the-wizard-system - Tumblr blog

[the-wizard-system]

I think I come up when Robins dysphoria is bad or he doesn’t feel comfortable/sure of himself. Bc like *I* am so sure of myself!! And so so happy to be me! I’m so cute and fun and don’t care what anyone thinks! I also don’t really have dysphoria at all ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Like I feel like I would have gotten Top surgery too if it was just me in here but idk if I’d be on T. I don’t mind that we are! But it’s like I don’t think I care enough either way. I just know whenever I’m here it’s like WHY would we ever NOT dress so so cute!!! I know that Robin and I have different styles and he likes mine but doesn’t feel comfortable in it :( which is so SAD bc it’s so PRETTY!!! anywayyy just like yappin over here blaH laterrrrrrrrrrrr I love youuuuuu :3 -🌟

[the-wizard-system]

Made collages of everyone (except Cecil bc he doesn’t want me to)

[the-wizard-system]

There might be a little animal in here -🐾

I can’t tell if there’s a little animal in here or if I’m just a furry

[the-wizard-system]

I can’t tell if there’s a little animal in here or if I’m just a furry

[the-wizard-system]

Just saw a tiktok of a kid (around 16 I think) talking about how they "accidentally faked DID" during 2020-2021. And had like 500 alters from multiple fandoms. They were talking about how they didn't do it on purpose and it wasn't intentional and how they don't actually have it because they "don't have enough real trauma" and that at one point when they were in 10th grade they just were like "oh I don't think I actually have this because I don't have amnesia gaps" and like,,, am I the only person who thinks maybe they do have something??? Because like it might not be full DID or maybe they don't have as many alters as they thought they did but like regardless something was going on. And as someone who also has an unconventional plural experience I feel like really bad for all these kids that experienced isolation trauma from the pandemic and coped in odd ways and now feel so guilty and like they "faked" everything. Idk if this means anything to anyone else but I just feel like there's so much that's unexplored about disassociative disorders and like there's so much trauma Olympics and fake claiming and just ughhh.

I also feel like there's a huge connection to autism as well that people don't talk about. Like I feel like growing up undiagnosed autistic is traumatizing in itself and something about being autistic is that things that seem "not that bad" to allistic people can be traumatizing to autistic people. Maybe this kid is right and doesn't have any kind of plural disorder or disassociation but I feel like some of these kids do. And I feel really bad for them for how hard they are on themselves for coping the only way they could :(

[the-wizard-system]

Hi!!! Our hosts share a name >:) Well, their name is Robyn with a y, but close enough!

-Kipp

(Starburst System)

Oh cool! I named myself after cavetown because I'm a trans stereotype and named myself at 15 lol but now I just really like the name and think it fits :) -✏

[the-wizard-system]

Jelly met our counselor! Not surprising, he's extremely friendly lmao she enjoyed meeting them - ✏

:D - 🌟

[the-wizard-system]

Would anyone be interested in seeing the playlists for some of us? Not every one has one but a bunch do. -🏠 (✏+🤍 currently upstairs)

[the-wizard-system]

I've only been coming up to draw -🤍

[the-wizard-system]

Got called out by the councilor for holding grudges for Robin, fucking therapists man. -🐺

He's just happy she believes he's real :3 - ✏+🌟

[the-wizard-system]

Told our councilor about us! Just mentioned it a bit haven't gone onto depth about it yet but plan to next week. Mostly she knows about Steven and Little bird and I mention Peter and Jelly so hopefully it goes ok. She seems to be understanding and said that if it's helpful and helping me then it doesn't really matter if it's "real" or not. Which definitely made me feel a lot better :) - ✏ + 📚 and also 🐺 is upstairs bc I was talking about him.

[the-wizard-system]

Trying to work stuff out

[the-wizard-system]

Blaahhh drawing everyone because I keep convincing myself that I don’t have any kind of osdd but these guys are still here.

[the-wizard-system]

Talked to our partner, feeling a bit better, realizing that our ex messed us up more than we thought since he kinda *told* us we had DID. And so now it's like do we or are we just pretending. Also Steven is named Mike now I think. He might have integrated with Peter?? Idk.

[the-wizard-system]

Debating whether or not to tell a counselor about the maybe having people in my head thing. It just feels stupid. Like if I don't am I just being the most embarrassing person in the world like convincing myself that I have this thing. That I don't even wanna say the name of because that feels like stealing from people who really have it. Sometimes I wish I never told anyone. Or never knew. But maybe telling a professional what's going on even without using the words would help. I'm not really sure.

[the-wizard-system]

Really feeling the impostor syndrome rn. I keep seeing stuff being like "If you think you're a system but don't have x, y and z. You're not a system!" And like sometimes I don't have those things. But the thing is if I'm not a system then what am I? Like please tell me I'd love to know. For the most part I feel like one person, except for when I don't. I say I feel like just me and then I'm talking to someone in my own head with their own name and face and feelings. I tell myself I don't have osdd and then something stressful happens once in a while and I'm desperately trying to keep someone else from fronting bc I don't think I have osdd. And when I think too much about being a system or think about headmates I start to zone out and feel light headed, and when I "switch" I feel it in my body, coming up from my chest and into my head. It feels different depending on who too. Steven says he always feels like he's gonna throw up a bit when he comes up. We don't have amnesia so it's hard to tell. If we had an it would be a lot easier to know what's wrong but we don't.

I think sometimes it's just that I don’t want it. I don't wanna have this thing. Especially since it seems like no one else really understands how it feels for me. I feel lost and I don't know what my deal is.

So please, dear people on the internet who decide what is or isn't DID. Please tell me what I have if not that.

- kinda everyone

[the-wizard-system]

I think explaining our experience as a system is hard because for us healthy looks like me (Robin) fronting basically all the time except maybe an odd front from someone else for 10 minutes to a few hours to help out with something every couple of days, sometimes even a few weeks will go by where it's just me. Everyone else is always there when I need them but it's just not that much of a thing since we mostly work internally. And I haven't seen that many other systems with this way of functioning before so I thought I'd just kinda thought dump this here.

- ✏