#you know i fucking LOVE NEKOBOLO!!!!!!!

[ariseri]

april loop (エイプリループ) - nekobolo

i was counting how many words and meanings contradict each other this time oh, i’m so sorry about that. i was just talking about nonsense, don’t worry, it’s all fine. i was counting how many words and meanings that i’d ended up regretting but this time i’m not sad, it’s because i have all this time to be here wasting.

i look for now, a tomorrow, and even after that but there’s no meaning to be had i think it’s fine to dream of imitating something else if that can keep you living all by itself

but now i’ll leave, i’ll find a place that nobody could ever see to love someone, or be happy, it’s not what i need, it’s not what i need. i’ll go somewhere you’ll never find, and i’ll leave my regrets behind i still have hopes of leaving behind some sort of meaning. so i just talk to myself in my mind

i was counting how many actions and meanings contradict each other this time oh, i’m so sorry about that. i was just trying to be silly, don’t worry, it’s all fine. i was counting how many actions and meanings that i’d ended up regretting but this time i’m not sad, it’s because i’m an idiot and i’m still waiting

did you notice it repeats again and again? it’s because there’s no meaning to be had. i think it’s fine to like things and dislike something else if that can keep you living all by itself

but now i’ll leave, i’ll find a place that nobody could ever see to shed a tear, or be in pain, it’s not what i need, it’s not what i need. i’ll go somewhere you’ll never find, and i’ll leave my regrets behind i still have hopes of leaving behind some sort of meaning.

i had a dream that i designed, i had a dream just yesterday i had a dream that won’t come true, and a past that i want to erase

there are people that i hate, and there are those i admire i just can’t count how many times i’ve wished to die, but after everything, i’m alive.

it’s okay to hate me if it means you won’t forget about me if that’s me being selfish… i’ll swallow it down, you see…

but now i’ll leave, i’ll find a place that nobody could ever see to remember that day, or my feelings, it’s not what i need, it’s not what i need. i’ll go somewhere you’ll never find, and i’ll leave my regrets behind i can’t help but wonder if i ever managed to reach your heart

but i guess that’s just me talking to myself

[jorisjurgen]

My Joris Playlist - explained

Yet another self-indulgent post going into details on why I picked certain songs for my third playlist. Even though the Atcham playlist explanation was a flop and that made me sad.

1. Mother Mother - Mamma Told Me

Self explanatory 💀

2. nekobolo (aka Sasanomaly) - Synthesia Ghost

This one is a bit hard to explain. Because the Joris playlist is not separated into child/adult or any other categories, this song's first purpose in this playlist is to, in a way, signify that while the first song is about his childhood, the rest of the songs are definitely about his character after the movie.

It has a mature but vulnerable sound, and expresses a deep, but vague, sense of dissatisfaction with the entirety of one's life — and an inability to express it less vaguely. He hates Kerubim so much.

3. Inabakumori - Kimi ni Kaikisen

This is my top "Joris in Huppermage Academy" song. But also general teenage Joris song. I don't think the king of being homeschooled is good in traditional learning environments.

4. Inabakumori - Secret Elementary School Student

It's a song about not wanting to grow up, "My dream job is to be an elementary school student."

I think something Joris is mentally ill about is wanting to be a child but wanting to be an adult but wanting to be a child. It's a dichotomy he has been trapped in for six centuries.

There are also some lyrics that make me think of the dichotomy of hating and loving Kerubim, during the chorus. Hehe.

5. R.I.P - I'll Throw My Emotions Away

This song is definitely about Adult Joris in his "everyone around me is dying of old age" era lmaooo.

The "you" and "he" in this song is Kerubim though (and a little bit of Atcham, but he has a normal, healthy, and supportive relationship with Atcham, so 99% of this playlist is not applicable to him). I think Joris will stub his toe and think "FUCKING KERIBIM CREPIN."

6. PowaPowaP - Can't Even Age Normally

Unlike Kerubim and Atcham, he doesn't really "age" so he had to come to terms with immortality bullshit not at 70-90 years of age after dying, but probably at 30-40 years of age AND he has to keep coming to terms with it.

