terabyteheavyindustries

[terabyteheavyindustries]

ActiveMQ 6 Artemis Console Not Working/Shows Nothing

Possibly this is a matter of replacing "localhost" with the client name in bootstrap.xml and jolokia-access.xml

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Sexual Culture Wars

There are few, if any, people that I know from my childhood who really seem to acknowledge the inherent anti-transness of the church that my family went to and the teaching that I received there growing up. I was thinking about this as I discarded a copy of the "Sexual Culture Wars" issue of The Baptist Bulletin, a publication frequently found freely available in the sanctuary of the church each Sunday. This issue featured stories on such pressing issues like "why transgender people are making things up" and "why conversion therapy is good and essential." Basically, about as formally anti-LGBTQ+ as you can get without just printing "f****t" in big, bold letters. The stuff in those articles basically runs fully counter to my ability to exist generally speaking, to say nothing of my ability to participate in the faith that I grew up in.

The weird thing is, no one I know at that church is "like that." It might just be because I left well before I ever came to grips with my identity, but still, all the adults I remember are able to be civil to me. I guess that's what this is about though, that "civility." For me, whether others knew it or not, I walked into a space that's supposed to be sacred, a place consecrated to faith and pursuit of the higher dimensions of life, and I was greeted with literature saying that something inate to me is in fact undesireable and wrong, and that I should be treated as less than for it.

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ESQ fail

If you do an ESQ query like: curl <path>/_search?pretty=true' -d '{"query":{"query":{"bool":{"must":[{"term":{"fieldName":"value"}}]}}},"size":10,"from":0}'

And in reply you get:

{

 "error" : {

   "root_cause" : [

     {

       "type" : "parsing_exception",

       "reason" : "no [query] registered for [query]",

       "line" : 1,

       "col" : 19

     }

   ],

   "type" : "parsing_exception",

   "reason" : "no [query] registered for [query]",

   "line" : 1,

   "col" : 19

 },

 "status" : 400

}

Then you need to remove the outer level of “query” object wrapping.

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Combining an Array of Observables

If you’re working with Angular 2,4, whatever, and you’re using RxJS, you might find yourself wishing you could combine an array of Observables/a bunch of observables, etc. into a process that sequentially runs the same operation on each one, each one waiting for the last. I ran into this trying to take an angular component that depended on info passed from the parent component and make it work with a list of the same value, but multiple different values for it. So it was really “do what you did before, but do it a bunch of times in a row with different values.”

Anyways, what I found was that “concat”, as in  import { concat} from 'rxjs';

...

concat(list).pipe(/*do stuff*/)

was really what I was looking for. Not mergeMap, not forkJoin (I don’t think).

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Yes, you’re trans. Now what?

I like the rhetorical exercise of, whenever anyone specifically asks me whether I think that they’re trans or not, replying “yes, by virtue of having to ask, you’re trans. There, that was easy. Now the hard part is, what do you want to do about it?“

There are people who are genderfluid, and maybe all they need to do to be happy is to give themselves some leeway to play with gender expression. Maybe if you did that much, you’d find yourself in a spot where you’re much more fulfilled in life. Maybe even just the knowledge that you don’t feel 100% male all of the time and that is real and OK would be enough for you.

As far as doing something about it, I would say think of the absolute smallest thing you could possibly do to express your gender differently in a way that you want to. This could be many things depending on your level of comfort, confidence, and the general risk-taking Style of your personality. Maybe you’re comfortable getting your ears pierced and wearing earrings, and just shrugging it off to people like “it’s 2020 dude, get over it, no one cares.“ or maybe that seems way too big a step for you. Maybe instead you could paint your toenails, or start buying cute, feminine socks that you like. Wear those under your shoes once in a while, and see how that makes you feel. Is it good? Bad? Just not as fun as you thought it would be? Or perhaps something that can be seen publicly is just not your jam right now. In that case, you could buy a cute pair of pajamas, and start wearing it to bed every night. That way you get to have a good stretch of feeling a bit feminine every day, with absolutely zero requirement of putting yourself out there too.

