#youre welcome yall i havent laughed this hard in days

[wheresmulder]

Charlie Shaw: IS THIS WHY YOU WANTED TO PLAY BASEBALL?

[himbo-kuto]

haikyuu characters as jenna marbles videos pt.1

giving my boyfriend a brazilian blowout + MSBY’s reaction 

well... welcome to my brainrot-- LMFAO i don’t know why one day i decided to make this a thing... but HERE IT IS!! AHAHAAH i have a few parts in the making so i hope you’ll all enjoy it! later down the road when multiple parts are posted i’ll put them into a masterlist! these are more loosely based on the videos but trying to keep the energy with who i pair them with!!

ps. thanks for so much love on the aone headcanon 🥺  it rly made me all warm and fuzz on the inside!! i eventually want to make a lil series for him!!

pairing: gn!youtuber x sakusa genre: fluff warnings: time!skip stuff

it would take quite a bit of convincing, since it’s something he’s never done before (neither have you HAHAHA)

but after you told him you saw your friend do it to their boyfriend and how easy it was, he finally gave in

on the lowlow though you wanted to give him a brazilian blowout because you saw him with straight hair one(1) time and you would’ve liked to see it many more times

so now self-inserting your ulterior motives with ideas for video content, you now Needed to make this a thing

he would highkey look annoyed the entire time, but would love it at the same time because he really does enjoy spending time with you since he’s at practice all the time :(

he too puts on gloves even though he’s not touching/doing anything-- always gotta be safe you know???

makes tiny comments how if you owned a salon you would be in violation for not being clean enough

(you may have pulled his hair a bit on that one)

you make sure your application is pristine because any less than that and he would give you an earful

omi holds the end of your shirt when you’re straightening his hair as one of his little displays of affection with you

(your subscribers notice and go WILD because they think it’s so cute)

makes cute little faces as his hair whips past his eyes when you’re blow drying

when you’re finally done and it’s all straightened you just take the time to admire your masterpiece

but you purposefully turned off the monitor so he couldn’t see

so now he’s looking at you all confused

“well???? does it look bad???”

you are honestly at a loss for words because T H I S????? OOOF-- TRYNA HOLD YOURSELF FOR BARKIN AT THIS MAN

“you hate it--”

you immediately shook your head, denying his allegations because you were worlds away from hating it

you ran your fingers over his now straight soft black hair, fluffing it here and there

“to be quite frank, i think you look hot--”

he blushed real hard being caught off guard by your direct comment (as if yall havent been dating for like 2 years) but you continue to ramble on

“NOT THAT YOU DIDN’T LOOK HOT WITH YOUR CURLY HAIR-- you also look hot with your straight hair and--”

you turned the monitor back on and that’s when he finally took a peak at what you were talking about

he took his time to run his fingers across his now smooth locks, getting accustomed to the change-- you may have liked it but it was his hair after all

he would turn his head this way and that, trying to see himself at different angles

but you started to get nervous-- what if he really did hate it and he’s just being nice?

“i actually really like it.. maybe i should do it more often…”

you breathed out a sigh of relief as you nodded in agreement

the both of you purposefully arrived at their practice on the later side of early, knowing everybody would already be there warming up. you did his hair extra nice that morning, combing it up and over putting in as minimal product as possible since sakusa didn’t really like his hair feeling all crunchy. as you got closer to the entrance of the gym, you switched on your tiny vlogging camera, waving to it with a happy smile.

“hello everyone! we’re here at the black jackals practice to see how his teammates are going to react to omi’s new straight hair!”

you turned the camera over to your boyfriend as he gave a small wave. at first he was very camera shy (which was interesting to you considering that he was on the news and tv all the time) and opted out of any of your videos, but over time he learned to grow accustomed to being within your spotlight every so often.

you decided that you were going to walk in first to catch their attention and then have the man of the hour walk in a few beats later. you walked in, camera in hand, waving over to the boys as they noticed someone walk through the door.

“oi! (y/n)-san!” bokuto was the first one to wave you down before noticing your camera.

“are you filming something?” totally forgetting about why you were here without your boyfriend and focusing more on you getting his good side. you nodded your head as you laughed at his crazy antics.

“you could say that.”

“where’s omi-san?” you noticed now hinata running over to you to give you a high five.

“yeah, where is that curly haired guy?” atsumu commented. turning the camera around, you looked right into the lens as you smirked knowingly.

like clockwork, sakusa walks in mask on as usual, acting as if it was just another day. you quickly turned the camera around to the three boys, trying to hold in a laugh as you saw their shocked faces.

“OIIIII OMI-OMI! LOOK AT YER NEW HAIR!” as sakusa reached closer to the group, atsumu attempted to touch it, but he was quick to swat him away.

hinata was just standing there with his little glowing eyes as he began to flatten down his own hair to copy that of his teammate. meanwhile, bokuto let out one of his signature laughs as he slinked an arm around sakusa and patted him on the shoulder.

“it looks good on you sakusa!” he was quick to dust off bokuto’s arm, moving past him silently to put his stuff down on the bench.

“see! i told you they would like it!” they all turned back to you as you made your comment.

“is that why you were filming?” you nodded over to bokuto, now turning around so that all of you were in the frame.

“thank you for giving kiyoomi your support with his new hair!” you waved, leading everyone else to sign off before you turned off the camera.

“i am offering my services to anyone else who would like a brazilian blowout.” bokuto was about to raise his hand, but atsumu was quick to put it back down. a laugh escaped your lips, pulling your bag over your shoulder.

“alright, i’ll take my leave! have a good practice everyone!” you happily waved to them, pulling up your mask before going up to sakusa and giving him a kiss on the cheek (yes, through your mask).

“have a good practice! make sure no other girls snatch you up on your way home.”

