thesassawakens

[thesassawakens]

Not The End

Even though the Esplanade performance is over, I still have another one coming up, my final year recital. I had to switch some of the cover songs back to my originals, as it will be graded on my original works. Stay tuned for the next update! ;)

[thesassawakens]

April (Performance Day)

I have too many feelings to describe how the day went, but what I can say is that I did it! The show went amazingly well. My anxiety was nowhere to be seen, but the excitement may have caused me to be out of breath a lot on stage. Still, all I could think about was putting on the best performance, and I think I did just that. I am so proud of myself for overcoming my fears and conquering the challenge of performing in public at The Esplanade! I never would have imagined I’d have the chance to perform there when I was in the diploma. I can’t thank everyone who supported me enough through this journey. And to see long-time friends come down to watch me made me feel full of warmth in my heart. Here is the link the the video:

[thesassawakens]

It's Closing In

The Esplanade performance is just around the corner. We’ve practiced the individual songs, and they went well. All that's left is to do a run-through of the entire setlist, including the costume changes.

Just a little sneak peak of one of the outfits,

[thesassawakens]

Rehearsals

This month was a constant workflow of completing assignments and fine-tuning songs during band practices. Slowly but surely, my anxiety started to fade, little by little, as I became more focused and busy with everything.

Issues:

The band and I still hadn’t had the chance to do a full run of the setlist, since one of the members couldn’t make it to a few practices.

I also hadn’t figured out how to manage my costume changes; I had two of them planned throughout the set.

For the last cover song, Born Again, I split the sections so my backup vocalists could shine too, but we haven’t had a proper chance to rehearse it together yet.

We also hadn’t practised song no. 2, Where Did You Go, with the full band either.

There were quite a few things that needed to be solved soon, but here are some practice recordings of the completed songs.

[thesassawakens]

March

Just one more month till the day of Esplanades Performance, I had 2 band practices to make sure the songs were going ok. The setlist now looked like this,

Applause - Lady Gaga

Where did you go

Getaran Jiwa - P. Ramlee

Start Again

Find me

Born Again - Raye, Doja Cat & Lisa

I've decided to switch out some of the high-energy songs with the more chill originals I wrote earlier in the year, and also replace a few with covers. Since the performance was at The Esplanade, it made more sense to include more covers, as the audience wouldn’t know me well. But I managed to balance it out, three covers and three originals. I also felt a little better knowing that my plans were still going fine, even though the performance was getting closer, and I hadn’t gone through some of the songs with the band yet. But I tried my best to keep my head high and reminded myself that I can’t change the past, but I can keep doing my best, even if I didn’t feel okay.

Talking it out with my friends and mentor helped me face my fears as well and reminded me that my feelings were valid; I just needed to do what I have to do.

[thesassawakens]

Keeping It Going

Even though my anxiety was still bothering me, I still had to tackle the issue of having too many high-energy songs in the setlist. One way I tried to solve this was by writing a new song in the style of a ballad. I had no specific references, so I just began experimenting with different tunes to find a direction for the song. This is one of the first few drafts for it,

I liked the direction it was heading in, but I wasn’t sure if I could finish it in time for the performance.

[thesassawakens]

Challenges

I also realised that my stage anxiety started to resurface. During performance classes, I would feel incredibly nervous before performing, and I’d start to shake, with my voice sounding strained. I felt really confused and stressed, especially with the upcoming public performance at the Esplanade. I kept worrying about how things might go if my anxiety continued to affect me. This might have been caused by the stress of other school assessments, but I was struggling to find a way to escape the fear of things not going well.

In principal classes with my mentor, I can sing confidently, and she helps me sing with strength and a good tone. But once the lesson is over, the anxiety returns, and it feels like all the months of work I put into building my confidence vanish in an instant.

[thesassawakens]

February

As the new month began, I had to make some decisions to try and finalise the setlist for Esplanade. I came up with a few new cover song options, thinking that Lady Gaga’s high-energy music would be great to kick off the performance. I discovered "Applause" by Lady Gaga, which my mentor agreed was a good choice. Additionally, a new song just came out by my favourite artists—Raye, Doja Cat, and Lisa—called 'Born Again', which fits well with my setlist theme. Plus, I felt it could work well as a great closing song. However, I was now facing another issue of having too many high-energy songs.

1st trial of Esplanade Setlist,

Applause - Lady Gaga (High Energy)

Different Universe (High Energy)

Geratan Jiwa - P. Ramlee (Chill Energy)

Start Again (High Energy)

Nightmare Demon (High Energy)

Born Again - Raye, Doja Cat & Lisa (High Energy)

So, I thought about switching song no. 5 to 'Find Me', the original from my half recital, as it has a mid-level energy, which could be a good choice to help me calm down during the performance.

[thesassawakens]

Discussion

After getting the news about Esplanade, I told my mentor and we immediately started discussing on what kind of performance structure I should have. Since it would be a public performance, she suggested including some covers to help draw people in and get them to tune into the show. Some cover suggestions I came up with,

Good Luck, Babe! - Chappell Roan

Too Sweet - Hozier

Bad Romance - Lady Gaga

Crazy - Gnarls Barkley

After trying out a few songs, the only one that had promising energy was 'Bad Romance'. However, my mentor asked if it would fit the theme of my setlist, something I hadn't considered. I gave it some thought and realised that most of the songs I wrote had themes of breaking free from the past or letting go of negativity. 'Bad Romance' didn’t quite fit into that theme, so I had to come up with other cover suggestions for the Esplanade performance.

