#you can’t tell me that Zuko isn’t the kind of drunk to just SOB over how cute things are

[your-royal-momoness]

Zuko, hungover: please tell me I’m imagining that I claimed I was the king of all the turtleducks

Sokka: I would, but then I’d be lying to the King of All Turtleducks

[mystic-kitten-writer]

Limerence [M] ︳33

Pairing: Zuko x OC

Genre: Romance, mainly fluff with future smut, and if you squint hard enough - you’ll find some angst.

Rating: SFW

Words: 18300+

Notes: I’m finally finished! Thank you guys for being so patient with me - I can’t even begin to express my gratitude. I feel horrible for making you guys wait so long - so I’ll cut to the chase and tell you the good news! Due to the corona virus - my summer courses have been cancelled, so I’m no longer graduating this summer (no, this isn’t the good news) - but because of this, that means your beech gets to update more often! So I plan on dropping an update schedule for all my stories, and my goal is to update every week (alternating stories).

Next - I got an Ao3 account! A lot of people asked me to make one, so I did. I’m going to take this week to edit Limerence (the first few chapters min.) before posting my work on there. But now Tumblr and Ao3 will contain all Explicit chapters of Limerence! 

The next fun bit of news is the next update you’ll receive will be a double update for Limerence! I was going to end this chapter a bit differently, but my friends pointed out a few things - and they convinced me others wise. Because of that, I’m planning on doing a double update. I can’t go too in-depth with it without spoiling, but at least you guys have that to look forward to!

But regardless, please stay healthy and safe! Love you tons, take care~!

Masterlist ︳32 ︳ 34

❤ Buy me a coffee? ❤

Limerence: (English/n.) the state of being infatuated with another person.

The moment their eyes locked they knew - the flames within him twisted while the water within her turned. It was a connection, a connection that would lead to love, adventure, and drama.

“Eccedentesiast”

(Latin/n.) Someone who fakes or forces a smile when all they want to do is cry, disappear, or die.

~ Ying Yue Jiang ~

           There it laid, in my hands, glistening under the sunlight, the black onyx seemingly glowing. The dragon that was painted in gold looked beyond realistic; the red ruby protectively held in its grasp. The golden paint held pink reflections in the scales, each claw wrapped around the gem as if it were a newborn child – protecting it with its life.

           My finger trailed down the soulful image, feeling every ridge and divot engraved in the emblem. Anyone could feel the love, the power, in the illustration – how awe-inspiring it was. But I found myself stilling, the words engraved at the very bottom of the heavy seal mocking me.

           Imperial Consort of the Fire Lord.

           It was like a vice grip; someone squeezing my heart and causing my body to tremble. Since my official debut, and receiving this seal, I hadn’t once touched it. I was keeping it locked in my drawer for safekeeping. This mere chuck of mineral, the symbolism behind it, was beyond royal Fire Nation customs. My truest feelings…

           I could remember the butterflies in my stomach, the silly smile I bore as I took my oath that day. Zuko was delicately smudging the red paint on my forehead, the mark of the consort. A weak smile emerged on my face. Gosh, how flushed Zuko, and I was that day. Me unable to contain my nerves as we stood in front of thousands – declaring our devotion to each other.

           I already loved Zuko at that point; I was just too shy to tell him. Being near him, seeing Zuko happy and spending time with me was good enough. That day, I may have been nervous, but I was delighted - the happiest I had been in years.

           The seal slipped from my grip, falling onto the bed. My shoulder’s slumped, feet dangling over the edge, hands covering my face.

           I was selfish.

           I could still recall the way Zuko thrashed, his face twisted in pain, eyes teary as he clawed at his throat in desperation. I could feel the pain he was in, the fear, utterly helpless – a look I’ve only seen once, and that was when we were facing Yakone.

           Zuko was dying, right before my eyes, and I couldn’t deal with it.

           Everything happened so fast, and I could feel my hands starting to tremble. The image was still far too vivid, too fresh. I almost lost Zuko – no.

           I did lose him.

           “Yue…” a tender voice whispered out, a tone that could only belong to Aang. I swallowed back a sob, letting my hands fall from my face, trying to wipe all evidence that I was crying. Too weak to lift my head, my hands laid on my lap.

           Aang’s footsteps were soundless, and I could already visualize the way he was cleverly studying my sitting figure, trying urgently to read my mood. “Katara told me that Zuko is going to be okay; she induced him into a deep slumber to speed up his recovery, but…you saved him.” Aang spoke, and I noticed how clear his voice sounded, he was closer.

            “Thank you…” I muffled softly, running an unsteady hand through my tangled locks.

           Not even thirty minutes passed since everything went down, I hadn’t had time to change or clean my appearance, besides wiping my blood-stained fingertips. My hair fell in front of my face again, and I used the opportunity to wipe the rogue tear. I’m a complete disaster.

           “Yue…” Aang worried, but this time I felt his cool touch.

           His fingers caressed my face, tilting my head upwards to meet his sincere gaze. He was kneeling in front of me, the floor cleared of all the shards that once littered the bedroom floor. His face was pale, eyes round as he considered my figure. I saw the way his lips twitched, eyes shifting back and forth, trying to think of the right words.

           What to say, what to think, what to do.

           But what more could Aang say?

           What could be said about everything that managed to transpire in the last half hour that hasn’t been thought of already? My heart fastened in pace, mind spinning with the unknown. Why was the tea poisoned, who poisoned the drink– As if Aang could read my mind, a long exhale escaped him, pressing his forehead against mine.

           “I’m so sorry, Yue,” Aang breathed, his voice fragile – defeated.

           My bottom lip trembled, hearing the ache in Aang’s voice, his touch moving up my face so his thumbs could rub my temples. My body limped under his tender touches, head falling into his shoulder – a soundless cry leaving my lips.

           It was like he let loose to all of my thoughts, everything that tortured my mind manifesting into tears. I’m lost. I clawed at Aang’s mustard coloured robes, desperately seeking air. Every sharp gasp seemed to feed into the shivers, the anxieties and insecurities that haunted my mind, growing and swarming.

           Aang embraced my hunched body, bringing me closer to his own. “I-it’s my fault, Aang.” I sniffled, confessing the very thing that seemed to devour me. Aang cooed into my hair, his face pressed against my chaotic locks. “That’s not true, Yue-” he insisted, but I refuted his claim.

           “T-that tea was meant for me. If-if I had drunk it, if I had stopped Zuko-”

           “That would’ve been worse. You could save Zuko, but the reverse can’t happen.”

           “You don’t get it, Aang.” I wept, cowering away in frustration, to face him. His eyes were red and glossy as he stared back at me intently, mirroring the same pained expression that I wore.

           “You-you didn’t see the look on Zuko’s face. The moment he realized what I am.” I choked, struggling to string the words together. I wasn’t crying cause Zuko got hurt. Gosh, Zuko’s been through the spirit world and back – he knew pain.

           The tears that decorated my rose-coloured cheeks, they were tears of mourning.

           I may have saved Zuko, physically – but I lost him emotionally, mentally, symbolically. How could Zuko look at me, let alone love me? I was a monster – the very thing everyone was trying so hard to rid of.

           “You’re still you, Yue. Words can’t even begin to describe how much Zuko cares for you. How important you are to him, to us.” Aang blew, bringing me back to his shoulder to snuggle. I could feel his clothes dampening, but he didn’t complain once, preoccupied with easing my choked cries.

           I snivelled, pressing my eyes shut to stop the tears from overflowing - if only it were that easy. What about everybody else – Katara, Sokka, Suki, Toph? What are they going to think knowing what kind of monster I am? The words they lashed out the other day, they meant it, each and every word. It was only a matter of time they figured out what happened, what I had done if they hadn’t learned already.

           A Bloodbender – that is what I am, and there’s no running away from it anymore.

           Aang continued to rock me back and forth, dragging me out of the pits of my darkest thoughts, pulse slowing. He was buzzing softly as we swayed, feeling his lips sweeping my head. I found my body lazing in his embrace, nestling my head deeper in the crook of his neck.

           It was nothing like Zuko’s embrace, the sweet tune he often sung during our highs and lows. I bit my tongue to stop the wave of nostalgia from overwhelming me. I want Zuko, that’s all I want.

           I want us to be back in bed, laughing at our silly jokes, even if it meant accepting that terrible rate of two kisses per half hour.

           I snickered bitterly at the mere thought of our pointless banter from this morning. The banter that always rose whenever Zuko and I were left alone to our own devices. Meaningless talk that always had me bursting from happiness at the way Zuko managed to tease me mercilessly, a constant blush to paint my cheeks. The way he holds me close to his chest, our limbs intertwined – like two puzzle pieces coming together.

           Aang leaned back slightly, started by the sudden giggle.

           “What’s so funny?” He mumbled, and I drew away, wiping a tear with the back of my hand. Aang watched a tear escape my effort, the drop rolling down my stained cheeks. Without thinking twice, he tugged on his sleeve to dry it. “T-this morning.” I hiccuped, shaking my head with a sad smile, recalling the romantic moment that just took place.

           “Zuko said that I owe him two kisses per half-hour every time he keeps me warm.” I snorted, my gaze dropping to my lap, fingers twirling. “I-I told him no way, but now-but now I want nothing more but to give him those two kisses plus more.”

           Aang smiled sympathetically, hearing my confession, cupping my hands and bringing them to his chest. It was then I noticed how my hands trembled and the heat that Aang was radiating. It was nothing like the heat from Zuko, his natural, the fire within him.

           But regardless, feeling the warmth from Aang’s palms, spreading towards my own, had me mewling in delight. I was freezing, so used to having Zuko by my side, stealing his warmth like how Momo clung onto Appa for dear life. How did I survive in the Southern Water Tribe as long as I did without Zuko to warm me up?

           “I know I’m no Zuko…I don’t have the hard rock abs or long hair, or overall cranky attitude.” Aang spoke light-heartedly, testing the waters. And despite the tense mood, I couldn’t help but giggle at Aang’s words, a genuine giggle.

           Aang’s small smile shifted to a greater one knowing he enticed a laugh from me, letting his fingers intertwine with mine, placing them over his heart. “I’ll never be Zuko, Yue; no one could replace him. But he did teach me how to conduct heat, just in case, I have to warm you up for him whenever he can’t be beside you. Because trust me, Yue. There’s nowhere else Zuko would rather be than by your side.”

           A shy blush rose to my cheeks, hearing Aang say some of the sweetest yet cheesiest lines to date. Lines that only Zuko could manage to make somewhat non-cringe-able. But that was the magic of Aang; he always managed to change the mood in a flash.

           Wearing his emotions on his sleeves, Aang was never afraid to put himself in other people’s shoes, experience their pain, and empathize. This is why he’s the Avatar, and Katara is beyond lucky to land someone as sensitive and considerate as Aang.

           “Thank you, Aang…I-I-you accepted me the moment you saw me. You gave me a home, friends, a family. I owe you everything.” I said, voice cracking because it was true. If it weren’t for that faithful day, saving Aang, him insisting on a meal – I would've never been where I was now.

           But Aang merely shrugged his shoulders, letting my hands drop to my lap. “I lost my family, my Nation…I know how it feels to be alone. If it weren’t for Katara and Sokka, I don’t think I would’ve been able to grow, but now I have a place to call home.”

           “…Katara is home for you, isn’t she?” I timidly mumbled, and Aang smiled.

           “She’s my world.”

           “Zuko…he’s my home…but between you and me, he’s my universe.” I twinkled softly, and Aang chuckled. “You really had to try and one-up me?” he teased, his hand briefly scratching the top of my head.

           “I learned that from Sokka.” I peeped, a bit of playfulness arising from within me despite the melancholy that ran through my veins. “Of course, Sokka taught you that, make sure Katara doesn’t find out.” Aang muttered under his breath, trying to sound annoyed, but those were emotions seemingly foreign to Aang. He patted my head once more before dropping his touch.

           Our soft laughs died down, Aang letting his fingers trace over my own delicately as we sat in silence. Mimicking the way I usually outlined the natural lines or scars the littered Zuko’s palms and arms. Zuko…

           Zuko is okay; he’s in safe hands with Katara…and while I don’t know what was going to happen to us, I could get answers for something else. “Aang…umm…what did-what did the others say about, you know.” I whispered, shifting my gaze back to him.

           Aang’s easy-going expression flattered for a moment, letting out a conflicted sigh as he rubbed the back of his head. I spotted the look on his face, the same look when he was unsure as to what to say when he first entered. “It’s a …complicated.” He started, and I rose a brow at his words, not the words I was expecting to hear, let alone from him.

           “What does that mean, Aang?” I implored, clenching his hand anxiously. Aang’s mouth opened and closed, another great lament escaping him, fighting with himself. He doesn’t know whether or not he should spill.

           “Don’t worry about it, Yue. You have so much on your plate already-.”

           “But I do worry, Aang. I need to know. I’m tired of being left in the dark because people think I can’t handle the truth.” I pressured, and the look in my eyes must have spoken wonders because Aang broke.

           He pulled from my grip, scratching behind his head once again, a look of shame etched in his face. “I told them the truth. I told them that you used Waterbending to save Zuko.” Aang mumbled under his breath, his words nearly blending at how soft-spoken he was. My eyes narrowed, tilting my head in confusion. Told them…the truth?

           And that’s when it clicked.

           “You lied to them.” I gasped.

           “No, I told them the truth. Bloodbending is a form of Waterbending, is it not?” Aang stubbornly insisted, but even I spotted the doubt in his words. He didn’t even fully believe what he was saying to me. He sounded just like me, lying to himself about the truth – trying to convince himself more than me.

           I glowered, shaking my head as I twisted my fingers, “Omitting the truth is just another way of lying,”

           “But it keeps you safe.”

           I snorted, “They couldn’t possibly believe that, Aang. Waterbending wouldn’t have been enough to save Zuko. Katara should’ve figured that out by now-”

           “It’s easy to lie to the people who trust you the most.”

           It felt as if someone was twisting my stomach from the inside out – Aang doesn’t lie.

           Aang always tells the truth, but for me – he lied to everyone.

           My head hung low, biting my lips as I squeezed my eyes shut.“I’m so sorry, Aang-” I whimpered, the heaviness of the situation hitting me like a ton of bricks. He lied to not only his friends but the love of his life for me.

           He took advantage of Katara’s trust – all because of me.

           I was not only causing pain upon Zuko but now the people who I viewed as family.

           Aang cupped my face, forcing our gazes to meet. My amber coloured eyes met with his chocolate ones – a tenderness rooted deep in the stare. I found myself in utter awe, because despite it all, Aang still bore an amiable smile, dismissing my apologies with ease. “Some things must be done, and I know, in the long run, this is for the better.”

           I sniffled, “I trust you, Aang.”

           “Sokka, Suki, and Toph are working with the guards to figure out who did this to Zuko. We’re going to get through this together.”

           “Aang…what if-what if Zuko doesn’t forgive me?” I trembled.

           Just the thought of Zuko in the infirmary, hurt and in pain – at the mercy of the nurses and Katara made me feel sick. But the idea of this being the end of us after everything because of my greed. Because of my inability to be honest with Zuko took the cake.

           If only I were stronger if only I weren’t broken and a monster-

           Aang’s expression softened, ready to coddle me back to his chest, “Zuko loves you, Yue. Please don’t blame yourself-”

           A loud knock interpreted Aang’s speech, both us jumping at the noise.

           Whoever it was didn’t stop with a single blow, no – they were hasty and non-stop. Someone desperately wanted in. Who could it be? A guard, a maid? Aang tapped my cheeks appreciatively before rising to his feet.

           “I’ll get it.” He muttered, but I couldn’t help but notice how it failed to reach his eyes.

           There was a stiffness in Aang’s usual airy steps, much like when Toph used her seismic senses to feel. Aang wasn’t expecting anyone…he’s being cautious. I found my back straightening, brushing my hair as I observed the way Aang eased his way to the doors, the knocking lingering.

           His hand gripped the handle, leaning towards the entry and jarring it just a crack. My curiosity grew, slanting forward to see or catchword of who was so enthusiastically rapping away. Aang’s head popped out the room, and his body relaxed instantly, a surprised squeak leaving him.

           “Ursa-” Aang spoke, and I froze in my spot.

           Zuko’s mom?

           No-no-no-no- Ursa’s going to hate me, tear me to shreds-

           My face paled, eyes unable to stop staring at how Aang stepped back into the room, his lips moving as he spoke. It was as if everything was happening in slow-motion. Aang opening the door wide with a smile, the commotion of outside out of mind.