[madeinheavxn]

Quarantine Update

okay idk if yall remember but last time joe posted a video i wrote out the whote script... yeah so today he posted another one, so im gonna write the transcript for this one also, enjoy...

day….. 687…. of my captivity……….. i started hearing voices around….. day 300? ben? gwiylm! my only friends are…. the broccolis? they talk to me…. its just the three of us now in this world…

Im GoInG sLiGhTlY mAd

you know theres been a lot of talk about the victims, and heros…. about this crisis but um there has been one hero…. victim that we barely heard a word about… me

as a fringed celebrity, how am i supposed to… survive… without being able to go out in public and BASK in the attention and adoration of my fans.n one thOUGHT ABOUT THAT, DID THEY, WHEN THIS STARTED HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO SURVIVE…. HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP MY FRAGILE EGO INTACT WITHOUT BEING ABLE TO GO OUT INTO THE WORLD, GO TO A RESTAURANT, AND HAVE SOMEONE COME Up to me and say “hey! aren’t you that kid from jurassic park?” 

“hey! arent you that guy in- in that queen movie?”

“my friend says youre famous who are you?”

“were you in the facebook movie?”

“arent you that guy from that thing?”

“is there anything that I might have seen you in? no... not that… no not that… no… no i dont really watch tv and movies”

us fringed celebrities need your attention, what do i need to do? i’ll read to your stupid kids.

‘TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS

and speaking of food, you know how hard it’s been for me to keep up my normal diet? ive barely been able to find a filet anywhere. ive been reduced to eating new york strIP. 

i havent had a lobster in days….. days…. and yet do you hear me complaining? no... hero…. selfless... example for society... you’re welcome

so next time you clap for the heros and victims in this crisis think of me and all of the fringed celebrities who are sitting in their rooms talking… to a cell phone.

this is a joke i am kidding. i am pointing out the fact that i am actually really blessed. and i am really fortunate to be in the situation that i am in where i am healthy and i dont have to work. my heart goes out to all the people that have lost their jobs, all the small business owners like my mom who is struggling through this crisis and who are worried about losing their businesses or have already lost thier businesses. i know resturants that i used to always go to frequently in la that are closing down it just breaks my heart. and of course everyone whos is suffering from this thing, it’s wild, it’s horrible, and my heart goes out to you my prayers goes out to you.

and hopefully my stupid videos make you laugh a little bit or make you annoyed at me but at least that maybe gives you like an outlet for all of your frustration and anger towards whats going on, i’ll be that for you, sure. just say, you know, im horrible, get it out of your system im here for you, let me do it.

stay optimistic, stay upbeat, we’ll get through this

bye

[likeadrug-fanfic]

T H R E E : T W O

K A I D E N 

I had just found a parking space when my brother shot me a text. Looking over I replied in my head and proceeded to park before getting out and making my way inside the airport. I was more than geeked about having my baby brother here with me. He was just like me, hotheaded, horrible attitude and a nasty mouth with no filter. 

I looked around for a good minute but then I saw that damn beard. My phone went off again and I could see him getting frustrated. “Yo Karter!” His head snapped back so fast I thought the shit was gon’ break off. “MY NIGGA!” We exclaimed together as we dapped and pulled each other in for a hug. 

I stepped back and crossed my arms observing him. “Bruh you done grew the fuck up on me.” He stroked his beard cheesing. “Shit it has been a while since we’ve seen each other,” I felt bad about that shit. “but fuck it. Im just stoked to be here man. I missed you.” He dapped me again laughing. I grabbed one of his suitcases and led the way out. 

Packing his shit in the trunk, we got in and you know I had to roll a fat wood. “Still in that shit huh?” I sighed and shook my head. “Not for long.” That was one thing he hated the most. Best believe he’s a pothead but dealing? You can kiss that goodbye. Soon as I mentioned something about it he turned and walked away from me. 

He would try and be funny sometimes paying me when he wanted weed but of course I slipped the shit back to him. Thats my bro so he always get free shit. “Londyn finally gave me chance.” I spoke out hoping to shift the topic and mood. “No shit! You bagged the baddest in the city. I follow her on instagram nshit and boooooy! She still fine.” 

My face flattened as I sealed the wood and mugged his ass. “Shut the fuck up nigga.” He held his hands up in surrender and leaned his seat back. I backed out of the parking space and lit the wood. “But it happened on some wild shit. Some drunk shit actually,” he chuckled, “took her on a nice little date nshit.” I puffed on the blunt before passing.

“Its shocking but not really ‘cause it was bound to happen. Everybody knew yall was gon’ end up together sooner than later.” He shrugged taking a hit. He did have a point though. When I say everybody and their mama knew, I meant that. “Oh shit before I forget, we going out tonight for her sisters shop opening. So I hope you’on got plans.” Karter scrunched his face. “Nigga what plans would I have?” I busted out laughing and snatched my blunt from him. 

L O L A N I 

I groaned and pushed my head into the pillow as loud music blared through the house. “Get the fuck up! Get ready!” I popped up and seen Loryn standing in the doorway with her hands on her hips. “You over slept Lani.” She walked over to my closet and placed my makeup box on the vanity. “Oh shit. I wanted to flat iron my hair.”

I sat at the edge of the bed. I still had to find something to wear. “You look beautiful with curly hair. Chop chop! Lets move.” She walked out closing the door behind her. I really didnt mean to over sleep but shit I was tired. After my bubble bath I smoked a blunt and watched movies on Netflix until I fell asleep.

I was still distraught about earlier today. I felt so stupid for wanting to text Omari. I wanted answers but then again I didnt. Shaking it off, I went to the closet and picked through my clothes. I could either go classy or simple but still fashionable. I decided on simple.

Once I got dressed I brushed my teeth then started on this lion mane of mine. All I had to was wet it a little and apply moisturizer. I needed my curls to pop tonight. Checking myself out in the mirror I blew a kiss then turned out the light before returning to the closet. “Have you heard from mama?” Loryn busted in my room once again. “No. Call her.” I said in duh tone. “You call her.”

She rolled her eyes and sat on my bed. “You look cute by the way.” I waved her off and continued to dial my mom. When she answered she said, “yes Lani? Make it quick.” I placed her on speaker phone and handed the phone to Loryn. “Ma? You cant miss this night. I need you there!” She expressed. “MA! You hear you?”

