the-muffin-master

[the-muffin-master]

fully beat the emerald diorama DLC (with all the achievements) and I'm feeling that "my cunt has led me places I wouldn't go with a gun" meme

btw just in case you're wondering "is this whore going to play every game neil has voice acted in" the answer is yes

[the-muffin-master]

the irony of simultaneously drawing astarion porn and hornyposting about drysdale is not lost on me

[the-muffin-master]

also they were fucking insane for this. are you kidding me

(spoilers for drysdale's realized form ending art thing)

HEY?????? HELLO??????? CAN ANYONE HEAR ME

hey. can I just say. whoever did the steam banner for date everything.

I think about this a reasonable amount (<- horny)

[the-muffin-master]

hey. can I just say. whoever did the steam banner for date everything.

I think about this a reasonable amount (<- horny)

[the-muffin-master]

alright, I'll share my tier list. they're not ranked by personal enjoyment (for example: parker's a lot of fun and I love BleeM) but rather how likely I'd be to consider pursuing a relationship with them in real life

A FEW DISCLAIMERS:

"babygirls <3" give me cuteness aggression, amongst other things

"I'm INSANE" is for the most unhinged shit I've said in a while. each thought has me straying further away from god's light but I can't be stopped. PS: do NOT separate these duos, they're a package deal

"their love could fix me" is self-explanatory. I'm awful at taking compliments but these men could get me to love myself. I can't believe I'm saying this about a cabinet and a mirror

keith's tier reflects his realization because it deserves a whole row for itself. he's my kismesis and we need to hate fuck NOW!!!

"best friends I jokingly flirt with... unless" is for the characters who I'd vibe deeply with on a platonic level but also? I'd consider it. I'm not making the first move, though

"relatable (derogatory)" means we're way too similar in certain aspects, mostly the stuff we struggle with. we could go to therapy together but it would NOT be a date

"not my type (we should hang out)" is for the autistics. I don't know if we'd be friends, necessarily, but I'd love to hear them be passionate about their interests any day

my neutral tier is "I respect you", in which I could see us being coworkers at most

the "no <3" tier is entirely in jest, I don't hate any of the characters except dishy that capitalist pig. it's a tier for the ones that gave me a visceral reaction at the idea of dating them in real life. AGAIN, parker is the perfect example for this. he's way too competitive, which is fun and games when you're friends talking shit to each other! but in a romantic relationship I'd run out of spoons on the first interaction

[the-muffin-master]

btw just in case you're wondering "is this whore going to play every game neil has voice acted in" the answer is yes

[the-muffin-master]

a lot of things about date everything keep me up at night for real

did they mean to split danny sexbang into bodhi and volt

related, was jacques meant to look exactly like arin hanson

the similarities between doug and doc scratch / mspa reader might be a stretch. but I KNOW one of you is a homestuck

were washford and drysdale purposely not only colorcoded with the original portal colors but also designed like humanized personality cores from back in the fandom's hayday. was realized sinclaire supposed to be fucking WHEATLEY AS A HUMAN OR AM I CRAZY

[the-muffin-master]

dedicated to the diabolical bug that prevents me from being part of the world's most insufferable throuple. if I can't kiss the dryer then I'm PUTTING HIM IN THE CUCK CHAIR /lh

[the-muffin-master]

this fucker @muffinapologist gifted me date everything a couple of weeks ago and I've been going through a lot, emotionally /j /lh

(yes it was because astarion and drysdale have the same voice actor)

[the-muffin-master]

I elaborate on the dynamic with AA (again!) under the cut. tw for their toxic, obsessive tendencies towards each other -- it's something they both consent to, but it's still unhealthy, so proceed with caution 👌 I also wanted to include the tweet re: androgyny in non-binary people since I made my character (who's genderfluid) more fem-presenting

✨ ALL of the ship dynamic memes in this were recommended by my partner in crime @ink-cartoon and are available below~ ✨

before my wall of text, here are the original images so you can draw your own characterrs / ships:

and here's the sanguine rhapsody rant, because I'm ill about these two:

