the-reactionist

[the-reactionist]

the future of the Oscars Abd the Granmys is a sustainable forma - everywhere nominee hosts a hufe party at their mansion and the event is reordered and streamed through online video showing each person's venue and guests in their chosen dress and all, but what's competitive and awesome is that each celeb chooses how to decorate their venue, what type of food and drink to order, and which companies to hire for that service, so abundance is created and it is an actual huge party, not the sterile Oscars show we all have seen before. And the celebration us biggest at the venue of the winners in each category, so that it becomes obvious that it is like new year's - there is partying in multiple places and tons of people are happy about an individual's victory - just like during the Olympics or any given world cup when we speak of sports. Tis time for the creative and entertainment industry to become cool, generous and awesome as well, sharing victories and giving joy back to people, not only juggling some cash flows between each other as producers, actors, directors and stuff like that, but actually thanking their family and friends, and the environment and public, hosting spectacular, or in other ways awesome events for celebrating their appearances in big films or their productions that have hit the charts and headlines. #iDEMAND

[the-reactionist]

sex stuff

in the recent years when i please myselfi rarely imagine body parts to stimulate my system to produce the pleasure chemicals for an orgasmic experience; i realize i often use images of natural things - for example redwoods, or wildcats’ fur; these things feel more soothing and welcoming to me. i have ill experience with sexual trauma, sexual manipulation but most terrible of all - sort of rape with an object; i hate the fact i haven't grown up feeling another person’s warm, pulsating tense hard on when i come, but a plastic thing that bruised me and made me feel inexpressable shame about sexuality and myself;

i had actual sex for the first time this year and what i need now is to come out of the dreams with smooth fur and soft leaves i’ve been having, and have more actual human sex; this bonds people to their humanity. i have  strong ascetic and spiritual past - i have had vision of being among the central american high priests that performed heart-offering ceremonies, and later a very powerful association with spiritual life in tibet, amongst tibetan lamas. so i am much more animal and nature attuned to, than humans; but we are a society, so this makes up difficulties for me,

yeah.... maybe im wrong

[the-reactionist]

Let God Talk: Believe in yourself and the rest will fall in place, have faith in your own abilities. Work hard and it's nothing you can't accomplish # Son #Horus

[the-reactionist]

i find this message very interesting: we have to come to peace with our inner warrior

[the-reactionist]

<3TCM has always helped me much; i come from that part of Earth both Spiritually and according to ancestral blood, so I trust ChineseMedicine with my innate nature, it’s nothing i use my mind about. I have tried it out and it works onme; btu it is very complicated to understand, and it takes a lifetime to get into it fully. so it’s a good pick for a pastime, by all measures

[the-reactionist]

to be great and rich to support your family - this is what i believe in

Pelicans in the Moonlight 

i would really like to have Teal speak more about athletics because I thinkthis makes her much more resillient and confident, in the end - she obviouslly has that in her mind, but also she managed to achieve things in the phyical sense as well. i lck that. i am not even helthy because of that; it comes from  sense of unworthiness but nevertheless I JUST HAVE A PROBLEM with accepting i deserve to have good health and to thrive, so I DON'T! i wish i could listen to some formulas about athletic achievement - i am not a badly jealous person, i could handle that type of inspiration - another person's previous experience. i want to hear teal talk about her times of superachievement in th ephysical - when she was just confident. i have my neighbour talk about that to me - he's a professional athlete - ice hocjkey national team player in our country, but here we have a very slow economy and thereis not the same freedom and coolness to be excellent and great. people ahve hated him, and have hated me when i was extraordinary in athletics before, in music, and in art, writing and pulic speaking. i still get denied access to jobs because i shame the HRs with my ability to trust and love myself, the innate trust, even though i dont seem super confident. tehy cut me off ebcause they feel they have the power to use to cut everybody that isn't PERFECT. i am not. i think the process of perfection is infinite - it is not just th epeak of your sports career,it is having your son and being perfect to have enough money to afford his higher education and healthy lifestyle. like christian heria does with his little kid >>  <<

[the-reactionist]

FREE Gaia WEEKEND

F R E E W E E K E N D

this is a film to better understand psychadellic/psychic substances and abilities; FREE this WEEKEND