“I hear you baby. Oh shit, Im on the way home now.” You could her rushing off to somewhere and slamming a door closed. “Im grabbing my things now and leaving. I wont miss it. I promise.” She said her goodbyes and explained to someone what was going on. Lordyn didnt hang up until she heard the car start up. “Shes gonna miss it.” She whispered looking like she wanted to cry.

“Stay positive. Let go get a drink.” I grabbed her hand and dragged her to the kitchen yelling out for my other two sister. “C’mon girls!” Londyn and Leilani walked into the kitchen looking fly as fuck. I swear my mama made some fine ass twins. I took the bottle of Hennessy out the freezer and grabbed some shit glasses.

I poured shots for us and motioned for them to pick one. “I just wanna toast to my bad ass sissy Loryn. I couldn’t be more proud of you!” We clinked our glasses together chanting, “congrats suh!” before throwing the shot back. I heard the door open and my mom walked in. “Oh fuck im late.” My sisters and I fell out laughing. She threw her purse and bag on the couch shrugging her jacket off. “Ima throw something on then join in.”

I got another glass and poured us another shot. We waited for my mom to come out, and five minutes later she came out looking flawless as always. “Ok Ok,” my mom grabbed her glass and looked over at Loryn. “to my precious Ruby, Im more than proud to be your mother. Im more than proud about you opening up your own business. I pray for positive vibes and many more blessings to come your way.”

She raised her glass and we followed. “Mommy loves you baby.” We clung glasses again and down the liquor. “Kaiden is here. Lets roll.” Londyn announced and I instantly got nervous. We grabbed everything we needed before leaving out and locking the house. “Hey mama Loraine.” Kaiden, who had flowers in his hands, walked up to her giving her hug and kissing her cheek. “And congrats to the Ms. Loryn.” He handed her the flowers and kissed her forehead.

“Wassup Lei, Lil Lo?” Kaiden proceeded to kiss our foreheads leaving Londyn for last. He wrapped her in a bear hug placing a fat kiss on her lips. “This my lil brotha Karter, Kater this is Mama Loraine and the the twins.” He did a quick introduction. I was definitely checking out Karter. His beard. Those lips. Thats damn smile! Calm down Lani.. I coached myself.

“Yall look beautiful,” he complimented once he took his attention off of Londyn. “whats the riding plans?” He continued. “I’ll drive. And mama and the twins can ride with me.” Loryn spoke up. Kaiden looked back at me. “Wanna ride wit us Lil Lo?” I looked around before nodding my head. Londyn squinted her eyes and walked to the car.

“Follow me Kaiden.” “Already.” We parted ways and hopped in the car. “What you call yourself doing Kai?” He cocked his head to the side and cranked the car. “Fuck you talkin bout princess?” We had to wait for Loryn to back out of the driveway before we could move. As always, Kaiden pulled out a wood that was already rolled. “Ima wait til mama and them pass to light it.” He looked at me and Karter in the backseat.

“You know exactly what Im talking about. Dont play stupid.” She looked back at us and squinted her eyes again. “Girl mind ya business.” Kaiden turned her around and took off behind Loryn.

Not even thirty minutes later, we pulled to Loryns shop, Naturals. She had her own lot and plenty of space for clients. There was close to a hundred people waiting outside. I was shocked. Kaiden cut the engine and we got out at the same time. As we got closer to the door Loryn got teary eyed. “Wow! First and foremost, thank you all for coming out and celebrating with me. Im beyond grateful.” Everyone cheered clapping their hands.

“I would like to thank my family for motivating me and keeping me focused. Next, much much love to my wonderful working staff. Im more than excited for yall to see everything so, lets get it!” She slapped her hands together smiling hard and taking a pair of scissors. I watched on, with my cheeks damn near hurting and tears in my eyes, as Loryn cut the rope. “YES LORYN!” I yelled out clapping and whooping! Soon after everyone else joined in. 

L O R Y N

“Welcome to Naturals.” I hugged and welcomed everyone in. I was amazed by the crowd and was filled with joy. I couldn’t do anything but thank the Lord. My shop came out looking beautiful. Each hair dresser had their own personal space. I sat the flowers Kaiden got me on the receptionist desk and walked around. 

Seeing everyone smiling and enjoying their selves made my heart smile. “Congratulations beautiful.” Turning around I came face to face with Ace. “What are you doing here?” I haven’t heard from him in a while and now he decided to pop up. “I couldnt miss my girls day.” I leaned my head to the side and started to walk away. But then I thought, what good would that do? Knowing I was gonna end up in his bed later on. 

“Now Im your girl? I havent seen or heard from you in weeks. Whats that about?” I placed one hand on my hip and looked up at him. Ace sighed and stepped closer to me. “I had a drop to make out of town. Came back this morning and been resting up since then.” His hands were in his pockets. “And you couldnt let me know that?”

“So you could come up with every reason in the book to keep me from going?” He fired back. I had to give him that so I stayed quiet. “I gotta lil gift for you. You’ll get it later on tonight. “ He leaned down, kissed my lips and made his way over to my mom to greet her. I swear I couldn’t stand him at times but he made me happy. Looking around again, I stopped when I seen Lolani and Kaidens brother chalking it up the bar. 

He had to be saying some funny shit ‘cause she was smiling and laughing hard. Fuck they got going on? Deciding to leave it alone and ask later, I spotted Leilani and Londyn with Kaiden right behind her. “Hey yall.” I laughed a little approaching them. “Im loving the shop, its so spacious and classy.” I loved my twin. 

“I love the colors. I even took this bomb ass picture in the bathroom.” Leilani showed me the picture and I instantly gassed her. “You so fuckin fine.” One of the caterers walked around us a glass of champagne. “Congrats again sus!” I could get use to hearing that. 

—-

It was close to midnight when my guest left. I cleaned up with the help of my family, which only took half an hour. “Thank yall again, I cant express how much I love yall.” I handed my mom the keys and told her that I was riding home with Ace. She kissed my cheek and led them out the shop. “Im proud of you.” My dimples sunk in as my I looked down smiling. “Ready for ya gift?”

