harder. His whole body burns like there’s energy beneath it he can’t get out. He trembles. He pants. Bites down hard on his lip and feels his spine curl with the pain of it. He wants to cut his throat open again and make it count this time.

“Anti,” pleads Trick, very small. “Anti, I…”

Anti shoves himself into his shoulder and grips onto him. Tight, tight. Anti grips on to the one person he has left, and shudders his way through his panic in Trick’s steady arms.

“I lied,” whispers Anti, so soft you know you aren’t meant to hear it.

“About what, Anti?”

“There are people I care about,” Anti answers, curling his fingers through the hair on the back of Trick’s hair. “There are.”

They are cast in blue by the early night.

Anonymous asked: i don't know, but i think they will. i think they'll come back for you. but trick? when they get here, i think you're gonna have to choose between them and anti. i'm sorry, but i don't see it going any other way.

Trick stares at his brother, his arms wrapped around him.

The light of the moon looks down on him through the skylight.

He doesn’t know what to do.

He doesn’t know who he is anymore. He doesn’t know where this is going or what happens next.

He doesn’t know who he would choose if he had to.

Anonymous asked: i think anti's trying to tell you he loves you, trick.

He thinks you might be right.

He doesn’t know a lot of things right now, it’s true. But there are some things he does know.

He knows that Red and Anti made a deal for their family back in Peru. Made a decision for their family: This is the last time we play this game.

The decision he makes - the decisions all of them make - will be final. The choices they make will be final.

“I love you too, Anti,” he says, glancing up at the faraway glow of the moon, and his brother cards his fingers through his hair and holds him.

Miles away, his twin sits at the window in a hospital room and stares out at the same moon, chewing on his nails and thinking about him.

[charmingpplincardigans]

January Kitchen Sink Check In

This is mostly for me, because I’m trying to become a better person this year, for varying definitions of the term ‘better’, and I like to see my progress laid out all organized like. It helps me move forward. So I’m gonna go through my Body/Mind/Money goals for January and note how I did and what I’m going to do moving forward!

BODY

Working Out: 

My two work out goals for the end of the year are to 1) be doing yoga semi-regularly and 2) be working out four days a week reliably, including the yoga. I’m working on easing myself into these (and all) habits, because I don’t want to overwhelm myself and give up on everything, so my goal for January was to work out one day a week. And I worked out *drumroooooooll* NONE! NOT A ONCE. I don’t have an excuse for this. Part of it was stress, part of it was depression, part of it was sheer laziness. I promise myself I’m gonna work out at least once a week in February, but also shoot for the two times a week that is the February Goal. 

Food: 

I have several overall food goals for the year. One is to give up soda near completely, or at least to break my addiction to it. The others are to start planning meals and eat less meat. For January I wanted to drink only two sodas a day (20oz max). I managed that 23 days out of 31. In looking at the calendar you can reliably match the days I failed to the days that were extremely stressful or anxiety ridden. I have a very bad habit in those moments of throwing up my hands and deciding that I’m a failure anyway so nothing matters. That’s definitely a mental tick to keep an eye on over the next few months as my job no doubt just gets more and more stressful. The other goals I did okay with. I decided to plan one meatless meal a week. New recipes I made in January were: 

Black bean soup

Moroccan sweet potatoes

Spinach lasagna

Black bean & sweet potato enchiladas

Do recommend most of them. The lasagna had way too much cinnamon in it, which was kind of weird. If I make that recipe again I’m gonna quarter the amount. But I might just find a different veggie lasagna to make. 

For February I want to drop the soda to one a day (12oz max), and start to plan to make two meals a week. I’m doing okay with meat, but I could for sure do better. It helps that I have started making THE WORLD’S BEST SANDWICHES for lunch. Probably just gonna eat those forever instead of ordering out Huey Magoo’s or whatever. (The sandwich is hummus, cucumber, and feta on toasted Good Seed bread. Try it!)

Doctor Things:

Uff. I need to figure out the CPAP issues and the chest pain issues. I absolutely despised the first mask they sent me for the CPAP. It gave me panic episodes and I was ripping it off IN MY SLEEP. Insurance refused me a new mask until April, but my doctor came in like an angel with a sample version of a different type of mask to try. This one is...better. I’m still not comfortable in it and it’s not appreciably helping my sleep. People keep telling me it’s going to change my life, but that has not happened yet. On the other hand I have friends who’ve tried to make them work for YEARS and never did, so I’m wary of this whole process, but still trying. 

I had a sort of fraught meeting with my cardiologist last week. My chest pain symptoms had been getting better as of October, but with the change in my job I’ve back slid almost entirely. I had a 36 hour period of chest pain two weeks ago. I go whole nights having every heart attack symptom in slow motion, but doing nothing about it because I can’t afford for the ER to tell me I’m fine five times a month. I cried when she asked me why I didn’t go to a hospital when that happened. I feel so helpless all of the time and I’m certain I’m going to die any day now, even though my heart is technically physically fine. Can you anxiety yourself into a heart attack? I THINK YOU CAN. She did tell me to try to speak to the psychiatrist again about anxiety medication. The last time I tried the woman I saw didn’t want to prescribe me anything. She told me to work on my sleep and come back. Welp! The cardiologist said that if that happens this time she’ll write a note telling her to prescribe me something. We’ll see. I need to try to make that appt this month. 

MIND

Therapy:

My therapist thinks I’ve done really well over the last year with working on myself and said out loud that she thinks I’m better at dealing with some things and am in a good position to move forward. But I’m so stressed right now that I just feel like I’ve fallen apart again. We’re meant to start on EMDR this week, but I’m going to have to put a pause on it so I can talk about how I’m at like, the lowest point of my life, which she will be very supportive of and then probably remind me that if we could just get to the EMDR and work with the older traumas this might not feel so dire. I’m just, on the struggle bus and too tired to do anything but freak out about that. 

Writing: 

I have so may creative goals this year! Too many probably! I should put some back! My creative goals for the year are:

Complete a rough draft of AMLD (10,000 words a month)

Complete and mail out the Girls Who Date the Universe chapbook

Complete and mail out any remaining art for people who helped me with the car fund

Work on poetry and short fictions (Monster Story?)

Actually check in to @gywo every month (10 days a month goal)

My creative goals for January were to write 10,000 words on AMLD, work on the extra poems for GWDTU, and send the remaining postcards from the car fund. And uh...look. I did work on writing. I worked on the chapbook layout and editing pieces that needed to be edited/replaced, because there are several. I did also work on the outline for AMLD, but didn’t write new words on it. Not anywhere 10,000 of them at any rate. 

The owing people art thing is just...it fucks me up, man. I have learned a huge lesson between the car fund and the patreon. I get so in my head about how these people deserve beautiful things and then I tell myself I’m not capable of making things worthy of them and then I put off doing the thing because I want to put off letting them down and then it just spirals from there. ALL THE WHILE I AM FOR SURE LETTING THEM DOWN. I realize this is both unhealthy and unprofessional. It’s why one of my goals this year is to clear all of this once and for all so that I can square myself away with everyone and try not to end up here in the future. 

So, the January Goals now get rolled up into the February Goals, which leaves the new list for the month at: 

10,000 words AMLD

Complete extra poems for GWDTU

Send postcards from car fund

Complete layout for Boston chapbook for car fund

I did check in for GYWO. 

Future Plans:

Part of letting off the pressure for the now for me is always about planning for the future. Not like, the actual future, I’m not starting a 401k, let’s not go nuts. But for something that is one step forward. In my notes for my year goals this is all about moving back to Boston. I need to set a date for it. I need to save money for it. I need to keep my job until after I’ve done it. But now I think this part needs to include notes about my job itself and the ways I can either move forward with it or move away from it once and for all. 

I talked to Lisa and Kait at the beginning of the year about the moving plan, and now I just need to talk to my apartment complex to see if it would be feasible to extend the lease to December or February without paying an exorbitant amount in rent each month. If rent ends up being more than $2k/mo for the extension then I’m just going to have to have to wait until June 2022. This frustrates me, because I hate not being able to just follow through with decisions once I’ve made them, but patience is another thing I’m working on eternally. My goal for February is figure out money stuff well enough and talk to complex and set a timeline. 

Work is. Wow. It’s awful right now. I still have my job, which takes up much of my days, but because of re-org I’m also having to learn a whole new job which would also take up much of my day. I can’t not learn this job, because the person who used to do it is in another department now too, so there’s no one to get the work done if I don’t learn to do it. But I also can’t do both. I CAN’T DO BOTH. An issue popped up last week with my job that literally brought my ulcer back. I asked my boss for help with it and she sent me a message at one point saying she wanted to cry about it. So like. She knows now, right? She knows I can’t do both jobs?? BUT THERE’S NO ONE ELSE TO DO IT SO I GUESS I JUST GET TO SLOWLY KILL MYSELF. I’m just so frustrated, and angry that these decisions get made without taking the people in them into account, and of course anxious and miserable. I’m currently dreading work in a way I haven’t since I was in text perms. It’s real bad. So I have to find a way to make it work or find a way out. 

My February approach to that is to finish this Love It or Leave It book and see if I can’t divine where my true motivation lies, and also to research library school. I kind of would rather not go back to school. Not because I wouldn’t spend my entirely life in school if I could. I WOULD. But because it’s expensive and time intensive and there’s no promise my life will be better after it’s over. But every job I think I want pretty much requires that masters, so. We’ll look into it at least. 

MONEY

Eating Out:

During the pandemic, one of my money sinks became DoorDash. I never used it before, because it costs literally twice as much as just going to get the food. (Also because I kind of like eating in restaurants alone. Ah, one day again I hope!) But the more afraid I became of the outside world, the less inclined I was to go into a restaurant to pick up take out, so I’ve had it brought to me. And I need to cut that shit out! I have food at home! My goal for January was to order out only 4 times a week. I managed this for three of the weeks, but when I blew it it was definitely those weeks at the very beginning and very end of the month where I was super stressed. The goal in February is to only order out 3 times a month.

Savings:

I need to open a high yield savings account. I’ve had the starting money for the move just sitting in my bank account making me no extra money for like, four months. The latest reason I haven’t moved it over is that I’m worried I’m going to owe a lot in taxes this year because of the partial unemployment I got. Hopes are that since it was a work share the taxes were taken out ahead of time, but I do not trust the government with my money as far as I can throw them, so. I’ll do my taxes this month and finally know for sure. And then I WILL move the rest of the money into a high yield savings account. I WILL. 

Also, every time my credit union savings hits a grand, I’ll move $500 of that over into the high yield account to put toward moving expenses. 

Budget:

I keep meaning to sit down and work out my new budget for 2021. I’m bringing home a little bit less in my paycheck because I changed my health insurance, and I’m also, of course, trying to save as much as I can ahead of moving so I don’t put anything on credit cards. (I’m doing so well paying those down!) This means I need to save everything I can and not spend money on stupid frivolous stuff. I’m not buying clothing like I did in the before times, but I AM spending too much money at Target still, because the app lets me just peruse any dumb idea I have and then pick it up that day! What a disaster! So, I really need to work something out. Or at least, I need to check my bank accounts more often and keep tabs on how much is actually going out. I have a bad out-of-sight-out-of-mind habit when it comes to bank accounts. Just another piece of me to try to cure this year.

And that’s it for January. I’m now late to bed because I’ve been working on this post for an hour and a half. Working on my sleep is also a goal, but we’ll see how exercise and the cpap handle that. Til next month!

[sincerelyreidburke]

[“Another one??? Mel, are you okay?” No. I’m never okay. But have fun with this one anyway. Also on AO3.]

three years after graduation | january

 To say that Quinn is exhausted would be a bit of an understatement.

It's... been a long week, and the week isn't even quite over yet. It isn't like weeks being over makes much of a difference anyways, because with all things considered, there's always something to do no matter what day of the week it is. He's trying so hard to keep good spirits, and he's glad to say that for the most part, he's succeeding on that front. To be sure, he's tired— but being tired is an internal thing, and he refuses to let it affect external parts of his life. He may be very tired, and very busy, but he has responsibilities, and the importance of exactly none of those responsibilities is any less just because of the fact that there's a lot on his plate.

It's just that if Quinn is being honest, medical school is like having tech week every single week. Or perhaps not every week; that's rather dramatic. Many of them certainly feel like it, though. There's always an exam on the horizon— like the one coming up a week from now, and the most recent reason for his stress. On a less large-scale basis, there are daily assignments, grades to keep up, labs galore, the dreaded collaborative project with his fellow students. All of the work is towards a goal, of course, and will be well worth it once he finally makes it to the other side. He's learned quite well that the work is worth the goal, when it comes to his career. It's the whole reason he decided to go to medical school in the first place. It's just that the knowledge that it'll be worth it doesn't take away from the fact that it's hard, busy, difficult work. Any medical student knows this, and he was well warned before he chose to take this path that this was the way it was going to be.

Quinn, though— Quinn has an advantage. Quinn has something that many of his classmates don't have. Because when Quinn goes home at the end of each long, grueling day, he isn't going home to an empty house or apartment. When he goes home, he goes home to the most lovely man— and now, additionally, to the sweetest, most precious little girl. And that, above all else, is what keeps him going.

Tonight, he gets home just after five o'clock. It's a late day, and he knows it, but he was caught in a lab for most of the afternoon, and he texted Sebastián to be sure his arrival time at home would be on his radar. Sebastián goes back to work next month, but for now, he's still on paternity leave, and has been since Violet's very sudden arrival just before the holidays. Quinn asks him if he should pick anything up on the way home, but Sebastián declines; he tells him he's already taken care of everything for dinner. Quinn is grateful beyond words for that— there's always dinner on the table, when he gets home. So many things around the house are taken care of, because Sebastián takes care of them for him. Raising a baby and maintaining a household is a team effort, to be sure, but he's aware— and immensely grateful— for the slack that Sebastián picks up.

So once he's finished on campus, he gets in his car and heads straight toward home. He hits several green lights on his drive, which, without traffic, takes about fifteen or so minutes. Today, he's lucky, and by the time he pulls into the driveway at home, he notes that he's made good time. It's moving toward sunset, but not completely dark yet, and just cool enough for a light jacket and cotton scarf. Quinn has lived in Arizona for three years now— five if you count the summers and Christmas breaks he spent here during the latter half of college— and he believes that slowly, but surely, he's growing used to the temperature cycle here. Really, his scarves are less for practicality and more to complete an outfit nowadays. There's seldom a real need for them. But he wears them anyway, because he wants to.

