#your ass went and yelled at me for thirty minutes and then got mad bc i’m just now starting my hw

[tallytals]

soon

[awindylife-writes]

Voyage of the Damned Part 2

Relationships: the Doctor x reader, Astrid x reader (platonic), Astrid x Doctor (platonic)

Summary: Voyage of the Damned rewrite. The Doctor and you find yourselves on the Titanic, space edition. You meet Astrid and get ready for a wonderful day, but then a meteor shower hits the ship and it starts falling towards Earth.

Author's notes: There was a number of things l didn't like about this Christmas special so again, l rewrote it.

Warnings: a ship crashes, multiple mentions of dearth bc a lot of people die

"Oi, Steward! I'm telling you, the shields are down!" a new man yelled.

"LISTEN TO HIM! LISTEN TO HIM!" the Doctor desparately screamed in the Steward's face. The two crewmen let him go and you didn't know it, but it was too late.

A moment later the ship started rocking like it was being torn apart, because it was. You lost your footing and fell back as everything turned sideways.

"Y/N!!!!" you heard the Doctor's terrified scream through the noise of the ship's destruction and the cries of other passengers. You couldn't even get a good look at where he was before something in the walls exploded and you threw yourself away.

You found Astrid near you and thank god for that. "I've got you!" you yelled over the noise and gripped her tight as you tried to shield her from the hell around you.

Then there were arms around you too, holding you up and protecting you. You knew those arms.

The Doctor had found you and the three of you clung to each other in that madness. You could feel each shudder of the ship like a wave of an earthquake. You tried to keep yourself steady and upright but you were the snow in a snowglobe someone was shaking. Balance was a mith and everything was being ripped apart. Various pieces of equipment were falling on all sides, there was fire burning all around you; you could feel its heat on your skin and you breathed its smoke. You felt sick from being thrown around but you were too terrified to hurl.

You couldn't close your eyes even though you wanted to. Everything in you was screaming to watch out for danger, but there was so much of it around you you didn't know where to look. You stared at disaster over Astrid's shoulder and the Doctor's arm. Shadow and light mixed into a disorienting mess and the shades the fire threw joined the dance. You coudn't distinguish what was near and what was far but you still looked.

The only thing you could do was clutch Astrid and the Doctor with all the strength you possessed and wish they wouldn't be harmed.

Finally you were thrown to the side in one last bang and then it stopped. You were lying on the floor and partly on the Doctor. He was on his back, still holding you and Astrid.

After a breath he let go, then stood up and swiftly looked around. You sat up, thankful you were still in one piece. You let go of Astrid enough to check her over and relief washed over you when you found out she was unharmed. You were about to yell if everyone was okay but the Doctor sushed you. After a moment of absolute silence he quetly declared, "It's stopping."

He then looked down at you in worry and offered you a hand. "You alright?"

As you quietly nodded, he looked over at your friend. "Astrid?"

She nodded too and took the hand he'd offered her. He pulled both of you to your feet.

"Bad name for a ship," he told you, scowling. "Either that, or this suit is really unlucky."

"We'll get you a new one and then we'll test that theory," you smiled weakly at him.

He looked at you, grateful, and then you heard Astrid suck in a breath.

The three of you looked down at the unlucky officer who was on the ground close to you. The Doctor kneeled to check him over. You saw him shake his head at the Steward and your stomack turned to stone.

~

The Steward was dead now too. You looked out the door with the Doctor, at the wreckage and the distant Earth. Still beautiful, you thought to yourself. You were a bit dazed, nothing felt real and everything was too real at the same time.

You knew you never wanted to feel so powerless again, but you also knew that drive was in you still. You would help where you could.

You gathered yourself and asked, "What happened?"

"How come the shields were down?" Astrid demanded a second later. You jumped, you hadn't noticed her there. She smiled gently at you, blue eyes kind, and caressed your shoulder. You managed a small, grateful smile in return.

"I don't think it was an accident," the Doctor growled. You figured that.

"How many dead?" Astrid and you asked in one voice, both looking at the Steward's body out in space. She was indignant though, while you were simply sad.

"We're alive," the Doctor answered her and then looked at you. "Focus on that," he told you gently. He knew what people being hurt did to you.

