thefundisorderdiary

[thefundisorderdiary]

Common things in DID that no one likes to talk about

- switches that feel like you’re turning into someone else rather than them taking control (non-possessive switching)

- being unable to recognize amnesia until something requires you to remember something you forgot

- staying in the front for weeks at a time

- being unable to communicate with alters internally (this is so common why does everyone act like this is weird?)

- feeling like you don’t have any problems because you feel disconnected from them

- constant denial

- rapid identity, label, and appearance changes

- comorbidities, particularly personality disorders, anxiety disorders, and the schizophrenia spectrum

- autism (there is science pointing towards autistic people being more susceptible to trauma)

- disliking your system

- wanting final fusion

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Received a message on Reddit from someone who told me they’d read some of my comments and said I have a really interesting and quirky manner about me and they felt compelled to tell me so.

Like thanks I got it from Tumblrdotcom.

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This past month I have reconnected with old friends from my village now that I’ve moved back here. I am suddenly very surrounded with friends and company and everyone wants to meet me and do things.

But today I just feel very lonely.

The other night I had a system-wide panic that I can’t fully remember, but it’s left me feeling out of sorts and I’m suddenly very aware of the fact that I have all these friends, but none of them can ever fully understand the way I am feeling.

All of them would absolutely listen to me and have all offered in some way that I can talk to them when I need to, but it just feels like the effort of having to explain systemhood first before I can get into what is actually bothering me would wear me out more.

So I’m just kind of in a limbo that I’m surrounded by love, but I’m still lonely.

Is anyone else in a similar boat?

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Living with DID is hard and scary so we started using more mysterious words that make us feel more like we’re in a fantasy world and it romanticises our life a little more and makes it feel more palatable to us. This is just for fun and we use clinical terms when in professional settings, but we’re very into fantescapsim so bringing some whimsy is very important to us!

So here’s a list of fun words we use on ourselves (please reblog with your own if you’d like):

the Others (emphasis on the capital O). Our alters, makes them feel like mysterious otherworldly beings.

The Mist most people talk about feelings coming from the abyss or the void, but these seem so dark and harsh, why not choose a gentle misty expanse instead?

The Forest our system, the woods and forests have always been a safe place for us and all good stories take place in forests!

The Trees we are each a tree in The Forest this idea was originally made by Pine, but we’ve all adopted it now. We love being nature-based!

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I don’t know what happened to my Tumblr but this time I’ve come back and my whole feed is just not relevant to me anymore…

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Okay I’m currently furious that migraines are often so blindly easy to treat and I had to find this out myself at the age of 26 when I’ve been to a neurologist since I was 11 lol so I’m about to teach you two neat and fast little tricks to deal with pain!

The first is the sternocleidomastoid muscle, or the SCM muscle.

This big red section is responsible for pain around the eye, cheekbone, and jaw, as well as some temple pain. Literally all you have to do is angle your head down a little, angle it away from the side that hurts, and then you can gently pinch and rub that muscle. I find it best to start at the bottom and travel upwards. The relief is so immediate! You can increase pressure as you feel comfortable doing so.

Here is a short and easy video showing this in action

The second is a fast and easy stretch that soothes your vagus nerve, which is the nerve responsible for calming you down. The vagus nerve, for those unfamiliar, is stimulated by deep breathing such as yawning, sighing, singing, or taking a deep breath to calm your anger in a tense situation.

You can stretch this out by sitting up as straight as possible (this does not have to be perfect to work) and interlacing your fingers. Put your hands on the back of your head with your thumbs going down the sides of your neck and, while keeping your face forward, look all the way to one side with just your eyes. Hold that until you feel the urge to breathe deeply or yawn, or until you can tell there’s a change. Then do the same thing on the other side. When you put your arms down, you should clearly be able to turn your head farther in both directions. If the first session doesn’t get rid of your migraine, rest and repeat as many times as necessary. I even get a little fancy with it and roll my eyes up and down along the outer edge sometimes to stretch as much as I can.

If you need a visual here’s a good video on it. I know some of the language they use seems questionable but this is real and simple science and should not be discarded because it’s been adopted by the trendy wellness crowd!

I seriously cannot believe I didn’t hear a word of this from any doctor in my life. Additionally, if you get frequent recurring migraines, you may want to see a dietician. Migraines can be caused by foods containing histamines, lectin, etc. and can also be caused by high blood pressure in specific situations such as exercise, stress, and even sex.

