tamorax

[tamorax]

IM SO BACK

Kinda

I moved!

Its been really hectic trying to put the apartment together while also working and generally just not wanting to do absolutely ANYTHING! especially on my weekends...

BUT

things have finally started to calm down and now i can focus more on making art and such, i even have a new art tablet so i dont have to do it all on my phone!

Anyway i havent decorated it entirely yet but im rebuilding my zhongli shrine!

I just managed to build the shelf and decided to put the cloth on as neat as i could (ill probably readjust a few times)

Ive been wanting to use those for SO LONG

But anyway remember my old shrine?

Its been down for months but imagine all THAT here on this new shrine

PLUS PLUS PLUS PLUS

Cherry blossom vine lights and ginkgo garlands

AAAAAA

Its going to be so amazing!!!

Buuut it wont get done till next tuesday or wednesday... When i have time to unpack that stuff

So yeah anyway hi im alive again! I know i said i was alive last time but whoops life you know? I'm so ready to get back to focusing on art and zhongli again you all have NO IDEA!

[tamorax]

You cant convince me that pink haired boy isnt a catboy

Genshin Impact | Verion 5.6 Images from Gematsu

[tamorax]

Like... Do you ever just go "i wouldnt fucking do that" to a depiction of yourself in your own damn dream. Like why did *i* have to ruin such a nice moment/dream

I just had a dream

Where i was gushing about how much i love zhongli to someone else and having a real dilemma about it

But he overheard this and found it so endearing that he secretly arranged a fucking WEDDING for us

But then i, in third person, saw me and him talking and me trying to explain to him that i, and this is paraphrasing, "dont want a wedding, and i fully appreciate the gesture, but i want to love him for him and not all this grandness' im not entirely sure how to articulate what was said and the emotions behind it but thats the best i can give

And he got so depressed after that.

Im not entirely sure why it happened like that, dream logic i suppose, but third person me was excited for the wedding. Im not really a wedding person but if he wants a wedding then ill marry him. Sure he may have jumped the gun a bit, but i know, because hes made up in my mind, that he just wanted me to be happy

[tamorax]

I just had a dream

Where i was gushing about how much i love zhongli to someone else and having a real dilemma about it

But he overheard this and found it so endearing that he secretly arranged a fucking WEDDING for us

But then i, in third person, saw me and him talking and me trying to explain to him that i, and this is paraphrasing, "dont want a wedding, and i fully appreciate the gesture, but i want to love him for him and not all this grandness' im not entirely sure how to articulate what was said and the emotions behind it but thats the best i can give

And he got so depressed after that.

Im not entirely sure why it happened like that, dream logic i suppose, but third person me was excited for the wedding. Im not really a wedding person but if he wants a wedding then ill marry him. Sure he may have jumped the gun a bit, but i know, because hes made up in my mind, that he just wanted me to be happy

[tamorax]

I just realized ive forgotten about tumblr since ive been thinking about making posts for original works ive have ideas for

Had a lot going on

Works been rough, and we just went through inventory

My birthday was yesterday and for the past week ive had anxiety over whether my friends actually wanted to celebrate with me (its all good now we are just bad at communication and very forgetful people and we had a blast)

Been spending a lot of my free time playing infinity nikki and rewatching fairy tail

And over all just been exhausted

Im super bad about posting lately so i cant promise anything right now

But i am alive and doing just fine

[tamorax]

I caved and ordered an actual art tablet

Maybe ill finally finish something if im motivated by the prospect of making it on a new thing i got XD

The worst part is i hve an idea for an animatic but idk if my desire to draw it will still be there when i can actually get around to using the tablet

All i can do is plot it out T~T

[tamorax]

Aaa too beautiful!

Genshin Impact Zhongli transparent renders! Google Drive Link for full quality.

> Please do not repost > Credit appreciated but not required when using in edits/gfx > If you prefer Discord, here is a link to my server! > Reblogs greatly appreciated ❤️

[tamorax]

ᡣ𐭩 Zhongli ᡣ𐭩 ｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈•ﾟ｡ ᡣ𐭩 Yulin ᡣ𐭩

I DID IT! I FINISHED IT!

This took me so much longer than anticipated....

I think it's worth it though!

This is an idea I had for Valentine's day, but the day passed before I knew it and I hadn't even started drawing it...

Anyway this is me (Yulin) and Zhongli doing a cute little pose together! ᡣ𐭩

(/▽＼*)｡o○♡

[tamorax]

That struggle when you put a part of the drawing off until last because it frustrated you so much, and when you finally get to it and finish it and it looks good...

You have to redo a different part because the techniques used were too different and doesnt look right next to eachother

I have to redo yulins hair....

Good news though is that after that all ill have to do are mood (lighting and shadowy) layers

[tamorax]

I wanted to speak on the dwindling interaction and reading fics years from now

My very first fandom was the TFG1 fandom. I was just 11-14 at that time and i was reading fics that ranged from a few months to sometimes over 10 years old depending on what site i read them on.