Also he hates growing older, because I think he'd like things to remain simple - the same way that was expressed in the "Secret Elementary School Student"

Basically, I think he really hates himself. Big Joris doomerism song.

7. Sohta - Stardust Girl

Years, decades, centuries keep passing, and Joris is just as passively suicidal and self-hating.

He just tries to make it into a good thing by applying optimistic nihilism.

8. Deco*27 - Coward Mont Blanc

There were some songs that referenced hating being a cruel person and a coward previously, but this one is the top "Joris knowing he's not a good person and feeling horrible about it." song.

One hc I have is that when Joris's friends - including Khan and Lilotte - die, he does Not visit them if they're actively dying even if they ask him to come; and he will NOT come to the funeral and he will not visit the grave for at least 3-5 years. There are exceptions, but mostly it's like this. And he feels SO bad about this. He's insane.

9. Meg Myers - Numb

We're progressing to more-immortal more-adult Joris issues with this one, and still there's a theme of him not wanting to grow up.

He's so desperate for approval of other people that he made himself into a tool for the Bontarian government and gaslighted himself into thinking he's making any difference in the world by participating in the system. Sad oh well.

10. Nekotanaka - Never

Once again, "Very positive sounding song about depression that is very Joris-core with him trying to convince himself he's normal and sane, using his love for Atcham and Kerubim."

11. K.Flay - It's Just a Lot

I'm fucking insane. In a way, yearning to be a child is about not wanting to become the person he is. He wants to care about people — he doesn't want to be cruel or cold. But he is.

Even then, it doesn't mean he will stop wishing he could be more carefree and innocent.

"I've done things against which I believe"

"It all amounts to no-one knows."

"I want to hold onto the innocence I've got."

12. Penelope Scott - Moonsickness

Imagine Joris during the Huppermage genocide. Lmaoooo rip bozo??! Rip bozo. Joris you are so fucking stupid why are you still Bontarian after what happened. I need to choke him to death.

I think the huppermage genocide was his first big political disillusionment induced depression.

13. Inabakumori - Heaven's Tears

More epic Joris self-gaslights. I think his thoughts on Bonta in the world are always "things will end well. No they won't. But I can't just fucking say that. So things will end well."

There's one bit of this song that is very Joris@Kerubim-core, and it makes me think of this song in the framework of "Joris's self-gaslight mental health preservation system is very much inherited from Kerubim."

14. Amanda Palmer - Trout Heart Replica

I'M INSANE. I'M CRAZY. I'M INSANE. This is THE Joris character song. This is his fucking theme song, actually.

There are so many layers of meaning to this song: on a surface layer, it's about the guilt that comes with the nature death: we are created to outlive most animals, seeing them grow up from little babies to adults in such a short time. And we are created to kill to survive and eat. The song's primary theme is the horror of hunt for the hunter.

Joris is someone who has been alive for centuries, and almost all of this time he spent in politics. He's seen and outlived thousands of people like Eva, Amalia, Yugo, and Tristepin. He's been friends with hundreds of adventurers that grow and die faster than he can blink, sometimes in wars, and sometimes because of Bonta.

And that's just normal, to him, for some reason.

The song's secondary theme is being unable to connect to other people emotionally; being a cold, distant friend. It's about killing people's love for you slowly, through ghosting, through silence, and feeling like it's the inevitable consequence of every relationship. Just like the relationship between predator and prey. And being just as condescending towards the people involved.

A very resigned position of doom towards every relationship that is in any way positive.

15. Mitski - Washing Machine Heart

This song was one of the three contributing factors to Fragile, handle with care being written.

Big Kerubim&Joris win.

16. Mitski - Working For The Knife

He used to want to be a photographer, an adventurer, an artist, a good person.

But he's working for the knife. :)

17. Mitski - Crack Baby

Another evil Kerubim&Joris win.

Petition to Kill Kerubim Crepin. Together we can explode the feline child neglector.

18. Ferry - The Mill

This (checks notes) song from a plot driven vocaloid song series really suits Joris. Instead of vulnerable emotions of love, I think this is a good "how Joris feels while travelling with Atcham and Kerubim" song, as well as a good "Joris in his usual mental state (repression)" song.