"I'll get you out of here," his voice was soft but firm. Then he turned to Astrid and you followed his eyes. She was trembling, still looking out at the result of the hell you all had endured. You took her hand into yours and squeezed it.

"I will get you both out of here," the Doctor assured her. "Astrid, l promise. Look at me." He held her shoulders and when she found his eyes, he assured her again, "I promise."

You were glad, because when the Doctor promised something, it happened. You needed her to live. Even if she'd want nothing to do with you after this, you needed her to live. Even if she had been anyone else, you would have done your damnest to ensure she survived, but Astrid was extraordinary. To think about the universe without her?

No. No.

After she nodded shakily, he concluded, "Good," and turned around. He went on about reception but you tuned him out. Instead, you looked Astrid in the eye and then pulled her closer. She gratefully accepted the hug.

"You heard what the Doctor said and l'll say it too. I promise we'll get you out of here." You squeezed her shoulder in emphasis.

She breathed deeply and slowly let go. Then she smiled and her bright eyes crincled. "Thank you," she told you gratefully. You nodded and swung your still joined hands.

"You know, l met you about two hours ago, but now l think l've known you for years," she said in wonder.

"Yeah?" you asked her and she nodded, still smiling. "I feel that way too," you told her, giddy in this moment. You both grinned at each other.

"Oh," the Doctor's sad voice cut through.

You whirled around. "What is it what's wrong?"

"That's the TARDIS over there," he told you and you desparately searched for the blue box with your eyes. He was right, it was spinning in zero gravity, so close but still out of your reach.

"What is that?" Astrid asked in confusion.

"It's our ship," you told her, throat tight. "It's our home."

"And it's programmed to lock onto the nearest centre of gravity, and that would be the Earth."

~

You took care of the other passengers with Astrid as the Doctor talked to the bridge. You overheard enough to know the picture.

"Are we going to die?" Foon asked and everything started going downhill.

The Doctor sushed the frightened passengers. "First things first," he began in a determined voice. "One, we're gonna climb through this ship. B, no, two, we're gonna reach the bridge. Three, or c, we're gonna save the Titanic. And, coming in a very low four, or d, or that little iv in brackets they use in footnotes, follow me."

Good, that was good, you thought to yourself. Always good to establish a goal.

"Hang on a minute." The fricking billionare decided to show he's an ass. "Who put you in charge?" he demanded. "And who the hell are you anyway."

"I'm the Doctor. I'm a Time Lord." Sparks flew behind him and he was suddenly bigger than everyone in the hall.

"I'm from the planet Gallifrey in the constellation of Casterbourus." You were grinning like mad. You could almost hear magestic music playing.

"I'm nine hundred and three years old, and l'm the man who's gonna save your lives and all six billion people on the planet below. And she's gonna help," he interjected, looking at you. "Have you got a problem with that?" he asked the billionare.

"No," the man admitted, baffled.

The Doctor turned to you. "In that case..."

"Allons-y," you said for him with a smile and started walking. You turned back, grinning at the group as the Doctor fell into step with you. You found Astrid with your eyes and nodded your head for her to join you.

~

"This whole thing could come crashing down any minute!" the billionare whined as he helped you clear the staircase of debris.

"Oh, Brixton, did you get that message?" you asked him sweetly.

He frowned in confusion. "No, what message?"

"Shut up," you told him, not covering up your annoyance.

Then you heard from above, "Bannacafalata, made it!"

You climbed up behind Astrid. You weren't about to leave her alone on this bloody ship.

~

Foon's screams echoed in the chasm. Death, death, all around you death, whywhywhywhy WHY?!?!

~

"Alright, when it's ready, that blue light comes on there," the Doctor pointed at the spot on the battery Bannacafalata had given you. Another person you hadn't been able to save.

Astrid frowned. "You're talking as if you two aren't coming with us."

"There's something down on deck thirty-one," you told her, "and we're gonna find out what it is."

"But what if you meet a Host?" She was worried about you and the thought melted your heart.

"Well, then we'll just..." The Doctor wiggled his eyebrows at you, smiling, "have some fun."

"Sounds like you two do this kinda thing all the time," Astrid added nonchalantly.

