#you think i rambled a lot before you ain't seen nothing yet

[plusultraetc]

Just learned how to add a read more link on ao3 and it is so over for my end notes

[the-cat-and-the-birdie]

A Very Long, Personal [but positive] Ramble about Neurodivgerency and Character Hyperfixation

[u can ignore this if you want this is just an ADHD ramble - this is a kinda 'mask off' talk about ADHD, autism and my personal history with it all. I also talk about the upsides and downsides - and the importance of Hobie to me personally - I just wanna normalize this stuff lol]

a.k.a The story of how I sent from obsessing over him to HIM in 10 years (what a glowup on my part ik)

(I know a lot of peeps on here can feel self-conscious about being neurodivergent and character connection or whatever you wanna call it and so do I! So I wanted to write it out or just ramble for my own sake)

I don't know if it's obvious or not, but I LOVE HOBIE BROWN. I'm going to be completely candid - I think about him maybe 85 percent of the day if not more, and that's in no way an exaggeration.

No matter what I'm doing, there's a least one tab open in my brain thinking about him. It may not be the focus, but it's there.

That's just how I operate. And I've been this way for a LONG time. In fact, Hobie isn't my first 'total focus' character in Marvel.

I gain VERY deep hyperfixations on Marvel Characters, many lasting years. And there's nothing wrong with that - in fact it's rad!

!!!! ATTENTION: This is a whimsical care-free zone. For Happy Funny Folk !!!!!!!!!

Loki - My introduction to hyperfixation with characters

I don't know if this is surprising or you'd be like 'yeah u seem like the type' but I use to LOVE Loki. For YEARS.

I'm AuDHD and when I was 13/14, a freshman in HS, he was my hyperfixation. Eerything I do for Hobie, I did for Loki. I even had a Loki blog for like 3/4 years.

This was back in 2012-2013, when Avengers had just came out, and the MCU wasn't - well, the MCU yet.

But even back then, the Loki fandom was HUGE. I have no idea who was also on Tumblr back then but it was gigantic. Because movies weren't coming out every 3 months, it went on for yearrrrsssss. Art, edits, fics, everything.

I was soooo into, I loved Loki. Like Hobie, I probably thought about Loki maybe 85-90% of the day.

And sure I was doing a lot of other stuff but in the back of my head there was always the oc x canon storyline running in my head, or replaying scenes from memory and analyzing, or wondering and speculating about his character.

I mask very minimally or not at all - so everyone in my school knew me for it. And at the time I didn't know I was neurodivergent, but that didn't stop me - I was genuinely proud of it.

I wore Loki shirts to school and brought the Avengers DVD the day it dropped (this was back before streaming in ye' old 2013). I knew the Avengers movie back to front.

I saw Thor: The Dark World the day it released and SOBBED openly in the theater when he 'died'. (I remember my mom leaning over and whispering 'Do you wanna leave?' cause I seemed that upset lol)

And everyday I use to wear a necklace like this -

(credit IJSY on Etsy)

But in black, until one day I had it in my pocket and I sat on it in class and broke it in two. And people around me deadass were like 'daammnn I know that shit hurt in ur soul' cause I LOVED Loki and people knew it. And I didn't care if they did.

And I was like that for years. Overtime the Loki fandom fizzled out, especially around Phase 2 when things like GOTG first came out.

But I had a Loki fixation like maybe up until the show came out. And even then I've seen the whole thing (I ain't even like it that much 4.5/10) and I'm gonna watch the second one (I'm a fool)

But any way like to this day I still remember the first time I saw Loki and how it made me feel and I can like picture it in my head and I consider it a pretty influencial albeit mundane moment in my life.

And it was a very specific feeling but it was like as soon as I saw Loki's first scene in Avengers, I was plugged into the screen.

Other Hyperfixations - Charles Xavier, Peter Parker

All of my hyperfixations are on men in marvel and they have always been. There's been others I've cycled through, usually based on the newest movie. I even went through a LENGTHY and very in depth K-pop era (don't get me started).

Charles Xavier was a favorite of mine (from X-Men First Class), and I LOVE MCU Peter Parker. I still do. But none hit like Loki did.