“More than ready.” I grabbed my belongings, grabbed his hand and waked out locking up behind us. He opened the car door for me and then made his way to driver seat. One settled into the car he reached in the back and pulled out a duffel bag along with small gift bags. He sat the duffel in my lap and opened it. When I say my mouth dropped. 

It was neatly stacked bills filled to the top. “Thats for emergencies. Put in somewhere safe.” Next he handed me the small bags and I went searching. The bag held an iced Pandora bracelet. “Damn,” was the only thing I could say. In the next bag was a gold Cuban link chain. “Ice me out then!” We laughed and he took the jewelry to place them on me. 

“Dont get fucked up out here Loryn, remember who ya man is.” I smacked my teeth and pushed his hand. “I dont need no reminder nigga.” He pulled me in for a kiss and pushed my seat back. “Now sit back and shut up while I enjoy myself.” Ace took my thighs and made me spread eagle. “Why you free ballin’?” 

I looked down as he placed small wet kisses on my second lips. “Stop teasing me and get to it.” He slid two fingers inside of my mouth and flicked my clit. “I didnt tell you to talk so shut up?” He drug his tongue from the top the of my clit down to my opening. I grabbed onto his head shoving pushing him further into my pussy. “Fuck yeah baby!” I gyrated my hips and leaned my head back enjoying the moment. This was definitely the best way to end the night.   

[jawnjendes]

i’m tired too | shawn mendes

university au summer vacay babey, shawn x goth gf

*******just letting yall know that the chapter before this, girl you’re trouble did not appear in the tags when i posted it, so if u havent read it go ahead and do that now :P

masterlist | series playlist

My tongue was between my teeth as I focused on my reflection in my little compact mirror. Carefully, I filled in my eyebrow with dark brown powder, ignoring the people sitting on either side of me on the couch. Having two sets of eyes on me made it hard to carve out the enhanced version of my face, though. I tried to shift in my seat to get them to focus on literally anything else, but neither of them let up.

“She’s so good at that,” Mom said in admiration. She was sitting on my left.

“Isn’t she?” Shawn agreed in the same tone. He was on my right.

I paused and sighed. The previous evening, Aaliyah pointed out that my mom and her brother had some uncanny similarities. I thought she was just bringing light to the fact that they both… adore me. But they had the same mannerisms, like talking with their hands. They were both optimistic as well, unlike me… and my dad. I pretended not to see any similarities until now. I was just glad Aaliyah wasn’t here now to triumph in her discovery.

“Are you guys gonna do this the whole time?” I asked, looking back and forth between the two of them.

“Well, you’re so pretty,” Shawn said, bringing a hand up to stroke my cheek.

I leaned away from his touch. “I just did my foundation!”

My mom laughed. “She won’t let you touch her either! I’m glad it’s not just me!”

Shawn gave me a surprised look. He learned just a little too much about me in the last twenty four hours, and it wasn’t stopping anytime soon.

Luckily, my dad, who had been scrolling through his phone on the other side of the couch, piped up. “Shawn, I heard you play guitar?”

That started the music conversation. I was glad to have the attention off of me for once, all anyone asked me about these days was my stupid hospital stay. Plus, I could finish my makeup in peace. Not to mention, Shawn was still convulsing and crying in his sleep, so things were… not ideal at the moment. But he got to talk about his love of music, which was something my dad could relate to.

“You know, I used to be in a rock band,” he said. “Back in eighty-seven, me and my buddies played shows from my parents’ garage. That’s how I met Lucy. She was standing at the front of the audience for every show. We only had about ten people attend if we were lucky, but she was always there.”

Mom placed her hands over her chest fondly. “I think music has a beautiful way of bringing people together.”

You wouldn’t be able to tell just by looking at my mother, but she lived for heavy metal. She was the one who introduced me to the symphonic metal bands I listen to now.

“Oh, a hundred percent,” Shawn agreed. Then he told me parents that he and I met at one of his shows at a coffee shop.

Today was much more calm than the last. My parents slept on it, and they decided that they were just happy that I was live. I was just glad they stayed at a hotel, too. I couldn’t imagine being holed up with them after not living with them for a majority of two years. I also wouldn’t know how to explain why my boyfriend was yelling in his sleep every hour.

I really did miss my mom and dad. It kicked in when they had to go home at the end of the week. I was supposed to be home too. None of this was supposed to happen this way.

~

After my parents were gone, I was able to get around the apartment by myself. I didn’t need a babysitter anymore, so I tried to be happy about that. However, my incisions still kept me from doing anything strenuous, which meant I had no excuse not to return to work anymore. Most of what I did was sit behind a desk in a tiny office, so I made my first day back that Friday. I figured I might as well make some type of income to, you know, pay for my books for the next semester and uhhhhhh fucking live. I had to find my independence again somehow.

Anyway, my first day back at work was as mundane as it always was. It was like I wasn’t even gone for three weeks. Stacy gave me a professional “welcome back” and then hit me with the work I missed that I needed to catch up on. I spent the morning adding up gas receipts, entering vehicle information into the computer, and booking service appointments over the phone.

In the afternoon, Jason and Luca came in for their shifts. They approached the window of the office and stopped in their tracks.

“You’re here?” Jason asked in disbelief. “Weren’t you quitting?”

Clearly, no one knew or cared where I had been lately. I mean, I must have told Stacy to keep it confidential while I was high on morphine. Even then, I wasn’t exactly popular here.

“I had surgery, and now I can’t hop on a plane home,” I explained shortly.

“Oh, so you were dying and you weren’t planning on telling us?” Luca said, holding a hand up to my face in a dramatic fashion. “How dare you.”

I blinked once and then got back to adding numbers from the stack of receipts. The two of them entered the office, and that was when another question popped into my mind.

“Who covered me while I was gone?”

“Not me!” Jason said as he went to his desk at the back of the office.

Luca stood by mine and puckered his lips like he was thinking to himself. That said it all for me.