"Not by choice," you assured her, voice soft.

"Yeah, all we do is travel," the Doctor pitched in.

"Imagine it," you told her, suddenly wishing with all your heart you were out there, with her in the stars. "No stakes, no bills, no boss. Just the open sky." The wonder you felt when you thought about all you've seen seeped into your voice. There was all that space out there, so much room to wonder, so many skies to see.

"I'm sort of, uh, unemployed? Um, now," she answered as you looked at her expectantly. "I was thinking that blue box is, kinda small," she raised her eyebrows, "but l could... squeeze in? Like a stowaway!" Her eyes were so full of hope and your heart was bursting.

"It's not always safe," the Doctor's voice cut through the feeling. And you remembered. You remembered Foon and Morvin and Bannacafalata. How could you have forgotten???

"So you two need someone to take care of you," she protested. "I've got no one back on Stoe, no family. Just... me." She looked at you, blue eyes pleading. "So what do you think? Can l come with you?"

The Doctor smiled and looked at you. You were already grinning and nodding at Astrid, so incredibly happy. It was decided. "Yeah, we'd like that," the Doctor answered while you nodded on enthusiastically.

Her lips stretched into a wide grin and you pulled her close. You hugged her tightly, with a bright future ahead of you.

And then all three of you fell to the ground as the room shook.

~

"All charged up!" the Doctor yelled as the blue light came on. You all hurried back to the two waiting men. "Mister Copper, look after her; Astrid, look after him." He pointed at them. "Brixton, um..." he trailed off at a loss for words. "Look after yourself," he finally finished.

"We'll see you again," you reassured Astrid. "I promise." You steadily held her gaze so she knew you meant it.

And then you were off, running to the door on the other side of the hall.

"Hold on!" she called after you. "There's an old tradition on Stoe!"

"We've really got to go," the Doctor told her and you swatted his arm.

"Just wait a minute!" she yelled as she ran up to you.

She stopped in front of you, cradled your face and deftly kissed your cheek. "You'll get the other when you come back," she told you, smiling, then turned to the Doctor and did the same.

"See you later!" she called after you when you turned to leave.

"Not if l see you first!" you told her over your shoulder, a huge grin splitting your face.

"What she said," the Doctor joined in.

After seeing Astrid smile in turn, you were gone.

[manymessyfandoms]

Ummm I absolutely ADORE your fics ... can you do one where the avengers see tony and Peter have little bonding moments or something like that? Love your workkkk

YOU BET YOUR ASS I COULD DO THAT

Sorry if this is a little late, I worked today BUT I HAD SO MUCH FUN WRITING THIS

I did four of the Avengers bc the “Keep reading” thing never works for me, and I didn’t want this getting obnoxiously long

ANYWAYS I hope you like it, m’dear!

BRUCE

Bruce Banner, like everyone else, knew that Tony Stark wasn’t a particularly warm and fuzzy person. He tended to diffuse emotionally charged situation with sarcasm and humor, and was basically allergic to showing his feelings. 

That’s why Peter Parker was such a pleasant surprise.

“Banner,” Tony said one day as he walked in with coffee in one hand and the teen following close behind. “Peter’s going to help us out today.”

Bruce nodded his head, accepting that. It wasn’t a rare occurrence for Peter to assist them in the lab, especially recently, but after taking a closer look at the kid’s face, Bruce realized something was wrong. He didn’t have the usual buzzing energy he had when he came to work.

“You alright, Peter?” Bruce asked when he sat down at one of the tables glumly.

“Peter’s pouting,” Tony answered. 

“Am not!”

“Are to. You’ve been bummed about something ever since you got home from school- yeah, I noticed- and you’re going to tell me about it right now.”

Peter’s eyes shifted down, and Bruce grew nervous. The kid looked fragile right now, and Tony didn’t do fragile. He was blunt and tough. 

“It’s nothing,” Peter mumbled. 

Tony gave Bruce a look that he read as can you believe this kid before he said, “Pete. Something’s up. Talk to me.” And his voice… was soft. It had Bruce frowning in confusion.

The tone seemed to be enough for Peter because he cracked. “I just… you can’t be mad at me, okay?” He waited for Tony to nod before continuing. “I sort of… I failed a bio test.” 