He parks next to Sebastián's car. The windows of their house are warm-lit, and with the pinkish sky behind it, home has never looked more welcoming. He takes his school bag off of the passenger's seat, slings it over his shoulder, and makes his quick way up the driveway and through the front door.

Walking inside is like getting a hug— home is his safe haven, where even though stresses and school duties may linger over his head, he can find comfort and at least a bit of calm. It smells wonderful inside, like Sebastián's enchiladas, which must be what they're having for dinner. Sebastián himself is not immediately visible, and though her high-chair is by the kitchen table, neither is Violet. He turns on his hearing aids, and speaks quietly, as not to disturb her should she be asleep. "Hello, my loves. I'm home."

There's no response— but he can hear a very faint something in the living room, so he leaves his Oxfords by the door, hangs up his school bag and jacket, and walks across the kitchen. He notes that the oven is on, and through the small window, he can see a tray covered in foil— definitely enchiladas. There's a pot on the stove, which is probably rice. Sebastián is a true wizard in the kitchen; Quinn has been swooning over his food for seven years now. He's extra grateful for it since they graduated, and he grew accustomed to the luxury that is eating it every day.

In the living room, he finds the rest of his small family. The television is on, which is the source of the faint noise; the sound gets a little clearer as he actually enters the room, though he'd never be able to decipher what's being said. It's a cartoon, he notes— one of the ones Violet likes to watch. The play blanket Quinn rush-sewed her in the week following her adoption is spread out on the ground in front of the TV, with a few toys scattered on it— a purple bear he crocheted for her, the plush duck Remy sent in the mail, the doll from Mrs. Hernandez, a teething toy Sebastián bought.

As for the baby herself, though— she's not on the blanket. Instead, she's on the couch, in her papa's arms. Violet looks asleep— with her head pressed into Sebastián's shoulder, she's peaceful and adorable, in a yellow onesie that matches the big cloth bow on her headband. Her hair is getting longer, and curlier, too.

Sebastián is rumpled, in a Kiersey t-shirt and a pair of gym shorts— he's favored his comfortable, casual clothes during paternity leave. His curls are a little ruffled, and he's stretched out on the couch; it's only when Quinn approaches that he lifts his head from bowing it, as if he were almost asleep before, but not quite there. He smiles, and the warm light of the evening catches in his eyes.

Quinn puts a hand to his heart. This, right here— this is everything he'll ever need. "Hello, my dear."

 "Hey, baby," Sebastián whispers, and his voice comes out a bit raspy, as if it's the first time he's spoken in awhile. "How was your day?"

Quinn tries to decide how best to answer that question— because truth be told, he had a long and tiring day, but everything seems better standing here in their living room. He settles on, "It's much better right now than it was five minutes ago."

Sebastián laughs, just gently. "That's good to hear," he says. Quinn walks to him, and leans to give him a gentle kiss hello, minding Violet's head on his way down so he won't disturb her. Thank goodness, he doesn't. She sleeps away.

"How long has she been out?" he asks Sebastián, who shrugs and looks briefly down to her.

"Half an hour?" he replies, when he meets Quinn's eyes again. "I was gonna put her down in the crib, but... I was comfy, and then my arm fell asleep."

Now Quinn laughs, with a hand to his mouth. "Oh, honey," he says. "Do you want me to take her?"

Sebastián shakes his head. "I'll wait it out," he murmurs. "Dinner's in the oven," he adds, tilting his head in the direction of the kitchen. "It should be done soon, but it has to cool awhile."

"It smells delicious," Quinn tells him. "Thank you, honey."

"Of course." Sebastián shifts himself a little on the couch, but keeps Violet in the same position in his arm. He looks up to Quinn, and tips his head just a little, like he's beckoning for him. "Can you join us?"

Quinn has a million things he should be doing, most of them for school. His exam next week is going to drive him completely insane. The only thing in the world he wants right now is to join the two of them, on the couch— and yet he knows he shouldn't. He should be getting ahead on his next reading assignment. He should be proactive. It's a Thursday. He still has class tomorrow.

And yet. "I have a bit of reading to do," he tells Sebastián. "But as long as you wouldn't mind my book coming with me, I don't see why not."

Sebastián smiles, from ear to ear. Quinn didn't know it was possible to love him more than he already did, but every day, in that department, he proves himself wrong yet again. It's only more and more since they became parents. "I don't mind," he says.

So Quinn retrieves his textbook from his bag, and brings a pen and notebook with him, to keep track of what he reads. He can't escape the weight of school on his shoulders— almost literally, as this hefty textbook weighs what feels like a million pounds— but he has a home, and an almost-husband, and a beautiful daughter, and the stress has nothing on those things.

He sinks down next to Sebastián on the couch, and presses against his side. Violet, because she's a tiny blessing, continues, just as peacefully, to sleep. Sebastián gives Quinn's hand a good squeeze, and leans to kiss his temple. He says nothing, but he doesn't have to, because the quiet is a comfort all its own.  Quinn cracks open his book, and dives into the reading. It's dense, and complicated, and all very necessary in order to attain a good grade on his exam next week. He has a headache. His limbs hurt. He only has a few minutes between now and dinner, and after dinner, he'll have to study more. He is exhausted beyond all compare.

But Quinn can do this, because he's not alone.

[pumpkinmaster999]

Heroes Walk in Dirt

By Jess Awh

At last call at the bar I am eight shots in, swing dancing with a broom while Sasha wipes the wood down. His face says he’s wondering how a mess like me can be trusted to clean shit up.

I tell him when I’m home I like to vacuum drunk. Drunk vacuuming is kinda like being on a swing: you blithely toss your body around the room in a tango with the vacuum, singing to yourself, forgetting certain corners. I sing the live recorded version of a John Prine song, “That’s the Way that the World Goes Round.” Sasha asks why live. The song’s got this line: “it’s a half an inch of water and you think you’re gonna drown,” I say, but on the live tape John Prine tells the crowd how a woman came up to him in San Fransisco once and asked him to play his song about the happy enchilada. She thought it went, “it’s a happy enchilada and you think you’re gonna drown.”

In my bedroom I take eight shots of Jim Beam and grab the expensive vacuum I bought at Costco with the different detachable heads which I call “my vacuum ingredients,” and I swing and sing to myself about the happy enchilada.

Sasha shrugs and scrubs the gun line. He says that that John Prine song has a verse where John Prine pretty much says it’s ok to beat your wife. It isn’t okay to beat your wife, I don’t sing that verse. I know it isn’t okay to beat your wife. My wood floors shine. I hate when dirt from the floor sticks to my feet as though it were all the world’s injustice.

I smoke in the tub and I swim in the Hudson, so in a way no bath I take is ever clean as a true baptism. I dislike the laundromat, so I wash clothes at home and hang them on the fire escape. In a nutshell, all I can do is try, I say, in a nutshell. Trying is what we do when succeeding eludes our sight. Sasha once came over after work and laid on my bed eating pistachios, setting the empty shells down on his chest. He’s been upset because his ex is about to marry a man she loves less just to get him a green card and have some kids. I’d never ask anyone or anything to change. I would’ve vacuumed his shirt, though.

I walk to the train to work like always and Lee is waiting outside the liquor store. For whatever reason, the liquor store people hired him seemingly just to stand outside and ask people how they’re doing as they go by. He’s hardly ever inside, and when he is he doesn’t seem to be doing anything. He doesn’t have any flyers to hand out. “What’s new, Lee?” “Oh, you know, new gangsters, new crackheads.” “Oh yeah? You look spiffy. I like the blazer.” “Ah, thanks, it’s gettin’ cold.” “Yep, yep.” “My birthday’s coming up.” I like that one because he always tells me what’s new with the block when I’m really asking what’s new with him. “Shit, when is it?” “The 26th.” “No way, I’m having a party that night. I’ll bring you a piece of cake or something.” We laugh. Lee is always in a clean black button down and black pants that are never wrinkly. He’s like a blackboard that got wiped down with a wet towel. I’m gonna bring him cake because he doesn’t expect me to. We live in this charmed narrative where we move one plant into the sun, or put a sardine out for one stray cat, or organize one shelf, and then the sky opens up so sunbeams land on our shoulders like we somehow answered a prayer God didn’t even say out loud. I read this story in American Girl Magazine when I was nine where they’re walking on the beach and they find hundreds of washed up starfish dying in the sun. The one girl says “we can’t save them all, it’s pointless” and the other starts throwing them in the water one by one. She goes “but we can at least save a few, and that still matters.”

I get to the bar and this guy I know is there drinking, Grant Barber. I tell Sasha I’m going to go hide in the basement and he knows what I mean. A couple summers ago when I was bartending in Chinatown I became friends with Grant Barber because he was living in the radio station. He’d listen to my show on the mail room speakers on Sundays and say things like “I’m glad you played Patsy Cline” or “I can tell you like the music, that’s why you’re such a good host.” Grant Barber has blue eyes like Santa’s eyes, and that’s why I started buying him lunch and letting him shower at my apartment. I’m a good person but I get starfished sometimes. So I served court papers to the squatter who’d forced him out of his place in BedStuy, I went with him to the notary and everything, but when the legal shit started to drag along and he was sending me messages like “I’m gonna kill myself today” and “why won’t you answer me, I’m going to die” I stopped replying. I couldn’t fix it any more for him, and what was I gonna do, sit there listening to a dude I barely knew threaten suicide because I ignored his Facebook DMs? He said he never asked me to “fix it,” just to be there, and then he said he was in love with me. I said this is too many starfish. Actually, I said nothing.

Grant Barber talked to Blaze Foley in Austin back in 1985. I believe that story because he never lied to me about anything else besides the killing himself. “Fuck, I love Blaze Foley, seriously?” Yeah, at this concert at The Outhouse where he was double billed with Townes Van Zandt. Townes played for an hour straight, and I was there with my girlfriend, they were waiting for Blaze to come onstage but no one could find him I guess. He came on and played one song, then left again. That night is the only time I talked to him ever even though I saw him twice or three times. I’ll never forget what he said…I went to the men’s room and he was there barreling through a fifth of whiskey…slouched over a urinal. It was just us two and for some reason I started rambling about how much I looked up to him, how his music moved me, and then he stared at me and said one sentence. He said, and he was slurring—it took him a whole long minute to say this—he said “my problem is that I can’t stop being funny.”

I was funny once, at a nude figure drawing session held by a local art club. They had offered me thirty bucks to play the guitar and sing my songs while the models posed and the artists sketched them. The room echoed like the inside of a drum and the floors were shiny. I sang things I had written and they mingled with the dust lit up by the window and hovering in the air. Afterwards a girl came up to me and said “I loved your lyrics, they were so funny!” And maybe they were funny, but I recoiled because I felt stung, because I had been admitting that I was weak, which is braver than most things I do. Blaze Foley got shot in the chest by his friend Concho January’s son. That’s how he died. He confronted Carey, the son, about stealing Concho January’s veteran pension and welfare checks, and a few days later Carey shot him. Blaze’s friends covered his coffin in duct tape because he never got starfished, he knew his strength even though he looked to be made of flesh. Sasha was uninvited to his ex’s wedding because Gavin (the new fiancé) hates him, and when he found out he said fine, I’m happy for you guys, then cried on my shoulder in the bar basement later.

I love Blaze Foley but I doubt I would’ve ever dated him because I bet his hair was dirty all the time. He has this song called “Sittin’ by the Side of the Road” that’s about being homeless and being fine with it, because what do you even need besides a guitar and a meal to eat? I need a sanctuary that I can control and retreat to. The best gift I’ve ever given a friend is an invitation to stay with me, to hide in my house with the vacuumed floors, out of New York, and feel clean. This is why I wouldn’t date Sasha: his apartment is an unheeded hodgepodge of once-important or still-important things not set in order, not categorized, not scrubbed with Clorox wipes. I wonder what service he’s out there doing that makes him forget about cleaning. He texts me that Grant Barber left the bar and I come upstairs, eyeing the balled-up napkins and brown leaves sprinkled on the ground as I walk to the front door. I will clean this up before anyone else has a chance to disregard it.

[winryofresembool]

Things We Lost in the Fire, ch 14

aka Caleo uni au

Fic summary: Calypso starts studying at a new university, but to her annoyance her new flatmate is a loud mouthed mechanic who also likes to sneak his dog in whenever. But as she learns to know him better, she realizes they might have more in common than what she first thought. Eventually, even the darkest secrets come out…

Chapter summary: Leo's fear raises its head at the worst possible moment.

A/N: Finally some (slight) drama after I've drowned all of you in fluff in the previous chapters. Also, it was pretty exciting for me to finally get to explore Leo's studying life a bit more in this chapter.

I also want to take this opportunity to advertise a future fic of mine that I /hope/ to finish by the end of this week. The past week I've been working on a post ToN Caleo one-shot which is already over 4000 words long and at this point mainly needs some heavy editing to be posted. So stay tuned for that too if you like this ship!

Big big thanks to Cris for helping me a whole lot with this chapter! I really needed your science knowledge :’)

I hope you guys enjoy this chapter! And remember that comments are the only reward I get so they would be much, much appreciated!!

Characters in this ch: Calypso, Leo. Jason, Percy, Annabeth

Words: 3000+

Genre: romance & hurt/comfort

Warnings: none

previous chapter / next chapter / AO3

...

“Mister Valdez? Are you listening?”

Leo snapped out of his daze. He was at his engineering math class and for the past 15 minutes the professor had been explaining to the group a problem that had taken Leo about 2-3 minutes to solve. Usually he did something else while listening to his professors; finish more calculations (sometimes even ones they weren’t assigned to do), doodle blueprints and ideas for future inventions into his notebook, write down a new joke he had come up with, or text Jason that he was bored. Weirdly enough, doing all that other stuff helped him to focus on what was going on in the lecture.

However, this time his mind was elsewhere; it kept showing him images of a girl with shoulder length reddish brown hair, dark brown eyes that seemed a bit harsh at first but softened when she laughed at his joke, a couple of freckles on her light skin… He could also hear her laughter and smell the cinnamon scent that probably came from the shampoo she used in his head. The previous evening had gone so well but he had no idea what to make of it; even if he did like Calypso (which he wasn’t quite ready to admit yet), could anything ever happen? They were flatmates. Things would sure get complicated if they got together and then broke up and would barely stand each other’s company… Besides, who was to say she’d ever like him? Sure, sometimes she seemed amused by his jokes but what other reasons did he give for her to like him? Not much, he felt.

Leo started to get frustrated because he couldn’t get those thoughts out of his head and he might have started to growl to himself if the professor hadn’t called him at that exact moment.