“Shoulda known.” I rolled my eyes. “Not a goddamn thing was done, and it’s month-end.”

“Hey, Stacy told me to book appointments,” Luca said defensively. “I lost commission these last few weeks because of that. I sell cars. I’m no receptionist.”

Bet he didn’t even book appointments either. Bet Stacy told him to cover all of my responsibilities. Luca just did not give a flying fuck about anything.

I spent my lunch hour in the car. Normally, Shawn would have come to meet me so we could eat together… or not eat. He was working too, though, and from the texts he sent me, he had been working on a flower arrangement for a wedding. He was going to be busy all day. When did we become a boring, married couple?

“You’ll never believe who they put to cover me while I was out,” I typed out in a text to Shawn. I munched on my white rice as I sent it.

“Who?!” he replied within a few minutes. I could almost hear the enthusiasm.

“Fucking Luca. He did fuck all, so I have a bunch to catch up on. Plus, it’s the end of the month, so we all have to close a bunch of sales and warranties and all this other boring crap. I’ll be home a little late.” Send. More white rice. God, I’m tired of rice.

My phone buzzed again while I was scrolling on Instagram. Shawn had replied. “Aw. Ok hon. I’m gonna have a couple of friends over tonight, just letting you know. Some of them want to see how you’re doing.”

“Ok. I’ll see you at home.”

“Love that you see my place as a home now :)”

Uhhhhhhhhh… Who’s gonna tell him? Who has to remind him that I was staying at his place for convenience, because I am recovering from a surgery? That I literally almost died and my complications kept me from travelling long distance…? Who’s gonna tell him?

~

I was horrifically fatigued when I got home. I seemed to have forgotten that stressing over numbers and annoying phone calls was mentally straining. Maybe travelling by car wasn’t a great idea either, but how could I not drive? I had a job to go to. I had an apartment to get back to. As I walked up to the front door, I wished that I didn’t have to worry about things like income and bills to pay. I just wanted to lie down and not get up again.

Walking into the apartment, I realized I probably wouldn’t even get to do that.

First of all, the door was unlocked. Shawn had given me a key, but apparently I didn’t need it this time. I was met with music and laughter as stepped over the threshold. I found people, strangers, when I peered into the kitchen.

It was a small kitchen, but there were five frat boy looking guys all holding plastic red cups. Among them were three breathtakingly pretty brunettes. I’m talking Instagram models, wearing sparkling crop tops and skin tight leggings. They were all laughing about something until they saw me at the doorway.

“Rock on, emo queen,” one of the frat boys said, holding up the rock and roll sign.

Yeah. Even in my work uniform, which was a button up with the company name on, was in fact black. Not to mention, the eyeliner I had put on in the morning smudged so much throughout the day that I now looking like a raccoon having a mental breakdown.

Awkwardly, I continued padding down the hall, finding more people standing and talking amongst themselves. Again, more ridiculously pretty girls and their dates. All I could smell was weed. I tried to keep a stink eye off my face, but it was the only thing that made people move out of the way so I could get to the living room.

Finally, there were people I recognized. Brian, Connor, Teddy, and Shawn were among a bigger group of strangers sat on the L-shaped couch. So this was a couple of friends?

Shawn noticed me first and raised his arms in the air, making me notice the red cup in his hand. “Look who’s here!”

That caused several pairs of eyes to turn to me, causing me to feign a smile. Everyone raised their drinks and cheered. Oh god, I was in a room of drunk toddlers. I was in a whole ass apartment of drunk toddlers. And my fucking boyfriend was the toddler hosting the other toddlers.

“Come, sit here,” Shawn said, waving me over. “I missed you!”

I still felt awkward and tired and far from the vibe everyone else was currently on. I stepped over and went to take the empty space next to Shawn, but he grabbed my wrist and pulled me onto his lap. My face went hot at the gesture, but not because of the affection, or the fact that he chose to rest his hands on top of my thighs. His chin rested on my shoulder, and I could smell the alcohol in his breath. Oh jeez.

“Man, let your girl breathe!” Brian joked, seeing the discomfort on my face.

“It’s fine,” I said sheepishly. I noticed several empty plastic cups and shot glasses on the coffee table. It wasn’t even ten o’clock yet.

“Yeah,” Shawn agreed, “I mean, I’d sit on her lap, but my poor baby had surgery. Wouldn’t wanna hurt her.”

Before I could retort, Teddy spoke up. She, too, had her own cup and was very obviously under the influence. “Oh yeah! How did that go? What even happened?”

I was going to reluctantly explain, but Shawn spoke for me again.

“My little fighter looked death in the face and said ‘fuck you!’”

Several gasps and fascinated expressions came from the group on the couch. I resisted the urge to plant my face in my hands. There goes my business, out in the open for everyone to put their noses into.

“You almost died?” Connor asked in shock.

“Ooh, story time!” Teddy announced. “Spill! Now!”

Been home for ten minutes, and I was not in my pajamas lying under the covers. For me, this was a couple of steps away from a worst case scenario. All eyes on me, expected to talk about things I wanted to keep quiet about. And it was all prompted by my drunk boyfriend, of all people.

“I had a bowel resection, and then I hemorrhaged,” I explained curtly. Then, I moved Shawn’s hands off my thighs and got to my feet. “And now I have to stay here and recover for the whole summer. The end.”

Some people booed at the length of my story. I’m sure I was expected to tell an awesome tale about the battle against my infected guts, but I was really not in the mood for that. I had to tell the story twice at work, and that was enough for me.  I didn’t really care about being a massive party pooper at the moment.

“Baby, where you going?” asked Shawn as I stepped away from the group.

I sighed and turned back to him. “I’m gonna change out of my uniform, and then I’m going to sleep.”

He pouted and got up to approach me. He came up close, so things felt a little more private. “Come have fun with me. We never have fun anymore.”

The plea in his voice was a jab straight to the heart. But I couldn’t find it in me to change my mind and stay with him.

“I’m not really in a party mood,” I said apologetically. “I had a long day, I’m really tired.”