For myself, along with therapy throughout, I started with using a different name and pronouns when I was in the exclusive company of some safe friends. I started growing my hair long. Eventually I tried the pajama suggestion from earlier. Then I got my ears pierced. Next I was getting laser hair removal on my face, and then finally eventually starting HRT. It may sound like an intimidating ramp up, but for me the thing I find a lot of reassurance in is that each step along the way was something that at some point I was terrified to do, but doing the step before it, and the step before that, and the step before the step before, all gave me the confidence and reassurance that yes, this actually is something that I want to try

I think a lot of folks get themselves all worked up because they think of any kind of gender exploration at all as being all or nothing. You either jump straight into the deep end of sex reassignment headfirst, or stay out of the pool forever. That’s not how life works. Running with the metaphor, you can slowly ease into the shallow end. You can dip your toe into the deep end and decide it’s too cold right away. You can splash around in the wading pool, go chill out in the sauna, or just entirely peace out and go home. It takes some creativity and open mindedness, but you can find a lot of dimensions to play with

And overall, rather than fussing about what gender you “really are“, I find focusing on being a person who does the things that make them happy is a much better route to satisfaction.

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Gender Spectrum Voice Services (MA and RI) : Gender Spectrum Voice Providers 12/02/19

Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center West Campus, Farr Building 135 Pilgrim Road Boston, MA Contact: (617) 632-7400 Clinicians: Tori Flormann, MS CCC-SLP Barbara Wilson Arboleda, MS CCC-SLP Info: Individuals 17 years and older seen for services. Check with your insurance provider if this is a billable service. Many insurance plans accepted. Website: https://www.bidmc.org/centers-and-departments/rehabilitation- services/outpatient-rehabilitation- services/voice-speech-and-swallowing-therapy

Boston University Academic Speech Language and Hearing Center Sargent College 635 Commonwealth Ave Boston, MA 02215 Contact: Fina Jervis (617) 353-3188 Clinician: Daniel Buckley, MS CCC-SLP Info: Speech language therapy graduate program staffed by students and supervised by clinical faculty. Therapy provided at nominal fee for individual and group. No insurance accepted/necessary. Website: http://www.bu.edu/sargent/clinical-practice/clinical-education-centers/speech-language-hearing-center/.

Boston Children's Hospital 9 Hope Avenue Waltham, MA 02453 Contact: 781-216-3685 Clinicians: Roseanne Clark, MS CCC-SLP Sydney Kagan, MM, MS CCC-SLP Info: Pediatrics and young adults typically referred after establishing care with our Gender Management Service (GeMS). Check with insurance provider if this is a billable service. Many insurance plans accepted. Websites: http://www.childrenshospital.org/conditions-and-treatments/treatments/voice-training http://www.childrenshospital.org/centers-and-services/programs/f-_-n/gender-management- service

Emerson College Robbins Speech, Language and Hearing Center 216 Tremont Street Boston, MA Contact: Donna Ott (617) 824-8322 Clinicians: Jena Castro Casbon, MS CCC-SLP Jocelyn Leger, MS CCC-SLP Barbara Worth, MS CCC-SLP Info: Individuals 12 years and older seen for services. Speech language therapy graduate program that is staffed by students and supervised by clinical faculty. Therapy provided at nominal fee for individual and group. No insurance accepted/necessary. Sliding scale. Clients referred to otolaryngology (ENT) if necessary. Website: https://www.emerson.edu/communication- sciences-disorders/robbins-center/transgender-voice-communication-program

Boston Medical Center Department of Otolaryngology One Boston Medical Place Boston, MA 02118 Contact: (617) 638-8124 Clinicians: Daniel Buckley, MS CCC-SLP Hadas Golan, MS CCC-SLP Website: https://www.bmc.org/center-transgender-medicine-and-surgery/clinical-services