“Yes?” Leo answered unsurely, not having heard what the professor had asked.

“Good. Then you can tell me what the solution to this problem is.” The professor pointed at the long and complicated looking problem on the whiteboard.

Leo sighed of relief on the inside. They were still talking about the same problem that he had solved over 10 minutes ago. He could do this.

“X is 3,65, Y is 5,51 and Z is 7,24,” he said, sounding almost bored.

“That is correct,” the professor said, badly hiding his surprise. He had thought this kid who seemed to be living in his dream world would be utterly confused by his question. He turned his attention back to the rest of the class and continued: “Of course, the easiest way to solve this equation is to divide X with… Yes, Mister Valdez?”

“Actually, I disagree,” Leo said, now completely awake. “Why would you divide it when you can…”

“Which one of us is the professor here, Mister Valdez?” the professor cut him off. “You may think you know how to do this but there are plenty of students here who aren’t quite as advanced and that’s why it’s better to show them one way to do it rather than to confuse them by....”

“Yeah, right, my bad,” Leo said sarcastically. “If these students are so simple minded, then why don’t you give them more practical problems to solve? You know, things we might actually need in the work life instead of… that,” he pointed at the whiteboard.

A couple of people were brave enough to nod and hum in agreement to Leo’s comments but there were also a few that started laughing.

“Alright, that’s it, Mister Valdez. Leave my class.”

Leo obeyed gladly (that class was such a waste of time anyway). He packed his things and headed out of the room, grinning widely as he left to let the professor know he hadn’t won that battle. It was almost lunch time so he decided to already go to the cafeteria to wait for Jason whose class wasn’t too far either.

About 15 minutes later Jason showed up, and to Leo's surprise he also had company. Percy Jackson did occasionally join them for a game night or a sparring session but Leo almost exclusively saw him outside the university. From what he knew Percy was currently focusing on his swimming career and wasn’t studying anything. Now he had however joined Jason for lunch and that made Leo wonder if there was some specific reason for that.

“Hey, man,” Jason greeted. “You’re early today. Are they having enchiladas or something?”

“Nah,” Leo shook his head. “I may have gotten kicked out of the class.���

“What did you do this time?” Jason rolled his eyes.

“Nothing, really!” Leo exclaimed. Jason kept looking at him suspiciously, though, so he had to add eventually: “Fine, I may have disagreed with the professor about some of his methods, but really, that’s all. Didn’t blow up the lab or anything like that.”

“One time when I was in the high school I told the teacher his pants were unzipped and I wasn’t allowed to participate in his classes for a whole week after that. Didn’t miss much, though, he sucked as a teacher,” Percy joined the conversation.

“That’s exactly what I thought about this guy!” Leo said and gave Percy a high five. “Anyway, what are you doing here? I thought you’d be in the pool at this hour.”

“Just checking the places,” Percy shrugged. Leo raised his eyebrow questioningly. “Fine, Annabeth thinks that at some point I should start thinking about my career after swimming so Jason said he could show me around today so I’d get an idea what it’s like here. Oh and, he promised me a free lunch.”

“Makes sense,” Leo said while already looking at the menu eagerly. “I’d come here for a free lunch too.”

“You pay for this one, though,” Percy pointed out.

“Back to the actual topic ,” Jason said, looking at Leo a bit worriedly. “You didn’t get into big trouble with that professor, did you?”

“I think he’ll go back to ignoring me again in the next class. “ Leo replied. “So no need to worry.”

“Good. It’s just that, after that last lab incident…” Jason started, referring to an incident that had happened in the previous semester, but Leo stopped him.

“I said no need to worry,” Leo said a bit louder. “I’ve got things sorted, OK? Just… let’s go to get that damn lunch now. Chili con carne, anyone?”

In reality, Leo knew that if he skipped one more lab class, the professors wouldn’t be that understanding. The saddest part about it was that he actually enjoyed the lab classes way more than the boring theory classes because there you got to try things out with your own hands, but… there was one big but. He couldn’t be there when…

“Leo?” he heard Jason’s voice somewhere nearby

“Yeah, what’s up?”

“You were just totally zoned out, I was talking to you like a full minute and I don’t think you heard anything I said,” Jason pointed out.

“Oh, sorry. Lots going on in my mind. So, what did you say?” Leo asked.

“I was asking about when we should meet up on Saturday? I have soccer practice in the morning and Piper has a meeting with her theater group at 1 pm but we’re free after that.”

“I have to ask Cal but I think I can organize my work so I’d be free any time after 4 pm.”

“Alright, sounds fine to me,” Jason said, but Leo could sense that he was still wondering what had been bothering him that much.

“So who’s this Cal person?” Percy asked when the boys made it to the buffet tables.

“My new flatmate,” Leo said simply, currently more interested in filling his plate than elaborating on his living situation.

“OK. I was just wondering because Annabeth mentioned that she’d been at your place, and apparently she’d helped to give this flatmate of yours a makeover.”

“Oh, yeah!” Leo said, remembering that meeting quite vividly. “From what I’ve heard they’ve been hanging out quite a lot lately. That’s good because… well, she’s new here.” Leo was going to say that she doesn’t seem to have a lot of people in her life, but decided that he didn’t want to reveal too much to someone who had never even met her.

“Where is she from then?”

“I think she moved here from New York,” Leo said. “And she’s around your age. Who knows, you might even know her.”

“New York is a pretty big place,” Percy pointed out. “I guess Cal is a nickname? What’s her full name?”

Leo was going to answer when he spotted the chemistry lab professor in the crowd and he quickly hid behind Jason.

“Don’t let him see me,” Leo said hastily. “He’s gonna…”

Leo didn’t have a chance to finish his sentence when he heard the said professor say loudly: “Mister Valdez!”

Leo peeked from behind his friend.

“Hola, professor,” he said awkwardly. “Didn’t see you there.”

“Yes you did, you were just trying to hide from me. I wanted to remind you that today is the test day which is 60% of the mark. And that means that…”

“If I skip that test, I will fail the class,” Leo added, looking down at his feet. He didn’t remain like that long, though. “I’ll be there, professor.” He put up a brave face and saluted him as the professor just ‘hmmph’ed and turned away from me.

“I thought you said you have everything in order.” Jason raised his eyebrow once the boys had paid for their lunches and started to look for a table. “That didn’t seem like it.”

“Take care of your own business, Sparky,” Leo grunted and pointed at one empty table not far from them. “Let’s go there.”

“I’m serious, Leo,” Jason continued once they got seated. “Something is bothering you. We are your friends and we do care. You can trust us on this.”

Leo let Jason’s words sink in. Friends. Care. Trust. Since his mother died, he had always been the oddball, the outsider until he got a family who actually cared about him, Jo, Emmie and Georgie, but he still got a bit overwhelmed every time he realized that he really mattered to someone.

“Thanks, man.” Leo said finally. “I’ll… keep that in my mind. Promise.”

“Good.” Jason smiled at him encouragingly. “You can talk to us whenever you feel like it.”

After that the discussion moved to other things. Percy was hopeful that he was fit enough for a new record in his next competition and he didn’t forget to praise her little sister as well. Jason mentioned having seen his father at the campus but he had barely acknowledged his presence. Leo threw a few sarcastic comments here and there to let the others know he was listening. However, he had lost his appetite after hearing about the test. He had barely tasted his lunch and was now moving the rice back and forth on his plate as it got cooler. If the others noticed that, they didn’t say anything, probably thinking that it was better to let Leo open up on his own accord.

The lunch time flew by too fast for Leo’s liking. After separating from his friends he started heading towards the lab where most of the other students were already getting prepared. Taking a deep breath, he stepped in, hoping for the best.

The lab class started with a brief written test that made sure the students were ready for the practice part. This time would be particularly important, though, because it was testing them about pretty much everything they had learned so far in that class, and would be graded accordingly.

The written test caused no problem to Leo. He’d be able to name the lab tools by heart even in his sleep and the calculations weren’t much harder to him. However, he was already dreading the actual practice part for a very specific reason…

In the practice Leo would have to mix a few compounds together to get a chemical reaction. That was the simple part. But unfortunately for him, these said compounds would have to be heated in order for them to react. And of course you’d need a flame to do that. Now that was the hard part for Leo. He hated the gas burners and it had become a habit for him to skip a lab class when he knew they would be used. Unfortunately for him, that was fairly often because apparently the university’s heating plates were used by some other group at the same time, and that was also why he was about to fail this class. But if he could handle using the burner just this once, maybe he’d be fine… He knew he couldn’t afford to fail it because if he did, it might be a sign that he wouldn’t be able to do the job he was so excited about, and that would be a huge slap in his face. Maybe even bigger than he was ready to admit.

He measured the compounds and was ready to heat them when he noticed that a fellow student nearby had accidentally mistaken two of the compounds with each other, ruining the mixture. That gave him an idea.

“Pssst. I can mix a new one for you if you heat this for me.”

“What?” The other student looked at him with confusion. “Why would I do that?”

“I just told you. I can fix that for you.”

“You just want to flex with your skills, that’s all,” the guy said, knowing Leo’s reputation as the genius who however refused to join lab classes. Probably because he felt he was too good for them. “May I remind you that this is a solo practice!” the professor yelled from the front of the class. “No talking allowed.”

“Yes, professor,” Leo said quietly, but rolled his eyes at him when he turned his back. He read the instructions one more time to make sure he hadn’t missed anything and when he was double convinced that he was in the part that he had dreaded, he breathed sharply and picked up his gas burner and some matches. He felt his heart starting to race and his hands starting to shake as he took one match from the box and tried to light it.

He tried once. Twice. Took a deep breath and tried once more. At this point his hands were shaking so furiously that the match fell from his hand. Realizing that he still couldn’t do it, he made a frustrated groan, dropped the match box on the table and started shakily collecting his things.

“Mister Valdez? Did you finish your task?” The professor raised his gaze from his desk and focused on him. A few others turned to Leo’s direction as well.

“No, sir.”

“And why not?”

“I. can’t.” Leo said with a voice so deep and raw that you rarely got to hear it from him. He left his unfinished product on the professor’s desk. Then he threw his bag over his shoulder and doors banging left the class.

He didn’t make it far when he felt his knees going weak and he had to sit down on the closest chair, burying his face in his hands.

…

“Thanks so much for showing me that place! It feels so good to see some nature even this close to the city,” Calypso exclaimed happily to Annabeth as they were walking towards the dorms. Calypso loved nature and she didn’t really feel at home in the concrete jungle, hoping that one day she could afford to buy a house from the countryside. She had once mentioned that to Annabeth who also enjoyed adventuring in the less crowded areas and had promised to take Calypso to one of her favorite parks nearby. They both had had free time from their classes that afternoon so they had decided to take the advantage of that and go to explore a bit.

The park had been pretty, having a small river running through it and little trails circling the trees. Calypso, who had grown near the sea missed seeing bodies of water so even the river had made her feel a little less homesick. The girls had been there for a few hours, taking pictures and having a small picnic while talking about anything and everything that had come to their minds.

Now, unfortunately, it was time to return back to real life and the assignments that were waiting for them at home.

“No problem,” Annabeth replied to Calypso’s comment. “Honestly, I think this break was much needed. I do love architecture and history and all that but sometimes my ADHD kicks in and I just need to get out of the house.”

“Yeah, it helps to focus again afterwards,” Calypso agreed. “Hey, do you have anything special to do this weekend? Leo, I, Piper and Jason are supposed to have a video game night on Saturday and I thought I’d ask if you want to join. You can ask your boyfriend too if you want, of course! I’m sure Leo wouldn’t mind.”

“What time would it be?” Annabeth asked.

“I haven’t asked Leo yet but he does work on Saturdays so probably not very early. Sometime in the evening. I can inform you when I know more,” Calypso promised.

“Okay, I’ll keep that in my mind. My boyfriend has a swimming practice twice a day so he may not be able to join us but I might!”

“Great!”

The girls had reached the area where Calypso lived so they turned to their own directions.

“I’ll contact you!” Calypso said before Annabeth was too far to hear. She waved at her in response.

Calypso was still smiling when she entered her flat, but the smile soon melted from her face when she saw Leo hunched on the couch, looking utterly lost. Calypso approached him cautiously, asking: “What happened?”

Leo patted on the seat next to him, gesturing to her to join him on the couch. She did, but when he didn’t say anything for a while, though, Calypso decided to be bold and wrap her arm around his shoulder. Leo looked at her with dark eyes, still appreciating the gesture.

“I may have to start making new career plans.”

[captainillogical]

Devil’s Ballroom ch.3

A year after the events from the earth’s final attack, Little Homeworld is finally complete, and there’s a new jazz bar where gems and humans mingle and drink. - As you’re typing back a reply, someone pulls the stool out next to you and takes a seat. You see a sliver of pink out of the corner of your eye as you try not to actually Look. Oh god. It’s her. God can’t help us now.

Spinel/Reader

collab with my lovely wife @firstofficertightpants

    She sets her mostly empty drink down on the counter, and turns to look at you when Bismuth walks over again, stealing her gaze right back.

“That was nice, Spinel. I think that was my favorite song of yours yet.” She says to her. “You want another round?”

“Aw jeez, thanks I guess, Bis.” Spinel says sheepishly. “And yeah, I think I’ll need it tonight.”

    You pretend that nothing weird has ever happened to you at all in your life, and down the rest of your drink. You want like, 5 more of these and then you'll be able to deal with this.

Y/N: Yeah. I remember the night. She's also sitting right next to me. Uh.

Alex: for real

Y/N: I might be internally having a panic attack.

    Bismuth pours Spinel her drink, and she sighs. "It's just, today was kind of rough. Blue called and wanted to apologize for things that she doesn't need to be apologizing about, and I kind of wish they'd calm down a little and let me exist in peace."

    Bismuth nods. "Steven has talked a lot about them. They seem really difficult to be around, if I'm going to be honest. They don't quite get.. real people problems."

"You have no idea." She replies, and takes a long drink. “They don’t even understand privacy. I couldn’t do anything without them basically following me everywhere. It was stifling.”

“Seriously, I’m not sure what I expected from the Diamonds, but if you told me that 5000 years ago, I wouldn’t have believed you at all.” Bismuth says, “I’m just glad you have some much needed breathing room.”

“It was long overdue. Several months in their presence was more than enough.”

    Bismuth gives Spinel a tired smile, and turns to you.

“How are you holdin up there, Y/N?” She hands you another drink. “You’ve only been here 25 minutes or so, and you’re on your 3rd already. That kinda night?”