Shawn’s face fell even more. His hazy, tipsy eyes filled with concern. “You want me to kick everyone out? I’ll do it! I’ll do it right now!”

I quickly got ahold of his wrist before he could rally the troops. I already had enough guilt on my shoulders. “No! No, no, no, don’t do that.” I held his hand in both of mine, and I ran my fingers over the swallow tattoo. “Have fun with your friends. You’re right, things haven’t been fun lately, and I’m sorry for that. You deserve a good time, even if I’m not there. Just have a drink for me, okay?”

He could have put out some things about how the party would be better if I was there. He could have sweet talked me into sitting on his lap again for the whole night. Instead, he squeezed my hand and said, “Straight tequila, right?”

Relief washed over me. “Yes. Remember to drink water too.”

“I gotchu, honey.”  Then, he leaned in a pressed a sweet kiss to my lips. “Keep the bed warm for me.”

The taste of alcohol on his lips made me one percent more likely to join him in the festivities. The other ninety nine percent yeeted my ass to the bedroom. Once I was alone, the crushing feeling of deliberate isolation sent me to the surface of the bed.

I was the type of tired that kept me from actually sleeping. I could sleep through plenty of external noise, living in a college dorm was enough experience. It was just my foggy brain and burning throat getting in the way. I grabbed my Switch from the nightstand and played Smash Bros, tuning out the sounds of people having a better time than me.

Every so often, I heard people cheering or chanting, “chug, chug, chug!” I remained curled up in bed, fighting people online to get my frustrations out. Taylor Swift’s Love Story came on around 1AM and everyone screamed the lyrics, while I brought my t-shirt to the bridge of my nose to catch oncoming tears. I felt guilty and selfish every moment I wished Shawn was here to spoon me til I fell asleep. He spent so much time worrying about me, he deserved to forget it all once in a while. God knows I wanted to do the same, but my insides were still recovering.

I had put my Switch away and I was lying on my side by the time people were saying their goodbyes out in the apartment. Some guy was praising Shawn for having such “epic parties” as they put it. Weird, this was the first party of his that I witnessed. We’ve been together just over six months. How much of himself was he holding back because of me?

“Whoo!” I heard Shawn yell, followed by a glass shattering loudly.

The sound woke me up a little. Meaning, my legs got me standing and dashing out to the living room. My eyes scanned the place, which was now vacant of people and full of trash, but I found Shawn sitting on the floor just outside the hallway.

The place was a mess. Half empty cups, food, and mysterious stains covered every surface in the apartment. I was only worried about my boyfriend.

“Hey, cutie,” I said affectionately, bending down so we were at eye level.

Shawn’s eyes were hooded, but sparkling. He gave me a toothy grin and held up a peace sign.

Then, Teddy emerged from the kitchen. “Oh, did I wake you? I dropped a cup, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, I wasn’t exactly sleeping,” I told her, still looking at Shawn. I waved my hand in front of his face, only for him to blink slowly. “Uh, how much has he had to drink?”

Teddy chewed her lip as she thought about it. “I lost count after his fourth shot.”

“My girlfriend told me to have ten tequilas,” Shawn slurred, belching right after. “I think I had like, six.”

I held my breath and waved off the stench. Someone was in for a long night, longer than normal. I didn’t think he would take me seriously, but then again, I did not tell him to have ten shots of straight tequila.

“Oh yeah, he mixed his liquor too,” Teddy said.

I sighed and moved Shawn’s long arm over my shoulders. “Okay, vamos mi chulo. Let’s get you to bed.”

Teddy stepped in to help get the six foot toddler to his feet. Shawn stumbled and swayed, his long arms hanging heavily on our shoulders. I baby talked him as we slowly strolled to the bedroom, and I told Teddy I could take it from there.

Shawn burped again as we got closer to the bed, and he groaned. “Ugh… this isn’t fun anymore.”

“Okay, let’s go to the bathroom,” I said, steering him the other way.

It took a minute to get him positioned in front of the toilet. It took less than a second for him to lean over the bowl and return everything he drank. As much as the sights and sounds of vomiting brought me dark and lonely flashbacks, I went and sat on the edge of the bathtub. I rubbed Shawn’s back and practically waited for it to end.

Once that was overwith, I really couldn’t go back to sleep. I managed to lay Shawn down on the mattress. The sparkle in his eyes was gone, now replaced with chilling emptiness. I took the liberty of pulling his leather boots off his feet, and I removed his socks as well. Then, I draped the comforter over his long body.

“Stay with me,” Shawn mumbled, his arm reaching out to me. “Let’s forget all the bad shit…”

It seems that no amount of alcohol could make him not think about the last couple of weeks. My heart began to ache all over again.

“Go to sleep, okay?” I said gently. “I’ll be with you when you go to sleep.”

Shawn whined. “You always die in my sleep. I love you too much to let you go.”

I had a feeling that that’s what he had been dreaming about. But I really could not get myself to lie down with him. I was too antsy from the vomiting.

“Wait for me, okay?” I told him, stroking his hair. “I’m only gonna be a few minutes, and I’ll come back.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

He’s drunk. He’s going to sleep no matter what.

Once Shawn was all tucked into bed, I left the room and quietly shut the door behind me. In the living room, Teddy was picking up plastic cups and shoving them into a giant trash bag. I really wasn’t expecting her to still be here. Wordlessly, I began helping her clean up. Anything to get my beating heart to slow down.

“What were you doing this whole time if you weren’t sleeping?” she asked me. “Was the music too loud?”

“No. It wasn’t anything from the party,” I replied, scooping up paper plates and used napkins. “Just had a long day. I wasn’t in the mood for a party.”

“Oh.”

She glanced at me a couple of times as she dumped more trash into the bag. This was supposed to be the part where I bare my soul to my boyfriend’s friend and make her my friend, but… Enough of my business was out there already.

Teddy, however, was persistent. “So, how come you didn’t want visitors at the hospital? Or when you got out, for that matter?”