AA's love might be conditional and his care shown via the twisted objetification of his beloved, but it's the closest thing to romance Astarion's capable of post-ascension. after all, he never learned how to be equals in a relationship and sees everything as a power struggle

regardless, I don't think he's indifferent to tav (or that we'd become just another slave if we're in a relationship with him). it's a dynamic far more sinister than that. Astarion, whether he likes it or not, craves validation even after the ritual. he needs to be seen as powerful and threatening to feel safe

and he'll latch on to a tav who feeds his delusions, becoming dependent on the constant praise. that's why he promises vast riches, fancy gatherings and sex -- he still subconsciously feels the need to make himself useful. despite what Astarion got by becoming an ascendant, he's still so afraid

that's precisely why, after getting Zyra's consent to be turned into his vampiric spouse, Astarion becomes unhealthily obsessed with them. it's an implicit promise that this source of comfort (being told he's doing a good job / he's good enough) and devotion will be unyielding, unshakeable, eternal

it's as dysfunctional as it sounds. Astarion considers the mad jester to be his "most beloved spawn & most prized possession". Zyra, in turn, worships the ground he walks on and would rather die than deal with separation

he's territorial and loves to show off his dark consort, but none are allowed to touch Zyra (or exchange glances for too long, depending on his mood) without permission. they're both so starved for attention it's pathetic

[the-muffin-master]

🩸 BLOODSONG 🎵 - Commission

⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹ . * ꙳ ✦ ⊹⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹ . * ꙳ ✦ ⊹

Commission for my lovely friend @the-muffin-master UvU

Thank you very much for asking for a commission from me! ;v; Especially because this ship has become my comfort and drawing them was wonderful! ❤️⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝

[the-muffin-master]

astarion not showing up in selfies is the most important part of the modern AU to me (ascended astarion would be infinitely more annoying once he gets his reflection back, since he'd be able to take selfies again... influencer astarion isn't real he can't hurt you--)

@ink-cartoon has been sending me a bunch of stuff that reminds them of bloodsong, so expect more of this in the future ( ˶^ᗜ^˶ ) the meme for this post is quoting one of the possible lines from his act 2 confession! I only encountered it on my third playthrough, but it made me giggle like an idiot. I HATE HIM SO MUCH IT'S UNREAL

original memes under the cut so you can draw your own ships~

full version for my little clown bitch:

and now for the memes:

[the-muffin-master]

blergh!!!! I've had time to gather my thoughts a bit, sorry for the radio silence. after hitting submit I was really fucking embarrassed to even look at the notes for this post (being vulnerable is so difficult UGH) but I'll get over it

I'd like to say a huge thank you to @ink-cartoon and @muffinapologist for being the best pals I could ask for. I've complained a lot about AI for the past few months, all the while being the saddest, most depressed piece of shit ever. thank you so much for putting up with me :']

and another massive, just-as-huge thank you to the dorks who replied and sent messages -- @almightyramtha, @toot-bender and @linllewellyn -- as well as the ones who've been supporting me for a while, like @octopuswriggles, @plushdrag0n, @ty-exists (the artist formerly known as ramuswrites) and @adalinegreen!!! I'm blessed to know so many people who'll reach out when I need help. I couldn't be more thankful

I don't know what's gonna become of me, tbh

I'm... miserable

for most of 2025, I've been forced to work training AI. first chatbots, then search engines, and now I'm even collaborating on AI dubbing. my life was already fucking exhausting for the past two years because of my dogs (trust me they're a 24h ordeal) but I could take solace on the fact I had art

I worked with translation (along my mother) from our home office, until we stopped getting jobs. we were being replaced by AI.

so I've been forced to work with something I vehemently hate, non-stop. I'm sure a lot of you don't know, but me and my mother moved out of my childhood home two years ago when we adopted our second dog, since my grandma wanted to kick us out. at around the time we were set to leave, my mom got scammed and we lost virtually all of our money AND were knocked 20k into debt

luckily, I could rely on @/muffinapologist, and my mom's boyfriend helped a bunch (and still does). but we're still rebuilding our savings from that time, and it's been rough. but at least I had art.