           All I could focus on was the rush of red that entered.

           My nails dug into my thighs, wincing at the impending fury Ursa was undoubtedly about to unleash upon me. It’s my fault, my fault-

           “Where is she?” Ursa gasped, urgency lingering in her words. Her voice sounded winded like she ran here with all her might. My eyes widen, hearing her, unable to utter a word as I studied Ursa. She looked frightened, her face white, body quivering.

           I’ve never seen Ursa look anything less than put-together, the definition of royalty and beauty.

           She was a kind woman, with a sassy tongue, two qualities that the people in the kingdom adored. It didn’t take long for me to realize that Ursa was the definition of strongminded, something I revered – and one could easily find such a trait in Zuko. His will was something that both drove me up the wall and admired.

           But the look that decorated her face – it wasn’t the typical appearance she maintained. It was different, a sight I’ve never seen before.

           Her lavish ruby robes were wrinkled, her raven coloured-hair slipping from the golden pins that kept her hair tidy. She frantically scanned every inch of the bedroom in a matter of seconds, and the moment her vibrant eyes fell over me, her shoulders slumped, a choked sob leaving her lips.

           “You’re okay!”

           Everything happened so fast.

           She threw her arms in the air, tossing herself at me, and the sweet scent of flowers flooded my scenes. My body weakened in her arms, letting myself tumble into her embrace. The overwhelming sense of familiarity had me flushing, something I thought I would never experience again – a mother’s hug.

           “You’re okay. My child is okay.” Ursa repeated like a song, hands running up and down my back, making sure I was indeed real and not a figment of her imagination. Her gestures were dramatic, yet without a second thought, my arms enveloped her – how I missed this.

           “I’m so sorry, Ursa. It’s my fault; the tea was for me-”

           “Don’t blame yourself for the actions of others. You’re safe, and Zuko’s safe, and that’s all that matters.” She happily blubbered, and I could feel my heart flutter.

           The cheerfulness in her tone, squeezing the life out of me as she planted kisses all over my forehead. How many times have I seen Ursa do the same with Kiyi? Even with Zuko, much to his dismay. But the feeling of her peppering quick, chaste kisses all over my face had me rosy – a gesture bursting with the purest form of love.

           “If Zuko doesn’t propose to you the moment he gets better, I’m going to kill that boy.” She muttered under her breath, and I smiled through tears; tears, I had no clue I was even shedding. “I wish I could’ve been better for Zuko, done more for him, Ursa. I’m sorry-”

           “You don’t know, my child…you don’t know how much you’ve changed him. You saved him in more ways than one.” She droned into my ear, feeling her lips tugging upwards the whole time.

           I spotted the way Aang beamed from a distance, that signature smile of his painting his face as he shot me a thumbs-up. His mouth was moving the whole time soundlessly, a prideful ‘told you so’ lingering under his breath.

           “Lady Ursa, Zuko is currently in the infirmary, you can go visit him with Ying Yue. He’s sleeping, but I know he’ll love your support…” Aang proposed, and Ursa pulled back, nodding eagerly. “Thank you, Avatar Aang. That sounds like a wonderful plan.” she hummed while cleaning up my appearance.

           Ursa brushed the black strands of hair that kept falling in front of my face, tugging at a few tangles before straightening out the nightwear I wore. Ursa’s pink lips puckered towards the end, her eyes scanning my body up and down before clasping over my cheeks, “You’re running a fever, my dear.”  

           I was running a fever?

           Aang frowned hearing those words leave Ursa, scratching his beard as he walked forward, “It seems you pushed yourself by bending, Yue. We should get your chi checked by Katara-”

           “I’m fine- I promise.” I stammered, fingers twisting. The last thing I wanted was to be a bother when people should prioritize Zuko. I already caused so much trouble- “Oh, I swear, there are many things you can learn from Zuko, but stubbornness will not be one of them.” Ursa grumbled under her breath, and I coloured.

           “I promise, Ursa, I feel fine, just tired.” I lied, trying to make my speech chirpy with each word. My body ached the more I focused, head throbbing, and I knew it was because of the bending I just unleashed.

           I reached my limit, pushed myself too far…but what choice did I have? Between my bending or Zuko – the answer was clear. It’s just a matter of accepting the consequences.

           Bloodbending wasn’t a skill for the weak; it took years of practicing with Mom, healing animals before people. Even Mom got tired at the end of a busy day of treating so many people, Dad sometimes picking her up and tucking her into bed.

           “This isn’t up for discussion, Ying Yue. If you’re not the slightest bit well, we’ll never hear the end of it from Zuko when he arises.”

           “I promise, Ursa! There’s no need to cause a fuss over me.” I exclaimed, and Ursa simply rolled her eyes with a tongue-in-cheek smile. “Tell that to Zuko.”

           “Ursa-” I pouted, but before I could continue, Aang spoke.

           “Umm…my apologizes but-uhh-”

           Both of us turned to face Aang, whose brows were pinched together, a frown of concentration on his face. His hands were outstretched along the door, focusing. What was he doing? It was like he was trying to pick up on something. What could have Aang so bothered?

           “Aang…” I voiced, scared to startle him out of his stance of awareness, “What’s wrong?”

           “I don’t know, but I think someone is coming-no; people are coming.” He alleged, uncertainty lingering in his tone.

           But boy was Aang right about people.

           The ground felt like it was vibrating once he pointed it out, the sound of heavy footsteps moving together, getting louder and louder – like a swarm of bees. How did we not notice before? We were all so caught up in the moment, expressing ourselves that we failed to take in the obvious.

           Ursa frowned, my hands slipping from her grasp as she studied the door.

           “They’re here-” Aang warned, and once again, the sound of knocking resonated in the bedroom.

           Heavy and harsh – three solid knocks. With much hesitance, Aang stretched forward, opening the door wide, and I saw the way his face twisted to that of a stern expression. Could it be who I think-

           “Council.”

           “Avatar Aang. We’re here to speak with Imperial Consort, Ying Yue if you please.”

           Aang moved aside, tilting his head towards me, his eyes narrowing thoughtfully. I gulped, staggered by the hefty sound of their footsteps entering the room – a room that was vast in size, suddenly feeling small with the number of people inside.

           Eleven people stood, some young, some old – but I recognized most of their faces from my debut. There were so many people I had met; it was only a matter of time faces began combining, names forgotten, despite Zuko quizzing throughout the day.

           And while they were most certainly not dressed as majestic as that day, they maintained an appearance of high-status, hair orderly, hands in front of themselves as their eyes settled upon me. I couldn’t help but feel self-conscious, understanding how I appeared.

           Despite Ursa’s effort to clean up my appearance, I knew I was less than presentable. If I felt like poop before, now I feel even worse. But it was the two elders that stood upfront that had me rising from the comforts of my bed, their presence reminding me of Zuko’s.

           Both elders had grey hair, the woman’s hair kept in a bun while the man beside her had his partly up, similar to Zuko’s go-to hairstyle for a casual workday. But the look on the man’s face, eyes tapered as he scowled. There was a wave of unspoken anger in his expression, noting that his knuckles were white from his fingers pressing against his skin.

           “Imperial Consort Ying Yue.” He said, no, more so hissed.

           The way my title slipped from his thin lips – as if it were a struggle for him to utter those words. Zuko said that four people voted against me. I fired one of them, so could this mean-

           “H-how may I be of service, council?” I spoke carefully, my voice cracking from bawling minutes ago with Aang and Ursa.

           The man merely huffed, chest-puffing hearing my voice. The display of discontentment caused the shiny emblem that decorated his arm to glisten under the sunlight that seeped into the room. Reluctantly, he cleared his throat, getting to the point of their visit.

           “As per Fire Lord Zuko’s wish and via Fire Nation customs, should he be unable to rule, power shall temporarily fall into your hands until he is well enough to assume his role. This ruling applies immediately.”

           Shit. How did I let such a fact slip my mind-

           “You are expected to be in a meeting within the hour. I hope you are well-versed and educated in such political matters. It would be a shame for you to make a fool of yourself during a time like this.” He snickered. Embarrass myself? He thinks that because Zuko isn’t with me that he can just walk all over me-

           “My son is hurt. My future daughter in law, the future Queen, should be spending her time with him, not in some meeting that can be postponed-” Ursa voiced furiously, but the man rose his hand, shutting her up completely.

           “With all due respect, you have no authority here, Lady Ursa.”

           “But I do, and I expect you to treat Fire Lord Zuko’s mother with as much respect as you do towards him.” I demanded, channelling my inner Toph as I marched forward. My arm outstretched before Ursa as if it could protect her from the complete and utter disrespect this man was demonstrating.

           I saw Aang’s breath hitch, sensing the pressure rising in the room, moving towards our side. The man’s eyes narrowed before bitterly kissing his teeth, forcing the fakest smile I have seen to date, and at that moment, it hit me.

           I do know him; he was with the man from the other day. He was one of the people who greeted us, although greet would be a bit of a stretch, when we arrived from Ember Island. He was there when I dismissed the councilmember; he’s one of the people who voted against me.

           “My apologies, Lady Ursa.” He spat, and I glared, my guard, rising. I can’t trust him.

           “I’ll be ready in an hour. See you at said meeting.”

           He merely nodded.

           Not bothering to show any more respect than necessary, he gave me a poor excuse of a bow, before twisting his body. Parading his way out, the others followed suit, an uncomfortable silence falling over them as they shared conflicting glances amongst each other.

           Yet as everyone trailed behind, one by one, the room growing spacious, the older woman who stayed by his side the whole time stood still. She bore a soft smile, a smile of comfort. The wrinkles that decorated her face were prominent, her eyes glistening under the lighting.

           “I wish for a speedy recovery for Fire Lord Zuko, Imperial Consort.” She sang as the room emptied to no one else but us. Her tone was light, reminding me of Aang in many ways. I saw Ursa’s body lax from behind me, shooting the lady a smile – they knew each other.

           “Thank you, umm…” I drew, pitch dropping, realizing I was ignorant of her name.

           “Ming. I never got a chance to introduce myself during your party.” She voiced gently, but the way she gazed at me. It was like she was reminiscing. As if she saw something that I didn’t - knew something about me, but not something necessarily bad.

           Who was she really? Why do I feel like I should know her?

           “Councilmember, Ming. I’ll see you soon; it’s a pleasure to meet you.” I spoke cautiously, unable to push the feeling away that she was important somehow. I wonder if she was on proper terms with Zuko? Her aura, it was unlike the man who was speaking before. It was like she was happy to see me.

           “The pleasure is all mine, Imperial Consort. Until soon.”

           She slowly left the room, and Ursa huffed inwardly as soon as we heard the delicate clicking sound of the door shutting.

           “I can’t believe the audacity of some of these councilmembers, insisting on meetings at a time like this.” Ursa fumed, patting down her dress in tune with her rant. The slaps against her dress were rough, slapping the wrinkles out of her gown – but also her growing frustrations.

           I saw the way her lips pressed tight, eyes watery as she raged, “We should be more concerned about who tried to hurt Zuko and you, not this.”

           Every word she spoke, her hands were starting to shake; it was like the reality that her son was currently unconscious was hitting her. Aang glowered, sensing the crabbiness coursing through Ursa. She’s worried about Zuko, the genuine fear of a mother unable to protect her son.

           She felt helpless, and I couldn’t help but relate to her on so many levels. Helplessness, uselessness – feelings that kept bubbling up from time to time, especially now.

           “We have people looking into the case, Lady Ursa. We’re going to get to the bottom of this.” Aang reassured, talking to her as evenly as possible. Ursa sighed in defeat, nodding along because while she knew Aang was right, that didn’t change the fact that she was facing a whirlwind of emotions.

           “I just don’t understand why Iroh can’t take Ying Yue’s position. This must be such a difficult time for you, and they were completely unsympathetic to the whole situation.” Ursa puffed, and I didn’t even realize what I was doing until I saw Ursa’s expression change.

           My hand fell over her shoulder, shooting her a small smile as I squeezed her shoulder. “I’m fine, Ursa. I made a vow to this nation, to Zuko, and I don’t plan on breaking that. It’s the least I could do for him…”

           “Yue…” Aang whispered, knowing very well what I meant by my works.

           The truth was that Zuko was unconscious because of me.

           I was beyond selfish to think that I deserved him; that someone like me, a low-life Bloodbender, deserved the happiness that I experienced from these past months with him.

           Zuko almost died because of me, because of my inability to accept the fact that I didn’t deserve him – that he deserved better. I can’t sit around and do nothing anymore. The least I could do is make Zuko proud, be the Queen he always thought I could be – even for a moment.

           “I can do this…I have to do this.” I mumbled under my breath, pushing back my self-destructive thoughts.

           Now was not the time to cry, nor to worry about the what-ifs of us. There were thousands upon thousands of people depending on me at the moment until Zuko can get back on his feet. I didn’t spend countless hours reading and studying for fun.

           Ursa smiled, her hand raising to caress my cheek. “I think I know what Zuko means when he says you have the spirit of a Firebender,” Ursa whispered, and I let out a small laugh.

           “I’m no Firebender, Ursa.”

           “You’re right; you’re even better. You’re a Queen, Ying Yue, Zuko’s Queen.”

           I can only try.

             “Are you sure, Yue? I can go into that meeting with you.” Aang insisted, matching my haste pace as we travelled through the long corridors.

           The sound of my heels clicking against the marble flooring, high-pitch ticks bouncing off the walls were crystal clear. A considerable contrast to Aang’s feather-like footsteps. Our pace was in sync with my pounding heart, head in pain as I struggled to focus on my steps. My trembling hands, fidgeting with the pins that decorated my hair, didn’t help.

           All the things that could go wrong in this meeting – where do I even start? I’ve never done a meeting this grand with Zuko by my side, let alone by myself. I wasn’t ready for something like this, not to this scale.

           Sure, I did meetings back at the Southern Water Tribe, but this was completely different. The sessions there were calm and lax – jokes and smiles present at all times. And Zuko never got a chance to teach me the current plans or developments he was working on because I was sick, I’m out of the loop entirely.

           My breathing quickened.

           Chest tightening, each breath a struggle.

           I can’t do this; I’m not ready. What was I thinking-

           ‘Just breathe, follow my lead’ I recalled Zuko whispering in my ear, his voice like dark chocolate. There was always a huskiness in Zuko’s tone, a raspiness that had me swooning, or in this case, giving me a sense of security. ‘That’s it, babe, slow and steady’ – I found my eyes fluttering shut, hands falling over my chest.

           The memory was vivid, his arms wrapped around my waist, chin resting on my shoulder. The way his chest rises and falls on my back whenever we embrace, greedily trying to recall every single moment in time where he hugged me. Completely engulfed by his presence, his firewood scent, warm touch.

           You always know what to say, Zuko, I want you here so bad.

           “Yue?” Aang worried, his hand resting over my shoulder, and I froze. We stopped walking, and I reddened realizing what I was doing. “S-sorry, Aang-”

           “Yue, you’re flushed. Ursa was right about your fever; you're burning up.” Aang sighed, letting his touch drop back to his side. I pressed a smile, fingers coiling in front of me as I tried to even out my breathing. “I don’t have a choice, Aang; I have to do this.”

           “No, you don’t. This isn’t right, Yue- we both know that. You’re not well, you pushed yourself, and the last thing we need is you passing out.”

           “Aang, this is my duty. I made a vow to Zuko. This is the least I could do for him. He depends on me for this.”

           Aang blew out exasperated, and for the first time in a while, I saw a look of pure fatigue sweeping. His shoulders were tense, gripping onto his staff, his hands turning white. He’s frustrated, not with me – but with everything.

           “Aang…” I whispered, letting my hand rest over his suffocating clutch. It was like he realized then how passionately he was grasping onto his staff, almost stopping his blood flow completely. “It’s only until Zuko gets better. After that, I’ll rest, I promise. But I need to do this.”

           “This isn’t fair, Yue. Why can’t you just be happy?”

           Happy. I shrugged my shoulders, “Because monsters don’t deserve to be happy, Aang.”

           “Yue-”

           “Imperial Consort Ying Yue! We wish Fire Lord Zuko a speedy recovery from his cold.” A bunch of maids chirped, causing me to pull back from Aang.

           My head whipped to the sound of their cheery voices, noticing all the huge smiles on their faces, the sunlight from the windows casting a heavenly glow around them. Cold- “T-thank you for your support.” I stuttered.

           Am I missing something?

           The maids giggled, nodding before bowing, “Take care of yourself as well, Imperial Consort, good day!” My mouth opened, to wish them a great day as well, but no sound left. What just happened…?

