thefullalchemistofmetal

[thefullalchemistofmetal]

Humans are Space Orcs: Aura

I’m an ex-military officer as is my boyfriend and we were having a conversation about leadership styles and it occurred to me that he didn’t realise he has an inbuilt authority the rest of us lack.

Col-quat watched as the humans stowed their kit and re-bombed their magazines, it had been an effective operation overall. Yet something was gnawing on xis mind, xe so revelled in the use of human phrases.

Seeing an opportunity to talk to xis favourite human xe thought about killing two birds with stones. “Captain Becca, may I pick your brains?”

The captain paused looking at him, “you know cumquat no race that have pincers should use that phrase,” she grinned, “what’s up?”

Such a nonsensical use of words, truly delightful. “During that last offensive while our commanding officers were in the trench your Major Kovac yelled out orders and seemingly without thought our supreme military commanders were obeying the orders of a different species who was their subordinate in rank. This seems strange, to my knowledge humans do not have any psychic powers.”

“Well was what he ordered bad advice?” Becca asked.

“No, not at all it was logical and proved effective, but our senior officer, a Retba should not follow a Jert’s order.”

“Ahh well you’ve gotta remember the Major he’s always gonna bark orders and everyone just does as he says.”

“But…”

“Look cumquat Kovac has the shit, he’s just got it, ya know?”

“Major Kovac possesses feaces and as a result he can command superiors,” Col-quat remembered the duality of the human spoken word, “he has ‘shit’ on my superiors and is blackmailing them!?” Xe felt xis colour begin to change as shame burned through xem.

“What!? No, No,” Becca smiled and Col-quat admired her dimple, “no he doesn’t have shit he has 'the shit’ he has the x-factor…” she frowned, “some people have this intangible…aura it’s not something you can define but it is something you know when you feel it.”

“I have heard Gravitas described like this,” Col-quat said helpfully.

“Yes! Like that only not always, you get different sorts, in high stress periods Kovac will yell orders and people will do as they are told, its instinctive he has this 'authority’ that seems to speak to your subconscious…it helps that his orders are good ones…I’m gonna admit I find it really arousing being around him, he’s…just got it.”

Col-quat didn’t fully understand that admission but xe nodded hoping to see Becca’s dimple again, her “face-pit” was a source of many jokes amongst the humans but Col-quat found it endearing. “You said there were other types?”

“Yeah I mean some people radiate a sort of calm authority, others like the Major are just obeyed when it matters, some people appear to have a trust-worthy quality…uhh, oh you know Wolf? He has a really threatening presence to many people, he sort of radiates 'danger-i-can-murderise-you-with-my-thumbnail’ and Pippa, she’s a sex-pot guys and girls, myself included get a really strong vibe from her that she is into/is looking for/will provide dirty, nasty, freaky sex.”

“Radiates…This is harmful in strong doses?”

“Well it’s harmful to my psyche what Kovac makes me feel but no I mean this stuff can’t be measured. It’s not real…oh maybe it is I mean maybe it’s pheromones or something but I don’t know, all I know is when Pippa looks at me out of the corner of her eye I need a change of knickers or if Wolf scowls at me the wrong way I need to change my knickers for a different reason, or, if the Major barks an order at me I need to do as he says…and then change my knickers.”

“Half of what you say makes no sense but I think I comprehend these auras, I do not believe my race has them we are raised from birth to fulfil a role in society. It is logical to follow superior orders and respect suggestions from interiors, I do not believe any of these things involve changing underwear”

“Well the knickers thing is more my own personal damage, except Wolf I mean that guy scares everyone.”

[thefullalchemistofmetal]

Humans are Wierd: Fighters.

What did I learn while enlisted with the humans? Don’t fight them. Simple as that, I’ve seen those freaky bald space monsters take on them all and they win. Why? They don’t understand logic and they don’t understand that not everything is a weapon.

Take Becca she was the Captain of the 3 Troop and the only female combat officer in Kovac’s band. The first time I really saw Becca cut loose was against a Flet, yes you’ve seen them of course, 17 Rells at the shoulders and 4 claws like Serach blades on each of its 6 limbs, limbs coiled with muscle like…

What’s that? No I am not describing it as an 8 foot 6 limbed winged cat! For starters just because human is the common tongue of this galaxy doesn’t mean I have to use their “lame” vernacular!

Oh fine!

Becca versus the Flet, an eight foot cat with wings and 6 limbs, it should have disembowled her…It never touched her, where common sense said avoid those long taking claws, Becca flung herself at it, she clubbed it with her drinking utensil and planted her knee, HER KNEE! Do you know the limited movement a human suffers with a shattered patella!? But no this backwards ass female space-ape plants her knee with vicious force into the Flet’s genitals, of course Becca knew where they were because the Flet had just shown them to her.

Humans can’t heal a paella well, one of the few bones that usually heals incorrectly but Becca used it like a battering ram.