AI has slowly taken this away from me. I used to draw the entire day -- if I was awake, chances are I'd be doodling. I couldn't stop my mind from racing with new ideas. but slowly, capitalism got to me. and now it feels like a waste of time. I no longer have any desire to draw

I have SO MANY posts planned. like, over a hundred fully scripted out, sketched out posts. with lore, new characters, more dynamics. but I'm so sad and tired all the time. what is the point? AI corrodes everything and nothing matters anymore

I'm not giving up, but I'm at a loss of what to do. I want to keep going so badly. I can't let them win. but I've scarcely had any spoons to talk with friends to get the support I need. so... I'll keep trying, but I need you guys to be patient. it's-- yeah

[the-muffin-master]

I don't know what's gonna become of me, tbh

I'm... miserable

for most of 2025, I've been forced to work training AI. first chatbots, then search engines, and now I'm even collaborating on AI dubbing. my life was already fucking exhausting for the past two years because of my dogs (trust me they're a 24h ordeal) but I could take solace on the fact I had art

I worked with translation (along my mother) from our home office, until we stopped getting jobs. we were being replaced by AI.

so I've been forced to work with something I vehemently hate, non-stop. I'm sure a lot of you don't know, but me and my mother moved out of my childhood home two years ago when we adopted our second dog, since my grandma wanted to kick us out. at around the time we were set to leave, my mom got scammed and we lost virtually all of our money AND were knocked 20k into debt

luckily, I could rely on @/muffinapologist, and my mom's boyfriend helped a bunch (and still does). but we're still rebuilding our savings from that time, and it's been rough. but at least I had art.

AI has slowly taken this away from me. I used to draw the entire day -- if I was awake, chances are I'd be doodling. I couldn't stop my mind from racing with new ideas. but slowly, capitalism got to me. and now it feels like a waste of time. I no longer have any desire to draw

I have SO MANY posts planned. like, over a hundred fully scripted out, sketched out posts. with lore, new characters, more dynamics. but I'm so sad and tired all the time. what is the point? AI corrodes everything and nothing matters anymore

I'm not giving up, but I'm at a loss of what to do. I want to keep going so badly. I can't let them win. but I've scarcely had any spoons to talk with friends to get the support I need. so... I'll keep trying, but I need you guys to be patient. it's-- yeah

[the-muffin-master]

I'm having a bad art day, but that's no reason to stop drawing. here's a bunch of memes @ink-cartoon sent me to turn into bloodsong~! I've been too exhausted to draw anything more complex, but I hope you enjoy these

you can find the original memes below (づ ᴗ _ᴗ)づ

[the-muffin-master]

green hair and pronouns

(@ink-cartoon and @muffinapologist you know what to do >:3)

Share your tavs eyes

I guess I'm starting a tag game ♥️

Tagging @serenaoffaerun @optimisticgrey @alpydk and anyone else who would like to join ♥️

[the-muffin-master]

a huge fan of their early act 1 dynamic (zyra comes clean afterwards, probably within a couple of long rests, when astarion notices they wandered off during the night -- but that's a story for another comic)

a fun fact about our dream guardians underneath the cut!

for my first run, since I didn't know who the dream guardian was supposed to be, I decided to get a little silly with it. I tried designing my guardian after one of my favorite youtubers, because I thought it would be funny (I fucking screamed the first time he showed up in-game). here are a couple of screenshots:

FOI MAL FELPS MAS FOI ENGRAÇADO PRA CARALHO TE VER

for my run with brranwin (@muffinapologist) and ezorr (@ink-cartoon), I figured we should take it more seriously. we didn't, but it was because we had something different in mind: brranwin and zyra are, in many ways, narrative foils. we even got an interesting contrast out of their color palettes by accident, check it out!

the idea was to make a dream guardian that would fit the other character, rather than our own. this led us to matching each other's love interests: brranwin's guardian would be a high-elf (-> astarion), while I made zyra's into a githyanki (-> lae'zel)

but, just to spice things up, @muffinapologist randomized the design until it landed on something that resembled astarion, while I gave my dream hearthrob facial hair that matches the one you can paint on vlaakith's portrait at the creche... and I made their hair purple ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

for reference, this is how the portrait looks afterwards: