#zed.talks

[onestepbackwards]

—

I’m fucking crying at this submission. Every time I have looked in my inbox and seen this I have cackled. I really needed a good laugh, thank you.

I’m just imagining poor Emmet about to be put through the ringer. At least he might have some fun adversaries if he really is in the new game?

[onestepbackwards]

I've been following the Unity situation and its so fucking insane like holy shit. We have everything! - Absurd fees for devs! That may or may not be retroactive and illegal, but we won't say until you cause a stink about it! (We totally aren't shh we wouldn't break the law. Totally :) ) - Getting rid of one of their levels of subscriptions during all of this, The 'Plus Plan', and allegedly putting you on the more expensive 'Pro' subscription if you auto renew! - Insider trading! Selling their stocks not even a week before they released this new change in their company! x x They've since backpedaled from what their original plan was. Originally, they told everyone that every Install, reinstall, dlc, demo, and pirated copy would now cost a fee (with few exceptions, such as charity games and bundles) It's not hard to see how this could tank an indie company with ease. Mad at a dev/company? Just mass install/uninstall. Now they are apparently saying that 'nonono! We only meant the original install :)' Which also opens the door as to how they are tracking installs. They so far have seemed to be avoiding as to how on earth they are going to do that without breaching privacy on a computer. Especially when it could just be easier to make a fee based on purchases, but no. x

So you know, don't worry guys, they have their own 'proprietary data model.' But so far (As i type this, or am aware of) have not given details about how that model works. When asked about stuff such as Xbox Gamepass, Unity mentioned it would be Microsoft paying for the fees. As of now, I have no idea if Microsoft was even told this, and I doubt they are going to agree to it either out of nowhere. x Another fun thing, is if you change your Unity plan, you are added to the revenue threshold immediately. Interesting that this is after they sneakily got rid of their Plus plan, which a lot of devs seemed to use.

And interesting enough, they seem to contradict themselves from their QnA and their official twitter post regarding Demo's and Early Access, or at least tried to be sneaky about the wording?? x x

They won't charge for demos or early access, until they do, apparently. Or if the demo has data that can be transferred to the main game, anyway. Unity also claimed this would only affect 10% of its users. Which is funny when you look at all the Indie devs and studios who are coming out on twitter saying that this actually directly hurts them. Not to mention all the people that have spent years learning this engine, for themselves, or so they can apply to companies using it. And now all of that was just spat on by Unity themselves. There's also the games that have been out and are built on this engine, and can't just be tossed and rebuilt. Such as Among us, Genshin Impact, Pokemon Go and the Diamond/Pearl remakes. Overall, it's a huge mess. Unity majorly screwed up. I'd recommend looking into what games you like, and if they run on Unity. If you don't have them yet, you may want to purchase them so they are in your steam library, or whatever console you play on. With the uncertainty of all of this, I wouldn't be surprised if some companies delist their games on steam. If you buy from them now, you'll still be able to support the devs before Unity implements this new fee plan. Plus, since you paid for them, they will still be on your console/in your steam library. Please stay safe ya'll, and support your local game devs during this storm. They need it.

[onestepbackwards]

self aware au shenanigans where the player decides to screw around and bring the predecessors of the ingame characters (pulling an Arceus, as one might say) and watch stuff happen. on one side, its funny watching volo sprint in fear as cynthia chases him with a chair after hearing about the shit he pulled but you can't help but feel bad for cyllene who had no idea that cyrus would be like That, with feeling some guilt that she could have done something to prevent him from ending up like that (and not in the 'you bring shame to our bloodline' kind of way, but in a 'i am so sorry that nobody was there for you when you needed them the most' kind of way. if that makes sense)

Cyllene is 100 taking Cyrus under her wing, regardless of what he wants.