In a particularly violent hand to hand battle between Major Kovac’s elite squad and 24 Burtuq the Amphibian pirates of the Folro system I witnessed master tactician and a man widely considered a genius in war used his own cranium his frontal bone…it’s only 7mm thick on average to bludgeon one opponent unconscious.

I’m serious, with no hyperbole it was his skull and it was obviously common enough for them to have a name for it, seriously they call it a headbutt although the Major called it a kiss, named for his home city.

Most stunning was the use of their hands, 27 small bones with tendons and ligaments allowing them to perform almost every task required of a human, they often talk of the mental ill health they suffer when a hand is out of action, those hands, I’ve seen all of them at one point or another ball their hand into a fist and smash it into an opponents face to cause damage.

Becca cracked a Glefleflll…Glefhlefllk…insectoid alien species 7 feet tall she cracked their carapace with a punch! I’m telling you don’t ever fight them, they use their own appendages as weapons and give up all hope if they start weaponising their surroundings like drinks receptacles or in one memorable case an item of fruit.

[thefullalchemistofmetal]

Humans are Space Orcs: Introverts

Xkxrull of the Sllarusslralt watched the human commandos as they unpacked. He’d always considered-as much as a member of a hive could employ free thought- that the hype around human combat was just propaganda but after the month of combat he had just witnessed he struggled to keep his emotions in check. The awe he felt was being amplified by his brood packs feelings.

Everyone knew humans could recover from injuries they shouldn’t Xkxrull had seen human Mark break an arm instruct a medic to “fucking splint the cunt” and returned to the battlefield within a day, Xkxrull would need to shed any of his six limbs should his chitin break, an outcome that would result in his reclassification to non-combat. Their willingness to self-harm was well, alien yet as they branded their own flesh with pigment to show an image of porcine earth creature with wings -a bastardisation of the planet’s designation P.E.Gs-FL1- and yet he was absurdly proud of his own branding of a “flying pig” scraped into his thorax carapace by Captain Becca. Humans healed, self harmed and down played risks, Korux sky fire was “cocking sunburn” and hibernation inducing Korux frost-breaks were “a bit nippy” but they were so…chaotic, utterly unpredictable.

As a soldier hatched and raised to operate as a pack 100 strong Xkxrull knew his brood pack had been humbled they had always viewed themselves as perfect killing units. Humans however, humans… everything that made W'rell class the finest soldiers the Sllarusslralt could hatch seemed to contradict the humans. Xkxrull’s carapace was superior to the human battle armour “gimp suits” as they called them, yet when his brood brother and human Ed had been caught in open ground Human Ed had sacrificed himself for the Sllarusslralt W'rell, an action of no logical worth. Humans didn’t give up, Human Cassidy or “Barbie” as she was known had taken a Korux pulse-lance to the abdomen and a round to the throat but instead of the Sllarusslralt response to mortal wounds -break contact with the hive mind and seek self immolation at the enemies cost- she pulled the lance from her body and cut down four assailants before dragging herself to safety Barbie was recovering well he had been impossibly told.

Captain Becca had regularly split her forces into 3 “sections” or further into “fire teams” or occasionally “multiples” and allowed them complete independence in completing their objective something Xkxrull viewed with antipathy.

Now the campaign ended in victory over the invading Korux the human pack-bonding was deeply obvious, some had embraced Sllarusslralt others had performed a peculiar forelimb-grip/thorax-impact/back-slap manoeuvre while saying something like “stay in touch brother”. Quwruscknt had reported mating with human Jeff.

Spying Human Tom a soldier the others called Wolf and one who appeared to be highly respected by all his kind, Xkxrull approached.

“You are to join in the "session” tonight?“

"I’ll be there, send off Ed, Knickers, Footsteps and the others, but I won’t stay long”

“You have other engagements or duties?”

“No, no I need a break”

“You did not rest during decomp?”

“Decomp I was with the lads, tonight I’ll raise a glass to the fallen and then Pants and I will slip away”

“Pants?”

“Panther, Chloe”

“You want time with you pair-bonded one, I understand”

“No, well yes but we both want space, a month living in everyone’s pocket…it’s a lot”

“Space from…from the lads,” a horrible thought, “you are disbanding or being reassigned?”

“No, god K-rock, it’s just Panther and me, we’re introverts, we need a break, time away from the lads”

“But you’re pack bonded, what is an introvert please? I do not know this tribe”

“Yeah of course, these are my guys, you are too K-rock, I love them but, take Salmon over there, Pete can’t be alone, always needs company, and Ed, aww Ed was the life of the party, always, he’d of been all over this till he was all over, ” Xkxrull filed that under dark-humour, “but me I find lots of people exhausting I’m pack-bonded but I need time alone to recharge my energy, Chloe is the same, one person you are close with is much better.”

“Humans pack bond but some find this draining and need to form smaller sub-packs to help replete their energy supplies?”

“Basically yeah, probably an evolutionary benefit to it”

Xkxrull walked away, he could feel his brood-kind all the time, the absence of 85 of them was a silent horror he had yet to face, the idea that he would ever seek out isolation was bizarre. He was comforted that Wolf saw him as part of his pack.