Gender Spectrum Voice Providers 12/02/19 Massachusetts Eye and Ear Infirmary 243 Charles Street Boston, MA 02114 Contact: (617) 573-4050 Clinicians: Elizabeth Banaszak, MS CCC-SLP Abigail Garneau, MS CCC-SLP Stefani Kalos, MS CCC-SLP Info: All ages seen for service. Individual and group therapy options. Check with your insurance provider if this is a billable service. Group therapy (2-4 patients per group) option is $47 out of pocket as an alternative for patients whose insurance does not cover voice modification. Laryngologist on staff specializing in voice modification surgery/procedures. Website:https://masseyeandear.org/specialties/voice-lab

Voice Body Mind Healing Collaborative *Coastal Voice Therapy Private Practice 315 Olney St. Providence RI 02906 433 Broadway Providence RI 02909 Contact: Em McManamy MS CCC-SLP (978) 255-3559 Website: https://coastalvoicetherapy.com/cont act-me/ Info: Providing services to teens and adults. Check with your insurance provider if this is a billable service. Some insurance plans accepted. Sliding private pay scale available. Speaks Spanish and French.

*Clear Voice Therapy LLC Private Practice 433 Broadway Providence RI 02909 Contact: Michele G. Fava MS CCC-SLP (401) 529-6944 Info: Providing services to teens and adults. Check with your insurance provider if this is a billable service. Some insurance plans accepted including Neighborhood, BC/BS and Tufts. Sliding private pay scale available. Website: https://clearvoicetherapy.com

Speech and Language Resources 475 Franklin Street Framingham, MA 01702 Clinicians: Sherri Miller, M.ED, CCC-SLP Janet Tower, MS CCC-SLP Contact: (508) 620-9094 Info: All ages seen for services. Check with your insurance provider if this is a billable service. Accepts BC/BS and HPHC. Sliding private pay scale available. Individual and group treatment Website: www.speechlanguageresources.com

Lezli Whitehouse, MS CCC-SLP Private Practice SLP Littleton, MA 01460 A Contact: Lezli Whitehouse (978) 502-0356 lezlivoice@gmail.com Info: Private Pay

University of Massachusetts Amherst Center for Language, Speech and Hearing Amherst, MA 01003 Clinicians: Lisa Sommers, MA CCC-SLP Kelly Richardson, MS CCC-SLP Contact: 413-545-2565 Info: Check with your provider if this is a billable service. Individual treatment available

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Some Fashion Tips from a Friend

You should accumulate looks in Pinterest

Don’t do animal prints

You’re selling a personal brand

Go looking for things.

Accessories are important.

Contrasting colors are powerful.

If you have an item that stands out, wear more neutral clothing so as not to distract from it.

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Crime

crime

CW hate speech, public harassment

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I think I was just like 5ft. away from being on the receiving end of a hate crime or st. I was sitting on a bench in the subway, the older gentleman near me took it upon himself to start berating me as a he-she, ugly bitch, faggot, etc. and telling me to suck his dick before switching to saying he was going to kill me. I started recording him because that’s my go to response to this stuff in Central at least (idk if it was stupid, it’s what I did though) and he did NOT like that. Finally the train mercifully arrived and I was like “thank god this is over.” I got on the train with him shouting after me, sat down, started to relax, and then saw him get up and come to the train door shouting “That’s a he-she! It’s a man and a woman, it’s a he-she!” A cis lady nearby was surprised enough to offer the defense “Some of my best friend’s are he-shes. There’s nothing wrong with that.” Which.... very mixed feelings tbh. Kind of hurt in the moment to have the cis be like “yes, we concur that we have a he-she here but I love pathetically gross creatures” but also any port in a storm yeah? And she didn’t have to say anything so low fives my cis friend(?) I guess? Finally a guy just told the guy to leave/get out of the door and basically pushed him off so solid thank you to that dude I guess, and that was the end of it. https://youtu.be/hdp7y5jHXn8

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So you’re questioning your gender... what now?

Let’s get something out of the way first: Are you trans? The answer is yes. Cis people don’t have serious doubts about their gender all the time. You’re trans, and that’s that. So now that that’s settled, we can ask the question that actually matters: What do you want to do about it? Do you know? How do you decide what to do? How do you know what you might want to do?

Those are the real questions you have to figure out, because you’re ultimately going to do all this in a way that’s unique and personal to you, now matter how carefully you’ve studied any road maps, anecdotes, etc.

