thesefieldsdivide

[thesefieldsdivide]

i feel weird and out of it. tired. not just because of everything - the not communicating as i should have. i just feel empty and dissociated. weird. its been like this all day. ill be better tomorrow. im just going to sleep.

gotta keep my sleep schedule matched with my girlfriends~

i love her with my heart and soul. i hope tomorrow we have a more 'normal' call. ill talk with her. she means the world to me, and i just want to spend time with her thats not all horny. im alright with it, but i wasnt today, and i really should have told her that. i recognise that. and ill do better next time. i still just really want her to hold me. but thats impossible right now. so, i suffer.

im just in a weird mood. im so fully aware of this. ill sleep. tomorrow will be a better day because weve both* had a weird day today. tomorrow wont be like this.

[thesefieldsdivide]

im just tired. i dont really feel like im here. i dont feel empty, but i feel hazy. distant. like a headache without the pain. ill laugh and joke with you when were on call, but im just tired. i just want to curl up in your arms and have it be quiet. i just want you to hold me. to just feel your touch, and thats it. and maybe ill cry. id cry right now, if i could just be with you and have you hold me.

but this feeling doesnt last. if you were to call me again, right now, id be back to being happy, joking around, responding to your dirty jokes in kind. i need you, so badly, but i think that maybe tonight i should have said that i just want a pause on the jokes. just for tonight. im just tired. it feels so surface-level, like weve lost all connection, and i know thats not the case, i know its not, but just.

tomorrow, can we just call and not have half of it be dirty jokes? i just want to be there with you without having my brain shut off from how much i need you.

i just miss you. i just really, really, really miss you.

i thought this before the call, i thought that id just tell you. i know youd be alright with it if i asked. but i was alright with it during. i went 'oh yeah nevermind, fuck yeah'. but no, now im just. i just miss you. can you just whisper sweet nothings to me? tell me that you love me?

you asked me, earlier, if im alright with all this. i am. but i think i should have told you that i want a break from it. i should have. im sorry that i didnt.

can you just tell me that you love me? tell me more about the sweet moments well share in the future, the little walks well go on, the places youll show me, the gifts youd like to give me. tell me about that. i dont want our relationship to entirely become whispers of 'i need you'. i know that. it hurts.

ill talk to you about this, tomorrow, if im still here. i doubt i will be. if c is here after me like i think she will be, im sorry to put this on her. good luck. sorry. im still not good at this open and honest communication thing.

im just tired.

i love you, i miss you, i need you, i miss you.

[thesefieldsdivide]

i still cant believe you want me. in so many ways, in every way. that youve looked at me, and called me cute, pretty, hot. that youve looked at me, and thought those things, that you do so even now, that you actively think those things about me, that those are adjectives tied to me in your mind. you look at me, hear me speak, learn and know about me, and you want me.

even after everything, you want me. you blinding want me. youve had me with you for a week, and you want me back. you want me at your side, you want me in your life, you want to kiss me, you want to bite me, you want to see me in my entirety, you want to hear me moan, you want me.

theres a future, and im in yours, and youre in mine. because you wouldnt even let me leave. you want me, you need me. im yours. i want you, i need you, and i blinding have you. and you have me, all of me, and you still want me.

ive never had anyone want me this way before. i cant even wonder if im wrong because you prove those thoughts wrong every day. every second were on call, every 'i love you', every 'i need you', every snap, every clap, every single second. you want me. you want me.

and even if youre not ready for the more next time i see you, if youre not ready for anything at all, not even a kiss, youll still want me. ill curl up at your side, and youll hold me and thatll still be more than enough because you want me.

its more than i could have ever asked for.

[thesefieldsdivide]

sideblog for dumping thoughts! vents, horny shit, idk

no one will find this blog in the first place so idk why theres a pinned post <3

were a system! posts will be tagged with [letter].posts depending on whos posting ^^ no youre not getting any names. they/them, tho!

[thesefieldsdivide]

how to get your trans girlfriend to do her homework: well, shes such a good girl for doing her homework! for focusing on her work and looking so pretty when she does, she is such a good girl. good girls do their homework~