She despises one of her descendants was treated so badly he turned out this way. She is bound and determined to help him through whatever hell put him on this path to begin with. He is desperately trying to NOT do that. It's almost amusing to see Cyrus trying to sneak out of the village only for her to follow him and drag him back like a teenager. The kids love him and want to be his friends as well, and all he wants to do is leave or brood angrily. Cynthia lets Volo know no peace. She already had to stop one asshole from destroying the universe, and it turns out her ancestor pulled the same shit? She is livid. Volo doesn't think much of her until you mention she is in fact a champion, considered one of the strongest people in future Hisui, and has given many people pokebattle ptsd. And then he sees how near identical their team is, and a smirk she very much inherited from him, and suddenly he isn't so cocky anymore.

[onestepbackwards]

It would be really funny if, in the older games, the player is a glitch hunter/showcaser. Say, in Pokemon Red, the player goes “If I name myself Ardavne, name the rival Jack, talk to this random Old Man, then fly to the coast of Cinnibar Island and surf there, I can catch Mewtwo, Snorlax and Alakazam at impossible levels!”

Meanwhile the game character (bonus points if it’s Giovanni) is just standing there like “What.”

JSKFKSK

You know the game like the back of your hand. It’s one of your favorite games to pick apart and experiment what you can get away with.

So imagine when you get a new copy, or emulate it, things stutter a bit, before returning to normal. You are eager to see what that was, and pick the game apart once more!

Nothing seems wrong, but you decide to go through the motions. Why not catch rare pokemon in weird and convoluted ways?

All while trainers and gym leaders watch in confusion, horror, and awe.

Giovanni can only go slack jawed seeing you teleport to different parts of Kanto, clip through a building a certain way, destroy reality a little bit, and end up with a mew. And a weird pokemon that only appears as bones what the fuck-

He’s already scheming how to play this into his hands, all while Red goes to bed after you turn the game off wondering how the hell you made him able to do all that.

Or imagine by breaking the game so often, that’s the reason someone becomes self aware. The tomfoolery of speed running and glitch hunting accidentally making a G rated mafia boss self aware. Oops.

Now you have said G rated mafia boss watching your every move. Hope you don’t mind his fascination with how you break reality before resetting it!

[onestepbackwards]

Okay, storytime. So in my save file, my Decidueye perfectly counters the whole Miss Fortune Sisters. Straight up air slash, leaf blade, psycho cut / shadow claw, triple arrows moveset. Everytime I see any of them in the open, I approach them intentionally and battle using only Decidueye. When the battle starts, I make sure to get up close and personal, eye to eye with them, before oneshoting each of their pokemon.

Imagine that but with the other Legends NPCs. Bonus points if it's the self aware AU and the player just straight up says "I want you to feel how I feel encountering Cynthia when you see me."

sajflsjfdj Oh this is even better when most the characters have no idea who this 'Cynthia' is.

Though the intimidation tactic definitely works. The only person who isn't intimidated seems to be Ingo. Ingo practically embraces the look you give him, feeling excited to have such a thrilling battle! It almost feels... familiar.

Ingo tells the others that this isn't you being malicious, but it's something else, something familiar. Something only someone who takes battling serious does.

A few people reluctantly relax. Other are still wary. It's... a little freaky why you do that.

At least your rival and Ingo will accept your battles with vigor.

...Even if you scare your rival a little bit.

[onestepbackwards]

Imagine with the self aware au in Hisui but the goddess in question is an abused victim who seeks solace in playing video games to forget their pain. Imagine Volo’s reaction to his new object of affection is crying and sees her in pain. The “goddess” also vents while playing the game, which leaves many in shock at the amount of pain their “true god” goes through! How could someone so empathetic and kind be treated so horrendously?! Volo and Ingo are willing to put aside their differences (they were the first to figure the whole “god” thing first though they both have different takes on it) to reach their object of obsession if only to rid her of her constant pain and suffering….

Ohh boy, if anyone finds out the 'God' they have been watching/possibly worshiping was being treated horribly? Or was treated horribly in the past and was still dealing with issues?

Depending on how far gone or deep belief their goes, it will affect how deeply they wish to intervene.

