I'm still hung up on Klein. He found his sense of self despite changing personas repeatedly. I admire that.
It's hard to not get swallowed by the act. And it's hard to go back to who you were once the act is done, because everything has already changed.
And now he sleeps, fighting for his sense of self, not for himself, but for all the people he cares for.
As a person who tends to sleep away the pain, I know it's hard to not give in and give up to find peace.
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Sometimes i think about zhou mingrui/klein moretti/sherlock moriarty/all his other pseudonyms. I think about how isolated and alone he was for most of lotm. How he kept having connections and hope ripped from him but kept fighting for them anyways. I think about him conjuring the image of all his loved ones, dead, distant, or otherwise disconnected from him at that table. I think about how lonely and how heartwretching it must be to continue on in the wake of all that he lost. But more than fall apart he keeps going and going at faster and faster speeds, surpassing what was thought truly possible and constantly toeing the line of death and madness. When was the last time he got to relax? I want someone to hold him, but I dont know if theres anyone who could.
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New fic’s idea…
Title: What is real?
Synopsis: 'Zhou Mingrui, diagnosed with auditory and visual hallucinations as well as frequent headaches and the tendency to sleep a lot.'
Audrey looked at her patient’s file with a thoughtful look.
—
Beginning of the fic:
Usually, we are taught in school that ghosts only exist in movies.
However, in his bedroom, Zhou Mingrui was facing a female ghost and had to change his cognition on this matter.
He paused for a while, staring at the beautiful female ghost that he would have thought was a puppet if she hadn’t moved.
His mouth slightly open, the child murmured.
"Beautiful…"
Snapping out of his daze, Zhou Mingrui felt inexplicably embarrassed and blinked.
"Hello, what are you doing here?"
He was wary of the ghost who had suddenly appeared in his room when he woke up in the middle of the night but tried to not show it.
"I was chased by villains. Can I stay here for a while?"
Zhou Mingrui was a little interested in what villains the female ghost was talking about. Maybe she was spy in a secret mission and had been discovered in the middle?
Numerous hypotheses came up in his mind as he nodded. Then, he recalled that it was impolite to not introduce himself and stretched out his hand.
"I’m Zhou Mingrui. Nice to meet you."
The female ghost stared at his hand in silence.
Zhou Mingrui thought that ghosts may not have the same common sense as humans and explained.
"This is a handshake. Here, you usually shake hands when you meet someone."
Then, the ghost finally held his hand and shook it.
Zhou Mingrui briefly felt the cold touch of the ghost before she took back her hand. Was this how a ghost felt like?
"My name is Sharron."
Zhou Mingrui a little happy. He now knew the name of the female ghost.
Excitedly, he sat on his bed and inquired about Sharron’s past.
"Miss Sharron, what villains were you talking about?"
Sharron talked to him about the Rose School of Thought and stories of how she escaped with her stories.
Apparently, she wasn’t a spy but a ghost fighting for justice against a terrible terrorism organization that offered living sacrifices to their god.
Listening to Sharron’s narration, Zhou Mingrui soon felt that his eyelids were heavy. Enduring the sleepiness, he gradually felt a bigger and bigger headache and held his temples in pain. He began to hear strange words that sounded like 'Hornacis, Fregrea'.
Sharron stopped and lifted the blanket over him, he didn’t know since when he had been lying in his bed.
Then, she left and he vaguely heard the sound of the TV coming from the living room. He wondered what movie she was watching, he would have to ask her the next day…
Closing his eyes, his headache slowly decreased in intensity and he fell back asleep.
The morning, he was woken up by the alarm next to his bed. Recalling the last night’s events, he looked around for the ghost but didn’t see her.
Then, he got dressed and ate breakfast with his parents.
"Mom, yesterday I saw a female ghost. She was called Sharron and she was very beautiful…"
Thinking that it was just a child’s delusions, his mother played along and told him to hurry and go to school.
—
After that, Zhou Mingrui goes to school, his deskmate is Amon (with dad Amon, mom Amon and everyone in the family is Amon). Amon with his monocle makes him inexplicably scared. Zhou Mingrui’s uncle is Roselle (Roselle is irresponsible but nice to talk to).
In the classroom, there’s a fight and he behaves coldly (Gehrman-like) without knowing why, feeling inexplicably calm.
In short, Zhou Mingrui sees ghosts, has frequent headaches and auditory hallucinations (like spirituality depletion with ravings), feels that some people are inexplicably familiar, feels like some animals are wearing monocles and has ptsd, falls asleep often and sometimes his personality changes.
His parents begin to suspect that he has a mental illness and bring him to a psychiatrist (Audrey).
Modern AU, everyone thinks that Zhou Mingrui is mentally ill (except aunt Amanises and uncle Roselle who totally don’t care and Audrey who lets the cute child tell her his strange days without judging and is nice as always) and he grows up with these peculiar traits. Beyonder powers don’t exist and there are no cultists.
I don’t know whether to continue this fic…
If anyone wants to continue it, feel free to do so (I even greatly encourage you to do so). It’s ambiguous whether what is happening to Zhou Mingrui is real or if he has and mental illness and other characters don’t show any abnormalities. It isn’t a dream.
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I just realized that Klein makes two of his long term identities wear glasses; Sherlock Moriarty and Gehrman Sparrow.
And as Zhou Mingrui he is shown wearing glasses.
Was it hard to get used to not wearing glasses as Klein Moretti because he didn't need them anymore? Did he ever instinctively go to push up his glasses and fail because he wasn't wearing any?
Is that why he chose the glabella* as the place to activate his spiritual vision, because he forgot that he didn't have fixing his glasses as an excuse to touch that area of his face?
*The glabella is the skin between your eyebrows
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