#you're gonna give him an aneurism

[blindmagdalena]

The big tatas ask and homelander mentioning reader sitting like a fried shrimp has to be why their back hurts gave me an idea LMAO, I have adhd and I’m bi af so I literally cannot sit straight or correctly, how is homie with an so who just cannot Sit Correctly so their back always hurt? Especially when they’re like omg my back hurts so bad and I literally have no idea why why does this happen to me

homelander every time his chronically crunched s/o complains about their backpain while repeatedly ignoring his comments about their posture

he's gonna pick them up and uncurl them like one of those 90s snap bracelets

[gaiathemexicanbeauty]

it only takes a taste | mike schmidt x reader

word count: 1.6k

warnings: none! this is just pure fluff and maybe kind of slowburnish lol

this was loosely based off of it only takes a taste from the waitress musical! :3

idk i just really like the idea of late nights with mike even if he's too tired to even think straight lmao

also don't ask what time period this takes place in, i was born in 2004 and know like 2 things about the 70s-90s or whenever the movie takes place bc its never explicitly mentioned

i also do not regularly bake or cook so do not be afraid to go to my comment section and tell me if something sounds off

i love this man ok, i have said it 1000 times already but i've been in love with him ever since i first saw him when i was like 12 or 13 and was even more so obsessed with rebornica's mike design for YEARS. 12 year old me would have an aneurism if she knew about the fnaf movie

you let out a long yawn, one hand reaching up cover your mouth so as not to potentially ruin the mood of any customers around; granted, there was only two and they were graveyard shifters from somewhere outside of town but customers are customers. you'd been working at sparky's for a couple of months now, figuring it was an easy way to make some cash and keep food on the table. of course, you hadn't accounted for the very long hours that passed where you half debated trying to sneak away since no was around from 2-4:00 am: your boss would kill you, though, and you wanted to stay employed.

soft oldies music plays in the background as you glance over at the clock ticking away on the wall. just as you move to grab a rag to clean the counters for the 5th time during your shift, you hear the bell above the entrance jingle and don't even have to look up to know who it is.

mike wasn't a regular at first, just someone who popped in at random and very quietly asked for a coffee. after a while of starting a new job, he started coming in at almost 11:00 pm everyday and always asking for the same thing: just a plain, black coffee. "seriously?" you had said with a smirk the first time he said his order to you, your eyes widening at the attitude you had just given a customer. fortunately, mike was quick to respond with a tired but good natured laugh, his hands folded in front of him. "i'm all ears if you have other recommendations." he mumbled with a smile tugging at the corner of his lips, giving you instant relief.

now, it was just clockwork. "hey." mike sighs with a soft sigh, rubbing a hand over his eyes as he takes a seat at a chair by the counter you were standing behind. "coffee machine is kind of acting up tonight, you're gonna have to give it a minute. want anything else while you wait?" you say as you approach the counter, giving him a quick smile. mike is about to decline your offer, his lips parting to say something before his eyes land on something on the farther end of the counter. "what about that? still good?" "you're just in time. i was going to take the rest of it home." you say with a smile, walking over to the cake stand holding an apple pie with only 3 slices left of it. you take the lid off to plate it, handing it over to mike with a hum before bringing him utensils. you don't even get the chance to bring up to him that the slices have been sitting there for a couple of hours, blinking in shock at the way he's quick to start eating.

you turn your back to start taking down the chalkboard advertising the special from the day before, giving mike his one moment of quiet you were sure he needed. you start to think about what your day will consist of once you're done with your shift, dreading having to clean your room before you can actually sleep. "did you make this?" "yeah. why, is it bad?" you say with a chuckle, turning to look at mike again; your eyes widen a bit at the way mike is looking at you, his own eyes looking at you like he can't believe what he just put it in his mouth. "no, no, it's..it's really good, like. really good." your cheeks redden a bit at the sudden compliment, pushing a piece of hair behind your ear as you occasionally glance at him enjoying the pie you'd made; you wouldn't say you were amazing at cooking but you definitely knew enough to make a meal that would do more than just feed you.

it also didn't help that you'd been harboring a crush on mike for the past month. that you were aware of, he didn't have a partner of any kind but that might have been more to do with the fact he didn't have time for one than anything else. you at first brushed it off as just not having contact with anyone your age that late at night, just enjoying his company when nights got lonely. but you couldn't deny the way you would style your hair a bit differently or try a new perfume in the hopes of getting a compliment from mike; to your absolute pleasure, he almost always pointed it out. now to hear this sudden praise for your cooking took you out of your element.

