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[thatarkistudent]

Kobi, Goodbye my baby

Yesterday (April 14, 2019) at about 10:52pm my beloved dog of 14 years died of old age, which I hope it really is so.

My dog was given to me by my by my bestfriend and neighbor, J. It was supposed to be his sister but because the puppies are up and about it was deduced that someone must have taken the female puppy. Other puppy siblings were already given and/or died at birth which left us with a small, sleepyhead male puppy.

that sleepyhead will take anytime he gets to sleep and at night try everything he can (which he succeeds) to escape the house and return to his mom to breastfeed.

His name is derived from the C of caramel because of his fur color and Moby snack which my younger brother and I were currently eating at the time we took him. It was supposed to be "Coby". But when we got him vaccinized, my father wrote to his certificate, "Kobi" instead.

He is a very smart dog. He can leave the house no matter how much we barricade it. And to make it worse, one time when he is out with his escapades, he was taken away.

Luckily, my father recognized this furry light brown pink-nosed puppy when he went to one of his pals for a drinking night. It seems on his pals' little son caught it and took fancy of it.

I got him back after that.

Kobi's birthday is about a day from now which is at April 16.

How I wish you could've waited a little more so we could celebrate.

I miss you so much I can't sleep

I am sorry for everything I have done.

I have hurt you many times and neglected you.

I'm sorry that in this past few days past few months, I rarely to never touch you. Just because I am scared of your fleas.

I'm sorry I don't let you on walks just because I am lazy. I am going to change that.

I'm sorry I didn't even look at you or even touch you one last time before you get buried away. I just can't do it. I can't take it my love.

I wanted you to still look the same in my memories.

hoping that when i go out tomorrow you will still be there and i will give you a nice bath and you will go and follow me wherever i go even if you cannot hear or see anymore.

...

Kobi is 14 years old, thin, wobbly, has cataract, is deaf and is plague with tons of lice.

I convinced myself that I tried my best. but I know it isn't. my efforts, my money were not enough.

I am so sorry.

If ever you come back to me like in the movies I will do my best this time and work hard, give you a better life.

I love you so so so so so much~ And I miss you already.

My "lolo obie", my "obie tots", my "woobie dobie"

rest in peace and be happy in heaven with Sumo.

thank you for always listening to me and being there with me always. you are my first and best dog. i love you

[thatarkistudent]

[thatarkistudent]

Sh*t what a toxic fb

Moi~

[thatarkistudent]

Three things I do to get rid of stress..

1. Eat a lot, especially cravings

2. Travel to places and try different things

3. Have a 1+ hour discussion of people I hate and why and get people to agree with me

[thatarkistudent]

I hope you have nightmares of what you've done

T.A.S

[thatarkistudent]

I wish I could sue professors for mental and emotional bullying

T.A.S

[thatarkistudent]

I am not what you think I am And I am happy with that What I am doesn't need to be defined by your expectations

T.A.S

[thatarkistudent]

What's your talent? I can cry inside the jeepney from school all the way home

TAS

[thatarkistudent]

Sometimes, I just had enough

Nobody knows how tired I am, these days I ask myself what is going on with me. I keep missing my classes, time spent using my gadgets and staying at home increases. I have more used absent excuses than my own school fare. And right now, one of my subjects is taunting to affect my scholarship and my 4 year maintenance. My mom asks me that too. Actually, everyone does. 'What happened to you?','what's wrong?' And then i try explaining the best I can what I feel that even I dont know what is going on. I even ask myself that dont return the question to me. It is making me more confused and scared of things that haven't happen yet. Then they try to start making assumptions why. That maybe I am just lazy, or it is that organizations fault, that i was too away for long from my friends, that i was feeling lonely, that she must have been to lenient in her discipline, that i am not focused enough, THAT I AM NOT WORKING HARD ENOUGH. Then they will start the scaring part, that is masked in the word "worry", " what ifs", and "support". They dont know thatit is scaring me. That they are already pushing me away from self confidence and toward doubt,cowardice,anxiety,depression.... They say that we cannot afford your negligence, this sacrifice i have been thru all these years wikl be put to waste, that i have no choice but to continue and crawl amidst the torns. Nobody is helping me. Dont think that you are. I started to cry during dinner,inside the toilet. I start to become scared of telling my love ones that i dont know whats going on but my mouth is too tired to talk and explain everything from the start again and again. Trying to gain sympathy which i thought could atleast pull me an inch from this misery. But i dont wanna here your "sympathy" and how you covered it with "me too!..." Or "ohh, its just...." Dont even try to start the conversation that way. It is not comforting to me, to me it sounds boasting. Boasting that 'hey,ive already been through that' or assume that you know the answer but you certainly do not! IT IS NOT THE SAME! I am tired and scared. A day in the internet may seem like I was resting. But it was an idle time that was used to think and think how to run away from all these thoughts, thinking who to turn into for help. I need help and I need a concrete solution! I'm crying here.

[thatarkistudent]

Sometimes I think what if I change courses, how easy my life would be! But because I love this program that I’m taking, I refuse to give in even though I’m already doing my plates in tears

T.A.S

[thatarkistudent]

I'm having trouble breathing, someone please help me 😖😞😢😭😭😭😭

[thatarkistudent]

Maybe there's something there that wasn't there before

Beauty and the beast

[thatarkistudent]

Why do I have to eat my dinner in tears?

T.A.S

[thatarkistudent]

Dem! Ima saving these!

by 黃泉野草魔改

Magically…

[thatarkistudent]

Today, I spend all day crying. Trying to get everything out of my system first before going back to my life's own war

T.A.S

[thatarkistudent]

We are a lot alike, its just that whatever is the same about us is everything I hate about me

T.A.S

[thatarkistudent]

I fell in love 💜