[the-reactionist]

i'm celebrating having my period for the first time in four months; i've been heavily medicated and treated unkindly and unjustly which caused great amounts f stress in my body, plus i have diabetes - autoimmune illness resulting in hormonal disbalance of the entire organism i m always happy having my period after having it disappear for two years in about 2012-2014 due to the same reasons - my family has been treating my ascension symptoms as mental illness and have rejected me completely on an emotional level - they forced me into psychiatric institutions seven times for the period of 2011-2019 as the last one i was in a very scary asylumn for two whole months an it messed with me so much. i have received only emotional rejection from my mother from early childhood that i can clearly remember; this results in me being unkind to my own elf and becoming obscene -overeating is what i do, thus my diabetes gets out of control; it seems the time i am having my period is the time i am most compassionate to myself and exhibit loving kindness towards my own Self; the other time i am pushing myself t the brim;my new psychiatrist suggests i have a borderline personality disorder since i have such a huge problem with setting healthy boundaries it really is my mother pushing me too hard with her false ambitions and neglecting and entirely rejecting me emotionally on a human level - she only wants to feel proud of someone for their achievements in the physical realm, and not spiritually, thus i'm garbage in her view, and she never praises me for any achievement i have had in my life - being a good student, great at sports, an incredibly talanted singer, writer and a good photographer, having academic results in university and being praised by my professors throughout my studies; she only 'has eyes' for my bigger sister who went to study abroad and is now living in London, whereas i am in my home country with the idea of making life better and more worthwhile with my energy here for people here, and working with the 'human material' (people) i have at hand, instead of chasing my mother's ill ambitions for glory abroad *by the way, i love these products; the environmentally-friendly pads i made myself look much less beautiful, but do the job really well nevertheless )) //Eco Femme 🌸🙏

[the-reactionist]

re: root chakra activation

i loved the root chakra video. it helps so much with getting into the rap music and rhythms and the neergy of black people, who truly are awesome in their confidence and groundedness; i have problems with my sexual chakra, ad some with the root chakra as well, and my solar plexus is depleted (i suffer from diabetes because of dat), and i started deliberately listening to rap much more to train myself get accustomed to my root chakra and whole tree of energy centers upwards being positive, firm and in a good state; it’s easier said than implemented wholesomely, especially with nobody to practice sex with and with lack of motivatio and the energy to excercise too much, but it’s slowly happenning.

this video/song is especially soothing my hormonal needs, i love the tyga part and it’s sweet to me how he sings about fucking that girl up until the pointof “caliente, muy caliente”; i have begun dreaming /meditating on having sex with rappers because i had a similar experience with my neighbour who’s a national hockey team player from around here and his level of self-confidence and adoration for his bod is quite similar; the sex was good with him; no wonder i went seeking him yesterday at my old home :3 lol that’s half-joke, but half-truth at the same time; i need that senseof stability. and when we started engaging sexually i explained tat to him: that girls can be very disorganized while men are like pillars of firmness and direction that can serve as something firm to wrap a woman’s scattered mind around and ground her, helping her move into alignment with her priorities,and actually do something, instead of stay and wait or wonder all of the time. wondering is good in its own way, but soemtimes it’s key to know how to act, still.] -

the cool thig i see while working on this chakra that way (after teal swan video on the topic) is i feel much more aligned with my heart center while getting into my sensations of stability, safety, glory and pride - i am experiencing it from the viewpoint of openess - as equal to everybody else who is a sexual, sentient creature; wooh! it’s exciting; but very humbling experience as well. i am buddhist very much still; peace!

with all that said, my favorite sexuality expression isn’t black people’s; it is too much for me, too physical; i prefer a bit of mystery when it comes ot my body, sex and life; i m more of a cleopatra energy - high priestess/spiritual sexuality/christ+mary of magdala type of sexuality; there is reverence for the spiritu aspects of sex, as well as the physical manifestationof life through rgasmic pleasure,anialistic redinessto act and defend one’s territory and children and the interplay between being loving yet not overpowering and hurtful to the other’s feelings and sense of self-worth and pride; i wonder if i could ever seduce a rapper and how that would influence them :3 i’m in for it; yet i wish to have sex much mor with latino type of people (lie my neighbour) because it’s closer to my own understandings about sexuality and reality; i am not a purely physical being who wants to control matter thus needs the insigias of wealth and power over matter - gucci, versace, blah-blah; i need to rule over people’s harts ad souls, i am queen of the ight - inari / ishtar, cleopatra energy (she was a high priestess - a girl who was brought up by priests and sexually initiated by them, and as much as i hate to say it, i had hat similarthing happen to me in my present day life in the sexual cult/religious sect iwas a part of; unlike teal’s experience, mine wasn’t too cruel, it had many intriguing sides to it, yet it was too much for ME to go through and i could’t overcome the shame because of my unhealthy family programming, so i lost control of my  good intentions nd they got frighteed because they weren’t prepared t have initiated soemone who was super sexual yet repressed AF andabused by their own family members durign their whole life; it is actually aninteretsing story,there are lots of non-traumatic aspects to itand i need to apologize t the people who initated me for blamign them for taking my virginity away from my on the internet, becaus ethat is only a half-truth; i wish to spek about this so that my fucked up life story gets revealed but i need time to, becaus eit’s too mich to digest in one sitting/reading]

[the-reactionist]

tyga and j balvin get my sexual instincts going. pls, join me in my orgasmic sensations

[the-reactionist]

your parents divorced so that you could have TWO BIRTHDAYS!

[the-reactionist]

аз разбирам crucifiction по по-различен начин > сексуално ; "разпятие" за мен е моментът на intercourse > нещо sacred когато мъжкият индивид навлезе в женския през каналчето, нарисувано на картинката, и преминавайки линията образувана от двата яйчника, двамата се "кръстосат" † https://i.imgur.com/choVECT.gif затова SEX IS SACRED +това МЪЖЕТЕ (като индивиди) са способни да се разпростират по хоризонталата - да разтеглят света в неговите физически измерения; да го обхождат, да воюват и пр. А ЖЕНИТЕ - по верикалата > в дълбините на несъзнаваното; в нематериалните аспекти на СВЕТА

i might be dead wrong again, but still i need to direct this to you, T:

---------------------------------------------

teal, i don't like it that you refuse christianity completely; christ consciousness is good in itself and has nothing to do with the ill readings of the words of the protagonists i the spread of this minset from the earliest stages of it; christianity equals self-love and self-sacrifice which is but a metaphor for reincarnation/rebirth; i don't like it about you that you despise earth, the body and 3d, still; don't be here if you don't enjoy or love it; your attitude is a detriment to humanity; you act as a vaccine - playing the role of creator of the game's rules as to how to be virtuous or good enough; but since your point of perspective is that of resistence and self-hate, you can not create anythign everlasting and super-pervasive that will live long after you ahve perished; your only choice is to extinguish the entire humnity in order tos et stuff in the 'order' you view as 'perfect'; don't! i'm warning you; people still love their humanity, they don't eed to be saved from bliss and joyfulness; love your Self instead; we eed only such teachers, not eternal critics. na-mas-teh~

i understand crucifiction differently> sexually;

“crucifixion” to me is the moment of intercourse> something sacred when the male individual enters the female through the groove drawn in the picture and crossing the line formed by the two ovaries, they both “cross” † https://i.imgur.com/choVECT.gif

that’s why SEX IS SACRED

+ this MEN (as individuals) are able to extend horizontally - to stretch the world in its physical dimensions; to crawl it, to fight it, etc.

And WOMEN - in the verticals> into the depths of the unconscious; in the intangible aspects of the WORLD

[the-reactionist]

The air here smells familiar, and the wind sounds almost sad, like the low and distant howling of the dog you never had.

[the-reactionist]

grieving process; ego-self needs etc.

I feel that I am so insecure. People seem to be much more comfortable than I am. I speak, but I am nervous. I talk, but I am very serious when I talk. I have problems taking space and just talk without feeling into people and how they react, and when I do that I feel insecure too, because I don't know what they will think. I try to cope every day. Today I feel anxiety and fear because I lack self confidence and self trust. I don't trust myself to have control. I just want someone else to take over the control. No pressure. It is so comfortable just to follow, until it is not. My daughter is also affected by her parents and she dreams dreams that are about separation, and so I feel guilty, because she does not want to see anything else but what her father says, that we, as a couple, are soo soo close to a treasure. I know her dream is a reflection of her thoughts, her inner thoughts, but it feels uncomfortable to stand on my own side. She feels that it is dark for me to leave and that her father, my husband, provides food and warmth, and she can't understand how I prefer to live by myself, in an ugly and dangerous appartement, where she feels fear, and she want me to go back to her father... Guilttripping me with her dreams. And I always forget what it is like to talk with my husband, until I do, then I remember easily.