"thanks, really, but i make it all the time. i can make thousands like it and they'll all be the same." you say with a light chuckle, crossing your arms against your chest as you look over at the cake stand sheepishly. "then maybe you should consider getting a day job making these instead." mike says between bites, giving you a playful smile. you can't help but scoff despite the smile on your face, looking over at mike again. "well, if it's that easy, maybe YOU should quit your job and come and join me. keep me company." the two of you have a quiet laugh, your cheeks reddening at the indirect compliment you had paid him. once his plate is empty, you take it away from him just to have an excuse to do something with your hands (also to get away from the almost fond look that mike was giving you right now, definitely not on par for him). there's a tense silence between the two of you before mike speaks up, clearing his throat when he speaks. "uh, i tried making that at home. the pie, i mean. i don't remember what kind it was right now, but it definitely didn't end as well as that." he says with a nervous laugh, hands folded in front of him again as you hear the coffee machine start to pour out his drink.

"well, what exactly did you do wrong?" with surprisingly no hesitance, mike goes on to tell the story of how sure he was about this recipe he'd seen in a catalogue, going above and beyond to make sure this "stupid thing" (his words) came out right. little did he know leaving his creation unattended for even a second would result in smoke pouring out of the oven and having to throw out a charred-black pastry; "and then abby went and acted like we could just go and do it all over again and.." mike starts, hands waving around uncharacteristically as he finished off his story. he caught the way you were trying to hold back a laugh, fingers pressed to your lips that were etched into a small smile. "it's ok, you can laugh all you want. i never tried doing it again." you can't help the laugh that leaves you once he gives you his full permission, still trying to keep your voice down. "i-i'm sorry, really.." you giggle once you've calmed down, rubbing your hands over your face before you start to walk around the counter to where mike is sitting. "but that's not how making a pie works. you can't just leave it like that or give up on the process that easily."

mike makes a face that says 'i'm listening', shrugging his shoulders when you sit on the stool next to him. "making a pie is like.." you start with a sigh, hands propping up your chin in thought as you look up at the clock. "you just know when some things feel right. if something is too much or too little, whether you need to start again or not. lord knows i've had to redo entire pies because the crust wasn't flaky enough or the filling didn't taste like apples enough." you say, chuckling a bit as you remember all the times you'd slaved away for almost entire days trying to nail down the perfect home recipe. you take a minute to think again, sitting back a bit as you smooth down your apron tied around your waist. "and it also doesn't help if you make something just to make something. when you bake or just cook a plain old steak, you have to make it like you're crafting a story or making a song. all of my best meals were made with someone or something in mind."

your cheeks go red again when you realize the very unprompted ramble you went on, a nervous laugh leaving you as you look down at your lap. "sorry, you totally don't have to-" "no, no, i-" the two of you jump a bit at the way you both try to speak first, sheepish smiles tugging at your lips before you go quiet again. the bell above the door jingles and you don't have to look up to know the two of you are alone now. "i like hearing about that sort of stuff. i really only hear about it when i'm here with you and it's..nice. different." your heart soars and you can only hope that mike can't somehow feel or hear it, trying to give him a warm smile without saying something you'll regret. you get up from your seat with a when he checks his watch, knowing that's code for 'i need to go' even before he stands. you're almost sure he'll leave without saying anything which you are simultaneously grateful for and hoped he wouldn't do, already busying yourself with some other menial task. "hey."

you look up almost as soon as he speaks, seeing the smile tugging at his lips and not able to contain your own. "save those leftovers for me. i hope it still tastes like you were trying to make it for me when i get back." he says, a smug look in his eyes as your lips part a bit in shock. you try to call out to him before he jogs out to his car, taking off accordingly.

-> ta da its done! :D <-

this was honestly less romantic than i wanted it to be but i promise that my brain is racked with thoughts of him literally EVERY DAY so mayhaps i can write something else that's more up to par one of these days

but thank yall for reading! :D i haven't been able to pump out a oneshot like this for a while and it felt good to write something longer than a couple of paragraphs, i have missed this account sm 🐺💗 love yall and i hope that you all are having a fantastic day!

[sungbeam]

𝐆𝐎𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐋𝐄𝐗! — two

ii. that's not how this works!

0.6k words + social media

in which playing truth or dare is supposed to work, but it doesn't

park jisung x fem!reader; fluff, drinking

There was something that bothered you about Park Jisung. You had no idea why it irked you so much when everyone at the table had acted cocky at some point tonight, but there was something about the way he did it that got on your last nerves. Maybe it was because he seemed to think the world revolved around him outside of this, as well. It most definitely wasn't because you were masking feelings for him—that would just be hypocritical of you. 