“Err, just in the mood I guess.” You reply and laugh. You weren’t trying to eavesdrop. Bismuth turns away to a couple of other patrons and busies herself making a few mixed drinks for them.

        Alex: dude kick her for almost killing ur dad

    Y/N: What, and get myself killed? Fuck no.

    Alex: ur a pussy

    Harper: did she say anything about you taking a pic?

    Y/N: No! Please don’t curse me.

“You know, if you wanted a pic so bad of myself, you could’ve asked.”  Spinel says, turning to face you directly. You stare at your phone and can feel your face heating up for being called out. You can feel your mouth working way faster than your brain can even comprehend.

“My friends are shitheads and didn’t believe me when I said I saw someone cute on stage.” You say, and immediately shut your mouth. If you could sink into the floor right now and disappear forever, that would be great. God doesn’t grant you this though, and you curse him for it. “I mean.. I’m sorry. That was rude of me to do without your permission.” She grins. 

“Ya know, I didn’t actually see who did it, I just saw the general direction of the flash and walked towards it, and happened to find an empty seat next to someone looking fairly nervous.” She laughs. “Way to out yourself there.”

    You look at her. Fucking goddammit. “I seem to be doing a lot of that today. Ughhhhh.” You drag your hand down your face in dramatic fashion, and take a drink. You’re starting to feel the alcohol slowly take a small bit of effect. “Song was nice by the way.”

“Oh, thanks.” She looks a bit surprised, like she’s not used to compliments. Hm. 

“I’m not so musically talented myself, but uh. I can make some mean enchiladas. AND I can make a calculator spell the word “boobs”.” You say, like it’s somehow impressive.

“What’s an enchilada?” Spinel looks at you suspiciously. Oh right. Gem. 

“It’s.. food. Hold on.” You say and pull up an internet browser to google the definition of enchiladas so you can show her a pic. You see the group chat go off a couple times and keep swiping away your friend’s rapid texts, knowing that they’re asking you too many questions right now and you’re determined to show this alien one of your favorite foods. Tonight sure is a weird night. You find a good pic of enchiladas, and turn your phone towards her. “See? Tortilla, cheese, meat. Great stuff. You can even change some of the ingredients and make them a couple different ways. All pretty good if I do say so myself.” You say as she looks at it, and you can see your phone chime with another message notification. You pull your phone away quickly before she has any chance to see whatever the fuck your friends are talking about.

“Humans are strange.” She replies, a pondering look on her face. She takes another drink and sets the glass down gently, keeping her hand lightly on the glass. You notice her fingernails are short and clean. You wonder if they grow like human nails? You wonder how similar gems are to humans in general. “You guys have to eat to survive? And you all grow so much all the time, and you’re constantly changing. You can’t even grow limbs back, or shapeshift. What’s the point?”

“The point?” You laugh. “I mean, science IS advancing and we can grow organs from plants, in a lab. Can’t grow limbs back.. yet. I can’t exactly change being human. Besides, you gems as a race don’t exactly look like you have any fun at all. Being human is all about having new experiences.” You say.

“Well, maybe I’m having fun now.” She says, tapping the rim of her glass. You kind of look at her for a second. She seems to be tapping her left foot on the side of the stool, maybe kind of nervously? Her hair is up in a ponytail, and she's pushing some of the fringe behind her ear. She’s cute, you think to yourself. 

“Oh?” You say as you smile slyly into your drink. You think you see her blush a bit.

“It’s been a while since I’ve been here. Last time wasn’t so nice. Some guy tried punching me, he was drunk and recognized me from the earth attack last year. Bismuth had to kick him out.” She says stiffly, and takes a drink. “I’m sorry about that, by the way.”

“My dad almost died.” You say. She winces.

“I am really sorry. I do regret how I dealt with my entire situation.. I’ve had a lot of time to think about it." She sighs. "I’m just glad no one actually died. And thanks for not cursing me out, for all of this."

"He's hard to kill, anyway." 

"What?" She says, staring at you incredulously. 

"My dad. He's done so many stupid, dangerous things that I remember from my childhood. He must have some kind of divine blessing, because even when he fought that gator off grandpa's porch, he came out without a scratch. And that was one really pissed off gator." You say. Spinel laughs heartily. She's actually really cute when she laughs, and you can't help staring for a second. “There was also that one time this guy attempted to rob us at a gas station, and he took the bastard down with the unopened energy drink from his cup holder. You wanna know what he had to complain about afterwards? That he had to now go buy another energy drink. That’s my fucking dad, I guess.”

“Your life sounds interesting.” She says in reply.  “I can tell that you love him though.”

“Yeah. He’s kind of my entire life. He’s all I have left of my family.” You say, smiling. “He’s a good dad. He tries his best.” You hear your phone chime a couple more times, and roll your eyes. They’re so fucking needy. “My friends are extremely obnoxious, and must know what I’m doing at all times. You have anyone like that in your life? Because I could pawn off Alex on you if you want.” You grab your phone and open up your group chat to see what they’re talking about. There’s quite a few missed messages.

    Harper: she hasn’t said shit in a while and i’m kinda worried.

    Harper: what if she got kidnapped. D:

    Alex: shes probs in the middle of a bar fight tbh

    Alex: im pretty sure that alien started it or something

    Alex: she was probs all like “im gonna kill ur planet now and finish u all off!!”

    Alex: and Y/N was like “not on my watch BITCH” and decks her

    Alex: the whole bar claps

    Harper: shut up it’s been like 10 mins and she hasn’t said anything and i’m nervous.

“I have a few people who I’d call friends here. Bismuth, Lapis, Amethyst.. Steven. I kind of feel like I’m bothering them when I’m around, in general..” She says, swirling the drink around in her glass. She regards it, lifts to her lips, and takes a drink. “Steven sometimes asks how I’m doing.. I know he cares. I have a hard time letting myself be honest with him. Cause.. you know. He’d try to solve all my problems. And I try to deal with them on my own.”

Y/N: I'm not dead. We're talking. She's nice.

Alex: wow are all genocidal maniacs nice i wonder

Harper: TALKING. YOU'RE TALKING TO HER

Y/N: YES WE'RE TALKING.

Y/N: She even apologized about my dad, and the entire shebang, really. 

Y/N: She's nice conversation, anyway.

Harper: whoa she apologised?

Alex: youve got to be kidding me rn

Alex: lemme just go revive gengis khan so we can have a nice chat over tea

Alex: this is absolutely nuts why am i the only sane one here

Alex: im gonna go fucking feral 

"It's such a Steven thing to do, too. You should've seen how he was when he found out about my mother." You laugh, and set your phone down on the counter. "He literally tried to go out and find her. He's such a sweet kid, but I had to break it to him that even if I knew where she was, I didn't want to see her."

    Off to your left side, you feel someone approach you at the bar. You turn your face to see who it is. It's a man who looks a decade older than you are, and you've never seen him before. He nods to regard you. 

"Can I get you a drink, beautiful? You look absolutely lovely." He says, leaning in slightly.

"Thank you, but I'm alright." You put in your best polite, but fuck off smile. 

"You're just going to say no without even considering it?" He smiles, and you hate it. He's giving you terrible vibes and it's making you uneasy.

"I said I'm good." 

"Yeah bu-" He starts, but Spinel cuts him off.

"She says she's good, pal. Leave the dame alone." She crossed her arms over her chest, and glares at him. 

"Damn fine, stuck up bitch. Didn't want to talk to you anyway." He spews, and leaves to the other side of the bar. Thank god, you think to yourself.

"Thank you for that." You say to her, seriously relieved. "Fucker needs to learn how to take no for an answer." 

“Yeah, well. No one harasses a girl on my watch.” She regards you carefully. “Do you mind if I ask you something?”

“No?” You lift an eyebrow in response.

“What happened with your mother?” She says, grabbing for her drink and taking a sip.

“Oh. Um,” You’re a bit surprised that she seems to genuinely care. You’ve known her for all of like.. a half hour. “She left when I was 5. Just had enough of dad and I, I suppose. Dad says it just came out of nowhere, and he has no idea what happened. We were a happy family, and then one day after dinner, she went into their room, packed some things in a single bag, and left.” You pause to take kind of a long drink. “And no one knows where she went. It’s been 17 years. Not a single word. It actually really fucked me up for years. I felt abandoned and absolutely worthless. How could you raise a child for 5 years, and just fucking bounce? Like, did she read a manual on how to fuck up your kid and give them emotional problems for the rest of their life? God, what a fucking bitch. I can’t even IMAGINE doing that to a kid.”

    Spinel is staring at you with wide, shocked eyes.

“Eventually I ended up gaining some friends that helped me get over it, for the most part. They’re stupid and I love them. And if they ever found my mother, they would murder her in a heartbeat.” You say, chuckling. Spinel is still staring at you. “Are you okay? You ask. 

“I’m fine, it’s just.. I don’t think I’ve ever met someone like me.” You watch her fiddle with her fingers. She moves slightly, and you see her shirt open, heart gem glimmering in the low lighting. You don’t want to be caught staring at it, like a crow to a shiny object. (You want to touch it. You want to touch it bad. Is it warm? Is it cold? Is it smooth? You need to know.) “I also had a very important person abandon me. The MOST important person to me, actually. For uh.. 6000 years.” You look up and your eyes make contact with hers.

“What.” You say. “6000 years.”

“Yeah.. It’s kind of embarrassing now, though.” She shrugs. “But it was terrible, and now I’m here. I’ll never get closure the way I want from Pink Diamond, because she’s gone forever. Anyway,” You kind of want to hug her. “I’ve been surviving, and I think I’m doing okay.” She smiles slightly. Bismuth is suddenly in front of the two of you.

“I saw some commotion all the way from the other side. That guy bother you? Want me to deal with him?” She says, all while refilling Spinel’s drink without even asking.

“Nah, he fucked right out of here when Spinel told him off.” You say, and finish the rest of your cider. Blegh. Warm.

“Is that so?” Bismuth say, grinning. She’s pointedly looking at Spinel. Spinel is giving Bismuth a dirty look. Oh my, what is going on there? You feel your bladder cursing up a storm inside you.

“Bismuth, I’d like another beer please.” You slowly get up on sleepy, wobbly legs. “And I’ll be right back, gotta pee.” You turn and look at Spinel, who looks back. “Guard my purse.”

“Cannnn do.” She says while taking another drink.

    You make your way slowly over to the bathroom that was actually just 15ft away from you, and go over to one of the stalls and plop down onto the toilet, pulling out your phone to look at group chat. 

    Harper: so my brother got catfished again

    Alex: LMFAO

    Harper: how many times is this? 4? for fucks sake

    Harper: he’s 29. you’d think he’d have his shit together by now, but noooo.

    Alex: that is honestly the saddest thing ive heard

    Alex: wins most pathetic man of the month

    Y/N: oof.

    Y/N: Yeah that’s just sad.

    Alex: Y/NNNNNNNNNNNNN!!

    Alex: how are yoooouuuu

    Y/N: I’m fine. I’m having a nice time.

    Harper: you still hangin with the not-evil-now alien? :p

    You choose to reply later, and instead finish your business in the stall. You come out and wash your hands, making sure you wash them thoroughly. You never know what kind of germs are in bar bathrooms. You’re drying your hands when you hear the bathroom door open, and someone is walking in. You turn to look, and it’s a familiar figure. A man. 

The man from earlier.

[leviathan]

You could do parswoops where they are both pining and then swoops finds out that Kent is gay, but he doesnt make a move. then he gets jealous at a gay club while Kent is dancing, So they end up dancing together and making out

i love this ship a whole lot, y’all

(my hockey ocs/omgcp rosters for reference) / (shameless hockey blog self-promo)

—

Kent is beautiful when he plays.

Who is Jeff kidding—Kent is beautiful always—but watching him play is like watching poetry in motion, like watching a hawk in flight. Graceful, flawless, sleek; like he isn’t meant to exist anywhere else.

“You see something you like, Troy?”

Jeff almost jumps out of his skin. “Christ, Mercer; you want me to have a heart attack before we go against the Flames?”

Mercy hums and gives Jeff a significant look that makes him more than a bit nervous before leaning next to him against the glass and watching Kent practice trick shot after trick shot. Spence stands tall, all things considered, and Jeff is once again reminded of how lucky they are to have both Kent and Spencer on their team.

“Nah. You’re a way better winger than Hallsy. Don’t tell him I told you that, though.”

“Well there’s a reason he’s not on the first line,” Jeff sniffs and Mercy snorts out a laugh.

“Come on, you dork; let’s gear up before Parser drills a hole in Spence.”

Jeff watches as Kent shoots once more—a bullet that snipes top shelf, right past Spence’s glove hand, and makes Jeff’s stomach flip pleasantly—before following Mercy back towards the locker room.

///

Really Kent shouldn’t find Swoops cooking for him such a turn on.

Kent’s entire apartment smells like a Mexican restaurant, which is, arguably, the best thing his apartment has ever smelled like. He’d been shooed away from helping (“your hands alone are worth like two million a piece, Parser”) so he’s perched at the breakfast bar, chin in hand as he watches Swoops work.

Kent literally moans around his first bite of enchilada, which doesn’t even phase Swoops.

“Tell me again why you went into hockey and not chef school?” Kent says. “Because, like, no joke; this is the best thing I have ever put in my mouth.”

Swoops rolls his eyes, but Kent can see the grin tugging at the corner of his mouth.

“Shut up and eat your enchilada.”

///

The thing is, Jeff really should have seen this coming. It’s not like Kent had been keeping it a secret—apparently fucking Mercy knew, that bastard—but actually hearing Kent say it hits him like a ton of bricks.

“Fairbanks’ Flowers, down on Second? Yeah, my ex got his mom mother’s day flowers from there once so it’s probably decent.”

Jeff feels his stomach drop.

Kent is watching him with a calm look but a defiant set to his jaw and the only thing Jeff can do is smile. He nudges Kent’s shoulder with his own and Jeff watches some of the tension drain from Kent’s frame.

“I’ll definitely check it out, then.”

///

It’s not like Kent keeps it a secret, the whole being gay thing. It’s just…it’s hockey, so it’s not exactly something he advertises. Mercy knows because they were road roommates their rookie year and he’d caught Kent making out with a guy on more than one occasion, but he’s the only one on the Aces who knows knows. Kent’s sure there are a few that suspect it, but he’s more than happy to let sleeping dogs lie.

So when he lets it slip to Swoops it’s half accident and half…well.

It’s not the first time Kent has had a crush on a teammate and in terms of teammate romances he’s batting a solid zero, but it’s not like crushes are logical because goddamn he’s have given anything to have a crush on a person who might actually like him back.