           “I forgot to tell you,” Aang muttered from behind, causing me to turn on my heel.

           I rose a brow, crossing my arms as I leaned forward. “Forgot to tell me what, Aang?” I asked, and I saw the way Aang’s gaze shifted back and forth as if he was fearful of other people eavesdropping. He linked his arm with mine, strolling towards the throne room up ahead.

           “Sokka said it would be better if we keep this assassination attempt under wraps.” Aang hushed, leaning towards my figure unsuspiciously. I tried to control my expression, hiding my look of surprise. That was not what I was expecting to hear.

           “You mean lie to the kingdom?”

           “We have to, Yue. If the kingdom finds out that someone tried to poison either you or Zuko, it’ll cause chaos. We need answers, and we can get those if the people who tried the assassination think they failed, which they did.”

           “So, everyone thinks Zuko has a cold.”

           “And I brought Katara here as a healer-”

           Brilliant, absolutely brilliant. Sokka, you genius.

           I shook my head, noticing the grand doors at the end of the hallway as clear as day. Two guards stood at their post, holding on to their weapons, still as a statue. The throne room. My teeth dug into my lips, fighting to urge to turn on my heel and run back into the securities of my bed.

           But a dry cough that echoed down the hallway had me squinting. The same grumpy councilmember from this morning was standing in front of the throne room, near the doors and just out of sight.

           His arms were crossed, a bitter smile on his face as he stared down at us.

           A cold chill ran up my spine, watching the way he held his head high.

           But, just like that, he turned on his heel, entering the room. Why does it feel like everyone hates me in this kingdom?

           “I can go into that meeting with you, Yue.” Aang mumbled into my ear, and I sighed. “I’m fine, Aang. It’s just a meeting, what’s the worse that can happen?”

           Aang frowned, leaning against his staff with a raised brow – as if I was really asking such a stupid question. “A lot. There’s a reason why Zuko didn’t want you to get involved. Even with most of the councilmembers hand-picked by him, there are still a few who he’s itching to dismiss; he just can’t without a proper reason. You managed to get rid of one.”

           “Only three more to go.”

           “Be careful, Yue. That’s all I ask.” I nodded, sharing a soundless stare. Aang bowed his head, and I took a deep breath – a mutual understanding.

           Let’s do this.  

           I patted my dress down, shaking out any creases in the gown I wore. I didn’t even have time to admire the beauty of the fabric, too anxious to appreciate the exquisiteness. With much reluctance, I turned my back to Aang, slowly inching my way to the throne room.

           Straight into the lion’s den.

           The doors appeared grander as I walked down the empty hallways alone  – taking in the deep coloured wood, floor to ceiling in height, an entrance fit for giants.

           Through the light that shined through the windows, I spotted the stunning decals carved into the doors. Swirls, mimicking those of flames, etched with unbelievable accuracy. They reminded me of Zuko’s flames; controlled and restrained.

           But whenever Zuko did let loose, letting his flames run wild like that one time during the rainstorm, it was breathtaking. My hand began delicately falling over the woodwork, the closest I would get to touching Zuko’s flames without burning myself ironically.

           “Do you wish to enter?” A guard from the side spoke.

           Taking a deep breath, I nodded, unable to delay the inevitable any longer.

           The doors moaned loudly as the guards pushed the doors, allowing me to step into the great abyss. I found myself speechless, realizing that this was the first time I ever entered the Throne room. The last time this room was used was during Kayto’s visit.

           Gosh, what a sight.

           Long, endless lines of pillars adorned the space, reaching the ceiling, and it felt like beyond.

           Each post was decorated to the spirits, carved dragons flying up the posts in a spectacular dance. It felt mystical, like a depiction straight from a children's tale. The amount of time and effort that must have been given to creating such masterpieces was unfathomable. How long did it take to build this room?

           Candles lit up the space through low-hung chandeliers and candle stands, the room omitting a dark-yellow hue. The fact that this was practically a fire hazard in the making out of mind by the utter beauty of the place. But my attention fell over the sizeable dark-coloured table positioned in the center of the room.

           There sat eleven councilmembers, their eyes glued to me as I unhurriedly entered. All their faces were stern, the flickering candles casting eerie shadows over their features. And suddenly, the magic of the room started fading, the sick feeling in my stomach returning.

           “You’re late, Imperial Consort Ying Yue.” A voice boomed, a man standing from his seat at the table.

           I frowned, tilting my head at the sound of his voice, realizing who it was – this grump again.

           “Due pardon, but if I do recall, the meeting starts in an hour. I am early, fifteen minutes, in fact.” I clarified, and the councilmembers all stripped their gazes from me, staring at the table at which they sat.

           “Did you not receive the notice of time change? The meeting was due to start fifteen minutes ago.” The man shot back, and I found myself trembling. The way the room was designed seemed to draw out every single noise – his cantankerous tone hitting me from all sides.

           He set me up – he wanted me to look bad for coming late. There wasn’t a single maid looking for me, telling me about the change of time. My mouth opened and closed before swallowing my pride.

           Don’t argue with him, Yue.

           He wants you to mess up – reasons as to why you shouldn’t be with Zuko.

            “Apologizes, it seems the message failed to be relayed to me,” I spoke, each word forced because I knew the truth. The rest of the councilmember’s eyes narrowed, hearing my apology, but not in reaction to me, but to the man who spoke. They didn’t like him either; it seems.

           “No need to apologize, Imperial Consort Ying Yue. Please, take a seat at the head table.” A honied voice spoke, Ming. She stood from her seat, her back straight while bowing her head. I followed her gesture, her small hands pointing to the space at the far end of the table.

           How did I not notice that before?

           Unlike the others who sat in their seat at the table, this was a platform. Three steps above the ground, at the head of the table, a golden throne lined with luxurious rogue fabric. Hesitatingly, I walked forward, eyeing the set-up.

           The Fire Lord’s seat – Zuko’s throne.

           The style alone was undoubtedly not Zuko’s, much too gaudy, but this must have been passed down from generation to generation. Could I even sit in this place? Is this appropriate? Sure, I’m in power at the moment, but I’m not the official ruler, just a placeholder.

           “Is there an issue, Imperial Consort?” Ming questioned, her voice sounding distant. How big is this table, this room? I let out a timid smile, shaking my head. “Nothing at all, it’s perfect.” Ming smiled at my words, urging me to take a seat. As if she was letting me know that it was okay.

           I tried to lax my body, hands balling up the fabric of my dress before collapsing into the throne. It felt like clouds, the chair beyond comfy, and it gave me a clear view of everyone before me, too clear.

           The sensation of being high-up, towering above all, felt foreign, not settling well in the slightest. Towering above everyone else like I was some godly figure, all alone. Is this why Zuko doesn’t conduct meetings here? It felt isolating, almost dictating.

           Zuko was confident, too confident; he didn’t need to sit high up in a throne to command power. People just had to hear Zuko speak; his actions and work ethic alone were enough to secure his right as Fire Lord.

           Having everyone's eyes looking up at me had me feeling self-conscious, fingers playing with my dress, and that’s when I noticed the tidy pile of documents off to the side, ‘Fire Lord.’

           “The documents you see there will assist you in today’s meeting.” Ming smiled, already taking her seat once again. I nodded, reaching forward.

           I opened the folder, eyes briefly scanning its contents - schooling.

           My brows pinched together, flipping through the papers swiftly, not at all expecting to see this topic come in play today. It was all about budgets and funding for upcoming schools around the Fire Nation. The possibility of new educational institutions, finances, job increases for the general public.

           Zuko was trying to build more schools for children. Decrease the student to teacher ratio to provide a more personalized education. I had no clue Zuko was working on this-

           “Let us get straight to the point.” A councilmember coughed, my head snapping upwards to gaze over them all. My new found enemy let his hands rest on the table, palms down as if he were trying to control his composure.

           “We’re here to discuss the funding for the new schools set to be built within the year.” A councilmember rose their hand, gazing at me before speaking, “For what reasons? We have already established and approved all their placements.”

           The man merely rolled his eyes, tapping the table impatiently, “We discussed placement, but not funding. The funding that we have discussed is not enough for certain zones. Let us examine Ember Island – the funding for schooling should not be less than that of Black Cliffs.”

           I frowned, eyes darting back to the front of the document.

           A simple map was drawn, and sure enough, all the schools that had been approved were drawn on the map in red. Black Cliffs…its in the middle of nowhere…why would he want less funding if that funding is critical-

           “I disagree. Black Cliffs is in a remote area; they require more funding and a larger space since it is expected that these two villages will use this school until another one is built in the future. Ember Island already has three established schools, the new school being built is merely an expansion.” I reasoned.

           Thank you, Zuko.

           It was moments like these; I was thankful for Zuko’s complete and utter control-freak tendencies. His pretty handwriting was clear to read, the tiny notes he made off to the sides of each document helpful. I never got a chance to look at these papers beforehand like I had planned originally. He had to go and change the time of this damn meeting.

           “Nonsense. Ember Island and other cities need an increase in funding.” He insisted.

           “And why’s that?” I huffed.

           His eyes met mine, shooting me a glare. “If it was not clear in the notes in your pile, it is not unusual for high-status locations to have greater funding compared to low-class villages.”

           The language of this man. “I highly doubt that.” I started, but he pointed at the papers in my hands, “Look, Imperial Consort.” My eyes fell back onto the documents, rapidly flipping through papers.

           Contract approvals, estimated government costs for building, funding- what?

           My mouth dropped, fingers running along with the black ink, Zuko’s signature.

           The documents were older; previous educational establishments built within two years. Each city that was known to cater to high-ranking socialites gained more money for their public schools. But Zuko wouldn’t do something like that; he would never give more money to the rich.

           Yet the handwriting at the bottom, his seal of approval. Zuko agreed to this. He gave more funding to already prosperous areas in previous years.

           Why would you do that-

           “Well, Imperial Consort – did you find your proof?” The man snickered, a sinister grin on his face the whole time. He knew that I found what he wanted me to see, leaning back in his chair smugly with raised brows.

           I swallowed, nodding as I studied the paperwork.

           The gut feeling in my stomach, my mind screaming at me that this was wrong, wouldn’t go away. Zuko wouldn’t do that- he wouldn’t do this.

           “Good. We can end this meeting swiftly then. Just sign this paper here – you approving an increase of funding for these cities, and we can be dismissed.” The man smirked, waving the ivory coloured paper in the air. The other councilmembers gazed at each other in horror, shaking their heads.

           “Impossible. Fire Lord Zuko never approved of such means; he overruled Fire Lord Ozai’s school curriculum and funding process for reasons.” A woman shouted, slamming her hands.

           The man sneered at her, chinning towards me, “It seems like Fire Lord Zuko had a change of heart after all. He understands the importance of the high-ranking people of this Nation, not these filthy low-lives.”

           My hands started getting sweaty, watching the way the councilmembers began bickering with each other. They were at the edge of their seats, dropping formalities as they rose their voices. Zuko wouldn’t do that to children, gosh he had a hard exterior, but he wasn’t heartless.

           “I wish to see these documents! He would never approve!”

           “But if Imperial Consort found his signature approving of the funding in previous years…”

           “There will be an uproar from these villages. They are important, our main source of food. If they learn that we cut their funding and gave it to developed cities-”

           “Nonsense, they should know better than to revolt. Now hurry up and sign the papers!” The man shouted, slamming his hand against the table, the paper wrinkling under his grasp. The slamming of the documents reverberated in the room – bouncing off the walls and had everyone shutting up.

           His face was red, his eyes not wavering from my own, “Sign. The. Document.”

           “This needs to be deliberated in more depth-” I insisted. Gosh, Zuko wouldn’t do this, he wouldn’t approve of this. He wouldn’t do this-

           “Nothing more has to be discussed, just approve it already. If these children do not have a school to attend to by the end of this year, the blame will fall over you for delaying the process, Imperial Consort. Can you live with yourself knowing that you are the reason children will not attend school this year because you could not make a decision?”

           Just sign it Yue – you have your proof. Clearly, Zuko is okay with this.

           But I’m not okay with this.

           But the proof- My fingers fell over the black ink again, where Zuko’s signature laid.

           It was his, I knew his handwriting, down to the way he flicked his wrist or dipped his pen for ink. These papers were proof that he was okay with this, and if he’s okay with this, this leaves me with only one choice-

           “I refuse to approve the funding. I will review the documents, and we can continue this meeting this evening with my final decision.” I spoke, trying to make my voice sound solid. A wave of relief washed over the majority of the council, and I could spot the three individuals who had the opposite reaction, furry etched in their faces.

           “You are wasting time.” The man grumbled, and I heaved a sigh. “Maybe so, but regardless if Fire Lord Zuko approved of this beforehand, I need time to review this information.”

           “You may be Imperial Consort, but you will never earn the respect of a Queen – you are nothing more but a Waterbender playing dress-up.”

           An eerie silence overcame us, and for the tenth time today; I could feel my heart shatter because he was right.

           I don’t deserve to be Queen, nor Zuko’s partner.

              Nothing was going right.

           It was as if the spirits decided that today wasn’t going wrong enough – let’s add more to my plate for their sick amusement.

           My hands ran through my hair in frustration, not caring in the slightest at the fact that the beautifully placed pins tumbled onto the rug underneath me. A string of curse words that would even have Zuko proud flew from my lips.

           Not even Zuko’s level of foul language would match my current state of self-destruction.

           The black ink pooled on the tabletop, some dripping on the red of my dress, like droplets of black blood. “Gosh, just my luck.” I fumed to myself, on the verge of just throwing every single bloody document on this table out the window. How does Zuko do this every day?

           Seeing the piles upon piles of paperwork that littered the floor, the words mashing together like a giant blob. My mind was spinning, face rosy from the stress and this fever that refused to back off for a second.

           I blew loudly, brushing my hair behind my ears before leaning over the study. My arm outstretched, fingers stretching to grasp the bundle of napkins placed off to the side.

           Utterly lost in my thoughts, I failed to take into account the vial of ink I had placed right in front of me, the draping of my sleeves knocking it over.

           My eyes widen, shoulders slumping in utter despair at the clacking sound of the glass vial hitting the wooden table, yet again – spilling the remaining ink.

           “Are you KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW!?” I cried, pulling back hastily, my long-sleeves dragging the ink with it. My voice cracked slightly, raising my tone as high as I did, not expressing such defeat in spirits knows how long.

           I watched helplessly as the ink settled into the natural indents of the wood, thankfully nowhere near the documents from the meeting this morning. And at that exact moment, a knock caught my attention, and I swallowed.

           Who could it possibly be now- Shutting my eyes before taking a deep breath, I bite my lip anxiously. Calm down, Yue. Count to ten.

           One…two…

           five…seven…

           nine…ten.

           “Yes?” I squealed, trying desperately to mask my frustration. The poor soul, on the other end of the door, didn’t need to experience my wrath when they did nothing wrong. I’m just an absolute idiot, that’s the problem.

           The study door jarred slightly at the sound of my voice, and to my shock, a guard popped his head in, free of his helmet. His long wavy hair swayed side to side as he bent over from his waist, up, a worried look on his face.

           “Is everything alright, Imperial Consort-oh, did you spill the ink, again?” He mused, a silly smile popping on the guard’s face almost instantly.

           My face flushed, “…Maybe.”

           The guard didn’t even have to step back outside. He lifted his arm from behind his back, a perfectly folded set of napkins in his grasp. “Fire Lord Zuko always asks me to keep some on hand; he says his Consort is a bit of clutz.” He chuckled, leaving me stunned.

           My mouth opened, ready to protest, but the current flood on the desk, my lap and sleeve filthy had me thinking twice.

           Why do you always have to be right, Zuko?

           “I’m sorry for causing so much trouble,” I whined, my shoulders dropping in fatigue as my hand fell over my face. I rubbed my eyes, fighting back the tears of frustration, before exhaling.

           It was embarrassing.

           Here I am, pretending to act like I have the slightest idea as to what I was doing.

           Acting as if I was totally fit for this role, which I wasn’t.

           The guard let himself in, kicking the door shut behind him with his heel. He walked forward with ease, his boots clicking louder the closer he got. The guard seemed at complete ease as if he has walked inside this room countless times over the years to help clean up ink spills.

           “Don’t be sorry, Imperial Consort. Everyone has those days, even Fire Lord Zuko.”

           I perked up at the mention of Zuko, the guard starting to section out the napkins to clean up the mess. “Fire Lord Zuko wouldn’t spill his ink two times in a row, in less than an hour time,” I mumbled under my breath, and the guard snorted at my statement.