They all want to help, of course! But what can they do?

Ingo at least seems to have an idea. Along with the hero, who is desperate to help protect whoever has been protecting them. They keep mentioning some sort of code. They speak in harsh whispers about this code, until Volo ends up demanding to know what they are talking about.

It's clear it's about you, as he's heard your name mentioned. Ingo's eyes meet the Hero's, and he relents.

It's a bit hard to understand, though Volo catches on quickly. The 'code' they had been referring to are the number's Volo sees when he closes his eyes, or spaces out.

Ingo theorizes perhaps... Messing with those numbers could result in them being able to make contact with you. It would take time, but an attempt was better than letting you sit and suffer all alone.

Volo is immediately on board, though his reasons are a bit... more malicious.

He desires to protect you. To help you feel better, keep you safe.

And he'll take care of those that hurt you. He isn't afraid to cross that line, so long as it can help the 'True God.'

Ingo side eyes him. Volo isn't as subtle as he thinks he is, but he keeps his mouth shut. If it truly comes down to it, saving you might involve more... rough procedures.

As much as Ingo finds it unsavory, he's willing to look the other way so long as it ensures your safety.

Anything to make sure you were safe.

[onestepbackwards]

It would be so funny if the player could still send texts on their arc phone and decided to send every complaint directly to Arceus

Everything from "Those ungrateful bastards banished me" to "My tummy hurts :("

Bonus points if they hand the phone over to Volo or Ingo and let them rant at god for screwing them over

Tbh if it were me I would let Arceus know every single inconvenience I had with being thrown into the past with no warning.

You let Arceus know no peace, making it very clear of your feelings on the matter.

[There is a leak in my room. You know what didn't have a leak? My old home.]

[They deadass are sending me into the wild??? On my own?? Assuming I have no experience?? They want me dead, Arceus.]

[THEY DONT HAVE COFFEE]

[Why do I have to fight the big scary pokemon?? WHY IS IT A STRANGERS JOB-]

[I think Cynthia's ancestor is stalking me.]

[I REACHED TEN STARS FUCK YEAH]

[WHY do I have to solve this village's problems. How am I the only one doing anything to help here.]

[WHY IS THE TRAIN GUY FROM UNOVA HERE.]

[ANSWER ME ARCEUS.]

[ISNT THIS GUY A CELEBRITY???? ARCEUS. HOW LONG HAS HE BEEN HERE-]

[When i invent mac n cheese, its over for these assholes.]

[Do you think I could piss Cyrus off by adopting his great great grandmother as my own mom?]

[They fucking banned me, Arceus.]

[AFTER EVERYTHING I DID-]

[Volo is def stalking me btw. WHY is he the only one wanting to help me besides the nice lady who also looks like Cynthia-]

[THE SKY IS RED.]

[Did Kamado seriously send Beni to assassinate me or did I just hallucinate that whole encounter.]

[WHY IS IT I KEEPING MEETING PEOPLE WHO WANT TO DELETE THE UNIVERSE WITH GIRATINA]

[If i had a dollar for every time this has happened, i'd have two dollars. It isn't a lot, but its weird its happened twice-]

[HOW COME HE GETS LIKE THE EQUIVALENT OF 8 POKEMON AND I CANT]

[If you had just said hi to him we could have avoided me almost dying TWICE.]

Arceus almost never responds unless you have a genuine question, or need help. But you do find solace in complaining to it.

You later tell Volo that hey, like, you know things are kinda awkward, but you have a means of directly messaging Pokemon God-

He's shaking as you hand him the phone and show him how to use it. At first, Volo for once, doesn't know what to say. He had dreamt of unloading his problems onto Arceus many times, but now?

He is almost at a lost for words.

That is, until you reach around him, showing him your previous conversations.

"Yeah, see here? I kinda bitched at Arceus last week because I'm still not allowed to go home yet. I kinda just use the chat to vent about things most of the time."