You'd gone to school with Jisung since middle school, and ever since, you'd seen his ego slowly inflate. He was good at what he was passionate about—dance—but it didn't give him the right to have an attitude about it. Every win was well deserved, sure, but that ego just didn't sit right with you. God complexes were loaded guns just waiting to go off, and you'd rather not be near it whenever it did. 

But it seemed like the universe was about to test your own infallibility as the empty bottle of soju at the center of the table slowed to a stop in front of you. Truth or dare was the game, and Jisung had just been granted an answer from you. 

He nodded at you from across the table with a cocked brow and his tongue poking his cheek. "Truth or dare, sweetheart."

Sweetheart—who the hell does he think he is? You answered with a careful, blank face. "Truth."

"Why do you hate me?"

You blinked. Well, this was not what you had expected. "Dare."

Chenle snorted from beside Jisung and had to turn away to cover his mouth as he laughed quietly. 

Jisung made a face. "I dare you to tell me why you hate me."

"Never have I ever—"

"That's not how this works!" He squawked, abruptly standing up. His chair screeched against the tile flooring as he did, and he almost hit his head against the light fixture above him. 

You met his gaze and stood up yourself. Why was this man so stupidly tall, you asked yourself when you couldn't be at eye level with him. "Then I pass!"

Mark pursed his lips together and his eyebrows shot up to his bangs. "That means a shot, Yn-ie."

"Bring it," you said. You held out your hand for Haechan to pour you a shot of soju. You actually hated drinking, but if you could avoid the question and this entire situation, you would gladly suck it up and dunk a shot down your throat.

"Ynie, you cannot hold your alcohol, bestie," Jaemin reminded you with a tsking sound. Chaeryeong nodded along with him, her lips pressed in a nervous smile and her eyes widened to saucers. 

Jisung scratched the back of his neck. "I'll take the shot for her."

Everyone's eyes went to him once more; even you thought you heard wrong. He simply shrugged his broad shoulders and tucked his hands into his pants pockets. "If Yn can twist the rules, so can I."

Oh. My. God. "You're such a child," you blurted before you could stop yourself. 

His jaw dropped slightly, his hand flying up to his chest in feigned offense. "As opposed to you?"

Mark pressed two fingers to his temples; he was going to have an aneurism. Across from him, Chenle cupped his hands so only Mark could see his lips mouthing: I told you so. Mark sent him a sharp look, then picked up his bottle of soju from the table, consequence be damned. 

This was gonna be one long night. 

a/n: lmao i can actually imagine the chan and felix uno clip but it's jisung and yn and it's not friendly at ALL 😩

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[jesperfaheys-defenseattorney]

I promised a soft APFT snippet so here is a soft APFT snippet (with a vague bit of plot)

Jesper glanced up briefly as the door to his room slid open. Inej chucked a roll of bandages at him. He caught it and looked back at his reflection.

"Acting up?" Inej asked. She plopped down by Jesper's door, crossing her legs. Jesper unrolled the new bandages with his teeth, one hand still holding the end of the ones wrapped around him.

"A bit," he said. He took the end of the bandages in two fingers and started wrapping it around himself. "Don't want it to jolt's the only thing."

Inej watched him rip the bandage off the roll and attempt to tie it off. She let him suffer in silence for about half a minute.

"Let me." She stood up and walked to sit in front of Jesper. She tucked her feet under herself and grasped the bandages. She gave it a tug and Jesper winced. Tying the knot tightly, she patted his side over the bandages.

"All better," she said with a small smile. Jesper returned it with a tired grin of his own and stood up. He walked about one step and then flopped down onto his bed with a groan.

"Aren't you coming to watch Nina and the new guy bicker?" Inej asked. She sat on the edge of his bed. "He's just suggested replacing half the hyper drive, I think she's gonna have an aneurism."

Jesper chuckled and stuck his hand behind his head. "Nah." He grabbed a remote by his bed and clicked a button. "Gotta stay in bed after rebandaging. Doctor's orders."

"Who, Nina?"

"Nah, new bloke." A blurry blue imitation of stars flickered into life on Jesper's ceiling. "Pantoran. Matthias?"

Inej shrugged. She tilted her head back to look up at the stars and felt herself smile.

"It's home," she said. Jesper nodded.

"My da made it for me when I left," he said. "Helps me keep calm."