It also questions a lot of things I already talked about: his arrogance in trying to lead people despite being a mess, his reluctance to let go of his position in Bonta despite knowing that Bonta isn't really perfect; and his feelings on Keke and Atch.

"Oh, it's nothing new, the visionless leading the blind; It's easy to say "why don't you leave it all behind"; And this moral compass is forever misaligned;

All I need is that you'll be here by my side. But you can never know that; "Too strong to die" — or was it me again?"

19. Mother Mother - Body of Years

A very beautiful song about the process of someone rotting and turning to dust. Man I hope Joris doesn't have 47573838 dead friends.

It's also a song about wanting to make a mark on the world - and I really think it applies to Joris. Out beloved idiot idealist.

20. Mitski - Me and My Husband

Kerubim&Joris ass song.

I'm going to walk into the sea.

It's such a depressing song that just resigns to "I have nothing going for me, except for him."

21. weevildoing - Caliber Girl

Joris Quit Politics and be Reborn as a Lotus Flower. It's the right thing to do.

(This is a song about overworking overtime overnight overday overweek on your 10 hour shift IT job because Surely It's The Proper and Adult Thing To Do To Be Respected And Perfect And Responsible, and Make a Difference and Change The World. It is the right way, right? Right..!?)

"No meditation, medication, no doctor, no therapist; could cure me of the condition of the world that I have to live in; Working on my rest days. Never productive enough; Even on my best days. Will it ever be enough?"

22. Inabakumori - Rainy Boots

Another "yearning for the simplicity of being a child" type song. Hehe. It's really about trying to do things that used to make you happy when you were young, and it just not feeling the same...

Also, I think at this point in the playlist, the Ogrest's Chaos has probably happened. I think he got pretty mentally ill during those years and clung to Atcham and Kerubim extra hard.

23. Inabakumori - Float Play

The same exact motifs and themes as the last song - trying to return to a more innocent time by doing something you used to, and it not feeling the same.

But it differs in being more aggressive at reclaiming that feeling - begging the person the song is being sang to, "you" to bring this feeling back. In a way it feels like a Joris&Kerubim song.

"A pacifist until yesterday...!"

"Starting today, I'm a victim."

24. Inabakumori - Sink Tank

[hacks up blood] hes been living with his dad, who neglected him to the point of 20 menta illnesses, for 600 years.

The "you" in this song is absolutely Kerubim.

25. Inabakumori - Hello Marina (Will Stetson cover)

IM CRAZY IM CRAZY IM FUCKING INSANE IM CRAZY. This is THE Joris&Kerubim&Atcham song. It's so loving and bitter.

"That scar that you see? It bound what we'd be — you gouged it in me! So, they remain, every ache binding us will stay."

26. Mafumafu - Hated by Life Itself

Big breakthrough in this playlist: the first Joriscore anti-doomerism song.

It's about Not wanting to kill yourself, and violently so - despite knowing that the world is Shit. It's hard to explain because the lyrics of the song are so fast and so dense with many themes, many of which fit him!

27. Pomme - Nelly

Listening to this song, before I kew that this song is about a writer, I thought "this reminds me of my mom," which turned into "this reminds me of Joris and Kerubim" which turned into mental illness.

When divorced of it's (sad, beautiful, very meaningful) context as a song about a wonderful writer, it can make for a good song about loving your mentally ill single parent who neglected and parentified you into having 20 mental illnesses and is your best friend?

Anyway this song is the Second Contributing Factor in the writing if the fic Fragile, handle with care. (And the third one is on the Kerubim playlist.)

28. Majima Yulo - Is This Kamaboko? Mahoro? Makoto? (Less Than Truth)

IM INSANE. This is the second Joris theme song. Joris self-gaslight stays winning!!! Every Joris fan owes it to themselves to give it a listen.

The happiest sounding song to ever say shit like "I'm talentless and powerless + GOD I LOVE CODEPENDENCY + I have 99999 regrets + I root out the sadness I feel for every tragedy + I really wish I wasn't witnessing history being made and I don't want to be alive during most of the ages! + I want to throw up."