Swoops, though, he takes it in stride and Kent…well, Kent doesn’t know what to do with that. He doesn’t know what he’d expected, really. Swoops is a genuinely good guy and Kent thinks he remembers him saying something about his niece being gay, but it would have been so much easier if Swoops just turned out to be low key homophobic instead of so readily accepting.

But Swoops moves on like nothing ever happened, and for some reason, Kent’s stomach feels a little bit heavier.

///

“C’mon, it’ll be a good time. Everyone has to go to a gay club at least once in their life. I can show you how to dance,” Kent wheedles. “And besides, it’s, like, a Las Vegas law, basically.”

Jeff rolls his eyes but he feels his resolve crumbling. “Fine,” he says with what he hopes is a long-suffering sigh. “But you’re buying.”

“Hell yeah.”

///

The club is, well, a club.

Kent had managed to rope Mercy along too and Jeff imagines this isn’t the first gay club escapade he’s been dragged along on.

They all do a few brightly colored shots and Kent immediately makes his way to the dance floor, while Jeff hangs with Mercy at the bar.

Even that doesn’t last, and after Mercy finishes his beer, he follows Kent’s footsteps onto the dance floor.

“Hey. Can I buy you a drink?”

Jeff startles then blinks owlishly at the man who has approached him. He’s taller than him but shorter than Mercy (most people are shorter than Mercy), with tousled auburn hair and dark eyes that glint in the flashing neon light.

“I, uh—“ Jeff’s cheeks heat up. “I’m good, actually. Thanks though.”

The man shrugs but his smile doesn’t dim. “I’m Adrien. I’ll be over there if you change your mind,” he says, motioning with his chin to a spot at the far side of the bar before sliding away.

Jeff drains the rest of his vodka soda. Where the hell had Mercy and Kent gone anyway?

He scans the crowd, and— Oh.

Kent is…well, he’s dancing in the loosest sense of the word, grinding against someone Jeff can tell even from this distance is just as pretty as Kent is.

Jeff doesn’t know what comes over him, but one second he’s sitting at the bar and the next he’s pushing through the sweltering throng of bodies towards Kent.

Kent spots him and his eyes brighten. He says something to the man he’s dancing with and breaks away.

“Weren’t you gonna teach me how to dance?” Jeff shouts over the din.

Kent laughs and it’s a beautiful thing, even if Jeff can’t hear it.

“Show me what you’ve got.”

Jeff does, bouncing rhythmically along to the music.

Kent’s hands reach up to run down his shoulders. “Loosen up, old man. Try to look like you’re having a good time.”

Before Kent’s hands can drop, Jeff’s hands to go Kent’s waist to tug him closer.

Kent’s mouth goes slack and his grip on Jeff’s shoulders tightens instead of pulling away. The look in his pale eyes goes from light to something darker.

Jeff’s heart is in his throat as he dances to Kent’s rhythm. He’s acutely aware of every minuscule action, so when his thumbs slip under Kent’s shirt to brush his hipbones and Kent’s mouth parts slightly, Jeff acts on impulse, leaning down and catching Kent’s mouth with his.

It’s like something snaps and Kent’s fingers tangle in Jeff’s hair, tugging him down further.

It’s all teeth for a heartbeat; then Kent tilts his head and Jeff’s entire world shifts.

Jeff’s hands curl more firmly around Kent’s waist as Kent licks into his mouth and Jeff, well, all Jeff can do is kiss back with everything he has.

If watching Kent skate is something beautiful, being the sole focus of that fierce attention is something divine.

[mirkwoodshewolf]

A day with mother Doctor; 13th Doctor x child reader

*Author’s note*

Okay everyone here is yet another 13th Doctor request, boy you all sure want some Doctor who fics huh? I’ve been going over my requests and besides BoRhap, DW is the top most requested fandom I have. But I’m happy to obliege in these requests, esp. since I’m getting more of Tennent’s doctor. So here I give you nothing but pure fluff of yet another Mama 13th doctor fanfic. Sorry for the shortness of it but I hope to the anon who requested this, I hope I still did you justice of a domestic mama doctor. Enjoy my lovelies :)

Taglist:

@psychosupernatural

@ixchel-9275

@plethora-of-things

@waddles03

___________________________________________________

When you’re on a trip with the Doctor, no day is ever boring.  Every day is something new, exciting, dangerous and lesson learning.  With her newfound team of Yasmin, Ryan and Graham the Doctor has shown them the entire galaxy, been back in time to a historic moment in American history, and forward into the apocalyptic future.

But to one person on Team Tardis, that life just seemed well—boring. And that person was none other than the Doctor’s daughter, (y/n).  Little 6 year old (y/n) while she did enjoy the adventure and thrill of saving the entire galaxy, she missed out on doing what she had seen human kids her physical age have done.  She always wanted to know what it was like to fly on the swings, go down the slide, and go through the endless jungle gym.  But when you’re the child of the Doctor, you’ve gotta stay focus on saving the galaxy and time itself, not asking your mum when can we go to the park in London town.

Currently (y/n) was in her room lying on her bed looking extremely bored when a knock was heard at her door.

“Come in.” It was then her mum peeked in and said.

“Hey darling, guess what? I’ve just found us the perfect spot to let the gang witness the birth of an actual star!” She was so excited and pumped up and she expected her daughter to act the same way.

“Oh that’s great mum.” Already sensing the sad tone in her voice, the Doctor fully entered her daughter’s room shutting the door behind her and said.

“You okay darling?”

“I’m fine.” She tried to brush off.

“No you’re not. Usually when I mention the stars you never want to pass up an opportunity, even though you’ve seen certain events several hundred times.” She walked up to her daughter’s bed and sat down beside her and proceeded, “So c’mon love out with it, what���s on your mind?”

“Well…..not that I don’t enjoy saving the galaxy and seeing all its wonders believe me mum I truly do love it, but I—I just wish I got to experience what it’s like to be like the children on Earth. Enjoy what human children enjoy.” She looked down shamefully not wanting to see her mom’s judgmental look.

The Doctor listened loud and clear on what her daughter was saying and she lifted her chin up and said.

“And what exactly would you like to do?”

“I—I’ve always wondered what the joys of their playgrounds were like. Parks always looked do pleasant and—I’ve always wanted to know what it felt like to go on a swing. They’ve always looked so much fun.” The Doctor smiled softly and she said.

“Wait here for a moment love, and don’t come out till I tell you you can.” She then raced out of the room leaving (y/n) confused.  When she arrived at the gang who were all talking at the center of the TARDIS and she proclaimed, “Alright Fam. We’ve got a mission on our hands.”

“What is it Doctor? Is someone in trouble?” asked Graham.

“Yes, my daughter.”

“What’s wrong with (y/n) is she sick?” Ryan asked.

“Just answer me this, where’s the best park in London in your time? I’ve seen all the best parks throughout time and space but sometimes I get them mixed up, Yaz give me the deats.”

“Well that really depends on what it is you want.” She explained.

“Where’s one with a playground in it. With swings, lots and lots of swings, maybe ohh what are those things you climb up on and slide down on?” the Doctor rambled.

“A slide?” Yaz questioned.

“Slide! That’s it. Excellent job Yaz so yeah where’s the best place for one that has all that.”

“Well that’d be St. James Park.”

“Brilliant. Hang on gang!” The Doctor then flipped some switches before finally pulling the lever and the TARDIS soon went from the Milky way in 2346 back to Earth 2019 London, England.  “Okay, you guys head on out and I’ll go get my daughter. We’re gonna give her a special surprise.” The Doctor said with a wide smile before racing back toward her daughter’s room.

She slide across the floor and proclaimed.

“Okay darling, come with me.”

“Mummy what’s going on?”

“Just come outside with me and you’ll see.” She said as she held out her hand and couldn’t wipe the wide smile across her face.  (Y/n) took her mother’s hand and the two of them raced out of the TARDIS.

“Mum, mum will you please tell me what’s going on?” she said as the two of them were now at the doors.

“I will, but first I want you to close your eyes and not ask any more questions.”

“Mum what are you planning?”

“Hey I thought I asked no questions young lady?” she teased as she quickly tickled her daughter. She giggled before she said.

“Okay mum, but promise me it’s not going to be like New, New, New, New York?”

“I had no control over that and you know it little missy, no just close them. I promise you, you’re gonna love it.” She closed her eyes and the Doctor opened the doors before taking her daughter’s hands and slowly dragging her outside.

“Can I open them?”

“Hang on, just a little longer.” They walked further out then came around and stood behind her and said. “Alright, you can open your eyes now.”

And when the young time lady opened her eyes, she saw before her a magnificent playground.  Swings, sandpit, slide, a jungle gym, the whole enchilada.

“Oh my—we’re…..but how…..”

“Your mum decided to give you a special little surprise love. Finally you get to experience what human kids go through.” Graham stated.  She then turned to her mum who walked up and knelt down to her daughter’s height and said.

“You’ve done so much with me, figured it’s time I did something for you.”

“Thanks mum, I love you.” She hugged her mum and the Doctor hugged her back and said.

“I love you too poppet.” She kissed her daughter’s head and said to the fam, “Okay gang, whose ready for some casual yet thrilling fun?” They all cheered and raced on down towards the playground of St. James park.

“Here (y/n) come here, I’ll show you where the slide’s at.” Said Ryan.  He guided her over to the tall metal slide and he said.  “My nan always brought me here every day after school and every time I would always come over here. Wanna give it a go?” she nodded enthusiastically and proceeded to climb up the ladder to the top of the slide, Ryan telling her to be careful and that there wasn’t any rush.

“Hey Ryan, wanna see what I learned back in New, New Orleans?”

“Alright just be careful. I don’t want your mum blaming me if you get hurt.” She waved him off then turned and slide down backwards on the slide. Cheering before backflipping as soon as she reached the bottom and went.

“Ta-da!”

“Ohh wow well done. 10 out of 10 points!” Ryan applauded.

“Thank you, thank you.”

“(Y/n) over here!” It was then (y/n) saw her mum and Yaz over by the pedicle of what she longed to experience, the swings.  She raced over towards her mum and Yaz and she said in awe.

“Is this…..”

“Yeah, these are the famed swings. Here have a seat.” Yaz said.  She quickly came up and sat down on it.  “Careful now, don’t thrash around too much.”

“Okay love you ready?” her mum said as she went behind her daughter.

“I’m ready mum.” The slowly she began pushing her daughter on the swing.

“Whoa!” She wobbled a bit.

“Keep a firm grip on the handles so you don’t fall over.” Yaz advised.  (Y/n) made her grip a bit tighter on the railing so that she wouldn’t fall off when she went upward.  “Alright now with your legs moving back and forth the same way your moving, think you can do it yourself?”

“I think so.” (y/n) answered.  It was then the Doctor stepped aside and ever the fast learner that she was, (y/n) was starting to swing on her own.  “Hey, I’m—I’m doing it. Mummy look! I’m doing it!”

“Ohh brilliant darling, oh that’s my girl!” the Doctor cheered. As she kept swinging, (y/n) soon got higher and higher almost so that she could touch the clouds.  “Mum I’m gonna try and jump off, I’ve seen other kids do it and I want to try it.”

“Alright love just be careful. And don’t fall to fast dear.” After a couple of swings back and forth, when she went forward, she leapt off the swing and flew in the air doing one single flip but before she could hit the ground, she was caught by none other than her mother. “Oh great stars you little rotter.”

“But it was fun mummy. Thank you for this.”

“Anything for my number one gal pal.” They rubbed their noses against each other before touching foreheads.

The rest of the day the entire team Tardis members spent the day in the park, swinging, sliding and watching (y/n) run through the jungle gym maze.  Life is always full of adventure when it comes to the Doctor.  But when it comes to her daughter even a domestic adventure such as going to the park could be exciting, especially if it made her daughter happy.

[melodramaticfanatic-blog]

Fic Recommendations

Since my own writing is 

right now, I thought I’d put out some things I’ve been reading while waiting for my emotional and creative processes to get their shit together. (And yeah, they’re mostly Bucky. I regret nothing.)

If You Leave Me Now  from @sugardaddysebby - Summary: You realized your marriage with your husband Henry had run its course when you discovered his various love affairs. You wanted to leave him but not without giving Henry a little taste of his own medicine involving his preferred mechanic Sebastian. Pairings: mechanic!Sebastian x reader,  rich husband!Henry x reader - This is SO GOOD. Mechanic!Seb is such a mood. Smut involved

Let Me Love You  Another from @sugardaddysebby - Summary: Working as a waitress in New York doesn’t really pay the bills. One of the regulars has grown fond of you and wants to help you monetarily. He’s not from that side of town, more of the upper east side, and more importantly, he wants to be your sugar daddy. Pairing: SugarDaddy!Sebastian Stan x Reader - Another that is SO GOOD...with more smut 😁

Fly Me to the Moon  from @jaamesbbarnes - Pairing: Pilot!Bucky Barnes x Stewardess!Plus Size!Reader Summary: When you signed up to be a Flight Attendant, you thought that the worst things you could hear were comments about your weight that doesn’t fit standards. But you had no idea that the worst part of your job would be Bucky Barnes, his charming ways and his knowledge for your sweet tooth. Warning(s): Fluff, teasing, slight mention of eating disorders and self-depreciation, language, mention of sex.  - I can’t even with this series and it just started! 😍 Protective pilot Bucky is everything I didn’t know I needed

Curves and Edges  another by @jaamesbbarnes - Pairing : Lance Tucker x Plus size gymnast reader Summary: In desperate need to blow off some steam after work but too broke to afford proper advanced classes, you ask your gymnast friend if you can practice aerial silks at the gym she goes to. Little did you know her infamous coach Lance ‘the fucker’ Tucker would also make your life a living hell. Warnings: fat shaming, language, Lance being his dick self, teasing, usual mutual pining, and maybe definitely smut at some point 😉 - I am a ho for some Lance Tucker despite his being a huge dick...and this was dick Lance at his best

His Best Girl from @stuckydealer - Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader Summary: Bucky Barnes was a man that grew up with very little, so when his bank account suddenly had more digits than he’d ever imagined, he didn’t know what to do with it. Until you. - Sugar daddy Bucky has now become my relationship goal. This is a work of art and I’m addicted despite there only being a prologue and 1 chapter so far.

Espresso from @whyisbuckyso - Summary: In which your best friend’s brother begins to set you up on dates when you mention that you haven’t been in a relationship in years, but things don’t go as expected. - The nickname, the pining, the dates!! This series is EVERYTHING! Plus I am dying to know what’s on the cups!?!?

