thefortunelesscookie

[thefortunelesscookie]

A Conversation in the Transfiguration Classroom One Morning

Fred and George: Morning McGonagall

McGonagall: Good morning, boys.

Fred: We've got a lovely knock knock joke for you

George: Knock-knock

McGonagall: Who is there?

Fred: 10 points to Gryffindor

McGonagall: 50 points to Gryffindor who?

George: Thank you professor, have a lovely day!

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If I was a movie producer I would just simply Not Give Money to Quentin Tarantino

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You know, I really appreciate the witches and warlocks who take time to put their spells into rhymes. You can cast whatever you want on me if you put a clever rhyme in there

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say what you want about twilight (2008, dir. catherine hardwicke) but at least it never drastically zoomed in on someones face during a realization

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My parents are in the living room watching Hanna and I just heard them yell almost simultaneously “No! Marissa!” with the ‘no don’t go into the horror movie basement’ tone and therefore I’m suggesting they try to get on Gogglebox.

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Where did they get those really long watermelons in Dirty Dancing

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Is it weird that I think my dog is going to die a virgin?

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Boxes full of bubble wrap are basically cardboard pillows.

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You know, there are some moments I’ll never forget- the first time I felt objectified, the best bacon I’ve ever had, that time in fifth grade where we were learning about our ‘changing bodies’ and we were talking about boobs and Cydnie said ‘What about man boobs?’. Yeah, you little fucker, I remember that.

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Rapunzel must have the worst split ends ever

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Mom: “How much milk have you had today?”

Me: “Good milk”

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It was hoco week last week and there were a lot of weird people

Monday- service day, not really that impressive, principal is wearing full on army uniform

Tuesday- pajama day, 2 types of costumes. Crazy onesies like dragons, lions, a cactus in a sheriff jacket and cowboy hat, and people in bathrobes. Cactus boy is against face mask- curler- bathrobe girl. Face mask girl wins.

Wednesday- Broadway v Wall Street, dope ass costumes. Chorus teacher is in a full Elphaba costume and other admin are doing costumes from Wicked too. Random guys in ties and carrying briefcases, group of people wearing stuff from Mean Girls

Thursday- celebrity v tacky tourist, a lot of people with khakis, Hawaiian shirts, and zinc oxide. There is an Ozzy, Salt Bae, and the Nirvana guitarist. One guy’s Hawaiian shirt is unbuttoned and he’s sexily slathering sunblock on his chest but it looks weird cause he has a boogie board and bucket hat. Unfortunately he loses to Tupac Reimagined

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Motorcycles are the ultimate big boy bikes

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Have you ever thought of a really bad idea but it was so funny you had to share it with other people? 

Yeah well I thought of one this morning.

BIRKEN-CROCS

birkenstock bottoms with croc tops

[thefortunelesscookie]

Petition to stop calling Voldemort ‘The Dark Lord’, ‘You-Know-Who’, or even ‘He Who Must Not Be Named’ and start calling him variations of ‘Bad Daddy’ or even like ‘Evil Wizard Godfather’ you know, something stupid

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It's kind of sad that I pretty much only know ABBA songs from Mamma Mia.

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Disney shorts always feel like some fucked up dreams yet deja vu because I feel like I've seen them before but there's no way someone would actually bring that to life? and then I see them again and it's essentially a eureka moment