29. Flëur - Be My Raison D'Etre

I really, really wish all english sub videos for Fleur songs weren't Yandere Simulator themed. Genuine anguish. Vile slurs omitted.

The thing about Joris is that all he has is Atcham and Kerubim, and they've been there all his life, and no matter how chill he acts, he IS needy about it, and it IS poisoning his brain.

30. Mitski - Happy

[instead of explaining anything, I pull out an image of Kerubim and Joris cannibalizing one another, from my artblog @atchamcrepin]

does this make sense.

31. Iyowa - Leave you on The Back of the Earth

[points once more to the art of Kerubim and Joris cannibalizing one another]

i actually drew it while listening to this but the lyrics on the last song were more striking:)

Imagine being a child and you were adopted by the guy who killed your mom and he had the audacity to neglect you to the point of developing 20 mental illnesses. AND neither of you can die or escape your relationship.

Also this song has a lot of cat puns and Nyas

32. Ano - Chu, Tayousei

[REDACTED]

Also this is the third song in the "I listened to it wile drawing Joris&Kerubim cannibalism." and —

[REDACTED]

Anyway, what I'm talking about is: Joris feels a mixture of hate and love towards the man, and he both wants to be his own person and just Be Told what to do by His Dad. This song literally going "vomit kiss! Vomit kiss!" Is so "positive feelings mixed with negative" it's crazy.

Also I do think Joris kind of disgusts himself with his own desire to Not be his own person (hes an adult man and it's weird to live with his dad for centuries and—) as well as his mixed emotions towards Kerubim (the man doesn't deserve to have all this baggage pointed towards him) which too, is kinda reflected by the vomit part of the song.

It's very manic.

33. Hanyuu Maigo - onomatopoeia

A less insane "joris hates and loves kerubim" song.

34. Mitski - Love me More

Man i dont evem know how to explain this without reiterating the shit ive already said.

He doesn't have anything going for him save for two catboys, man. It's his main hobby and lifestyle.

35. Wowaka - toosenbo

This one's on the more "hate" side of the codependency ordeal. For all his issues, I think he haaaates it when Kerubim speaks over him and treats him, an adult man, like a child.

36. Red Vox - Better On The Outside

For a turn, a warm song about making each other better, and helping eachother heal. While the maddening and controlling part of the codependency is very compelling to me, it's not all gloom and doom with the jurgencrepins! (Especially when taking Atcham into account XD)

37. Mili - 奶水 (Milk)

RISE UP FOR THE CREPINJURGENITE NATIONAL ANTHEM.

The knowledge of this song is required for all Joris, Kerubim, and Atcham fans because it's our fucking catboyliker national anthem and flag.

We romanticising caramelizing mythologizing idealizing codependency-to-the-point-of-becoming-a-singular-being in this mothafucka!!! Get your sensitive ass back to wakfu series fandom!!

38. itoki hana - as you are

Another song that portrays the good side of the trio's relationship. They're cringe losers, ugly, and morally ambiguous failures... TOGETHER! And they LOVE each other for it!!!! Fuck!!!!!!!!!!

(singable translation by the fansubber known as "toby fox". Idk who he is but the subs are cool!) -

"I'm really not — the savior you wished I'd be; the hero you said you always saw in me"

"I know that I can't, so don't be surprised; Just hope the one I am 's still the one you love."

39. Hanyuu Maigo - Thank You, Emptiness

It's a very optimistic song, and I don't like ending my playlists on a sad note if the character has a good ending or isn't dead yet. I think that by 600 years of age, Joris has found some meaning in death and life.

40. Flëur - Someone

One of the only english subbed Fleur songs that don't have Yandere Simulator art on the sub videos 💀😭

It's about being forced to care for someone — and growing to love caring about them. While it is unfortunate that Joris's childhood was... yknow, who are we to deny him the right to Enjoy parentification and want to call himself Kerubim's dad?