Everything has Changed by @buckyywiththegoodhair - In which everything changes when you discover Bucky’s true feelings for you in a very unconventional manner. - This series yanks my heart out of my chest and feeds it to me and I’m just like...yes, thank you. More please. 

Make Me Believe from @imhereforbvcky (which won’t tag for some reason) - Summary: You keep meeting Bucky Barnes in unexpected places around campus and he keeps acting like you know each other, like you’re dating. As your friendship grows, you find yourself wishing he’d do more than pretend. - He can pretend we’re dating anytime. 

Tripping for You from @bloodiedskirtts - Summary: It’s Y/N’s sophmore year of college, and she’s never had a boyfriend before. But all that will change when her best friend Steve finds out about her crush on him. Determined to prove she doesn’t care for him, bad boy Bucky Barnes comes up with a genius plan. To prove she’s over Steve and he’s not “pussy whipped”. Warning: Fake Dating, Angst, Smut in some chapters so 18+. The NSFW chapters will be marked with an * A/N: Based on the book/film To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before - I read this before seeing To All The Boy’s I’ve Loved Before and tbh I liked this better 😝

The Avengers Read Thirst Tweets from @bucketbarneslove - Summary: The Avengers were told that doing this video would be good press, but considering that Peter Parker is the only one who has actually read a thirst tweet before, most of them are in way over their heads.Warnings: Some mostly tame thirst tweets, occasional swearing - Some of the funniest shit I’ve ever read. It captures everyone PERFECTLY

Master list of @propertyofpoeandbucky - I’m just gonna give you the whole enchilada on this one cause I’ve read basically the whole thing. Though I will point out In Front of the Camera as that is going on currently and is AMAZEBALLS

Break a Leg from @sunshines-fics-legit - SUMMARY: When Y/N is running late for an interview for her dream job, she runs into none other than Chris Evans (literally). After some brief moments of panic, and one ruined shirt later, he manages to help her through the ordeal. Although, not before someone at the company she’s interviewing for recognizes him and alerts the staff he’s there. With you. After Y/N gets the job due to this misunderstanding, Chris decides to take on a role at the company to keep the charade going. Friendship, general hijinx, and even a little romance ensues. - Cute Chris Evans is cute. I like it a lot (in Dumb and Dumber voice)

Love Retreat by @captainrogerss - Summary: When you’re invited to a couples’ retreat at work, you say yes to avoid further embarrassment, despite being tragically single. When you tell your friends about the situation you’re stuck in, Bucky comes to the rescue, offering to pretend to be your boyfriend and also have himself a free vacation to the Cayman Islands. (Fake Dating AU)  - So I might, maybe, have a little thing for fake dating? BUT IT HURTS SO GOOD

Soap Dish by @buckyforbreakfast - Pairing: Bucky Barnes x ReaderSummary: You thought Bucky just had a thing for your soap, turns out he just had a thing for you.Warnings: nudity, bathing together, language - It’s too cute. I can’t handle it

Helping Hand(s) from @becaamm - Summary: You and Bucky had been sharing a room since the two of you got into college, and he knew more about you than you’d let people on. That included a bit of your sexual life - or, more accurately, the lack of it. When you can’t reach your orgasm alone, he offers you a pair of helping hands. Warnings: Alternate Universe – College/University, Roommates, Vaginal Fingering, Dirty Talk - The kind of friend every girl needs really.

Lance Tucker’s Sex Coaching by @lancefvcker (also won’t tag) - Summary:  After your only ever boyfriend decides its time to call it quits, you’re very reluctant to get back out into the dating game. Especially with your inexperience in the bedroom. But when your roommate and best friend Lance Tucker offers you sex lessons, who are you to deny such an opportunity? Warnings: Very NSFW (duh?) - I don’t know what to say beyond DAMN!

Fight For You by @revengingbarnes - Brooklyn, New York. At the annual local boxing championship, Y/N is the leading medical specialist on call. It’s a whole new environment, and despite the drastic change, she loves it. Bucky Barnes is the reigning boxing champion of Brooklyn. Virtually undefeated, this tattoo artist by day, boxer by night is someone that is now fighting his way into Y/N’s head. And she’s helpless in front of his winning streak. Pairing: Boxer!Tattoo Artist!Bucky x reader - I just... UGH!! 😍

There’s about a million others that I can’t think of or find right now so don’t be surprised if I get around to posting more suggestions. Go read!!

[fairytellerxo]

A fluff piece where Angel finds a familiar face to confide in and be comfortable with. 

“Fine ass Angel Reyes.” The brunette cooed as she wrapped an arm around the man’s shoulders. “What brings you all the way here? Huh?”

Angel eyed the woman carefully before biting his lower lip slightly. “That face.” He smirked as he let the brunette lead him down the all too familiar hallway and into her private room. “Missed that face.

“Yeah?” She shrugged as she moved towards the bed and laid down. “So, missing my face made you drive all the way here to see me huh?” She held out her arms and grinned sheepishly at the handsome man. “Come on. Fresh bed. Promise.”

He nodded slowly as he kicked his boots off and shuffled lazily towards the bed before settling into it next to the brunette. “I thought you said you were gonna stop doing this shit.”

“That was the plan then my mom got sick and bills started piling up. So here I am.” She closed her eyes and sighed. “The bills are almost taken care of though. Figured three more months and I’ll be able to just work a normal full-time job. No more sleeping with guys.”

“We’ve known each other for a while, right?” He turned to his side and looked at her carefully. “Do you think I’m a bad guy or a good guy?”

She scrunched up her face slightly before it relaxed and she smiled at him. “Good guy. You have some bad traits but you seem to do everything with good intentions. Why do you ask?”

He let out an exhausted sigh. “I’ve been feeling off. Like I’m not doing shit right lately. My mind is all twisted up and I don’t really like myself all that much…”

“I’m sorry,” she ran her fingers over his cheek and frowned. “I’m here to listen if you need to vent and get it all out. We don’t even have to have sex. We can get out of here and we can hang at my place. It’s not that far from here. You’re my last visit of the night anyway.”

Angel sat up slowly, taking in the brunette again before he gave her a single nod. “I just realized that I’ve been coming here for years but don’t even know your real name. Pretty sure it’s not actually Carmela.”

She laughed as she wriggled into a pair of skin-tight jeans before shoving her feet into a pair of slides. “It’s for sure not Carmela but you never asked me about me before. We kinda just fuck and then I listen to all of your situations. Then you disappear for a while. I don’t ask questions and I don’t push.”

“Yeah but I’m asking for your name now,” he smirked at her. “Your name. What is it?”

The brunette piled her hair on top of her hair and smiled. “My name is Eztli.” She nodded. “Eztli Santamaria. There you go fine ass Angel Reyes. You got my name finally.”

He followed her out of the room and towards the exit. “Don’t you gotta check out with your pimp or something?”

She shook her head. “Check out with my pimp?” She laughed. “No. I don’t have a pimp. I can just come and go as I please. My clients book with me and not the front desk. I’m private.”

“So, you got a nickname or can I call you EZ number two?” He laughed as he stopped at his bike. “You need a ride home?”

“Do not call me that,” She shook her head again. “No, I drove here. Just follow me. I’m that red Impala.” She smiled at him. “Keep up if ya can.”

                                                           .

                                                           .

Eztli tossed her things onto the coffee table before stretching her arms above her head and glancing back. “Make yourself comfortable. Mi casa es su casa.”

“Does your mom live with you?” He looked around as he toed his boots off and left them by the door. “It’s nice.”

She shook her head slowly. “No, she passed.” She shrugged slightly. “I still have bills to pay though. I did all that I could to try to keep her but at the end, it was so bad, she just wanted to go peacefully and be pain-free. I had to respect that request. So, now it’s just me. Dad is off somewhere with a different family and living his best life. He showed face at her funeral but couldn’t bother to stick around to make sure that I was good.”

He nodded slowly, taking in the warmth that the home seemed to have. It was something that his own home lacked. This was welcoming, relaxing but most importantly it was familiar. It reminded him of everything his childhood home had been. The pictures, the smells, the stupid quilted blanket over the recliner. “You mind if I raid the fridge?”

Eztli smiled. “Follow me, I made enchiladas and rice before I left for work. It’ll all taste fine if you warm it all up.” She walked into the kitchen and pointed towards the oven. “Just, make yourself at home. I need to take a quick shower and decompress. There’s beer in the fridge and if you need to smoke, take it outside. Front or back, it doesn’t matter, just no smoking in here.”

“I know the rules, no smoking.” He pulled the pans out of the oven and set them on the counter before he sighed. “Hey, thanks for this, for being a constant even though I tend to blow you off and kind of treat you like shit.”

Leaning against the door frame, she eyed him carefully before shaking her head once. “It’s not that you treat me like shit Angel. It’s that you only seek me out when you have a troubled mind that cannot be eased.” She moved to him and kissed his cheek. “Sometimes you just need a familiar and welcoming face to ease your sorrows.”

His eyes fell on her, a smile playing on his lips before he pushed her away slightly. “Don’t be nice to me. I’m a bad guy.” He shook his head before pulling her back to him and hugging her tightly. “You know, I’d cause you nothing but pain and a few migraines.”

“I’m not trying to be with you, I’m trying to be here for you.” She rubbed the back of his neck lazily. “Eat then, I’ll draw you a bath or something. I’m sure I can dig up some sweats from my brother’s shit he left behind.”

“See, I didn’t even know you had a brother,” He looked at her, his eyebrows furrowed slightly. “I’m shit.”

She shook her head. “Listen, you paid for sex then it started to be me listening to you talk about shit that was weighing on your shoulders. I love to sit and listen. I wanted to go to school and be a therapist, do the listening and advice shit for a living. I never made it that far though, I’m like a few classes short of the degree. My mom got sick really bad the first time and I dropped out of school and focused on her and working. Now, I guess since she’s resting in peace, I can kind of get back to shit I have always wanted to do. I never planned on being a whore. It just was fast and easy money for the situation I was in. See, my brother got out of jail, not too long ago, he was here to see our mom and be with her when she passed. Now he’s off and it’s radio silence. He’s bad with feelings and shit. Says it’s not real man shit but I think a real man shows his vulnerable side.”

“Anyone ever tells you that shit happens for a reason? I hated hearing that shit when my mom was killed. That didn’t need to happen.” Angel shook his head as he allowed the brunette to lead him out of the kitchen. “It wasn’t her time to go but fuck did it hurt when I lost her. I lost myself alongside with her. It really fucked with EZ though, he lost his way, ended up in jail trying to avenge her death. He’s out now though. I think that happened between that last I saw you and now.”

She laughed as she walked them through her bedroom and into the bathroom. “Yeah, I hate it so much but I get it. It’s what they think is the right thing to say. I do think that she’s in a better place than here.” She started to strip down before pausing to turn on the shower. “I guess it’s time for me to start my life again and get out of the whole being a whore thing. I like to think that I’m so much better than this life I got into.”

He watched her for a moment before reaching out and touching a scar on her left thigh. “That’s new. What happened?”

“Bad client,” She touched her thigh. “He got mad that I wouldn’t shove a finger up his ass while giving him a blowjob. So, he proceeded to bite my thigh when moved to grab my shit when he finished. Yes, a grown ass man bit the shit out of my thigh. Laugh it up, I know I did when I made sure he didn’t give me like rabies.”

“He bit you?” He laughed and shook his head. “I was hoping you got too into some sex thing and got hurt. Nah, you got bit because you didn’t wanna finger a dude’s ass. Get with the times Carmela.”

“Yeah, well, Carmela doesn’t like butt stuff. She’s not there yet.” She laughed as she stepped into the shower and sighed as the hot water hit her skin. “Eztli, maybe if she was in a long term relationship, she’d be open to butt stuff on her man.” She smirked as she watched Angel get in the shower. “Time to wash the day down the drain. We’ll have a fresh start after this. It’ll relax you. You’ll be good, I’m here for you.”

[just-another-wanabe]

update: aug 26, 2018

Story time! So I've been taking laxatives and trying to shit since the beginning of last week (Monday) because that weekend before my parents had friends over and I ate and drank more than I normally would have and just felt blegh about it all. So cut to Monday--these laxatives I'm taking say they'll work in like six hours and you shouldn't take more than three. So I'm like alright, let's take one now since you have a pretty sensitive stomach and if you don't feel anything in a couple hours take another one. So I ended up taking two and ABSOLUTELY NOTHING happens. So now it's evening and my parents are home for the day so I give up for the day.

The next couple of days (Wednesday we had my grandparents over for a family dinner but luckily i was able to make a low-cal/low-sugar dessert (the apple cider muffins!) for them) I tried taking some stool softener we had in the house from my dad's colonoscopy prep. I tried this both Wednesday and Thursday night and nothing happened again. I feel so full and bloated, I gained like five lbs which I know isn't all food waste and water weight, but still I'm desperate at this point.

Friday night my parents and I go out for thai food and I overeat like a pig again, I'm still close to my calorie limit for the day but the gross feeling of being stuffed is just so overwhelming at this point. I tell my mom, hoping she'll think it's normal if I take laxatives and end up shitting my brains out (spoiler alert: she did). So she tells me to take some of the stool softener, little does she know I've had like three doses of that in three days and nothing worked so I'm not really getting my hopes up.

Finally Saturday arrives, the neighbors invited us over to dinner to thank us for dogsitting while they were out of town. I have no clue what they're making, what I'll be eating tonight, other than the dessert we made (which had so much butter and flour and sugar but it ended up only being like 200 cals a piece?? I was shook) and I'm freaking out. So I'm thinking dinner is at 6PM, we probably won't be over there super late, let's take three of the laxative pills from Monday at 4PM, time your shit-fest for 10PM and feel better by tomorrow morning.

We get there, and it's enchiladas and my first thought is oh hell yes mexican food that shit's known for the spices that make people shit I lucked the fuck out tonight! So I eat a decent portion, only drink water, guestimating calories and trying to calculate what my intake for the day is gonna be. After dinner they bring out brownies and ice cream so like, not the best but whatever, can't be rude, gotta eat some. We play a board game, we play some cards (five people play a four-person card game so i team up with my mom) and before I know it it's 10:30PM and I have to shit. So I step out for a second, say I have to use the bathroom, and lo and behold the laxatives are kicking in. This whole time I'm thinking alright, they told us they had to be up at 6AM tomorrow so there's no way we'll be here for much longer. So I try to get through another 20 or so minutes of discomfort but I had to go again (I ended up peeing a lot too? Not sure if that's the laxatives or just water) and I felt so bad. So we leave just before 11PM, get home in two minutes, and I'm up for hours just shitting and trying to not be in so much discomfort.