Bruce almost laughed, thinking the kid was joking. Who cares about one high school test? Everyone had their off days, and what’s one test to someone who’s pretty much helped save the world?”

It was when Peter continued that Bruce realized he wasn’t kidding. “That’s one of my subjects, you know? And- and I know you’re probably disappointed or something, because you always talk about how I need to take my studies seriously, and now I’m probably never going to get in a good college, and I should just drop out now because I’m never going to amount to anything.” At some point during Peter’s frantic rant, he realized just how young the boy was. He truly believed everything he was saying, and judging by how thick his voice had gotten towards the end, he was taking it hard.

Tony walked over to Peter, and Bruce braced himself for a slap on the back with a casual, “Toughen up,” or maybe, “It’s no big deal,” but Tony didn’t do either. Instead he slung an arm around Peter’s shoulder and told the kid to look at him. 

“I’m not mad or disappointed, Pete,” he said when they locked eyes. “Everyone fails a test here or there. It’s probably my fault for keeping you here so long.”

Peter started shaking his head. “No, no, Mr. Stark, it wasn’t-”

“Bottom line is that it’s okay. I guarantee you you’re still the smartest little bastard at that school, and colleges are going to be clamoring for you, even with one lousy test score.” Peter’s face was a little bit brighter but he still looked unconvinced. “I promise you that no one’s mad, no one thinks any less of you, and you’ll crush the next one. I won’t keep you here later than 10pm, and we’re going to take breaks. In fact, we’re not working today.”

Peter finally laughed a little. “Tony, it’s fine-”

“Nope. Go on upstairs and order that pizza you like. We’re watching a movie tonight and then you’re getting a full night’s rest. Okay?”

Peter was full on smiling when he said, “Okay,” and hopped off his chair. Tony ruffled his hair when he walked past him to go upstairs.

“I’ll be up in a minute!” Tony called after him and Peter gave him a thumbs up. 

Bruce was grinning widely at him when he turned to him. “I’ve never seen you like that.”

“Shut up,” Tony said with an eye roll. 

“No, it was very paternal. Would I get punched in the face if I said it was cute?”

“Yes, so can it, Banner.” Bruce laughed when Tony exited the lab to go upstairs where Peter was waiting for him. 

NATASHA 

Natasha would be lying if she said she didn’t have a soft spot for Peter Parker. The bright eyed kid had the ability to turn their worst days around, and every one of them cared for him.

She hadn’t realized how much Tony in particular cared for him until one night when Peter’s suit went on the fritz and his vitals dropped out, only they didn’t know it was his spider suit that was malfunctioning. They thought they’d just witnessed Peter Parker die.

“FRIDAY,” Tony said thickly into the heavy silence, “pull up Peter’s coordinates.”

“No coordinates found.”

“FRIDAY!” he yelled. “Give me the damn coordinates!”

“No coordinates found, sir.” The AI’s voice sounded as sympathetic as a robot could sound.

“No, no, no, no,” Tony muttered, his breaths getting stuttered. “He was just patrolling. He was just patrolling.”

“Tony,” she said, trying to hold it together herself. “Tony, you’re not breathing.”

“No, he’s not breathing! He’s not breathing, Tasha!” Tony’s voice cracked on her name. “My kid’s not breathing.” He quickly turned and his fist collided with the wall.

“Tony! Stop!” She grabbed him by the shoulder, away from the wall, and he fought her for only a second before all the fight in him evaporated and he fell into her arms. 

“I can’t- he can’t-” he cried out, but before she could respond, FRIDAY spoke up.

“Peter Parker is entering the building.” Tony couldn’t have pulled away any quicker if he tried. He didn’t even reply, just ran over to where the elevator was opening and a sheepish Peter Parker entered the room.

“Hey, Mr. Stark, sorry about the suit but- Tony? Are you okay?”

Tony pulled him into a hug and Natasha felt relief rush throughout her own body. He was alive. He was okay. He was here. 

“You,” Tony started but his voice cracked again, so he cleared his throat before continuing. “You cannot do that to me again. Unless you want to be responsible for my poor old heart giving out way before my time, then you cannot do that, Pete.”