Like

"he needs to move away from his father and live alone and a conventional romantic relationship with some random character he interacted with once in canon even though he would never fucking do it and it makes no sense for his character"

"no! Independent life and being shipped will kill the patient."

"he needs parentification to live."

41. PinocchioP - Nobody Makes Sense

Another one of those "i think by 600 years of age, his immortality angst has calmed down, and he found some meaning and peace (but not Too Much)" songs.

42. 4o (tadanoCo) - SentO

Wait 5-6 more months for my animatic and then all will be explained. Or listen to it and see my vision.

But to be serious, it's once again about finding meaning - and aggressively. It's about knowing everything about your job is bullshit and useless and you're making no difference; it's about knowing you're a bad person, an idiot, and an egoist the same way everyone else is, and not caring; it's about knowing you can't change the ways the world exploits you, and other people, yearning to be able to do more, but mostly wanting to just live well with the people you love.

And it's about growing up.

43. PinocchioP - I'm glad you're evil too

Crepinjurgenite nation rise up for our second anthem.

Ironically, Joris has built himself such a stoic public image that the only people he really can be himself with are Kerubim and Atcham. And I think he likes it that way.

44. Faded Paper Figures - Relatively

This song is shared with the Kerubim and Atcham playlists.

The first verse is Atcham; the second verse is Kerubim; and the third verse is Joris.

[red-dyed-sarumane]

what if i went off about some of my favorite songs ever

kyuuyaku hankagai - hiiragi magnetite: everyone knows i love this. i just love everything about it. we really get both sides of the picture story wise with it- both the fact the world is literally, physically getting destroyed, and all of the mental torment the characters are dealing with. it still has that magu series weird wording but it gets everything across that it needs to. the instrumental is just as heavy as the scenario with added dramatics in parts that really make it for me. all the long notes to simulate screaming. the seamless addition of both the nami no ne no & rute furute woa motifs (& a possible 3rd? theres still parts in here i cant figure out yet) makes me so emotional. if u have no idea about the series its still a solid song. 10000/10 i cannot fully express my love for this song in words i just need it on repeat full volume for weeks on end.

ai wo - null: impossible for me to explain why i love this so much without oversharing. i keep telling myself not to rank this song so high but ive never felt so seen before. null's lyrics are both poetic & still hit every raw emotion where it hurts. the whole being left alone ur whole life & wishing it wasnt that way, that everything wasnt so empty, that someone could love u the way u need & never got. i want everyone to hear this song and i also want to gatekeep it. it became so important to me in such a short time & itll be hard to ever rival it

arikitari heroes - 150suzu: im not immune to nostalgia. shuuenpro is executed entirely different to aru sekai series & i have to judge from entirely different criteria & that said i really always loved how this one sort of summarized the series in a way that highlighted all the strife in it & made it subjective rather than an objective summary. the chorus is so high its like theyre crying out which fits entirely. i still have the video embedded in my mind & its been a hot minute since ive watched it. my teenage self thought it was so deep & even with a different perspective now i cant entirely discount those feelings. anyway i still really love it i could still listen to it for weeks on end if i wasnt busy keeping up with other things. i do not say it lightly when i say this is the song i have listened to the most in my entire life i used to spend Months straight listening to it. beloved.

tachiiri kinshi - mafumafu: i was sooooooo normal about this in high school (lying). its still high on my list of breakdown songs. like damn its been 8 years and it still holds up the same. between this & ai wo that just gives away 90% of my problems. imagine solving isolation by letting people in cant be me. anyway i was obsessed with drawing the girl from the video for a while idk how many doodles i still have left but she was Everywhere on my school work. normal person behavior.

jishou mushoku - nekobolo: song that has pulled the most weight in keeping me alive. where would i be without it. sometimes the mood is so bad this is still the only thing i can listen to some days.

rokuchounen to ichiya monogatari - kemu: the real reason i fell down the voca rabbit hole. still adore the song & find it hugely nostalgic, but there was a reason i connected with it when i was younger & being able to recognize how fucked up that was makes it also a painful reminder id rather bury. song fucks tho love how every rhythm game its in will destroy u trying to play it.