           “Permission to speak freely?” The guard requested, and I tilted my head in surprise, nodding.

           “Please, do not tell him I told you this, but Fire Lord Zuko used to go through six vials a day after his coronation because he kept knocking it over. Six times a day, I would go to the supply room, and bring them to him. I learned after day two to just keep them on me at all times.”

           I laughed under my breath at the story, the guard laughing with me, his armour rumbling with joy recalling those times. He outstretched some napkins towards me, which I grabbed with a smile, the tension in my body easing.

           I could already picture it. Zuko getting all flustered, just like me, trying to clean up his mess just to do the whole process all over again. Six times exact.

            “Thank you…I needed to hear that.” I hummed, letting a towel soak up some of the ink I had just spilled. The guard nodded his head, shooting me a smile, “No problem, you know, Fire Lord Zuko would be proud of how much work you got done. It must be nice for him to know he can take a day off when he’s sick because he has you to trust.”

           I froze, looking at the pile the guard was referring to.

           A few papers were completed, my signature at the bottom of each document with the Fire Nation seal beside. But the papers weren’t anything grand in nature – simple stuff. Stuff I used to do all the time back at the Southern Water Tribe.

           The only difference was over here, there was a lot of more pointless rules and ‘expectations,’ down to the way you cross your t’s and dot your I’s.

           “I highly doubt that…Zuko would’ve finished all this way before lunchtime, and I’m not even close.” I huffed, and the guard shook his head. “You don’t give yourself enough credit, Imperial Consort. He talks about you all the time to me. Says he trust you with his life.”

           “He does?” I shyly questioned, accidentally dropping the napkin into a small puddle of ink, causing little droplets to fly over us. I apologized under my breath, but the guard looked entertained, not bothered in the slightest that black ink now stained his uniform.

           “Of course, in fact…I am a little guilty of taking advantage of it. Whenever he is in a sour mood, I point at you through the window, and he’s back to it.”

           I coloured, recalling Zuko admitting to me he sometimes catches my morning walks with Ursa and Kiyi in the gardens. But if he can see my morning walks, that means he also sees all the times I play with Kiyi out in the gardens, or when I read books to her beneath the cherry blossom trees. Yet he still asks me what I did during the day, listening as I rambled on and on…

           “Imperial Consort, do you wish for me to put these documents away in the reject folder?” The guard interjected, cutting my thoughts in half.

           My eyes narrowed, staring at the paperwork in question. I found myself jumbled. “The-the reject pile?” I repeated, making sure of the words the guards just spoke. He nodded his head, and I found myself stunned, “These papers were from this morning meeting, I need them still.” I spoke, and I noticed the way the guards face twisted in confusion, a look matching mine.

           He opened his mouth, almost afraid to talk, and I stopped wiping the table eagerly, more interested in the thoughts running through his mind

           “You may speak, don’t hold your tongue around me. I don’t bite.” I insisted, and the guard’s shoulders visibly eased, scratching his chin like Sokka or Aang.

           “It’s just that…I don’t see why you have these papers or how you got these. These are all rejected proposals; Fire Lord Zuko just keeps them for reference.”

           Rejects-

           “So, what you are saying is these papers, this funding – was never approved?” I gasped, running around the study to the guards’ side.

           The guard’s eyes widen in surprise, a pink blush coating his cheeks. Undoubtedly, taken aback by the way my hands fell over his arms. I didn’t even notice I did such an action, so caught up in the moment, it was a reflex.

           “N-no, Fire Lord Zuko would never approve of these figures. Taking money from smaller villages, he didn’t spend years fighting with the council to change those policies, just to go back on his promises.”

           That man- he set me up.

           “He-he tricked me. He wanted me to sign those papers.” I whispered under my breath, falling against the study in a state of shock.

           Zuko’s signature on these papers wasn’t for approvals, but his mark of denial.

           I knew Zuko would never approve of this, but the council didn’t think I knew Zuko well enough to know that. They think all I am to Zuko is a royal bedwarmer, that I don't know anything about him – the very thing Mai accused me of.

           “Imperial Consort, did I say something wrong?” the guard worried, his hands hovering over my body, unsure whether to support my resting figure. The poor guy thinks I almost passed out or something from this never-ending fever.

           I laughed under my breath, a wave of relief washing over me, “How can I be mad at someone who just saved me!” I enthused, and the guard looked more confused than ever. He looked around the room, scratching his chin as a low string of ‘uh’ and ‘oh’ left him.

           “I didn’t know you needed saving…I just offered to put away these documents.” The guard awkwardly said, and I rolled my eyes.

           “You don’t get it, this morning, a few members of the council wanted me to increase the funding for certain cities – and they fed me these papers. They tried to convince me that Zuko said okay to this in the past!”

           It was like someone lit a candle in the guard’s head, his eyes widening before he swore under his breath. “I can’t believe it- for years those greedy councilmembers tried to steal money. I’ve heard Fire Lord Zuko complain about this for months. They have this weird philosophy about the survival of the fittest – oppressing the weak and living off their ill-being.” The guard spat, huffing to himself in disgust.

           “They planted false papers to get their way, tried to take advantage of you. I can’t believe it- no wonder Ming told me to keep an eye out for you.”

           “Ming?” I repeated— the older woman from this morning and the meeting, the one with a warm smile. The guard nodded, walking back and forth in the office.

           “Yes, she told me this morning to keep an eye out. That she doesn’t trust some of the councilmembers. She can’t come here herself to help you – it’ll look suspicious on her end. I’ve known her for years; she’s a good woman. She spoke with Fire Lord Zuko a few days ago before he caught this cold, offered her help as well.”

           The warmth that enveloped in my heart, my hands falling over my chest in bliss.

           I knew it-

           I knew Zuko would never do such a thing. He may be a tough cookie, but he was still sweet, and his heart was in the right place. He didn’t spend every waking second in his life to turn against his Nation – his work was his source of pride and honour.

           “I don’t know how they got these papers, Imperial Consort, but you can’t approve of this funding. It goes against Fire Lord Zuko’s whole goal.” The guard pleaded, and I smiled, clasping my hands with his. “Don’t you worry, I never was going to approve of it. But knowing that I was right all along makes things a lot easier for me. Thank you for everything.” I gushed, and the guard nodded, before stifling in a laugh.

           “We still have a mess to clean.”

           “Gosh, I forgot about that…” I muttered under my breath, but a smile still sat on my face.

           A victory.

           Even if small, it was still a win in my books.

           For the first time today, I felt like I could breathe. Actually, enjoy the fresh air that came from the window and appreciate the sun that danced along my skin. I was no longer in a weird trance, entirely out of touch with the world around me.

           “I’ll be back; we let the ink settle into the wood. I think we need some heavy-duty cleaning stuff to help us.” The guard chuckled, and I bashfully nodded, realizing just how grand of a mess I made.

           I let my fingers dab and soak up the excess ink with whatever clean towels were left, the guard letting his used rags rest on the table. His suit jiggled as he lightly jogged towards the office door. He swung it open, but just as he stepped through the doorframe, I noticed the way he jumped back slightly, bowing deeply.

           I pouted, opening my mouth to speak up, but a rush a blue and green caught my eyes.

           “Yue!” The voices cried into my ears, their arms wrapping around my body, squeezing me between them. It took a few seconds to process the embrace, but more importantly, who it was.

           “S-Suki, Katara?” I gasped out in surprise, struggling to breathe between their hug.

           Katara pulled back, running her hands down my face with a large frown. “Ursa was right; you’re heating up. Aang, you should’ve dragged her to me!” She nagged, and right away, a voice of protest popped up from behind her. “I wanted to, but she insisted on working.”

           “Just as stubborn as Zuko.” I heard Toph grumble under her breath, although I failed to spot her, Katara and Suki taking up much of my view.

           “How are you feeling, Yue? You look like shit, no offence.” Suki proclaimed, poking my nose good-humouredly. Even though she wore her thick makeup, I spotted the way her eyes lit up, wrinkles forming around her eyes. That’s right, Aang lied to them. None of them have a single clue as to what I did.

           I swallowed hard, looking back and forth around the room, seeing Sokka and Aang sneak into the room. The door shut behind them, and while they talked and asked questions about my well-being, I couldn’t help but focus on their appearance.

           They all looked drained as if they were put through the wringer. But the look on Katara’s and Sokka’s face took the cake. I hadn’t seen any of them all day, only Katara in the morning when she rushed to Zuko’s side. Dark circles painted their tanned skin, their bright blue eyes not shining as bright as usual.

           I frowned, raising my hand to cup Katara’s face.

           She must have been healing this whole time, trying to help Zuko. If only I could be as great of a healer as Katara- “You look tired, Katara. Are you resting?” I whispered, and she scoffed.

           Her hand gripped mine, pushing it away as she once again pressed the back of her palm against my forehead. “I’m fine, Yue, we’re all fine. But you, not so much. Have you eaten lunch today?” I flushed under her gaze, shaking my head with a silent ‘no.’

           Sokka kissed his teeth, noticing he wandered from behind me, resting his hands on my shoulders. His touch had me wobbling, the weight of his hands on my shoulders feeling heavy. I felt weak – and I realized I was still leaning against the study as a form of support.

           “Princess, you look ill. We can talk later; I think you need to call it quits for today.”

           “Talk to me about what?” I asked, facing Sokka, Katara’s hand dropping from my face. He sighed, looking at the others for approval of some sort. “Sokka, let’s not do this now...” Katara warned, but Toph’s unamused tone triumphed them.

           “It’s about Zuko, Princess.”

           Katara twisted on her heel – anger flashing in her eyes at Toph’s nonchalant talking, but she wasn’t fazed at all. Toph’s blindness proved to work in her favour, already lounging on the office floor, resting her head on her palm, elbow on her knee.

           My heart started pounding, seeing the dark looks on everyone’s faces, “Is Zuko going to be okay? Aang told me he was going to be okay-” I panicked, and Suki quickly wrapped her arms around my shaking body, hushing into my ear.

           “Hey, he’s going to be just fine. It’s nothing bad, we promise.”

           A deep exhale left me, my eyes fluttering shut as I fell against Suki. “I just want him to be okay. That’s it.” I whimpered into her arms, and I felt Sokka rest his hand on my head, petting my hair. “Don’t worry, Princess, we got this. We just wanted to bring you up to speed.”

           “Did you learn anything new?” I questioned, pulling back from Suki’s embrace slightly. She still held me close to her frame, and Katara nodded. “Yue…did you know that Firebenders are resistant to poison?”

           My eyes narrowed, unable to form words. Resistant to poisons? How is that possible? “I-I had no clue-”

           “Me neither, I learned that today with the nurses. But that’s the thing, why try to kill the Fire Lord with poison, the very thing that Firebenders are immune? Sounds counter-intuitive, don’t you think?” I stared, trying to under what they were trying to get at.

           I saw the way Zuko struggled to breathe; he didn’t resist the poison at all. He was dying; I felt him slipping from right beneath my fingers. “I don’t get your point….”

           “Whoever did this was trying to target you, Princess,” Sokka said, and I faced him. “We know that already, Sokka. The tea was meant for me. But what does that have to do with Firebenders and poison? Zuko didn’t look like he was resisting the poison at all. He was gasping and struggling and-”

           Suki gripped my hands, noticing I was shaking, just picturing Zuko again. The mental image of Zuko in pain forever etched into my mind.

           “Exactly, Yue. Zuko wasn’t resisting the poison at first, and that got me curious.” Katara budded in, turning to face Aang. He walked forward, searching into his robe, before pulling out a tiny red pouch.

           “How is it possible, that Zuko, a powerful Firebender, almost died from poison, when Firebenders are supposedly resistant?” Katara spoke, taking the bag and tugging the strings. The contents of the pack fell into her palm, grounded bits of herbs, scattering her palm.

           I remember those herbs-

           “That was what was in the tea…” I gasped, and Katara nodded.

           “Zuko’s mom is a master botanist, a fact not too well-known in the kingdom. We asked her to look at these herbs and tell us what it was. And you know what she told us, Yue?” Aang spoke, and I shook my head.

           I loved plants, always wanted to be florist back when I lived in Earth Nation. Have my little flower garden with a family. But I lacked the resources to learn the technicalities of the field, let alone botany. “I-I don’t know…”

           “Ursa said the same thing.” Aang started, poking at the herbs with his pointer finger. “This – isn’t something we know. Someone created this herb, Ursa said it’s called cross-pollination. It’s an advanced technique; not even Ursa is comfortable with it anymore. But whoever did this, did so with the sole purpose of creating a poison so potent that it could kill a person in seconds, or disable a Firebender.”

           “Someone wanted you to die, Princess, and if given a chance, kill Zuko too. A two for one combo.” Toph snorted, blowing upwards and causing her bangs to fly upwards.

           Katara dumped the contents inside the pouch again, passing it back to Aang. “You were their main target, Zuko was just an after-thought.”

           “So, what you’re trying to tell me is the person in question is a botanist?”

           “It seems so, but when we interviewed the gardeners and florists, everyone came back clean. They don’t fit the bill.” Sokka exclaimed, “Suki and I went through every registered gardener and florist assigned to the kingdom, everyone had an alibi.”

           “Does this…does this have something to do with Yakone and Azula?” I whispered. Everyone’s looks darkened, Aang meeting my gaze. “We don’t know for certain...we don’t even know what their goal is besides destroying the United Nations. But if that was the case, wouldn’t it be easier to attack me?”

           Katara visibly tensed, looking back at Aang with a frown, “Don’t say that…”

           “But it’s true; their motives are unclear and-”

           “Sokka.” I budded, cutting off Aang. Everyone perked up at my voice, stepping forward as I paced back and forth. “You said you checked every gardener and florist registered with the kingdom, right,” I questioned, looking straight at Sokka.

           He nodded, watching how I stomped up and down the room. Katara sighed trying to reach forward, “Yue, you need to sit down, you look like you’re going to pass out-”

           “What about Mai?” I blurted.

           The looks on everyone’s faces dropped.

           I stopped pacing, a hand falling over my head the more and more I thought about it. “Mai’s sister, owns a flower shop, right? Zuko said she works for her sister, not for the kingdom. She isn’t a botanist, but she could’ve easily tricked her sister into creating something this deadly.”

           “Yue. I know Mai is Zuko’s ex-girlfriend, and you already think she’s guilty beforehand-” Sokka spoke, and my face turned red.

           “I’m not accusing her of something because she’s Zuko’s ex, Sokka! I’m saying it because we know she’s the snitch, and if we know she’s working with Azula, why would she be innocent of this?”

           Aang took a deep breath, shaking his head as he took a step back. The room was growing in tension, and I didn’t even notice the way Toph stood. “Princess is right. You guys let your personal feelings get in the way – yet again. She’s a prime suspect first, before a friend. She has all the tools, easy access in and out of the kingdom. She would’ve known that Princess gave Kima and Lia the morning off.”

           My face twisted to confusion, stepping forward, “Give Kima and Lia the morning off?” I repeated, and this time they all gazed at me like I was crazy. “I was told that Kima and Lia took the day off because something came up.” I blurted.

           “No…we have paperwork saying you gave them the morning off. You sent a guard with a note; we just asked Kima and Lia a few minutes ago when they arrived-”

           “Imperial Consort Ying Yue did not send me to deliver such a letter.” A voice spoke up, causing us all to jump.

           The guard who was helping me from before was holding some cleaning supplies, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed deeply. “S-sorry for interrupting, but Imperial Consort Ying Yue did not request me to send the letter.”

           “You sent the letter?” I asked, and the guard nodded.

           “Yes, last night, before they left. Countess Mai asked me to deliver that letter to your maids in your place.” His cheeks flushed slightly, uncomfortable by the number of stares he was receiving, but he maintained eye contact with myself.

           “I-I knew about the rumours about you and Countess Mai, b-budding heads, so I was surprised. But she said you two had some afternoon tea and worked your differences. That she will be your aid, as a symbol of goodwill. I’m sorry, what is this all about-”

           “Goodwill, my fucking ass.” I snarled, and just like that, I bolted.

           “Yue~!” Aang shouted, “Where are you going!?”

           “Nobody hurts Zuko and gets away with it.”

           I ignored their cries, shoving past the guard, the cleaning supplies spilling onto the ground. My hand gripped the door handle, swinging the door wide.

           Red, all I saw was red.