There was never THAT feeling, like the fantastical electric feeling.

And I had never felt that feeling again UNTIL I SAW HOBIE (i wanna cry)

My fixation with HOBIE BROWN HOBIE BROWN HOBIE BROWN (sorry I can't say his name only one time im too excited)

In the theatre my jaw genuinely dropped like I'm pretty sure I said 'OH NAH' to myself when i first saw him

Cause he was the prettiest character I've ever seen and I mean that

I didn't recognize what that feeling was until just now like YES, it's the same feeling. And I can't even describe it.

It's like every other character is normal but as soon as you lay eyes on this character for the first time it's like suddenly they're under your skin and curled up in your heart and you can FEEL them and the weight of them PHYSICALLY like not body wise but like astral personhood wise (do I sound unhinged)

And Hobie was just so pretty.

First of all - I didn't know he was black fgsbtgtuiuigs id never heard of spiderpunk

The wicks were what caught me off guard first. I know what wicks are, I've seen them before. But never animated.

And although Miles and Gwen and Pavi all look realistic - Hobie looked real to me. The high cheekbones and broad lips, the raised brow ridge and wide set eyes - he looked different from them, not just in art style but like - I DONT KNOW.

But that's how it is, you know what I mean. There was just something in my brain that was like 'he has meaning to me'. Like 'Idk who this man is, but whatever story he's writing, I'm reading it'.

That's what hyperfixation feels like.

And Hobie in specific held and holds so much more weight for me IN ADDITION.

I started falling out of my Loki phase around Thor: Ragnorok in 2017 - which is to say I was varying degrees of 'obsessed' with Loki for about 5 years.

Around that time, maybe starting in 2015, police brutality in NYC picked up. Me and my friends started getting more radicalized, going to protests, and identifying as communists, anarchists, or both.

One of my favorite things at the time was The Black Panther Party handbook I'd found at a second hand-book store. And for a while the Black Panther Party was a special interest of mine.

It made me really interested in the 70's, the civil rights movement, and the rise of punk that happened at the same time. Around this time, I made my first 'battle jacket' with a patch that said "Black Lives Matter, Bitch." and begged my parents for a pair of doc martens.

I didn't have Hobie back then, but I have him now. And he still resonates.

There was very much a time where I was that homeless, punk teen, angry at police, who wanted to be taken in by my favorite heros.

My admiration for Hobie comes from like - everything he is. Everything he stands for and represents. I don't need Hobie like I would've as a teen. But I know deep down the healing he could bring other people as a comfort character.

Or even in terms of a good political example, or great rep for alt black people. All of it.

That can't really be said for Loki. Or Charles Xavier (even if X-men is a race allegory), or even Peter Parker.

I grew up in NYC all my life, and I LOVE Spider-man, but I never felt Connected to Peter Parker as if we lived in the same city. I never felt something in common with Peter even if he was broke too.

Hobie's just different, y'know.

The Downsides

It's easy to feel really embarrassed by all this - and even now I'm feeling shy even describing how it feels.

Cringe culture gets in your head before you know it. I'm CONSTANTLY telling myself 'no, Hobie would understand that you're neurodivergent and this is you expressing yourself he wouldn't think youre cringe youre not cringe okay' As if my comfort character Hobie Brown thinking I'm cringe is like jksjfkjf the worst thing ever - i can't, i can't with myself.

I genuinely want to hug Hobie more than I want to huge most celebrities or influential real-life people.

I genuinely think hugging him would be more healing to my being than hugging the Pope or the Dhali Lama or something. I admire him and care about him but he's NOT REAL. It's PARASOCIAL And like duh, I know that - i'm grown as fuck.

Sometimes it can genuinely get you down that you care about this character-person and you can't be with them

It's like you miss them. But they're not real and you don't know them. And I know that sounds tragic or bizarre. But it's kinda just weird. It feels weird not in a sad way, but in a 'why brain?? why is this possible in my brain?? huh???' way.

Like...I know it's parasocial, but like it's not like a fan and a youtuber. He's not real, I'm not giving him money or hurting anyone. I know there's nothing to be ashamed of, but it's just WEIRD.

