thedraconiclibrary

[thedraconiclibrary]

Lowkey this makes me want to reread I Sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter by Isabel Fall. That was another short story that I just kinda found one day and said “fuck it” and godddd I love that short story. I still feel like there’s parts of it I don’t quite get, but it really activates the genderfucky, agender part of my brain and it makes me sad that the author got so much hate that, as of the last bit of public info I remember seeing, she started detransitioning. Kind of relevant to a story like The V*mpire actually, since it was leftist people seeing Isabel Fall’s story published in a magazine with very little author info going “this must be an attack on trans people” that were the ones that were so hateful towards her. It’s been a bit since I read up on the short story’s IRL lore so I definitely encourage looking into it if you give the short story a try, but yeah. I’ve read the story twice now and I think I should do a third reading soon.

Short stories hit the best when you just stumble across one/see one mentioned and you go “fuck it I’ve got an hour” and just spontaneously read it then and there.

I just read The V*mpire by PH Lee in exactly this way. I’ll admit, I felt like a lot of it went over my head as someone who wasn’t on tumblr during it’s peak (as that is when the story is set and what it really digs into). I got that feeling of “I think I’m too dumb for this” because I could tell there were things that meant things that I couldn’t piece together. I did however connect on the elements of abuse and transness, so I did almost cry. It helps that it’s 2am and I’ve been having a rough draining couple weeks emotionally, but I just feel like that made this the right time to stumble upon a short story like this and go “fuck it” and give it a read.

Basically, I was not the target audience for this and I’m not particularly literarily savvy so I definitely missed a lot, but I get the feeling that if you were an OG tumblr user or are smarter than me then this is an excellent little piece of thoughtful and emotional fiction. I would definitely be interested to read more stuff by this author.

[thedraconiclibrary]

Short stories hit the best when you just stumble across one/see one mentioned and you go “fuck it I’ve got an hour” and just spontaneously read it then and there.

I just read The V*mpire by PH Lee in exactly this way. I’ll admit, I felt like a lot of it went over my head as someone who wasn’t on tumblr during it’s peak (as that is when the story is set and what it really digs into). I got that feeling of “I think I’m too dumb for this” because I could tell there were things that meant things that I couldn’t piece together. I did however connect on the elements of abuse and transness, so I did almost cry. It helps that it’s 2am and I’ve been having a rough draining couple weeks emotionally, but I just feel like that made this the right time to stumble upon a short story like this and go “fuck it” and give it a read.

Basically, I was not the target audience for this and I’m not particularly literarily savvy so I definitely missed a lot, but I get the feeling that if you were an OG tumblr user or are smarter than me then this is an excellent little piece of thoughtful and emotional fiction. I would definitely be interested to read more stuff by this author.

[thedraconiclibrary]

Y’know that last sentence makes me think of younger me who used and clung desperately to the framework of MBTI and the INTP type to understand things about myself and others. I was really into it, like I hated the online quizzes and specifically looked at particular tumblr blogs that I thought “did things correctly.” On the one hand it helped give me language and understanding to things I wouldn’t have otherwise at the time (I distinctly remember the first time learning about Ti vs Te and viscerally understanding what it actually meant for two people to think and see the world differently, that not everyone thought like me). For a friendless little autistic, it gave me a path to attempt to connect with and understand other people.

On the other hand, what if I hadn’t discovered MBTI and just discovered… real psychological theory. Like now that I know all my neurodivergencies and stuff, I’m just like “so the INTP type is autism.” Like, what if I had just….. learned what autism was at that age? Actually been taught different ways anxiety can feel (the day I learned that panic attacks can include crying helped me so much)? Really understood ADHD and how wow, those traits me and my mom share from our functions is actually ADHD! My family didn’t know anything about mental health back then, I didn’t have the language for it, not even enough to actually research it when I had already been presented with a conveniently descriptive bit of pseudoscience with enough depth for me to feel knowledgeable and smart when I shunned the “surface level versions” in favor of the stuff that felt more scientific. THERE WAS REAL SCIENCE FOR ME TO HAVE FIXATED IN INSTEAD! MBTI gave me a reason to stop and say “so that answers my questions” instead of continuing to search and finding the real stuff.