           My hands turned into fists, not caring about the stares I was receiving from the guards and servants. My hair was a mess, dress dirty from the ink stains from earlier today. I wasn’t even wearing my heels anymore, opting for a more comfortable footwear the moment I went into the study – proving useful at the moment.

           The gang’s voices seemed distant, as I ran down the red-coloured hallways. The sun was starting to set, blood pumping loudly in my ears.

           Mai.

           How I tried to be friends with you.

           How I tried to think well of you despite all the trash you spoke about me.

           You can hurt me as much as you like, but don’t you dare hurt the people I love.

           I turned the corner, noticing that the rooms of the kingdom were changing. The artwork was less grand, the doors no longer as tall – I’m in the noble’s quarters. A few people dressed in regal clothing stared at me, eyes narrowing in confusion as they saw the way I scanned the area like a madwoman.

           “Is there something you need, Imperial Consort Ying Yue?” a woman asked prudently, her eyes judging my appearance.

           I glared, stepping forward, “Where is Countess Mai.” I hissed.

           Her eyes widened, the people around her looking panicked, hearing my manic tone. She took a step back, her body trembling with fear as she watched the way my fingers twitched with anger. “I-I’ll call for her, um- MAI!”

           A scene started to unfold, more and more people leaving the comforts of their quarters to look at the commotion happening outside. But it was that sound. That bored, mono-toned voice that had chills running up my spine

           “What do you want?” Mai hissed, turning the corner of the hallway, a look of displeasure written on her face. Her cat-like eyes met mine, her figure stilling, and I forced a smile.

           “Your nose healed nicely.” I spat, and without a moment to spare, she ran.

           My knees bent, chasing at full speed.

           The way Mai moved with ease, turning the corner she just came from as I hastily struggled to catch up. The long gown I wore kept slowing me down, the guards reaching out for me hearing my heavy footsteps.

           “Imperial Consort, what are you doing-”

           “Give me this,” I shouted, grabbing the dagger attached to their hips as I ran past them.

           They couldn’t react fast enough, slipping through them like water in a desperate effort to not lose track of Mai. She knew the kingdom better than me, and she was taking full advantage of it.

           Her light-weight but fitted clothing gave her an edge, looking over her shoulder with a glare as she saw I was on her tail. Mai wasn’t stupid; she was a trained fighter – her lean physique and quick steps were the proof.

           I reached down hurriedly, yanking a large chunk of my dress in my hands, slicing the extra material off. The sound of expensive fabric being ripped to shreds would’ve had the royals crying. But the dead fabric dropping from my hands had me sighing in relief.

           My legs felt free, no longer under the tight constraints, or weighted down. Now I can fight. My pace quickened, pushing myself off the wall as she turned another sharp corner.

           “Give up; already, you think you can catch me?” Mai snarled, and my eyes widened. Her hands snuck up her sleeves for a brief moment, before flicking her wrist towards me.

           I gasped, the glistening look of the setting sun reflecting off metal had me darting to the side. I twisted my body and bumped ungracefully against the hallway wall. The feeling of a sharp piece of metal cutting my cheek had me flinching, noticing that Mai stood still for a moment with a broad grin.

           “You don’t know how good that felt.”

           “You poisoned the tea, didn’t you?” I shouted. Mai shrugged her shoulders, “I didn’t do anything. I just gave the tools necessary. That’s all.”

           “You almost killed Zuko.”

           Her eyes narrowed at my words, snickering under her breath, “If he died, it would’ve been your fault. I told you the moment you came here. You made a mistake.” She turned on her heel, picking up the pace, and I huffed.

           I flung myself forward, disregarding the pain that radiated up my body. I can’t go on for much longer; I’m too weak from this morning. But I have to do this- A large red door was at the end of the hallway, and I spotted the way Mai’s hand stretched forward.

           Oh no, you don’t- I twirled the small dagger in my hand, and with a grunt, rocked my arm forward.

           Mai’s fingers grazed the knob before the sound of metal slicing through wood had her swearing. Pieces of timber sparked, splinters flying in the air at the sheer impact of the dagger piercing the exit. Mai flinched, realizing what I had done – the door was jammed.

           “Fuck,” Mai swore under her breath, before jumping on her toes, the look of absolute anger evident. She looked to her side, and with an irritated grunt, dashed towards the only hallway available.

           It’s a dead-end, she’s going to have nowhere to go.

           My pace slowed, almost running into the blocked door, praying that no one was on the other side, because they were going to be stuck in there for a bit. I looked towards the hallway Mai ran down, half expecting her to be throwing a temper tantrum, realizing she has nowhere to go, another part anticipating her to put up a fight.

           But to my absolute horror and confusion - Mai was still running at full speed. My mouth dropped, face paling. It’s a dead-end besides a window, we’re on the second floor; she couldn’t possibly be thinking-

           The sound of glass shattering had people screaming in their rooms.

           It bounced off the wooden floors, tiny pieces flying in the hallway – some even cutting the paintings that hung nearby. The small shards created streams of rainbows throughout the corridor- as I watched in utter awe.

           Mai’s crazy.

           And if Mai weren’t the reason that Zuko was currently in the nurses' station, unconscious, I would’ve saluted her. A part of me had to scoff at the idea of Zuko and her in a relationship. No wonder they didn’t work out – you had two ruthless, stubborn warriors, neither of them willing to submit or show weakness no matter what.

           ‘Too many cooks in the kitchen’ – wise words Iroh.

           I groaned under my breath, forcing my legs to trek forward, flinching as my feet were still sore from the small cuts I received from early in the day. My hands reached out, leaning out the window, the smell of fresh air filling my nostrils.

           Where the fuck could she have gone?

           My eyes desperately scanned the area, the waterfall that Toph just fixed in full view. Glass littered the grass below, servants causing a ruckus about the mess, but I pushed back the random shrieks of shock because I couldn’t find the very thing I wanted.

           Where is she? I turned my head to the side, only to have my body lax for a moment,  a sarcastic laugh leaving my lips.

           This sneaky bitch.

           Mai smirked, realizing that I spotted her, running along the roof before sliding her way down to the garden below. The red shingles on the rooftop shook and dislodged with every step she took, despite her light actions, landing onto the soft grass with ease.

           I looked at the distance between me and the roof. I don’t have the momentum; I won’t make the jump. But…I do have this-

           Taking a deep breath, I raised my hands, feeling the movement of the water from the waterfall.

           The servants quickly adverted their attention from the glass to the low rumbling coming from the waterfall, realizing that the waterfall was no long sprouting water – but coming at full speed towards me. They moved to the side in fear, and I found myself stepping off the window sill, flinging myself over the edge.

           The feeling of weightlessness hit me, still very much swinging my arms above my head in a frantic effort for the water to come to me. Black spots started filling my vision at a higher intensity than ever before, a cold numbness overcoming my senses as my body begged for rest – even for a second.

           I’m using too much chi, but I don’t have much choice at the moment.

           My gestures became more agitated, and right before I hit the ground, my body was immersed by water. Shielding me from the fall, I tightened my hands into fists, the water around me conforming around my body as a thin sheet of ice, rolling along the grass.

           Mai’s eyes widened in astonishment, seeing me jump back to my feet, before making a mad break through the unmarked zone of the gardens. That zone was supposed to be blocked entirely - Zuko saying it was still under renovation at the moment, a summer project of his.

           I swallowed deeply, taking note of how substantial my breathing has gotten. No matter how profound I inhaled, I could feel my lungs screaming for air. I need a breather; I can’t go on for much longer. Hot sweat layered over my skin, body clammy from over-exhaustion, the beating sun not making matters any better. But I need to catch her – I can’t stop now.

           With a deep gulp, I willed myself to push forward through the greenery in search of Mai.

           The sound of grass crunching under our feet, our hands hysterically pushing the overgrown tree branches and bushes to the side as we struggled to see in front of us. The area was dark, the sunlight barely making it past the greenery, the air crisp.

           “Stop running, Mai!” I shouted in a pathetic attempt to stop this mad chase. Just maybe, maybe, she would listen. Spots started to fill my vision once again, the gaps between what was in front of me and the dark spots making it difficult to focus. I bit my lip as a means to center myself.

           I’m running out of time-

           My arm raised in front of me, the sound of metal lodging itself into my ice, stopping dead in my tracks. Ice shreds flattered off my arm at the impact, and I let out a sigh of relief, realizing I got her weapon in time. Her daggers can’t pierce my ice-

           I gasped out in pain, her long fingers yanking my hair from the side and jerking me towards her. It all happened so fast, not even realizing that she was already beside me in seconds, my hair in her grip.

           She pivoted on her heel, using all her force to raise her knee straight into my stomach. My eyes widened, ice melting temporarily at the sheer disbelief of the attack. The pain was unbelievable, a dry heave escaping me as I cried.

           The way Mai moved – it reminds me of Azula so much. And if that’s the case-

           I shrieked in agony as the grip on my locks didn’t loosen, feeling each strand pulling from my scalp, using it as a leash to pull me back towards her for another attack. My feet stumbled forward as I doubled over in pain, watching as she rose her free hand into the air with a dagger in hand.

           “This is your fault.” Mai hissed, and at that moment, I dug my shoulder into her stomach.

           I grabbed her hips with a low grunt, lifting her off her feet and throwing onto the ground. The hold on my hair loosened, the dagger Mai held in her hand, falling onto the grass beside us.

           Her head hit the dirt, with a loud thud, and I swirled my hands around me, sitting on her waist as I pinned her wrists. The water slithered onto her skin, freezing over her hands and solidifying itself with the dirt. Her eyes widen, trying to kick upwards, but the water caught her feet, forcing her back to the ground.

           “I caught you.” I panted in pain, sweat dripping off my forehead as a cold shiver ran up my body.

           My body was shaking, losing focus rapidly as I forced myself to continue bending. The need to have Mai pinned underneath me, unable to move an inch, was the only motivation keeping me alive.

           Mai’s face twisted in anger, struggling against her bonds, “You’re a fucking fool.”

           “Says the one who almost killed her ex-boyfriend after proclaiming that you love him.” I breathlessly criticized, causing her to roll those dark eyes.

           “You don’t get it, do you? The only reason Zuko almost died was because of you.” I narrowed my eyes at her words. Let it go, Yue, don’t entertain her.

           But-

           “What does that mean, Mai.”

           “It means if you want Zuko to be happy, to be safe, you’ll pack up your things and leave.”

           “You just want me out of the picture.”

           “Think whatever you want to. All this started the moment you arrived here. Zuko’s life wasn’t in danger until you showed up.”

           I froze at her words, and Mai laughed bitterly, seeing the expression on my face. Because despite all the bullshit she put me through, she was right. Zuko was safe before I entered the picture – everything seemingly ties back to me somehow.

           Could she-could Mai be telling me the truth?

           “Think about it. All this drama happened because of you. Everything ties back to you being a Bloodbender.” She spat.

           My eyes widened, fingers digging into her skin under the cast of ice wrapped around her joints. But she didn’t seem the slightest bit fazed by the pain.

           “You know nothing, Mai.” I heaved, struggling to keep myself up at this point. My body was screaming in pain, my eyes shutting close as I tried to keep awake. “But I do. That poison, the only way to save him would be through Bloodbending. Aren’t you the tiniest bit curious who Yakone is? Why he’s so interested in you – why he reminds you of your precious Mom?”

           “Shut up.” I cracked, fighting back the tears of frustration. Don’t let her get to you, Yue. She’s trying to mess you up, keep it together. A few more seconds before the gang finds you-

           “Admit it. It all comes down to you. If anyone gets hurt, it’s all your fault.”

           “N-no, I would never hurt the people I love-” I gulped.

           “But you already did. You almost killed Zuko- he would never love you.”

           “Zuko loves me-”

           “Loved you. Zuko would never love a monster like yourself. Not after everything you’ve done.”

           The sound of crackling made my eyes open wide and head twist to the side.

           A blue flash caught my attention, energy sizzling and buzzing loudly through the empty garden space. I saw the movement of fingers through the low-rise tree branches, amber eyes staring back at me. Shit-

           I melted the ice instantly, much to my relief, jumping off Mai as I dodged for cover. The wicked sound of electricity cutting through the air, hitting the trees behind me, setting them ablaze. The heat that emitted from the foliage was intense, my skin feeling sunburned even through my dress.

           “A-Azula.” I gasped in pain, unable to get off the ground.

           Mai effortlessly rolled her body, skipping back onto her feet as she breezed towards Azula. “I’m wet.” She grumbled under her breath, waving her long sleeves to emphasize her point. Azula snorted, at her friends' gesture, flicking her long black hair behind her shoulder.

           “You’re lucky I came to save you. It seemed that this wrench overpowered you.”

           “She got lucky,” Mai groused back, kicking her feet into the dirt in front of her. Her dagger flew into the air, her hand reaching forward and snapping it up effortlessly. “Well, might as well leave then. No point causing any more of a scene than we already have.”

           Mai nodded at Azula’s words.

           I tried to stand up, forcing my feet to move, but my body refused to listen. I can’t let them leave; I need to stop them.

           “Wait-” I whimpered under my breath, trying to reach out. My hands dug into the dirt, driving myself to stand on my feet once again, but my knees buckled, crashing back onto the ground. Azula didn’t bat an eye to my cry, ignoring my weak protest as she twisted on her heel and blended in with her surroundings.

           But I saw the way Mai stilled for a second.

           She gazed over her shoulder with a look that had me holding my breath. For the first time since I met her, she let down her tough exterior, her eyes no longer containing that spark of feistiness. All that was left was a look of sadness, hurt…and pain.

           So much pain.

           I tilted my head to the side, unable to utter a word seeing the expression on her face – and as if Mai realized that she revealing too much of herself to me, a scowl painted her pretty face.

           “Remember, Yue,” Mai whispered breathlessly. “If you really love Zuko – want the best for him. You know what to do.”

           She whipped her gaze away from mine, sprinting off into the greenery around us – and there I sat – forced to bask in Mai’s words in a pile of mud.

           Sitting alone, with nothing but the sounds of trees rustling, birds chirping, flames crackling I found my eyes fluttering shut. An endless pit of loneliness emerging from deep within.

           My fingers dug into the filth as I cried because I knew what I have to do.

              “Does my baby want some attention?”

           “Maybe…” I giggled, smiling naughtily as I let my hands play with the ends of Zuko’s hair. My legs were wrapped perfectly around Zuko’s waist, currently straddling him as he rested on the couch in our bedroom – in his reading corner.

           I could hear the book he was reading shut with a soft thud from behind me, tossing the novel onto the coffee table with all the other stories I stocked. Stories I knew Zuko would love to read during his spare time.

           Feeling his warm hands caress my hips, running up my back before finally falling on my jaw had my skin tingling. Butterflies in my stomach as I enjoyed his tender touches. The whole time Zuko bore a soft smile, his eyes in a dreamy daze as he studied my figure up and down.

           “You’re beautiful, you know that…” he mumbled under his breath, and I blushed at his words.

           He continued letting his fingers roam, thumb brushing my lips, rubbing my cheeks, and I couldn’t help but purr like a kitten. How I loved this. Zuko always took his time, never rushing, each touch, each caress, done with a particular intent.

           I didn’t even notice my eyes had fluttered shut until I heard Zuko’s deep chuckle once again, cheeks turning a dark hue of red. “S-sorry.” I blurted, realizing I was practically leaned into Zuko, our noses touching. But Zuko merely grinned, shaking his head, “You're needy.”

           “Just one kiss?” I pouted, and I saw the way Zuko rolled his eyes – trying his hardest to seem indifferent to the idea. But I still saw the way he licked his lips in delight, his eyes settling over my own.

           “What if I want two kisses, love?” Zuko teased, and I smiled, “Then I’ll give you three.”

           “And if I want four?”

           “Then you’ll get five.”

           “How about…a hundred kisses?”

           “Then you’ll get a hundred and one kisses.” I smugly retorted, and Zuko laughed.

           His chest rumbled underneath me, eyes squinting in delight at my silliness. His laugh was contagious, unable to stop my giggles from tumbling, our cheerfulness mixing.

           I’m so happy-

           “Yue, let me put a bandage on your cheek. It should heal within a day or two.” Katara hummed softly, leaning over my figure with outstretched fingers – pulling me out of my fantasy.

           Her touch was gentle, the stickiness of the bandage causing a slight itch on my skin where it stuck, reminding me of the dressing I had to wear on my jaw for a bit. “Thank you…” I muttered out tiredly, running a hand through my chaotic hair.