Like... I know my cat isn't a person and mentally I don't see them as a person and can't like analyze them like a full formed person even if I wanted to. But with Hobie - someone who is not a person - my brain can???? Like I've never met him but like... I can imagine a full conversation with him beginning to end in his place of residence I've also never seen before??????? SO WEIRD.

Also theres that thing of him running in the back of my head 85% of the time.

Even if I'm talking or cooking or something, I'm still daydreaming about him - I have ADHD. And during those times if i'm interrupted and someone give me a THIRD thing to do (besides thing 1 and thinking about Hobie) I get irritated. Because now I have less brain room for Hobie stuff.

The Upsides

Now reading all of this you might be like 'sib this sounds like nothing but a problem r u okay' but I PROMISE ITS REAL FUN SOMETIMES

And it's nothing to feel ashamed of!

Now the last part was just a list of downsides, but the upsides are more things I can do because of my hyperfixation on Hobie that makes me happy

Like I said, I daydream a LOT. Like a LOT.

Mainly with OCs You can probably tell how much I like OCs, and how much OCs - even others', mean to me. And usually, my OCs are the ones who I see the in-media universe through. I don't have to think about making an OC much, for me personally they come fully formed. Because of this, while I'm watching movies I begin to have involuntary daydreams of where I can add in an OC, or what they'd be doing. I typically only do this for Marvel though. Hardly DC or any other media other than maybe Batman. For Loki, it was a character named Asdisira Heimdaldottir who I shipped with him. And for Hobie it's Diane Pastors (Disco-Spider).

And although I am in completely control of what these daydreams are, they are vividly realistic, and can come on at different times.

For me, it's while listening to music mostly. But anything can trigger it - from a good text post, to hearing a phrase. And these daydreams are extremely vivid. Most times, you can visibly see when I'm doing it. My eyes will glaze over or start moving as if I'm trying to remember something. Sometimes I may say 'random' phrases. I say lines from the scene I'm in outloud. (Like saying 'How could you!' in an offended tone to myself, if that's what the character in the daydream is saying). I also make facial expressions. I can do it on purpose, like hitting play on a movie and resuming where I left off. Usually, when I do this, I close my eyes. I much prefer to sit and do it without multitasking, but I often do it while doing something else.

These daydreams connect, and arcs/storylines can go on for months/years.

Usually these stories go on for months in IRL time, and span the whole history of the character. For Loki, I probably has Asdisira for 4 years at most. Which is still a LONG time. These arcs can take different pathways, and I may imagine a scene multiple times - in different ways, but usuall the timeline of the oc x canon stays overall the same. Sadly, I almost never write these down. I would pull my hair out and theres not enough time in the world for me to write Diane and Hobie's full narrative down in detail that does it justice. I wanna make a bullet list of their narrative but i dont wanna clog dashes

I can genuinely use them as a comfort character.

I don't need this much now, and nowhere as much as I needed it in high school, but having the ability to daydream vividly at will about a character you feel safe and happy with - it's dope. Sometimes it really helps. There were a lot of times I imagined Loki comforting me or showing me kindness or helping me calm down. And sometimes you can do it just for fun. Like, as a treat. Whenever. I'm imagining Diane and Hobie at a fish n' chip shop right now. It's drizzling outside and it smells like oil and Hobie douses his chips in wayyy to much vinegar. It's like I'm there. Like...I just do that. thats rad as hell. (and I don't know how to describe it if you can't do it but hopefully others know how it is but it's VIVID, like wayyyy more than any dream.)

Literally a walking fact book about them.

I'm smug AS FUCK. I use to love when dudes in high school challenged me about the MCU cause I wore a shirt. Like, oh buddy. Oh pal. Just you fucking wait. I know this character better than you know your own mother - try me hoe. I love reading characters like a book and rewatching scenes, breaking down motives, watching their movements, looking for patterns and drawing connections to real world history, cultures, or psychology. I LOVE watching behavior and personality in the movies, and making conclusions about where they'd come from, reasonably, for the character, and how it affects them outside the scope of the film.