[thefullalchemistofmetal]

This...

ALL OF THIS!!!

If Harry had gotten a less conventional, but more loving adoptive family...

Dear Minerva,

Thank you so much for your kind letter of the 17th. It is always a pleasure to hear from you. I do appreciate your waiving the rules about familiars to allow Wednesday to bring little Homer - she dotes on that spider, and I don’t think she could consider Hogwarts home without his company.

We were delighted but completely unsurprised by the children’s Sorting. Of course Wednesday is a Ravenclaw - she has always had a brilliant mind, and it is rather traditional for the women in our family. Slytherin might have been a possibility, with her cleverness and ambition, but sadly (and quietly, between friends) I must admit the wrong sort have rather taken over that House at the moment. Death Eaters are so vulgar. Gomez, naturally, is over the moon about our little Harry being a fellow Gryffindor - the world does need more dashing, brave, and reckless men. They make life so interesting for the rest of us, don’t you agree? And I am certain he will be safe under your care, after his rather difficult start in life, poor child. That aunt and uncle of his are just too terribly common to protect him adequately - I am grateful Albus saw sense and left him with us rather than her.

I appreciate your bringing to my attention the small difficulty between Harry and Draco - I shall have a word with Narcissa. (Lucius is still being terribly silly about that little peacock incident, and refuses to speak to Gomez at all. Men can be so ridiculously proud. And they really did look so much better in black.) Really, though, Harry was only defending his friend. I probably should warn you that Wednesday writes that she is teaching young Longbottom a few of her more subtle defenses - I sincerely doubt Draco will trouble him in future if he uses those. I assure you, none of them cause permanent damage, only temporary discomfort, and she is well aware that they are only for self-defense, not mere childish aggression. Addamses do not start fights, but we do finish them, and Wednesday has always looked out for her brothers.

At least that little incident allowed you to see Harry’s flying skills in time to recruit him for the Quidditch team. I think he shall be an excellent Seeker - he was always the best at bat-spotting on summer evenings, and then there was the time he “borrowed” Gomez’s broom to rescue Pugsley’s pet octopus Aristotle, who had developed an unaccountable taste for tree-climbing, but had neglected to learn how to climb down. It was a successful rescue, even though he was mildly hampered on his descent by Aristotle clinging to his face in terror, the poor darling.

Please send my apologies to Severus for that unfortunate incident in Potions class. I should have warned him that Wednesday was experimenting with, shall we say, some variant recipes. I am quite certain, however, that Miss Parkinson’s hair will grow back normally, and that the snakes are only a temporary embellishment.

My best regards, and do drop by for tea if you ever happen to be in the neighborhood. Thing has perfected your favorite shortbread recipe - I do believe he has a little crush on you. Or perhaps it is merely that you are the only visitor we have had, outside of family, who is sensible enough to shake hands with him without flinching.

Yours truly,

Morticia Addams

[thefullalchemistofmetal]

[thefullalchemistofmetal]

Walking Dead = John Winchester’s Hell?

Okay guys, so I had a thought today.Let me know if someone already pointed this out past that one meme where “Supernatural warned us.” (Mild spoilers ahead of you haven’t watched Supernatural/The Walking Dead)

So, in Supernatural, everyone has their own Heaven, right?

Now, prior to Crowley “streamlining” the system, what if everyone had their own hell?

And, given John Winchester’s biggest fear after losing Mary was losing EVERYTHING... what if his Hell was to have lost everything? All he had left was Lucille(the baseball bat in the picture from SPN?) and the memories to haunt him?

Seems to me that, if anything, it would bring out worse in John Winchester than even the most ardent of John Winchester haters within the Supernatural fandom have pointed out... creating the worst traits in the individual we know as Negan.

Just my .02¢ on a random thought in my head

[thefullalchemistofmetal]

Jason ‘I like to throw axes at bullseye’ momoa

[thefullalchemistofmetal]

“I can’t be vegan, I love cheese”

Dairy industry is as evil as meat. No less harm for animals. Does it look natural that calf can’t drink milk so you can taste your piece of cheese? 

GO VEGAN. 

[thefullalchemistofmetal]

Mornin’ folks, welcome to Monday morning….☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕ @itsallprimal @belfast62 @instructor144 @magpie-69 @chitwnqt hope your week is smooth and easy, friends. …….

[thefullalchemistofmetal]

x

[thefullalchemistofmetal]

tony, calling at 3am: but can you stick to a non-stick pan

peter: mr stark 🅱️lease let me rest

peter: *sprinting to the kitchen as soon as he hangs up*

[thefullalchemistofmetal]

what breed of dog is this

[thefullalchemistofmetal]

truly one of the funniest things about lotr to me is how much hostility the hobbits, a race of cheerful, fun-loving farm people, bear towards gandalf for absolutely NO reason except that he kills their chill vibe

[thefullalchemistofmetal]

Video

[thefullalchemistofmetal]

here have a second video of the ones that missed the cut for part one