I think I'm disassociating from reality. It appears to me as though I'm being sawn into pieces and sewed back on together with the flimsiest fucking string.
That string has given no indication that it will hold on any longer. Oh, I'm in pain. My heart is in shreds, and people tell me that it's all in my head.
My mind feels like glass that has been shot by bullets a little too much, and 'tis a jagged cacophony of cracks. Another push and it'll all come down like an explosive house of cards.
I think I'm disassociating from reality. It appears to me as though I'm being sawn into pieces and sewed back on together with the flimsiest fucking string.
That string has given no indication that it will hold on any longer. Oh, I'm in pain. My heart is in shreds, and people tell me that it's all in my head.
My mind feels like glass that has been shot by bullets a little too much, and 'tis a jagged cacophony of cracks. Another push and it'll all come down like an explosive house of cards.
Spicy-brained friends, I would like to propose an update to the very useful ‘if you hate everyone, eat, if everyone hates you, sleep, and if you hate yourself, shower’ mantra to live by
Have you suddenly become a petty, hateful little gremlin who thinks people should face the firing squad for (checks notes) leaving teabags on the counter, breathing loudly, or daring to exist in the same space as you? Perhaps mundane and reasonable requests like ‘hey, we agreed to hang out now, let’s hang out’ make you want to scream and move to a yurt in the woods.
You. Are. Overstimulated.
People talk a lot about being overstimulated, and the physical/mental effects of it. What I haven’t seen is people talking about what it does emotionally, and it took me an embarassingly long time to link up those nitpicky, resentful emotions with the state of overstimulation/meltdown/shutdown.
These feelings do not mean that you’re a bad person! They probably aren’t how you actually feel about the people around you. They probably do mean that your nervous system is at its absolute limit and any request/demand/stimulus is Too Much and taking you into fight or flight territory.
Go lie down in a dark room for an hour, or find somewhere safe and familiar to stim for a bit. If it’s happening a lot, schedule yourself regular low-stimulation shutdown time
Signed: someone who moved in with their nearest and dearest only to have a massive crisis of faith about Suddenly Hating All of Them. I don’t hate them, it’s just overstimulating living with people. If I can spare anyone else a similar 9 months of suspecting that they may actually be a bit of a shit person, then this post is worth it!
I will love you in all my madness, and in all my fragile moments of sanity. I will love you from the cracks of my brain, and so wholly from the heart you healed.