I busied myself with fixing the sofa cushions so I could come up with a decent answer. “Uh, I like my privacy. Especially in moments where things are messy.”

“Hm. Well, aren’t messy moments the times when you need friends the most?”

That thought lingered in the air as we continued tidying up the living room. I could have had my video game club friends there, or Shawn’s friends, but instead I left most of the burden to Shawn himself. What kind of a person am I?

At last, Teddy got the last of the garbage in the bag, and she tied it shut. Then, we moved onto the kitchen. More cups, spilled booze, and the broken glass from earlier. Oh, how I did not miss house parties. I was at the prime age of partying, being 21. I should have been the type to be as drunk as my boyfriend was, to just have fun and forget the stresses of life. But I found myself on a completely different level than the people who were here tonight.

“Do you stay up late often?” Teddy asked, trying to fill the silence yet again.

We both paused as the sounds of loud, monotonous humming came from the bedroom. Teddy scrunched her brow and tilted her head. My shoulders tensed with chills, like ice cold water had been spilled down the back of my shirt.

“To answer your question,” I told her, “yes.”

She followed me to the room, but she stayed at the doorway while I went to Shawn’s quivering body.

“Baby, wake up,” I said urgently, shaking his arm. “Wake up, it’s only a dream, baby…”

He was on his back, head moving from side to side in harsh moments. He groaned, completely spastic, so I coaxed him some more.

My voice shook. “Shawn… please. I’m here, please-”

His eyes flew open with a loud gasp. He sat up, breathing hard and fast. I placed my hands on his broad shoulders, getting his attention.

“Hey, look at me. You’re okay, it’s okay. You’re safe.”

Brown eyes were wide with panic, and then sadness. Within a second, they were filling with tears, and Shawn was wrapping his arms around my waist. With a shaky sob, he buried his head in my neck and cried quietly.

I had a pained looked on my face while he wasn’t looking. I just held him and stroked his hair. I was whispering the things I always said when he was in this state. “You’re safe with me. It was just a dream, it’s not real.”

I was able to coax him back to sleep for the time being. It was only going to happen again, though. I didn’t know how to stop it from happening.

When I stepped out of the room again, I leaned against the wall by the doorway. Teddy was gone, probably fled the uncomfortable situation. Can’t say I blame her. I sighed heavily and brought the palms of my hands to my misty eyes. I was beyond exhausted now. I was at a loss.

A hand went on my shoulder all of a sudden, making me jump. I looked up, finding that Teddy was still here, glass of water in her hand. Her blue eyes were concerned and upset, like the world had just ended in front of her. I pushed past the feelings, though.

“Sorry, I didn’t know you were still here,” I said, my voice thick with emotion. “Uh, did you need a ride home?”

She shook her head and held up the glass. “My fiance is coming soon. Here, drink.”

I offered a weak smile and accepted the gesture. As I sipped, Teddy said something that threw me off.

“He told me he was handling his nightmares. Had it all taken care of.”

“Why would he say that?” I asked in return.

“Didn’t want anyone to worry, I’m guessing. But I can see how tired he is. I can see how shaken up he is. I mean, he never goes as hard as he did tonight with the liquor. And worst of all, he hasn’t written a song in weeks. He hasn’t been in the studio at all.”

And it was my own damn fault.

“Does he tell you what he dreams about?” I dared to ask.

“No,” Teddy said. “I don’t think he tells anybody. I think he needs something beyond our help.”

“You’re right. I need to talk to him about this, because I know he’s not gonna talk to me.”

She placed her both her hands on my shoulders. “Hey. I’ve seen Shawn with quite a few girls over the last couple of years. I’ve never seen him head over heels until you came along. He loves you so much, he can’t fathom the idea of losing you. He loves you so much that he won’t talk to you about this because he doesn’t want you to feel bad.”

I wasn’t sure if that was supposed to make me feel better, because I was barely coherent as I spoke. “I already do…”

~

For once, I was up and running before Shawn was. His last nightmare happened around six in the morning, and after that he slept normally. The hangover probably had something to do with that. I left him a glass of water and painkillers on the nightstand, and then I went to the kitchen to attempt a type of breakfast.

By the time had eggs scrambled on a plate, Shawn was stumbling out of the room, glass of water in hand. He rubbed his eyes and yawned, and then he ran his fingers through his curly hair. He was still in the navy blue t-shirt he wore last night, but he ditched his jeans and went for the underwear look.

I met him halfway from the kitchen, presenting him with his mediocre breakfast. “Morning, sunshine.”

“For me?” he asked, and I nodded. “You’re the best.”

He sat at the round glass dining table as opposed to going to the living room. He must have been really hungover. I sat next to him and basked in the silence as he ate. My hands were tingling from the nerves.

“How ya feelin’?” I asked in a stupidly gently voice, reaching over to rub his arm.

He hummed through a mouthful of eggs. When he swallowed, he spoke. “My head is pounding. But I took the pills you left for me. Thank you for that, by the way. Who cleaned the apartment?”

“Me and Teddy. After you knocked out, we just decided to tidy up so no one had to worry about it the next day.”

“Well, thank you. One less thing to worry about.” He ate in silence some more, and then spoke some words that truly had me puzzled. “I slept the whole night for once. Feels good.”

Must be nice to not remember your night terrors. However, I had to tell him.

“Shawn…” I said slowly. “You woke up like five times. You had a panic attack one of those times.”

He slowed his chewing, staring at the table top in thought. He stayed quiet, and it freaked me out. He practically shut down, and it scared me for multiple reasons.

“I don’t know how to help you,” I admitted, watching him carefully.

“It’ll wear off,” he said weakly.

“You don’t know that.” I had to be firm. “I don’t know what you’re seeing in your sleep, but I know it scares you so much that you won’t talk about it. And you talk about everything, so that’s how I know it’s bad.”

Shawn looked down, still silent. Not giving me a possible solution to this. Does he even want help? Or am I just exaggerating and losing my mind?