Volo stares for a moment, until he's furiously typing. He doesn't stop typing for a good few minutes, sending one very long, winded message, before handing the phone back to you. It's the longest message you have ever seen sent on your phone

The merchant is awfully quiet after that for a little while.

[onestepbackwards]

Had a funny idea involving Giratina in a self aware Hisui. So in Heart Gold and Soul Silver if you an Arceus there's a special event in the game. Basically in the event you meet up with Cynthia funny enough, and she tells you that Arceus has the ability to create newborn Pokémon. And by newborn Pokémon she means Arceus will straight up create a new god of your choice for you to have. You can make Dialga, Palkia, or more important to this thought you can make Giratina. Like it truly is a newborn too. Straight up comes out of an egg at level 1. It's kind of a trippy event. I suggest looking it up on Youtube, cause its a trip. Anyway, while Arceus made them you are the one who choses who will be born. You are the one who chose to give them life. So to me I think that sort of makes you the parent of whatever legendary you chose. So imagine choosing to create this little baby Giratina. It's level 1 so weak and will take a lot of work for it to reach its full potential, but you are willing to put in the work. You spend time with it, you spoil it with poke blocks/Poke Beans/whatever treat is in the game it's in, you use items to boost its stats, you battle with it, and you take it into each new game so it can always be with you on your adventures. You baby it a bit, but hey this little Giratina is your baby. And this Giratina loves you. You are its parent. You are the reason it exists, and the second it was born you gave it love and kindness. To say Giratina is protective of you would probably be putting it very lightly. So imagine you bring it into Legends right before you fight Volo. Volo pulls out his Giratina you just smile and say "Oh, you have a Giratina? So do I." And you let out your own Giratina. Your powerful level 100 Giratina that is not happy that someone threatened their parent. Volo doesn't stand a chance. That whole moment would be a mind screw for Volo (and probably for Volo's Giratina as well). You have a Giratina. Why? How? if he had any belief that there could only be one Giratina that thought has been broken. If Volo ever finds out that you chose to create your Giratina Volo's delusions will be set in stone. You must be a god. You have to be a god. You made a god Pokémon. You made Arceus itself make you a god. What else could you be other then a god? So good luck dealing with that. On a sweet/funny note I can only imagine the clans and the villages reactions to your Giratina. Here's this dangerous legendary that can rip holes into the very fabric of realty. Yet, it's acting like a baby Pokémon with you. It follows your avatar around like a baby Teddiursa following its mother. It gently nuzzles your avatar, and begs for pets and treats. It will snuggle you whenever you will let it. It's sweet, but a bit of a mind screw for them. It's equally funny if you chose to make Palkia or Dialga. For the clans they see their Almighty Sinnoh snuggling you, begging for treats, and being very affectionate. If they find out you made the Pokémon I think a lot of them will need a lot of time to process that.

Oh i remember this event!!! I remember the trippy transitioning effect for the creation of the pokemon you chose too djjdjsjd

Just,,, imagining showing them your Giratina like: “This is my tiny son. I love him.”

And Giratina is as big as a house happily eating a berry as you pet it.

It really isn’t just Volo who think you are a god after that.

[onestepbackwards]

The emulator scenario just makes me wonder how B/W Ingo and Emmet would react to seeing Warden Ingo while you’re playing P:LA

Volo is laughing at the idea that the warden of the Pearl clan was originally some fancy-pants conductor from the city, Emmet is furious that such a thing would happen to his brother, and Ingo is having an existential crisis in the corner.

One of Ingo’s main salvations is that you seem to be just as upset and furious on his behalf.

Sure, you are happy to see his other self in PLA, but he quickly hears how upset it makes you. How you vent to your friends how you wish you could send him back home at the end of the game.

…Plus, you always politely tell his other self hello when you stop by the village. No matter what you are doing, you always make a point to say hi to him. It’s heart warming.