Inej hummed nondisticntly. She remembered finding Jesper as a little kid, passed out under the night sky on the grass. He could never stay in his room.

As she looked, the stars shifted and swapped places. A billion years in just a few clicks.

Inej lay down on the bed next to Jesper. He let his hand fall from behind his head and wrapped it around her shoulders. His hand came up to fidget with her Padawan beads.

She wouldn't let him do it if he was anybody else. But he was Jesper Fahey. Her brother in the Force. He wouldn't hurt her, he knew better than to try.

"Why d'you still wear these?" Jesper asked. He'd asked a million times before and he'd probably ask a million times in the future. "You're much more skilled than a Padawan."

"I still only know as much as one," Inej said. "Technically, I probably know less."

"Knowledge doesn't count in a fight." Jesper sniffed and looked up at the floating stars again. "Only thing is to keep yourself alive. Which you do pretty damn well."

Inej smiled. Jesper didn't understand but she didn't mind that. He hadn't been a proper Jedi, not even an Initiate. She couldn't expect him to understand the sort of connection a Padawan formed with a Master or even other Padawans.

"When I become a Knight myself, I'll get rid of them," she said as she said every time. Jesper pulled on the beads slightly, just enough to lift them away from Inej's head. He let them fall.

"We'll find our guy," he said. "And we'll get super rich - so rich we won't need to do this anymore. And Nina will get her place and I'll get mine and see my da and you'll go find a Master. And you'll become the best Jedi in the whole galaxy and you won't need these anymore."

Inej laughed. Jesper poked her, grinning. "And when you're the next Grand Master and renound as a hero throughout the galaxy, remember it was me who told you so."

Inej laughed again and rolled onto her side to look up at Jesper's face. "You won't give me a chance to forget, you'll remind me every day you see me."

Jesper smiled but it didn't reach his eyes. He looked up at the holographic stars. "I don't think I want that life," he admitted. "Always moving about, no vice, no love, no this, no that." He shook his head. "I couldn't do it."

"And you think I could?" Inej punched him lightly in the chest. "It's difficult Jes but that's the point. We're meant to struggle for the Light."

Jesper scrunched his face up. "Struggle's overrated," he said, "and it's not fun. Besides," he shrugged heavily, "I never wanted that life in the first place."

Inej watched Jesper's face. She watched how his chin jutted out slightly and how his eyes roamed the ceiling restlessly. She knew he was lying.

"We never said we'd stay together anyway," Inej said. She turned her face away from Jesper and lay her head gently on his chest. "You and me and Nina. We all want different things."

"Yeah," Jesper agreed noncommittally. "It was always going to be temporary, wasn't it?"

Inej nodded. "Yeah..."

YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY

Long snippet 🙏 but also keep reading line 😂

INEJ AND JESPER CHILDHOOD FRIENDS???? BLAIZE YOU FEED ME

Inej wearing her Padawan beads >

I love that Inej's suli wisdom is also going to kind of be her Jedi wisdom. She does have excellent Jedi vibes.

Force sensitive Jesper >>>>>

Pantoran Matthias >>>>

Bestie what form does Inej use? 👀

Hehehe Nina and Kaz fighting, Matthias making Jesper heal, Wylan doing hell knows what, Jesper and Inej being besties. I LOVE IT ALL SM

Jesper implying he wants to be in love 🥹

Inej and Jesper bromance is just SO GOOD YOU WRITE THEM SO GOOD

Jesper what the HELL did you do to your arm? 🤨

Inej taking care of her brother (IN THE FORCE HELP I LOVE IT SM)

No you guys can still see each other 🥺 You can literally travel at the speed of light don't get all "we have to leave each other" on me, that's not nice 😭

Blaize this is FUCKING GOLD. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?? IT'S👏SO👏FREAKING👏GOOD

I'm so excited bestie. This is ✨🔥

[lovekaikim]

Carnage (Part IV of Painful Feeling of Revenge) - JoeMing and AverySuho + Jeno, Mark and Melanie

Synopsis: With the whole of the UK at stake, Avery, Suho and Jeno need to stop Joe from doing anything stupid...but not everything is that simple...

Warnings: Kidnapping, MURDER

Jeno's POV

I woke up from the blackout, only to find myself tied to a chair with Avery and Suho. And an old man, who looked quite familiar...

We saw Joe, standing there, with a smug grin on his face. "Okay, enough of the crap. Where the fuck is Ming?! What did you do to him?!" Suho cried out.