           I could hear the ruckus happening outside in the gardens through the opened window, already imagining everyone turning over every single pebble in that garden for any traces or clues. ‘Mai had all her shit packed, she was going to leave tonight,’ Sokka said before leaving Zuko’s study to help the others.

           A tired groan left my lips, rolling my head side to side to ease the tension in my shoulders. My eyes struggled to stay open, wanting nothing more but to slide into my warm bed, Zuko hugging me from behind-

           “Hey, did you ever find out what the Earth King wrote that was so important for Zuko to read?” Katara asked, catching my attention.

           My tired eyes opened a bit more, trying to appear alert as I saw the olive-green document in Katara’s hands. I shook my head, leaning over to take the neatly pre-opened envelope from her touch. Zuko never finished reading this letter; he decided to take me out for dinner instead.

           “I figured you would’ve read it; it seemed urgent,” Katara added.

           “You’re right; I should probably give it a read…” I whispered, letting the paper fall on my lap as I propped against the desk. A silence fell over us, both us trying to wrap our heads around what was happening.

           Mai set up the whole thing, and I saw the way the news hurt the team.

           They all looked wounded, their greatest fears coming alive. They knew Mai was the snitch, but seeing her running away, actually admitting guilt, was rubbing salt in the wound at this point. Why would you do this, Mai?

           Everyone says this is unlike you, yet here you are, doing exactly what you wouldn’t ever do.

           “Um, do you want to visit Zuko?” Katara said again, almost rushed, trying to fill the void with some sound. My body stiffened at the mention of Zuko, looking up at Katara like a lost child.

           “I-I-”

           “You haven’t seen him all day. I know it must be hard for you.”

           “I-It’s fine; I’ll-I’ll visit him tomorrow.” I blurted, shaking my head as I pushed myself off the table. I let my fingers play with the edges of the envelope in my hands, trying to look busy and distract myself from Mai’s haunting words.

           Zuko doesn’t love me anymore…

           She’s just trying to mess with you, Yue.

           But Mai has known Zuko her whole life. She probably knows Zuko better than I will ever. I’m an idiot for thinking that I was actually important-

           “You can visit Zuko now, Yue. I know you want to-”

           “I’m fine, Katara. I-” I stilled, no longer playing with the green folder in my hands to distract myself from my dark thoughts. Feeling the paper slide between my hands, grazing the Earth Nation wax seal jogged a whole new can of worms into my mind.

           My eyes widened, feeling my skin crawl- “Shit, I forgot! I have a meeting!” I gasped.

           My gut dropped, letting out a worn-out whine as I ran a hand through my hair.

           I looked out the window, noticing that the sun was starting to hide behind the tree-line, the moon ready to make an appearance in due time. But that means it must have started already, and now I’m going to be late, again.

           And that grumpy man is going to use that against me and say how useless I am and-

           “Yue. You can’t be serious?” Katara exclaimed, watching me bolt upwards and towards the study. I gave a mental thanks to the guard from early in the day, realizing he cleaned the desk despite me leaving the way I did. I need to thank him-

           “Ying Yue,” Katara growled, her hand yanking my shoulder back.

           I jumped at the aggressive shove, forcing me to face Katara. Her face was warped with fury, watching me as if I had eight heads. “What about Zuko?” Katara breathed, emphasizing each word.

           “What about him, Katara?” I snapped, swinging the documents in my hands into the air. “He’s out cold, because of me. Everything that happened today is because of me. Everything. The reason why Zuko almost died, the reason all this drama is happening, the reason why Zuko is drowning with all this council bullshit every day - it all leads back to me!” I cried in frustration.

           Katara’s face softened immediately, trying to reach forward to cradle me, but I stepped back. “You’re punishing yourself-” Katara realized, and I swallowed back a sob. “No, I’m doing Zuko a favour. He doesn’t want to see me, Katara. How could he after everything I’ve done?” I cried, pushing the folder tightly to my chest.

           Katara shook her head, her own eyes tearing, “Yue, Zuko loves you-”

           “Zuko loved me. Just-just drop it; I need to go.”

           “Yue, forget about the meeting-”

           “I can’t, Katara! It’s the only thing going somewhat right – the only thing I can give to Zuko when he wakes up. The least I could do for him.”

           “Yue-” I walked forward, the office door opening wide as I dashed out of the room.

           I ignored the cries of Katara behind me, blood rushing in my ears as I stormed down the hallway. The documents in my hands were crumbling under my death grip, furiously wiping the tears on my cheeks.

           This is the only thing I could do for Zuko – the only thing I managed to get right.

           The guards up ahead, safeguarding the throne room, saw my approaching figure, looks of disbelief etched into their faces. “Imperial Consort – the meeting was set almost an hour ago-”

           “Are they still in there, waiting?” I asked, and I saw the way the guard took in my appearance, mud stuck in my hair.

           “Y-yes-” they stuttered, and I nodded, “Good.”

           Not bothering to wait for the guards to open the door for me, I stormed inside.

           The doors swung open, slamming against the walls and catching the attention of the council in seconds. They all stood tall, eyes wide as they took in my appearance. “Oh my- Imperial Consort, are you alright?” A councilmember gulped in shock, and I ignored their inquiry, my eyes meeting that asshole.

           His face was stern, kissing his teeth as he studied my figure up and down in disgust. “You’re almost an hour late – and you come in looking like that.” He laughed bitterly; his two stupid minions amused by his joke. The councilmembers all shut their mouths, noticing the annoyance in my posture.

           “How about you take a seat, Imperial Consort?” A member politely suggested, and I shook my head, forcing myself to smile at them.

           “I’m perfectly fine because I plan on making this meeting short. Increase of funding – denied.”

           The man's eyes widen at my statement, crashing his hands on the table. For a moment, I thought he was going to jump over the counter, lunging at my throat. “Bullshit. Why is it denied, you know Fire Lord Zuko approved of the documents previous years, you saw his signature-”

           “No. What I saw was three councilmembers manipulating and falsifying classified documents to trick myself, and the council, to believing that Fire Lord Zuko approved of such funding.”

           The colour drained from their faces, but more importantly, the grumpy man who started all of this.

           His mouth opened and closed, unable to utter a word in response, and the rest of the members looked at them in horror. I raised the papers in the air, tossing them onto the table, seeing the documents glide into messy piles.

           “What’s wrong, you thought that because I’m Imperial Consort that I just have to sleep with Fire Lord Zuko, like some glorified concubine? That I don’t have a backbone? A mind of my own?” I spat, and I saw the bead of sweat build on his brow.

           “Only a concubine would speak with such vulgar language.” He scowled.

           “Maybe so, but it seems to be the only way for your small brain to understand. Which leads me to my next point - you, and your accomplices, will be charged with treason.”

           “Y-you have no evidence-” I rolled my eyes, hands falling over my hips, “You sure about that? Because I currently have eight others who can vouch for me. So, let the real joy of this situation come to light.”

           Out of the corner of my eye, I saw smug smiles on everyone's faces, hearing me put these fools in their place. But more importantly, I noticed that warm smile on Ming’s face, a smile filled with pride.

           My back straightened, holding the Earth Nation document to my chest, “You were so eager to get rid of me. But you will not lose your roles as councilmembers until Fire Lord Zuko comes in power once again. So rather than waking up tomorrow, eager for Fire Lord Zuko to awake – you’re going to wish he doesn’t. Because as long as I’m in this position, you still have your job – you’re going to want me to be in charge from this point on.”

           All the didn’t bother trying to hide their growing grins, watching as three of the most hated members get scolded like school children – stripped of all power and authority.

           I raised my head high, clearing my throat, “Now that’s settled, meetings dismissed.”

           Turning on my heel, trying to look as confident as I possibly could with twigs in my hair, dress ripped in half and covered in mud and ink, I walked out of that room with my chin up. I could hear chairs being pushed back at my words, my lips tugging upwards.

           A few claps could be heard from behind me as I made my way out, and a tired laugh left me. The guards before me amusingly opened the door, sporting prideful grins as the light from the grand hallway flooded my vision.

           And the moment I stepped outside, ready to celebrate my victory – tears streamed down my face.

           I kept on marching forward, my sobs growing in intensity, eyes blood-shot as my shoulders shook every time I tried to hold back another cry. I couldn’t stop it, the way my legs wobbled, a hand covering my mouth to muffle the small whimpers that left my lips as I ran towards my bedroom.

           I hope I made Zuko proud for once.

           I hope that when Zuko wakes up, he smiles at me. I want him to hug me, pepper kisses all over my face, saying how well I did.

           But no matter what.

           Above all things - “I just want to keep you safe, make you happy.” I cried into my hands, “even if its not with me.”

Copyright © 2019 Mystic-Kitten, inc. all rights reserved. No reposting, modifying, or translations of any kind allowed. Thank you for your cooperation.

Disclaimer: I do not own any Avatar characters portrayed in this story besides Ying Yue Jiang, Lia, Kima, and any future creations.

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[bellatrixobsessed1]

The Dragon Egg (Parts 7 & 8)

For @secrettunnelatla

In one night, her world shatters. 

It was such an amazing night that she hadn’t even known.

There is a lively hum in the air, an anticipation that has been building steadily, amped up twice over by the opening band. Admittedly, her stomach is fluttering with both delight and nervousness. 

They have finally done it. 

They are finally headlining. 

And they are doing it with strong song material and a sound that Azula is fully satisfied with. 

The lights dim on the venue floor and a telltale hush befalls the crowd. It is in this silence that the anticipation peaks. It is released in an explosion of claps and cheers when Zirin makes her way to the stage. 

Azula envisions her holding up her drumsticks before she gives the drums a teasing beat. Chan and Ruon wait until the claps die away to emerge for themselves. The claps are louder still. “Good evening, Caldera!” Chan greets, “tell me what you think of this!” 

At the strumming of his guitar, Azula makes her way onto the stage. And as they should, their cheers reach the highest volume that they possibly can. She doesn’t address them yet, she never does. That is reserved for after her first song has been sung. 

She scans a sea of leather, piercings, and dyed hair for Seicho. She spots her in the front row off to the left. She gives a little wave. Azula smiles, she is pleasantly surprised to see her in the crowd.  

.oOo.

Azula is a very different girl on stage, Seicho thinks, she is funner. Freer. There is an energy about her that unapologetically feral in the most beautiful way. She wishes that she would bring it to the skate park one day. 

She isn’t particularly mobile, she doesn’t add dance or trash about like some vocalists do. Every now and again she moves from one end of the stage to the next. The songs are lovely but Seicho’s focus is on the gold-blue dragon curling around her arm. It fits the spotlight so well, shimmering in a way that is particularly mesmerizing. 

Seicho knows that she has done good work. 

She extends her had, reaching for Azula as many others do. She laughs when Ruon gives her a fist bump instead. She isn’t sure that Azula quite grasps the importance of interacting with the crowd. But she makes up for it with impeccable vocals and Chan and Ruon fill in. 

Many of their songs are aggressive, a few are sad. But the ones Seicho enjoys the most are the upbeat, fast ones. By the end of the show they mostly sing fun songs, the older ones--if the crowd is to be believed. 

They are fun and lively, Seicho can’t help but wonder why the new ones are so dismal in comparison. For the first time, it settles upon her that her friend might not be as lucky and happy as her social media suggests. 

.oOo.

There is something uniquely exhilarating about performing a first headline show. Her world fades away into pure sound and rhythm. She finds that music provides its own special kind of high that drugs could never hope to induce. She thinks that it is the purest form of a high. A high born of achievement and adoration; of taking the world by storm and rising to the very top of it. 

And in this natural high it becomes effortless, second nature to slip between her clean vocals and her raspy, grating ones. In this natural high it becomes easy to imagine that the night won’t end. 

With this natural high a connection forms. She sings with more feeling, the crowd grows more fervent, her performance grows better still. It is a wonderful fever that spreads through the venue, infecting every last one of them until it is only music and nothing else. 

She hadn’t realized that she has never truly performed, never truly formed a deeper link with her own songs until then. Until her last note reverberates around the venue. Until the strum of Chan’s guitar dies off, plunging the place into a momentary silence before the eruption of applause. 

By, Agni she hopes that she can recreate this at Audio of Agni. 

Azula finds Seicho once more, she wanders over and slips her an invite to their afterparty. 

For once she is actually in the mood to attend one. 

For once she feels unrestrictedly high-spirited. 

.oOo. 

Her natural high reaches a climax when Zhao gives her the news, “you’ve been invited to compete in Audio of Agni.” 

She is so much more than thrilled. Zhao, on the other hand braces himself for overtime and exhaustion--the price of managing a big time band. 

“Ayyy! Badass!” Chan elbows the poor man. 

“Yes,” he grumbles. “Badass.” 

“Ya know what this calls for!?” 

“An extra rad afterparty?” Ruon asks. He waits for Zhao to step out, “with drinking games.” 

Azula rolls her eyes. But it isn’t as though they haven’t earned one wild, ecstatic night. She supposes that she can let them have their drinks. It is only one night. Only one special night. She doesn’t know where Chan has found the alcohol but he has acquired a hefty amount.

Seicho finds a seat on the couch next to her. “Why is it that I’ve now been to Chan’s place and not yours?”

It is because she doesn’t need the girl to know that her father stumbles around drunk sometimes. It is because she isn’t yet ready for Seicho to see her bedroom, somehow that feels like letting someone get too close. “Chan’s mansion is better for parties.” 

“Share a drink with me?” Seicho offers. 

Azul bites the inside of her cheek. It is so terribly easy to see herself staggering about drunk, making a perfect fool of herself while shouting aggressive nonsense. It is so easy to see herself as she sees her father. 

Zirin drapes her arms over the backrest of the sofa. Her cheeks are already flushed from the drinks. “Come on, Azula. ‘S not every night that we get invited to Audio of Agni.” 

“Join us for a little toast.” Chan appears next to her. “You don’t even have to finish the glass.” 

Azula sighs. She supposes that a sip or two couldn’t hurt. 

A sip or two becomes the whole glass--she doesn’t want to be the only one who doesn’t. 

And the whole glass becomes taking Seicho up on her offer--it is only polite, right?

And after taking Seicho up on her offer her mind is pleasantly fogged. She realizes, quite resentfully, that she is a lightweight. Perhaps the product of abstaining. Perhaps she has woefully inherited her mother’s genetics. 

No matter the cause, inhibitions give way just enough to accept another drink and then another. 

And then she wakes up. 

Her clothes are on the floor. 

The sun rays spilling through the window put an aching in her head. She squeezes her eyes shut again, intent to sleep away the pounding. She feels the mattress shift, it doesn’t register at first. The fog in her mind still isn’t fully cleared. 

She notices another heap of clothes on the floor. 

These are not her own.

The mattress shifts again. 

Her stomach drops. 

She leaves the bed and hastily dresses herself before he can wake up. He doesn’t remember it exactly and she wishes that she didn’t. 

They don’t talk about it. 

It was just one night. 

One wild, special night. 

************

She rubs her hands over her face as she paces about. How could she have let this happen? Agni, she assumed that this is a situation that someone like TyLee or Zirin would find themselves in. Not someone like her. Not someone who had only one careless night. One lapse in judgment.

She looks at the strip again. The plus sign still glares back at her.

Agni, she is such a fool.

A fool and, for the first time, she doesn’t know what to do. She has no plan. She thinks that there is no good plan. Her phone buzzes again. It has been vibrating all morning. They ask her where she is. They note that she has been distracted at practice lately.

And it is true; she couldn’t make good music with her stomach so constantly queasy, with anxious thoughts and what if’s swimming in her mind. And now that she has confirmation a much deeper dread sets in. A sense of dread. Of doom. Of failure and shame.

Azula sets the strip aside. It is the third one that she has set aside in the hopes that she has perhaps received a false positive. A second one could be a coincidence. A third and she is certain that the first two had been accurate. It doesn’t stop her from trying a fourth as though that will change anything.

She swallows hard and sinks onto the couch. She feels as though she will be sick and thanks the universe that her father is occupied with signing a new band onto his label. He doesn’t need to see her cry. On principal it is a dreadful idea to irritate him with sobs, Agni forbid that he ask why she is crying.

She wishes that TyLee didn’t resent her. TyLee would know how to handle this. At the very least, TyLee would be the sort of comfort that she needs. Hell, she nearly longs for Zuko or Mai. Any familiar face that hadn’t been present at that party.

She wonders how they had let her do that. In the back of her mind she knows that they were all thoroughly wasted--Seicho and passed out leaning against a potted plant with a piece of toast clutched in her hand. In the back of her mind she knows that they probably hadn’t even noticed that she and Chan had disappeared. She is still furious. She still blames them. It is easier than blaming herself.

