themaraudingmisfits-blog

[themaraudingmisfits-blog]

A Note to my thirteen year old self

[themaraudingmisfits-blog]

Love actually

It’s a hot, sultry day, I’m sitting droopy eyed watching the wedding crashers with Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn. The movie keeps rolling, both of them bedding bridesmaid after bridesmaid and it finally leads up to a cliché scene where Owen ends up falling for one of these maidens and tells her that love is finding your counterpoint in another (cue to roll eyes). There’s tons of movies like the wedding crashers out there, all with hapless souls looking for a good shag or that perfect kiss or a romantic rendezvouz or butterflies and tingly feelings and ultimately true love. Somehow it strikes some weird ass cord in me, maybe because apart from my recent Netflix induced rom-com addiction, many of my classmates from school and college are rushing off to be part of the happily married club and here I was still eating ice cream out of the tub, feeling like a loser in the relationship battlefield, completely de-motivated to find my someone, to make an effort to run a brush through my messy mane, handicapped at flirting and too flippant to care about it.

I wasn't always like this though, I had my fair share of crushes, almost relationships and surprisingly enough an actual one too. It wasn’t some fling or sad affair, it was a long process of best friends turned to something more. I for one got caught up in the multi million dollar industry of sweet nothings, valentines, hand holding and the like, the kind of love which makes you all weak in the knees, him fawning over the princess that you are sort of thing but then reality hit me, HARD. I think I was blinded by my very lovestruck friends, the gazillion rom-coms I'd watched growing up, prosy Shakespeare and trashy novels with buxom ladies and blue eyed men. After that rude awakening, moping about breaking up and a lot of healing chocolate I became sane enough to realise that THAT wasn't what I was looking for.

But now that Owen's saying all this stuff... was I wrong? Had I given up on love too soon? I couldn't brood for long though, I had a  date with mom and the vegetable vendor down the street so I reluctantly switched off my only chance at having those lovey dovey mushy Netflix moments and went out  with mom. We were still deciding on what curry to cook, when she suddenly did something, she held my hand ( in my family we aren’t very demonstrative so it was rather odd), she looks at me and then tells me that she’s going to miss me when I go off to live own my own and all sorts of weird mother daughter stuff…I sort of zoned out but I recognized a familiar feeling…one that was long gone….one I’d moved on from… the warmth of being loved… and that’s when I realized that I needn’t be sad about being ousted by the happy couples club, that I needn’t wait around for love , that love had always been there in my life…

Love walks in, all glitter and color, love is fuzzy caterpillars, coloring books, hidey holes and little imaginings. Love is with me all day, cooking treats, brushing my hair, kissing my booboos. Love comes in after a hard day’s work, stressed, sweaty and tired, his face lights up when he sees me huddled in a corner with my lego blocks, he sweeps me into his arms, lifts me up and tickles me till I’m all giggles and patiently listens to me as I ramble on about my day. Love laughs, watching me struggle to hold my spoon, in the end splattering peas all over the kitchen floor. Love comes in to read bedtime stories, to kiss me goodnight, to double…maybe tripe check for monsters under my bed and lets me sleep in between them on stormy nights. Love watches over me, as I grow up from being a lisping, stumbling babe to the one who's brushed and tidy waiting for the school bus, all ready for the big scary world out there...

Love loves me, hates me, hugs me, bugs me, she's my partner in crime, my worst nemesis, the wiser one, the one whose stuff I steal, the one who I look up to . Love thinks I'm an annoying brat of a sister whom she's stuck with forever. Love wishes she didn’t have to share her room with me. Love is frustrated when I tag along but she secretly loves that I adore her and eventually ...grudgingly shares her cool stuff but inspite of all that love’s an overprotective little goose who’s there for me through the years.

Love morphs into a curly haired person who sits by my side, learning to make her squiggles look like alphabets, love and me trade lunches, make secret codes and promise to be bff’s . We chatter nineteen to the dozen and celebrate a gazillion little moments together- bike rides with no training wheels, the art of talking with our mouths filled with water, figuring out how to win tic tac toe...we have exchanged a million whispers, pinky swears, phone calls and friendship bands, love and me are  like two peas in a pod.

Love is weirder now. Love has shorter hair, broader shoulders, a raspy voice and an inkling of a moustache or so he thinks. Love and me talk a lot,he sheepishly looks away when I catch him looking at me , I giggle, he smiles, sparks fly when our fingers touch. Love loves little puppies and has bad handwriting, love defends me, love finally said he likes me. Love makes me all muddled up in the head, I move away from love and we don't see each other as much as before...love fades. Love comes again, he has brown eyes now and shaggy hair, love is an artist, he takes me to a different world all together,one filled with music and poetry, love does not know I like him...love fades. Love comes again, he has spiky hair, he’s super tall and is a total badass, always getting into trouble, love does things I’d never dare to, but I know it'll never be. Love fades…love has his nose buried in books, he’s a total nerd but super hot but love is a bit mean and avoids me altogether…love fades. Love keeps coming again only to leave and then to come back again just like characters from the Vampire Diaries.

Love’s back, this time closer than ever, love knows me, at least the parts of me where I’ll let him in. Love brings with him gentle rains, flowery bowers, little love birds, beautiful rainbows, long walks, unending conversations and a lot of firsts, making me do things I never thought I'd do, bringing out parts of me that I never knew existed. Love is fading though and this time it’s not so easy, love doesn’t want to leave, he’s pushing and pulling me at the same time but love must leave…

Something's not right here...maybe I wasn't made for love or love for me. What's wrong here? Is it me? Everyone around me seems to be blissfully in love, building castles in the air about some fairytale like dreamy life, the kind I find myself running away from...maybe, just maybe I'm enough for myself? Suddenly forever seems scary, forever on my own, with no love in my life.