“You don’t have to talk to me about it,” I continued. “Just talk to somebody. Last night, Teddy told me that you were taking care of all of this, but you’re not. I don’t know how you’re functioning during the day, because I’ve been exhausted and sleep deprived. I know you are too, and I’m not the only one who sees it. I, I don’t know how much longer I can watch you go through this.”

Again, he was quiet. He was never quiet. Shawn was feisty and passionate, ready to say anything to prove his point at any given moment. He had strayed from the Shawn Mendes I loved in such a short amount of time. It was happening so fast, watching him slip through my fingers. It felt like I was the one in a nightmare.

“Please,” I mumbled, my voice quavering. My bottom lip began to quiver.

Shawn suddenly looked up at me, eyes wide at the sounds coming out of me. Even when he was sinking, he still paid more attention when I was about to cry.

“I’ll, I’ll give you my therapist’s number,” I offered, losing my composure. “I-I don’t know if she’s taking anymore clients, but I-I-I’ll give up my sessions for you. I’ll do anything if it means you’ll get some help. Shawn, I… I’m begging you. I’m begging you to get help, because I don’t know what to do anymore… a-and it’s because of me why you’re like this, a-a-and I’m sorry-”

I gasped when I realized Shawn had placed his hands on either side of my face. His thumbs rubbed my tear stricken cheeks, and he spoke calmly and gently.

“Okay,” he said. “Okay, I’ll get help. I promise. I don’t wanna go through this anymore either. I promise I’ll figure this out.”

I guess that’s how I knew I was falling in love. The want and need for him to be okay was so great, there was nothing I wouldn’t do to make that happen. The fact that he was not okay was ripping me a new one. I couldn’t even breathe when he slept. I couldn’t even think about how much I wanted to be in California, because then I’d have to think about leaving Shawn all alone. Who would talk him down from his night terrors?

My hospital stay alone triggered nightmares and eerie silence from him. But what would Shawn have done if I had died altogether?

[flcwerstudies]

11 questions tag :)

tagged my the ever charming @howellstvdies. luv ya!! 

rules: answer these 11 questions, create your own, and tag 11 other people in them

do you have a favorite memory? what is it?

so many ahhh......that time me and my friends went to the park behind my friends house and we had a picnic? or the lorde concert i went to on my birthday last thursday? sitting on the beach in florida with my family? 

what’s your native language?

korean!

what makes you feel cool?

when im wearing a hella nice outfit and im really feeling myself and my eye makeup is  p e r f e c t like when i know im killing in? i live for those days  

do you have any tumblr friends? if not, is there anyone who you’d like to be friends with?

yes!! i love all of them!! there are too many to mention but if we dm each other ur for sure my friend :P positions for internet friends are always welcome yo~ 

strangest dream you ever had?

i walk into a bar and the bartender looks up at me and says to me that ive been here for too long and i have to leave before i cant. i start walking towards the door and the distance keeps getting farther and farther? 

what food would you love to have an endless supply of?

oh dude.....probably pho or like korean food but this is too hard...salad? or pizza?  where do you feel most at home?

my bed. anywhere where im with my family i guess 

what’s your favorite tv show?

brooklyn nine nine or parks and rec its so hard to choooooose lmaoo  what do you first notice about new people?

their eyes and their smiles 

tell us an experience you’ll never forget?

when i visited the pantheon in rome...it was like some sort of supernatural spotlight i was literally struck dumb 

last time you couldn’t stop laughing?

every lunch period with my friends.....i luv em so much. 

my questions: 

describe yourself in five words!

if you were the god/goddess of something, what would it be?

your favorite album? 

are you happy? (i really hope all of you are happy)

what songs are you obsessed with right now?

is there something that you dread in the future?

describe your friends?

are you a very forgiving person?

coffee or tea? 

what are you most proud of about yourself?

three things you love about yourself? 

tagging: @cafedetude @cerberux @gaymoods @studyharmony @thegrangersapprentice @decafturtle @studying-frenzy @studyingdaisies @wvnderess @fragmentstudies @bujo-ie

you dont have to do this if you dont want to + if you see this and i havent tagged u and u wanna do it then go ahead! love yall 

[heybinnie]

yall.......i watched all of astro’s MVs again.......and i realise..........that the real pain besides seeing how far theyve come.......is how amazing it would be to have them as friends?? like??@?? they the kind o f guy friends who you could talk to anything about or hang out with at any time of day...imagine yall live in college dorms......... about to visit 7-11 alone at 1am? boi rocky’s alr waiting outside your building in his PJs with a face mask still on,,,, dont feel like going for the day’s classes and just wanna roam the streets?? bin’s alr planning how to get past the security guard when you get back late!! forgot to buy pads and youre in tOo much pain? jinjin accidentally buys you three different brands bc he has no idea which one you were talking about!!!!! sanha’s strumming his guitar and making fun of you as you groan over assignments, eunwoo stays up late with you until hell oclock and you both fall asleep in the library, mj’s the guy whos always stirring shit and hes running down the corridor away from the librarian bc he didnt return his books again. theyre the group you first see when you walk into the foodcourt and theyre laughing and clapping their hands and jinjin waves you over with tears in his eyes all like “LOOK AT THIS?? SANHA CAN FIT TWO CHOPSTICKS IN ONE NOSTRIL” and theyre the bunch of friends who’d shield you when your ex walks by and they’d subtly be holding each other back or when your crush walks by and they not so subtly say your name LOUDLY and go “OH YEAH, YOUVE BEEN WORKING SO HARD :(( YOU HAVENT SLEPT FOR THREE DAYS” but also mj’s the little shit who’d shout “WHO WAS IT YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON AGAIN OH IS IT THAT GUY?” and they all panic and start losing their shit whenever they see your eyes start to tear up for whatever reason and rocky’s already running to the restroom to grab a whol e roll of toilet paper but then they find out you’re just watching a drama. theyre the kind of friends who’d welcome you any time and treat you like their own bro and care so much for you like a best friend or a brother would and im so crazy soft because all ive ever wanted was a guy best friend and just imagine having 6 of that i’d go nuts in two seconds flat but god it’d be so fun