With shaking fingers she swipes to answer the first text. She scrolls to the next realizing that the first is from Chan. She isn’t ready to talk to him yet. She isn’t sure if she wants to tell him. She knows that she probably should.

‘Do we still have practice tonight?’ Reads Zirin’s text.

Azula manages a short, ‘yes, same time as always.’

The third is from Ruon. It is the same question but presented in leetspeak. She will let Zirin fill him in. Seicho is fourth on the list and Zhao is the fifth. She looks at Seicho’s first. The girl has sent her a steady stream of messages. An initial, ‘are you still up for tonight after practice?’ Followed by, ‘I was thinking that maybe I can teach you to tattoo.’ And then a, ‘you there.’ After that it is a steady stream of pokes. Agni, she might have to take Seicho up on her apprenticeship should her father decide to disown her.

She can’t bring herself to answer the texts yet. Just as she closes out of the message, she receives another poke.

Zhao’s message comes like a slap in the face. ‘CONGRATULATIONS!’  It takes her too long to realize that he was speaking of Audio of Agni. Attached to the text is a photo of their physical and formal invitations. Even so, she has to put her phone down for a moment.

She wanders into her closet, intending to dress herself for the day. She ends up emerging still in her pajamas. She decides to try the kitchen but wanders back upstairs, she isn’t all that hungry either.

She hears her phone vibrate upon the nightstand. She picks it back up and replies to Seicho. Confirming that she would like to meet with her. She could use someone to talk to. All the same she isn’t sure that Seicho would receive the news well. She doesn’t know what the girl thinks of drunk sex--accidental or not. She realizes that she doesn’t know Seicho very well at all. She doesn’t know anyone well enough to share.

As she is with many other things, Azula is well aware that she is alone in this too. She had been a fool; a fool to drink, a fool to let her focus waver, a fool to let the night sweep her up, and a fool to think that she was impeccable. She should have known better. She should have known that her life hangs on such a delicate thread--a thread that is as short as her father’s temper.  

She had been a fool and so she will have to take the punishment that life has handed her.

.oOo.

Her mind is wandering again, wandering to wailing in the dead night and fussing in the morning. In her mind’s eye there is a tired eyed, scraggly haired version of herself, trying to care for a baby that she shouldn’t even have.

“Seriously!” Zirin snaps.

“Chan’s guitar solo ended a minute ago, are you planning on singing?” Ruon asks.

“I was just listening.” She clears her throat. “You’re playing perfectly, Chan.”

“Yes, well you sure aren’t.” Zirin remarks bluntly. “You’ve been nagging us to start taking practices seriously for how long? Well we’re all in now, where the hell are you at?”

Her face flushes. “Perhaps, I’m tired from having held the band together and keeping everyone on task for the past few months!”

“No.” Chan counters. “What you do is push and push and criticize until we’re absolutely drained. We play better when we practice on our own.”

Azula’s brows furrow. “You practice on your own?”

Zirin gives a bitter laugh, “do you think that we just memorized all of this new material in just a few sessions? It’s a lot easier to practice when we aren’t getting nit picked and bitched at the whole time.”

“You can’t practice without me.”

“We can and we have to.” Ruon adds quietly. “Look, Zirin is being kind of harsh but…” he winces. “But she’s right. You’re kind of overbearing and it’s hard to deal with sometimes. So we have to practice on our own.”

She looks to Chan who shrugs. “Yeah, you’re really difficult sometimes. It’s easier to memorize new riffs when I’m not worrying about how to appease you when I don’t live up to your expectations.”

Azula swallows, the pressure that has slowly been building up within her over the past week is threatening to boil over. “Let’s just take it from the top.” She mutters. She isn’t confident that the knots in her throat will make for good vocal quality. Perhaps she can sing them away. She better be able to do so because their next recording session is tomorrow.

“Are you going to actually take part this time?” Zirin asks. As if that isn’t vexing enough she mocks,  “we need to hurry this up, we’re pressed for time. Remember?”

“We are pressed for time.” She confirms.

“Azula,” Ruon tries, “we still have nearly a year to prepare.”

“We need to do this now so that we can start shooting our music video. Maybe we should start recording now…”

Chan quirks a brow. “We don’t have a producer right now.”

“We can have Zhao call him and…”

“We’re not recording today.” Chan asserts. “Pick up your microphone or go home and let us practice.”

The queasiness in her belly intensifies further. “We’re falling behind. We need to start filming, have we even come up with a concept…” She’ll have no video at all before trying to shoot one with her pregnancy showing.

Ruon gently sets his hands on her shoulders and softly speaks, “look, Azula. Maybe you should go home

But she can’t go home, father won’t stand for it. She won’t stand for it. She can’t afford to waste a whole night of practice, she can’t even afford to waste an hour. Her head is spinning in so many different directions. She has the tickets to Audio of Agni--to her dreams--in her back pocket and she is about to lose it. She is about to lose everything. She’ll end up like Iroh and Zuko. She’ll just be another supernova, too bright to sustain its own light in the long term. Somehow it comes out as, “this is my band, this is my studio. I’m staying.”

“Great, then you just stay here, we’ll take practice to Chan’s house.” Zirin declares. She sntaches up her drumsticks and heads for the door.

“Zirin, I never agreed to that!” Chan shouts. But he takes his guitar and chases her down noless. Of course he does, Azula can’t remember a time when he hadn’t followed her about.

Ruon sighs and shakes his head. “I guess I’ll see you later, Azula. Good luck.”

“Wait, Ruon, please don’t leave.”

But he does. Just like Mai and TyLee.

The studio door slams back into place. It is only she and the echo. And then she and the silence.

She tucks herself into the corner of the recording booth and slides down the wall. She draws her knees up to her chest and buries her face in her knees. In the silence it finally comes out. All at once until she is laying on the floor, a shaking, screaming mess. The booth muffles the sound, no one hears her. And if they do, they probably think that it is part of a song. Maybe it is better that way.

Or maybe she wishes that someone would come by and ask her if she needs help. Even through her tears she would tell them that she doesn’t, but the sentiment would be nice.

She bunches herself up as tightly as she can manage. She is losing everything. Everyone.

Maybe she never had anyone at all. Maybe they had never been her friends. Maybe they were just co-works. Maybe the three of them simply had a dream and she just so happened to be the best opportunity to bring it to fruition. Maybe she is just a tool. A very talented tool.

She hears her phone ringing from across the room. Oh, Agni, she hopes that it isn’t her father. Not now.

She stumbles her way to it. She takes a deep breath, her voice is still some shaky as she confirms the call. “I’m busy right now, Seicho.”

“Sorry, I forgot that you were at practice. I can call back at another time…”

Azula is quick to cut her off. “No. No, it’s fine. We were just finishing.”

“That early?”

“Yes. We had a...a good session. I’m confident enough in our sound that we don’t have to practice as long.” Oh, Agni, she’s such a liar.  

“Great, you still want to come to the skate park?”

“Can we meet somewhere quieter?”

“Sure! Pick the place and I’m there.”

“Okay.” She says too quietly. She is there. Someone is there. She swallows. At least she has one person. One person to hold onto. One person to hold onto her. Agni, she hopes that Seicho has a strong grip. “Do you want to come to the studio, I can show you how it works.”

[shewhowasbornlucky]

An offer of peace

Mai and Azula share a drink.

“I must be broken,” Mai says to her one night, drunk on sake. How else could she stand to be by Azula’s side? It is no secret the justified disgust the Fire Lady feels towards her sister-in-law.

The former princess is not bothered by it. Azula would have hated herself if she were Mai, too. It’s been long enough since she reconciled herself with that knowledge. Too long for an apology to serve as something has passed, so the princess accepts what she is presented, and sulks. Seems that brooding is indeed a quality that runs in the family. She tries to wear it with honor, and feels none the less pathetic for it.

The two sit in the Fire Lady’s chambers, red silky cushions at their comfort. What started as a rather uncomfortable talk over politics (the former princess had surprisingly needed the insight of the Fire Lady) extended to an invitation to dinner that did not involve any kind of poison. Mai would never dare hurt someone who was helping dear Zuko, even if that someone unnerved her.

The Fire Lady’s confession comes suddenly in between their banter (a banter that was born out of what seemed like an endless awkward silence), and the princess is left without words. She gasps and drinks yet another sip of her glass. Perhaps she has had too much to drink. Perhaps she is dreaming.

Before she can think deeper of it, the Fire Lady continues. “I must be broken, and he must get rid of me. How else will he have an heir?”

“I could inherit the throne,” Azula says, leaning onto the cushions like a cat.

The joke falls flat and humorless in their drunken stupor. Mai does not look at her; the only thing betraying her tears being the way she clenches her jaw to muffle her sobs –sobs that never truly leave her mouth.  Azula wants to be surprised but feels like she can’t. The Fire Lady’s silent tears serve to sober the princess up. “Don’t be stupid, Mai,” she barks, and feels instantly guilty, so she quickly goes on, “my brother –idiot as he is – loves you.”

Mai has the audacity to roll her eyes at the princess, and Azula is once again reminded of just whom she is dealing with. Of how things have changed between them. She is thankful for that, though she would never care to admit it. “What does love have to offer when the entire country is pushing him to—“

“You are an idiot, just like him, if you fail to notice that you owe nothing to this stupid nation,” Azula spats. Somehow as the words go on they sound gentler than she intended.

Mai seems taken aback by them, if only for a moment, and the former princess sinks in deeper into her cushions; emotions were never her art. She does not need to be giving words of encouragement to the one who betrayed her so long ago. She does not owe anything to old pals, no matter how tired her mind is, or how lax her tongue has become, almost with a life of its own. 

She does not need, she does not owe, yet her mouth cannot be silenced when her past friend’s eyes burn with a sadness she has never seen before. One she can’t fix.

“What can you know?” the Fire Lady hisses in all her tamed elegance and pretty masks, “you must enjoy seeing our losses. Every little baby we have had to bury is a step closer to the throne for you, anyway,” she says, as she pretends to laugh but the sound is broken, and Azula feels as if she is looking at something she is not supposed to be seeing. She recognizes a pain that runs deep –deeper than she could ever imagine – and she trembles with her own pain. A pain that echoes the Fire Lady’s.

They were the blood of the dragon. They were blood of her blood.

“I would never wish on the death of my blood, Mai,” she admits weakly, her eyes set on her sister-in-law.

“You did so with Zuko,” Mai says, not missing a beat. “You’d have killed him a hundred times and laughed each one.”

Azula shakes her head. She’s oh so tired from all of this. Vulnerability does not become her, but she cannot stop herself. Her mouth betrays her, and she sounds like a scared child. She knew herself a monster, but even monsters could love.

 She had loved, before, as terrifying as it was, and it had been her downfall. Denying and evading were her true enemies.

“Not innocents. Never innocents,” she does not know why she insists, but she can’t keep herself from doing so. It is a truth that burns on her tongue, one she had always wanted to scream to the faces of those who begged for her blood. 

Mai seems to consider it. Azula knows, from just the look in her eyes, that Mai believes her, but the Fire Lady is as tired as she is; she’s been hurting, and she wants to hurt someone else for a change. Mai needs someone to blame, someone to be mad at that isn’t herself. 

“A mad woman’s word holds no power,” she says, as cold as ice. If Azula didn’t know her better, she’d think her smile as true. “Forgive me if I find it laughable, your new sense of right and wrong.”

“You judge me for my past, and rightfully so. But you knew me then,” Azula whispers, and her voice seems to crack with the illusion of a past that she fears only existed in her mind. A friendship built on lies and fear, and never love. She hopes to be wrong.

“I knew nothing but a monster.”

“You knew me then,” she continues, acting as if the word hadn’t stroked her with full force, twisting her insides. Her voice shakes and her hands tremble, and she is terrified, but she goes on. There must have been something, back then. They couldn’t possibly be with her simply because she was a princess. She refuses to think so. They must have been friends. Some of it must have been real. “You knew me then, and I had my limits. I could never kill an innocent merrily.”

“So you would cry while on your coronation,” Mai laughs, and it is once again that terrifying sound that seems to shake the walls and burn Azula’s insides. Fire Lady Mai holds no fire, but she is just as deadly, “big fucking difference.”

Azula reconsiders her options. She does not know why she is so inclined to justify her actions, but she knows she will never let anyone ever again call her a monster. “A princess must accept adversity. A princess does not wish for useless bloodshed”, she recites as she so often did when they were younger. “It was never innocents. Never innocents!” she says, and her voice is frantic. “And I would never, ever, laugh at the pain your loss has caused Zuko.”

“Not Zuko, perhaps,” Mai whispers, her eyes locked on Azula. The former princess never felt so small, “but you wouldn’t cry over mine.”

Azula trembles and ignores why. She wets her lips with her tongue, her hands twisting. “We used to be friends—“

“Were we?” Mai laughs, and takes another sip. “I don’t remember.”

Her eyes tell another story. A tale of pain and betrayal, of hurting and mind games, of fear and love. Azula wants to say she is sorry, wants to say that she never faked it – that she loved them both so dearly, even as she did not know how to. Words die in her throat, and her tears –old, dusted and broken—burn unshed. It would hurt less if the Fire Lady didn’t want to suddenly hold close to the bond they once shared (–must be the hormones—). If her eyes weren’t accusing her of her hurting – if Mai weren’t justifying her turning against her (old habits seem to die hard) even if Azula herself had accepted that long ago.

It would hurt less if Mai hadn’t asked her to stay. If her eyes weren’t pleading, clouded by pain. The Fire Lady is not seeking a friend; she is seeking the words that will echo those of her detractors. A cruel voice that will give voice to her darkest thoughts, to her doubts and fears. But Azula has grown, and she will show them all. She will not partake in hurting Fire Lady Mai anymore. 

She finds that she is not capable.

“I don’t care what you think of me, or my children. But I’d kill you and everything you claim to love if you ever dare hurt or mock what I adore.”

Azula nods sharply. She takes another sip, and chides herself for allowing her feelings to take over her. A princess knows when to retreat.

“There she is,” she finally says, and forces small smile on her lips. A princess knows how to fake everything went according to her plans – a virtue Azula herself perfected. “A true Fire Lady at lasts. Keep it like that, and maybe I can forget just how much importance you are giving to old crones and advisors who hold no power over you.”

“Fuck you.”

Azula promptly ignores the way the Fire Lady wipes her tears as discreetly as she is graceful.

“Your child will come when the time is right, and Zuko would not dare to push you away,” Azula goes on, not knowing why, not caring to discover. The woman before her was once a good friend. A princess remembers and honors what once was.

Mai is not amused. She has heard enough, said enough, lived enough –lost enough. Mai is tired. She does not answer, but that does not stop the princess. The Fire Lady does not know if she should feel touched or frustrated. She is surprised, though, that the princess even tried. For all her bluntness and crude words, she can’t ignore the logic behind them. She knows Zuko would never cast her aside, even if it were for the best.

But Mai has heard, said, lived and lost enough.

“You know why? Because he is the fucking Fire Lord, and the Fire Nation does as he pleases,” she says, her eyes burning. Mai finds she can’t take her eyes away from the princess. “You’re worried I’ll inherit the throne? Don’t get your knickers on a twist: I’d rather die than sit on that chair.”

Before the Fire Lady could answer,eyes wide in surprise at the truth in her words, the former princess stands with all the dignity she could muster. “Sleep well. And don’t you dare push my brother aside. He is hurting, too.”

Mai follows her sister-in-law with her eyes, blinking away her tears.

Azula’s figure disappears around the corner, moving unsteadily yet as nonchalant as always. 

Once her shadow cannot be seen, the Fire Lady finally relaxes. She drinks yet another sip, feeling the ghost of a small smile tugging at the corner of her lips, an echo of another time. She does not know why, but she believes her sister-in-law, and that alone is laughable. She knows she had been pushing her husband away, and she knows he had been talking to his sister. The sudden bond between siblings had kept her on edge until she overheard them talking at the pond one night – they could almost past as a family with no past such as the one behind them.

Knowing Zuko isn’t disappointed is relieving, even if she had already suspected it. His love for her is blinding – she knows that if he were anything like his father she would already be far away, never to be heard from. But Zuko is not Ozai, and she is not Ursa. They will come out of this, she knows. She just wishes Agni acted faster. Zuko might say he does not need a child, but she wants a little kid with her hair and his smile, and those golden eyes of his.