Fast forward to now…(after a lot of brooding and late night conversations and that much needed mother daughter time) the problem I figured was that I had started seeing love as being all about finding "the one", my forever, just like everyone else around me but what I forgot along the way is that love has different shades , not just blacks and whites.

Love is here again now, love drops by when I’m upset to get me off my sad ass, love shrieks and screams in glee when I’m happy, love lets me be when I’m moody, love lets me know that I can always depend on love, love knows when I want to go wild and splatter some crazy all around. Love is moonlit nights and rainy days,love is a dozen fuck yous, sorrys ,thank yous , hugs and kisses from my crazy bunch, love is a wagging tail, a dozen dandelions, a good book to curl up with, mumsies yummy cupcakes, daddy’s enormous holdable hand… Some days I’m so sure I see love,but other days I can't recognize love even if love walks past me. I might not be looking for what your idea of love is but I'm in love with my kind and I like these weird ways in which my kind of love surprises me…

[themaraudingmisfits-blog]

To me and mine

15 June, 2017 It’s 11.43 a.m. and my mind is doing a run through of the crazies. Here I am, all 23 years of me, finally a graduate, no more college classes to be late to, no more stinky shirts to re-wear inside out, no more laid back semester breaks, all that’s left is a socially awkward and confused me, a lot of painful, possibly forever goodbyes, misgivings about the job I’m about to take up, a lot of pressure from mother goose to settle down with Mr dashing and handsome, and the big gaping hole that my future is. I feel like I’m a contestant on fear factor who’s centre stage all the time, all the monsters under my bed smirking at me and I’m stuck between getting my shit together and fucking things up more.

Trying to come to terms with all these things snowballing towards me all at once is turning out to be a herculean task. Little me, worrying about that test, about random weekday getaways and rushing off to snag that last piece of gooey rum balls from my favourite bakery, keeping the rat out of the room..I remember me having soul crushing debates, arguments and getting frustrated about such mundane things like it was yesterday… Oh wait…it was yesterday (-_-) What exactly am I supposed to do right now? Go to a new city or stay close to the familiar? Higher studies or slog and study for one of the dozens of exams for those much coveted cushy jobs? Get an apartment? Use my newfound financial independence to spend or save? Start looking for a prince charming on matrimonial sites like a good little girl or look around for one or not marry at all? Sleep with my boyfriend or remain a virgin forever? Go pub hopping on Fridays or stay sober? Decisions, decisions and more decisions, they’re hurtling towards me, the girl who can’t even pick a soup off the menu.

So I do what I normally do, I avoid dealing with it and grab a huge piece of overly sweetened mood uplifting pie and skim through my pile of favourite reads but some weird feeling pull me to the dustier part of the book shelf, the one filled with history, financial jargon, self help books and the lot and since none of these really tickle my not so happy moody self, I go for poetry and settle down with it and I end up with Frost …

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveller long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth

It was one of those moments when in some weirdly fucked up way the universe was giving me a sign and I chose that moment to be accepting of other-worldly powers that were reaching out to me and trying to tell me something. I, was that traveller, standing there like an ass, not knowing what to do or where to go and instead of two paths there were like a gazillion more.

Some of them look so comfortable, ones that seem like a walk in the park, a career which would support me financially and help me climb the corporate ladder, a suitable groom who’s settled abroad, a lovely two storeyed house, angelic children, dinner parties and the rest, but, what one forgets is that it involves a lot of boss-ass-kissing, unrewarding hours, love being stuffed down your throat whether you like it or not, unfulfilled dreams and an unhappy you. The universe speaks out to me in a Trelawney-esque voice, full of foreboding, “ my dear, walk away from the strong pull of the big Indian dream, wander, find your own, let your dreams belong to you…”.

I see the ones left over, the dark ones filled with predictions of gloom and doom, a lot of sweat and toil and setbacks, full of disapproving glances from parents, friends, relatives, even your local kiranawala, basically any random guy in society, a lot failures, tombstones of days and months of hard work gone awry , it’s a path of struggle and strife, but then in all that darkness there’s the light at the end of the tunnel, lit up by little glowy fireflies, reminders of childhood dreams, dreams of a room made of books, shelves with no end to them, books stacked one on top of another, little bundles of joy sitting around me, enraptured by the stories I have to tell them, dreams of a typewriter worn out but happily taka-taka-ing away, words pouring out of them, words that make you smile, laugh, cry, one at a time or all at once, words lovingly written with a favourite pen by ink stained fingers , dreams of wearily walking across unknown valleys, putting down a backpack filled to the brim with knickknacks from along the way, bending down to drink some refreshing water from the brook, breathing in the air of the yet unexplored country, excited about the unknown, nostalgic about the places you left behind, dreams of making a home and not just a house, filled with love and laughter and tiny chubby babes. I am suddenly filled with courage, courage the likes of America and Samurai Jack.

For those dreams alone, I shall walk this path, scary and full of monsters, with hopes and whims and fancies and also try not to get fucked up mentally along this road not taken, strolling by fields of stupidity, ghosts of mistakes, small peaks of achievements, sloughs of despair to reach pastures of joy, jumping and shouting profanities all along, only to repeat it all over again reminding myself to strive for happiness, settle for nothing lesser than the utmost happiness. And along my way I will not change who I am, I’ll still be my silly annoying self ,I needn’t fit into filling the cliché cupcake mould, I’m gonna make my own mould, colourful, bold, crazy. Maybe it’ll be half baked, maybe I’ll mostly be baking a batch of those sad deformed cupcakes or the hard as rock ones but that’s okay, I’ll just make a whole new batch all over again. So back the fuck off universe, I’m going to storm in and bake myself a few cupcakes!!

