thetwelfthcrow

[thetwelfthcrow]

Someone that knows alcohol should say what kind of bottle that is and then psychoanalyse him based on that!

that’s hendrik’s gin babes! usually made w fevertree tonic and a nice bit of cucumber and juniper and you have yourself a lovely fresh drink! there are more variations but i think this is most common :)

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max in st tropez this week :) never expected to see him on shownieuws haha

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oh Kuzko, how perfectly this tailors to my interests….🙏

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You are of course allowed to think that Valtteri Bottas is not the most iconic person in any F1 team.

You'd be completely wrong, but that is your prerogative.

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it’s actually so funny how challenging it is to write bona fide graphic, horny smut. like people don’t give smut writers enough credit. you are constantly running out of words to describe the same 2-4 body parts and same 4-6 motions. you are constantly attempting to do interesting and dynamic things in the prose with this extremely limited set of words. you are looking at your prose for the nastier bits and wondering if it actually sounds hot or if it just sounds goofy. you are then toning down your prose and then wondering if it now sounds tasteful or if it’s just boring. you do ctrl+F for the word “cock” and there are 37 instances of it in the doc but you hate the 1-2 acceptable synonyms so there’s nothing much you can do about it

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Montreal, Quebec: Franco Colapinto during qualifying // Domenico Fetti "Sleeping Girl" c.1620

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mclaren Focused and ready for FP2 👊

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some crazy good fanfic in my google docs. whatever guy started writing it i hope he finishes it

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cowboy lewis!!

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2026 Calendar

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max : why are you looking at me like that?

lewis : i'm waiting for you to let it out.

max : thanks but i'm very calm and unbothered at the moment.

lewis : are you su-

max : I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY PUT THE HARDS ON

max : AND OF COURSE IT MADE ME LOSE CONTROL OF THE CAR SO CHARLES OVERTOOK ME

max : THEN THEY WANTED ME TO LET GEORGE THROUGH WHEN I DIDN'T NEED TO

lewis : there you go.

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Lewis comes out.

The FIA… don’t take it very well.

Or, my kiss your homies on the mouth agenda. 

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they went off with this

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Tears Shed Over A Heart - 4433

Warnings : Explicit Self Harm mention, Implied/Stated eating Disorder, Maybe OOC Max Verstappen

Tags : Hurt/Comfort, 4433, Lewis Hamilton Needs A Hug, Max gives him a hug, Lewis Hamilton centric

The hotel room was quiet. The only people standing there were Max and Lewis. Lewis, who was currently working on his phone, was sitting on the bed. Max, who was standing nearby, not facing his lover as he removed his shirt, Feeling the nervousness settle in his body. Lewis hadnt bern the same since the start of the 2022 season, and it was obvious. He wasn’t confident anymore, he was quiet, reserved and seemed to fall into the background more and more. And Max hated it. He seemed distant, and Max missed the closeness he brought, the closeness he never noticed he needed now. He craved to Lewis smile again. He really did.

But Lewis wasn’t smiling, he wasn’t even laughing anymore. At least off camera he wasn’t. On camera he seemed perfectly fine, off camera he seemed like a shell of the man Max wanted to marry. And that terrified him.

He wasn’t laughing at corny jokes, He wasn’t singing off-key with Max in the kitchen while they cooked he wasn’t doing anything.

Max had tried, believe him he tried.

From looking up jokes, to humming and signaling Lewis to join only to be met with a distant face.

His eyes were always glossy, while he was leaning against the counter. So Max grabbed his phone and looked up signs of depression. He didn’t have any other explanation, he looked at the results, dread pooling in his gut.

1. Decreased motivation

: Check. Lewis hadn’t picked up an instrument or his headphones in weeks.

2. Withdrawal from social activities

:check, Lewis was never one for PR but he hadnt hung out with the grid in ages and it was starting to worry them. and that’s without mentioning the previous moments in the kitchen.

3. Difficulty concentrating

:by the look of Lewis who was shaking his head every thing second to remember what he was doing, check.

Max made up his mind when he saw his partner who was asleep next to him, but instead of relaxed and away from pain, he looked worn out. Tired. No, not tired, Exhausted.

So he would to ask about it. Well, atleast , ask in a way that seemed to be reasonable. Though, Max had never been one for subtly.

“Did you know that student athletes have a 7.3% chance of committing suicide.”

Lewis didn’t look up until Max said suicide, and he wondered distantly if that what the other kept trying to not think about. “Oh… yeah, that’s not good love.” Was only what Lewis said, voice trailing off before returning to his phone. Max was tired of trying to lightly touch the bandaid. He needed to rip it off. If not for Lewis’ sake, then for his own.

“Are you thinking about committing suicide?” Lewis opened his mouth, but Max was faster, “Don’t lie to me schatje , please don’t.” Lewis was quiet, the robe he was wearing flailed around him. He’d gotten skinnier, and Max would be lying if he said he didn’t notice. Lewis didn’t respond to his initial question, too lost in his own mind. The dutchman moved forward, pulling his lover’s head atop his heartbeat. Max brought his arm around the other, holding him. “Talk to me. Please. I miss you.” The Brit looked down, his eyes glossy.