And most of all - It's Free Joy we're almost at the end I promise

This is long as all hell and unlike my other posts there really isn't a neat little character study but uhhh I wanna end with this I guess -

The best part of it, is it's free joy. Literally.

My brain can do something a lot of others can't. I can feel a kind a comfort and understanding with a character, I can entertain myself and come up with amazing stories that have mean to me.

I can make wonderful worlds and all that without lifting a finger, and hangout with my favorite characters just by going

(literally how i be sitting there - professor x headass)

I hoping the fucking multiverse with my mind.

But there's nothing cringe about that. And there's nothing cringe about drawing Hobie for hours on end, by himself or with an oc. There's nothing cringe about thinking about them a lot, or wanting to buy or make a lot of merch.

We aren't hurting anyone. It's not like a celebrity or a youtuber. Nothing we're doing is taboo or anything we're literally just being happy. And squealing about a character we deeply love

Like..Golly if more mfers in this world were squealing like us once a week maybe they'd be happier, you know what I mean. People be walking around mad as hell at the world...like why don't you look at this picture of Hobie and calm down? That's what makes me calm down.

__________________________________________________

Anyway uh this is LONG and not connected much to ATSV but if you read down this low THANK YOU so deeply it means a lot. If you relate to this at all I'd love to hear.

And if you think I'm unhinged. Absolutely. But that has nothing to do with this and ain't nothing wrong about it, in the words of megan the stallion... 'ah'.

I leave you with this pic of Hobie goodbye :)

im using my magic autism powers to hold his hand :) now im giving him a hug im having fun

[some-pers0n]

I know you probably want to talk about it in a big post but we can see the Glory bias on how she is treated when she uses her venom and how Tsunami is treated for using violence

Oh thanks for the ask! I'll start rambling.

Glory and how she's treated by the narrative really shows Tui's bias towards her. I'll go more into it in the rant later on, but I'll just go along with it.

Glory killing characters like Scarlet and Crocodile are just kind of...brushed off. She's seen as cool and calculated for doing them. She's the savior in the situation. The cool and epic gaslighting, gatekeeping girlboss.

That's just with her behavior in general. She makes sny and mean comments and remarks a lot more than sarcastic ones. Yet, nobody really calls her out for it. It's just shown as her having a quirky way of talking and dealing with things.

Compare and contrast with Tsunami. I'm not too personally fond of Tsunami, but I do feel like her actions are called out more than Glory. Slightly.

The narrative points to her brash and aggressive behavior and makes a point of it that it's a flaw. Her 'punch first, ask questions later' mentality is seen as a poor thing, mostly by introspection and whatnot. It comes to the forefront when it's revealed that Gill is her father, something she deeply regrets.

However, I still don't feel the books fully commit to the idea of this behavior being flawed. It's still a cool and epic girlboss moment. Hell yeah guys, ain't it cool when Tsunami randomly kills some SkyWing for no particular reason? Not even with Gill does she process it for a long while. It's just kind of that chapter and then the book moves along.

I can already imagine the defense for it. "They're dragons! They don't have human morals!"

I could rant about how horrible of an argument this is for ages. In this situation, it defends Glory and Tsunami and their actions by saying that they're dragons. They kill dragons. Dragons kill each other all the time. It's normal. Besides, weren't they doing it in self defense?

I'd agree had these dragons not be written as humans but with scales and wings. They DO have human morals. Stealing and murder is bad. They have entire societies, rules, monarchies, etc. They are very anthropomorphic.

So, Glory and Tsunami more or less get away with their actions. Tsunami gets a little slap on the wrist and is lightly scolded for it, but not much more. Glory on the other hand practically gets rewarded a piece of candy when she does it. She's the cool character. Don't you guys just love Glory? I mean, the narrative literally warps around so she can be the epicist strong and powerful female dragon to ever grace literature. Tui seems to think so.

There's nothing wrong with having a favourite character when writing. Nothing at all. The issues come when the story shifts around and says things that are bad for other dragons to do before then turning around and congratulating the 'good guys' for doing it. You have to acknowledge your character's flaws and apply them to the same line of logic everyone else abides by.