I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I- I took the one less travelled by, And that made all the difference -a commandment for life by Robert Frost.

XOXO Un-tameably yours

[themaraudingmisfits-blog]

The one with all the camping

Bucket lists, that pretty piece of paper filled to the brim with things we want to do, places we want to see, fears we want to conquer…most of them end up resembling a pinterest board full of pretty things and then there’s that ominous deadline of to do before I die which kinda really lessens the chances of us ever doing any of those things, what with most of us vying to be a better procrastinator than the other…BUTT if you have mad urges and a restless spirit and if your throw in some crazier than thou friends into the mix then CHEEEHOOO!!! You cupcake are gonna be ticking things off that list faster than your chubby hands can touch the base of that big tub of gooey caramelized popcorn!! And that is eggactly how we ended up going CAMPINNNGGGGGGG!!!(Hopefully your heads are still reverberating from the screechy echo that made).

Now y’all gonna be like, “Oh gawd, she’s gonna bore us with more gibber gabber about her trip and tell us how to set up a campfire without roasting off that perfect perm and how to not get entangled in your own tent and not to follow the poop trails with little grizzly bear bells in them”. BUTTT WEIGHT, I’m not gonna do that folks. Instead I’m going to bore you with swoon-worthy accounts of my camping trip which was completely poison ivy and bear attack free.

After a week of mid terms which were seriously messing with our long periods of doing nothingness, that brochure from Campper** was a godsend, it was just the kind of break we were looking for, a camping trip to Mankulam (near Munnar, Idukki), by the waterfalls overlooking never ending hills with bonfires and tents , all those goody goody treats my childhood backyard camping trips with moms shawls (masquerading as my tent) didn’t have.

We set off at about my post breakfast siesta time so we could make it in time for the complimentary lunch(raising eyebrows in that cool way).  The drive was along narrow roads, the hillsides lush and glistening under the sun, baby monkeys playing peekaboo and miles and miles of unending tea estates. Three hours and winding roads,  Ashik in the driver’s seat and the horrendous no siesta situation got to me though and I was a woozy nauseous mess by the time we got there but as soon as they opened their gates I was pretty gung ho about camping again.

We got out of the slightly stuffy and air conditioned insides to the fresh, breezy and clear air of the mountains, a welcome relief for us city dwellers. We oohed and aahed at the view, entranced by the witcheries of the misty mountains, the beckoning breeze and the trees dancing to their music, bubbling little brooks sparkling blithely nearby, the adorable homely tents and wait….the sounds of a roaring waterfall!! Wowieee!! EXPECTATIONS??? EXCEEDED!! We had our qualms about camping after our last “incident” and we dared not expect anything more than a plain old vanilla flavored ice cream situation but these guys gave us an ice cream sundae with our pick of toppings and a smear of chocolate!!

Ain’t the view pretty?? 

The gorgeouus waterfalls at our campsite!!

While my heart was doing a triple flip they brought in the complimentary lunch (I should stop saying complimentary right?). The owner’s grandmamma had cooked us up an amazing traditional Kerala meal much to the great skippety doo daa of our hungry tummies. She even sent us a huge bunch of bananas from her backyard thinking either that it’d be a nice wholesome snack for weary travelers or she just spot on guessed that we’re a bunch of monkeys. While our insatiable hunger was being soothed with the wholesome food, plans were bing made for us by the sweet people at the campsite. They were all ready with a jeep and loads of towels and some more bananas, ready to whisk us off to Some “secret” spot nearby…After an an unforgettably bumpy ride in an indestructible jeep with an amazing driver on a road which was more uphill than your average Joe steepy ones( the jeep was basically making its way up a non-existent hillside path), we finally got to our very own private multi-million dollar Jacuzzi/ shower/hot tub/…..faainnee…we didn’t get there but what awaited us was a secluded waterfall with pristine clear water, cold enough to make your teeth chatter, deep into the woods cloaked by a deep silence only broken by the sounds of our revelry.

How we got there: And we made several stopovers on the way, by rivers and hanging bridges and we even rode through a rivulet…

My very own sauna….If this were mine forever I’d take more baths…

Us water babies goofing around….

As much as I love places like Athirapally and the lot, I hate the tourists, the snack munching, giggling, loud, overly dressed up tourists. It sorta takes the joy out of going places. This, this was a different cup of tea by itself, covered by dense foliage, no prying eyes, the clean freshwater… We splashed about and frolicked to our hearts content till dusk and headed back to the base camp.

What awaited us was pure magic, as dusk turned to shadowy darkness and our tv-addicted eyes adjusted themselves, we were greeted by a bejeweled sky.

Calvin sure got that right…They’re like little bits of magic strewn all across the never sky…We just sat there, stargazing, losing all sense of time, normalcy and reality seemed a figment of our imagination. I for one was all warmed up inside being surrounded by some of the best people in my life and open starry skies and entrancing music, it was way better than all the dreaming  of shoes and ships and sealing wax and cabbages and kings I’m prone to doing at all times to the annoyance of everyone I know.

Our reverie was broken by a shout out to go check out aanakulam, a sort of teen hangout spot for elephants. Driving through the same places we went by daylight was just super spooky at night, the friendly mountains now took us back to instances from The hills have eyes and that my dears is not something you want to recall when you’re out at that time   on stranded hill roads.

