thethoughtfulrabbit - Tumblr blog

[thethoughtfulrabbit]

[thethoughtfulrabbit]

I’m sorry- I assumed everyone had researched appropriate eye-contact in social situations; no one told me they just knew that kind of thing intuitively

[thethoughtfulrabbit]

[thethoughtfulrabbit]

Thought I'd give this a go (I already have a diagnosis). Apparently, my score is 225

Two marks off a full score apparently... hmmmm how on earth did I get through over 30 years of life without a diagnosis!

Understanding RAADS-R Test Scores

The RAADS-R test compiles a score indicating the likelihood of autism spectrum disorder in the person taking it. The total RAADS-R test score ranges from 0-240. Higher scores indicate behaviors and symptoms consistent with autism. Scores at or above 65 demonstrate the presence of autism. The test utilizes two different scoring methods: paper-based and automated.

General interpretations of different RAADS-R test scores:

25: Does not meet the criteria for ASD

50: May possess autism traits but not likely to have autism

65: Minimum score to identify autism

90: Strong indication of the autism spectrum, although neurotypical individuals can also yield high scores

130: Typical autism score indicating autism is present

160: Demonstrates solid evidence for an autism diagnosis

227: The maximum score indicating autism

However, it’s essential to remember that no standalone test can provide a conclusive autism diagnosis without a comprehensive evaluation. The RAADS-R test is a tool used during a comprehensive autism assessment, not a definitive or conclusive data point leading to diagnosis.

Source: https://abacentersfl.com/blog/raads-r-test/

My Score on the RAADs-R assessment is 140. It looks like I am likely autistic. I do not know if I want an official diagnosis, knowing me I probably will since I feel like I need the confirmation so I can work on accepting myself. All of my life I have felt like something is wrong with me and it would be good to know why.

[thethoughtfulrabbit]

And that shit hurts man

[thethoughtfulrabbit]

[thethoughtfulrabbit]

Autistic People Are Often Told to Change Ourselves…

Neurodivergent_lou

[thethoughtfulrabbit]

I’m really scared that I’m becoming an unlikable person as I unmask. I’m more blunt, I talk more, I advocate for myself more and I’m perceived as argumentative when I’m just trying to offer my thoughts/ explain myself. I make sure not to actively be an asshole, so it’s really more just my tone and the social norms that shouldn’t really matter.

I see people give me looks of annoyance when I speak. The exasperation when I finally work up the courage to actually ask a question.

It’s really freeing to not have to think so hard about my every breath or word in social settings but I still really want people to like me. I guess I need to accept that not everyone will, that’s just how it is, but it makes things hard because then those people will treat you shitty.

And then I wonder… is it just my fault? Maybe I should go back to masking. Maybe it’s not worth it to ‘be myself’ or whatever if it will bring ridicule. Even though there’s that crushing, continuous weight that comes from having to conceal parts of myself, maybe I need to just deal with that so I can get along with others.

But I’m also not sure that I COULD go back now.

[thethoughtfulrabbit]

i love the insane juxtaposition between how we talk about autism on tumblr vs on tiktok. on tiktok all everyone ever really discusses are the “easier” parts of autism, the “cute” ones like stimming, special interests and SOMETIMES, and HEAVY on the sometimes, they talk about the lack of tonal understanding and missing jokes and it’s like… dude that’s maybe 1/4 of what the Autism Experience™️ is… like i love tumblr bc we really talk about all the ugly parts on here like what is ACTUALLY means to go mute/nonverbal, or the daily struggles with hygiene and independence, the horrible feeling of knowing that you are fundamentally different from everyone around you and trying to mask but knowing they see through it and being compared to non human creatures to the point where you actually start feeling nonhuman!!! like okay missing the joke sometimes is annoying but yknow what’s worse? not being able to look after myself and knowing there’s a decently high chance that i’ll never be able to live alone. like i need tiktok autistic people to understand that in order for you to have autism, which is a disability, it does have to actually disable you first. i’m not saying that because they only post the “cuter” parts that they don’t have autism!! but like it’s an app full of teenagers and i feel the need to remind them that we all miss jokes sometimes, and we do all have interests and shows that we may really enjoy!! and that’s okay!!

but idk maybe i’m being bitter or smth i always get paranoid that i’m just being a hater but there’s not a single autistic person i know that hasn’t genuinely suffered bc of it in their lives whether it be in their social or personal or academic life. just a thought!!

[weird colours included bc huge chunks of text like this are gross to read otherwise lmfao]

[thethoughtfulrabbit]

The Perfect Blend for Isolation

I have thought about writing this for a while but always backed out. I knew it would cause some people to be confused, or even angry with me, but I need to get this off my mind.

I am Autistic, Dyslexic, and I have a Phonological Processing Disorder I have a spikey IQ profile, and low EQ (Emotional Intelligence). All of this combines to make the perfect blend of isolation. Here's why.

