the-words-of-amora-blog - Tumblr blog

[the-words-of-amora-blog]

The wind breathes accross my body

Long hairs drift accross my face

I close my eyes and breathe

Try and stop my racing mind

But alas!

I can’t

I can’t stop

I can’t think

I can’t relax

Just breathe

I wish I Just could.

- Amora (6/10/16)

[the-words-of-amora-blog]

This is the skin I was born in

I can’t change it

I apply cream upon cream everyday

wash everyday

It does nothing

So what would you make me?

A monster?

In a human body?

Something to pity?

Or call ugly?

What object would you make me?

What relation

by blood

by moment

by emotion

would you deny?

I am precious

And gorgeous

And lovely

And beautiful

And worthwhile

And perfect

I am so much more than you could ever let me be

So much more than what you see

What you think of as me

I am not my skin

Nor my eyes

Or my mouth

Or my words

Or my thoughts

Or my mind

Because to take one part of me

Just one part

And call it me

Would do the whole me

the living, breathing, moment-to-moment, present me

Such a disservice it’s comepletely unthinkable

For so long I defiened myself

confined myself

To being one trait or another

smart, nerdy, goth, ugly, fat

And as I tried to live up to these stories

I

I - the being

was lost

The expectation and constant meddling

endless wonder of perfection

forced myself

into shapes that could never fit

Why?

Because I am so much more than a shape

So much more than a pretty picture

So much more than a string of words I call my name or a stereotype I force upon myself.

I tried so hard to fit the role they gave me

I gave me

The expectation of “me”

That I forgot what made me real

What made me, me

What I loved

What I cried over

What was good and bad for me

What to trust

Who to turn to

Who to forgive

Who to let go of

And who to forget.

I held on so long to everything I was

Everything I was told was me

By myself

Or by others

That I had started to drown

Drown in the conflict

In the old and new

the shifting and persevering

the constant and fleeting

the right and the true

In myself

In my life

I don’t understand anymore

I don’t think I ever did

Would somebody please help me.

I’m drowning

Suffering

Drifting

I don’t know who I am

- Amora (06/10/16)

[the-words-of-amora-blog]

Old Friend

I believed the words you said I didn’t know they were hollow Empty I thought you meant forever True Through thick and thin But you were just saying what you thought you needed to Supposed to I see now I see how it was convenient It was polite Kind But not true or long lasting Maybe we weren’t compatible Maybe it wasn’t as invested as I was Maybe it wasn’t meant to be But I know now for sure We weren’t what I thought What I wanted We never were

- Amora (5/9/16)

[the-words-of-amora-blog]

I'm not that girl. I'm me

Amora (1/9/16)

[the-words-of-amora-blog]

help.

Is this all there is? Day after day Month after month of bleak unsatisfactory existence? Where do I fit in? Does anyone even care Or know? Why? Just why? help. - Amora (31/8/16)

[the-words-of-amora-blog]

Just have fun Just let go Don’t be scared Don’t doubt yourself Go for it Tell them Let yourself be happy Don’t be too down on yourself Make a difference Solve problems Be excited Live without fear Love yourself Protect yourself

- Amora (22/8/16)

A message for me from me. //Don't forget to live//

[the-words-of-amora-blog]

I don't live for anything, anymore

Amora (22/8/16)

[the-words-of-amora-blog]

Why am I here? Help Me.

