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MY TF2 FURRY HEADCANONS 💥💥[LONG POST]

NOTE: PLEASE BEAR IN MIND THAT IN CANON THESE ARE A BUNCH OF GROWN MEN IN THE 60S AND NATURALLY THIS WILL HAVE SOME LEVEL OF OOC CONTENT. HOWEVER TRUST MY BEAUTIFUL MIND. I WILL GROW SOMETHING GOOD IN THIS GARDEN. THE DIFFERING COLORS ARE FOR LEGIBILITY AND NOT TO SHOW WHAT TEAM.

SOLDIER : soldier does not know what a furry is. he has a fursuit. he calls it his battle armor. its awful. it reeks. its handmade. possibly made using real fur. hes infamous at every con in the country. hes banned at the one in teufort. he uses his suit to blend in with the other con-attendees because he thinks they are actual, real anthropomorphic animals. he identifies heavily with his fursona and draws it frequently. PYRO : pyro SCOUT : hates them with a passion but if you ask him why he just says 'i dunno.. i just think its kinda weird'. probably out of some desperation for peer approval. but also at the same time itd be really funny if he just didnt care. pick your poison DEMO : demo is like "aye thats a wee bit odd" and then gets in an argument with scout about what his fursona would be because scout is like "with your halloween costumes i thought youd love being drawn as a hyena" (its a maned fox) and then he gives a long drunken (argument goes on for a long time) speech about why hed be . like. a cu-sith or something. ('those things aint even real' 'yes they fuckin are mate ive seen one with me own eye') . if he actually saw someone in a fursuit depending on sobriety and their sona he either wouldnt really care because people can have hobbies or he would start acting buddy buddy because he mistook it for the wulver HEAVY : heavy doesnt really care for that kinda stuff. doesnt see the point in wearing animal suits unless you are camoflaging among the bears in the siberian wilderness in order to get their meat without gaining the attention of the mother. pyro draws him a fursona once and hes like . mm. good. because bears are large and honorable creatures. SNIPER : sniper is a man who lives alone in a camper van whos job is sitting still all day. he would be a furry. see my vision boy. itd be some weird animal too like a reptile or something. he wouldnt be loud and proud about it. he dreams scout finds out in the way a bully finds out about the protagonists dark secret in a high school drama movie and then tells everyone else and then they kill him with hammers and he wakes up in a cold sweat. ENGINEER : engie doesnt bash it because hes glad folks have their hobbies and he can admire the creative skill and ability of the community. pyro draws him as a beaver sometimes (non anthropomorphic, just a beaver with a hardhat, goggles and overalls) and he doesnt mind and it starts becoming his favourite animal because of that. i dont think he'd ever really directly identify with the community though. probably calls them 'furbies' from time to time because he forgets the word. SPY : spy thinks theyre all degenerate freaks and is happy to loudly claim this. he has several incredibly expensive suits and attends cons frequently. hes been here for years. he tries to sneak around it and deny anything to do with them but the team Knows. they all know. MEDIC : i honestly didnt know for him. other mod suggested he has an awful flesh homunculus fursuit that lives and breathes on its own. you crawl inside and its sticky and wet and warm and pulses. doesnt even have anything to do with the subculture.

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Zhanna, on her deathbed: At least, I will finally be reunited with my one true love, Jane Doe…

Zhanna: And his one true love, Tavish Degroot.

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Heavy: *Nervous* Doktor, there’s something I need to ask you-

Medic: Finally! you’re proposing!

Heavy: How did you know?

Medic: You dropped the ring five times during this dinner.

Medic: I even picked it up once

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Medic, to Scout: Shut your mouth or I’ll have Pyro slit your throat while you’re asleep.

Pyro, happily: Oh, I’d do it too.

Medic: I know you would, Pyro, good man.

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Engie: Spy, you've been bellyaching non-stop for an hour and a half. Seriously, all you do is bitch.

Spy: I happen to bitch the perfect amount for someone in my situation.

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excuse the lack of posts for a few days and probably a few more

got sick

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Sniper: Who drank the last of my Hawaiian Fruit Punch!?

Scout: ...

Demo: ...

Sniper: I knew something like this was going to happen. That's why I pissed in it!

Scout: [Gags]

Sniper: Something wrong, Scout?

Scout: N-No…

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Scout: I owe you my life!

Saxton Hale: Oh, no thanks.

Saxton Hale: Look, no offense son, but I’ve seen it and I’m not impressed.

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Zhanna: he told me his love language was physical touch so i swung at him

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Scout: Hey Sniper! What’s up, big dog?

Sniper: We don’t call each other that.

Scout: Sorry I was trying something new

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Spy: Demo, have you noticed that Soldier has been acting rather strange lately?

Demo: Aye, going on three years now.

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Pyro: [sighs heavily]

Engie: Pyro, what happened? I haven't seen you like this since you found out Candyland wasn't an actual country.

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Sniper: You are not making my life easy right now.

Scout: Do I ever?

Sniper: Good point.

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Soldier: So what’s the 411, Daddy-Os? My homeboy and me were just hangin’ up all in here. S’all good, you know what I’m sayin’ scrillas?

Miss Pauling: What the fuck are you doing?

Soldier: You told me to be cool.

Miss Pauling: Yeah! So what the fuck are you doing?!

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Soldier: Oh! A letter! I have friends! *Opens letter* Oh, that’s not a letter! That’s a threat!

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Medic: Soldier is great and all, but does he have a life plan?

Demo: Soldier doesn’t have a life plan. He don’t even have a day plan. I once found a note he wrote to himself that said ‘put on pants.’

Demo: Followed by a question mark.