Peter looked slightly confused. “I- I don’t know what happened. My suit got electrocuted-”

“Excuse me?”

“-and it suddenly went offline. Oh wait.” His eyes widened as he put the pieces together. “My suit went offline.”

“Yeah, kid, we thought you just bit it.” The anguished tone in his voice had Natasha’s heart beating painfully, and she thought back to Tony’s, My kid’s not breathing. His kid. 

“I’m so sorry, Mr. Stark. I tried to get here as quick as possible, I really did.”

Tony hugged him again. “It’s okay. It’s not your fault. Just don’t- don’t do it again.”

“I won’t.”

Natasha walked over a rubbed the guys’ shoulders. “I’m glad you’re okay, Peter. Gave us a scare.”

“Must be weird being the one that’s scared for once instead of doing the scaring,” he said with a smirk.

She shoved him a little. “Yes. I don’t like it, so listen to Tony and don’t do it again.” 

Tasha heard Tony say, “Now tell me just exactly how you managed to electrocute yourself,” and Peter’s nervous chuckle as she walked away.

STEVE

“What do you mean she said no?” Steve heard Tony say incredulously as he walked into the kitchen, where he sat with Peter.

“I mean, she said no,” Peter said, throwing his hands in the air. “I don’t know what to tell you!”

“Why would she say no?” Tony sounded so genuinely confused that Steve had no other choice but to insert himself in the conversation.

“What’s going on?” 

Peter turned to Tony and said, “Tony, don’t-”

“Michelle rejected him!”

“Dammit,” Peter scrunched his face. “You don’t tell Captain America about my love life, Mr. Stark! I even specifically said so! What did I say? I said, ‘Tony, if I tell you this, you can’t tell the others.’ And what did I say after that?” Tony just rolled his eyes. “I said, ‘Especially Captain America.’”

Tony waved him off. “You idolize him too much, kid.”

“So who’s Michelle?” Steve cut in with an amused smile, noticing how Peter was ready to scold Tony some more.

“She’s-”

Peter cut off Tony. “She’s a girl from my school that I maybe have a little crush on. It’s no big deal.” Tony’s scoff indicated that it might not have been as small of a crush as Peter led on. “And I asked her to dinner and she said no.”

“Which is crazy, by the way,” Tony jumped back in. 

“Tell me about her,” Steve said before he went on to hear an almost thirty minute ramble about the perfect girl from Peter’s school that he tried to ask out. “Well,” he cut Peter off when he paused for a breath. “Do you want my totally objective opinion?”

Peter’s eyes widened. “Yes!”

“From the sound of it, she’s a pretty laid back girl and you asked her to one of the fanciest restaurants in New York. Just ask her to go for a burger or something. She’ll probably say yes.”

There was a brief pause before both Peter and Tony started talking at the same time.

“Oh!’

“That’s what it is-”

“-makes sense, really.”

Steve laughed. “Try that out. If she says no again, then you ask her straight up if she’d rather do something else, and if she says no to that, I’m sorry to say it’s time you give up.”

Peter was bouncing excitedly. “No, it makes total sense! That’s why we were so confused, because she’d told me she wanted to go out, but when I actually did it, she said no.”

“I told you, Pete!” Tony said. “It’s not you.” Peter grinned at him as he rubbed his shoulder a little, and Steve’s heart warmed. He hadn’t seen Tony this happy in quite some time. It was nice. 

A few hours later when Steve got Tony alone, he teasingly said, “Helping Peter with girl troubles, huh?”

“You and I both know damn well I’d help that kid with just about any troubles he could ever have,” Tony said with a casual chuckle before walking away, leaving a slightly shocked Steve standing there. The shock wore off after a minute when he thought back to how Tony was around Peter, and then it wasn’t actually shocking after all, not with knowing how much Tony loved the kid.

CLINT

When Clint met up with the rest of the Avengers after the war with Thanos, he was shocked to see that Tony had practically adopted the spider kid. It started off as a joke, really, that Peter was Tony’s son, but one day Clint walked into the living room when Tony frantically was startled from his nap, screaming, “No!”

“Whoa, Tony, you alright?” he quickly asked the man still panting on the couch. 