"I'll get to him later. Right now, the whole of the UK is at stake. That old man between you is Charles III. And if you play your cards right, the country won't have a fucking aneurism." Joe laughed at us.

Holy fucking shit. If Joe tries to hurt the King, or worse, then England is gonna go into a fucking coma. We needed to save the king, THEN find out what happened to Ming.

"Okay...just let the King go...our friends will pick him up. Then we can talk properly," Avery told Joe. The latter thought about it, then agreed. "Alright. Bring your cronies in. I don't care..."

Mark and Melanie took the King out of Westminster Abbey, and soon me, Avery and Suho were taken to the roof.

And then, the unexpected happened.

Ming, who came out of nowhere, PUSHED Suho off the roof!

"SUHO!!!"

We saw Suho fall down, but he wasn't screaming, which was odd. And Avery was in fucking tears of rage.

"Such a shame...good boy, Ming," Joe scoffed at us, clearly enjoying our suffering. This pissed me off beyond belief. Suho was fucking dead, and this bitch didn't give a shit.

That's when I finally broke free from the bindings against me. Soon, I tackled Ming. "YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS YOU BASTARD!"

My eyes were a deep red, and my horns were out fully. Ming had the same sick smile as Joe, and at first I thought that he had been brainwashed by Joe.

But then, why would he be so willing to cover his tracks? And who would be helping him?!

Ming was in on all of it. This whole operation was a waste of time.

In a way.

Yes, Ming was not in danger, but we had managed to save a country from going through absolute turmoil...at the cost of Korea's best.

Soo, I heard Avery scream, and saw them getting choked by Joe, and then I was pinned down by Ming. How?! I don't know!

"Looks like you're only good at seduction..." Ming chuckled. And he pointed a knife at my throat.

I awaited my impending death when I heard a voice...

And it sounded too familiar.

[obeythebutler]

So this has just been floating through my head for the longest time but like... Imagine that when they picked out mc, they accidentally grabbed them from our universe where the game and fandom are a thing and mc plays the game and is in the fandom, so when they see them they just kind of have an aneurism like, "BWUSBWISBWJ YOU'RE THE CHARACTERS FROM OBEY ME!"

And they're all just like, "What"

And mc explains that it's an otome dating game that they're all in and they're all just baffled and a little freaked out by this, but they roll with it anyway, and mc just shows them all the shit in the game, and they always seem to know what's going on and what's gonna happen before it does and they manage to not get killed by Belphie bc they already know. They know he's gonna try. So they're able to prevent it from happening.

But where I'm actually going with this is... Imagine that because mc knows about the game and fandom, they end up telling the bros just how thirsty the fandom is for all of them. And, for the sake of this headcanon, imagine Diavolo allows them access to media and stuff from their world. So they're also able to show them. Like, just-

==

Lucifer: "Daddy Lucifer?" Are you fucking serious?

MC: Yup.

Lucifer: *deep sigh* Why? Just why?

MC: Why would you expect any different? People are horny, what can I say?

Lucifer: I'm gonna need a lot to drink after this...

==

Mammon: Haha, well of course they'd want ME, the GREAT Mammon!

Mammon: *secretly screaming internally*

Mammon: I am NOT a bottom!!

==

Levi: There's no way they'd do any of that for a yucky, gross otaku like me...

MC: Oh, contraire! *shows him*

Levi: *Leviathan.exe has stopped working*

==

Satan: I- what

Satan: Why's there so much with me and cats?

Satan: They do realize I like more than just cats right?

MC: *John Cena meme* Are you sure about that?

Satan: Shush.

==

Asmo: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Asmo: Of course they'd thirst for me, who wouldn't?

Asmo: Ooh, my [CENSORED] looks so [CENSORED] in this [CENSORED] and [CENSORED].

Asmo: *is now just looking a p*rn and sm*t of himself*

MC: Asmo, give me my phone back.

Asmo: No ❤

==

Beel: *confused and shook*

Beel: *my poor, innocent bby doesn't really understand*

Beel: Foodplay? I like the sound of that... *doesn't fully understand what it means, he just heard food and was immediately sold*

Beel: *loses interest after a bit*

==

Belphie: *this little shit just starts making jokes about it*

Belphie: *starts teasing MC about it*

Belphie: How'd you know about all these things huh? Have you been looking at them? Not that I mind. You sure are naughty, mc. 😏

Evil. Gremlin man.

==

Diavolo: Daddy Diavolo??? I'm not a dad??? What does this mEAN???