for one thing it is good you mentioned her idea of perfect and your desire to live in a shattered world for awhile; when we have some burden within,we need some despair, some sorrow,someformof destruction or distortion of a 'perfect reality' to face our grudges and find a way to make epace with both perfection and our inner resistence to it; when there is some deeply ingrained pain , you feel threatened by joy andhearts and unicorns, you need to sit with your sorrow and destruction for awhile and then go abck to the other world of sfety and joy; shen you ahev cleanes yourseld; we all need these grieving processess when we are letting go of difefrent qspects of ourselves- might be related to our parents or figures from our childhood, might be former lovers or just peopel you adore who ahve somehow disappeared from your life - for example your favourite rockstar who committed suicide, etc. never judge your inner needs for this grieving process; indulge in the sorrow, in breakign down, ecause that is where your strength lies - it is just like excercising a muscle where it breaks during the workout and then it is essentially damaged before you introduce food (protein>amio cids) into the system, so that it regenertes, gaining much more strength and potency han before; so pain actually really makes us stronger; please, surrended to your grieving process; i feel it mgith take you less time to process this pain than one would expect; so what are a few days or weeks you need in comparison to developing diabetes, ro cncer, as a result of supressed emotions; never leve your self behind because of expectations of anyone; you need to see every aspect of you before you can be authentic with your dughter and the people that are most precious to you;even the aspect that wants space for theirselves and needs to feel like an empowered queen before going to do the dishes and laundry again;that's fine, dont judge that; be patient with thee, ebcaause we are all made up of darkness and light; it's abalancing act to live life so whatever :pyou rock <3

[the-reactionist]

self-HATE re:programming

i’ve been thinking A LOT about Teal’s self-hate/doubt destructive programming; i had that too when i was in a sexual sect/religious cult here in Bulgaria;

in essence the programming goes against everything you now is natural in you - self love, self care, self confidence etc.

i used to need to get out of that so i figured out i could train my emotions and clear my messed-up head a bit by doing this: i would grab something i knew is positive, and try to convince myself or another person it is bad - so my heart space knows innately this is good, and i will try to fuck with my mind to see how the damage is being done, not involving any true hatred in the excercise, just seeing where my mind would lead me:

so i know veganism is good, but i would grab the vegetable ‘carrot’ and will try and convince someone carrots are not good for them and how they are not good for them; or either i will try to speak to myself about what benefits not eating carrots may have. this is exhausting but it brings a lil’ peace to mind because when you have a suicidal, self-destructive pattern imprinted deep within you, it is super hard to even take a rest, so you become too tense to be around. in my case i was put into psychiatric institutions and heavily medicated and had electric shocks performed on me, because of that. that restlessness is what “priests” would call “demonic”; it’s the kundalini energy unleashed. but anyways, let’s focus on the practical things one can do to rid themselves of negative programming;

i would put myself in the shoes of the abuser and at one point begin disbelieving the programming i have had because my focus is on something i see as completely beneficial for me or for anybody - a carrot, a kitty, etc.

i would argue in my mind with myself pointing out any detail i might wish to present as negative (there’s hair all over the house when you have a cat, smell of poo, etc) about the thing, and then give time to my emotions to settle and see when my head is cleared what my heart decides for the overall beneficil or non-beneficial aspects of the object or thing - for example, a carrot.

it’s liek breakign a spell.it takes a lot of work that looks ridiculous from  distance but this is the only way to master your mind back to your personal benefit, and put down te chains another hasforced onto you; in teal’s cse it is super intense and terrifying so the more time it would take, i believe, sinceshe was super young when it all started;

a more powerful exampel even would e i will take a mountain and i will be like hating the obviouslly beautiful place i am in - it is difficult getting there, tehre may be bears around, blah-blah; and when mymind is settled and i get tired of complaining, i will be at peace and find the beauty round me, forgetting abotu any ill though i’d had previously, because of disbelief in my self and my inner strengths;

idk what happens when you begin negtign soemthing that is obviouslly positive without reson - like lying to yourself actually; my mother has that, the person who tortured teal obviouslly hs that too in some form, but i think this leads to insanity, or else - deep mindfuck; possibly teal’s problem is that she is sensitive and experiences stuff not so much like ordinary people - with a distanced perspective of the moody, sleepy 3d body, but her whole world is made up of vibration and is constantly spinning nd whirling, flowing or else in motion; and i suppose the scary things she has heard and been made to contemplate, are a hundred times more debilitating because it i like having a virtual reality headset and nto being able to escape from the feeling of the bad things you are told maerializing before you in your physical space;

idk if that is actually helpful, but at least i have compassion for your pastexperiences, teal; i hope you will rid yourself of any traces of that damageing programming real soon <3

i would do this as a game: look at soemthign really amazing and start making up bad stuff abotu it; then iwould analyze what has come outof my subconscious, instead of feeling scared by myself becaus ei obviouslly am being a terrible person; aggression is nromal and whence we get to terms with it and the thought patterns behind that emotion, it is much easier to overcome and swallow.