When you’re pee-in-your-pants sacred think of funny puddy tats

We got to Anakulam though without any blood curdling incidents but it turned out to be a disappointing night ride coz there were no huge herd of elephants at the watering hole only a lone baby elephant who was pretty shy what with all the noise we were making and the glaring headlights of our jeep . But we were told that locals have  have seen a herd of 90 on certain moonlit nights, I guess we’re not the lucky kind. Sigh…But we got to take a nice snack break to quiet our rumbling tummies from the little tea shop nearby and we went back as a happy troop humming old tunes and thinking happy thoughts.

B y the time we got back we were ravenously hungry and gorged on the flavorsome and gravilicious chicken curry and fluffy rotis   meanwhile, the men were busy setting up the bonfire. Soon there was a blazing fire and we were drawn towards it, what followed was a night of mirth and frolic, with dancing and games of charades (which I lost miserably) . The embers turned a pretty shade of glowing reds and oranges, and there were tiny spurts and burps of flames trying to lick our little toes which were getting all warmed up…there’s something about fires which wakes up sleeping dragons and roaring phoenixes and unfulfilled dreams and they all march on with blazing spirits in your mind and these thoughts lingered on in my mind as the fire died out and I was back to bracing myself against the cuttingly cold winds which came in with their whoosh noises, rocking the dear pine trees and our little tents back and forth.  

There were yawns and shivers and sleepy eyes from the most of us and we turned in for the night. We were lulled to sleep by Mommy nature herself, the misty moonlit night, the chilly breeze and the roaring waterfall humming it’s night song, the cicadas chirping away to glory…the best sleep I’ve gotten in ages I’d say.

Our very own tent!! And yea… us smiling away goofily….

Sadly, there was no beautiful sunrise to wake up to, coz most of us sleepyheads never woke up in time for that and those who did missed out coz it was way too misty but we did squeeze in a morning walk before breakfast to the waterfalls and got a closer look at the valley with its rivulets and forests.

Morning walks and loads of sunshine …

Soon the sun was up in all its fury, the heat getting a bit prickly while we were in a rush to pack up and head back to our humdrum lives in the city. The drive back was with a bunch of subdued reminescy  people in the car who only had Moti’s moms biriyani to look forward to but then again biriyani makes everything better…

Coz happiness is biriyani!!

Camping out at Mankulam is something I’ll never forget, what with it being my first time and it certainly was an amazing one at that and I can’t wait enough for the next time out on my own in the wilderness, with haunted woods and unstable tents and  grizzly bears and no plumbing. What funnn!!! If anyone’s ready to brave the wild with us just shout out to us and we’ll be there bags, tents, grizzly food and all!!

A bunch of happy campers!!

Before you go-go: For all you wild wanderers looking forward to camping, ring up camper or mail them. They’ll whip up an unforgettable camping experience for you and your chums and all you have to worry about is getting your lazy asses to the campsite!! Get those monster trucks out, or your cute rides or RENT a car but do go for you’re sure to have loads of fun!!

Check out the link if you’re up making some memories!!

https://www.campper.com/

[themaraudingmisfits-blog]

All I ask...

[themaraudingmisfits-blog]

My kind of heaven would be full of shelves filled with books and plush seats to sink into by a roaring fire in a place where it's always snowing!!

[themaraudingmisfits-blog]

‘creative captions for old-timey books’ by SnideOctopus

[themaraudingmisfits-blog]

[themaraudingmisfits-blog]

Advice you probably shouldn’t take

DISCLAIMER: The following decrees are spewed by the mind of a highly unqualified twenty something who has zero knowledge about philosophy and even lesser tact or wisdom to dish out sappy quotes and is totally against self help books and thinks rainy days in her jammies with hot cocoa is what it feels like to be “zen”.

Since I don’t have a fairy Godmother who turns pumpkins into carriages, life sorta continued sucking till I learned these things the hard way and I though hey, why not bug you guys with it and maybe some unhappy soul  who is ambling around in this big bad world might actually find it useful but then again since it’s me, it’s advice you probably shouldn’t take...

#1.My first decree to all you humans and non -alike-THOU SHALT BE AWESOME!!

Don’t ever be any less!!

Don’t go down gently!!

Be relentless!!!

Raise hell!!

To all the haters who tell you to be less weird or less loud or to live by the rules or to be part of the flock…tell all of them to fuck off!!

We struggle with the whole of our being to get through each day, with bad coffee and late passes and F’s on pop quizzes and broken hearts , why make it harder than it already is by trying to fit in? Why be a different you? Why must you listen to the dont’s and the cant’s and the shouldnt’s  and all those other frownie words?

Take your life by the reins and charge into the world with your oh so special souls coz you have one freaking life and you have to make it count as the sparkly person you are!! Be proud and awesome!

Be confused, be gay, be a lesbian, be emo, be a blob, be anything and want everything because you deserve nothing less and you are enough for yourself!!

#2.QUIT

Whaaat?? What is this crazy chick saying? The whole world tell me to keep going, to keep trying ,quitters never win and all that bull and one fine day she comes along and tells me to quit?

Yes, I just told you to quit.

Quit doing what you don’t like LOVE !!

Don’t do it coz your best friend does it, or it’s been in the family or that’s what your sister majored in. Stop taking those guitar lessons you hate, you don’t have to watch GOT or listen to profane songs or put on make-up. Stop doing all those things unless you absolutely sure as hell love doing it. Coz you’ll have been whiling away your time, missing out on things you love. Do you really want that for yourself?

If you dont’ stop now then soon you’ll be stuck at a desk job typing in numbers and missing out on doing some volunteer work or taking snake charming lessons or gorging on barbeque flavoured bagels in Northern California so quit now and run off , getting the hell away from what was holding you back,

 #3.It’s okay to say NO!!