Diavolo: *he's so lost and confused, help him*

Diavolo: Humans are so weird??? I don't understand.

==

Simeon: Oh dear...

Simeon: This is... Sinful... *covers Luke's eyes*

Simeon: Why is there so much of me falling because of this???

Simeon: I don't like this... :(

==

Barbatos: *is having none of it*

Barbatos: *refuses to even look at it, he knows what he'll see already and he wants no part of it*

Barbatos: Please spare me the details.

==

Solomon: Oh wow, that's a lot. Am I really that attractive?

Solomon: *also teases mc*

Solomon: *makes jokes about it*

Solomon: I suppose it's good to know I'm so popular.

==

Luke:

Haha jk I got u

I would never lewd him or subject him to that, he doesn't deserve that

This is beautiful.

[spiltscribbles]

You're doing prompts! Yesss you have no idea how happy that makes me cause I love you're writing so so so much its so amazing soo yayyyyyy 🥳🥳 can I request prompt 32? Things you said I wouldn't understand. Maybe some wolfstar? I'm just a slut for your fics so I would probably die if you wrote this. Even if you don't that's fine I never wanna pressure you soo yeah love you 💕💕

~Notes: Gorgeous, this message is literally so fucking kind and I am absolutely SOBBING!!!! You are such a fucking gorgeous soul! And this means the galaxy! And I’m sorry! This screams angst, but I had a really really fucking awful day, so I just wanted to escape with some fluff :( But if you want me to redo I promise I will! Or you can send me another prompt and I’ll write angst! I adore you!!!

.-

A Reblog Is Worth A Thousand Stars  »  Send Me A Prompt  » Things You Said That I Couldn’t Understand

.-

Sirius realizes on an ordinary Tuesday morning as he spills the chocolate chips into the batter of the first batch of flapjacks, that he and his husband of over a decade haven’t had a date night for three months.

Three! Ruddy! Months!

THat’s completely not on! especially considering that now that the twins have entered their terrible twos they’ve barely had any energy at all  to go beyond furtive hand jobs and messy kisses in almost just as long. Sirius misses his bloody husband damn it!

“Daddy?” Angelica asks with owlish eyes  from where she and her younger brother, Teddy, are standing on either side of him with their expectant  plates in hand. “You look peaky.”

“Like you’re gonna puke,” Teddy tacks on helpfully, his ordinarily tawny curls  turning a putrid shade of  green just to emphasize his point. And Sirius silently reminds himself to tell Tonks off for teaching his kid such rude gestures once she gets back from her honeymoon with that Muggle bird of hers.

“Oi, you guys are going to make your old man feel like he’s the Hogwarts squid if you keep on.” Sirius tells them with a soft tug on Angelica’s ponytail and a cluck of a tongue directed towards his son.

“You’re father’s probably still just getting use to the time difference after getting back from the states.”

Sirius straightens up— pulse spiking in that way it always has around Remus ever since they had first begun to go out as fifth years— and spots him padding into the kitchen, beautifully sleep rumpled and cradling a babbling Maeve in one arm, while her twin, Matthew, toddles along side them with a meaty thumb in his mouth. Though he immediately begins sprinting towards Sirius once realizing that he’s finally home from teaching those Americans the newly enhanced defense tactics that the British Aurors have been utilizing to successful degrees.

“THere’s my Matty,” he crows, lifting him up in the air and blowing a raspberry into his belly while the toddler squawks with glee.

“Daddy home! Daddy! Daddy!”

“And he brings with him enough noise to rival the frog choir,” Remus notes absently.

Sirius waggles his tongue over at him, heart stuttering when he watches the morning sun spilling through the wide partition and unspooling golden in Remus’s hair. “You need it, gorgeous, considering you couldn’t wake up to your own ruddy alarm.”

Remus smiles in that abashed way that’s always been more devious than most give him credit for, “It’s the seventh year Ravenclaws, I think they will actually end up giving me an aneurism with how much extra they write in the essays.”

“Alas, I’m too pretty to be a widow,” Sirius sighs, tossing Matthew up in the air once more and cradling him into  his arm before walking over to Remus and dipping down to kiss the corner of his mouth. “I’ve missed you.”

“You could’ve woken me up you know,” Remus mumbles, shifting from foot to foot while sliding Maeve into her high chair. “The moon’s not til tomorrow night.”

Sirius ducks his head, scratching the back of it with appropriate diffidence. “I just didn’t want to disturb you, love.”

