things-i-needed-to-hear

[things-i-needed-to-hear]

I deeply psychologically struggled with exercise for most of my life.

part of what's helping me now is testosterone (primarily because it reduces my fatigue which was the main factor for me not being able to do much physical activity, but also because it makes it feel safer to experience the physical reality of my body, being aware of my body is not as stressful.)

another thing that's helping, though, is the realization that exercise does not require bodily surveillance and measurement in the way that I'd been trained since childhood.

I get very distressed by the numbers associated with exercise--how many repetitions, how often, for how long, etc. I get distressed with these numbers leading to comparisons and thus value judgements (e.g. "I did this exercise 25 times two days ago but now can only do 15, I must be doing 'worse'")

but a breakthrough for me was that exercise doesn't actually require any numeric component. it doesn't matter how frequently I exercise, for how long, or how many repetitions of anything I do. I can literally just move my body until it doesn't feel good anymore or until I just don't want to, and then stop. I don't have to count anything or record anything. If I want it to just be pleasurable movement, it can just be pleasurable movement.

another thing that helped was to prioritize exercise around things that will make it easier for me to do stuff I want to do (rather than prioritizing what someone tells me I "should" do). For example, I have a hard time sitting up straight, which leads to back pain, so I've started working muscles that help me sit up without as much effort.

making exercise into something directly practical ("if I do this tonight, it'll help me tomorrow, like the same principle as getting water before bed so I don't have to get up in the night") instead of vague and abstract ("I feel like I should exercise to 'be healthy'") has helped me.

Now I feel like I'm just doing a thing to feel good in my immediate future instead of endlessly working towards an elusive goal I can never reach.

anyway, idk if this is helpful for anyone else, but sharing just in case. it took me decades of life to be able to shift how I understand the purpose of "exercise" enough that it doesn't immediately flood me with feelings of low self worth and hopelessness.

[things-i-needed-to-hear]

if youre fat and wanna lose weight/gain muscle i love you. if you're fat and happy as you are i love you. if you're skinny and wanna gain weight/muscle i love you. if youre skinny and happy as you are i love you.

[things-i-needed-to-hear]

It's OK to want to lose weight. It's OK to be disappointed if you can't. Accepting your body as it is--including the fact that you can't control your weight and fat distrubution--takes time, effort, and a lot of mental energy. It's OK if you slip up, but remember that you are more than your appearance. 💜

[things-i-needed-to-hear]

It will never not baffle me how hard society tries to insist that fatness is an abnormality. The average western woman wears plus size clothing. One of the smallest garments on the scale is called a medium. Most people with anorexia are in the overweight bmi category, yet somehow that's known as "atypical anorexia". Fatness is often labeled the cause of a number of diseases, but there are literally no diseases exclusive to fat bodies. Looking at movies and television, you'd think the world was 98% thin people. It's not.

My point isn't that if it was pretty rare to be fat, fatphobia would be okay. Of course not.

My point is that we're surrounded by all these artificial indicators that fatness is unnatural and uncommon and it's just not true?? Humans are not always thin and we've never all been thin and we're not all meant to be thin. Fat humans are a normal type of human. Fatness is a feature, not a bug.

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how people treat you is not indicative of your worth

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practice forgiving yourself as often as possible. it does wonders once you really learn to move past things you dislike about your past actions that cannot be redone.

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And every day, the world will drag you by the hand, yelling, “This is important! And this is important! And this is important! You need to worry about this! And this! And this!” And each day, it’s up to you to yank your hand back, put it on your heart and say, “No. This is what’s important.”

Iain Thomas

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Even if you don't realize how much you're worth right now, even if its hard for you to not base your worth on other people's opinions, soon you will realize your worth. And believe me, you're worth a lot.

[things-i-needed-to-hear]

“The way you treat yourself is the standard you set for others.”

— Unknown

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Literally that’s all we can do!

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Hello, my lovelies. If you’re ever feeling stressed today, remember to take a deep breath. Drink some water. You got this. We’re so proud of you.

[things-i-needed-to-hear]

👆💙

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