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I feel like I should be transparent on my opinions on pro/anti shipping

I am anti censorship because I study history and politics and I know media censorship of taboo problematic art always includes silencing queer/radical/poc art because that too is lumped into the label of taboo. I just don’t think you can legally censor things in a way that won’t silence queer art in the current status quo. You see that pattern still with a lot of current bills being introduced.

But in being anti censorship I also think criticism is important and shouldn’t be discouraged either. I think representation of sensitive topics matter and don’t exist in a vacuum of fiction. I don’t think the harm done in fiction is identical to real life but all ideas come from places and some are places are reminiscent of real life violence and oppression. Critiquing problematic fiction as a way to transition to discussions about real life issues is great in that way. I don’t think having a conversation about how art is offensive = censoring people.

I also am anti hostility, I think threatening people with violence only polarizes everything. I don’t think one group is “anti harassment” and the other is “pro harassment” I think both have the capacity to be cruel and hateful.

But tdlr, I think media should be free and I also think because things are free people can be free to be offended, uncomfortable, and upset. I’m also media literate (I like to think at least) and am generally uncomfortable with incest, rape, and pedophilia- and think it’s not crazy for people to be sensitive and uncomfortable around those topics. But I think it’s dangerous to stop creation and discussion on those things as a whole.

Most the time I just block and move on though. I don’t know what that makes me exactly.

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In regards to horror sans I’m still going to use him and write him even with the controversy coming to light.

I think people shouldn’t panic that much about if they can still use ___ character after a creator comes out to be weird. To me these characters feel like pubic domain, a shared character that we all use.

People do it for goth, underlust, reaper, dreamtale or whatever,, it shouldn’t be any different to horror

It’s just sad seeing ppl take gasoline and cover their fan works with it and lighting it up

Am I uncomfortable with a lot of problematic creators? Definitely! I’m not bothered that people are uncomfortable with the work

But I think limiting people and yourself on what characters they can use is kinda just a way to kill the fandom.

That’s my thoughts tho. Just worried with how dead the fandom is people killing off their creations will snuff it out more

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Tw // censored self harm + blood ,, Nightwatch dream I love you

Uhh hope u guys are excited for nightwatch. I really love dream. Probably my favourite arc I’ve written

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For those who still care about nightwatch here’s a dumb sneak peak of one of my panels.

You know how In homestuck you have room pages that can be reused? Yeah I have multiple of those for different locations. Makes everything easier. It’s not every page but yk

As much as I like tenna posting and ultrakill I’m still at core thinking about nightwatch

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Another quick twitter ask doodle

Someone wanted tenna in his dancing suit, he’s so cute

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Someone wanted a round tenna

I think a good sign of a top tier sexy man is everyone wants them in every size, color, horizontally and vertically. I like his normal look but him being round fits well too because of his fat ass head.

He’s just cute in every form

I love tv

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An ask from twitter wanted more tenna, im here to provide

Sorry I’m using straw page asks, I know it’s inferior to tumblr asks but I want to provide the starving twitterlings a way to ask for food. I’m a kind and merciful god. I don’t let my children starve.

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Another commission completed!

Another redesign sheet! For @jedthedyslexic on twitter 🤍🩶🤍

I had a great time working on this one!! He was really fun to draw

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There was this post of Gabriel’s model on twitter with his back out and I decided to draw it

Nothing special I just think back muscles r fun to do

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Wip of Gabriel’s holy light about to be severed

I dunno if I’ll finish it im really insecure about this one 😭

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Whats crazy is I don’t even like sans that much

Like he’s alright, not my favourite ut character, I like alphys the most.

With utmv it doesn’t even feel like sans anymore, I don’t even see them as sanses in nightwatch. I write them in the context of being a sans but idk.

With sans aus I feel less like they are *sans aus* and moreso just a species

Does anyone.. get that too? Or maybe just me

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He’s hot

I think he’s very attractive. I know he’s genetically modified to be a sexy man but idc

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Random utmv humanization pet peeve

Maybe I’m dumb but it always bothers me when people humanize dream and nightmare and dreams white and nightmares black.

It doesn’t make any sense really..even with the corruption thing. Make nightmare look like a rotting corpse or something- I think just making him darker is lazy design and feels racist?

Same with geno being white and error being corrupted into a black man.

I think the big issue is that magical corruption doesn’t translate well into humanizations and people for some reason default to a race change.

Also I think fans in any fandom see the default of a non racial character as white if humanize. and also if a character is an outlier in some way like error or nightmare, they might see them as non white.

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From here on in this post I just rant about nightwatch so you can stop reading lol

All this to say I’m not going to dabble in humanizations for nightwatch. I made one post in my pre nightwatch writing era with proto atrophy and proto dream. But it’s not a cannon look- mostly because I think corruption would look more gruesome. But also I can see different racial interpretations of them as SWANA, Asian, native, Latin American- I dunno I just don’t see them as white. And that’s my thing for most characters I write, I can see them in many ways and possible human designs but never white really.

I’m sure there’s some but I write a lot of their experiences based on my own experiences with race + racism. So it’s hard for me to separate them from that and interpret them as white ig.

I also don’t want to give cannon humanizations just cause I don’t trust the fandom with that.

If I were to ever make a full humanization post it’d probably be a joke and all of them would be Filipino. Maybe not psych because I don’t think he deserves that…

Ok rant over

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My old ship art request shit is so goddamn ugly

Every time I’m reminded of it’s existence I curl up like a dead shrimp

Too embarrassed to delete it because even briefly viewing it makes me die inside.

One day I’ll get rid of them,, when I muster up the guts.

Don’t even get me started on how much I hate that old design sheet of psych. He looks like a sweaty peanut and I hate him.

My page will be cleaned one day,, just not today because I’m too sensitive

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Update on how it’s been for me going through DID treatment

If anyone’s a system thinking about getting treatment I’d like to talk about a real possibility that’s happening to me

When my dissociation and denial is being lessened, I’m having more outward CPTSD reactions and it’s kinda scary.

Becoming more aware of your trauma + having someone document it makes it harder for me to detach from everything. I guess when I thought about treatment I thought it would calmly lessen my worst symptoms. But now I’m just more then ever aware that I am actively in danger

I’m not safe and I never was safe and that’s messing with me bad. Funnily those bad cptsd episodes make me have huger dissociation periods afterwards soo..

I’m also having a harder time interacting with the people who hurt me because im more aware of the threat they pose.

It’s not all horrible, my therapist is really lessening my denial which was huge for me. But it’s definitely still rough. Apparently I’m poly fragmented too so just coming to terms with that.

Treatment is going to last me more then 5 years, according to the clinic it’s 10 yrs for some. I don’t know

Buttt as a plus with getting more connected to trauma I can write more interesting torture scenes for nightwatch.

These poor guys are all just horrible projections of me,, Die!! Suffer!!

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I like that in my horror nightwatch post people both on tumblr, twitter, and TikTok thought the “Good dog” was horror calling the audience good dog.

Which is funny

But no that’s Atrophy calling him a Good Dog, 💔sorry💔

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Vent//

I don’t like coming back to my house. Overheard convo of my mom complaining to her friends abt how I’m weak for having disabling cptsd (knowing fully well I was severely sexually abused as a little kid, was physically abused, etc etc blah blah who cares) . It’s not even the worst thing she said tonight

I’m happy people are liking my nightwatch art, even my ultrakill art too. Even though it’s dumb it gives me a reason to live

Here people actually appreciate me, I am thankful.

Makes it easier to withstand this