Or, maybe I wasn’t ready to absorb the real deal. I’ve thought I knew what ADHD was for a long time but it’s only in the last few months really thinking about it that I realized “wait…. That’s me too???” Maybe I actually stumbled on more mental health things and just forgot about it cause my brain couldn’t slot it all in place yet. That’s the part of me that still does look at little INTP me with some fondness. But the more time I get away from it the more I think it was a hindrance to me. Despite trying my best to not take it prescriptively and trying to use the information to grow from my flaws and improve as a person, now I look at myself and growth so much differently and think I still unconsciously boxed myself in.

EDIT: forgot to mention that the day I learned that having a poor sense of self can be a trait of autism, everything clicked together and I went “oh shit,” because what if instead of accepting a framework that would try to fill in all the blanks for me, I learned that that chasm I felt in me WAS AUTISM I COULD’VE JUST BEEN WORKING WITH MY AUTISM FOR THE PAST DECADE INSTEAD OF STUDYING HARDER TO TRY TO BE ABLE TO TYPE FICTIONAL CHARACTERS

somewhere deep in the replies of the dread astrology post there's someone who sincerely asked me how I even know what my own personality traits are if I haven't done introspection with the help of an astrology chart and I really think about that all the time. they presented it like such a gotcha. seemed genuinely certain they were asking s totally reasonable question. absolutely no awareness of the implications of why a structured system of prescribed personality traits might appeal to people with a particularly weak sense of self.

[thedraconiclibrary]

You know for the first 18-ish years of your life everyone your age is mostly doing the same things and then all of a sudden every year for the rest of your life somebody your age is getting divorced while somebody else just learned what a leaf is and you have no idea what’s going on or what you’re supposed to be doing

[thedraconiclibrary]

Kpop Demon Hunters literally is here trying to take over my life, I 1) love animated movies like this, 2) love fun music, 3) think a lot kpop stars are hotttt despite not actually listening to much kpop (and also so many of those kpop men give me gender envy, god bless the unhinged pinterest girlies posting their pictures for closeted gender confused me to add to my gender pinterest board), 4) love a good enemies to lovers.

If I had less going on in my life I would take this as my sign to finally get into kpop, but alas, I do not have the time for a new obsession. I’ll just settle for playing the soundtrack on repeat for the next few weeks.

[thedraconiclibrary]

[thedraconiclibrary]

I will be officially tracking my voice progress on T by making videos saying “this is my voice x time on T.”

I will be unofficially tracking my voice progress on T by how it feels to sing different songs in EPIC: The Musical.

That is all

[thedraconiclibrary]

AND THUS, I AT LAST BEGIN READING A BOOK

I’m rereading Sommer Sons by Lee Mandelo to help me clean my apartment and I’m only on chapter 6 but ah I love this book. I first read it 2 years ago and seriously considered adding it to my “all-time favorites” list but decided I’d wait till I reread it to make that decision. I remember when I picked it up it was because I’d read Mandelo’s novella Feed Them Silence and liked it. I thought it’s brand of horror would probably put me off from the book’s description but reading this book is what really solidified for me “okay no I actually love certain kinds of horror and that includes this.” I’m still on a journey to figure out what I do and don’t like in horror, I’m still not wide-read in it and haven’t read from any major authors in the genre, but damn if this gay gothic horror doesn’t get to me.