Even Emmet finds it sweet, helping wash the bitter taste in his mouth. He hates knowing there is a timeline or future out there where his brother is taken from him and thrown through time and space.

But at least he has you looking out for Ingo, even if his brother’s other self doesn’t seem to be aware like that annoying blond twink.

Volo on one hand finds it hilarious.

How the warden is actually one of those annoying twins that seem to be able to see past dimensions like he can. They just seem to be from another timeline or world.

…But it doesn’t stop the bitter feeling in his gut when he sees how happy you are to see the warden. He isn’t jealous!

He’s totally jealous.

He at least finds some comfort in the fact you like him as well. Something both twins seem to dislike, which only fuels his ego.

[onestepbackwards]

Imagine if you play emulator for bw on pc and submas became self aware, then decided to pop out of the emulator and just watch you what you’re doing on the switch, only to realize in horror that Volo is self aware and the stare down begins

Meanwhile, you’re aren’t aware of the fact both submas and Volo are self aware and want your attention for themselves

-Bird Anon

You know those memes of a dog seeing itself in the mirror for the first time and just stares or gets angry?

Add that and the spiderman pointing meme, and you have three self aware men staring at each other baffled.

Until it finally sets in and a speech bubble appears on your monitor.

'I am Emmet, and we will not lose.'

Ingo stays quiet for once. As much as he would like to tell Emmet to be quiet, he agrees with what his twin has to say. He won't let this wanna be champion steal you away from them.

Volo is baffled, and can openly show it, compared to the sprites on screen. That is, until a scowl appears on his face.

'Hmph. As if you are worthy of a god such as them. Bring it on.'

You re enter your room with a hum, sitting down at your computer. All the speech bubbles are gone, and you happily check your switch, before continuing your run on your emulator.

All completely unaware of the declaration of war you had missed.

[onestepbackwards]

Adding to the emulator anon, but what if both BW and PLA are run in player's emulator in PC. (Bonus points if the PLA copy is pirated and they all know it)

Volo and Emmet beefing with each other in the code or in separate windows when you aren’t looking while Ingo has several crises

On one hand emulation isn’t illegal in itself, but neither BW or PLA Ingo have no way of verifying if you dumped the ISO of your own copy of each game, or pirated it.

Emmet easily votes pirated.

“Their computer says its been years since our game’s release, and mentioned that the console no longer has support.”

Emmet also says he’s glad you probably pirated their games. He’s very pro game preservation.

Ingo meanwhile on one hand aggrees with Emmet’s reasoning, but struggles a little with the legalities. More so he just doesn’t want you in trouble.

Warden Ingo doesn’t care as much. He worries, sure, but as he sees it, without you pirating the game, would he have become aware? Ever learned about you? Would he have ever seen his brother again? Regained some memories?

He stays quiet most of the time about it, simply agreeing with Emmet on occasion if both games are open at once.

Volo meanwhile thinks it’s all hilarious. Why would an overseeing god play by their own legalities?

Though Volo isn’t sure what Emulation is, he does understand piracy.

He isn’t sure how a person can pirate a world, but regardless, the implications are both hilarious and harrowing. He at least can enjoy the chaos a little bit when he himself isn’t having a crises.

That isn’t even going into the crises and realizations and rivalries other characters go through

[onestepbackwards]

Just got an idea for the self aware pokemon AU of a player who is just an absolute menace, running around and saying ominous things and messing with people that are already wary of them to the point that Ingo has to step in or smth. Just the embodiment of that meme with the tired guy holding a leash on a small gremlin.

"BEHOLD, THE POWER OF YOUR ULTIMATE GOD-" And when people actually see you, it's Ingo grabbing you by the scruff and telling you that no, you shouldn't test the power of flight. You may be a god to some, but so far you still can be hurt and are vulnerable to gravity. At least do safety checks it you are going to plan such reckless ideas-

He is very tired.

[onestepbackwards]

I just thought about this; streamer au, but MC accidentally left the stream going when Volo betrayed them. So every once in a while, someone donates to the ‘text-to-speech’ just so they can curse out Volo.