“I- I need-” He grabbed his phone from the table and started shakily dialing a number. He pressed the phone to his ear as Clint watched on, and after a minute, he let out the breath he was holding. “Peter,” he said, relieved, and Clint realized what had just happened. “No, everything’s alright. I just- yep. Yeah, it was a bad one.” A pause. “Can you just- can you tell me about your day?”

Clint stood still for the next fifteen minutes, watching as Tony’s tense body relaxed with each passing second as he listened to the kid on the other line. 

Eventually he said, “Thanks, Pete. No, it’s fine, you don’t-”

FRIDAY’s voice suddenly chirped up from around them. “Peter Parker is entering the building.” Tony shook his head, laughing a little. 

“You didn’t have to come over, kid.”

“Yes, I did.” Clint suddenly heard Peter’s voice when the elevator opened. “You’d do the same for me.” He glanced back at Clint. “Hey, Clint.”

“Hey, Parker,” he replied.

Peter just walked over to where Tony was laying and pulled out his bag. “I brought over some movies I figured we could watch. They’re mostly just fluff, but I did sneak Alien in there.” Tony laughed. “You want to watch with us, Clint?”

That’s how Clint found himself watching a movie with Peter and Tony when he probably should’ve been training. Although, watching a movie probably wasn’t accurate. He was mostly watching Tony, who was watching Peter. That kid meant more to Tony than Clint had even guessed.

When Peter crashed about halfway through the movie, he slumped against Tony, and Tony didn’t hesitated to wrap an arm around his shoulder. It was only minutes later that Tony started grumbling about the kid getting drool on his shirt. 

“You don’t mind,” Clint said knowingly. 

“No,” Tony agreed. “I don’t.”

If Clint took a picture after the movie ended of the two of them both peacefully asleep with the reassurance of the others’ heartbeat pounding next to them, then they’d just have to find out when they woke up and saw it in the Avengers group chat. 

And if Tony set it as his background, well, then the others wouldn’t have to know that particular detail at all. 

[gobsthegoblin]

who won the fight? you or your tenth grade spanish teacher?

oh my god i knew i was gonna get asked about this as soon as i said something

ok so yes i threw Hands with my tenth grade spanish teacher who was a 5'2 58 year old woman with a limp BUT HEAR ME OUT

in tenth grade i was Bad. not like, a bully or anything but i had a nine inch growth spurt over the course of three months and my body was lanky and weird and i looked like a baby deer and i was bitter all the time bc i was 14 and life Sucked and i was working every day after school and all i wanted to do all the time was Sleep and i hated everything.

but mostly i Hated spanish class with a passion.

i went to a school where money meant everything and a lot of ppl bought themselves out of trouble with the school so the teachers did basically whatever they wanted. my ninth grade spanish teacher didn’t even get fired until her third DUI that YEAR. teachers could yell at, insult, and put their hands on kids as much as they Gotdam Pleased.

let’s just call my tenth grade spanish teacher Mrs. A. so Mrs. A had a history of being awful. nobody liked her. she would put her hands on ppl when she was mad, force hugs on us when we Really didn’t want them, and couldn’t teach to save her life. mostly we just watched old disney movies with spanish subtitles.

Mrs. A also had a history of singling out one student to hate more than others. and wouldn’t you know it, my bambi ass happened to fall in that spotlight.

she called me names, my favorite of which was “little miss bad attitude”, put me in front of the class every day to answer rapid fire questions she screamed at me, and then insulted me when i flinched. by second quarter i was Done.

one day she came over and started chewing me out for not finishing a worksheet she handed out TWO minutes before. i guess i just snapped. i stood up and started walking out the room and she grabbed my shoulder and pushed me back.

so i dropped her.

i was the youngest, skinniest kid in that class. i never said a word to anyone, and most of the time i was wearing pigtails. i am not kidding when i say you could have heard a feather drop in that room with the silence before the shitstorm i started. there was like ten solid seconds of slow motion where Mrs. A was on the floor, and every single pair of eyes was on me before one person said “hoooooooly shit!” and all the screaming, laughing, and “oh my god”-ing started.

tbh i really didn’t know what was going through my head. we’d only been in class a matter of minutes and already i was engaged in Fisticuffs with my teacher. she started screaming about calling the school deputy and i started screaming about how she bullied her students, and eventually she went for the phone and i dove out of the room straight for the in-school suspension office.