She wants tranquil, and adventures, and the love of a family. And she has them. Yet—

Perhaps she just needed someone to complain. Someone to tell her that Zuko loved her (that wasn’t him). 

Someone who did not treat her as a frail woman.

Someone she once cared about.

Mai breathes, and hurries another sip of her drink.

The sun will bless them again.

[zutaraverse]

I Always Want to Kiss You Katara... Ch2: FireWhisky and Rum

In which the Gaang watch the Boy in the Iceberg and decide to drown their sorrow… except some things didn’t go to plan out on the balcony and Katara may have exaggerated on the rum and Zuko may have been left to hear her rant on the beach…

Notes: And the wonderful teenagery tropes continue - this one: being upset and drowning oneself in alcohol! 

The next day Aang kept trying to get out of his fire bending and earth bending lessons to talk to Katara. His Sifus were having none of it. Toph clearly understood that the message hadn’t got through to her friend and was working him hard. Zuko also realised that instead of being sad or angry, Aang looked hopeful. And with that he probably wanted to try rekindle something. And Zuko decided that was definitely not happening! He was probably being too hard on Aang. But he didn’t want Aang to go anywhere near Katara today.

Sokka and Suki came back from town excited that there was a new play happening about them and they all decided to go, momentarily distracted from what they all knew was happening behind the scenes. From the way Suki was acting cold towards Sokka, Zuko assumed she had been informed of last night’s sneaking around.

Zuko made a mental note of who knew what: Toph, Suki, Sokka and Aang knew that Sokka and Aang had overheard the girls’ conversation. Sokka knew Suki Knew. Toph knew both Sokka and Suki knew. Aang didn’t know anybody but Sokka knew. Zuko knew everything but nobody knew about Zuko. Katara knew nothing but was on edge at the uneasy atmosphere, sensing something was odd.

When they sat down in the theatre Zuko decidedly sat between Aang and Katara as a buffer. Katara smiled at him as he sat. Aang did not, but since he didn’t know that Zuko knew anything was happening, he couldn’t say anything.

After the intermission Katara and Aang retook their places but Katara’s face was ashen and Aang was only there in body. Zuko wondered what he had missed. Even Toph’s pure delight at the play couldn’t cut the tension between Aang and Katara. Zuko felt suffocated being in the middle of it.

Then there was a scene under Ba Sing Se. The actors played it like they were lovers. Zuko needed to remind himself to relax his jaw occasionally. Aang didn’t even seem to notice.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, the ending of the play where everybody died put a huge downer on all of them - apart from Toph, who seemed to be completely alright with it. Zuko thought it was forced.

As they started to walk back, Zuko stopped them in the middle square, telling them he’d be right back. He ran into the first bar he saw and ordered a few bottles; some brandy, some firewhisky, some sort of vodka mix, and some rum. He walked out holding three bottles by the neck and already drinking out of the fire whisky. He didn’t want to face his own death. He didn’t want to face any of the things in that damned play. And he just wanted to drink himself to oblivion. He thought that maybe it wouldn’t be such an unpopular idea.

As he approached the group, Sokka eyed the bottles and took the vodka off of him. Suki chose the brandy and to his surprise, Katara took the rum. She took a swig and made the most adorable face as she swallowed, but then closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

“What? What’s going on?” asked Toph, confused at the silent exchanges.

“Zuko got us some alcohol, Toph,” explained Suki kindly.

“Sweet! Is there any nectar beer?” she asked.

“Aren’t you a little young to be drinking Toph?” asked Katara, looking at her friend.

“Yeah like I never had a beer at the Earth Rumbles! They thought they could get a little girl drunk and beat me in the ring - never worked. But I don’t like all that spirit stuff! Bleh!” Katara smiled. “Well? Go on then! Where’s my nectar beer?”

“I’m not sure I feel completely comfortable giving you alcohol Toph,” said Katara.

“You shouldn’t be having any either,” interrupted Sokka, looking at his baby sister. She wasn’t so much of a baby anymore. She looked old and tired and not a little put out.

“Leave her be Snoozles, she’s old enough to do everything else, she’s old enough to drink. Anyway I’ve just listened to myself and all my friends die a pretty brutal death and if you guys can all drink away your sorrows, I want in,” she insisted. Zuko sighed and handed his bottle to Katara while he dove back into the bar, emerging a few minutes later with a small bottle of beer. Toph looked content and sipped it gingerly.

“You want some Twinkletoes?” she asked, extending the bottle. Aang wrinkled his nose.

“The monks taught us not to drink as it would interfere with our clarity!” he said. It was clear he had been trying to not interfere but now it all came out. “You guys shouldn’t be drinking either!” he chided.

Sokka sighed.

“Just for once Aang, let us be teenagers without the air nomad wisdom lectures,” he said, looking tired himself. Aang looked at Katara, since this is where she would usually pipe up in Aang’s defence. She returned his gaze and took another swig from the bottle, this time showing nothing on her face. Zuko couldn’t help wonder what exactly had gone on in the intermission. On the one hand he was happy she wasn’t mothering Aang, but on the other this was harsh on the kid. He’d also seen himself get defeated. If anything he had to feel like it was all on his shoulders. He must have said something to make Katara really mad to make her act like this.

Zuko was going to ask. But then he took another drink and decided he didn’t want to deal with it tonight.

Toph had put her arms around Aang’s shoulders though.

“Come on Twinkletoes, we little ones gotta stick together while the oldies over there drink the hard stuff. Sometimes thats just what oldies do,” she was saying as she lead the way out of the village and across the beach.

Sokka and Suki were walking leaning close to one another talking quietly, occasionally kissing.

Zuko and Katara brought up the rear, each drinking from their bottles.

“You want to be careful with that, its strong,” he found himself saying, indicating the rum.

“I know,” she replied. Zuko took a closer look and realised she had hardly drunk any of it, which he was thankful for. She must have only been taking small sips. He didn’t want to have any casualties on his hands.

“You want to talk about what happened between you and Aang?” he ventured, alcohol mixing with curiosity and not a little concern.

“I told him no and he kissed me,” she replied in a deadpan voice.

“No to what?”

“I’m not quite sure. Whether I loved him, wanted to be his girlfriend, get married, have babies… not quite sure he separated them out in his mind,” she said before taking a bigger swig of the bottle.

“He shouldn’t have kissed you if you said no,” he offering lamely, unsure of what else to say.

“I KNOW,” she exploded.

Finally, thought Zuko. There was the anger he was looking for! Better she explode now out of the hearing of the others than let it build all night. Besides, he could take an angry Katara. He didn’t like it, but this time it wasn’t directed at him.

“I TOLD him I didn’t feel like that and then he goes on about how I’m his forever girl or some shit like that and that I’d come around to that idea - and when I told him that I really didn’t think so, he goes and kisses me!” Katara was seething. Zuko noticed how the sea to their side swelled threateningly. It looked like she wanted to hurl the bottle away in anger but she drank instead.

The house appeared in the distance. Toph and Aang must have already been inside since there was light coming out of the windows. Katara stopped. She drank some more, plonked herself down on the sand, and promptly started crying. Zuko was unsure of what to do so he gently took the bottle away from her. Up ahead Sokka and Suki were rushing back to them.

“Aang confronted Katara,” Zuko said to them quietly, handing Sokka her bottle of rum - what was left of it. Zuko looked at them with pleading eyes and Sokka nervously approached Katara. Suki put a hand on his shoulder to stop him.

“I don’t think she would want to talk to you Sokka. I think we should go talk to Aang. Zuko, just let her know we’re all here for her alright? She talks to you more sincerely than she talks to us,” said Suki gently. Sokka didn’t look convinced but sighed.

“Look after her Zuko. Don’t leave her on her own,” he said, giving Zuko a small punch on his arm as Suki lead him away. He didn’t know whether to be happy they had decided he was to take care of Katara or scared - whether they actually believed she would open up to him or they thought she might start bending. He took another drink of firewhisky.

Gingerly, Zuko approached Katara and sat down next to her, realising she had stopped sobbing.

“It’s my fault you know,” she said quietly. “I’m the reason he can’t reach the Avatar state. He can’t let go of earthly attachments… he can’t let go of me… so his chakra is blocked.”

Zuko took a deep breath. He didn’t realise how deeply Aang felt for her. Or at least, how deeply he thought he felt for her. There was no doubt in Zuko’s mind that the kind of adoration Aang was feeling wasn’t the same as the kind of romantic love Aang thought he was feeling. Aang had never had a mother, being brought up by the monks, and then after waking up the only comfort in his life was Katara. He needed her. He loved her. But he wasn’t in love with her.

“You know, that really isn’t your fault,” Zuko said gently. Katara shook her head.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have been so kind to him all the time, defended him all the time. I don’t know. I never gave him any reason to think I was in love with him… but I’m the reason we might all die when the comet arrives,” she said sadly.

“Aang will figure it out,” he said, uncertain of what else to offer. “You’re like a mother to him. He will figure out that he needs to grow up now.” And he better do it quickly, he thought to himself.

There was a silence as she shuffled her feet into the sand.

“I got really angry at him,” she admitted. “I just couldn’t face the image of it. If we defeat the Fire Lord I mean. Following him around for ever and ever, watching him rebuild the temples. What would I be? A vehicle to give birth to a new generation of Air Nomads. I want to do something more with my life.”

Zuko gulped. He could see it all happening too. He didn’t like it either, but squashed the flame of anger that lit up inside him - Aang was a very young, very lost boy. He didn’t understand what Katara felt.

“What do you want?” asked Zuko softly.

“I don’t know. I want to make a difference to my Tribe. I want to make a home. I want to be respected. I don’t want people to look through me anymore because of who I’m with or the fact I’m a girl.” She pushed the heels of her hands into her eyes.

“Nobody should be allowed to eclipse you,” he said into the night. “But you’ve never allowed yourself to be eclipsed Katara, not really.”

Katara turned to him then, fixing him as much as she could in her wobbly state. She turned out to sea once more, leaving them both cloaked in silence for a few minutes.

“Do you think I’m pretty Zuko? Would I stand a chance with somebody who isn’t Aang?” she asked, turning back to him.

Despite himself Zuko laughed incredulously.

“I don’t think that will be a problem Katara,” he said. “When you decide what you want to do, you will turn around and find as many men as you like for you to choose from.”

“Is that a yes?”

“Katara, you’re beautiful,” he said quietly, reaching out and brushing a strand of hair from her face. He could see her blush even in the darkness. He should have been blushing to the tips of his ears but perhaps he’d had too much to drink. He really didn’t care. She was processing this new information.

“So if I’m pretty, do you think that’s why Aang just tried to kiss me?” she asked finally.

“I… I don’t know. Maybe. I think Aang likes your kindness and the way you look after him more.” Zuko actually had no idea, but that fit in with what he thought was going on. He took another drink.

“Have you ever wanted to kiss me Zuko?” Zuko froze. She was looking at him so sincerely, but she wasn’t even sitting up properly anymore. Oh! She was actually falling backwards! He reached out and caught her.

“Katara you’re quite drunk, you can’t even sit up straight!” he said instead.

“Well then help me to,” she mumbled, crawling between his legs and sitting so that his arm around her shoulders and his leg were her back support. He legs were bent over his other leg which was straight. She nuzzled into his chest. Zuko was glad she was on his right side so she couldn’t hear his heart beat pick up.

“So?” She asked.

“So what?”

“Have you ever wanted to kiss me?”

“I always want to kiss you Katara.” The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. He didn’t really miss them much. They might help her build her confidence up right now and he very much doubted she would remember it in the morning anyway.

Her face crumpled in confusion.

“Like when?”

Zuko sighed and ran his left hand through his hair. He took another drink, realising that most of the bottle was gone.

“Like when I tied you to the tree and you were so brave and stubborn but you wouldn’t understand what I was trying to tell you - I wanted to get you to understand me,” he said as she giggled.

“When you tried to heal Uncle and I pushed you away all I wanted to do was kiss you and beg you to help me.

And then at the North Pole when you beat me because you had become so strong and I was so shocked.

And again when I beat you. I made sure you were alive but I wanted to kiss you better - somebody so strong shouldn’t be reduced like that.

Again under Ba Sing Se when you touched my scar because you were so kind and gentle and warm - and it scared me how much I wanted to kiss you then.

And at the Air Temple when you wouldn’t talk to me because I had betrayed you I wanted to kiss it better, to go back to that moment of peace we had.

And then when the temple came crashing down and I thought you were going to die but I got to you in time and I was so happy you weren’t hurt I wanted to kiss you with relief.

And when you caught me as I fell to bring me back to Appa I wanted to kiss you thank you.

When you confronted Yon Rah and you were so determined I thought you might crack… and after you spared him I wanted to kiss you to tell you that you’d done the right thing if it felt right to you.

And when you forgave me I wanted to kiss you in joy.

And last night in the kitchen when you held my hands… I wanted to kiss you then too…” They were silent for a while. Zuko traced circles into her shoulder where his hand was and took in the scent of her hair. She had never been this close before. He didn’t want her to be any further away again.

“What about right now? Do you want to kiss me right now?” She said quietly, playing with the front of his shirt.

“I always want to kiss you Katara,” he murmured into her hair.

“But you’re not going to?”

“You’re drunk. I wouldn’t kiss you unless I knew you wanted me to.”

Katara pushed away from his chest and locked him in her gaze. “What if I wanted you to kiss me right now?”

“You’re drunk Katara,” is all he said, but it didn’t do nearly enough to express the squeezing in his chest, his need to cry out because it was really too cruel that they had been drinking instead of sober. How much he wanted to hear those words any other time but now… not now… when he could file them away in memory but know he would never hear them in earnest.

“What if I kiss you though? That would be ok?” she asked. Zuko’s breathing caught in his throat. He just nodded. He didn’t know whether he wanted her do to it or not. He didn’t get the chance to decide.

Her lips pressed against his. They were soft, he registered, and plump. It was only a light kiss but she pressed into him a little before leaning away. But those lips were intoxicating and Zuko decided that they were both drunk and she wanted to kiss so … so maybe… he could just have one more…

He followed her when she pulled back and pressed his lips back against hers, pressing a little harder. But she was ready for him and she threw her arms around his neck, deepening the kiss, parting her lips against his. His tongue shot out, into her mouth, playing with hers as she twisted her body towards him. Somehow he was on his back in the sand and she was pressed on top of him, hands tangled in his loose hair. He let his hands wonder over her back, pressing her closer. Somehow her legs parted so she was straddling him. Suddenly her lips left his but she was kissing his jaw and his good ear and just under his good eye… and then across to the bad side of his face - fluttery kisses that caressed a place nobody had touched in a long time. Eventually she came back to his lips.

With just the mere thought of it he had flipped them without breaking the kisses they were giving one another so that he was on top of her, so that he could kiss her jaw and just under her ear and down her neck and along her collarbone. Every kiss was better than he had imagined. And he had imagined.

But when he made his trail back to her lips he consciously started to slow things down. He could feel himself getting very excited and somewhere in the back of his mind there was a little voice saying ‘this isn’t real’.

When he rolled off her onto his back his world was spinning. She followed him so that she was on her side with her head on his chest. They lay comfortably for a while until he heard her take in a sharp breath.

“Zuko, everything is dizzy but the moon… its in the middle isn’t it?” Zuko focussed on it.

“Yes it is.”

“Have we been out here half the night?” she asked.

“Seems so…�� he replied, not quite sure how the too short kiss had turned into half the night at all… “maybe it was the alcohol…” he said. But he could practically see the cogs in Katara’s mind working and he hoped that they would come out in his favour. He sighed; she wouldn’t remember anyway.

They picked themselves up and although Zuko had had quite a lot more than her, she could hardly stand. After a few minutes of fumbled half-walking where he tried to hold her up she suddenly lurched to the side a few steps and sunk into the sand on her hands and knees, throwing up.

Zuko wasn’t too sure what to do but he thought it would be pretty bad if her hair got sick on it so he gathered it up and held it while she wretched.

“I’m so… sorry…” she was saying, just before throwing up some more.

“Its alright, just get it all up,” he murmured, stroking her back. He decided to believe she was just apologising for throwing up and not the kiss.

Katara managed to wash her face in the sea before struggling back to her feet, but her balance was still off. Eventually Zuko huffed and picked her up completely. He now felt pretty sober since he had to act it to get them both home. No sooner had he picked her up that she fell asleep against his chest, one hand holding his shirt as it had done earlier that evening. Zuko tucked her up in bed, made sure there was some water next to her and reluctantly headed back to his own room. He wanted nothing more than to cuddle her - and that was a strange thought indeed!