Thats what i grew up with fandom being like. The transformers fandom is still huge to this day and is numerous decades old. I was so happy to have so much to read and so many artists/writers to talk to even after so, so long. And that time in fandom is still to this day the best time ive ever had in fandom.

Ive moved to inuyasha, jjba, mha/bnha and some smaller ones in between. They had quite a bit of people all the time, even here on tumblr. Jjba i remember had so many blogs bringing the fandom together for community events. But i noticed the... Lets say energy in fandom start to dissapear in mha/bnha. And there were a lot of reasons for this, but im not going to go too deep into it

Here in genshin though....

I didnt even want to start playing the game at first because of how toxic i saw the fans were. Even today, four years later its so tiring seing a new character or update and then having my excitement get sapped out by so called fans, or the exfans or people who never played the game start shitting all over it....

I knew of toxic fandoms before, i knew of shipwars... But ive never felt so disconnected from others in fandom.... Its like im playing raft or something yknow? While before it could be more like... Stray (the cat game). Not perfect analogies i know but still it feels similar. And i know i dont interact with others much either but i still see whats happening

Before i used to talk all the time... I made so much art, reblogs, i joined discord servers to participate in events, i had entire conversations with writers in their comments about their fics....

And i want it to be like that again, and i try to go forward like the people with nothing better to do than harrass others dont bother me, but i just dont want to deal with it. I feel like i have to think twice, thrice, or more times before i interact with someone, and sometimes i feel like its not worth it incase someone crazy will notice me.

The thing is everyone is on edge. With as many people as there are playing this game we shouldnt have any problem with interaction. You cant even use people not playing anymore as an excuse because even in anime or manga fandoms people arent reading or watching something once its finished, everyday just to participate in fandom. It just hardly anyone wants to deal with the weirdos or finds it worth it.

Personally im tired of not creating for zhongli. I have so much fanfic and art ideas lost in my mind that i may never remember because i was too afraid to make it.. Because what was the point of expressing it if it was just going to get me harassed.

I never had to worry about this as a teen in the tf fandoms. I was making bad art and posting shit smut (even though i prob shouldnt have lol) left right and center without a care and i got so much positive interaction, and while not like in the hundreds ofc i never got a bad comment. I never had to worry about being shunned or doxxed or suibaited.

The genshin fandom on tumblr ... Is like in limbo right now. Dead but not and theres like a 1k people existing at any given moment max and even less who actually create anything(bless all that do). Some good, some bad. Basically a small fandom but still feeling the effects of being a large fandom, being a large fandom in this day and age, because it is... But not here.

Thats how it feels to me atleast.

Really the only reason i decided to really try this time and put in some effort is because im hoping fandom will die out nearly everywhere, like a city apocalypse, and after some time nature will overtake it and blossom again into something better and more welcoming. I dont want to abandon it though, i want to be here when it happens and hopefully the new people or the old who left because they were scared can find my stuff and enjoy it. Maybe ill make a post in 5-10 years and it will attract people to my work again and they will look at my blog or whereever i am and have fun looking through all my older stuff.

Idk how things will go ... I just want it to be better. Ill never abandon this game or Zhongli. I know it will never be like what i used to have, the issues are a lot bigger than just in fandom... But i just wanna have fun again. Not think of every possible way everyone could hate me, or if something is finally going to be what gets me hate.

I suppose im repeating myself... Its hard to express, to articulate my feelings and experiences regarding this stuff.

...i dont know what we are supposed to do about any of this... I just know i love Zhongli too dearly, i love this game and all of its characters simply too much to leave. I do know that in 5-10-even 15+ years from now i will still love Zhongli. Him and this game will be the one that carries on with me for the rest of my life, just like those old tfg1 fans who are still fans from the beggining yo even now... And thats what i want fandom to be, thats what i want this fandom to be

Anyway sorry about the long reblog, this kind of thing matters a lot to me. Its just so sad what fandom has become especially in newer ones, and fandom has been such a huge part of my life , and the characters and stories i love are a huge part of why im still here and even alive. Its hard to watch whats happening, but i personally just cannot leave.

Hello, hi! This ask might come out as weird, strange and you can ignore it as insane rumblings, but thank you noticing this.

I just noticed that my favourite blog about genshin and Zhongli specifically has been archived without any ability to read old works.

I knew this could happen eventually. People grow, lose motivation and move on.

And I understand that people are fragile, and they have right to do anything they want with their work.

But

I'm afraid

I'm afraid things that happened to us, moved us, won't mean nothing at all and we forget about it completely.

I know this is silly. I know this game

But, do you? Do you feel unmotivated, jaded, wanting to dissappear? Would you delete your account all the same as if it all meant nothing?

I'm so scared even though I know I shouldn't. Thank you

awww i totally get you anon. fic writers disappear sometimes and it can really be a depressing thought that something you read before and enjoyed is now unable to be revisited. Like Zhongli says, every journey has it's final day. Fics will steal our hearts and then one day they might not be there anymore, for a lot of reasons that we might have no control over.