The best part, though, is I weighed myself before we left and I weighed myself right before I went to bed. And I shit you not (sorry, pun somewhat intended), I lost 3 lbs just from food waste. So now I'm back at my plateau weight and with no more eating with people (aside from parents) I'll hopefully break it before I move back into the dorms.

Also I apologize, that was probably wayyy too TMI but oh well...

Stay safe, loves ♡

[seventyfiveapples]

In Transit - Chapter 6

Previous Chapters: ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE

Or: The whole enchilada on AO3

Summary: When Officers Jakoby and Ward are hand-picked by the Magic Task Force to transport a dangerous convicted murderer, they must stay a few steps ahead as various enemies, forces of magic, and mistakes from the past complicate their path.

Notes: This was one of my favorite chapters to write, so I hope people like it. If there is anyone following along with this story, I’d love to hear if there are any questions, etc. (the flashbacks: are they confusing? etc.) Next chapter shall contain smut so get ready...

As Nick drove down the highway, Leigh kept trying to loosen her bracelet without anyone noticing. Agent Kandomere just stared out the window. He was trying to think through the call he’d have to make to his agency once they arrived at the safe house. This really wasn’t going as planned.

After a while, he stole a glance at the orc in the driver’s seat, who seemed to be frowning and gripping the wheel a bit too tightly as he drove.

“Something on your mind, Officer?”

Nick nearly jumped. The elf hadn’t spoken since they’d gotten in the car twenty minutes ago.

“Yes, actually. A lot is on my mind.”

“Is any of it relevant to me or this mission?”

“Agent Kandomere,” Nick started, lowering his voice so that Leigh couldn’t hear, “I don’t believe that this prisoner is guilty.”

“Ah.”

“She doesn’t deserve to be…” He seemed to have a hard time finishing his sentence. “executed for what happened back in L.A. It was an accident.”

“That’s really not your call, Officer. A jury of her peers felt otherwise.”

“I realize that. But if she’s in MTF custody now, can’t you-”

“I can’t. Whatever you are trying to ask me, I can’t. Listen, are you sure you aren’t a bit biased here, because of your history?”

Nick slowly turned to face the elf. He felt color rise in his cheeks. “You… knew about that?”

“Of course. We did our homework. We’ve been following her for years. I picked you two for this mission because of your discretion and professionalism with the wand incident, and because of that same professionalism, I thought you’d be able to set certain things aside. If this was the wrong call, well, it’s a little late now. Was this a mistake?” The agent’s tone made it clear that there was no more room for discussion. Nick missed Daryl: at least when his partner was in a mood, he was funny.

“No.” Nick told him through gritted teeth.

“But… you’re right,” Kandomere continued, speaking as quietly as he could. “She is innocent. That obnoxious elf she studied with - Chad - was recruited by the Inferni to turn Leigh to their cause. I don’t know exactly what happened, but he’s the one who killed all of those people on the bus. He made it look like it was her, like she was unable to control her power. He wanted to isolate her, inflame public fear of magic, and get her to lose confidence in her own abilities. That way, she’d have nowhere to turn but him and the Inferni” He shrugged. “For the most part, it worked.”

Nick was speechless. Not only was she truly innocent, she’d been framed, and the MTF apparently knew about everything.

“So… if you knew, why didn’t you testify, help during her trial?”

“Because eventually, she’s going to lead us straight to the Inferni. Right now, they are going to keep coming after her until we get her to a secure facility, but after that, we have options. Sentences can be commuted. But again, that’s down the road.” He glanced at her through the rear view mirror. “She’s very powerful. Even more than most Brights. They’re going to keep coming for her. By the way,” the agent concluded, unfolding a newspaper to read, “she was never even tempted by anything the Inferni - or Chad - promised. The only thing that worked on her was manipulating the people around her.”

Nick grimaced. It was hard to tell if the agent had meant that as a dig, but Nick felt it as one. He drove on in silence.

--

[TWO YEARS EARLIER]

Leigh adjusted her grip on the wand. It still vibrated in a way that she doubted she could fully control. Chad stood behind her, brandishing his own wand.

“That’s it, you’re so close. Just-” He breathed in and out loudly, “Just remember to breathe when you say the spell words.”

She tried as he said, but she had no confidence in her magic. The first time she’d lifted a chair at school it had flown through the roof, causing significant enough damage that class was held outside for a few weeks.. After that, she couldn’t get the chair to levitate more than an inch. Her powers seemed to be all or nothing.

She tried to put that all out of her head and stay in the moment. Slowly, the chair lifted off the floor and rose… and kept rising… until it hit the ceiling.

“It didn’t fly through the roof, oh my gods. It’s working,” she whispered with her eyes fixed on the chair.

“Breathe, Leigh. Keep your focus on the spell.”

As she did, she heard Nick’s keys in the front door. He came in, saw the chair on the ceiling, and froze. He knew her magic had been a bit unpredictable, and he didn’t want to distract her.

It was too late.

“Hi, baby! Look, I- oh crap!” When she started talking to him, the chair had begun to rotate slowly. It was now picking up speed, moving faster and faster. She used the spell words again, but she couldn’t stop it.

“Okay, I’ve got you,” said Chad, rushing up behind Leigh and wrapping his hands around hers. Slowly the chair slowed its rotation and sank back to the floor. From behind Leigh, Chad made eye contact with Nick and winked. “Us Brights have to stick together, don’t we?”

Nick glowered at him from the doorway.

“Thank you, Chad,” she told him. “Ugh, we worked hard today- I’m wiped out! I’m gonna grab some water. You guys want any?” The guys shook their heads no and Leigh went to the kitchen.

“I thought you were going to wrap up early today,” said Nick in a chilly tone.

“We were but, well, things were going well. We lost track of time. You know Leigh when she gets excited about something.”

“Yes,” Nick said, stepping closer to the elf without breaking eye contact. “I do know Leigh.”

“What’s wrong?” Chad said, feigning confusion. ‘You’re not jealous, are you? I thought your relationship was rock solid.” He finished with a smirk.

“Our relationship,” Nick growled, “is none of your business. And I think it’s time for you to leave. Magic practice is over. Why don’t you gather your things and get out of here?”

“Nick!” yelled Leigh from the doorway. “Chad, I’m sorry, he didn’t mean-”

“Nah, it’s fine Leigh. I was leaving anyway. See you in class tomorrow.” He grabbed a ratty backpack and headed out the door. Once he was out of earshot, she whipped around and glared at Nick.

“Leigh-”

“I don’t want to hear it, Nick! He came here to help me, on his own time. You’re always awful to him.”

“Leigh, he’s not who you think he is. He’s lying to you. He has some whole plan that includes getting you injured. I told you what he said at your party last month.”

“You did, Nick, and it didn’t make any sense.  You must have heard wrong. If he wants to hurt me, why would he go out of his way to help me with my magic?”

“Please just listen-”

“You know what? I’m done listening. It’s always the same shit. I’m going out for a while. Don’t wait up.” The door slammed and Nick just stared, feeling helpless.

She would never believe him. That hurt. Worse, there were people around her who meant her harm… and he didn’t know how to protect her.

--

[present day]

Per Agent Kandomere’s directions, Nick pulled down a narrow gravel road that had forked off from a pitted asphalt one. He was about to ask if the elf was sure they were heading in the right direction, when around a corner, a large rustic farmhouse came into view. It would have been almost a postcard if it hadn’t been enclosed by an eight-foot barbed wire fence and an imposing mechanical gate.

“Cozy,” remarked Leigh to herself, forgetting that both elves and orcs had much stronger hearing than humans. Nick snickered a little.

“It doesn’t have to be cozy,” replied Kandomere. “It has to be secure. And it is.”

“Remind me about this place if I ever need somewhere to churn some really top secret butter,” Leigh said.

This safehouse, the elf explained, was created as a magic “dead zone,” and was used in various ways by the MTF: for trainings, as a remote office, a venue for high-level meetings. It was one of the most secure facilities owned by the MTF. Kandomere was glad it had been available.

“From here, we’ve only got a six-hour drive tomorrow to the MTF prison facility.”

Leigh fell silent. While they were driving, it felt so far in the future, but now her reality was catching up to her. She felt a heavy weight settle in her gut.

---

The house was tucked away from view  faced some hills dotted with scraggly desert trees. After they’d settled in, Nick walked out to the house’s front porch and sat on a wide cushioned bench. After the past two days, his head was spinning and he welcomed the quiet. He wondered what Leigh was feeling. He wondered how he would keep his promise to her. He wondered if he’d made a mistake in their relationship, and how things might be different today if he’d done things another way back then.

Back then. He found himself going back to those memories over and over… He wondered if she was starting to feel the same things he was.

“Hey, tomatoes.” He was so lost in thought that he hadn’t even heard Leigh join him on the porch. The night was a little chilly and she stood wrapped in a fluffy blanket. He startled a little at her voice. “Can I join you?” He nodded and patted the bench next to him.

“How are you doing?” he asked.

“I’m tired. Scared. Kinda sad. I’m kind of enjoying being able to stretch my arms, though.” Secure inside the fence’s perimeter, Agent Kandomere had given clearance for her to remove her handcuffs. “And I’m really glad you’re here.” Nick wasn’t sure what to say to that. He stretched one arm along the back of the bench.

“Come here, Leigh,” he said softly. She scooted a little closer to him and leaned into his chest. He let his arm drop down from the back of the bench, pulling her into an embrace. The sturdy shape of him was instantly familiar. How many times had they sat this way when they were together? She closed her eyes and breathed him in. For the briefest moment, everything felt just like it had then.

“Nick- I want to tell you how sorry I am. I mean, about… us. Before. You tried to warn me about Chad so many times, and I just… I never heard you. But you were right. About everything.”

“I wanted to say the same thing. I’m sorry, Leigh. I clearly went about things the wrong way back then. I was trying to help but I just pushed you away. I’m so sorry.”

Leigh took the blanket she was wearing and draped it over both of them before relaxing back into him. She drew her legs up beside her and draped her arm across his waist.

“I really loved you, Nick. I loved you so much.”

He didn’t know what to do in that moment but be there for her, but for whatever it was worth, he was ready to do that. He felt her body relax and her muscles go slack against him.

Just as he was certain she was asleep, he craned his neck down to kiss the top of her head, whispering:

“I never stopped.”

---

“Gods dammit!” Chad yelled. He’d lost the signal again. Sarah rolled her eyes. This guy was an idiot and yet somehow her fate was tied to his.

“Pull over. You’re not going to crash this car with me in it.” she told him.

“They went down a small road - here - and then nothing. I think something’s blocking her signal again.”

“You’re sure it’s this road?” She pointed on the map.

“I’m sure.”

“Well, that’s no problem. It’s a dead end- see? We know this isn’t their final destination. We’ll just go down the road until the last place you saw the signal… and wait.”

Next chapter: https://seventyfiveapples.tumblr.com/post/174613881520/in-transit-chapter-7

tags: @itshidingthere

[nom-the-skel]

[vore] The Bunny Trap, chapter 2

This was gonna be two chapters, but now it is longer, and going in unexpected directions, and will be a collab :3

warnings for this chapter: injury, amputation, danger/suggestion of fatal vore.

2k words! [read on AO3][chapter 1][chapter 3]

Razz stopped outside the front door and spat the bunny into his hands. Ugh, this was disgusting; the taste of the it made his mouth water, and his own saliva mixed with the red magic the bunny had bled. At least the bunny was still whole and not just dust mixed in with that soup.

He unlocked the door and went in. Slim was drowsing on the couch, but looked up curiously at his entrance. “What’s tha—”

“Stay out of my room, mutt!” he snapped, stalking past his brother and up the stairs. The bunny groaned as he shifted it to one hand in order to get out a first aid kit and lay out a towel on the carpet. If it was conscious, that was probably a good sign. Razz set him down as gently as he could on the towel, but the bunny still gasped and stiffened for a moment. He cast healing magic on what was left of its leg, then cleaned and bandaged it up. He’d never treated an injury this severe or a monster this tiny, but he was confident the bunny was stabilized.

“Here, lick this,” he said. The monster candy in the kit was far too large for the bunny to swallow, so he held it next to its skull. The bunny turned its skull and licked a few times at the candy before giving up. Razz frowned. “I’ll leave it here. See if you can eat some more in a few minutes,” he instructed, before leaving to scrounge up more supplies.

Slim watched from the couch, still curious, as he went back and forth through the house, gathering items and cleaning the saliva and blood from his gloves, but Razz didn’t say anything to enlighten him. He finally returned and set up a shoe box with a pillow for the bunny, which was still lying on the towel where he’d left it.

“You awake, bunny?” He tried to keep his voice soft. “I got you a bed. You like red, don’t you?”

“Red?” Suddenly alert, the bunny sat halfway up, then collapsed onto the towel.

“Uh, the color red. You’re wearing a lot of it, even without your left boot.”

“Oh. Yes.” The bunny looked crushingly disappointed for a moment, but then it was gone. Had the boot comment been too insensitive? Razz could be a little gentler with it while it was recovering, he supposed.

“Because I found you a red pillow,” Razz clarified. It was just a little on the purple side, but not that much. “Do you think you can take it if I move you onto your bed?”

The bunny nodded firmly. Razz scooped it off the towel and set it on the pillow. Its face twisted in anguish, but it stayed quiet.

“You should eat,” Razz said, placing the monster candy next to its skull again. “I’ll go see what vegetables we have.”

***

Razz couldn’t stay with the bunny all the time, and he didn’t trust Slim not to eat it, so it was left alone in his room while he was out performing his Royal Guard duties, and when he was cooking, at the very least.

“Vegetarian enchiladas again?” Slim commented on the third day when Razz served him.

“Vegetarian food is good for you,” said Razz, sitting down to his own plate.

“Not if you’re a wolf. I need protein.”

“Beans are protein, mutt.”

“It’s not the same.”

Razz looked up at Slim, surprised at his rebellious tone. “Then stop lying about and go catch something!”

***

Meanwhile, the bunny was regaining its energy and kept dragging itself out of its shoe box and across the floor, only to collapse in exhaustion at various points on the carpet. Razz had threatened to put the shoe box in a cage, but the rabbit had objected so vociferously that in the end he’d just put the shoe box bed inside a larger cardboard box. Now the bunny was constantly moving around its box, trying to climb the walls. And talking. It was as if, unable to stand up, it couldn’t go anywhere physically but it could still cast its words far and wide across various topics. Its name was Edge and it had an imperious attitude and a lot to say about everything: bunnies, wolves, the forest, the food and conditions in Razz’s room, and its lazy brother Red.