when i got there everyone in the room was pretty confused as i was a frequent flyer in ISS for ditching class, but a teacher has to call down that they’re sending a student. i just kinda tossed my backpack to the side and said “wait for it”.

sure enough, not thirty seconds later the phone rang and i could hear Mrs A screaming over the receiver. the school deputy came and found me but i explained she put her hands on me first and the subject was kinda dropped. however, i did have ISS for two weeks, and over the course of that day she sent fourteen more kids to the ISS room with me just out of spite.

so the moral of the story is,,,,,, never swing first kids.

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

I’m still so exhausted from this kids show rehearsal yesterday I gotta type it out to deal omfg

- The guy in charge of sound and lighting used to do shows in this company with me so I’ve known him for like 7 years??? When I got there and said hi he immediately launched into this weird super-commanding tone and started very quickly explaining how to work the lights to me (like so fast I couldn’t keep up), before abruptly breaking off mid-sentence and saying in a quiet, high pitched voice, “Also hi I haven’t seen you in forever...” like Tom bud I know

- I was there in like the back of the theater for maybe 15 minutes before the director, across the entire room and on stage, spotted me and screamed “THERE SHE IS” loud enough that all the little kids jumped in fear. Before I could even contemplate trying to hide she’s yelling “THERE’S MY MOLLY GIRL” so loud she could have awoken the ancient and buried gods of old, and running off the stage towards me. Immediately after hugging me she was clearly trying to asses and judge all of my life choices, as if I wasn’t the only person helping out out of kindness that’s not getting paid. omfg

- One of the kids mom’s kept running around demanding to know where Horton was. I desperately tried to explain to her I didn’t know any Horton’s. She grew angrier with me every time I saw her.

- We eventually figured out she was looking for Steven, who played Horton the Elephant in Seussical, like, 4 years ago

-Also, Steven was wearing a dark red ‘vans’ shirt, red and black flannel pajama pants, and completely bright red shoes that looked like plastic. I supported him.

- Alarming number of 10-12 year old boys trying to flirt with me. Guess I can’t wear V-necks for the rest of the week

- One of the Older Teen Interns(tm) who I vaguely knew when he was like nine pulled a cane out of his ass and kept spinning it around to look cool while flirting with the Older Teen Intern Girls(tm) instead of, like, doing his job

- Fuck there were so many moms there and they kept glaring at me when I was trying to put mics on kids??? Lady listen I’m not feeling up your leprechaun spawn he didn’t know how to hide the mic pack jfc

- Back in my day(tm) I had to run offstage yelling “SOMEONE STRIP ME” while three different older people of varying genders ripped clothes and mic packs off my body. You can handle me telling your kid to take his jacket off while I try to clip something to his pants oh my GOD

- The kid playing Gaston is the best one in the show but he’s a TWIG and it’s hilarious. He’s got a really strong commanding voice for an 11 year old but every time he talks about how hot he is or strikes a muscle man pose Tom and I were fucking dying in the back

- I went and taped up the lists of mic switches and stuff in the dressing rooms and I thought everything was fine until like 40 minutes later when I was like “they’re like fourth graders they probably can’t see that high” omfg and I spent the rest of the day waiting for someone to complain about it so I could Die

- Holy shit one of the ensemble kids was this real sarcastic shit with long hair and he was lowkey trying to hard to be funny and I know it sounds mean but he was def the type of kid you look at and you’re like ‘you’re gonna become a stoner or a shooter there’s no in between’ omfg

- THE MICS WERE A P R O B L E M

- And I know shit always happens the first rehearsal and blah blah blah but this was RIDICULOUS I literally thought Tom was going to burst into flames

- And some point he just yelled “SCREW IT” and raced out of the room and came back a few minutes later and made everyone try the mics again. They were still a bit of a problem but working a lot better so I was like “what did you do?” and he went on this whole explanation about how he bypassed the theaters sound system and I’ll admit I don’t understand much of the technical stuff but his attitude and tone of voice seemed to imply he probably wasn’t allowed to do whatever he did lmao

- Seriously I swear one of those little shit head kids found out about the ‘M-word’ superstition and yelled it back stage. That’s the only explanation I can think of for why everything was fucked up

- Also I’m sorry but the kids...are terrible

- I really don’t wanna be mean like they’re kids I wanna give them the benefit of the doubt but even at one point Tom was like “...were we ever this bad?” and I had to be like “Tom we have video evidence proving we were never this bad? Save for Fame”

- Just...imagine 60 some little kids screeching an off tune version of the opening number for 3 hours. Imagine it. I lived it.