I don't read as much as I used to and I can't promise I'll always be writing, but as long as Zhongli continues to be my muse, the keyboard tapping won't stop. Honestly, when I first started writing fics for him, it was out of personal hunger. I was just writing to feed myself lol. The truth is, I've been writing for over ten years and Genshin is not the only fandom I've written for and Zhongli is not the only muse that's pushed me to vomit words on a notepad. He is my god-tier muse though. This fictional man has inspired me to write more fanfics than i've ever written about any other character. Zhongli's even hijacked my motivation to work on my own original stories. He's that unstoppable lol. So no, I won't be disappearing anytime soon.

As for posting fics on this blog, it's half to share with other Zhongli enjoyers and half to house my own fics in case my harddrive dies and takes my fics with it. at least they still exist on the internet where I can easily recover them. I know that's different from archiving a fic blog. the writer still has access, I think? I only started this blog like a year ago so maybe I haven't been on tumblr long enough to be jaded. I heard that interaction has really dwindled over the past years. It could be that Genshin isn't as popular anymore or Zhongli is just an old character so the newer folks aren't simping over him enough to read/write as much as they used to. Zhongli was more popular around when Genshin first released and now he's just one out of 35 husbandos. I could make up all sorts of theories, but in the end of the day, I try to just be thankful that people still love him enough to be reading and leaving notes on my fics.

I don't derive all my motivation to write from the interactions I receive by posting fics and I believe it's the same for other writers. Zhongli alone provides the motivation I need to write. He also makes me giddy to share the result of that brainrot, so that I can hopefully get some of yall to join in the degeneracy. I refuse to quietly simp over him, so I'll always be tossing my fics out into the void and hoping fellow simps bite. It brings me joy to feed the hungry fishies lol. I still get readers that come back and tell me they reread my fics a year after it's finished and it warms my heart every time. Imagine in 2030, people are still reading Zhongli fics, even if they're not mines. How awesome would that be? I want to see that, so personally, my fics aren't going anywhere.

This post is mostly ramble and my personal thoughts responding to anon about this particular topic. It got me a bit sentimental so this got kind of long. Not condemning any fic writers or authors out there who feel like shelving or already archived their fics/blogs. They have their reasons and those reasons are valid. Fics are deeply personal to their writers and gifted to the fandom freely. Writers have every right to do whatever they want with them. Even though I don't see myself shelving or restricting access to my fics today, I can't say that about myself a year from now or five years from now. I don't know what my state of mind or what circumstances might come up that would bring me to a decision like that, but if that does ever happen, I hope that the readers that had a chance to read the stories I posted had fun reading them.

[tamorax]

I dont know if anyone else thought to check but...

There is actually a sword stuck in the ceiling...

[tamorax]

Im getting really frustrated with Zhongli's hair. Hair is really hard to do in any style i think. I may redo mine (again)

But here's the wip again. I thought i would finish this a lot quicker since i was going through it so fast at first. But the hair and eyes have set me back a lot even after taking breaks and working on other parts. I do also have work but still...

This is just me adding "texture" as i call it. The low opacity blue layer is just to help me visualize the mood while I'm painting and not paint too dark or too light or else the shadows won't be visible and the light will be too over powering.... I'm worried it may still do that on the skin though...

[tamorax]

More wip update cuz you never know if ill end up finishing anything XD

I added a screenshot background to make it easier to look at. And tried to make it make sense by having them sit on a table lol. Its hard to tell he meant to be sitting but he is.

[tamorax]

Hiiii

Sorry if this is a weird question, but you dont have much of a bio or a pinned post...

Are you a sharing or a nonsharing selfshipper? I really like your wip!

Aaa thx! I hope I can finish it!

Ive thought about making a pinned but idk what to write ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

And well ... In the middle I suppose? I don't care if others interact with me as long as they don't get in my inbox or my posts trying to fight me about how zhongli is theirs... I've seen a few people get asks along those lines over time and I'm surprised I haven't yet XD

What others do on their blogs is not my problem. Though I do wish tumblr had a mute button sometimes.

Thanks for asking though! It's never really been a problem so I've never said anything hahaha. I hope this helps!

[tamorax]

I dont know why the reference sheet post was being wonky but ive fixed it

I hope not too many got spooked by boobs

The cut just was not appearing and one of the pictures kept moving to the bottom of the post. I dont know why.

[tamorax]

I need to let my phone charge

But here's a wip of what I've been working on today since i never know if i will finish anything ever

[tamorax]

Its not finished but i havent worked on it in months

This is a wip of the reference sheet for my self insert.

The clothes arent official i suppose? Its just what i drew at the time as an idea

The hair and body are permanent though. (Boobs might be a little too big but it's harder to draw small ones. I'm not flat just not enormous.)

Nude (but censored) version below.