So, a few things to get out of the way:

Contact https://massbats.org/ and go to a meeting. Just do it, and follow up on every resource you are presented with.

Go to Fenway Health (or another “Informed Consent” clinic), schedule a psych intake and get a pcp. Do it now. Yes, the wait is long, like 3 months. 2 months from now you’re going to wish you’d done this 2 months ago. It sucks, it feels like forever, and you should still do it. And after you do it, pretend that you didn’t, and keep looking, because they’re really not the only game in town; there’s BMC, private practitioners, and even MGH (I think).

Also, remember the words “Informed Consent.” Any hospital/program you go to that uses this model of care is a place that will not try to harrass or refuse you when it comes to starting HRT. No real life experience needed, no doctor’s judgement, minimal gatekeeping, just say “I want to start HRT and I understand the risks and effects” and you’ll be on your way.

Books! Get ahold of a copy of the latest edition of “Trans Bodies, Trans Lives” from either your local library, book store, or somewhere online (Amazon will have it, it’s popular enough). It’s as close as you’ll find to a written, hard copy, academic level authoritative user’s manual for transitioning and living as a transgender person. It’s helped me make decisions about things like HRT and coming out at work, I stand by it.

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About personal branding

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Quick Notes on Clothes for Plus Size Trans Women with Broad Shoulders (IE Me)

A-Line is a magic word. It means a garment flares out and balances shoulders + lack of hips.

Anything that gathers around the bust and then also flares out is great! It hides a belly by not pulling in, and also balances shoulders + lack of hips.

Thin straps and bare shoulders are risky as they emphasize shoulders. Do what you want , but if it bothers you, a supplemental top like a cardigan or a vest or even a scarf can help you wear the cute thing without worrying about the less cute look up top.

You’re going to want a strapless bra if you do venture into shoulderless territory anyways.

If getting a bra is vexing, you can avoid awkward nipple protrusion through dark shirts and covering things like cardigans/capes/shawls etc.

Consider investing in just a lot of black tights to make your warm weather clothes work in winter.

Floral patterns add a powerfully feminine cue.

Just be aware that not everything you like will look good on you. this sucks, but it’s also OK. Even cis women deal with this. Trust that you’ll find something amazing for you if you keep looking.

Invest in a cute pair of feminine pajamas. It can be very affirming to get to wear something super girly to both start and end your day, especially since outside judgement presumably doesn’t come into play.

Scarfs can add a touch of femininity even if you’re just otherwise throwing on very masculine clothes (rough jeans, t-shirt)

Shoes are important. Try a pair of Converse shoes if you want something that feels similar to sneakers, but skews more towards a feminine end. A lot of cool queer women wear shoes like this. It’s not the most feminine, but sometimes it’s handy to be able to stay casual and comfortable without totally sacrificing your look. also, before you get hype about a nice new dress and everything else that might go with it, make sure you don’t end up having to wear that with clunky sneakers. A pair of zip up black boots or booty style shoes can be incredibly versatile in so far as working both as casual but decidedly feminine shoes, and serving as formal shoes in a pinch. if you need a rough ballpark for size, your US women’s shoe size will fall somewhere around your men’s shoe size plus two. so if you’re a size 8, you’ll be about a size 10. Things can vary though, so if you ever like something and are unsure if it will fit, it’s worth trying it on.

Aside from shoes, also think about your socks. You want to invest in some liner socks, as well as some basic short women’s socks. Sometimes it’s fine to say fuck it, but in general it doesn’t look great have white socks showing with most looks.

It’s a bit outside of the realm of clothes, but if you’re considering laser or other hair removal, consider doing your chest before other areas of your body. A clear chest alone, shoulders and stomach not withstanding, opens up the possibility of wearing things with lower neck lines like V-neck shirts and lower U cuts. feel free to queer it up, but smooth skin is definitely something that reads feminine.

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Lupron

Lupron is another type of anti-androgen that one can use.

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Top surgery for Mass Health

diff

Dr. Tobias and Dr. Bartlet recommended by Fenway Health for top surgery

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