[nerdylittleguy]

just my rambling about the new alignment chart and poster, mostly in relation to Breakdown, but there's more in my head then Breakdown's arms spinning in circles. trust me im sane!!

i am going to add a 'keep reading' to keep the rest of you unsuspecting mortals saner than me! /lh

okay! so here are some notes i made throughout the day, edited to sound more coherent and structured because i was loosing my marbles today! (these are about the alignment chart btw!)

tarantulas... evil? i'd say true neutral or something because he just wants to be alone, not cause anyone any trouble. leave my guy alone he just wants to do science!!

skullcruncher... chaotic evil? has he even had a voiced line??

grimlock - well, we haven't seen him, either. maybe this hints at his personality? i haven't seen many grimlocks yet (bits and pieces of cyberverse, RiD2015 and G1) but he's always seemed more chaotic than lawful, or just in the middle. eh, what do i know?

the most lawful good character i can think of in earthspark is Optimus, or if you asked me to think fast and name an LG character, optimus would come before bumblebee, that's for sure. i've seen lots of people say - and honestly this sounds very likely - that optimus is being isolated from other transformers by GHOST, so they can manipulate him. perhaps that would/ will shift him away from LG?

before we get onto my main event - Breakdown, of course, anyone surprised? - i'd like to quickly say i'd love one of these for the humans!! it'd be cool i think. calling that agent Croft would be lawful evil, or even neutral/ true evil.

okay, fasten your seatbelts, you're in for a ride! maybe. a ride of my rambles!!

it seems that this chart, for better or worse, had defined the good-evil scale as an autobot-decepticon scale. fair enough, that could be the basic idea.out of the three neutral characters, we have one we've seen nothing of (however, grim still has his autobot badge, so he's not with GHOST. maybe he's more of a rouge from the autobots, not decepticons?), we have megatron (who switched sides onto the side of 'good' - autobots and later GHOST, but that's falling apart pretty fast ain't it?) and breakdown (whose heart seems in racing more than fighting).

based on that, the alignment chart could be:

good - autobot/ main characters who are obviously good

neutral - rouges, side-switchers and unenthusiastic fighters

evil - decepticons lmao.

alright, alright, but what about BD??

here's my line of reasoning: if he's dead, why has he been on both the new things released? there's a lot of characters missing from the poster - hashtag, nightshade (who's on the chart), jawbreaker and tarantulas (who, despite being put as NE, did the Maltos more good than breakdown.) etc etc. so, why put a dead man on these two new releases?

if whoever was making this alignment chart was just 'ticking boxes', so to speak, and needed a CN character, why breakdown? okay, so who else could be classed as chaotic neutral?

if our scale here truly is autobot - rouges/ side-switchers/ whatever breakdown's loyalty is - decepticon, who could be neutral?

it's kinda a short list, but here it is:

sky warp and nova storm no longer work for the decepticons. it even sounded like they considered joining the autobots, but (curiously sounding in episode 9/10) didn't for fear of ghost. technically, they're former decepticons who would take a better chance if it was presented to them. on the scale, that might be considered neutral. and they certainly have an air of chaos

laserbeak and frenzy, mostly for those same reasons. yes, they do currently (? well, last we saw, anyway) work for mandroid, but they're former decepticons and they're very chaotic. additionally, from a realistic point of view, they're more likely to be alive than breakdown. we didn't see their limbs hanging around, they're small, and laserbeak and fly. they'd get out of that brawl no trouble! therefore, if breakdown is dead, laserbeak and frenzy could have been placed in CN.

here's the conclusion i wrote down: Breakdown is alive! why would he be in the poster, and on the chart, if he's dead? what the heck would be the point of that?? especially becuase he's so popular...

oh? what's this? i haven't mentioned arms yet? well, i'd hate to disappoint. here goes!

in both the new images, one of his arms (the left one, which was seen hanging in mandroid's lair) is out of sight. unfortunately, my digging has lead me to the conclusion that the image from the chart is not new, it's from the moment when breakdown leaps, transforms, and attacks GHOST agents.

note the red lights underneath his torso, and behind the letters. apologies for the awful episode screenshot!