self-help is taking full rwponsibility for one’s self; especially the bad patterns and programming within; but releasing them to realize it wasn’t you whothinks that the whole time, it is soemthign deeply embedded; and even if you hve soem grudges really abotu stuff inthis world and hate them,etc, you can coemto peace with why you experiene negtuive emotions towards them,a nd in time, if you wish, you can even overcoem that; btu the truth is boundaries are formed because of real triggers i the external reality, not because we just , for example, out of nowhere dcise we hate people touching us on the bus and we start crrying a knife with us; it is likely taht we have been sexually abused in order to become so senitive about that,a nd our reaction has actual grounds; so don’t beat yourselves up for any negative reaction to living youmight have currently;some of them re truly healthy.

*essentially, i hte end, your logical mind will be exhausted and decide it is ridiculous to hate that, or to efar it - the kitten, fro exmple; just look at it! obviouslly it isn’t scary and harmful, and appalling, and a detriment to the world; it is barely alive t this point..... -_- so you come to peace with teh erstlessness within; ngative programmign or darmk magic is just that - subconscious restlessness that keeps you away from peace, and is capable fo eladig to overweight, diabetes, cutting, alcoholism, ro any otehr harmful way ofexperiencing your reality

[the-reactionist]

why do you feel you have ptsd

I was abused as a child and young adult by my family members who are narcissisticI have too much stress because of them in meI don't love myselfEnough to believe I deserve to be desired, lived and be prosperous, healthy, wealthy and enjoying life - happyI am restless as a resultI can't relaxI can't commit long-term anymoreTo my job for exampleBecause I gave abandoned myself and I am deeply fragmented insideI don't even know where to begin this conversation - everything us wrong with meAliénorOnly my desire to put my self forward in the world through a intimate relationship and sexual expression of live and desire - children, is what had stayed with me for the almost entire period if the suffering. Actually as I put it in words now, I see that half my life I didn't believe I deserve that, more than half evenAliénorIt was when u met my twin flame that things transformed MrI was abused psychologically in very vicious ways, unimaginable to people who had a chance to be accepted by their environment, and not rejected from the wombOr possibly even before that!It's very hard to formulate the level of abuse the people I be come to gave placed on me and the ways in which they tortured me my entire lifeThey are dark sorcerers and witchesVery non spiritual people who actually care nothing about God live unity compassion and so onThe are narcissisticThe care only, and I mean onlyBout theirassesTheir gutThey like ruling over matterRuling over peopleRuling over beingsRuling over natureThe lust only about controlThey like torturing people and beings who are sentient tideathTo*They find pleasure in stealing a souls light and aging it in a gruesome 3d prison and they use these lights to be able to see the world they gave built clearlyThey force starchildren onto a planet and torture them to become loving of a 3d reality so that the 3d stays intact and their reign continuesTheir ways are grim, dark and non timely; they fast forward events, they have no respect for nature and emotions/nonphysical dimension of reality

[the-reactionist]

i didnt read the articel yet but: your subconiousness knows where the cards are when you shuffel them, so it sure can predict the future because the future is shaped by our habbits and past expiriences. The problem is, that your ego can interfier and thous turn the reading into whishfull thinking, which can also come true if you beliefe in it and change your behaviour for it to come true. Whishfull thinking is not and will never be enough, its the actions that count in the end.

Aliénor d'Aquitaine thank you for that perspective; i absolutely agree; i have been fighting inertia my entire life and still am struggling with it, especially during my period; i fear taking action most of the times, but even so i have developed a certain amount of courage and manage to fight for my or other people's rights on occasions, even though i feel fragile deep within; i try not blaming myself for the way i am, because there is good reason for it; learning to love me as i am is my personal path to truth and feeling complete, not judging myself and trying to change myself; not anymore...