Oh and also the audiobook for this book is incredible??? The narrator is Will Damron and I have never heard a more perfect book for this person’s southern drawl, this really is just such a perfect narrator-book matchup and it tickles my brain in just the right way

[thedraconiclibrary]

idk what traumatized or mentally ill person needs to hear this but dreams (especially the really disturbing ones you dont want to talk about to anybody) arent some deep peek into your psyche or a sign of your True Desires or whatever theyre quite literally your brain making fruit salad with whatever it can find on the shelf. just putting all that shit in a blender and hitting obliterate. its fine, youre fine, youre not a weirdo for it

[thedraconiclibrary]

(now I’m on T though so let’s see what happens with my attraction, will it be the same? Will it slightly shift? Will it completely change??? Only time will tell)

Gay thought of the day: shouldn’t aromanticism be easy for alloromantic, allosexual people to understand because most of them also have people they’re sexually attracted to but not romantically interested in? Like, isn’t that the whole concept behind many hookups and friends with benefits? Can’t they just imagine that aromanticism is like only having that?

[thedraconiclibrary]

At this point I think I’ve solidly concluded that I’m really not on the asexual spectrum, I’m a full-blooded horny bisexual, but I’m pretty sure I’m aromantic. I’m incredibly annoyed that I need to do this thing called “wait and see” to really be sure about that. I want my orientation answers NOW damn it

Gay thought of the day: shouldn’t aromanticism be easy for alloromantic, allosexual people to understand because most of them also have people they’re sexually attracted to but not romantically interested in? Like, isn’t that the whole concept behind many hookups and friends with benefits? Can’t they just imagine that aromanticism is like only having that?

[thedraconiclibrary]

Gay thought of the day: shouldn’t aromanticism be easy for alloromantic, allosexual people to understand because most of them also have people they’re sexually attracted to but not romantically interested in? Like, isn’t that the whole concept behind many hookups and friends with benefits? Can’t they just imagine that aromanticism is like only having that?

[thedraconiclibrary]

Could yall stop shooting each other outside my window im trying to masturbate

[thedraconiclibrary]

real people being partially closeted or ambiguous about their own sexuality while making Gay Art is not queerbaiting

[thedraconiclibrary]

Everyone knows that artists are revealing the secrets to their true lives in their lyrics, except when they say they’re not gay in one of their songs, then it’s actually reverse psychology code that means they actually are gay. Remember, everyone is gay if you dig deep enough

I am like. extremely entertained by Sabrina Carpenter's growing catalog of songs about shacking up with men who she does not respect or even like and seems frankly embarrassed to be affiliated with at all. some kind of fascinating studies in heterosexuality happening there.

[thedraconiclibrary]

Okay so just to sum up recent events on the US Right:

• Trump starts a contract with Peter Thiel's Palantir company to create a database of ALL INFORMATION on EVERY LIVING AMERICAN

• Its revealed Stephen Miller and Elon Musk have had a very massive fight, supposedly because Elon Musk is sleeping with Miller's wife

• Trump ousts Elon from the administration, after over five months of being besties. Leaves with Stephen Miller's wife, who he just hired at one of his companies (!?)

• Elon starts saying the Big Beautiful Bill sucks

• A GOP Representative reveals that most of them didnt actually get to read the Big Beautiful Bill, GOP leadership basically made them rubber stamp it and they are pissed to find out it makes them all look horrible. A lot of them are now discussing a shakeup in GOP leadership.

• Trump says Elon has "Trump Derangement Syndrome" (🤮)

• Elon escalates massively, stating that Trump is in the Epstein files and THATS why they havent released them yet

• This comes right as Alex Jones loses a massive chunk of his audience because he's endorsing Trump's Palantir contract, and his fans are basically all very concerned about their privacy. They want a new conspiracy to follow and they just got one

• Trump starts threatening Elon's government contracts

• Ian Miles Cheong calls for Trump to be impeached immediately, and for JD Vance to become President. Elon Musk quote retweets this with "Yes"

• JD Vance was mentored by Peter Thiel

• Steve Bannon takes to Fox calling for the immediate deportation of Musk, and making SpaceX a public company