I’m one of those people who cannot CANNOT say a decent NO to anyone even if it means doing something that makes me miserable or if it means having to walk an extra kilometre to go get that person’s favourite kind of popsicle even if she’s been a total bitch to me my whole life,I multi task, I take on stuff, a gazillion things with the complete knowledge that I know I won’t be able to go through with it but I’m going to use my yet to be discovered powers and what happens at the end? I mess up, I’m unhappy and grumpy and I compIain about what was originally my fault because I was a wimp who couldn’t muster up the single syllabic no.

But you know what? You are not super human, most of us are struggling to be barely human, we cannot do everything, that whole “anything is possible if you believe “ is total BULLSHIT!! It’s not, you can’t complete your assignments and study for that test and still have the pulsating energy for that party next door. So don’t go for it unless your brain says HELL YEAH!!LET’S DO IT!!

#4.PEOPLE  HAVE  EXPIRY DATES!!

Yea you heard me right...I said people not the can of soup that has been growing some sort of suspicious looking green stuff(which by the way you should stop hoarding!!).

Not worth it to-be stuck in a unkind, possessive , abusive, snarly ,jealous ,selfish…basically pick any word from Webster’s which associates itself with a generally unhappy state of mind relationship…those people should be dead to you by now.

IT’S TIME FOLKS!!IT’S TIME TO MOVE ON!!

Move on from friends who treat you like crap, from boyfriends who treat you like crap,from girlfriends who treat you like crap…you are not crap!!

No more abusive words, no more long sleeved sweaters to hide your black and blue skin, no more should you feel unloved, unwanted or undesired, no more lying and tears. Let’s not make our lives into a second production of sad soaps coz grass is definitely greener on this side of life where there’s only love, trust and respect and smiles from the very few who count.

So get off that curvalacious ass of yours, leave all that rotting people baggage behind for good with no guilt stricken conscience and start walking away while humming HAKUNA MATATA!!

#5.Dont strain those emotional brain muscles!!

Overanalysing?

Thinking so hard that you have that constipated vegetable look on your face? Sleepless nights? Heated discussions where you take advise from a gazillion other people who think they know what’s good for you?

Should I say yes to that guy?

Should I order that scrumplicious looking doughnut or go for that equally yummy cupcake?

Pink or blue?

STOP!!

As my dog-loving-only-chicken-eating(coz chickens don’t have brains)friend(after this maybe ex-friend) would say..go with  your instincts!!

You’ll screw up! Probably the very next decision you take after this will turn out to be a hot mess and you’ll want to kill me but atleast you’ll know never to do it that way..I now know that I shouldn’t ever wear pink after a horribly etched in my memory photoshoot, prawns make me nauseous after the embarrassing barfing incident at an upscale Chinese restaurant ,I shouldn’t ever have anything to do with technology(I go in like god-freaking-zilla and I step on it or break it or submerge it…)

I’m never a 100% certain about my decisions but they’re mine and I take sole responsibility ,no blame games for me.I stopped overthinking, I go with the flow now, I’m impulsive and rash,I don’t agonize over things anymore and it’s made life SOOOOOO much easier, more time to add the I should never do this list.

I’d be lying if I said that I don’t think and take crappy advice AT ALL ,but I’m better, instead of spending a week now I take like two days.Hey, maybe I’ll get better one day...

#6.Love the hot boiling mess that you turn your life into!

YOU SCREWED UP??? What the hell is wrong with you? How could you mess this up? Weren’t you thinking straight??

Dudes and dudettes, I’d ask those same questions to the ones who don’t screw up and pack them off to the nearest loony bin.

It’s okay to screw up…it’s normal.

Everyone around you telling you to be a proactive fixer upper?

Being asked to take responsibility ?

To stop moping around and take action?

BACK OFF!!Those people are the emotionless Umbridges of life.

You messed up? Big fucking whoop!! You don’t have to pick yourself up, take all the blame, find a solution and make things right and still have the energy to carry on. If that was the case then I’d be able to do impossible things like solve the mystery behind the Bermuda triangle and lift Thor’s hammer, but there’s a reason why I don’t do these things, because they’re impossible!!

You let things go down to shit? Be upset, cry, bawl your eyes out, don’t talk to people, eat that monstrous bucket of chicken, do what you have to, feel better. You feel better now?

Pat yourself on the back and slowly pick yourself up from that slough of despair , surround yourself with friends who back you up no matter what and try to sort things out and if not then have the heart to let go and  most importantly, even if you don’t fix things, FORGIVE YOURSELF.

REPEAT THE PROCESS AS AND WHEN NEEDED!!

#7.You feel it? Then show it!

Don’t ever hold back on what you’re feeling, let it all out.

SHOUT OUT AND CELEBRATE!!SQUEAL AND JUMP AROUND AND SMILE LIKE CRAZY AND CRY...

Embrace those happy moments!! Be excited, unreasonably so. Feel ungraciously happy, weak in your knees happy, fist pumping, bursting out of your seams happy. It’s okay to be happy.

CRY. Wring out those tear ducts, let those waves of sadness keep coming, heart breaking sobs, it’s okay to cry.

BE ANGRY.BE FURIOUS.SCREAM if you have to, throw things around, don’t hold back on what you have to say or do.(DO NOT DECAPITATE ANYONE)

Be ANYTHING you want to be, because the right ones who care will understand and they WILL stay.

Cut yourself some slack guys!!You’re worth every bit of love and all the cuddly puppies in the world. Forgive yourself. Hug yourself. Take time off. Stop chasing people and their dreams, start chasing your glittery dream, even if it’s to finally go get some milk from the grocery store or do some late spring cleaning or to land that long dreamt of position as chief editor and love love love and forgive forgive forgive, yourself and everything.