Remus doesn’t catch his eye as he begins to walk over to the counter and brings the other portions of the meal to the table, lips pinched and shoulders stiff. “I’m not a total invalid, Sirius. I could welcome my husband home after a week apart.”

“What’s that mean, Tad?” Teddy asks, oblivious to the undercurrent of hurt in his father’s tone and  energetic as always while scrambling into his own seat around the breakfast nook, wide eyes glowing with that easy mirth that Sirius is thankful every day his children can feel without any lingering ghosts. “A, erm— In—valvid."

“It means your Tad’s a bit brassed off at me, Ted.” Sirius answers for him, affecting a light hearted cadence. "And that I better get round to finishing up breakfast or else he’ll give me that stiff upper lip of his.”

Remus pins him with a glare from over his shoulder while Sirius sets Matthew into his own seat besides his sister, but his features are softened and Sirius knows that it means he’s close to being forgiven.

“Daddy can I have blueberries in mine,” Angelica asks as he returns to the oven.

“Course, jellybean,” Sirius answers, adopting the pet name that Hope had called her granddaughter ever since they had brought her back from the hospital eight years ago. Sirius loved it even more once finding out that it was actually a reference to some sort of Muggle treat that Remus use to eat by the handfuls as a lad.

“OmyChocomydadzee,” Ted yells towards them with a wedge of cheese in his mouth before sticking his fork into the plate of sliced fruit so to waggle it in front of a giggling Maeve.

“Sorry, son, I don’t understand trollish. Or is that some sort of highly advanced Metamorphmagus language that your Aunty Dora has been teaching you on the sly that we lowly, ordinary wizards couldn’t possibly understand?”

Teddy rolls his bright eyes with a huff, swallowing down pointedly before speaking again. “Only chocolate in mine, just like Tad!”

“Manners, Ted, remember please and thank yous.” Remus says, long suffering as he eases down into his own seat and sips from the mug of coffee that Sirius had already prepared for him. “Though yes, I’d like mine to be chocolate too, Sirius, if you’re taking orders.”

Sirius grins indulgently at them before peering down to his eldest. “Angie darling, what shall we do with their teeth once they fall out from all that sugar?”

Angelica laughs glowingly, and Sirius brushes back her chestnut bangs with a reverent hand.”The snow warlock outdoors could use it since he’s only got a carrot nose after Matty ate the chocolate frogs we were s’pose to  use for his smile.”

“Brilliant!”

.-

After they’ve all eaten, Teddy and Angelica race outside to await the Potters amidst shouts of “Shut your trap,” from a peeved off Teddy every time Angelica taunts him over his crush on Effie, and the twins dig into their toy chest in the living room while Sirius and Remus spell away the mess that always ensues after a meal with the Lupin-Blacks.

“Andromeda wants us to bring the Christmas pudding this year,” Remus idly tells Sirius while he enchants the dishes to begin washing themselves with a graceful flick of his wand. Remus ordinarily prefers cleaning them by hand, so Sirius has an inkling that the impending full moon has already  begun aching in his bones. Merlin’s saggy bollocks does he wish this new, experimental potion would just escape the bureaucracy of the Ministry so that the man who is his other half could at least have a small relief.

“Is that along with the wine and fresh cranberry sauce she’s asked for?” Sirius says, saddling up behind Remus, bending slightly so to nuzzle his nose along the hollow of his long neck.

“Mmm, she thought you might say that, and wanted to kindly remind you that she carried a set of twins for us when she was forty even though we promised that Ted would be the last sprog.”

“Pff, as if I’d let potter outdo us.”

“We definitely didn’t let that happen,” Remus snorts. “The twins and Pip will surely be the next generation Marauders, God save Minerva.”

“Exactly!” Sirius sneers, locking his arms around Remus’s torso. “Besides ’s not like it’s our fault Meda’s bloody eggs decided on a two for one deal.”

Remus stifles a laugh, leaning back into the embrace and setting his hand over Sirius’s where he’s begun thumbing small circles against his abdomen. “Yes, well if you’d like to have that argument with her?”

“Oh, she’s full of it. I know that the twins are her favorites, spoils them rotten I tell you Moons.”

“Well it’s hard not to with such cute faces,” Remus says, turning his head slightly so to peer over at the pair of them through the doorway. Maeve is munching on the leg of her barbie and Matthew is clashing together pieces of two completely contradictory puzzles. Sirius swears that his chest might implode with the love he feels for his chaotic, little family.

“Course they’re cute, Moons,” he says loftily instead of the incredibly sappy emotions that are flooding his insides. “They’re are kids, cute is in the genes.”