Roasting Volo ends up becoming a channel meme.

Depending in your feelings about it, it can range from light hearted to scorching. Though you at least try to keep it civil. For your channel’s sake, anyway.

If you encounter Volo again while live, you end up getting many messages with TTS about him. You usually have to mute them just to have a civil conversation, but it is funny to see Volo try not to get upset.

Really, he brought it upon himself. You at least try to keep him from hearing most of it. Usually.

“Bzz. Bzz. Oh what’s that? The sound of Volo’s maiden-less behavior-“

The message is cut off as you fumble to mute the stream, all while trying not to laugh. Volo is smiling through his teeth, clearly biting his tongue.

[onestepbackwards]

Obviously Volo convincing himself you're a god and worshipping you is great

But what if instead of that he was Plagued and Haunted by your existence

You're just running around doing your silly little Pokédex tasks and he's over here facing The Horrors every time he looks at you

Volo has seen what you can do, how you can manipulate time and space.

How you can seemingly bend things to your will, get people to like you. How you can have pokemon trust you almost immediately, how you can take control of someone with ease.

The way no one realizes what is happening around them. How everyone becomes puppets without strings in your presence when you use your vessel.

How the Hero stares so blankly. Only occasionally showing emotion. Otherwise, their blank face has him unnerved.

You take away people's will. You bend the rules to your whim.

All for entertainment.

And no one believes him.

He's just another puppet on invisible strings.

Volo has seen the Horrors™, and you haunt him in his every waking moment, especially as you reset time just for him to relive it over and over again.

[onestepbackwards]

Imagine if the player controlling Akari/Rei just trama dumps on a self aware NPC like Melli or volo about there irl life, thinking they wouldn't care and just leaves them horrified.

Oh, how horrified it would leave them-

You just kinda idle in front of Melli for a bit, rubbing your temples, clearly exhausted. Why did you even start playing anyway when you had to get up early tomorrow? "Man... My brain is in such a fog today. I can barely concentrate."

You stretch as your back pops.

"Getting hit by a car definitely wasn't what I needed. Especially after working so long today... I'm just glad he hit the breaks in time, so it wasn't like he hit us hard... and I still have to go into work for 10 hours tomorrow.

Your voice sounds so low and tired. "Should have known boss would ask for a damn doctors note just so I could have a day off after an accident, claiming if I didn't, it wasn't 'that' serious. Ugh. I just know I have bruises forming. Is that not enough?" You set the switch down beside you, leaning into your couch cushion. "Add that my family decided my house was perfect for the holidays to visit when I told them I didn't want to host... I just know one of my aunts is going to yell at me again over painting my room my favorite color or something. Or asking about my love life and trying to set me up with some stranger, and getting mad when I say no. Ugh. Maybe I should just go to bed..."

You put your switch in sleep mode, unaware of the horrified look on both the Hero and Melli's faces. This wasn't the first time the Hero had heard you talk about your many troubles, but it was still worrying all the same.

Melli though, was very much not expecting that. Even he seemed a bit horrified just from the small bit he gleamed from your small ramble.

[onestepbackwards]

So like imagine I get cast down into hisui some isekai type shit, and everyone’s like “oh wow it’s god I wonder who their holiness will bless and where did they go?”

Im so adhd id wander like id be chatting with ingo and he turns around to get something he turns back around and im gone i saw a silly little magnazone and want to poke it

Honestly same

You get so excited seeing stuff that is arguably super normal there too. Someone is talking with you while you explore, and they turn their head and see you off in the distance, trying to pet a Wurmple.

It's hard to find this upsetting though, regardless if you are seen as a god or not.

If you aren't seen as a god, all it takes is you explaining your world doesn't have pokemon, so of course you'd want to see them all!

And if you are, then why wouldn't their holiness want to see their own creations? You argue you aren't a god, but they won't listen. At least they let you see the pokemon in peace.