[thesassawakens]

Continuation

With the stress of school assessments going on, I couldn’t fully focus on the process of creating this song, but I still managed to find a clearer direction for where I wanted to take it, while also adding a bit of my own natural flavour to it.

This is the progress with the help of my classmate, titled 'Where did you go?'

I felt like it didn’t exactly sound like XXXTENTACION’s music, but it captured a similar feeling in terms of the emotion and vibe.

At the same time, as part of my effort to build a social media following, I started taking and posting more photos to get more attention. And then… I received word from my lecturer that I was one of two people chosen to perform at the Esplanade!!!

[thesassawakens]

January

As school started again, I knew I had to compose a few new songs for the second-semester recitals. This time, I wanted to write a song that includes rapping, since I’m also a big fan of rap and hip hop, and one of my favourite artists is the late XXXTENTACION. His songs span across many genres, from emo rap and R&B to alternative rock, sad folk-pop, and more. He’s been one of the biggest influences on my music, so I really wanted to try creating a song in his style. This was my initial attempt,

[thesassawakens]

December

This month, I focused on building a better image on social media, posting pictures of myself in hopes of gaining more followers. But I’m still not completely comfortable with showing too much of myself, especially because of the possibility of strange interactions with people online. I only posted a photo every few days, but luckily, I was also overseas with my family, so I had the chance to take some nicer pictures! At the same time, I tried to record any tunes that popped into my mind, so that I could turn them into songs in the future.

This was also because, for the Half Recital, there was a chance to be chosen by a major performing arts centre, 'Esplanade – Theatres on the Bay', to perform on their outdoor stage for the public. Famous international bands, as well as rising local acts, have performed there, so it would be a huge opportunity if I got chosen. That’s why I tried my best to build up my confidence and work toward that goal as well.

[thesassawakens]

Showtime

At the end of September, with my newfound growth in confidence, band practices, and songwriting, I had to perform all four of my original songs.

Set List:

Different Universe (Ethereal)

Start Again (Spanish)

Find Me (Progressive Rock)

Nightmare Demon (Alternative Metal)

I felt like I had a good number of contrasting songs, which was exactly what I was aiming for from the start, based on my previous discussion with my mentor about how the setlist should be structured. Aside from my half recital, I also had to perform for 3 of my classmates’ half recitals and one recital for a diploma student. So, I had a lot on my plate, but I was still able to manage the workload.

[thesassawakens]

New Song

I had one last song to write, and since my first few originals were about emotions and having Spanish influence, I wanted to explore something different. Something I’m also really into: Horror. I love anything scary, so I decided to write a song about a demon. The main idea is that the demon would be preying on someone and feeding them the nightmares they’re experiencing, and I get to play as the demon—a completely different character for me to embody for the performance.

I surprised myself with how enjoyable it was to pretend I was something else while performing. It actually made me more confident, since I didn’t feel the usual anxiety I would normally have. My mentor often advises me: "What would the character in the story feel when they sing this song? It’s not you in the story."

As a demon, I imagined they wouldn’t feel any care or sympathy toward their prey. They would have had a proud and arrogant attitude about devouring them. Letting the prey go wouldn’t even be an option. So I tried to fully embody that character while performing this original. Another amazing piece of advice from her was to add vocal fry to the voice. Like a cry, or the shakiness and cracks in the voice, it adds another layer of emotion to the song and makes it feel more believable.

[thesassawakens]

November 2024

Nearing the Half Recital, which was at the end of November, I needed two more originals. So, I decided to bring back an old original song I wrote during my diploma days. It was written in a darker, emo style and already had some instrumentation done, but my band members suggested changes to some of the rhythms, which ended up shifting the song’s genre into progressive rock—a refreshing change in perspective for me. Since I don’t usually listen to rock, I was actually quite inclined to try it out as well!

In a band setting, I’m often open to any ideas shared by the members when we’re trying to improve a song. I feel that being open-minded teaches me things I didn’t know before and pushes me to try things I wouldn’t have done on my own.

The original is titled 'Find Me' and here's how it sounds like in a practice,

[thesassawakens]

Mentor's Live Show

There's nothing better than watching a mentor's live performance to see the techniques I was being taught in use in front of my eyes. Meeting up with classmates and juniors, it was an enjoyable time to experience and see my mentor perform professionally. It gave me a stronger sense of courage knowing I’m being taught by someone who has succeeded in delivering performances that are not only amazing but also emotionally powerful. It makes me want to follow in their footsteps and continue to look up to them as a role model.

The show was called LILY – An Opera on Dementia, a docu-opera that raises awareness about dementia and the emotional challenges it brings, from the perspective of both the person experiencing it and the family members who care for them. As someone with a grandfather who also has dementia, it was really emotionally touching to watch my mentor express emotions I’ve personally had while caring for him. Previously, I had the opportunity to be part of my mentor’s premiere performance, Losing Lily, where I acted and sang in a classical theatre style as a caregiver to a dementia patient. Being part of the process behind my mentor’s show made me feel a strong connection and devotion to the topic as well. I’m really glad to see my mentor continue the journey of bringing awareness to it.

[thesassawakens]

October

Prior to this month and during, I made myself watch concerts or events to see how artists perform live. I went with my cousin and family to a K-pop concert by Stray Kids, as my cousin is a fan of them. I had only listened to them a little before, but I did have a few of their songs saved on my playlist—like Super Bowl (Japanese version), Chk Chk Boom, LALALALA and Stray Kids.

It was also my first time experiencing a big concert with fans who were really supportive of the artists. Watching how they laid out their performance and stagecraft was such a sight to see, especially the energy they needed to carry through the whole concert and the way they connected with fans from a different country.