“I wish I could-“ he was choked up, “I wish I could tell you love I really do. But I just don’t know how.” Max rubbed his back as the barely held sobs broke through, tears streaming down his lover’s face. Lewis wasn’t giving up on talking, but Max needed to calm him down before he had a panic attack.

“Baby, listen to my heart beat okay. Don’t focus on anything else.”

Lewis closed his eyes and bit his bottom lip. Time passed and Lewis’ eyes were beginning dry. His chest was still heaving, just not as intensely. “Try. Just tell me when it started.”

“I was sixteen when I kissed a boy. My dad found out and he beat me with a belt until my skin split open. “Max tensed, he knew Anthony was the strict parent but he hadn’t expected this. Lewis continued on, nails digging into Max’s hips. “I remember it so vividly. His yells, the cries of my mum when I called her, my stepmum’s silence, my sister’s cries, my bothers screams. All of it.“ The darker man blinked continuously, not wanting to let go.

Lewis shifted slightly, “I told him about us that night in Abu Dubai. Just us. No cameras. No seven time champion and his heartwarming father. Just Lewis and Anthony. And I remembered- I remember everything. I thought I’d get it worse this time but-“, his lip quivered. “He only told me to be happy, then he left. And now I’m lost because I don’t know what to do with the pain he caused if he’s changed.” Lewis sobbed, and Max felt his heart shatter. “It’s okay, it’s okay. I have your back, I’m not leaving.”

Lewis didn’t stop crying, his tears just seemed to trickle down slower. “Then the team is in my ear. They’re saying I eat too much to be a decent driver, they’re saying history doesn’t matter if I’m not winning now, they’re saying so many things and I can’t do it. I just can’t!” Lewis let out a rougher sob, ”I just wanna die.” Max felt the world stop. He had his answer.

“I just want to slit my wrists and bleed out in a bath tub. I just want to jump off my apartment building in Monaco, I wanna let go.” Max held onto his lover, pulling them closer. “ I’m so sorry baby. I’m so sorry. I should’ve noticed. I’m so sorry.” Was all he could say, keeping his own tears in check, It would do Lewis no good to feel guilty when they’ve just had a breakthrough.

The British man cried out, “Max I want to let go, I want to. Please help me. I don’t wanna loose you, but I don’t wanna live like this anymore.” Max held him further, pulling him in. “We could get therapy. Even if I’m just there to help you talk through it. And if you need more help, I know a good mental hospital that will keep it under wraps.” Lewis sniffled, nodding. “I think I need to go in. I don’t trust myself not to crash myself into the barrier next week.” Lewis eased his hand to wipe a tear from his red and irritated eyes.

Max moved the others hand, and brought a hand up to wipe the tears from his partners face. He kissed his partners knuckles lightly as he smiled. “Okay.“

────────────────

The rest of season break was a shock for the formula one world, no one knew where Lewis went. Valtteri simply took his place and Mercedes offered no explanation. Drivers said they hadn’t been told anything and Max simply said next question when asked if he knew why Lewis wasn’t here.

Six months passed without a word , then Lewis uploads on instagram. It was now January of 2023, and An interview was conducted. Lewis looked different. He was still dressed the same, but he seemed less corporate. He was bigger, happier and confident again. He was finally back to being comfortable and most importantly, he was sporting an engagement ring. The world hadn’t seen Lewis at all, and he looked so much more like the Lewis before his last title fight.

The interviewer asked the question everyone wanted to know, “Where were you?” Lewis simply smiled, “I was in a mental hospital. My depression had hit its peak and I was going to commit suicide had my boyfriend — now fiancé not intervened when he did.” The interviewer didn’t point out his admission of homosexuality until later, though he did look momentarily shocked.

“What would you say was a big contender in your mental health dropping?” Lewis let out a small sigh, “My performance but also I was never treated well. Starting from childhood I was abused, from kids at school to at the hands of family. I never healed from it, and when I no longer had my skill to overcompensate my Complex PTSD took head and almost completely destroyed me.”

“When you said abuse from the hands of York family, what do you mean?” Lewis shifted, leaning forward. “My father. I owe him everything. My career for one and so much more. But he was not accepting of my sexuality at first. So when I told him following 2021 that I was dating someone, a man specificall, I was expecting to be hurt. But he didn’t do that. It went well. And I couldn’t cope.”

“Will you be returning to the paddock?” Lewis smiled, “Not as a racer no. It nearly killed me. I was not mentally stable during the last year of my career and I’d rather live knowing I didn’t break the record than die because I couldn’t cope with the fact I wouldn’t. I will still be in the paddock, cheering on my fiancé as he goes on to break the record. But I am officially retiring from formula one.”

The interviewer blinked, “Who is your fiancé?” Lewis fully smiled, leaning back comfortably. “Max Verstappen. And in however many years, when he crosses that line to up the record to eight championships. I will be his biggest supporter.“

Lewis smiled even brighter, looking down and eyeing the amethyst with the number ‘33’ engraved.

“He was the only one who noticed that I was dying, and had he not noticed, I would be another name in the tragic history books for formula one.”

[thetwelfthcrow]

there’s nothing like an oblivious race winner. “i was wheel spinning in sixth gear”. oscar babe, max tried to kill several people and a sauber finished fifth, your gear shifts are so irrelevant they may as well be a williams