Razz had a bad feeling he’d met Red. So he tried not to guide the conversation in that direction, but Edge was clearly devoted to his brother, as much as he complained about him, and every subject seemed to lead back to Red.

“You don’t need to put so much cheese in these,” Edge said one day when Razz brought him dinner. “I don’t know about wolf nutrition, but it’s too much for a rabbit. Red would like it, though.”

“I don’t often cook for rabbits,” Razz answered, tamping down his urge to snap back at the complaint.

“I really must go find Red as soon as I can walk. He probably thinks I’ve been eaten. And he’s useless at taking care of himself.” Edge’s ears drooped.

“You done with that?” Razz nodded at the rabbit’s plate, the smallest he had been able to find but still comically oversized.

“Yes. It’s far too much.”

Razz took the plate away. “You know, it’s a lot harder to make things in miniature size for you.” He would finish it himself. You couldn’t worry about a rabbit’s germs when you’d had the entire rabbit in your mouth already.

“You could take me to the kitchen and I could cook for myself!” Edge suggested, ears perking up again. “Although I suppose I would need a lot of assistance, at least at first.” They slumped back down.

“I’d be glad to help you deal with the wolf-scale kitchen appliances,” said Razz. “But you know my brother is out there, and I really don’t trust him around you.”

“I’m not afraid of him,” Edge said flatly, but the cant of his ears struck Razz as nervous. Then again, he was much more familiar with wolf body language.

“Just stay in here, and stop trying to get out of your box. Your leg needs to heal.”

“What leg?” Edge muttered darkly.

“Just be patient. We’ll figure something out so you can walk, at least, after you’ve had more time to heal. If nothing else, we can find something to use as crutches.”

Edge glowered.

“But there are wolves with wooden legs and such, so maybe … Do bunnies have healers?”

Edge grunted noncommittally. “Most bunnies who are injured that badly are already dead.”

“I suppose I never gave much thought to how hard you bunnies have it. But try to lie still, please.”

The bunny sighed. “Red would love to have an excuse to lie around doing nothing all day. Not that I would wish such an injury on him.” He narrowed his eye sockets at the wolf. “Why do you flinch like that whenever I mention Red?”

“I’m not—! I’m not flinching!” Razz sat up straight, holding his ears perfectly erect.

“Yes, you are. You look as if—”

“And anyway, it’s just because your brother sounds so much like my lazy good-for-nothing brother!”

Edge remained suspicious. “I admit he’s lazy, but I wouldn’t go so far as to say he—”

“I don’t mean Red. How would I know? I’ve never met Red!” Razz protested too quickly.

Edge looked away from him. “I will try to lie still.” He stayed silent until Razz left to wash the dishes, and when he came back the bunny was asleep.

***

There was something in Razz’s room that he was keeping a secret. It made noises sometimes, moving around—it wasn’t very big, probably. Razz had told Slim to stay out, but surely he wouldn’t know if Slim just teleported inside for a quick look.

He resisted for several days, not even going near the door. But eventually it proved too much. There was still time before Razz got back, and the house was silent. He popped into his brother’s room and looked around. For a moment nothing seemed out of place—that wasn’t unexpected, if the thing he’d heard was as small as it sounded. Then he noticed the box on the floor by the bed. Peering inside, he saw a sleeping bunny, on a pillow in a shoe box, with a bit of lettuce and a thimble of water sitting nearby.

It all made sense—or some of it, anyway. Razz had had traces of bunny scent on him lately, even though he didn’t seem to be spending any time hunting, and he certainly wasn’t serving rabbit at dinner. Slim reached out to touch the bunny, but held himself back. He should leave it alone; it was too tempting, especially when he’d had nothing but cheese and beans all week. “What are you doing here, bunny?” he said softly, not really expecting any response.

But the bunny woke, blinking up at him. “Razz? You’re home earl—” It realized he wasn’t Razz and tried to jump to its feet, but something was wrong. It fell back onto the pillow, then frantically pushed itself to the corner and used the wall to help prop itself up, nearly standing. “Who are you? Stay back!”

“Who am I? I’m the one asking questions here. Who are you and why are you here?”

“I know who you are. You’re Slim.” The bunny answered its own question, but none of Slim’s.

“Not very cooperative, huh? Let me guess. My brother’s keeping you in here for some reason instead of just eating you. So … maybe he’s trying to fatten you up?”

“I’m a skeleton, you dimwitted wolf,” the bunny snarled.

“Huh, good point. But maybe you’re on a special diet to make you taste better, or somethin’. I can’t think why else he’d have a bunny in his room. What happened to your foot?”

The bunny tried to hide its injured leg. At first Slim hadn’t been sure if part of it was missing or it was just chained down somehow.

“I guess it wasn’t a very lucky rabbit’s foot, huh?” Slim grinned.

The bunny glared daggers at him.

“Did he cut it off so you couldn’t run away? Kinda cruel, don’t ya think?”

“He didn’t—!” the bunny started to protest, then faltered.

“Well. I don’t wanna interfere. But you do look pretty tasty.”

“You wouldn’t dare!” the bunny spat, scrabbling at the cardboard only to slip back down to a sitting position on the pillow.

“Normally I wouldn’t, but if you’re just gonna tell him I was in here, maybe it’s better that I get rid of the evidence. If I crack open the window it’ll look like you escaped or somethin’.”

“I can’t walk, you imbecile! How would I get up to the windowsill?”

Slim shrugged and reached for the bunny again. “It’d be different if I could trust you not to say anything, but …”

“Ugh! Fine! I won’t say anything!” The bunny shrank away from his hand.

Slim stopped. “Promise?”

“I give you my word.” It glared up at him seriously.

“Okay, I’m gonna trust you this time.” He withdrew his hand and was just about to teleport back to the couch, when the bunny spoke.

“Wait. Is that really—Is he really just preparing me to eat?” The bunny’s voice was hard and flat but its expression suddenly vulnerable.

Slim shrugged again. “Didn’t he tell you? I can’t think of any other reason for a wolf to keep a bunny in his room.”

He left the bunny to process that answer, teleporting back to the couch. The scent of the bunny made him hungry, but maybe he should hold off on going out to catch one of his own, in case Razz was planning on surprising him with this one. Was his birthday coming up or something?

[vacationcalendar]

8/15/21

Missed another day. Felt sickly, bailed on everything. God, I really hope I’m sick, in the traditional sense. I’ve unfortunately begun to invite the idea that I’ve got cancer or something, and that’s why I feel this way. So I hope I’m sick, for my sake. Because if this thing ends up being a big deal, my “wait it out until it goes away or I die” approach is gonna feel a little foolish.

It’s a couple things. It’s that sickly energy. That lethargy that feels unexpected, that 10 hours of sleep without making some big plan for that. Like, I feel like if I’m feeling gassed (I can’t think of the word I’m looking for here. Crushed? Fucked? Tuckered? no. Goosed? It might actually be goosed, even though I’m looking at it right now, and that can’t be the right word. It might just be the one I’m thinking of. Oh well) and I acquiesce to sleep real early, and then I STILL sleep til like 9:45; I take that as my body needed sleep and was using it well. Like, if I was just indulging my bored impulses to bail on life and wait for something interesting to happen, I’d find myself becoming restless at some point. I’d cap out on my sleep bucks. But since I’m not, I’m inclined to trust my instincts here. So that’s a point for “sick.”

I’ve also got some sneezing happening. And the general malaise. And instead of cramming liquids and fruit, I have instead done absolutely nothing. So these are all good signs actually. I WANT to be sick. The alternative at this point is that something is seriously wrong with me, and that would fucking suck. That’s not the Fun-employed I signed up for. The point I’m referring to that isn’t pointing directly towards sick is extremely obvious to the me writing this right now, but for posterity’s sake, allow me to describe it. It’s a certain sensitivity on my skin on only the right side of my head. Not my face, my head. It starts at the right side of my face and ends at nearly the center of the back of my head. And on the Y-axis it starts at right around the top of my ear and all the way to halfway down my neck. That sector of my body is EXTREMELY sensitive. Sensitive to the point of feeling pain like a sunburn or rug burn from seemingly any form of contact. Craning my neck around actually is enough to irritate it. You can only imagine that some of my more “intense” activities of wearing headphones and lying down on my side on a pillow are causing me the most concern right now. 

Actually I just scratched the side of my head right now just to see, and it was so extreme of a sensation that I could tell my brain partially blocked it out. This is so weird. I am constantly checking every inch of the affected area for some sort of bump or abnormality, like maybe a spider bit the side of my head and this is my body’s reaction to that. I keep thinking, wow I wonder if anti-histamines would instantly solve this, and then in a week’s time it will subside. But I don’t have anti-histamines, I’ve never needed them. That circumstance has never happened to me in my life. So why would it come into play out of nowhere right now? Also, a quarter of my head? Really? I got some allergic reaction just on a 4″ by 4″ section on one side of my head? Where did that part of my head go that would have suffered some sort of rash that the rest of my body would manage to avoid? (My pillow is literally the only answer, why tf would it be my pillow?) Also, it’s not a rash. I can’t see ANYTHING different on my head. Wouldn’t a rash look at least a little different than the rest of my skin. This is so weird.

Ok, I just looked it up to confirm. It’s literally just an allergic reaction, hypersensitivity. So since I have no allergies, it’s gotta be a bug bite or something. God, this is so weird. It varies in it’s obnoxiousness to be clear. And it sounds like a benadryll would help. Maybe I’ll see if Bonnie has any. Then I can know for sure. But since it’s not getting WORSE, in either scope or intensity, I’m going to stick with my plan to fucking ignore this fucking thing. 

Sorry, this is basically pointless to write about. But I realized this morning something. I’m slowly moving towards proliferation in my writing. I’m writing at such a higher volume, and comfortability, than when I started. I’m defaulting towards writing so much more easily than before, it’s great. I tell myself, I don’t want to do the blog, then I see a post about Voyboy, and I just sit down and write something to him. And that’s an idea I’ve had in the past but balked at. I saw it as writing for it’s own sake;  it wouldn’t be a big deal to him or me to actually do it. But two days ago I just sat and hammered it out. And I didn’t slave over creating it. I mean, I cared about how it looked and what it said, but I never got jammed up on its creation. It just came together, and I was inclined to sit here and make it come together. I’ve crossed a clear threshold, and it feels great. And then! After I wrote it, I thought, “Ok, that’s my creative writing done for the day. Let me post that on the blog and be done.” I sat down to post it, and in my attempt to quickly preface it for clarity, I ended working through what I was feeling at the time. I ended up blogging anyway. I didn’t worry about it. I didn’t sit down and make myself get to work, like I had been doing for MANY of these posts up to this point. And I’m doing that very thing again today. This should be noted and celebrated Max. You can in fact write and you are not an impostor. Congrats!

I noticed it while I was out at breakfast, when I had an idea listening to How Did This Get Played?. I feel like I’ll often have an opinion or a curiosity occur after hearing them discuss a topic about video games, but this time I paused the podcast and pull out my notes app and started writing it out. And after a minute or so of writing, I found that I had A LOT more to write out than my initial question for the podcast. I wanted to record my thoughts and observations about something. I have evolved from listening to, I don’t know, listening+. I’m listening and taking things in and instead of silently absorbing them I’m absorbing out loud. I’m learning things in my own company and unpacking things as they come my way. This “active rumination” functions a lot like chewing in the food sense, better digestion. I’m thinking so much more by making myself explain my own thoughts out loud before I allow them to disappear back into my memory.

I honestly can’t believe I didn’t think this would be helpful for expanding my own ability to generate thoughts. I mean, I suppose I did. I assumed that diligently sitting here and working on this would make this easier to do. I just didn’t specifically think about HOW it make writing easier. It’s easier because I think of things in terms of articulating them. I mean, duh. Oh man, even right now, I’m thinking of so many things at once, and my impulse is to write them all out here. Although my biggest impulse is to consider this amount I’ve already shown up (and the part I worked out on my notes app earlier) a job well done, and I can clock out and go back to checking out and watching LCS. It’s TL vs TSM in Winner’s 2nd round. Winner get’s a guaranteed World’s spot, and the loser will have to go through EG or C9 to punch their ticket. So yeah, this is banger city. I honestly consider these World’s implication games to be more hype than the championship itself. I mean the championship is going to be between two teams that no matter who wins, instantly go into preparing for World’s. And the success of the year is going to be impacted so much more on that stage than on this one. We will remember who won the NA trophy EVENTUALLY. Come Spring next season. But this whole thing is so much smaller once you consider that beating a team from Korea would instantly outshine any accomplishment achieved on American soil. Like, how can you even get excited for the Championship here when it takes place at the foot of the mountain that is a World Championship? Like the Australian Basketball League surely gets excited for their Final for the season. But if afterward, BOTH teams got invited to play in the play-in round of the NBA playoffs? It would actively steal excitement from the original final, by way of siphoning some of the exciting for the Semi-Final. Hype is a zero sum game. If I’m getting EXTRA hype during the semis because of the implications it presents for the future, I think I have to by definition be less hype for the final after that.

I mean, imagine only ONE team from NA gets to go to World’s each year. Holy shit people would tune in for that final like no other. That would be PEAK hype. It wouldn’t be shared with anything else, and the stake’s wouldn’t be split up. It wouldn’t be one team looking for a chance to qualify, and a separate team looking for the Domestic Title. It would be everything. The Title would BE the qualifying act. It would be the end-all be-all, like every other sport. Your victory parade would be a parade TO THE AIRPORT, as you left for the big enchilada. There’s no, “Aww, they lost NA, but that might actually give them a better vantage point going into Worlds. They have a better idea of what to work on in the interim.” I think that’s kinda weak. And now I realize this means I have to grapple with the idea that my dream World’s tournament is only like 6 teams big. Only the champs from each region. Now World’s can’t take like 2 weeks. The coolest event the sport can have would be over in a flash. That is the price we all pay for the true glory of being the REAL NA CHAMP. The chance to be THE ambassador of our region. I guess that’s about all there really is there. 

I’m tuning in and out now. I think I will actually call it there for right now. Maybe I come back later in the day? That could be kinda fun. Who knows? I mean, c’mon. No way right? It’s literally never happened. Eh, whatever. You keep doing you, man. You’re killin’ it (sunglasses emoji)

Love ya