“Cocky bastard,” Remus snorts before turning around in his arms and kissing him full on the mouth. And yes, the sight of Remus curled around the latest essay he’s meant to be marking up with the baby monitor for the twins’s room clutched in his left fist, was an absolute heavenly sight, but Sirius thinks this more hands on approach is a much more appropriate welcome after dealing with an ocean between them and six nights apart.

“Mmm, does this mean I’m not in the dog house anymore?” Sirius asks hopefully, trailing a path of kisses along Remus’s jawline and stopping at the hinge where it meets his neck so to suck only slightly, reveling in the beautifully familiar taste of his husband.

“You were never in the dog house you daft mutt,” Remus reproves in a voice that could’ve been caustic if it weren’t for his words going breathy half way through and his hands clutching tightly onto Sirius’s shoulders. “’S just— Just… Nothing.”

Sirius feels his stomach twist, pulling off of him with a scowl set on his face, and refusing for Remus to just brush this aside, the way he’s always want to do instead of talking about anything that actually might be hurting him. Like he’s afraid that his sodding feelings are somehow a burden, the self-possessed bastard.

“Tell me,” he intones, brooking no arguments while he gently takes Remus’s face in hand so he can’t look away.

His gorgeous features twist up, indignant and mulish, but they relax almost just as quickly, a defense tactic that’s melt away almost completely after so long of being intwined with one another in the most intimate of ways.

“Sirius, there was a time that you could hardly keep your hands off of me after being away for less than half as long,” Remus tells him, voice wavering only slightly. “And I understand if it’s getting tiring having to parent around the moon’s schedule—“

“What the bloody fuck are you talking about,” Sirius really meant to listen to him all the way through, he did! But he can’t help just how furious he got at the sound of that absolutely ridiculous conclusion Remus has somehow conjured up in his impossible mind. Positively hates how this is still such a point of sensitivity Remus has when it regards to their relationship.

“Sirius—“

“Don’t be a completely idiotic arse, Lupin!” Sirius very nearly shouts, absolutely broiling. “You are the love of my life, and I wouldn’t change a single sodding thing about us! And I swear to Merlin or Morgana or whoever the fuck else, that if you begin speaking such rubbish again, I’ll have to lock you up in our bedroom, and show you just how intensely I mean that.”

Remus’s face has gone flushed throughout Sirius’s diatribe, and his hazel eyes twinkle with that adoring way of his that always makes Sirius’s heart lodge somewhere in his diaphragm. “Lupin-Black.”

“Pardon?”

“You called me Lupin, it’s Lupin-Black now, has been for quite a while.”

Sirius chuckles lowly, feeling his righteous anger  deflate as  he crowds Remus against the kitchen island and presses their foreheads together. “You done being a senseless sod then?”

Remus locks his hands around Sirius’s neck, kisses his cupids bow with a tender earnestness. “You still could’ve woken me up.”

“I just wanted to make sure that you wouldn’t be exhausted for tomorrow, love.” Sirius reiterates, kissing him with feeling before pulling apart once more. “Though if I’m being totally honest,  I would’ve liked it if you could’ve wanked me off in hello.”

“That’s all you would’ve wanted?” Remus asks smugly, the tip of his index finger tracing idl patterns  against Sirius’s neck.

“Mmm, don’t tease me, Moony.” Sirius tells him before sharing another snog. “I was just thinking earlier on that it’s been three ruddy months since I’ve had you to myself for the entire night.””

Remus’s smile brightens, “Oh yeah? You’ve missed that have you?” He bucks forwards, and Sirius can feel him pressed completely against his front.

“I think I might go mad very, very soon, Mssr Moony if we don’t correct this most awful of grievances.”

Remus laughs fondly, kissing the tip of his nose with a smile on his face. “Well I reckon that the twins are old enough to sleep through the night, and Grandma Lupin is always asking after them.”

Sirius brightens ten fold, “Really?”

“I’m sure the kids won’t mind spending an extended weekend on the Welsh coast.” Remus nods.

“Right, good. Yes! Let’s use that tellamabob thing.”

“But the kitchen’s still a mess.”

“Remus, please have mercy on me,” Sirius begs with his best pleading look until his husband finally relents in that worldweary way of his, even if it’s him who snatches Sirius’s wrist and drags him to that muggle contraption, an excited jittering to his grasp all the while.

Sirius is irrecoverably in love with such a bellend.

~*~

My Wolfstar FIC Masterlist

[whisperedlouis]

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