All this might not really unveil answers to the unsolved mysteries of the universe..where do all my pens keep disappearing or who ate the last cookie in the jar..but it helped me through a lot of shit, made me deal with life a lot better than before and made me fall in love with myself all over again, and maybe just maybe you might take up some of this or even smile and THAT my dears, even just a tiny smile will make ALL the difference.

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TRAVEL… simply put, the best way of learning abut the world!!

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We are torn between nostalgia for the familiar and an urge for the foreign and strange. As often as not, we are homesick most for the places we have never known. - Carson McCullers

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Im dying to read a new book ...the kind that can make me fly to the moon and back, once upon a times that are magic, the ones which make me forget everything and everyone around me and live inside the book as forlorn princesses and badass warriors and roaring phoenixes and disappear on wishing chairs and other whatnots...

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On my someday list ^_^

Firefall, Yosemite National Park, California

More of our amazing world

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“People are forever disappointing us and I think,” she whispers as she wraps her arms around her body and shivers despite the warm temperature, “it’s because we expect too much.” “Because maybe you want them to be Autumn jumpers and hot chocolate at Christmas but all they really can be is the smell of suncream and sand in your shoes and walks on the beach that end when summer does.” “Maybe you want them to be the one you bring home to dinner but all they really can be is broken, whispered promises on your pillowcase and a tangle of bedsheets and messy emotions.” “Maybe you want him to be your prince but all he really can be is a knight in shining armour that saves the damsel from throwing herself from the roof of her tower but then rides off into the sunset alone without a second glance over his shoulder when he realises she needs to be saved more than once.” “Maybe you want them to be more, but they can’t be more and they never will be more and the sooner you realise this the sooner you’ll abandon your expectations and it’ll stop hurting quite so much when people aren’t what you want them to be.”

If you expect nothing from anybody you’ll never be disappointed, 17/07/2015 (via afadingdancer)

Maybe you want them to be something, someone, in your life but all they ever will be is one winter night and kissing in the dark where you thought nobody could see you and the smell of cheap alcohol and cheaper fireworks.

(via afadingdancer)

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My 2016 In Reading

THE BOOKS I LOVED SO MUCH I WANTED TO SEW THEM INTO MY SKIN AKA MY FAVORITE BOOKS OF THE YEAR IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER

Homegoing by Yaa Gyasi Another Brooklyn by Jacqueline Woodson Today I Am a Book by xTx The Three Woes by Casey Hannan A Bestiary by Lily Hoang Queen of the Night by Alexander Chee The Mothers by Brit Bennett Commonwealth by Ann Patchett The Red Car by Marcy Dermansky

THE BOOK THAT OPENED MY EYES AND MIND AND BROKE MY HEART WITH THE PAINFUL REALITY TOO MANY AMERICANS LIVE WITH

Evicted by Matthew Desmond

THE BOOK THAT WAS TOTAL TRASH AND I THINK THE WRITER HATES FAT PEOPLE WHICH IS FINE BECAUSE WE ALL HAVE OUR ISSUES BUT STILL, GIRL, WHAT….

Maestra by L.S. Hilton

THE COMING OF AGE PROSE POETRY THAT MOVED ME IMMEASURABLY

The Pocket Knife Bible by Anis Mojgani

THE BOOK THAT MADE ME THINK HILLARY CLINTON REALLY WAS GOING TO WIN THE PRESIDENCY

All the Single Ladies by Rebecca Traister

THE STRANGE BOOK ABOUT LONELINESS AND THE THINGS WE DO ONLINE THAT I HIGHLY RECOMMEND

Valletta78 by Erin Fitzgerald

THE POETRY BOOK I DIDN’T UNDERSTAND AT ALL THOUGH I COULD TELL THE POEMS WERE SUPER SMART

The House of Lords and Commons by Ishion Hutchinson

THE ACTION THRILLER THAT HAD LOTS OF HYPE BLURBS BUT WAS ONLY SO SO

The Second Life of Nick Mason by Scott Hamilton

THE RETELLING OF A CLASSIC THAT I REALLY ENJOYED, WHICH SURPRISED ME AND ALSO THE AUTHOR WROTE ONE OF MY FAVORITE BOOKS OF ALL TIME, AMERICAN WIFE

Eligible by Curtis Sittenfeld

THE BOOK THAT MADE ME CRY BECAUSE IT HELD SO MUCH I COULD RELATE TO AND THEN MADE ME A LITTLE MAD

13 Ways of Looking at a Fat Girl by Mona Awad

EXCELLENT SMALL PRESS BOOKS YOU SHOULD CHECK OUT

Pink Museum by Caroline Crew The Farmacist by Ashley Farmer The Voyager Record by Anthony Michael Morena Massive Cleansing Fire by Dave Housley

THE BOOK I READ TO LEARN HOW TO WRITE A COMIC BOOK SERIES EVEN THOUGH I WAS WRITING FOR THEIR MAJOR COMPETITOR

The DC Comics Guide to Writing Comics by Dennis O’Neil

THE COMIC BOOK I LOVED AND RECOMMEND OFTEN

Saga by Brian Vaughan

THE COMIC BOOK ISSUE I READ AND THOUGHT WAS NOT SO GOOD SO I HAVEN’T READ ANY OTHER ISSUES IN THE SERIES

Wonder Woman Rebirth #1

THE BOOK I WROTE AN INTRODUCTION FOR (OUT IN 2017! FROM BEACON PRESS!)