- Gaston, Potts and one other girl (forget who she’s playing) all have decent voices but the girls were SO QUIET SWEETHEARTS YOU GOTTA PROJECT

-IM THE SHIEST PERSON I KNOW BUT I STEP ON A STAGE AND YOU CAN DAMN WELL BE SURE PEOPLE ARE HEARING ME IN THE BACK ROW WHETHER IVE GOT A MIC OR NOT. P R O J E C T

- There were so many times when a song got really out of tune or messed up so I was like “That was a note...” and the poor music major Tom sitting next to me almost having to choke out “No it wasn’t” lol

- The set makes very little sense

- “Where’s their tony nom?”

- Oh gosh during the great Mic Death at some point this REALLY WEIRD SOUND got picked up it sounded like aliens were fucking aobut to blow us up everyone was freaking out because mics shouldn’t make that sound??? Like 10 minutes into this we realized it was the directors husband playing something on his phone o h m y G o d my dude did you not hear us yelling

- SPEAKING OF HIM I couldn’t actually do anything with the lights during rehearsal bc they weren’t locked in place yet??? So he drops off two wrenches at one point and is like “I’ll be back at five when this is done and then we can fix the lights” which is reasonable, right?

- Five o’clock. Five oh five. Five ten. Five twenty. Where’s Jimmy? Jimmy. We can’t do this without Jimmy. Where’s Jimmy? Why can’t you do the lights without him? Because that latter is 20 feet in the air and I’d rather risk your husbands life than my own. Jimmy, pick up your phone. Five thirty. Where’s Jimmy? Has anyone seen Jimmy? Is Jimmy even real any more? Did Jimmy ever exist? Did we all just hallucinate an old man who almost exclusively wears bike shorts? Jimmy, where are you. The lights Jimmy, you promised. This is just what Jimmy does, he just does this. Where’s Jimmy? Who’s Jimmy? Where’s Ji-

- That question is etched into my soul now

- He finally gets there and that was just. A whole production in itself. “DUDE you can’t hit the lights with the latter you’re messing up the light’s you just set. Jimmy. the LIGHTS. AIM IT TO YOUR LEFT. WE CANT MOVE THE LATTER LIKE THAT.” oh my God

- The kids didn’t even get through the first act of the show. Which I normally wouldn’t judge because LORD KNOWS, but like...this is the Junior version. There’s only like 5 or six scenes in each act and they’re all fairly short. omfg

- “Lights, hey, why isn’t Maurice’s sphere lighting up?” “That’s literally not our job? It’s a prop?”

- Oh my God so when the lighting board was explained to me at noon I understood abso-fucking-lutely NONE of it, I was so fucking confused, I was certain I was going to let the production down.

- We get to like 5:50 when we finally start working the lights and with no further explanation or reminder I KNEW. I WAS ONE WITH THE BOARD. I WAS IN CONTROL. I BECAME A GODDESS OF LIGHT.

-I also hadn’t slept or eaten all day so I was a little loopy at that point

- An adorable tiny girl ran back at one point and started gushing over how cool the light and sound jobs were and kept pressing buttons we were gonna CRY she was precious

- 7 years later, I’m still the ONLY person who doesn’t get cell reception in the theater. My phone became possessed before my very eyes and called like 3 people on it’s own accord.

- A mom was really mad everyone else had tickets already and she didn’t. “Ma’am, you didn’t buy any tickets.” “Well, I wanna buy some now.” “This isn’t the box office.” “Everyone else has tickets!” “Yes, because they bought them on ticket day or called the box office.” “So why can’t I get tickets now?” “THIS ISNT THE BOX OFFICE.” And then we found out the show is sold out. Oh boy.

I don’t predict surviving the week.