If any of this information helps you I’d love to hear it btw! It’s so so fast and easy to do. Good luck!

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sorry for being weird and evasive. i was raised to believe that having wants and needs was a moral failing

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I had an ultrasound and they said “yeah you’ve got a bit of something floating around in there” nothing more happened with that… guess this is the month I should go back!

hey so it’s march now aka the beginning of endometriosis awareness month and i feel obligated to remind you that debilitatingly painful periods are not normal. if you or someone you know is ending up sick or bedridden every month, you are not crazy and deserve medical attention from someone who will take you seriously

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Mentally devolving while I start my healing journey

Like when your room gets messier when you start tidying it.

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Being told “he’s only doing it because he fancies you” at 13 years old about a lad who openly self-identified himself as ‘mentally unhinged’ and then later escalated to writing me several “Death Certificates of a Bitch” because I didn’t fancy him back (never mind I didn’t fancy anyone until I was almost 16) really set me up for my future abusive relationship since I learned early that all boys/men are scary and I’ll never find anything safe with them so this one is as good as any…

[thefundisorderdiary]

To anyone who needs to hear it today:

They will do fine without you.

You will not do fine with them!

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Ooooh this is going to be a game changer! Too bad I literally just got my grocery order…

@nutmegan17 on tiktoks eating tray hack

By keeping a tray full of no prepare necessary food, in the fridge it can be used to aid neurodivergent or fatigued people.

By putting food like, cheese and crackers, or whatever is a safe food for you personally on the tray, it can be taken easily to the couch or bed to be eaten from whenever you are hungry.

This prevents executive dysfunction or fatigue and any reason preventing you from eating. You need to care of yourself because everyone needs food to stay alive including you.

You deserve to eat even when on a bad brain day and are unable to prepare a meal for yourself.

If not having a full meal doesn't satisfy you, a snack may even give you the energy to make a full meal afterwards!

[thefundisorderdiary]

Hello,

You may have found your way here through a like or comment notification and before you wonder what on earth is relevant between our blogs, you might find the right connection in one of our side blogs:

@thefundisorderdiary (you are here) Functional Neurological Disorder -FND, Chronic Fatigue -CFS, and Dissociative Identity Disorder -DID.

@morganas-creature Devotional blog to the great goddess Morgana of the Tuatha dé Danann. Traditional Celtic Druidism.

@aster-the-goblin-druid Goblincore aesthetics, nature and probably gardening.

@star-in-the-skye SFW age regression blog.

@popalittlee Glamcore, fashion, interior design, lesbianism.

@intothepineforest was the main DID blog, now Pine’s personal blog. They have to develop it still.

@i-am-hannah Hannah’s personal blog, likely to be books and fantasy, we’ll see.

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dear systems,

— its okay to have inconsistent amnesia barriers.

- its okay to not recall times when you were fronting.

- its okay to have full amnesia blocks sometimes, and emotional amnesia other times with no identifiable pattern.

- its okay to not have amnesia between switches sometimes.

— its okay to not have gatekeepers.

- its okay to not know if you do or do not have any gatekeepers.

- it is okay to wish you had a gatekeeper.

— its okay to have no control over switches.

- its okay to switch frequently.

- its okay to have a low splitting tolerance.

— its okay to be polyfragmented.

— its okay to have no communication.

— its okay to feel upset that youre a system.

- its okay to feel frustrated that these things are out of your control.

- its okay to not be making any “improvements” in communication or functionality.

- its okay to be angry.

— its okay to be scared.

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Hey, it’s not your fault. You were just a kid. You may still BE a kid. But I know a few things for certain:

You didn’t ask to be born into this world.

You didn’t ask to be treated the way that you were treated—whether it was by bullies, parents, or other family members.

You didn’t ask to “be a burden” to your caregivers, you deserved that space to be loved and safe

You didn’t ask for your consent to be broken.

You didn’t ask for the shame and guilt someone put you through.

You aren’t bad for something happening to you. You aren’t your trauma.

I’m sorry if you were ever made to feel that way, and I know that may never mean much coming from a stranger, but I know it’s something I wish I heard more.

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Spoke to a doctor about anxiety sweats and smelling bad and he said he’d never heard of it.

Like duuude… anytime I mention it to anyone else they’re like

Anxiety sweats

Fear sweats

Nervous sweating

They all give me another name for it and you’re the doctor they set me up with to talk about this specific thing??

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How many side blogs do you guys have?

What’s an acceptable number of blogs per account?