Like One of the Family by Alice Childress

THE BOOK I REVIEWED FOR THE NEW YORK TIMES

Small Great Things by Jodi Picoult

THE BOOK I WANTED TO LOVE THAT HAD GORGEOUS OBSERVATIONS OF WOMEN’S FRIENDSHIPS

Rich and Pretty by Rumaan Alam

THE BOOK ABOUT CHEFS AND THEIR TATTOOS WITH FASCINATING STORIES OF WHY PEOPLE PERMANENTLY INK THEIR SKIN

Knives and Ink by Isaac Fitzgerald and Wendy MacNaughton

THE BOOK I READ BECAUSE I SAW A PREVIEW FOR THE TV SHOW AND LEARNED IT WAS BASED ON A BOOK SO I STARTED WONDERING IF THE BOOK WAS GOOD

Queen of the South by Arturo Perez-Reverte

SOME VERY GOOD BOOKS YOU SHOULD CHECK OUT BECAUSE THE STORIES ARE WARM AND/OR INTELLIGENT AND/OR STRANGE AND/OR GRIPPING AND/OR INTENSE

Turner House by Angela Flournoy LaRose by Louise Erdrich The Wangs vs the World by Jade Chang The Story of My Teeth by Valerie Luiselli You Will Know Me by Megan Abbott

THE HEARTBREAKING BOOK ABOUT BEING GAY IN THE MIDDLE EAST DURING THESE TUMULTUOUS TIMES FROM A WRITER WITH A LOT OF POTENTIAL

Guapa by Saleem Haddad

GORGEOUS BOOKS OF POETRY I REALLY LOVED

Night Sky With Exit Wounds by Ocean Vuong L’Heure Bleue by Elisa Gabbert The New Testament by Jericho Brown Look by Solmaz Sharif There Are More Beautiful Things Than Beyoncé by Morgan Parker

THE EXCELLENT BOOK I CHOSE AS MY SELECTION FOR BOOK OF THE MONTH CLUB

The Veins of the Ocean by Patricia Engel

THE BOOK I READ BASICALLY TO IMPRESS A GIRL AND IT WAS A PRETTY GOOD BOOK ALSO AND I HOPE THE GIRL WAS IMPRESSED BY MY DEDICATION BECAUSE THE BOOK WAS VERY LONG

The Fireman by Joe Hill

THE BOOK WITH AN AMAZING TITLE,  SOME REALLY GOOD STORIES INCLUDING A RIFF ON ANTIQUES ROADSHOW AND ALSO SOME STORIES I LIKED LESS

American Housewife by Helen Ellis

THE BOOK THAT WAS EXCEPTIONALLY WRITTEN BUT I WANTED THE ACTUAL RAILROAD PART TO BE MORE FULLY REALIZED

The Underground Railroad by Colson Whitehead

FUN BOOKS THAT WERE FUN

The Assistants by Camille Perri China Rich Girlfriend by Kevin Kwan

THE BOOK ABOUT BEING SINGLE TOWARD THE MIDDLE OF YOUR LIFE THAT PRETTY MUCH EVERYONE IS GOING TO LOVE WHEN IT COMES OUT

All Grown Up by Jami Attenberg

THE EXCELLENT SHORT STORY COLLECTIONS COMING OUT AROUND THE SAME TIME AS DIFFICULT WOMEN THAT MADE ME JEALOUS AND ALSO SCARED OF THE COMPETITION

Homesick for Another World by Ottessa Moshfegh Always Happy Hour by Mary Miller

THE BOOK THAT WAS NOT MY CUP OF TEA BUT IT’S ME NOT THE BOOK

300 Arguments by Sarah Manguso

THE BOOKS I BLURBED (AND THEREFORE REALLY ENJOYED)

You’re the  Most Beautiful Thing That Happened by Arisa White In the Not Quite Dark by Dana Johnson I Almost Forgot About You by Terry McMillan The Red Car by Marcy Dermansky Feminist Baby by Loryn Brantz Lower Ed: The Troubling Rise of For-Profit Colleges in the New Economy by Tressie McMillan Cottom Bruja by Wendy C. Ortiz Sing For Your Life by Daniel Bergner Made for Love by Alissa Nutting

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What ‘going home’ has come to mean to me...

Often I feel that my entire family is like a pack of crazy gypsies, always on the move, we’ve packed and unpacked our stuff so much that some of it just likes to stay in boxes, ready to go whenever that ominous time comes. The proof of how much we go around the country is like duhhed because I’ve been to seven different schools over the span of my very small and seemingly insignificant life. We are wanderers,  discovering new places, carving out new niches to fit into, in my case that would be new candy shops and little bookshops by the corner of the street , my mom would smile away to glory at finding the bestest  grocer’s near our new homes or the local restaurant which can cook up steamy hot south Indian idlis and puttu which have some sort of semblance to the ones grammy makes ,for papa it was often about making new friends to take along on his morning walks , it also  meant  conquering little parts of the new kingdom- it was always a battle between me and my sister as to who would get which new room, learning new languages- however funny and foreign they might be we still had to master the rudimentary stuff like yes, no, we won’t give more money than that, how much does it cost and other haggling terms and maybe a few cuss words too along the way, it was also about  getting into good schools which meant fidgety waiting rooms and scary enough to make your knees shake sorta interviews and making new friends who genuinely want to be friends with you not because you’re the new southie  in the block,a naïve homework doing oily haired dork(I’ve met a lot of people who latch on to me to totally use the whole nerd factor, only to realize that I ain’t  Ms. smartypants who can do math in her head) but they start hanging out with you because you both have the weird DNA and think of stuff like the fact that  star wars is just about the yoda hand thingy (I will get around to watching it…after I die…coz then I have all of eternity) and after all these routine three yearly rituals were done, the rest would just fall into place often as messy as tangled up as a ball of yarn, but, we’ve gotten used to the mess.