the angle and zoom on the chart made this hell to pinpoint, and i still don't feel perfectly confident, especially due to his head's angle - something just feels off about the images, but maybe if i'd pinpointed it better it'd make more sense. and obviously the above images are not perfectly pinpointed, but it was hard to find a frame where it wasn't all blurry! maybe someone can get a cleaner image?

the image from the poster, though, it's bugging me. he's literally a few pixels on it, but...

that other arm is bailing me out here! as far as i saw during ep 14, i didn't see him raise his arm like that, but that could be just me. also, here's a shot from later in episode 14:

it has paint scratches on, and because the poster-breakdown is a few pixels, i can't really see if there's scratches there, but there might be a little bit of discolouration in similar places. so, either the poster is like... an unused image, or the paint is there (painting... knockout?) or (so??) it is a new image. whoohoo! he'd... be alive, then??!!

and would it really be one of my rambles without a little diagram?

no i cant do proportions. next question--

anyway, i'm sure i've missed something, or made a massive leap, but it's been chewing away at my mind all day, so enjoy! feel free to point out stuff that i have missed/ assumed. thanks for reading :)

@transformers-earthspark, you seem to enjoy my madness. /lh here's more overanalysing!

(funfact: i have been rambling about this to my family. my dad joked about a wanted/ missing poster...)

the search continues i guess!

[captainshadowshifter]

Sleepy vacuum

(Full version and lore under the cut)

⚠️ The full version depicts it being underwater, and murky water at that. I want it to be known that that is the intended look.

⚠️ In the description of lore, there is some very unsettling concepts of death and disease. Please tread carefully

ALRIGHTY LORE TIME-

So. In the future in my timeline (the one with edgy melty noodle man) there's this whole thing about some of OC Shadow's released Power getting corrupted and turning itself into a kind of disease - which Vex then becomes the sort of catalyst of when he absorbs the Glitch (I think I made a post about it before but I can't find it so I'm not entirely sure lol - either way he's just a disease ridden rat now and no I won't take it back) and that's when it becomes noticeable and stuff, starts having effects on everyone and kinda brainwashes them.

Because of this Corruption disease thing, the Interstellar Junction gets shut down - nobody travels anymore - so N.A.O.M.I gets brought down to Craftworld.

Now there was this.. Bunker thing that got made - not the same as the Collector's Bunker, but similar. (This part of the story, and this entire infection thing, was based on a dream I had because it was so fucked up and twisted that I was just like FUCK THAT'S SO COOL and then it was a thing, then like 1-2 years later SABA comes out and my brain is all like "HEY LOOK FUNNY JESTERMAN let's break him like you break everything else" and now here we are-)

Anyway so this Bunker, it was designed to keep the infection out (think Horizon Zero Dawn for a good analogy on that), and the Negativitron was built kinda into it to power it and run it and stuff because it is immune to the disease. This is also where N.A.O.M.I ends up, the two of them work together to run it.

Until the Corruption gets in. And with the Corruption inside, Vex could find it and take the Negativitron's power. Which is... not good at all.

So when Vex got there, everyone inside said Bunker was... Well there was no saving them anymore. So N.A.O.M.I, and Neg, collectively decided on the best course of action.

She flooded the place to trap Vex and essentially cut the head off the Corruption (I tried to think of better wording but. No.)

Now this didn't work, since he escaped, but he never got to the Negativitron. He also lost all control of the Corruption down there, too. So half a win, if you can even call it that.

I have some... terrifying shit planned for that place (I guess now it's a tad more obvious as to why I don't like to sleep much)

A N Y W A Y -

The Negativitron is fine. It works with the Imaginatrix, as a sort of archive of knowledge - particularly types of power and stuff about dimensions that's VITAL to the way the story ends.

N.A.O.M.I is... sort of fine. As an AI, she can't exactly... she's more of a spirit now. Some Black Mirror shit going down. Creepy to think about.

Aksjzkxndkddbdhdkdbfkffbf sorry- my explanation skills are decidedly lacklustre so if this makes no sense then uh... Well maybe that's a good thing.