konmei no aji - savasti: regardless of the real meaning of the song this will always be a dissociation song to me not in the sense it makes me dissociate but rather in the spaceyness & disconnect it reminds me of the feeling but in a safer way to deal with it. personally i prefer rire's cover

taishou x - yurry canon: u will appreciate this song now right now its so under appreciated for a yurry canon song. god the fucking "i'm still living the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. as it is i will never be you. theres no reason in living, but just the same theres no point in dying is there?" [punching a wall] i like it a normal amount

kaiko no kanmuri - dopam!ne: god this song fucks so hard and yet its still edgy. i dont even really know how to explain what i feel with this one beyond i love it. its a kind of waiting for the right time to strike for revenge kinda song? idk its my absolute fave dopam!ne song i love a lot of his songs but this one just really does it for me

haru no sekibaku - inaba kumori: kutabireta atashi ga dame dattan da ne. yeah. the overall mood of this song hits just right all too often. sorry lag train this is the defining inabakumori song to me.

hyperlexia - yamaji: the space in this one also gives me a sense of vague dissociation. i just really love the whole reading between the lines not going to fall for lies anymore mood its got going on. a misguided sense of personal revolution that probably wont end in anything meaningful but i particularly like the song.

[vocalsynth-songs]

pinned moment

hi my name is kiki! my main is @kafus which i communicate from. this is my blog for posting vocalsynth song recs... and occasionally other stuff that's in similar categories, but really mostly vocalsynth. i'm 23 years old and i've been into vocaloid since my 11 year old autistic ass clicked on hatsune miku in my youtube suggestions and it exploded my brain instantly. so i may post some really old shit sometimes. or something that came out last week. you never know! it's gacha! something may have a million views or like 5!!!

i have not been asked these questions because i just made this blog but i'm making a fake FAQ anyways just in case LOL read if ur interested and also before sending asks please

Q: why "vocalsynth"?

i know people commonly use vocaloid as an umbrella term to describe non-vocaloids as well but i'm adjusted to differentiating the two and i just prefer the word vocalsynth to be inclusive to every relevant software. also i'm a huge kafu fan and calling kafu a vocaloid feels really cursed

Q: can i submit songs?

A: yeah you can submit songs through my ask box, that doesn't mean i will post them as i'm trying to keep this blog personal to my own taste for funsies but i love hearing new songs. if i like it i might post it sometime

Q: can i ask you about other things/talk to you about vocalsynth?

yeah you might wanna do it on my main @kafus instead though LMAO BUT PLEASE DO this has been one of my two special interests for over a decade and counting

Q: how often do you post?

as of right now gonna put up two songs a day through queue however i might occasionally post something out of schedule because i'm excited about it or something. if i'm too strict about tumblr i nope out and abandon blogs so i may not be consistent foreverjdsfkfsd

Q: how do you tag?

i will always tag with both the vocalsynth(s) used, the producer name, and "song rec" except on posts that aren't song recs, where i use "asks" for asks and "kiki.txt" for personal posts

Q: can you tag (insert trigger here)?

you're free to ask but honestly if you're bothered by dark topics in music this might not be the place for you since i listen to a lot of sad or otherwise Mento Illness type music. i plan on tagging really fucked up subject matter like abuse when applicable or flashing lights in mvs but i am not perfect

Q: who is your favorite producer?

it was nekobolo for years but i have a really difficult time narrowing it down to just one these days. kanzaki iori, iyowa, harumaki gohan, guiano, mikito-p, and kairiki bear are some of my better known favorites that are still currently active, but i also love mawari, yugica, steaka, picdo, atols, the list goes on i could be here forever. as for nostalgic favorites or people who aren't active anymore, like i said there's nekobolo, but of course wowaka and siinamota (rest in peace) and yeah can you tell i have a lot of producers i like sdjfsd

Q: what's your favorite vocaloid/vocalsynth?

hime and mikoto are specifically my favorite vocaloids but if we're accounting for all of vocalsynth, kafu if it wasn't obvious lol

Q: what's your favorite vocalsynth song?

dude i have no clue. that's an impossible question. shoujo rei by mikito-p maybe?