Amora (22/8/16)

[the-words-of-amora-blog]

I wasn't greatly impressed by my human experience so far, and I wasn't sure it was going to improve

Amora (17/8/16)

[the-words-of-amora-blog]

I am my only obstacle The only person who can force me or not force me to do anything I am completely in control I am to be held accountable How I act and feel is my choice I can act rashly or observe quietly I must realize my level of control I do It must scare me It does Every choice is mine, no matter how influenced I feel Everything I say, do, feel, create and touch is chosen by me No excuses No proxies No more Just own up to it Take the reins with shaking hands Hold tight and breathe You can do this You know how to Just breathe and believe Control yourself woman You've got a world to change a life to live things to love and get excited about dreams to dream Just be brave Take the reins - Amora (17/8/16)

[the-words-of-amora-blog]

Sleep: My Eternal Lover

I miss his embrace The warm solace of dreams to come The loss of sensation Time stops Covered in blankets Eyes closed Breathing softly He is waiting for me I close my eyes and breathe I wait And wait And wait But he escapes me Again I long for his touch His embrace The time he spends with me I wish he would come to me easily I wish it wasn't an eternal struggle Eyes shut in darkness Praying for him to come Praying to lose control I sigh And breathe Laying gently My eyes give away my need for him I imagine his embrace How it feels for him to finally be here My body longs for him It shudders and sighs for him Restless and needy Muscles tense and relax as I breathe I miss him I wish he was here He frees my mind Letting me fly by taking control A short while A short ride When his hands brush against mine As he hands me back the reins That is when I realize For that second, every time That is when I realize he freed me I look back at the short ride I wonder what I will remember I hope we meet again soon For longer He laughs and promises for one day The day I stay by his side I smile knowing my peace with him will come Then darkness I forget I forget him and everything My eyes open and I breathe Fingertips running over sheets My mind, my own again My eternal struggle My lover in darkness fleeting fingertips and faint promises forgotten - Amora (12/8/16)

[the-words-of-amora-blog]

I've always struggled with the thought of feeling beautiful. Liking, genuinely how I look and feel like I have never really thought it was important. Like I had the idea that if I tried and worked hard enough I didn't need to feel or be "pretty".

Amora (13/8/16)

[the-words-of-amora-blog]

Your actions speak louder than your ability to explain them

Amora (7/8/16)

[the-words-of-amora-blog]

I live for this time

So Here I am This is what I wait for To be lifted back up to the surface Knowing I will be lifted back though Doesn't help how I feel when I'm drowning But I am back I am okay And I want to remember this feeling I want to remember how being okay feels It's easy to forget how to breathe when you're drowning But I want to thank every laugh and smile and happy temperate moment during this time They keep me going They keep me strong They keep me alive Thank You I live for this time - Amora (5/8/16)

[the-words-of-amora-blog]

Breathe (I can't)

It's too much I'm trying so hard to make it work But no Life keeps my down, just below the surface Breathe I try but everything suffocates me Think But clarity is nothing more than a distant memory Believe In what? where exactly should my faith be placed Lost. Drowning. Suffocating. Left. Behind. Alone. Again. Sleep. My dreams will save me Set me free Make me forget Make me not exist For a while Gone. - Amora (3/8/16)

[the-words-of-amora-blog]

Dear universe

Dear universe What have I done to deserve this? What nonsensical unknowing accidental sin have I committed? Because nothing short of sin or crimes unforgivable Is worthy of such hollow pain Not wearing it visceral Just hollow Unknowing Completely engulfing Spread so thin over my weary soul It sometimes feels non-existent But then it comes Thrashing and overbearing Waves of eternally filling emptiness Tearing down my house of cards Never complete

Dear universe What is it you wish? What sacrifice would please you? Reaching deep into my own chest My beating heart ripped from my bare flesh On a platter For you

Would that please you?

Or the rivers running red Deep grooves flowing Rapidly Dripping my soul into the earth Into the earth Down drains Down my fingers Under your gaze

How I burst with hollowness Only to empty my soul through ink Wishing the words I held in such high regard could save me How wrong I am How alone I feel How every drag of my feet And drone of my voice drown me No air Only voices

- Amora (1/8/16)

[the-words-of-amora-blog]

The Witch

I am the witch I am not the princess Because even witches can be kind Sometimes But princesses are flawless Beautiful, Happy Why would anyone choose a witch Broken, scarred, ugly Over a fairytale princess Am I destined to be alone Am I destined to be old, grey and alone Maybe. - Amora (29/7/16)