Sounds fun right? Every place, a new adventure, exciting but hugely terrifying too, there were days when I was scared of what was out there, when I had no clue what I was looking forward to, the worst part was the arduous task of fitting in or at least trying to fit in, leaving the comfortable shells we’d grown into at the last place we stopped by, only to start over AGAIN. Finding the aforementioned friends wasn’t some stroll in the park, it took a lot of pure dumb luck  and I’ve realized after a dozen or so failed lottery attempts and getting drenched on what started out as perfectly sunny days and a whole lifetimes worth of unlucky events that I’m not the chosen kind who trip on four leaf clovers every other day, so often I’d find my unlucky self stuck with a bunch of doddering fools for friends during the first year or so and then I’d eventually find my tribe, the crazy ones, so I guess I was lucky, maybe not going where I wanted to go but ending up where I needed to be.

We’ve given up on “permanency”, yes, I’m using air quotes coz it’s as fictional as me waking up early on Sunday mornings and going to church. At this point the only constant thing is change, from idlis and sambar to parathas and aam ka achar to fish curries and pongal  and payasams made by doting ma’s and paati’s and amma’s,  from making new best friends, secret codes and bracelets, conjuring up new games ( which actually just have different names in different states), getting over the awkwardness of being a teenager, giggling over boys and groaning over homework, only to do it all over again with another best friend maybe from Delhi or Calcutta or Cochin or Dubai or whatever…culture shocks, food shocks, people shocks…I’ve gone through it all.

“Delhi has come to belong to everyone who lives in it, but no one belongs to Delhi”

“More dreams are realised and extinguished in Bombay than any other place in India”

“When in Chennai, it seems no man would wait for Time and Tide... Everyone’s always on the move”

One thing that I learnt is that I can easily write off a chameleon as my animagus coz I slowly figured out that just like all the other newnessess I could be a totally new version of me too, moonlighting as a quiet and shy thing, a geeky and focused chick, the loud rambunctious don’t-care-Treasa and any number of avatars, all of whose skins I fit into perfectly even now. I’ve sort of lost track of the real me in the midst of all this and I’m still figuring it out because I felt happy being any of those people, it was almost fulfilling in different ways…maybe I don’t need to figure it out, maybe my hapless friends will have to deal with me as Mr Jekyll AND Mr Hyde. I pity these so called “friends” or as I like to call them victims.

With all the packing and redecorating, I often tended to feel a bit homeless. I felt lost, jealous even, of the friends who’d grown up with that the same set of friends from the diaper days, the swing set in the backyard sort of families, with their favorite spots and those hearts they carved in the trees and the creepy place they all sneak off to smoke pot for the first time and what nots, I felt like I didn’t belong anywhere. But I also DON’T want to settle, it’s scary, being stuck at the same place with the same people FOREVER, it’s a concept quite foreign to me. Maybe I’m not made for this settling down business, I’m terrified of being around for too long because there’s always this nagging feeling that it’s all going to go away soon, then why settle in the first place, be it with them folks out there or them places. But then again, I’m torn between wanting something I’ve never had, the sort of stuck in a place with the same bunch of people feeling which I’ve never experienced and which is scary as hell and the need to wander which I’m so oh so comfy and snuggly with now . It sucks to be this little bundle of contradictions.

Now I’m just a lousy nomadic twenty something with the wind blowing in my hair and maybe I’ll die a sad lonely death in a seedy motel in Croatia with nothing to call my own, and THAT is a pretty depressing thought on a cloudy night under the never sky and now that I’m almost done with college moving will take on a newer, scarier meaning. NO parents, NO siblings, NO familiar beds and cereal bowls to return to…I’m on my own, hostels, cars, aunts and friends and abandoned flats…I can sleep anywhere now, even the smallest bits of permanency has vanished…poof…my toothbrush is missing…poof…I can’t find my jammies…poof…there will be no favorite side of the bed or that spot where I get the right amount of moonlight for my odd reading habits…

But swoosh, the wind blows and the sky clears up and I see a sky adorned with stars, and my mind wanders again… a pair of arms come around me making me feel the warm your heart kind of feeling, a friend  I go way back with calls, sobbing coz her she can’t find her favorite sweater and her self esteem is on a downward spiral coz of some dick of a fling, or when my mom comes and strokes my hair and smiles the crinkly eyes kind of smile or when the scrumptious smell of my favorite dish comes wafting from my aunt’s kitchen… and no matter whichever one of these it is I have the same thought running through my mind, it’s lovely to be home again, and that gets me thinking that s home  for me maybe  is my goofy friends and all the hugs and crying over the phone and meeting up after a gazillion years, the new ones and old, the love my mom puts into cooking spectacular dishes for me, the over protectiveness of my dad when I talk to him over the phone, the gadding away time in cars and beaches and cliff tops, finding the right kind of popcorn or the perfect outfit with that girlfriend for the perfect night out after he dumps you, the anything and everything and anyone and everyone who makes you feel loved, wanted and sinfully happy for even a tiny moment. The stars seem to shine brighter now, leaving me a more hopeful for what’s to come…

One day I will move again, leave these homes, cities and countries, I am restless that way, I want to roam the world, I want to make more friends, I want to have lovers, lovers of books and starry nights, lovers of old houses with crumbling walls on stone paved streets, lovers of misty days and hot cocoa, lovers of new places and new me’s and yet through all of this I will still have those same comforting arms to return to, the familiar voices over the phone and  letters lovingly written or surprise visits and reunions… I will always have a home to go to.

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