Within the online Autistic community, I am not welcome because I cannot form arguments well. I cannot access the information I know I hold in my head that counters what someone is saying. It just will not come out into words. I am then more often than not told I am "stupid", "moronic" or "mental".

I am surrounded by Hyperlexic Autistic people in spaces such as Tumblr and Reddit. There is an expectation that I can read the same piece of text as the rest of you and have perfect comprehension. I just don't! If I ask questions or misunderstand I am told I am being "a troll" or "abusive". How else am I meant to understand what has been written?

In the offline world, I cannot engage in group activities or socialise the same way other people can. I cannot even put on an Autistic Mask. My sensory overwhelm is easily triggered, I find many things in the world to be physically painful. I cannot pronounce words properly. I cannot process what is being said to me quickly enough for conversation. I cannot even process what I need to say quickly enough! I can't think of any small talk or how to progress a conversation. I cannot understand body language properly. I can't memorise instructions that have been given to me verbally. I can't remember what has just been said to me! I cannot process time or subtle words like "should" "could" "maybe" - my brain hears these as absolutes instead. A "maybe" is a I will, a "should" is a must, a "could" is a "this will definitely happen". It is exhausting and leads to me not being able to follow a conversation properly.

My spikey IQ means that I do not have access to support groups for people with lower IQs, even though for things such as processing and memory, I have extremely low scores. I am simply not allowed in these spaces! So where am I meant to go when I have demonstrated to myself repeatedly that I do not belong with the rest of society or within the Autistic community?

Books are something that make me very tired but I do enjoy reading them. It is easier to understand a book because the author has taken years to consider what they want to say. There is often little consequence if I have not properly understood an author either. It is upsetting that people then become angry at me when I struggle to read emails, messages, and other forms of written communication. Often times your writing is poorly put together - everyone's is - when it comes to quick writing.

There is probably much more I have missed above, but I struggle with writing and getting my thoughts out. I feel trapped within my own body because I cannot express what I mean in a way that people can understand. I feel like I am the only Autistic person on earth experiencing these things! I barely use social media now because I just cannot follow what is going on. I don't really go anywhere on my own because I don't know what people are saying. I just have myself and my own thoughts with the only feedback I get from the world being "You're stupid".

I wish there was a place in the world where I fitted, with patience and understanding of my complex communication needs. I will keep on trying to find people who are kind and understanding, who don't instantly reject me for not being as "quick" as them. I am tired of being othered and dehumanised. I just wish I as not so alone in the world.

[thethoughtfulrabbit]

Totally Oaty Oat Pulp Biscuits

Being British means that I cannot resist a good biscuit. While making my morning Oat Milk on the Milky Plant machine, it occurred to me I could be using the leftovers to create free* biscuits to enjoy with my tea!

*almost! The oats have already been used to produce milk. I also use the pulp to make oat flour, and I use the oat pulp as an ingredient in baking.

After a little trial and error, I eventually managed to create a recipe for oat pulp biscuits that taste just like Hobnobs!

Here's a photo of Hobnob biscuits if you have not tried them before. They are kind of like a flapjack-digestive biscuit

Image credit: Sargant at English Wikipedia - Transferred from en.wikipedia to Commons by Liftarn using CommonsHelper.

Here's the recipe. Feel free to share it with your friends!

Ingredients

200 grams oat pulp (leftover/by-product when you make your own Oat Milk)

80 grams oat flour (I make this myself. You can use Plain flour if you don't have access to oat flour).

80 grams vegan butter

20 grams sugar

2 tablespoons of golden syrup

1 teaspoon bicarbonate of soda

80 grams of loose rolled oats

Method

Preheat the oven to 180 degrees Celsius.

Cut the butter into cubes and place all of your ingredients into a mixing bowl (yup, this is a super simple biscuit dough to make!)

Line a baking tray with baking paper.

Dust the work surface with flour and roll out your biscuit dough to approx 25mm. Using a 5cm cutter, cut out circles and place them onto the baking sheet.

Place the tray into the oven for 15 minutes until golden brown.

Remove from the oven and leave to cool. These can be stored in an airtight container for up to 2 days after making.

Smakelijk!

[thethoughtfulrabbit]

My Reading List 2024

I thought I would make a list of books I am reading in 2024* in case any other artistic bookworms need some read-'spiration.

The Outsider by Albert Camus

Nausea by Jean-Paul Sartre

Norwegian Wood by Haruki Murakami

The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood

The Edge of Reason by Helen Fielding

Stigma by Erving Goffman

The Snow Child by Eowyn Ivey

No One is Too Small to Make a Difference by Greta Thunberg

Currently Reading - The Space Between Worlds by Micaiah Johnson

Reading next - The Biography of Frida Kahlo by Hayden Herrera

*Updating list throughout the year.